We're Out of Time - A Rabbi’s Rock Bottom: Addiction, Faith, and Rebuilding After Losing Everything

Episode Date: February 17, 2026

On this episode of We’re Out Of Time, host Richard Taite sits down with rabbi, entrepreneur, and recovery coach Asher Gottesman for a raw, deeply human conversation about addiction, faith, accountability, and connection.Asher opens up about experiencing profound separation anxiety and loneliness at just five years old, growing up as the rabbi’s son, and feeling different from his peers. He shares how resentment toward faith and fear-based religion shaped his early relationship with God, eventually contributing to eating disorders, substance use, and a lifelong sense of unworthiness. Asher candidly recounts waiting two years to end his life so a life insurance policy would pay out, followed by the collapse of his multi-million-dollar business and filing for bankruptcy.From there, the episode explores his first real experience of unconditional love, sobriety, and community through recovery, including the moment he felt truly seen and accepted for the first time. Asher explains how keeping suicide “in his back pocket” paradoxically gave him the courage to rebuild, and how accountability, faith, and human connection became central to his healing.He reflects on Judaism as a framework for responsibility rather than fear, challenging performative spirituality and emphasizing kindness, humility, and lived amends. Asher also discusses the tension of being a “wounded healer,” balancing vulnerability with leadership, and offers compassionate advice for people in their 20s: you don’t need to do anything to be worthy of love.The conversation closes with insights on relapse, mentoring others, why social media is not real connection, and how true healing happens in community. Asher also shares how his work through Transcend Recovery and his podcast Showing Up With Asher G centers on helping people feel seen, heard, and unconditionally valued.

I still struggle. I now have more tools in my tool chest. I struggle less. And I'm a wounded healer. Yet, when I use that as an excuse to act out, whoa, am I off the case? Don't use it to obfuscate yourself from responsibility. Use it to relate to others. If someone has a problem with substance use disorder, please call one call placement. That's 8888-8-1-1581. And if we can't help you, we'll make a referral to someone who can. Please, we're out of time. One Call placement is affiliated with Carrera Treatment, Wellness, and Spa, and One Method Treatment Centers.

Every day in this country, we're losing over 150 people to families. Families are being destroyed. Parents are burying their kids. And that's the most unnatural thing in the world. Today, my guest knows this fight firsthand. He's a rabbi, an entrepreneur, a coach, and the founder of Transcend Recovery. He's helped countless people find a way back from addiction. His own story from losing a multi-million dollar business and hitting rock bottom

to rebuilding his life on accountability, community, and unconditional love is powerful. He also hosts the podcast showing up with Asher G, where he digs into what it really means, to live authentically and with purpose. He's a father of five and a man who's turned his pain into impact. Please welcome Asher Gotsman. Welcome. Thank you, Rich. That's such a nice compliment.

Was that a real nice intro? Yeah, it was a nice intro. I'll take it. I did not write it. Okay, cool. That's my eulogy. Asher, you've spoken openly about childhood loneliness, being the rabbi's son,

and the expectations that came with that. Can you take me back to one moment from your youth when you first felt that pressure and how did it shape the man you are today? I'm the youngest in my family by eight and a half years. So you were a mistake? So I thought I was a mistake. I actually found out from my mom later on that she didn't know how to tell my dad she didn't want to work anymore. So she had a kid instead. I said, I think I'd rather be a mistake.

So what, right. I was unintentional no matter what. No, no, but you weren't unintentional. Oh, it's intentional, but not intentional to have a child. No, no. You were intentional to one party and to the other party, you were completely a surprise. Exactly. But, you know, in Hebrew you call mother Emma.

