We're All Insane - Daughter's Father is a Child Molester

Episode Date: June 21, 2026

At 17 years old, she believed that if a boyfriend didn't hit her, he was a good boyfriend. Growing up in a small town, raised in a strict religious household, and surrounded by unhealthy relationships, she had no idea what a healthy partnership was supposed to look like. What started as a high school relationship eventually led to years of heartbreak, single motherhood, difficult co-parenting battles, and the painful realization that the father of her child was never going to become the parent her daughter deserved. But nothing could have prepared her for the message she received in 2025…a message that revealed her ex had been arrested and charged with multiple felony offenses involving a minor. Topics Discussed: → How do you protect your child from an unsafe parent? → When should co-parenting stop? → What are signs of parental neglect? → How do you win sole custody? → How do you heal after betrayal? Sponsored By: → HERS | Ready to reach your goals? Visit https://forhers.com/insane to get personalized, affordable care that gets you. → Cozy Earth | Give Dad the gift of comfort this summer with Cozy Earth’s Bamboo Sheet Set, Everywhere Pant, and Everyday Polo. For an exclusive offer, head to https://cozyearth.com and use code INSANE for 20% off.  On This Episode We Cover:  → 00:00:00 - What was it like growing up in a strict Jehovah's Witness household? → 00:02:34 - How did childhood trauma shape her relationships? → 00:04:04 - What happened during her high-risk pregnancy? → 00:09:02 - What made co-parenting so difficult from the beginning? → 00:12:58 - Who did she move in with after leaving her ex?  → 00:14:44 - When did neglect become impossible to ignore? → 00:17:31 - Why did she pursue sole legal and physical custody? → 00:20:14 - How did his parenting get worse over time?  → 00:25:42 - How did her current partner become the father figure her daughter needed? → 00:31:02 - What message changed her life forever? → 00:33:45 - How did she react after learning about her ex's arrest? → 00:37:50 - Did she try to speak to him or his family after the news broke?  → 00:42:55 - When was the last time she spoke to her ex?  → 00:44:39 - How is her daughter handling the news about her father?  → 00:46:09 - How will she one day explain the truth to her daughter? → 00:48:26 - How is she staying mindful of her mental health?  → 00:50:54 - Why did she start sharing her story on TikTok? → 00:53:33 - How did going viral help her custody case? → 00:55:09 - Did the positive tik tok comments help her heal?  → 00:57:06 - How was she able to afford a lawyer?  → 00:59:04 - Does she see herself continuing to share her journey? → 01:02:21 - Why does she believe more parents need to share stories like this? → 01:08:05 - What is she going to do next? → 01:09:30 - Why is it scary for people to share their story?  → 01:12:15 - When did people start to listen to her story?  → 01:15:31 - How did her relationship with her father impact her parenting decisions?  → 01:17:36 - What did she do when she first found out?  → 01:20:02 - What is it like to struggle with your mental health?  → 01:21:53 - What was it like hearing his sentencing in court? → 01:25:48 - What did she learn about relationships and abuse?  Show links: → I Lived With Bill Gates After Escaping Abuse Check Out Ruvyn:  → Tik Tok:  https://www.tiktok.com/@alchemy_with_rue?_r=1&_t=ZT-97HpKvjuX0P → Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/alchemy_with_rue/ More We Are All Insane: → OFFICIAL MERCH NOW AVAILABLE - code INSANE10 gets you 10% off for a limited time → Join We’re All Insane Mailing List for EXCLUSIVE Content + Discounts  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

I was 17 when I remember thinking to myself, he doesn't hit me. So that means he's a good boyfriend. And I say that because my mom had two marriages to, like, alcoholics who were abusive. And the second one was worse than the first. So it just like progressively got worse. And so in my brain, like watching my mom go through that, I thought to myself, as long as like I'm with somebody who doesn't hit me or scream at me, I'm doing pretty. Yeah. And that set, like, my standards, so low, you know. And I met my ex when we were in high school. So growing up, I grew up in a small town called Marcing. Literally has 1,200 people population. Like, it's so small. And on top of that, my mom was a Jehovah Witness. So it's like, I don't know if you know what that is. Yes, but maybe explain just for in case somebody doesn't. Okay. It's a religious.

like Christianity, but it's very strict. We were in the Kingdom Hall, which is a version of church, coached not to go to college because it's selfish. And you should devote your whole life to God. And that was like no birthdays, no holidays. And so growing up that way, I was very, like, sheltered. We weren't even allowed to, like, watch certain movies growing up.

I had no idea who Jack Black was until I was 21. Yeah. And so, like, of course, when I turned 18, I had freedom. I was like, I'm going to discover myself. And were your mom and dad? together? No. So my mom got divorced and married my stepdad and he was the one who was like extremely abusive. And my mom, did your hope was witness too? No, he wasn't. So like that always was hard for me growing up because like my mom would preach one thing and then do something else, you know. And I love

her. She's amazing. But she also had eight kids total. Yeah. So we grew up in a small rural town. and extremely religious and then living in poverty with eight kids. So like we never left the house, really. And my social skills were zero. And also just like my understanding of the world and my exposure. And so what my mom did in her day to day life and like how she lived her life was the only thing I knew. Seeing my mom in these relationships kind of I thought to myself as long as I'm not doing that. Yeah. Like as long as I'm not in a relationship like that, then I'm doing pretty good. And so when I was with my ex, we met in high school. And it started with cheating. Like it always does. And I thought it doesn't work this way. But I thought if I could be a controlled girlfriend, that would fix things. And like, of course, that's not going to work. Right. You know.

Also so young, it's like we have no idea about anything at that image. I feel like looking back now to like my high school dating and I'm like, I really thought this way and it was never that way at all. You know, like we don't really learn until get older. Yeah. And it was like, it was hard for me being in just like such a small town. Like I had no idea what healthy relationship looked like like that. I'd never seen that before.

And so from the cheating, it just like, like, like escalated to like a porn addiction and I didn't understand it at the time, but he was very manipulative. And he coerced me into doing things that I wasn't comfortable with. And I had no idea that was happening. I just knew like, I don't feel good, you know? And so when I found out I was pregnant, we had been together for a few years at this point. And it was so strange because my whole life, I never wanted to be a mom. And part of that was because, like, I didn't want to go through what my mom went through, not just with her husband, but with my little brother, he passed away when he was 11. And I was horrified of feeling something so painful, you know. And so once I found out

I was pregnant, it was just like a flip switch. I was like, wow, this is actually, like, exciting. Like, I feel good. And I did not expect that. And that's kind of like when I realized, I was like, oh, I never wanted to be a mom because I was afraid, not because I didn't want to be a mom, you know? And it was probably one of the short-lived but most happy moments of my life, you know? And through the pregnancy, I slowly realized like how alone I was in the relationship specifically. My daughter, she cut off the flow to like both of my kidneys. It's called bilateral hydronephrosis. And it was extremely painful.

I had to get emergency surgery on each of my kidneys, like one at a time. Yeah. And then from there, I had a bag of urine on each side for each kidney because your kidneys are what, like, drain. Yeah. And that was while you were pregnant? While I was pregnant. Oh.

