wellRED podcast - WellRED Podcast Revisited: The Lady Who J*cked Off A Dolphin

Episode Date: January 25, 2023

The boys are out of pocket this week so we thought itd be fun to play a classic... some of you may be hearing it for the first time, so that hits!I (Corey) asked Trae which one I should throw in there and "Lady Who jacked off dolphin" was the first thing that came to mind, so here ya go baby!Ways to support the boys:Corey 's bonus stuff: PartTimeFunnyMan.comTrae: Patreon.com/TraeCrowderDrew: Subscribe to the new podcast Gravy Baby!And as always, check out Corey and Trae's podcast Puttin On Airs! Available wherever you get your podcasts, and at WatchPOA.com

And we thank them for sponsoring the show. Well, no, I'll just go ahead. I mean, look, I'm money dumb. Y'all know that. I've been money dumb ever, since ever, my whole life. And the modern world makes it even harder to not be money dumb, in my opinion, because used to you, you, like, had to write down everything you spent or you wouldn't know nothing. But now you got apps and stuff on your phone.

It's just like you can just, it makes it easier to lose count of, well, your count, the count every month, how much you're spending. A lot of people don't even know how much they spend on a per month basis. I'm not going to lie, I can be one of those people. Like, let me ask you right now. Skewers out, whatnot, sorry, well-read people. People across the ske universe, I should say. Do you even know how many subscriptions that you actively pay for every month or every year?

Do you even know? Do you know how much you spend on takeout or delivery? Getting a paid chauffeur for your chicken low mane? Because that's a thing that we do in this society. Do you know how much you spend on that? It's probably more than you think. But now there's an app designed to help you manage your money better, and it's called Rocket Money.

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Hey, did you know that we're going to be in Indianapolis February 2nd through the 4th? Well, it don't matter if you didn't know it because you do know it now. You know to get them tickets at well readcom.com. We're going to be at the brand new helium there in Indianapolis. February 2nd through the 4th. Also, April 29th, Little Rock, Arkansas, May 20th, Knoxville, Tennessee, May 21st through the 22nd, Asheville, North Carolina. And y'all all know that we're going to be back at Zanis for Christmas. The tickets aren't available yet, but we're going to be there December 14th through the 16th to go ahead and mark those dates off. You know those shows always sell out. They're wild time. There are homecoming shows. They're great. Also, I saved this one for last, even though chronologically it doesn't make. sense. April 6th through the 8th, the boys, Trey and Drew are going to be in Portland. I am not going to be able to make that show because that is right around the time that my baby is supposed to pop out. And I thought, as much as I want to see my friends in Portland, and as much as I love coming to

Portland, which I do, it probably would put me on the bad side of things if I missed the birth of my child. I'm certain that y'all understand. So well-readcomedy.com to grab you. grab those tickets and also the skewniverse as always is expanding i don't know if you know this but drew carman morales and dj lewis have a brand new podcast called gravy baby i'm pretty sure that drew dropped an episode here on the well red feed but go subscribe to that download like leave five stars as you know tray and smart mark agie have the uh the weekly skews on tuesdays it's a very very good time me and tray also have putting on airs if you don't know what putting on airs is you probably hadn't been listening to this podcast too intently, but that is a podcast where me and

Trey, two hillbilly dumdums talk about fancy people and their culture, the royals, what are they up to? We take the piss out of them. We have a blast. There's history lessons. It has been called Two Bears One Cave Meets Drunk History and also the Redneck Dollop. And I am very, very honored for both of those monikers. As for me, speaking of Baby, as y'all know, I'm trying not to tour too awful much because I want to and be there for birth of my kid and try to stay home and help out for at least a little while.

So I'm doing a bunch of bonus stuff over at part-time funnyman.com. I'm doing bonus essays, bonus podcast, bonus videos. I write stupid poetry. There's a little something for everybody so long as those everybody likes me, at least a little bit. It's $5 a month, or if you cannot afford it, that's totally cool. just email buttercream Corey at gmail.com and I'll take care of you. No questions asked. I do appreciate your money, but I don't want anybody to not get a thing just because it is $5. And I know a lot of people would say, $5, that ain't nothing.

Well, in these days, $5 is sometimes the make or break for some people, and I understand that. So I will hook you up. This episode is a little bit different. but the boy, Trey is traveling, Drew's up to something, and I am, as soon as I can hit stop on this recording here,

I'm leaving to fly to Iowa because my wife's grandpa passed away and I got to do that. So we are actually throwing up a throwback episode of the well-read podcast. And I asked the boys, I said, hey, we're going to have to do this this week. We've never done it. Which one should I do? And at random,

Trey said, the one where we talked about dolphins jacking off. And I was like, okay. We can do that. And don't be confused, because I know we talked about it on last week's too, but this was the original source of that. Talking about Dolphins jacking off, enjoy it. I've babbled on too much.

Here's the well-read podcast. Throwback, Dolphins jacking off. Love y'all. Ski-ew! Fun fact, I guess, but it's more like a wild thing that I've been meaning to bring up on here for weeks. It's not really related to anything. I thought.

Corey, we went over this a little bit ago before we started. Can you hear that, Trey? You didn't hear it. Before we started recording, we brought this up. I asked him about all that.

