We're All Insane - Sleep Paralysis Demons

Episode Date: July 15, 2024

Have you ever woken up unable to move, feeling a presence in the room, or experiencing terrifying hallucinations? You're not alone. This phenomenon, known as sleep paralysis, affects millions of people worldwide. In this video, we delve deep into the unsettling world of sleep paralysis. Learn about the science behind these nightmarish experiences, common triggers, and what you can do to prevent them. Evie shares her real-life stories, insights, and tips for coping with and overcoming sleep paralysis. Evie's Links: https://www.instagram.com/eviesphotos_?igsh=M3VnaW10NXl6ZTZt&utm_source=qr Soul Portrait Links: Vicky Paul's Website: https://www.vickypaul.com Vicky Paul's IG: https://www.instagram.com/vickyjpaul/?hl=en If you have a unique story you'd like to share on the podcast, please fill out this form: https://forms.gle/ZiHgdoK4PLRAddiB9 or send an email to [e-mail] Business Inquiries please contact: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hey guys, it's me Devorah. I just dropped an all new bonus episode inside my new subscription channel, We're All Insane Plus. This week's bonus episode is called My Brain was slipping into my spine. Listen now by subscribing to We're All Insane Plus inside your Spotify or Apple Podcasts app or go to we're all insane.com. Hi, I'm Evie and I live with recurrent sleep paralysis. So I'll start off with the definition of what it is, and I'll go into some history about it. So sleep paralysis is basically rapid eye movement, sleep dysfunction. It's a temporary loss of muscle control, either after, just after falling asleep or right before waking up. Some people can experience hallucinations when they have this. Most of the time, it's just trouble moving.

or feeling like your eyes are open, but you can't move. Like you see things around you, but you're kind of just stuck in your position in bed wherever you're sleeping. My experience, I have hallucinations with it. It's rare that I have it without, but it can happen sometimes. And whenever I hear that term, I immediately think, okay, you wake up, you open your eyes and you see a dark figure in the corner of your room and you cannot move. We'll get into that.

That is so scary. Yeah. And also I feel like too, if you don't know you have it, it's like, okay, am I waking up a nice, am I seeing a demon? Yeah. Or even like am I waking up and is something actually wrong? Am I actually paralyzed? Yeah. Oh my gosh.

Okay. Sorry. That's my background of knowing about it. I appreciate any questions or comments. So is it, you said you can have it without the hallucin. Yeah, but it's rare. Okay. It's very rare. Also, the other thing is most people will experience it once in their lifetime. Usually it's without the hallucinations or sometimes it's like, you know, a demon figure. If they're anxious the night before or the day of, they have like a big life event happening or they just have been, you know, not getting good

sleep recently. That can happen. But for some people, we get it frequently and with hallucinations. like, you know, something scary happening. I'll go into the history of it. Back then, Greek times, you know, ancient times, it was believed to be a stomach issue, which is very interesting, or, of course, an evil spirit. So I'm sure you've heard, like, oh, the sleep paralysis demon.

There's actually a famous picture. If you look up sleep paralysis online, it shows up everywhere. It's called The Nightmare by Harry Fusili. Fusely, he's a Swiss painter. So it's this woman, she's wearing like a white, kind of like dress. It's interesting that it's white, but she's like on a couch or Ben and she's, you know, like hanging over in like a deep sleep. And there's a little like gremlin troll looking thing sitting on her chest and she's just like out sprawled out and it's just sitting there like looking at you, like the viewer. So there's different.

interpretations of that, but of course, every culture believes it's something different. So a lot of people think that it's, you know, possession or, you know, someone coming to visit them. Some people actually believe that Edgar Allan Poe, his work hinted at sleep paralysis because, you know, it's very dark. It's very like, dooming. He talks about sleep sometimes. So different, you know, cultural interpretations. Sorry to interrupt you. No, no. Do they know what causes it? So there's theories. Okay. So if you look in the DSM, sleep paralysis is in its own listed diagnosis, but it's a symptom of some things. So, for example, narcolepsy, sleep apnea,

I think restless leg syndrome, like when you can't stop moving your legs when you're sleeping. I think people can experience it. Also, of course, anxiety, PTSD, any anxiety disorder, it's very common with. So it can be very scary when you're already experiencing that and then on top of, you know, disrupted sleep. So it's also very common to be associated with alien encounters. A lot of scientists and, you know, like conspiracy theorists believe that people who have alien encounters or belief to have alien encounters experience sleep paralysis. So I think that's really interesting. Obviously, people believe different things and their experience is their own experience.