Uh-huh. And I had an Emma, but all my other friends had a mom or a mommy. Right. So I called my sister mommy. And at five years old, my sister got married. She grew up. She was older. she got married and literally I remember at five years old was the first time having true separation

anxiety and true loneliness now at five all my siblings left house by my being right maybe six and I was left alone in the house and not that my parents were good parents they just were tired they were done you know when the youngest and so I felt a distinct sense of loneliness immediately. And then I used evidence to prove my loneliness. No, you found evidence to prove your loneliness. Thank you. I found evidence to prove my loneliness. It's very true. After that episode, the next episode was I go to school and I'm not allowed to be like my friends because they're not, my parents are the rabbi. My father was the rabbi, so more religious. I'm not allowed to be like the world. Who am I allowed to be like? I have to be this unique character and I don't have

siblings to be like. So I felt very out of place not being able to be a regular kid. But wait a minute. Didn't you go to, I went to Emick. Didn't you go to your Shiva day school? I did. I went to Hillel Hebrew Academy. But if everybody's the same there at, oh, what you're, I'm sorry, it's different from going to Emick than it is for being rabbi Stefan's son. There you go. Very often, I used to say, because my pain is really abandonment. I really had a really relatively decent childhood, just I felt a lot of loneliness and abandonment. And for so many years, I would say, I wish I was physically abused, sexually abused, something. So I understand why I have this pit in my stomach, why I feel so badly about myself, until I was able to understand in recovery

that my pain is my pain. And there is no direct correlation between pain felt and pain inflicted. And for us to start judging our pain is narcissistic. And for us to start judging our pain is narcissistic. cystic as well. It's we can deal with our pain. I don't understand. And not be a victim to our pain. I don't understand what you just said. Okay. Go back. So what I'm saying is, the pleasure, the pain that you get is not, does not correlate to the pain received. What I mean by that is as follows. As human beings, an event can happen in your life, in Richie's life that doesn't affect Richie, right? The teacher could tell Richie you're stupid. And Richie's like, no, I'm not. So you're an idiot teacher. Same teacher can tell Asher, you're stupid,

and Asher's crumbled. He's done. Because he does it, for whatever reason, he doesn't have the resiliency that Richie does, wherever he got it from. I'm not, I'm not going to go. And that's recovery, right? What we get to do. And what you've built, Richie, is helping people have an environment where they can build resiliency. You are already involved with eating disorders. and drugs in your teens. Did you resent faith at that point, or did it give you strength? I resented faith a lot.

I had a terrible relationship with God growing up. God was mean. There's a word in Hebrew that says Yira, which I thought and which traditionally is defined as fear. It's not true. It's a lie. The word means awe. And awe is, wow, God is God.

great. God's amazing. I love him. Her gives me guidance. I turn to God for guidance. I'm in awe of God. I'm going to listen to God. Yet I had a God growing up that I feared, oh my God. If I ate non-coacher, I did this, I did that, desecrated the Shabbas. Something terrible is going to happen to me. It was kind of the let's make a deal kind of God. Right. And it was just so I resented religion a lot. I couldn't, I couldn't live in the world. I couldn't not live in the world. And it was all against my will. I had the let's make a deal God when I was a kid but I don't remember anybody talking to me about God. I just remember knowing that I wasn't that I needed direction and I wasn't getting it from my parents. So I developed this relationship

with I didn't know, but I called him God. And I would look up every day and talk to him every day until finally I was talking to him all day. And he was talking back. I get the warm blanket. Do you ever get the warm blanket? Of course. When you know you're going in the right direction,

you get that warm blanket and then you know you're good. Yeah, yeah. To further that actually is, I believe, that my entire story is that warm blinking. What do I mean by that is God gave me nudges along the way to get me to a path where I was supposed to be. So true. Unfortunately, I didn't listen to those nudges, so it ended up being a swift, massive kick in the ass. But it wasn't because God's a spiteful, nasty God. It was, hey, dude, how do I get you there? Right. If I don't wake you up, you're not going to get there. So true. Nobody, nobody gets that. He's not, he's nobody, he ain't

punishing. No. Okay, he wants you, he wants what's best for you. He wants you to be your best self. He wants you going in that direction. And then you go in that direction. When you know that you feel the pull in the opposite direction, you're going to get your ass kicked. Exactly.

Okay, until you get back on the right road. Yeah. And for those that are unfortunate, they don't get their ass kicked. And they find out a little later. I don't know when. Afterlife, whatever it is, but whatever that is. Maybe God doesn't like them as much as he likes us. You were already involved with eating disorders and drugs in your teens.