Yeah. And so that happened when I was like seven and a half to eight months pregnant. Jeez. And I was not getting support from my ex at all. And I was still working. And I remember I used to be a caregiver. And I was doing night shifts. And I got off work one morning. It was like four or five a.m. in April. Like, it was so cold. And my ex was supposed to pick me up. And he never showed up. And I was in extreme pain from those tubes in my side. I don't know if you felt kidney pain. It is the worst. But when I was sitting, my foot, I was

sitting just like this. My foot got caught on the tube and pulled on my back. And it was so agonizing. And it wasn't just like a short-lived pain. I was in pain for a minute. And my ex never showed up to pick me up. So I had to call my best friend to pick me up. And she lived an hour away. And that was the only person who could pick me up. And I was so furious because that wasn't the first time something like that happened. And I just thought my partner would care about me enough to show up for me, you know, when I needed him. So that was like when I realized how alone I was. When I gave birth to my daughter, oh my gosh, it was so intense. Like I remember my doctor. She said something to me and it was along the lines of like, girl, I know you've been through a lot. And I

It's not that you're brave. It's just that you had to. You didn't have a choice. And she's like, you were so strong because, like, it's insane. I had a failed emergency C-section. Yeah. So, like, I'd been pushing for an hour and she was stuck. She was not coming out. Yeah. And they went into a C-section, and I felt like two big yanks out of my abdomen. And nothing happened. There was no crying, no sounds. And, like, during a C-section, you're wide awake. Yeah. And the doctor, she says, I'm going to push her out. And she puts her hand on my daughter's bum and pushes her out. Yeah. And so it was like extremely traumatic for me. No. No, I'm so serious. It was so bad. And so she was stuck because I've been pushing so hard. Yeah. And the doctor couldn't pull her out without risking a neck injury, which was like so serious, you know. So that was like their only option. And so I like, looking back, wow, I went through so many, like, traumatic things just to bring my daughter into this world. Yeah. And I had to do it alone.

And was he there for the birth? He was. Okay. But definitely not in the way that a partner should be, you know? Like he was there physically. Yeah. Okay. Yeah.

And so I remember things, like, only got worse after I gave birth to my daughter. Like, the first three months were just like, everything was about my daughter. I was so happy. She was in this world alive and healthy. And nothing could be better. And that's when my ex lost his job and he would not stop smoking weed, which was, one, illegal in our state. And then two, he couldn't get a job because they all drug tested. And he didn't have a degree or anything like that.

And I remember just being so just confused and angry. Like you have a whole baby that you brought into this world and you can't stop smoking weed for three or four weeks. to get a job. Like, it's temporary. And that's when I, like, had this realization, I was like, oh, my God, if I don't leave now, I'm going to be stuck with him forever. And I was terrified by that thought. I realized, like, how unhappy I was and how much he just generally didn't care. Like, he was so selfish. And my daughter was about six months old when I, like, officially left and moved out and I moved in with like the first person who opened the door for me. And like those first years were the hardest because I loved my daughter so much that I wanted to have healthy co-parenting

relationship. But that is so hard to do with someone who doesn't want to be a parent, like who just doesn't care to be a parent. And I was working three jobs and I worked in a daycare because That was the only job I could get and bring my daughter to. What was his reaction when you decided to leave the relationship? Was he like fine or was he mad about it? His reaction to me leaving the relationship was like, well, one, I was just like disbelief. Like he didn't really think I was going to leave. Right.

And then it just kind of like whatever I can't stop you kind of reaction. Because I remember I moved out like December, January-ish. And then, like, February, he's like, why are you acting like we're not together? And I was just like, I thought I spelled it out for you clear as day that I don't want anything to do with you past a platonic co-parenting relationship. I was like, I don't know how I can be more clear than that. When you left, did he still want to be in your daughter's life? Yeah, he did.

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study information and restrictions. Visit for hers.com. How did your mom feel about you kind of finding yourself when you turned 18. Yeah. So that was really hard for my mom because growing up, the way I feel like it was perceived was that I was rebellious. But for me, I was like, this is just like who I am deep down. Like I am very spiritual and I like, I practice taro and stuff. And so of course my mom's like, oh my God. Right. Yeah. And so I felt like it was proceed as like, oh, I was doing this to rebel because my parents were strict. But for me, I was like, I'm just trying to be myself, you know? Yeah. But for my mom, I think she was also just really overwhelmed with what she was going through with her husband and then having so many kids

and like now her oldest daughter lived out. Oh, so you were the oldest. Yeah. Okay. I was the oldest daughter. And so I think, like, of course, it bothered her, but she had like bigger things to worry about. And you guys have a good relationship still? Yes. Okay, good. Who did you end up moving in with? When I left my ex. Yes.

So I worked at a daycare, and it was my first daycare job. And the daycare owner, like, remember, it's a very small town. She was like, oh, I have a couch you can crash on, which, like, when I look back, I'm like, oh, my God, that was horrible. I should have just moved back in with my mom. But I really didn't want to because of her husband. I just didn't want to have my daughter in that environment. And so, of course, I was like, okay, my boss is going to let me crash on our couch for a few months.

And it was about three months until, like, I got an apartment all in my own. And yeah, it was really awesome. And then as far as the co-parenting relationship goes, how did that look? So with the co-parenting, it was hard because he wanted to be a part of our life. And I was horrified of being like the better baby mom. I really was. I was so scared of being portrayed that way. And so I tried to go above and beyond to be anything but that.

And it was hard because we would do 50-50 after she got a little bit older and she would go spend the night with him for some nights. But she would come back and she would always be like messy, like really dirty. And then it escalated to like diaper rashes. And I'm like, she never gets diaper brushes with me, ever. And he would bring her back and she would always have poopy diapers. And I'm like, this is bordering neglect. Like, she is so filthy. You don't like trim her nails.

And she's like scratching herself. And so it was really hard because I was like, I just want you to take care of my daughter the way I would. You know? And it wasn't happening. And no matter how much, like, I tried to be understanding and I tried to set like expectations and like hold him accountable. And like as a father, it always just came off as me at nitpicking and like starting problems.

Right. You're trying to be controlling or whatever people would say. So that was really, it was really hard. And I remember one time he had some plans or whatever. And I had to spend like all day in court and like you know how court goes. Yeah. They say be there at 9 a.m. And sometimes you don't leave till two.

And so he didn't tell me he had plans. I just said like, hey, I'll pick her up around this time. And then he's like, well, I have plans. Like you should have been here sooner. I was like, oh, next time can you just like, please tell me you have plans so I can make sure I'm on time. He's like, well, I don't have to tell you what I'm doing. And I'm just like, that's not the point. Yeah, it was just like, that's not the point.

It's just like I thought we were just trying to communicate. But for some reason you think that I'm being nosy and controlling and trying to like know what you're doing when really I was just like if you want me to be on time, tell me like, hey, this is a strict deadline. Well, I think it's frustrating too because I think naturally you would think when a child is brought into a relationship, whether it's the mother or the father that like these natural instincts would kick in. And you kind of naturally expect people to step up to the plate. Yeah. So for someone to not be doing the bare minimum, I mean, like what was happening. was neglect. Like it's, you know, and those are like the diapers and the nails. Like, hello. Yeah. You know, like just do the bare minimum. Yeah. And like, honestly, the neglect only got

worse. And that's what really put a strain on our co-parenting relationship because I just put my foot down. And I was like, hey, if you can't take care of your child, you're not going to have her overnight or like unsupervised. If I can't trust it, you're going to take care of her and keep her safe. And it was really hard because, like, what was a final straw for me was just, like, putting her health at risk. Like, she was really sick. She had chronic ear infections. And she had this fever that just would not go away. And when it finally broke, I was like, okay, you can see her for a day or two.

So I told him, I was like, hey, look, the doctor told me if her fever comes back, like, you need to take her to urgent care or the ER. Right. And, like, she had medical insurance through me. So, like, he wouldn't have had to pay anything out of pocket. And then when I picked her up, she had a fever. And he's like, well, it didn't seem that bad to me. So I didn't think I needed to take her in. And I was like, you have no excuses.

