We're All Insane - My Child was Born with Down Syndrome

Episode Date: January 15, 2024

Martha opens up about her journey of parenting a child with Down syndrome. In this video, she shares her personal experiences, challenges, and the immense joy that comes with raising her extraordinary son. Whether you're a parent-to-be, a caregiver, or simply curious about the beautiful diversity in our world, this video aims to provide insight, support, and encouragement. Let's break down misconceptions and embrace the beauty that every child brings into our lives. Down syndrome, also known as trisomy 21, is a genetic disorder caused by the presence of an extra copy of chromosome 21. Typically, each person has two copies of this chromosome, but individuals with Down syndrome have three copies, leading to a total of 47 chromosomes instead of the usual 46. Martha's Links: Amorcita : Special needs clothing brand ( crewneck I wore that day and forgot to shoutout ) https://www.instagram.com/amorcitaofficial?igsh=ZGNqeWp1ZWJpdmN1 The lucky few foundation : An amazing organization that has helped me through my darkest times and also allowed my family and I to tell our stories. https://www.instagram.com/theluckyfewfoundation?igsh=dnV3dmwxaWt5YnB5 The lucky few Family : the Avis family. The first family I “met” through social media https://www.instagram.com/theluckyfewofficial?igsh=MWRmMnh6MHlyYzh0bg== The lucky few podcast : An amazing podcast that has taught me so much, that has allowed me to feel okay for grieving and overall a great resource for anybody! https://www.instagram.com/theluckyfewpod?igsh=NnFhcmM0N3R6aHhz Below are some families who have also helped me on this journey: https://www.instagram.com/downwiththegreens?igsh=YTFjczYwODZuamll https://www.instagram.com/t21powerofthree?igsh=MXN3Nmx3Zm5meG0wOA== https://www.instagram.com/the_martins_3.21?igsh=a2hhdjQ0bW41NXE3 https://www.instagram.com/happinessisdownsyndrome?igsh=bDlqZGM4ODFqdHg3 https://www.tiktok.com/@downwithbeauty?_t=8ili4i0Adp8&_r=1 https://www.instagram.com/extraluckywithlevy?igsh=ZDB5OXd5MXc3cjQ3 Below is also my TikTok : For anyone who wants to follow along in our journey https://www.tiktok.com/@mrobbb2?_t=8iliAQTlsVv&_r=1 If you have a unique story you'd like to share on the podcast, please fill out this form: https://forms.gle/ZiHgdoK4PLRAddiB9 or send an email to [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hey guys, it's me Devorah. I just dropped an all new bonus episode inside my new subscription channel, We're All Insane Plus. This week's bonus episode is called My Brain was slipping into my spine. Listen now by subscribing to We're All Insane Plus inside your Spotify or Apple Podcasts app or go to we're all insane.com. My name's Martha and I am the mother to a child with Down syndrome. I think my journey with Down syndrome started in elementary school, which is kind of weird. I remember all the like special needs kids, if you will, being kind of secluded. Yeah. And always kind of seeing them just in one classroom.

And I always thought that that was weird. And I always kind of saw like other kids being like scared of them. Because I feel like to it, it most draws attention. Like when you have a group of kids in another class that you know they are in a part of like, the whole group. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

And it was, I remember that too in high school. Yeah. And it was also kind of like, oh, like we never interacted with them outside of like if we saw them in the hallway passing by because even during lunchtime they would, I don't know if they would like get it before or after or whatever, but they never had like lunch with everyone else. Like they never did everything with everyone else. And I always thought that was weird.

But again, like I was like little, I really don't remember much about that. And then middle school came and it was the same. thing kind of like they had a hallway now at this point all the special needs kids and it was weird because we never would go down the hallway like it was like a thing that like you would just go all the way around instead of going down there and then in eighth grade we had to do like an exit project and i remember my teacher at the time mr jackson was like oh um you know we usually do like a classroom exit project makes it easier in everybody like you guys don't have to like you know pick one individually and we kind of just work on it all year.

And our project was interacting with the special needs kids. And what this met was going to their classroom and like doing activities and just like hanging out with them, which like, again, it was like a thing like it was unheard of to, you know, go into these classrooms and hang out with these kids. And in that project is when I first interacted with someone with Down syndrome. it was cool it was cute it was you know they looked forward to it too like they had like a set schedule and they would look forward to hanging out with us so fast forward a couple years um we work with this family and um there was the mother-in-law and the daughter-in-law daughter-in-law's pregnant um you know

everyone's like excited we're all like looking forward to meeting the baby um and then one day um her mother-in-law um kind of like opens up to us and lets us know that um baby girl isn't as healthy as they thought. And I remember around this time as well, my mom was going through a miscarriage. She had just gone through a miscarriage. And on a drive home, I don't know why we were in the car together, but we were, and she goes, the baby has Down syndrome. And I remember seeing her cry.

And in that point, I guess because I had seen my mom cry over losing a child, I kind of kind of was very dismissive and was kind of just like, well, at least she's having a baby. Like, you know, like my mom would kill to have had, you know, the baby and not, you know, kind of like, again, very dismissive. Little did I know that in a few years that was going to be me. And I remember, again, just thinking, like, how could you, you know, like cry about like a baby? like, you know, regardless, the baby is going to be okay. And, like, you know, they're doing everything to kind of, because she had other, you know, like health issues.

And, you know, the doctors are doing everything for her to, you know, be born and be fine and be healthy and, you know, make it, I guess you could say. And so that's kind of where the journey started. These are kind of like now that I think and look back on, I'm like, all these moments in my life were kind of in a way of preparing me. Right. And again, little did I know that. That was going to be my journey in motherhood. So when I first got pregnant, it was right the beginning of COVID. Everything shut down, and I literally got pregnant the week that everything shut down. Fast forward two months, and I finally realized that I'm pregnant, because I didn't find out,

we didn't find out until I was about almost two months. And so, you know, like, it was very nerve-wracking, very, like, nervous because I'm like, I don't think I'm like ready. Like it's a little human. Like it sounds all cute and stuff until you're like actually like, oh, like shit, I'm pregnant, you know? I don't think anyone's ever. I mean, some people are probably ready, but I don't think most people are actually

ever like, I am ready for this and I'm fully repaired. Yeah. No, no. Because I even remember thinking like, oh, like, you know, cute babies, like cute outfits, baby Hoover. But then once I saw pregnant on the pregnancy test, I was like, no, no, no. Yeah. Like no.

Yeah. Yeah. Like this is scary. Like, I can't do this. So whatever, you know, like appointments were backed up. I ended up not going to my ultrasound appointment until I was probably like almost three months. So I go to my ultrasound appointment and they offer what is called the nip to test. Okay.

