We're All Insane - Groomed By Aaron Carter

Episode Date: December 25, 2023

Sara shares her personal experience with Aaron Carter, an American singer and rapper who came to fame as a teen pop singer in the late 1990s, establishing himself as a star among preteen and teenage audiences during the first years of the 21st century. Grooming is a serious issue that affects many individuals, and it's crucial to shed light on the emotional and psychological impact it can have. Please be advised that this content may be triggering for some viewers. If you or someone you know is going through a similar situation, it's important to reach out to the appropriate support networks. I'll include some resources in the video description to help those in need. If you have a unique story you'd like to share on the podcast, please fill out this form: https://forms.gle/ZiHgdoK4PLRAddiB9 or send an email to [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hey guys, it's me DeVora. I just dropped an all new bonus episode inside my new subscription channel, We're All Insane Plus. This week's bonus episode is called My Brain was slipping into my spine. Listen now by subscribing to We're All Insane Plus inside your Spotify or Apple Podcasts app or go to we're all insane.com. I want to start my story with an important preface. This is the only part of my story that is pre-written. I have the utmost respect for the Carter family, and I am not sharing my story with malice. I loved Aaron and still do. We were extremely close in my late teens and early 20s when I was figuring life out. He's really important to me, despite the complicated experiences I had with him, including grooming, sexual assault, manipulation, and coercion. I would not be the

person I am today had I not become friends with or worked with Aaron. My story connects to people whose similar experiences are already public. I did not have the courage to come forward when they did for reasons I will explain. I'm no longer scared to share my experiences. I'm so grateful to the person who believed me and helped me report what happened to legal authorities. She made me feel safe and heard. I'll be eternally grateful to her for that. What happened is bigger than me.

It is bigger than Aaron. The issues of power dynamics, consent, statute of limitations, and victim support is of public interest and the reason I'm coming forward. When I'm about to share may be news to many friends and family, including close family. I do not wish to be contacted about the details I am sharing today by anyone who doesn't already know the inner workings of my relationship with Aaron Carter. So my name is Sarah. Hi.

Hi. So to start off with my childhood, I was a big Aaron Carter fan as a child, as many people my age were. I'm currently 28. So in the early 2000s at the age of, you know, like four to six-ish, I was enjoying Aaron Carter, Backstreet Boys, you know, in St. Brittany. Oh, my goodness. So my first concert was actually the Backstreet Boys in 2000, the Millennium Tour with my older sister and my dad. And my mom's college roommate's daughter, my dad took us. And we would skate around her basement listening to Aaron's music. Like it was such a blast.

And I'm still friends with her to this day. And, you know, that just, I think of those memories so fondly. So when I heard about Aaron's comeback in 2013, I was so excited. One of my friends told me that he was touring and I couldn't be more excited. I immediately got tickets and started following him on social. media and wanted to keep up with everything that he was doing. So did he have like a gap in between that time? Like where he wasn't really, okay.

For sure. She kind of died off during the time. Yeah. Yeah. So, um, he, you know, he was on Lazy McGuire and, you know, making music for soundtracks like Princess Diaries and Jimmy Neutron and things like that. And then so he was like very big into the kids market. And then, um, he was like, very big into the kids market.

he was kind of into the teens market too and then he started diving into drugs his sister passed away and then he ended up in jail and I don't know the exact timeline of or the order of those things because it was so small right and that was like during his time that he wasn't really making stuff okay yeah do you remember the show house of Carter's no okay so they had a reality show for a bit. I remember it and I watched it, but I don't really, I watched it, but I didn't, like, religiously.

I was, yeah, I was. Yeah. Yeah. So that was kind of when things were, like, that was towards when he started to fall off. Okay. And it was around the same time that Insink and Backstreet fell off too, like just the mid-2000s. So he didn't come back until 2013. And when Aaron was performing as a small child, he first started when he was like seven, I think, opening up for the backstreet boys, which is insane.

He had just a really complicated relationship with the majority of his family members, and he suffered a lot of different mental disorders. it's public knowledge that he was schizophrenic, bipolar, as well as multiple personalities. Wow. So he really suffered a lot. And I'm sure that a lot of that stemmed from childhood trauma being a child star. A lot of childhood stars suffer from having a lot of trauma. I think, too, it's like they always say that young you're not supposed to, like the normal person doesn't come into all of that at once.

Right. So it's like at that young of an age, it's you don't even, your brain doesn't even know how to grasp all of it. Right. And, you know, in general, stars, like Justin Bieber, people worshipping him and made him, he's talked about it, how people would lay their issues on him and worship him and things like that. And it made him have a different sense of self.

Yeah. And I think that a lot of stars that really. reach that kind of fame, fall and hit rock bottom, especially when there's a point where it goes away because there's this dopamine and then all of a sudden it's just gone. So Aaron and I talked a little bit about his addiction, but that was something that he kind of hid from me, which I think stemmed somewhat from his multiple personalities, which I also talk about. Okay. So in 2014, that's when he, okay, I'm going to go back for a second.

In 2013, I was 17. This is when I first met Aaron online. We didn't meet in person yet, but this is when we first started having conversations. They weren't anything crazy. They were just normal, like. And was this on Instagram? Okay. And Twitter. And did you message him and he just responded? Or how did that go? How did that happen? Um, I think it initially started just by like tweets.

Okay. Um, and then we were talking on different social media platforms, but it was very casual. Um, and it just developed. And so we definitely initially started tweeting at each other. And then we started DMing, I think on Instagram is when we first started DMing. Okay. And I let him know that I was coming to the show, things like that. We started talking when I was 17, and then shortly after I turned 18, I saw him in concert

a few weeks after my birthday, my 18th birthday. And I had let him know that I was coming to the show, et cetera. We met very briefly outside of the show, but it was, you know, just a, hey, you know. And that was the first time you met in person. That was the first time I met him in person. And it was so fun. You know, this is my first time seeing him in concert. I'd seen his brother, but I hadn't seen him.

And I felt like I knew him at that point because we had had conversations and we had conversations and we had been talking for a few months off and on. Again, nothing deep, but, you know, he knew who I was. And he was giving me a lot of attention during the show, things like that. And it was a good time. And so in my cross-year-old. conversations with Aaron. He asked me how old I was. And I told him I was 18. And his response was, here's my number, but you have to send me sexy picks, though. And then he said again, only if you're 18.

