We're Out of Time - I Was Raised By My Grandmother To Avoid Street Life

Episode Date: March 25, 2025

Experience rapper Xanman like never before as he opens up about the challenges he's faced—from a tough upbringing to the obstacles he's determined to overcome today. Hear his powerful story and be inspired on the We're Out of Time podcast with Richard Taite.For all things Richard Taite, the We're Out Of Time podcast, and Carrara Treatment Wellness & Spa: https://linktr.ee/richardtaitehttps://www.1callplacement.org/For more on Xanman:https://www.instagram.com/xanservinKey moments from this conversation with Xanman & Richard Taite. Intro 00:00Xanman's childhood 01:23Xanman's Grandma His Biggest Supporter. Relationship with parents 03:03Troubles as a young man 07:50Chef's EYES POP out over how much money?! 07:57Why should families have Narcan? 09:40What substances does Xanman struggle with? 23:42Why must we forgive ourselves for wrongdoings? 31:40Xanman asks Richard about building a financial future 35:01Xanman on the origins of his facial hair style 45:15Xanman encourages a substance-free lifestyle based on experience 48:10Xanman on addiction in his family 54:00#

That's why I blew up at the time because of the music, it was going crazy. They liked to see the rowdiness, the flashiness. All of my cousins was in the streets, but, you know, my grandmother didn't want that for me, so my mom had me at 15. So young. Your grandparents are proud of you. My grandmother was who raised me. She let me drop out when I was 16 and bought me a studio. She believed in me since the beginning.

My grandfather invested everything that I needed at the time, and I still chose the streets. Just becoming hard to kick the cup. How long have you been doing? Heavy since about 20. You want to stop doing it? Yeah. You want to go into treatment today? Please don't do drugs, kids.

I'm telling you because of experience, what I've been through and what I've seen, it can be less than a year and somebody can be completely gone. Never come back. Thank you for listening to the We're Out of Time podcast with Richard Tate. If you haven't already, please follow the podcast, rate and review. And if you're getting value out of We're out of time, share it with someone else you know. Zan, man. That's me.

We have been trying to get you on for a while. our wish list. I thought you were Little Zan. I thought Little Zan was Zan man. I did have a difference. But it doesn't matter anymore because I've got both the Zans. And if there's another Zan, Dylan, I want that Zan too. Okay?

I want all the Zans. All the Zans. All the Zans. So, man, tell me about your upbringing. Tell me where it all started. Tell the viewers the story. It all started, you know what I'm saying, I'm from Maryland, Prince George's County, Maryland.

And I'm from a hood around here. It's called Brycey Road. It's in a city called Landover. So my upbringing, you know, I seen a lot. You know, my grandfather was in the streets. My cousins, all of my cousins was in the streets. But, you know, my grandmother didn't want that for me. So she's kind of shifting me away.

My mom had me at 15 or 15. of 16s, and she is so young. She was so young. And, you know, my grandmother took legal guardianship over me. So I was with her, and her and my grandfather raised me. Where was your mother?

You know, she was young, so she was around, you know what I'm saying? I see for her being the age that she was, she definitely was trying. But wait, hold on a second. Of course, because you're a baby, at 15. But why wasn't she living at home with her parents and you? Maybe due to like being rebellious. She was with me for a while, but you know, she wanted to be outside, you know, do her thing.

She is enjoying her pain and a year. Are you close with your mom now? Yeah, I got a really and she with my mom. I do. Where does she live? She in Maryland. She's proud of you? She proud of me. Yeah. You're going to make me start crying. Fuck. Your grandparents are proud of you? They are. My grandmother was, you know, who raised me,

she let me drop out when I was 16, actually, and bought me a studio for me to, you know what I'm saying, to do this because, you know, she believed in me since the beginning. My grandfather invested everything that I needed at the time. time and I still chose the streets you know because what I was surrounded by from my friends and things that I was doing I was kind of always the leader you know what I'm saying so you know come with stuff like that but yeah my grandparents very proud of me are they still alive not my grandfather who passed away and um he's what 56 he passed away in 2020 uh leukemia

Harrison Lukemia came back for him after being in remission for about like eight to ten years. He is on life support at first. And it went away. It came back hit him like a rob. It only took them about like a month and a half or two to take him out. I'm sorry. Yeah. And how old are you?

24. So this was four or five years ago. Yeah. And you were 19. This must have just destroyed you. Oh, it did. like that was my dad you know what I'm saying like that's I don't want to get emotional and all but you know that's okay man we're doing a little therapy stuff but yeah therapy done right is messy yeah and that was

my dad he told me how to move you know from what he was doing even from back then you know how to be sharp be on point to watch out for certain signs because he was actively in the street. So he was just telling me on what to look out for and never answer the door for any of my friends, any of his friends, no matter who it is, you know, make sure that, you know, coast is clear, looking out for these type of people. Even told me how to use my first firearm at such a young age, you know what I'm saying? But it was, I took it and ran with it because it isn't a more educational use. You know what I'm saying?

