We're All Insane - Gastric Bypass at 18

Episode Date: December 30, 2024

#podcast #eating #health Jazlyn opens up about her journey with weight, bullying, and how it led her to making the life-changing decision to undergo gastric bypass surgery at just 18 years old. Growing up, she was faced with bullying which took a toll on her self-esteem and mental health. She shares the struggles she faced, the decision to get surgery, and the challenges she encountered along the way. If you’ve ever dealt with body shaming, self-doubt, or are considering weight loss surgery, I hope Jazlyn's story helps you feel less alone and more empowered. If you have a unique story you'd like to share on the podcast, please fill out this form: https://forms.gle/ZiHgdoK4PLRAddiB9 or send an email to [e-mail] Business Inquiries please contact: [e-mail] Topics: Gastric Bypass Surgery, Bullying, Weight Loss, Self-Esteem, Mental Health Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hey guys, it's me Devorah. I just dropped an all new bonus episode inside my new subscription channel, We're All Insane Plus. This week's bonus episode is called My Brain was slipping into my spine. Listen now by subscribing to We're All Insane Plus inside your Spotify or Apple Podcasts app or go to we're all insane.com. My name is Jocelyn Summers and I had a bariatric weight loss surgery when I turned 18. and I'm 20 now. I'm turning 21 in October. And it's just, it's been like three years since the surgery. It's been a lot. It's been a journey. And honestly, my whole life has been a journey surrounding my weight. So I thought I'd just start from the beginning. I remember the very first memory I have of like being conscious about my weight was when I was five. I was in my backyard. And I was,

I just, I don't remember exactly what was said. Just like something about maybe me not being the same size as all of my, like, classmates or whatever. I just remember looking down at myself and being like, oh, I do look different. I am heavier. And I was like, that's just the first core memory I have, I guess, about being like conscious of my weight. Which is so sad because it's such a young age. Yeah. It's like I shouldn't be five worrying about.

Right. being chubby but um yeah that's that's the very first thing i remember um i grew up feeling not normal and i always like i felt like i kind of missed out on having like a happy life because of my weight i played a lot of sports i played softball and basketball i played like soccer for a year or whatever but i was always comparing myself to the other athletes and being like oh i wish i could run faster but I can't because I'm overweight. And like, I tried to lose weight. I think the first time I started, like, actively trying to lose weight was in, like,

the elementary school. And it's like, I don't know. I would always get just, like, reminded, I guess, that I needed to lose weight. Through elementary school, I got made fun of, obviously. It was hard making friends. People kind of thought I was a weirdo. and I kind of just like isolated myself the first couple years because I didn't know how to make friends and I just I felt like an outcast I guess.

In second grade, this is another like core memory. Some girl accused me of stuffing my bra when I was in second grade and I was like, no, I don't do that. That's weird. I was also just made fun of for having to wear bras at such a young age because like, I don't know, kids in first and second grade were like what you wear a bra that's weird i was going to say in general i feel like people say it all the time you hear it all the time not all kids but a lot of kids can be evil but i think too like when you're young like that right it's like anything out of just what everybody else is doing it has to be pointed out because kids don't have a filter right and they don't realize

that people have feelings yet i don't think yeah and things stick with you yeah it was just i don't know i just remember being like why would you ask me that Yeah. But yeah, I got bullied. There was this one situation where I liked this guy and one of his, like, friends knew. And I was on the bus, and he came up to me and he was like, hey, so-and-so likes you. And I was like, what? Like, why do you say that?

And then he made me wait until the end of the day. And then he told me on the bus, like, right before I went home, he was like, he likes you because you're fat. And I was like, what? And so obviously it was just some like big joke to make fun of me. And that just like really stuck with me. I think that was the first time I'd ever been called fat, first many. And yeah, it's just like these things are like, why? Why?

But it's just like I kind of got used to that kind of feeling. In third or fourth grade, I just remember getting off my bus. My bus stop was like right in front of my house. And so I would get off or walk into my house. And some girl like in the back of the bus, she rolled down. the window and would yell fatty at me as I walked into my house. And I was just like, what is going on? This happened, yeah, this happened like three or four times. And then I told someone and obviously she stopped. She got in trouble for it. But I was just like, like, looking back on it, I'm like,

like, why would kids do that? That's just so mean. It's also like something that you would see in a movie where people are like bullying kids. Yeah. I think it actually like happens to that degree. Yeah. But it's so heartbreaking that it does. Yeah. It's just. It was weird. I don't even know. I don't have words for it. And then there was this other kid that bullied me. I remember we were just in class and a teacher announced that we were getting like a treat or something or popsicles because we did good at something. And I was like, oh, yay, I'm so excited. And then he looked at me and he was like, yeah, of course you are. I was just like what I do. But yeah, my family, they always kind of like would tiptoe around a dressing that I was overweight. they would kind of like not bring it up, but if they did, it would affect me a lot and they would just be like, oh, you should stop eating so much and be like, oh, are you on a diet yet?