He says, according to him, our listeners right now don't know what the hell mean you were talking about. Because Corey says, only we can hear the birds and the cars

and all that stuff. And 99% of time, I would prefer that because obviously you don't want background noise. But I kind of wish a trailer just crashed into a golf cart. That is definitely

what happened. Now, that one was super, that one was super loud. That one may get picked up on here. What works that? And are you at a bird conservatory right now? Are you just hanging out with a bird? It sounds like the bird is in your kitchen. No, I'm on my front port. This is actually pretty funny. I'm on my front porch shirtless getting a tan because the sun is just right, perfect. So I'm doing this. Do you tan? Do I tan? Yeah. I mean, I'll burn first, but then it'll turn into a tan. You remember when he was looking with the tanning bed for a while? Or was it spray tans even? It was spray tans.

No, it wasn't. It wasn't tan bed though, right? Yeah, I've got it. Which is common. And we called it bronzer. Right. Yeah, yeah. Okay.

Is that right, Corey? I mean, I was going to answer the first thing you asked me, but if y'all want to keep doing this. that's okay. That was a trailer that hit a pothole in front of my house. You were right. It was a trailer and it very well may have had a golf cart on the back of it, but it almost blew a tire off in a pothole.

That's what happened. But about the tanning bed. Yeah, I've been. I like to get my glow on. Wasn't it a regimen for a while? There was a regiment. And there was a period of time where you had like a tanning regimen going on. And part of that regimen was some kind of lotion type product.

Yeah. I mean, yeah, you used bronze. Yeah, I would do that so I wouldn't get sunburn. I put a bronzer on. I went there and get my glow on. It's a fucking, you know, heat therapy dog. It feels good. I'll fucking go tomorrow.

You won't do it. Okay. Tell me I won't. You won't do it. No, I'm on my, but as of right now, I don't have to because the way the sun be at my house and my porch and I got this rocking chair so I can kind of angle myself proper. I'm out. I'm sweating like a fucking smooth.

Smithfield pig right now on my front porch. What's that buyer Mayoff? What do you guys always say? Bader Meinhoff. Oh, Vader, Meinhoff. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Someone called Nick DiPaolo a Smithfield pig on Twitter that said he looked like a Smithfield pig on Twitter.

And I had never heard that in my life. What is the Smithfield pig? Well, it's just a, it's a type of company of ham. Our buddy, you know, that we hang out with in Kansas City, my buddy Jared's uncle, he'd be working for Smithfield. Yeah. The number one, man. Yeah, yeah.

Benton's bacon, the only thing I ever heard reference growing up, and it was always, whatever the phrasing was, it was always to allude to high class or quality thing. You know what I mean? Yeah. Taste your in Benton's pigs. I actually say a Smithfield pig, like, what is that, that just mean like a.

Is it like the shittiest pig? Yeah, or is it the no choice pig? I literally. Torres. I literally, I would normally say honey-baked ham, because that's funny, but for some reason,

Smith-filled pig just came to my mind, and that's weird, because I guess that is a better mine-hoffee thing. Okay. Well, what? Why is it sweating? Because they're about to get killed. It's not,

I just mean it's glistening. Glistening. It's glistening. No, no, no, no. The Nick DePiole thing is he looks sweaty as a Smithfield pig. I know that. I'm saying, I think what Corey's,

saying right now is he's crap me if I'm wrong Corey otherwise unaware of that idiom and it's just the thing he said which makes this weird for him is that what you're saying Corey yeah I mean I normally I normally just say sweating like a pig or roasting like a pig and I just happened to say

Smithfield pick now that being said I've been reading a bunch of the Nick to polish it today I don't think that I saw that like at all but that very may well happen just comment on Twitter I saw Oh, you're saying you don't think that's what's steeped into you. I really don't because I don't think I've read that.

Do pig sweat? Sweaty pig is a very crazy. Okay, first off, also, I meant it like Smithfield ham. I meant it because they're succulent, like they're all in the pictures. They're shiny. They look like they're sweating. They're shiny. That's what I meant, and I'm very sorry that I said it.

Well, I don't know why you're sorry. I'm saying, though, sweaty as a pig or a big sweaty pig is a very common fray. Yeah, sweating like a hog. And I'm now wondering if pigs even fucking sweat. Because dogs don't. Dogs don't. A lot of animals don't, I'm pretty sure. And also, like I said, Drew, isn't that why they fuck with the mud?

Well, and sunburn. They sunburn. They bronzed. They do. Well, here's a, here's a, change of subject. We've spoken in our book and a lot about blue laws and how fucking stupid they are. We were in Salt Lake City. If you don't know what a blue law is, it's where there's like a special alcohol rule.

for a certain area. Like the most prime example, the most ridiculous one is that Jack Daniels whiskey is made in an area where you cannot buy whiskey. So in order to consume it, if you go to the Jack Daniels distillery on a tour, they drive you a mile away from the tour they just gave you to a tasting room that's outside of a certain city or county limit

and then you get to drink it there. There's also interesting things, though, because of them like county line bars, like where we're from, if you're not inside the city limits, you take a bar, you move it over next to the county line, and everybody knows you go to the county line bar. You better be ready to fucking fight.

Yeah, we got one of them. I went there the other day. When I went to college in Cookville, Tennessee, Putnam County, the county it's in was dry county. Well, they had liquor by the drink, but they couldn't have liquor stores, so you had to drive to Jackson County to go to the liquor store. And there was the liquor store closest to Putnam County and Jackson County, I bet they made a fucking kill.

Yeah, indeed. At some point in the last decade, uh, That law changed, and now there's liquor stores all over Cookville, and that one in Jackson County closed down in, like, less than three months after that. Yeah, too. Just took them straight out. Guaranteed. So we were in Salt Lake City this weekend.

