We're All Insane - My Brother Died in My Arms

Episode Date: January 2, 2023

CW: this episode contains descriptions of drug abuse, death, suicide, and violence. Ryan shares his story going from a difficult life to finding his purpose through believing in God. He talks about drinking from a very young age, getting involved in dealing drugs, and even holding his brother in his arms as he died from a violent attack. He also discusses being in prison, getting out, and healing through finding God and helping others. If you have a unique story you'd like to share on the show, please email [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hey guys, it's me DeVora. I just dropped an all new bonus episode inside my new subscription channel, We're All Insane Plus. This week's bonus episode is called My Brain was slipping into my spine. Listen now by subscribing to We're All Insane Plus inside your Spotify or Apple Podcasts app or go to we're all insane.com. Hey, how is everyone doing? My name is Ryan. I'm so happy to be on this show. We are all insane. Many of you have been following this channel and watching this channel and you've seen all the crazy stories and I myself have a crazy story. I grew up in a rough lifestyle. I ended up going in prison looking at 15 years and now I'm a part of this amazing show. And I actually, what I do currently is I do video.

I do a bunch of things with media. So it's so awesome to be here. That was so good. You're good at this. Damn. I need that kind of energy. Okay. Good job.

That got me excited. Let's go. All right, go ahead. So where do you want to start? Okay, I'll start with how I grew up. So I grew up in Noro, Connecticut. Two of my parents were divorced. Two of my brothers that ended up going to prison.

One was looking at seven years and one was looking at four years. So growing up, I was always told I would never amount to anything. I would just be good for nothing. I would never amount to anything. And I always carried that because my teachers with the, say that to me, people, family, even my own family, they just disgrace me. Like, you're just going to end up like your brothers. And the Vinchella family, like my cousins, we have the park side. So they're always like, you can't hang around them and all this stuff or else you're just

going to be like them. So growing up, I had that idea like, okay, like, I'm here in life. And I guess I'm just never going to amount to anything like I always was looked down upon. So I went through life feeling that whole time that I would never amount to anything, which is horrible because what people say, if you allow to affect you, it actually will, even though it's not true. That's very true. So growing up, all my brothers are gone. They're in prison. I have another brother. There's four of us all together.

So I started going down this dark path. I was going to kindergarten. I go in the fridge, drink beer, go to school. drunk get sent home like this is in kindergarten so i was already crazy off the bat just drinking doing whatever whatever i want it and then another thing was by the time i was eight i started i started like i was listening to all this rap like m&m 50 cent all who i grew up grew up on and i wanted to be like that i wanted i wanted to be known as like don't mess with me like i'll do whatever kind of thing because i was always like down upon like I dealt with bullying and in kindergarten many maybe watching this you dealt

with bullying too and then it was one day I was like nah someone tried to grab myself pull jacket so me my best friend and everything we like beat the guy up this is in kindergarten like so he ended up moving schools and all this stuff so after that I was like all right no one's ever messing with me like I don't care and plus I got older brothers I'll be like my older brothers will beat you up. Yeah. So anyways, that was that was my whole stand and viewpoint. So growing up, just to make a long story short, as I continued in life, it just got darker and darker and darker. And I remember when I hit the age of 16, that's when everything got crazy. I started buying guns. I started going into the streets, drug dealing, robbing people and living a crazy

lifestyle, but the first time, like, I got introduced into drugs was at the age of 13. So, this is a crazy story. I ended up leaving the house, hanging out with some friends. And one of my friends, he was like, hey, he lived in the hood at the time. So he was like, hey, let's go smoke weed. So I was like, I don't know. Like, I was kind of iffy on it. Like, I already, when I was younger, I was already smoking cigarettes, cigars, like just crazy stuff. And then so I was like, I might as well try something new. So, that was what opened the door to just selling drugs and living that lifestyle. And I remember going back to 16, like I was trying to find fulfillment.

I was trying to find love. I was trying to find everything in the gang life. Like I didn't actually personally join a gang, but I hung around a gang, which I'm not going to, which I'm not going to name. And I just try to find love because it's like, okay, I got your back. If anyone tries to do this, like, we'll do this. We'll get them back. back and it never actually I never felt that love I was in relationships so many relationships and I had I had all this money I had all the all the everything I wanted in a sense and I remember my oldest brother he was released from prison after seven years of prison and then he became my drug dealer which is crazy to think about so this same brother I'm kind of I'm gonna backtrack this same

brother that was in prison, he ended up writing my brother from prison about like changing his life, like doing business, being different. He's like, don't do what I did. Don't follow after my path. So I have three brothers. Brandon's the oldest, Eric and then Travis and then me. I'm the youngest. So my brother wrote Travis. He's like, hey, you got to do this, that. So while he was in prison, he actually wrote his own book called Anybody Can. And this book is basically about you can do anything you put your mind to. And it goes into his story. Like he has a crazy story and all that stuff. He's actually, he passed away. He's in heaven now, which I'll share that later on in this. So continue to watch. So when that, when that transpired, my brother helped him publish a book while

he's in prison. So he started to change his life. He started to shut his door after school. He would shut his door, read a book a day. He would do all this positivity stuff like, comes to me, the law of attraction and things like that. So he was 16 at the time, my brother, Travis. And he was, he ended up getting into drop shipping e-commerce. And at the age of 16, he was making thousands of dollars every month, like 10K a month. And at the age of 16, like, that's a lot of money. And I've seen him. I'm like, bro, you're bawling. And I'm here like selling drugs and doing all this stuff. And I'm like, man, you're really, you're really making it. But I was like, the only thing is like, you have no life. That's what I told them. I was like,

you don't hang out with your friends anymore. You don't drink. You don't smoke. You don't, you don't do any of the things I do. And I was like, I need to do this so I could feel fulfillment. Meanwhile, little did I know he wasn't fulfilled either with all the money he had. He just wasn't doing what I was doing and numbing the pain with drugs and alcohol. See, a lot of people don't know is I suffered with anxiety, depression, PTSD, and a lot of stuff. So actually, when I was younger, I was diagnosed ADHD and all this stuff. So I was on Ritalin. I was on all this stuff. I was on all this medicine. And in school, it made me like a zombie. I lost friends and all this stuff. And then I got off of it, got back on my marijuana and drugs and all that stuff. But yet,

deep on the inside, I knew like, this is not who I am. This stuff I was taking was causing to be someone I wasn't. And I didn't like it. And it was some stuff that doctors prescribed me with. And I was like, screw this. I'm off that. And I actually, I would sell my pills. I don't do that anymore. So that's over with. But going back to my brother, he recommended this book that changed his life. And it was called Rich Dad Poor Dad. Oh, I have that book. That book, I read that three years ago.

That book changed my life. It caused me to think differently. So he had obviously had one Rich Dad who was his friend's dad and then his poor dad who was always negative. How can we afford that? Da da da da da, da, like that whole thing. Because what you speak is a reality. So he was always negative. but he looked to his friend's father.

He's like, I want to be like that. His actions speak louder than his words. So he followed that path. So my brother read that book and then boom, he was just exploding in business. He's 16 at the time. By the time he's 18, he travels to Las Vegas. He meets with Snoop Dog's ring designer, like all these people, multi-millionaires around the table.

And he was like, by the time you hit a year from now, you're going to be a millionaire just like us. Like at your age, like what you know, like just how you carry yourself and what you're making now, like you're going to explode. So that game, my brother, he's like, wow, this is, this is amazing. This is what I've been grinding for. This is why I shut the door. This is why I blocked everyone out.

So he felt I am going to be successful. Like I said, everyone always looked down at me and said, I wouldn't amount to nothing. That was the same for my brother. And he said, you know what? I'm going to make a change. I'm going to be the one to break out of this. And many of you are watching. You may feel stuck.

you may feel trapped, but I'm here today to tell you that you can break out of any situation you are facing. So you're good. I'm like imagining watching this on TikTok is like a motivational clip and I'm like, he's right. I got this. You're good at it. Awesome.

So with my brother and stuff, he ended up breaking out. So this is going to be crazy. But so I'm implementing his story and my. story because my brother Travis he impacted my life okay so I'm gonna bring I'm bringing them into this and then it's gonna it's gonna get good got it so I got this I got excited so with my brother Travis when he met with all those people and all the success people businessmen multi-millionaires that night coming back from Las Vegas he wanted to take his life and that night he went to crash

his car into a tree and some force pulled the wheel back. And it was after that, he was like, what the heck? Like, how did this happen? Like, imagine you're driving. You're dealing with suicide. You go to actually take your life, but yet some force pulls the wheel back. So that's what, like, he was like, okay, this is weird. Like, what the heck was that? And he says it was the angel of the Lord. I'm like, cool. So anyways, he comes home and we have an aunt. Like growing up, we had an aunt. She was a believer. She'd always tell us about Jesus, heaven and hell. But she was more on the like hell side and we're like, you are crazy.

Like, she would scare us. So we're like, we don't want to hear it. Her name is Aunt Cindy, if you ever watch this. I love you. So she would always be like, hell, this, hell, that. And we would be scared. We'd be like, uh, what the heck? So anyways, my brother that night, he got home around midnight or one o'clock.

And then he went to go commit suicide again a second time, the same. night, whatever he tried to do. And then my crazy aunt, which is nuts. Like one in the morning, she texted him like scriptures and all this stuff. And he was reading it. He was like, what the heck? Like, this is like super late. And I'm about to do something I know is wrong. But I want to weigh out because this money isn't helping me. I'm still empty on the inside. So he got down on his knees and he said, God, if you are real, you need to change my life. And in that moment, he said that he felt like a love and he felt a peace. And he was like, like, like, it gave him that, it gave him a jolt to move forward. Maybe you're watching this. You feel like

suicidal, depression, anxiety, PTSD, but I want to tell you the way out is not the way you think, but the way out is through the word of God. So anyways, what happened with my brother, he dropped everything. He dropped thousands of dollars. He dropped his multi, six figure plus business to serve Jesus. I'll be straightforward with you. So he dropped everything. He gave up everything to serve Jesus. And whether you're watching this, whatever the case might be, this is my story. So I'm Anna Garcia, host of True Crime News, the podcast. Every week, we bring you in-depth coverage on cases making headlines, as well as those that go under the radar. Tune in for murders that defy explanation, mystery seeking exploration, and shocking secrets that will leave you

breathless. Each week, we honor the victims by going beyond the salacious in our search for justice. Crime never stops, and neither do we. Listen to true crime news available now wherever you get your podcast. Whatever. So yeah. So anyways, he gave up everything to follow Jesus. He ended up going to a Bible college, right? He went to some Bible college called Noy Point.