And one of the biggest factors into just kind of like trauma around my weight was my dad. He would say this was like for benefit of sports. My dad was also overweight. So I guess maybe he was trying to avoid, have me avoid. just the things that he had to deal with being overweight. He would force me to exercise to exhaustion at, like, the ripe age of 10. So, like, I thought it was kind of normal when he would do it, because I didn't know anything else, but, like, looking back at it, I'm like, wow.

Okay, so some of the things that he would make me do were we had stairs in our house, and there was, like, I think, four flights of stairs. he would make me start all the way in the basement and run all the way up the stairs like sprinting. And we would do it like over and over and he'd like time us, me and my brother. He made both of us do it. And he would, it's just like, why am I 10 years old sprinting like I'm a D1 athlete? I was going to ask you too, like as far as your weight went, did you, do you think it was something that was more of like a genetic thing? or do you think it was something that, like, you were overeating?

So, yeah, I feel like it might have been a genetic thing. Like I said, my dad was overweight and, like, some of my other family members are. But, like, that definitely contributed. Yeah. But I did around sixth grade develop a binge eating disorder. And I think that it had a lot to do with just the kind of way I was treated about my weight. I didn't really know how to cope with it. And I mean, I had other issues going on to rather than my weight.

Like, my parents fought a lot. And I just, I didn't really know what to do as a kid. I felt a lot of big emotions. And the only thing that soothed them were to eat. I kind of just found comfort and food. And that was when I developed the binge eating disorder, probably around like middle school. and it wasn't like bulimia. It was just I would eat and eat and eat until I couldn't anymore.

And then I felt better. So I kept doing it. So yeah, basically, like how it started was before my dad would come home and like make me do a bunch of exercise, I would get home from school and then eat like an entire meal. So I'd have like four to five meals a day, which is obviously unhealthy. but that was my only coping mechanism. And yeah, so binge eating disorder at, like, 12, that's kind of where things started to escalate

into where I was getting obese. But yeah. Then moving on to high school, it was like okay-ish. Like I had to deal with COVID and stuff like that. But it was like, I, you know, people say, like, if you grow up ugly, you have to like learn how to be funny. And so my personality had kind of developed and I was funny. Like I did theater and I had a lot of friends.

But I was sad a lot of the time. And I was still binge eating. Yeah. But I was kind of like, I don't know, less conscious of it. Right. And I think the hard thing too is there wasn't much like information around what you were going through. Like it's not like it was really, I feel like disgust in a way to make you feel comfortable or understand it, if that makes sense. It was kind of just like, oh, well, this is here.

And then it was like, let's just jump to exercising like a maniac in the basement. You know what I mean? Rather than like, I guess maybe trying to figure out other approaches or things like that. And I think that that's why it probably can be easy to give you this very negative perception around everything that kind of goes with it. Like even just exercise aspect. It's like it's going to make you, like push you further away from wanting to do something like that because you were thrown into it, I feel like in the wrong way. Right. And like I think in middle school too, like they took me to a doctor just to see why I was so overweight. And they didn't even like say anything about the exercise. They were like, yeah, you're like, you're exercising healthfully, but you probably need to change your diet. And then we got one of those like

meal plate things that like portions things out. But I feel like my parents kind of expected me to just follow that and do it all myself without any help. And they would still like, we would eat out a lot and just get a bunch of junk food in the house. And all the help I really got was my parents being like, you shouldn't eat that. And then I'd still eat it. And you're probably too. Like I mean, even me looking back, because obviously like now being an adult and understanding way more, it's like when you're younger and you're in middle school or high school, you just are going to eat what tastes good. We don't really have that knowledge around I feel like nutrition. I all. Right. And like it was a lot for me to comprehend as a kid. I was just like, oh, I don't, what's

protein? What are the food groups or whatever? And it's like, I feel like if I had support, I could have gotten into healthier eating habits. I just felt like I didn't have much support, positive support. But yeah, so high school, I was, I was depressed like in middle school, but then it got worse in high school. And like I just kind of, I compared myself to everybody around me. You know, like normal social media stuff. People were just, you know, you compare yourself to everybody. But I was like especially comparing myself to my friends.

