We're All Insane - Driver Under the Influence Hit and Killed My Dad

Starting point is 00:00:00 Hey guys, it's me Devorah. I just dropped an all new bonus episode inside my new subscription channel, We're All Insane Plus. This week's bonus episode is called My Brain was slipping into my spine. Listen now by subscribing to We're All Insane Plus inside your Spotify or Apple Podcasts app or go to we're all insane.com. I'm Delaney and this is my mom, Danielle, and my dad was hit and killed while running by a driver under the influence of drugs on January 24th, 2024. It was started as a normal day. We went to work. We own a roofing company, and I went to work.

Starting point is 00:00:44 Dan went to work. We came home. He had a couple of appointments in the afternoon. So my younger daughter had asked if she could go to a wrestling match at school. I was like, sure, I'll take you to it. So I took her to the wrestling match on my way home. home from the wrestling match, I talked to my husband. I was actually the last call that he had that day. And he was like, hey, I'm out for a run. He was training for a 50K Spartan race. He was huge,

Starting point is 00:01:11 avid fitness. Like, he was really into fitness. And he had turned, when he turned 40, he was just like, I'm embracing this. I'm, you know, going to be the healthiest version of me. And he was like, I'm going to run. We ran a lot of races, savage race, Spartan races, regular races. And so he was training for this 50K. So he was like, hey, he had a 5K to do that day, just three miles. And he was like, I'm going to go out and do this run. And I'll meet you back at the house. And I was on my way home from the wrestling match.

Starting point is 00:01:43 And I was like, okay, I get to the house. Everything's whatever normal. Like I'm getting my kids food. My mom's over. I have two younger, my two younger kids were home at the time. They were 15 and 8. And I was like, oh, it was 6.17. I remember looking at the clock.

Starting point is 00:02:04 And I was like, that's weird. Like, Dan should have been home a little before 6. He's an overachiever. So I was like, he probably went a little longer, which is why it didn't really alarm me. And so I looked on the Find My Friends thing and his blue dot wasn't moving. And I looked at my mom and I was like, that's weird. I'm just going to run down there. like I didn't have no inkling like I didn't think anything yeah and it was literally right up

Starting point is 00:02:34 the street from my house I knew I assume it's like two minutes away yeah the place where he got hit so I was like as soon as I turned um out of our neighborhood I made a left on the highway route 13 and it was lit up like all these police fire blah blah blah so I called my mom and I was like hey, why don't you, I had called him a few times and he didn't answer. And our little thing was, if I called him more than twice, he knows he would answer me just to say I'm okay and hang up. And he wasn't answering me. So I called my mom and I was like, why don't you just come down here? I don't really know what I'm walking into. And now I'm getting a little bit nervous. She was like, okay, I said, but don't say nothing to the kids because I didn't want to alarm them. So my mom kind of

Starting point is 00:03:22 slipped out. So I get down there and I stop at the first. So there was an entrance to a neighborhood and then the like a tree line that was in front of this neighborhood. My husband got hit like down here on the tree line, but there was a cop changing his tire. Completely un-involved. Yeah, he wasn't related to the scene. But I stopped at him because he was the first officer I seen and there were two fire fighters there too. So all the stuff was down here. But for whatever reason, my gut just, I pulled into the entrance to the neighborhood. And I was like, hi, my name is Danielle. You probably think I'm crazy. And I truly said this because I am a little bit crazy. I was like, but I keep calling my husband and he's not answering. And like his blue dot and I'm showing the cop. I'm like,

Starting point is 00:04:08 his blue dot is down there. Like, can you just tell me like his name is Danny Rankin? Can you go down there and tell me if he's down there. And the cop was like, hold on a minute. He was like, ma'am, I can't tell you anything. But I'm sure it's not your husband. It was a construction worker that got hit. And I was like, a construction worker. And he was like, yeah. And I said, well, why do you say he's a construction worker? Because my husband would run in a neon colored. He had like a mesh hoodie. And it was, and it was neon yellow. And he was like, no, that man had on jeans. And I said, well, you don't know my husband, I wouldn't put it past him to run in jeans. If he was in a rush, he would have got out of the car and went in his work clothes. And he was, I said, I need you to go down there. Like, he's very identifiable. He has tattoos.

Starting point is 00:04:53 Like, I can tell you, I know where his phone is. Like, he runs with it in his underwear pocket. And the cop was like, all right, hold on a minute. So he went down there, came back. And I, I started, like, at one point it like clicked on me and I was like there's no ambulance or anything like did the person die and he was like yes the person so he confirmed that the person was deceased but again still like you don't know and you don't it's like a surreal moment so the guy's like um I said well I'll go down there just let me go down there I just need to know I said I you know and then I started freaking out a little bit and I was like I need to know so he was like well calm down and so I named dropped my really good friend is a Delaware State Trooper. And so I was like, do you know so and so?

Starting point is 00:05:44 And he was like, I do. You know him? Get him on the phone right now. And I was like, all right. So I called him up. It's my good friend's husband. And I was like, hey, I'm sorry to, like, bother you, but like I'm a little bit freaking out. There's an accident on 13. Like Dan's dot is there. He says his phone is there, his location. And they're not telling me anything. And he was like, put me on the phone with the officer. So the officer walked away. And my mom was here at this point and I'm standing there with the firefighters and he walks away and he comes back and I get on the phone with my friend and he says Danielle they want you to go to troop too and I said get your ass down here I'm not leaving and at that point I knew something was bad because they don't

Starting point is 00:06:25 tell you to go to troop too like and what does that mean it go to a troop like they wanted me to go to a police station okay and I guess that's where they would tell me what was going on and I just knew they don't tell you to go to the troop if something like the police station if it's something like they would tell me go to the hospital or they would tell me what happened she's experiencing something she's experienced something before where she was told you need to go tell them to go to like you cannot tell them that you know that they are dead and I can get into that we lost an employee at our company six months prior to my husband dying okay and that was a whole fiasco we experienced a death and like I kind of understood some things from

Starting point is 00:07:05 that that I'm like they don't tell you to go to the police station if they're going to tell you something like they they would send you to the hospital so I I kind of knew it was bad news so my friend was like I'll come down and I knew they'd let him on scene he knew this officer whatever so we're standing there waiting and he um went he flew past us and went right to the scene and then he came down and told me and my mom like he was able to. I don't think he like identified the body. I think they probably pulled his ID out, whatever.

Starting point is 00:07:42 And it was once you know that, like you can't unknow it. And the whole time, I'm going to rewind a little bit that I'm at this entrance to this neighborhood. Delaney was calling me. And I wasn't answering the phone because at that point I didn't know anything. And I didn't want to, I can't lie. I'm not, I don't lie. I just, I can't. So I wouldn't have been able to not tell her.

Starting point is 00:08:08 And I also didn't want to worry her because I didn't know anything. So then she started calling my mom. And my mom was like, Danielle, I have to answer her. So she answered her. And I think my mom's phone was cutting out and it kept hanging up. But you can jump in. So I woke up that day. I never, I never see my dad in the morning because he was insane and would go to work at 4 a.m.

Starting point is 00:08:30 sometimes and be the first one at the office. So I don't ever see him in the morning. So I woke up, I went to class, I go to class like 30 minutes away, and it's right near my boyfriend's house. So I went to class, and afterwards we both finished at the same time. So I was like, oh, I'll just come to your house. I won't go home before, and I'll just hang out at your house. So I hadn't seen my dad all day, but in between my two classes that I had that day, I did, he called me. And it wasn't unusual for us to talk, but, and this was normal too,

Starting point is 00:09:03 we had been we had a trip coming up in like a week yeah we were going on a trip in like a week and I would occasionally just send my parents like a really nice text and just be like I really appreciate like all the work you guys do and like everything you provide for us and like you guys have given us like an amazing life so I just sent on a sweet text like that and my mom texted back like normal but my dad didn't and he wanted to call me and just talk to me he was like I'm like so like I love that you can see that we do that and like we just had like a really nice like 20 minute phone call and we just talked and he told me about his day and I told him about mine and he told me how much he appreciated my text and like all this stuff. So it was a really nice phone call. And then

Starting point is 00:09:45 afterwards I went to my boyfriend's house and we were about to get in the car to just go get like ice cream or something and my sister calls me and she was like, hey, she was like, do you know where dad is? I was like, no, I haven't talked to him since earlier in the day. and she was like, well, I think they, like, don't know where he is. Like, he went on a run and mom said that she, I think she said, mom said, like, she couldn't find him or, like, he was, like, stuck in, like, the location. And she was, like, mom left and then my mom got a phone call and hung up the phone, grabbed her stuff, and left.

Starting point is 00:10:22 And they didn't tell us anything. And I was like, oh, that's really weird. And she was like, yeah, so can you just, like, call them and, like, let me know? And I was like, yeah, I was like, don't worry. Like, everything's probably fine. I honestly was like, I didn't think anything. I was like, he's probably fine. He probably is running longer than they thought.

Starting point is 00:10:44 And he was answering the phone. That's like literally what I thought. So I'm calling them and like she said, they're answering the phone or she's not answering the phone, but then they're answering it. And I was getting nothing. Like my mom was like, hey. And then it would like cut out. She couldn't hear me.

Starting point is 00:10:59 I couldn't hear her. and it would hang up, which to me is like a blessing in disguise because I don't think they had nothing to tell me. So would have been an empty phone call anyway? So my boyfriend's like, do you want to go home? Like, I'll take you home. And I was like, I don't think so. Like, I think everything's fine. I'm just going to keep trying to call them. I called my dad a couple times too. And obviously like that, nothing, no one answered. So then we're going. We're getting ice cream or whatever. And we're inside the store to get ice cream. and he gets a call from his mom, and he, like, steps away from me.

Starting point is 00:11:34 So I couldn't hear her on the phone, but he just hangs up and he goes, my mom was really frantic, and she said that your mom called her, and it's an emergency, and you need to go home right now. And I was like, okay. I was like, this is really weird, but okay. And now I'm thinking, can they not find my dad? Like, that's what I thought. I was like, did, like, something happened on his running?

Starting point is 00:11:53 Like, they can't find him? My sister called me again and was like, did you hear anything? And I was like, no. I was like, I'm sure everything's fine. like it's okay so we get in the car and all my stuff was at his house my school stuff my car and I just left there and we went home from there and we were like 20 minutes away and I was still calling them still texting them no one was telling me anything and he was like I'm sure everything's fine and I was like I don't know like the closer we got the more I was like is he in the hospital like did

Starting point is 00:12:24 something happen like I still only knew that he went on a run and they couldn't find him And once we're like 15 minutes away from my house, I was like, my boyfriend's name is Jay. And I was like, Jay, my brain is going to that he is dead. And he was like, really? I was like, I don't know why. I had like this small little inkling. I was like, my mom would tell me something and she's telling me nothing and something's wrong.