And I remember one year he came back to visit. And I'm with my friends and everything. He's like, yo, bro, he's like, Jesus loves you. He has a plan for your life. And I'm cussing him out. I'm like, bro, I'm with my homies like, relax. And I would try and get them to smoke weed. I was making weed brownies at the time.

So like he found my stash and he went to like go tell my mom and all this stuff. I'm like, man, these people. And then my oldest brother, Brandon, who was my drug dealer, me and him would come hard at Travis. We would be like, you're crazy, you're a Jesus freak and all this stuff just coming at him. And then I remember he left and then like he ended up praying for my friends and all that stuff. And my friends were cool with it. They accepted it.

But me, on the other hand, I was not trying to hear. I was like, yo, I know our aunt's crazy. You're crazy now. I don't want anything to do with this. So anyways, this one thing happened. He came to visit four years ago. He ended up going to Tampa, Florida, and he ended up in another Bible college,

which he finished four years of Bible college. And then he told me, he told me this one thing I never forgotten. This trip me out. He said, he said, bro, you're hanging. out with three or four friends that you fell off with. There's going to come a point in time where something bad is going to happen. It can be days from now, months from now, years from now, but you're going to know exactly when to say no. And I was like, I cussed. I was like, what the heck did you just tell me? I'm like, bro, you're tripping. That doesn't make sense.

But the Bible talks about in 1st Corinthians 12, the nine gifts of the spirit. One of them is the word of wisdom. And the Bible says the Holy Spirit will show us things to come whole warn us. So the Holy Spirit was telling my brother to warn me of what was to come. So I wouldn't end up dead or in prison. And I was like, bro, I don't know what you just tell me, but that's the weirdest thing ever. But okay, I love you, whatever. So now I'm going to backtrack. I'm 18 at the time when my brother tells me this.

Now I'm going to go back to my life when I was 16 when I started getting heavy into the streets, guns, drugs. And I already got arrested for the guns and the drugs. So none of that matters if anyone watches this. cops or whatever, I already got arrested and charged looking at 15 years. So just for whatever, I'm not a lawyer. So anyways, back to 16, living that lifestyle and going down that dark path. I remember it was at 16. I ended up going to a church with my mom. And I didn't say this in the beginning because I forgot, but I actually grew up Catholic. I grew up in religion. But one thing is I stepped out of religion and into relationship because religion is rules.

regulations, tradition, but I'm here to break tradition. I do not like tradition. I grew up in tradition and it left me high and dry, empty, and depressed. But now I'm joyful. I have peace and I'm free from that. So anyways, I stepped into relationship, but I'm 16 at the time. I grew up in church. I'll just go to church with my dad. He was heavy, Catholic, whatever he was. And then I would just go to church so I could get a toy at the end every single week. I'd be like, yo, we're going to the toy store, dad. Or I'm not going. And I slept the whole time. They would be like, it was so boring.

Like, I'll be honest. I was sleeping in church. It was boring. So anyways, I had this look at church like, I don't like it. I grew up in it. It was boring. So I left it at that. So now I'm 16.

I ended up, my mom, she somehow convinced me to come to church with her. I'm like, all right, mom, I'll come. I'm whatever. Because she was mad, I was living. She thought, like, I was going to change if she could just. get me in church, which I'll get to it. So I finally came to church with her. I was like, okay, I'll come. I come to church with her. And I remember some guest preacher comes. He was an evangelist or whoever he was. And he was just preaching. And he knew all this stuff about my mom.

And I'm like, how the heck's he know that? And then he said to me, he was like, you're going down a dark path. And he's like, you need to change your ways and follow God. I'm like, what the heck are you saying to me? I was like, my mom probably told you everything. So I could believe in this in this God that you're talking about to change my life. So I give up the drugs, give up the weed and all that stuff. But I was like, this is, this is fun. Like I'm not, I'm not harming people. I'm just making money, you know. So that was my mindset. And literally a week later, a one week later, I got arrested. 16. I got arrested prior to that. But just to make a long story short, I got arrested, shoplifting. So I was hanging out with two friends. We would

skateboard. We would go to Bronx, New York. We'd go all over. We would, what I would, what I called Stang gang. Stang gang, we'd go into Macy's and just do like Rob, do all this stupid stuff. And I used to like, I was crazy. So I would go with people and I'd be like, I'd do the most random stuff. I would see something in the store. I'd be like snatchies and I would take it and then be out just to make like Snapchat videos and just be crazy sneaking into Nike SB Park in New York. Like just doing the craziest stuff. And literally after that happened, my mom was like, God's real. He tried to tell you. And I'm like, I cussed my mom. I was like, I'm never, ever going to church again. I was like, he cursed my life. That's what I said. I said, he put a

curse over me. So I'm like, mom, he cursed me like, he's tripping. So that's, but here's the crazy thing. The devil, what he does is he deceives and he manipulates because the Bible says in 2nd Corinthians 4, 4 that Satan is the god of this world who has blinded the mind to them, which believe not less the light of the glorious gospel, which is Christ Jesus shall shine onto him. So what happened was I was deceived. What he actually tried to warn me with, the enemy lied to me and told me he actually cursed me. Which he didn't curse me. He tried to warn me.

That's not a cursing. It's hey, hey, don't do this or this is going to happen. He never cursed me. But that's what it was made up in my mind. So anyways, I just went full blown. And I was already in the world, but I just went all out. I was like, I was angry. I was so mad.

I was like, I was like, mom, God, this isn't real. Now this is where my story is going to get super crazy. So don't scroll. Keep watching. So anyways, two years later, I'm 18 now. And my brother told me that story about you're hanging out with three or four friends that you fell off with. He goes back to Bible College. So I was like, whatever.

I thought I forgot it, but I didn't. So anyways, five years ago now on Thanksgiving, my oldest brother, Brandon, who did seven years in prison, He got stabbed nine times with the machete and he died in my arms. So I backtrack a little. Him and his ex were always fighting his Puerto Rican girl, his baby mom, we're always fighting, getting into it. And one night, me and my brother, we were playing black op zombies. And I came to a point in my life where I didn't want to hang out with anyone because

or do all this stuff with people because I was starting to feel that void, that emptiness. I'm like, man, people just want to hang around me because I got money. I got drugs and all this stuff. I was like, I'm not trying to hang out with no one. My cousin texting me that night and his friend, they're like, hey, can we come over and chill? And it was, it was weird. It's like, it's like 12 o'clock. And I'm like looking on Snapchat.

I'm like, no, I'm not trying to hang out with anyone. I came to a point in my life where I was coming into a realization of things. And I remember I was just like, no, I'm not trying to hang with nothing. So me and my brother are playing blackout zombies. We usually go to like five in the morning. We're doing dabs. We're getting high and whatever. whatever else we're doing.

And then literally he's like, man, I'm going to bed. I'm like, bro, it's still early. He's like, yeah, but it's Thanksgiving or whatever. Me, that's when I have really long hair down on my shoulders. We both have tattoos. Like, I'm covered in tattoos and stuff. So is my brother. We look just alike.

So we're right in the living room. He goes to bed. And literally, I go up to my room. I'm like Snapchat and my girlfriend saying good night, whatever. And I remember I literally go to sleep and I don't know where I start hearing like the loudest, noise fighting and all this stuff. I'm like, man, I never heard him fight like that. Like him and his girlfriend are going at it. So I was like, I can't let him beat her up like that. So I started getting dressed. I remember this like yesterday, five years ago. I put on my black

Adidas pants, my black Haratchis. And I go to open my door. And out of nowhere I hear, boom, boom, boom. I hear knocking. So I open the door and it's my brother's girlfriend. She's covered in blood. And she hands me $5,000 and an ounce of cocaine. This is what I got charged for. an ounce of cocaine and I threw it in my dress or draw because I knew I did not have time to flush this. I got to get downstairs. We had a big house, but it was split into two. So I was on the side with my mom, my brothers, and he was on the side with his girlfriend. So anyways, I ran next door.

I opened the door. I ran into the kitchen. I grabbed like the biggest knife, like the biggest knife I needed. And I look into the living room and the whole living room was covered in blood. Looked like someone cut a chicken's head off and let it run. Like, it was crazy. Blood all over the floor. And then I seen my brother on the couch just lied out face pale.

And I'm like, it was like slow motion almost. It was like a movie. Like I could remember like yesterday. And like every thought coming through my head like what is going on? Like it would like I never thought anything like this would ever happen. Like I've been in rough situations like but seeing my own brother and his own pool of blood like really, really like woke. me up. So I ran up to my brother and I had him in my arms and I'm like trying to keep them up. I'm like shaking. I'm like, yo, you're gonna make it bro. I was like, it's all gonna

be good. It's just trying to try to have him explain to me what happened. He's like a guy mask, machete and I'm like trying to keep him tall because I know if he stops talking, he's gonna end up dying or whatever. And then he had on his thigh, he was cut to the bone. His fingers were hanging like crazy, not to get graphic, but I'm just bringing you into the story in my life just to open the eyes of the viewers. So literally he had a cut to his bone on his diet and I saw usually the most blood there. So I put pressure with a towel and I'm just like looking him in his eyes and like not trying to cry, but like just trying to keep my, keep my strength in a sense. And literally out of nowhere, he just faded out on me and he was like,

he was gone. And I was like, like, what the heck? Like just like that my, I'm with my brother and he's gone. So I didn't know where I look up at a at the ceiling. I said God, I said, God, keep him alive. And the moment I said that, it was like a jolt hit his body. And then EMTs rush in and the cops. And then they boom, they brought him out. And then they were talking to. They said he was, he was supposed to die. He lost so much blood. We don't even know how he made it. And I thought back to when I called out to God. I was like, whoa, like, it gave me chills. I'm like, this is crazy. So I remember like fingers, all that stuff. He was out the next day. I'm like, how the heck are you out?

