We're All Insane - Groomed by Emotional Support Teacher

Episode Date: March 3, 2025

#podcast #teacher #grooming Get 15% off Branch Basics with code WAI at https://branchbasics.com/WAI! #branchbasicspod What happens when the person you trust the most crosses the line? In this video, Brooke shares her story of how her emotional support teacher—a woman she saw as a mentor—slowly groomed her under the guise of care and guidance at just 16 years old. What started as encouragement and comfort turned into something much more manipulative and harmful. If you have a unique story you'd like to share on the podcast, please fill out this form: https://forms.gle/ZiHgdoK4PLRAddiB9 or send an email to [e-mail] Business Inquiries please contact: [e-mail] Topics: Grooming, Emotional Manipulation, Toxic Relationships, Secrets, Boundaries Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hey guys, it's me Devorah. I just dropped an all new bonus episode inside my new subscription channel, We're All Insane Plus. This week's bonus episode is called My Brain was slipping into my spine. Listen now by subscribing to We're All Insane Plus inside your Spotify or Apple Podcasts app or go to we're all insane.com. My name is Brooke. So basically the background is that my parents were alcoholics, addicts. I grew up in that. They divorced. My mom remarried. So did my dad. It's interesting because my dad and my stepmom got together. My mom and my stepdad got together. But somewhere along the way before, my stepdad and my stepmom were together. One big happy family. Weird. Got it. And in N.A. it's like very small. Small group. Yeah. Like small world. So that's probably how they all met.

you're thinking? Yes. Yes. Yes. And they all knew each other. My dad helped my stepdad get clean. And then when my mom and him were still together. And then my stepdad became my stepdad later on.

Weird, whatever. So I grew up in a very, I guess, traumatizing, tumultuous childhood. My dad relapsed when I was like six or seven. And so it was my mom and my stepdad together with me. and my older sister, older brother, and then my mom and my stepdad had two more boys, who were like 10 years younger than me, 10 and 12 years younger than me.

And it was a lot of, like, my dad being absent from our lives, although he was like the best person in the world, just sadly had a disease and was sick. And my mom was clean at this point, clean and sober. And so it was my stepdad. And it just, it was kind of, of like abusive my stepdad my mom they had a toxic relationship they were you know always fighting with each other and then like we were you know yelled at and you know I think abuse would would be the term here

I won't go into that so I'm just setting the scene for how you grew up I grew up and I feel like I keep looking down doesn't matter okay cool you're doing good okay are you feeling a little better um yeah I'm still nervous and I feel like I'm going to cry, but like there's really nothing to cry about. That's a lot of people say that they didn't think that they would cry and then they do. Well, I'm a crier. Yeah, but you're also going in order. Yeah. Like, it's a lot.

Yeah. I'm like, I don't want this whole thing to just be me. No, you're okay. That's very normal. Okay. I mean, I am a crier. I knew that this would happen. So I'm not surprised.

Yeah, right? I'll do my best. So, okay, moving. forward trauma insanity. My stepdad ends up leaving kind of N.A. And he's, you know, smoking weed and drinking alcohol every night in our garage

and, like, being a psycho. And my mom is still in N.A. at this point. And so is my entire family. So, like, my mom's sister and her husband, who I'm very close with, and cousins and uncles and like everybody. My grandfather had actually died from mixing drugs and alcohol years ago.

And so, okay, so fast forward, I'm 14. My dad dies from an overdose. And as one can imagine that, like, you know, messes with you at any age, but at 14. And I was like almost like the last day of eighth grade when this happened. And so, you know, we go through the summer. It's a horrible experience. And I think I just felt so alone because by this point, my older brother and older sister were like 17 and 18 and they were on their way out. And we shared our dad, my like younger brothers.

We did not. And so, and also like my mom and my stepdad, this is like, you know, so crazy and toxic in their relationship or marriage. And I go into high school. I'm really struggling. I'm angry. And I'm like flipping desks. like cussing teachers out. I was just like very aggressive individual.

And I turned 16. And I'm having so much trouble that the school is like in contact with my mom. Like, you know, we need to do something. And so they decide to put me in an emotional support class, which is considered special education. There's learning support and then there's emotional support. And so I was placed into an emotional support class. So question, the people that teach.

teach those classes? Are they considered like school counselors? They are school teachers. Okay. But they are special education. So like you can do like elementary education or special education as your like degree or whatever. So the person that I'm going to be talking about, her name is Tammy. She was my special education teacher. But I'm sure they have some like extra you know, training or certifications or whatever they have to get for the emotional side of things. I'm sure on the learning support side of things, it might be different to, or maybe they're all taught the same thing. Who the hell knows? But it was an emotional support special education class. So I was in a special education class, but it was also with kids who needed learning support.

Am I close enough to? Yes. Okay. And this was something that the school suggested for you, right? Yes. So, yeah, it was like, it's like called an IEP, which is a individualized education plan, I think. It's like a very common term when kids, you know, need to go. I think even like kids in like gifted classes probably have something similar to this. And it's, it's like a plan that like the teacher, so like you have a separate emotional support teacher in conjunction with all of your other like subjects, English and all that stuff. And they talk. So like your emotional support teacher talks to whatever. So I'm placed in this class halfway through the year in, oh my gosh, 10th grade or 11th grade, I think 11th. And, where was I going with that?

Okay. In 11th grade, I was placed into this class halfway through the year. So I was pulled from like Spanish class, which I was failing. And they're like, you need to go in. And I'm like, special education. Like, are you kidding me? No. Like, I'm not doing that. But I can't do anything because I'm 16. And this is what they're saying. They're like, she's having so much trouble. She's like not doing her work. She doesn't want to show up to class. I was like skipping class and going and smoking cigarettes in the bathroom. And this is like 2007 and eight.

This isn't like 1980. Like I, you know, like, so like you can get caught for that shit. But I'm like doing that. I'm just like cussing teachers out. I'm just like angry because my dad died. Nobody's really, there's really no one to like walk me through this experience. And you and your mom didn't really talk much about it, I'm assuming? It's like we did, but like, you know, if you, I feel like we're so much more emotionally aware these days because we have the resources at our fingertips.

Like we have the internet, which our parents didn't really have that. So my mom wasn't super emotionally available or completely in tune. I mean, she was, like she was loving and, you know, she was so terribly sorry. And, you know, her and my dad had a decent friendship even after they divorced. It just wasn't the support. Yeah. Yeah. It was like I needed so much more.

And I think, I've said that this before on this show to people, I don't think that, and maybe now it's a little bit different. And the more people speak out about this, like, parent, future parents will understand better. But I don't think that our parents, because I lost my dad at a young age too. Oh, gosh, I'm sorry. It's okay. I don't think our parents really knew that the best thing would maybe be therapy for like a kid. Like, and me, you know, and that's for multiple different reasons. But I don't.

And me, and there's a chance too that there's. wouldn't even have helped because it takes finding the right therapist and trial and error and everything, you know, along the lines of that. But I don't think parents always understand that you like, I think when something traumatic like that happens, kids need more support than just like a parent checking in because they're not always going up. Right. The way that they could. And I absolutely was not going to. Right. You weren't in that place. Well, and also I'm like living with my mom and my stepdad. Right. And they were having issues. Yeah. It just wasn't the right. It wasn't. It wasn't. the environment wasn't suitable for my grief. And there was something you said, the therapy part. So I was put in this like, it's called, it was called Olivia's house. And it's like a place that's like a nonprofit that you can go for like, you know, grieving kids or teenagers. And you go like once a week. And it felt so icky to me.

Yeah. That I'm like in this room with all of these other kids that are like, they just lost like siblings. And I'm like, this is not what I do. need. Right. But I was always put on like medications for like depression and anxiety and, but like they put me in like a very sterile feeling room with this like old ass therapist who's like a 65 year old guy who's like, how does this make you feel? I'm like, my dad's dead. How do you think it makes me feel? You know? Um, so it just wasn't what I needed. And so they're like, oh yeah, she's struggling. Let's put her in this classroom. And so I go in this classroom and I remember

the first day walking in, the teacher, Tammy, which I obviously didn't call her that, but I'm not going to say her last name, was in there. And I remember feeling so resistant and just like not wanting to go in. And also I had heard that this teacher was like, kind of a bitch or like, we can cuss on here, right? Yes. Okay. Um, kind of not cool. Um, so I already had that in my head going in and I was actually met with something completely different. So when I walked in, I remember her being very like, very welcoming, you know, and she was younger for a teacher. I feel like she's 12 years older than me. So I was 16 and she would have been like 28, I think, right, 26, 20, yes, 28. And she was cool. So she was trying to be real cool with me.

And like, looking back, I can see where this all was set up. And I do want to say this. I don't think that this person had the intent of grooming me or doing anything consciously malicious. I think she was a very troubled person herself. And we have talked about that to a great length. Anyways, so it's very welcoming. I end up like being like, this teacher is fucking cool. Like, I love her.

And I was very, and I think, you know, people who, like, lose their dad's young, people say, like, they have daddy issues. But I also, like, didn't have a very emotionally available mom either. My mom is a great person, and I love her. And she did the best she could with the hand she was dealt. But I needed more. But I lacked both pretty much. So I also think I had some mommy issues.

Well, also, too, when something traumatic happens, we cling. And you were in a place of acting out and anger and all those. stuff. You were placed in these other groups and tried different things that just weren't working. So I think when the first available person that you finally felt like you had a connection with or that was cool and that you felt comfortable with, you're going to cling to that and like hold on to it. Yeah. That's like I feel like that is what anyone would do. That's exactly what I did. And I think she started to realize this. So it's like, like, how do I go about telling how this ends up where it is? Because there's just so much. But it's almost like you also can't remember.

I think back then, I can almost like, I can tell you like the main points, but I can't remember all the details. But I'm in her class and it starts out like, you know, I'm very angry in all my other classes and she's like talking to my teachers and she's like, you know, helping me and just being really cool. Like as one does when they're trying to like be cool with a teenager, I don't know, weird. I could never hang out with a teenager as like a 20. Can you imagine being 28 and like chill in with like a 16 or 17 year old? I feel like that's what started to happen in the classroom. So it's like I get in there. She's making me feel so comfortable.

She's like giving me her story of when she was younger and we really relate and we really click. I'm like the troubled teenager. She gets it. Now when you're in her classroom, is it just you and her? No, sorry. So it's me and like a bunch of other kids. like ranging from ninth grade to 12th grade. And I would say in total at one time,

there was between like eight and 12 kids, maybe like six. And was there ever like one-on-one things? Yes. Yes. So it just like would depend. So like you would have, I think she became my home room once I moved. So they like your emotional support class becomes your home room

when you're assigned to it and you lose like the original home room you had. So she became my home room. so she was where I went first thing in the morning, her classroom. And then I just got like this like talking about. I'm like, what does she sees this? Which has already been something that I've been thinking about. Sorry, I don't know why I got like scared for a second. Anyways.

So yeah, it becomes your homeroom. And there's kids from like all walks of life, learning support, emotional support. They're coming from whatever classes. And it's almost like you know how you're assigned a home room or, what's study hall? Yeah. Like sometimes I think it would replace your study hall and it was like you would go in and essentially she would help you like get your work done. Um, if you had like an emotional outburst in the classroom, they would like send you to her before they would send you to like a school counselor like the principal's office. And I could have been found a lot of times before going into her class in the principal's office. That's usually where I ended up. Um, so and I would have a lot of emotional outbursts. And I started realizing that I was like, kind of having more because I wanted to go to her class, like I wanted to be around her. I instantly, like, loved her. Like, I was like, okay, this is a person because I felt seen.

And I felt like someone was giving me some attention. And, yeah, so I found myself, like, almost having even more outbursts. And also it was, like, kind of processing things with her about what was going on. So they were at the forefront of my mind and then like really struggling. And I knew if I like flipped out, they would be like, you can leave class. And I would go chill in her class. And it got to this point where it was like, I remember having to do a test in English. And the teacher like sealed the envelope because I was like such a bad kid.

Like I don't know what she thought. I was going to just cheat at my locker on the way, which, hey, you know what? I don't pay her for that. Right. Maybe I was. But to like walk down to Tammy's class, which was a literal 30 second walk. She like really sealed this test and I had to go take it in Tammy's class. And I remember handing it to Tammy. And it started with her like, this is like so inappropriate, but like talking about other teachers like with me where she's like, what the hell? She like sealed this like with like, with like, you know, a blood seal or whatever because like almost like trying to get with me like how I felt about it, like really trying to drop down to like a teenage. major's level and be like, this dumb teacher, which like the teacher did what she was supposed to. And Tammy shouldn't have been talking about this other teacher. Like, it was just weird. So it stuff like that.

And then it progressed to, she was texting me. Like she would set up a binder on her desk and would be like texting me like funny things like in her classroom. The idea of texting a teacher at all, but let alone in the school. It was just like so strange. But at the time, I was like, I feel I'm cool. Like, she's older. Like, to me, she's cool. Like, we're friends.

Well, I don't think we're really, and it's not, this isn't an excuse. But if you look back when you're that age, that is a cool. It does seem cool. You don't, I don't really think there's any right flags. We're not really at an age to understand that that's not normal or okay. Right. And I'm like, yeah. And she's a teacher, right?

So she's telling, she's the guide, right? Like, she's supposed to be the person that's setting the standard of what is acceptable and appropriate in this relationship. And at the same time, it's like you might also have this mindset of it. Oh, it wasn't just a, she's not just a normal teacher. Like, she's there to help me beyond what a normal teacher can. So maybe it's not weird. Yes. Then I started to realize, like, I was like, I don't think anyone else is like talking to her in this way.

She's not texting anyone else. I just felt there was like a difference. I felt like we were close and we were and we were getting close. And then this is really random, but we went to, so I've always struggled with my weight, like being overweight. And so did she. And but at that point, neither of us were really like that overweight. So this is just weird. But we went to an overeaters anonymous meeting.

She's the one who suggested it. By the way, I'm still her student, and she is, like, leaving the school with me after school and taking me. And you're 16, right? Yeah, to this place. And it's, like, just me and her in this meeting. Looking back, it is very funny. We're on this couch, and there's this, the leader of, like, it's called O.A. It's like N.A.

Narcotics Anonymous, but it's for overeating, whatever. And it was bizarre. And, like, I could not look at her. She could not look at me because we would have laughed. but I'm like looking back like are were you also a teenager at this time because you were supposed to be the adult and we left and she's like making fun of the lady and I remember feeling like okay it was funny while we were in it like I was like what are we doing here this is a bizarre thing that we're doing and some of it was so extreme that you want to laugh but I I felt weird about

leaving there and she's like laughing at this lady and like making fun of her it felt cruel to me and I was just like, okay, but I'm 16 and this is a cool older person, so I'm like, you know, joining in, whatever. So there was that and I remember going back to school a couple days later and I was in like social studies. And I remember my teacher in there, I had the pamphlet for OA in my binder and I like opened it and she must have seen it. And she was like, what's that? And I was like, oh, I went to an OA meeting with, with Tammy. That's not what I called her back then. And I remember the teacher was kind of like, you did? And I was like, yeah. And then my heart sunk because I was like, I feel like I said something I wasn't supposed to. Well, this teacher went back and said something to Tammy. And Tammy says to me,

you can't be telling people that we're like, that we went to that. First of all, like, I don't want people to know that I went to something like that. And also like, it's not like I'm, like, she knew. Like, I'm not really supposed to be hanging out with you. This is kind of weird. And the other teacher also thinks it's weird. So like, don't, you know, don't tell people. So then I was like, okay, so this has to be like a secret. And I was like, you know, I had to grow up, I think, a little quicker just because of like my dad dying, all the things that I went through. So I was aware of these things. Like, I knew that this was inappropriate, but I just didn't care because I'm like 16. Someone's paying me attention. I think she's cool. She apparently thinks I'm cool. And that's that.

So I'm just going to keep talking and these things are going to pop into my head like random stories and I'm going to just bounce off of those. So, okay, so she's like texting me behind the binder. I remember having cigarettes in my purse and like my purse was on my desk and I remember her being like, if those cigarettes are in there tomorrow, like I will report you or whatever. And it's like, but shouldn't you have reported me then? Like your job was to like probably get me to quit smoking at that point. So maybe like go tell somebody or call my mom or something, but she didn't do that. So I'm like, she's really cool. She's like, I knew and I felt it.

Like I knew she saw my cigarettes and like had to like say something, but really was just trying to be cool with me. So she was like, I'm not going to like tell on you or whatever. And I thought that was so cool. I'm like, I can smoke cigarettes and she's not going to tell me. I can do anything. She also gave me the code. So the way my high school worked was. was the front of the school was where, like, the bus drop-offs came and where you, like, left.