There has also been celebrities who have talked about it. So I think Tom Holland talked about it, Kendall Jenner. And then there's, you know, some debates going on. You know, is this a spiritual alien experience versus is it a medical, you know, condition? Common triggers for people in general. I'll talk about mine eventually, but common ones are people who are disrupted by like jet lag, people who work night shifts or just like odd hours and have like, you know, an odd sleep schedule is a trigger. Sleeping on your back can be a trigger. It's no matter. Well, I think I'm going to stop doing that. Well, I do. I can't stay asleep on my side. Yeah, I always sleep on my back. Yeah. Yeah, I feel like a lot of people think that's strange, but it's pretty common. Anxiety.

regular sleep. Taking naps is a common one for people with recurrent sleep paralysis, sleeping alone or sleeping too much. We'll get into my first experience. So I'll go into my history with sleep, relationship with sleep. So as a child, it was very interesting the way I interpreted sleep. So I never wanted to go in my room alone. I would sleep alone. Like I wasn't a co-sleeper, but I wouldn't like doing it. So it was really funny. I was talking about like I had FOMO from a toddler. I would sit in my bed and in our first house, my parents' room was behind mine, like, you know, diagonal. And I would listen to what my mom was doing because she, she'd stay awake like watching TV, reading a book. My dad would do like office work next door.

So I would always want to know what they were doing at all times. So I didn't want to go to sleep. I'd be like, oh, what are you reading? What are you watching? I think part of it was me being afraid to go to sleep. I think it's very strange, but I think I associated it with death, which is very strange. But at this point, you weren't, were you having issues yet or not yet? Not yet. Okay. No. But you just always kind of did enjoy the idea of sleeping. Yeah. And were you tired? Would you feel tired?

Um, not really. Okay. If I was, I would keep myself awake with my thoughts. So, yeah, I don't remember as a kid feeling that tired. Now is a different story, but as a kid, I think that, like, the anxiety and the thoughts would just keep me awake. So, yeah, I would, and, content warning because I'll talk about death a lot, funerals, wakes. For me, I thought,

it was a weird connection between, okay, going to sleep is laying down with your eyes closed, and you're essentially dead for like eight hours. Okay. That's what I thought in my brain as a child, which is very weird. And just some part of me always had a fear that, like, I'll go to sleep or my parents will go to sleep and we won't wake up because that's what sleep is. Like, your, your body is just limp for that amount of hours. And I guess that scared me. I was like, what can happen? Like, and the thought of dreams also weirded me out. Like, dreams, space, all of that stuff creeped me out from a very young age. So my family would talk about like, oh, I had this dream the other day. And I remember thinking, like, I don't remember any of my dreams. Like, I couldn't

remember, oh, the last time I had a dream, which could be because of my age, like, I was very young, but the concept still kind of freaked me out. So eventually, I started being able to go to sleep, not have that issue. My parents were very diligent about making sure, like, I went to bed, you know, not knocked on their door or anything. Obviously, not in a bad way, but they helped me out with that. I remember a few times where it started happening where I would wake up and I was paralyzed, but I didn't know what it was. Like, I'd open my eyes, but I couldn't move. And I felt like muscle weakness. Even after I woke up, I was like, you know that feeling when you try to squeeze your hand tight, but you couldn't? I would get that a lot. And how old were you at this age? As early as I could

remember, probably four or five? Okay. So you would wake up, was it morning time or was it in the middle of the night still? Morning time. Okay. Yeah. And your eyes could see around you, but you physically could not move. Yeah. Like I could see my room. I could see daylight and you can't move your head either. No. Just the eyeballs. Yeah. Got it. But it was a certain point where I got used to it. Like I thought, oh, this is a normal part of waking up, which could have contributed to why I didn't want to go to sleep, but I didn't know at that age, like, hey, this is not, you know, the most normal thing to have. Do you remember how long this would last? Or like what it felt like? At then, I don't think it was that long. Okay. It wasn't scary enough to.

to where I'd tell my parents. Like, I'd tell them, like, hey, like, I have that feeling where, like, I can't, you know, close my hands or I feel really weak. But I don't think it was that, like, concerning to me. I think it was just interesting. Right. And if it was something that you were dealing with, even before that, but maybe at this age you kind of started realizing, yeah.

Maybe you just, like you said, you kind of thought it was normal. Yeah. There came a certain point where, and I remember. this clearly. I can't, if I had other ones at that early age, I can't remember. There was only like a few instances where I can remember. There was one time where this was in the middle of the night and it's not scary. Like this one isn't scary. This one's pretty innocent. I mean, it might be scary to some people, but at that point I wasn't scared. I was just like, that was weird. I remember opening my eyes. Well, at least I thought my eyes were open. It was night.

time, I had this like dresser next to my bed on the left side. I saw like a kind of like a spotlight, like a little tiny light shining on the top of my dresser and I had some dolls and like a toy story kind of figurine set. And I remember seeing them starting to like move and, you know, kind of like talk a little. Hold on. You woke up in the middle of their party. Yeah. Yeah, right? And I was like, okay. I remember waking up the next morning and I was like, maybe I imagined that, but it felt pretty real to me. So would that be considered a hallucination? I don't know. Okay.