Like, hey, let's go hunting in the backyard. Um, let's go to this place 30 minutes away and go hunting, shooting, you know, at our Aunt Shirley house. So she lived in, um, she had her own farm of Virginia. Shout up to you and Shirley. Yeah, so she had her own farm of Virginia and we used to go up there to shoot all of that, me and my cousins, you know. Where's your dad? My dad in prison. He actually, within the same year, my grandfather passed away and, um, and, um, and, you know,

May of 2020, you know, in March of 2020 right before and right after his birthday. This was... That's when he went to jail? No, that was, that's my grandfather. So my dad, he'd been locked up in and out all in my life. So he had one of the worst prisons in the world. He in Florence, Colorado. So it was about, if you don't know about Florence, you know, it's only about like three to 400 inmates.

he told me that you have to have at least three to six months of consecutive good behavior to get a phone call you know so it's been shit that I've seen with my dad you know what I'm saying

it really made me take a turn for I say the worst you know what I'm saying it made me violent like he made me violent but um with the drug thing

that was always kind of going on well let me ask you question about the violence. Okay? Because I just want to be clear. He taught you to be violent. Did he teach you to be violent, or did he teach you how to survive

the community? Nah. Straight up, how to be violent. Like, me and my cousin... Sorry, bro. I'm sorry. Like, he's, like, even my uncle, you know what I'm saying? Like, Craig,

rest in peace his soul as well, you know? We used to do shit And then like the neighborhood Do things in the neighborhood Like he's like man Go rob him with a hammer Like and walk up behind a random civilian Put it on their neck

He's like they ain't going to know the difference Because it's cold still You know They don't know if it's a gun with or what You know And I was doing that young age I'm talking about like Maybe 12, 13

You know So I mean I always been smart though I always been like how can I say it is like well-spoken? Okay, so you're smart. Have you ever gone to jail? Yeah.

Okay. Yeah, that's not smart. It wasn't. It was because of my anger. I always had like a short fuse. But bro, you don't have, you don't display any of that. You're like gentle and kind and I don't see any other. I mean, that's because, you know, how I was taught, you know, you don't have to go at

I'm like you to big, bad wolf in every room. You know what I'm saying? When people see if it gets to that, they find out, you know? But I don't got to act like that. I'm net or what I've been through because I don't want that for me. I don't want that for my kids. You got kids? Yeah, I do.

How many? Did I know? Dude, are you doing the math in your head? We just going to say two. You're just going to say two? We're going to say two. It's two. All right.

Well, you just told me your violence. I'm going to let you keep it. But, yeah, I have two. I have two, though. Hide the hammer. No, for real, though. It was just like, just about, you know, being stuck in the past. But I never want that for me.

And my grandfather didn't want that for me neither. We actually got locked up together because he was on parole probation at the time. And when they broke in the house looking for me One of my friends told on me I didn't even have an idea at the time So it had to be from the mouth And I live over 100 miles away from the location It happened at

So It was a tenth of murder In so many words But It being my first He deserved it that, right? No, they didn't That's not funny

It was a lot When I tell you it was something so dumb No, that was beautiful what you did So tell me, you just made something beautiful. You said, no, they didn't deserve it. Yeah, they didn't. So what was it? You were, you were...

All right. Tell me the story. I'm with my... Wait, wait, wait. Hold on a second. You've already done the time for it, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, now you can tell me this.

I got off, I got off 20, 23, uh, July's when I got off parole probation. Only about, like, I sit on day of time for, I think, like, six to eight months. I did it all right. You know, it wasn't, because my grandfather already told me the do's and don'ts. I had a fight, like, a couple times, probably like two. Once was over a noodle packet, which is insane, right? Right. You know, because, you know, when everybody gets their bags of commentary, they hook up, you know, that's what we used to call it.

Or, like, remixing the soups and so many words when they put the chips, the cheese on top, sausage, just chop it up, tuna, and just have a big, feast, you know, for everybody who pitched in. Maybe somebody upstairs got the onions, somebody from the kitchen got the barbecue sauce, so everybody, you know, and they portioned it out based on what you put in. So if you put in the noodles, you won't get a lot. Put in the meats, you know what I'm saying, from the sausages or whatever, you're going to get a lot. But I ain't tried to link up with nobody, but there's people from the outside that was coming in that was like, I know who this person is, this when I was first coming up.

So they was like, this, you know what I'm saying? This Zane, I'd be listening to bro. Everybody loved bro. And at the time I was probably doing 10 to 20K. I was local, but they still know. So, yeah, a lot of people realized me from back then. So that was it.