The doctor literally said that you need to take her to the emergency room. It wouldn't cost you anything out of pocket. Why didn't you take her? I was like, do you not care about her health? And so that to me was just like so shocking. was like, wow, I really can't trust you with her. Like a doctor said she would need to go to the ER and you thought you knew better. And how long did this go on, this kind of like failure on his part of like her parenting? Yeah. So that was like the final straw for me when we stopped doing

overnights. And she was about two. I think at the time. And then at that point, I was just like, if you want to see her, that's fine, but we're going to do supervised visitation because I just can't trust your judgment. Was he accepting of that or did he want to? No. No, he wasn't. But at that time is when I went to the court and I filed for a full and sole legal and physical custody of her. And he didn't even show up. Yeah. And so the judge has granted me all of it with visitation on my terms. So once that was in place, he really couldn't say anything or do anything. And he was so angry. Yeah.

Which like, okay, but show up to the, you know, step up to the plate then. Yeah, show up and show like that you care to be on your daughter's life. You know, I was shocked because it was over Zoom too. Like, all this did do was click a link. Wow. Yeah. Was this during COVID? Yeah.

It was like right after COVID. Okay. Gotcha. Disappointing. So disappointing. From there, after I was like, hey, we're only going to do supervised visitation. Was it like From the producers of the horror classic Evil Dead

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BetMGM operates pursuant to an operating agreement with Eye Gaming Ontario. didn't change anything for him. Like he didn't decide like I'm going to put in more effort to show her that like I want to be in her life and be a parent. It's like he would say he would call her and then he wouldn't, you know, and she had this dance recital and he showed up like 20 minutes late and like almost missed her entire dance, you know. It's heartbreaking. Yeah. Yeah. And like he went on employed for like a whole year to dodge child support. And he didn't have a car. He didn't have a phone. And I'm like, how do you want to be a father? But like, you're couch surfing and you won't get a job because you just don't want to, not because you're not able to. And I was like, how, like, how are you

going to tell me that you want to be a dad, but you won't even like step up to get a place to stay or a car to see her? or like a phone to call her, you know? And I just got so frustrated because I was like, I was working three jobs. And I changed my entire life for my daughter. And I worked so hard on myself. Like I had finally set, like, I had finally, like, found myself worth. And I had stopped dating shitty guys. And I had stopped needing to date people.

And I had finally had just, like, been okay with myself and I worked so hard internally and externally on my life like for my daughter because with my mom I realized like wow I'm setting the standard for my daughter and what she accepts and what she thinks is normal and okay and so I was like I need to set that bar high because I love her and she deserves that and I was like how do you not care enough to do the same and And gosh, she was three and a half when that happened. So like a whole year of like not putting an effort, not caring enough. And I finally just told them, I was like, look, it is not one shoe in, one shoe out.

You're either both feet in or both feet out. Like you're not going to half ass this parenting thing. She deserves a dad who shows up. Because like my dad was, it was like really hard. I was 14 when I told my mom like, hey, I don't want to see my dad anymore. And she's like, well, that sucks. He's your dad. And that just honestly stayed in my heart forever, you know, because I went no contact at 18 with my dad.

And like from that point on, I was like, it is better to have no dad than a shitty dad. You know, it is better to not have a dad than one that makes you wonder why he, like, you're not enough for him to care to show up or to call you or to do better. And I just remember like my relationship with my dad was just so awkward and so uncomfortable. And I honestly, I feel like I would have been happier without my dad in my life. And I didn't want my daughter to feel that way. Father's Day is one of those holidays, in my opinion, that is extremely hard to shop for. Either your dads have everything that they already need or they don't want anything.

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They pan, no matter what you decide, they will absolutely love it. Head to cozyearth.com and use my code insane for an exclusive 20% off. That's code insane for an exclusive 20% off. And if you see a post-purcherror, mention that you heard about Cozy Earth right here. And so that's why I put that boundary. I was like, you're either going to step up and be it up or like you're not going to be there at all. At that point, like, I was already in like a relationship with my current boyfriend. and he is worlds apart from everything I had ever known about guys and dating.

And he was the first person. I was like, wow, you actually treat me the way I deserve to be treated. Like, you're actually kind to me, you know? And you actually care and you put in the effort and you're fun and loving. And like, he wasn't in my daughter's life for the first year because I just was so protective of my daughter. And I started dating him when Ashton was like two and a half, three. And then when my daughter was four is when he was in her life. And it was just, I don't even know how to put into words. Seeing him grow into being the dad that she deserved and didn't have.

It was just, like, so hard, but I made me so happy, you know, because she deserved that. I remember seeing him, like, on Google, like, trying to figure out how to be a better parent. Like, hey, I'm in this situation with my daughter. Like, what do I do? How do I approach this right? And I was like, wow, my ex would never, you know. She deserves someone who cares enough to do that for her to learn how to be a dad. And my ex just had no interest.

And it was very confusing for me. Like I just couldn't wrap my head around it because I'm like, she's so amazing. And I just saw him be a dad to my daughter. And I was like, wow, this is like the parent she deserves, you know. He started like driving her to daycare. And then we signed her up for swim lessons. And we would all go to like family swim day together. and like they would spend so much time just like playing with Legos and reading.

And it made me really happy to see my daughter have that. And I got to a point where I was like, she already has a dad. 100%. And I was like, and he is, it's a dad that she deserves, you know. I felt like he had to put more effort into being a parent than I did because he'd never been a dad before. Yeah. You know, and he had three years, three and a half years to make up for of not, like, being there and knowing how to parent and learning how to parent and building that relationship with her that I already had. And so I felt like he was working even harder than I had to to be a parent.

And I think that shows so much about his character, you know, and his care for you and just in your daughter. And it means a lot. That's really something that's important. And unfortunately, but also fortunately, we, you know, there are these circumstances where our biological parents aren't always our parents. You know, they don't just because, you know, it's their genetics. It doesn't mean that they are in a place to actually show up as a parent. And sometimes it's better to even just have somebody that really cares and that is like a father figure or mother figure, even if, you know, blood doesn't always mean anything. A hundred percent. And so, yeah, like when I saw that she already had a dad, she already had

somebody filling that role and supporting her in the ways that she needed, I just like, looked at my ex and I'm like, what are you providing for her that she doesn't already have? What are you willing to provide for her? Because you've shown me that you're not willing to do anything at all. And that's when I officially just like went no contact. I was like, until you can show me you care. I was like, when you'll finally step up and get a job, a car, a place, and you're ready to be a parent, I was like, don't talk to me. I was like, just don't. And like, I left that door open. I was like, so when you're ready, like, reach out. But of course, that didn't happen. And at this point, like, I went from working three jobs as a single mom trying to figure out

what I was doing wrong to find myself in the position I was in so that I can do better to starting a business. And like this was 2023. And that was like my new year's goal. And by November of 23, I had finally started a business. And so I was like officially like doing so much for myself. I had started the business and no longer was working three jobs as a single mom. And I was in this healthy relationship that I had never experienced before. And like things were going so good. I was like my daughter has a dad who loves her and shows up for her and shows her that she deserves that, you know. And it was going really good until July of 2025. I, well, my boyfriend and I were invited to this business event for work. And we had to fly out. And I was. I was.

the only salesperson for our business. And so like the responsibility of like getting more leads and trying to like bring money in was like on me because he would be working the whole thing. Yeah. And I kid you not, the day before we got on a flight, I got a message from this girl who used to talk to my ex. And it was a screenshot. And she said, I think that you need to know for your daughter's safety. And it was his arrest. He had. had been arrested for seven felony counts of lewd conduct with a minor under 16. And my whole world fell apart. I'm sorry, I'm so emotional.

