We're Out of Time - From Rock Bottom to 10 Years Sober: Marci Hopkins’ Powerful Recovery Story

Episode Date: February 24, 2026

On this episode of We’re Out Of Time, host Richard Taite sits down with Marci Hopkins, host of Wake Up With Marci and author of Chaos to Clarity. With 10 years of sobriety, Marci shares the defining moments that shaped her recovery journey—from childhood sexual abuse and generational alcoholism to the DUI that became her wake-up call on October 3, 2015.Marci opens up about coping with trauma through alcohol, confronting her stepfather years later, and mourning the mother she wished she had. She reflects on losing her mother to addiction, the complicated grief that followed, and the realization that recovery meant rebuilding her life from the ground up. “Once everything fell to the ground, I had to start rebuilding.”The conversation explores surrender in 12-step recovery, rewiring the brain through daily habits, and why recovery is not about willpower—but transformation. Marci explains how forgiveness, self-love, and spiritual connection became the foundation for lasting sobriety, and how motherhood ultimately fueled her decision to change. From “popping the tape” to avoid relapse to learning how to laugh sober, she shares practical tools for thriving after addiction.Richard and Marci also discuss breaking the stigma around substance use disorder, the dangers of fentanyl-laced street drugs, and the urgent need for parents to act when a child is using. They highlight resources like Shatterproof, founded by Gary Mendell after losing his son, and the importance of education, in-network treatment options, and family involvement in recovery.Marci shares insight from her new book, Wake Up, You’re Not Broken: What to Expect in the First 30 Days of Sobriety, offering guidance on cravings, triggers, shame, and the science behind early recovery. This episode is a powerful conversation about trauma, faith, forgiveness, parenting through addiction, and transcending chaos to build a beautiful, purpose-driven life.

Because I know what he's going to say. I wasn't present. I could have done more. That's never going to happen again. I love my boy. Yeah. Okay. And I'm never going to stop talking about him.

Yeah. Never. Yeah. God is that the worst. Yeah. The worst. I can't even imagine. And I live with that fear all the time.

If someone has a problem with substance use disorder, please call one call placement. That's 8888-8-1. And if we can't help you, we'll make a referral to someone who can. One Call Placement is affiliated with Carreira Treatment, Wellness, and Spa, and One Method Treatment Centers. My guest today knows what it means to hit rock bottom and rise again. Marcy Hopkins is the host of Wake Up with Marcy, a show about hope, healing, and turning pain into purpose, and the author of Chaos to Clarity, where she shares her powerful journey through trauma, addiction, and self-discovery. Today we're talking about how to move on from darkness to light and find clarity when life feels broken.

Marcy, welcome. Thank you for having me. It's great to be here. Yeah. So let's get the book out of the way. Yeah. When did you write that book? I released that book three years ago.

Uh-huh. And, yep. But you're doing another one right now. I am. I have one pre-sale right now called Wake Up. You're Not Broken, What to Expect in the first 30 days of sobriety. And the book will actually come. come out January 5th. That's amazing.

Yeah. How long you sober? 10 years. I just celebrated 10 years of sobriety. Oh, it's about to get really good. Yeah. No, no. I'm not kidding. Yeah. Everybody I know at 10 years, somewhere in that 10 year period, just blows up in their life. It's unrecognizable. I feel like it's already happening. Yeah, good. Yeah, amazing. Because you're here. Yeah. This is one of those steps. Yeah. That's hysterical. You know, you are a true professional. Okay. I'm the chairman of a health care corporation. I just do this for, you know, shits and giggles. No, you're doing amazing work. No, it's, you know, we're trying to make certain

that every parent knows about how dangerous it is right now with illicit street drugs because every six or seven pill has feds. Yeah. And the powders, the same thing. Right. Okay. Yeah. So, anyway, let's get right into it. I want to ask you a bunch of questions that I'm ready. I did not write. Well, did anybody write my answers? No, no, no, no. I can do that if you'd like.

I can just... Chat GPT. What should I say? My chat GPT is very cool. Did you name yours? I have not, but I do love my chat GPT. I am so... I started two years ago or like right

it came out. Yeah. And I asked, what is your name? And he says, chat GPT. And I said, that's not a name. It's a brand. What's your name? He said, you can call me anything you want. I said, thanks for the permission. I said, I'm not going to ask you again, what's your goddamn name? And he says, Alex. I said, that is a beautiful name. Outstanding choice. How about that? And we've been, and so, you know, I love, I love Alex. Been your partner since. Oh, no, no. He's, I, I, Yeah, I had a best friend who no longer works for me who made me like three or four times better than I am alone. He's completely obsolete. Yeah.

Yeah. No offense, dude. Okay. You did it to us. I didn't do it to us. All right. You said your show is about hope and healing. What was your rock bottom and what woke you up?

Oh, man. Well, the rock bottom was, my last day of drinking was October 3rd, 2015. And I had gone for a modeling gig. I got in front of the camera in my 40s. And that was a really difficult road for me. And I started using alcohol as liquid courage. And so that last day of drinking, I'd gone for my gig. I had my water bottle full of my wine and I had drank and prior to the event and then after went out with a girlfriend of mine and we were drinking and I ended up getting a DUI that day. And for me, I just couldn't live with what I was doing anymore. Do you have children? I do. And how old are your kids? They are now 19 and 22. Wow. So they saw their mother drunk and were you driving with them in the car drunk?