Salt Lake City has this thing where is it all beer or just draft beer? Dude, they got some weird. It's just draft beer. It's just draft beer, and I know because I saw a beer menu, and they had all the bottles and they had the percents beside them. you can't make have draft beer over 3% alcohol is that right yep yep

what and I just that like blue laws are stupid not letting grownups drink alcohol is dumb as fuck you're just forcing people to drive further they're going to drive drunk kids are going to play that game we used to play mad dog 2020 challenge you go there you buy whatever liquor you want everyone gets a mad dog

you chug it on the way home you got 15 minutes to get done including the driver like come on that's danger but that aside, stopping them being regular stupid. What are you doing with, what is the goal with 3% beer? Like to get you to fucking buy shots? Do they want everyone to be fat?

Mormons are a fit people. They are. Yeah, I mean, but they don't, you know, they're not allowed to have any. Yeah,

they don't drink at all. Also, man, Utah, I mean, we live in a world, there's meth. You just walk down the street, you see some people,

some homeless people, some of the homeless people are all meth. You can tell. Like, that dude's all meth. But, yeah, we better make sure he gets only 3% beer. Otherwise, what the fuck? It's dumb. They're all, I agree that Utah's are particularly egregious.

But all of those blue laws are just, as far as I'm concerned, they seem arbitrary and ridiculous. I completely agree. But when you're talking about, like, we don't sell liquor inside our city limits. I'm like, man, liquor gets people drunk quicker. You know, there's all these religious things. None of that is right. it's all stupid, but I can connect it to something logically that I disagree with fundamentally.

I can't connect 3% alcohol to anything because you can just buy it in a bottle. Right. Yeah, I agree. Well, what about like, and I mean, I know the answer, I assume it's just, it's the Lord's Day, but a very common one is Sundays. You can't buy, you know, can't buy anything on a, or you can't buy liquor on a Sunday or you can't buy anything on a Sunday depending on the county or whatever. And like, I mean, what is that?

Right. And the connection is that the Lord's Day. No. The only thing I can come up with is that law was passed when like draft beer was about all you could get. Like we're talking literally the fucking 1890s. Isn't that how most of these are? They're like archaic and left over from forever ago. Yes.

And somehow back then it helped. It helped them achieve their goal of people not having a good fucking time. Because now it's just not. You just tricking me. I'm a fucking tourist. I like draft beer. I show up. I order one.

I'm halfway through four. I don't feel anything, which is why I fucking came to your goddamn bar, because we're in the middle of fucking Mormon country, and I've been bored for five straight fucking hours. At least put a sign up, hey, if you're not an asshole, order bottle beer, then I'll know. As far as that goes, I feel like I have been told. By our fans. Repeatedly, by, no, I mean by, like, servers and bartenders and stuff that'll just like...

Oh, really? I feel like that's definitely... I know the last time I was in the airport, I was, you know, heard the conversation about that from the bartender or whatever. As usual, fucking bartenders out of doing the Lord's work. Right. Well, when I was at the hotel bar waiting on tray, I went to the guy, the bartender. The first thing he said to me was he's like, hey, just to let you know, you can drink,

but you're going to have to at least order some food. And I was like, okay. And so I just like, I'm not going to eat anything. It goes, all right, well, the cheapest thing is chips and sauces to just get that. And I'm like, y'all fucking know I'm not even eating. eating it, but I have to fucking order it just to have a beer. Like, this is ridiculous. But I can connect that to like a danger thing.

Isn't it supposedly like way more dangerous to drink on an empty stomach? It is, but if that was the case, the law would be I had to eat it. They don't say you have to eat it. They just say you have to order it. They'd fucking throw it away for you right in front of your face. I don't know how. Yeah, but that's just because they're just doing what they have to do to be legal. There's another one that I encountered on one of our trips to Salt Lake City.

you guys were up in one of the rooms. I was in the lobby bar and I wanted to get a drink, take up to the room for the podcast for all of us, which is like very common things. Most any hotel bar, can I take it to the room? Yeah, it's fine. And I asked them that and they were like,

well, you can, you can have it in the room, but you can't take it. Right. That poor girl had to bring it up there. She had to come with me to the room, holding the drinks on a tray. and when I got into the room, I could take them from her. But I was not allowed to carry them up there.

And was it me or did she seem to feel really uncomfortable about it? I mean, I'm sure, I think, I'm sure a lot of them that just work in that industry realize how stupid it all is. And they feel silly when they have to talk to tourists and stuff about how stupid it is. She was extra uncomfortable because we were on the air. If you're an avid podcast listener, that happened on the podcast in Salt Lake City. She brought it in. Yeah. And then, of course, we.

We're like, hey, what's up? We're on a podcast. She wanted to talk. She was like, no, you fucking idiot. I hate this. I live in Salt Lake City. And I have to do this dumb shit. That's verbatim, what she said.

What she said. So anyways, I got to get, this is just going to be. You got to get it off your chest? It's not getting it off my chest. It's just, seriously, I have thought about bringing this up on the podcast, and it's not that big of a thing. But for so long, and I just end up never doing it. I'm just going to say it. I have a feeling either.

or Corey's about to feel really defensive. I guarantee you it's fucking me. Oh, never mind. No, it's prehistoric thing, but it's not about feathers. You are so pretentious now to me as a caricature. I thought you were just going to say Prius.