But really, the main interest was the back. So if you drove to school when you got your license or if you were a teacher, you would come in. And, like, if your parents came to pick you up or if there was any event, like, you went in through the back of the school. But the front of the school had a four-digit code to get in. She gave me that code. Like, no one's supposed to have the code except for staff. So, like, I remember just, like, leaving. driving down the road. I went and got my eyebrows done one day and smoked a couple cigarettes with a

friend and I was like, I have the code. We can just like go back. No one knew. No one knew I was like leaving school and like coming back. By the way, she was also the teacher. So we had kids that would like, you know, like get expelled or kicked out of school. And they would come to the, I don't remember what it was called, the after school program. They were still allowed to come to school but not during normal school hours. And she was the teacher who ran that in like the basement of the school. And I remember that's where I had initially heard rumors of her. Like, everyone was like, this teacher's a bitch. Like, she's not cool, whatever. So I'm thinking the teacher's going to be like hardcore strict. And with me, she, and I saw a difference in the way she treated me and

with other people. And she started to do this thing where I would get angry about something. She would almost like poke and prod and like either get me angry or like say things to hurt my feel. And then when I would cry, like I remember putting my head on my desk and cry, she would be like, come here. And like, then she would like hug me and be like, I'm really sorry for yelling at you. So it was like this weird thing where it started to be like, like, like, she was like getting me to that point only to console me. Right. I there, she gave me like an incentive to quit smoking and was like if you quit smoking, I'll like reward you. Like you get to do something of like your choice. And I chose snow tubing. This like feels like. so cringy and embarrassing to me, by the way, that I'm, like, taking this person's bait and being, like, that sounds great. And it's also, I feel like weird that she's a woman. You generally don't hear, I feel like of a woman doing this is usually like a dude. So I think that feels like weird to me. And so she takes me snow tubing. And it's just me and her. Quick question. Yeah. Did your mom know about your relationship with her? Yeah. And my mom was just,

just like, cool. This is great. Yeah. Like, cool. Also, during this time, I start babysitting Tammy and her husband, who I'll say his name now, is Scott. I start babysitting their kids who are four and two. No.

At that point, they were like, their youngest was like 10 months and their oldest was like almost too, I think. And I also worked at Chick-fil-A and I remember her bringing their girls to like into like on a night shift when I was working like to get a kid's meal and like playing the play place and on my break I like hung out with her and the kids um but yeah I started babysitting the kids and it turns into I'm now spending the night at their house and she's taking me to school in the morning and I just remember being like I know that I know I can't talk about this right but I was like loving it like I'm asleep on the couch in her basement and I'm like

this is cool. Okay, so that was like through 11th grade and then I get into being a senior and really struggled with my relationship with my mom and I end up moving out of my mom's house into my aunt's house, her sister's house, who lives in the same school district. So I grew up with my cousins who are like close to us like our brothers and I went and lived with them for a while. And my aunt lived eight minutes from Tammy's house where my mom's house was like probably 25 minutes. And so I move in with my aunt and I say, I'm going to go over to Tammy's. Initially, it was like, I'm going to babysit, whatever. And then it turned into like, I'm going to go hang up over there for a while.

And I remember distinctly leaving my aunt's house one day where I lived. And I'm in leggings and like a shirt or whatever. And my aunt says, oh, no, you're going back upstairs to change. You're not walking around someone's house in front of her. husband, a grown man looking like that. And I remember being like, I'm literally 17. He's 30, 30 at that point, 29, whatever. Like, I was like, you're being dramatic. Well, my gosh, if that wasn't like a vision into the future. But I just remember being like, he's not going to be like looking at me, but she made me change. So I had to change out of leggings. And I remember going to go. And I remember

going over there. Like I would babysit, but I would also go over there and like we would kick it on the couch and watch a show and like her and I would both fall asleep on the couch, which I thought was weird. And I started to notice like I felt very obsessed with her. Like I think just like her attention, but I was just like, I want to hang out with this person as much as I can or like text her as much as I can or find any reason to like be around her. And um, she seemed to like eat that right up. Um, and did she ever have any like weird conversations with you that you can remember? Like, did she ever ask you weird questions or? Yeah. So she would tell me, she would tell me things about like other teachers. Like she told me a story about and he was like the football coach. They were,

I don't know what they were doing. They were going, you know, like, there's like a store closet with extra school supplies. I don't know why they were both in there or if this story is even real because I caught her many times like exaggerating or maybe lying about different things. But she said, and I'm like, who the hell would say this to somebody? But apparently he told her, I don't know, maybe if she was single, if she wasn't married, I don't know how he said this, that he would slap his balls to her. I know. So random. I can think of a million better ways to like maybe try and flirt or like say something sexual but like that wouldn't be okay but I remember her telling me this yeah and like laughing but also being like are is she being

on it like is this did this actually happen also I know this teacher and this coach I was gonna say then it puts you in a weird situation because then you're like I know this person yeah well and I'm also like I can't imagine him saying something like this um and also okay if he's said that, why didn't you report him? Because it's another staff member that's, it's like sexual harassment if you want to, like, get real about it. But also, why are you telling me? I'm your student.

I'm 16, 17, however old I was. It was just weird. So there were things like that that she would tell me, I remember her talking to me about sex. And in the context of, like, I hadn't had sex yet. and I hadn't even had a boyfriend yet. And I, it was like, then I met this guy and I was, and I remember going to her, like, not genuinely needing advice or help, but like, just so I had a reason to talk to her.

But I was like saying, like, well, I think I might want to with this guy or whatever. And he was like a bad boy and like, honestly, probably on drugs. And not probably he was. And I just remember her like yelling at me, but then telling me like, like, kind of how to do it or like, like, and it's vague. I can't really remember all of this, but just, just weird stuff that you shouldn't have been talking to me about. Nothing, nothing too crazy. I mean, looking back now, I'm like, some of the shit was wild. But like, nothing that's so bad where it's like, okay, this is dangerous or like, this is very,

obvious what's going on here, you know, like obvious grooming or anything. It was just, I'm thinking this person's school. She's older. She's my emotional support teacher, but also we're becoming friends. And like, we're just talking. Yeah. Like we're cool. So yeah, I'm, I'm babysitting. I'm spending the night at her house. And so, like I said, I was, I really struggled in school. I was like, I would skip school or I would be late constantly. And my senior year, I got perfect attendance and perfect punctuality, meaning I was on time and I was in school every single day, even on senior skip day, because I wanted to be around her. I wanted to, like, and I wanted her to be proud of me. I was like, oh my gosh, well, I end up getting nominated

for student, turnaround student achievement award of 2009. So it's like out of the entire district of like five or six schools. I think it was out of like, I don't know, five thousand kids or something. I I'm chosen for this award, which now I'm just like, what a weird award. But it's like I went from being bad to like being good. And so her, Tammy and my principal, who was also like so supportive and loving and had absolutely no clue this was happening with Tammy because they were very like they worked close closely together to talk about like my case or whatever the hell it was, me. And they had to write an article for the newspaper.

So I was like literally in the newspaper. I almost said what the newspaper was, but we're not gonna do that. And it's a picture of me and Tammy and my principal holding my plaque for this award. And we had to go to this award ceremony. So I get this award, we have this banquet. I'm like so proud of myself that I like turned around.

But I was like, I almost, did this because I like wanted to hang out with her. I didn't really. Like not to better yourself. I really turned my life around. And also I feel like I'm making this out to seem like I was this horrible kid. Like I really, I was just like angry. I wasn't

harming anyone else and I wasn't so out of control. And I was well liked to an extent. But, so I get this award and the newspaper comes out and it's a picture of us in the newspaper. And my quote that they used was like basically me giving Tammy all the credit like without her.

I like wouldn't be here, which is really how I felt. And I felt so good about that. And I just felt like so cool and so loved. And she's like, you know, can't be touched at this point. I think she's like so proud of herself. Also, there were certain things too, like I remember her helping me with my work in class. This would have been when I was 16. and we had to read that stupid story in British literature called Beowulf.

I don't even remember what that shit was about. I did not want to read it. And I remember just like kind of laying on the desk. And she was like, you know, you have to pay attention. You have to pay attention. She was starting to get like really irritated with me. If she didn't hit me over the head with this book, like flop, like right over my head. And I just remember being like, and she's like, you need to fucking pay attention.

And it was just me and her in the classroom. So she wouldn't have acted like that if there were other kids in the classroom. But it was different stuff like that where I'm like, okay. But like I loved her and I'm like, she's just, you know, she was frustrated with me. And like I understand at certain points the frustration that teachers had with me because I was hardheaded. You couldn't tell me what to do. And some of these things I did almost on purpose because I like, I wanted more attention from her. So I would like probably make these assignments harder than they were.

And then it got to the point where in 12th grade, I was terrible at math. She was, like, doing my math work, like, for me, like, giving me the answers. Like, I would be taking a test in her room and she's giving me the answers or she's, like, just telling me, like, for my homework, like, what it is. Because she wanted me to graduate. And at this point, I was, like, really close to, like, not graduating. I think the beginning of 12th grade. And, yeah, if I just felt like she was.

giving me, like, the answers, and I'm, like, thinking, this is cool. Like, she knows I'm not good at math. And it's funny, because I guess, I don't know if it's funny, but fast forward. I, I graduated college last year, but a few years ago, she was, like, doing my math course for me because I was so terrible at it. Not like the whole thing, but she did a few of my, like, assignments or whatever. So I think that's weird. Hey, I'm Jeremy Schwartz from American Criminal. On this season, robbery gone wrong or cold-blooded murder. Either way, Boston will never be the same.

Listen to American Criminal, the murder of Carol Stewart, wherever you get your podcasts. Or to get early ad free access, subscribe in Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or at Americancriminal.com. I'm trying to think of like anything else happened in high school. I'm sure a lot of things happen.

Yeah. But I graduate. and I remember being so excited on graduation. And she was trying to find me and I was trying to find her after graduation, like running all around. I just like couldn't find her. And she was very eager to go out with her coworkers. Was planning to go to like community college. I did not want to go to college. I didn't care about school at all.

Still don't. And okay, so I graduate about a month after graduation. my, I'm like, did my mom start drinking at this time or was it later? I think my mom had started drinking, but I didn't know that that's what it was, but we were fighting so much. And you were still living at your aunts? I was actually, sorry, somewhere along the way senior year, I moved back from my aunts back into my mom's house.

I was only at my aunts, maybe like six months, and then I moved back to my mom's little apartment with her and my two little brothers. And I think she had started drinking and, you know, sometimes teenage girls and their moms have these, like, crazy relationships where they argue a lot. We definitely had that, like, a lot. And she, okay, so I'm back at my mom's. I graduated high school. I'm, like, working at Texas Roadhouse as a hostess near Tammy and Scott's house. and I'm like going over there frequently to like hang out.

They have a pool. So I'm like hanging out. I'm like babysitting their kids a lot more. And I'm like over there all the time. And I'm talking to her all the time. And she told me and I never asked this. And I never mentioned this. This was just out of the blue.

She says to me, Scott and I were talking. And he said, which I'm like, that's weird. If you ever needed a place to live, you're always welcome to come live at our house. And I'm like, well, yeah, I need a place to live, you know, even though I'm at my mom's. It's not great. It's a very small apartment. And you know, no, we're not getting along. And I have two little brothers who are, you know, still in elementary school, I think. Yeah.

And just struggling in that relationship. And I'm like, okay, I want to go live with them. So I tell Tammy, yes. Like my mom and I had gotten in this big fight after, shortly after Tammy had told me that. And I was like, okay, that's what I want to do. I'm out. And I'm like, yes. Like, there's nothing more I could want than like moving into her house.

My mom goes to, well, I can just say it. Well, Ocean City. I guess people can find out where I live. You can cut that out or not, whatever. My mom goes Ocean City for a few days, I think with my grandmother and takes my brothers. And Tammy had said to me, I think it would be good to do it when your mom's not there and, like, without her knowing. By the way, I had just turned 18. So I do turn 18 and become an adult at this point.

But like, let's be real. At 18, do you just magically turn into an adult? Not really. But I, like, think I am. So they come over. We, like, disassemble my bed, everything. We move all of my shit and put it in his pickup truck and take it to their house. I feel so bad.

My mom came home, had no idea, and my room is empty and, like, fully cleaned and vacuumed. Like, I just left. And they facilitated this. Like, she told me to do it this way. Yeah. With no regard for my mom, also want to back up to, because my dad died when I was young, I don't know if you experienced the same thing, but you get the Social Security check. I don't know.

I don't remember. Okay. How old were you? 12? Okay. Well, then your mom probably got it, which is a thing, right? Like, it was, it was hard out here for some single mothers. So I got this check. It was like almost $1,000 back in 2000. My dad died in 2005. So from 2005 until I turned 18, it was either 18 or 19, they give it to you until I got this check every month. And so did my older brother. He only got it for a year because he was 17 when my dad died and then he turned 18. I think it

went away. But I got this check from the time I was 14 until I was 18. Now, my mom took that money and used it for rent. And her excuse was always like, your dad owed me for child support. And it's like, the point of that money, I mean, it's technically for the kid. Looking back, I'm like, I understand why she used it. But being a kid and wanting the money, I'm like, I just want the money. Like, I want to save it. I want to have it. And by the way, my mom was and still is not a very financially person and there were lots of times where she would like borrow money from us and like maybe not give it back or give it back very slowly and just always needed to borrow money and it was like very like we were very parentified so my mom needed a lot of caring for and you know she just always needed so

much like help it seemed like financially and otherwise and so yeah so we move all my shit out of my mom's apartment an empty room and I move into Tammy's house and they have a three-bedroom house. And so their girls were in separate bedrooms at this point. The girls are four and two when I move in. And they move the oldest out of her room in with the youngest and they make that my room. We like set my bed up and it's like my whole room. And something that she would tell me, Tammy, she always remembers the first time she met me is that I had two candy bars and I ate them one after the other. And she was just like, this girl like just eats junk. And I just remember. And I just remember being like, why the fuck are you telling me this? You know, like I had turned 18 and moved in

with them and she would tell this story like it was funny, but it embarrassed me because I did struggle with weight and I did struggle with like emotional eating. And then she told me that I looked like a tick. So I had a very small head, but a big body. But I was so pretty. And I'm like, yeah, same old story. I always had such a pretty face. That's all people ever said. But like, I knew that I was overweight. But these are things where I'm like, she would tell me things like to like hurt my feelings. But like, but under the guise of like they were a joke to her, like they were funny. And she would like tell people like her friends like when we, you know, had friends over when I lived there. And I just remember being like, can you just not tell people that? Like these things

embarrass me. Also the fact that you thought I looked like a tick. And I remember like laughing with her, but absolutely not thinking it was funny. It like really hurt my feelings. But just like, why are you telling people this? Things were getting increasingly, like, worse with my mom and I. And at a certain point, one morning before school, I had, like, a, you know, we had, like, computer desks in our room back in the day, and I had, like, my chair. And my mom and I got in this big fight, and she, like, flipped the chair at me, like, flicked it at me.

And it, like, hit me. But, like, it wasn't that bad. But, of course, I'm, like, a teenager and I'm, like, exaggerating. and I'm telling a friend in the hallway that, like, my mom threw a chair at me this morning. She did, like, leave me sitting outside. I missed the bus. It was cold. And, like, she, like, left and didn't take me to school.

And Tammy came to pick me up to take me to school because I was like, hey, I don't have a ride. My mom left, and I missed the bus. So she came and picked me up. And I didn't tell her this in the car. I told a friend outside in the hallway, and she overheard it. And she called me in her classroom later and was like, did your mom throw a chair at you? And I was like, no, like, you know, now I'm, like, scared. I'm like, oh, my God, like, I don't want to get my mom in trouble.

And she's, like, tell me the truth. And, like, because I, like, idolized her, I'm like, okay. I was like, I mean, yes, she shouldn't, like, pick it up and throw it at me, but she kind of, like, flicked it at me. She called CPS on my mom. Now, I understand she's a mandated reporter. But I, the fact that she didn't report me for her, having cigarettes and like probably so many other things that I talked to her and told her about.

But the second something happens with my mom, she's running to call CPS, which is like a big deal. Like that's not something small. So we had to do like all these meetings. My poor mom who made her own bed, you know, in decisions she has made throughout her life and our lives. But this I was like, okay, this feels like a lot. Like her and my stepdad were back and forth. like, I think divorce at this point, who the hell knows?

And she's a single mom and, like, has these two young boys and me at home. And we have to go to these, like, CPS meetings. And I remember, like, wanting to ride with Tammy. And Tammy taking me home. And it's, like, all of us, like, so it was me, my mom. Well, my mom was, like, the person, I guess, like, the defendant. It's me, Tammy, my aunt, which is my mom's sister. My sister was kind of like a parent to me.

she had to be a parent. She was the oldest of the five of us. And yeah, she was like a parent, basically. So I'm like wanting to ride home with her. And like, I'm going to my mom's house. Like, I'm riding back home with my mom. And Tammy's driving out of her way 30 minutes to take me back because like the courthouse was like somewhere, you know, 30 minutes away, whatever.