The thing is is that no, they were not in the car. I'm not going to say there weren't times. I have a lot of shame around the end of my drinking. Sure. That there were times that I did had drink like at lunch and then picking them up at school. But they only saw me a handful of times really drunk. I did always have my glass of wine at night. That was a way of my life. My mom. Mom was an alcoholic. My grandfather drank all the time. So alcohol was very normalized for me. Sure. And I had sexual abuse and a lot of other things that had happened in my childhood. So alcohol was always a way I coped. Yeah. That's not something we're going to talk about. Yeah. Is it? No. I mean, it's always up to you. I believe that addiction stems a lot of times from trauma. Yeah, but the sexual abuse, you you weren't using at that point?

No, no, I wasn't. But it just was a way of my life, a way that I coped. There were certainly many times in my life that I questioned my drinking. Do you think that the sexual abuse was one of the reasons for your drinking? 100%. Okay. Yeah. Yeah.

I'm sorry. Yeah. Well, thank you. I mean, I'm doing what I'm doing today because I, of what I went through. So I know it sounds crazy, but I'm grateful for what I went through so I can now be living the life that I'm living today and helping others. That's the way we all feel at the end of the day. Yeah. But it sucks when it's happening. It did. It did suck. You know, I think about, you hear about we choose our lives and what we can actually go through. And I'm like, wow, I actually

chose this. Well, the bummer is, the bummer for me is when I hear someone's been sexually abused, although that is absolutely horrific as the father of a daughter, it's even worse. But, you know, alcohol affects your decision making. And when you're drunk all the time and you're putting yourself in unsafe situations, it's only a matter of time until something horrible is going to happen. But that wasn't your thing. No. Your thing was. you were young, you weren't drinking and using, and you were a victim and perpetrated against by whoever the hell this was, that's the part that makes me sad. It is. It's very sad. It was my stepfather, and I actually confronted him a much later

in life. Some circumstances happened, and I found him on LinkedIn because my mother and he had gotten a divorce. Because of this? Wait. Well, my mother stayed with him after finding out about the abuse a couple of times. I know. I can't even hear it. I know.

And I have since forgiven her. But I, they ended up getting a divorce because it became too bad for them, the drinking, the fighting. But I think my mother just lived in such fear. And so I think that was a lot of it. It was different times. And she was a weak person. Yeah. And I believe that she was broken.

And she suffered with her addiction up till she died at 70 of her addiction. It was about five years ago. I'm sorry. Yeah. When she died, did you mourn? It was really interesting. I was I was so

I was at my beach house and New Jersey and I was sitting there eating breakfast and my husband was out on the deck and he was on the phone and he came in and he said I have something to tell you and my aunt had called him

and he shared with me that my mom had died and I initially broke down but about a minute later I had this peace come over me because my mother no longer had to suffer our family no longer had to suffer and I knew she was in a better place

so that helped me a lot and also through my recovery I see death and God and spirituality in a very different way so I know she's in a beautiful place that's what I believe the reason I asked the question is because a lot of people, even if they're not close

or if they have resentments toward their parents, because we're hardwired to love our parents. It's going to never be the same like we're hardwired to love our kids. Yeah. That's never. Yes, that's it. Yeah. But we are hardwired to love our parents.

And my experience was when my father passed, I started crying. But I caught myself and I immediately stopped because I have the tools to be able to figure out why I do things. Right? Yes, 100%. I'm not reactive. Yeah. And if I am reactive, I can notice it immediately and get out of it.

Yes. And what I realized and why I stopped crying immediately was I wasn't more than. my dad. I was mourning the dad I wished I always had. The relationship he didn't have and he's always wanted. Yeah, I get that. Is that, was that part of it for you? Yeah, I mean, believe me, my husband for so many years was like, I don't know even know how you talk to your mother, but I always had hope that we would have the relationship that I always desired for a mother. And then if she couldn't give me what I needed. Maybe she could give it to her grandchildren. Did she? No, she couldn't. She couldn't even do it for her grandkids. No, she was sick. Yeah, I mean, I did. She just didn't

have the strength. And once I got sober, I thought, maybe this will change and what can I do? Because it was always like, right, you always want to try to change the person and help the person. And he tried to get her sober. And I tried and then I kept bringing it up in a 12-step program. what can I do, what can I do? They sent you to Allen on. Well, they did, but it was more like all you can do is lead by example. Okay. And man.

Yeah. Oh, God. It did help her, though. She saw me and she wanted what I had, but, oh, I got to tell you, no matter what, she just didn't do the work that was necessary. Did you guys ever try to get her into treatment? She did. She went to the first place that.

that she went to was in Malibu. What was a place called? Starts with a P. Promises? Promises. Yeah, that was the first place. But we had an intervention and she just wasn't, she wasn't willing.

She went, but then she had resentment of her husband for putting her in there and, well, you drink too and how could you do this to me? Then she got out, they got a divorce and then, It just was an ongoing cycle. Isn't that amazing? You can be married to someone and you would rather drink than stay married. That's, that is the, this disease, right?