Hey, take your time. You're good. It was so hard for me because I felt so betrayed. I was just remembering, like, all the years, I spent him. I sent him like paragraphs and paragraphs just begging him and giving him advice how to be a dad and get his life together. And I tried so hard to just help him be the dad that she deserved just for him to do something so horrible. You know, I just felt so betrayed. I was like, I did so much for you.

And you were just, you're so horrible. Yeah. And I totally like flopped our business at him. I didn't get us any leads. And I have major depressive disorder. And so this sent me in the deepest depressive episode, I think I've ever experienced. And at the time, I was also on a medication called Accutane, which they tell you to be very careful if you have depression because it really messes up people's mental health. And so I was on a medication like that, experiencing all of that.

And it was such a hard time for me. I don't think I've ever felt more alone. When you got this information, did you have any fears that he may have done something to your daughter? Honestly, those fears came later. At first, I was like, okay, he hasn't seen her in two years. So it was more like the shocking news of what you saw. Yeah, and I was like, thank God, like I protected her, you know. My friend was like, I had no idea it was this bad. But I did know I couldn't trust him with her because of the neglect and stuff. And just like I was worried about the impact he would have on her just like being such a shitty parent, you know.

But I never would have imagined how bad it really was. And I went to the business event. I didn't really have a choice. And I totally flopped the event. I didn't really, I don't think I even brought a single lead in. And it's actually where I met my puppy. They were having like a fundraising adoption booth. I love it.

Yeah, I had been wanting like an emotional support animal for a while. But I always thought I wasn't a dog person. And when I saw that puppy, like the whole world just stopped. And when I was holding him was like the only time I felt okay at that event. And I remember like, I just knew it was meant to be. I was like, you were meant to find me in this moment, you know. So sweet. Yeah.

And so I was like, what can I do to get this dog on a plane? Right. He's mine. I need him. I was like, you were coming home with me. Yeah. And he did. I got him on the plane.

And I had to like a door dash, door dash, a dog carrier. I love it. Yeah. How old was he? Was he eight weeks? He was eight weeks old. Okay. Yeah.

He was only like exactly. Yeah. And he is what got me through that time because I had to get up at 6 a.m. to take a potty. He needed daily walks. Yeah. And all of those things were so good for me in that time. Like I needed a routine.

I needed fresher. I needed sunlight. It forces you to just get out of bed. Yeah. And so I am so grateful I saw the dog, you know. and he made me feel okay. What was your partner saying about everything when all this information came out?

So it was so hard on me. Like I really spiraled. When I first found out, I told them, I was like, hey, I need to tell you something. I was like something really awful, like life altering has happened with her bio father, but I can't talk about it right now. I was just like, I need you to know that I'm not okay.

And I told him, I was like, I just need your support through this event. And I just need you not to be frustrated if you see me just being an airhead and messing up and not doing well. And part of that was like, because I didn't want this to affect his work ethic. we were there because he was doing all of the work and managing the clients. And I was just like, we can't both be struggling to perform. And so I think also it was just like, I didn't know what to think or how to feel. I was just like, I was just overwhelmed. And I have this defaults my entire life that I just want to be alone when I'm overwhelmed. I just, I just want to be alone because when I'm alone is when the world gets quiet and I can sit with myself and I can figure it up, you know?

And so it's kind of like why I didn't want to tell him. And when we went to the event, like I said, I was like there. Yeah. Well, it's also, it's shocking too because that's somebody, not only is it your daughter's father, but it's also somebody that you spent years with. Yeah. And it's the most like confusing. Like, this is who I was with. You know what I mean?

And it's like a different person. Yeah, it was really shocking. Did you call him at any point or try to speak to him after this information came out? So when I first found out, the first thing I did is I messaged his mom. Okay. And I was like, you need to know. And her response, like, I don't even know how to cover that. But I did message his mom.

That was my first response. And then I didn't call him until I was like, how do I protect my daughter from him? It was just, I remember I did send him some messages and they were just like emotionally angry, you know? And he didn't even see them. So I just deleted them. Was he in jail? Yeah, he was in jail. Yeah, he was in jail.

So, like, he didn't even see them. So I just eventually unsent them because I was like, I should not react emotionally to this right now because we have an ongoing custody case. Yeah. And once I realized, like, okay, the best way to protect my daughter is just to terminate his parental rights. And so, I was like, I don't have money for a lawyer for this. And I was like, maybe I could call him and ask him if you'd be willing to do it. Like, if you'd be willing to relinquish his rights on his own instead of, like, having to fight him, you know. But I had to be really careful about the way I did it.

so it didn't seem like I was pressuring him or like trying to manipulate him into doing it because that could be used against me if it ever came to it. And so I just tried to ask it plain and simple. I said, hey, I saw the charges. It looks like you're going to be in there for a while. In regards to our daughter's custody, what are you thinking that you want to do from here? And I said, I'll tell you what I'm hoping for. And then you can tell me if that aligns with what you're thinking or not. And I told him, I was like, I'm just hoping that you self-terminate your parental rights so that we, so that like we don't have to worry about this anymore. Like, it's just over. And he's like, yeah, no, I'm not going to do that.

And I was just like, wow, okay. And it's kind of what I expected because our entire custody thing has been that way. It's always been, no, I'm not going to work with you. Right. And that's more, I think, just like a screw you versus. Oh, I actually want to be a parent. And that's like, that's really how it's felt this whole time. So that was the only time I called him.

And then after that, I just blocked his call from the jail. They have like a platform where you can block all the calls. And so I just blocked that. And then at that point, I went no contact with his family too. And I was just like, I honestly want nothing to do with him or his family. And they have not been an active part of my daughter's life at all. Like, they've been title holders. Did they take his side, I'm assuming?

So, like, we have had some discussions, and the oldest sister was definitely on his side. And it was really annoying to me. Were the charges for multiple different individuals, or was it one? So that part is really unclear to me. Okay. And when I first found out, I was obsessed with knowing about his criminal case and the status. And information was like the only thing that made me feel safe because I was like, the more I know and the faster I know it, the faster I can't, the faster I can change what I can and accept what I can't, you know? Yeah.

And so I. Closure too. Yeah. for you to like kind of just understand the ins and outs of it. Yeah. And so. Across Canada in a Volvo. Destination.

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There's a Volvo for everyone. Learn more at VolvoCars.ca.ca. I was constantly, like every time he had a court date, I was constantly reloading the I-court page to look at the update. And then I paid the court for the documents on his criminal case. And it's very confusing to me because when I read the documents, it stated the initial, two separate victims, like different initials for each and a different date of birth or age for each. And so in my brain, I was like, okay, there's two victims. Like, for me, it felt clear as day. But when I went to his sentencing, there was two separate criminal cases. And the judge asked, well, the judge said, I know that the second case is being dismissed.

So he asked, is it the same victim in both cases? And the prosecuting attorney said, yes. So to me, I was just like, wait. You know, I was just confused. And so, like, I still don't have clarity on that. So maybe it was the same victim. Maybe she was different ages. Maybe she had her name changed.

Or maybe it was like a typo. I don't know. But I guess I'll never know, you know. So you have not spoken to him at all since then? No. And I don't plan to. Is he still in jail? Yeah.

So he, when I went to a sentencing, like, I never expected to feel so validated in a courtroom, especially on that day of all days. Because the prosecutor was calling him out on all of his manipulation and like lack of accountability and like trying to justify his actions. And those were things just like I experienced the entire time I've known him, you know. And so I just felt so. validated when the prosecutor was calling all of that out. And it was, it was such an overwhelming experience because I learned so many details about that case that just like shocked me. And

it just really broke my heart to know the truth of what happened and like how bad it was. And I remember the judge said, if I had to sentence you to prison for the amount of harm you've done. I couldn't send you to prison long enough. And after that, he sentenced him to 25 years. Wow. Yeah. And I just felt so relieved. Right. And that's right. That's no small thing. No. I was just like, I was so relieved because I was like, oh my God, that is all of my daughter's childhood. Right. She doesn't have to worry about him. I don't have to worry about him. And she will be an adult when he's out and she'll be smart enough and wise enough to make her own. choices that protect her. You know, she'll be able to see through any bullshit.