And because you were a rapper, you got along there because they dug what you did. In a way, yeah. Yeah. And I feel like that that's why I blew up at the time, too, because of the music, time that it was, it was going crazy. And I was, not to say it, but we live in the industry where they love to see people of our color, you know, or, you know, my skin complexion or

anybody else act ignorant. You know what I'm saying? That's what the music is kind of based on, but I wouldn't say that in the same sense because they love, it's a lot of people who love all type of genres, right? You know, but I'm just talking about hip-hop. They like to see the routingness, the flashingness to, you know? Yeah. So let's talk about that. You doing well right now? I hear you're one of the biggest deals there is.

Well, I say this right. I got a lot of connections. All of them from me is never through a third party. It's never like, like, let's, I know somebody who knows somebody that knows Travis Scott. is never that is always I know directly the artist you know what I'm saying from relationships either they DM me

first they show love to a picture or something so I basically giving me signs that hey bro I'm watching I'm like hey this is a artist who I want to work with so I'm a DMM since they show love to me first or when we meet in person that somebody recognize me of

you know who I am we build a relationship off of that but as far as like I'm in a Mr. Doing a deal right now. I got a project that's about to come out, but financially, I say I'm doing well.

What are you doing with your money? I don't see any ice around your neck, so that's a good sign. Okay, so I'm going to be honest. What I do with my money, I like to buy homes. Not to, I'm not going to say to flip them. I bought my first house for my first deal in 2019

before I got a piece of jewelry. Where I just, now, if you ever wanted to know the moment I fell in love with you, it was down. Okay? So, so. So where is the home that you bought? I bought a five-bedroom. It was, this was in Maryland. You still have it?

No, I don't. I sold it. I sold it in 2023, and I bought a farm. How'd you do on the house to make money? I did make some money. I bought it for 380 At the time I was being dumb I put a hundred down

Just because I wanted my mortgage To be a little bit low, right? So I was only paying about two grand a month That's great Did you rank it out? No, I did. Were you living in it? No, but I did have my grandmother

And grandfather with me though And they were there? Yeah, they were there Yeah, because I'm like, you know It's a big break for us You know, this is we all been waiting for After that I owed to the people Who believed in me to begin with, you know?

Because your grandma still live? there? No, no, no, no. Where's your grandma? She's actually in the process of moving in the house now. You got right with that? Yeah, yeah. So at first, that was our, okay, we're going to move as a joint venture. I had

all of my family there, everybody used to come through, have a cookhouse, everything was good. Everything still is. I just feel like, you know, from the city that I'm from, it's so envy. A lot of people want to, you know, and that's everywhere. spot. Like I said, I do have the jewelry, the ice and all of that, but that's not my main focus. And I feel like that I built that for me as an artist because I don't have to have,

it's like the proof is in the pudding, you know, and I like to show, I like to show what you can do with money. I like to show people what money can do rather than, you know, showing you what you can get with money. I like to show you what you can do with money, you know. Yeah Oh but I mean Yeah One more thing Yeah

This is about to say Well I'm currently at I'm in the midst of signing the deal I sold my house And I bought it for 380 I added some bathrooms I didn't take out a home equity loan Because I still making money

That's my deal I did Then I sold it for 550 Bored it for 380 Sold it for 550 Got some profit It was still A little bit

mortgage left over, but I left with definitely more than I put down. Good. Now, let me ask you a question. Then you went and bought the farm. Yeah. You still have the farm? I still have the farm. What do you use in the farm for? Nothing right now. It's just sitting there. Yeah, so I got you something right?

I got, okay. All right? No, I got to teach you something because I need that same mistake. And then my buddy Charlie told me something. Homes, all sitting empty. It was the same way. That's right.

And he looked at me and he said, hey, listen to me. Abundance good, excess bad. Every home has to have a purpose. Now for me, that was like a spiritual experience. Right. Right? You don't know what you don't know. So, and he said, well, you live in a house,

your children live in another house. with your ex, have to do something with these other homes. So I rented out six of them, now seven today. Okay? Seven homes. Now there's nine, right?

And the family home, right? But every home has a purpose. Right. Right. Seven of them are returning income, right? And two of them we need to live. Right. Every home has to

have a purpose. You have to figure out what to do with that. Um, and if you want help with that, when this thing's over, we'll talk about that. We'll find some ideas for that. Definitely do. I mean, I have... Because you're bleeding. It's, you're bleeding money. You're not creating eggs. You're not creating vegetables. You're, you haven't rented it out. And you're paying property tax. You're paying insurance and you're putting a mortgage. So right now you're getting your ass kicked. I am. For no reason.

Okay? Now, you're a star player because you got a farm. Yeah. Okay? I got animals as well, though. And what? I got animals too. I got seven chickens.

What do you do with the eggs? They lay me about a... I don't sell them, but they lay me about a dozen, when it's good weather, like a dozen a week. almost. And you eat them? Yeah. Oh, that's great.

Yeah. Okay, that's good. So. But you don't need a whole farm for that. You put a chicken coop in the backyard of... Yeah, yeah, that's true. I got goats. Yeah.

