We're All Insane - My Boyfriend Trafficked Me

Episode Date: March 30, 2026

#foryou #podcast #ad  Make the switch to Sundays. Go right now to https://sundaysfordogs.com/INSANE50 and get 50% off your first order. Or, you can use code INSANE50 at checkout.  Support your cells and how you age with Mitopure® Gummies from Timeline. Visit https://timeline.com/insane and save up to 39% off your Mitopure® Gummies. -We're All Insane Plus for Bonus Episodes, Ad-Free Listening, Access to New Show, Guided Mediations:  https://wereallinsane.com Emily thought she was in a relationship—she wasn’t. She was being controlled, abused, and eventually pimped out by her own boyfriend. He got her hooked on drugs, trafficked her across states, had her beaten and robbed, and even kidnapped her. This is a story about how quickly love can turn into control, how deep manipulation can go, and what it actually takes to get out. Emily made it out—and she’s telling everything. Emily’s Links: instagram: @emm.bodied tiktok: domqveen youtube: talkswithem Time Stamps: 00:00:00 What happens when someone you love traffics and kidnaps you? 00:00:24 How does growing up with an abusive parent shape your life? 00:01:17 What are early signs of anxiety in children? 00:01:42 What does a severe anxiety attack feel like in school? 00:02:15 Can anxiety actually cause you to pass out? 00:03:13 Why are young women drawn to the strip club industry? 00:04:16 What does it feel like to start working in a strip club? 00:05:49 How do you know when something feels wrong but ignore it? 00:06:34 How do traffickers first approach and recruit victims? 00:07:24 How do manipulators use compliments to gain control? 00:08:12 Why do people crave being “rescued” in relationships? 00:09:15 How does financial control begin in abusive relationships? 00:10:02 Why should you trust actions over words in relationships? 00:11:54 How are victims introduced into trafficking environments? 00:13:07 What is “the blade” and how does street-level work operate? 00:14:25 How do traffickers use jealousy and control tactics? 00:15:06 What happens the first time abuse turns physical? 00:17:49 What does it feel like to dissociate during trauma? 00:19:29 How does gaslighting make victims question reality? 00:21:42 How do abusers use love bombing after violence? 00:23:45 How are victims forced into escorting through online ads? 00:25:18 How do traffickers escalate control over time? 00:27:07 Why do victims feel powerless after exploitation? 00:30:48 Why do traffickers say you have to “sneak away” to leave? 00:33:05 What happens when victims are abandoned in unfamiliar cities? 00:37:17 Why do victims return even after escaping? 00:44:06 How do traffickers use extreme manipulation to regain control? 00:57:41 What threats make victims fear they won’t survive? 01:12:01 How do survivors reflect on trauma after escaping? 01:17:04 What does trafficking actually look like in real life? 01:21:41 Why does it take courage to share your story publicly? - Join We’re All Insane Mailing List for EXCLUSIVE Content + Discounts: https://mailchi.mp/6d0e5d7a3998/were-all-insane If you have a unique story you'd like to share on the podcast, please fill out this form: https://forms.gle/ZiHgdoK4PLRAddiB9 or send an email to [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hey guys, it's me Devorah. I just dropped an all new bonus episode inside my new subscription channel, We're All Insane Plus. This week's bonus episode is called My Brain was slipping into my spine. Listen now by subscribing to We're All Insane Plus inside your Spotify or Apple Podcasts app or go to we're all insane.com. Hi, my name is Emily and I'm sharing my story on how a man that I thought I loved, trafficked me and ended up kidnapping me. So to, this starts like really when I was born and my childhood trauma, if you will, just kind of followed me into my adulthood life. So I was born in Washington State. My mom and my dad were married for 11 years. And then after I was born, my mom divorced my dad because he was an abusive alcoholic and she didn't want me to grow up

around him. We came to Texas because I have extended family here. So I grew up not ever meeting my dad and that really did play a role in my entire life. I didn't realize how not having one of your parents can just alter the course of your life. And so I grew up. I didn't have. I didn't have any positive male role models in my life, I was attached to my mom at the hip. Like, if we were with extended family and she went to the restroom, I'm with her. Like, I didn't want to be left alone. So, and I was always an anxious kid. Smiling was my coping mechanism. And I found that out the first time I went to a therapist when I was maybe like 10, 11, 12. And she said, why are you smiling. And I said, I don't know. She said, you know, that's a coping mechanism. And like, my

face just dropped. And I was like, what the hell does that mean? So in school, I was a very anxious kid. I was not diagnosed until I was in high school with anxiety and depression. My senior year, that's when my anxiety was the worst. I don't know why I had this issue, but it was crippling. I remember senior year, the first day of second semester, I was in, I think it was Spanish class, and we're all in a circle with our backpacks on, and the teacher is going around asking people questions,

and she asked me a question. I answered the question, and then I passed out. out because I had like a panic attack and that'd never happened before. And I remember like coming to and like people are standing around me and the teacher's like get up, get up, get up, like to try to take me out of there. And I'm thinking, can you give me a minute? Right. Because that never happened to me before. I've never passed out. I never had an actual anxiety attack, just symptoms, I guess. So from that point, my school said, hey, do you want to do this credit recovery?

You go at your own pace, you can finish, you can be done in a couple months if you wanted to. So I went there, I graduated maybe like four or five months early. And then I went to esthetician school right after and I got my license. While I was in school, esthetician school, I, you know, TikTok was, there were girls on there who were glorifying

the strip club industry. And I was like, wow, I can, these girls are getting paid to just give some men a little attention. Like, just talk to them. Easy, quick money. And, you know, me not growing up with my dad, there was a part of me that was so, like, desperate for fatherly attention. And then, you know, when when I got my first little lick of a man liking me, I like did not know how to handle it. I like something was unlocked, if that makes sense. I was boy crazy.

And like I didn't know this at the time. I just, it was because of X, Y, and Z reason. And so I start dancing. Me and this other girl, we started on the same day. And I remember my first time on stage, I was like, wow, this is amazing. I loved how it felt it was a song I liked. I was in heels. I loved.

It just was so, what's a word I can use for that? Like empowering. It's literally, literally what I was saying in my head. Yeah. And I was 19. I did not need to be in there. I had no knowledge. I had no game.

I was just in there having fun and drinking. I didn't know how to work. the club. And of course, nobody told me because you can't just, people don't really just give that information out. It's like you come in here, you fend for yourself. You figure it out. And so I turned 20 and then in, so I started dancing in January. I turned 20 in April and then in May, Texas changed the age laws. So you had to be 21. So I'm like, fuck. I don't want to go back to working a regular job after I can make money like this. I don't want to do that.

I was 20. So a couple of months go by, I start using my anesthetician license again. I was waxing. And so the next year, I'm like preparing, okay, I want to go back to the strip club. I'm buying outfits, more heels. I bought a pole because I wanted to learn how to do pole tricks when I got back. And so I get back to the club and my first day there, I just, I walk in and I'm like, I just, it feels not the same. And my body was telling me, this is, no, this is not a match for you anymore.

That year, I did so much growing, you know. And so when I got back to the club, though, I didn't say, okay, no, I don't want to do this anymore. I just stuck it out because I felt like, well, I'd rather be doing this. and miserable, then not make a lot of money and be waxing. Because my priorities were fucked up. I was 21. So like a year goes by, I have very bad attachment issues. I meet this man at this club.