And he also made me send him a picture of my ID to prove that I was 18, which at the time, didn't feel that weird. And of course, you know, it's like when you turn 21, you want to flash your ID because you want to prove that you're 21. And you're offended when someone doesn't ask you for your ID when you turn 21. I didn't see anything wrong with it. But in hindsight, especially like when I turned 26, it was so bizarre to me to have to think that anybody would want to see someone's ID to prove that they're a certain age. Like, I couldn't imagine being with a teenager.

I couldn't imagine being with someone who is 20. I couldn't imagine being with someone who's like in their early 20s. Like, we're just in such different parts of our lives. But I don't think we're ever meant to understand why people do what they do. Because if your brain is not operating how theirs is, you're not going to get it. Yeah. So like, you know what I mean? Like trying to figure it out or understand.

It's impossible. We'll never know. Because there's, I hate to say like normal people, but like people that are doing things as you should aren't going to, you know, do things like that. Yeah. And it was just, you know, I didn't even want to. But how is I supposed to really say no?

Well, I think too, you're young. You're naive. Right. There's someone famous messaging. Exactly. Yeah, exactly. People do even when it's not someone that's famous, that you look back in a year or a few years and you're like, why the fuck did I do that? Exactly.

So it's like you can never beat yourself up over something. Right. And I loved him. You have to remember that, you know, I idolized him too. I adored him as a kid. So I took a while to message him back and then he got mad. This was like the first time he had ever gotten mad at me and like I barely knew this guy. And he's like, or not.

And he sent me like four messages, like, you know, just kind of blowing me off, kind of being mad that I hadn't messaged him yet. It was also really late at night. You know, he's on the West Coast. And so I let him know, like, oh, I'll, you know, message you later. And, you know, he leaves it at that. And then I text him. And then, of course, he starts asking for pictures.

Did you send the ID as soon as you texted them or not yet? Oh, yeah, I did send the ID. Yeah. And oh my God, my ID picture was horrible. Do you want to see it? Sure, show me. I look like a child. Yeah.

I look like a child. Right, because I don't think you have to retake them for a long time. After a while of sending photos because he convinces me to and I don't really know what else to do, I let him know that I really don't want to. and I don't like it. It doesn't make me feel good. I hadn't really sent pictures like that before to anybody, and it just wasn't fun for me.

And he's like, well, I guess you just don't want to be my friend then. I guess you don't want to talk to me then and would just kind of manipulate me and threaten me. And, you know, so I'm like, oh, well, I do. And I, you know, I would try to convince him that I still did. And then he would just like fully. stop talking to me, like, for a week or two. So these pictures, were they, like, fully nude or just?

They weren't fully nude, not then. Okay. They were, like, cutesy, sexy. Got it. But, like, not fully nude. Okay. Not yet. And, yeah, so he would ignore me for, like, a week or two.

And then I would start sending pictures again. and then he would start talking to me again. And I let him know, again, like, hey, that's not really cool. I don't want to just be some girl in your phone, like, you know, whatever. He would, you know, try to convince me, oh, you're not just a girl in my phone, you know. I really, you know, like you. I appreciate, not like you like you, like you, but like, you know, I like our friendship, whatever. And at some point, after this continues, he,

sends me and his pictures weren't fully nude either at that point until I just get a dick pick and I feel like this is kind of where the multiple personalities come in because he texts me with the image saying send me this but the girl version what 26 year old talks like that you know and sometimes like his conversations were very childlike and just like the way that he would talk and the way that he would interact was just very like youthful and not like an adult. Okay. And could you see that shift at different times? Not like immediately.

Okay. It wasn't like a thing that just kind of like happened. It was just like the only like true shift I saw was like anger. Like sometimes he would just get like really angry. But sometimes he would just be like really, I don't know, like it would be youthful to the point where it just like didn't totally make sense. Like guys my age didn't even talk like that. Like I had gotten unsolicited dickpicks before but nobody had ever said. Written that.

Yeah. Yeah. And nobody to this day has ever ran anything like that. So what was your reaction to that? I sent it. Yeah. I sent him a full nude and it was the most uncomfortable thing that I've ever sent anybody. Yeah.

And that's when I really put a hard stop to it. I was like, I feel absolutely disgusting. I don't ever want to do this again. I'm Anna Garcia, host of True Crime News, the podcast. Every week we bring you in-depth coverage on cases making headlines, as well as those that go under the radar. Tune in for murders that defy explanation, mystery seeking exploration, and shocking secrets that will leave you breathless.

Each week, we honor the victims by going beyond the salation. in our search for justice. Crime never stops, and neither do we. Listen to true crime news available now wherever you get your podcast. At this point, do you think that you feel like you kind of had feelings for him? Or do you think you were viewing it as like a friendship that you're just kind of doing favors for this person? Yeah, I don't know. Yeah, definitely friendship doing favors for him.

I don't know if I ever really would say that I had feelings. I feel like I had feelings in the sense of I liked him, like idolized him. But I don't know if I would say that I had feelings. Because also, you know, he was so much older and not, I don't know. Yeah, you guys didn't really like have. Yeah. Well, I don't know yet, but at this point, not yet. Yeah.

And so he ignores me again, whatever. After you sent the nude. No, after I tell him that like I'm not. Okay, got it. Like I really just put a hard stop to it. And I just, you know, acknowledge within myself that I'm okay with like not talking to him anymore and him ignoring me. But then while talking to my friend Sarah, I, we recall that a while back he was looking for street team leaders. And so I text him and I say, hey, you were looking for street team leaders in XYZ city.

but my city wasn't one of them. Do you need one here? And he says, actually, I need somebody to run the whole thing. Is that something you want to do? And I say, sure, of course. Can Sarah help me? He's like, okay. And so I began starting to run his entire street team.

And what is that exactly? So a street team is where you promote an artist essentially in different cities. Got it. It's basically like fans doing the promoting. and usually for some perks. Okay. So like for merch or for meet and greets or concert tickets, things like that. Okay.