What do you use the goats for? Again, nothing. I just bought a... Why do you like the goats? They're cool. They'll be chilling with the dogs. They act like family, really. You need me chilling with the dogs.

Like, I want to talk about the goats. Like, I'm talking about they're not wild. that all they'll follow you around the house they don't be kicking sniffing doing all of that because I got them so young and I literally raised them with the dogs oh that's cool you know I still got cats no cats I used to okay don't tell anybody that again okay not for real but I did used to have cats but um experience with cats sounds crazy you said you had a lot to say right when you got here what what's on your heart I don't know

And drugs I'm not going to say Did I have a problem It's been a bunch of times Where, you know Definitely in the past Where I wasn't acting like myself When I didn't have this

You know, specific thing I was Crashing out on other people That was around me You know Crashing out on people Okay Sorry bro

Yeah yeah Yeah and yeah I get it But Crashing out is basically out of the ordinary anger when it's not necessary. Okay. That's, damn, that's kind of a good way

to put it when it's like, okay, the situation is at a 50, but you want to bring it to 1,050, you know what I'm saying? Just because just crash out, it's just like, if you tap me on the shoulder, shoot you with a gun.

It wasn't, you know what I'm saying? Like, it's crashing out. But, like, I, was fighting family. Even when I was young, you know what I'm saying? Like, for my uncle, all because he told me to get good grades into school, but I told him that I was going to do this, so I don't want to get good grades. And I was like, I'm not going, I'm not doing this for you.

I'm doing this for my grandmother. And I just want her to see me, even though that she's seen me be successful, but, like, just how she poured into me. and even though that I pour into her as well I just wanted to be like I can't explain it it's just so much on my heart man sometimes it's just

sit in the dark you know what I'm saying so let's talk about your drug use because drugs okay now I know you're smoking weed but let's put that aside let me just ask one thing about the weed yeah you make emotional

why buddy what made you emotional what part of it just like a, you know what I'm saying? Like a, like a touchy topic, you know what I'm saying? The drugs or the grandma? Or what the drugs are doing to your grandmother? That's what it is.

That's right. Forget the weed right now for a minute. As long as you're getting weed at the dispensary, you're not going to die. They're putting fentanyl on the weed now, dude, on the street. Where the f*** could they sell weed on the street if there wasn't fentanyl in it? or was enlaced with something that makes no sense at all.

Right. Anybody can walk into a dispensary, okay? That's like legal. Right. Okay. So that's, just don't buy it on the street. But what are you, what are you doing now? Not on pills no more.

It's just more of like, like the cops or, you know, like the lien. That's like, it's in liquid heroin that's on you. words to come um just becoming sometimes hard to kick the cup you know do you know why that is how long have you been doing it since like heavy since about probably 2022 do you know why you can't stop does anyone ever oh yeah i do i'm pretty certain i know the reason in fact and by pretty certain i mean certain search, get sober, or get off that. Forget sober. The reason you can't get off the lean is because they're opioids.

And if you do it every day for longer than five to seven days, you don't have it anymore. It's got you. So physically, you need it because if you don't have it, you're going to get sick, violently sick. You know that, right? Yeah. Okay.

You want to stop doing it? Yeah. You know what I do for a living, right? I mean, what do I do for a living? Get people off. That's right. I get people off drugs. But anybody can get people off drugs.

I keep going to treatment today. Oh, you didn't see that. You're on glue. What'd you think, man? What'd you think, man? I was going to let some guy in here dependent and sick, right? And just not go, oh, hey. See you later, dude.

Good luck. Is that what you thought was going to happen here? Nah. You. You met the... Oh, you thought you're my... But look, though. Isn't...

Hey... I help people for a living, but I'm a piece of shit. I'm not helping you. Take it easy. Grab a water and a banana before you leave. Man, I never cry in what camera in my life, bro. That's crazy. Does that I'll answer the question?

Yeah I go to treatment today Well guess what Not ever Ever again You be a slave slavery ended in 1865 But you're a slave to drugs

Don't need this shit We don't need it You know Majority of the time Just Take it step by step You know We can go off it

Some other days When I'm in like a More mad You know I'm saying like angry type of mood. It'd be more. Sometimes I'm like, hey, bro, I'm going the whole day without it. Do it.

But then sickness. Yeah. The best laid plans go completely awry. Okay? Your intentions are honorable. You want to get off of it. It's not your fault that you kid turkey. They can die.

How much you're doing. That's going to tell you pretty much whether or not you're going to drop. And I didn't ask you those questions yet. But I don't need to. You're going to be assessed by nurses and doctors, and you'll be fine. You'll be fine. You got health insurance?

No insurance out here in the health care. Shut up. Really? Yeah. Like, my grandfather kept me on trumpet insurance. Credit. Stop, stop, stop. I was going to do this for free.

