We're Out of Time - Jax Taylor Breaks Silence: Divorce, Fatherhood, The Valley & Redemption After Vanderpump Rules

Episode Date: July 8, 2025

TV personality Jax Taylor, known from Vanderpump Rules and The Valley, joins Richard Taite for a vulnerable conversation on this eye-opening episode of the We’re Out of Time podcast. Jax opens up about the struggles he's faced both on-screen and off—sharing candid reflections on his highly publicized divorce, past mistakes, and what it truly means to do the inner work.Now a father, Jax talks about the challenges of personal growth in the public eye and how he's committed to becoming a better man for himself and his son. This is an honest, raw, and deeply human conversation you won’t want to miss.👉 Follow the podcast for more raw, honest, and inspiring conversations every week and please share with others who will get value out of it.🔗 All things Richard Taite, We're Out of Time, and Carrara Treatment Wellness & Spa: ⁠https://linktr.ee/richardtaite⁠For more on Jax Taylor: ⁠https://www.instagram.com/mrjaxtaylor

TV is where I was supposed to be. I think I found my niche. I think I'm good at what I do. I love being on TV. Has it made my life better and worse? Sure. I mean, but anything you do makes your life better and worse. You know, you're going to have your highs and lows.

People love to watch what I'm going to do next. They don't care. They love to see the spiral. Now, is that good? Probably not. My biggest regret is how I handled it. I don't regret getting a divorce or going through divorce. No, because it needed to be done.

It ran its course. I think my codependency issues are a problem. I think being lonely is an issue. Learning to adapt to loneliness, I have a hard time with that. Being comfortable in my own skin is tough for me right now. Again, I'm new into this. I don't have years under my belt. I need structure.

I thrive on it. Thank you for listening to the We're Out of Time podcast with Richard Tate. If you haven't already, please follow the podcast, rate and review. And if you're getting value out of We're out of Time, share it with someone else you know. If someone has a problem with substance use disorder, please call one call placement. That's 8888-8-8-3-1-158-1. And if we can't help you, we'll make a referral to someone who can. Please, we're out of time.

Jacks Taylor. How are you doing? Good, man. How you doing? I'm doing okay today. I'm doing okay today. We shot your podcast this morning. We did.

We did. And I appreciate you being on there. It really means a lot to me. Can you hear me from here? Yeah, you can move them like just where you did. So let me ask you a question. Are you still wearing the same clothes? Or did you change?

I didn't. I didn't change. I came straight. I'm wearing the exact same clothes. I didn't change either. Okay, glad we were the same thing. So I was literally, what, 15 minutes away? So I just came right over here.

No. Did, you did great. All right. Let's start from the beginning. Let's shoot. Do you think being on TV all those years amplified everything, the highs, the lows, and set the stage for what came next? Are you speaking figuratively on the highs or the lows? Give it to me.

Give it all. I think TV is where I was supposed to be. I think I found my niche. I think I'm good at what I'm. do. I love being on TV. I love doing what I do. It's fun. Has it made my life better and worse? Sure. I mean, but anything you do makes your life better and worse. You know, you're going to have your highs and lows. But no, I think for the most part, it's been a fun ride. I've been very, very blessed to get to do what I like to do. Good for you, man. Good for you. Good for you. All right, let's move on.

Your rock bottom really played out for the world during season two of the Valley. Yeah. What was it like experiencing your lowest moments so publicly? And I hate this question. And the reason I hate this question is it's not specific enough. So I don't know what happened. And there's a lot of my viewers that aren't going to know. Right. So tell me what happened.

I've been dabbling. I'll start from the beginning. I've been dabbling, well, not dabbling. I've been using in drinking for, I don't know, 20 plus years. Okay. And I thought, for the most part of it, of it, I had it under control. Could you tell that I was on drugs and alcohol prior to me?