Starting point is 00:12:54 When once Adam confirmed that it was Dan, I was like, all right, we had to go back to my house. And I actually, before we left, I called Enid, which is Jay's mom. And I said, Enid, this is an emergency. I need you to get Delini home. I didn't know where Delaney was. So I actually told her to drive her home. I didn't know that they were out at that time. And then I called my father-in-law. And I was like, hey, Dan's been in an accident. And I'm pretty sure I told him that he passed away. But it was like also. whatever. I was like, just get to my house. And they never let you down on the scene. No, I tried to go down there a couple of times and they were like, no, you're not going down there. And so this was all, like literally the first time I looked at the clock was 617. I was walking out my door at 620. Like, I was down there and I knew we weren't down there but 15, 20 minutes. Like all of that. It seemed obviously forever when you're like standing there, but like it was quick. Like when I look back on it and I'm like, it was really fast. So I go back home, me and my mom, and we left her car down there. And I was like,

Starting point is 00:14:05 just handed it to the police. I said, please get my mom's car back to my house, whatever. So my mom and I drove back to my house. And I had to break the news to my two youngest that were there, which was horrible. And I mean, my, that's like a whole other thing. But my younger two are adopted. We fostered and adopted them so we had only had them for six years. So it was just all these things are going through my head. My daughter was 15 and like we got her when she was nine and it's just like oh my gosh, like how how can this happen? And then Delaney came in and it was just chaotic at my house. It was just I don't even I don't remember a lot of things. My mom started making phone calls and And then my Delaney came in next.

Starting point is 00:14:59 We pulled up to the house and I didn't know like what they were doing. So I called my mom and I was like, we're here. And she was like, okay. And I'm get out of the car and they open the front door. And it's like my mom opened the door. My mom's staying there. I remember this clear to say. My mom opened the door.

Starting point is 00:15:13 My mom was staying there. And then my two younger siblings are staying there and they're just bawling. And I was like, what happened? Like I don't even make it in the house. And I was like, what happened? And my mom was like, your dad was running and was hit by a car. I think that's what she said. And I like fell to the ground and I was like, what?

Starting point is 00:15:35 And I sat up and I was like, wait, where is he? Like I thought he was in a hospital. And my mom was like, he died. He's dead. And she like starts just breaking down. And I think I started crying, but I was like so confused. And like she said, it was like all so fast. So I think I got in the house.

Starting point is 00:15:53 house and then like my dad's um my dad's dad's dad showed up and so that was all so quick but i i remember i just like went in and i think i grabbed my younger brother and then like i grabbed my sister and we'd like sat in like like on the couch and part of our house and literally sat there for like 15 minutes and we all just cried then it was more of like uh oh crap we i have a so i have we have four kids together I have a 24-year-old boy and then Delaney's 19 and when I have a 15-year-old and then, well, she's 16 now and 9 now. But so we are all over the spectrum with kids. My oldest is in the Navy in Japan. So when they start getting the phone tree going, I was like, hold on a minute.

Starting point is 00:16:46 Like there was somebody at my house that was calling all these people and I was like, hold on a second. because like my son doesn't know. And he was in Japan, so it was opposite time frame. So it was evening for us. And it was starting his day in Japan. So when he, and he worked on the naval ship, like he worked, his office was on the ship. So once he entered the ship, his phone didn't work. It was like he would go into a black hole.

Starting point is 00:17:09 I didn't have his desk number. So I called, so I had to call the Red Cross because I know. needed my son to know and like the rumor mills going and I'm like oh my gosh like I cannot have my son read this on social media so the Red Cross probably got and I told them like I didn't want them to tell him what happened to his dad I was like I want to be the one to tell him just he needs to call his mom that's all the message you need to get he'll know by the Red Cross telling him something so we got the call at like midnight 1230 from my son and then he was like mom and I'm all are you who are you with like I'm

Starting point is 00:17:56 trying to make sure he's okay and he was like stop talking I I know something happened and he said his gut feeling told him it was his dad or Delaney like he was like that's what I immediately went to and he was like I know it's bad when the Red Cross comes like what happened so I had to tell him that you know his dad was killed and it was just horrible just horrible and he's in Japan so my husband died on a Wednesday and they were able to fly him home on a straight through flight because I was like, try to get him a straight through flight. I don't want him having connecting flights like coming back here. He's already got to fly by himself. So they were able to get him a straight through flight to Newark, New Jersey. We know a couple people. So we got him a police escort from Newark, New Jersey,

Starting point is 00:18:38 to our house in Townsend. So he was home on Friday. And my sister-in-law, my husband has a sister and we obviously called her and she's in Oklahoma because she is retired military. And so she flew in the next day. And then it was just our house was filled with. We knew a lot of people. Like I said, we owned a very successful roofing company in our area. And my husband was just very, he was just a well-known, well-liked man. Like he was just, he thrived off of relationships.

Starting point is 00:19:16 and community. Yeah, community. So then we went, it just, and those days leading up like the next couple of days, it was like nobody could sleep, nobody could eat. And like we just had like, I mean, an outpouring of food and people and food. We had to get a second fridge, a freezer, a third. It was a third. We have two freezers in our basement and then a freezer upstairs. connected to our fridge and we got was it a freezer or a fridge fridge fridge and freezer it was a whole nother refrigerator in our garage yeah it was it was crazy but i didn't want to make any arrangements until my son was right back so once he got back on friday then we did everything the next day on saturday and it was just the whole like i don't know the whole experience is just like

Starting point is 00:20:09 it's very surreal like it's your entire world changes in the matter of like seconds. Yeah. And it was like you feel crazy. You're like, is this, did this really happen? Am I just going to wake up from a dream? And then obviously like lack of sleep. You just, there's so many emotions. And like I have four people looking at me. Like, you know, how are we going to walk this road? And I, my husband was a hard ass. And so I was like, I sat my kids down and I'm like, listen, this. This is, these are the cards that were dealt. Like, it's, it's so, like, it just, there's so many things that it's just, like, life is a gift. And we're all promised death.

Starting point is 00:21:01 Like, that is one promise you have in this world. And, like, I just am like, we had, like, an amazing life. We, like, he loved to travel. He loved fitness. Like, it was, he lived for me in the kids. And like we started dating when I was 15 and he was 16. And like, so we were high school sweethearts. We had our oldest son when I was a junior in high school and he was a senior.

Starting point is 00:21:31 He just was like a hard, hard worker from, I mean, he practically lived on his own from the time he was 15. His mom left the marriage when he was 13. his dad got into a new relationship and moved out of the house, I think, when he was like 15 or 16. So he basically lived there by himself and he would get up every day, go to school. And, I mean, he'd have friends. Literally, he would tell people this. My friends would be sleeping on my bedroom floor and I would step over on them to go to school while they're, you know, hanging out sleeping on the floor.

Starting point is 00:22:04 He, you know, worked really hard. He, we went to a vocational high school. And he did sprinkler pipe. And so he got a job doing that for like 10 years. But he always like he took all the on call stuff. And he always did stuff on the side. Like whatever he could do, build decks, finish basements, like whatever. And then we in 2011, we started the roofing company.

Starting point is 00:22:35 And he chased the passion. Like he just, like he loved helping people. And he would always say that like it's like a huge investment to put a roof on your house. And it started out as a construction company and then quickly honed into just roofing, like roofing, siding windows and doors. And it was his whole, like that business was he had so, it brought him so much joy. And he just like we were like, the company was like its own family. So he, we grew the company. And I think in, 2015 is when he quit his full-time job and went full-time with the business. And I have never known someone to love work the way he loved his work.

Starting point is 00:23:25 Like even now, like as I'm in college and like I'm, I aspire to love my job as much as he loved his job. Like he loved us so much. But don't think for a second that he wouldn't compromise days. Like Easter, he'd be like, okay, we're doing brunch at 12 at 1. I'm leaving to go run appointments for the rest of the day. And it wasn't even about like, I want to sell this job to get the money. It was I want to help this person.

Starting point is 00:23:49 I want to make this person happy. Like he would come home and he wouldn't be like, guess how much I sold the roof for? He'd be like, I heard about this person's story today. Like their kid is in the military. Their kid is doing this. Like he knew their whole life story. He would sit there as long as it took just to build the relationship so they could trust him to put their roof on or do whatever.

Starting point is 00:24:09 and he loved it. He would wake up in the morning. And like she said, he loved fitness. Like, he would incorporate that to work. He would run to the office in the morning. How far as the office? I think it was like 13 miles or something? He would run, he would run over a bridge, bike over a bridge, and get to work, shower at 4 a.m. and then work and wouldn't come home until 8 o'clock at night sometimes. Like, he loved his work. He quit his job in 2015. He was like, I'm quitting today. And I did hate, I was like always did. hair at home. Like I had a salon in my basement. And I also went to college and was an x-ray tech for, I think, like, five years. But I never did it full time. I always like took care of the house,

Starting point is 00:24:49 took care of the kids. And he worked full time. And I always did part-time stuff and did hair at home around my kids schedule. But it was like, that's what we did. And I always ran all the back end stuff for the business. He like was front facing running appointments, dealing with the customers. But I was like keeping the books, billing all of that stuff. But I was like, my gosh, you quit your job. Like, we're full time with this. And he's like, yeah, babe, we know, we're going to ride the wave. And if it crashes, we'll get jobs.

Starting point is 00:25:16 So I was like, all right, okay. So it was like we, you know, took a leap of faith. And the business just, when you chase the passion, the dollars come. Like, I feel like, and that's what he did. We had a storm one year on Christmas Day. And somebody's roof like fell in and they called our emergency line. And he called up a couple of the guys. And he was like, all right, I'm going to, you know, it was 12 o'clock, whatever.

Starting point is 00:25:42 He was like, I'm going to go help these people. Like, they need us. Like, we have to go help. Their roof fell in. It's Christmas. So those are the kind of things that he would do. And he just had so many relationships with people. And that was like, I mean, he would build, develop friendships from an appointment.

Starting point is 00:26:02 Like, we met our financial advisor from him selling him a roof. Like, it was everything. was like, oh, I met this, I met this guy today. He just would come home with the craziest stories, ideas. Like, he was always, like, wanted to give us as much experiences in life, too, as, like, he could. And that's, like, what he lived for us. Like, he would always say, if it weren't for you and the kids, like, I wouldn't be doing

Starting point is 00:26:32 all this, running all this, you know, craziness. Because it obviously comes with stressors. too. I'm Anna Garcia, host of True Crime News, the podcast. Every week we bring you in-depth coverage on cases making headlines, as well as those that go under the radar. Tune in for murders that defy explanation, mystery seeking exploration, and shocking secrets that will leave you breathless. Each week, we honor the victims by going beyond the salacious in our search for justice. Crime never stops, and neither do we. Listen to True Crime News available now wherever you get your podcasts. And you're busy, not stop.

Starting point is 00:27:11 Yes. But at the same time, it was his fulfillment. Yeah, I don't think you would ever, your dad would have never stopped working. No. Like he... He would talk about retirement, but he, no, he would have did something. He definitely... Guys like that, they can't, I don't think they know how to stop.

Starting point is 00:27:26 No. Like, I think that's their drive. Yes. It's amazing. We would, we joke about this all the time. We like to go out. We like to have fun. We like to go on trips, but we also need our recharge time.