So it could have been that. It could have been a dream. Yeah. You didn't know. I just remember feeling like this was really real. Okay. Like I woke up the next day and I was like, that was not a dream. So.

But it still didn't scare me. I was like, that was interesting. Okay. Which is weird for a child with like, you know, really bad anxiety. You know, something like that should have probably scared me, but it didn't. So then we moved into a new house and my eyes have always been weird at night. So I can't sleep in a room if it's completely dark because my eyes just like bug out. Like I feel really weird.

So I have to have some kind of like night light or like open the blinds slightly so light can come through. So at this point, I remember as I was trying to go to bed, and I still don't know if it's something with my eyes or a hallucination, because I don't remember feeling paralyzed. But I remember seeing, it's almost like mini fireworks coming from like the ceiling. It was like strings of like, you know, when you close your eyes and you kind of start to see like patterns. It was kind of like that, but more real. And my eyes were open and I wasn't paralyzed. So I was like, okay, this is either my eyes. I don't know.

Just something to keep in mind. I thought that was interesting. I told my parents and my mom took me to an eye doctor. And they were like, I mean, you have, you know, at an early age, I wore glasses. So I had some issues with my vision. just like not perfect vision, but there was nothing, like, physically wrong with my eyes. And eventually, I somehow grew out of it and don't have to wear glasses anymore. So there was nothing, like, wrong with my eyes.

But I just remember feeling, like, so distracted by it that I couldn't go to sleep. So then, as I continued to get older, high school came around. And that is just a nightmare because in terms of... of sleep schedule, you know, we expect young people to, you know, wake up super early before the sun even rises and then go to school, expect to focus for that many hours, and then go home, do homework, any extracurricular activities, and then expect to sleep at a reasonable time, which, you know, I have an issue with. But that is basically, I think, what disrupted my sleep schedule the most. At that point in high school, I decided that I want to go to

college for music therapy. And that involved college auditions. So I was practicing piano for hours, felt like I could barely do my homework, focus on, you know, studying for tests. So it was a lot. I'd be up pretty late and I'd wake up pretty early. And that really destroyed just like, my mental focus, physical, everything, I also got two minor concussions in high school, which I have a theory contributed to the worsening sleep paralysis. That's just my opinion, because I noticed a correlation, hey, after I had, you know, these two instances of a minor concussion, that's when I started to get, you know, the more frequent sleep paralysis. So at that point, I was just exhausted.

And this is still high school? Yes. So I could not describe the level of exhaustion. High school was for me. Like I felt like all four years I was just a zombie, like a walking zombie. So, you know, that probably contributed to a lot. When I had my concussions, I was ordered, obviously. by my doctor to not look at a smart board, not look at technology for too long.

So when I was in high school, a bunch of my teachers used smart boards. And one of them in particular, even though he got the notice that I couldn't use a smart board, he would still use it, which I don't blame him for that because, you know, you got to teach. But he never said anything about like what I could do in. And at that point in my life, I was way too shy to even acknowledge that. Yeah. So what I did instead was, because I probably would have done it anyway, I just slept in my desk. So that was not a healthy way of, you know, coping with that. But there were so many times in high school where I would just fall asleep at my desk. Sometimes on purpose, sometimes not. I had a good relationship with my teachers, but I think

they knew that, you know, what I was going through. So I never, you know, expected anyone to cater towards me. I just kind of just would fall asleep. As a child, I was very interested in dreams and, like, the meaning of them. Always interested in psychology. Like, I remember in middle school, like, I didn't want to read regular books. I, you know, would read books on psychology. So I have a cousin who, so, sorry to preface, my mom's side of the family is very intuitive. And a lot of times we, you know, have dreams, talk about them. And this is going to sound very strange, but sometimes we have dreams that literally come true. There was one time where my cousin, um, he was younger and he was sleeping. And in the middle of the night, he woke up his parents, my aunt and uncle, and was like, Yaya's dog.

Yaya means, uh, grandma in Greek. And he was like, Yaya's dog. I forgot their name. died. Like, her dog died. Like, what happened? And they were like, what are you talking about? And he was like, well, I had this dream that, like, I saw, like, that her dog died. Literally the next morning, this was in the middle of the night, the next morning, she called them and told them that her dog died. So just like an example of something, that was the most extreme that I could think of that happened. So, just thought I'd share that. So we have that like history and... Which I believe is very real.