And so he wanted me to run the whole thing, recruit people, and do all of that. So was he paying me for this position? Not at that point. Okay. So he considered it at that point to be an internship. And I was 18. I was a freshman in college. Absolutely.

you know so I take it on and I'm so over the moon so excited um I'm hosting street team meetings with 30 plus leaders um not only just in the U.S. but some internationally um and he and I are talking all day every day like texting phone calls Skype we're literally literally talking every day. And it was so, it was a really great time. And I just felt special. Yeah. And I had, I had the beginning of O' Aaron as his text tone. The song, da, da, da, da da da da da da da da. Oh my God. That gave me so much anxiety as time went on. But it was cute. Like during the street team meetings, like, the fans would like know that he was texting me because his text tone would be going off. And he would call me and want to talk to the street team leaders and I'd put him on speaker or like he'd FaceTime me and I'd like hold the phone up or he would join in on the meeting sometimes.

And it was just a really fun time. But it was also really weird because he was still flirting with me and calling me baby. and even like making like sly comments that like only I would pick up on in the meetings. Like if he were joining in, like he would like say something like really sly or like an inside kind of thing. Or yeah, just like being like really slick. And that's just kind of the personality that he had. And it was really hard to. to separate professional and personal with him and to know when to turn it on and off, especially at 18.

And sometimes he would get mad, like if I were being too personal with him when I should have been professional or being too professional when I should have been personal. And it was really tough. and with especially with his bipolar disorder, he would get really angry. One time my best friend was home from school. I was living at home while I was in school my freshman year, and she was like an hour away. and she was home for the weekend. And she was sleeping over and he called me and it was like midnight and he's screaming at me. And she's just like, what in the world, you know?

And at that point, you know, as a best friend, she hated him from that moment on. But it was embarrassing to be yelled at like that. And it was really tough. And honestly, I just had to learn to just say okay when he was like that, which is something that, which is unfortunate, but something that my mom taught me because that's kind of how she had to be with my dad, just like when he would get mad, just like, just say okay. And not argue because like nothing's going to really change his mind. You just have to say okay and, you know, whatever. And so from running the street team, I, at this point, we hadn't spent any time in person together. And so he had a dinner coming up in my area. And we were both excited to meet each other in person finally.

So you hadn't seen him since that first concert? No. No. Okay. And so I'm scared as hell. Yeah. Like I don't know what he's going to do, right? Because this grown man who's calling me baby and, you know, whatever, but is also my boss.

Like, I don't know what to do. Yeah, it's a weird situation. And it's telling me to go to his hotel room. Before or after the dinner? Before. So I bring my little sister with me. Good, good call there. But it was so awful.

Like I shouldn't have put her in that position. I actually. Yeah, but I think also like that's what you would do with like a friend as well. Like if someone feels uncomfortable or like come with me so it's not awkward or weird. Yeah. Or so nothing happens. Yeah. I feel like it's like a safety measure.

Yeah. But I had a really tough conversation with her about it because she knew, but I never told her. Okay. So we talked about that this year. And I'm like, what did you know? And she's like, well, I knew things were happening and it shouldn't have been. So she's the only person that like really knew, which is a really not so nice position to put someone that you're supposed to protect. It's not a good position to put somebody in that you're supposed to protect.

So I bring my sister with me to the hotel He doesn't know that she's coming I don't tell him because I don't know what he's going to do If I tell him Yeah So I just show up with my sister And I can tell that he's just like So this was before the dinner

How long was it going to be until the dinner? Four hours or so Okay so you went like pretty far in advance Yeah like we were planning to hang out Okay Which is why I brought her. Also, he didn't know this.

He's like, I was what to say he still doesn't know. He never knew this. I did not have my license. So you couldn't drive. I couldn't drive. So my younger sister had to drive me. Wow. How old was she?

She was 16. Okay. Yeah, she was 16 and I was 18. Wow. So she had to drive. One, she had to drive me. Yeah. Two, I was not going alone.

Yeah. And so we get to his hotel. I'm more than positive that he was not dressed. And something that I'll say later will further confirm my thoughts as to why I think he wasn't dressed. But he props the door open. He's like, oh. And he's like very shocked. And he's like, give me a sec.

then closes the door, takes a little while, and then comes back, opens the door for us, greets us both, hangs out with us for a while. We're hanging out. It's a lot of fun, you know, we're just chilling. And then his tour manager comes in, thanks nothing of the fact that there are two teenage girls, one of them being underage, doesn't ask either of us. I mean, he knew me. The tour manager knew who I was.

Didn't ask who this other person was who looked, even younger than me, didn't ask us her age, anything, and just acted like it was so normal. And then walks out, leaves us alone with him. Leaves us alone with him. I eventually felt comfortable. So my sister leaves and then we just continue to hang out. And then we go to the dinner.

He's parading me around. I feel so special. I feel so, you know, important. And he's having me, like, recruit some people onto the street team, whatever. And I don't know. I just felt really valued by him. And I felt so cool. And, you know, there was no reason for me to want to give that up, I guess.

He made me feel pretty. He made me feel special and, you know, valuable and, like, all those things. and so I enjoyed all of that. And then getting to have this role on his team, I just was, I felt like I mattered. And it was a really fun and cool time. And, you know, my friends were all like, oh, yeah, she's someone that works for Aaron Carter, you know?

It was just a really, it was cool. Yeah, it was cool. So in the car, There are a few funny things that happen in the car. So he, on the way to the dinner, he calls Verizon and gets his number changed because his number got out. He posted on Twitter. Like he posted it himself. He posted himself, which made it impossible to reach him.

It was so difficult to talk to him because fans were calling him all the time. Yeah. But he's like, so. my number got out. I'm Aaron Carter. I need a new phone number. Just like sweet talking, the person on the other end. And she's eating it up and then gives him a new number. Like, you're supposed to pay for new numbers. And she just like gives him the new number for free because he's Aaron Carter and like he wanted a new number. And that's just the kind of stuff that he would do. Like he would take advantage of who he was in that way. And that was like my first time like

seeing that but I didn't recognize that at the time I just thought it was cool like he did this thing to himself he put his number out there then got it changed by sweet talking somebody um which isn't a huge thing but it just was you know

it was something that stood out to you yeah we get back to my house after the dinner. He meets my mom. Before this, my mom actually told me that he talks to every fan like this. And I shouldn't feel special until like he actually shows up at our house and is playing our piano and playing with our dog and, you know, hanging out and, you know, all of that. And I think that because my parents were in the process of divorcing at the time, I think that she wasn't paying a lot of attention.

