We're All Insane - Reality of a Female EMT Firefighter

Episode Date: July 10, 2023

Sponsored by BetterHelp. Get 10% off your first month at betterhelp.com/insane Being a female firefighter EMT comes with its unique set of challenges, extending beyond the physical demands. In a profession traditionally dominated by men, women often confront societal biases and stereotypes that can amplify the struggle. The physical aspects can be grueling, requiring immense strength and endurance, while also contending with a lack of properly fitting gear designed for women. Moreover, the toll on mental health cannot be overlooked. The emotional strain of witnessing traumatic incidents, dealing with life-and-death situations, and the pressure to excel in a male-dominated field can take a heavy toll. Moreover, balancing family responsibilities and the demanding nature of emergency response work adds an additional layer of complexity. However, female firefighter EMTs exhibit remarkable resilience, seeking support networks and prioritizing self-care to overcome these challenges, exemplifying courage, determination, and inspiring future generations. If you have a unique story you'd like to share on the podcast, fill out this form: https://forms.gle/ZiHgdoK4PLRAddiB9 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hey guys, it's me Devorah. I just dropped an all new bonus episode inside my new subscription channel, We're All Insane Plus. This week's bonus episode is called My Brain was slipping into my spine. Listen now by subscribing to We're All Insane Plus inside your Spotify or Apple Podcasts app or go to we're all insane.com. Hey guys, welcome back to the show. This podcast is sponsored by BetterHelp therapy online. If you want to live a more empowered life, therapy can get you there. Visit betterhelp.com slash insane today to get 10% off your first month. BetterHelp is not a crisis line and BetterHelp is spelled BetterH-E-L-P. I'm Rachel. I'm going to be talking about my experience as a firefighter EMT and how it

shaped me and changed my life over the last seven years. So yeah, so I, got involved in the fire department about seven, seven and a half years ago when I was kind of just deciding what I wanted to do with my career as far as the medical field. So I kind of asked programs, I was like, hey, what do you consider competitive, hands-on experience with patients? And they told me to either become a nurse, an EMT, or a phlebotomist. And I was like, all right, at the time, those weren't kind of the answers I was looking for. So I was like, all right, I guess I volunteer at a fire station. So I applied thinking that this was going to help me get into school, but I actually ended up falling in love with the whole fire department. I loved being an EMT.

I did that for a year and a half, you know, took calls on the ambulance, took medical calls off the fire engine. And then I realized I was like, huh, I kind of want to do the fire side. Like, this seems really cool. There's a lot of things that the fire engine or the fire truck will get dispatched to. That will end up being a medical call, whether it's support. And I was like, this would be such an asset to, you know, my firehouse if I could do both. So I did the trainings for the fireside. And that was a long, hard month, two months, whatever it was.

And that was just nonstop training for that time? Yeah. So I did it three days a week from 7 to 10 p.m. at night, like, after work. or all day on a Saturday, full fire, get up, you know, and burning buildings, learning how to, like, get into cars and stuff like that. And, you know, I did it. And it was hard being a girl in short because you're working with guys, majority of my class. So a lot of the things, I felt a little at a disadvantage or it was a little more tougher for me. But, you know, I did it and it was really cool. And even after I took different certifications for different types of rescue, whether if it's

feel cool rescue or hazmat or stuff like that. And I kind of, it was just every training that I did was fun. Yeah. You know, and I enjoyed it. I enjoyed it. I loved it. I mean, it gave me the rush. It was a great way to meet people. Trauma bonding, you know, is a thing. thing in the fire department. And especially when you do these classes together, you kind of trauma bond in a different way. And it helps you because you will go on calls with other fire stations, whether they're volunteer or career. But because you've met these people at somewhere during your path, whether it's training, you kind of like, hey, like I know this person. Like I can account for their skills or their knowledge. And like that's really saying something because when you're in the

fire department, you know, having someone you trust is huge because it's your life. It's your safety. It's your patient safety. Right. So, so what's the difference between, because you, you said all of that was volunteer, right? And even now you volunteer. Yeah. So is there any difference between doing the volunteer and then having it as your career, like as far as what you can actually do? Or it's exactly the same pretty much? It's exactly the same. So a lot of people will join a volunteer station as kind of like a foot in the door before they transition to a career. So for my EMT, I think my training was about four and a half, five months. And that was a combination of like in person, lecture and then skills training. And then it was a separate program or a set of classes

for the fire stuff. And I think when you do the county, you apply to a county for the career, everything is together. So a lot of people will come out with like another certification in fire and EMT. So I think career-wise, they do a little more structured training because they have to check those boxes. But as far as like capabilities, like we all do the same. Right. Okay.

Yeah. That makes sense. And then you're also a nurse. I am a nurse. Okay. So like if you love the firefighter and EMT stuff, is there a reason that you don't do that full time? A lot of people ask me that because it's weird doing both because both are so, they're different. They're different but similar.

Right. And it's the same long shifts, stress, you know, just overall busyness of the fields. I always wanted to keep the fire department as like my playtime. Okay. You know, like I liked it, but 16 hour, 24 hours shifts, that was just a little too much. for me and I like the thrill of responding to a call being first on scene, you know, having to think quick and like getting that adrenaline rush, but then the patient's transfer the hospital and the hospital takes over and that's my end of care. In the hospital setting, it's more structured

and like my bond and my connection with my patients is so much more different and it is stressful but I don't know. For me, there's like a difference as far as like what I, like to do full time and then like what I do is like the quick little hey this is fun when I want to do it yeah and then um I lost my turn of thought again I always do that I think I think of my question before I ask and then I lose it wait I was gonna ask something good hold on give me a second it needs to come back damn I think it was about oh that was my question did you get was it around the same time that you started doing nursing as well or was that after like a little bit after you were doing volunteer.