Yeah. Yeah. So that's the thing. Like when I say like everyone has their interpretations, that's what I mean. Like I respect all of that and I believe all of that. I just, you know, just... To each their own.

Yeah. Also a little disclaimer. When I say hallucination, I mean that very loosely. just in the way that so I'm a social worker in my last job was working with people after their first episode of psychosis. So a lot of schizophrenia spectrum diagnoses. So I have the privilege of knowing that when I wake up, like I'm not going to, you know, hallucinate or see anything. So I just wanted to call that out. Like I am sharing my experience knowing that like it's not like an actual hallucination. It's just what I experience. And I want to respect people that, you know, deal with that on a daily basis. So I just wanted to call that out. But, um, so I'll go into my first experience, content warning, death again. I had to go to my first funeral. Um, this was my aunt's, my aunt through marriage, her dad. so it wasn't my grandpa, but he was like a grandpa to me because I saw him all the time,

like he was very involved in my life. So I went to this wake and the funeral. It was very sad. And I was either 11 or 12. That night, I went to sleep. And at this point, my dad was downstairs sleeping on the couch because he falls asleep on the couch a lot. And my mom, was upstairs sleeping and in the middle of the night I remember having an episode but this time it was my first hallucination so I opened my eyes my room is the same like I in my room is my room but it's just darker and more of like an eerie feeling so it's almost like I describe it to my friends is like, picture like the set of like a horror movie where you just like, you have a room, but you add stuff to it to make it scary.

So, um, I opened my eyes. Well, at least I thought I didn't. I was paralyzed and I saw black smoke just like trickling up from the foot of my bed, like up to my face just like covering me. And I couldn't breathe. Like I was like, you know, felt like I was gasping for air. So that lasted for like realistically a few seconds

but to me it felt like forever. I gained consciousness I woke up. I ran to my mom's room and I was like, when you wake up. Hey, I'm Jeremy Schwartz from American Criminal. On this season, robbery gone wrong or cold-blooded murder. Either way, Boston will never be the same.

Listen to American Criminal, the murder of Carol Stewart, wherever you get your podcasts. Or to get early at free, access, subscribe, and Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or at Americancriminal.com. Uh-huh. It's kind of like you're snapping out of that trans, and then you can... Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. My heart was beating fast. Like, it felt very real. So I woke up. I ran to my mom's room and I was like, there's a ghost in my room. Like, something tried to choke me. Like, I felt like the black mass was like trying to choke me. And she's like, what are you talking about?

Like, she was like concerned, but also not too concerned because I think she knew that, like, I was anxious. It was, you know. Or like maybe she thought it was a bad dream. Yeah, yeah, exactly. And she, like, you knew that I was anxious about the funeral. You know, his death in general was tough. But one of my triggers in general, anxiety, sleep paralysis. is funerals, seeing an open casket specifically.

So that was my first experience. And then, sorry, I'm kind of going back and forth here. So I talked about high school. At that point, it didn't happen for a little while. And then I got to high school. All that happened with the concussions, the stress. And then it started happening more frequently. So I'll get into some of that.

And when you say more frequently, how often would you say it was happening? Um, sometimes every two weeks, but on average, I'd say like once a month. Okay. So not too frequently. But more than it was before. Yeah. Yeah. Um. And maybe before it was more like induced from anxiety or stress, but now it was kind of just like, yeah, more random. Yeah. Okay. Hey guys, quick commercial break here. I just had to pop in and show you guys one of the most magical things that I own. and honestly, one of the most magical experiences that I have yet to have and tell you all about it. If you're wondering what this is, I did talk about it a little bit on my Instagram stories, but this is my very own personal soul portrait. Now, if you're wondering what a soul portrait

is because I was confused myself at first, but it really captivated me. I was super intrigued by the whole process and the idea is basically it is a representation of you, your soul, who you are, and your aura colors and your vibrations and your energy and everything in between. So the fabulous Vicky Paul is the artist of my soul portrait. She is wonderful. She is amazing. This whole process has been so incredible and so intriguing to me and has given me so much information about my soul and about who I am deep down as a person.

The best way to describe it is you combine your energies, her energy, your energy, and she creates a painting that best represents you from everything that comes through to her. The way that the process works is that you have a Zoom call with her and you kind of go over with where you are in life, what you're looking for, what you want to get out of it. And over the course of a few weeks, she kind of just lets everything come to her naturally. Whatever comes to her, she kind of puts it into this painting through different shapes, colors, textures, literally everything that you can imagine. This whole process of having your soul painting done includes so many benefits, whether it's spiritual, emotional, energetic healing in so many different ways.