And I feel like that hurt a lot of my friendships too. I never dated anyone in high school, which kind of made me sad because it was like everyone around me was dating people. But nobody ever liked me. And I had a lot of, like, crushes on people, and I would tell them, and they would reject me. And I was just kind of like, I got used to rejection at such an early age. And I don't know. I hated how I looked. I stopped weighing myself, like, a long time ago because I didn't want to know my weight or face the truth that I was at literally a morbidly obese BMI.

I had back and feet problems. I couldn't go out with my friends where we had to do a lot of walking because it would hurt too bad. So I quit softball and I was like 16. And that kind of really escalated like my weight gain because I didn't have a sport anymore. I wasn't like making an effort to exercise on the daily or even weekly. I don't know. Part of me wishes that I didn't quit softball, but it was also just aside from my weight.

It was a lot of mental health problems. and I felt better after I quit, but I was also sad. So senior year, about a couple years later, I started self-harming. Mentally, things were just awful. I had given up on losing weight. I was binge eating and hurting myself and just I was really, really, really depressed. Also, when I turned 18, I got diagnosed with bipolar disorder. So that was just another stack on top of the mental problems.

But yeah, I had just given up on losing weight altogether with everything I tried in the past. I just felt helpless. I was like, nothing is going to fix this. And I'm just stuck like this forever. And I think too, probably when you get to a certain point, you're like, what's the point of trying to go back now? Right. I was just so like I had no intention of feeling better, I guess. I was just, I was so, I felt alone in it almost.

So like I said earlier, my dad, he was also overweight, and he was a lot heavier than I was. And he started looking into weight loss surgery. And when we first, like, when he first, like, brought it up, my mom was kind of against it. She was like, that's scary. It's a risk. It's going to cost a little money. And then we figured out that our insurance that we were under actually covered the entire thing. So my dad, he had to.

for like the weight loss program that we went to. The insurance would only cover it. Like with his BMI, he had to do like six months of like trying to lose weight and working out. And if after six months went by your BMI didn't go down, then they would cover it. Got it. Okay. So he did six months of that. And then he got the surgery in about, I think either 2020 or 2021.

And immediately like you could see results. Like he just was losing weight rapidly. And I saw that and I was like, I want that. Yeah. And obviously it was hard. Like he had a lot of stomach issues and would like throw up a lot. And that was like a big fear for me because I have what's it called? Emutophobia or whatever fear throwing up.

And that terrified me. So it and I wasn't 18 yet. so I couldn't even like consider the possibility of surgery. But once I turned 18, I was like, I'm ready. I'm ready to start my life, I guess. It felt like I wasn't really living a good life. I just felt so different from everybody. And I mean, the only solution I saw was to get the surgery.

I'm Anna Garcia, host of True Crime News, the podcast, Every week we bring you in-depth coverage on cases making headlines, as well as those that go under the radar. Tune in for murders that defy explanation, mystery seeking exploration, and shocking secrets that will leave you breathless. Each week we honor the victims by going beyond the salacious in our search for justice. Crime never stops, and neither do we. Listen to true crime news available now wherever you get your podcasts. Yeah, it almost like forces your body into that kind of kickstart. It gives you that push, I feel like.

Yeah. I got the consultation to meet with all of the doctors and the nurses and whatever. And it was actually, they found my BMI, you know, and I was 5'2. I still am 5'2. But I was like, I think at my heaviest, I was 310 pounds. And that is like very, very, like, morbidly obese. And that was like on the scale of where I didn't have to do the six months. of trying to lose weight because it was at such an unhealthy thing that my insurance was like,

yeah, we'll cover it right now. Like, go ahead and set up the appointment. So after the consultation, I received a lot of information and just, like, how my life was going to change, I guess. So the surgery was like about a month or so after that consultation. So I learned that I was going to have a procedure called. dwindal switch and it combines two bariatric procedures to reroute food and remove part of the stomach and the small intestine. So it was a lot to learn that I was going to have like 60 to 70% of