How did they release you? And he was like, I don't know, I should be dead. And I was like, you should be dead. So what happened was, I looked back. I was like, I looked just like my brother, except I was way small and he was bigger than me. I was like, I could have, if I had not went up to my room, I could have died. He would have came straight from me because I looked like my brother. And what happened was the guy he went around the house to open the back window to slice his throat, but he couldn't get in.

So he like broke in through the door. And then what happened was my brother when he hit him with him. the machete my brother was like whatever he grabbed the machete he turned it and stuck it into the guy's chest and then when he hit him in the chest the machete the guy was like hmm and he ran out he had like a michael whatever mask on a ski mask and the guy ran out how my brother not did that like even though his fingers and stuff he had to take that and put like do what he had to do or else he was gonna die yeah so they called him and here's the crazy thing so my brother he got he got seven years for jumping like a drug dealer or something. And then my other brother got four years

for kicking the guy in the head, four years for kicking someone. So the guys, there was a group, three people who actually did that to my brother. And they got less than four years for almost murder, which I look back and I'm like, yo, the system's jack. So anyways, when that happened, Like we wanted to get into all like all this crazy stuff, which I'm not going to say. But obviously when someone does that, you have a hatred to them and obviously whatever. So what happened after that was when I saw my brother Brandon, I'm like, bro, like, I'm like, yo, we need to change our lives or we're going to end up in prison or dead. And you know what he told me?

He said, I know, bro, but this is all I know. And I know I'm going to share a little like a very tiny bit of his story. So growing up, like, we had a babysitter, a male babysitter. And this really jacked my brother up. So maybe someone here watching this, you dealt with what I'm about to share with you. So what happened to my brother, he was molested by another male babysitter at that whatever age he was. I don't remember. I wasn't born yet.

But this is really what jacked his mind up. And this is a spiritual thing because another man abused him. And it put him in a place where his mind was just like, Like no counseling, nothing can deliver him from that. No AA, no program, nothing. And it scarred him for life. And maybe you as a child, you were molested. I never was molested, but maybe you dealt with what my brother dealt with.

Maybe someone abusing. Maybe it was an uncle. Maybe it was an aunt. And there's a place in your heart where you still hold onto that. But I'm here today to tell you that you can let that go and not allow it to affect you and move forward. So what happened to my brother, that really put him in a place where it messes. mind up. He ended up getting into PCP, like this is this black stuff that you smoke, you go crazy. Like it makes you act like an animal and all this crazy stuff. So he went down this whole journey

of drugs. And he would always like I found his writings before he passed and all this stuff. Like he would write stuff like he wanted to kill himself to get away out of the pain he was in. He said because he had all this money over $100,000,000 dollars. Like he had he had money. but yet he was empty on the inside. He did all the drugs he could possibly do and yet he was still empty. But here's the thing. The enemy, he wants to, the Bible says he's here to still kill and destroy,

but Jesus has come to give us life and life more abundantly. So one thing I tell people, God is always good, but the devil is bad. Anything bad in your life is the devil. Like I used to, I used to like believe in a higher power. I didn't believe in Jesus Christ. After I called out to God and my brother came back to life,

I'm like, okay, there is a higher power and things like. that. So after that had happened to my brother, I wanted to change. I knew something was going to happen if I didn't change. So I tried to change. So a week later, I went to a church with my dad. I went to this church called Faith Church in New Milford, Connecticut. And remember in the story, I said that I'm sharing. The last time I was ever going to church was when I was so upset and I was mad because I thought I was cursed. Thought. So now here I am 18 just broken. I have everything I wanted, thousands of dollars, drugs. I have, I have like a hot girlfriend, a Dominican girl. And I'm like, man, I'm just living life. Like, I had everything I wanted. And I remember I went to

this church with my dad a week after Thanksgiving. And this forever changed my life. They were preaching. I don't remember what he preached. But I knew. something was different. Something was different that day. And I remember they did like an altar call. He's like, if you want to receive Jesus as your Lord and Savior, I did not go up to that altar call, but where I was in my seat, I said the prayer. I was like, dear Lord Jesus, come in my heart, forgive me my sins, wash me, cleanse me. And out of nowhere, I felt arms wrap around me. And I was like, what the heck is this? And out of nowhere, I just started weeping. Like I was like street, street tough. So I was like, I show no emotions. I don't cry.

I don't do any of that. I don't let anyone think I'm weak. So out of nowhere, I'm just bawling my eyes out. And I felt a love I never felt in sex, a love I never felt in drugs, and a love I never felt in money. And for the first time in my life, I felt true love. For the first time. And the Bible says in a Matthew 11, 28, Jesus said, come to me all you who are wary with heavy burdens and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you because I'm humble and gentle at heart and you will find rest for your souls for my yoke is easy to bear and the burden I give you as light so growing up I always felt like I had a big backpack of weight on it with bricks like weight weights of anxiety depression PTSD and all that stuff that I always carried

all over and I try and find fulfillment but it would like after I got drunk and all that stuff I was good but then after it faded off I had to do it again it was like I was on a basically like a rabbit trail like I was trying to chase a carrot but I kept going in a little bit just like rich that poor dad like the rat race I felt like I was stuck in in a wheel and just running getting nowhere and I'm like man this sucks I'm gonna take myself out to try and find a way out so after that I didn't know what the Bible said at the time but I experienced the love of God for the first time in my life and I remember my dad's like son are you okay like what's going on with you I was like dad I don't know I feel a love I can't explain he's like wow that's awesome and I remember after that I was like okay like Like, this is different. Like, I felt so good. Like, I felt a peace beyond anything I ever felt before. And I remember I wanted to change my life.

I just did not know how. So for a week, I tried to stop selling drugs. I stopped trying to hang out with my friend. And I remember I was still in my relationship. But the last time I was with my girl and we did our thing, I felt, I felt weird after. I wasn't gay. I'm not, but I felt like empty. I'm like, why don't I feel any pleasure?

I'm like, I'm not gay. Like, what the heck? is wrong with me, but I felt, I didn't know at the time, but I was convicted because I became pure through Christ. And I didn't know what the Bible said. That's what I felt. I felt like, man, like, this isn't even all that. Like I was, my brother, he would have all these women, all these things, but yet he was still empty. He would tell me he was like, so he were trying to get into all this weird and more stuff trying to fill that void, but it just got him nowhere. So anyways, after, after that had happened, going to the,

this church, it really, really opened me up. So for that week, I tried, tried to stop doing all the things I was doing. But yet, I became more empty than I already was. I became more depressed, more anxious. And I'll be real with you. I'll be real. So growing up, I used to, I know it may sound weird. I know it may sound crazy. But this is what I saw. I used to see this white thing flying around my room, like this weird orb thing. And I remember like at night, I would have to turn on a light so I didn't see it because it would always scare me and I'd get scared. And my brother, Travis, he would see it too. I didn't find that out until later, he told me.

I was like, bro, that was crazy. Like, we would see it. And I remember that day I gave my life to Jesus at home. I went at night. I was at night and my light was off. And I was looking around the room and I didn't see it. I'm like, wow, that's weird. Like, I don't even know what it was.

I was just like it was like some weird light or a spirit or whatever I was thinking at the time. And I remember that night I didn't see it. And I'm like, wow, like that's interesting. It's going. So anyways, I slept and then I got up. So for a whole week, like I was trying to live my own way. I was trying to live like free from drugs, free from all that stuff. But yet I became more empty than I already was.

Why? Because of the things I were doing were just numbing me and fulfilling me for a timely manner. So anyways, I remember I ended up back into everything times 10. It was like I was already bad, but I became insane. I became crazy. I became full-blown, like, gangster, like, from wanting to, like, shoot people, like, go crazy. And then I started to see that thing again, and it was intensified in my room. I'm like, dang, like, whatever.

And I was like, this is weird. So anyways, it was back. But jumping back, when my brother told me you're hanging out with three or four friends that you fell off with, and there's going to come a point of time where something bad has happened, that it could be days from now, months from now, years from now, I'll know exactly when. To make a long story short, my brother, what he told me, actually was from the Spirit of the Lord. And before I ended up going to do 15 years in prison, I was doing all these crimes and things. And I was actually with four friends.

So one night I was with my ex in Bridgeport, Connecticut, and we were hanging out. And someone wanted to buy like a QP off me, a quarter pound. So I was like, okay, like, I can make some bank. So I went all the way home. I drove like 30 minutes. I left my girls house. I'm like, I'm not leaving my girl's house unless it's going to be like I'm making money because I want to chill with my boo thing or whatever at the time.

So anyways, I go and then I'm with my friend and we go to meet this guy up. And then like I grew up like in the street life. I know when someone's trying to finesse me, which means still for you that don't know. So I was like, I saw this guy and he was just so weird. He was like, yo, pull up, pull up to my house. Like, I'm going to come in. And then I pull up and I seen someone off in the distance. And I'm like, oh, he's got someone with him.

He's trying to do something. So I let him in my car. And he's like, yo, just stay here. Put your car in part. So I drove. I'm like, no, you ain't tell me what to do. I didn't say that, but I was just driving. He's like, yo, I said, put your car in park.

I was like, yo, to my friend. I was like, yo, check him. And then he was like, he was like, da-da-da-da. Oh, no, my sister, she got the money and he was on the phone with someone. I was like, yo, that can't be his sister. He's on the phone. I was like, he's trying to finesse me.

So I was like, I was getting angry. I was about to start smacking him. I was getting tight. I was like, to my friend, I was like, yo, don't give him a treat. So I drove far. I was a jerk at the time. So I drove far and I dropped them off. I made him walk home from a far distance.

I was like, yo, you try to finesse me. So anyways, long story, long story short. I remember I was telling my someone that was very close me. I'm like yeah he tried to rob me he's like yo we can't let that slide and he was like we got to we got to shoot up his crib or we got to or you got to deal with him and to make it known so people don't try you because that's what my the person did he would he would do what he did so anyways what happened was I ended up trying to meet the guy up I was like hey we're gonna we're gonna run a fair fight so I was hanging out with this these people who are in a gang and one day we were smoking in the car and someone someone messaged the guy I was with this is crazy and he was like hey you want to go 5-5 and I was like who and he said the guy's name and I was like yo he tried to rob me he's like he's like yo he tried to rob my man's like he's like yo you need to get your head up and

fight him and I was like all right I was like I'm down so he tried to he tried to make it happen he's like all right he's like you try to rob my boy we're gonna meet up and he's gonna get his head up with you you guys guys are in a fight. So this is what the gang guys saying. So the guy he never meets us up. He never shows up. So one day I'm in high school. I'm in high school currently at the time. And I'm telling my girlfriend about the situation. I'm like, yo, I'm about to leave school and go beat this dude up for trying to rob me. And she was like, no, don't leave. You can't leave school early. It's bad. And I was like, I'm out. So anyways, I left school. I left with those

friends. And we went to meet the guy up the second time. This time. This we had a gun. So I'm like, all right, I'm getting my fair fight. We got a gun. He can't do anything. I was like, we got a gun. I'm getting my fair fight. He never showed up.