Okay? But the good news is, is you get to come to treatment anywhere you want. Really? Where do you live? Well, I'm moving out here for good. I'm moving on the 15th. You are? Yeah.

Oh, you think you're moving on the 15th? That sucks. Huh? You're moving today. you're moving into treatment today. You ain't moving on the 15th. You said you want to go to treatment today. What?

What? You're going. You said you wanted to go. You said you wanted a life. I do. I do. I do. Go tell me.

You got a girlfriend? You love her? Yes. She on the pills? She on the lean? No. She'd do any of that? Only smoke.

Only smoke. How does she feel about it? Hase it. You love her? Yes. smoking hot, right? Bro, you're going. You want to go, and you're going to go.

You're going to have a good life. And we'll talk about it off air. We don't need to do this whole thing here, but you're going to go. You love it. You want a life. Okay? Your grandmother is in love with you.

Your girlfriend's in love with you. And the most important thing is you've got a child. How old is your child? You just turn five on a knife. Dude, you're missing it. You're missing it. The best time with my kids was between two and a half and six. You got another year that you're never getting back.

You better be clear for that because you want to remember it. You really do. This is the... Where my child would be with me? That's right anyways. That's right. Over his mom. You guys live together or no?

No. How often do you see your boy? I have my child majority other time. Really? Oh, that's so good. Where's he now? In Maryland currently. How long have you been here?

For about almost two weeks. When's he coming out? You gotta move the mom out. Here you gotta move her out. Sorry, man. I's been, like, weighing on me too with my girl. Her mother's. Same.

Same mother. She mostly be with my baby mother, mom. but um my relationship with her is very close you know she has turned three in January so I'll put three in a five

not far apart do not do your children you will never forgive yourself and you then you won't stop doing these opioids and the reason you're not going to stop

doing it is because it works they call them pain killers for a reason. It works better on emotional pain than it does on physical pain. Physical pain, I take four Advil and two extra strength Tyler. And I'm as good as you can be. Right. Okay.

But for emotional pain, the pain you're in and the pain that you're going to be in, if you do this, that's what the lean is for. the lean is for you so you don't have to feel and fall apart I swear to God dude I'm wrong about a lot of things but in this area no you you're not you're not you're not row

not if I'm opening my mouth about stuff like this I'm not but it's the only thing I know so you got to if I didn't if I wasn't good at this I'd have no value at all you know like this anymore I promise You're not. Congratulations, bro. Congrats.

Just congrats. Congrats, man. Good. Let's talk about something fun. All right. Okay. The only thing I had like a question is from you being like, you know, successful. And what you do, even with the podcast and everything, what would you consider something to invest like money in?

And I know that's free game, right? No, no, no. Listen. There are a lot of people that hide the ball when it comes to financial literacy. I'm not one of them. It's one of the reasons I love talking to the underground rap scene. They have no clue about it. And I definitely, I'm begging to teach them because they've made so many mistakes

and I want to make certain that others don't make them because a lot of people don't come back from it. Now, I did, but I don't know if I'm lucky or gritty or resilient or whatever, but it's, you want to be financially literate. Now, what I would do with my money is the first thing I would do is put it with a wealth manager, 5% in a special. Now, that's not a lot of money. Right.

But think about it. Let's see you have a million dollars. and you're making 5%. That is 50,000 bucks a year. And I'm like, wait a minute, 5%, that's nothing. Excellent. However, you have to put your money away somewhere. Okay, that's generating interest

until you know what to do with it. What would I do with it? I would start dollar cost averaging. That means put in a smaller, amount of money every single month into index funds. So it would follow the NASDAQ and the S&P 500, three different exchanges when you put it in over time. Now you're going to probably get like 11% over time.

But it compounds on itself. It compounds on itself. You got a phone? Yeah. Open the phone. Pay? It's called compounding interest. Right.

Right. And all that means is, my money's working for me. I ain't working for it. Okay? And you leave it there. And you leave it there over time. This is money that you're putting aside. If you're working, you're putting aside whatever you can afford.

Now, it has to be at least 10%. Okay. If you only need five grand a month to survive, okay, you got to put away 10% and save the rest for a rainy day, taxes, whatever, okay? But you have to put that money aside. If you only need three grand a month, okay, then you have to put the rest away, okay, because you only want to spend what you need. Right. Okay. This is so excited.

excited? I mean, no. Well? Maybe because I don't think that is... What do you mean, out of 30 years... What does that say? You know. What is it saying?

No, no, no. I don't know. All right. At the end of the 30 years with 11% annual inches rate compounded yearly, your 1 million will grow to 22,892,27. Uh-huh. You'll be 54. I'm 58.

What would you do with $22 million bucks right now? The same shit we just talked about. The same shit. Hold on, you're 54. Let's see 64. Hold on. This is getting the best.