And this isn't, you know, a dig at my mom. I think that she had a lot on her mind. And I think that she just didn't realize how deep it was or how bad it was, I guess. but she kind of drops the idea of he treats everybody like this once I start being on the payroll. And once she meets him, she's like, oh, you know, he came to the house. He doesn't just show up at everybody's house. But before that, she definitely thought, you know, I was just a regular fan. And I also just kind of wanted to prove her wrong because I knew that wasn't the case.

So once I'm on the payroll, there were only three of us on the payroll. So he had a very, very small team. So were the rest that you were recruiting? Were they just doing it for like an internship thing too, basically? Or like volunteering? Yeah. So they were just doing it for perks. They were doing it for like a concert ticket or like something like that.

Yeah. Yeah. So I was over everybody. And then I also was a part of the actual team. And then they were like just essentially volunteering to do it in their own city. Yeah, which is what I initially started as wanted to do. Wanted to do. But he was like, do the whole thing.

Do the whole thing. Yeah. And so because I was officially on the team and a part of the – I was on the payroll, I signed an NDA. and there are a few things that happen when I sign the NDA. One, a lot of fear. Like, oh, these things that have been happening, I can't talk about. I felt silenced. And but also because, of the sexual harassment and abuse and everything that I experienced, it's expired and void.

Because of time, it's expired and because of the things I experience, it's void. And there was just a lot of fear that surrounded having an NDA, especially that young. Like, you don't know exactly like what it means to sign. something like that other than you're not supposed to talk about it. And I didn't want to say or do the wrong thing and then have consequences for it. So in 2014, my perception of him changed. This is when I started realizing a pattern. of him talking to underage people.

I wasn't underage. I was 18, so I didn't totally see anything wrong with that. But once I realized that there were more people that were teenagers, and I was the only one that was of age that I know of, my perception of him definitely changed. And at this point, you guys hadn't done anything together. No. No.

Yeah. So in 2015, I was no longer working for him and we weren't on speaking terms. In 2016, he has another show in North Carolina. Was there a reason that you guys fell off and you weren't working for him anymore? Um, he was really, like he just, like his team was just a, uh, uh, revolving door. Okay. Um, they changed the entire team. Um, and I think that people were just saying things. Like, I, I don't know. Um, because he, I'll talk about it later too, because he reached out later and explained some of it, but.

But there wasn't anything specific of like a reason. of why you stopped working for him during that time. No. Okay. No. So I just like fell off. Yeah. Okay.

So in 2016, he has a show in North Carolina. I reach out. And honestly, the biggest reason why I reach out is I'm not paying to go to that show. Yeah. Like, I know you. I'm not paying at the door. You're going to get me in. So I reach out and I say, hey, let's catch up.

You know, I want to see you tonight. Um, and he says, yeah, let's hang out. Um, come to the hotel. Come alone. He made sure to tell me to come alone this time. Um, he says, bring rubbers. I reply, ha, ha. I'm 20, I think.

And you hadn't talked to him for how long? Uh, since 2014. So there was like a couple years, like a year or two. Yeah, a year, a year and a half. Okay. Yeah. And that's like the first thing he responds. Yeah.

Okay. And I'm like, okay. And I'm a virgin. And I'm like, I don't even know if I knew what that meant. Yeah. Like I don't know if I knew what he was referring to. So I just said, ha-ha. And was just going to show up.

And so I get there. He's not. wearing any clothes. He opens the door and he's just in tidy whiteies. And I'm like in complete shock. And we weren't even supposed to hang out there. Like the plan was for me to drive him somewhere and for me to go with him to the show. But then he later said, come to the hotel, bring rubbers. And again, like I wasn't totally aware of like what he was trying to do there. and so then one it's a hotel room so there's nowhere to really sit he lays down on the bed I sit on the bed then he like forces me to lay with him holds me against his body tries to

convince me to have sex with him and pressures me to have sex with him for like 20 minutes while holding me and I'm just like frozen and I don't know what to do. I don't want anything to do with this at all. And I'm just like, get me out of here. Yeah. And I'm just telling him like, I don't want to. And he's just asking why, why, why, why?

And finally, I tell him, I'm just not that kind of girl. This isn't what I do. So you lost your virginity to him? No. No. No. Thank God. I was so terrified of him actually, like forcibly.

So for the 20 minutes he was trying to convince you to have sex with him. Yes. Okay. He pressed his body against me in his tidy whitties and in the hotel bed and tried to convince me to have sex with him and tried to convince me to kiss him and do all of that. And finally, when I, I don't know what made him change his mind. So I am just so, I don't know what changed in him. He then just says, okay, and gets up and puts clothes on. And then we leave.

And how did you feel after that thing? Like, were you scared to be with him at that point? Or did you just want to like forget about it? I just wanted to. forget about it and act like it didn't happen. I did not know what to do and honestly it just took me back to a place when I was molested as a kid. Because the room was just silent other than him just trying to tell me what like he wanted

me to do and like and he was just like so naked and I'm like, why are you, why did you answer the door like this? Yeah, it was so uncomfortable. I'm like, put clothes on. I did not ask for this. This is totally unacceptable. Put clothes on. And I'm fully dressed and he's in his tidy white.

He's pressing his body against me. It was so disturbing. I'm sure. It was so uncomfortable. Like, that is the, second most uncomfortable thing I've ever had to like physically endure. And like the first being like actually like. Yeah.

Yeah. It was so. And like for it to be him too, like that it was so upsetting. It was honestly just really upsetting. I'm just, I'm really glad that. And I think that because certain lines were never crossed, I think that he viewed me differently than he viewed other people. Because I don't know anybody else, like any of my friends that also know him that hasn't had sex with him, honestly.

All of my friends, everybody that I know who has had sex with him has had sex with him at least once willingly. And that might be part of it too. Maybe that's why he didn't push further. He then asks me to work the show. I tell him, sure. And then he says he's going to pay me because people who know they're getting paid work harder. And I'm like, okay, sure. And at this point, like, even though I, one, my perception had changed prior into what I had just experienced with him,

I still just wanted to be liked by him and be, like, please him and, you know, whatever. So I worked the show. I just did what I worked the show. And it was still a cool experience to work at the show because I got to hang out backstage and that was something cool. And it was still an Aaron Carter show at the end of the day, right?