Okay, so boom, he never showed up. So we did some other things. We did whatever we were doing that day, keeping it PG. And then what happened was the crime I went to commit that ended me up to go into prison. This is the craziest thing ever. This is insane. hence the name of the show See what I did there

So anyways I'm driving in the car I'm with these people I got them on My friends friends So they're all high on Xanax We're like all high We're just doing all this stupid stuff that day I don't even remember

I was under the influence I don't fully remember everything So anyways I'm driving And I'm like man What else can we do And I'm like oh yeah Someone else owes me money from drugs They owe me $300

I'm like, I'm fin to get my money. I was like, I'm about to get paid. So anyways, I'm just joking around a little, but I was like, okay, I got something. This dude, he owes me $300. So I'm like, this other dude didn't meet me, but we got this gun. So I'm about to get my money. So anyways, on the way to his house, this is supernatural. Maybe you don't know what that means.

It's another word for natural, but with emphasis, it's like, like unheard of. So supernatural thing happened. I got DMed on Instagram and at the church I got saved that. It was the pastor. He was like, hey, what are you doing right now? Let's, you want to meet up? Like, let's make a time. And I'm like, what the heck? Like, and I looked at it. I'm like, that's weird. And I blocked them and I put the phone in my pocket. But that was God trying to warn me. Because then I thought, I thought like, you'll know when to say no or what to do. I was like, like, what the heck? And I shook it off.

I'm like, no, screw this. I'm going for it. So literally the Lord tried to warn me when I was 16 and 18. He tried to protect me. But I was hard-headed. I was hard-hearted. I had a hard heart. I was like, I don't want to hear anything.

I was like, Jesus isn't real. This is whatever. I didn't want to hear it. But looking back, I was like, the fact that he texted me at that time, I was about to commit the crime. And I almost didn't, but I still did was like, that was God warning me. me. So I was like, all right, you did warn me. I didn't listen, though. So anyways, I went through, I went to the guy's house. Like, I kicked the door down, whatever, and then I just bounced.

Like, I kicked the door in and then bounce. It was stupid. That's what you do when you're on drugs. You do stupid stuff. Like, how did I end up in prison? You over drank. So anyways, what happened was they called the cops. He was with his girlfriend. And to make a long story short, I ended up in prison. And I never went to prison. So it was a definitely, it was a wake up. Like, I never, I never went to juvie. I would just get arrested and I would be like, cuss, my mom came and got me. But this time, mom wasn't there to get me. So anyways, I go to jail. I'm there for a week. And I'm like, whatever, this is, this is, this sucks. Like, I screwed up. But whatever, this is the life I live. I have fun. So anyways, I'm in prison. I'm in prison. I

I go to court and then I hear my charges. I'm like, my bomb was like 100K to get out. I'm like, oh snap, like this sucks. And then all my friends I was with, they all went home. And I'm the only one there. I'm like, okay, they must have snitched. So anyways, I remember at that time I had seven charges. Like I had a burgerly second degree.

I'm trying to remember. I can't fully remember. I had a weapon without a permit and then whatever else they hit me with. I had all these weird charges, but those are the two main ones I remember. And I remember I'm just sitting there. I'm like, I'm like thinking about life right now because all you have is time to think. So I'm thinking there. And then I started thinking about like all the times like my brother would try and tell me and warn me.

I'm like, it was like I was having flashbacks. I'm like, no, I still don't believe it. I was like, this is weird. So anyways, I'm in. prison for, I ended up getting on my birthday, this, this sucks, but on my birthday, January 29th, the CEO came in, the guard. He was like, happy birthday, you're going to prison. And I'm like, that's so mean. I was like, that's jacked up. So anyways, I went to prison on my birthday. What a great birthday. And then I'm in a like a 23 and 1. So 23 hours, you're in your cell. You have a cellie.

And I had some rough cell you guys with like face tasks, making shanks, like crazy stuff. Like I ended up getting in fights. I got my, I got my shoulder dislocated. My pinky. Someone stole my shoes. So I just fought the biggest guy I could fight. I ran in a cell and then the lights were out and we all were out. So anyways, I fake slipped in the shower and then I got rushed to the emergency room. They popped my shoulder back in my pinky. I would fight open-handed from like MMA and stuff. And then what happened? The guy punched my hand and went like, I didn't know my shoulder was dislocated at the time. And then long story short, I ended up back coming back to the prison. And I was in a med box for like four months.

And I was there with a sling on it. I was just so pissed. I was like, and when I was in prison, I started to actually pray. I would pray this prayer. My mom always taught me when growing up. Now I lay me down to sleep. I pray the Lord must be to take if I die before I wait. That's all I knew.

So I prayed that prayer every single night. I'm like, yo, God, if you're real, why does this happen in my life? Why am I getting in fights? And I didn't know what the Bible said. The thief is here to still kill and destroy. He was trying to destroy. He didn't want me to know the truth. So anyways, I ended up going to like some, I ended up calling my brother on the phone, Travis,

the one who's in business and stuff. And I was like, yeah, bro, I'm going to start going to church. I got, I'm about to get rosary bees. And he's like, bro, Mary's dead. And I was like, oh, like I didn't know what he meant at the time. But I was like, yo, she's dead. So I guess I didn't get the rosary beads because I was going to go to the Catholic thing. And then I was like, I'm going to go to this.

the Christian one, but it was like, I forget the name for it, but it wasn't really Christian. All they talked about the whole time was hope. I'm like, I hope I get out of here. Like, it didn't really uplift me. It didn't help. It was just, it was religion. Like, I grew up with it. Grew up in it. So I was like, this sucks. So anyways, I was mad at God. I was like, God, why is this happening? Like, all this stuff. And then I got hit with nine months, 10 months into prison. I got hit with seven more charges. And I was like, I am. screwed. So I got hit with, I remember these charges, drug factory, selling narcotics, with fentanyl, which is 15 years in itself because it was heroin, but they mischarged me.

And then I had all this other crazy stuff, all the money they found and all this stuff. So what happened was it actually was in my drugs. It was a mix of me and my brothers, but my brother, I didn't know he was selling hard. He was selling hardcore narcotics. That's how he was making his money. I was just selling weed, but he was, he was into the the heavy stuff, but remember when I grabbed the drugs and threw it in my dress or draw, it was in my room, so it was charged for me. So 10 months later, I'm in prison. I have a special PD, and already six months ago, she's telling me I'm at least doing five years. Now she comes to tell me, hey, you're going to, you're screwed, you're going to face up to 15 years. All these charges,

this, that, that, and she's like, sucks for you. And I was like, man, what a jerk. Like, I had a special PD and she said, she literally, she was, working for the government, but she was like, you are going to prison for a long time. I was like, listen, the gun wasn't my. My fingerprints weren't on it. Check it. And that ended up getting dropped. And I'll get into how that dropped. So anyways, what happened was, let me backtrack a little. I get hit with all these charges looking at 15 years. So now I already had anxiety and all that stuff, but it intensified heavy. And then I'm still in a relationship with my girlfriend. And I remember one day I'm calling her and all this stuff. And then she ended up.

up finding out I had like this girl of my house to like smoke weed and stuff. I didn't do anything with her. So she was like, all right, we're done. So I was, I was heartbroken. I'm like, man, not that. But I was like, all right, after I get out, like we'll be together, we'll be cool. And she was holding it down. But then she found this out. And then boom, she was like, all right, it's over. And I was like, whatever. Like, I'm in prison. So there's not much I can do. If you're watching this, now we stop. So anyways, when that happened, I was just extremely heartbroken. I'm like, man, this sucks. Like, I was about to come out to my girl, but meanwhile, I was looking at 15 years, but she didn't know. I was keeping a low key. You know what I mean?

So anyways, I'm like, I'm going through it. Like, I'm on all this medicine, in prison, all this stuff. Like, I'm having all these crazy dreams and panic attacks. Like, I ended up trying to, like, I did a fake suicide, so I, like, fake hung myself so they could get me out of myself, which is a whole other story. If you were in prison, you would understand. So anyways, I ended up going all over in prison. I was in a box, like a solitary box from fighting for like a whole month. Like it was a whole journey of like 11 months of like crazy stuff. And then to make a long story short, I was I was mad. Like I said, I was mad at God and I was like, man, why am I still here? And I remember through all that was happening,

that phone call I had with my brother. He ended up writing me a letter. So nine months in all this is happening. My brother Travis, he wrote me a letter and he was sharing things with me and he was like da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da. And then he was like, bro, you need to change your life and all this stuff. I'm like, yeah, I hear you, man, but it's kind of hard behind bars. I was like, it's all I knew. This is where it got me. So in my head, I'm like, man, they told me I never amounted to nothing. I ended up in prison like my brothers and it actually happened. And then so I'm reading this letter and he's like, yo, you need to read the Bible. He's like read, read Revelation the end. of the Bible. And this is so crazy because I remember a month ago, prior to that, I went to read the Bible and

I was reading Genesis, like the beginning. And I was with my cellie from Jamaica and he was in there for murder, for shooting someone. So me and him are reading the Bible and stuff. And then we get to the part where it talks about how they live to 120 years old. And I'm like, yo, this is fake. No one could live that long. So I shut the book and through it. I'm like, man, this is man written. So anyways, this letter, my brother wrote me, he said, read the book of Revelation. It's at the end because you have the Old Testament and then you have the New Testament. The New Testament is what we're under now. The Old Testament will make sense if you don't know the New Testament. So anyways, I'm with my cellie and prior to us reading Revelation, my cellmate, he had a dream. So one night there was this man with white hair

it talks about in the Bible white hair long eyes of fire and he grabbed him and he took him up into the sky like shot him up in the sky and he was looking down and he saw his the whole earth on fire and then he was like what the heck and then this man whatever he was telling him and then he came back and then he didn't tell me any he told me the story he told me the dream and then later on that that night we read the book of revelation and we got to the part where it talks about jesus hair white as well eyes as fire and he's like we started to freak out i'm like yo you had a dream about this and then we read about fire and all this stuff and we were like that is is trippy. Like, this is crazy. And this is what blew my mind. The next day he had court and he went home.