This girl comes up to me. Was this at the strip club or different club? This was at the strip club. This girl says, hey, I want you to come meet somebody. And that is where my life was about to take a huge turn. and I had no idea. So she brings me up to this guy. She's like, this is so-and-so. I'm like, hi, and he doesn't get up, doesn't, you know, say come, get up, come have a seat. He just kind of sits there and was, you know, just not like a, not a gentleman by any means. And so I'm talking to him.

We exchange information. That was it. Well, how much time went by? I think it may be maybe a, maybe a year, almost a year. He's in my Instagram DMs and he had just got out of jail. And he was, he's a really good talker. He knew everything to say to like make me, like to trigger my daddy issues. You're so different. You're one of a kind. Like you have so much potential. Just shit that a pimp would say.

And I didn't, I knew he was a pimp, but I didn't know what that really meant. until I was with him. So he started bringing me around him. He would take me out. I would, we would go get drinks. We would just spend time together. And he, you know, we would do adult things that it would make a woman, you know, catch feelings. And he was really good at making me feel super, super special.

Yeah, that's what I was going to ask you. Like, did you start to fall for him? Absolutely. You know, that time in my life, I subconsciously, I just wanted a man to like come in and rescue me and take care of me, sweep me off my feet, make all my problems go away. I was living with my mom. I didn't want to live there. We didn't have the best relationship at the time. We do now. We're like this now. But it was all just because of me and my deep rooted problems. And he says, I want you to move in with me. And that was like, this man, you know, he, wow, he likes me. He wants me to move in with him.

And take care of you. Yeah. And that's kind of what he promised. And so I move in. And then he starts to say shit like, I think we could make some money together. You know, there's ways we can do this and that. And when I hear that, I'm thinking there's something we can do where I can make money and he can make money. That's great.

because I don't want to, I really don't want to dance anymore. And so he doesn't really tell me what it was, but he says you need to like go back to work and like bring me back, you know, the money. And I'm thinking to myself, I was so naive, I'll try anything once. And if I don't like it, I can stop. And that's where I fucked up because when I came around this man, I, I, like intuitively felt, no, you have no business being here. You need to go back home. But I didn't listen because that need for, wow, he's taking care of me. Like, this is amazing.

I feel so cared about and loved. It overpowered, you know. So I start dancing and I'm following his plan. And, you know, he starts telling me he loves me. And he loves me. he needs me and I genuinely believed it. He was really good at talking, but I didn't know at the time that you don't need to listen to what a man says. You need to listen to what he's showing you. And I had to learn that the hard way. So what was this plan that he was having you do? You were going to the strip club and dancing and then what? Bringing back the money. And he was going to help me build my Instagram following. Okay. just kind of upgrade my life.

But you were giving him your money that you were making? Yeah. And what was he doing with it? You don't know? So I didn't know this for a while, but he was using all of it to like gamble. He was terrible with money. But he was telling you that he was using it to help build your... Yeah, to build me.

And he, this man had... I'd never seen anybody have such a bad gambling issue. You know, like prize picks and all this gambling shit online, it was bad. And, you know, we would go to the casino and he would lose all his money. And then, you know, I would think to myself, I just gave that to you. And you just did, you lost it in five minutes. And I had to go do this for that. Like it blew my mind.

And I, you know, resentment started to build. I think I skipped ahead a little bit. Okay, so he eventually brought around this girl. I don't want to say her name. Let's just call her G. I felt a lot of myself in her. We just clicked. You know, you meet people where you're at. And we both had more of a spiritual insight to life. We bonded. We were always laughing. We were so goofy together. She was such a light in this world. And she was one of the girls who would go stand on a street in heels and lingerie. And, you know, cars would come and pick her up.

And then they'd handle their business. And she'd go back to the blade. And we have a blade in Dallas. And so he was telling me, yeah, I'm going to bring this girl around. This is what she does. And I'm like, what? Like, that's crazy. He was saying, you know,

know, she's in a bad situation. And, you know, she's going to say certain things. So when she says certain things, I don't want you to freak out. And I'm like, what do you mean? He was like, she's going to call me daddy and shit like that. And I'm like, why? Like, I had no idea what that dynamic looked like until he, you know, brought me into that lifestyle. So she would go stand on the street.

and I would go to the club. And, you know, she would, we would be done at the end of the night and we would get in the car with him. And she'd be like, how much money did you make? And I would tell her, oh, like, $4 or $500. And he would look at me like, don't fucking say that. Like, he wanted me to make it seem like I was making at least a thousand, a couple thousand because he was turning me out at this point.

and she was basically helping him turn me out. He wanted her to rub off on me. And, you know, eventually we ended up going to New Orleans. So I'm at the club. She's on the street. We're all staying in an Airbnb. And we go out to this strip club in Dallas. And we're in the club.

and I'm sitting down, G is sitting down, and he like lays across her and is being like super affectionate and he's staring me in my eyes just like with this look in his face like what are you going to do? What are you going to say? And in your mind you guys were exclusive, right? That's what I thought. Okay. But you know, I was very wrong.

I just didn't know what the fuck I got myself into. And so I'm looking at him like, the fuck are you doing? Why are you trying to get a rise out of me? So I go to the restroom and I come back and he's pissed because I'm not looking at him. I'm just like, okay, you want to do that? Fine. And I was sitting there talking to one of the dancers and we were just having a good time and he gets up and like he pulls me up by my hair and I'm like, whoa. And the dancer, she was like, get like, get like. Like, get off of her. What is your problem?

And he was, I don't remember what he was saying, but he was pissed that I felt some type of way. And G saw that I felt some type away. And he didn't like that she saw that because she has been in that lifestyle. So she knows that is normal. Shit, I didn't know that. And when she was working the streets, how much was she making in a night? She could make $1,1, $1, $1, $1, $1, $1, $1, $1, $15. So he wanted you to say that you're making more. Why?

Because he knew that she would want to make more. Okay. Yeah. And also I think it was because he didn't want me working in the club and she'd be on the street. Like she, I think. Like, did he eventually want you to work the streets too? Yes. Okay.

And that's like the lowest level way you can do that. And it's terrifying. Like, it's so easy to be kidnapped or killed or raped. There's so many stories about, like, that happening out there. And then at that point, it shows you, okay, he obviously doesn't care about me. Yeah. And so we're, okay, so we're at the club, and he says it's time to go, like, we need to go. And, like, he's holding me by my hair.

We're walking out. and the dancer, she's like, are you okay? I'm like, yeah, it's fine. Like, because I didn't know what the fuck was about to happen. And we get in the car. He's driving. G is in the passenger seat and I'm sitting right behind her and we're driving. He's yelling at me and I'm not understanding. Why is he so mad? He was just, you know, being weird trying to get a rise out of me, trying to see how am I going to react to this? And he reaches back and he pulls me by my hair and he pulls me across the center console and he just starts like whamming me in my head. And a man had never put his hands on me before. So I'm just like, that's when my body goes into fight, flight, or freeze. And I froze.

I had no idea what to do. And I just dissociated and then I just was like in survival mode at that point. And so like the whole way there, I'm across the center console and he's just, we get back to the Airbnb. I'm thinking, okay, this man does not want me here. So I'm in the room we were, him and I were sleeping in and she was in her room. And I grabbed my keys in my suitcase. He pushes me on the bed. He throws my keys on the ground.