22. Hey, buddy. Add 10 years to that for a total of 40. Man, that's like a million a year forever. And. What a million number? After 40 years, please. After 40 years at 11% annual interest rate compound yearly or $1 million will grow to $65,000.

$867. So that's basically a million a year. Money glitch. Whatever. This is the way and you, sir, are an elegant man. I don't give a shit what fighting or how many violent exchanges you had. That's just part of what got you to run. right here right now.

And the only thing in life that matters is right here right now because when you get to there and then, it's right here and right now, isn't it? That's basically a million a year from when you start. Right. More the year after you start.

Off a million bucks and never putting in another dollar. Go find, go bust your... Put a million dollars in. dollar cost average on those three things. Every month you put in more money. Okay? And just forget about it.

Because this is history. This is the history of our country. It ain't changing. What you want, big boy. That's it. All right. And that sounds cool. We definitely gonna.

Now, what you want to do is you want to start working all the time. putting as much money away as you can because time matters. You saw the difference between 20 and 30 years. It was $43 million. Now, your first 30 was only 22. How the hell for another 10 do you get three times? Well, the way you do it is it's the magic of compounding interest. So what you want to do is if you've got 50 grand now, put the 50 grand in now, and then just keep doing it over time. Because if you wait till you have a million bucks, it doesn't work. But just know that if it takes you three years to put aside a million dollars, just know, but the clock starts ticking.

Now the clock starts really ticking. And the good meaning the 40 years starts, you're 24. and you said that you wanted to leave something to your children, did you not? Yeah. Or was that the last episode? I mean... Okay. All I'm saying is you want to.

You want to leave something to your children. And after you do that, I'll talk to you about generational skipping trusts. So that way, your child doesn't have to pay into exorbitant taxes. and your grandchildren will have the money and now all this bull stopped with you and you've got a new history to give to your family and the life in our lives that matter as parents is making certain that our children are okay in the world

when we're gone and leaving this place better than we found it. That's it. It's not necessary unless someone breaks in your house. Look, you don't have it with me. You know what I'm saying? I move accordingly and... That's so, gangster. I move accordingly. How good is that?

Man, I've been through it all. When I tell you, like, in Houston, random shootouts, like, it was, like, Grant their Fado, you know, it was, uh, me and my... friend swerve and he like a he a loose screw man and it was crazy and my cousin wood he uh as my blood cousin but he throw it all he thrown off too that's why i be traveling by myself i want to bring him around well not him specifically but a lot of my friends you know even when he do have money they it's like gluttony like they can never get enough i can never get enough neither but i can you know

If we go somewhere and we make a hundred bucks together, we mowing a lot and make a hundred bucks. I don't want to take your 50 from you. We're splitting it down the middle. You know what I'm saying? But when I'm from, that's how it is. It's just like Edle B and like shoot out. In the piece of places, all type of.

Can I tell you something? Wood getting on the ground like 007, shoeing under cars. This shit, I'm demand. All right, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Calland let's have a new rule to live by

Let me put on my glasses I'm more intellectual with these Okay well if you're gonna do it I'm doing it Yeah I can't see for shit I'm so much handsomer When people aren't wearing their glasses Right No I can't lie

When I look in a mirror when I put on my glass I'm like Dan this is how I look like I thought it would be better You know what I'm saying I care how I thought it'd be better though. But yeah, I'm, for the most part, bro, I'm... You got great hair, dude. Nobody has hair like yours. If I could have hair like yours, I'd have hair like yours. My hair all over the place. No, that's cool.

Bro, they put me on here because of my sideburns. I keep telling people that I shave them like this on purpose. I just shave my chin hair. I just been doing it. One time I grew my beard out when I was in jail, but that's about it. Like, why are you like the sideburns like that? Oh my gosh, people going to hear this and he's like, what the fuck? Okay, here's a rapper from our city, right? His name, Shaglizzi. Well, he's not from Maryland, but he's from D.C., you know what I'm saying? Whatever have you.

I don't know the whole politic. Well, uh, so he came out with a song called Disrespect of Tech, I believe. And it's the song with an artist named Fat Trel. That was all, that's also from D.C., Fat Trell. trail my dog. So he was a disc and he had like a ski mask on top his head and his beard wasn't fully grown out. But I didn't know that he was actually growing and I'm thinking he cut it like that. So when my shit started growing and I'm young, you know, teenager, I'm like, and I want to have minds like that too. And I just started shaving my chair ever since then and just keeping the

cybers. So that's exactly why I do this because you saw somebody you admired and you did that. Yeah, that shit looked cool. And it just became me. It just became my image after that. But you're doing the same thing here. See, you're talking about your experience with drugs and how that doesn't serve you. How it's keeping you from being your best self,

your highest self, just like you were influenced by your buddy. These kids that listen to you are influenced by you. So I don't know if you understand this, but there are kids out there because they're not viewing this for me. Nobody's viewing, nobody's viewing this for me. They're here for you.