Which freaked me out. I'm like, okay. I'm like, what just happened? Like, he shot someone like, how is he home unless he snitch? But he didn't snitch. And then so I'm like, man, he's home. But he had, we had this encounter with God's word and we were like blown away. Like God, God knew what was going to happen. He knew the letter was coming and all this stuff. So he's like, all right, let me give him like a third sign like, I'm really, really real. So anyways, that happened. And this is really crazy. So growing up, my mom, she had all these issues in our body.

So one day, my brothers, they were bad kids. So one day she went to go check on Brandon, make sure he went to school. So his door was locked. So we have a bathroom upstairs, but you could reach around and open his window to get in. So this day, it would, oh, I hope I didn't cut out. This day it was raining. And my mom went to go open his window door and she slipped off the roof. and she fell broke all the bones of her body.

And I remember me and Travis, we ran outside before we called the bus. And I didn't know what happened. My mom was just laying there on the ground like dead. And I'm like shaking her. I'm like, mom, mom. And then we just called 911 and we left and we caught the bus. And then they came and got her.

But literally she did like cheerleading and stuff. So she said when she fell, she did a somersault. And she said she thought she, when she was falling in the air, she was like, I'm dead. That was her thought. She was dead and hit the ground and was done. And then boom, she broke all these bones of the body. So I was very young at the time.

I was probably eight years old, whatever age I was. So I remember growing up having friends over, my mom was always bedridden on the couch. She was on opioids, all these painkillers, just always, always laying there, can't do anything. The house always a mess. I'm doing whatever. I played sports and stuff. So I always had to find a ride from a friend because my mom, she would never drive, never do anything. So growing up after eight years old, whatever age I was, I saw me.

my mom just couldn't be a mom, couldn't do anything. And I felt bad. I'm like, man, that sucks. She slipped off a roof, like horrible. But going back, how the devil's here to still kill destroy. And you know what's crazy? That day that that happened was the day he went to school. Because DCF is like, if he does not go to school, we're going to take your children.

And she loves us so much. What mom does not love their children? And she was like, okay, I'm making sure he goes. That day he went, which is totally totally. messed up like it's it's sad so going down going down the line when when i'm in prison my aunt my mom she she wants she wants out of everything so what she did is she puts her house on the market she sells her house we're in connecticut big house everything that happened my brother on prison now and what she does is she takes out money and she gets me a lawyer for uh like 1500

like crazy amounts of money and then she got my brother brandon lawyer because he needed a lawyer too from when he got stabbed because they went deep into the case. They were trying to put them in prison for life. So when that happened, I got a lawyer in 10 months in prison. I remember the first time I'm meeting my lawyer, he's like, hey, before I was upstairs and I prayed to God again, I was like, God, like, get me out of here. And I was like, I don't want to, I don't want to be here. It sucks.

So I was like, I met with my lawyer. He's like, hey, do you want to go home? I was like, what you mean? Go home? I'm supposed to do 15 years. And he was like, no, you can go home today. You have to, you have to plead guilty for sale of narcotics. Da da, da, da, da, da.

And then he was like, your gun charge was dropped. Your fingerprints, da, da, da, whatever, it wasn't on it. And all these charges were dropped. He was like, I got rid of that. But you have to plead guilty of this. And he was like, here's the catch, though. You are taking a six year cap, which is very sketchy. The way I was, I was bound to go back to prison.

So they were like, whatever. So a six year cap is like, if you get. If you get pulled over for any violation, a ticket, if I'm in the car with someone and they have something on, whatever it may be, I am going straight back to prison. No if, ands or but. So I'm, like, thinking to my head, like, that's kind of hard. Like, I don't know how I'm going to do that, but I'm just going to take it just to get out and be out for a little at least. So, boom, I took the six-year cap. I remember I pleaded guilty. They mischarged me with, it was an ounce of heroin with fentanyl, which kills people. But it was actually cocaine. So they mischarging. charge it, but he got the charge what it actually was. Thank God or else I'd be still sitting. So that was supernatural. And this is where it really, really changed. So here I am back in North Connecticut. And I,

meanwhile, I'm in prison. I'm in prison. I have all this time. So I was making ways I'm going to get this person back doing this. Like I had a hatred just building up within me. Like, I was, I was ready to explode on people. I was like, this guy who snitched on me, I'm getting him. Like, I had it all planned out. So anyways, I'm like, they let the wrong one out today. So anyways, I'm out. My brother, he came, picked me up. And then my brother, who's in Florida, he ended up calling me. He's like, hey, bro, come to Florida.

I'm like, hey, bro, I can't. I'm stuck here for six years. He's like, nah, you're coming. I was like, whatever. Like, there's no way I'm coming to Florida. So they're like just asked the people at the courtroom and the, excuse me, and the judge and stuff for papers to go. So anyways.

I go, I'm in the courthouse. I'm like, hey, I'm talking to the lady. I'm like, hey, I'm trying to transfer to Florida. Like I have family out there and just to change the place. She's like, it's impossible. Like, don't even try. I'll still put the papers in. But with your charges, they're not going to accept you into their state.

And either is the judge or us going to pass it. Like, but if you say so, so boom, less than a week later, my mom, by faith, she bought a plane ticket for me to come to Florida. She was like, God, you're bringing my son to Florida. Even though it's charging and stuff and it's impossible, but I know you're going to do it. So they bought me a ticket. And in the natural, I'm talking about outside of God in the natural, like, that's not even a thing. Like, you cannot do that.

It's, you can't just leave. Like, and especially it takes, even outside my charges, it takes months for all that stuff to go through. It's not just like, all right, here you go. You're accepted. Less than a week later. Boom. guess where I am on a plane headed to Florida and in my head I'm like how is this possible I was nervous at the airport I'm like how am I going to get in like I'm a felon like I just didn't know what to do I was like this is weird I was like how's this possible but had I not had God not made that happen I would either be dead or in prison again because one I was in the environment I grew up with that I knew too much people and all this stuff so I had it I had to change change my areas some of you some people you just need to change where you live live at. Go somewhere else. Go ghost. So anyways, boom, I'm in Florida. And I remember I'm still

struggling to have anxiety, depression, PTSD. And here's a crazy thing many people don't know is I used to throw up almost every single day. I would have all these thoughts coming to my mind. And I'd feel like zero to 60. My body's shaking. And I would be like, what the heck is this? But what I didn't know was like it was a spirit of anxiety. And that's a whole other thing. But anyways, this thing would come randomly and it attached itself to me and I start getting shaking like just weird out in public. If I went anywhere to go out to eat, like I would just like trip out, start throwing up. And I didn't want that. I was like because when I was on the pills like in prison, it helped me with that. And then I was dealing with it again. So I was like, I guess I got, I need to take Xanax

and all this stuff, which I still dealt with it. So anyways, here I am in Florida, right? Something new. I'm going to change my my path. I'm going to try and hang around the right people. So boom, I ended up going to church with my brother. I'm like, okay, I'm with my mom. The only reason I went to church was because of this. I saw my mom in her right mind. I saw my mom doing things she wasn't able to do. When I came to the house, I saw it was clean.

So I'm like, yo, she got a maid. But yet she was moving around and cleaning and stuff. I'm like, man, she's on some heavy medicine right now. She's on some serious drugs to be able to do that. And this, like, this almost gave me a tear. I was outside. we were at the pool she's like hey Ron you want to go to the pool I'm like yeah but I haven't seen her swim since when I was little little and boom she was in the she was in the pool swimming I'm in my

head I'm like how the heck is she doing that like with all the things that happen in her body I'm like I'm like yo mom like what happened to you like something's different like there's something different about you like you have you have life to you now she's like it's Jesus son and I'm like oh man I'm like I'm not trying to hear that and then she's like well he loves you da-da-da she's like just coming to church and i was like okay i'll come to church with y'all i was like for me to even be out it was crazy so i was going through a lot so boom i ended up going to church i went to the altar called gave my life to christ but yeah i was still dealing with anxiety depression PTSD suicide boom another week went by another week and i still feel empty i'm like

all right this is getting this is dumb like i'm coming to church like i don't feel nothing i don't there's no purpose this. And one day I remember I met this dude and he was like, yo, let's go to the strip club, da, da, this day. This was a crazy day. And then the guy I went to go shoot and I ended up in prison because the whole thing, he moved to Tampa, Florida. And that same day, that guy wanted to go to the club with me.

I knew if I went and I got drunk and I did something stupid and I went and I got arrested, I would be screwed. So I was like, I don't know if I should go. But I was ready to go because I was so empty. I was like, I need to fill that void. So boom, this guy, he texted me. He's like, hey, you in Tampa. He's like, you still want smoke.

The guy who never met me up to fight twice. And I got mad. I was like, I'm about to meet you up. And then out of nowhere, I thought about it. I thought about the past. And I was like, I was like, something was different. So I, like, deep within, I blocked. I didn't know it was God at the time.

Like, don't do it. Don't meet them up. I could have got shot. Who knows? So I blocked them. And I put it away. I was like, whatever. And then boom, I was.