This blow up? Absolutely. You know, I wore it out my face, literally, physically. You could tell that I was on it. It didn't really start to really play a role and affect me until, you know, my separation from my ex-wife. I was using... You leave her?

Did she leave you? She left me. She left me. That's why it hurts so bad. Yeah, but you know what? It had to be done. It had to be done. I want to make it very clear, though.

It still hurts me to this day. Yeah, it definitely hurts because, you know, you spend 10, I was with her for 10 years. And she's the mother of your child. Right, right. But I have to make it very clear that it's something that had to be done. I wasn't devastated. I was devastated of how it ended. Okay.

But it needed to be done. It ended with me doing drugs, getting high and spiraling out of control of being verbally abusive, which is something that I regret. My biggest regret on film, my biggest regret, partially, partially on film. My biggest regret is how I handled it. I don't regret getting a divorce or going through a divorce. No, because it needed to be done. It ran its course. How I did this, though, how I came about with this verbal abuse and how I got there, drugs and alcohol played a huge role and my anger. My anger from the situation just spiraled because it was like I felt like I was I don't know the right world. I didn't have control and I'm a control freak. Let me ask you a question.

Let's get to let's get to the root of what I give a shit about. Okay. How is your son doing? He's doing good. He's doing really, really good. Um, you know, my son has autism and, um, he's just, he's the light of our lives. It's the one thing that Brittany and I did right. So he'll be, so he'll be gifted in certain areas. Yeah. And he'll be challenged in other areas. And that's totally fine. That's totally fine. Yeah. Yeah. It's okay. Like I said, he's he's, he's, he's everything that we wanted. He's perfect. It's a gift. It's perfect. Just me now. Thank you. Okay. So what I'm most concerned with, because you get angry like I do. We're, we're, we're, we're a lot alike. you're me 15 years ago, literally.

And I hope you get to where I'm at because where you're at is exhausting. Exhausting. It's exhausting. Okay. Not even for me. For the people around me, it's exhausting. For everybody. For my team.

It's exhausting for my friends. It's exhausting for my ex-wife. Everybody. It's exhausting. Are you on antipsychotics? I am on bipolar medication. Yes. What are you on?

It's called lamacetyl. Yeah. Sittal. Ramosiddle, something like that. Yeah. When you're on that, okay, just start to notice. How long have you been on it? Oof, I've been on it since, well, the whole days I've been sober.

So, but I've been upping it. So I've been on it for 200 plus days. Okay. At about now, you should be able, before you rip somebody's head off. Yeah. You get a little beat. Exactly. You can actually decide whether or not you,

want to go for it now. You're right. Now, I feel it too. Right. Feel it. Don't, don't take that for granted. Don't beat up on people unnecessarily. They hate it.

Right. Especially when you're somebody of note. Right. Okay. The more in the limelight you are, the more gracious you have to be. And I need to remember that. And you need to always remember one thing. When you're angry, you know what you never do?

You never press send. ever. Ever. You don't rage text. That was a huge part of my issues. You don't threaten. You don't do any of that because then people, people are gunning for you. You got to remember I wasn't on the medication long enough to when I was on that. That was during. You got to remember that these people are judging you on your worst day. Yeah. And nobody gets judged on their worst day because that's just lame. But you're going to be fantastic. Okay. This is just, it feels like, you're in a storm right now on my life, hand a gun. It feels like I'm in a storm because you understand my life is on television. That's right. Everything, I'm in the public eye, no matter what I do, if I sneeze right now, it's on television. But, brother, it's your choice. And it is my choice.

I'm not, no one put a gun to my head. I understand that, but it's computer courage. Exactly. So, so. I've never heard that before, computer courage. That usually your keyboard warrior or computer courage. That's interesting. I like that.