It was after. So originally my plan was either go to become a doctor or be a physician assistant. Just because like when I graduated, my school was small. I didn't offer nursing. Like it was biology, pre-med or, you know, any other subject, whatever degree. So I never really considered nursing. I always knew I wanted to be somewhere as like a higher level provider. Right.

So it was actually in the fire station, and I guess like working for years in different medical roles, that I kind of realized like what was important to me. And I liked the relationship and the rapport that nurses have with their patients. A lot of it stemmed from when my mom got really sick and she was in the ICU for a long time. It was really the nursing staff that I have. that I felt was there that gave us that emotional, mental, and like physical support.

The doctors more or less came in. They're like, hey, looked at her scans. Like this is how she's doing, you know, like a quick five, ten minute conversation, if that, and then would leave. And then we wouldn't see them maybe the next day or possibly even a week later if they weren't on call or they weren't working the next week. And it was the nursing that like took the time. They're like, hey, like, let's explain this.

Like, let's talk through this. And I was like, hey, you know what? That's really important to me because I've always been a people person. So that's kind of what I decided. I was like, you know, maybe I'll go back, do nursing. And then eventually I can always go back and do, you know, become a nurse practitioner or a CRNA or do something more. Yeah. And it's important, too, to have, you know, good nurses because there's a lot of nurses that can be not nice and rude.

So it's like it goes to show it's like it's good that you had that experience because it almost gives you that. Like in those hard times it gives you a different shoulder to lean on and like people to talk to. So it's good that it kind of showed you like I want to be this kind of nurse. Yeah. And like you're able to do that because like I said, there's a lot of people that just aren't I feel like and kind of are there more like going through the motions because it's their job. Yeah. So it's just as important too. And then I know that when we're talking, you're mentioning as far as like with the fire department and being an EMT, the struggles of being a woman.

Yeah. So let's hear it. I feel like that's something that I feel like a lot of people can relate to in so many different careers as well. Right. Yeah. And, you know, the fire department, especially firefighters, there's definitely a lot more male firefighters than there are female. When it comes to EMT, there are more female EMTs. But in a volunteer, not many people want to volunteer to be an EMT and like do that for a prolonged period of time.

And you volunteer to do both. I volunteer to do both. Yeah. So, you know, as an EMT, you're seeing, especially at my station, you can have in a 16-hour day 14 patients, but this is 14 patients you're caring for, transferring to the hospital. You know, there's paperwork that we have to do on the computer after, like, to finish our reports on them saying, like, what we did. And then you literally can pull out of the hospital and get hit for another call. And then you're gone all day. Like sometimes you really don't see your station on the ambulance.

So that's why a lot of people will then transfer to be like a career because they're like, hey, if I'm dealing with this, I might as well get paid. Yeah. So like we lose a lot of female EMTs, you know, well, I guess EMTs in general because of that. But then a lot of these stations, they're both EMT and fire. So you're then putting going into like a male dominant role. Like, you know, they say boys will be boys. and that's very much true.

Like the way boys act with each other is very different than a boy acts with a girl or like you act like with your girlfriends and stuff like that. And I feel like there's a lot of, I don't know, like misunderstandings. And it could be just like mere joking as a guy, but they can be kind of like crude comments sometimes. And you're like, that's kind of inappropriate. Like let's kind of tailor this in. But, you know, it's kind of being able to like ignore it.

step away from it and then not being scared to step up. And I feel like that's the most unfortunate and I guess like heartbreaking thing is a lot of like younger girls, you know, they'll get in in college to like, you know, add something to their resume or like try something until they figure it out. They won't go to anyone when they're feeling like a certain way or they feel like, I don't say like harassed is the right word because like my station's really good and they have like a zero tolerance for that and a lot of fire stations do now but they just feel like offended or like not appreciated or they feel inferior too yeah they feel inferior too and it's like just talk to someone you know

and it's it's hard because there's this persona that oh you're a firefighter in EMT you're supposed to be resilient you're supposed to like have this facade that you know nothing can break you and you're supposed to be tough unfortunately that isn't always the case and if you're hurt or like feeling sad or like your feelings are being hurt, like you need to say something. Yeah. And I feel like a lot of like younger girls especially are scared because they're like, well, then they won't like me and then it's going to be awkward and then end up leaving. Right. So it's just I think, and I'm not saying that just because you're young, don't get into the fire department, but then just be aware. Like don't let things scare you if this is like what you want to do. Right. And I feel like that goes

for anything too. It's like there's whether it's challenges like that, are challenges in general. It's almost like you have to go into something with tough skin and like a strong mindset of like, okay, if I get upset about something like you said, my options are hold it in or talk to somebody about it. And usually if you talk to someone, at least it's like you're being heard and you don't feel so alone. And I feel like ultimately like you said too, some people might decide not to do something

because of the fear of like it's male dominant or because they might feel like they're being judged or not taken seriously, which. is stupid because it's like everybody, if you're there and you want to do it, that's just as important as well. Right. And says just as much. So yeah. And most likely, like if you also go to like another female at your fire station, most likely they dealt with it and they could give some great advice being like, hey, like, this is what I did. This is what helped me. But like don't give up. Yeah. And I don't know. We've had really good like women leave because they, just don't like being around all these guys. And like, it's hard for sure. And especially when it comes

to like just naturally, like they can like strength wise and like height wise, they can do a lot more than I can. So then it's also like knowing your limits and knowing your capabilities. But like, I mean, even being a female, like when we go into like car crashes, for example, and if a car is on the roof, well, they're going to send me in. I'm the tiniest one. Yeah. You know what I mean? So it's like you have a role. Like eventually it may not be, you may not feel like you're contributing every single time. But there is a time and place where like they will need you. Yeah.

And I was going to say too, like the whole point I feel like is to work as a team. Yeah. And that's where like you said, the rules come in because you might not be able to lift as much or as much. But they're going to need you for something. And vice versa. Like if you need help, those people should be there to help you as well. Yeah. So I feel like teamwork is the most important.

