Werewolf Ambulance: A Horror Movie Comedy Podcast - BONUS EPISODE #1- Return to Oz (1985)

Episode Date: March 27, 2020

Hi EMTs! We thought that, while we're sheltering-in-place, we might as well watch some movies and record a few bonus episodes for you. We hope you enjoy our first foray into recording ourselves remotely with the 1985 children's (?!) film "Return to Oz." Special topics for your consideration include: an outright celebration of Fairuza Balk, what happens when you decide that the Scarecrow, the Tinman and the Cowardly Lion are an afterthought, one of the scariest horror movies we've ever seen and whether or not Dorothy is the actual villain of this movie. Oh and by the way- it was Fritz the Cat, not Felix the Cat, that Allen was talking about. Hey, we hope you're all as well as you can be during this low point. Hopefully there is still some fun to be had-- take care of yourselves, friends. 

Are you guys sad? Is that not a great way to open it? Yeah. No, it's exactly what's going on right now. I have this theory that if we get too sad, we like are letting them win, but I don't know who them is in this scenario, but I still feel like we're letting them win.

So what we've decided to do here on Werewulf Ambulance is record some bonus episodes for you, and hopefully it'll make you feel better, hopefully. I get to spend time with one of my best friends, even if it is weirdly remotely. Yeah, I keep looking at myself in the camera instead of you. It's very distracting. It makes more sense. I'd rather look at you too. Well, it's just, I'm like noticing a lot of forehead wrinkles that I didn't know I had because I don't normally see myself from this angle and I think it's bad lighting in here but are you seeing that? Look at that! Look like Robert Duval.

Well that's because you shaved most of your hair. I know I'm having a hard time with being quarantined. I also cut Lucy's hair today which probably a mistake. Luckily no one will see her for a while. I cut my hair and I said oh I could I I I I I I I I I I can I can I can th I can th I can th I can th I can th I can th I can th I can th I can th I can th I can th I can th. I can th. I can th. I can th. I can that I can that I can that I can that I can that I can't that I can that I that I that I that I that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that I that I that I that I that I that I th. I th. I can th. I can th. I can th. I can th. I can th. I can't have thi thi. I can't have thi. I can't have thi. I can thi thi thi thi thi thi thi. I can't thi. I can't have th mistake. Luckily no one will see her for a while. I cut my hair and I said, oh, I can give, I can while out on my head today. Yeah, because you have like, it's like privacy forever. Exactly, and I need to get my apocalyptic mohawk going.

It's about time, honestly. Yeah, mm-hmm, a 45-year-old man with a mohawk in a beard. Sweet. Yeah, that's a very cool guy that I would like to be friends with. What should we talk about? Let's talk about a listener suggested movie, actually, that we both got very excited about. Super excited. Return to Oz. The 1985 sequel to The Wizard of Oz.

There's a whole series of these novels. Right. Yeah, which I read as a that that that that that that that that th like that that th like th like th like th like th like th like th like th like th like th like th like th like th like th like th like th like th like th like th like th like th like th like to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to bea to bea to bea to bea to bea. to bea. to bea. thii. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. theateate. theateat, the. theat, thi. theat, toea. toea. toea. toea. these novels. Right. Yeah, which I read as a kid and remember nothing about. They're evidently bet shit crazy. Yeah, I don't remember if the craziness was in the movie or in the book also, but this movie is a banana. I was like, oh man, we should probably do a horror movie. It is a horror movie. And also, like, who is this movie for? Because I saw it as a very small child. It is not for children.

No. But it's not for adults, either, I don't think, is it? I mean, probably on weed. Oh yeah, I mean, I. Isolation, baby. So, I had this movie taped from like HBO as a kid and watched it a but zillion times. I've seen this movie so many times. Oh, nice.

But only last night did I realize, I have not ever seen the first 14 minutes of the movie. It must have been cut off on the video. Because I was like, wait, what is going on here? She had to leave Kansas again. I just was like, oh I guess she's sick. They made a lot of really interesting choices right out of the gate. Tell me about them. Like, originally in the in the the OG 1939 version, Dorothy was what, like 37 years old? Wait, was the first, was the Wizard of Oz in 1939? I think so, yeah. Holy shit! Yeah. That's a long time though. This just like, oh no, we'll just cast a, what, like, 10, 11? A-11. A-a-Burza-Bolk? Yeah, 11. Yeah, the first-a-wei-wea-wea-wea-wea-wea-wea-wea-wea-wea-wea-wea-wea-li-li-li-li-li-li-li-li-li-li-li-li-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-li-li-o-o-in, th-in, th-in, th-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-s, th-a-s, th-a-llll-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-lii-li-li-li-li-li-a-s, th- cast a, what, like 10, 11-year-old Ferruz-Bulk? Yeah, 11. Little baby. She looks all-

Her first role. Yeah, she looks like very 11 years old, too. Yeah. Yeah. So I had this movie on VHS, and then I also had the worst witch on VHS, so I thought that Ferruza Bulk was like a huge star. I think for a hot second she was. Yeah. And then, I think Nancy and the craft really launched her career and then, I don't know what happened from there. Me neither.

Yeah. I know she makes candles now. Who doesn't? She's on a 12-day retreat to the desert, didn't know any of this was happening. Oh my God, Jared Leto. Jared Woodlead was like, got out of a fucking K-hole and was like, look, people don't hate me enough yet. What can I do right now? What can I do to just fuck it all up?

Ivan is on a meditation retreat for the last 12 days. What's going on, everybody? Oh God. Anyway, so tell us, so the gate, yeah, out of the gate, they make Dorothy 11 years old. Yeah, and they make Aunt M and Uncle Henry like not very compassionate towards her? No, I was having some trouble with Piper Lorry in this movie, and I don't know if that's because I have some trouble with seeing Piper Lorry as a compassionate person, thanks to Carrie. Sure.

Or if she's genuinely not being compassionate, because like, it seems like, I mean, she's spending what appears to be their last dollars on Dorothy's treatment. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But then when she leaves she doesn't look back. She like pointedly doesn't look back. Right. And I thought that was so strange. Yeah, especially it's been six months since the tornado ruined her life. Yeah. I don't know. Maybe it was because it was the 1800s and kids were a little tou tou tou tou thee. thin. tho. the. that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that was was that was that was that was that was that was that was a that was a little that was a little that was a little that was a little that was a little that was a little that was a little that was a little that was a little that was a little that was a little that was a little that was a little that was a little that was a little that was a little that were a little that were a little that were a little that were a little that were a little that were a little that were a little th that was a little th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. the. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. that was a little that was a little that was a little that was a little that was a little that was a little that was a little th. we needed you to work the land with your hands, so get out there and work the land with your hands. Because she's recounting everything that happened when she was in Oz, and everyone's like, oh, this fucking kid again.

Yeah, I mean it is probably pretty annoying, to be fair. It's true. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And there's a scarecrow and yeah, yeah, yeah. Imagine just picking up a chicken, though. She's just fucking picking up chickens all over the place, and I found that to be so strange. What's her chicken friend's name? Balina? Balina.