I went into the kitchen. I grabbed the knife and I heard all these voice in my head like kill yourself. You're not worth it. Maybe you're here watching this. Maybe you're dealing with suicide now and I want to tell you there's a way out. Maybe you feel like I want to take my life. Maybe you're depressed. You're you're anxious and deep down within no one no one else understands but you know when you're when you're alone and nobody's there. You have that feelings. Everything may look good on the outside. You may have the Mercedes Benz. You may have the yacht. You may have everything you want, but yet deep down inside, you want a way out because you thought everything that you would get would fulfill that void. But I'm telling you, I'm here to tell you

as someone who dealt with suicide, it does not work. It does not work. You could have all the self-help books. You could be on all the meds you want, but yet it's still there. What medicine does is it just, it puts like a, it puts a feeling over it. It doesn't cure it. It, it doesn't cure it. it like medicine even even in the natural outside of God talking like you take night clone all that stuff all it does is cover it doesn't actually heal it it just covers it until your own body your immune system gets rid of it so all medicine does is it's temporary that's why you have to keep taking it it's not oh you take it once and you good for life kind of thing so outside of that there there is a way out there is hope for you today you don't have to deal with the things you are dealing with there is a way

out. So boom, here I am, suicidal, all that stuff. I have a knife to my throat. And within myself, I'm like, this is weird. I'm not like that. And I threw the knife down and I went out to the balcony. And I was out on the balcony in Florida. So everything's beautiful. But yet in the most beautiful place, I wanted to take my life. And I saw the Bible, like sitting on the balcony. I was like, yo, I might as well read it. The moment I opened it, I started to shake and throw up. I went nuts. And I was like, what the heck is wrong with me? Like, why am I throwing up trying to read the Bible? Like, I didn't know I was under. The enemy knew if I found out how real God was, it's over for his kingdom. So anyways, what happened was my brother came home, Travis, the one who told me

that story about everything. He tried to warn me. He came home and the Holy Spirit told him, pray for your brother. So he's like, hey, Ryan, I want to pray for you. I'm like, pray for me. Like, he's like, something's up. I'm like, man, how's that? I was. No, like, I'm keeping it control. I'm like, hey, like, I'm trying to act like everything's good. But deep down inside, I'm like, I want to die. So anyways, he prayed for me. I remember he was like praying for me.

And out of nowhere in front of my brother, I just start crying. Two years later, I feel those arms wrap around me again and I feel that love again. And it like ignited me. I'm like, there it is again. And I was just bawling my eyes out. And I was like, I remember I told God, I was like, God, if you're really not real, I'm going to either kill myself or I'm going to kill other people and go hardcore in the street. And I ended up, that week, I ended up going to a youth service. And I remember it was

at this youth service. They were preaching and all this stuff. But deep within, I was like, all right, today's the day. Like, I'm either going to end it or end someone. And prior to that, the church I was at, it was very, it was different from all the churches I grew up. Like, people would be running around. Like, I would see people get prayed for and they would fall. And it didn't make sense to me. Someone, they went to pray for me. It was an evangelist. I didn't fall. I didn't feel anything and I fake fell. And that day I was in the car with him. And he's like, you know, you didn't really fall. You fake fell. I was like, how did you know that? He's like, the Lord told me. I'm like, what you mean? The Lord told you? Like, how did he tell you?

Like, I was like, that's so weird how he knew that. So it kind of freaked me out. So I was coming, I was coming to like this place in my life where it was becoming more and more real. Like, God had to do a lot to get to me because I was so close off. Even those warnings, I still was like, okay, I believe in you God. I just don't believe in Jesus Christ yet. So even I did pray except Jesus, that's my Lord and Savior. But in the mind, it didn't make sense. And the Bible says it to the natural man, spiritual things don't make sense. You have to have the spirit in you to understand it because the Holy Spirit opens it up.

He reveals it. So boom, here I am. I go to church. And I remember this night was different. I remember he was preaching. And I heard this song. It was like, I believe in you. I can't really sing.

Sorry. I believe in you You're the God of miracles And I just lifted my hands up I never lifted my hands I was still too thugged out I was like I ain't lifting my hands up in church People watching

So anywhere my hands start to go up And I'm like lifting them up And I'm like I start singing I'm like getting into it Start singing And I'm gonna backtrack Just a little

So boom This pastor I was under Who I'm under now Who I moved all the way from Tampa, Florida To come here and submit under he's covered in tattoos he's from maryland he was overdosing on cocaine he called out to god and god gave him a second chance he was dying in his body and just like that over a cocaine overdose he became sober and boom he gave his life to christ so boom looking back to my pastor he would always preach he

would always say uh walk by faith not by sight walk by faith not by sight and that day it registered registered to me because i would always call my brother brandon in connecticut i'm like yo uh i would tell about God and stuff and all the things that were happening. I was like, yo, this lady got pulled out a wheelchair. This dude, he was healed. He's like, yeah, bro, it's all about the money. That's how they make money. I'm like, yo, that makes sense. I was like, wow. And I hung it up. So I had that in my mind. Like, yo, this is all just make believe they have people come so they can make money. That's, that's, so I believe what my brother was saying because he was under deception too. We both were. So I was like, okay, but this one scripture, walk by faith, not by sight. So I would see people

falling out under the power, I'd see people getting touched, like crying and all this stuff. So I took my eyes off, man, and put my eyes on Jesus. So out of nowhere, I just started to say, I believe in you, Jesus. I believe in you, Jesus. I believe in you Jesus. And the Bible says this in John 146. Jesus is the way, the truth and the life. And none could come to the father except through him. Many times people try to come to the father, all these many different ways. But if you do it outside the only way, which is Jesus Christ, you're never going to get there. I know, ex-Muslims, sacrificing for years, blood slaughters, all that stuff. I was in prison.

I was around Muslims and all this stuff. And yet they never felt the presence of God. I could ask them, how many miracles have you seen? We have Muslims who grew up in that thing and their religion. Like, if you give up, they'll kill you. Like, you can't do that. But he had an encounter with Jesus Christ. And that's what all changed for them.

So I'm here to tell you no matter what religion, no matter what it is, you step outside religion and you call upon them. And I'm telling you he'll change your life. Just how he changed mine. So here I am. I'm crying out to Jesus. I'm like, I believe in you Jesus. I believe in you Jesus. And out of nowhere, the pastor, he calls my whole row out. And we're in a mega church. We're in a big church. He calls my whole row out. We go up and I'm thinking like I'm keeping my eyes on Jesus. And out of nowhere, I'm just crying out. I don't even know what's going on. I'm crying out like Jesus. And then boom, out of nowhere, I felt like this lightning bolt from heaven hit my body. And it was like fire. and I can't even explain it. It was like fire igniting my body and I fell on the ground shaking. And it was literally, I felt, I felt so free afterward. I felt joy. I felt peace. From that day forward, I was set free from drugs, addiction, pornography, everything I was

facing, anxiety, PTSD, just in one moment. In the Bible, there was this man named Saul. And I always share my story like his, there was this man named Saul in the Bible and he would go and persecute Christians and kill Christians. And what happened is he was so smart. He had all these degrees in theology. He knew his stuff. He had knowledge. But he was coming hard against him. And one day, Jesus appeared to him as a bright light and shone. And he went, saw he went blind. And the people he were around. And he fell to his knees. And he said, who are you, Lord? Which is funny because he said, who are you? Lord? Which I laugh at. He's like, the one he didn't believe and he was like, Lord. So that's funny. So anyways, three days later, he's like blind and all this

stuff because the light was so bright. And then the Lord spoke to this man named Anaticus to go and pray from to pray for Saul. He's like, this is where he is. So he sent a man on a mission to go pray from. The moment he laid hands and prayed from, he said scales fell from his eyes and he was able to see the truth. So that's what happened to me. The moment I had an encounter, every scale. every lie of the devil, every thought fell off me. And I linked this with truth because I did AA programs. I did all these programs, self-help books, all this stuff. But yet it never cured my anxiety.

Yet it never cured my depression. Yet it never cured my PTSD. But only when I cried out to Jesus Christ and allowed him to take it from me, I was completely set free. So from that moment on, I gave up everything. I ended up going to Bible college. I'm a high school dropout. And yet I'm in Bible college.

I wanted nothing to do with college. I wanted nothing to do with college. I was like, I'm never going to college. I'm just going to hustle and make money. So boom, here I am in college. So anyways, it's been a journey. I finished three years of Bible college. I mean, my life's been transformed.

If you were to hear the way I used to speak, you would be blown away. I would stutter all the time. I couldn't properly speak. I could go down the list. Even my pastor, the first book he ever read was at the age of 21 and the Holy Spirit helped him. He had dyslexia. he couldn't read our read our right until the age of 21. So that's the power of God.

So that's why I said in the beginning, no matter a situation you're facing or whatever you're going through, there's power to deliver you from that. And this is an encouraging message to those who are facing a crisis. Those who are facing a situation, maybe someone in your family died, maybe whatever it may be. I don't know, but he knows. And he's the way out. He's the way through it. So boom, three years of Bible College blown by.

and I find myself in the craziest situations ever. So I give one story and I'll kind of wrap it up. But one story, my oldest brother, Brandon, this was really crazy. The one who got stabbed, called out to God. He came back to life. He ended up coming to Florida. He came to our church. He ended up getting saved.

And he was like a rapper and all this stuff. He would do all this stuff. And it was in Connecticut. One day I called him and the day I called him, he went to commit suicide. He had a gun to his head. But the Holy Spirit had me call him. And he was like, wow, this is so crazy. Like, what a time you're calling me right now, which is only God.

But anyways, in my second year of Bible college, something tragic happened. And he ended up, he was with some other girl. He ended up getting an accident. He crashed behind a truck. And I'm talking about the grace and mercy of God right now. Half the truck went through his brain. And he was supposed to instantaneously die when that happened. But yet he survived.

This is the same one with the machete story, right? Yep. This is crazy. So anyways, he survived it halfway through his brain. Yes, he couldn't talk and all that stuff. So they flew him on a helicopter. My mom's calling and she's going nuts. Like screaming bloody murder on the phone. I'm like, Mom, I don't understand what you're saying.

She's like, Brandon, dead. And then me and my brother Travis, we started to speak the word of God. We said, he shall live and not die. He shall live and not die. We just kept saying that. We were like, Mom, he's going to live. We know it. We have the word of the Lord.

He's going to live. So boom, he lived through it. And what happened was we came to visit him in the hospital. This is right in the breakout of COVID. So to even get in the hospital, like, it was like not impossible, but because of his situation, we are able to get in. But it, like, you had to have all this crazy stuff to get in. But anyways, I got, I was like, I'm getting in there. I'm not getting no shot.