That's all that is. Yeah. But anytime you, look, man, anytime you want to be someone in life, you got to get up to the plate. Right. And when you go up to take your swings, people are going to throw at you. Of course. Okay. That's life. Right. Where you and I are in the game of life and we're doing well. Okay. I think what the issue here is, is that people like, look, you're polarizing. My guess is that half the people love you and half the people can't stand you. Is that a fair assessment? People love to watch what I'm going to do next. They don't care. They love. They love.

love to see the spiral. Now, is that good? Probably not. But they, I think people are keyboard warriors. The same people that are writing on the internet, the same people are going to ask me for a picture when they see me in the street. What I, the one thing I want to convey is there's a difference between what you're doing in the reality TV world and what you're going to do in your personal relationships. And the reason I say that is, and this is where, this was a long-winded way of getting here. The only thing I care about is the only thing you should. care about, which is what's the best, what is in the best interest of the child. Right. And if you're going to do a Jerry Springer thing with your ex, okay, you're going to have a sick kid.

Understandable. Okay. And I want, and I want nothing but the best for you. And you know what, man, here's, I'll tell you, I'll tell you something. This is, this is, I always loved Kobe Bryant, but no one can shoot us out of a game faster than Kobe. Nobody. He was on it. He didn't care. And he would shoot us out of games. And I just be like this. Oh, my God. You know when I really fell in love with Kobe Bryant after he retired? Because he taught me how to be a better dad. He leaned into that. Dude, if you lean into that and you try to be the best dad you can be, which means get down on their level, no phones, connect. really care about what they're saying if you don't understand it, just go, wow. I mean, you know, it's like that will, that will completely change your life. And it doesn't matter if we think we're good dads. When people ask me if I'm a good dad, I always tell them you're going to have to ask my kids.

Yeah. Right. Right. Because my experience is going to be totally different than their experience. You ask my parents if, you know, if they're good parents, they'd be like, of course, we're the best parents. Yeah. Okay.

That's the way to rehabilitate your image. And that's what I'm trying to do. If right now I don't care about myself or our situation, it's all about that little boy now. And I'm, listen, I'm very open about it. I'm very aware. And I'm very, you know, I know I did wrong. I'm 100% aware of that. I take full accountability and everything that I've done because I was wrong.

Watching it back, it's shameful of how I acted. And I'm like, you know what? And I said this 100 times. My feelings are extremely warranted. Absolutely warranted. I'm allowed to have those feelings. It's how I handled it. And I've said this a thousand times.

If I could go back and change anything, it's how I handle the situation. I should have just went, you know what? It's time to have the marriage. I can't end it that way. But I can be aware of how I handled it. You cannot put a woman in apprehension. Right. You cannot scare.

You're a scary guy. people tell me I'm a scary guy and you're a scary guy okay I mean we're big we're big our personalities are big our our stature is big if you had a daughter you would not want them doing that no okay right hence the reason I'm trying to get as much help as I can right now because nobody will ever have nobody can ever see that side of me ever again and that's what I don't want to see myself They're going to see it. If you ain't in therapy three times a week on my life, it's going to happen again because you're wired for that. You and I are wired for that.

I believe you. Your intention is to never do that again, but it's going to happen. And then when it's happening, it's going to go in slow motion. And you're going to be like, I can't believe this, but you can't stop it. Right? Right. Does it sound like I know who you are? Yeah.

Okay. I'm you. Okay. And I'm telling you, I was way worse than you. Way worse. Okay. And it's all about becoming an elegant man. How was rehab, though?

How was the rehab experience? I just, to be honest with you, I just, the first time, I didn't dive into it. I didn't take it seriously because they were filming and I was so in my head that they were working and I was stuck in prison. Like there was a filming going on during this time. Okay, so they're traveling, they're having fun, and I know they're talking about me, and I know everything's going on. So I couldn't separate why I'm here right now from working, because I know they're talking

about me and this and that, and I couldn't dive into why I was supposed to be there and do the steps and do all the shit. I know what to say. You know what I'm saying? I know what to say and I know what to do, but I wasn't invested like I should because I slipped two weeks out. Right. And then I had to go back.