And this man made love to me like he had never had. Like, it was so messed up. I, he, like, I'm thinking to myself, what the fuck is happening right now? You just beat me up and now you're doing this. I have a quick question. Yes. When he was beating you up in the car, was G saying anything? Nothing.

Because she was used to it. Yeah. Okay. That was normal. And I remember thinking, why is she not sticking up for me? Yeah. Like, you're a girl. I would have done this.

I would have, yeah. I would have said something. You can't, no, you don't, you can't just treat people like that. Right. I'm Anna Garcia, host. of True Crime News, the podcast. Every week, we bring you in-depth coverage on cases making headlines,

as well as those that go under the radar. Tune in for murders that defy explanation, mystery seeking exploration, and shocking secrets that will leave you breathless. Each week, we honor the victims by going beyond the salacious in our search for justice. Crime never stops, and neither do we. Listen to True Crime News available now

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So you end up staying? Well, I'll, well, so we wake up, we're laying in bed, and I start crying. Yeah. And he's like, what's wrong? Like, he acted like, nothing happened the night prior. And I'm like, how did you put your hands on me and then you do that? And he was like, what are you even talking about? Just like totally.

Gaslighting you. Yeah. And it made me feel kind of crazy. And I'm like, you know what? I'm going to go home to my mom's and I just want to think a little bit. that was the biggest mistake I could have made telling him that. He jumped up and was like, you want to leave me? You're not loyal.

This only happened because you acted this way, like just making me think, okay, this is my fault. Yeah. And he, my suitcase, it was heavy as fuck. He threw it at me, like from across the room. And he had this cup of, like, soda, dumped it on my head. head. I had this Dr. Bronner's bottle of soap. He was like squirting it in my hair. I'm like, what the fuck? Like, this is insane behavior. Like, this is, this person is not okay. And he's like hitting me, punching me, um, just talking so much shit. And I get in the shower. I'm like,

I have my clothes on. I'm in the shower trying to, because I can't see. because the soap was in my eyes. And I get out and he's like on the bed crying, I just don't want you to leave me. Just he made himself seem so vulnerable if I was to leave. And that like that tugged at my heartstrings like, okay, this man really needs me. It triggered. It kind of tugged at my daddy issues. And so I stayed and my, I think my, my eye, lid was bruised a little bit and my head was pounding because he had this watch and like it would hit my head and it like over and over again it was so painful and so this is when he introduced me to perks and hydros and that like he you know after he would beat me up he would like love bomb me He would tell me so much affection, tell me he loves me, you know, give me drugs.

And these drugs would make me feel so numb to what was going on. So I became like, okay, I need one every day. Yeah. So at a certain point, I would start taking them every day. And, you know, after all that happened, we go to New Orleans, him, G, and me. and this other girl who ended up leaving in the middle of the night. And was G taking drugs as well? Yeah, okay.

She was. You know, I learned in that lifestyle. How do you not? You have to cope. Especially if you're giving all your money to somebody, especially if you don't even want to be doing that. Yeah. Which I didn't.

I didn't want to be doing that, but I felt like I had no choice. So on our way to New Orleans, we're driving. he has G setting up ads on her phone and he had me doing the same thing and I'm not really knowing what I'm like what this is for he just tells me to do it and I'm not supposed to ask any questions and if you ask questions you're a stupid bitch you're X Y and Z he just like will treat you like dog shit like you are nothing and so something that kept me in this dynamic dynamic was the love that he did give me. I, and then he would keep taking it away, I would keep

searching for, okay, well, it was good. Maybe it'll be good again. You know, maybe sometime the abuse will stop. And, you know, I had to, you could have told me that, but I had to learn it on my own. And so we get to New Orleans. We get to our Airbnb. And, you know, my, my line is now blowing up, So many people are messaging me because they want to see me. And I'm like laughing and this is so crazy and not taking it seriously. And so one trick comes through and I do my date. And I made like $500, I think, in like five minutes. So he was having you guys set up things on your phone to me.

meet up with other men in New Orleans. And then when you made that $500, he was then taking that full amount. Okay. Did you guys ever try to like say anything? No, because that's, that was just how it was set up. That's normal. That's what that usually looks like. Okay. And so, you know, there would be times down the line where I would hold on to it. Yeah. And he wouldn't want it from me. or he was having other girls send me money like I was his banker or some shit. It also kind of made me feel like, oh, I'm special. Yeah. Like almost his bottom bitch.

And what did the dates look like usually? Like, were they were quick? Like, were they just like, okay. Was it more like escort kind of thing? Okay. Yeah. So, you know, we leave New Orleans. We come back to Dallas.

and now that he turned me out, he, in his mind, I guess he was thinking, I'm going to have her on the street with G on the blade. And so he puts me, what street is it? I can't even remember right now, but it was in front of this hotel. And, you know, he has me standing outside. He's sitting in the parking lot watching me. And he was like, okay, well, I need you to do this and then you know this is what you need to say and I'm like so confused like I really have no idea I don't know what I'm doing you just put me out here and are having me figure it out you're not coaching me and so I find a trick and you know we agree on a price and um I'm like thinking the whole time fuck I like really don't want to be doing this this is just not it just does not

feel right. It's not me. It is scary because especially I'd only done this one other time. Right. So they pull up and you guys figure out a price before you even go with them, right? Yeah. Okay. And then it's usually always the same. Okay. And I had a room in that hotel. So we go up there and he's big and tall. And that was, you know, for me, somebody who has only done this one, one time, that was intimidating as fuck. And we get in there and he was so just like rough and aggressive and I was terrified because I didn't know how to like stop that shit, like cut it out. Like this is how this is supposed to go. And so he just kind of, it was a really uncomfortable experience. And, you know, we're done. He leaves. I come out and I'm crying because I'm just so

felt so taken advantage of and I felt like I had no power and I get in the car with you know the guy that I was with and he's like not understanding why I'm crying and so he's like trying to be there for me and I'm sorry like it usually doesn't happen like that and he puts on this song and it like just made me feel even more sad because it was like a love song almost like the lyrics were talking about how I'm always going to be there for you and just just like sweet weird shit and he's like okay well you don't have to do it anymore for the rest of the night and I'm like thank fucking god and then from that point on you know he would have me either you know working my ads or on the blade and I like did not want to be doing any of that shit. And I would tell him and he, you know, would come back at me and say,

oh, you're giving me problems. You're giving me problems. And I'm like, no, I'm just trying to tell you like, I don't want to be doing this shit. And like, he did not care. At this point, he started bringing more girls around and they were all doing the same thing, you know, at the lowest level. And I was just so uncomfortable. I was brought into this really fucked up environment. And I was never home. I just, we were living out of these cheap, disgusting motels.

And it was always sketchy. There was always police. It was just like a very toxic environment. And he started. with drawing his affection and that left me just like wanting it even more and thinking okay well when is he going to start being nice to me again so around that time that is when he started putting his hands on g and i would see him like she would have no eyelashes because of like how much he was hitting her in the face and her eye would be red and purple and swore

Bolin. And this one time he dumped like hot sauce packets in her hair. Like he was just, it was disgusting. It was horrible. And I was scared to stick up for her because shit, what if he's going to do the same to me? And it was awful. And, you know, we would talk about like, this is insane. Like, this should not be happening. And she was like, yeah, well, my last. folks, he would do me worse. This is nothing compared to what I've experienced before. Like, she told me that one guy made her sit in an ice bath and, like, had a gun to her head, like, crazy shit. And she ended up leaving. We were both out on the blade, and she just left. She up and left with her car.

