We're All Insane - Molested By My Brother

Episode Date: June 14, 2026

She was only 9 years old when her older brother began molesting her. She kept it a secret until she was 16 years old, believing she was the only victim. After coming forward, she realized that others had been experiencing the abuse too, including her younger brother. She shares the anger, grief, relief, and unanswered questions that she still carries, as well as how the entire experience impacted her life and those around her. → National Sexual Assault Hotline: 800-656-HOPE → Get Help Online: https://rainn.org/  Topics Discussed: → Being molested at 9 and keeping it secret until 16 → Going to the police and evidence found in the home → Living in fear after her brother was bailed out → Her brother's suicide and the notes he left behind → How this experience shook her faith in religion Sponsored By: → Shopify | Start your business today with the industry’s best business partner, Shopify, and start hearing “cha ching.” Sign up for your one-dollar-per-month trial today at https://shopify.com/insane → Lucy | Save 20% on your first online Lucy order at https://lucy.co/INSANE with promo code INSANE! → AquaTru | Go to https://AquaTru.com now for 20% off (your purifier) using promo code INSANE. AquaTru even comes with a 30-day best-tasting water guarantee.  On This Episode We Cover:  → 00:00:00 - Introduction  → 00:01:23 - When did her stepbrother move in with them?  → 00:03:06 - What was their age difference?  → 00:04:13 - When and why did her stop?  → 00:06:47 - How did she feel before she told her parents?  → 00:12:26 - Who else was getting abused?   → 00:14:21 - Why were they scared to report abuse?  → 00:18:15 - What was her brother saying when contacting them after?   → 00:19:20 - When did the warrant go out? → 00:20:19 - What did he do after posting bail?  → 00:23:24 - Why did she struggle with religion? → 00:25:15 - What happened after her brother took his life? → 00:26:34 - Who else committed suicide in her family?  → 00:27:35 - When did another victim come forward? → 00:28:44 - How was her first relationship? → 00:32:31 - Who did she have a falling out with?   → 00:35:45 - What was it like processing so much grief?  → 00:36:21 - How is her relationship with her grandfather?  → 00:38:06 - How is EMDR therapy helping her? → 00:41:37 - What has helped her the most in her healing journey?  Further Listening:  → https://youtu.be/afqLxNaCauw More We Are All Insane: → OFFICIAL MERCH NOW AVAILABLE - code INSANE10 gets you 10% off for a limited time → Join We’re All Insane Mailing List for EXCLUSIVE Content + Discounts  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

My name is and I was molested by my half-brother. I really just want to come on here and share my story and hope people don't feel alone if they go through something similar. My parents have really been my rock throughout all of this. They are so supportive and I wouldn't have been able to get through any of this without them. So just want to give them a shout out. My dad was previously married and had a child in 1992. his name was Alex. My dad and his ex-wife divorced in 1997, and my parents got married in 2002. I was born in 2004. My little brother was born in 2005. We're Irish twins, so we're exactly a year apart.

Wow. We have the same birthday, which is pretty cool. That's awesome. Yeah. And then, so your dad had a kid in his first marriage? Yes. Okay, and that's going to be the half-brother. Yes. Got it. I agree. grew up in a loving home, lots of neighborhood kids. We would always be outside riding around. Nothing special, just ordinary. And then in 2013, we moved from a one-story house to a two-story house just a couple blocks away. And that's whenever things really changed. Was your half-brother living with you guys the whole time? Yes. He permanent, lived with us. He would visit his mom, but he lived with us throughout his whole life. So whenever we moved, he moved with us. And I was excited to move into a new house,

but I was also scared. And so one of the first couple nights, I was scared to sleep in my new room by myself. I was nine years old. And so I decided to sleep with my half-brother Alex in his room. And in the middle of the night, I remember waking up at 3 a.m. and he was molesting me. And I was just, I thought it was a dream at first. I didn't think it was real. And I just remember getting up and I ran out of the room into my room. And I was really confused. I didn't know what had just happened to this day. I still wish I just would have ran downstairs. But I just went to my room. I fell asleep and I was just kind of in a daze.