Starting point is 00:27:38 my dad once every two months would lay on the couch and take a nap like he would be like okay i have our weekends planned out we're going to go to like it would be monday and he's like friday we're going to go to new york for the day like you're not going to school you're not going to school we're going to go to new york for the day we're going to go to we're going to go hike some trail that i found online for six miles he took my younger siblings one day on thanksgiving to go run was it six eight miles eight miles my how old was our day six no maybe he was like like seven. He was eight because it was that November. Okay. So he was eight and my sister was 15. They all three were weight vests and they ran the morning of Thanksgiving. Yeah, around a

Starting point is 00:28:19 pond and it was eight miles. Yeah. He was just, he never needed time to sit down. He would come home from a full day and be like, we're going to go out to dinner with these people. Yeah. And he was just always like positive and everything like he had his crazy side too. I'm not, I'm not going to, we, it wasn't perfect. But he was very much like just always be better, do better. And he just instilled just that those qualities in our kids. And he was one of a kind. That is for sure. One of a kind. And it's really, it's horrible what happened to us. But like, I'm thankful for, like, you got to be thankful, right? You got a cup half full because I'm like, when someone passes away, it's like, Like, you are, like, you feel like you died too, but you're here breathing, living still.

Starting point is 00:29:14 And, like, we deserve to, like, be happy, have joy, keep living. And I'm like, if one thing I know, like, he would not want us sitting around not living our life and continuing on and moving to the next chapter. Because he would say, like, you know, when people die, like, it is, you got to keep on going. not you can't just roll over and die and it's sad and like I will say like we lost an employee six months before Dan passed away and he had worked for us for I think around five years and you know we were like a family at the company and that he was 39 years old the guy when he passed and my husband was 40 and it was like when he passed Dan was like oh my gosh it really like set little bit into perspective for him like wow you can be here today gone tomorrow and you know he had a

Starting point is 00:30:17 wife and three kids and it was just i think it hit him so hard because they were our are our age they had children like a lot of things just set him into like you know live life to the fullest don't you know what i mean don't have any holdbacks because you you don't you don't know. Yeah, I think it just, for Dan, it just made him like, because the company always came before everything, us, our marriage, our kids, anything, the company came before it, which is why it probably was so successful, is so successful. But once we lost our employee, it was kind of like he was he didn't stop like having the business come before everything but he did like I feel like it it gave him a different outlook on life like okay my kid like he used to say like I don't ever want to

Starting point is 00:31:20 die and the kids be like I worked all the time like all my dad did was work work work work work which he did but he loved his kids well and they all I mean they all say that now like they it's not and I think too there's a difference between working and being miserable and working and, you know, coming, like you guys said, coming home and telling these stories and seeing how much you would connect with people. Because there's not enough people that genuinely want to connect with people. I feel like nowadays so many people and so many things are so transactional. Just like get it done, do it or whatever. Like I think it means a lot to people.

Starting point is 00:31:53 I mean, that's how you maintain and create relationships. And that's how, I mean, that is why it was successful. People would probably, if anyone heard that they needed something, it's like, oh, that's who you call. You know, it's like, and that's why that's the way it should be. Yeah, it was, that definitely was him. Yeah. And they've said this before. Their biggest, their biggest lead was always word of mouth referrals.

Starting point is 00:32:17 Neighbors telling neighbors about whoever came out to sell them the job and just how awesome they were and how nice they were and you need to call this company. Like, it was always word of mouth. And he, it's like, I feel like we, a lot of people can't work with their spouse. And we had a really good. It wasn't always like that. We, you know, we learned. But being together so young, I just feel like we kind of grew to be our own. And with the business, like, I mean, we worked together and obviously lived together, raised kids together, did life together. Everything we did was together. I talked to that man all day long. We were friends. I mean, Not a lot. I mean, that's important, but not a lot of people in relationships. We just had a connection on a level that I feel like isn't. I mean, we all know people and not a lot of marriages. People do things separately. You know, they. Yeah. And I, I just like, he truly was my best friend. He, you know, he was a great dad. He was a great husband. And even through, you know,

Starting point is 00:33:25 nothing's perfect. Through all the bad times, like you, we just always came back to our foundation. We had, you know, two children young. I had my, we had our oldest son, little Danny, when I was 16, and then I had Delaney when I was just turned 21. And we did everything backwards. We had the kid, then bought the house, then got married. But we weathered the storm. Like, that's a lot to, like, be together so young. And you just go through so many changes in life from, you know, teenager to 25, you know, so like we were able to weather the storm and we had some hiccups in the road. And then when my kids were, I guess, 12 and 16, I always wanted like a big family. And he was like fine with our son. When we had our son, he was like, we don't ever have to have another kid.

Starting point is 00:34:23 And I was like, yes, we do. We're having another one. And I was like, Lord, give me a girl because I know he won't have anymore. So then when they were like, like I said, 12 and 16, we were talking about it more. We had some people at our, at my church that had adopted. We knew like he was like, we talked about like we're young, we're in our 30s. And I was like, I'm not, I just didn't feel done. And he was like, well, we're not having a baby, but we can adopt. And I was like, oh, don't tell me twice. I signed us up for the foster care classes. And, and, And he was like, you know, and this is like kind of funny, but we're obviously white. And in foster care, there's a lot of like black and white.

Starting point is 00:35:11 Like that is what the, do I need to be politically correct? No. Okay. So when we went into this, we just felt like I did a lot of praying on this adoption thing. And I was, I don't know why I kept coming to Hispanic children. And I kept saying like, too, we're going to get. a boy and a girl and my husband was like you are out of your mind we're not he was he was fine like he was same thing with the Hispanic and he was like I he felt that too but he wanted one boy

Starting point is 00:35:38 I was like okay whatever so we tell the foster care place where like this is what and they're like yeah we don't really want to like take your money but um there's not a lot of Spanish and I was like it's fine like this is what we feel if it doesn't work out it's not your fault We're like we get it. So it's kind of weird how they do it. But they send you basically like a little profile on the child and or children. And it says a little like literally probably 10 sentences and a picture. And you you can put in like all parameters.

Starting point is 00:36:15 Like if you want what type of abuse or what you can and can't handle disability wise. Like there's a lot of things. So we got sent children, whatever. we were actually looking into, there were two boys from Ohio that we were, we had put in for whatever to foster them. And we were really close. Yeah. And it was like a lot of people put in for these kids.

Starting point is 00:36:42 And we made it to like the top three families. And we got sent our kids profile, the two that we ended up adopting. And I called my social worker. And I was like, I want to say yes, but like, we're all, we're almost to the top with these boys. And they were like, if you say yes to these two kids that you just got sent, it makes them go away. So, and we felt like because we made it so far, because it was like a lot of, we have made it through like three rounds of families. And this was in August of 2017. And so we said no to our now children.

Starting point is 00:37:21 And we never got those two boys. We didn't make it to the final round, whatever. They picked another family. And I get it. Like they have to, the goal is they want to make sure you're as much of a fit as the kids are for you as you are for the children. So I was like crazy, whatever. Then November of 2017, we got sent those kids again.

Starting point is 00:37:45 And I called my husband and I was like, Dan, I know you only wanted one boy. But those kids came back across like, this is totally good. God, like, these are our kids. And he was like, make the phone call. There are our kids. So in November, they had said to us like, hey, you're probably not going to get them until February of 2018 because however the stuff was working out, blah, blah, blah, blah. Okay, no problem. Give us a little time to prepare. They would have, they like you to like kind of meet the kids and then maybe have an overnight. They try to transition it in, you know, in like the best way possible. Well, on, December 11th of 2017, we got a phone call that the kids were being put out of their foster home

Starting point is 00:38:34 and we had a four-hour notice. We were to come pick them up at the state building in Dover. And I was like... Was that before you even met them? Yeah. We never met them, nothing. Like, we didn't hear anything because we weren't supposed to get them until February. Right.

Starting point is 00:38:50 So the next month they call us and they're like, they're being put out of their foster home. A just turned two-year-old and a nine-year-old. And they both had lice. That's why they were getting put out of their foster home. I'm like, that is, which was crazy to me because I'm like, it's lice. It's not you treat it and move along. Right. So whatever.

Starting point is 00:39:11 So it was raining. I will never forget it because we were walking around Walmart and Dan's like, what? I'm like, we got to get clothes. We don't have anything. So we get all this stuff and just totally. like perspective. My car was in the shop. We had just had our kitchen gutted. Like we had no kitchen. Everything was gutted because we were getting our kitchen redone. And I'm like, all right. All right, God, we're locked in. We're doing it. So we drive down. It's pouring down rain. They're Spanish, by the way.

Starting point is 00:39:43 I forgot to say that. They're both Mexican. And we get to the state building. We go in and my son had a dirty diaper. So I had a change his diaper. And I had a melt. down while changing his diaper. I just started crying because it was like reality hit me. Like, holy crap, we're taking these kids home. And I just start crying. And Dan comes in and he's like, get it together. We're going to be fine. And I was like, all right. All right. So we get him all cleaned up. And we get in the car. And I'm like, oh my gosh. So we get in the car and my daughter's nine. And I'm like, honey, you know, you can call us whatever you want. Like, I'm sure you're probably scared.

Starting point is 00:40:23 Like, and it was just so, and she was. She never, like, cried because she's like a pretty tough kiddo. But she was like, um, decided she wanted to call me Miss D.D. And my husband, Mr. D. So just so innocent, sweet little, my son didn't really talk at the time. He had to get speech therapy, but he really didn't speak much at all. And but my daughter, it was just so like, I don't know, it's the coolest experience. Those kids changed our lives just as much as we change theirs.

Starting point is 00:41:00 Like, they have brought like such a different perspective on life and our family to my husband. Like my son, my youngest son was Dan's. The light of his life. Yeah. Like he lived for that boy. And it's crazy because my kids were 12 and 16, so they remember how their dad was when they were little or whatever. And, you know, when you have a kid at he was 16 and 22 versus mid-30s, like, you're just at a different, you're, you just are different. So he was just more patient, calm and he just lived for that baby.

Starting point is 00:41:37 He took him everywhere. He did everything with him. Like, that was his little sidekick all the time. Yeah. And I think it's really cool. amazing too that you and your husband were able to go through such different life experiences together. But not many people can do that and grow together, you know, with all those years, which I think

Starting point is 00:41:59 is so cool because you get to see different sides of each other. Mm-hmm. It definitely. And those kids were, it was hard at first, obviously. My son was fine. Yeah, I was going to say, how long did it take for them to really warm up, would you say? My son was kind of like, I don't, if you, because we kind of beat our kids to death with it. Like, we're like, for like a year.

Starting point is 00:42:23 We were like, all right, we think we're going to adopt. We think we're going to adopt. And it was so talked about. They have to come and, like, interview each person of the family. So like a woman came in and she were like sitting there and she's like, so like, what do you guys think? And we were so used to it. We're like, yeah, like we're ready for this. Like, yeah.

Starting point is 00:42:37 We didn't think it was anything crazy. We're like, we've been talked about this for a year. Like, we know what we're getting herself. Yeah. I just wanted them to be prepared because she went. from being the baby to basically the middle child for two years. And then my son joined the military. So then she went to be the oldest.

Starting point is 00:42:54 So it was a lot of, you know, my son is just his personality is just a little bit different. He was fine. Like he kind of looked at it as it's taking the looks off of me. I'm 16. You can look at this baby now. Like you're, you know what I mean? You're off my back where Delaney was kind of like she was the baby. You know what I mean?