Was it the courthole? Whatever it was. It wasn't like we were in court. But we had to do these like CPS meetings. And so these were my witnesses. like my sister and my aunt and Tammy. And it was just like we were, it was like ganging up against my mom.

And it was like a lot of fighting about that social security money. And like the conclusion or decision we came to was she was going to use the next two or three months, half of it for her rent and give me the other half. And then in six months she was going to give me all of it, even though it was mine, but whatever, I still understand this.

It just became this fight about money and about her being abusive. And like, yes, she was. I don't want to make excuses for that. But I don't feel like Tammy calling, you know, CPS or being a mandated reporter was in, like, good faith. I don't think her intention was to be helpful. I think it was to stick her claws into me more because I think she just really needed a lot of attention. herself and I think it felt good for her to have me like idolize her. She also thought she was like hot shit like would always be like taking selfies of herself. But and I know we all have different

ideas maybe of what attraction are or what being an attractive person is or in this society, whatever, but I'm just going to be honest. She's not a very attractive person. So the fact that she, it was very obvious, she was very insecure. And her sense of self was inflated, but like on necessarily. And I think it was, you know, a facade to like make herself feel good. So we have this like whole CPS thing. It's very awkward with my mom after that. Obviously, I'm like living with her. And I think my mom probably felt like she was losing me to this woman because she was. But she didn't really say anything. And, you know, my mom was so, I think, bogged down by like, like, just the insanity of her life and my stepdad and having two boys that were young.

younger and still needed a lot of like, you know, attention. I think she was probably just like cool. Like you have somewhere to go. It's safe and like you're hanging out. And like I don't think she realized that it was like so inappropriate. I do think like you said, it was a woman. Yeah. Yes.

So if this had been a man, my mom would have immediately been like, hell no. You know, but because it's a woman, she's like, oh, this is a nice woman. My mom had many meetings with her. Okay. Remember, like, I have an IEP. So like every, I think it's quarterly. So every three months, your parent or guardian has to come in and meet with your guidance counselor, the principal, and Tammy, my emotional support teacher. And they have this, you know, meeting.

And I'm in there. And we talk about like what's going well, what's not, what needs to change, how am I doing, et cetera. Also, I'm still grieving the loss of my dad, right? So I'm like 16 in high school and was still struggling with that. Okay. So we moved forward. I graduated. I moved in with them.

I am going to community college at this point. Tammy brings me an application home from the daycare that her girls go to. And I put in an application and I get hired. So I'm working at the daycare that her girls go to. And I'm taking them every morning, like, that I work with me and, like, dropping them off and picking them up when I'm done. So I also become, like, a third parent here, which is also how it was growing up with, like, my two little brothers. So to me, it was like, I kind of enjoyed it. I loved kids.

I loved their kids so much. And I'm going to community college, like I said, and I have some assignments that I have to do. And I ask if I can use Scott's computer. So Scott worked from home, still does. And he had like a whole office with a computer and something else, monitor and a laptop and whatever. And so I used his computer to do a school assignment. Not going to lie, I'm a bit of a nosy person. So when they would like leave and just, you know, like go on vacation or whatever and I was living there, I would just like hang out at their house, which was my favorite.

I loved their house. They had a pool. It was fun. I would snoop around a little bit. I was looking around to see what I could find. Found lots of like sex toys, which like fine. Have sex toys. That's cool.

But on their computer, he had left an email. email up and I had started feeling like they're like really close with their friends like maybe some weird shit's happening well he left an email up and I'm like you're going to leave it up I'm going to read it so it's an email from their friends I'll just say their friends names too Dave and Heather but Scott worked at a place with this couple Dave and Heather and became close with them and so like they all became like close friends. Also Scott and Tammy have their very best friends, Kevin and Roshan, who I loved. And Kevin also worked with Scott and Dave and Heather at this same place.

Okay. So there's an email from Dave to Scott and they're discussing boundaries and how they have been crossed. And I'm reading more and more and I can't remember exactly what the email said, but it was very obvious that they were having sex with their friends and feelings got involved. And somebody stepped a line somewhere that was that was drawn apparently in this sand. And I remember being like, what is going on? And also I was like, it's kind of exciting. It's like drama.

And like, I'm 18. And it was just like new. Like I was like, what is this? So then I like, you know how like you have a bunch of. of boxes up or like websites and you can like move them on the screen around so i like kind of click and like move one to the side and i see it's like swingers.com and i'm like yeah what is this so they had like made an account with this swingers account and i'm like god like okay wow weird so then i also think oh i'm just going to look at the photos on his um computer

Well, a couple months before that, I decided, I'm, Tammy and I had this joke like we should go get our nipples pierced or something. I don't remember how this joke came about. But I get serious because I, I'm, I'm given a dare or like, I think of something and I'm going to do it. I'm just, I was a little wild. And so I was like, I'll do it. And she's like, I'll do it too. She, of course, chickened out. But I get my nipple sparse. She goes with me. So this is a trip that me, Tammy, Heather and Roshan. all go on, like a girl's trip. They are like 30, oh my throat, 31 years old. I'm like 18. They're 32. I'm 18. Or like, yeah, they're like 30, something like that. I mean, I just can't imagine, like, be, I'm 34 now. I would never be caught dead. Like me and all my friends and we're just hanging out with some like random 20 year old chick. Like I don't know. It's just kind of weird. Not to mention I was her student. So I want to or if her friends were like, this is kind of weird. Well, we're on this trip. We go get my nipples pierced. And we got home. I'm living with them.

Scott was on a work trip. So he was gone for, I don't know, a week after that. I can't remember, or maybe this was in the hotel room. Anyways, she tells me you should send Scott a picture of your nipples. Like he would love like he just thinks that kind of stuff is cool like he would just love that And I remember being like really that you want me to send a picture of my boobs to your husband But I had like started to figure some of these things out and I can't remember if I saw the email before or after this But I was just like oh okay so I do and I think he said something like very very nice or like whatever and I'm starting to feel like

okay. Like, I kind of like that, you know, like, I've also never had a lick of attention paid to me by men because I was a kid and I was, you know, very, not very, but I was like overweight, didn't feel good about myself, like just probably not the most attractive in high school. I think we all go through that phase. And so I'm like, wow, this is exciting. Like, these are older people. They're paying attention to me. And then it turns into one night we're like all hanging out and we're like laughing. and they would like let me drink a little bit. I mean, I was 18, not 21, but still an adult, I guess. And then she says to me, so they have a pool and it was winter and it froze over. And she was like, Scott, let's get naked and like run out on the pool. And she's like, will you take pictures of us? And I was like, yeah, but I'm like, oh, okay. Like, this is what fun is okay.

So I take pictures of them, like with her. I think it was with like one of those little digital cameras. They're naked. They're fully naked. She has like a hat and gloves. She's like trying to be sexy on this pool. He's fully naked. And I'm like, okay.

Like this is funny, but also like this is a little strange. But I'm like, to me it's like I think feels exciting because I'm just like, these are older people and like apparently this is what they do. And so it's like, yeah, it starts to get like weird. They're having friends over and I start to realize, wow, they like to like parties. There's like a lot of drinking, a lot of smoking weed. I remember being in the shower at one point and her saying to me, are you mad at me? And I was like, I need context. What would I have to be mad at you for?

And she's like, because I smoked weed with Scott and his brother the other day. And I was like, I mean, I guess. you can do whatever you want. She's asking me this. Also, it was a different time back then, like in 2009. It wasn't as like, you know, everyone does it now. So it was still a little bit where you, it was like you could be looked down upon if you smoked weed, especially if you're a teacher smoking weed.

But I think because of my dad dying from an overdose and just so much addiction in my family, I think she was insecure. And knowing that it probably, what was happening was not appropriate. And I think that was starting to like, become a parent to her and she was just like, I've already made these decisions. So I'm just going to shove that. But like asking me, like, are you mad at me? And I'm like, no, I mean, I was a little irritated.

And I'm also like, I was irritated. I wasn't invited. You know what I mean? Like, there was a lot that they would be secretive about or like, tell me things or tell me they were going places and like not invite me because it would have been weird for her to be like, this is my student turned friend slash third parent of my kid. You know what I mean? So I think she was insecure about it, but it was like also hurtful for me because there was like, you know, I wanted to be invited to everything.

And I realized that you can't, but I'm living with them and I don't really understand all of this. And then at one point, I remember I was going to take the girls outside. It was probably like a Saturday, like 10 a.m. I was going to take the girls outside to play in the snow. And it had snowed and it was around Halloween time. So it snowed kind of early. And I remember putting them in these like cute little Halloween. outfits. And I went into Scott and Tammy's room that connected through like a bathroom. I guess you

call that almost like a Jack and Jill, but there was not another bedroom connected to it on the other side. But I walked through. They're in bed, which isn't abnormal for me to like just go into their room and be like, hey, I was like, hey, I'm going to take the girls outside. I like, look at these cute little outfits. I put them in. She was like, okay, great. And I was like, okay, like she acted a little weird. And so we come back in and I think the kids went downstairs to watch TV or something. And I remember her saying to me, she's like, Like when you came in our room, he was literally inside me when you said that. And I was like, and she's like laughing, like thinks it's like funny because they're very sexual people and they're starting to like get comfortable.

Yes. And I was like, okay. Weird that you're telling me that. Ew. I don't. Like I walked in there with your children and you're like, what was the point of telling me, I guess? I just, I don't know. To be funny or be sexual.

I don't know. I'm like, okay. Good for you. Um, okay, so it's like little things like these that are happening. Um, she left her phone on like the windowsill of their bathroom one evening. And I don't know if they left and he had his phone and she just didn't take hers, but I looked through her text because she was just like acting weird. And she was like talking about me in the text. Like she's like, she's just around all the time. And like, I just want to smoke weed and like be left alone.

I'm thinking, you moved me into your house. Where else am I fucking supposed to go? So some time goes by. By the way, I only lived there for, I think it was like eight months before it all went to shit. But one night, Dave, Heather, Kevin, Rashon, Tammy, and Scott all go out to a bar to watch the Ravens Steelers game. So I'm a Ravens fan. Scott is a Steelers fan. as we know, that's a

what's that called? Rivalry. Yeah. Yeah. And back then it was like a big rivalry, like really serious. People were like mad over it. So I, of course, am volunteered. Well, I can't go to a bar anyways because I'm only 18. But I have to stay home and watch all the kids. So like Kevin or Sean bring their oldest daughter.

They didn't have their youngest at that point. Dave and Heather bring their son. And I have Tammy and Scott's two kids. So I have four kids on the age of like, three, four, which I babysat. I worked at a daycare. Well, that wasn't a problem. It's just that, like, they went to a bar. It was just like, you know, just hang out with the kids. We'll pay you, whatever. And I'm still like, this is cool. Like, I'm chilling at their house by myself. They trust me with their kids. And the Raven scored or something. And I, Scott and I had this rivalry because he was a Steelers fan. And I had texted him. And maybe I sent,

I mean, how could I not? I had sent him a picture of my boobs under her, you know, suggestion. Nothing had happened before this, but maybe there was like some tension. And so he's texting me and he, and I text him back about the Raven scoring and I say, ha, ha, suck it. And he says back, suck what? And I remember it was like everything just like changed in this, these texting. And I remember feeling like kind of excited by this.

And I was like, I don't even remember what was said after that. But Tammy also struggled to control her alcohol consumption or how she behaved under the influence of alcohol. So she's always like, when she's drunk, she's not, nobody's home. She's gone. So they get home from this bar. All the kids are asleep. I'm downstairs on the couch. They all come down.

We talk for a little. Everybody goes their separate way. everybody starts going to bed. And I truly don't remember in these texts what exactly was exchanged between him and I, except what I just said. And I'm sure it led to maybe more or I can't remember. But he comes back from the bar. Everyone goes to sleep.

Kevin, his best friend, is asleep on the couch next to us. And Scott, like we, he just starts like, I don't want to say too much. Like, I don't want to say, can I say sexual stuff? Like, I don't know. You can say whatever you want. Okay. Whatever you're comfortable with, you can say. Okay.

We start, like, fooling around. That's what I can call it. I was like, what are the words here? Messing around. And him messing around with me, just his hands, whatever. Did he kiss you? No, which is interesting. It's funny.

I always look back and I'm like, we didn't even kiss. I remember that. Yeah. But I remember being like, I was like. And where was she? Tammy. Upstairs asleep. Okay.

She was drunk. Oceras crazy asleep. And we did this and I liked it a lot. But then also was like, what the fuck did I just do? Like, oh no. Because it's a split second thing. You're like, you know, you're feeling it. And then all of a sudden you're like probably the biggest mistake of my life maybe and biggest mistake of his.

So I wake up the next morning and I'm, and also, Kevin was right there. I mean, he was drunk and asleep, but I just remember being like, wow, you're really, you're really going for it here. So it just turns into this, like, I feel like any chance we're, like, making out. They have a bar downstairs. We never had sex. Like, there was never any penetration, but there was, like, everything else. And a lot of sexting. You and Scott.

And she had no idea you don't think of that. No. Okay. And question. And you might answer this. Yeah. Do you think that she wanted the three of you to be together? I don't know if it would be the three of us together.

I will answer this as we move forward. That's, I'm not sure. I'm not sure exactly. I just can't imagine. any scenario where you'd be okay with this? I can't imagine wanting another girl to send my guy, I know it was her husband, you know,

but my guy, a picture of her tits in a sexual way, she can say what she wants, it was a sexual way. Yeah. If I didn't want something like that. And then especially when you add in like the swing or stuff, like, and yeah, who knows? But to me, if I had a guess, I would feel like eventually or if circumstances were different or if it happened differently,

I could just like foresee like a huge orgy happening or something. Or like, you know what I mean? Like her wanting. Like it wouldn't surprise me if she wanted to involve you. Well, the story goes on. Okay. There was another incident I found on my phone that happened kind of at the beginning of me living there. I remember we went to the grocery store, Tammy and I.

And on the way back, she just was like, do you want to get a bottle of vodka and like, like, go home and like make cookies? That's what it was because it was around Christmas time, bake cookies and like just drink and hang out. And again, I'm like, I'm underage. And, you know, I was just like, I just remember being mature enough to think like, I wouldn't be doing this. I wouldn't be caught dead hanging out with any 18 year olds. Yeah. Much less purchasing alcohol with the intent of like getting drunk. with them. Like, it was very obvious.

And every time she drank, they weren't, like, people who had, like, a glass of wine. They, like, had nights. I wouldn't say they were, like, alcoholics and, like, drinking all day and day. Like, they drank to get fucked up. Yeah. It wasn't like they were going out and just having, like, a beer or a glass of wine. Like, they were drinking.

And her in particular, like, she just was the type that, like, can't control her drinking. And she would get very drunk and, like, act insane. So we mix it with fruit punch, red fruit punch. And I just remember getting drunk with her in the kitchen. Scott was downstairs watching football and, you know, you get drunk.

I'm 18. Also, it's only been four years since my dad died, by the way, maybe even like three and a half at this point. And I'm like crying about my dad at a certain point. I remember her holding me and I was crying seriously so hard, like snodding. It was awful. And I remember Scott going to walk. walk up the stairs and then I think realize what was happening. I was like, man, I'm going downstairs, so I don't have to like walk through this. Um, and I go to sleep. I'm very drunk. Like,

I get blackout drunk, okay? And I wake up in my bed in the morning and I had thrown up all over my bed in my room. And I had like a white comforter and I threw up fruit punch. So it was all over my bed. Wasn't worried about that. It was the fact that it was on her floor. Now, she is the type of person who was is very quick to irritation or to like anger spurs. Yeah. Just like flip out on you and find a reason to do so. She was, she is like the classic like just like an unapproachable person. Like she's not the type that looks smiley or kind.

She's not warm and inviting. She was to me, I feel like when I first met her because I feel like that's what she was trying to do. but she is not an approachable or like personable person. And I knew she was going to be mad about this. She was also very like, like obsessed with like everything being like perfectly organized and clean. And I did not grow up like that and did not live in that way. But I had to while I lived there because she had like all these rules for me.

And I'm like, holy shit. So I go downstairs. She's like hung over but has two little kids. So she had to get up with them. She gave them like goldfish for breakfast and they were watching cartoons. And she's like passed out on the couch, clearly hung over. It was like a snow day. And I walked down and I just said, hey, how do I get like red stuff or throw up?