I'm not getting none of that. I'm getting in there. That's my brother. I'm coming up. Pray for my brother. So boom, I come in. I get away you. I start laying hands on I'm praying in the name of Jesus. Like I'm praying over him and his body's like shake, like starts to shake. He starts to move his legs. He's starting to have, he couldn't move anything. He's paralyzed. So I was seeing like the spirit of God quickening, quickening his body. And I was like, okay. I'm like, because one thing, one thing for sure is the Bible says we're a spirit being. We have a soul. We live in a body. Our body is

not the real house. Our spirit and our soul live in our body and our soul is made up of our mind, will, and emotions. So you have emotions, you have thoughts, you have all this stuff. So we knew he was still, his spirit was still inside his body and he can hear us. And I know this for a fact because one, one pastor who came to our church named Pastor Debbie Rich all the way from Alaska, she was dying from a heart attack. And she came out of her body and saw the surgeons and everything working on her. Like she was dying because the devil tried to take her life. And she said, I command myself to get back in that body. I'm not dying.

And she heard everything the doctors were saying. And boom, I don't know her. She went into her body and got up, which is crazy. So, and I could go down the list of like stories of things like that happening. Like, which I'm, all right, one more, one more. I'm going to get one more. So there's this man, I love him. He's a preacher named R.W. Shambach.

And there's this testimony someone shared with him. This guy, he had spinal meningitis. He had debt. He was paralyzed the neck down and he was dying. He only had whatever amount of months to live. So he said he was in the hospital on the hospital bed dying, couldn't move, couldn't do anything. And what happened was he couldn't speak anymore and he couldn't talk, but he can hear. He was trapped in his body.

And people didn't know that. The doctors didn't know that. But his spirit and soul were still in his body and he could hear on the outside. But you wouldn't know that unless you got healed. So anyways, a priest walks in through the door and he gives him his last rights. He came in with a white collar. He's like, dear, dear brother, whatever he said, the Catholic thing. And he's like, he pronounced the death, whatever, over him.

And then he walked out and he said, another priest walked in through the wall. So someone walked through the wall and it was Jesus Christ. And he came up to him and he said, he said, don't be a, of trouble, but have faith in God. That's what he said. He said, don't be of trouble. Have faith in God. And out of nowhere, he reached his hands out and he grabbed him, Jesus.

And he pulled him out from the bed. And the guy was instantly healed. And he was like, freaking out. And then Jesus was like, this is what I want you to do. I want you to shave your face. And he said, I don't want you to go to a church. I don't want you to go to a preacher. But I want you to go into the library.

get you a Bible and read the book of John, which is the in the New Testament. And then boom, Jesus is out. Then the nurse walks and screaming her head off. She's like, ah, like screaming. She's like, what are you doing? You're dying. And he's like, woman, I'm healed. And then he left out and boom, he became a preacher.

So just a crazy radical story. And now I'm going to link this with a story with my mom. Remember she fell off the roof, all these issues in her body. Same thing happened to her. So she was, one day she was in church. Boom. this pain, all this stuff in her body before I came. And she was crying out to Jesus. And then out of nowhere, she felt her like body lift up. And then boom, it was like she got taken into a vision.

And she saw that man. He had long hair, eyes of fire. And he grabbed our hands and he was licking her in the eyes. And he said, you know what he said to my mom? He said, all you have to do is follow me. All you have to do is follow me. And he grabbed their hands. He said, you are healed and he let go gone and out of nowhere her she said from the top of her head to the souls of her feet her body was dumb and she felt like little pins and needles and boom she instantly healed can move and all that stuff my friend that's that's that's what jesus can do and maybe you're watching this and all that stuff but i come with i come with the truth if god could take some of me suicidal depressed anxiety PTSD he can do the same thing for you no matter what you're

facing no matter what situation you are in your life he is the way out and i know i kind of i could have went over and stuff but what i i want to do or have you implement any questions stuff i know you usually ask questions but i was just no you're good i wanted to i wanted to let you finish i do have something that i want to touch on because i thought it was really good and important especially in today's society and with the world being so i feel like not religious i guess you could say and i or with relationship. I feel like the point that you made of like religion and relationship and how you think there's a big difference, I feel like that's such an important thing because even just

like growing up, I don't know like how much if my mom told you anything, but like growing up, I feel like, I mean, I grew up Jewish and then because my mom's dad was Jewish. Wow. And then when he kind of after he passed away, one of her good friends was like really into being like into the church and Christian. And then I think she kind of dove deeper into that. I got baptized at 15 with her. But like all through high school, I just kind of felt like it was like very forced on me.

Like I mean in high school, who wants to go to like church every Sunday? You know, I was drinking every Saturday night and I was going to church hungover or like you said, like falling asleep in church and just wanting to go home. And I was only really doing it because to me it kind of felt like a rule like from my mom. Philly on them. Yeah. So like it just felt like. really forced, like for as long as I pretty much lived home. And then when I left home, like, I feel like I kind of just broke away from it all because I was like, I don't know,

it was kind of like shoved down my throat. And not that I don't believe because I really do believe, um, I think I believe too because I have experience with it. Like I really like, I've heard stories and I've had many unexplainable supernatural things happen that like to me don't make sense unless you believe in something. Um, So I just like, that's why what I kind of try to explain to her is like I'm not in a place where I don't believe. I've just, I'm in a place where I've kind of stepped away because I just feel like it was pushed on me, like not by choice, I guess. So that being said, I just think it's really interesting and important for people to know the difference between religion and like tradition versus relationship. Because I think that a lot of people think that to be religious or to believe in God, that means you have to go to church every Sunday.

And you have to do certain things. And I feel like that isn't always the case. Like I feel like it's your, you know, it's all that really matters is your relationship and you're with God and stuff like that. So I thought that was a really good point that you made. And another thing that I wanted to mention was because I know just from experience and talking to people, I feel like people's assumption usually is like, oh, it's always the people in prison that like find God because they don't really have anything to do like anything else to do with all that time. So they need something else to believe in. But I feel like your story kind of like breaks that wall. Yeah.

Because like you denied it so many times. You know what I mean? And it was almost like you just kept getting these signs without even necessarily wanting them. And I feel like it wasn't like you just dove into it one day all at once. That's so good. Yeah. You know what I mean though? It's like I just want to let you know that I really do pick up on those things because I feel like a lot of people are very against it.

And like I said, I feel like I'm the kind of person that even though I might not, like have a relationship with God at the moment or like not really like knowing I guess what I believe and like I do but I don't you know and I think it's just because no one can no one can tell you or force something on you and I really try to stress this to my mom like because she'll say to me like oh for for Christmas I want you to come to church with me and I was like I understand that but like I want you to understand that like I want it to be on my time like when I feel this like want in this calling to go because I don't want to fall back into the pattern of like doing it for her or for anyone else I want it to be for me.

You know, so I just think that it's really interesting and important for people to hear. And I think also I do believe that there's a lot of people, especially in today's world, that they are depressed and they do have anxiety and they don't really know where to turn. Even for me, like when you were talking about like the lack of fulfillment and you can have everything and you still don't feel fulfilled. And I mean, like Julie and I talk about that all the time. Wow. And I, oh, like I feel that, I think more so now, like growing up when I was younger,

I never really thought much about that because I was young. I was in high school. I was in school. I was part of my thing twice. It was just like part of my routine go to church with mom on Sunday. But like now that I get older and I live on my own and I have this time to really like sit with myself and think there's so many days where like I look around and I'm like, okay, I have everything.

Like I have a boyfriend. I have good friends. I have a house. I have my cats I love. I can afford what I need, you know? But why do I still feel like dead inside, basically? You know what I mean? And I think that there's so many people that can relate to that.

And they just keep trying to like fill a void by like getting the next expensive thing or like filling it with just scrolling through social media and whatever else it might be. I just feel like I refer back to social media because that's like what the world is right now. But yeah, I just think that this is really good. because it could open up a lot of people's eyes that it doesn't, they don't have to keep trying to like strive to the next, I guess, like, materialistic thing or thing in life. It could be, you know, I, and I always say this no matter what is like, if you're dealing with something, you need to dive within yourself and like figure out like, why am I feeling

this way? What things could I change to feel better? And it's funny too because I've always turned or more recently, not always. But I did the last couple of years, I've tried turning more towards like the self-help. books. And like in the moment when you're reading it, it's like, yeah, it all sounds good, but it doesn't really like do anything if you're not actually changing something within yourself.

And like same thing with like podcasts. I'll listen to like self-help podcasts and like law of attraction and manifestation and all that stuff. And I really do believe wholeheartedly what you speak out is what you get. If you're a positive person, yeah, like if you're positive, positivity is going to come back to you. If you're negative, same thing. But like I said, it's.

self-help and self-work, it takes so much time, which isn't a bad thing, but I do think it's more, like you need a lot more than just that. You know what I mean? And I feel like that's something that people need to know too, because nothing is an easy fix. You know what I mean? It takes, even your story is a good example of that. Like, it took years for you to get to a place of like where you are now and just having a relationship and, you know, kind of bringing yourself out of all of those negative places that you were in. But yeah, no, I think your story was amazing. And like I said, I mean, I spent, I guess what, four or five years just like going to church and hearing people's stories.

And my mom, like, I'll never forget, she dragged me and my best friend, Claudia, to, like, we always talk about, we always talk about the story because it's kind of funny. But she dragged us to the, do you know who Benny Hinn is? Yeah. Okay. So she dragged us to a church somewhere. I don't know where it was. We'd drive kind of far.

And when Claudia and I went, like, in our perception, once again, I feel like this is a lot of people's perception. And it's unfortunate because once again, this relates back to like religion versus relationship in a way. But like we just felt like these people were just like walking on stage and like falling over. And then they were like handing baskets of money out. And like I think to young kids or people or even just people in general who don't have a relationship, they're going to view it as like, okay, this is like not real or why are they like collecting money? You know what I mean?

And it's like all of these thoughts, I think that there's so many different ways to view religion. And I feel like if somebody is unsure, I feel like what a really good thing, one really good thing because there are so many good things to take away from your story. But one really good thing would be like you said to not focus so much on like the man aspect of it, but like more the relationship and kind of like maybe doing your own research and your own like spending your own time like maybe studying the Bible or like just diving deeper within yourself because sometimes like the and it's hard to. It's scary.