my stomach removed. But yeah, they removed that and then it created a sleeve gastrectomy. I don't think I said that right. They put like a sleeve around the removed part, I guess, to control hunger. and restriction. They did something in my small intestine that bypasses some of it. They kind of just rerouted my whole insides. They rerouted that so the body would absorb fewer calories and nutrients. So that was like a big thing because the doctors really wanted to make sure that I knew I had to make major diet changes. Like you can't just have the weight surgery and continue binge eating. You know, like it was impossible to do that. So they really emphasized that. I needed to intake a lot of protein because that's really all the body can absorb at this point

when I have the small intestine removed or whatever. I don't know. I'm not a doctor. Did hearing all this information, did it make you more nervous? Yeah. I'd never had surgery before except I got like my wisdom teeth removed and that was, it was fine. So I was like, okay, I'll be fine. That's intense.

Yeah. I think I was really just scared about like the incisions, I guess. I thought I was going to have to have like a huge scar across my stomach. But actually wasn't that bad scar-wise. They made five like, I don't know, like two-inch incisions. And today, they're like the scars have completely faded. Wow. I can't even tell that they're there anymore.

So I think the worst part before surgery was the week-long liquid diet before surgery. Just like imagine you've had a binge. eating disorder for many, many years. And then the doctor tells you, okay, no more eating for a week. It would be hard for anything. Yeah. So it was only like, I could only have like water, gatorade, protein shakes, stuff like that. And it was so hard. I remember, I think like the second or third day of it, I broke down. I went to the store and I got like jello, I think. And I was like, I need solid food so bad. But it didn't affect the surgery. Thankfully, it was probably not a good idea to do that. But, you know, I kind of just, like, broke. But yeah, surgery, the idea of it has always,

like, scared me. It's just, I don't know, I used to say I wanted to be a surgeon until I actually, like, looked into it. And I was like, that's actually terrifying. Like, Gray's Anatomy is not real life. No, none of those shows are, unfortunately. But thankfully, like, I made it to the surgery day. and I remember just getting there, getting to the hospital, being scared. My mom was with me, so that made me feel a little bit better. And yeah, I just, I went right in, changed into a gown, and they started hooking me up with IVs. And that was that. I remember having to, like, count down on the surgery table or whatever.

And then I remember waking up in the recovery room and it felt like no time had passed. That's the weird thing about anesthesia. It's like you don't like dream. It's just like, like, I don't know, like a jump cut in your life. But I remember waking up in the recovery room and I think I was, I was like still like on coming out of anesthesia and I was really mean to the nurse that was there. I just remember that I was really mad. But yeah, I only had to stay in the hospital for a night and it kind of, I don't know. I don't remember much, much of it because I was on so many.

like medications, but I remember I had to get up and walk around the hospital floor a lot just because like, you know, it was like abdominal surgery and they had to make sure everything was okay. Then I finally went home and recovery was about two weeks. Luckily, my surgery was scheduled like right before spring break. So I think for a week of spring break, I didn't have to miss school because we were on break. Were you able to start eating right away? No. It was all liquid diet still.

At the hospital, they had me try to drink a protein shake, and I just, I could not stomach it. It hurt so bad. I don't really know how to explain the pain. It felt like, kind of like cramps, but in like my chest and like my upper stomach, it was, it was so weird. I'd never experienced that pain before, but it's just like as soon as I ate or drank anything, it hurt. But I really, I was trying to keep fluids in me, like water. And I don't even remember when I was able to eat solid food.

It had to be like at least two weeks after the surgery that I finally started eating solids. Because I'm sure the desire just wasn't even there either because. Yeah. I remember it not being super hard to only do liquids because my stomach hurt so bad. I was like, I don't want to eat. Right. So after recovery, months went by and I was rapidly losing weight. It was pretty awesome.

I was like basically cured of my binge eating disorder because I couldn't do it anymore. It hurt too bad. And I kind of have a low pain tolerance. So I was just like, well, can't really do this anymore. I'm not finding comfort in eating anymore. So I needed to find comfort. I mean, I was in therapy and learning all the coping strategies and stuff like that. But yeah, it was it was really, really nice because I think at some point I just realized,

oh, I haven't binge eight in so long. And it was so worth it. How is your mental health after the surgery? I feel like it was better. Unfortunately, around that time, my parents were getting a divorce. So it was kind of like still bad. mentally, but like in regards to body image and stuff, like I felt good. It was crazy to actually be losing weight after trying for so many years.