And I can't express to you enough how much clarity and awakening this painting has brought me. Every time I look at it, I feel like I'm looking at the deep soul within myself. It's so beautiful. It brings me so much joy, so much light. And I am so, so happy with the way that it turned out. And for me, honestly, the most exciting part about it was that. you have no idea what your painting is going to look like until it's completely done. She basically goes through every single layer.

Like when you look at this painting, you might just think, oh, it was done in one sitting. No, it was done over the course of weeks. So many different layers, so many different colors and textures that are buried under what you see here. It's literally incredible. But she gives you every detail, every single thing that came to her, every single color she used, why she used it, what she sees your aura is, what colors your aura is. what it represents. So much information. It's literally crazy when I had my last and my final call with her about my soul painting. I was so shocked and overwhelmed in the best possible way by how much

information that she gave me, by how beautiful my painting was. And like I said, I feel like the energetic healing and the energy that comes from this painting is literally never ending. So if this is something that you would be interested in learning more about, I'm going to link Vicky's website down below, as well as her Instagram. And you can reach out to her directly if you have any questions or if you want to see other soul portraits that she has done because they are all so beautiful. I love them all. I will literally scroll through the website and be like, this is so gorgeous. This is so beautiful. Like I want to see the person that matches the soul portrait. It's a whole experience. It's like I can't even explain it. But anyway, if you guys have any questions for me and my experience down below or any

just questions that you have about it, you can comment down below. You can message me on Instagram. I'll answer as many questions as I can, and I'm sure Vicky would do the same. But anyway, thank you, Vicki. If you're watching, you're amazing. And I love my painting so, so, so much. But anyway, I hope you guys enjoyed hearing about my soul portrait. And now back to today's episode. Yeah, so I remember the second time this was in high school at this point,

that I can remember like a vivid hallucination. I opened my eyes. at this point, I think I was falling asleep because it was in nighttime. So I was about to fall asleep. And this one's weird. So sometimes when I have a hallucination, things in the room get replaced by what I'm seeing. So this time it was, I have a TV right in front of my bed, not right in front, but on the wall in front of my bed. and the TV became this like old portrait painting kind of thing of this woman with blonde hair in like a bun style with like a blue dress looking to the side. I was like, what am I looking at?

I remember thinking while I was looking at it. I was like, what is this? Like, who is this? And the rest of my room kind of felt like it was weird. like I was in some kind of like old room. So then I came out of it and I remember like telling my brother the next day. I was like I saw like a old blonde woman like you think it was like one of our like ancestors or something like that. I was joking and he was just like you're so weird.

Like no one understood it at that point because it's like less frequent. I was like, okay. I guess this is just me. Like I asked my family, oh, have you ever seen this? Like, no. And that's the interesting part because it can be genetic, but I don't remember anyone telling me of any experiences. I think maybe my dad, like, maybe once woke up and was like paralyzed or maybe my uncle, but they didn't talk about like hallucinations or anything. So at that point, I was like, okay. So I'll go over the different types of hallucinations. So first one is Intruder with. sleep paralysis. It's a dangerous presence or person in the room. And then there's chest pressure hallucinations, which is basically like that choke feeling, like the feeling like I was being choked, like couldn't breathe. And then there's vestibular motor, which is feelings of movement,

such as flying or out of body sensations. Is that like if you can, because I think I've heard Some people say it's almost like they can see themselves sleeping. That's exactly. Okay. Yeah. So I'll get into that. And then quick question before I forget, when you were looking it up or just over time, have you ever gotten information on how long it can actually last? I think it's a few seconds.

So it's really not ever like 10 minutes or something. Maybe. If there is, it's very rare. Okay. there might be like maybe you know i don't know if there's like a world record or something of like being able to time it but typically it's on the shorter side yeah yeah it's nothing like a real like when you're in it it can't harm you so people who have this like to me at least it's comforting to know like oh like i'm fine like i'm gonna wake up and i'll be fine like yeah i'll be stressed but so all of this

basically lightly using the word hallucination. Yeah. It's just if you are seeing things, you're waking up, you can't really move, you could hallucinate, but nothing actually bad. Like you can't, I guess, what is the one where you have to use, like, a breathing device? Is that sleep apnea? Yeah. Yeah. So like it's nothing like when you feel like you're choking, you actually are have the risk of. It can be. But so it's associated with sleep apnea too. Okay. Right. You did say that. So people with sleep apnea. can have sleep paralysis. So when people have a CPAP machine, it could help reduce those symptoms because their brain is actually getting good sleep. Like they're getting enough oxygen to their brain.

Usually it like makes it go away or at least very less frequent. Okay. But in most cases, it's you're going to be fine. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, you'll just be a little scared. Right. Do you find, and you might get to this, but a question that I have for you is when this sleep paralysis started really happening after the concussions, like in high school, which I'm sure you feel different about it now because you have more experience with it.