I don't know how I said it out of the carpet. And she said, I don't know, but you better fucking figure it out. And I was like, got it. Yep. And I go to walk up the stairs. And she's like, grab the pine sauce. and scrub the shit out of it. And I was like, okay.

And she was like mad. And I remember being like, you, you encouraged this. And now I'm in trouble. Like, as if I, like, I'm 18. Like, she's getting me drunk. I throw up in my sleep too. I don't, like, you can like joke and die.

I've never done that since. But I just remember being like, right, why is there a throw up? This is horrific. And it looked like a crime scene because it was red. So I got the pine. saw and I scrubbed and scrubbed and scrubbed. And I remember her coming up and being like, you better fucking get it out of the carpet.

Like, I don't care what happens today. If you have to stay up here all day, you're going to get it out of the carpet. And I was just like, I got it. You said it a couple of times now. And so, okay, so this is like over the course of six weeks after that first night of him and I, like, messing around. So I'm sorry. Going back back. I don't even know.

No, totally fine. And I don't know when the throwup incident happened. I don't know if it happened. Okay. Actually, I'm sure it happened before because I don't think I would have wanted to get drunk because I'd be afraid that I would say something maybe when I was drunk with her. I don't know. Who the hell knows? Anyways. No, that would have been before. The drinking would have been before. And they let me drink other times. That was, that just happened to be like. Bad time. Like planned to get drunk. Not just like friends are over. Okay, Brooke, you can have a couple beers or like whatever. This was like, do you want to? to go to the store and grab vodka. Oh, sure. I'm 18. Hell yeah, I do. Um, so over the course of like the next six weeks, we're like hooking up. So I guess this is what you would call a full-blown affair, maybe, sure. We're like making out. Some of this stuff, I'm going to think about this if I want you to put it in there. I just feel like it makes me seem like some like sleazy,

little slutty 18-year-old who's like sleeping with this woman's husband, which, is essentially what happened. It's all in what you're comfortable with. Yeah. And there will always be people that think that. Yeah. But that's not the reality of it. Right.

And it also doesn't matter what anyone else does. Doesn't. This isn't for anyone else. This is for me. Trust me. Yeah, I need to, because I feel like I'm telling the story and like with an audience. Like, obviously that's what's going to happen. But I feel like I need to get that out of here.

And you need to like, for, in my opinion, first of all, look, we all, do things in life at times. This once again, not an excuse, but we all do things that are not always the best decisions and they could hurt people and they could hurt relationships, okay. But like, so what? You just don't talk about it because, you know what I mean? You know what I mean? It's just like, if you don't want it in, if there's anything you don't want it in,

email me, text me, that's fine. But regardless, don't feel like, don't feel like that. Okay. For yourself and in general, like, there's, it's not to make excuses, but like we don't just, you just. didn't just find this married couple on the side of the right and be like i want to yeah yeah it's just like me you know well back then i didn't um yeah well oh my gosh yeah so so yeah i didn't okay continue um so we had like boundaries scott and i and i and i was no like

no penetration no sex so that was discussed somehow somewhere okay okay I remember he had gotten foot surgery. He, like, popped a tendon in his foot and needed to get foot surgery. And which made him out of commission as far as, like, being able to drive or, like, you know, pick the kids up and carry them up the stairs, those kinds of things. And then there was a snowstorm. And he wasn't able to go out and, like, snowblow. They had, like, a long, steep drive.

They do because they live in the same place. Long steep driveway. So I remember Tammy snowblowing outside. And him and I. In their bed, I'm like, do I want to say? He was like going down on me. Like, I'm in their bed and this is happening. We can just say we were messing around.

I don't know what you want to cut out. But, and I remember their oldest daughter, she was four at that time. I remember hearing her walk up this area, Daddy, Daddy. And we were like, and I, like, he jumps up. Like, he didn't have a shirt on. He, like, threw a shirt on. His pants were still on. And he, like, throws covers over me.

like runs out the door. And I just remember being like, oh, God. So like Tammy's outside snowblowing. The kids are just like, it's a free for all. They're four and two just like in the basement watching cartoons. And him and I are like up in their bedroom. And like, like, and I can't even tell you how these things like start. Right. It's not like I'm walking upstairs and being like, so you want to do something. Like somehow there's some sort of exchange, I'm sure. And it leads to something happening. And then, you know, if she would like go stay, you know, she would frequently go shopping with Rishon down where they live and I would be at home. Like she's like leave. Like I just also can't imagine having a teenage girl come live with me. It's like the babysitter.

You know what I mean? And like those pornos. That's how it's it kind of feels looking back on it. But like leaving me, I'm 18, probably 19 at this point. And she's going down to like hang out with her friends and leaves me and Scott home with the kids all weekend, just like us by ourselves. Yeah. Even for like, she left for like five or six days at one point. It was just us there. I felt like there was a lot of space for these things to happen. I wouldn't say I think she consciously was like wanting this to be a thing, but she set

it up to like make it so, like for him and I to like somehow fall into this is what I look back and feel like happened. Um, so yeah, we're, we're like messing around. And I remember, I don't, I don't know where Tammy was. Maybe she had taken the girl somewhere and it was just him and I, I think we had just messed around. We're in their bed, which I feel like is also just so disrespectful on his part. I mean, I guess mine too.

And we're laying there. And I remember him like holding me and like brushing my hair out of my, my face. And at this point, like, he is somebody I, I had come to care about. Like, they felt. like my family. Like they became, we were so close and I loved them. Like I feel like I cut the rest of my life off. I could have cared less. I just wanted, like I felt like we were family. Like, these were my people. Do you think that you had feelings for him? I think what I had was, well, I was 19. I had attention from somebody. I felt like somebody really cared for me. And I

will say, like, this story is going to progress into more. But I will say throughout the entire thing, he was always loving and kind towards me. And so what I started to, what I think happened was she started to get so snippy with me all the time and, like, mean and would just say hurtful things. I feel like, almost like gaslight me if we're going to use, like, therapy speak here. Like you would lean on him more? Yeah. So I think I started to feel like I was almost losing her. Or it just wasn't working out so well. And like I felt like where I initially felt so much love from her, that felt like it was dwindling, like the longer I was living there.

And so then I was like, well, the closest I can get to her is him. And so obviously this was not conscious. These were not my thoughts back then. I don't think I really had any like true like combing through this to see how I was feeling. I was just doing it and like coasting through life. but yeah I back then I probably if you asked me that question I probably would have said yes that I felt like I had feelings for him but they weren't feelings like like in love I don't think um and I do think again therapy speak but I do think it was probably something like what people call a trauma bond you know and also he had lost his dad when he was 11 to a really bad um car accident he was like hit by a tractor trailer and killed immediately. And we never really spoke in depth about it,

but I knew it pained him, just like it would pain anyone. And of course, he was like a little boy. And I think we had like a shared thing over that. And I think she was just so crazy. Like I think it was an outlet for him and no excuses. Like he has none.

This was totally inappropriate. I'm literally, I was 19 and I think he was 31. And so yeah, I remember laying in the bed that morning. he's like brushing my hair out of my face and he's like you know I love you right and I was like yeah I love you too and he's like and you know I love Tammy right and I'm like yeah and he's like and I love my kids and I'm like yeah I know all of this and he's like I don't want to hurt you but like

basically like this probably isn't a good idea and I'm like yeah probably isn't um and so yeah this is for like six weeks I remember going down to Kevin and Rashon's with Scott Roshan and Tammy were going on a trip somewhere. So it's me and Scott taking the girls down to hang out with Kevin for the weekend while Rashon and Tammy are gone. And so we're saying in their house and we're driving down. Like it felt like sometimes Tammy would go do her thing and I was just like her replacement. And he always said, like Scott always said he loved so much of what he loved about me was

that I was so much like her. which looking back, I'm like, back then I loved that because I wanted to be like her. And now I'm like, you didn't love me for me? You know what I mean? We're driving down to Kevin's to go stay with him and his oldest. They only had one kid at that point. And we're driving. It's like nighttime.

We're in their van. It's me and Scott. I'm like in the place where she would normally sit in the car. She's not with us. Kids are in the back. We're driving down. And I remember, you know when you're like, you're just starting to date someone and you're starting to flirt.

Maybe there's like some sexting involvement. It's like very intoxicating. It's like very exciting. And you like can't wait to like text this person or they say something and you get like that like rush. And I remember him saying to me something about like, I can't wait to take advantage of you tonight. And I just remember being like, part of me likes that.

And the other part of me is like, that's probably. not appropriate and whatever. So we put the kids to bed. Kevin goes to bed. His kid goes to bed. And Scott and I are in the basement. They have a three-story house, Kevin and Rashon. And Scott and I are in the basement. And we have a baby monitor on to see if like the kids, you know, woke up. Again, they're four and two at this point. And their oldest kept waking up. I think she was like getting an ear infection. She kept crying. And we're like downstairs like doing something. So he like stops, goes upstairs and make sure she's okay, comes back down. This happens like two or three times. So before finally it's like, this is not working, just like go to bed.

We probably spent like four hours down there, like just doing, messing around, essentially. And I remember feeling like, this is like, this is not good. And like those kids are up. You know, like I just was like, oh, what am I doing? So that happened. And then it was like, you know, I remember one day I was in college classes. I was at a community college and he was sexting me and I was like, I'm going to leave class. I'm going to skip my next class and like come home.

He was like, are you sure? And I was like, yeah, Tammy was at work. So I got home. I remember we showered together, which we had never done before. And I remember that feeling like a big line I crossed. Not that I didn't, we didn't just cross one before. And just feeling like, I felt like my world was just like spin. Like, I was just like, I do not know what I'm doing.

Like, the train has gone off the rails and this is insane. But I was like, it's also, I'm getting something, right? I'm getting some needs met. I'm feeling like someone's excited about me and, like, cares about me. And, like, you're just so far into something that you're just like, I'm just going to let this play out, how it plays out. Also, I'm still working at the daycare that their kids go to. So, yeah.

there's a lot of that. My sister was like so not cool with this with me living there. Like she thought it was weird. I remember telling her and she was just like, I think the relationship that she has with you is inappropriate and I don't think you should move in with her. But what's she going to tell me? I was 18. I was going to do whatever I wanted. And my sister was already, I think married. Yeah, she was married by this point and like living her own life. So I remember. telling Tammy, like my sister, like, does not like this. My sister does not like you kind of thing. And even when I went on that trip and got my nipples pierced, I remember calling my sister after. This is such like an annoying teenager thing to do, but I was like almost trying to get a rise out of my sister.

Like I went and got my nipples pierce with my sister, people who know her, she's very like straight edge and like a rule follower. So she was just like, why? And why are you telling me? And also why did she take you? you to get this done. And Tammy would always say stuff like, it's like your sister thinks you're in a sex cult or something. And I remember thinking, well, you don't know about this like affair that's going on behind. So she must have been feeling very insecure about like the things they were doing and the

swinging and like having sex with their friends. And it was just very crazy. So she would make jokes. Like she's like, what does she think you're in a sex cult or something? And I'm like, no, she just. thinks it's weird that I'm living with my teacher kind of thing. So that was always like a joke. So moving forward, that last thing about him like brushing my hair out of my face, I want to say maybe that's where we had a conversation where he was like, I think we like need to put an end to

this. And I remember just being like, okay. Like I felt sad. Like, oh, this like attention I'm receiving and what I think, you know, or believe to be, like, love is, you know, going to go away. And this isn't going to be as, like, you know, fun or exciting or whatever, but it is what it is. So I remember going to work at the daycare. I had taken the kids with me. Tammy and I had had a plan that my mom would, like, I was still on my mom's cell phone bill and she would forget to pay it. and then, like, or not be able to pay it, and the phones would be shut off. So it was like my phone plan kept getting shut off.

And Tammy's like, why don't we just put you on our phone plan? And I'm like, okay. And I'm thinking, yeah, another way to, like, connect myself to you. Let's do it. So we had a plan after I got off work. It was a Friday. We were going to go put me on their phone plan. And I take the kids to their classes.

I drop them off. I go to mine where I work. And he texted me. I used to remember, like, the text verbatim. But he said something like, I am so sorry. I never meant to hurt you. You know, I love and care about you. It was like something like that.

Mind you, we live together. But this is like, he's like ending our little affair that we've got going on. By the way, it was six weeks. So it's not like the whole time I was living there. And I say back. It's really okay. You did not hurt me. No worries.

Whatever I said. And I should have known, should have been a sign that I kept trying to send this text and it wouldn't go through. Just kept saying like I didn't have service in the one room I was at at the daycare. But I really wanted the text to send. So I'm like, okay, okay. Now, remember, he got foot surgery and he had went back for like a follow-up appointment. And I guess they... when they went to this appointment, Tammy had to drive him because his foot was out of commission.

And he put his phone in her work bag. And back then, our phones weren't like our everything. So, like, you would still go on your computer to search things. So we didn't use our phones like that. So he didn't use his phone like that. So he just put it in her work bag when they went to this appointment or whatever and left it in there. And she went to work the next day. And he had sent me that text the night before, but we had a thing where, like, you know,

we wouldn't text, obviously, if she was, like, at home. And, like, sometimes they used each other's phones, not to, like, check them or go through them, but just as you would, like, pick up your, oh, I need to look at this thing or I need to, like, make this call or whatever before our phones were everything. And somehow he left his phone in her work bag. She goes to work. He had sent me that text the night before. I couldn't respond to the text until the next day when she was at work and we were, you know, not all in the house together. And so I send this text and the text goes to his phone, but she has his phone at work. And it says, like, you did not hurt me, no worries, whatever.

And I tried to send it like, I'm telling you, probably eight to ten times before it finally went through. And he was at home working. And they had just taken their landline out. So all he had was his email. Now, we had, and I don't even remember having this conversation with him, but somewhere along the line we were like, hey, make sure you delete your text and I'll make sure I delete mine.

So, like, our texts were always deleted to each other. So she opens his phone, sees this text, text me back from his phone, and says, now remember, we're going to get my, me put on their cell phone in, like, probably two hours was I leaving work. This was, like, probably 3 p.m. and I left work at, like, five. And she said, this is Tammy. Sounds good. Sounds good about tonight, because I had also texted her phone. But she responded to my text that I sent to her from his phone to let me know that she saw.

And I just remember being like, world over. Like, I could not. I was like, I have to get out of here. I have to leave this room right now. I have to grab the kids and like go home. And like, how can I get out of here? How can I go tell my boss? Like, sorry, emergence.

And I like couldn't figure anything out. Like I was just like, there's no way to do this without my boss calling Tammy and being like, is Brooke okay she took the kids and left early like I couldn't do that and so I was just like oh my god as soon as I'm like supposed to get out of here and I think I left like five minutes early I'm grabbing the girls and I'm let me tell you I was flying home with those little kids in the back seat um on these back roads and I'm like if I can just get home before her somehow you know in your like mind where you're trying to convince yourself like this is all somehow going to be okay he and I can come up with some sort of way to like get ourselves out of this. And also there was,

I mean, a large part of this was like, I do not want to hurt her. Like this is somebody I love, I would have considered probably at that point, like I loved her more than anybody. Like I was like, I just idolized her. It was weird. She felt like like a mother figure, a sister figure, a very close friend. And so I fly home with the kids and her van is already. there. And she normally doesn't get home until quite a bit after me. And I'm like, is it? The world's over. So I'm like getting, I park in the garage. I like get the girls out of their car seats. I take them inside. He's like, Scott's like standing in the doorway and she's like standing across from the kitchen and I can just see that the world has officially

exploded. And he's like white as a ghost. She has like swollen eyes and is like the look Now, this is a person who she can look like a straight. She's got a mean mug of the century. And she was like piercingly angry. I don't even know what to call. I just knew. I was like, I put my keys where I normally do. I walked right between them upstairs and into my room.

And I just sat there on the bed and was like, oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. I just like, I'm like, I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. And she comes up and she stands in my doorway and she looks at me and says, how dare you? After everything I've done for you, how dare you? And I was like, I'm so sorry.

And I'm like crying. And she's like, you have till Sunday to get out of here. It was Friday. And I'm like, okay. Like, I'm so sorry. And like, I remember like going downstairs. And I just, I was like, I don't know where I'm supposed to go. And she's like, that's not my fucking problem.

And I was like, you're right, it's not. And I wanted it so badly to just be like, wait, can we discuss this? Like, I thought the swinging was okay. Like, you know, like, that's how I justified it in my mind was like, well, okay, well, they sleep with their other friends. And like, yeah, she didn't like give this the okay, but like, it's probably okay. Like, and it probably sounds crazy. No, I think, like, to me it would have been like, oh, but if it was on your terms, would it have been fine? say that. What do you mean?