I like Balina. She's sassy. She's so sassy. I like at the end when she's just like, fuck it. Why the hell would I go back to the thaaaa?, tha, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, th, thin, thin, th, thin, thin, to, to, to, to, to, th, th, to, thin, to, to, thin, thi, thi, to, to, to, to, to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to, to, to, to to to, to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thi, thi, to to to to Kansas? I'm a queen here. I had to check and make sure she wasn't voiced by Joan Rivers. Like she just said such sass. I would have loved that. Yeah, for sure. The gist of this film is that Dorothy is being treated with electroshock therapy or is going to be and Aunt M is a bit of a shrew and Uncle Henry is faking a broken leg or something?

I just have him listed as layabout. Yeah, yeah. Like he is also about to be homeless, so maybe like that would be enough for you to get on it. But then again, he builds a multi-story house with his bare hands seemingly alone. That's pretty impressive. For sure, especially, yeah, at the end when he's like, yeah, I just did that. Check it out. He's standing on a ladder to the second floor, just like, yes, yes, yes, I've built this. There's, it's perfect. I think Piper Lori coined a look when she was talking about Uncle Henry,

and she was just like, she gave him this motherfucker look. I think that was the first time that happened. Yeah, I agree. This motherfucker. That leg is mended. Okay. So yeah, she goes to the, what is it, J.B. Worley's electrotherapy? It sounds like a department store. I don't like it. She's interrupted by a seemingly on-time Victorian ghost. Would this be Victorian period? Yeah, we can

say that, yeah. Yeah, this little blonde girl in a dress comes in and like starts trying to liberate her from the electroshock people? Yeah, she's given her a pumpkin earlier because everything that happens in the first several scenes of the movie comes back later. So I did not understand Tick-Tock before I saw this last night when I was like, oh, he's the machine............... the the the the the the the the machine. the the the the the the the they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. th. th. th. th. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. th. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I. I. Yeah. Yeah. I. I. I. Yeah. I. I. I. I. I. I...................................................... the.... the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. theTock before I saw this last night when I was like, oh, he's the machine. Yeah, never they describe the machine at the beginning as having like eyes and nose in a mouth. Yeah, that and at some point someone's like, oh he, the thing is the chicken is like, he looks like that metal pot that we've got back on the far. Right. I also love that of like in the original Wizard of Oz there's this like subtle reveal at the end where you're like oh everything that happened is these people that she's met throughout

the movie. And in this movie they're like, yo, yo, yo, guess what's gonna happen? Yeah. Guess what's gonna happen. It's true. So it is all in her head, right? She's just, has a very active imagination. I don't, I don't know because at the end, J.B. Worley is dead.

Right, right. Right. And, and the nurse is being like taken off in a police car. Why? Excuse me, Miss Wilson. I love Nurse Wilson when she shows up and she's wearing like, like, I don't know, like Goth wedding gown with a nine-inch spikes on the shoulders.

I love her costume. I love all of the costumes in this movie. I think the costuming is fantastic. I think it's so well done. I just, the design of the Scarecrow and Tin Woodsman is fucking disheartening. Same thing with a cowardly lion. I think he looks like trash. He does look like trash. But the scarecrow is like the king and the one of away. Like, you can't look him in the eyes. It is so upsetting. His mouth barely moves. It's like, his mouth is like, Elmo's mouth.

Like, just a cardboard kind of like, mouth shape. But it doesn't move as convincingly as Elmo's mouth does. So the Tin Man seemed like a complete afterthought in this movie. They just tacked him on at the end. They were like, oh fuck, yeah, that guy, god damn it. I knew there was another one. What was it? Was it, uh, was it a, uh, blacksmith? Nope, that's not right. Like, some of it, some of the design of this movie looks absolutely gorgeous. And then some of it is just like the wheelers is like this cool concept and they were like oh fuck all we have is like extras costumes from a Michael Jackson video left over. They are very spray painted. I was gonna say the one

just has a bright green mohawk all the way down his back. Yeah. He looks like a Sonic the hedgehog character. I also just take issue with the wheelers as being serious threats because they can never grab you. Like they're very scary. Like their creaking is very scary. Their screaming is very scary. And the guy, because every time they show like one individual, it's always the same guy, right?

Yeah, he's good. He's fine. But like, how's a wheel the wheel the wheel the wheel the wheel the wheel the wheel the wheel the wheel, how is a the wheel, how is a the gurney guy. Yeah he's good he's fine but like how's a wheeler gonna stop I mean they could ran into you I guess. They have heads on top their heads maybe they're gonna attack you with those I guess who knows what's gonna happen? I don't know. When I was in college there were gangs of rollerbladers that would roll around, uh, Oakland, and that's just what this reminded me of, was like, rollerblade gangs. Also, just as scary. Possibly more so, because they have hands.

Yeah. So, Dorothy escapes the electro-torium. Yeah. In like a very comedic way actually. I love when she just jumps in the river with no other ideas. Ah! Into a raging river because she follows the ghost girl. And it's like Dorothy, man, she like sure can survive a natural disaster. 100%. She's fucking built for it. Also, I love that, what is it, Nurse Wilson is just running behind her? Oh my god, no, oh my god, kids.

She's legit concerned. She's like, I'm responsible for you. But then, but what the ghost girl tells Dorothy is that the screaming she hears is the sound of patients who've been damaged and locked in the cellar. Yeah. That was distressing. That's a horror movie. This is like Jacob's Ladder for kids.

Oh my God, it really is. It really is like all of the scenes of her being wheeled around the hospital and the setup of the device and like, just of the device and like the meandering hallways with faded paint are so creepy. Yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah, so she climbs into a chicken coop to save herself. Mm-hmm. It works. And wash it, yeah, of course it does. Of course it does. She wakes up in a pond. Yeah. Yeah. The pond is very spooky. It's very spooky that it turns into a pond that dries up to nothing. Yeah. Yeah. And this is something that I like about this movie that happens throughout the film is that it feels like it was written by a little kid. Hmm. Like we're in a river. No, you're not. You're in a pond. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, we are. Like, just. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. This. This. This. This. This. This. This. This. This. This. This. This. This. This. This. This. This. This. This. This. This. This. This. This. This. This. This. This. This. This. This. This is. This is. This is. This is. This is. This is. This is. This is. This is. This is. This is. This is. This is. This is. This is. This is. This is. This is. This is. This is. This is. This is. This is. This is. This is. This is. This is. This is. This is. This is. This is. This is. This is. This is. This is. This is. This is. This is. This is. This is. This is. This is. This is. This is. This is. This is. This is. This is. This is. This is. This is. This is. This is. This is. This is. This is. This is. This is. This is. This is. This is. This is. This is. This is. This is. This is. This is. This is. This is something is. This is something is. This is something. This is. This is. This is. This is. This is. This is. This is. This it was written by a little kid. Like we're in a river, no you're not, you're in a pond. Yeah we are. Like just that like, oh but the pond's going away, but the desert is all like, you know, the floor's lava, you

got to run around on the couch. It's just like that sort of like mentality. Well like yackety sacks is, but just like a more Ozzy version of it. Yeah could he sad sex sex? It really is. And now the chicken, the chicken is there and can talk. And it's sassy as fuck. Yes, she's like really funny at points and then just super aggravating at others. There is also we keep seeing emotional rocks. Yeah. That's seemingly the same rock spirit man? Yeah.