But did you find yourself kind of going back to when you're a kid of not wanting to go to sleep? Like did you have a fear around sleep again or not really? That's interesting. I think I was so exhausted that I couldn't even think of that. Okay. Like at this point, I was so disrupted that. In high school, I was just like, I don't care what happens. Like, I need to sleep. Okay. Like, I'd get home in middle school even. I'd get home. I would do track and field at that point.

And I was advised by a doctor to stop track because I would get home. I would eat something and then fall asleep. And my mom would have to wake me up to do my homework and eat dinner, things like that. Yeah, it was just when I think middle school was the turning point. Like, I was like, okay, like I value sleep so much even now. Like, sleep is just so important. So you never found that it caused more fear around sleep? No, but it's very common for people to feel that. Yeah.

So at, like to dread going to sleep. Yeah, exactly. So at this point, I'm very used to it. Like, it doesn't scare me. Even in high school, like it, I knew when I was in an episode. Yeah, so I'll go into some of my other ones. So those three categories, I think most of the time, I experience them all at once. So some people will, like, you know, have one at a time. Some people will have them all at once. The next experience that was interesting, a woman. So to the left of my bed, I had a little stool next to my dresser. Instead of the stool, it was a woman. who very well could have looked like one of my ancestors, like she had dark hair, darker eyes, nothing creepy looking or anything, but the stool became a rocking chair.

And it sounds really creepy, but in the moment, I was like, almost like comforted. It was very interesting. She was rocking in her chair, looking at me, and just, like, whispering, but, like, kind of like a low talk but whisper and I couldn't make out what she was saying but it was almost like comforting it was very very weird so I woke up and I was like hmm like I was like coming like you know playing it back as like what what did she say but I couldn't make it out and at that point I was um seeing a therapist who also was like a spiritual um counselor. She was very into like astrology. And she told me like when that happens. Like so there's a

level of like mediumship where some people believe that psychics or mediums like when they have an experience of sleep paralysis. A lot of times it's like people trying to talk to you, but you can't hear what they say, or like, their voices are missing and you hear their mouths moving, things like that. So it's almost like they're trying to get out something to tell you, but they can't. Very, very interesting to think about. And so she told me that. And she was like, have you ever thought that, you know, it was someone trying to communicate with you? And I was like, maybe. Yeah, I'm open to that, but I'm not getting anything from it. Like, I can't go and tell someone, hey, this person wanted me to tell you this or this person who's crossed over,

you know, wants me to tell you something. Like I never like had that, you know, gift to this day. Don't know what anything means when I have it. Then I got to college and I started realizing that my major was not for me. Another content warning, I was very unhappy to the point where I, didn't want to wake up some days. Nothing too extreme, but it was to the point where my anxiety was like really severe. I was in a major where it was, you know, a mostly performance major, very competitive, a lot of pressure. I was having, you know, issues with my health. I have psoriasis, and I get joint pain. And my instrument was piano. So when my hands are hurting, how am I going to practice for three days. So it was very stressful. At that point, I was sleeping a lot. I felt like I had to

take naps in the middle of the day, which is one of my triggers. At one point, so I went to a Christian college, and I had two roommates in a forced triple. So it was three of us in a room that was supposed to be meant for two. So our beds were all, like, facing each other. And one of my roommates was at her desk doing homework while I was taking a nap. So my bed was like half lofted, probably like the height of this table. And hers was fully lofted, but her desk was under her bed and basically like right across from me sleeping. So she could see me sleeping if she wanted to, like if she looked up and saw me, like she'd see me. I was taking a nap and she was doing homework. she had her lamp on, but the main light was off.

And then all of a sudden, I started to feel, so when I, when I have an episode, I, before it's waking up, especially, I feel this weird sensation of like my body becoming very light and kind of like shaky. And it's almost like a wave of like air surrounding me. I remember lifted, like I lifted up from my bed, like physically, like this way, like as I'm sitting now. And a giant snake came at me with its tongue slithering. It was like a green, like scaly snake, almost like when you watch a 3D movie. That's exactly what it looked like. But my room was still my room, but my roommate wasn't there anymore. So I didn't see her.

I saw the snake instead, but I can physically, mentally remember me sitting up in the bed and the snake coming at me. And then I woke up and I was lying down still. So I was like, what just happened? And so I asked my roommate, I was like, Emily, did you see what I looked like just now? She was like, no, like, I'm sorry. Like, I was doing homework and I was like, oh, I've never had it with another person in the room. Yeah, because I was going to ask you, I wonder if in those moments, like, if your eyes are actually open. That's, yeah.