But unfortunately, it's like stuff like that happens because that's how the world is. And I'm sure to some degree, like we were saying, too, that's only one of the things that could have an effect on mental health in that career as well. Which I know you wanted to touch on too. Just the whole mental health aspect of it is, you know. Yeah. And I mean, you, I mean, we see a lot. Like we see, you know, everything from, you know, someone tripped, fell, spraying their ankle, you know. someone, you know, is having chest pain, a seizure, broke a bone to unfortunately, like,

really bad car accidents where someone's deceased or, you know, like so-and-so woke up in the morning and their partner isn't breathing, you know, overdoses, alcohol intoxication, domestic violence, you know, there's like such a wide range that we see. And, you know, that goes back to this persona, like we think that we're tough or invincible. you know, we're resilient, but the truth is, like, that does catch up over time. And, you know, like, and I think that is where camaraderie and the teamwork of the volunteer fire station, or just fire stations in general, is just so important, you know, because you, I mean, we've all worked jobs where you have a manager that says, hey, we're one big happy family,

like, let's work together. But the fire department really is a family. And I will say that if there is a bad call, we do have the resources that will actually come to the station after and talk to everyone who's involved. But, you know, sometimes that right after the incident, you may not even process like, hey, this just happened. Like, this is pretty serious. Like, what is this going to do to me tomorrow? You have a week later, a month later, a year later. And mental health is an issue because all these.

trauma, like the stress, you know, being gone from your family, your friends, because, yes, it's volunteer, but you also can get really caught up, like, in the moment. And then you're like, oh, I want to be there for a couple hours and end up being there for a long time. It's just really understanding, like, work-life balance. And I feel like as far as support, it's there, but a lot of people don't take advantage of the support systems we have or like go and like even if it's someone that the firehouse like doesn't recommend or not recommend but if the firehouse has their resources and you don't want to use them there are other resources like I see a therapist and I talk to my therapist about everything because I even got to a point where I realized like

hey it's really not healthy because I was someone that kind of was opposite and I just bottled it up and I was really good at disassociating. So if something bad happened, I literally would block it out of my mind and like kind of forget about it. Yeah. Like I could remember, but just like details and I was like, this probably isn't healthy for me because it's my body's like defense mechanism and I was more or less worried from the time that I was going to crack. So I started talking to a therapist and just like going over and I feel like sometimes I like blow these therapist mine because they're just like, oh my God, how does this make you feel? And I'm like, I don't know. Like it happens. Like we got back on. We went on another call and called it today.

They're like, yeah, but like how's you're sleeping, you know, and stuff like that. And you don't realize, like talking is so much better than keeping it up. Like, who cares if, you know, one of your colleagues at the fire department is like, oh, you see a therapist? Like, why? Like, who cares? I'm Anna Garcia, host of True Prime. News, the podcast. Every week, we bring you in-depth coverage on cases making headlines, as well as those that go under the radar. Tune in for murders that defy explanation, mystery seeking exploration, and shocking secrets that will leave you breathless. Each week, we honor the victims by going beyond the salacious in our search for justice. Crime never stops, and neither do we. Listen to true crime news

available now wherever you get your podcast. Yeah, and also, like you were just saying, you don't know what other areas in your life it can be affecting. Like you might think you're blocking it out, but you might not know why you can't sleep through the night always and things like that. And that was going to be one of my questions too. When you see these horrific things that a lot of people don't see every day, how do you not bring that home with you? So that was my problem is that I was kind of freaking myself out

that I was so good at disassociating and bottling things up. And then I was seeing others around me who were on the same call that they would call me and like want to talk about it. And like I knew that they were upset. But then I was like, why am I not upset too? So it kind of put things in perspective. And then it wasn't until honestly maybe a year, year and a half ago, I started remembering a little bit more of some of the more traumatic calls. calls that I went on and I felt myself like getting emotional and then I was like nope Rachel you got to stick it up like yeah quit this out and then I was like all right at the same

time my body's telling me that I want to cry and I want to think about it I need to let it happen right and it's human life too so it's like I feel like as good as you can get I feel like a desensitizing yourself to it because it is your your job and your career in a way it's just that it's still going to have an effect because we're still human. We're all human. So it's like it's scary to know that these things could happen to anybody, whether it's ourselves or loved ones. But yeah, I mean, I agree. I think that a lot of people, it's easy to think that we're super strong and we can handle anything. And I think, too, to sit there and think, well, I thought about it enough and I got through it on my own so I don't really need to talk to anybody. But a lot of times, like we don't know the effects that

things have on us. Even to this day, like I feel like there's so many things. things just in life that can happen that don't even have to necessarily be traumatic to have an effect and really make us change patterns and feel different ways without us even realizing. Yeah, I mean, what people feel and internalize is individualized in their own. You know, it doesn't need to be a trauma event. Like, you know, they talk about even with nursing and I'm sure, you know, in the fire department too, like burnout is a thing. Yeah.

Like, there are long days and it's a lot of busy work and it's stress. It's high stress. And stress affects you in so many different ways. I mean, it affects your immune system. It affects your sleep. It affects your eating. It affects, like, your desire to, like, want to do things that, like, you find are fun. Yeah.

And I feel like when, and it's never going to happen that all this stuff becomes different all at once, it takes time. It's gradual. So it's whether or not, you know, on your day off, like, there's nothing wrong with laying in bed the next day. But then if you're not seeing your friends or you're not working out or if, like, eating well is, you know, was really something like of a passion of yours. Like you left cooking and you don't cook and you're eating out. Like, then you realize like, hey, there's something that's making me feel this way. What is it?