And so I sell meet and greet tickets at the door. And I take meet and greet photos at the end of the night. and he tells me that he's going to pay me. Never does, of course. 2017, so this is a year later. This is 2017, 2018. We're just checking in casually. We talk maybe like once or twice a year.

And then I randomly run into him on Melrose in L.A. with his girlfriend. At this point, I think he's using it. Like he didn't seem sober. like I don't want to like assume but it seemed like he was using at the time and in 2019 is when we like really get back in contact with each other he wishes out to me in full panic he and his mom get into this huge fight it's on YouTube like he was on YouTube he was on Instagram Live, like fighting with his mom, like while they were driving across the country

from Florida to L.A. And he reaches out to me and he's like in full blown panic. This is like a few weeks to a month after the restraining orders from his siblings. And he apologizes to me for everything. It was insane. Like I don't know anybody else has ever received an apology from him ever. So more specifically, he apologized from guessing what, the hotel situation? I think just everything. Like everything he put me through. He apologized for talking badly about me to people.

And he just randomly reached out and texted you that. And he told me that he couldn't trust anybody. And he thanked me for never going to the media with like his secrets and, you know, things like that. Were there things that you knew about him that you felt like you? how to keep secret? Yeah. Yeah. One, like, again, I had an NDA, so I, like, felt fear.

Two, I, you know, he was a friend. Like, I told him everything. And, you know, he told me a lot, too. And I didn't feel the need to break that trust. But you knew he was doing things that weren't necessarily, right? Yeah. Okay. Well, no.

Okay. So that part, I didn't know what to do about. Okay. That I really just didn't know what to do about. And then I also felt like, especially because I knew some of the people that were experiencing similar things, but actually illegal because they were underage. What happened to me was illegal to the thing in the hotel room. But by the time that I realized that it was illegal and two, I did report it, the statute of limitations had run out. But I didn't know what to do with the information that I had with the other people because I was so young when I, one, obtain the information and to, and two, the people that told me.

it told me an incompetence. I never got that information from him. In 2020, story started circulating about a girl. This is when a lot of online movements were happening about celebrities and underage girls, especially like online situations. My name comes up. The Sarah's come up. They talk about the Sarahs and Aaron and how.

Aaron didn't like having older street team leaders or something like that and that the Sarahs were instructed to recruit younger street team leaders or something. I don't know. And immediately I reach out and I'm like, remove my name from this. I don't want any part. And I'm letting them know like, hey, like, I worked for him. I was 18. What do you think you're insinuating that he likes teenagers.

I was a teenager working for him. What do you think was happening? How do you think I knew him? Like, let's start there. And they were refusing to remove my name from it. I was so hurt. And I didn't really know what to do with that. Even though they weren't saying like, hey, like this probably happened here.

it was really hurtful that they didn't stop to think, hey, did this happen here? This 18-year-old was talking to this person every single day and we think that he liked teenagers. Hmm. And like it was more of a story than it was like what happened to you or how you're feeling or any of the sort. Right. And or even like figuring out the truth of what happened. Exactly. And I think that that's an issue all around.

to, like nobody really stopped to think, how did Aaron know me? And he thought to, you know, he told me to not tell people, but no one really ever asked. Some people asked me that knew me, but nobody that was from his circle or from the street team or anything like that ever. Ever. asked. And I think that's really alarming because how did he find this 18-year-old? What was his relationship with her? Why were they talking so much? I don't know.

It was just a very weird relationship. And it was a very uncomfortable relationship. and a very complicated relationship in many aspects. Very difficult. So when these stories started circulating, did you reach out to him? No. Okay. And he didn't say anything to you?

No. No, he didn't. But I did get back in contact with his manager at that time. And that's when the FBI got involved. So what happened with some of the people that I know, what happened with me was reported to FBI. Overall, I received a lot of victim blaming. Like, why did you send them photos?

why were you talking to him? Oh, it was okay for him to talk to you. It was okay for him to want to have sex with you, whatever. You were 18. When in actuality, I didn't want any of that and never really did. But he used his celebrity power and he used the fact that he was my boss. Like, he would fire me all the time. And then call me.

20 minutes later, be like, oh, can you do this? Like nothing ever happened. And it was really jarring. It was really difficult to deal with that at such a young age. And I think the thing, too, is clearly whether people found out years down the road from when it happened to you or not, he clearly had a pattern of doing this to young girls. So it's like even if you didn't necessarily say no, it's like how it's not even about blaming or saying or excuses. It's just that at that age and when it is somebody that's a celebrity, how are you supposed, like how is anybody going to respond? You know what I mean?

Exactly. I don't know. Exactly. Yeah. And the whole. And I don't think it comes down to saying yes or no. Right. what you did or didn't do, he had this issue and this pattern and whether these, even if every single

girl or every single kid is saying yes, that doesn't make what he's doing okay. Exactly. There is no such thing as victim blaming. It's just straight up he shouldn't have been doing that. He shouldn't have been doing it. Yeah. And it was such an uncomfortable situation to be put in, especially because I idolized him. And of course I wanted to talk to him and be close to him and get to know him.

All I wanted was to get to know him, but in order to get to know him, I had to get to know the ugly parts of him too, which included a lot of just really uncomfortable situations. Yeah, it was really dark. And I know because of the weird situation that I was in where I know a lot of people that were also really close to him, but I also know a lot of his fans. I know both, I know like two sides of him that a lot of people I think don't really know. Well, I'm sure too. I think it was probably, it brought it into reality of what actually happened when these stories started circulating because it seems like there was a lot of you just kind of pushing it, pushing it back. You know, like because I think you did care about him.

So obviously, so it's like I feel like you never really within yourself thought like, okay, this is wrong or I need to do something about this. Yeah. So it's almost like it was forced upon you to be like, okay, acknowledge that this wasn't something that should have happened. Exactly. Yeah. And so I, when Demi Lovato's song, 29, came out, I actually posted a picture of me and Aaron at my mom's house when I was 18 and he was 26 and I put finally 26. And that's kind of the first time I alluded to something deeper going on than that.

just professional. And that's when people started, people that I actually knew that, um, just knew what, uh, so what made you want to post a picture of you and him? Um, it made me want to post a picture of me and him because I really related to the song because of the, the lyrics really spoke to me. me and the specific age difference. Okay. And two, I didn't know what the hell was going on when I was, oh my goodness, when I was

18 years old. And I felt so pressured to do so much and to, yeah, I just felt so pressured, especially like with the photos and in the hotel room. So when you posted that picture. Were you guys talking, like on a talking basis? Or you just posted it because? No. So do you know the song?