And she never came back. She never came back. Now, how does that work if you leave? Like, would he try to find you? Yeah. You have to sneak away. Okay. And that brings me back to, after he put his hands on me for the first time,

we were standing in the door of the Airbnb getting ready to come inside. And he looks at me and he says, if you ever want to leave, you have to sneak away. And in a very toxic way, that was like it did something to me. I was like, wow, like I took it as he really cares about me. He really loves him. Right. Like you had a security in a sense because you were like, well, he's not going to leave. Yeah.

Yeah. Like that's always there if you wanted it. Absolutely. And the same time I'm thinking, wow, that's really, really fucked up. That's like not okay. G left. We go to, we drive to Tennessee. and we're there for a couple days.

I start my period and I'm just telling him like, I'm giving him problems at this point because I keep telling him I don't want to be doing this. I'm uncomfortable. Like, I would just rather not. And, you know, we end up going to New York after Tennessee. And in New York, he ends up leaving with one of the other girls and going back to Texas to buy a house. And me and two other girls are in New York with a car.

So were you guys just traveling a lot to keep your options open and just keep finding more people? Okay. Yeah. And did he ever ask you about G or if you knew where she went? No. Okay. So that was just done with.

Yeah. And so he went to buy a house. The car that me and the other two girls were in, it ends up getting towed because you just don't need to drive to New York. I parked and I think it was like a bus lane and I had no idea. And so from this point on, we're like, fuck. And we were in the lower east side of Manhattan. This is kind of where it gets really, really, really fucked up. And I, I, they ended up leaving me there by myself, like, and stole all my shit. So I had no way to get home. So from Manhattan, we, are Ubering to Brooklyn because apparently there's a blade out there. And I'm on my period. I'd never done this

on my period before. So I'm calling him like, what do you want me to do? Can I just not? Can they just do it without me? And apparently that's not a thing. Like you either stick a sponge up there or this one girl, she taught me if you roll up like a baby wipe and stick it up there, it like helps stops you from bleeding. Like money is needed that bad that we're doing this. It just blew my mind and I was crying and the other girls were like, yeah, no, this is crazy. Like they were telling me how they wanted to leave too. We get to the Airbnb, him and I get into it and he tells me like, go, go home back to Texas. I don't care what you do anymore.

And I'm thinking, okay, you don't want me anymore. say less. Like I'm not going to stay where I am not wanted. And so I make a call to my guy friend who strictly just friends, always looked out for me, always been a brother to me. And he sends me like a Bible verse every day. And it always seems to resonate. Like we both have a very direct line to God. And so I called him and I said, hey, this is a situation. Can you help me? And he was like, yeah, of course. Like, wow, like, let's, let me help you try to get you home. And so we're on the phone.

And he's, like, seconds away from hitting, you know, book flight. And I look up and both of the girls are, like, charging at me. And they look angry as fuck. And they just start, like, beating the shit out of me. I had just gotten out of the shower. My hair was wet. I was in a bra and jeans. No shoes.

else. And they're like pulling me by my hair just going in on me and I'm screaming and like one of the girls, she was on the phone with him. And I guess because he was trying to figure out if I was really going to leave or not. It was the test. And so she is at my purse. She grabs everything out of my purse. She has my phone, my driver's license, my debit cards. They grab my suitcase and they take off. They leave. I'm running down the street, like, trying to find somebody like, I need help. I've never even been in a fight before. And so I find this man, and I say, can I please use your phone? He gives me his phone. And he's just looking at me like, what the fuck just happened to you? Like my face is all red from them hitting me and me crying.

And I call my mom and she tells me, you know, you need to call the police. And in that lifestyle, you don't do that because that makes you a snitch that makes you a rat. What do you mean if I'm in trouble and my life is in danger? I can't get help. I can't call for help. And so I go back to the Airbnb because it was, In Brooklyn, it's like tears. The townhomes are tears.

And I knock on the door. And for some reason, they were still home. It was like 8, 9 o'clock at night. And I tell them what happens. And they let me stay there. This happened on a Friday. They let me stay there until Sunday. My mom had to drive up from New York to come get me because I couldn't fly.

Because I didn't have anything with me and no clothes. And so the whole time I'm there, I'm just alone with my thoughts. And I didn't have any food. I had none of my hygiene products. I was in so much pain. I couldn't even sleep on my head. It hurt so bad. I couldn't move around. I was an excruciating pain. And my mom gets there. She's driving me back to Texas. It was like a two-day trip. And she let me use her phone. So I was, you know, on Instagram texting my friends, letting everybody know this is what happened. he was messaging me on Instagram like, I'm so sorry. I never should have left you there. Like, I'm so sorry. Please forgive me. I love you so much. I really need you. And I ended up falling forward and I went back. And but in the meantime, when I was in Dallas before I had went back to him, I was staying at my friend's, my guy friend's house. And I ended up going back with him and he went through my phone and he was pissed that he saw me staying with him because I guess

he thought he was a pimp and he really wasn't like he was extremely jealous like that was disloyal to him so we're laying in bed he's going through my phone there's another girl on the other side of him. And he like picks me up, throws me. He's like, he had never beaten me up this bad. I couldn't hear out of my left ear for a couple months. Like it was, it was really muffled. My eye was purple. I had bruises all over my arm. My ribs were bruised because he kept punching me in my ribs. And for probably like three months, I had trouble breathing because the pain stayed for so long. And I'm just having so much trouble processing what was happening to me. And the other girl, like, she was just watching. And I'm looking at her like, you're watching this man beat the dog shit out of me.

and you're just letting this happen. And there's other girls in the house. There was probably six other girls in the house, and none of them are doing anything. I'm screaming. And how was nobody coming in here? But, you know, they were all used to that. It's called getting chopped.

And the next morning, some of the girls that I was closer to, they came in, and they just were like, wow, like you look bad. And my eye was so swollen, like, I could hardly open it. And we were moving out of that house that he just bought because he just couldn't keep anything that he owned. His mom was even there helping us move. And he would be like, don't talk to my mom, don't look at her, just like, go sit over here.

Like, don't do anything. Like, keep yourself hidden because his family members were helping us move. And so I ended up going to the hospital because I was just in so much. pain and they were like, you know, what happened? Did you like, did the police handle this? And I told them, yeah, like, yes, they did when, you know, they most definitely didn't because they were never called. And they gave me drugs and they, that was like the best hospital experience ever. They were so like caring and made sure I was safe and okay. Okay. So, you know, I'm still with him at this point.

He would end up taking my car keys from me so I couldn't leave. I was, and I, he kept me always around him at this point. So he always had eyes on me. And he gave my car to one of his friends and he was driving my car. So I had no access to my car whatsoever. And he knew if he kept something away from me, like, I'm not going to be able to leave without my shit. because I know I'm never going to get it back. And, like, his friend just totally trashed my car.

Like, he had other girls driving it. They just treated my car like a dump. It was awful. How many girls did he have working for him at one time? At one time, I think the most was probably, like, 10. And do you think he was having sex with all of them? I'm sure. Well, not all of them.

Okay. Some of them. just like working for him and then others he would. Yeah. Okay. And you know, the kind of the way that I noticed it would work, if some of the girls weren't getting enough attention from him or there wasn't an established connection, they would leave.