Have you had to, have you struggled at all with thinking of how one day you would approach the situation? All the time. Yeah. All the time. And she's how old now, four? She'll be six next month. Oh, okay. Yeah. And I remember like when I was so obsessed with just knowing everything about his case. And I like, looking back, I realized I found, Like I had zero control because really I didn't have any control. And logically, my daughter and I were safe because he was in jail. But I didn't feel that way, like, at all. And I just wanted to protect her.

And I didn't know, like, how. Because I was calling lawyers on stop. And it was just, like, confusing because they were all telling me different things. when it came to like terminating parental rights. And I actually just had this realization this morning that I wanted to protect her from the one thing that I just can't protect her from. And that's from just who he really is.

And the fact that one day she's going to know and it's going to hurt. But I think on a positive note, like yes, that is who her biological father is. but that's not who like her actual father is. Yeah. You know, like she wasn't raised by someone with that character. Even before you met your current partner. Yeah.

You know, that was you. And she's going to have those traits. Yeah. You know, and I think it's more so it's, you know, everybody works through things in their own ways. And I feel like all we can do is, is be honest and transparent. like in a way that makes sense. That's safe for, you know, for you, for her,

for everybody's emotions involved. Like, it's not, you know, it's important to know that information. It's important for yourself. And just to, I think everybody wants clarity on who their real parents are and all that stuff. But like you said, thankfully she's been raised by two amazing people instead. Yeah. And.

Like, my boyfriend and I, we've always been really open with her. She doesn't call him dad all the time. Like, sometimes she calls him by his first name. And so, like, we've always been very open about the truth and the dynamics of things. And so she, one day, she'll be old enough. She'll be like, okay, other kids don't call their dad by the first name, you know. So she'll start asking questions. But as far as, like, the whole thing with my ex, obviously not until she's old enough.

and mature enough, and I have no idea when that is, you know, 16, 18, 25. I have no idea. I think, too, you know, it's so difficult because kids are so curious. Yes. And it's like it can look so different depending on, like, exposure and social media. Yeah. When, you know, it's so interesting, too, when they start asking questions. Like, I feel like I can come out of nowhere and you're like, what made you ask that? You know what I mean?

Yeah. So I feel like it is something that's kind of just go with the flow. when it comes up, that's when you approach it, you know, because it's so inevitable to figure out how it's going to come up or when. And like you said, you know, being transparent and open and honest is like all you can do to be like, you know, this is a safe place to talk about it and to come if you ever need. Because I think you'll, you will be the one that will hold a lot of answers for her one day. Yeah. And so I just know, like, one day it's going to come. And depending on how old she is, I just have to filter it in an inappropriate way for like her maturity level, you know.

Yeah. Did you find that you needed to talk to anybody like a therapist or anything as far, like when you got this information? Like how did you find to kind of work through that? Yeah. So I actually have been in therapy since I left him. I've always like struggle with mental health. And so I've been in therapy for a few years. And when I found out, it just kind of felt like nothing was working. I just felt so, like, lost, you know. I remember I texted my mom one time. I don't know if you're familiar with The Life of Pye.

It's a story about a young boy who gets lost on a boat, like a raft out in the middle of the ocean. And he's lost, like, completely alone with a tiger on the boat, you know. And he's going like weeks with like no food, no water and he has to like find ways to survive. And I remember telling my mom, I was like, that's how I feel because I can't just skip to the end when it's all over. And there's nobody else who can like help me through this. Like I just have to help myself, you know. Nobody can take the pain away.

And it just kind of feels like being lost at sea waiting for it to just finally be over. And there was like, I feel like. feel like there was not much I could do to help until I started sharing my story on TikTok. And how long ago did you start doing that? So he was arrested July of 2025 and I started talking about it in August. Okay, good for you. Yeah, because like I love my mom and we have a great relationship. But the one thing we don't talk about is my ex because obviously before all this happened. I feel like she really sided with him or like play devil's advocate a little bit too hard where it genuinely, it would make me so angry to me. I was like, I can't talk to you anymore.

And my sisters were just like, they're all still babies, you know, and they have their own trauma to deal with with their dad and all of that. And so I was just like, I don't feel like it's appropriate to talk to them. And that's when I was just like, you know what? I made like a secret account on TikTok And I was like, I'm just going to be so raw and unfiltered. And I'm just going to be a human. And I'll allow myself to be a human. Yeah. And allow myself to talk about the ugliest things, obviously, in a way that's like,

okay to talk about it. You know, just like not losing my mind. But I was just like, I just want to talk about it because, well, one, I don't have anyone to talk to. And then two, I'm not the only person going through this. And it was really hard to work through that because there is just like so much, I don't know how to put it if it's like shame or like guilt surrounding it. I think a lot of those different emotions. Yeah.

Because there's just so many ways that you can run through it all in like a million different ways in your head. Yeah. And it comes to like the shame or the guilt or the how did I not know or like all these questions that I feel like you can ask yourself that are not actually. realistic or your fault. But there are these, it's almost like our human brain has to understand why or how something happened. And I think a lot of that time we start to believe ourselves. Yeah. For me, I was so grateful that I protected her from him before it ever happened. You know, I think that was the number one emotion for me. But I remember like saying to myself, Like I should not be ashamed for sharing my story.

And I was like, you know, there's nothing I could have done to prevent this. Yeah. And nothing is a reflection of you. Yeah. And that was like the hardest part for me because we came from a small town, you know. And it like kind of horrified me to think like when people found out they're going to know. What are they going to set? Right.

Yeah. Like I was like, I don't want them associating me with that him, even though like we were together. for so long. And that was the hardest part for me. And so part of like sharing my story on TikTok was just like me trying to work through that and be vulnerable and real and like relatable. And I started posting in August. And like I wasn't getting much traction, but like that's okay. So like it was just a place for me to be a human. Yeah. To get it out. Yeah. And I made this one video because I was just, I was at a point where I felt completely hopeless in like the custody case because I couldn't afford a lawyer. And when I made the video, I told myself, oh, I don't have

to like edit this or anything. I was just like, nobody's going to see this. I was like, I have 600 followers. Nobody's going to see this. And when I posted it, I didn't expect it to blow up, But it did. And it blew up fast. That was in February. And it got like 600,000 views. And like, it's still going. And I remember like the first hundred comments were like, can you please turn on the volume? We can't hear you. But I put captions and it was like, but it like, it started blowing up. And I was like, this is my first video blowing up. I was like, I don't want to take it down and like lose all the traction, you know? Because like, what if I repost it and it doesn't get traction? And so a part of me was just like so. shocked. I was like, the one video I told myself, nobody's going to see this anyways. It blew up. And I was like 600,000 people have seen my face. This is insane. And I just didn't know how to process that, especially like the amount of positive responses. I didn't get like a single mean comment or like trolling comment. And I got like flooded with DMs of people who have mothers who are going through something almost identical, a lot of them. And I just felt so grateful, so grateful that so many people came to support me and that my story also helped other mothers, you know, feel less alone and less ashamed about what they're going through because it is not their fault.