Starting point is 00:43:13 And now there is a baby. So it was harder on her. She, like, you know, had some moments of, like, she was sad, but she would look at me and be like, I don't want to send them back, but I just, I want my mom back, you know, so. I remember this because we had the two-year-old and the nine-year-old due to, like, her background. She lived with her mom until she was seven and then was in foster care for two years. So due to all that, I think her coming into her home and, like, my mom. mom constantly told them she was like I plan for you guys to be here forever like we want to adopt you and in the early days I think she really clung to that so like my mom carried her around on her

Starting point is 00:43:55 hip like she was also like a baby in that way like she needed to be like really cared for so I remember when that was happening I was like whoa what is going on right what am I chopped liver yeah and you were still young too you know so it's like even though I think you can be super prepared for something mentally, but then until you're in it, you don't really know. But I'm sure it was so helpful for, you know, those kids as well to have you and to have that dynamic as well. Yeah. To have that sibling, you know, just kind of built in. Yeah. And it was really, before we adopted them, I mean, we both had, like I had, I always had really good relationship with my mom and my dad both. But my brother did wrestling and I did competitive cheer for a long time. And so it was a lot of, like,

Starting point is 00:44:45 mom would take my mom would take me away on my competitions and my dad would go to wrestling and they would like tag team so I was like really tight with my mom I was always with her like she has been always will be is my best friend like she was with me all the time so that was hard to transitioning to that and like we ended up just always taking my little brother with me and my sister went with my dad like it was just like It changed and it was a little hard in the first couple months. But like she said, I never wanted to like send them back. And it's funny, hindsight is 2020. But they have just always felt like normal.

Starting point is 00:45:26 It never was weird. Like it was never like, like this is abnormal. It has from my memory always felt like these are my siblings. And you can't imagine like without them. Yeah. That's amazing. And they obviously look different. than us, you know, and my daughter, my little guy, he doesn't know any different. He knows he's

Starting point is 00:45:48 adopted, but he doesn't know, like, any different. And my daughter would be like, people are looking at us. And I'm like, so what? Do you care like that we look? That's their problem. Yeah. And she's like, no. And I'm like, then who cares? Smile out. I'm going to keep a question. And now it's funny because I'm Italian and my daughter's Mexican, but some people will tell her she looks just like me. And she laughs. I was sitting here and I was going to say, like I, because I feel like I, you could, you look like you could be like maybe his ban. Yes. And I've gotten that. Yeah. So it's like it wouldn't be so far off. Yeah. And so we just, I mean, we, you know, we chalk it up and laugh. But one funny story I was at. So I always did cheer. My husband, he thought cheer was not a sport. And so I would always go to cheer. And when we, we talked before we got the kids. And I was like, you know, if this is her, Delaney and my thing, doing. the cheer competitions, I don't want to invade that when we get the kids. So like we had discussed

Starting point is 00:46:47 this. My mom was supportive. So if Delaney was cool with it, we'd bring the kids, but sometimes we wouldn't. So we left them with my husband one weekend. Oh, this is like very new too. Yeah. This was really early. This was like probably we had on, I don't know, a month, maybe two months. And my husband was a typical man. Like he just, the details weren't important to him. So we go on this cheer competition, we're in Rhode Island, and my husband calls me and he's like, Danielle, RJ is my little guy's name. He fell and busted his head open. And I'm like, what? And he's like, I'm going to the ER and he's sending us pictures. There's blood everywhere. He split his eyebrow open. Quite a few inches long. Yeah, it was probably an inch and a half long gash in his head. He had,

Starting point is 00:47:35 I don't know, 10 stitches or something. And he's like, I'm at AI Hospital and I'm in there like, looking at Maribel, my nine-year-old, what's his birthday? He said, these people probably think, but he, you know, it was like brand new and he's like, oh my gosh, he didn't have no medical card and nothing. And I just am like, oh my gosh, leave it to you. He's like, these people probably think we're crazy. But it was just funny and humbling experience for him. But like he had to deal with all that. And it's just, I'm just like, you, you were made for this. Go. These people probably think you're nuts. That is so funny. But really, he just was, he was an amazing person. And I would say, like, you know, it was a year in January. And we went through so many, like, I can see why they

Starting point is 00:48:27 say don't make any big decisions the first year, because I, no exaggeration, probably from January to September, I felt like I was living in a fog. Like, I didn't, there were a lot of days. Like, I was like, am I crazy? Like, what's happening? You know, we all definitely went back to the new reality kind of quickly. My kids wanted, my younger two, wanted to go back to school. So they probably went back to school a week later.

Starting point is 00:49:03 which I was like, whatever you guys want to do is fine. I went back to work probably five days later. But again, I had a job. And people don't care when, I mean, unfortunately, the world keeps turning. The turn around time is quick. It's like when you hear about something, it's like for other people, I feel like it's very in the moment shock. But then everybody's living their own life.

Starting point is 00:49:27 It does keep going. Exactly. My mom lived with us for three months. My sister-in-law came to town on a one-way ticket. And she's like, my godsend. She's like the fun aunt. She's the cool aunt. She breaks my rules.

Starting point is 00:49:43 Like my kids think that she's like, I mean, she's truly a gift to us. And she's this hilarious and funny. And she works from home. So she was able to just get a one-way ticket. And she really, like in the early days, we were told the next day, I think, our pastor and his wife came to her house and they told her they said people are going to say dumb things to you like we you should know that and boy did they people said some stupid things that were almost like insults about my dad to my mom and it's early days like you have no energy to like

Starting point is 00:50:22 cause a scene and be like why would you say that so we just kept it pushing but people said dumb things and a lot of the times like especially like planning the funeral during the funeral like during the days of people being in our house if we needed something my aunt was right there ready to tell whoever to leave to not come back to anything don't speak yeah don't say anything during the funeral she was like you need to move you need to go here you need to go here like she was she definitely yeah she helped a lot and it was especially like through the funeral like I don't know if this is morbid or whatever, but we planned, like, as best we could for something like this to happen. And we talked about death. I mean, he, my kids knew my husband's wishes

Starting point is 00:51:11 and, you know, his, he would, because he talked about it. Like, we didn't obviously expect this to happen. But like, we taught, he would say, you know, if I die first, I want to be cremated and I want you to put me in little bags and you better continue to travel and sprinkle me around the world. and we would go to funerals and he would always say like, don't, I don't like that on display stuff. Like he was like, if you need to view me, he was like you and whoever you think can view my body, but I don't want to be on display for everyone to look at me. And he's like, if I didn't have relationships with people when I was alive, no, I don't want them coming to view me when I'm dead.

Starting point is 00:51:49 Like so my sister-in-law knew all that. I have two adult children. So like, and my mom was a big, huge. help like with it all and I mean it was you know he was like a child to my mom you know we were together for so long and he was a kid when she met him yeah so we had some hiccups at this mom was estranged yeah his mom was I mean she was at the funeral because I'm not rude like that but he didn't speak to his mom but he just it's crazy to see like what he came you know like what you can of a life. You know what I mean? And we fulfilled his wishes. I mean, we went to the funeral home

Starting point is 00:52:32 and I said, I was referred to this funeral home, which I would recommend to anyone in our area. It was like, it's funny because it's like, who wants to rave about a funeral home? But the man that we had to help plan this funeral was amazing. Like, they had each other's numbers and he would text her like every day. Like he was just, he was amazing. And he wanted it to be. perfect you know what I mean and like so and obviously I've never planned a funeral before so I knew like certain things like I you know I went in there and I was like so this is that you know and he was like okay you got it you know kind of I'm a type A personality though I'm a planner I'm like I don't no mess like that's just get it done like I understand this is sad but I don't need to be here all day

Starting point is 00:53:20 at this table planning this funeral like here's what we want here's my kids my father-in-law was there my sister-in-law and my mom and I was like this is what we want whatever so and it was he did a wonderful job he did um they don't really put stuff in the paper these days they put it online and he did call us at one point and he was like Danielle and I was like yeah and he was like my funeral home only holds I think it was a max 300 people and I was like funny okay and he was like so it's only been up for an hour the obituary online and it's had like a thousand shares yeah and he was like I don't think you realize like that's that's a lot and obviously he's the he owns the funeral home he knows and he was like so we might want to consider having it somewhere

Starting point is 00:54:11 else and I was like okay this is way too much for me to handle right this is too complicated yeah I'm like we already put it out like we have to it was fine it we didn't change it I passed that buck to my sister-in-law. And I was like, here, if you can figure this out, otherwise leave it. But it ended up, you can talk about that. Once we, once he told us that, it's actually really funny, because we would wake up every day. We would stalk the obituary and we would see how many. I think it was 14,000.

Starting point is 00:54:39 Wow. Yeah, it got up to 14,000 shares. Yes. That's crazy. Which is weird. We ended up having it, what is it called when you, like a live fee? We ended up doing that because the funeral. home could only hold the 300 so we opened up a firehouse where we were having the luncheon

Starting point is 00:54:58 for people to go there and it was live streamed and then people could watch it at home but and the so the funeral home it was at was like right next to other buildings so there's like a parking lot and then it goes out to like a road and then there's a huge church over here how many people shut up we had over 1,200 I think it was like 600 at the funeral line I was going to say so the The line started, like we had the viewing for our small intimate like 15, 20 people group before so the doors were closed. The line started before the doors opened. The line wrapped around the building through that road and into the parking lot of the church. And people sat there and waited to come inside. People waited for like two hours to come in. It was and it's crazy because my husband

Starting point is 00:55:42 would say this too. He was such a, I'm like, I like, I tease and say it was like bigheaded. But he would say like, man, if I died, I wonder who would come to my funeral. And he had said that to my mom. And my mom was like, well, you would be super pumped about your funeral. Look at all these people. Right. Like it was, and it's funny because people said we had all the boards, you know, and pictures. And I could go on for hours and hours and hours of just all the experiences we had. And people actually said this to me. They were like, man, you got a lot of pictures here, like of you and him and you, you know, him and the kids, and da-da-da. And people were like, we need to start taking pictures.

Starting point is 00:56:29 Because I don't think I'd have this many pictures to put up at a funeral or whatever. And it just, I'm a picture taker of all things. So partially, like, that's, you know, I credit myself to that. But it is, he lived. And I say, like, that is our blessing from God is, he lived a full. life in his short time. But it was so full because it was so short. And I think like we had our, you know, we had a lot. I mean, we, I didn't realize how many people that we knew until, you know, what I mean? Something like this happened or how many lives that we've touched because,

Starting point is 00:57:12 I mean, people usually, you know, just put it a little in perspective. What do people get food for a week or two? I mean, we were getting food three, four, five months later. I was still getting food brought to my house. We had people checking in on us, people stopping by. Like, it was. Still to this day, I have people that I don't really talk to. Text me and ask me how I'm doing. The support.

Starting point is 00:57:36 And, I mean, people came to the funeral. And my, like, as I'm on this podcast, talking about my life, were pretty private people. My husband was the same way. and like we had a little meeting my kids I was like we're not like we're not crying at the funeral like I you know I'm like because my two adult kids they spoke at the funeral and I was like yeah she I want to say this when we were planning it um the guy helping us he was like so like we'll do speeches here if anyone wants to speak and I remember like me my brother were like spent to my mom we're like yeah we want to speak and she was like are you serious she was like I don't want to speak and I was like

Starting point is 00:58:16 yeah, no, like we want to speak and she'll joke and she feel like you are your father's children in that way. But she's, again, type A, she was like, you need to type up your speech. You need to print it out a piece of paper and you're going to stand in front of the living room and you're going to practice in front of all of us. Yeah, we did. And that's what we did because I was like, well, that and people want to hear what you have to say. Like I wrote his eulogy and actually the Delaware State Trooper that I said was on scene with me. He read it at the funeral. But my, My kids, I was like, people want to hear what you have to say. So we're not going to be up there crying.