It's a Prius thing. You wouldn't understand. You wouldn't get it. Prius thing. Idiot. There was, so, you ever heard of, and I guarantee I'm butchering this pronunciation. A Lord Giseli, a Lord Gisali.

That's a Game of Thrones character. I was about to say that sounds like somebody from fucking Carth. The archaeological site in Kenya, where they uncovered a shitload of prehistoric hand axes, like early human tools. Okay. But a fuck ton of them, like way more than ever found anywhere else. And also evidence of like, uh, butchery sites, you know, like where a butcher. Like cutting up animals? Yeah, like butchering mammoths and whatever other animals around there at the time.

I bet a mammoth steak would be good. And a lot of the hand axes they found were made from rocks that came from a quarry they found, like their version of a quarry, like 10 miles away or whatever. So they were transported back to this. But the time frame I'm talking about was between 1.2 million. billion BC and like 400,000 BC. So these were not people. These were more like at Homo erectus or whatever.

They weren't, they were like, you know, monkey people, basically. But they had essentially the, like an early tool factory that existed in the same place. It's monkeys with tool factories? Yes, for like 800,000 years. Did you hear a monkey? No, it's just a dog or something. Corey's at the zoo. No, it was a bird.

800,000 years. For nearly a million of years, they had tools, they was butchering mammoths. And Jesus Christ was, you know, took that, what? Recorded human history is what? Like 5, 6,000 years, something like that? Yeah. So. Sure.

Tint, what, I have no idea. It's like 6,000. So, like, for all of recorded. of human history times a hundred or more. More. They, this one site existed for the same purpose in the same place. But they wasn't talking.

We don't think. Right, but they were like had some level of coordination. Bro, I feel like they was talking in some way, right? I know what's what I'm saying. You know, uh-uh,

means go the fuck over there and get me an axe, God damn it. Trying to cut up this woolly mammoth. Right. There was some level coordination. But it also, it seems like this was like known as a place.

Yeah, to go get the meat. Where you go get the meat or the tools and whatever. They's having a barbecue party. A million years ago. I will say, monkey people. I will say, monkey people.

I've seen Cory Forrester drunk at a barbecue and he couldn't talk at all and he still got around. Still got his meat. But like, I bet they talk. But like, is that not just wild as hell to think about? Here's what the bias is.

I think, I've always thought this and I'm, this isn't my fucking theory. I've heard scientists argue about this. on history channel and shit. Like they, they're like all these theories about when spoken word started.

And there's a lot of scientists who are like, no, it was way before then. Like it took so long to figure out written language. But, right. Like, and dude, there's arguments that some animals can do that.

I mean, we fucking taught chimp sign language and shit. I mean, don't they, isn't it almost accepted that like whales communicate? I mean, whale songs, but like,

if they're communicating, on some level, how is that not like a type of language or whatever? I can't remember his name. It was Marty Stump. The show I did in L.A. last week, this kid had a joke about whale eyes. Whale eyes? He's like, does it not bother any of you guys how small their eyes are? And I can't remember the whole joke, but it was so fucking funny that I went and talked to him afterwards.

And then me and him started talking about sonar. That's why their eyes are so small. A whale's eye is barely bigger than mine in yours, but they're the size of a football. The reason why is they don't need them because they use sonar, which is what we was just talking about. That's what made me think of it. But the crux of the joke was just like, well, these whales know that we don't. Do whales are wild too because they were on land and went back into the water. What?

Yeah. Is he fucking with me, Gordon? I think he's fucking with me. First of all life, you know. Was they just a slug? All life we know came out of the water. Yes. Whatever whales are, they had come out of the water.

developed lungs, breathed air and all that, and then they went back into the water. Males and whales and dolphins, too. They evolved like... No, dolphins is aliens. Sounds like the motherfuckers saw the rotting on the wall a long time ago. Yeah, but now our oceans are turning to acid or acidic. I don't fucking know.

Listen, wait a minute. Are you sure? I'm pretty goddamn sure. Was they tiny and then when they went back to water a million years later, they was huge? Or was they just a big ass slug sluggering around? Slug sliggering around I have for me Look at sluggering

Hippopotamus is likely evolved from a group of Anthropathorists, whatever, about 15 million years ago, the first whales evolved 50 million years ago. The ancestor of both of these groups was terrestrial. So hippos and whales share a common ancestor

that was a terrestrial mammal. Do you remember that mermaid special on animal planet? Wasn't that like a joke? It was. It was. I don't know if it was. I don't know if they really meant it to be a hoax.

They did it as if mermaids were real. Yeah, I know. I think that was like a thing that was a big part of it. Was that whoever the mermaid's ancestor was, was a mammal that went on land and then went back into the water, you know, 50 million years ago or whatever. Sea apes. That was the whole thing.

Anyway. Hold on. Bob Hanson. Is this still whale stuff? It's still animal stuff. Okay. All right. Go for it.

Bob Hanson has a joke. You're talking about them monkeys in their tools. The joke was, he's talking about them chimps and teaching them sign language. He had a few jokes. Then he goes, I saw the other day. They're teaching them how to lie and how to hide weapons. Those are our best fucking tricks. Why are we teaching them?

I fucking love that joke. I love old. Bob. Y'all know about that woman that ended up jacking that dolphin off for years, and then when she had to quit jacking it off, it killed itself. Yeah. Yeah. So I did hear about this dolphin jack her off or woman, but not enough.