And that's just like a genetic testing that they offer to everyone. I think what also kind of made it hard for me with my appointments was because it was like during COVID. I was going by myself. So I, it's not like I could take my mom like, my, hey mom like, do I take this test? Or like, hey, mom, like, what do I say to this? And how early on do they offer that test? Is that like right away or do you have to wait until a certain?

I think right away. Okay. I think the only reason why I got it until I did was, you know, because I've heard from other moms too that, you know, they got that test offered. And they also, I think, get that test offered because of, I think they also get that test offered because you can find out like the baby's gender early with the blood test. So whatever, I said he got to the test, thinking nothing of it. You know, I'm like, I'm healthy, you know, like my boyfriend's healthy.

Like, it's fine. They also, during that ultrasound, they did, like, a measurement that they do with, like, from, like, the top of or the bottom of their head to, like, the bottom of their neck. And, like, that's, like, the first indicator. And that was, that came out fine. The nurse was like, oh, like, you know, that measurement came out fine. Like, you should be good to go. But, like, you know, if you want to find out the gender, like, you could also do that. I'm like, okay.

And they were like, oh, it also, like, if the baby were to have spina bifida, then we would be also able to tell. I'm like, okay, cool. I'm just saying yes. Like, I hear, okay, do you want this test? I'm like, yes. Yeah, let me know now. Yeah, like, yeah.

And it was more because just, again, it's like my first pregnancy. I, you know, like I want everything to be okay, but never again in my mind did I think anything of it. And how long did you get pregnant after hearing about your family friend that got? Oh, it was yours. Okay. So it was a pretty big gap. Yeah, it was like six years.

And mind you in this time, I don't want to say I was a part of that little girl's life, but I would, you know, see her mom post on Facebook and like kind of have them, like I would see them go through like some health issues, but always kind of seeing them like pull through and just, you know, like be like fighters, I guess you could say and celebrate her. And I always thought that was like the coolest thing. So whatever I get that test done. and I want to say like about a week or so later, I'm out. I took my mom to the grocery store.

And when she's hopping back in the car, I get a call. And it says, you know, like the hospital that I was going to, I pick up. I'm like, oh, like, hey. And they're like, oh, we want to speak to Martha. I'm like, oh, this is she. And she goes, oh, I have your test results. And I say, okay, but. don't tell me what gender I'm having.

And she's probably like, girl. You have a bigger thing to worry about. And she just goes, your son probably has Down syndrome. And I just remember screaming. I remember like completely losing my shit. And my mom kind of just sitting there. Like what's wrong?

Like what's going on? What happened? And I really I just remember screaming. I remember crying really loudly and just not being able to even tell my mom. what was going on. And so when she says that, I'm like, what do you mean? Like, no.

And she goes, yeah, so when do you want to terminate? And when I heard those words, like, that was even like another kind of like slap in the face in the moment. And I just hang up on her. And my mom's like, again, next to me, just still freaking out. Because she's like, what's going on? Like, is everything okay? Like, are you okay?

Like, what's wrong with the baby? And I just like, I'm like, mom, like he has. Down syndrome. And her too, she kind of like now starts freaking out. So we're both freaking out at this point. And I'm just like crying. Gather myself after a few minutes and I drive home. And at home was my son's other grandma too. And she sees me come home crying. And so she's like, what happened? Like what's wrong? What happened with the baby? And I'm like, oh, they told me that he probably has Down syndrome. Well, at this point I know that it was a heat, but, you know, I was like the baby probably

has Down syndrome. And she kind of just stares at me and kind of like tears start to, you know, fill her face. And I remember kind of in that moment also having it feel like a blur because after that I don't remember like much of the day. I do remember that I called my boyfriend and he was at work at the time. And being, you know, like freaking out a little bit. He's like, what happened? What's wrong? Like, do you need to come home? Like, what's going on? And I'm like, they just called me and they said that the BB probably has Down syndrome.

And again, I don't even remember how the conversation went. I just remember him kind of being like, no, like, that's not true. Like, they probably just have to tell you that. Like, kind of just kind of like, he was trying to remain like, I guess, like strong for me and not really trying to show his emotions, which is kind of like later on in our parenting journey, something that came up. up a lot. So yeah, that day it just felt like a blur. And then after that, what we started kind of doing was like avoiding the conversation of that. We are very much into like energy and like, what are we called, like words of affirmation and just like affirmations and, you know, things like that. And so what we started doing is writing an affirmation every morning saying like, you know, like our baby's healthy, our baby's healthy, our baby's healthy. Like, he's fine, he's fine, he doesn't have Down syndrome.

Not necessarily in those words, but kind of like, kind of forcing ourselves to kind of like putting positivity out there to hope for that. Yeah. Yes. Yes. Yes. And so that also was something that now looking back on probably wasn't like the best thing to do.

Well, I think that. Hey, I'm Jeremy Schwartz from American Criminal. On this season, robbery gone wrong or cold-blooded murder. Either way, Boston will never be the same. Listen to American Criminal, the murder of Carol Stewart, wherever you get your podcasts. Or to get early ad free access, subscribe in Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or at American Criminal.com.

Why you probably did that and the issues around that is that they call you and they tell you this without any other information. without any steps of like, okay, here are your options, here are some things that could help, here's information. And you didn't have that. Like they basically said, here's what's happening and when do you want to terminate? Like they didn't, and by saying that, they're basically telling you it's too wrong to even go forward. So it makes it, you know what I mean?

Yeah. Yeah. And it makes it hard. I think what made it harder for me too was that I was like a first time mom. Right. And in my head, I also thought like, I'm too young to have a child with Down syndrome. I'm like I think a misconception that everyone has is like, oh, like kids with Down syndrome are only born to mothers who are older, like dads who are older.

So in my mind it just did not make sense. And I was like, no, like no one in our family has Down syndrome. Like there's no way. So there was nobody like on either side. No. Okay, wow. No, no. And so we're, you know, kind of in a way praying it away because then also like my parents,

my mom especially is a little bit more religious. everyone was praying. Everyone was just like praying and like saying like no like you know like you guys are healthy and that's all we would hear from our like immediate friends that we kind of like told the like I guess like that diagnosis too like no there's no way like you guys are both healthy like you guys have no history of it you guys are young and so kind of that was what like my pregnancy was like I was trying to avoid it and if I would think about it I would just cry. Yeah.

It was very, very scary. So fast forward a couple months. I go to another ultrasound appointment and they're like, well, you know, like we do have a more accurate test that you could take. And looking back, I probably shouldn't have taken it because at that point, too, what we had spoken about me and my boyfriend were like, that doesn't make a difference. Like, we are going to have this child and regardless of whatever, it's going to be fine. like, you know, like it wasn't going to make a difference. But there I go, like, not listening. And I took the test.