It's up. Yeah. I wish I wish I didn't have my phone that time that was my fault I asked for it and I should not have had my phone that part I do regret everything else yeah that was your fault but you know they shouldn't have given you that they shouldn't have given you the phone and I again I was on there on a voluntary basis so it's it's everybody's there on a voluntary basis okay I was I just say I shouldn't like I course we make mistakes in life I wish I didn't have my phone I fpped there's nothing I can do about it can put toothpaste back in the tube okay so I wish I could

kept my phone and wish I would have stayed away from that. I would have. Looking back at the rage texting, surveillance, and even physical incidents, what do you hope your son understands about that chapter in your life? He's obviously, he's going to hear about it one day. You know, he was in the other room when I threw the bar stool and I threw the table, which is, again, if I could go back and change one thing in my life right now, that would be it. The way I handled that. It was anger. It was rage. It was the fact that I just, I couldn't, I just couldn't deal with it. And again, the drugs and the alcohol just, I saw red. I just saw red and I saw nothing else. And again, how could this be happening to me? I'm Jack Steele. Why are, like, the fact that it was my friend

that she, she hooked. I think the main thing was, the reason I got so upset is because I know the guy. He was a friend of mine. It wasn't like, oh, it was just other guy, whatever. It was a friend of mine that she was sleeping with for months. But weren't you, but weren't you, um, sleeping around? Not until I found that out. Oh, and then you, yeah. And you did it. Yeah. I'm very, no, I, listen, I did it too, but I, I wasn't one of her friends. And again, as a, as a guy, I was just like, I brought this guy into my circle. He was my friend. Okay. So there was a little, to me, it was a little, like, who do I be mad at her? Do I be mad at him or do I mean at my fucking self? And at the end of the day, now I can look back. I'm mad at myself. Why? Because I pushed her.

her away into this guy. That's what I did. Because we didn't, because we didn't, we lost the people that we loved because we didn't put them first. Right. And I can look back now, which I was so, so angry before I couldn't even like, I couldn't even breathe, but now I can look back on it and I made peace with that. I've made peace with that. Do you want to know why we have to take viscerally, like in our soul, why we need to take responsibility for how we screwed up? because if we don't, we're going to die alone. Yeah, I know. It's important for me to have her think highly of me, the father of her child.

It is important to me. And I'd be lying to tell you if it wasn't, if I'm not working hard for her to care about me again the way she used to. Not to be in a relationship again, not to be married again, but to care about me and to be like, you know, this is the father of my child. And I do care about him. And I'm able to go to parks and stuff with him and be around to him. Even if I have a new person in my life, I'm comfortable, like how you are with your ex-wife. I want to get to that part. I'm sure it wasn't easy.

I'm sure there was an uphill thing, but I want to get there. That's my goal. My goal is to be the person that she wants me to be. You're a father now, right? Yeah. True or not true? You didn't even know what love was until I had my son. It was, that's 100% true.

That's 110% true until I had my little boy. It's like almost where it takes your breath away. It takes your breath. You're like, I'm not tearing up right now thinking about it. Like when he was born, it was the most, it was the most beautiful thing I've ever seen in my life. And watching her give birth was a whole other thing. Like, wow, how women can do this is insane. This woman's the most important person in your life.

She is. Whether or not we're married or not, she is the most important person in my life. That's right. Along with my son. But it's knowing. And the way you get that is by accumulating little wins, little wins, little wins, little wins, little wins. So that way, you don't sabotage your success. Because right now, what you're doing is you're like a scared little boy who's saying,

this is too good for the likes of me, and then you're sabotaging it. That's ridiculous. Okay? That's a lie that you're telling yourself. You've got a five-year-old kid running a 45-year-old man. All you have to do is recognize that that's my, okay, and you're good. but you don't know that yet because you don't have the tools to do that. So now you're over 200 days sober.