Yeah, for sure. And you got to, you got to like address it because by the time you might realize, hey, this is what's happening. happening, you know, the effects have already, like, changed you, change, like, who you are. And, you know, in the fire department, unfortunately, like things like mental health, suicide's really big, alcohol abuse is really big. And these are, you know, alcohol is like a huge coping mechanism for stress, you know, like, but it's also not healthy either. Yeah. And do you notice that a lot of people, I guess, at your fire station, like, do they really lean on each other for stuff like that? Like when they're going through things or do you think for the most part,

like you've seen people kind of stick to themselves and try to work through it themselves? I think it's a mix. So, you know, the fire department, like I said, it really is like a family. But, you know, like any family, you always have like that uncle or that cousin that you don't like, you can't stand. And it's like finding your person. And for me, I found a couple people that I, you know, it took some time, but I realized that they are my person who I talk to you every single day all day long. More than I talk to like my childhood friends or like good friends that I met along the way because I said like the bond, like that trauma bonding is something really unique. And it's a different type of bond that because like when you're struggling together, you struggle together. and there's a lot of emotion and like mental aspect to it.

So like I have my friends and like they'll call me and they'll be like, hey, like, can I vent to you real quickly? And it's just a different type of like vent than it's venting over like normal stuff like I do with anyone else. And I think they're really important to have because if I am having like a bad day, I'll say to them like, hey, like I'm just not in good place right now. and like they'll they'll have more of an understanding for my feelings than like me going to like my parents or like you know my husband my brother or my other friends because they can't relate

in the same way yeah and it's it's really cool to have but also like I said it takes sometimes so like there are people that don't that they do suffer in silence and unfortunately I feel like those are the people that, whether it's because they're ashamed or they're scared or like they just don't know how to express their feelings, they're the ones that unfortunately I feel like you'll see have more of like, you know, that have committed suicide or like end up developing whether if it's like a drug addiction or alcohol. Yeah. And that's probably just because it's too much within themselves that they just couldn't handle and didn't address over time. Yeah. And And it's honestly, it's accessible.

I mean, you know, you had a bed day. It's easy to go to the bar or go to the liquor store and, you know, buy whatever and have that before you go to bed. Right. Like not saying that, you know, after a long day of work, I don't have a glass of wine or whatever it is to relax. But like, yeah. But, you know. Yeah, it makes sense. So you've been doing this for how many years did you say?

Seven. Okay. And then I know you're talking about like if one day you got pregnant. Yeah. What would you do then? So that is a huge conversation between my husband and I. You know, the news does a great job at portraying firefighter went into a band in burning building, you know, floor collapse, roof collapse, got trapped, you know, was a father of, you know, how many kids. So my husband, he like voiced his concern that, you know, if there are kids, that is a volunteer of a role.

role like this really worth jeopardizing my life and my health because, you know, if something were to happen, I'd be leaving my family behind. And, you know, his concern is 100% valid. But then for me, it's like, man, this is like my thrill. Like, this is exciting. This is what I love. So then I was like, all right, maybe I could give up the firefighting and then just go back to just doing like EMT stuff. But then I'm like, I take care of patients three days. a week, 12-hour days, like, do I really want to volunteer taking care of patients again? And it's like, what do I do? And there's definitely like women in the fire department that have families, but also when they had a family, they've kind of started stepping back from the fire

department, like the fire department and their present is like less and less. So, you know, I guess eventually I have to decide whether or not this is something I want to, continue doing. Yeah. Or, you know, or if this is like a chapter of my life that I just need to go to the next one and kind of get over. And find your other thrill. Yeah.

Yeah. So that's, it's kind of a dilemma. And I don't, I don't know. Yeah. And it is hard because I think that everybody wants to find something that they love to do. Like nothing compares to that, whether it's volunteer or your career. And I feel like people that do discover those things are so lucky because a lot of people go through their whole lives not knowing what they love to do. So it makes it difficult because it's

like you could still kind of have that balance of like just doing the EMT work. But then you're like, but I really want to do the other stuff too. So yeah, I can see how that would be like really challenging just because the risk is so much higher. It is. Yeah. And then I mean there's risk with exposure, you know, right now. I mean, fire gear has gotten a lot better than where it was. But even like the cancers that are associated with like the carcinogens and, thyroid cancer, throat cancer is a big thing, you know, and then you have to like wash your gear properly. So like there are risks, but you love it. It's hard because it's like these risks are like a maybe, but it's all long term. Right. So it's like 20 years from now, what could happen? I don't know.

And then it's just like, well, do I just continue doing it for the meantime until maybe possibly something comes up? But I mean, I love it. Like, you know, it. it's just even when I go there, even if we don't get a call for like four hours, that's four hours that you're like hanging out with like your friends, your family. And, you know, like, we'll do like kickball games. We'll do like fun trainings. You know, like it is fun. Yeah. And that's what that actually was going to be my next question is like, what does a day look like for you? Because I know it obviously all depends if you like depending on what the calls that you guys get. But like if you guys aren't that busy versus if you guys are busy and it's more back to back like what do the days look like usually

yeah so um like for example after this i'm going up to the fire station um a couple years ago i painted a um a picnic bench so i'm going to go back today like touch it up and like a couple my friends are going to help me like stay busy um there's a gym there i'll probably work out um if not like we'll watch movies together like i said we'll have like we'll do um kick ball games with other volunteer stations around us like we'll just kind of like it's just like friends like hanging out yeah like we just find things to do so you are like when you go after this are you technically on duty or no like if you were to get a call like would you respond to it yeah okay wow yeah so if i'm there at the station like i'll clock in so um for the ambulance um like i said because not many

people volunteer to be an EMT, but they don't usually stay as just a volunteer because they'll usually go on like career side because why not? So like we have a mix between a paid crew and a volunteer crew that mans are ambulance. So it's two people. It's a driver and then someone who's caring for the patient in the back. With a fire engine, you need four people to make a full crew. So if there's three people there and I'm there and like I don't respond on the call, it's kind of like, oh, you're, you could have made us have a full crew and we're not calling out shorts. So then I would feel kind of bad not doing that. But if there's four people there and, you know, I'm kind of doing my own thing, I'll just be like, all right, maybe I'll get the next one.