He seems to be like the gnome king's right hand. Yeah. And I wrote a note that just said, like, the rock face is either great or terrible and I truly can't decide which. But then when it cuts to like, I'm going to say his real, their, the real, the their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, their, their, their, th., th., th., th.e, th.e, th.e, th. their, their, their, their, their, their, their, they, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, the great or terrible and I truly can't decide which. But then when it cuts to like his, I'm gonna say his real face when he's talking to the gnome king, I think that animation is really good. Yeah, yeah, I was right. I know that you enjoy like a claymation style of that stuff so. This is probably why I love Play Nation. Did it drive you insane that G-Nome is not spelled with a G?

Yes because I also watched it with subtitles on. Oh by the way, I now have a Disney Plus subscription. Just for this movie? Well you get a free week and I figured, you know, what better time? And then I tried to show Lucy the Lion King this morning, and as soon as Scar popped up, she was like, just too spooky. Oh, no! And she said, watch Daniel Tiger. And I said, I forgot you were only two.

Because I'm mother of the year. Oh, man. Yeah. How do you feel about lunch pail trees? I remember as a child being like, that's gross. How do you feel about lunch pail trees? I'm surprised that the wax paper wasn't wet when she pulled that ham sandwich out, because it's inside of like a living apple. Yeah, that's a good point.

Also, like, the idea of letting ham ripen seems very yucky to me. I give you this nice tree-ripen ham. You're gonna fucking love it. It's delicious. This is a gobble gul. You're mocking my people. One, it's a pursuit. Two, that's pretty funny. Fukeawripeen ham sandwich. I mean, like, there's absolutely no need to be to be a lunch pail tree, but there just is.

Oh, are you going to, are you going to discredit Tick Tock's great lunch pael combat scene? Oh, no, that's a good point. Though she could have just brought the lunch pail that she had brought with her to the restaurant, to the hospital? Those are very different things. I'm a little bit drunk now because we've had some recording troubles, let's go. It's literally checkoff's lunch pail. It is. And then like later the wheelers are like oh we're mad at you because you took a lunch pail. You don't give a fuck wheelers. No, you're like rolling around doing meth and trying to scare little girls. Fuck you. Yeah, that's a rollerblade gang.

So Dorothy sees her old house that has been dropped there by the tornado. It is completely overgrown by fully mature trees. Yeah, mm-hmm. It is crazy what has happened in six months. Well I was wondering if in Oz a thousand years had passed because when she's winding Tick-Tock he says like on his back instruction it says if you wind him it'll last for a thousand years. It says he's guaranteed to work perfectly for a thousand years because as we see throughout the movie, his winding is really temporary. This is probably why I never bother reading any agreements that I get online because I'm always

going to read them incorrectly. I thought that Tick Tock was going to last for a thousand years. I mean he will as long as somebody winds up every 25 to 28 minutes. Like what kind of army? A one-man robot, John Ratsenberger from Cheers. Just like, sorry, that's what he looked like to me. No, that's for the kids. So Dorothy finds the broken yellow brick road, and she starts sprinting down it. And Belina is able to keep up. And I just feel like I could outrun a hen. You?

Oh, that's not true. Have you ever been chased by a chicken? No, I've been chased by a goose. But they're fast and they're big. Chickens, I can outrun a chicken. Chickens are fast as shit. they're fast. they're fast. their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. they're, they're, thi. thi. they're, they're, they're, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. the. the. I. I. I the. I the. I thea. thea. toeeea. tooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. the. tha. up on you that way. Momentary flying is almost scarier than real flying, I guess.

Because you know they're putting their all into it. It's like if I have to jump. Yeah. I'm just a big fact, like, I'm a big fan of all the practical effects in this. I love watching Tick Tock walk. I'm just a big fan of all the practical effects in this. Like I don't think someone's in the Tick Tock costume. I think they did something to make him move. You think he's like animatronic somehow?

Yeah, because your legs would be like, he's so squat and the legs are so far apart, that like... Yeah, that's true. I don't see how you could do that. No, you're probably right, in which case, that's amazing. No wonder they didn't have any money left over for the scarecrow. And he can't blink. And also, uh...

I fucking hate the also put a lot into a Jack Pumpkin Face man. Yeah. Which was like, was that just stolen by Tim Burton later? I think so. Yeah, yeah. I mean, he may have been working at Disney when this was made. That doesn't make it his. Or maybe it does.

I think by transitive properties. I see. Fair, very, very. So Dorothy looks off into the distance and sees the Emerald City and it's clearly like a pencil drawing of a city, which I like almost sort of liked. Oh yeah. They were like, we have no way to build, just draw it. Just, we'll just take a still. That says good old days and no CGI man. You do what you gotta do. It's true.

So she gets to the Emerald City and finds that everyone has been turned to stone. Who put that beware of the wheelers graffiti up? I don't know, because the wheelers cannot spray paint. Must have been Maum Bay. She just runs around tagging in her free time. I mean, she's always just playing that goddamn loot. Like, what else would she be doing? Literally, what is her job?

She has a shit life. Yeah. Imagine if the all of your life consisted of which head I'm going to put on today. I feel like I would probably just honestly find the one that was least anxious and stick with it. You know what I mean? Like, th you th you th you th you always always always always always always always always always always always always always always always always always th you would would would would would th you would th you would th you would th you would th you th you would th you th you th you th you th you th you th you th you th you th you th th thus thus thus thus thus thus tho tho tho tho tho tho thus thus tho tho tho tho tho tho th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. tho thoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. Like, th. Like find the one that was least anxious and stick with it. You know what I mean? Like, why would you ever put on this head? They all seem to have the same emotional response to things. It's true.

Or was the first head just like the chill head like, oh, I'm just going to play the lute and hang out? But then later we see the nurse Wilson head just playing the lute out out out out out........... And, thu. And, thu. And, thu. And, th, th, th, th, th, thu, the the, thi, thi, the thi, thi, the thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, the thi, thi, the, thi, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, I I the, I the, I, I the, I I I, I I, I, I I, I I I, I I I I, I, I I, I I, I I, I I, I, I I, I, I, I, I th. th. th. I th. And, I th. And, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, thi, thi, thi, thi. And, thi. And, th thi. And, th thi. And, thi. And, thi, thi, thi, th nurse Wilson head just playing the lute and hanging out. And I was like, you all know how to play the lute? It's confusing because we learned about Mamby from Jack Pumpkinhead, who tells us that he was built by his mother to scare Momby, and that she locked him up in the tower when she was wearing a particular head, but she must not have put that head back on because she didn't remember that he was there. But like how does he know how Mamby's heads work if he she just grabbed him and threw him in there? Because he seems to be stupid in every other aspect of his life. I mean that's literally the purpose of him is to be stupid. Even Tick-Tock he's like he's not thinking isn't one of his one the his his his his the his his the thing he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's heat. He's heat. He's heat. He's heat. He's not thinking he's he's heat. He's heat. He's heat. He's heat. He's heat. He's heat. He's heat. He's heat. He's heat. He's heat. He's heat. He's he. He's he. He's he. He's he. He's he. He's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's thing. He's thing. He's not thing. He's not thing. He's not thing. Also I feel like I feel like Jeff

Compkinhead is teaching little girls a bad lesson. Kids, if you meet a dude and he immediately wants to call you mommy, you got to go. You can't be friends with him. He's not for you. And really, he's not for anyone. No. No. It's true. One thing that we forgot to mention about the wheelers, they're like really upset about the chicken. And I forgot about that aspect of this movie.