Yes. Yeah. So I posted the, um, sorry. No, you're kidding. Um, I actually blocked him. Okay. Before I posted. I didn't.

So you just posted it because you felt I wanted people to know. Got it. I felt somewhat ready to admit what happened. Okay. Um, without wanting. to really talk about it. Without like writing it out word for right. Yeah, exactly.

Yeah, that's, that's, yeah, that's exactly what it was. I wanted to, I felt ready to kind of admit it without giving people details. I didn't want to give people details. Okay. And it's a really weird thing because people even now are like, oh, you worked, like even a couple months ago. And it's even worse now that he's gone. But people will say, oh, you worked for Aaron.

that's so cool. And I'm like, yeah, it was awesome. Right. And behind the scenes, it was so miserable. Like, I often was, you know, crying. I was stressed. I had so much anxiety during that time. Like, I was waking up at three in the morning every night

because he was calling me or texting me, blowing up my phone. And I never knew what kind of mood he was going to be in. I never knew what was going to be on the other end of those text messages, whether he was going to be flirting or if he was going to be yelling at me or if he was just going to be saying, hey, you know what I mean? Like, it was so confusing and really difficult to figure him out in some ways. Right, because he also had the mental illness stuff going on. Yeah.

So it's like so many different things play a role in that. Yeah. And actually, the first time that I was supposed to meet him was. right after Valentine's Day. And, like, just for funsies, I was like, oh, will you be my Valentine? He's like, of course. And then the first thing that he says to me on Valentine's Day is I just got dumped. I didn't even know he had a girlfriend.

And this is, is this after everything kind of? Was this or when was this? This was like after we stopped sending photos when I was a street team leader before I was on the payroll. Got it. Okay. So kind of in between there. Yeah.

Okay. But like while still flirting, all of that. Got it. So he kept flirting with you even if he was in relationships or whatever. Oh, yeah, yeah. And he cheated on all of school. So I was going to say too, like I assume that while he was having this, whatever it was, fling relationship, whatever relationship weird thing you guys had going on,

he also had this going on, you think, with multiple other people. Oh, definitely. Okay. which is a big reason why I said I didn't want to be just a number in his phone. Got it. Okay. But he, again, like he reassured me that I wasn't. And I'm sure, like you said, you felt like you weren't, because you were helping him so much and you were working for him.

Yeah. So, and you weren't just his booty call. Yeah. Right. But at that point, I really did feel like just a number in his phone. Okay. I felt like a number in his phone until I started running his street team. That's when I felt like I was special.

That's when I felt like I mattered. and I just loved that high that I got from it. And I was still getting flirted with. I was still, you know, he would call me his number one girl all the time. Like, that's what he would always refer to me as. Like, I only have one thing signed by him. Like, I took some polar raids of us the first time we met and he'd signed it my number one girl. And he, you know, like one time I was sick and he's like, oh, I can't have my number

one girl sick. Like he would, you know, say that all the time. And, you know, it just felt like I was really important to him. And it was, like I said, it was confusing in the sense of I felt important personally and I felt important professionally. and I also had to hide the personal aspect from everybody because there was a professional aspect. Got it. That was tough. That was really tough. There were a few people who knew about the personal stuff.

And those are my like few close friends. My little sister somewhat knew what was going on. So in January after he passed, I was in L.A. for the first time without him being there. And I called my sister and I asked her, what did you know? And she says, probably more than you wanted me to. She says, I knew it wasn't good. And I felt like I had to protect you. And I remember you telling me,

I don't want to go to his hotel room alone. Her telling me that back really... You're going to take your time. Her telling me that back that I didn't... I told her that I didn't want to go to his hotel room alone. I didn't even remember telling her that. But it hurt. Because it reminded me

that I was genuinely afraid that he was going to do something that I didn't want to do and how uncomfortable he made me. And I just couldn't admit it to myself because of who he was. And that I was still willing to go even though he made me uncomfortable. That was a tough pill to swallow. And so she went with me because she knew I was going to go anyway. and she didn't want anything to happen to me. But I'm so glad that she went, but also...

You have that, like, guilt. Yeah, I have that guilt. And then the second time, like, I just... Because of how well the first time went was the only reason why I went the second time. But I'm so glad that he gave up. I was terrified. And he said, okay, like, it was nothing. Yeah.

Just like that. in a high-pitched voice, okay, that's just, I don't know, that's just kind of how he was. Like, he, like, that kind of switch, I noticed. Like, his personality would kind of switch like that sometimes, where, like, things would just be okay or things would just be really not okay. Right. Like, one time he got stuck in an airport. And, again, I was, like, 18, 19.

I was 18. I always want to age myself. which is horrible because like, I'm like, oh, I was 19. I was 18, that's the majority of the time. I was 18 years old. And I had never flown by myself. Like, the only times I'd flown was with my parents or my grandparents. And he's asking me for help to navigate an airport I've never been in.

And I don't know how to help him. And he's yelling at me and then fires me. And I'm not his assistant, mind you. But he's asking me to do like assistant work, whatever. and so I'm like, okay, whatever, okay, you know, the okay, because that's what I have to say to him. And then he's calling me multiple times at 3 a.m. and I'm like, why is this man calling me? Like, what does he want now? And I finally get, like, I finally wake up, like, see that he's, because I wake up in the middle of the night because he's always calling me.

see that he's been trying to get a hold of me. So I call him back. And he's like, oh, my buddy Drake, because he's, sorry, he had to make an emergency landing in the airport. And Drake Bell just happened to be on the same plane. And so he's like, oh, my buddy Drake Bell just wanted to say hi. After all of that, after just like cursing me out hours prior. Yeah. Just to say that his friend said hi.

You know, like I just never knew what kind of mood he would be in. It was, he was so difficult to figure out. And you just kind of took it. I just took it. I literally just took it. So, but the, at the point that you posted the picture after he was, and you had him blocked, he was still alive at that point, right? Yes.

Okay. Yeah. This was, um, 2020, did you say? This was about a month before he passed. Oh, wow. Okay. Yeah. And he passed in.