Please go on. The dolphin killed itself. After she left it. Yeah, it killed itself in the grief, I think. But basically, how did it kill itself? How did it kill itself? This is how they killed itself. This is how they killed itself.

them, this is like a thing that dolphins do. They commit suicide and all they do. Dude, I look up animals suicide once a month. They just sink. They just, like, sink. They stop, you know, they have to come up to breathe there. They just don't do that again. They just don't. They just drown themselves.

But they don't ever dive into a boat or anything. I mean, I don't know, maybe. They're not fucking dramatic. They're better than us. I saw one of them dive in front of a torpedo, it's like Batman once on the old. They're better than us. Yeah. Dolphins are pretty than it.

Man, that just more proof that dolphins are fucking shows. My God. I used to have a joke about dolphin rape And you know You're not supposed to joke about rape But that was sort of the crux of the joke Was that it's the only rape You're allowed to laugh at

Even though it's horrific Like sincerely If your buddy was like Man I got raped by a dolphin last weekend You would just laugh at first Because you just wouldn't process what actually happened You would just hear That's so funny

That's so funny Right They're wild They'd be raping I know You've seen like dolphin having sex with like a severed fish's head. They also, they also,

they also will fuck, not just a severed head, they'll fuck our buddy's head that's still alive. Yeah, like a blowhole. Yeah, I'm not kidding. I've seen pictures of them

fucking their buddy's heads and their buddy was just like, all right, whatever. Yeah, well, I feel like that's hazing. That's how you get in the dolphin frat.

You got to let your buddy fuck your blowho. I mean, I think it hits for them. That's equivalent, right? Yeah. You nailed it. I wanted to succinctly describe this dolphin jacker offer, but like... How could you?

Right. Even you, the great orator, Trey Crowder, could not accomplish that. It's a long story. Yeah, she deserves many volumes. The Iliad couldn't capture the dolphin jacker offer. My God. Man, I don't... I'm trying to get the gist of what they were trying to...

You said giz. What they were trying to do? Because it was a NASA-funded study. Do what now? Jacking it off and getting the sperm to make other dogs. Okay. No, no, no, no, no. It was a NASA-funded study for, in the 60s for building an interspecies communication bridge.

So like. We got to reach the dolphins. How do we do it? Get Jane in here. Jane. Listen, the last, last name was Love it. Love it was left alone. Fuck you.

Love it was left alone. This is a country song. To pursue. She speedboat. Love it. Love it or leave it. Parentheses, Jackat Dolphin off, Debbie. Love it was left alone.

To pursue the dream of peaking dolphins to speak English. So that's what they thought they were doing. And in order to accomplish that- Is that why I couldn't learn Spanish in high school, Miss Garcia wasn't jacking nobody off? She, so in order to accomplish that, she lived with this dolphin, his name was Peter.

Yeah, I know. I just literally spit water everywhere. The only thing Peter says is just Jesus fucking Christ on repeat. She lived with this dolphin basically around the clock, and it's like enclosure and stuff. Like she had like, you know, she wasn't like in a scuba suit living underwater, but it was like a big pool. And she also lived in that same room. No wonder he killed himself. It wasn't just about the sex.

He loved her. I know. That's what I'm saying. And, uh, he loved you. He loved you. You fucking whore. You fucking hoarse. Dolphins get sexual urges.

Peter had plenty of thoughts along those lines. He started out. He would rub himself on my knee or my foot or my hand. At first, I would put him downstairs with female dolphins. But transporting Peter proved so disruptive to the lesson that faced with his frequent arousal, it just seemed easier for, Love it to relieve his urges herself manually. I allowed that, she says.

I wasn't uncomfortable with it as long as it wasn't rough. It was just become part of what was going on, like an it. Get rid of it, you scratch it, you move on. That's how it worked out. It wasn't private. People could observe it. That's Peter's favorite part. What's what I do to her?

Innocent as they were, Love it's sexual encounters with Peter would ultimately overshadow the whole experiment. You don't say. Do you think? Oh, my God. Anyway, so yeah, that's how it happened. She ended up jacking the dolphin off when the study got defunded and was over and she had to leave. He was so stricken with grief that he killed himself.

How many? That is insane. Dude. That is so goddamn funny. They want to fuck dolphins. When they first read about that, showed up down there. You know, man, I'm just here to do the science. Just got to scratch you sit.

The first place that got published in like a wide scale, you know, I just said, you know, I just said the sexual part overtook the rest of the study. That's because it first got published in Hustler. Not like scientifically published. Somebody Hustler found out about this lady Jack in the Dolphin off. We got to tell the world this shit. And they did. I thought, you know, a lady who was weird was jacking this Dolphinoff.

And that was her pet and her lover and she was really lonely because Bill left her and all that. And that was weird. That's a weird story. It's happened in Florida numerous times. It's actually won an Oscar. And then... It's a pretty goddamn good story. What really happened is weirder.

Our graded governmental scientific group finance a dolphin getting its dick jacked off. This woman wrote. To teach dolphins how to talk. Yeah. Yeah. That sounds like a shitty shaked off. short story in like high school English class. Yeah.

This woman wrote. There's always like that one kid who's really in the sci-fi, but he just ain't quite there, you know? And the end of it, the Dolphin Army rapes America or whatever, because he ends up being an all right kid. But like, NASA funded dolphin jackoff. Mm-hmm. Yeah. What are you? We're already fucking great.

I would love to read what it says on that woman's resume. right now, like when she goes to get. So what was your last job like? Unlike anything you've ever seen before, I fucking guarantee you that. So, yeah, that's, you know, I don't know where to go from dolphin masturbation, but can you well at some point, have consensual sex with a dolphin? It sounds like it. He couldn't consent.