What is that? I don't know. Like, because when we first, when the rock observer goes to talk to the gnome king, he's like, and they brought a chicken. Whoa! Like, the fuck is going on? It seems to me that they have outlawed all chickens because eggs are poison. But like, I don't know if you've ever heard this question, but it's a question that people ask,

what came first, the chicken or the egg? Which means they're separate things. So you can have chickens and just not eat their eggs. I don't know. Interesting. That's something that also made me feel like this was written by a little kid who didn't like eggs. Or was just allergic. Yeah. Yeah. That's true.

I mean, that is poison. Poison, as they say at the end. Oh my God. Can we talk a little more about Mombie's room of heads? Sure. That was imprinted on my memory from like age six on and I love it. Her Hall of Heads. It's one of the more terrifying things in the movie. Yeah. Like the idea of being decapitated but still living? Because all the heads were focusing on

what was happening in the room. They sleep when she sleeps. Yeah. It's so weird. Who wrote this? Who's acting credit is head number 13? I know. Oh have you seen return to Oz? I'm in one of the cabinets. I turned my head at the right time. I also like that she sleeps headless. Sure. Yeah. Yeah. That's pretty cool. It seems complicated she sleeps headless. Sure. Yeah. That's pretty cool. It seems complicated to sleep headless. I mean her holsties seems complicated.

Like why bother you mean? Yeah, like what do you do? Like what's your victory at the end of this? What have you won? That's what I'm asking. Like what is her job? What is her purpose in the aws? Just to keep Dorothy out?

Yeah, I think so. She does a really poor job of it. Dorothy's out of there in 18 minutes. Well, if you're fucking with 30 other heads, you're not thinking about this little kid. You're thinking about what a head you're going to wear. It's a big distraction. Her costume costume costume costume costume costume costume costume costume costume costume costume costume costume costume costume costume costume costume costume costume costume costume costume costume costume costume costume costume costume costume costume costume costume costume costume costume costume costume costume costume costume costume costume costume costume costume costume costume costume. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. that's like th. th. that's like, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. that, that, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's that's, that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's the. I I the. the. the. the. th. those like spikes coming out the back those like metal... It's so dope. They like metal flowers or feathers almost. Yeah.

Yeah and she like makes a lot of noise when she's running. Yeah she's real clanky. I like that a lot. I like clanking a lot. And she's like really whipping that chicken around when she's running up the stairs with it. Which is not a sent you here every day. I'm just out there whipping the chicken around you know how I'm doing. Yeah got to. Chickens don't listen. Do you want to explain the gump to me? I don't know but he's the true tragedy of this movie. A gump seems to be like sort of a moose, sort of an elk, sort of a

deer, I guess, an antlered creature, a be antlered creature. Yep, mm-hmm. Who's it? Just happy hanging on a wall? Yeah. They use powder of life to bring him to life and fucking tie him to sofas, which is incredibly bleak when you think about like, it's just this, this like, idea of just making the rest of someone's life misery for your own convenience, you know? It's not great. I, there were points in this movie where I wanted, or I kept thinking, Dorothy is the true villain of this piece. Yeah, I mean she comes in to overthrow a government. You can decide for yourself whether the government, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the their, like, like, like, like, like, their, their, their, their, their, like, their, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, their, the true villain of this piece. Yeah, I mean she comes in to overthrow a government. You can decide for yourself whether the government is good or bad. It's true.

Like is the scarecrow really a better king? He cannot blink. Or think. Yes, he's dumb as fucking. I was gonna say a bag of hair, but he basically is. I love that there's an oil painting of them in him and the Tin Woodsman in Momby's tower, and even the oil painting looks shitty. Like to look shitty in an oil painting, you have to be so shitty.

It's so ridiculous to like, how hard would it have been just to match the character design of that first movie? I don't know. Do you think they were like, well, we don't have those actors? Maybe, or maybe they were like, look, because apparently they had to shell out a ton of money to MGM for the shoes. Oh, yeah, because MGM owned the rights. Like, the Wizard of Oz was in the shoes were an MGM creation, because in the books, I guess they're silver. Oh, interesting. So they had to shell out a ton of money to MGM.

So I think the designing the Scarecrow Tinman and Cowardly Shit Lion all went, that money went to the shoes. I guess, but like, the design of the Nome King is so elaborate and it changes so many times that I feel like you could have hired a terrible actor to wear a scarecrow costume for like dollars more. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. I love the the Nome King, like his design and how that evolved and I just kept thinking like this could have been in like the never-ending story. Totally. It would have fit in perfectly. Can I tell you something? Yeah. Rob thought that when he became more human he looked like you. And then he said, don't tell Alan I said that. Whoops. I could see that. Yeah, once he said it I was like, mm-hmm. Yep. I've got a royal quality to me. You're. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to fit to fit the to fit their their their their their their their their their their their their their to fit fit fit fit fit fit fit fit fit fit fit fit fit fit fit their their their their their their their their their. their. their. their. their. their. their. I their. I fit fit fit fit fit fit fit fit fit fit fit fit fit fit fit. I their. I their. I their. I their their their their their their th. I. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I tolololole. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I tolthat. I could see that. Yeah, once he said it, I was like, mm-hmm, yep.

I've got a royal quality to me. You're regal if nothing else. Yeah, I mean, that's what everyone says about me constantly. When people say, what's Alan like? I say, fucking regal. You'll ever see the king? Just like that. So yeah, so Dorothy trusts everybody for whatever reason and she just implicitly trusts Jack Pumpkinhead and this gump that she has created. There's like

a weird commentary on when life begins with the gump I think. Because later she sends him to his death and it's like well she made him so she can break him. It's very weird. Shit. You're right. You're 100% right. Thank you. Yeah.

But yeah, you're right that Jack's design is really good. And his weird hand is really good when he like reaches through the door and unlocks it. I love the interplay between the puppeting of him and the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, and, and, and, and, the, and, and, and, and, the, the, the, thi, and, thi, thi, thi, thi, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, thi, thi, thi, ththe puppeting of him and the there's obviously someone like a Doug Jones type in that costume is like a super skinny dude when he's walking around but what like Close-ups and like when his head stretching and stuff. It's it's a puppet and it looks great. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Super into it. Yeah. Yeah. She goes through this rigmarole with Momby, which is just a hilarious name to me. I know. And then she gets to the Nome King and he's like, I don't know, you want to play this

dumb game? You can see if you're friends with this dumb game. Yeah, it's weird because like, she's on this journey, right? And then all of a sudden it's at the end, but there's still an hour left of the movie, and you're like, wait. How much more can we do here? It's a very long film. I could not believe that it's two hours long.