Okay. Because it seems like that's what everybody wanted in that life. Hi, guys. You can subscribe now to We're All Insane Plus for only $5.99 a month. And it includes ad-free listening, bonus episodes of We're All Insane, guided meditations, exclusive access to, my brand new show, We're All Healing, and first access to new merch drops and discounts on merch. To get instant access to We're All Insane Plus, you can subscribe inside of Apple, Spotify, and YouTube,

or you can go to we're all insane.com. Eventually everybody left. It was just me, him, and this other girl. Let's call her in. and, you know, at this time, I would pray that God would give me an escape route. And every time I made this prayer, like, I would have a route, like, within a couple hours. And I remember one morning, it was super early, like maybe 6 a.m. He lets me know that N got my car towed and she got arrested. And I'm thinking, okay, shit, if I just... grab my stuff and Uber to my mom's, I can just go get my car out of the tow yard and I'll have all my

shit. And so I'm like, okay. So I just told him like, I'm going to go to sleep or whatever. And I have all my shit. I'm standing at the door, like getting ready to leave and I'm terrified. Like my body's shaking him. What if he finds me? What if he sees me? What if he hears me? Because he was in another room. We were at like a red roof in. And I call my therapist. She doesn't answer. She calls me back immediately. And she's like, Emily, what's wrong? I said, I'm trying to leave. I'm so scared. I don't know if I'm doing the right thing. I'm so scared. I'm so scared. And she stayed on the phone with me the whole time. I run down barefoot so I don't make a lot of noise. And I get in my, but I'm like, go, go, go. And he drives me to my mom's. And the whole car ride, he is blowing my phone up.

Like, I just knew you were going to leave. I just felt it. Like, just you always leave me. You're breaking my heart. Just all this shit. Like, I'm doing this to him. And he says, I'm coming to your mom's house and I'm going to shoot myself on Instagram live in front of your house.

And I'm like, there's no, no, you're not doing that. Lo and behold, he shares his location with me. And I see him pulling up in front of my mom. house and I get the notification that he turned on his Instagram live. And I run outside and I get in the car and I'm fighting with him over the gun, like a loaded gun. And I grab his phone. I turn off Instagram live and he keeps telling me to get out and I'm like, no, I'm not going to get out. You're trying to hurt yourself. I'm not going to be like responsible even though I wasn't. And he's like, I don't have the guts to, you know, so we drive back to Dallas from my mom's house and we go to

his plug and he gets nine perk tens and he said he was going to just kill himself that way. And I'm thinking, this isn't going to kill you. This is just going to make you really, really sick. And, but at the same time, I'm like, I don't know drugs like this. So, like, I really don't know what's going to happen. I'm thinking, do I call an ambulance? He's going to be pissed if I call an ambulance because they're going to take him to like a mental facility, inpatient, whatever. And so his mom ends up finding out because he was calling this other girl saying, like, you know, this is, he's going to hurt himself. And so she calls his mom. And his mom pulls up.

And I'm like, okay, I left for this reason because he's seriously not okay in the head. And so I call my brother. My brother comes and picks me up. And he was, you know, I'm just mad again that I left. And at this point, I think he kind of figured out that he has to be really gentle with me in order to keep me around. So I ended up going back around again. This was like, what, the fourth time? And I didn't have to work anymore. He just had me there. And sometimes he would, you know, act like he loved and cared about me. And other times he would just kind of leave me there. And I would be there alone, super miserable.

I wanted to go home. He would take my car keys from me, so I could not leave. And we were living. so bad that I would have to wash my panties in the shower. I couldn't do laundry. Like the life that I was living, why did I choose to leave that for this? And I, you know, my brain started to, you know, think about, okay, what is going on here? Why are you not leaving? What is going on in here that you're stuck in this cycle? You know, um, my mom would, this was probably like December. my mom would text me in the middle of the night and she would be like, are you okay? I just, I don't know. My mom is very, very intuitive.

She's very gifted. And she would say something feels right. Are you okay? And I'm like, yeah, I'm okay. I just love you and I miss you so much. And she'd be like, why don't you just come home? And I'm like, yeah, you know, just not really telling her. And, you know, she knew what was going on, but she didn't know.

There was a lot that she did not know. And I really don't want her to watch this because I think there's a lot. She needs to stay in the dark about. Yeah. Let's see. So I was in a very dark place. I was very depressed. I was doing perks every day because they made me feel better.

They made me feel numb. They made me not care about what was happening to me. And my self-worth was so low. You know, every time I left, he would like take my makeup. and he would like destroy it or something and you know it was a point where he was asking me like why don't you ever put on makeup and I said I don't have any you keep taking it like you always take my shit and he's like oh we'll get you some and so like you know there would be times where he would buy me shit that I needed and then he would just leave me alone and I would just be there alone

and not working, not doing anything, just trying to survive. And I was constantly in a state of what mood is he going to be in today? And I would alter my mood to be more pleasant. So that way I didn't give him any problems and avoid less ass weapons. So there was this, I feel like I left like every other week and then came back. One night he told me, go get me some food and get you something to. And I'm like, oh yeah, this is my route because I prayed, please give me a way home with all of my shit. And he, God always answered. So he goes back upstairs to his room. He gives me my keys. And I wait till he's up there

and I can't see him anymore. I grab all my bags, put him in my car, and I go. And I turn my location off so he can't see me. And my plan was to go stay with my best friend, my girl best friend for a little bit. And he is freaking out. He's calling me. He apparently, he, like, pissed himself. He went to the bathroom on himself because he was so fucked up that I left. And he was, he wasn't even mad.

He was just crying. He got in an Uber. And I was on the phone with him, and he was, like, trying to find me. and he didn't find me because I turned my location off. But after that, I did end up going back again. So in March, me and this other girl went to Austin for South by Southwest. We were going to dance out there and work our ads. And I was making so much money.

He wasn't around. I was, I really was just preparing to leave. But this other girl was around. And I knew if she sees me, me leave, she's either going to try to stop me, beat me up, or tell him. And so when we're supposed to check out of our hotel, South by Southwest is over, I'm trying to pack my shit. I'm going to tell her, I'm going to go just put my shit in the car. And I was going to just leave her there because he was on his way down. And she's like, no, no, no, I'm coming down. Like,

she would not let me go without her. Like, I think she knew. And, you know, he comes, I'm like, fuck, if only I could just get this girl out of my car, then I can get out of here and go home. Like, at this point, I just wanted to be away from him. I was detached. I just did not want to be with him anymore. I could not take it. I couldn't keep living like that. He's like, I want to fall to go to New Orleans again. I'm like, fuck. I tell him I really don't want to go to New Orleans. Can I just go back to Texas and just work that way? Like, I promise I'll work. I don't want to go to New Orleans. and he's just like, you know, just shut up, like, you'll be fine. So he gets to New Orleans.

I, like, this man was always giving me either, like, a yeast infection or a BV. I was always having problems because he just was just so dirty. And I feel like he was having sex with so many girls. And so I, what was I on? He gave me, like, a line of. some type of lean. It was yellow. And it like knocked me out for like almost an entire day. And I was still doing perks. I'm, you know, praying God, please get me out of here. And he leaves with a girl to go to the casino because they have a casino out there. And the other

girl that I went to Austin with, she was in that Airbnb with me. It's just her and I. And I'm thinking, okay, like, now's my chance. I have my car. I have my suitcase. I have a couple hundred dollars. I can make it home. So I call my best friend. I'm like, please stay on the phone with me.

