We're All Insane - I Was Gang Raped at 16

Episode Date: September 20, 2026

At 16 years old, Kate went to a lake house party with someone she trusted, unaware that the night would change her life forever. After drinking a small amount, she blacked out and spent years trying to understand what happened. Eleven years later, Kate received the case file and discovered witness statements and confessions that gave her a clearer picture of that night. She opens up about the lasting impact on her relationships and mental health, her struggles with depression and OCD, and finding healing through finally telling her story. Check Out Kate:  → Instagram  → Tiktok Sponsored By: → Wayfair | Find furniture, decor, and essentials that fit your unique style and budget. Head to https://Wayfair.com right now to shop all things home. → HERS | Ready to reach your goals? Visit https://forhers.com/insane to get personalized, affordable care that gets you. On This Episode We Cover:  → 00:00:00 - Introduction → 00:02:18 - What Was Kate’s Childhood Like? → 00:04:56 - What Led to Her Being Sent to a Wilderness Camp? → 00:09:12 - What Was the Wilderness Camp Experience Like? → 00:15:08 - What Were the Rules and Conditions Like at the Camp? → 00:20:34 - What Happened to Kate at 16 Years Old? → 00:22:20 - How Did Kate Know Nick? → 00:26:24 - How Much Did Alcohol Play a Role in What Happened? → 00:27:16 - What Happened on August 11, 2009? → 00:28:36 - Why Did Kate Feel Like She Wasn’t the “Perfect Victim”? → 00:31:22 - What Happened When They Arrived at the Lake House? → 00:35:02 - What Does Kate Remember From the Assault? → 00:40:00 - What Happened After She Woke Up? → 00:45:00 - When Did Kate Begin Telling People What Happened? → 00:50:00 - Why Did She Decide to Report the Assault? → 00:53:16 - How Many People Later Confessed About That Night? → 01:00:00 - Why Did She Feel Like Other Survivors Had Been Through Something Worse Than Her? → 01:08:04 - What Did She Discover When She Finally Got the Case File? → 01:21:08 - How Did the Assault Affect Her Relationship With Sex? → 01:23:18 - Why Was One of the Witnesses Reluctant to Testify? → 01:25:00 - What Did Karen Say Happened That Night? → 01:37:16 - Who Else Was Present and What Did They Know? → 01:39:12 - What Did Samantha Remember From That Night? → 01:42:02 - How Long Did the Assault Continue? → 01:46:06 - What Did Garrett Tell the Detective? → 01:48:16 - Why Did Nick Refuse to Speak With Police? → 01:50:18 - What Did Jared Say About Whether Kate Had Been Drugged? → 02:10:02 - What Kind of Therapy Did She Do to Help Heal? → 02:19:20 - How Can Survivors Take Back Their Power? → 02:21:08 - How Can Talking About Trauma Help With Healing? → 02:27:18 - How Has She Worked on Her Mental Health and Emotional Regulation? → 02:30:52 - How Did She Get Through One of the Hardest Periods of Her Life? → 02:35:36 - How Did Her Breakup Affect Her Mental Health? → 02:38:06 - Why Did She Finally Start Talking About Her Intrusive Thoughts in Therapy? → 02:40:48 - What Does Moving Forward Look Like for Her? Further Listening → My Boyfriend Trafficked Me To His FriendsMore We Are All Insane: → OFFICIAL MERCH NOW AVAILABLE - code INSANE10 gets you 10% off for a limited time → Join We’re All Insane Mailing List for EXCLUSIVE Content + Discounts  For ad-free, uncensored videos and plenty of exclusive content please subscribe to the We Are All Insane subscription channel at https://wereallinsane.supportingcast.fm/. It's $5.99 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hey guys, don't forget about We're All Insane Plus, where you can get access to bonus episodes and early releases on Fridays to every Sunday's episode. You can subscribe an app on Apple, Spotify, and YouTube, or visit We're All Insane.com. This family is on the brink of Civil War. Mobland. The hit original series is now streaming on Paramount Plus. The other herigans don't know than it? And Google us. From the underworld of Guy Ritchie.

Do you want to step up the ladder? I won't call them dead. Starring Tom Hardy, Pierce Brosnan and Helen Mirren. Do I have to do everything myself? You want to want? I'll give you a more. Moblad, new season is now streaming on Paramount Plus. Well, I'm Kate.

Hi, Kate. Hi, I'm so glad to be here. But I just wanted to be here and tell my story. It kind of, I'm just going to start at the beginning. I was adopted at birth by my parents. And, you know, my birth mom and birth dad, I've met both of them. I also have a half-sister. I've known my whole life.

So since I ever can remember, I've known that I was adopted, which honestly probably helped a lot because people, even though I did know, I think I struggled a lot with abandonment. anyway. That's what a lot of people who are adopted, you know, struggle with and, you know, feeling like, you know, they don't want you and stuff like that. But I think that does come in with, you know, my mental health and stuff like that. It kind of ties in with it. But because I knew I am so thankful for my parents, my birth dad died two years ago from substance. use. So, you know, he, him and him and my birth mom, I'm just glad that they put me up. They

weren't capable. And he wasn't capable. And I think, you know, what he did was right. And when I met him, he went septic and he was actually in the hospital, had like a heart surgery and everything. When did you meet them for the first time? When I was 18. Okay. Is that a role? Like they make you wait until you're 18?

Kind of. So if it's a closed adoption versus an open adoption, I think there's like a little bit of a difference. Gotcha. But I think it was a close adoption. My parents did kind of stay in contact with them and like kind of sent pictures and stuff of me to them. But, you know, my birth dad, he was an addict.

like his whole life, unfortunately, and with hard drugs and with alcohol. So he died of multi-organ failure. But yeah, I met them when I first turned 18, birth mom kind of sucks. She was very judgmental of me and my parents, and it was really hurtful. But anyway, it kind of starts there with the adoption. Growing up, I never really, I had a pretty good childhood. I do have a brother who is their child, my adopted parent's child. But we've always, you know, people look at us like we're twins, like when we were kids. So it was always like, it never felt weird.

and I was always treated, you know, equally. And I think that was really important growing up as a child and knowing that I was adopted. I guess I started talking to my mom kind of about it. And when I turned about eight years old, I started saying little things that I didn't really realized was kind of, you know, hurt. but I would say things like, you know, they didn't want me or just like offhand comments. And, you know, it would hurt her. And I would say like, you know, if I, if you wanted me so bad and why wasn't I enough and you had another kid, stuff like that.

And I was just like eight years old. Like I didn't really know what I was saying. Yeah, like the weight of the words. Yeah. And I think that's when it kind of started turning into, you know, my mental health with the abandonment and with like they don't, you know, why did they put me up for adoption? Because I do have a half sister that my birth mom did keep. But she was 18 when she had me. So she was 16 when she had my sister.

So, you know, it's hard to know that. like, why did you want her but not me? But I think it started like my, you know, abandonment problems and depression kind of started creeping in when I was about like, I think the abandonment was about like eight when I started making those comments. And then when I was about 13, I got my first boyfriend, partner. and it kind of went downhill from there. I started drinking and smoking weed at 14 with him and his friends and kind of rebelling at that time.

And I didn't really realize, you know, obviously I'm 14 years old. you know, how my parents were reacting to it. But when I, when we broke up, that's when it kind of all started. I started to my depression, my anger, stuff like that, like with the adoption, abandonment, rejection, stuff like that, started coming out when me and my boyfriend broke up. It started with self-harm. I started to self-harm. I continued to rebel, not go to school and even do more of the drinking and smoking. And then I was actually sent to a wilderness camp when I was 15 a years old.

For about two and a half months, I was in Utah in the wilderness. I guess my parents didn't know what to do and were scared, and that's what they were told was the best option. However, I think a lot of people know about the troubled kid industry that it's very traumatizing. My parents didn't know that. They were given this picture of like, this is going to help your child so much.

And it did not, in fact, do that. So I was woken up at 4 o'clock in the morning by two random people. I was not told I was going here. And, you know, my parents, you know, stepped back. And I was arguing, I was like, like, who the hell are you? like, what are you doing? Where am I going? They just said, you're coming with us and we're going to do it the easy way or the hard way. Like, we're going to call, like, put you in handcuffs if you do not come with us. And it was like a man and a woman. And that's scary. So I just eventually was like,

okay. And, you know, I was put on a plane, didn't know where I was going. They would not tell me anything. And, you know, I would ask, hey, where are we going? How long are we going to be there? They're like, oh, I don't know. And I was like, well, like, is it going to be like a weekend or like, you know, some, like a week? Like, how long? And they were just like, oh, maybe, maybe like a weekend. We don't really know. And I'm like, okay. Cool. And then they drove me out when we got into Utah. They drove me out into the middle of the desert. I was given like a 60-pound backpack and two pairs of clothes.

And they blindfold you to make sure and drive you another hour out into the middle nowhere to make sure that you don't know where you are so you don't run away. And they did that and they still wouldn't tell me where what this was or, you know, how long I was going to be there. They just brought me to the middle of the desert. And it was pretty horrific. When it comes to your house or apartment, I feel like there's always something that you're looking to revamp, fix,

replace, or just change to make yourself feel more cozy, or just give yourself a little bit of character change in the place that you're living. And especially with my favorite season of all time coming fall, I am totally in the mood to swap some things out, have that cozy vibe going for when the leaves start falling. But at the same time, I don't want to change everything out, like all my furniture and all that stuff, because that's just totally not realistic. But this is exactly one of the reasons why I love shopping on Wayfair. I found so many products on Wayfair that completely fit every single mood I am in, whether it's a seasonal mood, whether it's a big piece of furniture, or I'm just trying to change some decor around the house for a holiday, whatever it may be, you can shop thousands of products. with just about any style and any budget.

And I don't know about you guys, but I am huge on reviews. I like to see what a product actually looks like in somebody's house in real time, not AI, so that I know exactly what's going to look like in my home. I can get a good vision, a good idea of it. So on Wayfair, you can kind of look through all of the reviews, all of the photos, so you can really decide if you like a product before actually buying it and bringing it into your house. And this is something that I just learned, but Wayfair verified products are actually, hand bedded by product specialists through a 10 point quality inspection.

So I don't know about you, but that makes me feel a little bit more confident about what I'm buying. So like I mentioned, if I'm in the mood to just change some things in my house or if I have a room that I don't really know where to start, but I kind of have an idea in mind, Wayfair is where I go to do all my shopping because it's quick, easy, and they have literally anything and any style you can think of all in one place. And it can really just help the space completely come together and feel super cozy and totally fall in love with your area again.

Transform your space with pieces that hold up to real life. Join Wayfair rewards today and get 5% back on every purchase. Head to Wayfair.com or shop the Wayfair app for all things home. That's W-A-Y-F-A-I-R.com. Wayfair, every style, every home. There's like 12 girls in one group. When I got there, there was like a girl on suicide watch. She was forced to sleep with the male counselor and the female, I guess, in their camp area.