For 1985, that is excessive. And for to expect children to sit through it. That's why I didn't think it was that that that tha tha thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. tho-a thi. the thi. tho-a' tho-a' tho-a' tho-a' tho-a tho-a tho-a tho-a tho-a tho-a their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their th. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. to be too. too. tooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooom. toe. too. too. to expect children to sit through it. That's why I didn't think it was that long, because the first 15 minutes were a mystery to me. It was only an hour 45 to me. You can't be hopped up on pop rocks in Sunny Dee and expect to sit through a two hour long movie. Hell no. So, okay, so they basically build a plane out of the gump by tying palms to him, I guess. I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to. to to to to, and, and, and, and, to, to expect, and to expect, and to to to to to, and, and, and to, and, and to to to to me, and, and, and, and to to me. It, and, to to to me. It, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, and the, the, and the the, and the, the, the, and the, the, toe, toe, toe, toe, toe, toe. And, toe. And, toe. And, toe, toe, toe, and toe, toe, toeump by tying palms to him, I guess. Known for flight. Known for flight.

And he flies forever. He just flies and flies and flies. And when they land, Dorothy goes, the gnome King's Mountain. And I was like, how fuck you know that? It's just a mountain. Can I tell you something that reminded me of the movie Demons? Which one was that? Which one is that? That's the one with the motorcycle mask and samurai sword in the Italian theater, or German theater? Yeah, yeah, I like that one. Okay.

There's a scene in that movie where somebody picks up a book and goes, oh it's written in Latin, I don't read Latin, oh wait, yes I do. Oh yeah, I remember that. And in this movie, they bring the gump back to life with the powder of life. And he's like, they're like, how are your wings? I don't have wings. Oh wait, yeah I do. The same thing happens when Dorothy, I thought you were actually going to say when Dorothy's trying to like bring him to life because she's like, I don't know these words and they're like say him anyway and she goes, Weog, Tiog, Piog and then works.

Like. I wrote a real shit note during that scene which is like so Jack falls out of the sofa plane gump trying to like prevent the palms from falling off yeah and so he's falling and so the gump tries to like fall with him and ends up overtaking him and I was like that's not how gravity works and then I was like don't fucking write that you dick like don't be a dick like this thing you're going to hang your hat on in this movie, not being realistic. Did you just well actually this movie? I did. That's not how gravity works. I did love the, like, the obvious, like, Jack's head was on, because his head falls off and it's on a string and she's like, uh, uh, blah, blah, blah, blah, trying to grab it.

It is really impressive how much acting that little girl does against like puppets and nothing, you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm actually, I'm, every time I see her in a movie, I'm like, why isn't Fruza Balkan everything? I don't know. Because we just watched, what is it, gas food lodging, which has her in it, and she's, and Ioni Sky. Oh, I forgot about her. Yeah, and that's because Fruzabalk is acting circles around Ioni Sky.

Yeah. It's weird. I feel like her adult life, she just got pigeonholed into like this, th., th., I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, th, I, th, th, th, I, th, I'm, I'm, I'm, th. th. th. th. I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, th. I'm, th. I'm, th. I'm, th. I'm, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, I, th, I, I, I, I, I, I, I'm, th. I'm, I'm, I'm, th. I'm, th. I'm, thi, thi, thi. I'm, thin, that, thi. I'm, thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. thi. I'm like her adult life, she just got pigeonhole into like this dark role. Because like, she's even in that, I remember an Adam Sandler movie that she's in where she plays like a neo-nazi in a comedy. I think it might be the water boy. And it's like, but why does she have to do that? That sucks. Yeah, it does suck. She has so many teeth too. She does. Yeah. She's a great smile. Great big smile. Yeah. So she actually thought to myself, oh well, her mouth really got bigger as she got over. I thought that too. I thought, well, she doesn't have all those teeth yet. And then I thought, how many teeth you have when you're 11? I don't think you have all of them. them them them their th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. th. th. th. th. think you have all of them. Apparently not? I don't know.

Wind his teething end. So yeah they make it to the Nome King's Mountain. It's just a mountain. How does she know? It's fine, never mind. And the Nome King laughs the mountain down around them. Yeah, he's so fun, he's having so much fun, such a good time. Oh it's so weird. Then he gives her the like this is why it all happened speech and like literally he's just mad about mining. He's just mad that they're mining his gems and she's like but you have so much and I was like, oh this is about capitalism. Because he goes, oh, this is about capitalism. Because he goes, that is not the point.

Because he had every emerald ever. This is also in that time frame of all children's movies had to get psychedelic at some point. Yes. And this is where it gets super psychic when she's falling through the trippy gem tunnel. And why does that need that to happen to happen to happen to happen to happen to happen to happen to happen to happen to happen that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, th, that, that, that, that, that, that, the, the, that, that, that, that that that that that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, the, the, the is the is the is the is the is that's that's the is that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that, that, that, th super psychic when she's falling through the trippy gem tunnel. And why does that need to happen? Yeah they need to pat out this two-hour-long movie. But yeah it happened. I was just thinking about how it happened in the worst witch too. Whenever Tim Curry comes out and they do

that like he does his song where there's like blood dripping from his cloak, you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Willie Wonka? Oh yeah. Almost all of the never-ending story is trippy. True. Yeah. Wait, is we're switch where he sings anything can happen on Halloween? You know it is. Oh, that's a good-ass song. Yeah, but watch the video for it.

He like opens his cape and inside his cape is a video screen showing like a bat or something. It's very funny. Is it your sister that could turn into a bass guitar? Your sister could turn into a bass guitar? That sounds right, yeah. Why? Why would she do? That's so sad. I don't know. I remember years ago I went to an art museum in Rochester, New York, and in one room it was just a loop of him singing anything could happen on Halloween. That was an art installation. That is fucking art, and I can get behind that. No doubt.

I can get behind that. Oh, we should also mention them when they land on the mountain, Belina is hiding in Jack's empty pumpkin head. Yeah, why, how does she know how to, why did, like, how does she know to do that? I don't, I didn't even realize it happened for, I, I, I forgot you existed. Yeah, I think they were like, oh man, I really can't animate this chicken anymore. Let's put inside of a pumpkin man for a little while. There are definitely times when it's a real chicken though.

Oh yeah. Like when Mombie's around, I was very upset when Mombie running up the stairs with a real chicken. Like holding both its feet, it's just flapping wildly, like poor chicken. Yeah. So the Nome King's game is that they, oh, when Dorothy ends the psychedelic trip scene, she bumps into the scarecrow who then immediately vanishes. Yeah, I liked that. Mm-hmm. Probably because they were like, oh, we don't need to show the shitty scarecrow just yet. Yeah, get it off screen, get it off screen.

And the gnome king like shows up in the wall and he's like, oh yeah, I just remembered about him and I turned him into an ornament. Right, and then he starts caressing her with his stone hand, which I found to be very upsetting. Oh, it's just showing that he had compassion. No, don't touch someone when you have a stone hand. Keep it to yourself. And it was just like, and all his fingers are real stubby too. Yeah, and all his fingers are the thubby hands, and th. th. th. thing, and thi, and thi, and thi, and thi, and thi, and thi, and thi, and thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, their their to to to to to to to to to to to to to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, their thin, their thin, their their theeea, their their thea-s, thoooooooooooooooom-s, tooom-s, tooom-s, to hand any size you want and you went with stubby? Yeah, that's not very regal, I don't think. No. No. You need long, elegant fingers of the aristocracy.