How did you even begin to sense you needed help? What was your turning point? My turning point came way later in life. And I sensed I always needed help. I never really wanted help. I didn't even know what getting help meant. So my life from a very young age, from probably eight years old until call it 33 when I eventually got sober,

not even knowing I needed to get sober. We'll get to that in a second. Was a series of tools to save my life, which were tools that were really harming my life. So everything I did, right, drugs and alcohol, food, all these things were solutions. lying, cheating, whatever it was, were always solutions to short-term solution to a longer-term problem, which is, I really believed that if you knew me, you couldn't love me. And I was completely unlovable. And what ended up happening was between 05 and 08, I went from very wealthy to losing everything. And in the summer of 07, I planned to kill myself. The issue was you got away two years to kill yourself.

Why? Because I bought life insurance. That's so true. I've had the same thing. Okay. Hold on. Okay. Yeah.

So far you just explained my childhood. So maybe it's every Jewish kid's childhood. Okay. But this is the... Or maybe we're unique. Exactly, right? But the two-year thing, I'm like, why? Yeah, so life insurance had a contestability period.

So I needed to manage these two years. I didn't know. Really, I had no idea of addiction. I knew I drank too much. I knew I used Coke, but went to a therapist, and unbeknownst to me, the therapist had 20-some-odd year sober. And he sat down and he said, you have a drug problem. I go, no, I don't.

And I just stopped. And then he goes, you have a drinking problem. And I go, yeah, I do. I'm not going to stop. And he actually sent me to an AA meeting. And I went to a low box. what they call low bottom EA meeting. Right.

I didn't know. I went 10 o'clock at night. And all they're talking about is heroin and shooting dope. And I'm like, what the hell is going? And I went back to the. And I didn't know. It was AA actually, but it should have been NAA, but it was AA.

It was at Radford Hall. Oh, there it is. Yeah. And I went back to him the next day. And I said, you know, Jack, not all, you're a real jerk. Yeah. Not only did I lose my money,

lost my dignity. You're going to compare me to a junkie on the street. and then I said to him 12 steps versus 613 commandments, I think I'll take 12 steps. So I actually started going to Overeaters Anonymous. And then March 19th, 2008, I was acting out again and I was drunk. And I was like, why am I any different than those guys in the room? They want to die. I want to die.

They want, why am I looking at differences? Go look at similarities. And I went to that same low bottom meeting. And that was my day. I got sober. and somebody there said, you know what, let me take you to a meeting tomorrow where I can introduce you to a sponsor that be more, you more like you or something like that. And I said, sure. And then I went to Moore Park meeting. And that was, so I really didn't know. I needed to get sober. And that's like the divine intervention piece that.

It was the loneliness piece. You accessed the loneliness piece. And then you saw a community that welcomed you. Exactly. It was the first time in my life that nobody cared who my dad was. How much money. I had, right? What religion I was. They expected you to be drunk. Drunk and broke. Right? There's like, who cares? Right. And I do remember judging because I remember I'm sitting there with a $12 million bank judgment about to come down on my

back and this guy's complaining about his I don't know, $800 tax bill and he's and I'm looking and then I shut up in my head and I was like how do I know that $800 to that guy is not $12 million of me? Why? Why am I comparing? It's just what we do. Yeah. Right?

We think our problems are the worst. Was there someone who showed up for you in a way that stuck with you forever? Along the way, there are many people that I've showed up for me. The question is, was I ready to show up for myself for them to show up for me? And the first time I had someone show up in such a meaningful way, I remember it like it was yesterday. I was 14 years old, maybe 15. 14 and I was roaming Israel by myself with some friends and somehow it's before cell phone so I really don't even know how he found me but my brother-in-law found me and asked me to join him for

Shabbat now I was not observant at the time I didn't look the part and my brother-in-law invited me to go to like the most religious environment and Friday night we had dinner at Rabbi Shiner is his name Rabbi Shiner's house and I walked in and with my crumpled jeans and my t-shirt and they joked that my yarmulka was as big as a is a bottle cap and we go into this guy's house and he's full gar beautiful gorgeous house and he somehow he didn't treat me better than or worse than he treated me like a child and it blew me away she like a child meaning like one of his own grandchildren or children he didn't you know sometimes when somebody looks like that you either get treated better than because you're special or worse because you want to be ignored

because you're not religious. He had this ability to show me regular love. It was transparent that he was really loving me. And he didn't see the outside. He saw the inside. He saw the soul. It was the first time in my life I experienced anything like this. And I actually called my parents right after the Shabbat. And I said, do I have any bar mitzvah money left? And they're like, yeah. I said, well, give it all to this rabbi because he's the holiest guy I've ever met. And because he was just genuine. Did they do it? I don't know.