Like if it would have been, like, speaking to her. Like, if it would have been on her term, she probably would have been okay with it. Like, is it just because it was behind her back? Right. You know what I mean? Like it's, yes. Yeah. So that's like how I felt and how I was able to justify it.

And, you know, I'm thinking of all these things like, well, she did have me send a picture of my boobs to him. So like, I thought, somehow I was like, okay. I mean, obviously she wasn't like, yeah, go mess around with my husband. But so I went upstairs. I was in jeans. I could not come out of the room. I could not face her. I had to pee so bad.

And I could not bring myself to get out of the bed to go pee because the bathroom was like connected to their room. I could not face them. And I just remember hearing them put the girls to bed. And I am dying in my bed. Like I'm like, oh my God, I've just ruined my life. I've ruined theirs. what am I going to do? I didn't pee the whole night.

I just lay there and cried. I don't think I slept even a second. And I woke up the next morning and she took the girls to one of those little play places in the mall. It's called Tumbletown and left me and Scott there, I guess, to give us time to talk. I have no idea. And they had this old church pew. They're not religious at all, but it's an antique that was. was like up in their hallway and he was sitting on that outside of my door.

I think after like the morning happened, I still hadn't come out of my room. They like, you know, got the kids, you know, whatever together in the morning and like sent her off with them. And I think I finally peed and went back to my room and he was like sitting there and he was just like sitting like this. And I didn't say anything. And he was just like, I'm so sorry. and I was like, I don't even know, like, I don't even remember what I said. I just remember standing up, taking my phone and just, like, smashing it into my dresser,

and it, like, broke into pieces. And I remember he was, like, trying to fix it. And I was like, don't fucking touch it. Like, just leave it. Like, at that point, I was just like, I want to break shit, you know? And I was just like, how did we get here? And, like, I don't want to leave. Like, I don't want this to be how this is going.

And he just kept saying he was so sorry. and like he thought like we could work this out like me and Tammy or whatever and I was just like to them I'm sure it was just like you know there's this girl you had an affair and now you've got to go and to me my entire world had just exploded and came crumbling down and then she changed her mind and was like okay you don't have till Sunday you need to get out today like she had texted me And I'm like, all right, you know, your house. I realize what I've done. And at this point, I'm, like, putting a lot of this on myself.

Like, I'm, and that's how she was kind of making this seem, like, it was more on me. And I remember going into their room when she was gone the day I had to, like, pack up. And I just was like, is she going to leave you? And he was like, I don't know. we like talked about it and later on i found out that she was so upset and like that's her her person that she needed him to hold her when they like went to sleep and something about the way she said it i was just like if you were so mad like wouldn't the last thing you want to do be to like touch him i i don't know i may and everybody you know processes things different so

Maybe that was it for her. So I pack up all my shit. I leave. I get my car. And I remember a specific pink song was playing. Like, it was already in the middle of the song when I turned my car on. I just remember crying hysterically. I remember crying.

And, like, when I left, the kids were downstairs. Or maybe they were in bed when I left. And I, like, hugged him. And he hugged me and, like, held on to me for a minute and just said, like, all new things are scary like I'm so sorry but like you're going to be okay and I was just like oh my god and I had decided my very best friend lives like 30 minutes away and I was going to go move into her house with like our other two friends in this small apartment um and Tammy was like get all your shit and get out and later this week Scott and I will take down your bed and all your stuff and your dresser and

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I leave for days. I'm like depressed, like on Kate's couch, like just crying and I'm like, you know, trying to text Tammy and like, tell her I'm so sorry. And like, I'm also like a kid, you know, like, I'm 19 and I'm just like, please like just hear how sorry I am. And she was like, I don't want your fucking sorries and like just like entertaining me and then like yelling at me. And I was just like, I just like didn't know what to do. And I remember her, her best friend, Rishon called me and was like, hey, I know you're really struggling. And like, we all love you. But like, you, you can't contact her anymore. Like, I just remember being like, okay, where'd you come from? But, all right, I hear that. Like, I won't say anything else.

Um, and I texted Scott and just said, thank you for, like, letting us use your truck. And I, I probably shouldn't have. I was genuinely grateful. And I think I also wanted to, like, text him. And I remember her being, like, don't fucking text him. Like, there's nothing for you guys to talk about that's so inappropriate. or like whatever and I was just like oh my god I'm so sorry now I've done another thing and she brought me my my stuff in the truck she helped me unload it we put it in my new room at my best friend's house and we went and got coffee um and we were talking and I just was like is there any way you can forgive me and she was like I I don't know at this point whatever okay fine so basically that's that's like it for that portion of it and at that point I was 19 and

And what she had said was basically like, she was like, I want to know how you're doing. And like, I want to know how your life goes. But like, I just don't know where I'm at right now. And then I remember she got drunk a couple days later and had texted me and was like, you know, like, I love you and like I miss you so much. Like I just, I don't understand like how this happened. And like, we can't go back. And you like, you just like ruined everything.

And I was like, I'm so sorry. like I love you too. And like just to even get a text from her to hear how much she missed me and loved me. I was just like so elated. But also just like very, very heartbroken. And then I was getting drunk and like calling her at like two in the morning. And I remember like throwing up in some bushes. And like, she was like, are you okay? Like are you safe? And I was like, yeah. But like I just miss you. And like, it was just like really weird. And I just remember her texting me and being like, you cannot call me drunk. like whatever um so i am like what am i going to fucking do with my life i decide to join the navy just like on a whim was in t j max on the phone with my friend sam and we were like you know that guy

we went to high school with he does like you know army guard or whatever and he makes like two hundred one weekend a month. Like back then we were like we thought this was great. And I just remember being like, Sam, I think I'm going to like join active duty. Like I think I'm going to go into the military. And she was like, are you serious? And I was like, yeah. And I'm kind of like that. Like if I get something in my head, I'm going to do it. So I went on this little trip with my mom and my little brother for like this, you know, those time share things. Like if you go listen to like a thing, you get a free dinner and like a free night stay. So my mom wanted to do that. And I remember being on the Army website all night, looking at everything, reading every forum I could.

And I was like, I'm joining. And my mom's like, no, you're not. And like, I'm somebody who can't be told what to do. Like, I just, I don't like that. So it was laughable that I would even think I was joining the military. So I go through this whole process. It ends up that I joined the Navy. I remember telling, texting Tammy. So like at this point, it would be like, we would text occasionally or I would tell her what was up in my life and um she might say she was like really proud of me or whatever and like that was the extent um so I join the Navy active duty I get stationed in Guam um I got a really bad motorcycle accident when I was 21 I was hit by a car on my 21st birthday on the back of the motorcycle and sustained a lot of injuries um and I remember

like telling her about that and I felt like she could have cared less. I just wanted to talk to her any reason. I just felt like she was like, okay, like, are you okay? Cool. I just wanted more. Like, I just wanted to be back in with them. So this like goes on. I'm like messaging her, whatever. So I get orders to Virginia, Norfolk, worst place ever. And I'm there for two and a half years, like the last two and a half years of being in the Navy. And I don't even really... So what would happen is when I finally got stationed there, there was something, there was a discussion that happened

where she was like, hey, I think I'm ready to like, see you kind of thing. And I was like, oh, my God, like, okay. And she's like, why don't you come over on whatever day? Like, I was home on leave or something. And Scott was at work. And she was like, why don't you come over and like hang out with me and the girls for a few hours? So that's like kind of how it would go. So this was probably.

So I was in, I joined the Navy in 2011. And this all happened with her. Like I met her when I was 16 in like 2007 or 2008. I graduated high school in 2009. I lived with them from 2009 to 2010. It's like a year in between. I joined the Navy. And it's like 2011.

So it's been, I don't know, like a year and a half, two years since I lived there. And she was like, just come here. Like, you know, maybe we'll have dinner before Scott gets home or like, whatever. And so this would occasionally happen. I would come home. I would like drive home. And then she tells me, she comes and visits me in Norfolk. She spends the night.

I have like this little twin bed that we shared in my. barracks room. And we went out with my friend. She was like one of my good friends in the Navy one night. And we go out. We drink. And Tammy, because she can't learn to drink, she, um, she drinks a lot. And she meets this guy named Vic. And he was like big musley, like looked like he did steroids. And they're like dancing. I think we went to a club. Who knows? And I'm with my friend and her. boyfriend. Um, and this friend was whatever, uh, I had told Tammy stuff about this friend. Like, I'm like, she, she's like a serial dater kind of thing. And Tammy gets very drunk and proceeds to tell this girl, tell this girl's boyfriend. You need to be careful with her because she

gets around, which is not what I said, first of all, but like, just like starting shit, but she was also drunk. It was like really weird. So they end up getting in this argument and then we're in an Uber or whatever it was back then, a cab. I don't remember on the way back from this club. And Tammy's got this guy, Vic, with us. I think we were going to another club or a bar. I don't know. We're in the back seat. My friends are in the front, the driver. And I'm sitting in the back seat. Tammy's here. Vicks on the other side. And I'm like looking out the window. I'm like kind of tipsy, whatever. And I just remember seeing his hand like rubbing her between the legs and she's like moaning and like moving her legs and it's like hitting my leg and they're like

making out and I'm like can you you not like this is very awkward you're like touching me as this is happening and then I don't know how this happened but the next day Vic starts like texting me and Hammy was so jealous and she was like so mad also he was like mid 40s and I'm like 21, 22. So that was really weird. The argument happened with the friends. Then, like, I couldn't even get Tammy up to the apartment. She was, like, being so crazy.

And I finally did. She, like, passes out drunk on the floor, wakes up and is like, oh, my God. Like, I'm so sorry. I don't know why I acted like that with your friend. And then a couple weeks later, she asked me if I wanted to go to Tennessee, which is where she's from. Scott's on a work trip and she had like this vacation rental for a week. And so she asked me if I wanted to go with her and the girls, their kids, Scott and Tammy's kids, who were at this point probably eight and six, I think, maybe nine and seven. If I want to go

on vacation with her for a week with the girls to Tennessee without Scott. And I was like, okay like I just want to be back in good terms with her so I'll go so I go um the first night we leave the kids in this vacation home okay they're eight and seven or I mean eight and six or nine and seven I forget what how old they were she leaves her with a cell phone the oldest Tammy leaves her with a cell phone and Tammy and I go like moonshine tasting in downtown Gatlinburg and we're like walking around and like going to dinner and I remember I wanted to stay out a bit long and she's like, I have kids at home. I need to get home.

That's how she would like always talk to me. And I'm like, you're the one who suggested that we come out here and go moonshine tasting and we leave your children. I mean, we're talking like nine and seven, left them home alone. So we could drive 30 minutes and do moonshine. I just remember being like, I don't think I'm good with that, but I'm going to do it anyway. And then the next night, her mom takes the kids and me and Tammy go out with her brother, Kevin. And this is a different Kevin from their friend.

We get drunk. We're at this bar. I remember being on my phone looking for something. And she was like, can I see your phone for a second? And I was like, sure. And she took my phone and scrolled down through my contacts to see if I still had Scott's name in there. And she was like, it makes me love you even more because you don't have his name and number in there. And I was like, okay.

And I was like annoyed. I felt like my privacy was violated, but also. So I'm like, does she have the right to do that? And she's like, no, like, listen, it's a good thing. Like, it makes me love you even more. Like, I'm just, like, so glad or whatever. And I was like, okay. Her brother ends up hitting on me.

And then I'm like, can I go home with your brother? And she's like, yeah. Like, I think that's great. Like, you should do that or whatever. So we had to stop by back at our vacation condo and grab me clothes or whatever. And she's, like, trying. She's drunk. and she jumps up on my bed because I, like, had my own room in this vacation thing.

And she's, like, about to pee on my bed, like, just so out of her mind drunk. By the way, there's children. I mean, they're asleep. And her brother's like, no, no, no. And we have to, like, get her. And I just remember, like, having to, like, rein her in and, like, put her to bed and, like, went with him and, like, slept with him. And she picked me up the next morning.

And it felt like a true walk of shame. And it was just very awkward. So that was just like a weird thing that happened. And I felt like I was in at that point, like back in. And so I think a couple weeks goes by. We like talk while I'm in the Navy. I end up, I had this very good friend, Jess, who looking back, I think I probably had feelings for, but like that was so buried deep down probably.

But we, like, loved each other so much. And I remember wanting to get out of the Navy so I could, like, go up to Boston and, like, move with her. And we had been, we had met in Guam. She was my personal trainer there. We became really good friends. And so I moved up there with her the day I got out of the Navy, which was in 2014. And I live with her for, like, a year. And in this year, Tammy and I maintained contact.

And then one, I think it was probably around Christmas time. I had gone home from living with Jess, like just to go home for Christmas. And I remember Tammy texting me and saying, hey, why don't you come over? Scott will be here. It'll be fine. Like, I'm okay with you guys. Like, I've forgiven you and I'm okay with you being in the same place now. I was like, oh, my God.

I'm like texting. You're like, tell him not to be weird. Like, he can hug me, but like don't make it weird, whatever. And she was like laughing, like, okay, it's fine. So I go over there. It was like awkward at first, like very awkward. I hadn't seen him in five years. This whole thing happened.

I'm older now. I was 24. And there was like this tension between him and I. And I mean, looking back, I can see it for what it was. I think it was just like the first person who probably, the first man that like paid me true attention in that way was here, kind of thing. So we just, we hang out, we have a couple drinks. I was staying at my mom's house.

I leave their house probably like 11 p.m. I had been there since probably like 5 p.m. I drive back home. I like go to crawl in bed at my mom's where I'm staying and I get a text from a number that wasn't saved, but I knew it was his because it had like the same first few numbers as hers. And it said, hey, this is Scott. Tammy gave me your number and said that I could text you.

It can be whatever you want it to be. But I wanted you to know it was so good to see you tonight. You look like you're doing really well. You look really good. And I can't remember that. That was kind of it. And I just remember being like, now I forgot to say this part. Tammy has a boyfriend in Tennessee named Tony.

So I guess I have to back up a little bit. And I don't even remember where this, I think she got with this guy in like 20. So now they're polyamorous. Okay. So she's got this boyfriend. So they're together, but they're allowed to date other people at this point. Yes. Okay.

But it's like, has to be like approved by the partner or whatever. Okay. But they're not all hooking up. It's just separate. Well, yes, they are. Okay. Not Scott and Tony. Right.

I think they all three hook up together. Okay. Whatever. So I like know this going over to their house. Okay. But it was very new that she was with Tony. And Tony was a teacher in Tennessee. They had taught together before she moved to the state that I was in where she was my teacher when they had finished grad school.

And he became a principal of a school in Tennessee. So at this point, he's a principal. She's a teacher still in the school district that I was in. He's a principal in Tennessee. I just think that goes with it because they're all in the school system. It's kind of weird. So the way she tells this story,

she essentially had an affair or cheated on Scott with this guy, Tony, back when they were teachers, when Scott and Tammy also were very young. So like before she came to my school district. So Tony was around, but like it wasn't allowed to go anywhere. It ends, you know,

know, Tammy and Scott moved to the state that they're in now and Tony stays there in Tennessee. He gets married, has a wife. His wife ends up cheating on him with his best friend and, like, is still to this day with him. And they divorce. And somehow Tammy and Tony reignite this parent flame they had back in the day. And he becomes her boyfriend. And so now they're polyamorous. And so, okay, so I needed to like say, of that. So he texts you. Yes. And says, um, yeah, so good to see you. It can be whatever you want. And I'm like, what does that mean? It was a lot in this text. Like, I just saw you for the first time. And I'm like, well, what does that mean? And he was like, it can be sexual or it can be not. Like, you know,

we have essentially, I don't think he said open marriage, but we're polyamorous or like whatever. It's also just like fucked up because it is gaslighting if you look at it from, I don't care what say or think like, okay, you could look at anyone in this situation or story and say they were at fault at some point, you know? Yeah. Yeah. But like her picking and choosing when it's okay for you to like send her husband tip picks, but then you can't fool around with him behind her back.

But then five years goes by now that she's with multiple people. All right, now you guys can fuck. Like it's just like it, it's almost like, and I don't know the term for that. but it's like when somebody, like it reminds me of what you were saying before. Like she bullied you just so that you lean on her more. And it's like she's yelling at you and putting you down, but then bringing you back in and then doing it again.

It's a push and pull. Yeah. It's like a, I guess if you want to call it that like an abuse tactic. Yeah. And I, so I have, it's now my, she's now my former therapist, will refer to her as K. Love her so much.

she's helped me so much. So I will say at, okay, hold on, let me go back to where I was. We'll get there. Okay. So he tells me, I say, you know, what I just said. And somehow this conversation goes into, okay, I'm going, but I just came from there. Okay, that's how the text happened. Thanks so much for coming over.