She hadn't taught him the word yes yet. Maybe that was the first word she taught him. I mean, I think he was clearly into it. How can we know, Trey? You could see it in their eyes, dude. Have you ever seen a dolphin coming? I think he was like, he was coming up rubbing on her getting his dolphin dick hard. That's pretty.

Stand back, you're swimming kind of close. Have you ever seen a dolphin's dick? No. I mean, I've seen them in the, you know, when I've seen them fucking fish had this stuff. Yeah, they kind of hit. Man, did you see that video when they pull up? that turtle off that other turtle, or you can see a turtle dick? No.

First of all, Dick Wild, it splits. But second of all, I mean, they just straight up interrupted both of them. Yeah. I feel like she's close too, you know. It's hard to get a lady turtle that far. Y'all are seeing that picture that, I don't know if it's real, but I hope it is. It's a Facebook post of it, like some, like, young, like, a hippie type chick, I think, who it's a picture of her throwing a turtle into a pond.

and the caption says rescued this little fella from the middle of the road, took him back home, you know, have a nice life, little buddy, and then the top comment on it is, did you really do that? That's a tortoise.

Tortoises can't swim. Oh my God. Just picked up a perfectly fine tortoise and murdered it. That's just awesome. That's so got a phone. Of trying to do good. I think I brought the fucking.

and raped by a dolphin. I think I brought this up on the podcast before. That reminds me of, I think the first Nissan hybrid car, they had to recall them because the battery was just one of the worst things we've ever produced as humans for the environment. Right. Like the battery itself was just,

it was as bad as 100 cars. Yeah. You know, the futility of trying to help. This is a different version of the same thing, but when Sunships started making all their bags out of that, like highly biodegradable material is much better for the environment. It lasted like less than three months because all of us fat fucks who like sun chips were like,

do you all realize how much louder these goddamn bags are? Yeah. Yeah. That's not quite the same. No, I'm saying it's a, they were trying to do good and it was still futile, but in a different way. Right. But, uh, but yeah, I was like, these are too loud. Fuck this shit.

I can't even watch a goddamn movie. Man, I bet a monkey meat man. pretty good fucking meat. I don't know, man. Lugging the rite and all the noises, you know what I mean? Eating a monkey? I don't know. Everybody's a monkey.

No, no. Meat. Prey was basically explaining, I think. Monkey people were butchering animals and making early stone tools and stuff. Yeah, I got that. Well, he's saying a monkey meat man like a monkey butcher. Like a monkey butcher. A monkey butcher.

Okay. I thought you said, I bet monkey meat man is good, man. And I thought you just talking about, I thought he's being like all fucking tubular talking about about a monkey mate. Yeah. When I lived in Quentin, me and Mike had an Italian butcher. He was super hairy and I couldn't understand a fucking word he said. And it was great.

How closely do you think? No. I'm just saying if you got a hairy fucking butcher that you can't understand. I'm one for one. Putting a monkey into basically any occupation is the thing that hits. You know what I'm right? God damn it's funny. A monkey sound engineer.

Just a monkey doctor in there with that fucking stethoscope beating you on the chest with it. Monkey any job is it hits. How close do you all think? How close do you all think them monkey mate man resembled just handing DJ a sword? Oh, fuck. God damn it, there's a bee on me. That's good. Nope, this ain't gone. That's a fucking, that's a hornet.

Don't hit. Okay, it's gone. The rhythm of that was pretty great. Oh, fuck, God damn it, there's a bee on me. Yeah. Yeah, that's my match a bar. Those guys who made that, you know, what did they call it, auto-toon the news.

Remember those guys? Yeah, yeah. They got a hold of that. They could probably make something hitting out of it. That clip. Oh, fuck it, goddamn, there's a bee on me. You see how much time we've done? Because we had talked about, and I want to.

46 minutes. 46 minutes. So, yeah, we only got like 15 minutes. I literally held up five, five. I have to Trey. I was like, looked at it and I was like, that ain't right. Game of Thrones again. Yeah, yeah.

We can do it at the end now. Which is now. So like, unlike last time we did in the middle, which was stupid. Hey, fast forward 20 minutes, then come back to us now. If you don't watch Game of Thrones caught up on it, then thank y'all for joining us. Yeah. For everybody else last 15 minutes. Enough.

Lulahs, fuck the Mormons. Woman jacking off, dolphins. Monkey man. Monkey meat man. What more do you want? Yeah, we'd give it to you. And if you have seen Game of Thrones, what more do you want? You want to recap.

Well, so what, I mean, I'll be, you know, I'll be putting recaps out. What did y'all think? I think that it felt like 45 minutes of nothing. And then finally something and that something was me very angry because I didn't care for. I left with a very bad taste in my mouth from the Braun situation. The Jamie thing, like, you know, I mean, I don't know. I kind of get it. I feel like he is definitely right.

Yeah, he can still, right. But Braun came in fucking guns ablazing and it did not hit for me because I really thought that he was like, you said, immediately just going to be like, you know, I'll fuck Circe. those are my boys. And I thought that he would, I thought that he would handle it in a little bit more diplomatic way like hey guys this is what she wants me to do obviously i'm not going to do that how can we work this out but he came in fucking kind of pissed off well he's never got around

and creamy though that's true he saved jac life just you know not that long ago from that which was another silly scene it was rad when jami charged it danny by the dragon and then he dove onto it they're in like ankle deep water on the side of a river and he tackles him off a horse and then they sink 30 feet and come up a mile down the river in the next episode Yeah, I remember that. I have a complaint in that regard. Bron was also about Dragons and Water. Ron was a bro.