And they were like, oh, you know, like, this is more accurate. I take the test. The same genetic counselor calls me back. And it's just like there's a 96% chance that your son has Down syndrome. When do you want to terminate? So she said the same thing. Yeah, literally the same thing. And that day I was just home by myself.

And I remember like saying like, why do you keep saying that to me? me. And she goes on a tangent of like, well, your son might not be able to talk, walk, you're going to have to take care of him for the rest of his life. At this point, again, we didn't know, but, you know, she was saying like, oh, like the baby, you're going to have to take care of the baby for the rest of his life. Be self-sufficient. So when do you want to terminate? And in that point, I was kind of just like, I was like over it. I'm like hearing all these things. And again, it's like making me freak out because as a mom, when you hear like, you know, Like your son or your daughter is never going to be able to do these things, it, like, it sucks.

It's heartbreaking, yeah. Yeah, like you don't, it's like a part of like parenthood, not just motherhood, like, but a part of parenthood that nobody really talks about. And so I hang up the phone again and I'm just like, I'm not answering a call from her ever again. It's fine. Like, there's still no way. In my mind, even though I heard that 96%, I was like, no, that's not, no, that's not true. I'm just going to avoid it.

I'm just going to ignore it. I'm just going to pray. And there's no way that God would do this to me, still kind of seeing it as a punishment. Because there was also a point where I would say, like, what did I deal? Like, what could I have done in my life to have this happen to me? Now, fast forward, I also realized how wrong that was of me to think, like, you know, that having a child with Down syndrome was like a, a punishment.

But again, hearing all these, like, negative things and not really hearing, like, oh, you know, like, this is, like, a support group that you could talk to or, like, this is a mom that you could connect with, kind of had those thoughts in my mind. And not just mine, too, like, my boyfriend's, like, my whole family for a bit was, like, on edge. So I get the results from that test back, but, and everyone knew that I had taken that test again. So everyone's asking me, like, did you get the results back? I'm like, yeah, Emmys, um, are the baby?

He's fine. Cool. My mom at that point... So you didn't tell them that they said, okay. No. At that point, I was kind of like keeping it to myself. It was just me and my boyfriend that like knew what was going on fully. I was kind of just like, the baby's fine.

And when everyone heard, the baby's fine, everyone's like, okay, like he doesn't have Down syndrome. I'm like, he's fine. So throughout my pregnancy, again, I would go through days where I had this like thought in my head, like she said 96%. And I would cry. I cried a lot during my pregnancy. And I felt like too, because of the diagnosis and like the way that it was presented

to me, I didn't really get to enjoy it as much as I should have, which I had like the best pregnancy. Like he was such like, he was the best like baby in my tummy tummy to me because he had me feeling the prettiest I've ever felt. I the only thing that I struggled with was brushing my teeth because the smell of toothpaste was like it would taste it like raw meat to me it was smelled like raw meat to me it was like the weirdest thing but that was it I felt pretty like I you know was active like I was still you know doing my everyday things like I see some women that are like I had the roughest pregnancy like I felt so bad like I just wouldn't be able to do these things and I'm like oh like this is so good like I can be pregnant. it like 10 more times of this is what it's like, you know? So fast forward to around Christmas time because he is like a holiday baby. The 20, his due day was the 26th.

And so around the 25th, 26th of December, I kind of stop feeling him move as much. And so I'm a little worried, but I, you know, look it up and I read and I'm like, oh, okay, like I think it's like normal because he is getting bigger. he's running out of room okay cool like it's fine but then um on the 26 like around night time he was a very very active baby and so i completely like stop feeling him move i'm like going up the steps i'm like drinking something cold like all the things that they tell you to do and he's just not moving as much and that night i was barely able to sleep because i just wanted i kept wanting to do things to make him move so come the 27th i call my um my um my my

OBGYN, and I'm like, hey, like, my son's just, like, maybe he's just not moving as much. And she goes, okay, like, do you want to do these, these, and this? And I would, do you want to do this and this and this? I'm like, okay. She's like, if that doesn't work, like, call me back. And I hung up the phone and my boyfriend goes, it's like, you don't want to wait, do you? And I'm like, no. I'm like, I already, I already tried all those things. Like, he moves a lot, babe. Like, like, this is not, it's not normal. Like, you know, I know his due date was yesterday. Like, let's just go, make sure that everything's okay. So we drive to the hospital. We don't even take our bags. Like we don't take anything. We're just like, vibing. We're like, we're going to go see that the baby's

okay and that's fine. And, you know, he's going to come when he comes. So we drive to the hospital and they immediately take me in. And they strap me up until like, to, I guess, like see the heart rate and stuff. And they pull out the ultrasound machine. And for a. And for a sudden, second, my heart kind of stopped because I was like, what if there's no heartbeat? Because my mom also had gone through something like that where, you know, she had her entire pregnancy and then by the time she got to deliver, she had a stillbirth. And so that was like also another very scary thought. And we hear the heartbeat and we're kind of like, oh, thank God. So we hear the heartbeat and they're like, okay, like, you know, kind of like they bring the midwife in. And the midwife goes,

like we're going to have to induce you. And I'm like freaking out because also during my pregnancy, I had this thought of like, I want to do everything naturally. Originally, I wanted to have him like at home in like a pool. That didn't work out. So I wanted everything to kind of happen naturally. I wanted my contractions to come on their own. I wanted everything to just happen on its own. So when she tells me that, I kind of start freaking out again. And my boyfriend goes like, oh, well, you know, like we wanted to do something naturally and, you know, and she goes, if you were like my daughter or my sister, I would not let you leave this hospital because if you leave this hospital and like something happens to the baby, you know, like I wouldn't want to have that like on, you know,

like you would have to sign some papers. And so when she said that, was like, oh shit. And did they tell you why? Yeah. So his, his heart rate was dropping way low. Like I think it was going from like the 150s to like 60s. And is that why you weren't feeling. And is that why you weren't feeling him as much. Okay, got it. Yeah. So I guess at that time, too, they had realized, like, it wasn't like he had the umbilical cord wrapped around him. It was just his heart rate was dropping. And so I go, okay, like, she's like, you know, we can just induce you. Like, we can have it move as naturally as possible. So I'm like, okay, like, let's do it. And in this moment, I'm like, oh, shit, like, I'm going to have this baby. And all the thoughts kind of start coming back. Like,