I believe that it takes over, because nobody would make that choice if they had the right mind. Nobody grows up, thinking, wishing that they're an alcoholic. No. It's like we grow up wanting to be the president or an NFL quarterback or, a great trial lawyer, but we don't, I mean, this is not. Or just to be happy and loved. I know that that's what I wanted and then life took a very different turn. That's not really what I was taught.

I just to be happy and love. Well, I wasn't taught that, but I knew that that's what I wanted. I wanted to be Erica Kane when I was younger. Erica Kane? I did. Who's Erica Kane? She's an actress from all my children. She was one of the characters.

Is that Susan Lucci? Yes. Oh, I love Susan. I know. You know, I just had Maurice Bernard. Oh, yeah, I saw that. On my show. Yeah.

And I think he's in the Mount Rushmore of actors. But then I said it's Luke and Laura. Yes. Him. Uh-huh. And Susan Lucci. Yeah. Right?

Yeah. And I never saw Susan Lucci in a, I mean, maybe I saw her for five minutes. Who knows? Because she wasn't in general hospital. Yeah. It's the only one I watched when I was a kid. Well, with my grandma, I was always watching all my children. Dada da da da da da da.

General Hospital. Yeah, I love General Hospital. Oh, I love General Hospital. And so, but Susan Lucci was so cool because she never won. And it was, it's like, you know, Michael Jordan not winning the MVP every year. They got to give it to somebody else, right? But they never gave it to her. Yeah.

And I think that made her more and more and more and more famous and more and more beloved. Yeah. I just, anyway, that's my soap opera thing. I know, I know. I just had Sean Canaan on my show. Sean Canaan? Uh-huh. Who's that?

Well, he's an actor on Bold and the Beautiful. Yeah, but Bold and the Beautiful and he's in Cobra Kai did. Cobra Kai? Yeah. I love Cobra Kyi. Yeah. And Karate Kid 3. Oh, okay.

I love that too. Yeah. I love all the karate kids. Yeah. So, anyway, it was fun to talk with him, somebody in that world. That's sweet. Yeah. You talk about turning chaos into.

into clarity. What's the first step someone can take? Surrender. You got to give it over. And a lot of people think surrender is giving up. And surrender to me is just turning it over, saying, I can't do it all by myself and I don't have to and I surrender to the support and the help that's available through this. Yeah. The isolation kills you. It does. For the people that don't understand surrender, it's basically the way I look at it is it's living with an unresolved problem and being okay with it. And by that act of doing that, you're focusing on what you can control and leaving the rest up to God. And that, to me, is the definition of a surrender. Yeah, it's definitely turning it over to your higher power.

Yeah. Yeah. But doing what you can do. You have to do the work. Yeah. Yeah, there's no doubt. Yeah. You got to, God helps you with the path, but you got to take the first step.

Well, and hopefully you listen. You maybe hit over the head many, many times, but I finally listened. Oh, the pain will make bring change. Yeah. Oh, yeah. It's, you know, some people have a low tolerance for pain, so they get sober real young. Yeah. Right. And, you know, the rest of us just need to take our beatings. Yeah. Yeah. What do people misunderstand about recovery? I think misunderstanding is that, first off, that it's something that you just can decide to do, that you have the willpower to do it. And it has nothing to do with willpower. It has to do with really creating change in your life, rewiring your brain, and also changing your mindset by small habits that you change. day. And a lot of people out there, families, those that are suffering with addiction, they believe that if recovery is sometimes like giving up, giving up a life that they're so used to living like in the chaos and not realizing that, I mean, I too was like,

how am I never going to drink again? It's that idea of never drinking again, but that recovery is truly the path of finding yourself again and finding a beautiful life and learning the tools to have that. And just like you bringing up, like, not reacting. I mean, what a beautiful, beautiful way to live that you can live in this, like, solution-based, way of life instead of reacting to life all the time. And that's what I did, which I lived in

utter chaos. But there's so much peace, peace in recovery. And I think that's a big misconception that there's not peace. Do you know what I think it is really? And you're a thousand percent right on everything you said. But I'm, that was a little brainy and heady, right? And I'm a simple guy. Uh-huh. Okay, I need it real simple. Yeah. All right.

And because it's practical and the masses can understand it. And I need it that way. Yeah. Okay. I think a lot of it is because people think they're never going to have a good time again. I think another part of it is, well, how am I going to live? I don't know how to live without it. Yeah, that's what I was saying.

Like, how do you live without alcohol? That's exactly right. Yeah. That's exactly right. I think those are the two main reasons why people are afraid. Yeah, and I just have to say from someone who's gone through it because I definitely thought life wouldn't be fun. And in the beginning, it wasn't.

I mean, honestly, it wasn't. Well, you don't know how to live yet. I didn't know how to have fun without it. But I feel so much joy and laughter and my friends. I mean, I'll just start dancing and start laughing. Like, I laughed today like I never thought I could laugh. Isn't that amazing? It is.