How does life feel different today? And what are the biggest day-to-day shifts? As far as physical health and all that, I feel the best I've ever been. Alcohol and drugs took a huge, huge toll on me. And I find now that I'm sober, I find that I have more time in my day. That's a lot. I feel like sometimes I'm like, where's all this time from? Where did I, it used to being hung over and sleeping?

I just feel like I have more time. You're great at time management? I am very, very good at time management. I can't, I need structure. I need to get up in the morning. I need to make my bed. I make my coffee. I check my emails.

I make my phone calls. Go to the gym. If I don't have that, if I miss one of those things, throws off my whole day. Yeah. And I can't tell you how important it is. This sounds stupid making your bed in the morning.

Something so silly like that can throw off my whole day. I need structure. I thrive on it. I need to make sure I'm at the gym and I'm so, time management is that's a bugger with me if you're not on time for things I can't handle that if you're not early or late you're not early or late and I I thrive I'm control I need control and that's a that's a huge can be a problem for me that's exactly why when I was in rehab and I don't know we we have talked this they allowed me to have my phone and I was texting and rage texting and stuff like that because

that was a sense of control for okay but I want to talk about that for a second because that's what I'm talking about you are being judged on your worst day at the end of the day you're 44. It'll be 46 next week. You're a 46-year-old man. Okay, we're responsible for our own behaviors. 100%. Okay.

This is the mother of your children. Correct. Okay. I assume they're horrible. Who's horrible? The texts back and forth. They weren't great. They weren't great.

Okay. And what I call that is a vicious cycle. Right. We just, and you can't stop. I was looking for a reaction. And that's what I was looking for. I was looking, I wasn't, I know people out there like, God, what a vicious person. It wasn't about being vicious.

I know it looks that way. I was looking for, I was looking for an outreach for murder. I was hurt. And so was she. She was hurt too. But I was like looking for like a sense of like, it does she care? And I probably, I mean, sending rage text is not going to make anybody care. They're going to make them crazy.

But in my head, that's how I could control the situation. I wasn't there with her. So I was like, okay, if I send these texts, am I going to get some kind of reaction. You couldn't believe that this woman wanted to be with another man. You were like, I'm sorry, what? Yeah. Okay. Yeah. I did the same thing. Yeah. I owe my ex five years. I literally stole five years from her. Yeah. Because I just couldn't believe that this woman would want to be with anybody other than me. That's how I felt. Of course, that's how you felt. Yeah. You're just like me. Yeah. Okay. I'm telling you, bro, the way out of this thing is to be kind. To me, to me,

everything. But it takes time. And I like I said, I look for, listen for this for a second. I'm a very, I'm a creature. What can I throw at this to make this go away? How much money can I throw at this? I'm, I'm a creature of how can we make this go away. And this is a disease, as you know, that you can't just make it go away. You got to work. How simple this is. And but it goes with my ex too. My friends are telling me like, I'm doing so. I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm doing so. I'm. I'm. I'll be like, oh my God, I was so good the last one. So it's going to take time, not a couple months. You've done a lot of damage.

When somebody leaves us that we love, it's so painful. It feels deeper to us than it does to normal people, right? And when that happens, we actually lose control. And that's why we do the rage texting. Everything you've done, I've done. I've sat in therapy with my ex talking about my rage texting before. This ain't a gotcha thing. You feel the spirit and intent of this thing.

You feel that my heart's in the right place, right? Okay. This is something that hurts. Yeah. Okay. You love that woman. Yes, you might have grown apart. And yes, you might not have been meant to be.

be together any longer, but you still love that. Of course. She's the mother of my child. Of course I do. You love that woman whether or not she was the mother of your child. You just do. And you want to know what? She loves you too. Here's the difference. We could go back over and over and over again. She can't. We fpped it up. Right. It was our fault. Correct. And we lost two good people that we're going to feel that wound for the rest of our lives. Now it gets better, but I still feel the wound. Okay? So the truth is you just loved her so much

that you just snapped and it hurts so bad and it felt like a betrayal. Okay? And that's it, the end. Okay? And now you're going to be making a living amends, which is you're going to be a good co-parent, you're going to be a good father, and you're going to make that your priority overwork, over anything.