When I was growing up, I hated going clothes shopping because I felt like every time I went shopping, I went a size up. I remember I was in like second or third grade and I couldn't even shop at the kids section and Coles anymore. And I was just so sad. I was like, where do I go now? By the time I had my surgery, I think I was wearing like 3xL, stuff like that. You know how hard it is to find good plus-sized clothing?

Like, I was a teenager, and I'm, I don't want to wear just, I don't know. Just, they don't make good plus-sized clothing. And it was hard for me to find anything I like to wear. But when I was losing weight, I was moving downsizes. And I was like, wow, this is awesome. Like, I can shop in normal clothes stores now, which I really missed out on. I remember there was like certain stores like urban outfitters or even like justice when I was a kid.

I couldn't shop there. They didn't have anything that fit me. But yeah, it was really rewarding to see that I was losing weight. I lost, I think, 150 pounds. So I was down from 300. I'm like about 150 now. And I'm kind of, I kind of like the weight I'm at. So with my dad, he lost.

like a lot of weight. And he's just like really, really skinny now. And I like the weight I'm at. I'm like about like a medium or a large. And I could probably lose more weight. But I'm like, I'm happy with how I look. I'm finally happy. So the biggest kind of like downside of everything, I guess. Because I mean, there are so many positives, but there are also negatives to getting a major weight loss surgery. So some of the negatives were, I did have to get an entire new closet. And I didn't really have the budget for that because just plus the surgery. Yeah. Right. Right. This is like the biggest issue. It's kind of, you know, a little bit weird to talk about, but just for the sake of people knowing what they're getting into, pooping is really difficult sometimes.

Yeah. So it's not necessarily like a constipation type of thing. It's, I don't even know where to start. So with the diet, you know, you change your entire stomach around. And the doctors tell you to eat majority protein. Sometimes I don't listen. Sometimes I like to eat carbs, like mashed potatoes and stuff like that. Because those are just like my comfort food, you know?

And cheese. I love cheese. But that's just, it's hard for your stomach to digest after the surgery. And so whenever I kind of slip up and I don't eat as much protein as I should, pooping is hard. Like, I don't know how to explain the pain, but it's like, kind of like I said, like period cramps, just like not just in your lower abdomen. It's like everywhere. Right.

And it sucks so bad. But it's kind of like, it's up to me if I want to avoid that pain. Exactly. I was going to ask you, too, after the surgery, how long was it before you pooped for the first time? I don't even remember. I feel like maybe like a week to two weeks. I was going to say, I felt like it would be a little while. Yeah. Yeah. It was difficult. That was constipation. I'd be scared of like what's going to come out. Like, is it going to be normal? So, yeah, just my whole relationship with pooping has changed. It's... So I remember, I think, like, maybe six months or eight months after the surgery, I went,

I went back to my doctor and I was like, I'm having shitting problems, dude. And my doctor was like, yeah, so that's normal. And maybe my brain just, like, didn't process what they told me before I got the surgery. But I guess it's normal for people that have had the surgery to poop, like, two to three times a day. That is so much. But, because like when I was eating, when I was overweight, you don't really go that often because you're, you don't have like a healthy gut. What's it called? Yeah. Gut. So it was just like a lot to adjust to. And especially because

it hurt when I would go. But yeah, that's like the biggest factor. And I always feel bad because sometimes it just when I know I have to go I have to go like no matter when it is I can't really like control it anymore like I could before the surgery wow this is I get that I have IBS like I've been telling people for my whole life like when I have to go it's either going to be in a toilet or in my pants there's no holding it yeah I kind of like I don't know it's it's sometimes it like it feels like IBS to me so whenever like if someone like asks me if I'm okay, like after I go to the bathroom. I'm like, oh, yeah, I just have IBS, because I don't feel like explaining everything. It's like, yeah, I just got a surgery for years ago. It's just easier

to say IBS. But yeah, wow. It's a lot to be talking about my pooping schedule. But yeah, it's like, I can control that if I follow the diet, which I need to be. And I do. But, oh, yeah, I wanted to talk about eating, too, because I still, like, eating is different for me. I'm not really, eating is not the same from when it was before surgery. So whenever I eat, I have to eat very slowly. I cannot drink anything 30 minutes before or 30, I have to wait like 30 minutes after. Or I simply cannot eat, which kind of sucks because that like- Is that just because it fills your stomach?