Yes. You know what? The thing about the room that all this is happening in. So then the movie turns into basically a scavenger hunt game for a while. Which takes- In an antique shop. Yes, you know what? The thing about the room that all this is happening in is that it looks cool, but it's just badly set up. You know what I mean? It looks like a shitty flea market full of beautiful antiques.

It does. But there's a pillar every three feet that the camera keeps ending up behind. Yeah, it, you th, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, it, you, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you th, you th, you thi, you thi, thi, thi, you thi, you thi, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th. th, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi, thi, thi, thi, thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi, you th's a pillar every three feet that the camera keeps ending up behind. Yeah, it's true. I guess it's hard to arrange furniture when you have a pillar every 36 inches. I did like the look of the room where there was like this really nice marble

and then these hand, like, finger-strewn chunks of like clay on the wall as well. I also really love the opening to the room that was pulled open by clay hands and then shut again. I loved that. That stone hand animation I love that. I mean I like a lot I like all of the animation in this like when the the the Noam King is offering them drinks and then like the cup just forms in his hand I thought that was great. Yeah yeah yeah yeah Yeah yeah yeah I like I like I like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the no no the the no the the the no the no the no the the no the no the the the the the no the the the the the the the the cup just forms in his hand, I thought that was great. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And they tell you like what they were eating and drinking. I just felt like hot melted silver is gonna be bad for you. You know what I mean?

The fact that this little girl is eating a, was it limestone pie? Yeah, and she's like, it's good. That's pretty all right. So he like basically tells her, he's like you'd be willing to risk something to get the scarecrow back, right? And she's like, well, yeah. And he's like, okay, deal. Like who the fuck negotiates with an 11-year-old first of all? But she doesn't ask what she's risking? No. Which she doesn't. Seems unwise? I think that's the problem with negotiating with an 11-year-old.

But where was Tick-Tock when that was happening? Why wasn't Tick Tock like, excuse me? I think he was, his brain was messed up or he, no, wasn't he faking being wound down? I don't know, but he voluntarily goes in there? He voluntarily goes in there without asking what might happen if he picks wrong. It's true. Like, he's talking about how stupid Jack is. Like that is also extremely stupid.

And honestly, I just feel deeply sorry for the gump. The gump is probably happier as an ornament. These people are going to leave me alone. And like maybe, it won't so obvious that I don't have a body, which is sad. There's something very like dark to me about just lashing his head to a sofa like it feels like a serial killer in a very shitty horror movie just like making something out of his victims, know. The dukeest Frankenstein ever? Yes, absolutely. Also the Nome King offers, this might be my favorite thing in the movie. The Nome King is wearing the ruby slippers.

Everyone wears those fucking ruby slippers. It is so funny. I just love like how like butch this dude is and then he like has these like healed ruby slippers is so funny. I just love like how like butch this dude is and then he like has these like healed ruby slippers that he slides out under his robe and he's like yeah I'm wearing these the whole time. Yeah he's enormous and he's got these these beautiful ruby slippers on his like dainty little toes, stubby toes I guess. So funny. And he's also just screaming screening shit like she's like what if we don't the the th you you you you th you th you th you th you th you th. th we th we th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi thi thi, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. th. th. th. th. th. thi's, thi's, thi's, thi. thi's like, what if we don't do what you tell us to do or whatever? And he's like, maybe you go into my fiery furnace. And it's just like a hole of flame.

So he offers her the Ruby slippers, like I could send you home. Yeah. Right, here's when it becomes about friendship. It's true. Also, he tells her that he got the Ruby Slippers and they gave him his power to take over the kingdom because she lost them while she was traveling. Right. So this is all her fault, basically.

It's all her fault. Yeah. It's all her fault, yeah. Meanwhile, while all this is going on, we keep cutting to scenes of Mombie racing towards the Nome Kings Mountain with the wheelers as like a reindeer team. She's whipping the shit out of them. Yeah, I remember that those scenes really upsetting me when I was little, being so afraid of this woman on a sligh with eight tiny men with wheels for hands and feet. It's so funny because it has zero purpose in this movie. Yeah. Except to get her there to be locked in a cage. And they keep going back to it. Yeah, over and over. Padding this two-hour-long movie. I do like when she gets put in the cage and the wheelers are like, like, the th, and th, and th, and th, and th, and th, and th, and th, and th, and th, like, and th, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, and thi, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, tho, and tho, and tho, and th, and th, and th, and th, and th, and th, and th, and th, and th, and th, and th, and th, and th, and th, and th, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, th, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, tho, like, tho, tho, like,. Over and over. Padding this two-hour-long movie.

I do like when she gets put in the cage and the wheelers are like, peace. Just take off. I like that she kind of looks like Dana as Zule in Ghostbusters. Yes, yes, agree. I love Dana as Zool. Oh yeah. Yeah. God I love Sigourney Weaver. She's amazing. She's the best. I'm going to be Sigourney Weaver for Halloween. I thought you were just going to say when you grew up. When I grow up I'm going to be Sigourney Weaver. It's too fucking late. Ha ha ha! For you and me both. I know. I know. I do like when Momby's like, she took my powder of life and my ruby key and also some valuable antiques that she made into a flying soap. And I was like, bitch, were you going to sell those?

Is there a resale value on those? What? She broke my divan. So finally Dorothy gets into the room to make sure you've got to make three choices to figure out which thing is the scarecrow. Yes, you have to touch it and say, Oz! Which is silly. Shit. Like what if you were on a scavenger hunt here and you had to like touch an object and go, Pittsburgh. Well, you would toucest a salad with french fries on it. Yes. You would touch a paroge.

A paroge, Tom Savinie. You have to tou sevene. National treasure. Right. Pittsburgh treasure. Let's not... Local treasure. Let's sell it too big. Did people outside of Pittsburgh care about Tom Savini? Truly? He did.

I know. I know they love our Savini. God, I hope the pool opens this year. What am I going to do? I did notice they did a bunch of packages on his doorstep the other day. And I thought, wonder what do you get Tom Savini? Yeah. A lot of stuff. Little boxes, like 10 little boxes and I was just like, come on Amazon. Put those all in one box for Tom Savini. Don't make Tom Savini take out that much recycling.

Think about the Tom Savinies, won't you, Amazon? I'm glad that it was a not at all snowy winter because Tom Savini never salts a sidewalk, which is one, inconvenient, and two, then I like feel bad that I get mad at him. That's all. That's all. That's all. This is like street level Tom Saviniolid. This is what it's like to be Tom Savini's neighbor. Oh, he's listening.

You think? So, oh, I don't know. I hope so. So there's a scene where Dorothy has to run with Tick Tock and Jimmy Pumpkin Man. Come on. And they are both the worst rudders that have ever existed. It's true. It's very funny. Should we keep, you know, flapping your arms makes you slower. It's true. Oh no, she's running with Jack Pumpkinhead and and Scarecrow, that's what it is.