So they could watch her. It was very weird. Yeah, which, like, how do you even sleep? Ew. Yeah, it was very gross. And they, when you first get there, they completely isolate you. So you're not allowed to talk to anybody for, sometimes it can be longer than one week. Luckily, mine was just one week.

but I was literally not allowed to talk to anybody. They were just, they completely separate you from the group. There's a group like eating dinner or like whatever at the campfire, like doing stuff with the counselors and you're just in the corner, like just off to the side, not allowed to talk. You have to do journaling. It was weird. It was just weird.

And they literally, what these camps do is they try to break you. And then what they're supposed to do is send you to a boarding school afterwards. So I luckily did not have to go to boarding school, but I did basically I was broken. They did not give you anything, any warm food. If we couldn't make a fire, we weren't allowed to have warm food. And what we were the given to make a fire, obviously were like 14-year-old girls. we had to use a bow drill and that's the most like difficult way

you have to be very strong to be able to make an ember and then make it into a fire and throughout the two and a half months we didn't once have warm food so we had to eat crunchy, cold, dehydrated beans and rice.

Yeah. Somehow I convinced them that I just I couldn't eat beans. And then I was allowed to eat peanut butter. And we had like tortilla chips. Or not chips, the tortilla. Tortillas. Yeah.

I convinced them that that's what I could eat. I was the only one that was allowed to eat it. I don't know why. But we were forced to hike seven to eight. however many hours every day and go to a new spot, set up camp. We weren't allowed to, if we were out of sight, we had to keep repeating our name, like yelling it. And, yeah, the girl, there was this girl that came in, like, last few weeks that I was there.

I did not like her, but she, in the end, kind of saved us a lot from hiking. because she refused to hike. And when she, the first day that she got there, and we were, like, hiking, like, seven miles. And she just refused. She sat down and were hot and we're exhausted. And, you know, we had to literally, they told us we had to carry her on a tarp for miles.

And that's what we had to do. And but then she refused to hike after we set up camp. And we didn't hike for like a good two weeks. So thank God. Because that was the first time we got to like hang out and not have to move. So, you know, she was frustrating. But like I was like, thank God. Like you're kind of fighting the system.

But it was pretty horrific. They blindfolded you to take you out of there too? I don't. They did to bring me to a certain place because then they try to show, like they bring your parents. Okay. And then they like have their parents spend the night, like, seeing what it's like, so different. And then they take you out with your parents. So like they take you to a totally separate spot. Okay. And I didn't know where I was going either. But they don't really blindfold you then because then you're leaving. So, you know, it's mostly because they don't want you to

run away. Right. And they're basically Like, if you do, one, we're going to find you, two, you're going to die. So probably don't try that. Yeah. So, yeah, they don't really do that at the end. They, like, take you to the spa and kind of make it seem like this great place. And it's just, it's wild. It's just wild.

And I was lucky. I wasn't in a horrible, like, one of the really traumatic ones. where people have died. But Second Nature is one of the big ones. And it's still active today. So reading the website is kind of wild. One thing that I wanted to mention is how this girl, the girl that was like kind of fighting the system,

she vomited. They made her pick it up with her hands. And then they said the next time you do that, you're going to eat it. It was horrific. It was really gross. They don't, they get mad at you, like, if you do anything like that. I don't know. It was weird.

But instead of going to the boarding school, I was brought home because my parent, it was too expensive. Did you ever tell your parents about your experience there? They didn't really want to hear it. Okay. I think they felt bad. They saw how traumatized I was. They did blame it on the fact that I was supposed to go to boarding school and they couldn't. So that's what they told them that if I don't go to boarding school, I'm going to come home and I'm going to be a lot worse.

Like they literally told them that. So they kind of blamed it on the fact that I couldn't go to boarding school. which is not true, because that boarding school would have been just as traumatic. But whenever I kind of talk about it, I don't blame them for it because I think they were trying to do the best they could at the time. And that's what they were, you know, the information they were given. So I'm not mad. I don't really hold any resentment towards them about it anymore.

But, you know, they do not want to listen to what happened there. Gotcha. So I haven't really, you know, I don't really talk about it that much because my wasn't as traumatic as some, but it was pretty horrible because you can like be forced to go there throughout the winter, which is awful. I was luckily there during the summer. It was really hot, but yeah. And that kind of was the catalyst for my complete, just, I don't even know, just complete, like, rebel. I refuse to go to school now. Absolutely not.

I was hanging out with random people that they did not know. I was going, I was meeting up with people I didn't know, you know, still smoking weed and drinking. refused to go to school, very depressed, very angry. I was very, very angry. I was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. And I think this is when it kind of started to show some of those symptoms with self-harm and stuff like that. And just impulsivity and doing really dangerous things

and hanging out with random people that I have never met and just, yeah. And that kind of leads into the sexual assault that happened. Weight loss is one of those things that can become so frustrating because what works for one person might not work for another person. And there's just so much online and out there in the world today that we don't even know what to trust, what to listen to, and what's going to be the perfect solution for you. And honestly, it can be extremely overwhelming even knowing where to start when there are so many options at hand. So that's why I wanted to tell you about weight loss by hers.

If you're somebody that's been waiting for the right time to tackle your weight loss goals, now is the time and this is it. Hers now offers access to an affordable range of FDA-approved GLP-1 medications, including the Wagovi pill and the Wagovy Pen. And the best part, as always in my opinion is that everything is done online. So you can connect with a licensed provider that can help you decide if treatment is right for you. And if you do get prescribed, your medication is shipped right to your front door and you do not need to go through any insurance at all. And something that I really love about hers is that they really go beyond just the medication. They have 24-7 support if that's something that you need. And they also have lifestyle and nutrition resources in

their app, such as recipes, meal plans, fitness videos, and even sleep content. Ready to reach your goals, visit forheurs.com slash insane to get personalized, affordable care that gets you. That's F-O-R-H-E-R-S.com slash insane. Weight loss by hers is not available in all 50 states. Will Govee is the registered trademark of Novo Nordisk AS. To get started and learn more, including important safety information, will go be clinical study information and restrictions.

Visit for hers.com. So I came back. I was 15 from the wilderness camp. And I started hanging out with a bunch of different people. At this time, I was 16. So it was about a year later. And I had hung out with this person before. I was kind of like hanging out with him and like kind of seeing him as a like situation. type situation. It wasn't really, like, it was like more of a friends with benefits type thing. Gotcha. And I had hung out with him before and, you know, it went fine. You know, he had, like a two-year-old, very cute, you know, I thought he was like a pretty nice guy. He was 16 also? He was 17, I think. I think he was going to. be turning 18. He was, I think, he was born in 2000. Jesus, not 2000. 1991. I was born in 93. So it was like a year, year and a half, two years older than me.

And so this is kind of when it all started. And I do want to, I forgot to add, I do have a I've had it since I was really young. I don't know where it came from. Explain that too to people if they don't know. So a metapobia is a severe phobia of vomiting. Any type of, so for me, sometimes it's like with some people, it's like with themselves or with other people. Mine is everything. Okay. Other people, myself, being around it, hearing it, anything that has to do with it.

I am petrified of it. I just do not. I'm just so scared. The last time I threw up, I was like 16 and I, I didn't eat for like a whole month. I just had like a piece of bread every day and I lost 20 pounds because it was so, I was so scared of vomiting again. Yeah. So it definitely is not ideal. but it kind of plays into this situation that happened because when I drank,

I was so scared of vomiting that I had a limit. I refused to get overly drunk because I just did not want to vomit. I was so scared of vomiting from drinking that I would drink enough to just get like a little buzzed and that's it. I was very meticulous about it, about what I drank, how much I drank, making sure where I am physically, just so I will not vomit. So that's kind of something that I've had my whole life. I still have it. I still struggle with it.

I actually drove here from me, like 10 hours. because I'm scared of going on a plane. Because I'm scared of people vomiting. Even though it's more rare, I'm still petrified of it. I haven't gone on a plane since I was like 13. So it definitely still plays a huge part in my life. But it does have a lot that I want to, you know,

it plays into what happened because this was a situation where there was drinking involved. And I did not drink. I had never drank enough to get blackout drunk. I, many people who were there only saw me drink like two Mike's hard lemonade's. And then like one or two shots. That's it. And then I was locked out. So yeah.

So what happened was, so that kind of just goes into. That's the tone. Yeah. So this kind of sets the tone of the fact that I don't party a lot. I don't drink a lot due to my severe phobia. So when I went to, this was on August 11th, 2009. I went up to hang out with him. And my idea of what was happening that day, instead of what I thought was going to be happening, which was going back to his house and staying the night at his

place, he totally changed up the plan, had no idea. So that day, that day, I went there and we went to his friend's house. I will call this person E. So we went to his friend E's house. And, you know, I don't think I met this person before. He was a lot older than me. I think he was over. he was over 18, I know, but I didn't really know him that well. But we were there,

you know, I also want to preface this by saying I am not the perfect victim. I don't think there is ever such a thing as a perfect victim, but I did do things that, you know, I did drink and I did smoke weed. So, yeah, I do just want to preface that by saying, like, I know that, you know, I was rebelling at this time. And I'm just not going to be the perfect victim that people usually want. And so, when we were there, we smoked a bit of weed. And that was something that I was more apt to do than drink, just because I obviously have a better time with, marijuana and not alcohol because of the fear of vomiting. But we were there for a couple of hours

and we, I guess, like they were playing video games. I was kind of just sitting around. There was like a few people there. I don't really remember it much because I'm still a very shy person, even though I was doing a lot of things. I was very shy. with new people. And, you know, I kind of was just sitting around and I smoked a little bit of weed, but I didn't really do much. He was just with his friends, I guess. And I guess we got alcohol from him or something.

I don't really remember. But what I do remember is we did get some Mike's hard lemonade, like just like a six-pack. Looking to strengthen your health and well-being, tune in to the Dr. Tina one of Apple Podcast's top alternative health shows. I'm Dr. Tina Moore, naturopathic physician and chiropractor, and I cover topics like metabolic health, chronic diseases, pain management, and more

with expert interviews and solo episodes. I keep it no nonsense with a science-backed approach to empower you to improve your health and resilience. New episodes every Thursday, produced by Drake Peterson and Wellness Loud. I drink, I think I drank one of those, and that was, he told me we were going to his friend's camp.

Okay. To a party, I guess, to drink. So at this time, it's just the three of you? No. So we left E's house. Okay. He was just, I think he went to go get maybe some, either some marijuana or something there.