I'm so scared. I was on the second floor. I go on the balcony and throw my suitcase over onto the grass. So she wouldn't see me leave with my suitcase because I would have to go past her room. So I grab my purse and like, my heart is racing. I'm terrified. My body is shaking. I say, hey, I'm going to go grab something from my car real quick.

And I run down the stairs. I grab my suitcase, run to my car, turn off my location, and I start booking it out of Louisiana. And he's calling me. I just knew you were going to leave. I knew I shouldn't left. And another girl was driving him, and he was saying, she was like, go 200. I can hear him yelling at this girl to go faster to try to find me. And I'm speeding.

I end up getting pulled over. and the officer comes up to the window I'm crying I'm like I'm so scared my boyfriend I just love my boyfriend I'm trying to make it home back to Texas and he's like calm down like he has me call my mom he tell my mom what's going on and he lets me go and um the whole way back to Dallas he's blowing my phone up just texting me and um this time he he more was me making me feel guilty for leaving and, you know, promising that he was going to change and saying, look at all the other ways I have changed. I don't make you work. Like, I let you do whatever you want. Nobody else gets that luxury making me feel special. So I get back to Dallas. He says,

stay at our apartment. Like, you have it to yourself, just stay there because I know you don't want to go to your moms. So everything in me tells me no, don't do it, just go home. Like, you left, keep it that way. But I stayed at the apartment and the next morning he calls me. He says, hey, I really need you to do me a favor. Please meet me halfway between New Orleans and Dallas and bring me back to Texas because I have some business I need to take care of. Everything in me is telling me no, like, do not do it.

And he, you know, I felt, I can't. kind of felt like I owed him a little bit and I felt guilty. So I go, I tell my best friend, hey, like, we need to put off our plans by a couple hours. I need to go meet him and bring him back. She's like, okay. So I meet him in Nagadish. I don't know if it's in Texas or Louisiana. And I get there. I'm waiting on him. He comes. I'm feeling like something's not right. There's something that's, I feel like something's about to happen. And so he tells me get in the passenger seat and he's in my car and he's in the driver's seat. And we drive out of the parking lot.

He's not saying anything. Not looking at me, nothing. And I'm like, this is where I'm starting to start to freak out a little bit. And you could either turn left and go further into Louisiana or right towards Texas. He turns left and my heart sinks to my ass. and I'm like, fuck. I didn't have anything with me. All I had was my purse.

I didn't have any clothes, no suitcase, nothing, because I thought we were going back to Texas. He turns to me, and he, like, has this look on his face. And he's accusing me of cheating on him, sleeping other men, sleeping with other men, like, with no protection, just, like, doing unsafe shit. And I'm like, where are you getting this information from? And apparently the girl I went to South by Southwest with was telling him a whole bunch of shit that didn't happen. And I'm like, can you not feel the genuity like when I'm talking to you?

Like, this did not happen. And he, he did not care. Once he believed something, that was it. And so I'm, now I'm trying to play it cool and be like, well, if you, you know, if you wanted me to come back to Louisiana, why didn't you just tell me, I could have brought my suitcase. And I think he knew that I was trying to just, you know, we're on the freeway. The girls that brought him there to meet me, they were following behind us. And he took my phone, he took my money out of my purse, my driver's license, my debit cards,

except for one. I had one debit card on me that he didn't take because it was hidden in a little side pocket. And I'm thinking, do I jump out of the car? like I was seriously considering jumping out of the car because I didn't know what was going to happen to me when we got back to New Orleans. And he was telling me that I made a YouTube video and I talked about this,

but this part I didn't say on there. He said, when we get back to New Orleans, you're not going to have your phone. I'm going to put you in a room and you're going to make me $10,000. You're not going to verify anybody. I'm just going to send them to your door. and if something happens to you, something happens to you. I could, if you don't verify properly, you could be involved in a sting.

Somebody could kidnap you, somebody could kill you. You never know. Somebody could rape you, whatever. And I'm like, I felt he was so serious. And I knew if I don't get away before we get there, I will probably not come home. And a couple weeks ago, my therapist even told me, Emily, I was seriously worried about you. I really thought you were going to die. And when she told me that, it really made me think, wow, everybody in my life, they were on the other side.

They were all there for me. My best friend was always there for me. My mom was always there for me. And hearing her say, I thought you were going to die, was like a really. reality check. Yeah. And so we pull over to a gas station because I had to pee. And before I get out of the car, he looks and he tells me, don't do any funny shit. And I'm in the gas station. I go to the bathroom. There's another lady in there. And I'm thinking, you need to, this is your chance. Like, tell her, you need her phone. Tell her, you need help, like to ask her to stay in the bathroom with you.

And I'm sure she would have. But I didn't because I was. because I was scared. I was scared he was going to come in there before the police got there. I was scared he was going to take off with my car. So she leaves the bathroom and I just, I had so much regret that I didn't ask her for help. I'm leaving. He stops me because he was in there and he says, come stand in line with me. And you know that hand signal for when you're in distress like this is the universal. I'm doing that behind my back, hoping somebody sees and notices, and I'm trying to make eye contact with people trying to show on my face, something's not right here. Nobody gives a fuck. Everybody's in their own world. And, you know, that was kind of on me

because I had an opportunity and I didn't take it because I was just too scared. We get in the car, we're driving again. I'm praying the whole time, please get me out of here, please get me out of here, please get me out of here. And we end up stopping again because the other girl, she just didn't want to drive anymore. And so he says, you're going to drive your car and you're going to follow me. I had my car, as long as the car was on, you could drive it without the key fob in it. So he said, don't stop, don't turn off your car. Like, just follow me. And he had my phone. He had everything. So we're driving. I'm trying to drive recklessly so somebody like calls and reports me or somebody pulls me over and we get up to this exit where you could go into Baton Rouge and I'm behind him and I slow down and there was

nobody over here so I jump over and book it and there was cars behind him now so he I saw him he was trying to slow down and he couldn't so and he had my phone so I drive. I drive. I drive. I drive. I down a couple miles. One of the girls' suitcases was in my car. And I didn't know this at the time. There was a gun in it. And I throw it out. And I stop at this urgent care and I asked them to use their phone. I just looked so disheveled. And they let me use their phone, but they were closing. And you would think at an urgent care, they might like, are you okay? What happened? No, they didn't care. they said, we're closing, like, you need to wrap up your phone call. And so that, like, to this day still floors me. And I drive to a gas station. And there was a woman there. She let me use her phone.

And I call my mom. And I'm like, hey, can you try to figure out how to send me some money on this card so I can fill up my gas tank? And, you know, she's not able to. So the lady was like, let me fill up your gas tank. And she showed me, okay, this is where you need to go to get to Texas. And she gave me her number and she said, let me know when you make it. And I did. I end up taking a wrong exit and I'm driving. And I've driven from Texas to Louisiana a few times, so I know what it looks like. And I'm like, this doesn't look like the road that I've driven on before. I turn on the radio and it's talking about Houston's finest. I'm like, fuck.

So from Houston, I had to stop a few times to try to get directions. I ended up making it to Dallas. And then when I got home to my mom's, couldn't turn my car off. My brother had to follow me to a dealership so I could leave it there until I had the money to get a new key fob. I was in the car for like 13, 14 hours. It was the longest drive ever. But I was just so grateful to make it back home alive with my car. Because I knew that time, that was going to be it.