Yeah. Not a big deal. And then what's the longest hours usually that you're on one shift over there? So I can come and go as I leave. Like if I want to be there for an hour, I can be there for an hour. I can be there for an hour if I want to be there. I can sleep there. There's bunk rooms so I could spend the night. Is that because you're a volunteer? You can kind of do it. Okay. But if it was your career, then it would be more set schedule. Yeah. Yeah. So I can pick and choose when I come and go. So we try to do like crew nights. So like tonight is a Thursday night crew night. There's one on Saturday nights and then also Tuesday nights where like the same people will come and they'll be able to like man or like take calls throughout the night.

So they always sleep in and do anything that comes overnight. So and that kind of is a challenge too because like I said, this is all volunteer and the way the workforce has changed is, you know, most people work Monday through Friday nine to five or if you're a shift worker, you know, it's hard to sometimes commit every single Tuesday, every single Thursday, every single Saturday to a fire station, especially if you have a family at home too, because you know, you have stuff that you need to do around the house or you just might need a break. So I will say that it is probably like one of the biggest struggles is like getting people to come in

because there have been times where I've been there and it's just me. And then just for like safety reasons, like you don't want to be one person taking a call. Right. So it's good to have two. people because then maybe one or you, you or the other person, like you guys can go together or ideally the more you have, it makes more sense. And then if you get those back-to-back calls, then you said after that you have to file all the paperwork on each one that you did. Yeah, if you ride the ambulance. Okay. And I think they're trying to transition it for the fireside

too. Yeah. So where the firefighters would have to do paperwork as well? Because right now they don't have to? We don't have to. Yeah. We just have like a report that we have to do on the computer where it's like, these people are on the call, this is what we did. But it's like very brief. It's like a couple sentences. So only the EMTs have to do it because of basically how they helped the person. Right. Yeah. Because at that point, you're actually like providing care. You're providing a service, you know, whether what the call is. It could be, you know, life or death. And just for, you know, legality purposes. For sure. Everything needs to be documented about like what you did. pre-hospital care.

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And like I said, if that's somebody that you don't really hit it off with or you feel like you want to try another therapist, that is totally fine. and you can switch it any time you want. Let therapy be your map with BetterHelp. Visit BetterHelp.com slash insane today to get 10% off your first month. That's BetterHelp, H-E-L-P.com slash insane. I wanted to bring up, like my mom's always been into like Chicago PD, Chicago Med, and even for me, like, one of the reasons that I was so interested in the FBI is because

I was watching criminal minds and I was like, this looks like so much fun. So I wanted to hear your perspective on like all of the. those shows. Like how, I guess, realistic or not realistic are they? Um, so TV is TV. You know, people always want the drama, want the craziness. And I mean, there are some crazy things that we see, but to the extent that they draw it out to is completely, like, outrageous. I like watching those shows because I kind of find them comical in a way. Yeah. That I'm like, you really wouldn't do this in real life. Like, this is not what you'll do. But sure. Like, Like, if this is what gets the goers like going, like, why not?

You know, my favorite is, you know, every time, like, a house is on fire, it explodes. That's not what really happens. Like, there's not as much of explosion as, like, you think. And all the drama between the people. I mean, I will say there is a lot of drama in the fire department. But, you know, you're also with these people. Yeah. For so long.

like it's bound to happen like it's just how people are unfortunately but yeah no those shows definitely it's not what it's like in real life by any means i mean even the calls you know some of the stuff that they do is just i don't know i don't i don't even know like my favorite i guess is you know someone's down and they put like the EKG leads to like look at their heart and they're flatlined and they're like, all right, let's shock them. Well, you don't shock people when they're flatlined. Yeah. Like, that's not why you shock people.

Like, you do CPR. You give them some ads to get the heart starting. So it's like things like that where it's just way more intense and like you're skipping some steps. Yeah, yeah, exactly. And I feel like that's what people like. They're like, oh, they had to shock that person to get them back to life. Yeah.

And I'm sure for a lot of people, too. Like I said, myself included, like when you watch these things, it could make you think that you really want to do them. And then reality hits. And you're like, oh, well. maybe not like and I think one thing I'll say too is I feel like the volunteer volunteering is so even if you don't go into it as a career like I feel like it's so important because it gives you that hands-on experience in real-life experience because even in school um like I was always interested in criminal justice type stuff but I feel like I never actually got that hands-on experience and I feel like until you get that like in the field you don't really learn much like you can learn all the the knowledge I guess to some degree, but it's not like the actual experience with other people and like being actually on site. Yeah. And I mean, it's kind of with any, you know, career or education is they're

going to highlight the big things. Like the main concepts, the bigger picture. But they're really not going to talk about like the bad stuff or like, you know, what, like the feelings. The feelings are taken out of when you take, like, when you read a book or you take a test or you sit during a lecture. Like, like you said, it's all knowledge. But getting that hands-on experience, like, I was always that type of person where, like, I could not sit through class. You know what I mean? Like, I'm way too ADHD for that. Like, I need to, like, be moving to, like, doing things. So, you know, what I learned during my EMT course, it was definitely like a good foundation. But the majority, I would say, like, 70 to 80% of, like, what I do. And so, you know, what I

know is like from experience because you could have one one call that you know you're like oh like maybe I should have done this or like oh now I'll be more aware for the next one and then it'll come up so there are things like you'll learn along the way like you know like for example um people with like low blood sugar, they will have like slurred speech and weakness and a lot of the calls will come out as a stroke. I worked with a EMT and I came later on in the call that they were like, it's a stroke, it's a stroke. And I'm like, did you check the blood sugar? And they're like, no. Like they said they were having slurred speech and weakness. And I was like, check their blood sugar. And it was a low blood trigger. You know, and like this person could have gone all the way to the hospital and that blood