I don't really know much. about what happened there because it wasn't really, I know that he was, like, talked to a little bit and he was mentioned in the case file. However, it wasn't like a huge part of this story, so it wasn't really talked about, like, what we did there other than like some video games and some weed. But we left. So it was just me and Nick. And he said, hey, we're going to go to my friend's lake house to a party. And I was like, oh, I thought we were going to be spending the night at your house. And he was like, no, we're just going to go to this party first. And I was like, okay, I guess you're driving. Like, I can't really control the situation. So when we got there,

this was I'll just say a first name for this one he was a witness and he backed up everybody's story or he was trying to not back up their story but he was trying to defend them and say that it wasn't rape so his name is Garrett

and his lake house was in Sydney, Maine and I did not know any of these people that were there. I had no idea who any of them were, never met them. When we got there, it was very odd because we got there and we walked in, everybody was like either half naked or fully naked. It was very weird. It was very off. I felt very uncomfortable.

I was like, What the fuck did I just walk into? Yeah. What the, like, excuse me. Like, what the fuck are we doing? Like, and so everybody even said, like, in their interviews that I looked very nervous and, like, I was very quiet when I first got there. Because both of the girls were, I think,

One of them was fully naked, I think, at least. The other one was at least half or fully naked. A lot of the guys were either, like, half naked with, like, their boxers on. Very odd. I guess they were playing a game. It was very weird. So I was just kind of standing there with Nick. And, you know, I was just like, what the hell is this?

So Nick was the only one you knew. Yeah. Okay. And, you know, he's like, oh, like, this is Katie. And it was just very weird. So what he does, what I remember is he poured me a drink. And I did not see it. And he gave it to me. It was a shot. And I took it and I drank it. That was the last thing. I fully remember happening before I started blacking out. Do you think he drugged the shot? Allegedly, many of the people think that that's what happened. And everybody who was interviewed said that they think he spiked my drink, allegedly. I think he did. And because I don't remember, I remember very small.

flashes of that night. After the one shot. After the one shot. And what I remember is him taking off my clothes. And in front of everybody. In front of everybody started kissing me. I just let it happen. Then another flash was me sitting on this bar chair.

stool, bar stool. And I was fully naked and somebody was trying to have sex with me. I did not know who this person was. All I remember is like very weakly trying to say no, but then it goes blank again. And then I remember kind of sitting in a chair like this, curled up naked and just just curled up. And then that's all I remember. I think I do remember a little bit of me vomiting, potentially. But then the next thing I remember is waking up that morning. He left me there. I go out.

I don't know what happened. I go out to the living room kitchen area. I walk in. I don't even know where my clothes are. I have to ask him where they are. And he was like, they're over there. And so I put them on. And I was like, where's Nick?

And he's like, he left. And I said, oh, okay. And then I passed out on the couch again. And then I woke up around 10 a.m.ish. And this was, I was more aware of what was. going on. I did not know, I did not remember anything that had happened that night other than those few little things. I knew something happened. I knew it was pretty terrible. But I just woke up and was very, very confused. And I asked him like, what happened. He did not tell me

what happened. In those moments, did you think that you drank too much? Like, what was going through your head? Honestly, it was just panic. I didn't know what happened. I didn't know if I drank enough or, I mean, too much, or like something happened. Like, I'd never had that experience. So I was still very, very confused when I woke up again. And I remember there wasn't much other than what me really wanting to know what happened. Yeah. I think I did think potentially that, like, maybe, like, did I drink too much?

Yeah. Like, I don't, I didn't understand. Yeah. It was very scary. And Nick still wasn't there. And so I try calling Nick. Nick is not answering any of my phone calls. And then I tried to, I was calling him.

I think at first I called him when I first woke up and he didn't answer any of my calls. Then when I woke up again and Jared was still there, I tried calling because I was like, where's Nick? And he's like, he's not here. And I was like, well, I need him to drive me home. Like, I'm like, where is he? And so I'm panicking. I start crying. Well, actually, I didn't start crying yet. I tried calling. Nick, and I called my friend Tim instead by accident. And if he is watching, if he watches this, thank God for him. He, I don't think he knows, like I've told him, but I don't think he realizes how important he was to me in this moment. And he, I think he did save me from, more than what happened and made sure I got home safely.

But I remember calling, Tim picks up, I instantly realized I didn't, I called him instead of Nick, and I just start bawling, and I said, you're not Nick. And he was like, what are you talking about? And so I kind of was like, I'm sobbing. I don't know where I am. I don't know what happened last night. I'm trying to get in contact with this person and he won't pick up and I don't know what's going on. And he made, he talked to, he was like, give me the, give somebody your phone.

I want to talk to them because he was very, very concerned. He was like, what the hell is going on? And I gave it to, I gave him the phone. And I guess in when the detective talked to Tim, Jared was very reluctant to give him any information about where I was, about what happened. He was like, first of all, he was like, you need to give her some water. He made this kid give me water, which thank God, I was so sick. but he was like, I made him give her a glass of water.

And he was like, you need to get whoever to come pick her up and bring her home. Or I'm going to come there and get her. And I think that's when Jared started realizing I knew something happened, but I didn't know how, he didn't know how much I knew. and I think he got freaked out. So he called Nick and was like, you really need to come pick her up because you need to pick her up

because she's freaking out. Nick was very disrespectful when he came and picked me up. I remember asking him what happened. He was laughing at me and said, you don't want to know. He was very, you know, pretty disgusting with me. Just treated me like he, you know, treated me like a whore. Called me a bunch of names.

Had he ever talked to you like that before? No. I was very confused. I didn't know what happened. And I was, I was just like, I want to know what happened. He's like, you don't want to know. It's bad. And he thought it was funny.

And then he drove me home. And that was when I got home, eventually Tim called me back. And just to make sure that I was at home safe, but he was also really wondering what had happened because he was like, obviously incredibly concerned when I start, you know, this is somebody that I wasn't in, like, super close with. Like, I hadn't really talked to him. him in a while. So it was a very random call that he got. But he used to be one of my good friends.

And we just kind of separated after me and my first boyfriend broke up. But he called me back. And I was in my room and I was kind of talking to him on the phone kind of trying to explain like what happened and I kind of told him that I apparently had had sex with multiple guys. I didn't remember most of the night. I didn't not call it rape at that time because I was in denial. I was in full denial. I did not even want to think about it potentially being something. something that I did not ask for, I thought it was obviously had to be something I asked for.

Because why else would it happen? And, you know, my mom actually overheard me. And she comes in my room and she's like, like, like, you were sexually assaulted. Like you need to go to the hospital. like we need to call somebody. I was like, no, no, I wasn't. I'm not going to go to the hospital. Like I'm not going to get a rape kit done. My mom really tried. She knew immediately what had happened.

And the next couple months after were very hard because it was me kind of coming to terms with it. And I did have like a couple conversations with some of the people that were there and was like, hey, like what the hell happened? You know, and from my understanding, from what some people said, I didn't really talk to many because obviously I didn't know anyone really. they just said that I had, you know, had sex with multiple guys.

Now, at this point, did you talk to the other victim yet or no? No. So I did not know her name. Have any idea that she was involved also yet? No. Okay. I did not know. And did you talk to Nick at all in these?

Yes. In this time? I tried to kind of get anything out of him. He really stopped talking to me eventually after that. He just didn't really want anything to do with me. Like, he did something fucked up, like, reasonably. So, you know, I was just trying to, you know, figure out something. Yeah.

Because I just remember it. It was horrible. I had bruises all over me. I had bruises in between my legs. I had a massive bruise on my back. And I was, I was, like, injured from this. And it was clearly that I was injured. Like, I was being, it looked like I had fell or something. There was, I just knew something had happened. And I got to a point where I was like, I'm literally, I need to report this because I think I started, I said, I need, sorry, I'll step back a little bit, I told my parents, I said, I did attempt to kill myself. And I said to them, I need to see somebody because I'm really going to, I'm going to try to do it. And I'm going to try to do it again. I think I had tried to like overdose on something and I did end up in the hospital.

But I said, I need to see somebody for this because I'm not okay. Something happened. And then that's when I kind of started reporting it as well to the police. So how long after the incident was this? It's this, I reported it in October. Okay. And this is kind of when everything started coming together and me kind of understanding that it had happened to somebody else that night. That's when me and Sam kind of started talking about everything.

We became friends afterwards. I adore her. I haven't seen her in a really long time. but she, you know, went through something that night, which was also horrific, but I'm really glad that she did have somebody to, she had her friend, the other witness, Karen, there to help her.

And Karen did help. Karen was able to pull them off of her and take her. and put her in a room and locked the room. So they couldn't get to her. And I'm really, really glad that she had that, that she didn't have to go through more of what I went through. I, so I kind of talked to her about it.

She did, you know, kind of tell me those things. Does she think she was drugged as well? No. So they just think that she drank way too much. They were drinking a lot beforehand before I had gotten there. So the two girls were pretty drunk when I had gotten there. Legendary has arrived at Alberta with BetMGM Sportsbook. Sign up to unlock access to hundreds of pregame and live betting options for all your favorite sports,

including hockey, baseball, soccer, and much more. Have a hunch your favorite player is going to have a lot. a great game? Lock in your picks and watch the action unfold. You can make your picks on your favorite team too. And every time you play, you can enjoy instant deposit options and fast withdrawals. BetMGM Sportsbook is available in Alberta. Download the app and experience Vegas thrills in the palm of your hand. See betmgm.com for terms. 18 plus Alberta only, please play responsibly, subject to eligibility requirements. If gambling is affecting your mental health or well-being, 21-Alberta is here to help.

Call or text 21-1 or visit ab.211.ca. BetMGEM operates pursuant to an operating agreement with the Alberta Eye Gaming Corporation. Standard message and data rates may apply. So they don't think that she was. Okay. They think she was clearly way too drunk to consent to anything. She doesn't really remember fully what happened that night either. And so, but luckily she did have somebody to, you know, pull her aside and kind of save her from the situation.

And, you know, I didn't know any of the stuff that's sitting in front of me, the case file. I didn't know the severity of what happened until I got the case file. So for about from 2009 to 2020, 2020 was when I got the case file, I had no idea that people confessed to their role. Really? Yeah. Did it go to trial? No. So when everybody had report, like they had talked to everybody.

So you reported it? I reported it. Did she report it? She then talked to them and said I was also raped. Okay. This is all a couple months after it happened. Yes. This was in October.

So all of these interviews happened between October and November. Gotcha. Okay. So they talked to everybody. They talked to everybody. They realized this was a gross sexual assault. The detectives did believe that. In their case summary, they stated that they have two people who confessed to their role in what happened,

and he believed that we had a strong case that would win. The DA did not think so and was not brought to court. So that's why there's all of this, but it never went anywhere. Okay? And it would have been because at the time, from my understanding, the law was that if you had to prove beyond a reasonable doubt, there was coercion or they were physically trying to push them off and, like, fighting back. or prove that like you were drugged or something. I did not go to the hospital. I did not get a rape kit done.