I don't really remember most of it. Yeah. And then a couple nights later, I slept in his room again because I was just, I thought maybe it was a dream. I don't really know. And so I went in there and I slept in there again and I woke up to him molesting me again. And I knew it was wrong. I just was too scared to tell my parents. Yeah.

And I feel like too, like you said, you don't really know what it is. Yeah. You know? I was very confused. And nothing ever happened prior to that that you remember. No. No. He was 21 and I was nine.

So there was a big age gap. Yes. Yeah. Wow. I kept it a secret for eight years. I didn't tell my parents. I remember telling a couple friends, but I was like, I'm not really sure, though. Like, I think this happened, but, and they were all supportive and urged me to tell my parents, but it just wasn't the right time. I remember pacing my room, like, back and forth, like, should I go downstairs and tell them right now? Like, what are they going to think? what's going to happen. I was so scared and I'm an anxious person already. It's uncomfortable. It's like how do you talk about that? You know? And you know, I think too, it's like you probably know within yourself that the aftermath of telling something like that there's going to be a shift, you know? It's more than just

going downstairs and telling your parents what happened. Exactly. He continued to live with us. After that, I was never molested again, but there would be times where he would brush up against me or he would just, there was one time he, like, messaged me at 3 a.m. just like, hi and just odd things. I had always sworn that I was never going to go to his apartment because at that point he had moved out, he got his own apartment, and I was just like, I'm never going over there. Like, I don't want to go over there. And my parents would always, like, urge me. They're like, go spend time with him. Like, you should go over there. And at one point, I did.

And we were not staying the night. We were just going over there for the night. And we were watching a movie. And he was in the middle of my little brother and I. And he was touching himself while the movie was playing. And I was just like, what is he doing? And then I realized and I was just so uncomfortable. And I was like, this is why I have always told myself I'm never coming over here.

Yeah. And I just had that gut feeling. But I ended up going home and I didn't say anything about it. And then in 2015, my mom got pregnant and my little sister was born. We just continued with life. my brother Alex went to school for criminal justice. He wanted to be a police officer. We now know that the reason why he did not become a police officer is because you have to take a lie detector test and he did not pass that lie detector test. I'm not sure what exact questions were asked, but it's like looking back now, it just, it makes sense. Right. With my little sister growing up, I just kept feeling like I had to tell my parents. Like, I just, I was so worried something would happen to her. And so a couple years later, it was 20-20, and COVID had just started.

Again, I stayed up most nights just pacing my rooms, and I knew I wanted to tell my parents, soon. I just didn't know how. So in the eight years that you held it in, it wasn't like you push it to the back of your mind. Like it was something that was constantly bugging. Yeah. Okay. I was always so scared. Yeah. I thought they would be upset with me. I thought they would think maybe it was a dream because that's what I had convinced myself. So maybe that's what they would think. And then on July 21st, 2020, I was at a church. group and everyone was sharing their stories and then shake I was shaking and I finally told my story and how did it feel after you told it for the first time out loud it felt good scary

yeah good and then but then nothing came of it like I just I left and I was like okay well now what what do I do now like I actually ended up leaving and then going back to the church and I went up to a youth pastor and I was like, what am I supposed to do now? Like, I don't know. Like, I've told this information, but I don't know how to tell my parents. Like, I don't know what to do next. And they gave me some advice, but still, I just wasn't sure what to do. So the next day I told my mom, I said, I have something to tell you, but I am so scared. And I don't think I'm ready to yet. And she was really understanding.

She was just like, okay, like, just I'll be here anxiously waiting for you to tell me. And that lasted maybe a day or two. And then it was one night, I was. about to go to my friend's house my mom came in my room and she was like okay it's time you got to tell me your dad thinks you're pregnant what's going on I just started bawling like I just I was so scared I told her Alex molested me when I was little a couple times and the first thing she said to me was you never have to see him again. And I just, it was just such a weight off of me. I was so scared that I think that was probably the thing I was scared of most is having to have a relationship with him still

and being able to see him after he knows that I said something. So I told her and she was like, okay, I need to tell your dad. And I was like, can I still go to my friend's house? Like, I just need to get away for a bit. And she's like, yeah, I think that's a good idea so I can tell your dad and he can process it. So I got in my car. I was 16 at this point and I drove to my friend's house. It wasn't that far. I got to my friend's house.