November last year. Wow, so 22. Yeah. Okay. Yep. Yep. So it was still pretty fresh. Yeah.

And how close to him passing away did you guys last speak? The last time I had heard from him was almost a year to the day. Almost a year to the day. I deleted our text thread. because it was going to go away anyway because you know how text messages delete after a year. Well, mine don't. Maybe I should set that up. Yeah, you can do it in the settings.

Yeah. So I knew that they were going to delete anyway. So I was like, they're going to delete in like a week. So two days before he passed away, I was like, I made a very conscious decision. I was just going through deleting text messages to clear space on my phone. And I'm just, you know, I'm going to delete this. It's fine. They're going to delete anyway.

Click delete. And then two days later, I get the text from my friend saying that he passed away. Thankfully, it was somebody that we both knew because immediately after my phone just starts blowing up for the next three days. Everybody wanted to tell me. As if everybody wanted to tell me or check on me. Yeah. And that was tough too because not everybody knew what kind of relationship it was. Some people thought I was a fan.

They're like, oh, I know you were a big fan of his. And some people, like my dad, my dad's so clueless. He like sent a screen, he sent like a picture of the TV announcing that he died. I'm like, really, dad. So officially, did he die from an overdose? No, he drowned. So he was likely high. He was high.

There were drugs in his system, and he was in the bathtub and went under. Wow. Okay. So he probably what, like passed out maybe and then okay. Yeah. Yeah. And when you heard that news, what was your response? Honestly, relief.

Like I felt relief. because I knew that he had been suffering. He wasn't much of a drinker at all. He didn't like to drink. And he was drinking very heavily in addition to everything else. So when he started drinking was when I knew that he was really bad. And did he ever share with you like his personal struggles, like how he felt in his personal life or you guys didn't really have that kind of relationship where you did? Yeah.

So he really wanted to do well for himself. He really wanted to, he was, so while we were close, he was so proud of himself for being sober. He was so proud of himself for being sober. He would talk about it all the time because of his sister. His sister passed of an overdose and he did not want that to happen to himself. And he talked about when he went to jail for drugs. and things like that. And he was so proud of himself for kind of coming out of it on the other side.

And it was inspiring to hear him talk about it and to hear him and see him doing so well. And I'm so grateful that I got to know him when I did because in 2014, 2015, he was doing so well. He was genuinely doing so well. And after that, he definitely started to decline. And in 2020, when I was in contact with people that I also know that know him, we all kind of just saw it coming. We just didn't know when. We all just kind of dreaded the day that it was going to come. And at that point, he was already pushing everybody away. And at that point, he already had the restraining order on him from his siblings. And it was really tough to see that nobody that should have still been in his life was in his life

because he only really kept enablers around him towards the end, which was really difficult to see. Yeah. So when you, did he ever know that you came out about some of the things that happened to the FBI or no? Not that I'm aware. No. But he obviously knew that people were coming forward. I think so. Okay.

Oh, oh. But you and him never discussed that. No. Okay. No. And I think that, yeah, no. We never talked about that. I honestly don't even know what he thinks about everything.

Like if he thinks that he did something wrong. Or not. Yeah. When you told the FBI about what had happened, did that give you any sense of relief at all? Like to get that off your chest or not really? Yes and no. One, like I mentioned, the statute of limitations, for the hotel situation had passed.

Okay. Two, I, I, um, they told me to contact Rain. Um, and so I did, I contacted Rain just to, um, report it and talk about it and, um, just to see what my options were. And, um, they offered me, um, therapy. They said that they would, um, reach out to me, uh, with a therapist, uh, that, worked with my insurance to talk about that and the situation that happened when I was a kid. They never.

So like I was in contact with them for like weeks and then they ghosted me. It was so weird. Yeah. I think the sad part too about all of it, it seems like you really, really cared about him. And I think that you separated who he was and what he did. Yeah. You know, like that's what it seems like. Yeah, for sure. And it's easy to do because I, it happened to me too. Even though I was 18,

I didn't know better. Yeah. Like what's the difference between being 17 plus two months and 17, you know? Like, I honestly think the age of consent is a load of crap to some extent. I think that like grown men still seek out teenagers because they're like 18, 19 year olds because they're legal and because they can.

And I think that's what happened to me. I think he wanted teenagers and I was a teenager and it just happened to be legal. And it was, And it always felt wrong. Like I never really wanted any of it. Like I, like none of the guys that I've dated were his age at that time.

And it was just a really weird and uncomfortable thing. And I did things that I wouldn't have done. Like if someone else had opened the door in just their underwear, like I would have walked away. You know what I mean? or if someone else sent me pictures and was like, send me this back, I wouldn't have done it. But because of who he was, I obliged and I just wanted to make him happy and I wanted to keep him in my life. And I felt like I had to do whatever he was saying in order to make that happen because he showed me very early on that if I didn't do the things that he wanted me to do, he would stop talking to me. And he would he would often punish me by just not talking to me, which he...

Or like the firing. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Just different things. Like he would find ways to, um, to punish me. And yeah, like you said, the firing and, um, and threatening, like threatening to fire me or, um, yeah,

just crazy stuff like that he would do and freak me out. out. And so when I had the NDA, like, I didn't feel like I could talk about any of it. I didn't feel like I could talk about anything that I knew with other people. I didn't feel like I could talk about anything that happened with myself. But also, everything that was happening, I felt like it was kind of a cool secret. You know, I have this secret with Aaron Carter. And that was tough, too, because it was a battle within myself. Like, I didn't even realize this. I didn't even realize that. until I was talking to one of my friends who also knew him. She was a street team leader.

And I told her about the hotel, which I thought she already knew. And she was like, I didn't even know that there was anything going on. Like I asked you because I thought, you know, because of like what was, you know, my relationship with him. Like, I thought there was something there. but you told me it was just professional. But when I asked you about it, when I was over at your house, you giggled and like fled. I was an 18 year. Like I giggled and left the room.

And then I asked her, what did I, what was my excuse for leaving? She said, you said you went to the bathroom. So I don't even remember that happening. but I, you know, and she's his age. So I don't know. I don't know what that was about, but, you know, I was an 18-year-old. I think it just all goes back to, like, you idolizing someone that you looked up to. Right.