So I could not prove that. Everybody speculated that that is what happened. But that's why I say like allegedly. It's just crazy though because if they have two people admitting it, that should be enough. Yeah, it should be. And another girl was raped that night too. Yeah. So I... It kind of throws everything else out the window.

Yeah, exactly. You would think. I didn't know that this was... I did not know that they had two people confess their role. Until 2020. Until 2020. So for years, I was trying to fight the fact that I was like, I need this to go to court. Like, why is this not going to court?

And they were just like, oh, well, you know, we can't prove it beyond a reasonable doubt. we don't have enough proof, bullshit like that. And I was just like, okay, well, I'm going to try to get Nick to say what happened to me. So in 2015, I contacted him and tried to get him to say, like, what happened that night. He, his messages to me were like him trying to be the good guy. saying that he was like really upset because he thought I was there like going to be with him and I wasn't and you know I was like I don't remember any of this you know like I did not choose that happen and he was like well I didn't know that at the time and I was like well just so you know

like because I didn't know what was happening and I was black out even if I was just drunk I could not consent to you because he did confirm that he had sex with me that night. And I said, I could not have, that's rape. You know that, right? Like, I don't remember having sex with you. And he was like, yeah, well, I realize that now. But I thought at the time that it wouldn't be considered that because we had sex previously. And I was like, no, that's still rape.

he's like yeah i know and i'm really sorry and i got those messages and i sent them to the DA and was like hey he confirmed to me that he had sex with me even though i told him i did not remember like this is something. And they're like, well, that's still not good enough. Okay, cool. Great. And then so I tried to get him. So he wired up when the first interviews happened. In 2015, I was trying to do anything possible to get this court. I was like, I will not press charge. I didn't know how big his role was in this, obviously. Now I do. But at this time, I did not know his role. I thought he was playing this, he's very good at manipulating. And you look at these messages and they're like, it's wild, like, just like what he was saying and how believable it was. And I was like,

please, like, I know that you voyured up the first time, but please, like, I won't press charges against you. Like, I just want these guys to go to, to pay for what they did to me and Sam. Like, this needs to happen. And I, won't press charges. I'll even like, I know there's some people who get immunity. Like, I'll even ask if you could do that. Like, I just want this to go to court so bad. And he actually was like, okay. And he called, and actually I will refer to my notes. This was on October 28th in 2015. I had previously reported a gross sexual assault, but the DA's office declined to prosecute. Since then, she had spoken to her then acquaintance slash situation person.

And I said that Nick had some information that may be helpful. to the investigation and may help lead to charges being brought. So the detective met with Nick and it says I met with Nick at the sheriff's office. I advised him. I would be recording the interview to make sure his story was reflected accurately. Nick stated this was not necessary and advised he didn't think. he had new information to provide. He also explained he would not be making a statement at the advice of an attorney. And he said, the detective said, I asked Nick, why? If he was a witness,

why would he not want to provide information that was potentially helpful? He stated that he had to worry about his family and advised he had children. He stated, attorney he spoke to, suggested he not even come to the sheriff's office because had he been there and had consensual sex with Katie and the attorney believed that Nick could be charged due to that. And then basically they were like, no, we can't give, like we're not going to give you immunity. Like if you, we don't know what you can provide

since you're not telling us. so we can't say that, we'll give that to you. So then he just pieced out and was like, okay, never mind. So that happened. And then that's when I kind of forwarded the conversations. And then a month later, he stated that I, he called the sheriff's office again. And he was concerned because he had received several calls. from me. I did not have his phone number at this point. This was six years after it happened. I had not

really been like even in contact with him. I was able to contact him through Facebook. That was the only thing that I had. I did not have his number. I did not have anything else. But he was saying that I said if he didn't make a statement, I was going to accuse him of rape. He was. He was He said that I'm borderline harassing him. And he said he was not wishing to make a statement about the assault. He stated he had put all this behind him until he received calls from Katie over a month ago. Glad he could put it behind him. Yeah, right?

Nick stated that this isn't the first time I harassed him. He advised several years ago. forced to block her from calling from harassment. Oh, poor him. I didn't, I wasn't. I didn't have his number. He likes to tell people that he's trying to get a restraining order against me for harassing him because I have posted this. I have been outspoken about what happened to me for many years. And he likes to tell people who like ask him about it, oh yeah, like I'm trying to like have a restraining order put against her, but they can't find her address. If you had an attorney that was actually able to put any harassment charges on me or a restraining

order, they would find me. It's not that hard. Right. I even have the same phone number from when I was a kid. Like, it's not hard to find me. So he likes to say stuff like that. He also likes to tell everybody that he first meets to warn, he warns them about me. Oh, I have this crazy ex-girlfriend and she's just mad.

And she likes to go around accusing me of rape, but that didn't really happen. Just so you know. Okay. But anyway, I think it's really funny that he does that. Because obviously, he's still thinking about it. And he should be. He's scared. Yeah, he should be. So he also said, because they were like, well, if she's harassing you, why aren't you making a comment?

Or like a report against her, if this is actually true. And he said, he, Nick stated he did not wish to make a statement because in his opinion, she is troubled. But I felt, but felt I should be aware of this. In the event that she escalates her behavior. Yeah, he also said, if he didn't say anything or provide any information to the police, I would try to kill myself. So he likes to say a lot of things.

None of that happened. Right. Not true. Even here. Like, even this sheriff's office was like, you literally have nothing against her. Like she... So this was all in,

2015. Okay. After I was told it didn't go to court, or it wasn't going to go to court, I struggled a lot. I started struggling mentally with obviously PTSD, anxiety, social anxiety. I had severe depression. There was multiple hospitalizations, suicide, and I was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder, which is a condition that is, it can, there are like some genetic factors, but it does mainly develop due to trauma. So I'll just say for whoever, if you don't know what it is, it's a, mental health condition that really involves a lot of instability and moods, behavior, self-image, relationships, stuff like that. There's a lot of intense fears of abandonment. There's you feel a lot of

emptiness. There's a lot of people who have borderline struggle with substance use, self-harm, suicide attempts, suicidal ideation. And there's a lot of like impulsivity. It's a lot, it's a very stigmatized disorder as well. So throughout this time in my life, it was very, very hard dealing with this disorder as well as the PTSD. and, you know, because I started being outspoken about what happened, I was getting, you know, I've heard it all. I've heard, you know, you deserved it or I'm lying. I, you know, I'm just, like a jealous X stuff, anything. I've heard it from random people that I don't even know who have seen my post, they just comment on it and be like,

when's the next party you're going to? Just shit like that. Like people just really, they love to say things like that. And I've heard it all. And it doesn't really bother me anymore now that I'm, I've done a lot of therapy in my life for the past 17 years. So that stuff didn't bother me. but back then it was hard, especially because I did not have this, this case file.

I did not have the, I also have the interview recordings of all of these witnesses on my computer. So, like, I have stuff now and be like, here's some physical things that are literally proof that you guys, this is what you did to me. I'm sure that helps too with your healing process. Oh, 100%. So for a long time, I felt like it's kind of messed up, but I felt like, you know, people were like, why aren't you over it already? Like, it happened. It was like so long ago, like five years ago, 10 years ago, 10 years ago, whatever. And for some reason, I felt like something more happened that night. In my body, I felt it. Like, I couldn't. I couldn't. I couldn't heal yet.

But I also felt like why it wasn't that bad. So why am I so affected by it? Like I was also judging myself and feeling a lot of guilt and shame because I'm like, like people have gone through so much worse and have like, you know, I started getting into, you know, watching. a lot of, you know, true crime about stuff like this. And I'm like, if these people can heal, like, why can't I? They've gone through something so much worse than me.

And it's because I didn't remember what happened. And I didn't know the severity. When I got the case file, it... Did you request it? I did. I called because I was just hoping for the best. I didn't even know if I was going to be able to get it. Yeah.

I called the detective and I guess he was still working there and he was like, yeah, you can have all of it. And he just sent it to me all the, on a little thumb drive. It was just like, here's all of it. When I started reading it, it felt like, to be honest, it felt like I was raped all over again. I had no idea how severe it was. and I had no idea that two people confessed either.

And I struggled a lot with that. I felt for once validated, though, because I read it and was like, holy shit, I'm not crazy. Something terrible fucking happened. And it was no wonder my body feels like this. no wonder my body feels like I have been through something so much worse, but I can't, I can't, I don't know why. And I think because I didn't remember what happened, it was very, very hard for me to heal and get through those, like, those 11 years without fully knowing what happened that night.

ever feel like healthy eating is harder than it should be i get it nutrition can feel complicated but it doesn't have to be on be well by kelly i simplify the science of nutrition so you can feel better balance your blood sugar and build healthy habits that actually last each week i talk to leading experts doctors and researchers about practical ways to nourish your body and make wellness accessible in real life listen to be well by kelly wherever you get your podcasts new episodes every wednesday And, you know, dealing with, you know, I have also medication-resistant major depression. So I've had a lot. That's a lot of reason why I had such a hard time with not only with borderline, but also PTSD.

And medications weren't helping. Yeah. They did help a lot with my. anxiety. However, with my depression, it was awful. I was having, I was having night terrors. I couldn't, I stopped sleeping. I had to be given sleeping meds to be able to sleep. I was having panic attacks. I had this recurring dream of somebody chasing me and me not being able to walk or to to talk. and I was so scared of falling asleep that I would stay awake for days until I couldn't keep my eyes open anymore

so I wouldn't dream. Yeah. And when I got this, it kind of put everything into perspective and was like, well, now I get it. Here's why. Like, my, there's that book,

the body keeps score. and it's true. My body did know that something awful happened, and I just couldn't, I couldn't heal from it until I knew what happened. I also, I didn't know it at the time. I was just recently more so diagnosed with it. I do have OCD with intrusive thoughts. And for anybody,

who doesn't really know what that is. It's very, very common, but it's not talked about. So the most common OCD people think of is like contamination, like washing hands, like cleaning everything, or they think it's like organization stuff. But intrusive thought, what I have, they're intrusive thoughts that are egotistonic, which is basically all my these random thoughts that, that are like intrusive and just randomly pop into my head. They are thoughts that completely clash with my values and my morals.

And it's, it triggers an overwhelming amount of shame and guilt and anxiety. And the OCD part is like the compelling, it compels you to do anything and everything to get your, your mind off of that. thought and like the urges of like the OCD is like you're so urgently trying to not think about what happened or prove that you're not this type of person in your own head and it's very very distressing and I never talked about it until recently I'll get more into that little later but what there's a couple types of intrusive thoughts that are pretty common so there's taboo slash forbidden thoughts they're thoughts that go against your morals there's harm OCD so thinking

like I'm going to hurt somebody or I'm going to hurt myself so I have severe amount of of harm OCD. I especially think a lot. I have really bad thoughts about hurting myself. I have a lot of thoughts of killing myself. I mean, a lot of, that also does come from, like, my depression and stuff, but my OCD makes it like a hundred times worse. There's also pedophilia OCD. So those are thoughts that you're going to, harm a child completely against you would never do that but it's like the what if right or what if i think i oh i think this kid is really adorable oh my god like what if i think he's too like this kid is too cute and somebody thinks that i'm a like i'm a pedophile or something it's something

so scary and and to you that you try so hard to that that's not what your brain is telling you is not true. Yeah. It's really, really hard. Like, sexual, there's also sexual orientation OCD. That's kind of just a weird, a weird one. I don't really understand that one because I don't really have that. So I won't really, like, touch upon that.