Or if you're, you know, to the outside world, you're just laying down sleeping. Yeah. But you don't know. Yeah. I think they are technically open. Okay. But the sensation of lifting up, I don't know if that's real. Right.

Because I feel like should have heard me. I know. I know. And just see. Yeah. Yeah. I feel like she would have like heard me. I was thinking that.

Yeah, like her juice it up or something. So apparently. Scream. Well, yeah, that's the other thing. So when I'm in them at first, I try to scream. When I wasn't familiar with what was happening, like especially that first time with the black smoke mass thing, I tried to scream. And then I looked up.

I started like researching like crazy. Like how do I get rid of this? Like what is this? And then people started to say. try wiggling your fingers and toes. And I was like, okay. But I started trying to do that. But at this point, it's like, I'm aware when it's happening, which is a really weird feeling.

Because your mind is awake, but your body is paralyzed. And at this point, now that I've had it for so long, I'm aware that I'm in it. So it doesn't, like, I'll wiggle my fingers and toes, but I'm like, what is this really going to do? Like, I know I'm in it right now. So I'll just, you know, stick it through. Yeah. Then in college, another turning point happened that, you know, worsened it a little. Content warning again, gun violence I'll be talking about.

So I went to college in Nashville, and while I was in my sophomore year, I had a classmate lose her life from the Waffle House shooting. So that was something that was, I'd say, pretty traumatic for all of our community. What was that? What happened with that? So it was in the middle of the night, I think it was like 2, 3 a.m. in April, this man, he basically got out of his car. I think he was like half naked with a big gun. I don't know what kind of gun it was, but he started shooting. It was at a Waffle House.

He started shooting in the parking lot. He killed a few people in the parking lot. And then he went inside and Sean killed another few people. And one of them was a classmate. She was a year older than me, but I had her in a class. And she sat, you know, basically next to me, pretty close to me. So it was really hard going in that same room, you know, thinking of her. She was very passionate about gun violence and, you know, gun control. So, you know, I didn't know her that well. But it was still very, yeah. And, you know, her family, the community, like everyone was just, it was really, really bad. So. So it was a really hard time because I was already terrified of guns and things like that happening. So I was pretty on edge.

I remember like the day after I saw someone walking around campus with what I thought was a gun. So I literally like called campus security because, you know, it could have not been a gun. But I was just so on high alert that it was like, I don't want this to happen again. That started, you know, contributing to it. And at this point, I was living with my best friend in an apartment-style dorm. So I asked her, I was like on the phone with her the other day. I was like, what would you describe me like the day of when I have an episode? And she said, when you're describing it to me, you say random things that aren't in order

because you're like trying to remember it back. and she said you're confused, delirious, and she said it was scary, do we need an exorcism? Like, that's what she was thinking in her head. So there were a few times where I'd see, you know, I'd wake up and it will not wake up, open my eyes, see smiley faces on the wall. It was like, just like the room would be the room, but I'd see like giant smiley faces like painted. on the walls, there started to become a element where I saw myself at like during an episode lifting up from the bed. So I like after, you know, looking it up, I saw the word like astral projection. And I was like, okay, this is interesting. But I saw that like people will try to

train themselves to do it or like, you know, do certain drugs to do it. But I was like, trying to do this. So after these episodes, I would just remember, like, feeling like I was in the air. Like, it feels very real and just watching myself lifting up. But I would never, like, you know, go outside of the room or anything. But certain people do go outside of the room. I was watching this YouTube video once, and she was talking about how. She literally like went outside like during a sleep paralysis episode. Like she separated from her body and went outside, which I think is very interesting. I've never gotten to that point.

I think by that point I get myself out of it because I'm like what is happening. So have you ever gone to a doctor about this? Yes. Okay. Yeah. It's very hard to explain to people who don't know what it is. So I was going to ask you if you told a doctor like, is there any medicines that they have for it or to have kind of control? Yeah. So I talk to a doctor about it and therapists and we,

we talk about like my triggers. So some of my triggers are anxiety, like feeling anxious, irregular sleep, taking naps, sleeping on my back, which I do all the time, sleeping in a familiar your environment, which is interesting. Sleeping alone or sleeping too much. So I live with my boyfriend. At this point, we've lived together for a few years now. And I will only get an episode if he's not in the bed, which is very interesting. The last one I can remember was he was on a trip for work.

And I saw hands opening, like, trying to. to like grab the door open. It's very weird. At least you know if he's there, it shouldn't happen. Yeah, right? Which is so interesting, which makes me think, like, is it a spiritual thing? Is it a medical thing? Which I know part of it is medical.