Like you do hear stories of like corrupt churches and corrupt priests and. pastors and all the stuff. So it's like, it's kind of like you have to not really look at that stuff and do it within your own time and in your own way because that's the only really way. I feel like at least today or, you know, unless you find like a really good like pastor or church, it's because it can be hard. And people like, it's, it's hard to trust people, you know? So I feel like, I feel like the first step if you are feeling those feelings or in general, if you just want to try to, you know, get a relationship and and everything like that, I feel like the best thing to do would be to maybe try to find a good trustworthy group of people,

but also do it within yourself. Like it doesn't always have to be, you know, like they're a church or something. Because that might not be, you know, the way for somebody to feel that. You know, so. But I think, I think your story was really incredible and amazing and very inspiring, really. It was, you did a great job. And then also because now we could bounce back a little. Yeah, go ahead.

To add to what you said about like the self-help books and all that stuff. Like you obviously have to do something. And I mean, out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks. So whatever you're placing in your heart, you're going to speak out. So if you're always putting negativity, you're just going to be negative. If you hang around negative people, you're going to be negative. If you hang around positive people, you're going to be positive. I mean, we all can attest to that.

Like you hang around positive people, people who are working out, doing business and all this stuff. So that's going to cause you to grow. That's going to cause you to be successful rather than people who talk. but just sit on the couch and eat a bag of lays and play Xbox. So just like rich dad, poor dad and how he had two different fathers. I link this is a great book which I link to a lot of things. I link it with the Bible because they're both filled with a lot of wisdom. And I mean, even like you said, like outside their church, outside of everything,

like study and show yourself to show yourself, read the word for yourself. You don't have to like for me, it was. It wasn't me, like my mom, like you said, your mom having you come to church. It was like me like, okay, like I'm going to find this out for myself. So I search the Bible says, seek me and you shall find me with when you search for me with all your heart and things like that. You can never force. I tell this to people all the time.

Like if you get saved and your family is not saved, just love on them. You don't have to preach to them. And the Bible says this, this and that. But encourage them love on them because love wins. Love is what overcomes because love will. stand. Love will never fall. Love is loyal. So if you keep loving on them, like my family, it was my brother who got saved, my mom and then me. But because I carried myself in a way, my whole entire family got saved. Crazy. Like alcoholics, all this stuff. They came to my brother's funeral. I preached. My grandpa just recently died. And then I went all the way to Maine and I preached them. And they came up to me to like, this is nuts. Like how can you even speak like that? I was like, listen. it's not me, but it's him speaking through me because I could not properly speak. I still talk like, because this, you feel me? Like I had that slang, but it all disappeared. But why did it

disappear? It's through studying. It's through getting the word on me. The Bible says to renew your mind, right? To renew your mind and get wisdom. So as you renew your mind, you become a different person. And one more thing I'll add is in the Bible, there's a book called the book of proverbs. So that's the book wisdom and I know my brother because his friends are multi-millionaires my brother Travis right now he does business coaching he has he makes he makes bank you know but that's what he does that's what he got into so the people he hang around they have a different mindset they like if you're around someone with a poverty mindset it's down here everything's negative but if you're hanging around millionaires they carry themselves in a way that you can see that's how they got there

that's how they're successful they have disciplines they have regiments it's not like Like, I today I'm just going to do whatever. No, they have set schedules. They have things in place where they can succeed and not only succeed, but continue to grow and exceed to help others and grow their companies and things like that. But one thing that really caught me is when my brother said, he said a lot of these multi-millionaires, they have all these things like businesses and all this stuff. And they have, they have all this wisdom.

But the wisdom they get is from the Bible. Like I listen to motivational things. and a lot of it is out of the book of Proverbs. Like there's so much stuff. The Book of Proverbs is basically the wisdom on all businesses. So the Bible says, study this book of instruction and obey everything written in it. Only then will you succeed and prosper and all you do. So even though they don't serve God and they're not living for God, they're obeying what the book of Proverbs says, the book of wisdom.

And boom, they have all this money. They're exceeding. Like, I know people like that. They only use the Bible in that area for its wisdom. Solomon, he had all this money and what did he ask God for? He asked God for wisdom to get the money. So God gave him the wisdom and he became the richest man of the world. Because without wisdom, it's nothing.

You could do something over and over again, but until you get wisdom to grow it, then you'll stay stuck. So boom, what happened was my brother's hanging around all these multimillionaires. They have the book of Proverbs. And really, what my brother does is he just shares, he shares the truth with him. He's like, listen, you're studying all this stuff. it's about a relationship. And then, boom, these people, their highest, highest depression, suicide and all that stuff. Because they got to that place where they have everything, but yet their wife cheated on them or they cheated on their wife and all this crazy stuff.

And boom, they ended up hanging themselves or taking their life. And my brother came to some of these people come to them like, hey, I'm dealing with this suicide. And I'm a millionaire. I have all this money, but I know you can help me. You know what I mean? Because there's one thing I can know about, I can know about God, but it's one thing to actually be in a relationship with them. And my mom could be like, yo, God's so good. Come to church, do this and that.

But until I myself have a relationship with them, I won't understand what she's talking about. Like when I went to church, like the whole thing, you went to the pastor Benny Hen church, people running around, people falling out under the power. To me, I'm like, this is crazy. They're all on crack. Yeah. That's what I thought. Yeah.

And I was a safe thing with us too. but I do want to share kind of a cool story. It's quick. But so like I said in high school, my mom always like made me go to church and like Claudia would sometimes go with me too. And it was funny because she always like would make me listen. We wouldn't really read it. But I have read the whole Bible or like listened through the whole Bible because she had it on her phone. And so I did like even though I didn't want to go on Sunday, like I would pray like if something was like happening in life, mainly like boyfriend stuff because in high school.

But I remember, Claudia was upset about something or we both were upset. And at the time, my room was upstairs at my mom's house. And whenever we were staying up late and we didn't want to wake her, we would go downstairs into like my playroom. And we went down there and we like, you know how they say like the sound of bells is like angels kind of thing? So we were sitting in the playroom downstairs and we decided to pray, which was like so unlike us because this was not, we didn't really like take it seriously or care that much.

But we like held hands and we were. praying and like I don't know exactly what we were praying about or two but we were praying to God and we like while we were doing this, her eyes were closed and she had a cat at the time that would wear this bell around its neck and like it was a very distinct sound when the cat would run because you would hear the bell and we heard these bells and I mean it's like 12 one in the morning and we like you know when you hear that ringing in your ear and like you're the only one that hears it it like was that but it was louder and we knew that we weren't like we both heard it. Wow. And our eyes were closing. We were holding hands and we were praying and we both hear

this bell that sounds like her cat, but we were at my house. And we open our eyes and like, we didn't have to say anything, but we nearly shit ourselves. We like ran upstairs and we were so scared. We were like, what just happened? Like what was that? And it was the scariest thing. But at the same time, it was. It was scary because we were like, we heard, we both heard it and did know what it was. But at the same time, we were like, we don't think that was a coincidence that we were praying. And we heard these bells that sounded like your cat, but we were at my house. And we never figured out what it was.

So we just kind of said, oh, it was the angels when we were praying. But that's like a story that really sticks to me that like firsthand kind of like happened. Yeah. And like it was just weird that we both heard it. And like we, it wasn't even one of those things where we heard it. And we were like, did you hear that? Like we both got like a feeling of like there was like some other presence. Like it like, you know what I mean?

And we were like, we just looked at each other and bolted up to my room. because you were like, oh my God. But I thought you'd like that story because you shared some. That's awesome. When you share it, I can feel it. You came to a place where you and your friend joined hands and prayed. And I believe it was God like trying to show you like. I'm here.

Yeah, I'm listening. Yeah. That's a tight story. Yes, that's pretty interesting. But yeah, no, your story is incredible. And I know that there's probably going to be many, many people that listen that not only does it motivate them. You know what I mean? Maybe to like change their life for the better or something like.

like that, but even to reach out and have that relationship, you know. 100%. And I just think that it's, I think it's great because I haven't had any, any stories like that on here so far. So, and it kind of brings me back to like when I would go to church with my mom. And because like I said, even though maybe I don't, I'm not like, I don't have the relationship that she does, um, I can understand and relate because I feel like I've, you know, she's, I hear so much from her and just, I know that she loves the church that you guys go

to. And. Yeah. I mean, they come from Tampa, Florida. Yeah. Baltimore right Maryland so yeah it's pretty cold out here it is it is cold but thank you so much for sharing your story it was it was extremely powerful and I loved it so you did great thank you so much and before can I can I like pray us out yes of course whatever you want okay so those who are

watching I want to encourage you to to share this video I mean it's been an amazing time I had a great time I mean we learned a lot positivity keep moving forward and just like like Devoris said, no matter what you're facing to find that, to study, to whatever it is, and to keep moving forward. So I'm just going to pray over everyone. And those who are watching us in the studio, let's just bow our heads. I'm going to pray for everyone. Thank you, Father, for everyone watching this live stream, everyone in the studio. I thank you, Father, that those who watch this today, I thank you, the things they were dealing with will break off their lives. Anyone dealing with anxiety, depression, PTSD, and suicide, I commanded to leave their bodies in

the name of Jesus. And I pray, Holy Spirit, that you flood their hearts with your love and peace. In Jesus, mighty name, I thank you, Father, you come to the hungry. You come to the thirsty. And no matter what they're facing, no matter what situation they're in that, they could come to as they are. They don't have to change. They don't have to give up everything, drugs and sex and money. But they could come to you as they are in the name of Jesus. I thank you, Father, for your hand of protection upon them. I thank you that you bless them and their families. Bless this podcast. I think you, that this gets millions of views. Her podcast goes viral to touch many as what she is doing.

In Jesus, my name. And I just want everyone to say this simple prayer with me, those watching the line. I just want you to repeat this prayer with me. And the Bible reads that all of sin and come short of the glory God. And for the wages of sin is death. But the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ, the Lord and saving. And the Bible also reads that whosoever shall call upon the name of Lord shall be saved. And this is where you do business with God.

you yourself, you don't have to go to church right now. You don't have to do any of that. But right where you are, in your room, in your basement, wherever you are. Just pray this prayer. Say, dear Lord Jesus, come into my heart, forgive me of my sins, wash me, cleanse me, set me free, and fill me with the precious Holy Spirit. Amen, thank you all for watching. We're all insane the show. What an amazing time.

We love you. See you late. See you next time. Thank you.