But there's, like, relationship OCD where you think that this person doesn't truly love you. You have those intrusive thoughts of they're going to leave. me, blah, blah, blah. There's religious moral OCD and just purely obsessional OCD where you just have obsessive thoughts. You're just obsessively thinking about these things. And it's just like everything. And then there's the contamination and rumination. So there's a lot of those and types and people don't realize how common it is. I think it's because people feel a lot of shame when they talk about it, especially if it's like harming your loved ones or harming yourself or the pedophilic ones

or the taboo ones. There's some like you can think like, oh my God, what if, like there's like ones that you think like what if I am attracted to a family member? what would, you know, it's just like those types of thoughts that are really, people hear that and they're like, why would you think that? Like, that's weird. Like, are you a pedophile or are you, like, incestual? And it's like, no, like, you are actually, these types of people are the least likely to harm anybody because it's completely against their morals. It's completely the complete opposite of the form of the fear of the whatever.

It is an intense extreme fear of what if. So you constantly are trying to prove to yourself that that's not who you are, because that's what you're scared of the most, are those types of people. But anyway, I do, throughout these years, all of these things kind of started piling on. And it has been very, very hard in dealing with suicide attempts, self-harm. social anxiety. I didn't like going to parties. I don't like drinking. I don't drink anymore whatsoever. I struggled a lot. And my poor parents, I mean, thank God for them. They probably saved my life a hundred times. I'm very lucky to have had the resources and to have the support

and to have my parents believe me about what happened to me. So that was really helpful. But when I got this case file, it really gave me so much validation. However, it was so traumatic to read. It really affected my relationship I had at the time. I have always been, I would have considered myself, you know, pansexual for the longest time.

I just think that I, it was easier to be with guys because I thought that's what I was supposed to do with, you know, like that's what you're taught as a woman. And I, you know, my parents, when I told them about my sexuality, they're like, oh, it's just a phase. So I just thought, you know, that's what I'm supposed to be doing. And now I have completely no man whatsoever. I kind of feel bad because I was with a guy for seven years

and was not even intimate with him for seven years because I got this and because I had no interest. I'm not attracted to men, I guess. But anyway, I always struggled with my

sexual orientation, especially after the sexual assault. But what happened also after is I became, I let people treat me like an object. I thought that's all they wanted from me because that's how I was treated that night. Sorry, I'm jumping around a lot.

You're okay. For years, I just slept with whoever. I was also, so people who go through sexual assault are most likely going to be sexually assaulted again in a lifetime. I personally don't classify these as sexual assault because this is just this is a hundred times worse. But technically speaking, there were many times where I was coerced into sleeping with somebody because I would say, oh no, like I don't want to. I'm not in the mood or I'm just tired.

I was asleep, they would do it anyway. I was too scared to say no because I knew that people have already taken it from me. So who's going to say that they're not going to do that again? And who's to say that they're not even going to be more violent? I was terrified of that happening again and being aware of it happening. So I just let people use my body for a long time. And then kind of went the complete opposite way. And then this, especially after this, it just was the complete opposite again.

Just absolutely no interest in anything. I felt really gross. And yeah, so there was a lot that happened in between the actual reporting of the sexual assault, not really knowing what happened during it, but just knowing a little bit and then actually getting the case file. So in 2020, I got the case file. And I do want to touch upon there are certain interviews that I do kind of want to touch on and potentially read a little bit.

So I want to read Karen's because she was one of the witnesses and she actually, another reason why it did not go to court was because she was reluctant to actually testify. She was scared. I'm not going to 100% blame her.

for that because we were young. You know, it's scary. I was very lucky. I did not go to their school, but all of these kids were in the same school together, even with the girl who was raped. So she was bullied relentlessly and just accused of so many things,

and I was very lucky that I didn't have to deal with that. But I do want to read, the Karen's interview because it kind of explains everything what happened. The two that confess, I kind of want to touch upon, but there's a lot in their interview. And that really, they tried really hard to, like, say they didn't, I wasn't that drunk. I wasn't, you know, blah, blah, blah. but then, you know, they eventually are like, yeah, actually she was way too drunk. Or she actually, we think that Nick drugged her, to be honest, because she only drank a very small amount.

And we know that it was wrong. So I do want to touch upon those as well. But I'll just read Karen's because this kind of is a third part. and I think it's more kind of of what happened that night. In a full, this is what happened, this is what I saw. Because obviously the other guys have been, Dale and Garrett did try to defend the other guys and say that it was crazy that I was calling it rape.

but then like Dale also stated that I was not able to fight them off. So I think Karen is the one who will be the most honest about what happened. So it is very graphic. So just a warning. I know like a lot of people who watch yours, they know like the kind of topics that are talked about. But if anybody does get triggered. Yeah. This is a pretty major trigger warning.

So sorry if my voice shakes and stuff. You're okay. Take your time. Or if I start crying. So Karen was, she approached officer who, insisted that she had been present with me at the time earlier in the summer and that, you know, she wanted to say what happened and stuff. So they, Officer Frost did call the detective and be like, hey, this person wants to report, you know, what happened. So they went to her school and they started the interview. They talked to obviously her parents first, just to make sure that she is

allowed to talk, but she wanted to speak about the assault that happened. And so before this is, I'm just going to start reading from it. Before the interview, I advised Karen that she was not in any trouble. I advisor that everything she told me was to be the truth regardless of how unflattering it may be. She agreed and I started the interview. The interview was recorded using a digital recorder and the interview had been downloaded to the detective's computer and is now available for a review. So Karen was able to identify several people that were at the party. Karen admitted that she had been drinking, consuming alcohol. She stated she had a half a cup of a mixed drink and one Corona. I asked where the party had taken place. She stated that it was at Garrett's camp. It was in

Sydney. And Karen stated that she thought everyone else was drinking some kind of hard liquor. So Karen stated that the camp was on the water. She kind of, kind of just, go over this a little bit. It was on the water. She kind of explains the layout of the house, the bedroom, stuff like that. But

after she explains that, it says Karen was on the verge of tears during this conversation. She explained the rest of them except Nick and Katie arrived at the party. And me and Nick

arrived at 10 to 11.30 p.m. Karen stated that Nick and Katie arrived at the party later than they did, around 10, 1130. Karen stated before Nick and Katie arrived, the rest of them were playing the drinking game, which is where like half of them got undressed. So stated that during this game, players were able to make up rules with certain consequences. She stated one of the rules was if somebody used a curse word, they would have to remove an article of clothing. And then Karen stated that's when Katie and Nick arrived. Samantha was naked. She was down to her underwear. Dale was in his pants. Jared was in his box shorts and Garrett had taken off his shirt. Karen explained that Katie arrived at this time. She recalls Katie was quiet and staying close to next.

Karen stated that she did not recall Katie having too much to drink. She explained she remembered that Katie only had one or two twisted teas or Mike's hard lemonade. Looking to strengthen your health and well-being, tune in to the Dr. Tina show, one of Apple Podcast's top alternative health shows. I'm Dr. Tina Moore, naturopathic physician and chiropractor, and I cover topics like metabolic health, chronic diseases, pain management, and more with expert interviews and solo episodes. I keep it no nonsense with a science-backed approach to empower you to improve your health and resilience. New episodes every Thursday, produced by Drake Peterson and Wellness Loud. Explain that she thought Katie was acting far more intoxicated than what she had drank. Further, Karen was under the impressions that Nick may have placed something in her drink.

I asked why she thought this. She stated that Katie was very loopy. Further, she stated Katie's eyes were half close. and she was very intoxicated. Karen stated Katie's speech was very delayed and having to stop and think about her words. Karen was asked why she thought that Nick may have slipped her something and Karen stated that those guys can get any drug they want.

Karen stated that Katie was now sitting at the bar with the other two other girls. Katie was making out with Nick. Karen stated that Jared and Derek were very forward and were touching the girls. Me and Samantha. Karen recalled Nick raised a drink in the air and proclaimed, Let's have an orgy. Karen recalls Nick and Katie were kissing. Samantha was reportedly kissing with Derek.

Karen stated Jared and Nick began to touch Katie while three girls were sitting in the bar area. Karen stated the girls were being touched again at the bar. She began to feel uncomfortable. Karen stated she only witnessed Keanu. Katie having a couple drinks stated that she was acting liby. I asked Karen to explain what she meant by that. So a lot of this is just reiterating a lot of things and just clarifying. So as Karen to explain what she meant by that,

she explained she only had a few drinks and she was acting far more intoxicated than what should have been. Speech was delayed and slurring her words. Karen stated as things progresses, she stated she felt everything that was going on at the time was wrong. She stated that shortly after this, she went in one of the bedrooms and got dressed. Karen stated that Dale and Garrett were in the background not participating about in what was going on. Karen stated that when she went back out into the main room of the camp,

she saw that Samantha was sitting in the lounge chair and Jared was on top of her. Karen described Samantha as looking like she was sleeping. Karen stated that she pulled Jared off of her and took her into another room. Karen stated Samantha did not know what was happening and was asking for water. Karen stated that Samantha was not able to walk and she stumbled into the next room. Karen stated that she left Samantha in the room with Garrett and was. went into another room to speak with Dale and asked to leave. She stated that neither of them could drink

because they had already had too much to drink. Karen describes going to her car to get a bowl for marijuana. And Jared followed her to the car at her request to go get the bowl. Karen stated that Jared tried to make out with her, and she told him to stop. Karen stated they walked back into camp and went into the bedroom. Karen described Katie was asking for Nick. Karen stated Katie was saying that she only wanted to be with Nick. At this time, according to Karen, Derek and Jared were now having sex with Katie.

Karen described Katie was in the living room area, and that Jared and Derek were having sex with her. She stated Nick was telling Katie that he wanted his friends to have a turn. Karen stated that I continued to ask for Nick. Karen stated that Samantha was in the bedroom at this point and was vomiting. At this point, Katie got sick and they had to take her outside because Samantha was in the bathroom. Karen recalled Nick stated that you don't fuck a bitch that's been sick.

Karen stated Nick brought Katie back inside and left her in a bedroom near the end of the hall in a large bed. Karen estimated Nick left around some time in the a.m. Karen stated that Samantha was placed in a room with Garrett and she fell asleep. Karen stated that after everything settles down, she fell asleep. stated that Karen stated that she needed to be home by 6 a.m. And that she got up around 5.5.30. She stated that Jared was on the couch.