Yes. Okay. Like at restaurants, I'll be thirsty. Like I used, I loved to have a drink with my meal. It was my favorite, like, combination. But at restaurants, I have to, like, sit there and, like, actively not drink my drink that's in front of me because I can't eat. Right. Sometimes it gets the best of me.

Also, I just noticed they tell you to, like, wait a while after the surgery to drink pop. And I waited, like, a year to drink pop ever again. And it's, it doesn't give me any problems. I know it gives some people problems. So that's another thing to, like, be conscious of if you don't want to give up pop. Sorry, I'm kind of like rambling. No, you're okay. I have a question.

Yeah. As far, because I know that you said growing up, you know, the way people treated you, obviously, it was very horrible. After the surgery and after you started losing weight, did you notice a change and how people started treating you? Yes. Which I'm sure just makes you want to go like. Yeah.

Yeah. First, I think I noticed it with my family. They were constantly making comments about my body after the surgery. They were constantly being like, wow, you're so skinny. Yeah, I look damn good, don't I? Yeah. And it was just like relatives that I wouldn't expect to be making comments of my body did. And I was just like, you're weird. And you're also not used to hearing stuff like that. So you're like, I don't know how to take it. I don't know how to respond. Thank you. But yeah, like relatives and people. It's it was kind of nice though because I had the surgery like coming out of high school. So I didn't really have to deal with people that didn't. Like in school? Yeah.

Okay. Yeah. So like going into college, I already lost so much weight that it was like I didn't know people before the surgery. About it. And they kind of just treated me like normal. I don't know if maybe they would have treated me differently when I was overweight. But yeah, it's just like I feel like generally I'm more respected.

When I was overweight, I don't know. I just felt like people saw me as like a joke almost and never took me seriously. I mean, I had to be the funny friend, you know, because what else do I have going for me? And I feel like I really just kind of started my life as like a normal person, I guess, whenever I started losing all the weight. It's just weird. Like, another thing of how I was treated differently. So, you know, I'm on social media and stuff and I post like, you know, the like transition videos of like what I looked like before and what I looked like after. and people would like comment like you were pretty before too like and stuff like that and I'm like

well why weren't you telling me that when I was overweight like you're just doing it because I don't know it's just like I don't know why people do that it's like you people try to do the whole like body positivity thing on social media where it's like in real life it's not like that right exactly in real life you were telling me I need to lose weight so I think too it's because it's what what looks good online to write or something. Right, right. It's like you want to be seen as someone who's like a part of the movement. But before you weren't, you, you bullied me. But yeah, that's kind of how I'm treated differently. I feel like another big part of the reason why I got the surgery is because in high school, I started wanting to go down the path of being a news anchor. And how many fat news anchors do you know?

Like, I just was, I was like, I'm not going to get hired. Like, it doesn't, to people in the TV industry, that doesn't look good. And that's just a fact. Like, unfortunately, you're not going to get as many job opportunities. And so it's been nice, the amount of opportunities that I've had. And I can't help but think, like, I wonder if I would be where I am today if I hadn't gotten it. It's like you're literally starting a completely different life. Right.

And it's just so weird. And I always have these thoughts in the back of my head, like, how much different would my life be if I didn't grow up overweight? I just, there are so many things that are different now that I'm like, I could have started a lot earlier getting into like broadcast and whatever. But at the same time, I think that having that perspective allows you to be a more relatable, sweet person. because you know what it feels like to be on that flip side. And like, well, yeah, obviously it would have been great to like have the perspective and I hate to say opportunity because like it's really sad to me that that being a certain size creates more or less opportunity.

But just basically my point is is I feel like yeah, it would have been great if you had the mental health that you have now like years ago. But at the same time, I think, like I just said, it gives you a different perspective on people and how wrong it is to treat people the way that you were treated. Yeah. I have so much, like, empathy for people who are overweight. Right. It's like I just, I feel so hard for them and I hate how overweight people are treated. Like, yes, the body positivity movement is a great and wonderful thing. But I feel like it really hasn't made any progress.