Okay. After she like releases them from their from their ornament cages. Why is he calling Voss's ornaments, by the way? I don't know. I don't know. It's just, so basically they figure out, she figures out accidentally by closing her eyes and walking blindly into a table that green ornaments are people from Oz. And there's this whole gambit where like Tick-Tock pretends like his his movement has run down so that she can come in and wind him up and then she can see what he turns into but then you don't she doesn't see what he turns into and it's like well we tried.

Whoops a doozy. Yeah. So they touch everything green and say ahs and then the whole building starts collapsing because how does an egg get down that man's throat? So basically every time one of the characters becomes an ornament he, the Nome King becomes more human yeah and that's when he starts to look more like Alan right it's a good look it is a great look so then he as she is unornamenting them he's becoming he's going back into rocks that's right that's right that's. So eventually he just like becomes a screaming giant stone head. And he's like, I like that he's like, I'm mad at you, I'll eat you.

I'll just eat all of you. Were you, are you hungry? Are you bored? You know? That's right. He's holding Jack Pumpkinhead above his mouth and the fucking chicken shits an egg down his throat. In this like fiery hellscape of an inferno that why is that? When chickens get scared do they pop an egg out? I don't think so.

It is just... Bananas! And it like, it rolls around the inside of the pumpkin before it drops out. And it has been like a foreshadowed thing that she's not laying eggs. So like, this is like her big moment. She laid an egg. But I really like that he, I really like a lot of things in this, which are like the gnomes in the walls. Like they are fucking great and he has like one big bulging blue eye which I also think looks excellent. Yeah it's all bloodshot and fucked up. Yeah I love it. Until so she drops the egg and he's like oh no eggs are

poison. And then all the stone faces go poison, poison, poison. And split! Yeah, they're just out of there. Man, oh man. And then the baleen is like, I finally laid my egg! What? That's a lie. She didn't yell, I shit my egg down his throat. That's exactly what she should have said.

So then we're outside because the whole mountain has crumbled. No because she grabs the ruby slippers and is like, oh that's right. Transport all of us living beings back to Oz and return Oz to its splendor. It's like these fucking shoes can do anything. But they can't find Tick Tock. Tick Tock went missing. They never recovered his ornament. Except that it's on the Gump's antler. The Gump is like, please just let me die. In my language, Gump means, please kill me.

So they say, Oz. And God, fucking scare girls like, Dorothy, Dory, touch it, Dorothy, touch it. Go on, touch it. I hate him so much. She does. She does. He's like a vaudeville actor.

He's like, whoa, he's like dropping vases and like falling on the ground and bap-bub-boh. So even as a little kid, how did you feel about him? Oh I thought he looked like shit. I was confused by him because I didn't understand why it wasn't just a person, you know? Because in the original movie it's just a guy. Had you seen the OG Wizard of Oz before this? Um, probably in tandem probably around the same time. Yeah, okay. Okay. Like in my memory, I saw this in like first grade second, like, so I would have been like six year old watch this movie.

Yeah, that makes sense. You know, that's fucked up. Oh, that would have been the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. th. th. thi. thi. thi. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. th. th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, t. Oh, t. Oh, t. Oh, t. Oh, t. Oh, t. Oh, t. Oh, t. Oh, t. Oh, t. Oh, t. Oh, t. Oh, t. Oh, t. Oh, t. Oh, toge. Oh, toge. Oh, tog. Oh, to. Oh, to. Oh, to. Oh, to. Oh, to. Oh, toge. Oh,year-old watch this movie. But that would have been of the time period where like I could rent anything at a video store that was a cartoon. So I saw a lot of fucked-up cartoons when I was a kid. Like Felix the Cat which is like kind of filthy. Isn't it? I didn't know that. Yeah I think it's Felix the cat one of them is and just like like th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like a like a like a the like a the like a the the the the th like a th like th. Like a th. Like a th like th. Like th. Like th. Like th. Like th. Like th. Like th. Like th. Like a th. Like a th. Like a th. Like a th. Like a th. Like a th. Like a th. Like a th. Like a th. Like a th. Like a th. Like a th. Like a th. Like a th. Like a th. Like a th. Like a the the th. Like a the th. Like a th. Like a th. Like a th. Like a thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I that. I that's like that's like a thi. Like a th it? I didn't know that. Yeah. I think it's Felix the cat that's filthy. One of them is. And just like these like and like a lot of like super violent anime movies. Oh really? And stuff? Because you could just, they were cartoons. Sure, go ahead rent that. Yeah, that's for children. Oh my god. But uh. So yeah, they end up reviving the whole kingdom. the wheeler. the wheelers. the wheelers. they're. they're. they're. they're. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the the th. thi. th. th. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. Felix. Felix. Felix is Felix is f. Felix is felex. theeeea. theeeeeea. theeeeeeeeeee. the the. the the. the. th. th. they end up reviving the whole kingdom. Except the wheelers, the wheelers are still wheelers, which I think kind of sucks.

Like, one, they get away with it, but two, they're still wheelers. So what are they going to do in the new revived Oz? How are they going to fit into this economy? Oh, they're going to be delivery men? They're going to be delivery the delivery, the delivery, the delivery, to be delivery, to be delivery, to be delivery, to be delivery, to be delivery, to be delivery, to be delivery, to be delivery, to be delivery, to be delivery, to be delivery, to be delivery, to be delivery, their, their, their, their, their, their, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, which thi, which, which, thi, which, thi, which, which, thi, thi, which, thi, thi, which, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi. W W. W. Wi. Which, thi. Wea, thi. Wielers, thi. Wielers, thi. Wea, thi. Wea, thi. Wielersi. Wielers, thi. Wielers, which, thi. Which, the tip in my pocket. Thanks so much. I have no hand. You know, how are they going to deliver anything? You'll need to take this out of my backpack. They're like those little robots that cruise around Oakland. They are very specific to Pittsburgh.

So strange. I always want to hit them with my car and I don't know why. It's just like... Oh wow, Missy has like an unbelievable amount of compassion for them. Why? She's like, they're just little robots doing their jobs, man. Yeah, I know, but sometimes I just think, what if I hit it with my car? I wonder if it would be like, ow. Okay, so they're in this field, right? They're in this field, everybody who had been turned to stone is turning back to people.

The women who were headless have got their heads back. And the camera pulls back and you see that they're still very far from this pencil drawing of the Emerald City. The Emerald Suburbs, I guess. Just... Also, there's one munchkin. He keeps looking directly into camera. Did no one give that man any direction?

He is just, he looks, first of all, he looks stoned his shit, and he's just looking right into the camera. I want to speak to him to be like, what was that about? I don't know fuck it there's also a man in a Santa Claus costume pooling the Mamby cage did you notice that yeah yeah I don't know why are there no flying monkeys in this movie I don't know because they are so great why are there no witches I mean mom bees a she? Or is she just like a woman who likes to collect hands? I don't know. They say, I remember Osma saying, a witch without her powers is a miserable creature indeed.