Okay? Because every father wants the same thing for their children to be proud of him. That means the way they live their life. And we want to, we must make certain that our children are okay in the world when we're gone. The end. That's it. that's our job okay you can do it you're you're gifted in a lot of ways you're just angry yeah okay and we all want love and right now you don't have it and i don't have it there's only one

difference between us okay it's affecting you right now like it used to affect me and right now and right it doesn't affect me because I'm too busy and I prioritize my children and helping people. No one's going to want to be with me, dude, right now. Right. I'm not available for anybody, right? Does that not, I mean, that's still, I mean, I still get lonely. Yeah. I think my codependency issues are a problem.

I think being lonely is an issue. Like learning to adapt to loneliness, I have a hard time with that. I think being comfortable in my own skin is tough for me right now. Because again, I'm new into this. I don't have years under my belt. Right. So these women typically don't, they don't come back to us because when they lose. That's okay for me.

I'm okay with that. And bro, whether it's okay or not, it's the way it is because the way I rationalized it was, hey, I took five years from that woman. And we only get one go around here. Exactly. I owe this woman everything. Like there's nothing I don't, that I won't do for her. And there's nothing she won't do for me.

And our kids are thriving. And, you know, I get the best parts of her. The only thing I don't get to do is be with her intimately. Yeah. And that's okay. I didn't look at it that way. And that's okay. Yeah.

I didn't look at it that way. You know what? You're right. If I play my cards, right, I would like to get to where you are to where, you know, I, because where you're not pining for her all the time. No, I'm not pining for her, but I'm looking for her approval. Is that, is that, yes, because you respect her and she taught you how to live. She was your mother. She wasn't your girlfriend. She was your mommy. Okay. The other one, please. The other one was my mommy. No, I'm not questioning you. I'm thinking about like, why I didn't think about like, that's what I'm thinking. They want a real. man, you look like a real man, I look like a real man. On paper, we are great catches. In reality, okay, we're kind of suck. Yeah. Okay. That's just where we are. All right. Know thyself, but here's the good news. The good news is you get happier and you get your head gets clearer

and you get more strategic and you know where you're going and you know how to get there and if you don't know how to get there you figure out how to get there dude you're you're the if you stay sober your life is going to be so good that you're not going to recognize it in three years this and i have to be totally honest with you i'm not worried about the sober part anymore i'm worried about everything else i'm worried about the mental health part that's what i'm worried about okay well then go to therapy because you're not in therapy so you need to be look dude i'm in therapy three times a week and i own arguably the finest clinical team in human history.

Yeah. Okay. I go three times a week because we know the room. We're a little nuts. Right. Okay. And you don't want to change that because we want to embrace our insanity because it's a gift. But it needs to be moderated.

Otherwise, you rage tax somebody who's the mother of your children who's going to out you to the world. How is it with you and Brittany now? You know, it depends on the week right now. It depends on the week. I've done a lot of damage. I've scorned her. I've done a lot of hurtful things to her. And it's going to take time for her to actually, you know, care about me again.

As far as being a father, I think it's going well. I think that part's, you know, I'm always there when she needs me. I move down the street from her. We're co-parenting. I see my son maybe between, two and four times a week. If she needs me, I come and get them. It's not, it's not like, you know, anything there. It's loose. It's very loose right now. The divorce is still going through. You know, we, we have a finalization coming up next month, or this month, actually. So,

it's going as well as it can be right now. So children will not be affected by divorce if their lives don't change. And his life hasn't changed. Let me tell you what I mean by that, though. I know you're going to hate this part. Okay. Eight houses as the crow flies, my children are in that house with their mother. And she's even got her beautiful man who I love more than anything in the world living there. He's fantastic. And a fan of yours, by the way. Okay. When I got, when I left the house, okay, I made the decision that they would not move out of that house no matter what. because they should it. It's your child's home.