We were just hanging out and my mom called me and I answered and she said, we have to call the police tomorrow. Your brother has been getting abused since. he was little and it is really bad. So something that I realized when creating we're all insane is how fulfilling and exciting and amazing it is to create something that you truly believe in and care about. But at the same time, it is also quite terrifying. It's almost like you have to wear every single hat at once.

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Like this entire time, I had no suspicion whatsoever that he was being abused. I always thought it was just me. Like, it just happened to me. And so I got my car. I drove back home and I saw him and we just hugged and it was. And how old was he? 15. Okay. Yeah. Right. Because he's a year younger. Okay. Got it. We hugged and we, I told him how sorry I was that I had no idea. and I just said we're in this together like I was so shocked I'm glad that he felt okay to speak up and you know see something too yeah I didn't I had no idea me coming forward would bring him to come forward as well and then what about your dad what did he say about it he was just shocked yeah and it's painful yeah it it's it

Like there's no words for it, you know? And I feel like, too, it's sad because, I mean, I can't imagine being in a, you know, parental position. But I'm sure you kind of ask yourself, like, what went wrong. Like, you know what I mean? And it's horrible. Yeah. And I think my mom and my dad processed it very differently as well because he was my half brother. Right.

So he was just my dad's. And, yeah, he took it very hard. So July 25th, my parents went to the police and we immediately booked a hotel. Our first thought was that if Alex knew we had came forward, he would hurt us. It was just, I don't know. We just always thought that if he knew he was going to come and hurt us. Did your whole family feel that way or mainly just? Yeah.

Okay. Yeah. My dad was very scared that he would come. Really? Yeah. And maybe just because he, he majored in criminal justice. And at that time, he was working as a 911 dispatcher. Okay.

But he owned a lot of firearms and we were just very scared. Was, did he have more of like an aggressive, angry personality? Yes, I would say so. Okay. Yeah. He was extremely manipulative and a, very much a narcissist and had that I'm always right personality so the four of you guys went to a hotel after you went to the police yes okay and then we I believe it was my mom texted Alex and was

like we're going out of town we booked a spontaneous trip and so because he had texted asking to come over for dinner that night and and you're like we need to tell him something a couple days later Forensic scientists came to the house. I was out with my friend and my mom texted and was like, just so you know, when you get home, like, detectives are here. So I got home and there was just cops up and down the streets and vans and they were collecting evidence from my brother's room. I remember sitting at the kitchen table and just in like a day's. Like, I just can't believe this is real right now. So they did find evidence, and so they collected that.

And then we went to the Child Abuse Network, and we were interviewed there. It was, I would say, it was pretty traumatic. Just the questions they were asking, I just don't think I was ready to answer all of those, but I knew I needed to. They also asked to, like, for us to do a physical, and I was just like, this happened. to me so many years ago, like I'm not doing a physical exam. That was uncomfortable. The next day, my mom went and filed a emergency protective order, which was granted. And I was still working at this time. And I just remember being at work. And I told my manager, I was like, if this guy comes in, like, please let me know. Like, I was scared that he was going to find us. And at this point,

They've collected the evidence. They have taken our interviews and they have charged him with lewd molestation and exhibiting obscene materials to a minor. So he was providing or showing my brother child pornography, which was found in his house, I believe. But throughout this time, he now knows that the warrants out, he knows something's going on. There was a protective order in place, so he wasn't allowed to contact me or my little brother, but he ended up buying burner phones and using them to text my little brother. As that was going on, the detectives did not have enough evidence to charge him with my molestation. So they had us come up with this story that I had had... walked in and seen something going on between the two of them, which I still don't really know

why we had to come up with this whole thing. I think it was more towards they wanted him to admit and get an admission on him. What was he texting your little brother on the burner phones? He was just texting like, I'm so sorry this is happening. Like, this is just what brothers do. And he was saying things like, I must have just seen things wrong. And it didn't, I saw something wrong and it didn't really happen. Just crazy things. Yeah. And so, and as like my little brother was getting these messages, my mom was on the phone with the detectives.