Starting point is 00:58:51 Like, so read it, read it, read it. And they did. And it is like, it's just who we are, right? Like, we're not. I'm like, get it together. Right. Say it with confidence. Yes.

Starting point is 00:59:01 They're so tough. We talk about this too. My dad was a straight up man in this way. Probably saw him cry twice in his whole life. Like they were, she never would let me see her cry. And not, it's not that we don't show emotion. It's just a, because I don't want to sit here and act like people can't cry because we've all shed way more tears in this year than I probably have my whole life. But it's just how we, you know what I mean?

Starting point is 00:59:27 Very mentally tough. Yeah. And I had that in. And I think that's really good to have, you know, like to be able to stand there and reflect on moments like that. I think it shows a different type of strength, you know. And everybody grieves and heals differently. Some people can't help it. they just cry.

Starting point is 00:59:46 Yes. And that's fine too. But I do think that it shows, like I said, a different type of strength. And it's people envy that. And that's incredible to be able to have that and to be able to reflect on, you know, the amazing times. And I look at it as holding it together for everybody else around you, which is, that's okay, too. And it's funny because I feel like I get my strength.

Starting point is 01:00:15 from, I pressed into my faith more than ever when my husband passed away because how people do it without God, I don't know. But I had four people looking at me on how we're going to navigate this road. And for me, I was like, no, I cannot lay in that bed and cry my life away because my four kids are going to do that. Like, they're going to act by my actions. So for me, I felt like I had to, you got to, you have to keep going. And I just, my husband would have been the same way had the roles been reversed. Like, it probably would have been even extra tough. Like, my kids know, like, we all communicate. Like, they are very, my kids know, like, you talk about your feelings and, you know, it's okay to cry. We're always going to miss him. He's never going to go away in our lives, you know, in our hearts. And, but we're, we are going to. going to be strong too. And so at the funeral, that's where it started. Like, they knew. Like, I was like, we, you know, we're not going to. And I wanted people to hear what they had to say about their dad. Like, he was an amazing man. And I'm like, people want to hear that. So we're not,

Starting point is 01:01:29 we can't, you know, boohoo. And we, you know, had our times at the house. And that's okay. But so I just I'm like, I think everything he would have been like very, you know, proud of the funeral. And It was, you know, we had our intimate little bit of time. It got a little, people started showing up early. They had to have bodyguards at the door where the casket was. And I was like, all right, we got to shut this down now because this is getting too many people in here. But it was. I want to touch on something.

Starting point is 01:01:58 Go ahead. For the viewing, I just think this is a cool touch. He had, the guy was like, so he has abrasions on his hands and they're noticeable. He had tattooed hands. I don't know if they had anything to do with it. but I think it, I don't know, he had abrasion's on his hands. And he was like, he has to wear a hat too because they did an autopsy. And I think his hands should be covered for you guys.

Starting point is 01:02:21 He was like, I don't know if he has a good favorite blanket or what. So my dad's in a suit. He would hate this. My dad's in a suit. Which he loved. He loved a suit. Did you guys see his body? Yeah, we viewed him.

Starting point is 01:02:32 Okay. So, well, I didn't. I, so. She didn't. So they had it open. We all went in first and then any of the friends that were there went in. but I she went in with my brother and I was supposed to go with them and I opened the door and I turned it back around and I was like I don't I don't even like funerals like even when we go to other people's funerals I skip the line I don't like a dead body it grosses me out like I don't get it I'm I'll pay my respects from back here I went in the back of the funeral and I saw the tip of his nose and it was gray and I sat down and I was like that was enough for me so everyone else saw him but I didn't but I do like this touch so his hands had abrasions on him. and his head needed to be covered.

Starting point is 01:03:12 So they put him in his suit. He looked, I'm assuming great because he loved his suit. But he had a hat that was his favorite hat, but he was like, didn't wear like fedoras or anything. So the hat was a Philly's hat with like... Filles baseball cap. Yeah, with like New York City buildings on it. And there was his favorite hat in a suit.

Starting point is 01:03:32 Philadelphia. Okay. Philadelphia. Sorry. My gosh. And my mom was like, I don't know. don't think he would want a blanket on his hands. So we're spending like almost a day trying to figure out what we're going to put on his hands to cover them because we were like, he doesn't have a

Starting point is 01:03:48 favorite blanket, like he slept with a sheet. And we're going through boxes in the basement to go through albums. And somebody finds this American flag, like folded up. And I was like, what is this? And my dad's sister and her husband are both in the military in the Air Force. And they flew a flag over. They had it flown over somewhere and they like give them away in honor of whatever. So he had given us this flag years ago. Okay. And we had it in the box still and in the whatever in with the photo album.

Starting point is 01:04:27 So we used that to tuck his hands into just because he had so much respect for military, for like all of it. Like he would tell me if he ever saw him out like he would buy their food. he would do whatever like he just had so much respect when they were younger he tried to join he wanted to join any he wanted to go in the army but his sister said don't don't do that because your front lines he tried all the other branches and they turned him away for his tattoos he wanted like he thought it was amazing that my brother joined like he just had so much respect for like america and like all of it so he would have loved that right because when we were talking about

Starting point is 01:05:04 what what to put him in so he was hit um he was running on route 13 and then speed limit on that road is 55 miles an hour, but we're pretty sure the guy was speeding. And he was drunk. He was on a show of drugs. Okay. And he hit him from behind. And so I don't have all the details because the guy was arrested and then he ended up getting out whatever because apparently you don't go to jail for something like this right away. So yeah, I was going to ask you.

Starting point is 01:05:38 Like, did he get in trouble for it? So he was killed in January. The man didn't get arrested until August. So he is currently in prison. And he has a high cash bail. So he shouldn't be able to get out. Trial is set to start in July of this year. He will get offered a plea.

Starting point is 01:06:02 So we'll have to see how that goes. But he, We're assuming he probably landed maybe face down. I don't really know. That's what we're assuming. But so he had like a little scratch on his nose and on his hands. But I guess they autopsy is an automatic thing that they do. So it was like we joked about that a lot because I was like he and he had like a buzz haircut.

Starting point is 01:06:30 Like it was pretty short. And he had like light dirty blonde hair. Yeah. So they didn't. And I had made it very clear like if there's anything. I don't like I am this is going to be enough to view the body like we didn't want to view any so that's why he was like with his tattoos on his hands he was like you were going to cover the hands but he would have we do joke about that with the hat I'm like oh gosh he would be like what in the hell are you putting me in a hat and a suit but he loved when he could wear a suit like he didn't he didn't wear a suit for his job but he would like think that like he was be like I feel like a million bucks like he loved. to wear a seat. So I was like, all right, he's definitely going in a seat. And then we picked his favorite Philly's hat and the American flag was definitely a nice, a really nice touch for it.

Starting point is 01:07:20 How was it for you viewing his body? I thought at the time I needed to for closure, like to just because I didn't get to see his body that night. But once I seen it, I did not, I did not, I instantly was like I didn't I didn't need it for closure but I'm glad like it was kind of like we all had our own like I went in with my oldest and my sister-in-law and Delaney didn't she ended up staying in the back of the room and then like I had what three of his really good friends and their spouses and then like I had like three of his really good friends and their spouses and then like Your cousin. My cousin and her husband and my mom and his dad and his stepmom. And so after I went in, I just let people have their own, like I went out because I'm not, I'm like a, I was checking boxes. I was like, we just have to get through this.

Starting point is 01:08:24 Like, I think there's a reason why you do all this so fast because you're in like a numb state. And, you know, you go through so many, like, emotions. I went through periods of time where I feel like my most. mood was just sad for days and days and days. And I was like, oh my gosh, I cannot shake this. And I know, like, we instantly, I put everybody in therapy, except my oldest. He went once. And he was like, this isn't for me. And so. And he was only home for like three weeks. Six weeks. Six weeks. When he came home, the Red Cross was like, you're going to be home for two weeks. And my mom was like, that is not enough. And she called anybody she had to. And she was like, you need to extend

Starting point is 01:09:06 this. He, we, no. She was like, I haven't even started playing the funeral. He can't be home for two weeks. So they did it extended to sex week. It was nice. But. And we're just a tight knit family. Like, we, we are very close. Like, and even with my, my son, you know, being in Japan, like, he, funny to go back to what you said, you had that really nice conversation with your dad that day. Like, my son also did. Weird. I don't, you know. It's just like God's timing, I guess. But he also had a really nice conversation with his dad. And for whatever reason, my daughter Maribel was also home that day.

Starting point is 01:09:49 She must have not had school. And she also had a really nice conversation with her dad. So like, that isn't normal because she would normally be in school. So like it was just, I was glad for my kids. My youngest was in school. And he doesn't really understand that. kind of stuff. So it was fine. But it was just cool to like we all and then to know like I was his last call and I mean, it was quick and crazy because my kids were like screaming in the background.

Starting point is 01:10:17 But yeah, but it was yeah, it was like, all right, I love you. And I'll see you after this run. But it's just and I'll never know why. Like we ran on that road a million times. And the Sunday before he died, we went out on a run together and he went ahead of me because he had to do more miles and then I was going to meet up with him. And he ran on that road and actually called me and was like, Roo 13 is so dangerous. I don't want you running out here. So then he had me drive and meet him somewhere else to drop her off. Yeah. So I couldn't run on that road. So then the day that he was killed, he was on that road. And I was like, why in the heck did he? And he even said on the phone call with her, he was running and he was like, I don't know why I went this way.

Starting point is 01:11:05 I don't remember she was like there was so much craziness. Like we didn't even get into a conversation. But he said he was like, I don't know why I went this way. Why did I go this way? And it was just, I don't know, crazy. I always think about that too. When I see, you know, like when I'm on any type of, I mean, whether it's a neighborhood or backroads, I mean, because even with neighborhoods where the speed limit is only 30. I mean, it could be somebody distracted by their phone or distracted by anything.

Starting point is 01:11:32 But when I see people running and it's not like a size. walk or if I see people on their bikes and then you know when people have to pass I always think in my head like how scary it is because it you're so close even when you do go around people I get so nervous I'm like it could I mean they could do it every day and it takes one big gas well and he had like he ran with one Bluetooth because he would always be like um you need to hear right after your other ear you know and so I'm haunted by like did he hear like did you feel did you hear I don't know because I'm not because the guy hasn't been convicted yet, like there's witnesses because I'm, I haven't been able to talk to anyone. Like, I don't know any details. Yeah, there were, I think three, three witnesses or

Starting point is 01:12:17 something. He drove, like, for a while before he ended up hitting my dad. And like 30 minutes. Yeah. One woman actually followed him because it was erratic and she was concerned. There was a few 911 calls, but they've told us it's hard to get a call at point A. And he's already at point B and like trying to get a cop to meet where he's at. Because you don't know where they're going. Right. So, because I was like, why didn't somebody react, whatever? But, you know, they say it's hard to get a, like a speeding car.