The answer is no. They sent him a couple shackles. Losing your multimillion dollar business at 33 and going through bankruptcy, that's a brutal fall, clearly. How did you survive it mentally and emotionally? family. I had the gift of waiting those two years. Those two years, I got sober, right? I filed bankruptcy and started a business. I think I may even even had a child. And knowing that I had the out after two years, if it doesn't work, allowed me to have the courage to do it, to walk through it. And today, and it's a subject we don't talk about enough in the world, suicide, and people are

suicide. And when people come to me in their suicide, unless they're an active suicide, I'm not advising anybody to say this to somebody who's actively suicide, and I'm not a licensed professional so I can say this, I invite them to take the suicide and put it in their back pocket. I'm not taking it away from you. If you think that's your solution, take it. But let's see if there's an alternative solution so you don't need a permanent solution. Yet I find that people are so scared to talk about it that we don't allow somebody just to there's too much shame and too much shame right right right just say hey and they don't think anybody gives a shit right so but again everybody thinks about at some point in time in their life listen i don't know about everybody

but i know i've had that thought a thousand times and everybody i get to be honest with me i said okay do you ever ever thought that you want to be out of here yeah i said okay so okay so you don't think about it as suicide, but you want to be out of here. So don't worry about the guy that has that thought. Invite them to talk about that thought because that thought by itself is really lonely if you can't share it. That's exactly right. Tell me about your first sobering moments in AA or recovery. What did you find hardest about letting go and what surprised you about what you gained. What surprised me about what I gained was how much when I let go, when I surrendered and stopped looking for the differences and looked at the similarities of how at home I felt for the

first time in my life. Yeah. And for and I would look around. I was like, dude, jail, institutions. And I feel comfortable. Yeah. Yes. So it's possible to not to actually see similarities in every human. And the truth be told, why I love Judaism, as I've learned about it so much, and why it's so beautiful, is it, everybody can go to heaven. Everybody, not just Jews, everybody. And not only that. But they're not going. They're not going to the Jewish heaven. No, they are. They're not going to Alamaba. Yes, they are. No, no. They're in coach. No. Yes. If they do seven commandments, seven Noahe Haid laws. Which ones are they?

I don't know. What are the rules? Don't eat from a live animal. Don't steal. Adultery. Worship. All right. I'm already fucked on almost everyone.

Okay. Whatever it is. You do those seven. Okay. You're going. So you do the seven impossible. What do you mean? Is a Jew you got 6.13?

So you're really screwed. But as a non-Jew, you got seven. Okay. Give me the seven. I just told. No, just let's start again. Oh, my. I'm going to look it up.

So I say it correctly. Okay, that's fine. Yes. But the adultery part I'm fucked on already. No, because you're not doing it today. Seven laws. One, do not worship idols believe and honor the one true God. Got it.

Do not curse God. Got it. Do not murder. Got it. Do not commit sexual immorality, which includes adultery, incest, and other forbidden relationships. Okay. Do not steal.

Do not eat flesh of a living animal and establish courts of justice. God forgives you. for sin between man and God. God does not forgive you for sin between man and man. So that means for the spiritual component of adultery, God forgives you. For the physical component of adultery, you must make an amends.

To the man? No, amends. Sometimes we know it's living amends. Sometimes it's not right to make an amends to the guy. It certainly is not. Right. And doing so, it injureself or others, we don't do that. That's right. It's the same thing. Yet, if you are fortunate enough to be put in the same situation again, and you don't act out, that's living in amends. That's correct. Right? So there is a concept, yes, of being embarrassed about it, being a little bit even ashamed about it. That's right. Right. And yet then moving on. And so, and that's, so that's the concept. The concept is, I must repent. I must clean up my side of the street. And if I hurt another human being, you better bet you better clean your side of the street. And I heard that error of Young Kipper, the day before Young Kipper, is the day where God says,