No. People like to talk it up and like on social media, they make it a big thing. But in real life, you're not given job opportunities. You're seen as a different kind of person. Like people will just make fun of you for being a certain size. And it really sucks. And I think it's important for everybody to be healthy. You know, obviously having an eating disorder or eating foods that are just horrible

for you, that's not great either. But at the same time, I don't think that even to this day, everybody realizes where there are some people that have a really fast metabolism and they have difficulty gaining weight, the same is on the flip side that some people really struggle losing weight. And they, you know, they have a bad relationship with food. And I don't think everybody understands that. And that's why people are more like judgmental towards it. I don't know. I just feel like, we as like a society need to get better about I don't know creating better outlets for people to seek help if they want it I think knowledge information support support is huge I know that you

mentioned it before but I think that that is really key right something because you always need to feel like you have somebody to talk to and lean on and you know even if you chose not to get the weight loss surgery that would be your choice too right exactly so like If you're watching this podcast because you want to get a weight loss surgery, I would say you should get it, but only if you're ready. It's just like it is a major life change. And I wouldn't take it back. I don't regret it at all. But there are just a lot of things that you'll have to go through to get to where you want to be.

And even like before the surgery, you have to have a mental health consultation. And like they will straight up be like, you're not mentally ready. so you can't. But I was very, like, ready. And I think that's important, too, like you just said, being ready for yourself to make that decision and knowing, like, within yourself, okay, I want to make this change for me.

Right. Another downside of the surgery is body dysmorphia. Sometimes I will look in the mirror and not know who I am looking at. It's very, very strange. I will see myself and I will see what I used to look like and I'll be like, who am I anymore? And I also feel like I see myself a lot bigger than I actually am, just like in the mirror, I guess. I'll see pictures taken of me and be like,

oh, I actually look like that and not this image in my head. And usually it's like in my head I have a much worse image of what I look like. But it's just, it's so weird how much different everything seems, how much different life seems. Another downside is loose skin. I have it everywhere and like I hate it. I don't know. It doesn't make me happy to have like the reminder that I did used to be overweight. And I think a good amount of people too who get that surgery end up having to get the surgery for their loose skin too, right? Yeah. Yeah. And like my insurance doesn't cover, what is it called? Like plastic surgery like that. So if I ever do get it, it's going to be years and years into the future when I actually have a big girl job and I have money.

But it's like that's another thing you have to be aware of. There's kind of no avoiding loose skin after losing hundreds of pounds. Right. And fast. I think people say like, oh, you just have to build muscle before. And I was going to the gym when I was losing weight. And I was doing like lifting and stuff. But it was just.

That type of exercise now? Yes. Oh, my gosh. Let me get into that. I love exercising now. And it makes me so happy. Like, I will go on runs. I'll get a runner's high.

And I never, ever experienced that when I was losing weight. It was literally, like, when I was running, when I was overweight, it was my chest hurts, my back hurts, my feet hurt, my legs hurt. All I could think about is wanting to not run, like, wanted to die because it hurts so bad. But now I go on runs. I go on walks with my first. and my girlfriend and it's life is more enjoyable. Yeah.

I go to the gym. I go to yoga regularly. That is, it works wonders, fair mental health. And I've always been like flexible, but since losing weight, I am so much more flexible. And it's like awesome. But my whole relationship with exercise and working out has changed so much. and that's another like positive you know because now I feel healthier like after losing weight obviously you'd feel healthier but now that I can have an active um exercise life I guess it's like

I just feel so good and it makes me feel good it's a good outlet yeah now I'm able to like do those things that will make me feel good and it's so much better for my mental health too because like I couldn't do that before. I couldn't get those good feelings before. But now I do that and it helps me mentally. Yeah. Back to loose skin. It's like I've looked into doctors and stuff like that.

And it's like I can't even consider that an option right now. But I would really like to in the future. And the thing is too is like you're still so young. And this is still so fresh that I feel like it right now it's like you're living this part of your life in this new chapter and then years down the road that might be another new chapter for you and another part of this journey which i think is like it's a good like step you know what i mean like you're stepping towards something for yourself which i think is is really amazing and i also think it gives your mental health kind of like those breaks in between i'm like all right i just did this this huge

surgery let's sit in this for a little bit and then in years i'll do the next one if you choose to yeah and i think a lot of doctors like they'll only do loose skin removal if you've kept off the weight Okay. For a long time. And it's been about like two years, I think, that I've kept the weight, like, like I've maintained it. And that's been pretty nice because I like the weight I'm at. Like, I'm not losing weight against my will or I'm not getting it back, which is nice.

I think, don't quote me on this, but I think the doctor said that the procedure I had is, like, the highest success rate for not getting the weight back. So that's good. I do kind of like worry that I don't know if my mental health gets bad. I start trying to binge eat again. Like gain weight. Like that would really suck. But I'm keeping up with it.