trigger is continuing to go down. So it's like things like that, you just become more aware. But it's with anything. Like everyone learns more once you're in the job, once you're actually doing it. Right. And actually working. And I was going to say too, another thing, at least with the, for me, like, this is the only thing I have to compare to, but with FBI stuff, I always thought that because they always make it seem like, oh, you're just like always going to be doing the exciting stuff. Yeah. No. But like they don't tell you and show you about that downtime of like whether it's paperwork or you might have like four hours of not really having anything to do. And I feel like that's something that kind of comes with everything. Like you're going to have the highs and then the kind of like

the lows or like the lows and then in between like when you don't really have much going on. Yeah. But yeah, I feel like it's so important with with, bless you. I feel like it's so important with careers, especially those that are more, can be more traumatic and more intense, that all of those aspects are hit because I feel like a lot of people will go into them not prepared. for what's to come. Like even if, like you said, even if those services are there, like therapy or people to talk to,

not everybody's going to be prepared to do that and to take those steps. Yeah. So it's really interesting because I feel like they, like we were just saying it's mainly just knowledge-based. Yeah, really like the whole thing.

Yeah. And I mean, even with the show is I find it funny because like a lot of people want to join like our fire station because we have a fire engine and a fire truck. And they're like, going to be a driver. Yeah.

And it's like, well, it doesn't work like that. Like, you have to get your certification and firefighting. You need to get other, take other classes. You need to do, there's like, there's procedures. Yeah, it's not just a driver's life. Right, right. Exactly. Exactly.

So, you know, because they see these shows, they think like, oh, like this is how it's going to be. And it's like, there are days where every single call could be like a lift assist at, you know, like a, oh my gosh, what is it called? like an assisted living. So every single call is you going to an assisted living place and picking up grandma or grandpa who fell on the ground and may not be injured, but those are the calls.

Right. And it actually is really, really rare. I mean, summer when it's drier, barbecues and stuff like that, we definitely have more fires. But there aren't that many, like, big fires as, like, people think. And I feel like as the show is portrayed. Like every single call is this crazy. Yeah.

No, yeah. No. It's not like that. And it's kind of interesting too because now that you say it, there's an assisted living down the street. And whenever I see like a fire truck or ambulance, like I naturally get so nervous. And I'm like, oh my God, did somebody die? Or is there like some big fire?

But I feel like too, like you said, I feel like those things aren't shown enough of like those calls where it doesn't have to be somebody dying. It could just be helping somebody or assisting someone. Right. But I think we're meant to think that it's like. The worst case. Yes, which I always do it now that it actually makes me feel a little bit better now. Yeah.

But yeah, because I always, I always see that. And I'm like, oh my God, did somebody die again? Yeah. It's like my thought because that's what I've seen in these shows. But yeah, I feel like those are the things that they definitely don't show because they're not as dramatized. Yeah. And I mean, even then, like speaking of assisted living, um, sometimes like even though it could be like a medical call and the ambulance would get dispatch, a fire engine may come just to give support. It's like they need like an extra hand picking someone.

on Alp or something like that or for transport because if the person is really down and they, you know, don't have the strength to like help you lift them, you might need extra bodies. So just because you see an ambulance and fire truck there, like definitely, yeah. Yeah. So like, yeah. So that's kind of why I did the fire stuff or I decided to go down the fire route was because, you know, I could sometimes the fire engine, if the ambulance is out all day or just left the hospital, our fire engine might get to the call first.

and at least then I can start giving some type of medical care, whether it's like doing a quick exam of them, getting their vitals, you know, getting them ready to go. So by the time the ambulance comes, they're not taking blood pressure. They're not getting their medical history. They're not getting their medication list. They're not getting of what happened. I can give a brief rundown being like, hey, this is X, Y, and Z.

This is their heart rate, you know, all this stuff. And we can pack them up and go. And that actually cuts down on time. Right. It's like efficient. You know, there's no time wasted because at that point, they're like, all right, like, I don't now need to do this. I can load and go or make that decision like, hey, you know, maybe they're fine.

Like, I don't see anything medically wrong, you know, and we can like leave the scene. So having that judgment there for stuff like that, I think, is really help because it doesn't waste resources either. Right. And just more support too, like you said, which is always important. Yeah. So I don't know how much you can share, but I was wondering, are there any, like, crazy stories that you've experienced or just anything that kind of has stuck with you that you've

you'll never forget. Yeah. Motorcycle accidents. Like they, I grew up like on with dirt bikes, ATVs and stuff like that. And I think ever since becoming like joining the fire department, motorcycle scare the crap out of me.

Oh yeah. You have no protection. No protection. And especially if you're moving at that speed, you're literally getting projected. You know. Well, there's not even just the motorcycles, but like the speed bikes. Yeah.

When they go through all the cars and I'm like, oh my God. Yeah. Like it gives me a panic attack every single time and I'm like, please let nothing happen them. Please let nothing to happen to them because, you know, there was a call. I don't even know how many years ago, but there was a pothole. And of course, Maryland, we love our potholes here. Their bike, I believe, hit a pothole or what we think.

or they might have hit like a gravel patch and lost control of their bike and ended up hitting a car on the shoulder. And at that point, you're having limbs, shoes all over the, you know, on the highway that you're then picking up. Suicide calls are always really hard, especially when they're young. Car accidents can be really bad, especially like people not wearing, you know, their seatbelt. You know, we always talk about like seatbelt safety. But I guess until you actually see someone go through like a windshield, sometimes it's their whole body that goes through.