And the detectives were telling him, like, what to text back. And so they were trying to just get an admission. So they had you guys come up with a story saying that you saw. him doing things to your little brother. Yeah. And was that a phone call that you made? Or was it a text? Like when you were telling your older brother?

I never told him anything. Okay. It was the detectives. They were saying it to him. Yeah. Got it. Yeah. Okay.

Makes sense. Yes. So August 3rd, the warrant went out. I believe they went to his apartment and they arrested him there. August 5th. His grandparents on his mother's side posted 3% of his $250,000 bail, which is just insane that they only had to post 3% when I believe the standard is 6 or something like that. But he was released with a ankle monitor and he had to give up all of his guns.

So, again, we were. just scared that he was going to do something. And my dad, throughout this whole thing, just kept saying, what is his end game? Like, he has a end game. Like, what is it? And I never really thought about it. And then August 6th, the day after he posted bail, he sent an odd text to my mom. I remember I was in the garage and she just started screaming.

And I was like, what is going on? And she said, I think Alex is going to kill himself. And they tried to track him with the ankle monitor. And I just remember my parents screaming, and I was just numb and shocked. People started coming to the house. I started making phone calls to friends and family and just saying this is going on. Then the cops showed up at the house. I remember one of my uncles took me and my little brother around the corner to the side of the house so we couldn't see anything.

But I knew whenever they showed up that he was gone. And then just more people kept showing up that night. The streets were filled with cars and we found out that he left notes for all of us. we didn't get them back until a little while after. Everyone had a note, mine was about half a page long, and my little brothers was about four pages long. Mine was just God's calling me home,

take care of your family, take care of your sister and brother, and it was all just centered around God. And that just... Like not taking responsibility for anything. He never admitted to anything. All right. This one is for my adult listeners. I know how it is when people find something that they really like,

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Lucy products are only for adults of legal age and every customer is age verified. Warning, this product contains nicotine. Nicotine is an addictive chemical. I haven't read any of the other notes, but I remember at one point I was back at church and I was talking to one of the youth pastors and I was just like, what does this mean? Like he's saying God is calling him home to heaven. Like, I do not want to go there if he's there. And he just didn't really have an answer for me. And so I've really struggled with religion since then, just because I just have a hard time justifying what he did, and then him saying he's going to heaven.

Yeah. Like, I just have a, I've struggled with that for the past couple years. I'm sure. Yeah. And it's hard because no one has an answer. Yeah. You know, and I, I, I think that that's where the line can get blurry. And I feel like so many different people would have so many different takes on it. Yeah. You know, which makes it hard. But I always say, I think whether you believe in religion or spirituality or any, you know, any type of religion or any belief of a higher power, I think it's good. It makes the world a better place.

It gives somebody, you know, something to believe in, something to make them better. But then with things like that, it does make you wonder. Because, you know, it's like you hear people say, well, if you truly believe it. even in God, he'll go to heaven. But then it's like, should somebody like that go to heaven? Like, you know, it makes, there is no like clear black and white answer to something like that. And it does, it makes it very challenging. And I'm sure even just from that alone, people can 100% relate to that. Are your parents religious? Yes. Okay. Yeah. My parents are very religious. The next couple days were just a blur.

Like, they all just kind of mesh together. It's still COVID, so we're stuck at the house. We also struggled with, we didn't want to have a funeral, but we wanted to do something. So we ended up just having, like, an open house and having friends and family come over. Because I just needed some closure of some sort, but... It seems like too, like so much happened at once.

Yeah. It was all very fast. We really struggled staying in the house. There was just so many memories, bad memories, and we just, we needed a change. So in February 2021, we moved houses, and it felt like a fresh start. We were all coping in different ways. I was just very depressed and would just sleep all day, every day. my parents would use other coping skills. My little brother would use different coping skills. We were all just kind of in our own places during these times. And then October 22nd, 2021, it's been almost a year. We're still coping. We're still figuring things out. And we found out my grandma took her own life. Now is that? My mom's mom.

Really? Okay. So it was very, it just felt like after all that we went through, like, it's done, right? Like, we're finally done with all this crazy and all these sadness. Yeah. And then, yeah, we found out that she had overdosed. She had not been found for a while, which was really sad. So that was just like a whole other. like journey of grief.