Yeah. And I think too, like the more positive that we can stay about things like because it's very easy to think in our head like, oh, the what if or the negative or what if I do this. But I feel like as long as your main focus is yourself and your mental health, you just take it day by day. Yeah. You know? and stay on track. And I think if you really get to a point, which I'm sure you're already here to

some degree, but where you're really proud of yourself and you love the way you look now and that's all that matters. All that matters is how you feel about yourself. But I think even just with exercising, I've noticed this for myself, it's like that feeling becomes addicting of like the progress and loving how you look and wanting to stay there and basically fighting for that within your own mental health of like it's important to me that I feel this way and that I feel positive and happy in my life and you don't let yourself fall too low which obviously we always have up and downs yeah just kind of trying to keep ourselves on a good level it's like I've worked so hard to get here I don't want it to change this is a big thing to be talking about the weight

loss surgery because part of me is like I don't want to tell people because a lot of people think it's the easy way out. I've heard that so many times. And I know a lot of people have had weight loss surgery and they do keep it a secret. They say, oh, I'm just been dieting. I've been working out. And it's like, you cannot lose that much weight if you were morbidly obese and you say you're just dieting. Right. You're dropping hundreds of pounds. Yes. It's like either you are a magician or you are just an extreme calorie deficit when it's just like, I know that's possible, but it's like, that might be a little unhealthy. But yeah, I just kind of want to get on here and advocate that it is not the easy way out.

It has been hard with body issues, with kind of, I had to miss out on, like, social events, too, sometimes because I just couldn't eat. Like, I couldn't go out to dinner with my friends. And it can be a little isolating at first when you're experiencing all that pain from having your stomach rewired. But it's hard. It's just, it's not the easy way out. And I want people who might be listening to this.

like if they're considering it to not think that, which is kind of like, I don't know, maybe the opposite. Like, I want you to know that I don't regret it and I wouldn't change a thing. But it's also really hard and don't let people tell you that you just took the easy way out because your journey is your journey, you know? Do I sometimes feel like it was the easy way out? Maybe. But looking back on my entire journey, I'm like, it was hard.

It's like mixed feelings. Yeah, but it's not like you just do that as well. And then it's like you said, like you returned to how your life was before. Like you have to do certain things to maintain where you are. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Which is difficult because you're changing things completely. It's like a full 180 that you're doing.

So like kind of how going back to how people treated me after. Like the family support, I guess, didn't really change. It's also like I'm kind of an adult now, so I kind of make my own rules, but I don't know, it's just, it's weird. People kind of like judge me for how I have to eat differently. I always feel super guilty, like if, say, like my girlfriend buys me dinner and then I only eat like three or four bites, because I'm like, oh, I'm actually full. And I always feel bad, but she always eats the leftovers for me, so it's okay. Yeah, we kind of work together like that.

And that's really, I don't know, I feel like I've said my piece. I want people to feel comfortable if they are able to, to get the surgery if they're ready for it. And I wouldn't change a thing. Yeah. And honestly, I think that you did an amazing job explaining it and explaining what you've been through. And obviously, like I just mentioned, too, you are still so young. So to see your perspective on it from a younger age, I think is very interesting to me because I think a lot of people probably do this in their. you know, mid-30s or above. And I feel like what you just mentioned to about it being the easy

way out, I don't think any decision, especially a big decision like that is ever easy. You know, like you said, it comes with risks. And thankfully, thank God, you had a great outcome and everything went fine. But you never know with any surgery you get, something could go wrong or, you know, the aftermath of things are very confusing mentally. Just because people don't see something, they might look at you and be like, oh, she's, she's losing weight. She's doing great. And it was that easy, but like they don't know what's going on mentally inside or even what you struggled with before your mental health. So I think that that was very important. And thank you so much for touching on that as well. And I think you did such a good job. And it takes a lot of courage to come on here and

explain everything. And I definitely think a lot of people will resonate with things that you said because, you know, people are judged so often, whether they're obese or they're too skinny or they don't look a certain way. They don't fit into what the norm is, which there really is no norm anymore. But people just are so judgmental and mean. And I think that it's so important to understand, even as a parent to educate your children, not to say certain things because it sticks with people and it's hurtful. And it can really affect someone's life and mental health. And it's horrible. It's heartbreaking. But I think that you did an amazing job. And thank you so much for wanting to show. share your journey on my show. I really appreciate it. Yeah. Thank you so much for having me.

I feel so good after explaining my whole story. Good. I'm glad.