And sometimes they get stuck and they get decapitated. Like, you know, it's things like that where it kind of, and I guess this goes back to the mental health. Like you become a very cautious person. Like you become very self aware of like yourself. Yeah. Of like yourself. And then you become like a little overprotective of like the people around you

that it's like, hey, like you may have no cares in the world but I've seen something similar and how this plays out maybe try and be a little safer about it. Yeah. So I mean, even with the crazy stuff I see and clearly obviously it like affects me in a way that I'm more like aware of my surroundings, more cautious about my actions. I don't know. It's just it's life and I think experiencing that just just makes you.

I mean, I don't know, makes you a more stronger person because like there are some weird, like, crazy things that people do. And I'm just like, why would you ever do this? And like, especially now with like the summer and people like having bonfires, like there's a lot of people that are chopping wood or using chainsawls with like no safety protection and like not wearing glasses and then getting projectiles like in their eye. And it's like, why? Right. Like why? Yeah. Just be a little bit more careful. Yeah, just be a little careful in life. Yeah.

So your first time that you saw something like that, do you think it, do you like, I guess my question is, do you think it took time to kind of get more used to showing up on a scene and being like, okay, like I just have to get to work versus when you showed up and it was kind of like, oh my God, you know what I mean? Like more intense, I guess in the beginning. So the problem, I guess it's not even a problem. So a lot of times when calls come out, the caller is. calling like a dispatch center and the dispatch center types up the call. So it may not even paint

the full picture. So there's a lot of times where it's like, I don't know, patient fell, you know, just needs help getting up and you get there and their ankle is like broken, broken. And it's like you are not getting up or even like a car accident. It'll come out like as just like vehicle ran into another vehicle and you get there and there's like a car on the roof or someone's trapped and it's like way more intense. Right. Yeah. Or it can be completely, you think that based on like the dispatch call, like it's going to be more intense and ends up being nothing. So I think the hardest, but I guess also like I said, the thrill is like you never really know what you're going to get. And that's kind of where like safety awareness and like environmental awareness, it becomes a huge thing. And what they like really harp on in the fire department is just like knowing your surroundings and always being aware of your. surroundings. So it's like, you know, even with like house fires, it will say like house is on fire, there's smoke everywhere and you get there and it's like someone just didn't clean their kitchen,

like their oven, you know, and their oven just has some smoke and like nothing is on fire. Right. But it's like you never know. And it's like, but at that point, you know, you're getting into gear before leaving the station. You're putting on your hood. You're putting on your oxygen. You're putting on your helmet and you're ready to go. And then you get there and you're like, oh, I just need a fire extinguisher. Like, that's it. But it's better to be more prepared than not. Yeah.

And I think which one, that always saves time. But also I was going to say that I think that as humans, like you were saying before, until it happens to you or until you see it or experience it, I think people tend to think they're invincible. Yeah. And like everybody wants to seek that, like that fun or that thrill or they don't think that anything bad will happen. Yeah.

But I feel like you've seen the worst of the worst. Like it can definitely happen, but it is crazy because I feel like the older, the older I've gotten, I've definitely become more of a way more cautious person than I was. Like when I was young, I feel like I wasn't scared of anything. I never thought of the bad. And now that I get older, I'm like, I don't want to do that or I don't want to do this because I'm scared of what could happen. Like I don't like even just little things.

Like I used to love to go my friends like motorcycle and bike. And now I'm like, you know, I don't want to die today. So like I'm just not going to do it. And it's like you could have a day where you're lucky and it's fine. But you could have a day where it's not and it's not even always the people driving. And it's not always specifically one person's fault. It could be other people. Right.

So it's scary. It is. It's a really scary world. And I think that's like kind of like the beauty of life and like why children are so, I don't know, innocent is because they are innocent. They don't know. They don't know. And then sometimes like I wish I didn't know or see it. as much as I have because I feel like some things probably would be more exciting or I'd have

like more enjoyment with it instead of like thinking, oh, well, of the worst. Of the worst. And that's, that's the one thing that kind of sucks about it is that like, I feel like we're meant to think life is short, have fun, let them on the edge. But then it's like when you do that, it comes with a lot of risk. Yeah. So it's like you must have to take the extra precaution and not do the riskier things because bad things could happen. I mean, anything bad could happen at any time. But I feel like, you know, like we're just saying when you're younger, I feel like you don't really think about those things as much as much as you do when you get older.

Yeah. Which kind of sucks, but it does. But I mean, balance is a thing. It's like you can live in fear or you can live with awareness. Yeah. And I feel like definitely being in the fire department has made me just live my life, just being aware because, I mean, I definitely have fun. Like, I definitely do things that.

are a little more risky, but I'm just like, all right, you know. Yeah. And you also have that, I feel like experience at this point and knowledge to know where that balance is for you. Yeah. Especially in when you're in the field and doing it because it's like, I think you, like you said, you wouldn't go and do something on your own. Yeah. You would definitely always make sure you had that help there with you just for that, you know, safety and stuff like that. So I feel like that's important. But I don't know. I think what you said too about it makes you a stronger person. I feel like that's in so many ways I feel like it does because not only physically, obviously it taught you so much with all the training, but also mentally it kind of enforced you to

open up more. Yeah. And just really not only firsthand experience it through what you've seen and done, but also just like really allow yourself to, I guess tap into your mental health and be like, okay, like I can talk about things. And it doesn't even always have to be your career either. You know what I mean? Just be like, okay, like I'm dealing with something.

Like you said, if you're feeling sad one day and you go in and it's nice because you have the people in your department, but then you also have your therapist and other resources. So I feel like overall it just makes you a stronger person, it seems like. Yeah. I mean, and I mean, you know, even with therapy, it's an ongoing process. And, you know, sometimes like I'll have, like you said, like I'll have highs and lows. but even if you don't find resolution, and that's the thing is like you don't always have to find a solution to the problem, but just recognizing that it's there. Because like one of the biggest conversations that I've had with my therapist and even my like manager and like other people that I work with with my career, they're like, you're still doing the fire department?