I don't want her to move out of that. I just, it gives me such self-esteem, man. I want her to be in the house. I don't want to uproot my kid from his school, from his life, from his pool, from his life. I don't want any of that. It has nothing to do with that.

Great. Now, let me, let me, now in the beginning, I did not do this, by the way. You got to remember, too, I was spiraling out of control, doing pain by myself, okay? Drinking by myself.

When she decided to leave, Steve, which this, it's the thing, she got an Airbnb and left, went down the street. I was unaware of this, okay? I would have, and I said, you know what? I'm staying in the house. Go get an Airbnb down the street then. And I didn't even fathom the fact that like, you know, I'm just, I'm uprooting my kid and all that other stuff. I didn't even think. I was high as a you were high. Yeah. But you're not high now. No, I know. That's exactly why she came back to the house. I'm like, take the house. I'm clean now. I have a level head on my shoulders. That's right. I'm so sorry that I made you.

jump around from Airbnb and Airbnb because I didn't give a I did not care. All I cared about was myself. No, all you cared about was continuing to you control. No, continuing to use. And use. Yeah. Well, when you're using, you don't have it. It's got you. Right. Of course. So that's, that's. And I'm not blaming the drugs and alcohol, but it played a huge role in my actions. It did. I already have anger issues. It's the reason. It's made it even worse. That's correct. Okay. And as you know, it's not when you're using. It's the next day. for me that I go off the rails, no pun intended. Listen, your relationship is better with her now.

It's getting there. It's, it was terrible. You're getting there. Listen, she wants consistency. Yeah. Okay. So do I. So do I.

No, no, no. Yeah, but we've never had it. And so we want, look, dude, I tell her every day, I go, listen, I don't want to argue with you. I don't want to fight with you. Please tell me what you want for me and I will do it. What else can I do? What can I do to make you happy?

Tell me the things I need to do. I will do it. I have no problem. I'll tell you right now. She wants you to honor your financial commitments. She wants you to be a good father. And she wants you to be pleasant and kind. Well, that's two out of the three.

That's all she wants. Hand of God. Okay? Just like my old lady wanted. That's all she, dude, all they want us to do is be a human being. That's all they want from us. and we struggle. But we're gifted in so many ways

that I told you there's a yin and a yang to everything and we struggle in certain areas. But I'm telling you, it doesn't last if you don't want it to. But you got to start going to your therapist three times a week. Okay?

And if you need a referral to somebody real, I do. Fine. Then I'll make it. Okay, because you need nurturing. He needs Nika. I haven't had good success with female therapists, but we'll try it. No, this is what you want. You don't want a man yet. You're not, you're not ready for that yet. Really?

You know, I want you, no, because you treat women like, okay, so. You're brutal. What? You said you're brutal. Maybe. I did the same thing. I did the same thing. I mean, you're not wrong. Of course. You're not wrong. I would never say anything that was. But that's not who you are. Let's get something straight. That's not who you are. That was your behavior.

But that's not who you are. You just struggle. You want love like anybody else. You just don't know how to speak someone else's love language, okay? Because we want to be loved a certain way, but they want to be loved completely different. I was once with a girl who showed her love. Her love language was she would cook for me. Well, I don't want somebody cooking for me.

Okay? I'm just telling you, you just don't know how to get there. Okay? I know the way. Okay. The only person in your way right now is you. If you can just somehow call me every fucking day and say, hey, dude, not like a sponsor. and I don't use the word mentor.

I hate that word. Okay. Just call me every day. I'm not a big shot. I'll straighten you out. Okay? Because you should be making a lot of money. You should have a joy of living.