Yeah. It was really hard. But we just kept on. I felt like maybe I coped a little better with this grief. And then May 2022, another victim came forward, which was another shock. My little brother's best friend had been abused by Alex. and he was like a brother to me like he was family he was one of the neighborhood kids and the and it was just so sad that he could do this to somebody else to this day i still wonder if

there are more victims out there from him i mean he clearly had a serious problem with children yeah which is just there's no words it's horrible you know and i think that it would it seems like It was one of those things that like whatever was there. Yeah. You know. Which he had a roommate who had a child that he lived with. And I believe the police investigated that and there was nothing, but it's still just, I still think about it. I'm, it's so sick.

So a week after my brother took his life, I had a group of friends that came. We all volunteer at the same camp. And I had always been best friends with this guy. He knew my life story. He was just kind and pure. We became really close. We always had like little crushes on each other, but never at the same time. And then...

That's how it happens. Yeah. So June, 2023, we started dating. Good. And it was the first relationship I've had that was serious. And being in a relationship after you've been abused is just something you have to navigate. And it was really hard and I was really scared. But with him knowing my story and just his kindness, like it was never something. I felt. safe with him. Yeah. And I feel like patience too. Yeah. So we spent that whole summer just going on dates and all that stuff. And then we stopped talking in September. We broke up. We were just on two different life paths. And then in December, he passed away in a car accident.

Oh, my God. And I was just... Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Crazy. Yeah. We, the camp we both went to, we volunteer with people with disabilities. And I mean, he had a village. Like he was very, very loved.

And I was just heartbroken. I knew that that was, that whenever we stopped, talking, that was not going to be the end of us. Like, yeah, it was just so sad. I still am just heartbroken and yeah. But I think back and I'm like, I don't know if I could have gotten through all of this stuff without him. Like he was there for me. He drove two hours to come see me after my brother took his life. Like he is really close with my younger brother. Like, he was just the best. And so. Yeah, and I think too, he was. able to show you like a soft side to a relationship and you know what something what you would

need yes down the road you know because that it's very scary I'm very grateful for him and how old was he he was 18 yeah it just felt like one thing after another just constant grief in my life like I just didn't know what to do. I still don't know what to do. Yeah, it just makes you wonder like why. Yeah. Throughout that entire time with my brother, I had a really good friend. We were super close. She would come over all the time. She'd spend like weeks with us and she had asked me to live with me. She was not in a good home. We gladly took her in. She was nothing but kind of and my parents treated her like one of us. We got emergency custody of her.

We got her a car. We got her a phone. I'm really thankful I had her during that time that we were going through all of that. And then even after Alex took his life, we were whenever we were moving houses, we made sure she had her own room and we were not expecting her to go anywhere. And then one day,

she just said that she was moving back and it was just a shock but we're like okay like like i didn't i thought maybe with all the craziness that our family had gone through she just needed to get out which i can understand and she ended up texting my mom and asking for her furniture like her bed and things and my mom just responded she's like that's furniture in a room like if my daughter moved out like she wouldn't be able to take like her furniture and her response was fuck you and I was just so shocked like you yeah like you guys took her in like she was related to you guys like a sister yeah Spotify, it's Jay Shetty.

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2021. Okay. Right, whenever we moved houses. Got it. And you haven't heard from her since. And you guys were like good friends, right? Yeah. I still, I don't know if maybe she experienced something that was triggering.

And so that's why she needed to get out. Yeah, clearly there's something going on there. Yeah. But that was just a whole other. She was my best friend. Yeah, it's a whole, it's, it's, More grief. Yeah.

Because now you're, like, you lost a friendship. Yeah. It's really hard. After my grandma took her life, my grandpa on my mom's side, he actually adopted my mom. They're not biological, but he took her in and treated her as his own. And he has struggled with mental illness for a long time. He has been in and out of institution. and just really struggled.