So great to see you, blah, blah, blah. Tammy said I could text you. The first thing I did was I texted Tammy before I responded to him and said, do you know that Scott is texting me? He said that you do. She said, yes, thank you so much for checking. I have no qualms about you having a relationship. I'm like, okay.

And the thing is, too, there was probably a part of her, too, that wanted you to text her. And if you didn't, she would have been mad. I knew that. I knew that, which is why I texted her. And also wanted her to, it was this weird thing where I, like, not in this situation I wasn't like oh I wanted to be proud of me but I wanted to trust you yeah like I felt good about that so um I we decide I'm going to come back over I just left there and gotten back to my mom so I'm

like I'm going to drive the other 25 minutes back and go go see this person um I was so nervous that I stopped and at a gas station and got a pack of cigarettes and smoked one cigarette and threw the rest away and drove over there and walked down the stairs and I just remember him looking at me and saying well that escalated quickly and like that was it and like then we just we had sex for the first time because we we didn't back in the day yeah it was like awkward um and you can cut some of this out but like he like couldn't couldn't keep it up like it was just like yeah because he was so nervous there's a lot of pressure there yeah yeah yeah um but it was like that we did have this like

like but I it wasn't genuine attraction it was like I think what felt so intoxicating about it initially was for me the attention but also it's like secretive yeah you're doing something wrong and it becomes like

yeah it's thrilling yes thrilling is the word so but she knows now and I remember being like where is Tammy and he's like she's upstairs on FaceTime with Tony and she's okay. And I was like, okay.

And then I like, I spent the night. And that's kind of what happened. Like we got into a relationship. Wow, you guys actually started dating. Yeah. And I was in it for three and a half or four years, maybe four and a half before I ended it. And there's a lot in there that I can go forth with.

So it just, okay. So that happens. I'm living in Boston. I go back to Boston with Jess. And Scott and I are like talking on the phone for like a couple of hours a few different times. And I always realized he was drinking beers when he was doing that. But he wasn't like a big drinker, not in the way that she was. He could like control himself. But I just remember him like calling me baby. And it just like didn't feel natural. But whatever. I was like happy to get some attention again. and we decide, like, I'm back up in Boston, and Tammy says it's okay, that he can come visit me up there for a few nights. So he gets a hotel, and he comes up, and he visits me, and we do our thing for a few days. Oh, but before we go on this, like, she says it's okay.

He books it, like, two or three weeks out. The day before she calls me and says, I don't think this is a good idea for you guys to be in a relationship. I'm going to have to cut it off, but I'm okay with you still having your weekend. And I was like, okay. And I was like kind of mad because I'm like, okay, why didn't you decide this before? When you guys started sleeping together, did it affect your friendship at all with her or stayed pretty much the same?

It kind of like stayed the same. And I feel like we didn't really have much of one because there was such a long period of time while I was in the military that like she kind of didn't want anything to do with me. Right. Did she ever ask you anything about your relationship with him? Or it was pretty separate? It was pretty separate, I think, because they talked so much about it. And, like, I wasn't living there at the time.

So there was, like, a time span of, like, let's say nine months that I was in Boston while this was happening. But it was only for, like, two months after I had come home that time and we slept together. And she was like, you can have a relationship. that he booked to that hotel was coming up to visit me and she called me the day before and was like, I don't think this is a good idea. You were my student. Like, I don't think this is appropriate.

And I'm like, well, no shit. None of it was. But we've already gone so, like, now you're worried about it. So then he comes up. We have that weekend together. I'm like really sad at the end because we apparently can't do this anymore. Well, I decide that. I'm going to move home.

So I move home. We're just friends at this point. I'm going over and hanging out, but nothing's going on with Scott and I, but there's, like, tension there. And, like, sometimes Tony would be there, her boyfriend. He would come and visit. And I remember feeling so much one evening,

and we smoked a lot of weed by this point. And I was just, like, I had all these feelings, and I just, like, wanted to be loved and and I'm like it's right here and like it was fine before and now it's not and like part of me doesn't want this but part of me does and he left I spent the night so they had a pool they had a cabana we would frequently sit under the cabana smoke weed talk drink whatever and I thought it was so fun and so cool by this point I'm 24 yeah 24 and we always

always had music playing. And do you know who Chris Stapleton is? Okay. The first time I ever heard his voice was in a song at their house when he was still a part of the steel drivers, which is a bluegrass band. That's who he was before he went solo. And they put this song on and Tammy was like, you're going to love this song. Like I know you're a deep feeler or whatever. And it's just me, Tammy and Scott. Tony wasn't there at this point. And the song came on. Again, I'm like a little bit high, a little bit tipsy, nothing crazy. And the song, like his voice and just the song, and I was already feeling so much, I don't know what it did to my nervous system, but it, my whole body got like tingly. And then I was like starting to black out. And I remember Scott saying, are you okay? And I was like, no. And then

I woke up and she's throwing water in my face. I had fainted, like right out by their pool. And she's like, what the fuck is wrong with you? Do I have to call 911 one? And I was like, no, I like just faint. And he's there like, you're safe. You're fine. You're with people who love you. And he kept repeating the same thing. And I'm like, what the fuck is going on? And then he's like, were you okay? Like, did you feel sick? And I was like, no, I just felt a lot of things. And then the next day, I texted him and said, thank you for like, taking care of me when I faint. And he's like, what was that? And I was like, I just have a lot inside that I can't say. And he's, like, he's, like, you know that you can, like, tell us anything. Like, we love you. And I'm like, I can't say these things in front of your wife that I feel. And he's like, well, what are they? I'm like, you already, are you playing dumb? Like, you know what, like, this is. And he's like, let me talk to Tammy. And so then later, Tammy's like, hey, it's okay. Like, you guys can have your relationship. Like, I don't want to keep you from each other if you really have, like, feelings for each other. And I was like, okay, so is it this serious this time? So,

then we do it. That's like official. Um, okay, so we, we go into this relationship. It starts out with like, it's like really hard to even explain. There were like rules that were said and like, you know, at first we like talked on the phone a little bit, Scott and I. And then it was like, she would tell me like, hey, he's not like really big into phone talking. Like, and, and I want you guys to like have your relationship, but I don't want it to be like that. So she still had a lot of control and dictating. She's like the ringleader in all of this.

She calls the shots. So she's like, wants us to have our relationship, but like wants it to be her way, like not super close, not talking a ton on the phone. He's not a phone talker. He was also like kind of weak in that way where like he really didn't like use his voice in the way that he should. Probably because he's like under her thumb. But I remember like we just like stopped. talking on the phone and it just went to texting. So we like basically had like we were together. I would consider, I was considering him my boyfriend. But like our communication was via text

or in person when we would spend time together. And it was kind of like I would say throughout the four years of that time period. We, he would come down to my apartment like once a week, probably, sometimes once every other week depending on schedules. And I would go there for like weekends, certain points throughout like, you know, the month or whatever. Just kind of like there was no set schedule, but it just kind of went how it went. And he would come down and like take me out to dinner. And I would say that our relationship was always, the foundation of it was sexual. That's how it started.

And I, they were very obviously sexual people. Did a lot of like, I guess, sex with their friends and Polly and whatever. And so I felt like, I like convinced myself, I think that I was like more sexual than I actually was. I was like being like hypersexual because I felt like that's what he wanted. Very sexual people. I felt like I had to like really hypersexualize myself. He had like a fetish with like buying dildos for like her and me. And he would just like buy these like massive like 14 inch dill.

And I was like I'm never going to use that. Like you can waste your money and buy them, but like not going to use it. Like he bought me like a Kong toy like a dog toy one time and like wanted me to use it. And like there was just like all of these things he wanted to try like all of these things. And it was like it was just always so. sexual and I remember getting to a point in the relationship where I was just like I felt like I was like making myself like there was a point where I enjoyed it in the beginning like having sex of course but then at a certain point I'm like I have to perform yeah like I have to do this

and I just didn't really want to anymore and our relationship like there was no depth to it I just remember just constantly talking and like talking about my life and my friends because we didn't have anything else to talk about. This is like a grown man with like a big boy job, a whole ass wife and kids. They're doing their crazy thing. And I don't know. And we weren't connected in that way. He wasn't my person. He wasn't my, wasn't supposed to be.

I feel like we weren't supposed to be in a relationship with each other. But we were just like doing this weird thing. and there were like new rules all the time from her. Like she would, it would be okay to do one thing, but not the other. And then she would like switch it the next week. And then she was just increasingly like getting meaner. Is meaner the word more mean? Whatever to me.

As time went on, she, I remember there were a couple of times where she like tried to stop the relationship. And so at one point I remember sitting in there. Basin, it's just me and her, and she's like, what do you want out of this? Like, you're so young. Like, don't you want to find someone? And I was like, yeah, I do. I mean, I'm hoping, like, I can figure that out, like, find someone and keep this. I don't even know what I was doing. I was just happy to be receiving whatever attention and love was available to me. And she was very jealous of me. And she would, you know, tell me that. Like, you're skinnier than me, you're prettier than me.

But then she would say stuff to me like, you know, he really likes, like, thicker women, right? And it was when I had just lost weight and I was, like, really thin. I was so anxious when I was with them. I remember, like, pulling over on the side of 83, or pulling over on the side of the highway and, like, throwing up, like, after leaving their house,

like, just so anxious and nervous. And I remember having thoughts of, like, oh, my God, how will I find anyone if I'm stuck with these people? I'm not really polyamorous. I'm just doing this to do it. She would just say little things to me. Like, you know, he really likes it, like, when a girl is thicker, you know, he, like, likes longer hair.

I had, like, shaved my head at one point. I don't know. I just, like, got wild, shaved my head in 2015. And just little things. Like, any way to, like, kind of pull me down, lots of bickering, fighting, arguing. It's like, I wish I could tell everything because she's so insane. I feel like I'm not doing it justice, but whatever. I felt like very alone.

Like I just felt like, I felt used and I knew that, but like wouldn't let myself know it. Like I convinced myself like these people really love me, they really care about me. And I think to an extent that was there, I don't know about her. I genuinely think she's, I don't know if you'd call it a classic narcissist or just fucking crazy, something deeply disturbed, truly. I mean, she had a rough upbringing and all those kinds of things as well. But, and she would tell me, like, you know, I only keep you around for the blow jobs because she hated giving them. And I was apparently willing to do that.

And that was like the joke. Like, you know, I keep you around because you're willing to get blow jobs and I don't do that. And so I would be like, okay, those comments kind of don't make me feel good. And just a lot of, a lot of sexual jokes. And then I remember her being like, now your sister. probably really thinks you're in a sex cold. I'm like, well, my sister doesn't know. Like, I wasn't telling anyone either.

So, like, my very close friends knew that this was going on, but, like, nobody else did. So, like, it's not like my family knew. Now, back to the affair part when that ended and I had to move out and I moved up with my best friend, I did end up telling my sister and my aunt. They were, like, my closest people, other than my friends. And I just felt like I needed to tell them. And I remember, I forgot a big part here. People are going to be like, you're all over the place.

One of my other best friends, M, she was also close to this other girl that we played field hockey with. And they were like, you know how you have a best friend, but they also have another one. You're not really close with them. She was friends with this other friend. We all played field hockey together. This other girl got close with another special education teacher who was on the learning support side of things. who worked very closely with Tammy. I'm going to call her Coach K, because that's what we called her.

Not close in the way that Tammy and I were, but like they had a good like mentorship, I think, relationship, this girl and Coach K. When I had the affair and I moved out, I had told M, who's my other best friend? I have Kate and M. M, I remember telling her about this. And M had told this other girl.

what happened. I think they were like up at college and they were drinking and it like kind of came out. I don't hold that against M at all. But this other girl in her very smart mind thought, this is weird and inappropriate. So she tells Coach Kay, I think Brooke like is in a weird thing with this other teacher with Tammy. After the affair, I still worked at the daycare for a while. And I remember getting a text from Tammy. It felt like my world was crumbling 2.0 where she texted me and said, you told people and it got back to Coach K.

And Coach K went to Tammy's classroom and said, did Brooke sleep with your husband? Which, why would you ask it? Because another teacher, I would have been like, what's going on here? And Tammy was like, I'm like, what did you say to her when she asked? She's like, I just begged her not to tell anyone else. And because of that, a couple weeks later,

I had already obviously been graduated and moved out of their house by this point. Tammy had texted me and asked me, would I go to prom with one of the special education students and her learning support, whatever? Very, like, bullied kid. I think she was trying to, like, embarrass me by having me go to prom with him. But I was all about it. I was like, cool. I'm graduated and I get to go back to prom.

That's fun. I get to make this kid feel good. as a date, that's fun. But she was like, to make it up to me, I want you to go to prom with him. And I'm like, okay, so I did that. That was just like another little tidbit weird thing. But anyway, that other girl had found out from M had told another teacher. That teacher was like, hey, what's going on?

I had already been graduated, but it's still the thing. I think this other teacher was like, you're still a teacher in the school system. And this just happened last year. Like, what is going on? I'm sure Tammy lied up and down and all the way around. about it. So, okay, sorry, that was a whole jump back. But, so M had encouraged me at that point to maybe confide in my aunt, my sister, which is why I told them. So they have this knowledge going forward. So I never told my sister that I was like in a relationship with these people. She would

have died after telling her what had happened, you know, years prior. So yeah, this relationship goes on. We're taking trips. Me, Tammy, Tony, and Scott, we would go stay in, like, cabins in Virginia, and we'd go for, like, two or three nights. And, you know, like, we're in the hot tub smoking weed. And, like, I remember one time Tammy and Tony are, like, literally, like, having sex. And, like, that had never happened. None of us had, like, had sex in the same room or anything. And I was like, okay.

And her, she, like, moved closer to me and her, like, wet back rubbed up against mine. And I just remember being like, my God, like this is, this is gone like two, what the hell. So I'm like, okay, I guess I'm supposed to like have sex with Scott too. So I remember doing that. And something that's like sort of making me laugh is it got to a point where I was like, I don't think I was like necessarily attracted to him in that way anymore or maybe ever. but like I got confused on maybe what attraction was as a young person, but I was like faking orgasms.

Yeah. And I remember telling him about it. Mm-hmm. And then doing it again and like telling him again like months later. And he's like the first time I said like, okay, fine, like let's work on it. But like why do you keep doing it? And I'm such a person like I just tell him myself for everything. So I just remember being like, why are you?

Like I think it was like maybe to like kind of. get him in his pride a little bit. I don't know why, maybe because of what was happening. But I just remember, like, just having a lot of sex I didn't want to have. And then there was a point where they all went on, they went without me down to Tony's house, and they went to, like, a beer or wine festival. And I remember Scott texting me and saying, and I knew she was, like, drunk at this point. And so was he, but he said, Tammy just told me here at the festival that she wants to be more sexual with you.

And I was like, he's like, how do you feel about that? And I was like, it's not the idea of like a woman that turns me off at all. It's just that it's her. Like this is like a mother figure sister. Like all the lines are like blurred here. And I'm like, uh, I don't know. I really want to cross that line. I was like, I don't know.

Like I'd have to think about it. And he was like, don't say anything. Like she'll kill. me if she knows I told you. So there was that. And I felt like that was towards maybe like the ending of this, maybe a year out. So she also has epilepsy. And she would use that as her excuses to why she was always so like irritable or angry. I think it was just an excuse. But she was dealing with a lot of like brain stuff at a certain point and decided to take a sabbatical like a year leave from working.

She was still working as the same type of teacher at this point. And this was 20, so we were like together from 2015 to 2019. And I think she was feeling maybe unconsciously this starting to like unravel or see like this is inappropriate. And so she takes a sabbatical under the guise of like needing some medical leave. and then the next year decides to like medically retire early and just like kind of out of nowhere. So she just like retires early, gets like her retirement money or whatever. And she just like stays home, smokes weed all day, Scott works from home.

There's a lot more in here. I wish I had like written it down like I wrote everything else down at like the different time periods. But just like different arguments that we had. I remember, and again, this is all like kind of towards the end. I would say in the last year there was a lot more arguing between her and I. And she, I was sitting outside, me, her and her oldest daughter. Her oldest daughter was probably like 14 at this point. And her oldest daughter says, what was it like being in the Navy?

And I like start talking. And the way she's asking, I'm like, okay, is she like interested in this? I'm like, why? Are you thinking about joining the Navy? Like kind of in a joke. way. And Tammy was like, she's not joining the fucking military. We don't do that here. And I was like, she's like, I mean, she can go like ROTC. They were very, I forgot to say this part, like, very about like education. And Tammy thought she was hot chick. She was like so educated and had like

multiple degrees. It was like the only asset. I feel like she had truly. And she, that was like her identity. And so they were like, you know, one kid's going to be a lawyer and the other is going to be, you know, whatever. And Tammy comes from nothing. And so she's going to make sure that her kids are like the best and super educated and whatever. And she got like really snippy. And I was like, what's wrong with the military? And she was like, only people who like, like have nothing else like going for them have to go into the. And I was like, I did that. Yeah. So I was just like, oh my God, you think I'm like. Like you think that of me. Right. You think I'm like, what? like nothing, you know?