Okay? And some of these kids are going to be like, you know what, I'm not going to do that. Right? And so you... Please don't do drugs, kids. I'm begging you don't... Don't get into it. Don't try to get into the life.

I did it right. That's how you. I did it right. I did it right. This guy came here and put his glasses down like this. I just got him two days ago. And I'm like, oh. I just got him. Do you do it like so?

Yeah. Okay. Yeah, scrap. Like I said, I'm just want to let know to all of the kids. And everybody who watching me, like, I know it's repetitive that a lot of artists do say this, even if they don't mean it, but I'm telling you because of experience of what I've been through and what I've seen, not from, you know, I'm not speaking from nobody else's experience in my life by minds.

And when I tell you, that drugs is not the cool thing, I know the double cup, it's a little aesthetic and all of that, but please, you know what I'm saying? and it would take a lot from you that you wouldn't even realize. You know, I've seen friends that come from good homes who pure and drugs, you know, got to their minds so much that now they're still for me. I'm like, bro, this is not the person that I met 10 months ago. It don't even take that long, you know. It can be less than a year and somebody can be completely gone and also never come back.

You know what I'm saying? So. Some people don't. Yeah. some people know thank you for that I was very kind I'm glad that I got this on my chest because I never been

a lot of people never seen me so vocal a lot of people never see me so vocal inside of a interview let alone share the tear oh my gosh but you know it's about time that I express my feelings because a lot of people feel like that they know the music but don't know me anymore

and I feel like it starts off with accountability to cut You know, when I was sipping and sipping and everything, it had something to do with that. And at first it was just for recreational use. I would always start with somebody like recreational looking good for the aesthetic. But this is not taking a shot at the bar. You know what I'm saying? This is, it can be life term.

So that's all. But other than that, though, I feel like that I'm good. Like, I'm in the right-hirt space to keep going. Yeah, how I plan everything is I put, you know, I put, you know, I put God first and let everything fall in a place. And one thing about me, I'm strong. And I might make dumb decisions, but I'm still not an idiot. Even everything that I do, I'm well aware, conscious of what I'm doing.

There's been times in the past because that night that I got locked up, I was on his hands. And my first year, my first year, and they offered me a plea of six years. but instead of that they gave me I think like eight months all suspended um no two years all suspended

but eight months um the rest of the four years that would be a serve would be parole provision I um I never had no dirty urine

but I also didn't have a drug charge I didn't even start I came into the game later I say you know I didn't even start smoking I didn't even start smoke. I maybe smoke wheat once a year.

I never even used to smoke until about the same time that I got on the cup. Maybe around 2020. And it was messing with me so bad, especially last year, because I used to be, what, 350 pounds? No, I was about like 360. Now I'm about like 250-ish. So this is last year. It was 2023 November

You know I was trying to go cold turkey Thanksgiving I was in the hospital They put me on the When I tried to stop You know I'm like I want to be around family Nobody want to be moving around sluggish And

It was terrible because even my little brother And I was influencing that behavior You know what I'm saying With my little brother QP And I was influenced in that behavior He was sipping too And he's 15 You feel me

Your son is six, right? Five years. Dude, you can't let your kids see you doing this. No, of course now. Let me know you something, okay? This is a rule I learned not long ago. I mean, I'm slow, okay, but I get there. And I've been told for years this statement.

If there are people in your life that do not add value to your life. Get rid of them. Words were never spoken. If you're with people hanging out with people that don't add value to your life. It's hard pill to swallow. It's got such a good heart.

I still see the good and the people who even, you know, who even gone. And, you know, I still believed in my, even my grandfather even, even with him. I trusted that he would get clean. But it led to disappointments for sure, you know. I was in one time I was in the middle of a shoe in the music video with, you know, my cameraman, JV productions. I was in Maryland. This is in my brand new house.

I'm shooting a music video. I heard, like, somebody fell. I go upstairs. My grandfather laid out in the bathroom with a needle over his blood everywhere. We had to take the needle out. You know what I'm saying? Did he die? Right?

Yeah, we had the Narcanum. Okay, but he didn't die. No, he didn't pass away right there. But that was just one incident of many overdoses that we seen. We had the ambulance. Give us an arcane for us to keep in the house. And it was elephant tranquilizer. They, uh, I did he was.

He was on trank. Elephant tranquilizer, heroin, you know. Um, no, he was on trank. Yeah. That's the zombie drug. Okay. What happens is they have this. And by the way, it's not animal tranquilizer.

Let's just get that clear. It's not there to tranquilize the elephant. It's there to put. the elephant down. It's meant to kill elephants. That's what your grandfather was using. A drug meant to kill an elephant. Yeah, people don't understand that.

Now, let me explain something to you. They take fentanyl and they take this, this elephant tranquilizer, which is why they call it trank. Okay? And they shoot it. and then they lean over like that with rigid arms and they're just like their knuckles are dragging on the ground.