Karen stated that Katie was in the bedroom in the far right and Derek was on top of her. Karen recalled Katie calling out for Nick, who was not there. Karen said that her impression was that Katie thought she was having sex with Nick. I continued to push Karen for more dis... description of what she had seen.

Karen insisted she had observed Nick, Jared, and Derek having turns having sex with Katie. Karen recalled that three of them were putting their penises in her mouth, my mouth, and vagina. They were not using condoms. Karen recalled that Nick was having sex with Katie, but he was standing on the side a lot. Karen stated she thought about this incident a lot because she heard about Jared having sex with two other girls at another house a week or two ago. I asked Karen where they had gotten the alcohol for the party,

they had gone to a house in Augusta near Cumberland Farms, stated that she could not remember the name of the person that they got it from, but thought it was a name that started with a K. Karen said that she went back to get Samantha after picking up her sister. This was around 8.30 a.m. She stated that she spoke to Jared briefly. Karen narrowed the date of this incident using a calendar in the office, stated she thought it was around the 14th, 15th of August during that week.

Karen stated she spoke to Samantha and found that Samantha insisted that she had been unconscious when Jared started having sex with her. And then the interview shortly ended shortly after this. So this is kind of the basis of what happened and how I was being treated as well as how Samantha was being treated. And I will say that Dale and Garrett are not involved in the actual assault.

Obviously, if you see something, you should probably say something and stop it, but they're going to defend their friends. So there were other people. I guess she had talked to her friend A, and A had talked to the cops as well and kind of reiterated what Karen had said and said that Karen insisted that I was a victim. And that she believed, A stated that Karen did believe that I was under the influence of more than just alcohol. So she was not there, but she did know all of the people involved. And she had dated Jared in the past and kind of knew about him.

So and she, Jared had also confessed to A that she, that he had sex with Samantha. So, yeah. And then the interview with Samantha was kind of the same. She doesn't remember most of the night, obviously. I just kind of highlighted some of the things that she said just to reiterate. There's a lot of things in here that I'm just going to, I've highlighted just to confirm like these statements are the same. A lot of them are.

and this is just multiple people confirming the same thing. A lot of the stuff I won't go over again because it's literally just the same story over and over again with just maybe some slight differences just because of what was remembered of the night. But Samantha found it odd that Katie was so intoxicated but she had not had that much to drink according to what Samantha had observed.

So before when I first got there and before she was unconscious. Samantha stated that Katie would not have been able to push any of the guys away and that she was really out of it. Samantha stated that she honestly thought somebody had put something in her drink. Samantha stated that at one point

she remembered that there were three guys at once having sex with Katie. She stated that, that Derek and Katie were in an odd position around 5.30 a.m., because she woke up because she was feeling sick. She saw him, and it appeared that I was being held down. Samantha stated Katie was still calling for Nick. Samantha stated Derek was using her like a toy. Samantha stated Jared was still on the couch. Samantha stated that Katie was still saying no and was calling for Nick. Samantha described Derek as throwing Katie around the bed and that the sheets were not on the bed anymore.

Samantha stated that they were in some weird missionary position and it was like a ball of some sorts. Samantha stated that it appeared that Derek was holding Katie there. I asked Samantha some more questions about what she remembered. about the three boys having sex with Katie. Samantha stated that Karen told her that three boys were laughing and slapping Katie around. So yeah, another

just confirmation of the things that happened that night. And this stuff all happened for about four to five hours. It was about four to five hours of them taking turns with me. So

she also just confirms about she did kind of remember Jared being on top of her and her being unable to say no, or trying to get off him off of her. And she did remember getting sick and, like, vomiting and stuff, just like Karen had stated. And then, you know, Dale was next interviewed. there's a lot in there. I don't really think we need to go over

because it's still, again, the same exact thing. But he did estimate that Nick left around 1am. So Nick left me with these random people that I had no idea, obviously, allegedly potentially drugged with these men taking turns with me. And he, so Nick left around 1 a.m. Dale woke up at 5 a.m. He heard a door slam. He stated he walked into a side bedroom and Katie seemed confused. He stated that she was saying his name Nick, according to Dale, he stated Katie was now telling Derek whom was having sex with her, fuck me harder, baby. I asked Dale if he believed that Katie was physically able to

resist the guys. He stated she was not capable. They were too strong. And he described her as dizzy and weak. So weird comments that were made about, you know, stuff I was saying. Clearly I didn't know what the fuck was going on. Again, Dale just confirmed that I literally could not fight off anybody. I was too drunk or whatever had happened to me. And then the next person that I'm just going to talk about, I mean, Garrett was interviewed,

but, you know, there were multiple times where in this I highlighted multiple times where the detective pointed out to him that his story was not adding up. He was very, if you do read this whole case file, which I'm even happy to just put on the internet, I don't give a shit, and just like edit out names.

but if anybody doesn't believe me happy to just throw this out there but his his interview was long and very like dude you need to stop like you need to tell the truth like we've already interviewed multiple people like we know what happened so your story's not adding up and And he, like the detective would say things like, I advised him. I could see that he was nervous as hell and that his actions told me that. And that detective said, I advised him and I talked to that I had talked to four people that gave me good, consistent statement. I advised him that there was his statement. And it was full of holes.

Like he was there, but not there. So very kind of telling certain things, but leaving out a bunch of other things. So, yeah. Then a lot of it is just, you know, them trying to get Garrett to really talk. Eventually, he did. But I just won't go over it just because of time's sake. Yeah. But this also kind of talks about when Karen did say that, because I guess she was asked by the detective just to make sure that he was like, hey, like, I just want to make sure that you were very truthful on that day, correct?

And she stated that she was. Karen was apprehensive about testifying in court, and she was a little nervous about everything going on with everyone. So I don't blame her for that. Obviously, being a witness is very scary in a situation that was very scary for everybody, especially women who were, you know, being treated that way. So then,

he was talked to, but basically when they called, his father said he wanted to talk to Nick first, and then they obtained a lawyer. So Nick did not tell a story at all. He did not talk to the police at all. And his father, I guess, talked to his son, and his son was like, I had nothing to do with it. But the cops were like, you know, obviously you retained a lawyer. We can't talk to you now. So he just wired up, didn't want to talk about the situation. So Jared was interviewed. His interview is very long.

I don't know if there is time to go over at all. But I do want to point out there are. for the first part of the interview, for a lot of it, he is very vague. And he is like, oh, she was able to consent all this kind of stuff. Looking to strengthen your health and well-being, tune in to the Dr. Tina show, one of Apple podcast's top alternative health shows. I'm Dr. Tina Moore, naturopathic physician and chiropractor, and I cover topics like metabolic health, chronic diseases, pain management, and more with expert interviews and solo episodes. I keep it no nonsense with a science-backed approach to empower you to improve your health and resilience.

New episodes every Thursday, produced by Drake Peterson and Wellness Loud. For the first, like, half of it, eventually, I guess he, again was like being very detailed with certain parts and then with other parts, like the sex part of it. he was like very vague and was like oh yeah she wanted it she she knew what she was doing and so there's another part of it where jared did was asked about how much alcohol i consumed again he stated that he felt very strongly that nick had slipped Katie something. I guess there was a rumor going around that narcotics was in my system. That wasn't really true because I did not go to get a rape kit done. But I guess that was surround, like a rumor around their school. But he was talking to his friend who also was like,

hey, that sounds like, she sounds like she was drugged. The friend I'm not going to name because he literally has nothing to do with this. But he told his friend the whole story, and his friend said that it seemed like, you know, something went wrong there. So in this part, the captain was very familiar with, Jared and so he had like a report he had a rapport with him I guess and so the detective who was on

the case asked the captain to be part of this interview specifically so a lot of this is the captain talking to him and interviewing him the captain pointed out to Jared that he was very detailed right up until the point where where we started to talk about sex He stated the subject was a little touchy with him. I again made an accusatory statement towards Jared. Jared insisted he stopped having sex with Sam because he was not attracted to her, not that she had too much to drink, which clearly was not true, but that's what I think.

I don't think that's true. Nobody thinks that's true, honestly. but Jared disclosed that he thought Katie may have had too much to drink when he had sex with her. Jared explained that when he was having sex with her, she was calling for Nick. He stated he realized at that point there was something wrong with that. I explained that about to Jared that 20 seconds ago he pointed to me that when he had sex with Katie, she may have been having too much to drink to be having sex and asked if that was the case,

why didn't he stop the other two from having sex with her? If he stopped and noticed something was wrong, why didn't he stop anybody else? Jared paused for several seconds. Jared stated that he figured, since Nick brought her, Nick would handle it. Jared further explained that Nick brought her and was having sex with her doing what he needed to do with her and that he would take care of her. Jared stated that he had mentioned to Garrett on the front porch that he was concerned that Katie had too much to be too much to drink to be having sex.

Jared stated that he specifically said, this does not seem right. So in here, again, they ran through the. events of what Jared had stated before and what they understood what happened from his from Jared's point of view. Jared stated that Garrett was present for a lot of what happened. I do want to confirm that Dale and Garrett did not have sex with anybody. They did not touch anybody inappropriately. So Jared reaffirmed that it was just Nick, Derek, and himself that had sex with me. I pointed out to Jared that

a lot of people made some bad decisions that day. He agreed with me. And I told him I wanted to bring him back a little in the story. I began to ask him about when I emerged from the bedroom that morning. I reminded him that he had told me

Katie appeared confused when she emerged from the bedroom. Jared stated that Katie, that Katie emerged when he was sitting on the lounge chair watching a movie in the living room. He thought that she was confused because her eyes were squinted. He assumed it was because she had been drinking. He stated that after she was dressed, she sat down next to him and had a conversation with him. He stayed at some point Katie told him he did not, she did not remember what happened the night before.

he estimated that this time was around eight or nine when we were having that discussion. Nick had told him that Nick left around 5 a.m., but he left way earlier than that. Nick had told him this, that when he left, he told them that when he came back to pick us up that morning. So Jared had no idea when he left the night before. this was just according to Nick Jared stated that Nick had told him he was disgusted

with how Katie behaved the night before Jared stated that Nick would not pick up Katie's phone calls he was the one who had to call Nick and they talked about getting a ride home Jared said that he told Nick

that he could not just leave Katie and that he needed to pick her up. Jared stated that after they picked up, they were picked up, Nick was really mean to Katie. He was calling her very bad names, and Katie was crying and really upset. Jared stated that he felt bad for her. Jared stated that Nick had snickered about Katie crying and was making jokes about it. I asked Katie, I asked Jared if Katie had asked Nick any questions.