Starting point is 01:12:49 You don't know where they're going. So at the end of the day, like, there's never going to be justice. He was, to me, I say only charged with manslaughter. And even that charge. It won't bring him back. No, that's what I'm saying. Like, what is justice? Right.

Starting point is 01:13:05 You know what I mean? Like, this man is going to go to jail for a couple years probably and get out and still be able to live with his family. And now he has to carry that around, obviously. But it's just, I don't know. I was, I had a lot of anger in the beginning. And I had to let it go because it was like eating me up. And I was just like, this is crazy. Like, I'm not in control of this.

Starting point is 01:13:30 It doesn't help you heal at all. No. And it doesn't. So I just, I had to let that go. and it's been, you know, good. And now I'm just to a point where, like, it's sad. Don't get me wrong. But I'm not in control of what justice is in our justice system.

Starting point is 01:13:50 Like, I'm not in control of that. So I have to let it be what it's going to be. And we're going to be there every step of the way. Like, we're going to be able to, you know, be at all of the. And it's just our personalities. She's a lot like me. And so. all the court hearings will be there.

Starting point is 01:14:07 They haven't, there haven't been, there was one other one, like an arraignment, and I went to it, and my sister-in-law went to, and he didn't show up, and I think it was a blessing, because I'm telling you, my stomach was all in knots, and I was like, we need to hold it together. Like, we cannot act like fools here. And so it was a blessing that he didn't come, but it's, we'll be prepared. I think, you know, I'm kind of glad that it's a year. year out. Like, because you just go, you go through so much. And I don't think I really had, I didn't really start feeling clear minded until probably September of last year. Like, it was just a

Starting point is 01:14:49 long, and like the holidays were hard. Like, when he was killed, my house was still decorated for Christmas because we had a later holiday party that we hosted at our house. And so it just is, I don't know. It's just, it's just, it's, it's. crazy how much your body goes through. I mean, in the beginning, we couldn't eat. It was, you know, our stomachs were upset. We couldn't sleep. We, you know, kept going to church and we just pressed in on our faith. And I will say that is why I am where I am today is God and my four kids because I can't, I wouldn't, I wouldn't be where I am without, without that. And I, we have a, a great support system.

Starting point is 01:15:38 And I'm thankful for my mom because she lives here. My sister-in-law would be here whatever at the drop of a hat. She comes in very often. But my mom lives five minutes down the road. So she's constant help with our kids. And it's been the hardest year, I would say. But we have, there is joy amongst the sorrow. Like, for sure.

Starting point is 01:16:02 We still have all the stuff around the house because I'm not ready to get rid of all of that yet. But slowly, like, not that I'm going to get rid of it, but I mean, like, it's out. Like, he's coming back or something. And it's, so we slowly, like, put things away in our own time. And it's still very fresh. And it's funny because, like she said, grief is so, I think it's unique to every person, but it's something that, like, you,

Starting point is 01:16:34 don't know about unless it happens to you in the following months after like she said we all got into therapy and it's funny because her and my dad were going to therapy prior they were seeing the same woman but separately and my dad was so busy he would just talk to her on the phone so she would go in and he would always talk to her on the phone and I remember when she was like I think we ought to do therapy I was like I think that's the woman I want to see just because it was like they saw her And I was like, I don't even know her and I would feel comfortable talking to her. I was going to say, it gives you that sense of connection because she knew him. Yes, yes. And so I think I went for six months, which I feel like to some people might sound like it's not enough.

Starting point is 01:17:16 But six months, it was like everything was getting back to normal and I was feeling okay. I also had like, we all went through the different stages and the first three months were like crazy. People were there. We were getting food. Like it was a lot. And I think I like subconsciously like held myself together without even knowing it. And at that three month mark, I remember I would come home like a couple days a week and I would be like crying as like I do it in the car. Like that is like where I'll cry.

Starting point is 01:17:45 And I would come home and I'm like, I don't know what's wrong with me. Like it's three months out and like you guys are getting better. And I'm like crying more. And I like talked to her and the therapist I was saying. And she was like you did that subconsciously. Like you held yourself together to be for them and now everyone's okay. you're not okay. So it's not, it's unique and it's, to me, it's just really interesting to see that because I think I do like follow suit a lot of like my family and my parents and that was like,

Starting point is 01:18:13 I couldn't, I couldn't follow suit because I was delayed, I think a little bit in my grief because of it. But I think I got through that. I did six months and my therapist was great. But once those, like it was like six months out, I was like, okay, like the world is still moving, everyone else is moving on, which I knew was to happen. Like, that was even in my speech at my dad's funeral, I was like, everyone else's life is going to go back to normal, but like ours is not. Like, it's never going to be back to normal. I think it's just, it's life keeps going. And I think you carry grief with you your whole life, you just learn to live with it. And I think, too, whenever you feel like, if there was ever a point, you know, whether it's in

Starting point is 01:18:54 another six months or a year or longer than that, that you felt like, okay, like I feel like it would be beneficial for me to talk to someone again. And you pick it back up. That's the beauty of it is that it's always there if you need it. You know, and I was telling my friend this the other week. Like, if you don't feel like you need something every week or every month, then don't do it. It's kind of like really trusting and listening to yourself and where you are and what you feel like you need.

Starting point is 01:19:18 Because I think sometimes if we force ourselves to do what seems right back to can be overwhelming and feel forced. And you want to always do things on your own time and terms and what feels. feels best for you. When he got hit, I got all of his things back, like his clothes he was wearing and stuff like that. And he was missing a shoe. So was he in jeans?

Starting point is 01:19:43 No. Okay. The cop was, I don't know. The cop was wrong. He was in sweatpants, sneakers. But the fact that he said that he would run in jeans was wild. I know he's in a Roger already just going to do his eight miles in his jeans. And one of his sneakers were missing.

Starting point is 01:19:59 ironically so we would tease and say he was our Cinderella like missing his shoe but we ended up doing a um he was big into we did a lot of things but he like he loved to you know shoot guns ride four wheelers and um hike and run and like travel and see during COVID we had just moved into our house now and we were locked in the house and like she said like he was a he was approaching 40 and I think he was like embracing it. And he just went ham on his hobbies and like his workout hobby. He just some people like slowly go into it. No, he turned a part of her house to a gym.

Starting point is 01:20:43 He was doing like the most craziest things you could ever think of. He was finding the craziest races. He was like, I'm going to do this one day. Like he was meal prepping. Like he just, he was all or nothing. Yeah, exactly. Like that is that was him to a tank. And he sat on a board.

Starting point is 01:20:59 for high school wrestling in Delaware. And so I was like, he was running three miles. So I was like, we're going to do it 5K to raise money and we'll just give it to high school wrestling. So we put that on November of last year. And we had to come up with a logo. And he, so we did, I was like, all right, when I was designing it, I was like, all right, I just wanted to be the one sneaker because he, we only had the one sneaker and we put wings on it.

Starting point is 01:21:26 And then we hid like a turtle. in it because he he had like a love for turtles and i it was like undercover nobody really knew about it and um just random random but we put it super random little fact but it was like it was like a little thing in our family that was like it was big in our family yeah yeah like we would go on we go on vacation roughly like once a year to like mexico and he would do the most random things he would get to talk into the most random people and he one night we went out with um this guy from like that worked there and he took us to see sea turtles give birth and we caught the eggs out of their things and we caught them in our hands and it was like and every time we would go around the

Starting point is 01:22:14 same year that he would go out on the beach at two o'clock in the morning to see these turtles come up when we would be there in like August because that's when they they lay their eggs it was yeah we would go to different um preservatories or whatever where they would have the turtles wherever we went. Yeah. If there was ever a turtle on the side of the road, he would send a picture in a family group chat. He would pull over, like stop traffic, pick the turtle up, put it in the back of his truck.

Starting point is 01:22:38 He would move it. He came home one day with three baby turtles and we had them for months for a long time. And people took that and like went a little crazy with the turtle thing. And so we got so many turtle things. We got turtle this, turtle that. I was like, oh, we're good with the turtles. But that's the new decoration of the house turtle theme. But we stuck a little turtle on the shoe and we hosted the run and we raised over $30,000.

Starting point is 01:23:05 It's amazing. And it was crazy because then the board called me and they were like, hey, like, I guess, I don't know. I guess it was just overwhelming for them. So they wanted to also give back. So they ended up calling the foster care agency that we went through and they gave money to them at the holidays. So it's just, it's cool to watch everything like full circle, yes. And that, that wrestling alliance board that he was on, like he, he loved that. They even opened a scholarship in his name to give out to a, it's not like for college.

Starting point is 01:23:39 Like a vocational, which was kind of cool too because we went to vocational high school. So like they give out to a high school wrestler and like they just have to work in their field and they get this scholarship over four. years, whatever. But there was like a plaque and it had his name on it. And it just, it was cool. That we went into their awards banquet after Dan passed away and we got to give out the award, the scholarship out. It's just been one heck of a year. And I think it turns something really sad, like little things like that can make something sad into something positive. You know, like it kind of shows how it's almost like, here. he's still giving back and doing the things, even though physically he's no longer here,

Starting point is 01:24:29 but he really is still here. And it's like all those things. Because not everybody would be able to, you know, have that much of a community and support come. And that's incredible. Yeah. It shows the impact that he had and still has even after the fact. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:24:44 It was. And I think like healing wise, I was last year, I would tell the kids like in 2025, that's our year. Like we're stepping in, you know, we're stepping in our year. Because we didn't like travel a lot last year. And we just, again, you just go. We were growing through what we were going through, you know. And it's and now I think we're in a really good place.

Starting point is 01:25:10 We like, well, for me, like I was 39 when I lost my husband. That's young. I was like, oh gosh, like, you know, at first you go through like, I'm never dating again. Like, this is how, you know, how could I ever date again? And we joke and like we're like, my husband would have been dating in a second. I think it's hard too when you have someone like him who it just seems like was everything and more. And then also on top of your grief, you're like, who the hell is going to compare to that? You know? Because she would say that. Yeah. And it's funny because we've talked about this. I was always the one to be like, no. Like,

Starting point is 01:25:51 you can't be sad and alone. I would tell her, I'm like, you're going to find somebody. Yeah, you have to have that mind. Yes. And I, and we would talk about it and she'd be like, I don't know. Like, how do you even date at 40? Like, I have no idea. And I would, I told her one time, I was like, you don't know what God's doing.

Starting point is 01:26:10 Like, God could literally be preparing somebody and they could be completely changing their life to be ready to meet you. Like, you don't know what he's doing. And the thing is, too, the interesting. and beautiful thing about life is different people are placed in our life for different reasons, you know? And it's like, I think the best way to look at something like that, like a dating aspect of it eventually would be like you had all those amazing and beautiful years with your husband that you were able to grow and you had all these different experiences and it taught you

Starting point is 01:26:43 loads of stuff in that way. And then if one day you do open yourself up to, you know, dating someone or you meet somebody, that's totally okay. too and that could be a whole different type of, you know, experience and love because that's the only type of love you know, you know, and that's great and that's okay. And you, that might change meeting someone else and having them show you and teach you different things and learning a different type of personality could teach you things. It could teach them things. And I think that it 100% would take the right type of person not only to understand what you've been through, but your family and everything else. And they need to, and this goes for anything.