I hated pretty much everything about the Bronn thing in particular, yeah, because not only everything Corey said, which I agree with, but it also, like, it just didn't make any sense. Like, it was basically magical how he appeared out of nowhere. But also, like, his whole thing, it don't really, like, I don't know. There's no guarantee whatsoever that any of that's going to be honored. Like, it just none of it makes... Well, he said I'm betting on the dragon lady to win. I know, but I'm saying, like,

they could just tell him to go fuck himself. Also, she... Like, she's going to give him high garden or whatever. I don't... The whole thing just didn't really make sense to me. I could see him being, like, taking that as an opportunity to get the fuck out of Kings Landing before it gets roasted.

Or even going back there, walking in and being like, hey, y'all, listen what this bitch said. Yeah, exactly. That's what I figured. Rolling with them as, like, a part of their crew now. Then he has to fight. The way he did it, it's risky. I can see the move being, I don't want to fight.

I'm going to go in here and try to strong-arm them and they're giving me more. It might not work out. They might lie to me. They may not win, but, like, you know, I'm a betting man. He said that, and I'm betting on y'all winning, and then you can give me high guard. Right, but it's like, it's also. He's always been an opportunist. Agree to do this, they're all.

That's true, and he's going to fuck around and die is what he's going to do. Yeah, maybe, but that is what happens. of folks like, and by the way, my favorite part of the scene is what he told him about fucking nobility. Yeah. Jamie said, you can't be the Lord of High Garden. Oh, right.

And, you know, basically you're not fucking bro- You're an up-jump sales story. And how can you be the, and he basically was like, yeah, and what the fuck were your ancestors? Right. Right. They were somebody good at fighting once. And then he basically said, and he was a killer, and then his

cut throat. But you know, got to inherit all this, which is what he's saying to them, which hit for me. And I kind of liked it when he punched Dinkley. I wouldn't be surprised at all if we don't even see Braun again personally. Right. It felt to me like a... Get him out of here? Wrapping him up, but in a, in my opinion, very sloppy fashion.

Because, I mean, I love Bronn, like a lot of fans do. And I just, that whole thing just did not hit for me. Yeah, I really... It hit for me. It did not hit for me. Then there was also the whole thing with like, you're on and killing that dragon and coming out. Here's what didn't kill.

That's the second time he's done that, basically snuck up on them in the middle of the ocean out of nowhere. They had just talked about game planning for the Iron Fleet, like in their little strategy meeting, but then no one is like looking, they don't have scouts or nothing. Also, you can't go behind him with your dragon. Right.

You can't fly so high up like you did with the Night King and then just drop straight down and burn them before they can adjust. Well, hell. Like, fuck that. They shot at him and missed, and then she turned. Like, you know what I mean? Like, she was diving at him. The turn was part of her making a minute.

I'm fine with that part. But, like, just go around. Right. Just go behind their ass. Blank them and roast them. Also, from your own's perspective, once he, you know, sunk all the ships and all that, like, like, how did they get Missonde? What, they didn't.

I assume she just floated up on a different part of the beach or whatever. Why would they not have, like, pursued? the other one. Maybe they spread out and didn't know where they went. I mean, that was iffy. Yeah. I could explain it.

But also, another major thing for me was at the very end. Y'all fix me if I'm incorrect here. There is no fucking way that Searcy Lannister's ass wouldn't have

Merk every goddamn one of them right there. They were clearly reigned at a disadvantage, period in particular. She just sent Bronn to kill them. him and now he's right there. Hear him out if you want, but after that,

fucking put an arrow through. Which I thought was what was going to happen. She would totally, she would absolutely do that. There's no universe in which she wouldn't do that. I agree with the Tyrion part. The other part, I thought maybe it was like the only thing that could reach them.

Maybe we were supposed to believe that they were so far back that the only thing that could reach them was those. The dragon killers. And if you shoot those, you know, you ain't got time to reload for the dragon come kill you. But the Tyrion thing, I don't know, man.

Yeah. It's kind of, I mean, it's just so typical when a show starts wrapping up for people to complain about it because it's not doing it the way they want to do it.

But like, there's problems where it's like, this is not, y'all are better than me. That's how I feel about most of them. Like, what? Like, the issues that get brought up.

Yeah. Like, that's the thing. It's like, it just so many of them, like the ones we've named in this instance, they just seem like it wouldn't have been that hard to have done it in a different fashion that didn't, you know,

that didn't come across as stupidly. Like people started bitching a couple seasons ago about how everybody could teleport all of a sudden, like everybody just was popping around like it wasn't nothing. And at the time I was, my basic stance on that was, I agreed with the criticism, it was a valid criticism,

but I gave them a pass because I was like, What's fucking going to do? Like, they kind of have to do that, and I understand it, and so I'm fine with it. But a lot of this shit this season, I just, I'm the whole time thinking it's like, you didn't have to do that that way, though. Like, you know. Yeah, I agree. I would be remiss if I didn't point out, because this is one I didn't notice, and it's one of those where you like go, oh, yeah, because I'm not that.

But I saw a lot of women tweeting about how they were like, yeah, I can tell two dudes wrote this episode. I know. All these horrible things are like, yeah, but I'm kind of glad it happened because now I'm. cool. She's a better woman for being raped mercilessly and sold off and all this stuff. Yeah, that was fucking weird. It's like, yeah, you're right. I was.