Jared stated that she did, but he could not specifically. remember any of the actual questions I asked. Jared stated that when he got home, he had a conversation with Derek. He stated he had advised Derek that he did not think Katie was there, was all there at all. So he also, again, Jared also confirmed he did not think I was aware of anything that happened that night. I asked if what had happened that night was right. Jared replied that right then that he felt like a lot of bad stuff happened. That should not have. So apparently he just, now that he's talking about it, he's realizing what had happened and was not good. I asked Jared

if he thought that Katie and Sam had the right to feel how they feel. he stated that Katie had the right to feel that way. I asked again if the reason he stopped was that it did not feel right, and he stated that it was the reason he stopped. Then the captain asked Jared to explain what he's seen prior to passing out and what was going on with Nick and Derek having sex with Katie. Jared stated that they were now on the couch and that Derek and Nick were trading places.

Jared stated that she was saying Nick a lot. At that point, I asked Jared if he thought Katie realized Derek was involved. Jared stated that he could not tell if Katie realized or not. Basically, it just goes into, again, reiterating everything that happened. And when he also again confirmed that when he was having sex with me, the detective asked

if he thought, I thought he was Nick. And he thought, it said, Jared stated that she might have, yes. Asked again if this was the point he said, stopped and Jared stated that it was. So again, this is just confirming that a lot of his you know,

the role he played in this, he played a big part in it. He was the one who raped me and Samantha. So he did confirm

that. And he also, the captain pressed further as to why he was concerned about her age because Jared was asking about my age before I got there. And they were under the impression that the plan may have been for me for this to happen to me. So the captain pressed further asked why he was concerned about her age if that was not the plan. Jared stated that he was concerned because all the people that were there were over the age of 16. And he stated he did not want to get into any trouble if she came to the party and had sex with somebody. He did deny that there was any talk beforehand to bring me over to have sex with me. And that the plan was only to have a party and that things just happened.

So that was kind of his statement, just really admitting to his role. And then the last one that I wanted to talk about is Derek. His is kind of, sorry to make light of it, but it's kind of funny because he was crying a lot during this, which he should be. he really tried hard to lie about what happened. Again, in this, if anybody feels like they want to read it, I'm happy to put it anywhere. I have no problem with it.

They can do whatever they want. I hope they sue me instead of you for anything. But if they do, that's fine with me. I don't really care. but he really, really tried hard to lie about what happened. And the detective tried hard to keep being like, dude, we've already interviewed everyone. You're the last person to be interviewed. Stop lying.

And like multiple times they told Derek that if he's just going to lie. They're just going to, there's no point in interviewing him. And he was very adamant at first that he did not have any role. Like he kind of tried to have sex with me, but didn't really, because he thought, quote, unquote, couldn't get it up because of the alcohol. And then eventually they got him to admit that that that wasn't true. and that he did have sex with me. But he did also confirm that Jared and Nick were having sex with me, like, again, in the kitchen. He confirmed that I only had two Mike's hard lemonade.

And the detective asked if anyone was saying anything during that. Derek stated that she didn't say no, she seemed up for it. I thought that's just how she was. This was an odd response because I did not specify Katie. I asked what he meant by this. Derek stated that he meant that she did not dislike to people having sex with her. And also, Derek stated at some point, Jared realized he was having anal sex with me by accident. So not only was I raped, I was raped in every area that could possibly be by three different people for four hours, five hours throughout the night.

And so, yeah, this is just Derek again confirming that. he also eventually, you know, the detective was really getting tired of him lying and like kind of trying to get around not saying that he was really involved. Like he said, I thought, sorry to make light of it, but I just think some of this was kind of funny to read. but I then asked Derek if he knew why a lie was so hard to tell and Derek stated that he did not know why I pointed out to him that a lie is a lot harder to keep straight I pointed out that the truth is actually a lot easier to tell because it actually happened to be honest

Derek just seems like a fucking idiot and I just think it's kind of funny yeah but, you know, there was just contradictions, you know, throughout eventually. They finally got him to confess that he did have sex with me. He did once he took me into the bedroom, he had sex with me, I started vomiting. on the floor. He got me a bin,

and he was, I guess, holding back my hair and then had sex with me again afterwards, a couple more times. And they asked Derek why he would have sex with someone that was throwing up drunk. Derek stated, he had no idea.

I asked him if it was bad judgment. He stated he thought it was bad judgment. And then asked Derek about a weird sex position, the one that was stated before previously by Dale and Samantha. He stated he was just having sex with her. I asked what Katie was saying at this point. He stated that she was saying, Nick, Nick. I then asked, and you were still having sex with her,

he stated that yes, he was. Derek blamed it on his intoxication. I pointed out to him that was a little weird. And Derek stated that he was sorry. So again, that was his, you know, it continues again just going over that, really again confirming that also Derek did see Nick being really, really mean to me when he picked me up in the morning and that he felt bad

for me, I guess. The one last thing is that the detective advised Derek that I would be forwarding this case to the district attorney. I'd then notice Derek was crying at this point. I had asked if he was sorry and advised him that remorse goes a long way. Derek sobbed and that he should have stayed away from Jared a long time ago. I asked why he was saying that. He stated every time he was around Jared, it seemed like he was getting in trouble. I asked Derek if he thought that this stuff follows Jared around. Derek stated that it does, and Derek stated that Jared had been in trouble.

before for an incident like this. He was aware of things that he was previously. Derek was aware of things that Jared was previously accused of. But that was the interview that concluded. That was the end of it. So you got all these in 2020. Yeah. And then after you read all of this,

I know that you mentioned that it felt like you were living it all again. How did you work through that? Did you take it to your therapist? Yeah, I did. I did try to do that. There's a lot of trauma therapy that is really good for trauma, like EMDR therapy, which I did try. It didn't really help, but you have to be very prepared to go into that

and kind of be in a place where you can kind of relive it again. Yeah. Because that's basically what they have you do. I'm sure it was so difficult reading it because it's like it validates all of the things that happen. Yeah. But then it also is telling you all of the things that happened that you didn't know. That I don't know. Yeah.

That's what was so hard was that like, yeah, I'm really like validating. but holy shit. This is everything. This is so much that happened that I just don't remember. So how long after you found all this out, did you start sharing your story more publicly? Pretty quickly.

Okay. Pretty immediately. I would already, at that point, I had already been kind of, you know, calling them out by their name, first and last. Have they reached out and said anything to you? Okay. Actually, I take that back.

Garrett did. And he did say that it was like bullshit and that I was lying and stuff like that. That was before I got the case file. He has not said anything since. So he's really, I think the only one that has really said anything about me sharing my story. again, just like in this case file, he's trying to protect his friends. Yeah. And kind of just say like, yeah, you're lying.

But now... There's nothing you can do now as legally, right? Criminally. I cannot do anything. Okay. I think civilly, I can. So I could bring this to court and sue for, like, damages. of sue for money basically, for them, you know, causing me to have to go through therapy,

like emotional stuff like that. So I could potentially sue them. I have been starting to look into that more recently now that I've been, I've done a lot of work with it and I'm a lot more, like I'm able to read it without crying. And I think that's really big. I think it's because I can accept that this happened. I couldn't for a really long time. It's really hard to get over that anger and wanting to change it and like wanting to know why me. But now that I am more comfortable and really don't have any problem telling my story because I do have. I do have. have this physical proof that I can, if anybody questions it here, like, you can listen to these recordings, you can read this case file if you really want to question anything.

So, you know, I have been kind of interested in potentially suing, but it's not really like a huge thing for me. I really don't care either way. It's more so spread awareness. Yeah. That our justice system is completely fucked. I mean, no matter where we are in any state, you know, rape is something that is so hard, I guess hard to prosecute because of the he said,

she said, but also there are so many times like where victims have come forward and told their story and then the judge gives them, like they do get, you know, sentence for it, but then gives them like three months because they feel bad and they have their whole life ahead of them and it was just a mistake that they made. Right. So even if you do have enough proof, the justice system is so messed up when it comes to sexual assault that sometimes it's kind of like it's kind of a lose-lose. But I do, I'm doing this and sharing this story because I do want people to share their story as well. And even if, you know, it doesn't go to court, it still happened. It still happened to me. It's still something that was very real and something that.

I think you're able to take your power back in a way when you are able to tell it and own terms and spread awareness and talk about it, you know, I think, because obviously in those moments you had no control. Yes. Yeah. And that was the hardest part, I think. And actually having a physical thing that I can prove really helps that control and be like, hey, you can't say anything to me anymore. Yeah. You can try to sue me. I really, don't care. One, I don't have, I'm broke. I don't think many lawyers are going to want to sue me because not going to win anything, really. There's really no point. But also, you know, I can say now that this is what happened and you cannot take that from me and say that I'm lying

because you took away this control, like my control of any sort of situation surrounding this for years because I couldn't prove anything. All I had was my voice and saying, this is what happened, this is what I remember. But sometimes that's not enough. That's not enough for a lot of people. Yeah.

And telling the story of what happened is something that I want to do because I do, like you said, I want to take my power back. I want to take that control back. And the shame and guilt that I felt for so long isn't there anymore. They're the ones who should feel that. I shouldn't carry that anymore. It's not mine to carry. It's theirs.

And that's something that I really want people to, people who are survivors of this type of assault or any type of assault who are told they're not believed or whatever, you know, we're kind of made to feel guilty and told that it was what we were wearing or because we drank or you were asking for it or, you know, in relationships, while we had sex before, why not now? A lot of these things take away our power and cause a lot of shame and guilt. And in reality, in reality,

the person who did it should be the one carrying all of that because it's not ours to carry. We survived something that wasn't supposed to happen. We had something taken from us, and it's okay to take it back. And that's the biggest thing that I want people to maybe take away from this, is that even if you don't have this stuff, I still told my story. Nothing stopped me from telling my story. I didn't care about what I was, you know, what was being said to me.

I didn't care how much proof I had or didn't have. I just told it because I was not going to let them get away with it. Yeah. And, you know, they can say whatever they want. And they did say, you know, I'm just lying and I'm just whatever. But it doesn't bother me because... Because you're not. Yeah.

Yeah. It's just... Yeah. You know. I just have no care in the world about what they have to say about it. They can say anything they want. And I really, I know how hard it is for people to take back their power after something that happened like this.

Men and women who have been assaulted, it's very, very, very hard. But I think more people, you know, I want people. people to get that strength from themselves and say, you know what, it's not my fault. I'm not the one that should feel guilty or shame. They should. It does take a lot of work sometimes. And time. Yeah. It takes a lot of work and a lot of time to get there. But once you get there, it's a good feeling. And you know what? They deserve to have their story told, no matter if it's in a justice system or not. Even if it's not in a civil case, tell your story, no matter what, you know, I don't know.