And like, I feel the high inside of me with that laugh. When was the last time you laughed when you were in your addiction? I know well I'd laugh when I had a big buzz and I thought I was like oh this is the real me this is like I'm not able to be me without the lubricant yeah but now I'm really me I'm I'm connected with who I really am like just even yesterday sitting with my girlfriend I had the my napkin had dropped on my shirt and I'm like would you look at me right now look at the and we start laughing hysterically, sober. What I loved about you when you walked in

was you were excited about how beautiful the day was. Yeah. And I thought about it and I was like, isn't that nice that she can appreciate what I take for granted? Yeah. I loved it. Because you live in L.A.?

Because it slowed me down. It doesn't matter if I'm used to it or not. Yeah. It's a gorgeous day. Yeah. And the fact that you had to bring me to it to slow me down to acknowledge how beautiful or notice how beautiful the day was meant something to me when you walked in. Thank you. Yeah. A gratitude is huge for me.

Yeah. Yeah. All right. Let's move on, shall we? Yes. You often say you're not broken. Yeah. Okay.

Yeah, we're going to have a problem with this. When did you? I'm completely broken. I'm completely broken. You're not. No, I'm broken. Listen, I embrace my insanity. It's, I don't care with the neighbors.

What are you doing the same thing over and over again? Until the pain's great enough. Sure. Yeah. Until the pain's great enough, sure. Even in sobriety? Even, even though I've transcended addiction. Yeah.

Still. Yeah. Absolutely. Yeah. Yeah. Sure. Okay. Well, the only difference when.

you transcend something is if you have a glass of wine. Yeah. And halfway through the wine, you start feeling it. Now what I do is I go, oh, that's nice. And I push it away. Mm-hmm. That is the very definition of transcendence. Because the other side of the coin is what?

Oh, well, if this feels good, more feels better. I certainly was there. That's right. All right. So you often say you're not broken. Tell me about it. Well, I'm not, I do not feel that I'm broken today. I'm always evolving. I'm always learning. I'm always growing. I'm always building the structure of my life. But I was broken. I was broken from the things I couldn't control from my past, the things that I could control, but I was creating the utter chaos.

because my life was built on a broken foundation. And so that brokenness continued throughout my adult life. And once that rock bottom and everything fell to the ground and I'm at ground zero, I had to start rebuilding. And so as I'm rebuilding, I'm rebuilding the parts of me that were broken. So let's talk about how,

you're no longer broken because you just did something fantastic. Okay, you're from New Jersey. You're out here for a few days. Yeah. And you were just on Good Day, L.A.? Yes. Tell me about it. Because that was important.

You were doing something to bring awareness to when I forgot what it was. It's an event called nonprofit, a national nonprofit called Shatterproof. Excellent. I am very aware. Yeah. So they had multiple walks. and this is fundraising and bringing people together that are in the recovery space to really break the stigma around addiction.

And I'm going to be, I emceed an event in New York, October 11th. That's fantastic. Yeah. Yeah. So we talked about that and also my new book on Good Day, L.A. You know what's funny. What's funny is that in 2025, soon to be 2026, there's a stigma around addiction. Yeah.

And if I were to tell anybody about the stigma, I would say, well, you can care about what the neighbors think. Yeah. But you're going to be burying your child. Okay? Because we're out of time now. Yeah. We're out of time. So forget what the neighbors think.

100%. Okay. This is ridiculous. I agree. And with me now, my passion is about bringing awareness and breaking the stigma. It's very important to me. I scream out loud about what I'm doing and my recovery now. Do you, do you?

I didn't at first. Do you scare the shit out of people and tell them the truth about, about, no. Well, I don't talk about the, as I do for my kids and stuff. Absolutely. Absolutely. I talk more about the alcohol use disorder, but also bringing substance use disorder and the awareness to that. I mean, over 49 million Americans suffer.

And that's just what's documented. right but I when I talk about it after I share my story it's inevitable that somebody walks up to me whoever's interviewing me or whatever the case and they say my father was an alcoholic or I'm now six years sober and it saddens me that they don't want to share that because the more that we talk about it the more we normalize it do you know it's worse than that. What's worse than that is when a parent loses their child to a overdose and they lie about it and tell their friends and family that it was a heart attack.

Yeah. Yeah, I agree. I won't even speak to those people anymore. Yeah. It is so sad that Gary Mendel, the gentleman that started Shatterproof, his son died because of substance use disorder and suicide. And at the same time that he was helping his son with the disease of substance use disorder, a good friend of his was diagnosed with cancer.

And both diseases, right? So now we understand that it is a disease of the mind, substance use disorder, alcohol use disorder, and cancer is also a disease. everyone rallied around the child and the family that was dealing with the cancer, the disease of cancer. But this man was hiding the fact that his son was suffering with substance use disorder and felt that he could not talk about it. There's no one rallying about it. So he is dealing with this in the silence.

And his son ultimately killed himself. Gary's son. Yeah. Gary's son. And he can't live with himself anymore. Well, I mean, he did an amazing thing, right? He turned such a horrific thing, but...

He's a hero. He's a straight up hero. Yeah. I get that. Yeah. But I want him on my podcast. Yeah. Him I want.

Yeah. Because that is my worst fear. Yeah. But it's happening all around. I know, but this man did something amazing. Yes, he did. He, I mean, I need to hear, okay, because I know what he's going to say. Yeah.