like am I like ready like I'm scared like what if it hurts like what if it hurts you know um like am I prepared that like my birth classes prepare me for this like am I going to be able to do without an epidural so whatever we go into the room they induced me at 1045 um and at this point like we had written a birth plan um because that was one thing I was very adamant about like I want I want everything to kind of go as naturally as possible and I kind of want things to go like my way because this is my birth um like my birth my labor and delivery and my nurse comes in and you know he's like the best and he goes oh like you know you're going to be here for days mama and i'm like no like i i hope like i have the baby like before you leave and he goes

no like you're a first time mom like you're probably going to be here for three days i'm like three days like that's scary you know and so um they induce me and i kind of start feeling kind of just like cramps, like super mild. I'm just like, I'm chilling. They bring me like chicken tenders. I'm like eating. I'm vibing. We're like, we're going to be here for three days because at this point

they had told me, you know, like it does take a while. I was like zero centimeters dilated. And then out of nowhere, they just come. The contractions just come. And literally my boyfriend was like the best partner at helping me with all of it, like all through it. Because if you look at pictures, of me, like, during my labor and delivery, I just looked like I'm sleeping. And it was all because

he was, like, supporting me. I was kind of, like, putting into plan, like, all my, like, my labor stuff from my labor and delivery class. And so everything's going great. And so then out of nowhere, I feel like I have to use the bathroom. Throughout my whole pregnancy, his, my boyfriend's mom would tell me, like, once you feel like you have to go number two, like, it's going to be time. And I felt that. But in my mind, it never, like, I was just like, I need to go to. to the bathroom. That doesn't happen. I, you know, hop back into bed after trying to go to the bathroom. And then I feel like I pee myself. I'm like, babe. All embarrassed. Like, I'm babe. Like, can you call the nurse? Like, I think they need to like change my bed. I think I like peed. He's like,

okay, he calls the nurse. The nurse comes in. And he like is looking at me. And I'm like, I'm like, Joe, I have to use the bathroom. He's like, I have to call the midwife. Give me one second. He like runs out. Literally two seconds later, the midwife and like a bunch of nurses. is coming because at this point I don't even think that they were ready for me to give birth because you know they're like oh she's she's gonna be here a couple days um so I go um then the midwife checks me she's like you're nine and a half centimeters mom like it's almost time to push so is that your water breaking yeah okay yeah yeah my water like broke on its own and she goes it's it's it's it's gonna be almost time to push but like you can't push yet and at this point my body was

just doing it like I had literally no control over it was like the weirdest thing and I'm like I can't stop and she's like you can't push because you're going to tear um literally I wouldn't say maybe like five minutes later my son was born wow with like it was like two just pushes of my own body like just he like flew out that so was it painful at all no lucky you no that is crazy and how how long was that after they induced you so I was induced at 1045 and he was born at 420. Okay. So it was really quick.

Yeah. And again, something that I wasn't prepared for because they were like, oh, you're going to be here for a day. It's like, this is going to be a while. They weren't even running away. Yeah. So he flies out and I don't hear him cry. Because you know how like in the movies you watch and you're like, oh, like the baby's

crying. I don't hear him cry. And I remember that they like try to put him on my chest. And then they were going to let my boyfriend cut the umbilical cord. But then out of nowhere, she goes, no, no, no, dad, like, we have to work fast. Or, like, I don't know what she said, but, like, she was kind of just like, no, you can't cut the imbilical cord. So they cut the umbilical cord, I guess, and they just move him over to, like, the little

bassinet that they have. And I'm freaking out because I see all the nurses around him. And I kind of, like, look at my boyfriend's face and, like, I don't feel like everything's okay. So I'm like, is he okay? Like, is he okay? Like, what's going on? I finally, like, my boyfriend's like, everything's fine.

Everything's fine. at this point, like, I'm, like, giving birth to my placenta. I guess that's how you could say, like, you know, my placenta's coming out. They're, like, starting to, like, stitch me up. And my baby, they're just, just like, everything's fine, everything's fine. And I feel that not everything is fine. Like, I feel the energy. I feel, I look at my boyfriend's face and it doesn't look like everything's okay.

But again, he's, like, trying to keep it together for the both of us. So this is also a blur. they finally like put my son to like my face and I'm like oh my god like that is my baby like that is our baby like I have a baby um they kind of just put him to my face for a little bit and I'm like oh my god hi baby like you're so handsome he calms down because at that point he was like crying and they rushed him to the NICU and I had never heard of the NICU like again that's something that isn't really talked about as much They rush him to the NICU, and at that point my boyfriend's like, do I stay? Like, do I go?

I'm like, please go with him. Like, go and make sure he's fine. I'm fine. Like, please go with him. And so they're like stitching me up. They're getting me ready. And it's so crazy. He was born at 420.

And the way like everything was happening, it literally felt like it was 10 minutes. But it wasn't until about like seven at night that I got to go downstairs and see him in the NICU. And so we go and we see him. And he's like in the little bassinet just with a diaper on. And again, in our in our minds of like first time parents were like, oh, we'll be out of here in two days. Like maybe he just, you know, like it was like a lot for him also, you know, how fast everything happened. And we still have these thoughts of like, yeah, we'll be home before New Year's. The nurse is like, no.

The nurse is like, no, he needs, he needs his lungs to get stronger. And like, he's not doing, he's not doing so hot. And did they tell you why? Like what calls that? So forward, kind of like later on, the doctor was telling that, telling me that he thinks that I was overdue. Okay. He thinks that I was more than 40 weeks at the time. And so my placenta was no longer nurturing him.

Got it. Like it should have. Like it had nothing to do with like the Down syndrome. It's crazy because he literally was not in the NICU because of his Down syndrome. He was in the NICU because of his lungs. Got it. And I guess that also explains like the heart rate dropping and like not being able to breathe on his own. So the NICU, we were in the NICU for a month.

Wow. Yeah. Yeah. Wow. It went from me thinking like, oh, I'll be home for new years. And I think in this entire journey, that's been one of the hardest things for me. because seeing your baby just like attached to like all these like breathing machines and like hearing constantly like oh like he's not doing fine and um there was like a machine that he was attached to that

would monitor his heart rate and i would constantly hear that going off because if it if it dip too low you know like the nurses could you know step in and kind of help him out and i would constantly hear it go all um even till this day when i hear like any kind of beeping sound like that like it kind of like triggers me a little bit. And you were sleeping there and staying there their whole month. Yeah. Okay. I stayed there the whole month.