That's just a big thing that I feel about this that happened to me. And, you know, it's hard for me because I kind of don't. know how to find the words whenever I'm trying to talk about this, but I've always been very, very open. I've done a news interview about the new laws that were put in place in 2020, I believe, about, you know, the sexual assault and, you know, encouraging people to tell their story, even if it's to a friend. Yeah. To anyone, it doesn't have to be the police. It doesn't have to be I think at that point it's like the self-healing. Yeah. Like to release it from yourself. Yeah, exactly. And it, that's really like what I wish for or hope for people is to not carry it by

themselves. And I think a lot of people do that. Yeah. Because that's what we're taught to do. And you know firsthand what that does to you. Yeah. You know, mentally and physically everything. Oh, yeah. And I mean, It's just something that you're not expecting and don't feel guilty for putting yourself in that. Don't carry that. Yeah, it's not yours to carry. You don't, people should be able to go around

and not expect something like that is going to happen. Yeah. They should be able to go out and go party and trust the people that they're with. Exactly, especially because so many of these situations happen with people that you know personally. It's not just, you know, in like movies and stuff. Right, randomly on the street. Randomly on the street by some random guy.

And that's why I was thinking too. Like earlier when you said like you're not like, in quotes, the perfect victim because I think even with trafficking and stuff, it's like we assume it's just this one thing that we're shown in movies and hear about. But it's so many other times that these things can happen. So many different situations. And there is no perfect cookie cutter situation. Exactly. And that's what people want. And that's why, I think that's why it's so hard to prosecute these things and to bring it to court because that's what the court wants is a perfect victim. That's what they want. And it's never going to. And it's never going to. And it's like, oh, we, it's not worth it. It's. Yeah. And it's. It gets too complicated for them. Exactly. And it's, they don't want to put in the effort. They, and honestly, you look, I look at this and see the, yes,

They never said, I raped her. Right. They did say, yes, I don't think she was aware of what happened. I don't think she knew about anything that was going on. I think she was either drugged or drank too much. I do understand that what I did was wrong. I do understand that I played a part in this. I do confess that.

Yeah. That's, I don't, I see that. Why can't that be in it? Yeah, exactly. Like, how is that not enough? Like, that does not, I can't, like, even conceptualize that fact of you guys really take two of these people. Right. And two victims in the same party, all of us which have the same story and have never changed our story once. Right. You look at this and say it's too hard. It's just wild to me. And that's why it's just, it's just, I just hope that people start telling their story more and more because until the justice system fixes itself, which are they ever, probably not. If they do, it's going to take a really long time. But sometimes we don't have to rely on just the justice system. We can get our own type of justice.

Yeah. And it's building a community of talking about it. and having similar stories be told and having that type of support. Yeah. That's what really builds up. Yeah, having, like, the amount of people, like when I started telling my story, the amount of people that came to me and was like, and told me their story. Yeah.

And was like, I went through this too. I haven't told anybody. Thank you for telling your story. It makes other people more comfortable and confident to speak out. Yeah. And that's all I want for people is to take back their power because they didn't do anything to deserve what happened to them. Right. That's why I always encourage people.

I'm like, use your voice because your voice inspires. It is. And it encourages so many other people that never thought that they would want to share their story to share it. They feel more safe. They feel more comfortable to do so. And like I said, it just creates this community of people. just becoming vulnerable and opening up and sharing, you know, some of the darkest things that have happened to them.

Yeah. Which is so much better to let it out. Oh, yeah. Than to bottle it up. One thing that I learned from one of my therapists that I will never forget is that she said, continue telling your story over and over again because more that you do, the less power it has. Yeah. Right.

And that's what I did. Right. And just like you said, with the emotional aspect of it. Like you learn each time, it's a little less heavy. Yeah. You know? Exactly.

And now, I mean, when I read it, you know, highlighting certain things, the time before that, when I was reading a little bit, because I've been talking about doing this, you know, with my therapist, I will, like, kind of talk about a little bit what has happened since first. but, you know, after this happened, I did a lot of therapy. I did a lot of healing. There's still a lot that I have to work on. This past year has been very difficult. And like I said, you know, having borderline, I don't meet the criteria anymore. I'm actually technically, which you can be, go into remission or be actually, I wouldn't say cured, but you can, you know, work on yourself enough to stop having the, you know, you don't meet the

criteria anymore because I have done so much work on myself that I have learned how to deal with a lot of things. I mean, like I said, a lot of the borderline personality disorder, people have a lot of, it's hard to regulate your emotions. It's very, your emotions are so strong. And I do still feel that. I'll talk about I kind of had a setback over the summer before I, you know, started this after a breakup. But, you know, I'm still going to be struggling with this,

no matter how old I am. No matter how old I get, I'm going to have setbacks. I'm going to have. you know, situations that are going to cause me to downward spiral. And, you know, I've, I've tried a lot of things. Like in 2018, a couple years before this, I did, I've done a lot of crazy things to try and help my depression. But I did do ECT, which is electroconvulsive therapy. I even tried that. I was desperate and I am still because, you know, living your life so sad all the time is exhausting.

But, you know, I also wanted to talk about all of this stuff because I also don't want people to feel alone and thinking like, currently I just went. I just went through a program of three months of intensive outpatient therapy slash partial hospitalization because this past year has been incredibly difficult. Like I said, before we started, I had a lot of medical issues that started popping up. I had to take leave from work, had to get infusions. I have severe back problems. When I tried to go back, I lost my job. And then I lost a relationship.

And that was the catalyst. It wasn't the cause of my kind of mental breakdown, but it was the catalyst of it. So in the summer, like, when I first contacted you, I was very unwell. I was actually pretty suicidal. I was scared I was going to kill myself for a little while because I just, it, the losing somebody, this was the first person woman that I was ever fully vulnerable with. And I did want to touch upon this because.

I, she was the first person I opened up about being, having the OCD, the intrusive thoughts. And she reacted in a way that caused so much shame to me and kind of was like, oh, so you're like those people that you just don't act on the thoughts. And I'm like, no, that that's not literally not what intrusive thoughts are. the intrusive thoughts, like I explained, is just things that you are so scared of because these are the worst types of people that you could ever think of to be alive. And you just don't, you are so disgusted by them

that you're so scared of being like them. Being like them. That you obsessively, your brain is trying to kind of fight against you. and it's really hard to handle. And I thought because I was so open and honest about everything else, that being open and honest about this would be like just another thing. You know, hey, like I have this. I haven't talked about it because it's so shameful.

I do have a lot more of the harm OCD than anything. But, you know, I do have other types of intrusive thoughts. that are really awful. And I have never felt so disgusting by the way she reacted. And I think that's why the breakup affected me so much, because not only was I so open and vulnerable with her, but it ended in something that she didn't understand,

and I never got the chance to, fully explain it in a way that I felt like she finally could understand and not judge and not think I'm that type of person because I'm not. And I think that's why it caused so much pain and so much emotional turmoil in me because I felt like if she can't love me, who will? You know, I've been open about, to her, about everything from this to, you know, my borderline to, like all the shitty things I've done in my past. And I thought this was just another thing that I could be open about. And now I am more open about it. I've talked about it because I need to. That's power too, though. And you're able to talk to

talk about it on your own openly to anyone, then there is no shock value. I also think it takes somebody with an open mind and somebody that is willing to listen without judgment to really understand. And that's not saying anything negative about her, but maybe she just wasn't there yet. She wasn't ready. And you need to be around people that can hear you and listen to you. Yeah. And luckily, you know, I talk to, because, I went into a program because I have been struggling again. Again, I wanted to do this also because I want people to not feel shame for having steps backwards.

You go through waves and like always, even the best people go through waves. No matter how old you are. I'm always going to have situations like this that may cause me to take a lot of steps back. and that's what happened this summer. And, you know, I don't hate, like, the thing is, is that I still love her so much. I think I feel a lot of shame and guilt for the breakup. I wish it didn't happen. Another argument happened that night as well.

I've always, I don't want to say a bunch of stuff about her own story, but I, I loved her so much that I truly wanted to understand everything about her and she had her own struggles. And, you know, we were talking about something and it really got her very upset and hurt. And then she said some things that got me upset and hurt. And it was just miscommunication completely. And I feel really guilty about that because that wasn't my intention. I was the only, I pride myself on being really open and honest and open-minded and want to learn about new things. And sometimes I think when I ask certain things, I come across as judgmental.

And I hate that. Don't blame yourself. I think you need to, it's not, you can't blame yourself. And that's what I've been working on. It's all relationships, whether they're friendships or family relationships. It takes two people. It takes communication. And I think if somebody's in a place to maintain a healthy relationship or friendship or whatever it may be,

they need to both be in a place where they can communicate. Yeah. And I was... It can't just be you saying, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you feel this way. And another person's not understanding it. If they can't hear you, then it's not going to allow. But that doesn't have to do with you. We all have our flaws.

We all over things. No one's perfect. Yeah. So don't beat yourself up about that. Thank you. And I'm trying so hard. And I've worked on myself a lot this summer. I actually, like, my intrusive thoughts have been so bad.

And I finally have started talking about it in therapy. Good. And I mean, you just came here and shared everything. Yeah. The most vulnerable parts of yourself. And it didn't seem like you were ashamed of it at all. You owned it. I think you did an amazing job.

Thank you. And that is very powerful. Yeah. Thank you. And that's all I want to do. I just want to also help people feel not so alone. Yeah. Because struggling with these things is really, really hard,

especially when I have so many. I have so much support. And sometimes people see that and they're like, why are you still so... You still have this to deal with. Yeah. And it's like, I have a brain that's working against me every single day of my life. Yeah. It's hard and exhausting. It's not always about the support. Yeah. It's exhausting to fight your brain every single day. And this was just kind of the breakup was the catalyst. and, you know, I've been getting a lot of help and talking about a lot of things. And this, I think, was a big step.

And I really, truly, like, I can't even say how much I appreciate it. Because it was so important to me to be able to give my, like, to have you be able to give my voice, a platform and kind of echo it out to other people, it gives me some sort of closure that I never got to have with my assault that happened. And especially talking about my mental health, I mean, I wear it on my sleeve because I have, you know, the suicide attempts, you know,

people look, you know, I wear short sleeves, they see that every day. They're never going to go away. and people know, and it's awkward. And I don't want people to feel so alone in that. Because I know there's other people out there that may feel ashamed, and I don't want them to feel ashamed either. And I've, I really think I'm trying really hard to continue to move.

move forward. I just, I'm finishing the program on Monday. I started ketamine therapy last week for my depression. So that's something that's really big. Hopefully it works. Yes. But I also applied to college to go back. So I'm trying. You're moving forward. Yeah. Hopefully. you know, getting into a different, a new career with school. And yeah, this whole thing, I just, all I want is maybe for somebody to just not feel so alone. It's really easy to feel that way. Hey, guys, don't forget about We're All Insane Plus, where you can get access to bonus episodes

and early releases on Fridays to every Sunday's episode. You can subscribe an app on Apple, Spotify, and YouTube, or visit we're all insane.com.