Like, and I just remember being so offended. Also, I signed my life way on a dotted line that I would fucking die for this country. Like, it's not like a little thing. You know what I mean? But she was trying to say like basically like delinquents only enlists in the military. If you have nothing else going for you and you're not smart enough, which there was a lot of that. It was a lot. There was many comments made.

Like she would even say them to their kids so much that the kids would start to joke about it. Like, because we know Brooke. doesn't know, blah, blah, blah, like, under the guise of, like, joking that I didn't know math or, like, didn't know other things. Like, it was always this, like, undertone of, like, Brooke is dumb, is how I felt. And that's how she wanted me to feel. I know that. And so she says that. And I just remember saying, what about what your daughter wants? And she was like, we're the ones paying for God. And it just, I was just like, what the hell? And I remember her daughter being like this is and I just I remember I feeling like my head was gonna like pop off my shoulders. I just was

like you're fucking out of line here and I just went in the inside the house and then same thing she texted me I'm really sorry it was not appropriate like I'm really sorry I hurt your feelings please come back out here and I was like no I really want to go home and she was like just come back out here so I come back out and then there's always like a reward too It's like, do you want to, like, go out to dinner with me and, like, we can hang out. Like, like this, you know what I mean? Like, when you do something hurtful to someone and then make up for it, instead of, like, being honest and, like, talking about your feelings, you're just like, how can I patch this over?

And because she knew how much I loved her and wanted to spend time with her, she would just be like, do you want to go do this fun thing? And I'm like, conveniently after you just, like, totally insulted my whole life. There was a lot of stuff like that. And I remember one time Scott and I were. having sex in the basement and the rule was that like you had to lock the top lock of the basement door and like obviously shut it so nobody could come down this is like 2 p.m. on like a Saturday they have teenagers who are home upstairs and we're just having sex in the basement I remember

being like this is probably not a good idea um and you know like who's coming down the stairs by the way their feet hit the ground like you just start to recognize those things and we knew it was their oldest and um but i'm under the assumption that the door is locked the door opens and I just like pull the covers up to my neck he's standing there without a shirt like throws on his pants standing like an idiot he never doesn't have a shirt on and he she comes down the stairs and it's obvious what we're doing she's also 14 so she knows what this is and she's like she also knows that we are in a relationship she knows that her parents are polyamorous I remember one time sitting under the cabana and we're all like arms around each other like the four of us and

she comes out and was like, you guys are weird. And Tammy was like, you can choose to do whatever you want as an adult, but this is what we choose to do. And it's not weird. It's all about love or whatever. And their oldest says, that's okay. That's what I'm in therapy for. Don't worry. And I just remember being like, oh, man. And then when she came downstairs and it was obvious what we were doing, I was like, I remember that being a point where I was like, I don't, like, I like, I hate this. Like, this feels not good because she was just like, to just, Does anyone know where mom is? And he's like, oh, did you check upstairs?

And she's like, I'll go right now and, like, just walked upstairs. And I'm like, you didn't lock the fucking door. And he's like, I locked it. I think I just like didn't pull it shut all the way. And I, it's so crazy. I felt for their old. Like, I felt bad about obviously the kid thing. But I was like, we're going to be in so much trouble.

Like, Cammy's going to flip out. And she was like, well, did you learn your lesson? I guess I guess you'll remember to lock the door and shut it all the way, won't you? And I was just like, okay. all right um and i know he got shit for that later on um just lots of this lots of you know inappropriate things i feel like happening in this home with these kids and they're just like doing like everyone's smoking weed hardcore and um which doesn't sound like a big deal but like the way they smoked it was just like all day every day like we're out in the pool house they think

they're hiding it from their kids but the kids i'm sure you're sure, no, they're teenagers. And one day, I just remembered this, Tammy and I, I would like sometimes follow her around while she would clean as she would just want me to like talk to her. And I just loved that. And so I sat in her youngest bed while she cleaned her, her room for her while she was at school. And we came upon a journal. And at this point, their youngest was, I think, 12. And I see the blood just like drain out of Tammy's face. And I'm like, is everything okay? She's like, no. And I'm like, what is it? Like, would you find? And she like didn't want to tell me. And I know it's because she knows that it's really her doing that like cause cause all this shit. But I remember she told me a

little bit that like the youngest was writing about like wanting to harm herself or maybe even kill herself in this or wanting to die or something. And I remember. I remember feeling like that's a big deal. Like you have to have to like sit down. You got to like let your kids know you're that kind of thing. And I remember the next day being like, did you have a conversation with so and so like how to go? And she's like, yeah, it's all fine.

Like it was she just said like it was like a bad day or whatever. And I just remember it being like so nonchal. I was just like, really? That's it? Like that's all you're going to do for her? And there was just so much lack of them like, even the kids were just, it's like they just did their own thing in the house. They were always up in their rooms, on their phones, like not really engaged in anything.

And yeah, so it was just a lot of trips, a lot of, a lot of sex that I didn't want to have. And then Tammy says to me, I think you and Tony should have a relationship. And I'm like, okay. She's like, you're the two secondary partners. and like he lives far away, you don't live with us, and like, we just think it would be good for you guys to, like, have each other to, like, kind of talk to. And I'm like, okay, not really interested,

but at this point, she and I had been arguing so much, she was starting to be very mean to me that I was like, I'm just going to do it just out of spite. So I realized I was starting to do things to, like, bother her or make her jealous. So I started a relationship with him, And then it was like, she was upset that he was talking to me too long on FaceTime. And, oh, God. Like, it would just, like, she just controlled everyone and everything.

It was her way or the highway. I remember her being like, we're going to go down to Tennessee. Do you want to come with us? You and Tony can have sex if you want. Like, that's where you want to take your relationship to. I'm like, okay. So her and Scott leave for the day. Tony and I have sex.

I'm like, I literally didn't want to. I just did it because I knew it would really ruffle her feathers. And it absolutely did. Just like so much jealousy, arguing, whatever. And then this is just getting increasingly worse. More arguing, just like her constantly picking at me, just starting arguments with me. And very jealous. She would say things like, you know, you cost us a lot of money.

And she had said this to me even when I lived with her. like, what do you mean? And she's like, Scott, like taking you on dates and stuff. And I'm like, okay, what would you? Should I feel bad about it? So she kept saying that so much that I, I was feeling things on unraveling and like this was going south. And I'm like, how can I like make this up to her? So I say to her, because I feel like we're hanging by a threat, I'm like, why don't you and I go on a trip to, we went to Asheville, North Carolina for a few nights and I'll pay for like the room and gas or whatever. And she's like, okay, yeah, let's do that. And I just remember being like, this is so not a good idea. I was just trying to like hang on. And I remember

telling Scott, like the night before he left, him and I were smoking. And I was just like, I don't, I have a bad feeling about this. He's like, it's going to be okay. It's going to be, you guys are going to be fine. Now, he was always like my safe space. So when she was flipping out or whatever, I would go to him and be like, she's being so mean. And he's, would, like, comfort me and he'd be like, she loves you so much. Like, like, I know, like, she has, like, a hard time. Like, she really does love you so much. Like, she's not trying to hurt you. So it was, like, always, like, this, like, what is that called? Like, um, affirming or whatever. Um, so I felt like it, like, kept me because I'm like, well, he's right. Like,

I do believe that she, like, loves me or whatever. So I say that to him the night before. He's like, it's going to be fine. It was everything with him was like, it's going to be fine. Like, you're going to have a great time. Just go down there. Just, like, enjoy. enjoy yourselves, it's going to be okay. I'm like, okay. So we go down there. I get this, like, a little tiny house that has, like, a little loft. And I, we go in and the, like, you know, those, like, tiny house have those, like, weird outhouse toilets or compost toilets.

And so it's, like, broken. And I don't even know. She just complained the whole time. Now, whenever we went somewhere, like, stayed in different like cabins or on our trips or whatever they would usually pay sometimes i would give my part but a lot of times scott would just be like don't worry about it also he made plenty of money um but and that's what she would refer to like you cost us so much money or like we always do so much for you kind of thing and i'm like this is just what happens when you're

in a relationship but you're also putting me in this and then telling me that like i cost you like and i just always felt so bad i always felt like such a burden um So she's complaining the whole weekend about this house. And I'm like, I sat for hours on Airbnb looking at reviews, finding the best house. Like I always wanted to make sure that what I did impressed her. It was the best, whatever. So to hear her complain the whole time, I was just like, this is hurtful and it's rude because I just paid all this fucking money. And we're, it's the morning we're leaving.

and she had just been so irritable with me the day before and that morning. Everything I did. Like, when I tell you, I did not do anything to her, she was literally just finding ways to, like, pick at me. Why are you putting that there? Or, like, why do you look like that? Or, like, just, like, random stuff. And I just remember turning around and being like, are you okay? Like, what is going on?

And she's like, you're just really fucking annoying. And I was like, I literally haven't even done anything. And I just remember feeling like, I can't stand this person. And it started to feel like in that last year, in particular, the last six months, I felt very annoyed by her, which was such a change of pace. If you would have asked me 15 years ago, if I would have ever been annoyed with this person in my life, I would have said she'd be the last person to ever get on my nerves. And she's also one of those people who always has to be right.

She knows everything. She's just like a big no at all, very loud, always needing attention. in and always wanting to look hot. And like, I remember that whole weekend. She just kept taking selfies. Like, she probably had like 100 of them in her phone and like wanting me to get it. And I'm like, I don't want to take this many pictures. And then she's like, take a picture of me.

I'm going to send it to Scott and Tony and tell them that I want them to tell me I'm pretty. She would always say to Tony like, tell me I'm pretty. Like, just like weird. And so, yeah, I just say like, what's wrong with you? And she tells me I'm fucking annoying. And I was just like, you've been so mean to me all morning. I don't even understand like what's going on. She's like, just get your shit and let's get the fuck out of here.

And I'm like, okay. She also sucks at driving. So we had her car, but I drove. And she gets in the front, in the driver's seat, knowing that it would annoy me because I hate the way she drives. She's a dangerous driver. And we leave. We're heading back home.

We have like a seven-hour drive together, maybe eight. And we had decided we were going to go to Biscuit Head, this place that has biscuits in Asheville. for breakfast. At this point, my appetite is gone because she's been like mean and whatever. And we're driving and it's like silent and we get to Biscuithead and we walk in and I decide, I'm done with this. Like I'm going to get a coffee and we're going to get on the road. I'm like, I'll just take a coffee to go. And she's like a coffee to go and making a scene in this place, by the way. And I'm like, yeah, I'm just getting something to go. And she's like, I thought we were

fucking eating here. And I was like, would you like to? Like, we, we can sit down. That's fine. She's like, no, if you're not going to fucking eat. And the woman is standing there, like the hostess. And I was like, I'll just take a coffee to go. And like, Tammy walks outside. I know she's going to call Tony and complain. And because she wouldn't call Scott because he would be like, why are you being like this? And so I walk out to the car and we get in the car and we start driving. And she's like, do you need to pee? And I'm like, no, I'm good. And she's like, this is the last stop I'll be making and this is the last exit.

Like, do you need to pee? And I'm like, I'm an adult. I'm not 12. I just told you I don't need to pee. I'm okay. You can keep driving. Somehow we get gas. We switch.

We start driving and it's silent. And she says, okay, when she said I was annoying, she said, you're the most annoying person I know. That's what it was. Because her apology was, okay, so maybe you're not the most annoying person I know. Maybe actually it's probably Michelle, like her other friend. Like that was supposed to be my apology and make me feel better. And I was like, maybe you should wait and like come back with an apology when you've like thought it through because that's, that's not making me feel any better. And so we like keep going.

And she said something. And I just said, you told me I was the most. annoying person that you've ever met. And then she just went off and was just like, um, you're too much. And, um, I honestly can't even remember. Just, just, just telling me, like, mean, mean things about myself. And, um, I just remember looking out the window. And at this point, it had gotten like so, I felt like I lost all of my 20s. So it was 28 at this point. To just let this person. And she had treated me like this. We don't have enough. time for me to go through all of the ways in which she treated me and all of the things she said to me and all the names that she called me. But I'm like looking out the window and I just remember

thinking, I would love to just open this door and just fall out. Like if I and just like get run over. Like I just, I don't want to do this anymore. But I don't know a way out. You know, like, I don't know how to like leave these people that I love so much that apparently love me so much. But I know I'm done with this person. Like I'm done with the way that she's treating me. And we're like screaming at each other. I just remember like throwing my phone on the floor of the car. And I was like, I can't wait to get out of this fucking car with you. Like, I can't stand you. She's like, good. I've never been able to stand you. And I'm like, wow. Okay. So we get back. We're silent, by the way. At some point, she says to me, like, I'm really sorry. Like, I love you and I'm really sorry. And I was

like, honestly, I just can't talk right now. Like, just, it's fine. Like, I just want to drive home. And I was driving at this point. So we pull into the driveway and Scott comes out to like help us with our stuff. And normally with something like that coming back from a trip, I would like spend the night and like spend time with him. So, um, we get back to the house. He comes out. Normally I would spend the night. Um, but he takes one look and he just knows as I just looked at him like, kind of like I told you that this is going to happen. And he just knows. Like we get out of the car and he's like, some, they, they fought. Um, and she just quietly walked. Um, and she just quietly walked. He walks inside and he's like, are you to stay?

And I'm like, no, I really just want to go home. He's like, are you sure? I'm like, yeah, it did not go well. He's like, I can tell. I'm like, yep. So I go home. So I go, I have my own apartment at this point. And I'm, you know, go on living my life.

We were, that was August of 2019. And we kept on our same thing. I remember also in this time frame, probably like a year before the ending, they had found out about this club called taboo. And it's a sex club. And so we all went. And I remember Tammy being like, let's go to the basement and see if we can see anybody like having sex. There's like all these rooms where people can have sex. It's just like a nightclub upstairs, like a normal nightclub.

But people were doing things. And I just remember being like, what am I doing here? Like, this is not my scene. So stuff like that. Like, always, like, the sex, but I forgot to say that part. Anyways. So we go on living our lives. I think we had, like, Tony had come into town.

We went to, like, a jazz club one night. I remember laughing with Tammy. And that same night, they came to my apartment first to pick me up and, like, come in for a few minutes. And I had incense lit on my coffee table. And we were leaving. And it's incense. And there was, like, literally, like, that much left, you know, still, smoking, but incense, you know how it goes. It just burns out. We go to walk out. Now, this is,

this is classic hurt, like, just little nitpicks about stupid shit. And she was like, you're going to leave that lit? And I was like, it's not a candle. It's literally about to burn out in 10 seconds. And she's like, that's stupid. Like what? Like, it's a fire hazard. And even Scott was like, it's not that big of a deal. It's just like incense. And I at that point was so ready for her to say anything to me because I'm just like ready to bite her head off. And she kept pushing and I said, it's my fucking apartment. It's fine. Like, just get your shit and let's go. So we leave. We also all went to a Chris Stapleton concert around that time together and gotten like this huge argument. I got drunk and like I just remember drinking beers like just to like get myself to be able to

be around her because I just. knew I was ready to get picked at all night. So, you know, I had started to think about what the ending of this might look like for me. And it's like one of those things. And I don't, I've, I've never also been in a serious relationship outside of this, even still. Which is like a pain point for me. But I had started feeling so done with this and done with her and just so like just irritated with her all of the time. and couldn't stand being around her and really lost any attraction,

if that's even what you could call it with him and just was like, I do not want to do any of this anymore. And I remember like running through it in my head of how it would look to end this. And I have to say this because it's a part I forgot. But my now former therapist, sadly, she shut down her practice like three months ago, which was very sad. Somewhere along the way. So like I go to her initially to be like, I need someone who's like,

okay with polyamory, even though what I was doing was totally like not even what I wanted and not okay. And I think there were holes in it along the way where she was like, okay. Like this is turning from, you came to me in a polyamorous relationship, but now we've spent three years talking about this and whoa, like this is actually weird. And it got to this point. Okay, so I end this relationship with them. But before so, I'm like, for like six months probably like grieving this. I remember being in my car and like playing the scenario out in my head of what I would say and how to end this. And I would cry and like really imagine it.