The hospital that I gave birth in, thankfully had this program called like nesting. And so if your baby was in a NICU, they allowed you to stay for free. Okay. They allowed you to stay in like one of the, not the laboring rooms, but like the one that you go after. As long as they didn't need a room, you could stay. And so I stayed there for a month. And because of COVID, after I technically. was like discharged, my boyfriend could no longer stay. So he was like going home and coming back

every day. And again, because of COVID, nobody else was really allowed to come. It was just him and me basically in the hospital. And that was probably like the most traumatic months of my life. It was very, very hard. Like I cried every single day, all day, all day. And it was harder too when I would see like parents go home. with like their babies and I would just stare out into the window and like watch parents leave all day. And then seeing my boyfriend leave too at the end of the night or like whenever he had to like go home or work was very hard for me too. And everyone, he would always tell me like you can come home. Like he's going to be fine. I'd be like no. I'm not leaving this hospital without him.

Like I can't do that to him. And so in my mind I was just like it felt eternal. Like that month literally felt eternal. Some days he was fine. Some days he wasn't. And at that point, too, the doctors had confirmed, you know, he does have a lot of markers of Down syndrome. We do need to do the genetic testing to fully medically confirm, but you're like at that point, you know, your son has Down syndrome. And it was funny because at that time, Down syndrome took like a backseat. It was more like I was worried about like, is he going to be okay? Like, let's get him out of here. Like I just, I wanted him home. Like, I wanted him out of there.

But then I also knew that, like, it was better for him to stay there as long as, you know, he had to. So finally, we get to leave the NICU. And when we come home, that's when another, like, very dark time starts. So we come home. And for the first month, I guess, of his life, too, like, he was in the NICU. So when we come home, like, family comes over. they get him like a cake to celebrate his one month and everything we were like so extra now that I think of it getting him a cake um but yeah everyone's like excited and now it's kind of when it starts

to set it like you have a child with down syndrome um and at the beginning I didn't really realize that I was going through postpartum too because when I was in the hospital they like would ask me questions like and I would answer them and they'd be like okay no like you you don't have postpartum and it's so crazy to think that they would just be like, oh no, you don't. Like, this girl who just gave birth to a child with Down syndrome who has nobody to connect with because at that point, I felt so alone. Like, it sounds crazy, but I genuinely felt like I was the only person in this world was

a child with Down syndrome. Like, I felt like I was the only mom in this world that was going through what I was going through. Even though I was surrounded by other moms in the NICU, it felt very, like, lonely. So for the first couple months, I would just lock myself. in the room, in our bedroom. That's all I would do. And it wasn't until my boyfriend's mom said something, like, oh, I don't even see him and he lives here, like talking about our baby that I was like, oh, like, I do that. Like, it was, it was kind of just like I wanted him to myself because I felt like

in the NICU I wasn't able to like fully have him for myself. And then I also wanted so early on to like shield him from the world. I didn't want anybody to know that he had Down syndrome. for the longest time I just wanted to hide it. Family knew, you know, like some friends knew, but it wasn't something that I was like when, you know, you know, like a baby's born, a lot of times moms and dads would be like, oh, like, welcome baby and like, you know, they do like a cute little post and everything. No, like I, nobody really knew that I had had my baby or what was like going on

because I wasn't posting. I wasn't doing that. And so the first year of his life, I cried every day. It was very hard, especially when we started doing like therapies. They have this thing called early intervention. And it's basically a program where they do early intervention on services like speech, physical therapy, occupational therapy, kind of to get ahead on, you know, like helping. kids thrive, whether it's, you know, like a pre-diagnosis or like autism, things of that sort.

And so when I was in a NICU, they connected me with like the services and he had his first evaluation. I wouldn't say he was like two, three months. And obviously when they're like babies, like they don't do much, whether they have down syndrome or not. They kind of just like lay there. And so his first evaluation, they go, oh, you know, like he's not really that behind. and in my head I'm still thinking then he doesn't have Down syndrome. Like there's no way he has Down syndrome

and he isn't behind. Like no. And so they do the first evaluation. They, you know, he starts getting services. And then we finally, after that, go to the Down syndrome clinic in Delaware. And so we go there for his first appointment and that's basically where they were telling us like,

oh, you know, like all his specialist appointments, if you like it, you know, they can be here. because at that point he still needed to get his lungs checked, his heart checked for, you know, everything that he kind of like went through at birth and like his first month. And then in that appointment, too, they were telling us, we're going to be able to tell you, like the results of the genetic testing. And in my mind, I still had like a little bit of hope. Like, I don't think he has Down syndrome.

Because then another thing, too, that came apparent was like, oh, he doesn't look like he has Down syndrome. Again, fast forward now I'm like, oh, that's not the nice thing. this thing to say to someone, you know? But in that time and point, I just, I kind of wanted to remain as hopeful as possible and to kind of just say, like, no, there's no way because he doesn't look like he. He doesn't, he doesn't, he's not struggling with like these things. And so we go to that appointment. And one thing that I didn't know beforehand is that there's three different types of Down syndrome. So there's trisomy 21. There's translocation Down syndrome, which is what

my son has. And then there's mosaic. And so trisomy 21, it's just, I guess you could say like the normal. It's the most common one. And then translocation is basically when two of the chromosomes are attached. And then there's like the single one and that's why there's three. And that can either happen just randomly or it can happen that the mom or the dad kind of carried those two chromosomes together and so when they combine every child that they have will have Down syndrome. Wow. So if you had more children, is it like guaranteed that every single one? So not necessarily.

Only because I haven't gotten genetic testing down and neither has my boyfriend. We've been avoiding it for three years. And so again, it can happen randomly or it can happen because of that. And then the three different types, sorry to interrupt you. No, you're fine. Does it vary like with, I guess, how it affects the children? Or is it all the same? It's just like different types of how they actually got the downs of it.

Yeah, it's just different kinds. I don't want to say like it's very different because I also don't like I know like your experience. Yeah, yeah. And so, um, mosaic is when only some of the cells have the third chromosome. Okay. Um, and so we hear translocation. And that, honestly, at that point too, that was another thing. that I was like just hoping to not hear because I had also done my research and said you know like

one of the parents can carry I guess you could call it the gene um and so we hear that and there you go like another you know like something else added to my already like already struggling what yeah gone through yeah yeah everything was just piling on um and so when I hear that it was like very scary and it's still very scary now um but again we've just been avoiding the genetic testing And when you're ready or you feel like you're ready to face that, then you will. But you had a lot happen. So like it makes sense to give yourself a break. Yeah.

And so it doesn't really make it. It won't, I mean, it will make a difference because honestly, even though I love my son to death, I don't think I could do that again. Like going through a diagnosis, going through like hospital stay because my son is also very, very healthy. he doesn't have any heart issues which is a thing that a lot of kids with Down syndrome do have he's just a very healthy kid and so because of that I'm like what if we have another child with Down syndrome and that child isn't as healthy that's what scares me it's not really the Down syndrome it's more what is what comes with it and it not being as easy as it has been with Emmy So we get the diagnosis.