hey, tomorrow you're going to ask me for forgiveness. Before you come to me, you go to my other children that you've harmed during the year. You make it right with them, and then you come to me tomorrow. Isn't that what that is or do I have that wrong? No, you have that right. is a concept of that. So it's, it's, it's, it's, it's yes and. And the reason why I say yes and is that is ideally what we all supposed to be doing. We're all supposed to offer forgiveness. And that is a concept. The concept is God is made up of a few different manifestations. What do I mean by that

is he has judgment. He has and his side of mercy. And it's up to you and me and Dylan for that matter because there are only three of us in the room to decide which god you're going to get if somebody screws you right you could take into court get the money and enforce it and really make his life miserable and you'd be right judgment now if you're going to behave that way with your fellows just be prepared for god to treat you that way too and exact judgment on you you're supposed to be kind that doesn't mean you're supposed to be foolish we believe we do not believe in turning the cheek. We believe there's a commandment in the Torah that says, someone who comes to kill you, kill him first. Okay, protect your children.

So if someone's not giving you money that you're owed, to be kind is what the two letters are before you file your lawsuit. One letter is what we're going to need. Okay. The second letter is, yeah, we don't care about your first letter. Okay. You're not getting another letter. Okay. This is my last attempt to be nice. Great. You could say, hey, bud, you owe me the money. I'm going to take you to court. And I'm going to get the money. So let's do this nicely.

The second thing is, once you get the money from the guy, are you going to besmirch him? You're going to talk about it. You're going to talk shit about him. Of course. Well, that's wrong. Why? Because the bottom line is let the guy go.

Why are you letting him occupy your brain? Now, if he's going to harm somebody else, then you should warn the other guy. So a guy owes me $100,000. Yes. Okay. now because I've got no impulse control I have to spend a quarter of a million dollars

to get that hundred grand. God doesn't care. God loves me for it. I can prove it. You've known me long enough to know that I'm basically an idiot savant. Right?

Okay? I mean really. Could I have gotten this lucky? Yes. No. Richie, you've got a beautiful soul. You have a beautiful soul. That's why I'm blessed.

Okay, just because on the outside, sometimes you're a jerk, so what? No, no, no, no, a jerk. Just not a jerk. Whatever you want to use. What word you want to use? Difficult. Okay, difficult. Dylan, what's the difference between jerk and difficult?

Oh, well, a jerk is difficult. Okay, cool. Thank you. That better be in here. That better be in here. Okay, so the bottom line is, Hashem's blessed you. Yeah.

Because you're gorgeous on the inside. My soul. And you're charitable and you care? Yeah. Okay, thank you. There are countless recovery in sober living communities. What makes transcend different in terms of culture, structure, and impact? One word, community.

Excellent. Why should I, if someone came to me asking where to go, why would I point them to your place? Because you know that we are going to create a community where someone feels seen and heard and hopefully not judged so that they can be in an environment where we can help them, help themselves. And continue

the work that they have started and have done and not allow them to think just because they've failed or whatever it looks like that they're not on a linear path that they've done something wrong. Both in the treatment business, how many people you know have died of family? A lot.

How many of your friend's children have died of them? I'm grateful that not that many. More people I've had the privilege of working with. I've personally buried about 10 people, but I know of probably a thousand. What would you say to parents right now that have a child that have a child that they suspect is doing drugs or they know they're experimenting with drugs. I would say, I hope you were doing something differently before that your children are willing to be open and honest with you.

Unfortunately, if they're not, we have to find a way that they can feel seen and heard so that they can have somebody they can be honest with so we can help them help themselves. Because if we force them off the drug, quote unquote, it doesn't work. so we really have to find a way into their heart for them to see themselves in a better light so that they want to change well i think that's optimal i think that's optimal so again but if somebody is is using hair it depends what they're experimenting with and it depends who the kid is that's the truth i know i know because a lot of times in an adolescent treatment right you're asking a friend's kid right yeah we get the privilege you and i have dealing with adolescence 18 to 70 or 18 to 90s

90. Right. Under the age of 18, it's just sometimes sending them to treatment is counter. Now I always say to parents, when you send your kid to treatment, you better start changing. So when they come home, they see change parents too, that you've taken accountability and you've taken responsibility and you're vulnerable enough to show up and say, hey, I'm sorry, I made a mistake and I'm willing to change too. And we all got to change, not just the identified patient.