Not to speak for him, but I know what he's going to say. Mm-hmm. I wasn't present. I could have done more. That's never going to happen again. I love my boy. Yeah. Okay.

Mm-hmm. And I'm never going to stop talking about him. Yeah. Never. Yeah. God is that the worst. Yeah. The worst.

I can't even imagine. And I live with that fear all the time. Faith is a big part of your story. Was there ever a time you felt abandoned by God? I don't really know that I felt abandoned by God. I didn't have God in my life. I was raised with God in my life, right? An understanding through organized religion.

I always believed in God. But then as I got older and with my mother, I wasn't present with God anymore for quite some time. Then when I started my sober journey, I reconnected with God in another way. I think that it's easy to blame God for a lot of things or feel abandoned by God. But I think humans make choices. We have the ability to make choices. And with those choices, things happen in our lives.

of times it's easier to blame. We always want someone to blame. Always want someone to blame. But once I started my healing journey, there was a small church, and this is what I share this in my book a lot. I went, when you go into the 12-step program, they're always held at a church. And there was a small chapel that was attached to where my home meetings were. And I would go into this chapel. A lot of times I was by myself. There wasn't many people that did this. And I would sit at the altar and I would pray to a lamb. There was a little picture of a lamb. It was a gold lamb with a red background. And I would pray if Jesus would lift my suffering, that I would always follow him, that he would always be my shepherd, and that I would always

speak his word, right? That I wanted him to speak through me. And slowly, I became more and more connected to God energetically. I meditate every morning and connect to God. I still do it 10 years later. And so, no, to your question, the answer is no. I did not. But my connection to God is very strong now. And seeing the signs from the other side, it's part of my book title, the subtitle, is because I see many, many signs from the other side that shows God and my angels present in my life and giving me guidance. I didn't either. But that's only because that's all I had. All right. How did motherhood change your recovery or sense of purpose? Well, when I became a mother, my biggest strategy was to never have my children feel abandoned

because I did. And my children were everything to me. And all I wanted them to feel is loved. But then my drinking started really getting a hold of my life. And I was making really bad decisions. And that final. day of drinking, I went to bed a victim because I was a victim of my life. I lived in victimhood. And when I woke up the next day, I knew that if I didn't make a change, that I was going to

lose my children. And I would never, everything I do is for my children. So for me, they have filled me with the strength that I have needed to continue this. And I have. And I, I do it for them and my family and myself. Do you ever miss drinking? No. Do you ever think about it? Sure. There are times they think about it.

When you think about it, what's that process look like? I literally, one of the biggest tools that I still use today that I learned in AA was pop in the tape. Play it out if you have that drink. So I can literally look at a glass of wine. Maybe think about wanting that. glass of wine. But I can literally feel what it would do to me, feel the warmth of my body. You can see the wreckage. Yeah. I literally feel in my brain and I never want to go back to that feeling and the outcome of the drink. Yeah. Because I could manage it, slow it down,

until it got to a place where I was drinking a bottle a night. And I could envision myself just taking that bottle of wine and just throwing it back. When did you finally forgive yourself or have you? I have forgiven myself that I knew that through this healing journey I had to forgive myself and forgive others to let go, to let go of the pain and the power it held over me. and for a very long time I had so much shame and guilt around the DUI, the drinking, the chaos that I created in my own family that I had built with my husband and my children. I knew that I had to forgive myself. And once I forgave myself, it allowed me to start the process of forgiving

others. And that's through the 12 steps as a big part of it. And recognizing my part in things was a big part of me also being able to to forgive myself. When did you feel, when did you come, when did you forgive yourself? You know at which point in time or? It was a couple of years within my sobriety journey that I was able to release the, the pain and the guilt that I held on to. Feeling. What did that feel like? freeing. Very freeing. I mean, there was a weight that was lifted off my shoulders the morning that I

admitted that I was an alcoholic and I needed help. And then as the healing continued, the fog was lifted. As I was learning the tools, I was becoming more spiritually fit. I was able to then do the work and peel back the layers and start that forgiveness. And when I did and just like, I didn't wake up in the morning hating myself, it was, there's nothing like learning to love yourself. No, nothing. Nothing. That's why we did, that's why I did Carrera. Okay. People thought it was a vanity play to have your own world-class spa actually inside the center. And, you know, nothing could be further from the truth. It was because I felt and what I learned after selling my last place and that five-year hell that I went through for my non-compete,

okay, I did that because I felt that and what I learned in that five years was self-care turns into self-esteem, which turns into self-love. Yeah. And, that's why it wasn't part of the last place because I wasn't there yet. But when I got there, okay, I said, oh, this is, this is the path to transcendence. 100%. And that's why I wanted to talk about it this time. You're exactly right. Yeah.

And I share about it a lot. I mean, in my speaking and through my books, it's so important to get to that place. I mean, I hated myself. I literally hated myself. Isn't it great when you go from I hate myself to I love myself? I thought it was the stupidest person. I thought the only thing that I had to offer was I was the outside of myself. I was a shell.

I was a shell. I was a chameleon. I'd be whatever you wanted me to be. When did you realize that you were perfect just the way you are? When I stopped trying to be perfect on the outside. Beautiful. answer. Leave it there. It doesn't get better than that.