He starts going to specialists. And this is another thing, too, that is hard because there's way more appointments. At the beginning, right, there was way more hospital appointments and specialists. And, like, is his heart okay? Can he hear okay? Can he see okay? And that's, like, another thing that I'm not seeing other moms do. They're just, you know, like posting their kids in cute outfits and stuff.

And I think at this point, too, I have. I haven't even like, I guess you could say, announced him, announced that he had Down syndrome. It wasn't until we got his newborn pictures. We got like family pictures taken. And they came out so good. And I was like, how do I like not post these? Like they're so beautiful. Like he looks like like a little angel baby.

Like so I posted. And I remember the caption is just like Down syndrome wasn't a journey we planned, but we sure do love or tour guide. and so that was the first time that I kind of let the world know. And in that point in time, I was still very like, I still felt very alone. I just say it's still fresh. Yes, I had nobody to connect with. Even though I had like a family friend that I could have spoken to about months prior and like kind of prepared, because I was ignoring the issue, I didn't want to tell anybody else.

because I was ignoring the issue, I was just like, no. Like, that's not going to be. So why would I, you know, waste her time and my time talking to her? And so it wasn't until I kind of got back into social media that I start kind of, I don't even know, who was the first person I spoke to or who was the first person I connected to, connected with? Actually, I do. So I finally found a friend. and it kind of happened because our kids were like rep babies so they repped for little like baby boutiques and stuff

and so I meet this mom and she has a sort of a set of twin girls and one of her twins has Down syndrome and so I connect with her a little bit and we kind of start to talking and at this point her daughter's like two years older than my son so she was really the first person who I talked to about Emmy and like what I was going through and she's like, I promise you it gets better. And I would see it too from other posts, like parents celebrating and like being happy and being so joyful. And I felt so guilty because I was just crying every day and I was sad no matter what. I loved my child. That was that wasn't a thing that I ever struggled with. I love him. I loved him since day one. But it was still very hard to kind of accept that like in life he would struggle more. And I think that the issue,

too. If you really look at everything, it's like growing up, you saw that these children were different and they're isolated and they're in different groups. And it's like you just said, it's like you know that he's going to face different struggles. So that right there makes it sad and hard. And on top of it, when the nurse or whoever called and said, oh, when do you want to terminate it? It's like all of these things are adding up of people just throwing to you that this is just nothing but negative. which is why I think it's hard to celebrate something because it makes it just seem so sad. Yeah. When like there was nobody in your journey that kind of said like it's going to be okay or here's what you can do. And it might be a little bit more challenging, but your baby's still healthy and there's still many things to celebrate. Yeah. But you kind of had to learn that on your own. Yeah, for sure.

Which is tough. For sure. And our family was super supportive. Yeah. Like I remember my boyfriend's cousin when we first, when he was. he first told them like, you know, like, oh, like he might have Down syndrome. He's like, so what? I had, you know, people like my dad.

My dad is very, like, positive and like, who cares? He was like, so, like, what does that mean? Like, what does that change? But because it wasn't coming from someone that was going through it. And I still, I firmly believe that nobody really understands like a special needs mom, like another special needs mom because it's very different. Yeah. When I first connected with this mom, I felt seen.

And it was the craziest thing because I didn't know her. Like, you know, she lives in like Arizona and I live in Jersey. And, you know, the only thing that at this point I thought we had in common was just our kids rap. And then I come to find out that she has a daughter with Down syndrome. And another thing in that community, too, like all the boutiques and stuff that my son has repped for, oh my God, they have been so welcoming and they have been like our biggest cheerleaders. My biggest, like one of my biggest support system, even though they're, all don't have like kids with special needs they're always just like um you know if i post my son

and there's like a negative comment oh like who are we fighting like don't talk about emmy you know like they've been very very supportive and when i vented to them they've been very like open about like you know like we don't know what you're going through we can't say we fully understand but like we're here for you like whatever you need you know and so that kind of community kind of opened up the doors to an even bigger community and this was all through social media okay it's amazing Yeah. So then because of this friend, I start kind of seeing more Down syndrome content on my feeds. And I come across a hashtag and it's the lucky few. And so I'm like, oh my God, like that's so cool. And I'm still struggling. But because I'm seeing these kinds of things on social media, it's helping. I don't want to say it was easier. More comforting. Yes. Yes. And how? long was this in? I mean, it was probably already like five, six months. Yeah. And so I run into this

hashtag and I, you know, I start to see all this content on it. And it was created and it started with the Avis family and they're a very well-known family in the Down syndrome community. Heather was the one that kind of like came up with it, I guess you could say, the lucky few. And she also came up up with like it's like three arrows and it's like the representation of the three chromosomes the extra chromosome you know the three chromosomes and so in this community I find even more comfort because I start seeing moms I start listening to her podcast and her podcast too at the beginning was very rough for me to listen to because I would constantly hear like them being excited or them celebrating and I still wasn't at that point in my journey

So again, that was also another time, too, that I felt alone because I was like, why can't I just celebrate my child? Like, why can't I feel the same way that they do? Why am I still crying? Like, why is this still so hard? And when that was also going on, I also was having some troubles with, like, my boyfriend because I felt like, why am I the only one crying? Why, like, why are you just so positive about everything? And it wasn't until later on that he was like, you know, like, I cried too. But like he felt like he needed to stay strong for the both of us.

And so that even too, like I was like, damn, like here I am like thinking that he's not crying. Here I am thinking that he doesn't feel the same way when, you know, like he's probably struggling with it more but can't even show it because, you know, like I can't even let him do that. And so again, just finding this community helped a ton more. I start connecting with like moms. I start, you know, seeing this like amazing content. of like people with Down syndrome, like doing these amazing things. And actually too, it kind of a little bit started when we were in the NICU.

I don't know if it was like my boyfriend that found him or like how he found him. But we learned about Chris Nickage. And Chris Nich is a young man with Down syndrome and he is an Iron Man. And so an Iron Man is like a crazy triathlon. And you know, this kid is like sponsored. by like Adidas. He's like doing all these cool things that you would never expect someone with Down syndrome to do. And that was also very comforting because I also was just like, oh, like my son can do it.