You've got rabbinical training. How does that actually show up in your work today in recovery coaching, community, and spirituality? I don't know if necessarily we call it the rabbinical training that shows up. It's more my Judaism constantly shows up. And it's the tenets of Judaism. The number one, right? Charity, kindness. Chesed, which is kindness, is.

is what drives me yet don't be a fool also drives me right don't be don't wait for the boat right and drown waiting for the boat everything everything that comes along is a message for you and you better do it so that's my accountability and then i bring it into almost every area of life i like to joke that my jewish clients i'm not a rabbi enough to be a rabbi but my non-jewish clients love to call me rabbi here's the part that i really wanted to ask you Yes. When you go to an Orthodox Ashidae school like I went to, like you went to, okay? And you're one of me.

Like, I was sent there for punishment. Okay? I'm like one of the not even reformed Jews that ended up in this place, talk about being alone. But I remember one day I went to a temple, Jews for Jesus. Now, the reason I went was because, I was dating this girl who was a born-again Christian. And, you know, her mother is, I don't know if you know this, but the born-again Christians love the Jews.

Love. They need the Jews. Right. They love the Jews. Why do they need the Jews? Because if you look in the New Testament and you read the end, the rapture. 44,000 Jews. Right. Jews have to conquer Jerusalem before Jesus reveals himself. Oh, okay. So professional.

golfer. Father is born again Christian. Father says to me, Asher, I'm so grateful you saved my son's life, but you know you're still going to hell. And the kids turning blue, green, orange, he's like, dad, what are you saying, man? And I was like, I got this. We're good. So I said, sir, do you believe Jesus is a benevolent God? And he said, of course. So I said, if I do everything Jesus wants, I just don't accept him as my Lord and Savior, I'm going to hell? So he thinks about it for maybe 30 seconds. And he goes, yeah. So I said, okay, great.

And the kid is livid at his dad right now. I was like, brother, I got this. We're good. So I said to dad, did you read scripture? He goes, yeah. I said, you know about the rapture? He goes, yeah. So I said, well, you know the Jews have to conquer Jerusalem before Jesus reveals himself.

He said, yeah. I said, well, then I got last licks. Don't worry about it. If Jesus is there, I'm on team Jesus. What's the problem? It's so good. I was like, what's a problem? He didn't know what to do with that.

No, he didn't know clue. The kid started laughing. I was like, God, I said, guy, let me tell you something. Jesus was a good dude. And no good dude would ever punish me for not believing in him if I did what he espoused and believed. Sorry. Yeah, that's exactly right. Not possible.

Exactly right. So you wanted to know about prayers. Okay. So, as you know, in an orthodox. school, you are praying in Hebrew. You're not praying in English. Yes. And in an Orthodox school, it may be different in a conservative or a reformed school. You don't have the text in English. So you can't even read it. It's just you sing in Hebrew, right? Everything's in Hebrew. No written English. I go to this Jews for Jesus Temple and they've got all the words in English.

and they're praying them in English. And I'm like, wow, this is really different. All the prayers are the same. Asher, all the prayers are the same. God, you're the best. God, you're the only. God, you're everything. Every prayer, Asher, is the same.

I'm walking out of there. I've got a good connection with God. he's carried me forever. I'm looking like, okay, you don't need your ass kiss like that all day, every day, three times a week. This is bullshit. And I've never thought differently.

I don't know what to say. Answer that for me. Help me out with that dilemma. God doesn't need us. God doesn't need us to say it. Sometimes we need us. to say what do I mean by that in order for us to maintain the humility and the understanding of all the gifts we have in life and come that come directly from

God sometimes we have to exalt God so much sometimes we don't Asher this is three times a day I don't even know what the bro what's the brukha for the for the for the for the the one that you do your hand Yeah. Yeah. Tilatia daim. Okay. What does it mean in English?

God, you're the best. God, you're the greatest. God, thank you for my clean hands. I mean, what does it say? Okay. So I'll give you a really interesting one. So some of the prayers are written by man, okay? And some are more biblical.