But so, yeah, I went to a sleep specialist. And I was convinced I had narcolepsy because I could fall asleep at any time. So I did a sleep study and I wasn't tired because I had, I didn't feel tired at the time at least because I had like, you know, all these wires hooked up to me. But I still fell asleep in like five minutes. So they woke me up earlier than expected. And they were like, okay, we have enough data. Like you're good to go home.

And I was like, okay. Like, what does this mean? So it turns out, and it's genetic too, that I have sleep apnea. The airway is, I have like a very small airway. When I am in REM sleep, they noticed that I was like struggling to breathe like I wasn't getting enough air, which makes sense why most times when I have an episode, it's right after a dream. So after the Waffle House shooting and my anxiety got worse, I started having these very, very violent dreams. Even to this day, most of my dreams involve like someone chasing me with knives or like guns or something.

And then I'll go into an episode. Yeah, I found out that that's what it was. And those two, like you said, they are correlated. Yeah. Yeah. And I'm pretty sure my dad has sleep apnea too. Like he snores really bad. So I think that's partly genetic, but it's just interesting that he doesn't have the paralysis with it, at least that he can remember.

Now, basically, I look at it as more, like when I have an episode, I pay attention to my body and, you know, know what, that I need more sleep. I know that I have been anxious. Something has been bothering me. You know, it's just something that I pay attention to. Some people obviously are very affected by it. Like, it could be very scary. But I'm at this point now where I am aware that I'm in one and I just try to pay attention to what my body's trying to tell me. I do think that it's something good to talk about because it's definitely a term that I've heard of. And obviously with a lot of these different things in the world, I think we hear the worst of it. So it's interesting to hear that people can have this and then not see scary things. Yeah.

And then have it and see scary things. And I think, too, it's interesting to know that it almost seems like, well, yes, it can be genetic that these other factors, it makes sense to me how things like if your body or your mind is under. undergoing a lot of anxiety or stress, like how something like that could happen, especially because in their reality, if it's only a few seconds, how could it, you know what I mean? I feel like it's so common or it could be so much more common than what we hear. I mean, and in a way, I feel like it is kind of similar to having these scary dreams that kind of wake you up in the middle of the night when you're like, you know, and your body is just in shock and it's scared.

And obviously, I think to a certain degree, that can really scare you. I have dreamed like that sometimes, too, that I wake up in the middle of the night and I feel a very strong sense of fear. Yeah. And granted, it takes me a few minutes to go back to sleep, but then I'm fine. And I remember it the next day. And thankfully, it has never been anything worse than that. Yeah. But I can only imagine, you know, the fear of waking up and not being able to move.

Because like I said, I feel like, too, if you don't know exactly. what's going on, you could easily be like, wait, is something seriously wrong? And imagine like trying to scream for help and not being able to. Yeah. So I totally get that. And I think that it's great that obviously you've navigated it in a way that it doesn't cause fear for you, like around sleep. And you know, okay, like this is what I have. This is how I try to lessen it. Yeah. And thank goodness that when your boyfriend's with you, it doesn't happen. I know. Isn't that weird? A lot. Yeah. Yeah. And I'm a very. like sensitive person like everything affects me so it's not surprising to me that I have it but

again like different people you know believe that it's a spiritual experience and I totally respect that it's you know to some degree I believe that too but um and it's it's too like why things happen from where from who from what yeah you know and I agree with that and everybody can leave that open to their own, you know, science, spiritual, whatever, thoughts that they have. But also, like I said, I think that it's, one, it's important for you to talk about it because it's something that I think everybody knows the term, but they don't really know the history or the details about it. Yeah. But also, I always found it so interesting of like, do people really see things when they're in these episodes?

Yeah. It feels very real. And it's really not talked about enough in my opinion. No. Because if most people have it once in their life, and it's very scary to them, it's important to talk about it because, like, knowing that I can't be harmed during it is, like, very helpful. And that's what helped me, you know, get out, like, get out of the episodes, cope with it. I was going to say to, like, accept it without having so much fear around it. Yeah, exactly.

But I think it's totally, like, valid to be scared. Yeah. Because it is. Like people hearing this if they have children or if they're going to have children, if your kids come to you like, you know, maybe it's a good thing to have that thought in your mind. Believe them. Maybe it could be something like this. Yeah. Because that could be like for a child, it's probably even more terrifying.

Yeah. Because you don't know what they're seeing or what's happening. Yeah, because it's different than night terrors. And I think a lot of people are more familiar with night terrors and associating that with children. but, you know, having your body paralyzed is something completely different. Yeah, for sure. And thank you so much for wanting to come on here. Of course, and share your experience. And I always tell people like, it's great when you come with the history of things. It's so intriguing to me. I love it. And you did an amazing job.

I feel like I learned so much. It was so interesting to me. And I loved it. Thank you. Thank you.