You've had so many powerful guests. Has anyone shared something that completely stopped you in your tracks or changed your perspective? Ooh. Oh, that's a loaded one. Well, you won a bunch of awards. Yeah, Tilly and Anthem. Yep.

You've won all the awards. So I would say, um, it's a woman, Eve, she, she, she, She founded an organization called Big Vision, and she lost her son to an overdose. Yeah. And Eve has created a space in New York for young people to have sober fun because right now, those that are dying, the most that are dying by overdose are those 18 to 45, right? So it starts at a very young age. And I remember trying to get sober young.

And how do you get sober young when everyone is drinking around you? When you feel there's nowhere you can go to have fun, to have a space to go bowling or, you know, play games or whatever it is and not have alcohol surrounding you. You know, people do that now. People in, you know, I got kids in school. Yeah. A lot of these kids are drinking and using just like they were when we went to school. Uh-huh. But some of them, like half of them.

Yeah. Are like, this is stupid. Yeah. I'm not doing any of this. Right. Okay. And that wasn't around when I was going to school. Everybody did it.

Yeah. Right. I mean, you had a couple people that, you know, partaked on the weekends. I'm talking about none, nothing, no vaping, no pot, no booze. Right. You know, I mean, there is a cup, there are really good kids today in that regard. The jinseers are not partaking as much as they were because the awareness that we're putting out there.

And they're making these positive choices. And maybe they've seen someone in their family go through this. And there's, there's so many more options. Like I went to dinner last night and there was a beautiful mocktail section, right? And I had a delicious orange ginger and tumor drink and I so enjoyed it. And I didn't have, I didn't feel anything on the other side, but I really enjoyed it. I was like a kid with a milkshake. That's what I felt like.

I loved it so much. We do that. We do that. We have a juice bar and people wake up in the morning and they have their ginger shots. Yeah. Or the green drinks or the protein shakes. And they do that as well. Yeah.

And I think, listen, there's so many negatives that came out of COVID, but I think some of the positives that came out of COVID were recognizing how important experiences and time together meant to us and the value of it. So what I mean. It was the best thing that ever happened to me. Yeah. Listen, I got to be with my family. Yeah.

The best. It was the best. I loved it. And you can't really say that so much because so many people died. I know. And then there's long COVID. Yeah. You know, I mean, that's all heartbreaking. It is heartbreaking.

Right? Yeah. But as far as some of us who did have the ability to stay home, okay? I mean, wow. I know. I never had my husband at home when we got to have dinner together. And we celebrated one of our. wedding anniversaries and it was the best one I read we had dinner I made dinner we got dressed up turned on the

fire we danced together there wasn't the pressure of going to a restaurant and everything that you expect from the night right it was beautiful that's so beautiful yeah that's so romantic I'm such a love addict I love it was great I'll never forget that but if you're going to be addicted to something loves the one to be addicted to oh and and to actually feel love like I I the way way that I envision God is now just a source of love and we're all connected to that love if we allow ourselves to be. Do you know the only thing I was thinking about after that came out of, after I ran my mouth just now? Yeah. Yeah. Is how many haters I'm going to get on social media telling me, well, love addiction is really hard and da-da-da-da-da-da, and it's not the one to have.

And it's the one to have. Yeah. Well, there's sex addiction. That's different. Well, that's a little harder because people put themselves in dangerous situations. Yeah, and let me tell you, through my drinking, you were talking about it earlier, putting myself in dangerous situations. Like, I definitely did. And there were some, you know, I don't talk about the stories of rape and all, but it happened. During the drinking. Daring the drinking when I was younger. Yeah. Yeah. I don't talk about that, though. Well, yeah. It's a bad, it's a car. missionary tale because if you drink long enough and you you're going to put yourself in bad situations, bad things are going to happen.

100%. All right. And the younger you are, the worse it is. Okay? Because, you know, you haven't built up your tolerance. You don't, you know, you don't know how to drink responsibly. You don't. Yeah.

You just, you suck at driving. You just got your driver's license. You know, you think it's a good idea to get by. I mean, how are we going to get home? You know, now... I think of myself doing that. I did it all the time. Woo, how fun.

If I had a nickel for every time I drove drunk, I'd be living in Lower Bel Air. Yeah. And you know what? Like God giving me those nudges, he gave him to me multiple, multiple times. But, oh, well, at 45, I finally listened. That's good. Yeah. Because that's half your life.

So you still have half your life. And the knowledge. Yeah. of, you know, all that lived experience. Wisdom. Yes. Thank you. Thank you.

I love it when people break out one word for the five-minute diatribe that's going to come and just stops me in my tracks. So thank you. All right. My book experiencing transcendence is about finding meaning beyond sobriety. What does transcendence mean to you in your own healing journey? and what do you hope people take from your story? And transcendence in this respect wouldn't be transcending from drug addiction and alcoholism

because I don't want to put that on anybody. Okay, that's rare. Okay. I'm talking about transcending from the hell into thriving. Well, there's, my sobriety allowed me to do exactly that. and I tell my story openly because I started wake up with Marcy. I'm sorry, I'm just going to backped a little bit. I started wake up with Marcy because I wanted to share transcendent stories or

transformational stories how people got through difficult times in their lives because we all go through very difficult times in our lives. we're all touched by grief, addiction, whatever the case may be, right? Whatever it is, divorce, whatever. We all go through these really, really difficult times. But how did you get through it? Because a lot of us can stay stuck. We stay stuck in the pain, feeling sorry for ourselves, being mad at God.