Okay. So, again, man doesn't always do everything properly. Yet, do you know that biblically, you must say the prayer after you eat food? The prayer before you eat food is not a, biblical commandment. It's a rabbinic commandment. And the reason that is because it's logical. When you're hungry, you can thank God for food. But when you're satiated, when you feel good, thank God I don't need you. It's actually beautiful. So, right? So, right? Most people, right,

when they're in a, when they're, when they're, when they're, when they're, when they're, when they're prayer is for washing the hands. Yes. What does it mean? Baroque at Hashem, blessed be God, Elohainu Melch Olam, a king, God of over the whole world, Asher Kirishano, which bestowed upon us holiness, and Tsivano commanded us, okay? Al, on, Netilat washing, yadae in our hands.

Four times. Kist has asked four times in one prayer. He doesn't need it. The question is, what do we? we need to recognize God at every moment. Why do we need to recognize God at every moment? Because otherwise we forget and we're prone, right? What's the biggest problem? What's the problem? What's the problem with forgetting? That's the important thing. The problem with forgetting is then you're prone to acting out in a way and not being accountable. That's the problem with forgetting.

These are guardrails for a full, happy, satiated life. That's it. That's what it is. So is it overkill? probably. Is it better than underkill? Sure. That's all. Sure. And what does it hurt me? Again, I can focus on the, on the negative aspect. So personally, I go. Oh, baby, I wasn't focusing on a negative thing anyway.

But when you, for five straight years, you're davening and doing this. And then you don't know the English. Well, the first thing I'll tell you is, um, Judaism is great. The Jews have screwed it up. Always. You had rabbis that were so ill-equipped and had such an opportunity to take in Ruvain, Richie, and make Richie understand the beauty of God. And instead, what do they do?

They pray nice. Okay? They're idiots. Why do I love them so much, though, still? Because some of them are beautiful people and we're wonderful and warm. And again, and you also, because you're in recovery, realize that everybody messes up. human too. And I completely understand why they feel the way they feel even though I think it's completely fucked right. So the bottom line is yet the good ones what an opportunity to show love

and to emulate God. Oh so good when we're good we're the best. Yeah that's it. So again I don't know it's yeah it's it's overkill it's definitely overkill. All right here we go. You often talk about being the wounded healer. How do you balance your own vulnerability with people? people's expectations of you. And do you ever feel like you've, you've got to be more healed than you actually are? Great question. Great question. And the answer is when I'm not my well-ist, I feel I need to be more healed than I actually need to be. So that's the only time you would think that. Pretty much. Right. Right. When I am well, when I'm helping somebody else. And the key is, I don't is be vulnerable enough to share with them that I still struggle I now have more tools in

my tool chest I struggle less yet I'm not perfect here and yeah and I'm a wounded healer yet when I use that as an excuse to act out whoa in my off base so so often we use our victimhood our woundedness to act oh what well what do you expect I'm a wounded healer no Now, don't use it to obfuscate yourself from responsibility. Use it to relate to others. Use it as a way to be vulnerable so others can see that they can come. Yet don't ever use it as an excuse. That was beautiful.

What's a piece of advice you wish someone had given you earlier in your life, maybe in your 20s that you'd want to give to someone struggling right now. I wish I knew how to allow people to believe that they're truly worthy of love and to love themselves. And I wish I knew how to do that as a kid. I wish somebody can, I don't know if that's advice because if you just say it, the reason why I think it's a little more than advice is because if I just say it to somebody, you know, if you're not capable of it. So you wish that you would have done. You wish that you would have gotten your head around that.

I wish I would have gotten my head around the concept that I don't need to do anything to be worthy of love. You don't need to do anything to be worthy of love. I got up this morning and I'm worthy of love. Now, my next step, I got to do the next indicated right step. Oh, your behaviors determine whether or not you're lovable. You're lovable from there. Right.

Yet you're not starting off down by 10 in the fourth quarter. Not when you wake up. Right. Even though that's how I wake up. Not every day. Not every day. Not every day. That's how we wake up every day.

So sometimes anxiety hits me and I'm like, oh, okay, I'm down by 10. Let's go. Dude, it's so hard. Sometimes it's just a day you wake up and you're like, Jesus, man. I'm a quarter century. sober who has these thoughts. Right, exactly, right? If you could send one message to your 20-year-old self,

what would it be? Get your values straight, brother. Stop chasing the almighty dollar. Chase the almighty goodness in your life. Do your best. Stay out of your own way and just be a good person. You couldn't chase the dog.