Starting point is 01:27:21 like never ever settle you know and never feel like you the thing is too is I think that we go through phases sometimes of forcing ourselves to do it too soon but then also holding off too long and being closed off and it's just like like you said you just kind of got to let it happen in the time that it's supposed to but as crappy and annoying it as it is because I think as humans we want to compare and we want to be like oh nobody can compare and you know does it feel wrong? Does it feel right? You don't know. But I think you just have to always be positive and just kind of be open to whatever is meant for you and whatever that may be. And that's, that is where I think I've been. Like I'm like, no one will ever be Dan. He was

Starting point is 01:28:09 one of a kind. You don't compare because it's like that was a, you know, almost like a, you know, a chapter of my life. And I'm thankful. And like my kids are so, supportive. I am dating someone and it is like he's brought a lot of healing to my household. And like my kids, we sat and had conversations and I'm like, nobody's ever going to replace your dad. Like we're not trying to replace your dad. But like I do believe that it's biblical. We are meant to be in relationship. And so I think it's we're happy. I'm happy. He's brought joy and healing to my life. So like people have opinions and I'm just like you just at the end of the day here's what it is. You deserve to be happy. There is no book that comes with something like this and I didn't pick this for myself. So I hope that

Starting point is 01:29:09 like I say this. I've said this to people like I hope you never have to walk in the shoes that I'm walking in because people do try to put stipulations on this and this and this and this. There is no Right or wrong time frame for anything or anyone. So I do like we are, we are going to be okay. And like I think we've, you know, we'll never forget him and he's, we will, I mean, we talk about him all every day, all the time. And it's like for each of my kids, it's just, it's, I don't know, I feel like we're, we're being blessed also on the other side of what we've been through.

Starting point is 01:29:51 I completely agree. And I think to throughout this whole thing, like she said, like we've, I think we've all really pressed into our faith, but God has really shown himself in this for us. Like, it's a little thing. But she would always talk about, she, like, as she got older, she loved birds. She thought birds are beautiful. Like, she put bird feeders out in front of her house for birds to come. They never came. We would try different foods. We would move it. They never came. My dad died. And we would see cardinals all the time. We got a puppy a few months after, which is the lab that we were talking about. And we would have to wake up in the middle of the night to go let her out at like 2 o'clock in the morning. Me and her would both go let her out because we were scared to go in the backyard. But our yard is pretty big. It would be filled with bunnies. Just like never before has that ever happened.

Starting point is 01:30:45 And it's filled with bunnies. And it's just crazy. now every day that we like have a bad day like we tell each other everything we'll tell each other about it and we'll be like we're driving home and it's this one spot in our neighborhood that we go through all the time a cardinal will come by or like i saw five the other day like never before have i seen and they're pretty they're prominent they're really red birds and they'll just fly out right in front of the car like in your face you can't right yeah there's no missing and random like i we call them God winks, but or like I've done a lot of first without my husband and we will see different

Starting point is 01:31:23 things like a lot of times it's cardinals but also turtles. Like we took a big four wheeling trip that we had planned prior to my husband's passing and we still went on the trip and there were probably, I don't know, 15 of us that went. And my son never got to go on these trips with us because he was in Japan, but he got to go on this one. And he was in the front. And he was in the front of the pack and a turtle crossed like never but we've gone on this trip so many times yeah never before we're in a mountain you're on the side of a mountain that's crazy and it was our first ride without him and my like the turtle came out front it's just crazy like I had to we have real estate and I had to refinance a property and I had to do it by myself and we sat down and the mortgage guy had a turtle on his phone case

Starting point is 01:32:16 So it's just like... Those little things that can just... I think... And that's the small little beauty and everything is if you can't recognize those things and be aware of them, it's kind of like, what's the point? You know, I think it's those little movements that can just make you pause and smile and kind of just feel okay. I think it's that reminder of like, like a breath. It's okay, you know? And it's, yeah.

Starting point is 01:32:40 And it's comforting. Yes, it's very comforting. And it's always in the moment. when it's hard, we did a concealed-to-carry class and talk about the bathroom thing. We went and my husband had his concealed-to-carry and he always carried a gun. And we, so we went and took it and I had to use the bathroom and I had to go in the, like it was in a pole barn on somebody's property. And we were so nervous. We would never shoot without my dad.

Starting point is 01:33:09 Like it makes us nervous, but we want to be comfortable with them. Yeah. So I went into the bathroom. and there was a turtle on the shower curtain, like, just ironically. Yeah. And I was like, all right, thank you, Lord. Like, it's just like, okay, you got this. I'm here with you.

Starting point is 01:33:25 And it's like... And also, I think it shows you like, all right, like, this is the right thing. Like, I'm doing the right thing. Yes. Yes. Yeah. And it's, so it's been really cool. I keep notes in my phone and, like, we'll scroll through and look at all the different, you know,

Starting point is 01:33:41 godwinks that we've had throughout this year. And it's just, it's been, it's been a journey. And it's been just very. And it's a, it's a humbling experience too. Like, if death doesn't put things into perspective for you, I don't know what does. Like, I'm just like we, it's just taught me to be in the moment. Yeah. Very present.

Starting point is 01:34:02 Even though I'm not going to act like that's not still a struggle. But it's hard. You know what I mean? It definitely makes you. Our mind is always all over the place. Yes. And this thing here is like, this. cell phone is I actually just took like a social media fast. I didn't get on it for 28 days and I

Starting point is 01:34:19 listened to this podcast and it talked all about it. But it's it's so it was very, I just kept feeling like the Lord was telling me I need to take a break from it. And it was fine, but it was because you can just get into that. It sucks to you in. Yes. And I'm just like, oh my gosh. So it's really just there's other things that you should fill your brain with. It's just really brought me to a place of like how precious life is. Like period. There's no other way to put it. It's life is a gift. And we just need to be, I don't know, I'm just like cup half full. And we say this to each other because we all still have bad days and bad moods and over stupid stuff and we'll say to each other, but you have your legs. Don't you? Did you just walk down those steps? Like be thankful. You have a house.

Starting point is 01:35:11 Help everything. Yeah. So it's, we set each other, you know, we'll check each other. To have the gratitude. Yeah. Important things that you have. But I'm proud of like where we are and my kids. And I think we've we've leaned on each other.

Starting point is 01:35:29 Yeah, a lot. Like we talked about this the other day. We're so intertwined. Like in the in the early days, like you didn't want to be alone, but the house, was full and sometimes you felt like you needed to be alone, we would sit in her room and just sit there in silence and be alone together. Like, you have to. You have to, like you, you just have to. And that's important. You know, I think there can be people in situations where, because once again, everybody, nobody really knows how to handle it until they're in it. And grief and loss can

Starting point is 01:36:03 cause a lot of, you know, hectic and chaos and can pull people apart. But I think that if it can bring you even closer and teach you that life is so precious and short and you have to be grateful for the little things. That's beautiful and amazing. And I think your guys' story, for so many different reasons, it does so many different things. But I think that, like for me, just sitting here and listening, I think it's so sweet and amazing to see your guys' relationship and just to hear the different perspectives and then just to see how close you guys are and that even after something happening so recent end up being so fresh that and that you guys are private people but you guys had this calling I guess to come and talk about your experience and in your journey because

Starting point is 01:36:58 there's always someone that needs to hear it there's always somebody that is either maybe your age or around your age or around your age and they're just they're lost they're stuck they're confused, they don't know what to do. So it's those moments when you just have that encouragement to hear that, okay, they got through it. I felt that way too. I can probably do it too. You know, because of course you're going to have days where you're feeling crazy or lost or like, I don't want to do this. I can't do this. But it really, really helps when you hear somebody else that has experienced something very similar, if not the same exact thing and how they dealt with it or how they got through it or how they just kept pushing and hanging on because there is so much beauty

Starting point is 01:37:41 to life. You know, and I think that death is scary and it's sad and it's really hard to wrap our minds around. I think that we could drive ourselves crazy wondering and questioning and trying to understand. I don't think anybody really understands why some things happen. But if we're able to, like I said before, take something so tragic and turned into something so beautiful. And I mean, even just to hear the characteristics that you have from your dad and obviously that you picked up from that being your your soulmate. You know, it's, it's amazing. It's beautiful. And it's something that should never be forgotten, you know.

Starting point is 01:38:19 And it's sad, but it's life, unfortunately. And it is short. You are 100% right. And you don't know, like, sure, we've all lost people, but like this is just like, and Delaney would say this at first. was like, man, I feel like we were like perfect and like God took the like, how could he just rock our whole world like that? And I don't know. I have no idea. It's something I don't think we ever know the answer to. And you don't like, I say to my kids all the time, like I'm like, I don't know how you feel I didn't lose my dad. Right. And they didn't lose their spouse, you know. But like obviously it's a huge

Starting point is 01:39:00 loss and a great grief. And we understand that. You know, and like people have said to me like, I can't imagine and you can't imagine. You can't imagine. And I'm like, you're 100% right now that I'm on this side of that ticket. Like, you cannot imagine. And it's like crazy how the world keeps spinning and your life is forever changed. And you just have to learn how to live with it. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:39:30 I have a little side note, but it's a touch on that. the way like your life has changed for everyone. Everyone keeps going. I think about when we went to go shopping for our funeral outfits, because I didn't have anything black. Like, I've been to funerals, but I wear jeans. And she was like, we can't wear jeans. We need to get something different.

Starting point is 01:39:54 Well, we go into Macy's and we grab a whole bunch of black dresses. And it's filled. Like, I don't, I think it was like, I don't know, but it's filled. There's a whole bunch of people in there. There's all these people in the dressing room. and we go in the dressing room and she just stops me and she's like, nobody knows. Like we are funeral shopping for your dad and like my husband. She was like not a single person knows.

Starting point is 01:40:17 Like it just puts into perspective how much like you walk by somebody on the street. You have no idea. You don't know. I think about too. The where the accident happened is right past our house. I pass it. It's on the way to our church and I also work at our church. So I pass it every time I go to work.

Starting point is 01:40:36 Like my brother goes to aftercare there, his schools that way. Like we pass it several times a day. Yes, often. And to me, I don't, like, I feel like some people might dread that. I don't necessarily dread it. But we, it is like we look out the window. We look at it. Like sometimes she'll say things.

Starting point is 01:40:53 Like we put a cross there. There's like a white cross there. It's just, I think it, we think about him daily anyway, but it's like a reminder. And I think about people pass that. daily. That's a busy. It's a highway. It's busy. People don't know. Like, I think a lot of people know what happened, but strangers drive past that they have no idea. And now every time I pass across, I think about that too. I'm like, I have no idea that someone's kids, someone's spouse, someone's parent, like you have no idea what people are going through. And it does, for me,

Starting point is 01:41:28 like I think about when people are rude or whatever, like if you're in the line of this or that, I now have just a different perspective. And I'm just like, let me just kill you with kindness because I don't know your story. I don't know why you're mad. Like, you just, people could bury their spouse and have to go back to work the next day. Like you have, you just, it does, it sets a little perspective on life too. Like, you have no idea what people go through. You just don't.