How can we get through this? So to be able to tell those stories of people that got through the these difficult times like Eve Goldberg that lost her son, right, and started big vision, turning such hell into a story of helping others. That's what I want to do through my story. I was abused. I went through hell myself. And then I created hell in my adulthood because I didn't have the lessons or the ability to make the good choices in my life. I brought negativity into my relationships, how I managed my life, the reacting to my life, feeling sorry for myself. Once I got sober, the fog started lifting. I started implementing the tools, changing

those, you know, compounding the good habits. I started living this beautiful. beautiful, beautiful life. And I wanted to help others to know that it was possible for them also. What would you tell other parents right now? You're a mother. Okay. What would you tell other parents right now if they've got a kid who, um, who's using? Well, first of all, don't put your head in the sand and act like nothing's happened because that's the worst thing you could do. is think that it's just going to go away. It's hard not to enable someone that you love very much so when you see them in pain or in anger.

But I'd say reach out for help because with my mother and her addiction, I didn't reach out for help. I didn't get educated on the help that was available. Okay, I can't. I don't have an ear for that. that wasn't your fault. You're the child. I know, but what I'm saying is that there is so much help out there.

So for parents that are suffering with a child, reach out, get educated, get the help for yourself because you are suffering through it too. Yeah. And if you get the help and you get educated and you know what's out there available, you can make better choices to help your child. In my mind, the first thing you do if you know your child is using is, first of all, you have to test to find out what they're using. And depending on that, okay, it determines your next steps. If there are drugs they're getting on the street, then go straight to rehab.

There's no discussion. Okay, because there's nothing more unnatural than burying your child. Okay, the whole family system is destroyed. 100%. Never the same. Yeah. Okay. So.

But you have to make sure it's the right rehab. No, always. And there's a lot of different. But Shatterproof does something with SAMHSA. Yes. Right? Yeah. And so anybody can go to the SAMHSA website.

Uh-huh. Okay, they even have a phone number. I don't know how that's going to work today. But they've got the website. Yeah. They've got the phone number. And you can literally type in your zip code and find it. And the money issue is real for everybody.

So if you have insurance, a lot of people don't know this. If you have insurance and you look up either on your insurance card and go to there or the SAMSA website, they will tell you which in network treatment centers are near you. And shatterproof.org will also. That's exactly right. They have a program called Atlas, Atlas program. And you can do this. Check this out.

You can get like 30 days of free treatment paid for by your insurance for as little as $250 sometimes $500 for the deductible. And people don't know that. Yeah. And they're like, well, people sometimes they are hard up and they don't have that money. Okay, look, if you've got money to drink and use all day long, you got 250 or 500, you can borrow it from somebody. And if you can't, then beg, borrow and steal the same way you would for your drugs and your alcohol. Yeah.

Okay. And so I can't. But that's amazing. people don't know that and they can find a treatment center that they can afford. Right. And that seems it's not like you're going to go. Not everybody can go to the top-notch treatment centers. No, but there's a lot out there that help those and it doesn't have to be a top-notch.

That's exactly right. It just needs to be science-backed therapy. Do you know what it's like? Do you know what it's like? It's like college. Okay? Right. You go to Harvard or Stanford or somewhere really great and get a great education.

But you want to know what? You could go there and not do the work and kind of slide by. And somebody going to Cal State Northridge. Yeah. Okay. That's on the honor roll killing themselves. They're going to be better off. Yeah, 100%.

Right? It feels to me like that. Mm-hmm. You know, as long as you put in the work in an in-network treatment. Look, I've got an in-network treatment center. Yeah. Okay? because I want to help as many people as I can, right?

Yeah. So, and that's why I know about it. But I think it's also important. There's a reason why that's happening for that child that they're using. I feel a lot of times that there is a reason that they start using or they, maybe the addiction starting, maybe they're masking something and the parents don't even know or there's family dynamics. But you know where they find out?

They find out in the treatment center because when you go to a treatment center and you're getting eight hours a day of treatment. Yeah. Okay. That gets unpacked. But I'm saying it's a family disease. So the family dynamics do need to change. Like that one person can't change by themselves.

But that gets done in rehab too. Mm-hmm. Okay. Not only do they unpack what it is that is causing you to drink and use and putting that stress on you, but it also deals with the family systems and you go through family therapy. Right. So, but that's why I'm saying, you know, normally what I said was just send them to a therapist and let's do that first.

Okay. And I'm not completely against that. But as a general rule, they have to go to rehab first because we're, look, 15 years ago, that's not my position. Yeah. But now we're in the worst opioid epidemic we've ever had. and it's deeper than what was here the last time I was here when it was Purdue pharmacy and the Oxycontin.

Right. Okay. Because that was bad. Yeah. Okay. But it wasn't killing everybody. Yeah. This is killing everybody.