No, not at all. Did you find that when you started getting positive feedback and responses, did that help you heal a little bit? Do you think that made you feel less alone? Definitely. I felt less alone because like this was in February and so it'd already been quite a few months where I was in this like depressive episode and I felt like I couldn't really talk to anyone about it and it really put a strain like on my relationship because I was just spiraling and like it was affecting my day to day life. Like I couldn't get out of bed. I couldn't show up for like the business and I felt really guilty about that. That was really hard on me because I felt like. I was letting my partner down, you know? Yeah. And which is like not the truth at all because relationships aren't always like 50-50. Sometimes we need 80-20. Yeah. And at the end of the day, you're human.

Yeah. And your emotions and feelings, they're very real. And I think the magnitude of what you experienced is very scary and traumatizing. It was. And it's not just information about like someone you knew, you know. That's the father of your child. And once again, I think it's very easy for our mind to just spin and spin and spin and drive ourselves crazy. Yeah.

Like, up until he was sentenced because he was just sentenced this month. Okay. So it was relatively like a fast criminal case because a lot of these cases take years. And that was like when I first went online and started like researching and asking for, advice people are like, you're in for a ride. They're like, this is going to take years, you know, and like it's going to be expensive if you get a lawyer. And so that was like really disheartening for me, especially like the amount of people told me that termination of parental advice was like impossible or like it never gets granted, which is not true, but it is

difficult. Yeah. Were you able to successfully do that? So we are still currently like in the custody case, but because of that video that I posted that went viral, I actually got the money to hire a lawyer. Good for you. Thank you. And like my stress went from like 1,000% to 10% because I was already trying to file everything on my own. I was making a mess of our custody case. And you would think though with his charges it would be. Yeah, you would think it would. Yeah. You would think that and it's the hard part is like I didn't know who to listen to because like logically you're like yeah, that's a no brainer. Yeah. But anytime like I talk to a lawyer that like, well, it's not that simple. It's not black and white. The court doesn't see that way, even if they should, you know. And so that was really

hard for me to stomachs. I'm like, what do you mean? Right. Yeah. So are you guys going to be, is he going to be dealing with that? Well, in prison. Yeah. Yeah. So we'll be going through this while he's in prison. But the fact that he was sentenced to 25 years really supports my case, because he's not going to be there anyways. Right. And, but right now is it set up where you would be required to take her to visit him? No. Okay. Thank God. Yeah. So because in like, I think it was 23 when I filed for sole legal and physical custody and he didn't show up because of that, like all visitation is on my term. So I don't want her to see him, she doesn't. Yeah. Yeah. And that's really in my favor. And like I've been really happy with the lawyer that I have and he's setting up like a

petition to change her last name for me. And we'll have matching last names. And like, that means a lot to me. Yeah. And eventually, like, we're going to move out of state and we're just going to be so far away from him and all of this. And it's just like a fresh start. Do you see yourself continuing to share your journey and your story? Or do you think that? Okay. Yeah. Yeah, 100% because, like, I'm, I'm not the only one going through this. And in my own. opinion, it should be like automatic. You know, I think that there needs to be some real changes to our justice system. And it shouldn't be so hard for moms to protect their child, especially in scenarios like

this where it's just like the child should be first in every aspect. And I think like this is a very clear cut situation. Like I understand that I feel like there's some situations that maybe there's more things involved or both parents might be, you know, deal. with something but like I feel like this is a very I mean from my perspective from hearing your story like I feel like it's just ones like this it should almost be easy like yeah you know what I mean why why waste the time like it's very obvious what's going on and like especially like mom's going through something like this they're already going enough like they should have to like add a whole

custody legal battle on top of it like like you're is it not good enough that you're the only one fighting for the child yeah And like, what made it so hard for me is like, well, one, I couldn't afford a lawyer, but like I called my state's legal aid and they told me that they were booked with cases. And unless I was a direct victim of domestic violence, they couldn't help me, which I wasn't in this situation. And so then I called the volunteer lawyer program, which is like the only pro bono lawyers in our state. And they're like, yeah, we're overflowing with family custody cases right now. We can't help you. but we can give you a free consultation.

And so there was quite literally no free resources to me via the state. And that's what left me trying to figure out a way to come up with the money for a lawyer. And I hope that I can continue to share my story to help make it easier for mothers in the future and maybe bring some change in some awareness to situations like this. there's a lot of mothers going through something like this, and they don't have the same outcome. Their child still has to see them. They don't get like the ending that I did where the child never has to see them again. And it's just, it makes me so frustrated.

I 100% agree with everything you're saying to, you know, hopefully enforce change and just bring about information and education about. This spring, denim gets a softer, lighter update. Introducing Old Navy's drapey denim wide leg, a new fit that moves with you. It's everything you want denim to feel like for summer. Easy, breathable, and effortlessly cool. With a fit that creates natural movement

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alone. I think that's a really huge thing because a lot of people don't have support. You know, like even if you said there was a time where you felt so alone, like, who am I going to talk to? And, you know, I think that's a really, really common feeling for people. It seems easier to just bury it or deal with it by yourself because expressing it is difficult. You know, so I think it's, I always say how powerful it is to hear a story of somebody that, you know, they're completely unbiased, they're a stranger. It's almost easier to talk to a stranger or to relate to a stranger because there's no, you don't have to prove anything. You know, they don't know anything about you or your past. It's just very, it's simple,

you know, to just hear it and relate to it. And whether it's a kind message or just, you know, that could go a long way for somebody. I wish that I could have a bigger impact, you know, but it's like, I don't know anything about changing laws or any of that. Yeah, but look where you are now. Thank you. You're like, you know what I mean? You're like, if somebody I feel like would have told you like, oh, you're going to post

this, then you're going to be on a podcast talking about it. You know what you'd be like, huh? Like, I don't plan to do that. But, you know, it's those things, though, that they make a huge change. And another thing, too, that I want to mention that I've realized by doing this show. And it's something that I kind of just came to realize is that, you know, when we're growing up, right? And like we're in school, I feel like there's a lot of these like assemblies or these things where they have guest speakers, even colleges. Like they'll have guest speakers come and they talk about like the, I don't want to say the typical stuff because that's not, I'm not trying to downplay anything, but like drunk driving or even domestic violence or sexual assault, alcoholism, any of these things. I feel like those are kind of like more of the heard about things that, you know, people will go to talk to children or young adults about.

But I feel like why aren't more, I guess you could say, taboo subjects talked about? I think not only does it spread awareness about things that aren't heard about as often, but it also, I think it breaks a stigma. I think it creates education and awareness about things that aren't as common maybe or they are common and just not talked about. And I just think it breaks that awkwardness and that shame around it. Like I think if from a young age we're being told these real life stories and situations, then I think it would just help people communicate better. It would help people learn to be more open, less shameful of things that they're going through. Because, I mean, I'm sure there's a lot of children that are dealing with things that they're aware of in their home,

but they don't even really know what to call it or what it is because they're still young. So my point is, is that, you know, I think a lot of people, kind of like I mentioned earlier, people that share their story, I think it's, it seems to me from what I've seen, it's one of two things. Either they're really familiar with their story and they're like, they're so used to talking about it that they just go in, they share it. And, you know, it almost becomes second nature to them in this journey of their life, that it's sharing their story is just, it's easy for them. And then there's this other group of people that I think that they, they, they have this maybe fear, if that's the right word, that their story won't have an impact. But like,

both, it doesn't matter what your story is, it will always have an impact on somebody. Yeah. And that is why it's so important to talk and to share. And I just feel like it would be really good if more people were willing to be open about topics that aren't as heard about, you know? Yeah. And I think it would make, I think that would make a big change to be able to share these, these stories to just different audiences that I feel like really need to hear it. Because it just like I said, I think it really would create more education and would break a stigma. Yeah.