Starting point is 01:42:01 And it's, the world would be a better place if we were just a little. more kind. You know what I mean? I think a lot of people, it takes more energy to be frustrated and angry and have all the negative emotions. But I do agree. I mean, people say it all the time. Like, while you're out, if you just said, hey, how are you?

Starting point is 01:42:15 Like, it could change someone's day. You really don't know. And I think so many people are used to the world just going, like going in circles and not stopping that if someone just acknowledges them, it could make them feel so much better. And, you know, I agree with you. If more people were just, even if they really weren't in a. good mood, but they had the mindset of like, just killing with kindness. Be nice all the time. Like it really does make everything just a little bit sweeter and kinder because everybody,

Starting point is 01:42:44 no matter, even if it isn't something super tragic, if somebody's just having a bad day, the last thing you want is to deal with somebody that's rude. So this is a message for everybody. Be nice. Yeah. You know, like just think about that because I don't, I definitely agree. You know, like you were saying, no one thinks it's going to be you until it happens to you. Well, I know my husband did not think. He was supposed to. who's to take my daughter to that wrestling match that day. Yeah. And last minute.

Starting point is 01:43:08 Yeah, last minute. His appointments got done early and he was like, I'm going to instead run. You go take her to the wrestling match and I'll catch you back at the house. Like that little, I mean, you just, you have no, you have no idea what you just don't know. You never know. So you just have to. And that even goes for, I always think about that too with, you know, if things come up and you end up being late to something. Or if just a butt, you feel like everything's.

Starting point is 01:43:33 going wrong and it's holding you back like you don't know if things are shifting because something that could have happened you just don't know that's why it's kind of like you should just always take that breath and just let things happen the way like don't get frustrated the once again nothing's stopping around you everything's going to be fine it's going to keep going so just really always to be present and it's crazy though because when you do think of things like that it's like of course naturally we think well what if this what if that but we just we can't even live that Yeah, I don't definitely don't do the what ifs, but it's just, I'm just saying like I don't. It's crazy to think about, you know, just how things happen.

Starting point is 01:44:12 And things have to be so aligned so perfectly for, it's just, it's beyond the capacity of the mind to understand, I think. And I think too, you know, death is never, ever something that you wish on anyone or that you would want to happen or experience. But on the flip side of things, I think it does create a different level of understanding and strength that everyone should have in them. I think that while, yes, you guys lived this perfect life before and by all means, like you guys wish you was still here, absolutely. And he should be, you know. But it almost is like now you guys are in this different chapter that is teaching you things you might have never known, you know, about your. yourself and about life and about other people. And it's just, I think the whole, once again, that full circle moment, it's just, it's incredible what life, we don't even understand what life

Starting point is 01:45:13 has in store for us, you know, and it's just, it's a whole different life that you guys didn't expect to have to live, but you're in it. So it's like, all right, we got to make the best of it. And that's, that's what you're, you hit the nail on the head there. You have to make the best of your situation because there's always someone who has it worse. And like, I'm grateful that we planned as best we could. Like, there's a lot of people that can't afford to bury their person. They can't, you know what I mean? Like, it shifts so many things that I'm like, we have a roof over our head.

Starting point is 01:45:47 Like, we're, I'm grateful to be alive, like, to be here with my kids. Like, I just, I got to be in what is here and what is now because death is final. took me a long time to be able to say that, but it's a, it's, that's it's, he's not, he's not, and like, and like, but like, you don't come back from that. You know what I mean? And so I'm just, it's taken me a long time to be able to like, I get it. Like it's, you know what I mean? And it's, it's, it's just, you have to, you have to step forward. And just one day at a time. That's all we're here to do, but it's, it's not, for me, it's not an option to cry the rest of my life away. And I, for one second, I know that he would not want that for me.

Starting point is 01:46:41 He would want me to, and I think I put this in his eulogy, he would be telling me you're built for this shit. They like get up and keep going because he wouldn't want, I know he would want me to be happy. Like, it's, you can't pull people from heaven. You can't do that. So I just, I'm just trying to, you know, be the best mom I can be for my kids and enjoy the rest of the time I have here. Yeah. And I can't make everybody else happy.

Starting point is 01:47:08 Like, I got to live my life for me and my kids. So people might disagree. Whatever that looks like for you is all that matters. I can't. And I think, too, I always say this. Anybody that has an opinion on how somebody else is doing things, that's their problem. That has nothing to do with you. And that goes for literally anything.

Starting point is 01:47:27 in anyone. That's never made sense to me. You know? So who cares what people say in any way. And honestly, I just want to say too, like, I think it's amazing that you are dating and that you found somebody because that's not easy either. And I'm so happy for you that you found somebody, you know, that can bring that little bit of happiness because that's also, I think, something that people don't realize, like having

Starting point is 01:47:55 because you mentioned something good. It's like they lost their dad, but you lost your person. And it's like that's something that like love is such a beautiful thing. And it's so that's not a feeling you can just get. You know, it's like it has to take the right person and the right time. So the fact that you're able to find that again, that's amazing. It really is. And it's like it's something that's not easy to find.

Starting point is 01:48:20 And for somebody to understand those things. So that never, I don't know, your situation, but never ever let somebody make you feel wrong for that or like it was too soon or anything. Like that's amazing. Really. That's hard. And to open yourself up like that again after being with one person for so long. I mean, come on. You know, people should be proud of you. Like, you go, girl. You know, you do what you have to do. And that's what I've told her about this whole thing because I feel like all of us, we don't really like focus on the people's opinions, but this is something that like, it feels like all eyes are on you during this.

Starting point is 01:48:56 And the whole time all we've said is, you know, a lot of decisions are hers to make. And I'm like, as long as we agree with you, like, we will back you up until the end of time. Like, you, we just have to do what we think is best. And people are going to say something about everything you do. It could be doing everything that people want you to do and they still find something. Yeah. Always. And at first I did like, it was weird.

Starting point is 01:49:22 and whatever. But I quickly was like, this is my life. Like my life, not your life, not. So you are right. Like you can't. I'm like, yeah,

Starting point is 01:49:38 I deserve to be happy. And it doesn't, I will never forget Dan. Like we, like I said, he's always involved in my house and there's no. So it's just,

Starting point is 01:49:52 a different part of my life. Like, and it must go on. Absolutely. So, no, it's, it's been, it's been a journey for sure, but. And look at you guys now on a podcast talking about you what I thought. Isn't it crazy? It's like, you know, so many of the guests that come on there, like, I never thought I'd be doing something like this. And I was like, it's crazy, you know, if somebody would tell you at a time that you didn't expect it or think it,

Starting point is 01:50:21 that you would be sharing your story and your emotions. I mean, it is so vulnerable. It's such a vulnerable experience to do and to have, but it is life-changing. It does so much for other people. And like I said, I can't express enough. I feel like I do say it every episode on camera, off camera. I'm like, it just people sharing their stories, even if it just affects one person, it's this ripple effect.

Starting point is 01:50:45 It makes, I mean, you got like, you were watching it. You're like, we should do it. So it's like it really does make an impact. it's incredible and I think if you're open and willing to share your story and your experience and the goods and the bads of it I mean that what else can you do that's amazing on its own one it's comforting I think to know that you're not crazy yeah and other people can resonate with what yeah and there's yeah it's been I mean even like what I was like you know like I said when I lost my dad I was 12 but I look I look back at it and I mean think I'm

Starting point is 01:51:21 I don't even know where social media is so different now than it was. But I always say this too. I mean, imagine if when things, like I look back if when something like that happened, like if I could just type in on YouTube, you know, a girl around my age that lost her dad.

Starting point is 01:51:34 It's like I'm sure in a lot of ways that would have been my healing and understanding would have been so different because I don't even think I processed it for a long time. Because when you're that age, what do you really know? Yeah. It's just so different. Well, it's hard to wrap your brain around it at 39.

Starting point is 01:51:49 Right. And that's the beauty. Because social media, and with the phones, I'm very split on like, it's great and it's terrible. But in a moment like that, I think if somebody can just type in what they're going through, and I always say that's kind of the point of the show to just be able to type it in and hear somebody's raw experience just straight through, you know, beginning to end, basically. It does give you a different type of comfort, which is amazing, you know, that we do have the access to that at our fingertips now because we didn't really have that before. It's like, I mean, and that's if somebody wants to talk about it. So the fact that people are so willing and able to come and share their story in this way, it helps so many different people.

Starting point is 01:52:30 And for you guys, it's like two completely different perspectives, which is why this is so cool. Because there's not oftentimes that two people want to come on here and talk. So I'm so grateful really that both of you were willing to come and share your perspectives on this. And it's not easy, but you guys are amazing. Thank you. think it is like it's cool to say like we both graduated high school we had you know teen pregnancy we got married we bought a house like we made it you know what i mean had kids adoptive kids that's amazing grew a business and it's working together without killing each other that's a whole

Starting point is 01:53:09 that's more than a whole life on its own yeah yeah i mean we did it from 2011 until 24 like Like it's, you know, raising kids. It's just, I know, like, people do all of that. But, like, we actually liked each other at the end of the day. Yeah, that's true. It's a lot to, like, beat you down. Like, the people you guys grew up around and, like, it was a lot to keep going and to, like, get where you are.

Starting point is 01:53:33 Just to have each other to motivate. And we both grew up in broken homes, and there's nothing wrong with that. But I'm just saying, like, we kept our family together. And it's, yeah. And we did, like, we had our first year of marriage. we separated for six months and then we got back together and it just yeah we worked hard to get where we were and it was important to equally you know both of us like we and he was very like and i say like he died without a regret like he had everything he wanted and he was very much a go

Starting point is 01:54:12 bigger go home like if we wanted to do this we were doing this yeah you know what i mean like it wasn't he he died no he like if there was ever a problem with somebody he resolved it he made sure like everybody knew like i hold no hate in my heart to you like that's i'm caring that it has nothing to do with you like i need this for me i need you to know that like he everything he didn't he wasn't about like any, like he didn't do drama and he was very much like, let's solve the problem. Sometimes I wouldn't even know about the problem until it was over because he didn't want to talk about it until it was, you know, resolved or whatever. But it was just, excuse me, he was a good, a good person and cool story. And we, you know, we had celebrated 20 years of marriage in

Starting point is 01:55:00 23. We did a big trip because we were celebrating 20 years of marriage. He turned 40 and she turned 18 and my other daughter turned 16 so we did like a big trip to Mexico with that we went to Japan earlier in 2023 to go visit my son where he was stationed it just and I'm like thankful for all of that like we upgraded our tickets to first class that was like a whole she went with us to Japan and on the way there and that was totally like if it wasn't perfect like she said if the stars weren't aligned like that was not going to happen yeah because the we jumped in on the first class like on the way to the airport like it was tickets I guess that didn't sell okay and that was a whole experience flying first class 14 hours to Japan was like I mean she was

Starting point is 01:55:49 18 17 years old like I was like girl you are lucky but just so cool and to have those memories and I think it is so good that you guys have that closeness and you know that you had such recent trips to that were just like out of this world stuff like that's awesome that's really really cool and it's amazing to look back on yeah and um it's yeah i'm grateful for for the memories i'm glad that our brains can remember yeah you know and then your picture taker too so you got that yeah yeah so we had yeah i think it was all all really cool that's amazing yeah well thank you guys thank you

We're All Insane - Driver Under the Influence Hit and Killed My Dad

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