Like, you know, he can do all these things that, you know, his typical peers are going to do. And so, you know, Chris Nickage, his family, the Ava's family, kind of that community started being like my go-to. And I kind of started flooding myself too with that content because I was like, okay, like, this is helping. It's helping a little bit. You know, like I was still very lonely, but I wasn't crying as much. I think it opens your mind more. Yes, yes, because you start seeing and you're, another thing too that I was learning was like,

even if your son doesn't, you know, become an Iron Man or like, you know, special Olympics athlete, like he's still worthy. Because another thing too in my journey that I've learned is like Emmy is worthy regardless of what he does. Like Emmy isn't like only worthy because he's. he can walk. Emmy isn't only worthy because, you know, he can do these things that his typical peers can do.

He's worthy because he's him, because he's Emmy. And so that's another thing, too, that I've learned. And we've learned as a family, you know, like, even if Emmy never, you know, becomes, like, a famous soccer player, like, he's still going to be, like, the shit. Like, you know, like, he's still going to be amazing and he's still thriving regardless of everything. And that's another thing, too, that I felt like I've been fighting for other people to see his words since before he was even born.

And it all started with a genetic counselor and me kind of being like, I'm not terminating him. Like, what do you mean? And that's a thing, too, that a lot of parents of kids, not just with Down syndrome, but of just any kind of like syndrome or any kind of like diagnosis deal with. you know, something like Spina Bifida too. Like I've connected with parents. And they're like, yeah, like, you know, we were kind of just told to like terminate the pregnancy. And so throughout this journey, I've connected with so many parents and have been able to, you know, be a part of like really cool projects.

A couple years ago, we did a storytelling tour with the Lucky Few Foundation. And we, you know, got to travel to North Jersey and, you know, take pictures and meet other families like us and just tell the story of Emmy. and not necessarily tell the story of just him, but kind of like what he brings to our life and shout the worth of not just him, but other people with Down syndrome. And I think throughout, you know,

these three years of him in our lives, it's really helped not just me, but all of us. Yeah. Because we realize, you know, like there are other families out there like us. And even though some days are still rough, because to, you know, be completely honest, there's still days that I cry.

Recently, he learned to walk this past summer. And so I remember just like any little thing that this kid does, I just cry. Yeah. He learned to walk and I was like, yeah, like in her face. Like that genetic counselor did not know. Like look at my baby, like, you know, walk. He's feeding himself. He eats like a grown man.

And I'm like, she said like he was never going to be able to, you know, eat on his own. And I'm like, I wish I could just show her this so that she knows to, you know, not kind of see a diagnosis. is by kind of what you see on Google, but like really see these kids and these people for what they are worth because they are worthy, you know? And does that vary? Like with Down syndrome,

like some kids are able to walk and feed themselves and function, I guess, at a higher level than others? Or because like how she said that he probably wouldn't be able to walk or eat on his own, like, I guess that sometimes does happen with Children with Down syndrome? Do you know? Or? It varies.

just like me and you. Got it. Okay. You know, math can be easier to you. It could be harder to me. Got it. That's the way I like to see it because I also know of, you know, like parents of kids with Down syndrome that they grow up being nonverbal. And that's fine, you know, because, again, there's certain things that, like, you do that I can't do.

Or there's certain things that I do that you can't do. And things like that, like I... So it just varies. Yes. Okay. Yes. And that's, like, with everything, you know. You know, some kids learn to walk quick.

Some kids learn to talk quicker. It just like it varies. It's just like crazy to me though that they would just kind of throw that out there. Like oh well he probably won't be able to do these things when there is such a huge chance that they can. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Which is just wild. Yeah.

Especially nowadays too. A lot of states have really good programs when it comes to, you know, like speech therapy, physical therapy. I just feel like it just bothers me because I just feel like if you're going to be in. a medical position and give that diagnosis to someone, the answer shouldn't be automatically when do you want to terminate? And also, like I said, mentioned before, there should be automatically before you even give birth resources and understanding and just to kind of prepare you and give you that open mindset prior to even giving birth. So you're already preparing and having a better grasp and understanding around everything. Because I feel like if you had that, maybe you wouldn't

felt so alone or so confused or so like like I said like it's almost like they handed this negativity to you they didn't give you a positive outlook on anything yeah yeah for sure and I do want to say like it's very different because I've talked to other moms and like families and stuff and they've received like you know like oh you know like my hospital had me connect with our local Down syndrome association or like you know my hospital had me connect with this mom um like there's a ton of like so some do okay yeah yeah yeah. Yeah. But I've also talked to moms who same story, you know, they, you know, hear this like pre-diagnosis and that's all they hear. Like, you know, like, when do you want to terminate?

Or they kind of like get pushed. And that's also a reason why I think Down syndrome is so rare. Like one in six kids are born with Down syndrome. I don't necessarily think it's because it's just like that rare. think it's more because these women and these families get pushed to terminate these pregnancies. Like I believe Iceland too. Like they're eradicating Down syndrome. So like I want to say like they don't have. I don't I don't know exactly but I know that's like a big thing in the community where like Iceland is like a place where like you just terminate like you don't. Yeah. In a lot of countries actually

that's what they'll do or if they do have these kids with Down syndrome and they find out at birth. they just give them up for adoption or you know which again everyone's like journey is different and I as a mom like I understand you know there's certain things that like you might say like yeah I just I can't do it I can't handle it but I think too because of society and the way that people are viewed people with that syndrome are viewed how it's perceived they're not seen as worthy enough they're not seen as just like enough human being to you know to matter which sucks because then this is also like a journey that I feel like it's just starting for us. Our son is only three.

And I have also come to the realization that one day, Emmy isn't going to be the cute little kid with Down syndrome. One day he's going to be an adult and he's going to be an adult that people might look down on, you know, because, you know, he might talk funny. He might not look like them. And actually in these past three years, I haven't really. encountered much of that, I would say, but I have heard comments like, oh, well, at least he doesn't look like he has Down syndrome. And I do want people to know that that's not a compliment. Because whether he looks like he has Down syndrome or not, like, when you're saying those kinds of things, it's you're like, you're kind of like, I don't know how to explain it, but you're kind of just

like saying like, well, if he doesn't look like it, it's fine. It's like backhanded. Yeah, yeah. Like he, he, he'll pass as like. like a normal person. You know, I hear things of like, comments like that and things like, we took him to a class, like I took him to like a little gym class so he can kind of get accustomed to like being around other kids. And this little boy goes, I mean, we were like doing high fives. And my son goes to give this kid a high five. And he goes, I don't want to give him a high five because he looks funny. And again, as a mom too, I've come to realize that kids are kids, you know. kids kind of just do what they see at home.

And their kids can be harsh. Yes, yes. Kids can be harsh. But in that moment, I won't lie. And I was so mad at the little kid. I was so upset. But then when I got in my car and I realized, you know, he's just a kid. Maybe at home he's not taught to be accepting or maybe at home, you know, he hears like mean things or so he thinks that that's okay.