And I like, I remember when I started the TikTok and I first got traction, I was like, I don't know where this is going to lead me, but I hope it creates a domino effect. And then I'm not the only one. And I was like, I hope it encourages people like me and women going through things like this to speak up as well. And I hope it also inspires them to share their story and get support when they need it. Yeah. And not to be afraid to because if I hadn't have shared my story, I would be in a very

different position right now. And it would not be a good one, you know. Yeah. And I think once again, I think it goes back to what you mentioned with routine. It kind of encourages you. Like, I feel like maybe it could take it from, okay, I'm feeling this. and I'm just going to deal with it on my own and keep it and bottle it up or I'm going to get it out. And even if it's to my phone and I decide not to post it or I do post it,

like at least you're getting it out and you're doing something. It's almost like even though you're talking about it still, it's a little bit more distracting to get it out and talk about it than it is to just sit in it and bottle it up. And I was going to say also it's not only just the other mothers and parents that you could help. It's also children. You know, children that maybe they've, they might be older now or they're still young and they've gone through something similar. And that can make them feel, you know, because I, like, not embarrassed. Yeah.

Not like, it's something that they need to hide. Yeah. Because that's sad too. Like, I feel like no one should ever be ashamed or embarrassed of anything that happens in their life, whether it was, and I feel like half the time it's not even because of them. You know what I mean? It's not something that has happened due to them. It's almost just something that's a part of them. not by choice.

Like this kind of just like, like so sorry this fell on to you, but, you know, and I, I think that there's so many situations like that as well, that it would actually end up moving a lot of children, whether they're still young and they don't understand it

and they can't wrap their heads around it or maybe they're a little older. And they're like, oh shit, like there's other kids like me out there. So there's so many different aspects of it too. Yeah. And I definitely plan on writing a book about,

100%. What I've been through. Yeah. And just like sharing my story. But as well as like I want to start writing, I actually have already started writing a children's book. Amazing. I love it. Talking about like safe people.

And like where did this person go? Because eventually like kids get curious. They're like this person was in my life. Where did they go? And like talking about that in a child appropriate way and just saying like, you know, sometimes people have to leave. And that's okay. Yes. I love that.

That's amazing. When you finish that book, send it to me so we can promote it, talk about anything you want. That's so important. That's incredible. And I'm really excited because my daughter has been the biggest inspiration of my life. She is like the whole reason I got myself together because I just looked at her and I was like, you know what? I don't want my life to look like this anymore. And I definitely don't want your life to look like this when you're my age. And so that alone was enough for me to just change my life completely for her. And she continues to inspire me and remind me like how far I've come.

And kind of to like full circle this and to say this in a way that isn't, I feel like my like choices of words are difficult. But I feel like to, you know, sometimes these things happen, not that anything bad or negative should ever happen. not that we ever wanted to happen. But I think when unfortunate or bad things happen, traumatic things happen, at first, we wonder why. We ask why we don't understand. It seems like literally the end of the world. And sometimes it is. And then, like, I feel like with your situation and your story, it felt like that at first.

And maybe it was truly that at first. But then look at how much positive change can come out of something so dark. Yeah. And I think that like that is the beauty in it, that like that's where we find the light and the darkness is what we do with the information, what we do with the circumstances. And unfortunately, there's so many people that can't get to that point. Like, you know, and understandably so, mental health is so hard. I think it's hard for everybody on different levels. But if you're able to create and build and educate and help and support others through something that's so,

that was life altering to you, what more can you? can you do? What more can you ask for? And it's like there's so many different outlets that you're using for that, whether it's sharing your story for other moms like I mentioned or, you know, for other children that might need to hear it. And then the children's books that will help educate and protect children that you don't even know. Like, that's incredible and amazing. And obviously, this is all so fresh. So I want to say that too, like the fact that you're able to sit here and share your story, even though it might seem to you that it's a little, like, spacey or emotional. I mean, this is what? Like, a few months? Like, it's like nothing. I mean, technically, this,

you said this month that he got two weeks ago, he got sentenced. So I'm like, it's, it's very, very fresh. Yeah. So go easy on yourself. Because even that, it's, you know, you always have to give yourself enough credit because it's never easy to, I don't think it's ever easy to just decide to share your story. No. It's scary for yourself. It is. It's scary because. Because while, yes, I'm so, so glad and grateful that you've gotten amazing feedback, there are a lot of people that don't. Yeah. And that can be so discouraging. And it will never make sense to me why people have bad things to say or mean things to say.

If you don't like it, just keep scrolling, please. But no, I mean, that is so empowering. You should feel so proud of yourself. And, you know, the fact that you were willing and able to come out here and talk about it in more depth with another stranger that you don't know. You know, it's – These are huge things and you should be so proud of yourself. And I feel like obviously this is only the beginning of you sharing your journey and your story. And it's going to implement a lot of good things.

Thank you. Yeah. When I first started sharing my story, I actually did not get good feedback at all. I didn't start getting good feedback until it really blew up. Okay. Because when I only had 300 to 600 followers and I was talking about it, people said some mean. things horrible horrible things and i think the one that bothered me the most is when people would say you chose him and the thing is the thing that they don't realize is no actually i didn't yeah

manipulators they choose you they see you they target you and they say i can get what i want from this person i can get away with whatever i want with this person so like For people like me who were manipulated, I hope that they know, like, no, you didn't choose that person. You were manipulated. Like, they chose you. They targeted you. And so, like, yeah, that's, like, the one hate comment that I've seen not only on my post, but, like, a lot of other women. And it just, it frustrates me because, like, it totally minimizes the fact that the person is being manipulative.

And a lot of the times they're an abuser. And the victims don't choose to be abused. They get manipulated and forced into it. Well, besides manipulation as well, I don't think we ever knowingly and willingly go into something saying, okay, this is going to turn out to be shit. And this person sucks so bad. But I'm going to do it anyway. Yeah.

No one is actually understanding that. Like, I think it takes experience. Even if you meet somebody that, like, I'm a huge believer and we cannot control. our feelings and our emotions. Like you could meet somebody and you could fall head over heels and they could be the worst person. But sometimes we have to just go with that and learn from that and get through it to learn, okay, that wasn't great. That person wasn't great. That relationship wasn't great. But that doesn't mean it was our fault. Yeah. You know, like I don't understand anybody's negative comments ever. But like, no, it's never, like it's not, no one intentionally, I mean,

there are some idiots and people that do intentionally, you know, do things. And like you said, manipulators, they're intentionally doing things. But I just think, you know, the negativity and the hate against women that are clearly hurting is horrible. Like you see somebody's hurting. You know, I don't know what it is about that. I don't know if it's kind of preying on somebody's vulnerability. It's, yeah, it's disgusting. I hate it. But no, I think that people need to learn how to be a lot more kind and sincere because you don't get it unless you're in it. And it's very easy to judge people, you know, and it's just, even if it's the smallest thing, I think if more people just took a second to reflect, they would realize it's just, it's not kind. No. Judgment is never kind. Yeah. And if you have a

judgment, because we are human, which is, it's normal. Keep it to your fucking self. Please. Yeah. Like, there is no reason to write mean things to someone. anybody ever. Yeah, I do think like a lot of it is praying on the vulnerability. Something you said reminded me, oh yeah, about my dad. And you were talking about how in the beginning we go through things and sometimes it just like fills like the end of the world. And then eventually like best case scenario is it turns into something that is so much more than that. It brings so much more than that. It brings so much good because when I think about my dad and how I wanted to go no contact at 14 and my mom didn't let me, I like, yes, that sucked. And I wish, like, the younger version of me wishes that hadn't happened.