And it was so painful. And I did that so much that I think when I finally did. You already experienced it. Yes. Like it wasn't as devastating as I imagined it would be. And I think I just felt so free. But the last straw was like that argument with her in Asheville that was. so much more than what I was even able to speak about on here. And just little things after that was

like constant arguing. And also after that big argument in Asheville, her like reward thing that she always does was the next day. She's like, do you want to do a competition of like how little waste we can use? Like she was all into like eco friendly. She's like even when you go get a coffee, She's like, you know what? I want to buy you like a really cute cup, like reusable cup that you can use at like Starbucks or like any of these places you get coffees to reduce your waste. Let's see who can like reduce waste. It was like the dog.

I just remember being like, this is weird, but okay. She sends me which cup, this one or this one. And I pick the one that I like the most. You know she got me the other one in the mail. I remember getting it from Amazon and being like, that's literally not the cup that I chose but okay um so it was like that and that was like it where i and then she was like did you reduce your waist this week she was like trying to like get in with me on such a weird topic i'm like that's not a way take me to dinner you know do something better um so yeah i had run through this in

my head so much i hadn't seen my therapist at this point i think it had been like eight months or something. So she didn't know that I was like thinking of ending this and I hadn't talked to her about it or anything. And I knew that telling my sister would be it. Like once I told her, I knew I wouldn't be able to like go back into it. So my sister and I are going to celebrate my mom's anniversary, her clean date or whatever. And she got in my car and I just said, I have a bomb to drop on you. And she was like, what? Like that's how I always tell my sister something. And so I tell her, like, I've been in a relationship with Tammy and Scott, polyamorous for, like, all these years or whatever.

And she was just, like, silent. And I was like, I knew if I told you, like, I'm ready to be done. And I don't know another way to, like, get out of this other than to tell you. So then I have to get out of it. And so it was, like, days of, like, like, sitting on. Like, I'm like, I know I have to do it, but, like, it's such an uncomfortable thing to do. to like break up with anybody, much less, and this whole part of my life. And so I finally, I get the courage.

And I knew he sensed that I was being, like, weird in our texting. And I sent him a text midday. I knew it was while he was, like, doing work. I was like, I don't care. I'm ready to say it. So I just said, hey, is there any way you can meet me at some point this evening? I need to talk. Like, I can't do this anymore.

And he was like, oh my God, okay, yeah, let me like make sure we have rides for the girls to like sports or whatever. And yeah, I'll make the time. Like, okay. So he meets me at like this like hiking spot. We didn't go hiking. We just sat in his truck and talked. And I started crying and was just like, I can't do this anymore. Like I can't be treated like this anymore.

She has been, you know, so not good to me. And he was like, I know, you're right. and I was like, just like, you know, like ending it. And he was just, I knew he was mad at her and like sad, whatever. And we just sat in his truck. And I just remember being like, how do I leave? Like, how do I get out of this car right now? And he was like, I think you just like open the door and go.

Like, go be free. I think that's what he said. And I was like, okay. And I kissed him a few times. And I got in the car. If I did not get, so they live like, an hour from me and he would have made it home

and a half an hour but it would have still taken me longer or no it took him longer to get home because we were right near my house something like that and it wasn't five minutes after he probably got home I was I was like less than an hour after doing this she's calling me which I didn't expect right away for some reason

and I was like hi what's up and she's like we please talk? Like, are you sure? Like, this is what you want to do? Like, you've hurt him so much. Like, it was such a ploy to, like, keep me. And I was like, I was like, I can't. And she's like, and you blamed it all on me. Then it switches. Like, when she realizes that I'm like, no, I do want to do this, then it's like, you, we've given you everything. You've taken everything that's mine and made it yours. You've done all of this. You're the one who has. You're the one who had like the affair. Just like this whole thing, like you're the problem in all of this. You're the one always causing arguments. Just like crazy shit. And you blame it all on me.

You're you're done with him. So you're going to blame it all on me. Like just like totally gaslighting me. And I was like, listen, I cannot talk to you right now. Like I just made one of the biggest decisions of my life and I've had 45 minutes to process it. Like I'm not trying to go into this other realm with you and like have this conversation. Which I think this is the problem with non-monogamy and multiple partners. It's like there's so many feelings and so many people that have to talk. Not that this was anything real as far as like a real, would people consider real polyamory or non-monogamy or whatever.

But to me it was when I was in it. And so then she texts me later. I like wish I still had these texts, but I don't. At a certain point, I finally deleted them. like begging and was like, um, we are sisters united by like all these like weird things. Um, we are warriors who get knocked down, but get back up just to fight the same demons we battle with again and again, like some like weird poetic shit. Um, and I knew it was just she was floundering. Now, she had just in those last, that last year done the medical retiring. I think because she felt

this coming. Yeah. like the ending of all of this and blowing up in her face and um like i need you broke i need you you have emotionally and spiritually surpassed me in all of the ways like you're so smart you're you know i've been so jealous of you because you're prettier and skinnier and like i love you so much like please don't do this i need you like we need you in our lives and i was just like I finally just said like, hey, go take care of yourself, go heal. Sorry, another big part that I had like forgotten about was right up when I decided to end it was because I was on Instagram one night and I came across, I don't know if you've

ever seen her, the holistic psychologist on Instagram. She has like all these followers now. she was a therapist and then decided to like put some content out there. She did a lot of research on like trauma and the brain, whatever. And I just remember finding her page, something resonated with me. And I sat all night and like read every single one of her posts and like the captions underneath and even people's comments. I was up all night reading this. And I like woke up to myself and like the world.

And I was like, I now know why we are the way we are. It was like my awakening into like what healing looks like and looking at our conditioning and like how we were raised and how all of those things play a part and who we are and how we are. And I remember being like, I'm not going to be able to unsee any of this. And I just knew that was going to be the unraveling of this. And so it was like started to become very clear. The more I learned this terminology and the things that were happening, I'm like, that's what she's done to me or that's what they've done or like, that's what this has been or a trauma bond or like whatever any of this was. And it really only took like a month before I was like, yeah.

Oh, yeah. Like, I'm done. That ties. So I, where was I? Oh, yeah. I end it. I tell her, I say, go follow this person, the holistic psychologist, or go seek some therapy and get some help. I do love you too.

But, like, you need help. And, like, I'm done with this. There's no amount of sorry because she was like, I'm sorry. I know I've been like a horrible friend to you. Like it's been even deeper than that. And I said, please do not contact me ever again. And she never did because I think she got it. Him and I ended up having a FaceTime conversation a couple months after this to like talk through it.

Because he, I remember him texting me probably like a month after I ended in the middle of the night. I knew he was with his best friend Kevin. I knew he was drunk. And he sent me a text that said, I miss the fuck out of you. And I just remember being like, I can't even get just like a regular I miss you. I'm like, I'm sure you miss the fuck out of me literally. You know, like that's how I felt.

And I just remember being like, what? And like I still communicated with him. And we had like a FaceTime conversation just to talk through. He's like, look, I want to be friends with you. But like, we can if you have so much anger towards Tammy. And I'm like, I don't really care, you know, either way. But I still wanted to be a part of their life at this point. And I remember he was on the FaceTime with me in their pool house.

And of course, she comes in conveniently to hit the bowl right behind his head. I knew she was doing it so that I would see her. And I just was silent. I didn't say anything. And she walked out. And then I just remember him being like, we can't, like, I literally can't be friends with you if you're, if you hate my wife. And I'm like, okay. And it's like, we would contact each other like every couple of months.

months, like, how are you kind of thing? And it kind of like dwindled down. So I'm like in therapy, right, at this point. And my therapist says to me one day, I'm processing through all of this, the ending of this. And I come in one day and she's like, so before we get into our session, like, I need to tell you this. And I'm like, okay. And she's like, I, I'm a mandated reporter. And I actually, I need to call CPS on, on Tammy. You can either do it yourself or I can. But one of us, Like we have to report. I think that's how she said it. Maybe she was the one who had to do it.

I don't remember how this was said, but I know said. And I just remember being like, please don't do this. Like, please don't do this. Because I was like, the last thing I want is for this to end up. And I'm thinking, like, what do you have to call CPS for? Like, I'm an adult. But because this happened while I was a teenager, and it doesn't matter. You can report anything from years prior.

And because this person still holds a license in this state as a teacher. they can like it's predatory behavior essentially like the way that she was with me even though it wasn't anything sexual just the way she had a relationship with me as her student was what the CPS thing was for and also because she still held that that certificate she could do it again or it could be even worse or whatever and I just remember being like please please don't do this but I knew she had to and I knew I know that you know my therapist cared about me so much and knew how fucked up this was that I was, I knew there was nothing I could say. Like, no amount of begging would make her not do it. Yeah. So she did it. And the next week, I was at my sisters watching my nieces. And I got a call from, like, an agent, an

investigator, whatever you want to call it. And he was like, hey, you know, there's grounds for a case here. Like, do you want to file, like, whatever, charge? And I was like, no, I do not. Like, I don't want any, I don't need, I already left these people. Like, and at that point, you know, my therapist was like, she could do this to somebody else, but she had already medically retired. And I knew in my silence with her, because I was like, don't ever contact me again, I knew my silence would, it scared the shit out of her because I was always crawling back to her, you know, always wanting to be a part of her life. So my silence meant like, oh my gosh.

And I knew she was scared. I knew she was really scared because she did hold a license because that was her job, because her kids went to the school district just over. and I just said no, I don't want to file charges or whatever. I never heard from them, but Scott had a lot of pictures of me, like whether he took them or I sent them to him or of us. And he had made, before I ended things, he had made a file of these, like a private shared Google file that our pictures were.

You know, we could both look at them. And I was like a co-owner of this photo album. And I tried to delete these pictures. This was actually only like last year. And I was with my ex-girlfriend at this time. And she was like, yeah, like I think you should delete them. And I go to delete them and I can't because I'm not the owner. Like I'm the co-owner, but because he created the album,

I don't have any rights to that. And I'm like, oh, my God. Like, I have all of these pictures. By the way, he was, like, such a porn addict, too. I don't think he would ever put my shit out there. Like, I know that he would not. But, you know, you see. And I don't know what kind of mental state she's in or what she would do with my pictures.

I'm like, I remember talking to my therapist about this. Like, I want to reach out and say remove the pictures, but I don't want to reach out. Like, the thought of even reaching out would make me so anxious. And she was like, you know, like, feel it out. whatever you want to do. And at first I said like, you know, pictures, whatever. And she's like, well, like, what's the extent of this? I'm like, hundreds. She's like, okay. I get why he, maybe you don't want someone to. And I didn't, you know, like, I'm in a relationship with somebody. Like, I don't want my, somebody else to have these pictures of me. And I know what kind of person he is.

So I know he's still looking at these pictures and videos and whatever. And so, um, I go to text them. I'm like, you know what? I'm just going to do it. Now, I haven't talked. to them since it was probably 2020 that I had talked to him and this was 2024, like literally exactly a year ago, I think, is when I texted them. So it had been four years of nothing between you guys. Well, we may have, no, because like in 2021, my prior ex-girlfriend, I had like, somehow him and I were, how are you, whatever? He's like, are you seeing anybody?

I'm like, yeah, I have a girlfriend. And so we had talked probably 20, 21 was the very last time because he had like text me something. I said, I don't think that we should text anymore. Like I have a girlfriend and I know that she's like not would not be okay with this. So yeah, it would have been three years probably three, three and a half since I had talked to them at all. And he, um, so I decided him to send them a text. And all it said was, hey, it's Brooke. Can you please delete all the pictures that you have saved of me in the shared file or all the picture. Can you just delete the shared file, essentially, or any pictures of me

that you have saved anywhere else? Because remember, he had that picture of me from when I was younger, like, saved on his computer. I go to text him and I had the thought, I'm going to text her too, because I just like know her. I know how she is. And I have a lot of anger towards her. I should have more towards him. I'm not sure why I don't, but I have more towards her. And it is what it is. But I decide I'm going to send her the same text, but I'm going to say, can you have Scott delete all of the pictures of me? So I send them both the text, and I realize they have me blocked. And I don't know why this hurts my feelings, but I'm like, wow, you guys blocked me. Well, I did have her blocked, but I had to unblock her to send this.

But they have me blocked. And I'm like, wow. Well, and I know it's because they're scared. So I think what happened was after my therapist called CPS, somebody let her know. Somebody called. Somebody went over there. She was informed of this. I just know it.

And so my ex-girlfriend was like, just text them from my phone. Like they don't have my number. I don't care. We'll just block them after. So I send them the text. She writes back, consider it done. And I know exactly how she's saying it. And he writes back, okay, we'll do.

And I just blocked them. and the album was completely gone and deleted. And who knows, he could have, I'm sure he has the picture saved of me and whatever. But yeah, so that was like the ending of it. And it's just been a lot of, you know, I did a lot of talking through this and processing with my therapist. And I think the thing I've had the hardest time with is,

you know, seeing myself as a victim because I'm like, I made a choice as an adult. adult, you know, and it, I feel so responsible in that way, but then I also can see this for what it is. And I can, you know, as my 34-year-old self, I can look and be like, I can't imagine ever doing something like this with like a young person or anyone. And I don't want to live in victimhood either. Like I, you know, things happen to us and I believe, you know, not to sound cliche, but I believe everything makes us who we are and like we all are on you know a journey and there's lessons and everything and for some reason that that was my journey and I don't know that I would change it you know

because it has made me who I am but I think I've struggled a lot with my sexuality and like knowing what that is that really confused me at the very end of this um we would like watch TV me her and Scott we'd all be like cuddled up kind of together. And after he had sent me that text, like, she wants to be more sexual with you. This was probably, like, weeks after that. I remember we were sitting there. Our legs were dangled over him. And she started, like, I call it foot fucking. I don't know if we want to put that in here because it sounds so weird. But she's like, starts rubbing my feet with hers. And the second she touched my foot, it sent like a zing through my whole body where I was like, like, like, I love.

liked it, but it wasn't her. I think it was just like a woman. And that I just remember being like, I hated it. Like I was like, I hate that I felt that way. But I remember that being like, what the fuck is going on? And then she was like doing it for the rest of like the like next two or three weeks. She like each time we were all like on the couch, she was like touching my like rubbing my feet with hers. And I didn't, didn't have the same feelings about it in my body moving forward as I did that, that first time. But I just was like, this is going into weird territory. And I think I knew whether, you know, consciously or not, that this was going in a weird place. And I think she, she had said to me over the years, like, did you ever think like maybe you're gay? Like, maybe you're a

lesbian. And I feel like she could sense me slipping. And so she was trying to hold on to me. by like getting like more intimate with me but I she didn't actually feel that for me kind of thing um so yeah that was the part that I missed but um I think it confused me a lot in my sexuality um I think it kept me stuck a lot I think it's made it really hard for me to like be open and you know maybe it's also just part of my process I know that like one day I will find someone and I know it all like went exactly how it was supposed to. And I think a lot of it's really unfortunate. I think what they, like a lot of what they did and facilitated was pretty. But I think just like, and I'm okay now. Like I've done a lot of processing. Obviously talking about this brings it up. Yeah. Yeah. But I feel like

it is painful to feel like, like, I thought these people were my family. Like I thought they loved me so much and I loved them. Yeah. So, so much. And to kind of realize, like when you zoom out and when you look back on something like this where you're like, that's not love and like, they could have fucking cared less, you know, like he got to have his little side piece. She was okay with it.

And she was okay controlling everything and berating me in the process, you know? Like, I think that's so painful. And I'm not somebody who's like easily duped or like very gullible or anything like that. And so I think that's also painful where I'm like, damn. Like how did this happen? Like, yeah. But you know how. Right.

And I was a kid. Yeah. Right. Like this is how shit like this starts. A kid that was going through a really hard time. And you leaned on people that you thought you could trust. Yeah. And that's it unraveled into years of just twisted toxic shit.

Yeah, I really did. And I will say, like, man, without my therapist, like, I don't know how I would have, like, process any of this. She was just- And she probably helped you really understand different things throughout your story that can allow you to see it from a different perspective. It's not so much of being, like, victimizing yourself. Right, right. As it is just making you realize the truth of what things are and why things aren't okay. Like, while, yes, you end up reaching an age where you make decisions as,

an adult. Like prior to that, there was a point where you really didn't know any better, or maybe there was this weird line that maybe your gut said this is weird and off, but like, it's a woman and I trust her. And if my parents or if my mom's okay with me going there, I guess it's fine, you know, like. All of those things. Right. So there's so many different things kind of wrapped up in there. So, but it's a lot. I think, you know, like we were saying before, revisiting something from start to end is it does make a lot of those emotions. emotions resurfaced. I mean, that's what makes us human, you know? Yeah. So, but I think you did a great job of telling it. I don't feel like you're all over the place at all. Okay. I feel like it's a lot of detail in it.

Yeah. And I do think that while it's a lot of detail, it does set the tone of the relationship that you had with them and how bad it got with her. Yeah. And how she treated you and that whole dynamic. So I think it was really good background. And I think it was important to include everything that you did.