But it was always there for us. Every holiday, he was always there. Last summer, he was charged with assault and battery. He has just been unmedicated and it's just not himself whatsoever. Just a couple months before this, we all went out to dinner and he treated us to a dinner and everything was fine. It was so shocking. And he had been,

leaving my mom messages that were just cruel. It was just so odd. And then he ended up getting out and then right again. He assaulted somebody with a deadly weapon and he got out again and all the charges just started piling on top of each other. And so a couple months ago, he was given five years. So recently I've been dealing with that. and him getting arrested. And it's just really sad because all my memories with him are great. Like, yes, he struggled with mental illness, but he was never violently stepped up and took care of my mom and was always a great grandpa to me.

I don't know. I feel like everything is just overlapping constantly. There's always something going on. Right. How are things now for you mentally? Like, have you had any type of therapy or? Yes. Right after we went to the Child of Use Network, my mom took us like straight to therapy. She was trying to do what was best for us. Yeah. But it was just not the right time. I was just still processing and it was a religious therapist and I was just not in a good space for that. And so I didn't talk the entire time. I was going to say too, like having to share the details already, you know, and then having to do it again. It's just it's a lot. It's like bringing it. back up. It's very soon. It just went once right after that and then I took a break and I processed a lot

on my own and then I have gone through many, many therapists. I've tried EMDR therapy. What is that? It is where you follow their fingers with your eyes so both sides of your brain can process. Okay. So they'll bring you back to like the traumatic place or event. and you'll follow and it helps both of your both sides of your brain process. I tried that for a while, maybe a couple months. Okay. And it just didn't help me, but it has helped my family members. So after that, I just started talk therapy.

I did that for a couple months. And then I haven't gone in a couple years. It's just... It's hard to find, I think, someone very good that you feel like you get a benefit out of talking. Yeah. About things like that, you know, because for some, it just, you know, I think everybody can relate to that. It's just like sometimes it feels like you're just talking and there's no help. Yeah. You know. Even one of the therapists I went to kind of after, soon after, I went into her office and there was like baby toys and like it was like a pediatric therapist. And I was like,

this is, I was so uncomfortable. I was like, this is not. Right. And you know, you're going to feel if it's like if it's a good match or not yeah you know yeah and unfortunately it's trial and error and takes time to find a good person that i feel like you feel like they're able to listen and not really necessarily give advice but support you know and just give you that space to just let it out yeah and hear you you know so i haven't gone to therapy in a while but i have really processed a lot, especially with Alex. I have gotten to a good state. I still think he took the easy way out. I wish he would have served time for what he did. I don't wish he took his life, but I have really come to peace with what happened and where things are right now.

How's the rest of your family doing? They're okay. My parents, are doing great. They're still together happily and we're all just still finding coping ways. My little brother's good. He has been to a rehab facility that specializes in sexual abuse. That seemed to help him. Like I mentioned before, obviously nothing takes away the trauma and the experience, but it is so good that he did come forward because any type of therapy or help is going to be better than none and better than holding it in, you know? Yeah. What's really helped me, honestly, is medication. I have severe anxiety. And so medication has really been a lifesaver for me. Yeah. I mean, I talk with people this all the time. But to be able to tell your story and recite and talk

about and bring up some of the worst times of your life to someone you don't know in their home, That's like, that's crazy. That takes a lot of strength and courage, you know, and like anxiety could easily get in the way of that and be like, don't do it. You know, it's like a danger zone. But you, seriously, you should be so proud of yourself. Thank you. You know, and it's nothing easy to do, but I think it's something that can really show you.

Like, I can do more than I think I can, you know? And then on top of that, so many people are hearing you and feeling. and relating to things that you have been through, which I think is extremely, I know it's extremely important. Yeah. And that's what you should be proud of. Thank you. Of course.

So medication's helping. Yes. I have moved from my hometown. I moved closer to some family members. I'm in school right now and working and just taking it day by day. And therapy is something I will definitely probably try again at some point. But right now I'm really in a good headspace and just I've given myself a lot of time to process everything.

And that's all you can do. You know, and when you're ready to go back to therapy and to talk, I think you'll know. You know, and all you can do is take it day by day. But you're very, very, very strong because a lot has happened. You're young, right? You're what, 21? Yeah. Your baby.

It's crazy. Yeah. But seriously, I think, like I said, I can't express it enough. I feel like being able to share your story, you know, for yourself and for others to hear it. It's no small thing. It makes a big difference. I hope. It will.