But the older version of me is like, I am actually so grateful. My mom said that because if I hadn't known how important it is to have a good dad, then I wouldn't have known when to produce. my daughter, you know. I wouldn't have gone no contact for my daughter before she even had to ask, you know. And it's just like moments like that. I'm just like, wow, yes, that really sucked. But it was a lesson that I needed to learn in order to, like, in order to become the person that I needed to be, especially for my daughter. Yeah. Well, I think you're amazing. And I think you're so good at telling your story. And like I said, even if it feels like to you that you get obviously like emotional, everything is still so fresh. Yeah. You'll find that you have days that like even in 20

years from now that you'll be like, oh, like I'm so used to telling it. Like I don't, you know, you start, it starts to weigh a little bit less heavy. This episode is brought to you by Activia. You might already be eating yogurt, but not all yogurts are created equal. Activia contains over one billion probiotics per serving to survive and reach the gut alive. When it comes to gut health, Activia is the number one family doctor recommended probiotic yogurt brand. Choose Activia, feel good from the inside out. Visit Activia.ca for more details. Rees knows a thing or two about great combinations. Chocolate and peanut butter, obviously, but there's more than one way to Reese's. From indulgent Reese's big cups with caramel

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you can't stop crying about it, and that's okay. Like, that's human. You know, you get it. You're a spiritual person. You know, we're like trying to figure out the balance, but it's so real. and raw and obviously like I said I appreciate you so much for coming out here and sharing and you did such a good job thank you of course I did want to share like one moment that I shared on my TikTok so when I first found out like the full extent of his crimes I remember it was devastating it was like roll chattering and I put on my daughter's favorite song and I drove her to school and I played it a loud enough that she couldn't hear me sobbing because I didn't want her to see like how much I was

hurt and then after I dropped her off I drove to the church across the street and I just cried and screamed for like two hours and I remember like praying that somebody anybody like an empath would find me and just hug me because that's what I needed so so bad But nobody showed up. And I think that was a defining moment for me of when I started sharing my story on TikTok because I just felt so alone. And the people who supported me through that, like they have no idea the impact they've had on me and how they got me through it.

And I hope other women who fill that alone can share too. and get the support that they need. If I hadn't shared my story, like, I would not be here, you know. I remember saying to myself, like, I'm not alone because I have me. Like, I have to get me through this. I don't have a choice. And it reminded me of what my doctor said, you know, like, I wasn't brave for going through that. I just had to.

I just didn't have a choice. And that has been, like, a common theme. You know, like, I don't have a choice. choice, but I have to go through it. Like, I can't not go through it, you know? I have to come out on the other side, and I'm really grateful that I was able to make it through that because, like, it could have been a lot worse. Like, I could have been depressed for a lot longer. And, like, mental health is so scary. And the support I got really helped with my mental health. That was amazing. I love that. And that's so important. I think mental health is something, thankfully, I feel like we talk about more now than ever.

But at the same time, it's like when you're in it, it's so hard because it's like your own brain and mind, it's going against itself. And it's like it doesn't matter how much you want to get out of it. It's like you can't. Yeah. And even with that, it's like sometimes even knowing people were there doesn't even help with mental health. Mental health goes so deep and it's so hard. Like it's, like I said, it's our brain kind of just targeting itself. And it can feel like endless and like it's never going to get better. But I'm glad, like you said, you know, it wasn't something that lasted super long.

And it was something that, you know, you were able to pull yourself out of because it's not easy. And a lot of times we can't just pull ourselves. pull ourselves out of it. Oh, pretzel. Yeah, and like, I am also super grateful that this case closed so fast. Yeah. Because even right, dragging that out, that's draining on its own. Yeah, like, so when he was first arrested, there was two separate criminal cases. And when I went to the sentencing two weeks ago, I was fully expecting, like, there to be another case to go on after this. And I didn't know the case was dismissed until I was in the courthouse. listening to it. Okay. And that's when they said, you know, it was the same victim for both cases. And then he was sentenced to 25 years.

And it just felt like the universe slammed that chapter shut and was like, you are done going through this. Like, it is over. Yeah. And it happened way quicker than I expected. And, like, I know it's going to still going to be a lot more processing to happen in the months to come. But everything happened so fast.

It just felt like whiplash. And like it still feels like whiplash. Yeah. I can't. And even like the fact that it was just two weeks ago. And then you're like here. Like it's so it's so fast. But it's almost like like you said, it's in a way.

It's kind of like let's just knock this all out. Yeah. In one month. And like just keep it pushing. I'm so grateful. It's over. And things are really looking up for me and my daughter in like regards to like the termination of parent rights.

and changing her last name and moving out of state. I am so excited just to breathe and relax for the first time since July. You know. Right. And just be able to decompress and I think feel something other than just sadness. Yeah. Just like. Like you said, it allows you, I think, to start closing that door and like learn how to.

not let it go, but like heal. It's like now you're in the healing part of it. Yeah. The aftermath of, okay, how can I accept this reality but turn it to good and, you know, live my life in a way that makes me feel good and it's good for me and it's good for my daughter and my partner and everything in between. And I'm just like, I am so excited to just get back to myself because the last months have been so hard on me. And like, even my daughter's noticed, you know, she misses when mommy was happy.

And so I'm just, I'm excited to get back to normal with my daughter and be myself. And we go through phases, you know, whether I think obviously it's way harder when you have a child because you're not living just for you. You're living for them. And, you know, they're smart. Even though they're young, they pick up on feelings and energy. And I think, you know, at the same time, we can't be so hard on ourselves because you're human. And like I kind of said before, you're going to go through times where it's like, like you said before, like, okay, I started finding myself. And then this happens. And now I feel like I've been set back 10 steps. But like you will find yourself again and so much more. Like, because the more we go through it almost sets the tone to who we evolve into

and who we become. And you're only going to be a more strong, powerful person and mom after all of Yeah. Thank you. Of course. You'll learn that you'll continue. Well, we all continue to learn things about ourselves and grow and evolve. And like with anything in life, we have moments that set us back, like beyond. And then we go forward 20 more steps. Yeah. You know, so that's what you have to look forward to. And you're, you might not feel like it, but like you're very much there. Like to, I always tell people, like, do not, do not take it lightly that you're willing to travel and tell your story to a platform of thousands of people and to a stranger. That's huge. A lot of people, like I said, like I feel like there's the, I feel like it's way easier.

I don't want to say, I don't want to put words in people's mouths, but I think it's a lot easier for somebody that they're like 10, 20 years ahead in the sense of like they've been sharing. It's become, they almost become like this public speaker about their story. Yeah. It becomes very second nature to them. But being able to do that, two weeks after something's kind of concluded is a fast turnaround. Okay? That's like crazy. So give yourself credit for that and just for the strength and the vulnerability of on your own, just sharing it and saying, you know what, screw this, I'm doing this for me. And then it's

turning into something where you've continued to decide, okay, I think I want to continue to share my story and my journey. Yeah. You're going to give a lot of people a lot of confidence because of that as well. Thank you. Of course. I hope that my story helps a lot of women with their self-worth as well and just like knowing, like what I said about as long as like he doesn't hit me, that means he's a good guy or as long as he doesn't hurt me. But like people, someone or, you know, an individual can hurt you in a million different ways that you could have never imagined. Like I I would have never imagined this happening. And that's when I realized, like, just because they don't hurt you in the ways that you're familiar doesn't, like, give them a free pass

and mean that they're good for you. Like, you have to pay attention to, like, okay, are they showing up? Are they being respectful, you know? And like, through our whole co-parenting, like, he just wasn't showing up or being respectful. And so, for me, me, that's when I realized, like, being good and being loving is just like so much more than not hitting you. And I can't fathom like, wow. I just like, I look back and I'm like, I can't believe, like, I thought that's all it took. And I hope that no one else thinks, like, that's all it takes.