And that you were, you were, you did start as a fan of, you know. Right. And I probably was trying to tell her without telling her because I had this NDA that I couldn't, It's the secret. I can't actually tell you. But he, he, he, he, he. It's not just professional. He, he, he. And did you say that this was something that you told your family about or not really?

My sister, my younger sister knows. But you never, like, really had a conversation with your mom or dad about it? My mom wasn't eavesdropping, but she was there when I was on the phone with my sister in January. So she was listening. but my little sister was there, knows everything pretty much. And my older sister, like, you know, this past year, like I was so depressed.

Like, you know, losing him was so complicated and so difficult, and people didn't understand that. They didn't understand how close we were. they didn't understand how much we talked. And that was really hard because I didn't really tell people when he was alive how close he were because I wasn't allowed to. And so when he passed, my sister was like, I did not realize how close you were. My older sister, sorry.

My younger sister totally got it. And like she, like, kept calling. She called me, like, multiple times a day. Every day she's like, stop ignoring my calls. Talk to me. I need to make sure you're okay. But my older sister, like, didn't reach out to me. And then was like, oh.

But also, like, I totally understood, but she wasn't reaching out. She was very, very, very pregnant. She later told me that she just didn't realize how close I was with him. Which is hard because, you know, I, held the weight of a lot of his secrets and a lot of things that he doesn't even know that I know and then a lot of the things that I felt that he doesn't know that I felt for a decade, essentially, which has been super tough and uncomfortable, not fun. But a lot of it also was fun and exciting and really thrilling.

And so it's just been really complicated with his passing because there's a lot of different emotions there too. There are a lot of different emotions there. Like how do you grieve somebody that you had this kind of relationship with? and how do you grieve them from across the country? And like I said too, before we got started, I think it is so important for these kind of stories to be talked about because just because someone has a big name or has that kind of power influence

doesn't mean that these things can or don't happen. And not even specifically of it being him, but it could be anybody. Male, female, no matter. whether they're a celebrity or whether they're in a high position at a job, you know? So it's just like, and I think a lot of people, like I was saying too, I think it's easier to feel like, it feels easier to keep my mouth shut and just not share and not talk about it. But I also feel like talking about it can show other people that are young that this isn't really

right. This isn't something that you have to be involved in to prove yourself to anybody, you know, or to keep somebody around. Because I think that too, when you're young, you feel that sense of that need. Like you want to keep this person around. You want to please somebody. Yeah. Because I don't think at that age you care enough about yourself yet.

You don't really have those morals or anything for you. We don't know ourselves at 18. Right. Yeah. At all. So I feel like we just start finding ourselves maybe a little bit at 25 and then it's like goes up from there. Yeah. But that's why I think it's so important.

And I don't think, too, I feel like with your story, I feel like you did such a great job of approaching it in a very sensitive way still. I think it's very, very clear that you did and you still do care about him. It doesn't come off at all to me. You know what I mean? Like it's just very easy to see that. Yeah. It's tough.

Yeah. Yeah. Because there's this lot there. And he. And you guys were close. You did develop that connection with him. And I think it's very easy to. have a close, deep connection with people that aren't the healthiest for us to have in our life.

Right. But sometimes those are the most addicting in a way. Yeah. Because they give you that feeling of like thrill and secrecy and it's toxic. Yeah. Sometimes, especially when we're young, that's a very addicting feeling. Right. Especially when it's daily and all day and somebody that is famous. Yeah. Yeah. There's so many aspects to it. Yep. Yep. And then when they call it three in the morning they expect you to answer. And like I said too, there's a part of you that wanted to because you wanted to please and you wanted to help. Yeah. So. Yeah. All of those things were super tough. And you know, I have lots of really great memories. But there are a lot of dark memories and dark, just a lot of dark knowledge. A lot of dark knowledge that I can't even share.

but he meant well in this world and I know that for a fact. I think that he just had a really tough life and I'm glad that he's in a better place now. I think his life was too short, but I think that he brought a lot of people joy. and I don't mean to take any of that joy away by sharing my story because even in my story, there's a lot of joy. We shared a lot of laughs. We had a lot of inside jokes. He made me smile so much.

He brought so much fun to a room. Like he was just so. energetic he was just a ball of energy anytime that you were around him and it was so fun to be around and I miss him yeah I was gonna say I know I just kind of said this but

I think you really did approach it super like there was nothing to even to me that came off as like you don't say anything like bashing or wrong or anything of the sort I don't see how it could rub anybody the wrong way and I think too something I want to mention because I know how you said like you don't want to, I don't remember the exact word I may use, but like you don't want to take the joy that he brought to people away. But unfortunately, and I don't think that's what

you're doing at all. But like, just because like somebody could bring people joy in different ways doesn't mean that the reality of some things that happened aren't there. Yeah. You know what I mean? And you shouldn't minimize what happened to you and your experience for the benefit of other people. Yeah. You are just as important. Yeah. And your story is important. And I think something they realize, too, is by you telling your story and sharing your story, you're going to help a lot of people not feel alone. Yeah. Whether they went through this with somebody they knew.

Right. Somebody that was just someone passing in their life. You know what I mean? It's just like there's people that can relate to your story on many different levels. And that's very important as well. Yeah. I think you're going to help a lot of people not feel alone and bring joy to them. So in January,

they had a benefit for Erin to raise money for kids who also suffer from mental illnesses. It's called On Our Sleeps. So I would appreciate anybody who donates to On Our Sleeves. I think it's a really great charity and really important because I think that it's really tough for kids to be able to, able to it's really tough for kids going through mental illnesses especially if they um i think mental illness in general is just something that needs to be talked about more and there needs to be more resources yeah brought to light yeah for sure so i'll definitely link that awesome in the description for you but you did incredible seriously and i think it takes i always say

this but it's so true it takes so much courage and strength to come on and share your stories and open up and be vulnerable. And I know it's difficult, especially when it comes to somebody that is a public figure. But like I said, that doesn't mean that it didn't happen. And that doesn't mean that you don't have the right to share what's happened. But like I said, I can't express enough. I think you did a really, really great job of sharing your story and your feelings in, like, the most respectful way that you could. Thank you.

So I admire that. You did a great job. Seriously. Thank you for wanting to come on to my show. share it. That means a lot to me as well. Thank you for me. Giving me the space to share it. Of course, of course. Great job. Seriously. Thank you.