And then it's a flesh-eating drug because the other wasn't fun enough, so there's more. And you get these holes in your arms or in your legs like big, like a baseball. Yeah. And then what they do is they take it and they shoot it in that, and you can see the bone. And Narcan doesn't work on it. Yeah, the Narcan didn't work.

It doesn't work on it. Okay, that's why it didn't work. Okay? And he's lucky to be alive. He's beyond lucky to be alive. Yeah, at the time. But you know what? The sad part about it is?

Yeah. He woke up and he wanted to do another hit immediately. Do you know why? because wait a wait a second wait a second wait a second oh now you're freaking out because you're like how the hell does you know that I swear to God

he literally was like he's like why y'all throw my shit away man where's my shit that man when he got there he's like why y'all do that why y'all call the ambulance I was good do you know why he did that because

what feels the best is getting as close to dead as humanly possible without dying. How scary is that? That's what feels the best. So he was as close to dying as humanly possible, woke up, that feel the best. Like, okay, time for another.

And everybody else in the room is like white and like this and just freaked out. And he's fine. Because, you know, it's like, you know, when somebody walks into a room, whites the match and walks out and everybody's like that's what happens he's fine he left the room

okay everybody else that's witnessing this is traumatized he has no recollection of that none we also had to give um here's my stepbrother but um

you know because they uh adopted me uh you know what I'm saying legally too who your grandpats? Yeah so uh Do you talk to your mother at all? Yeah, I do. You good, but how often do you talk to your mother?

Maybe like every other week, my grandmother I talk to her every day, though. Does your mother and your grandmother talk all the time? Yeah. Yeah, my grandmother raised her as well. Right. So. Okay. Does your kids have a relationship with your mother?

Yeah, I'd say, yeah. She just had my daughter. took them to the, took them to, um, what is it called? This is an amusement park, yeah,

amusement park summer like that and my, um, son, I mostly have him. He's like, he attached to my hip, like,

you know, so, but my daughter, I know, and that she definitely have a relationship with both of them. You know,

both of them. She didn't abort you and she didn't trash can or? Yeah, she never showed me out, you know what I'm saying? She,

she, she, she, she, she, she done what she can. She looked at your mother at your grandmother and said, I'm 15, you're my mother.

I don't know what to do. And she gave her to your mother, to your grandmother. She did the best she could. She was 15. Yeah, and definitely. I've got a 15-year-old daughter. She couldn't, I mean, the chance of her doing that would be zero. Okay?

I mean, no chance. A 15-year-old doesn't. know how to take care of a child. It just, that's the way it is. At all. I mean, but that's the thing, though. I just feel like because she been through a lot, that she think that I have something against her, that I feel some type of guiltiness.

I'm like, Mom, I never felt the way that she wasn't, you know what I'm saying? Because I understand. I understand of me having, even everything that I had going on. It'd be so overwhelming, especially when you're a teenager. You just, you just, you just learning cross multiple multiplication, you know what I'm saying? Do you give us a hug when you see her? Yeah. Yeah, me and my, me and my mom, like, not beefing at all.

Do you love each other? Do you feel the love? Yeah. I feel like that I can, I feel like that she free-spirited. I can go to her about anything. She used to do drugs, but it was more like party recreational, like the little X-C-C-C-E-S-E, she was never gone off her drugs, though. Hey, babe.

Thanks for coming. Yeah. You are the best time ever. Sure. These days you, man. Really are. Okay? Um, where can people reach you?

Where can people find... All of my Instagram, well, my Instagram is a Zan-S-A-N-S-E-R-V-I-N. and my YouTube Zandman Spotify Apple Music Zambah Yeah Last question What's your favorite song That you've done ever?

Oh my gosh I can't lie I have about like I have a that'd be a hard question to answer I have about like you won Okay Just give me one of the group And one that

Did the best The one that you that you personally love that also did very, very well. Okay. I say point. It's called point. I got about like 7 million views on YouTube. Okay.

If I'm speaking more recent, I'll say Shattered Dreams. Okay. Do you own those two songs or does a label own them? I own those two songs. Are you sure? Yes. I make money off it mostly. Which one do you want us to play?

on the outro of this or is there a one that you're pumping a new one that you're gonna pump that's probably the way to go Yeah, I say that Okay, I say that We are bringing in more people in tune too I feel

Yeah, like what do you like? Which is the new song? I'll say Shattered Dreams Shattered Dreams Yeah Okay, you can find that So that's a good one You like that

Shattered Dreams See you next Tuesday Ha ha. If you were a loved one is struggling, we have a number that you can call and we'll help you find the best treatment that is right for you. Our company, One Call Placement, is dedicated to helping you, and we'll find the best treatment that is right for you. So call now at 888808-6159. Again, that's 888-808-659. We're out of time.

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