And you should be in a place where you can just look into a camera and say, yeah, I fucked up. That was a bad day. You want to judge me on my worst day? Do it. Okay. I'm sorry. I can't.

You know, I'm making my amends. I'm making a living. amends. I'm genuinely sorry and that's all I got. Hate on. That's the message. Got it? Yeah. You've been open about being diagnosed with bipolar disorder dealing with a few panic attacks, as I do. Yeah. And now being on medication plus going to therapy in AA three times a week. What's been the biggest eye opener in that process? Just being open and honest with who, who I am and finally being out loud about it and talking about it and being okay with not being okay. I hate to say that, but like being like just to be able to go out there and be like, I have a

drug addiction. I haven't, I was so embarrassed, so embarrassed, you know, and I try to think, I try to, everybody knew I was doing it and I was like, no, I don't like literally, everybody knew. Like, Jacks, you literally wear it on your face. I'm like, no, no, no, I don't have a problem. And now I can look back because like, I know for a fact, and I don't know what you're supposed to say this, but I know for a fact I will never touch alcohol and drugs again. I know that. I have no interest in it. I'm not triggered by it. But so now I can look back and be like, what the f was I doing? Why didn't I stop this years ago? If you stop working out, will you look like this in three, four months? No. Okay. If you don't keep working on. Oh, I'm going to always work on it. Oh, I'm not. I don't want to, no, I don't

I want to make it very clear. I'm not going to ever stop going to A for the rest of my life. I love it. I told you, I have it like it's a drug to me. I love going and meeting the guys and my sober friends. I've shifted from my drunk friends. Now I have a sober group of friends. We have a great time. And they care about you, right? And they care about me. They check in, how are you doing?

What things are we going to do? We go out to dinners earlier. We're home earlier. You know, I allow myself to go out. I give myself a 45-minute window. Usually when I see my friends on drink number two, I'm gone. I just don't like being around it anymore because to me it's disgusting. I just don't like it.

So I like to be home on my couch, watching my shows. But I'll give myself a 45-minute way. But you're feeling better right now. I feel great right. now as far as my as far as my health i want to ask you a question i need you to be self-reflected yeah okay when i ask people sometimes uh in rehab at the end yeah at the end of their first 30 days i'll say how you doing i think you need a little more time yeah and they'll say no no no i'm doing great yeah okay and that's kind of how the vibe i'm getting from you right now i'm doing great yeah

okay well you asked how i'm doing today that's right that's a day-by-day thing that's right that Thank you. Snapshot in time. But really what typically happens is when somebody gets sober, their life is so shitty that when it's not shitty anymore, it feels great. But great is great. Not shit. It feels great. It's just not great. It just feels great because it's not shooly anymore. Right. So I'm just telling you, the longer you stay sober, the more gifts you're going to get. and they're going to come from everywhere. And pretty soon, you're going to start expecting miracles. I expect them.

I was just on a call this morning, and I said, okay, this is going to happen and this is going to happen. They're like, how the hell do you know? I said, because I expect miracles, that's why. And I know when I get off this podcast, I know those miracles will have happened. Okay. That's the way life works. when you're sober and you're doing the right thing every day. Hey, man, thanks for coming today.

I really appreciate it. This is a great time. I love being here. I mean, I really respect you and I really appreciate you having me here. And it's, I love talking about this shit. This is, I feel like this is what I'm supposed to be doing now. I want to help. I want to talk.

I want to be around it. I want to just be in it. And I think this is part of it. And I think I'm hopefully on my way to doing that. I think you're an excellent example to people that have been. following your career and now that you've come out the other side i think that gives a lot of people hope so thanks for doing this man you're going to save a lot of lives and i really appreciate it where can people find you uh instagram at mr jacks taylor i do have a podcast called in the mind of jacks taylor

comes out every thursday um and yeah that's about it see you next tuesday