You couldn't chase the dollar and be a good person. Absolutely, you can't. Okay. Why don't you ask him for that? Why don't you tell your... Because I think that if you do it, it comes to you. Oh. You don't have to chase.

You could work hard. That's right. Yeah. That's right. I don't think even... Once it becomes chasing, it's a problem. Yeah, that's right. That's excellent.

You're exactly right. How do you deal with relapse your own fears of it and the reality of it in people you mentor? Life ain't linear, guys. Just because you relapse doesn't mean everything that happened before that is a problem. So let's start with that. Okay? So you had a sobriety, you can have it again.

And you learn something from the first. And failure is only failure if you don't learn something from it. And if you give up. And if you give up. And it's not how, it's not if you've fallen, it's how quickly you get up. So that's what it's about. You're going to fail. So hopefully your failure is not using again.

And if it is, then stop. And do use the same tools you used before. What are you doing to stay sober personally? I go to pray every day. I study the Torah every day. I try to go to meetings. And I try to be a good dude. In today's world, people are more digitally

connected than ever. But loneliness is through the roof. How does your work fight back against that? What does real connection look like in 2025? It goes really back to the 60s. And that's why I have my connection comes from my religion, from my Judaism, and my sobriety and creating community around both and being seen and being heard. If you really look at it, you really look at it. at it and it's admirable that the generation of the 60s said screw religion. I don't have to go to church. I don't have to go to synagogue just because my parents told me. Unfortunately, they didn't provide a healthy alternative. They just provided negativity. And then we got this social media garbage and we have this belief that that's connection and we've been seeking

it because we've got to take it away for so long to in today's world the only way out of loneliness is to find somebody else that you allow to see you that you not afraid to share your secrets to share what is going on in your head and that respond to you without judgment and kindness and that's what it's truly all about and find things that you like to do and do it with other people. So you like to play baseball, go play baseball. You like to watch sports, go find somebody you watch sports with. It doesn't have to be go to synagogue. It doesn't have to be go to church. Go. You like live music? Go to a lot of concerts. Do you think tech can ever replicate genuine connection? Absolutely not. Well, it doesn't matter what we think it's happening.

It's not replicating. Doesn't matter what we think or what we feel or, you know, our feelings about this don't matter. No, again, you can still, I can still see you in person. I'm, we're using technology. Yes. Okay. Yet we're here in person. Yeah, no, no.

We're not talking about this type of technology. We're talking about social media. It's a problem, so we have to deal with it. Yeah. But don't think that's connection. Well, if that's all you got, right? If that's all you got, then that's the connection you're talking. Then that's the new definition of connection.

And I'm very, very sad. No, no, I'm sad for all of them. That's not my issue. Okay, good. I'm just saying anybody that thinks social media's connection, I'm sorry. Right. I'm really sorry for you. Okay, well, we're gonna be dead and it ain't our world anymore.

Yeah. Now these kids, you look at them and you ask them a question and they just stare at you. And then when you look at them in a whisper and go, excuse me, I just asked you a question. Most people give a response. And they'll look at you and go, stop, screaming at me. Exactly. Okay. These are the people that you're talking about. They don't know about connection. They have no connection. Looking ahead, what's next for you? What are the big dreams or projects you're building that people don't know about yet?

When my daughter, who's in 10th grade, graduates high school to move to Israel and to really help people for fun and for free, and no longer have a label on it or an organization around it, have other people running the organizations or have sold the organizations, whatever that may be. And just be there. I joke have a little sign outside that says seeing people today or whatever it is and hang out with people and literally let them know in real life that they're lovable and build them up.

That's so cool, man. Do you know I've never even been to Israel? I would love to take you. You and every other Jew that wants the frickin' mitzvah wants to take me. Come on. If you had unlimited resources tomorrow, what would you build first? Figure out a way to end famine. Nobody should be hungry anymore.

All right, buddy. Thank you. Where can people find you? Astrogottesman.com. If you want to, please buy my book. It's on Amazon, Connection by Rabbi Asher, Goddessman. This is connection. And if you don't like it, come send me an email.

I'll refund you. See you next Tuesday. That was hard for you. It was. We're out of time. Please subscribe on YouTube. Click the thumbs up and leave a comment. Please subscribe on Apple Podcast and Spotify and leave a rating and a review.

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