I just knew. How long were you with him, total? From September 23 to March 24. Okay. So all that happened in like a year? Yeah. Okay. It was fast.

very fast and um you know he would he to this day he still reaches out like at least once a month um just to like see how i'm doing and i'll you know earlier in the year i would kind of feed into it a little bit but at a certain i think up until like april i was like no like seriously leave me the fuck alone and he still keeps reaching out from a different phone number. He even, somebody told me he ended up getting shot in the head a couple months ago. And this was a girl that was close to me. I said, she, she messaged me. She was like, I heard so-and-so got shot in the head. Is he okay? I said, don't you remember when I called you and told you everything that happened? Why are you coming to me worried about him? Like you even know him personally. And he was so good at getting the whole world to, well, all of Texas.

to know like, okay, I'm a good person. But he really was, and when I say narcissist, I don't, you know, that word is thrown around a lot, but he legitimately was a narcissist and not okay in the head. And it's just like I haven't talked to her since that because it blew my mind. And he would reach out to me a couple times. Like, so you're not going to check on me after I get shot in the head?

Like, do you not care about me? I said, no. Do you not have other bitches under you that, you know, care about you? Yeah. So, yeah. And then that was it. And you haven't gone back since. Well, good. Don't. Yeah. So what are you doing now? So I was using my esthetician license. I was waxing up until last week. It felt like I wasn't supposed to be there too much longer. And I prayed a couple weeks ago, the two weeks ago I prayed. I said, God, I'm ready for what's next.

And whenever I pray for something like that, it happens fast. And the next week, I am, you know, I wake up and I'm getting ready for my last appointment and then I have work. I'm sitting on the toilet going pee. and I just get this overwhelming feeling. It was like a download. And it felt like God was telling me you're going to be fine. And it was so overwhelming. It made me so happy.

I'm in my last appointment and I get done and I see that I was kicked out of our work group chat. And I got my termination letter. And I was like, shit, I just had this like premonition. Yeah. And now I was like happy. I was like, okay, this. You know, God just prepared me for this. I'm not supposed to be here anymore.

And I felt it. So now I don't know what I'm going to do. I make a little money here and there, but I don't know. Yeah. Because I was doing only fans, but I don't like, my kind of values have changed it a little bit. I would love to be married and have a family someday. And, you know, I judge myself for doing only fans. I go back and forth.

But I'm sure you understand because you do only fans as well. I get it. But yeah, right now I'm just going where I'm guided. Yeah. And I think it's tough, you know, like even what you mentioned, I think whether it's only fans or dancing or the corner, whatever it might be, you know. Like I feel like unless you are, how do I put this? Like, and I say this with kindness and love still, but like unless you are so far gone where like you don't even know what's happening and you're so drugged out, I can't imagine

somebody wanting to do it. Absolutely. You know? Like, and I think it's tough because it's, it is, it can be quick and easy money. And it is better than sitting miserably and. doing a nine to five, but you make no money and you hate. Yeah. But at the same time, you know, I'm the same way in the sense that like I am a very spiritual

person. That lifestyle does not align with me anymore. You know, like I, the feeling that you had when you started, you know, in the club, like that, it was very similar for me with Only fans. It was like, this is crazy. This is great. Like it is, it was empowering. And I was very, I was more like, um, outwardly sexual with myself and who I was

then. And now it's just like, I hate it. You know what I mean? I get up and do this today. Right. Exactly. It doesn't align with where you're at. And it's tough because it's like, you know, you do have to look at it like, okay, well, I still need to survive. I need to make money and things like that. So I get where you're coming from and what you're saying. And I think, too, you know, with what happened in your situation of meeting someone and kind of having, not having that like father figure there. And of course, when you have feelings for somebody, even if they're the worst person, it is very easy to keep going back and to crave, you know, the good things that they show you.

And also like we were saying, it all happened so fast, you know? And like, you were very naive to the situation and it's not to make excuses, but it's like, that's just the reality of it, you know? Like, I don't think anybody walks into something. Like if somebody would have laid out when you first met that guy, like, here's what's going to happen. You probably would have just turned around and been like, no thanks. Absolutely. But you don't know these things until you're in them.

And it is a scary situation, you know? Terrifying. And, you know, for nine months after I, like, officially left for the last time, I was terrified on a daily basis. I was still in survival mode. I was scared because I had just moved into, like, my first apartment all by myself and I got my brand new car all by myself. And I was terrified, like, what if one of his girls are here? Yeah. What if he is trying to look for me? What if he sees me out somewhere? I was scared to, like, leave my house. And I'm grateful to have been with

my therapist for like five years now. And so she, she's seen me grow and go through a lot of horrible things. And the last session we had, she told me, Emily, I'm so proud of you. Like, you've really come so far. And she always tells me, like, if there's something you feel guided towards, I trust you. You're so intuitive. Like, you, you know, you know yourself. Yeah. Yeah. And you'll figure it out, you know. I always do. Yeah, you always do. And I'm like, I, when you said, like, whenever you ask for something happens, like, you wouldn't be asking for it if you weren't ready for it. Yeah.

You know, and I think that once again, all of this happening is still, it is still so recent and so soon, you know, so it's like, it'll happen when it's supposed to happen and you're going to be on a path for yourself that just works, you know, and sometimes it's not about figuring out what it is or how you're going to do it. It's just trusting that the universe is going to make it happen. Yeah. God, whatever, you know, whatever people believe that no matter what, if you are having, you are asking for it, you will receive it. That's just the truth. You know, I think especially too,

not staying down in the dumps. And I feel like you're somebody that like, even though you went through that and you were in that situation and sometimes willingly. Yeah. At the same time, you are too strong of a person to stay in it and remain in it. You know what I mean? It was like you knew. I think there was this, it was like half and half of you. It was like half of you was this young, naive, we could say daddy issues, need money like that. But then this other half of you is this, you know, this strong, powerful, intuitive woman. And it's like I feel like the whole year that you were in that, it was just this constant battle. I think that's why you left and you came back. Absolutely. You know, but it's, you have to learn those things. That's the only way you're

going to grow. Yeah. You know, and it's like, I feel like this life for you was meant to teach you so many things like that and help you grow and, you know, become who you're, going to be in who you are today. And, you know, I would not take anything back ever in my life. If there was anything I could choose to not experience, I would not because I would not be who I am right now sitting right here. And I know that I'm here for a higher purpose. I've thought about, I just started my own YouTube channel where I talk about my little crazy stories and things that I have learned from going through things with certain men. And now I'm just kind of, this is where I am. And I know I'm here for something. I don't know exactly what it is yet.

But yeah, and I want to say too, you know, I think that it's very easy for people to judge women who, whether, once again, no matter what it is, if it's anything that's not the normal work. Yeah. You know? And I feel like you are. a good voice for those women because there's a lot of women who don't want to be doing that, but also don't see a way out. Yeah. And I feel like you and your story kind of serve that purpose as like this voice of, you know, I get it.

I went back a bunch two. I didn't know any better. I was naive. I had nothing, but I was able to get out of it. Yeah. You know what I mean? And I feel like it kind of serves that hope. And it makes you relatable.

You know, I think that a lot of people would feel safe listening to your. story and turning to you rather than someone who's never experienced it or never went through it or didn't deal with having nothing, you know, where they had to go, feel like they had to go do those things. Yeah. Because a lot of these girls, they do. Yeah. That's what they know.