Like, are you sure? Like, you know, you don't want to like taper back on that a little because you're working. a lot and I'm like, no, but then there's times where I'm like, okay, maybe I do need to take some time back. Maybe I do, you know, when I'm off for three days, I spend the first day, like being a lazy bum and I love it because it's my recovery day. And then that second day, like I get that wind where I'm like, all right, like, what are we going to do today? And then if I'm done doing things around the house, I'll go to the fire department. And it's like, I don't need to do that, though. But it's just me looking for things to do. But like, but then if I work

the day after, I never really had a full recovery and it just builds up. So it's like finding that balance and also knowing when to like step back is okay. And I think that's kind of, you know, going back to the whole family thing, maybe when I decide to have a family that will be like more of a justification for me to be like, hey, I need to take some time away. Yeah. Because it is a lot. And it's a lot of stress just for being a volunteer thing. Like, you know, most people, not most people, but people who volunteer, like, if they do it, like, at a soup kitchen or they'll do, like, environmental projects or, like, at a children's hospital, it's maybe like one or two hours.

Yeah. And I think, too, another thing that I just thought of that obviously makes, I think would make your decision a little bit harder of taking that time away is we keep bringing it, like, the family aspect, too, of, like, even just at the fire department. But that becomes, like, another group of friends for you to. I hang out with. And I think that that's a whole other aspect of it that I think is so positive that you almost form this new group of family and friends that you have in a whole different way

than your other personal friends that might not relate or get it as much. So I feel like that's a whole other aspect of it too. That's just, you know, it's nice to have and it's a different type of support. And even if one day you're not doing that, those are still people that you'll always have relationship with and you'll always be able to bond with different. even if you aren't doing it as much or even if you're just doing the EMT work. Yeah. Which is good.

And even then that kind of reminded me, you know, personal relationships become really hard in the fire department. And I know like because you can't really peel away. You know, like at least when I feel like I'm at work, I can leave my work there because the fire department is volunteer and it's kind of like as a come and go thing. I mean, there will be times where I mean, like I was just on vacation and I was on my phone and you know my husband was like please tell me you're not dealing with the fire department you know so like thankfully he is great and he's independent and he doesn't care but majority of the time like yeah i am on my

phone texting guys from my fire department and it's completely like platonic and it's like a friends only but then they're texting me at midnight 1 a.m and it's like why do you have guys texting you and it's nothing You know, and I've had issues in past relationships where, like, guys couldn't get over it. And I literally was like, I swear in my life, like, they are married. Yeah. Like, it's nothing. But then, you know, like, that is also important because that makes it stressful because then I have been put in the position where I had to make a decision between the person I was dating or my fire department. And I've, you know, sent emails to like our vice president.

And I was like, hey, like, I need to consider, you know, moving my membership from active to an associate member because I need to take care of this. And, you know, like, she's great and she had the talk. She's like, let's talk about this. Like, what is your concern? And she's talked me out of multiple times, like, keeping my active membership and not going down. And, you know, it took me a while to realize that if someone isn't secure or, like, okay with my passion. Right. And it's probably, not going to work out. Yeah. And I think all of those, it's one thing to feel a certain way and to have that conversation and then you guys get on the same page. But then it's another thing if someone just can't understand and it's coming from jealousy and insecurity within themselves. Because then that puts a damper on your life and your passions or the things that you love, which isn't fair to anybody, no matter what it is. So yeah, I didn't even think about that aspect. Yeah. And I mean, it's a big thing. I'm not in the fire department, but you know, the police department. the medical field and stuff like that because it is a lot of long hours, long shifts.

A lot of time you spend. Yeah. And it goes back to that trauma bonding too. It's like I'm sure people would not be able to understand like why you rather talk to people that you work with or that can firsthand relate rather than your husband or wife. Yeah. But like it's nothing, it's nothing against them. It's just that it's an easier conversation to have with somebody that was there or somebody

that can firsthand relate to it. Yeah. I mean, it's perfect because, like, my husband, he hates the blood and gore of, like, anything medical. So I started, he's like, uh-uh, he's like, I'm done. He's like, talk to your friends. He's like, talk to your friends about this. I was like, perfect because, like, I don't then have to try to, like, explain it to you. And, like, layman's terms in a way that makes sense.

And then I feel like then at that point, I'm not really expressing, like, what I want to say because I spent more time just trying to explain, like, the ins and outs. Yeah. So, yeah. I got really lucky. that I can have like both like separate. Yeah. And it's good too because it really does seem like overall in every aspect. Like you've been doing it long enough that you've learned that balance for yourself and then

your career and your relationship. And I think too it's it's really interesting because like I said, the reason I wanted you to come on here is to really give. I feel like the real reality perspective of not only being in the fire department and being an EMT, but also like as a woman and the mental health aspect because I feel like those are the things that aren't really touched on and are kept in the dark and not really. Yeah. It's like not because it's not the exciting part. It's not really talked about.

Well, and also it's just in life in general, you know, it's really sad that it took COVID to really bring awareness to the public about the stress that health care workers and first responders and anyone on the front line what they go through. And, you know, but this is stuff that's been going on for a long time. And, you know, even when it comes to like just any type of resources, a lot of stuff, a lot of good support did come out of COVID. But like I said, it shouldn't have taken COVID. No. This long for something like that to happen to be like, hey, we need to take care of our people that are taking care of us.

Exactly. Because how can you provide good care if you're not being cared for? Yeah. I think that's something that a lot of people forget to. Yeah. So it's like it's natural and easy to lean. on the people that are supposed to be helping us. But even like they always say, therapists need therapists too.

Yeah, exactly. So I feel like it's the same kind of thing. But no, I'm so glad that you were able to come on and share all this because it was amazing. You just so good. Oh, thanks. No, it's fun. It was good. I'm glad you liked it.