You know, he's just a little kid. And so those are things that in life, you know, I know. I'm going to have to deal with. And like as his parents, we know that we're going to have to, you know, work through other things. And it's unfortunate because it's almost like you have to raise him to have this tough skin. Oh, yeah. You know, and it sucks. Yeah.

That society in our world just isn't more accepting and understanding and open. Yeah, for sure. But again, too, I feel like now with social media and just like the world evolving, it has become more accepting. Like there's still a ton of work to do. With so many things. With so many. Yeah, with everything. Acceptance of everything.

But it definitely has helped. Like I've connected with a lot of, not connected, but I've like follow a lot of people on social media that have like accounts with like their sibling. And I'm like, oh my God. Like this is so cool because there's so many people on there that will cheer on for like cheer them on and and be so supportive. Like, you know, there is a world out there of people that might not know Emmy, but that will support. him one day or that will like if they see him on the street they won't look at him weird you know they won't baby talk him when he's an adult they'll see him as you know another person because that's just what he is um and so just seeing that kind of content and you know connecting with that community really has

helped me a ton like our family a ton because i'm always like showing his grandmas too um i think our moms had like um a rough time with it too and that was a thing when i was going through it, I kind of just saw my side of it. I was like, I'm the only one going through this and like, nobody understands, but I also didn't realize that, you know, my family was too. My mom and, you know, my boyfriend's mom, they were both like super worried about him. And so I always like to show them like, look, like this kid with Down syndrome, look at how cool he is. Or like, look at what this kid is doing. Or like, you know, like I, I love to show that to them too to kind of help them in their journey because even though I might be in a better spot, I don't know like if they are or I just

kind of like like showing them this like feel good content so where they also see light in situations that they might be like oh you know like this is rough right and i think that's another reason why it's so great that you're coming on here because i think too you know not only are there so many people out there that have children but like you said even siblings with down syndrome and they might feel alone in that journey and being able to hear somebody else's firsthand experience, I think it can help a lot. And obviously, there also might be pregnant moms that get that news and don't know what to do.

Because if you aren't educated and you're, like I said, you're hearing from a medical, like provider or person to kind of just, it might be you ask to terminate whatever. Like, you might not know anything else. And you might just trust the professional and do that. So I think that you coming on here sheds a completely different light of, well, here's what happens if you don't. You know what I mean? Or here's what can happen.

And here's my journey. And I think that that's really important to have because it serves as, like you coming on here serves as a whole other form of support because it's going to help a lot of people. It can help them in their decision making. It can help them in their open mindness about everything like this. And I think that's really important. And just to help people not feel alone or confused or it breaks one of the most. important things of this show that I always say is I think it breaks a lot of stigmas around

things which is really important because and and even growing up I think it's really interesting that you kind of went back and mentioned about you know growing up in schools and because I remember that too like I have a bad memory but I remember that it's almost like why aren't you know these kids with Down syndrome or other special needs why are they not a part of recess and groups and not like to make it more normalized yeah and you know I remember growing up my mom would always tell me and just other people that a lot of children, whether they have autism or Down syndrome or other diagnosis, like they are some of the sweetest people, you know? And I think that people look past all of that and they just hear Down syndrome or they hear something. And it's just like

all these thoughts flood in of what we're shown from society or what's not talked about. Because you don't know anything. If you're not going through something, you're not going to have any education on it most likely. You're not going to know about it. You're not going to have firsthand experience. But I think that the more these things are talked about, the more normalized they become and it should be normalized because why not? Everybody's different in their own ways.

You know what I mean? And obviously having a child or a family member with Down syndrome, I mean, yeah, it's going to be more challenging. You're going to face more obstacles. But like you said, it doesn't make them any less worthy. No. You know, it doesn't change that at all. And I think that more people should.

understand that and have clarity on that. Because it is really important. Yeah. And I think too with like Emmy, like he is just, he brought so much like light into everyone, like into our entire family. Like just seeing like my little niece interact with him. Like she's absolutely his favorite person ever. And like seeing kind of her interact with him and, you know, like our niece is

the nephew kind of like learn inclusion through him. just because again, that's something that you don't really get taught in school. Because, you know, most of the time those kids are segregated. And like, you know, they might need a little bit more help with, like, writing their name or, like, you're learning to do certain things. But, like, why still can't they just be included into everything else? And, like, I guess you could call it the rest of the population in school. Yeah, with recess, with lunch, whatever. With whatever.

Like, try to include them where they can be included for sure. And that's another thing, too, that, like, now with Emmy. starting school because he aged out of early intervention. That's like another journey too that I'm like, I'm so scared of. But I know he's going to do fine. Like I think I'm going to be the one that struggles a little bit more. Absolutely. And I think that that's so normal.

And as a parent, you're always going to want to protect and shield your child no matter what. Oh, yeah. And I think that everything is a journey, no matter what. But I think that it already seems like you are so strong about everything. and you're doing your absolute best to prepare yourself and I'm sure him. And that's all you can do. You know, that's literally all you can do.

Yeah. Like you're doing the best you can. And I think by speaking about this, you're not only doing it for, you know, your child, but for so many other families as well. Like you're like this voice to try to open up a whole new, you know, a whole new community. Like you are a voice of that community. Yeah. And I think that that's so important and special.

Thank you. You're welcome. them, it is. It's definitely rough. It's definitely rough. But I, again, like, just being able to connect with, like, other parents has really helped me a ton. And I remember, you know, sitting in my room sometimes crying because I didn't hear, you

don't hear a lot of the stories of, like, you know, this has how difficult it was. But if this can help, like, another mom that, you know, just received a diagnosis or, you know, it's, you know, receive any kind of diagnosis and it's going through the tough moment of, like, accepting it and working through it. Like, if this can even help, like, one mom, like, it will. Like, hopefully it can. Yeah. Because I remember, you know, like, needing that so badly and not seeing it.

So, yeah. No, I think it's incredible. And I think that obviously the way that you describe your experience and journey, like, it's so, like, I felt like it was so popular. positive and great because I feel like you really, you shared your dark moments, which everybody has those, you know, and then you share the positive, which it comes with anything in life. And it's so important, but your son is so lucky to have you, really. And I think you did such an incredible job at sharing everything. And I think it takes, I always help people. It takes a lot of strength and courage to come on here. And obviously, like you said, you still cry about it, like, which is normal. Yeah. But it takes a lot of vulnerability and strength. come on here and share like this is what I was told. This is how I felt like literally every step through the way. And you're, you're incredible. You couldn't have done a better job. Seriously. You did incredible. Thank you for you. You're awesome and you're so strong. Seriously. Great Thank you. Of course.