Dude, Terry and saying that shit three in, I thought was weird. What do you say? About her being a virgin and like just putting her on. But also she's a highborn lady who's never been married. Yeah, right. That's like a, it was a weird thing. But she's a night. So maybe he was thinking, well, what about what about our boy Padrick having a threesome though?

Yeah. Yeah. I stay sitting. Yeah, with the Sonsa thing, me and my sister actually, she called to us to do our recap and I always get the female perspective from her, which in this instance, as that was happening, I was, I cringed a little bit because I understand kind of what they were going for, but they could have done that without that particular line of dialogue. And it just really, it just didn't work. and it felt, yeah, it felt like two dudes trying to write for a woman, and it was fucking horrible. Well, let me ask you this.

They're clearly, in my opinion, at least setting up a version of, and I don't know if they're going to go full board this, but the mad queen, like, oh, yeah. Becoming tyrannical or whatever. Yeah. But, like, dude, to me, like, she's, like, totally justified in all of these, like, you know, the mad queen. I mean, yeah, I've been fucking mad, too.

Right. she's been she's been misadvised basically by her people for like two straight seasons now they have fucked her over at every turn but roasting who you want to follow you to death

like killing their families is a very bad first move but not by not by like medieval standards or whatever like Taiwan and Robert Brathian and all those guys like laying siege to the the castles and all that was just like shit

that happened if she would have right but not with the dragon if she would have roasted kingsland or the red keep when she first wanted to compared to now right like the casual I agree with that you know and like it's cost her dragons it's cost her half her armies and now she's in like a shittier position like I you know of course she's fucking about to goddamn lose it

you know like she should have had this shit on lot but she's listened to bad advice given by the smartest dude on the show for two, three seasons or whatever. It's just, I don't know. I do get it. I get it. I get it. Especially because that was like,

Circe put all those people in the Red Keep on purpose. I know. I like that part. Let's talk about parts we did like. I like, um, aria scene with Gendry. Gendry.

Yeah. I like that. It was a callback. I liked her in it up on the road with the hound. They're both going to do their last fucking thing. Yeah. And I'm pumped. Me too.

God, I'm so pumped about Mountain and the hound. Me too. Um. What else am I pumped about? I really enjoyed, uh, torment at the beginning, before he got his heart broke when he was just getting shit-faced out of that horn

and telling jokes and going in, that really hit for me. Yeah, it did hit for me too. I didn't like that he didn't tell ghost by, but I know that was for a budget reason. Yeah, you know,

the ghost thing, I mean, very much does not hit for me. My king. No, I didn't like that. They started out, the dire wolves were like,

you know, they had, huge connection with the Stark children and it was like a big deal. Right. And then now Ghost is the only one left and John just basically don't give a fuck about it. You're right. It's like the CGI is like a problem with whatever. What's area's name?

Chimira. Nymyria. Nymyria left and the idea like she was about to be killed if she didn't run away. And like that's now Arias going to run it like she's not going to hang around. Warren Wolf doing her own thing. Right. Like it's part of the soul kind of thing. Right.

Maybe they were doing it like John belongs in the north. Right. Ghost belongs in the north. Right. I don't know. I mean, John's, I think John's going to die. I don't, I don't know, but I'm, I just, just like we were talking about last week, like, all that being said,

I still overall, I love the fucking show. I'm just bitching about things lately because, but I'm still enjoying it while I'm watching it. I enjoy it. I still love the overall show. It's just, I just feel like they're doing so many things at this point. that the show never would have done, like, earlier on, which is why they, like, stand out and are upsetting to me.

Yeah. You know, I agree. Yes. Well, I'm going to sing Friends in Snow Place. That's okay with you guys. Go ahead, are we done? Are we, we're done? We're at 59, so go ahead.

Sing. Bring it home, Ger-Grop. You guys want to sing it with me or no? Probably not, right? I can't sing. Yeah, lyrics. Just pull it up on Twitter. I can't get out of my app on my phone because then this whole thing will fuck up.

All right. I know. I'm just going to sing alone. This is Bryn of Garth, friends in snow places. Blame it all on my house. I don't wear a blouse. No keeper stays in my hand. First one to fight.

The last one tonight in love with a one handed man. And you saw the surprise And the fear in my eye When a shadow killed my king So I swore to was dark Both my sword and my heart And a squire who can sing Because I got friends in snow places

My sword is huge Don't call me late Or I'll beat you down Like I did the hound I'm not big on social standing But Sansa sent me to Kingsland And call me Sir Brent Don't call me a lady

Well the haters were wrong Said I don't belong But remember I beat Lord Tyrell So before the long night Jamie made me a night And I survived the battle Winterfail Hey I didn't

me still ever seen But give me a wood sword And then I'll fight a bear Looking hot and short hair And I'll let Jamie in Cause my name's Brand don't need you to save me

My sword is huge Don't call me a lady Or I'll beat you down Like I did the hound No I'm not a Amher Got me Some standing

Me and the crew We're going to Kingsland And the fuck Sircy up That whole lady That's tremendous You guys were gonna give me Some of the Friends in Low Places background

Yeah we really let Jeff That's all right man I can be up to dry Because I just made everyone cry There's not a dry listening Or a pussy Hey. That was a Nick DeBala joke.

Ugh. Fucking, I just keep them at a lady jacking that dolphin off. Yeah. Well, on that. Shee. Thank you all for listening to the Well, Red podcast. It once worked good, but now it is.

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