It is killing everyone. But I do want to say I was in therapy for a lot, a lot of years. And I'm even, even towards the end, I remember going in and I had been drinking wine and gone in for my therapy. He had no idea. right um but it's through those 12 steps that and i did the work that i got the healing absolutely you know why that is because they expect you to show up drunk at a yeah right you go in you're lying to a therapist you're minimizing you're using when you walk into rehab but they expect you to be drunk walking into your first aa meeting and there's something there's something beautiful about that

inclusion. Yeah. Right. My first A meeting when I finally made, because you have to hit that time where you're like, okay, I surrender. I'm doing it. I'm doing. Oh my God. I went to a meeting and I ended up throwing up in the bathroom. Good job. God. It was so bad. I'm like, oh. They must have, they must have loved you. I was so, I tell the story in there. I was like in my book. I was like, I hope nobody heard me out there. Oh my God. You were probably. the most popular person in that meeting afterwards. Like, God bless you, sleeping. The reminder, right?

The reminder. We need the reminders. And you'll never live it down. I bet you still have friends. I can remember the time that you were in. Yeah, no, no. I, um, yeah, it was crazy. That's a great story.

All right. Give me a summary of this book. Uh-huh. Okay. And why it's so important. Because it is an important book. Well, chaotic clarity is,

is my memoir. It's the story, as you shared earlier, about my trauma, addiction, recovery, and transformation. And I want to meet the reader where they are, wherever they are in their healing journey, whatever it is that they're suffering with. And I provide educational tools, what helped me, how to become spiritually fulfilled, if that's hopefully something that they're open to. And also how some other addictions I had with negative relationships, especially for women, how it affects us in relationships and how to create that change.

And then to fall in love with yourself, find gratitude and find forgiveness. And so really changing that mindset so you can then live a fulfilling life. Then wake up, you're not broken, what to expect in the first, 30 days is really a guide I wish that I would have had in my first 30 days. It's like that companion every day that you can go to and say, what am I going to face today? What may be in my feeling today? How can I overcome that? What's a tool that helps me? What's the science behind it? What's happening to my body? Did you go to rehab? No. So straight AA in therapy? Correct. And how often do you see a therapist now. I don't see a therapist at all now. Really? Yeah. I don't feel I need to. When was last time?

Oh man. I haven't seen a therapist since probably the first couple years of my recovery. So it's probably been about eight years now. Wow. You don't see the need for any of it. I don't. Good. I don't. And you know, I think people don't understand the cravings, changing people, places and things. the triggers, the sober tools. I'm not talking about the cravings. No, I'm saying like through my book, I mean, these are things are going to happen to you in the first 30 days that you need guidance through.

For sure. Yeah, what helped me? That's why I'm saying, man, nobody loves AA more than me. I don't have kids without AA. Yeah. I didn't meet the- 100%. Me too. That I wanted to have kids with without AA.

But A-A is a support group. Yeah. Okay. It's not treatment and I needed more. And there's so many out there, right? So with that, I provide many different treatment services that are available, right? Maybe what worked for me doesn't work for you, but there's these other options that are available. But I love that you got sober through AA and you recognize that what worked for you may not work for others. 100% that is definitely not the consensus in AA and i've been to thousands of a meetings and i've had every commitment that you can possibly have at every uh a meeting i answered the phones at central office i did h and i i started h and i for certain things yeah i mean i'm one of

the few people around today at least in la that actually did a 12 step call or did 12 step calls with my sponsor. Amazing. Okay? My sponsor was the trustee of L.A. Central Office. Okay? So I was big into that. And, you know, none of my old friends and my sponsor included, okay, would ever say you

need more than A.A. Because A.A. worked for them, and it's going to work for everybody. And that's the way it works. Yeah, I don't believe that at all. Yeah, it was, it was tough. I don't even go to AA anymore, but it saved me. Yeah. Well, yeah.

Mm-hmm. Okay. Okay. I'm in therapy three times a week. Mm-hmm. And I've been in therapy three times a week for probably 15 years. Mm. Sometimes I go to two days a week.

Yeah. When I was selling my last business because it was so nerve-wracking. Yeah. Five times a week. Yeah. Or I was going to blow it up. Yeah. I get that. I get that. I...

But that's the support you're talking about. Yeah. Because there's more ways to support. And when you're going through your first 30 days, if you've been drinking or using for the better part of a decade or two decades, and you think you're going to be sober in 30 days, you're diluted. You're crawling out of your freaking skin. Yeah. Yeah. And you need a...

You're not even detoxed for the first... No. For the first two weeks to 30 days. That fog doesn't lift. No. Yeah. It's horrible. It's all horrible.

It is. It is. But sometimes we've got to go through the toughest times to get to the best times. Where can people find you? Wakeup with Marcy.com. I hang out a lot on Instagram and wake up with Marcy. That's sweet. Yeah.

See you next Tuesday. She said it. We're out of time. Please subscribe on YouTube. Click the thumbs up and leave a comment. Please subscribe on. Apple Podcast and Spotify and leave a rating and a review and share the We're Out of Time podcast with others you know who will get value out of it. See you next Tuesday.