They feel like they're not good for anything else but that. And, you know, these men who they're with, they instill it in your brain that you won't have anything without me. You need a man to be anything in the world. Yeah. And that's, that's all they know too. It's full of shit. Like it's, it doesn't make any sense. Yeah. Well, I'm glad that you're where you are now. There's so much more to come. How old are you? I'm 24. Okay. You're so young. Yeah. You have so much more. I know. I'm so excited. You should be. And I feel like, like, I'm somebody that I always believe, obviously you do too, and experiences good and bad, you know, like they're meant to happen for a reason. They teach us things.

I'm the same way in the sense of I don't, you can't regret anything. There's no point of it. We can't go back. We can only learn from it. But you'll have to give me your, um, your YouTube and anything else so that if people want to hear more stories, then I can put in the description, anything you want in there. Um, because I think that would be really good. And then people can kind to reach out to you directly too if they want to. Yeah. But it's a lot. But I think that there's a lot of, I really, really feel like there's a lot of women that will resonate. I mean, even like for me, it's like I obviously didn't go through your same experience, but so many different emotions and things that you felt kind of throughout your career and your choices that you made. Like,

they resonate with me. I'm like, I get that. Like, I've felt that before. And I think I always tell people, that's why it's so, so important and crucial to share your story. because there's so many people that can relate to it or you can just bond with people and connect. And it's like, I feel that's the beauty of life. Like, why would you not want to connect with another human? And even if you come from two completely different paths and backgrounds, the importance in that is incredible. I feel like it's so full circle. Yeah.

And the few videos that I have posted on my YouTube right now, I've had a couple people say, wow, I need to hear this or, you know, related to it. And the joy I felt reading that, it's fulfilling. It's extremely fulfilling. Like it made me so happy. Yeah. It was kind of a reminder, okay, this is why you're doing it because it touches other people. I feel like you could write a book too.

I want to about your experiences because I feel like that's a whole other world. Like it is. The PIM stuff and the, you know, like that is a very different world that, one, I don't think enough people truly understand or know about. but two, the women that are in it, I feel like they have their whole own experience and could relate to you in that sense. And it's like there's so many, I must feel like you could really educate a lot of people on that life and how you got out of it. Because I feel like there's a lot of people that just don't or can't.

And, you know, if you want to call it what it actually is trafficking, it looks so different than what you think it might. It's not always, I'm in a grocery store and somebody. kidnapped me and took me to some out of the country place. Like it can look like meeting a guy in a club or meeting a guy at a bar. Yeah. Or at a nightclub. And he says, oh, we can make some money together. You have so much potential. You could do X, Y, and Z. And then it, that's it. That's it. Yeah. Right. And I think, too, it's like we were saying, you were in a very vulnerable and naive state. You didn't have, I think, too, you know, that's, I think a lot of people, it's very easy to

throw around also the daddy issue thing. Yeah. You know, and, but the reality is, is that. Like, if you don't have that figure that teaches you any better or that stops you, because I think a lot of dads are like, they're strict, they'd stop it, they wouldn't let it happen, you know, like, and moms can only do so much, you know, and even, even some people that have a dad, they might still do their own thing. But that being said, you know, it is a very serious thing. It's something that I think a lot of people, they'll joke around about, but it is something that I think it does change the course of your life. It does have you lead down, you know, paths you might not have gone down. But at the same time, I think that it creates a different type of strength in you because you almost have to

teach yourself those qualities. You know, you didn't have a dad to show you and instill this, this and this. But you go through these experiences and you grow and you learn and then you realize like okay I didn't have it then and it might have pushed me down this path but now I'm teaching myself these things and I'm learning these values in a different way and I'm glad you said that because something that my therapist has taught me and I'm still learning of course but something that I have overcame a lot if there's a void in me whatever it is I'm now able to okay that's you know i know where i know where this is coming from i recognize this void how can i fill it myself yeah because if not i'm going to go keep searching for it yeah and i'm not doing it anymore

and i've become so good at it the amount of growth i've experienced from that situation i'm attracting better people i'm attracting better men because you're raising your your vibration yes and like everything around me is just beautiful now. And that's how it should be. You know, that's what you deserve. Just sometimes it takes some less in your head and time to get there. Yeah, but, and I think too, it's so good that you have been in therapy and you have that because I think that that makes the biggest difference. Huge. Yeah, like for, I mean, even for me, like I feel like when I started going to therapy, that was kind of that extra push. And it, once again, I know it can be hard for people to find the right therapist, but like when you do,

it can be very, very transformative and help you in so many ways. My therapy, she has changed my life. Like, I absolutely love her. I think they help you view things from a very just like clear perspective. It's not so like emotional or it's like it's just it is what it is. You can, you're able to take yourself out of yourself and, you're, you're able to take yourself out of yourself and, like what you said just have a clear perspective well you did amazing thank you thank you was there anything else do you think that there was any other points you wanted to make no okay well you did so good and thank you so much seriously for wanting to share this story like I said I feel like I really do feel like like obviously you told it in what like an hour and a half but I feel like there's

so many I really think you should consider writing a book because I really like that that is its whole own life that not many people understand. And I really feel like it could be so intriguing and interesting for people to read and understand the nitty gritty of it and the dangers of it. But also like how easy it is to fall into it. It's incredibly easy. Yeah. Especially if you're just, if you're young and naive and just money, especially when

you're that age and you're not at a point where you have this identity within yourself. You know, because growth, we're not at 19 and 20. 20, 21, you're not, you haven't really formed that identity yet, you know? And you're going to have a whole new experience. When you turn 25, 26, that's going to be a whole new chapter for you. Because for me, when I turn 25, like it was like, I feel like that's when the shift really happened for me. I was like, wait a second. I no longer am the person that I was for the last 24 years. But no, it's like, you know, at that age, we don't have the tools yet. And I feel like that makes it even easier for us to make, and whether it's a situation like yours or it's people that fall into

just, you know, alcohol or drugs or a bad friend group, this is all part of life and youth and experiencing things. And of course, there's kids and people that don't fall into that, good for them. Yeah. But like, there's a lot of people that do. And there's a lot of people that hold shame and guilt and whatever else around it. And I feel like, too, like the fact that you don't identify with that is important. Yeah. And you should never identify with things that have happened in your past. Like those are just stepping stones and things that have happened, but they just help you in your growth and your journey. Yeah. You know, but I really appreciate you coming on. Thank you. And also, like I said, send me anything that you want me to link for people in the

description that they can find your stuff. And do you post on TikTok too? And here and there. You should. Yeah. I feel like that. I feel like your stories would really go viral on there as well. Are they doing well on YouTube? Um, no, I think I have like 20 subscribers. Post submit. Post, post, um, post, Most, like, shorter stories on TikTok. Yeah. I know TikTok can be really fucking annoying, but I just feel like... You have to, like, get the algorithm down. I know, but, like, sometimes, like, if one just hits, like, people really like, because it's

so, like, people's attention span is so short. Yeah. But I feel like even if you did, like, shorter versions on TikTok, it would, it might drive more people over to the YouTube if you're doing, like, longer stories over there. Just to get your story really out there. Yeah. I feel like that would help a lot. And it's easy.

It's like in the sense it's just like it can be faster paced and like if you kind of started out like how we do on here like I'm going to like this is my story of how I was trafficked by my boyfriend and then you just go into it. Yeah. And like that'll like hook people and get their attention and do it a bunch of times. Like if you have like a good hook right away, people will stay and watch. Mm-hmm. You should try it. Okay, I will. And stick with it.

Consistency and it'll pick up.