And Momby goes, ain't that the truth or something like that. You're telling me, sister. Oh, we also forgot to mention two things. Ummby was going to to to to to to trap to to to to to to to to to to to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their. A. A. I their. A. I their. A. I their. I their. I their. I their. I their. I their. I their. I their, their, their, their, the. I. Ia. Ia. Ia, too. Ia. Ia. Ia. Ia. Ia. Ia. I'm too. Ia. I'm tooomk. Ia. I'm too. I'm toe. I'm to say, tho. I things. Momdy was going to trap Dorothy in a castle and let her age into being beautiful so she could steal her head. Oh right, she needs to be a beautiful teen. And the second thing is when Dorothy escapes from that castle tower thing or whatever, there's like a glinty, witchy lady in the glass that turns out to be Osma who we meet in a little while. I thought that was Glinda. I thought that was the good witch. Yeah, no.

What's she doing in this whole thing? Just on Broadway and Wicked? She can't be bothered to come back. I guess. I don't know, because I know Osma is a mainstay in the Oz universe. Like I remember reading a book called Osma of Oz when I was a kid and that's her story so I guess I don't remember anything about her but I remember that like she's important. Okay. I'm okay. But like it just seems weird to drop all of the witches from the previous movies. And give us new witches. Yeah. Yeah.

Because is Ozma a witch? I think she is. Oh, she must be a witch. Oh, she must be, yeah, yeah. And a queen, and a queen. But then they're also queen of Oz, but they're also co-queen's to the scarecrow who I was like can they just be like co-queens because that's kind of cute. Yeah yeah yeah but then they're also who the quines to the scarecrow who is a dumb dumb dummy and can't blink have I mentioned that? What's their relationship to him are they married to him or is it just like a co-ruling thing? I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know know know know know know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. It it it it's it's it's it's it's it's it's that it's very. It's very. It's very. It's very it's very it's very it's very it's very it's very it's very it's very it's very it's very it's very it's very it's very it's very it's very it's very it's very it's very it's very it's very it's very it's very it's very it's very. I that's very. I that's very. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. It's it's it's. It's. It's very. It's very. It's very. It's very. It's very. It's very. It's very. It's very confusing. It's very confusing. I that it's very confusing. I th. I don't th. I don't that it's very confusing. I don't that it's very. I don't that's very. I don't that's very. I that's very. I don't know. It's very confusing. Well, it doesn't matter because Dorothy decides to go the fuck back to Kansas.

Why though? This was another scene though that mirrored a horror movie that we've done, Prince of Darkness. I don't remember, so tell me about it. When, in Prince of Darkness, when Satan is trying to come through the mirror. And in this movie, there's the liquid mirror scene where she brings Osma back into Oz. Oh, okay. All right. So, in my mind, Osma is Satan. And now she's wearing the Ruby slippers.

How did she get there? Exactly. Okay. I don't know. It just seems like being the Queen of Oz would be like way more dope than being poor in Kansas. Don't you think? Yeah, would you be rushing back to your aunt and uncle who don't give a dick shit about you?

Are they really intended to not give a dick shit about her? I don't know. I don't know. I mean, they do when she went missing, because we see her come back to Kansas, Uncle Henry, or whatever, is losing his fucking mind over her. Yeah, he runs and that's how you know his leg is mended. And then he can rebuild the house. But also she's like, okay, well, I am going to go back to Kansas.

And Osmo's like, well, then get the fuck out. Like, she even get to stay and enjoy the party? Why can't she say goodbye to her the the the the party. Why can't she say goodbye to our friends? Like why does she have to go right now? Oh you're not safe? Get the fuck out of my house. Yeah. I have a note that just says is Dorothy insane Y slash N? Oh yeah. Yeah. If not then now for sure. So it cuts to her, she's going goodbye, goodbye, and it cuts to her waking up in like a creek bed, covered in mud. Toto finds her. That dog is funusefl. I'll tell you what. It's true. Our dog is that useful? For sure. They're also pains in the ass. Yeah. I also love that when Uncle Henry

bends over to hug her, Toto the dog, not the actor dog, is just trying to bite him in the face. I didn't notice that but I like it a lot. He's just jumping out of him like, no, no, don't do that. I have a note here that says Rob just got excited about Gettysburg, please don't let it be true or he's going to tell me all about it. Which was that Rob thought that the actor playing Uncle Henry was an actor from Gettysburg and he was like, I think that's corporal so and so and so, and then I was like gearing myself up for a speech about what corporal so and so did in the Civil War, which is like, sometimes, but like, it's a lot because I don't ever remember these things. Fortunately, Uncle Henry was not in Gettysburg.

He was definitely the blue and the gray. Let's talk about it. Oh, no. So that we cut to Uncle Henry. Oh, Piper Laurie's excited to see her too. Put a blanket around her. Right. They like, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, th, th, th, th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th tho tho, tho, th tho tho tho, tho, th th th th th th th th th th tho th tho tho th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th. I remember remember remember remember remember remember remember remember remember remember th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I tho, tho, tho, tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho to to to to to to to to to to to thoooooooooooooooooooooooo tho tho tho tho, oh Piper Lorry is excited to see her too, puts a blanket around her. Right, they like rush out of the woods and there are a bunch of people there that you assume were I guess the search party looking for her. And she tells, what is their story about what happens to the hospital? Oh, that it got struck by lightning, it burnt down, the doctor ran back in, J.B. Worley

or whatever, ran back inside to try and save his equipment and died. Okay, okay, right, right. But for some reason, Nurse Wilson is arrested. Do you think it was because she had all those mental patients locked in a basement? 100 percent. Okay, that's good at least. Because she let that blonde girl die who ran into the river. That's true too. So yeah, what happened to her?

If everybody was rescued, fuck it, who cares? When this movie wraps up, did it, oh you, you watched it on Disney Plus. So I watched it on Amazon and Amazon was like, hey, you should watch this next? How about starting with episode one of the Dinosaurs TV show? Oh, no no I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, thiii? Yeah. thi? Yeah, thia? Yeah, thea.a.a. that's that's thea.a.a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'the dinosaurs TV show? Oh no, I hate that so much. Do you know how much I hate the dinosaurs? I do, that's why I got very excited about it, because I know how much you hate it. It's not fucking funny. I don't care what anybody says. What if the honeymooners was dinosaurs instead of cavemen? I don't even know what that means if I'm being honest with you. So the Flintstones was basically the honeymooners as cavemen. I like the Flintstones though.

Yeah, but the dinosaurs was like flipping the script. And not funny. Not the mama. Not the mama. Oh my god, there was this kid in my school, I'll never fucking forget Carmen who was obsessed with dinosaurs and he would just constantly be saying I'm the baby gotta love me and I just wanted to literally wanted to murder Carmen I wonder what he's doing now he's in the current administration yeah my god Carmen retire bitch

Katie do you want to rate return to Oz? Wait, no, we didn't. Wait, I want to say one last thing, which is that Dorothy's home in Kansas and she sees Osma in the mirror and they just stand there and stare at each other silently for a while. And Osba has Belina under her arm, which is so funny to me. I love that Belina was like, nah, I'm good. Yeah. She said, I'm not going back to that humdrum place.

Like, fuck, yes, Belina, get yours. Live out your golden days and comfort and leisure. Then Piper Lorry comes in and yells at her for having the mirror wrong. She's like, tilt the mirror down. Let her fucking put the mirror however she wants, Paper, Lori. Why do you always have to be a mean mom? Hide your dirty pillows. Oh, yeah. Oh, you want to rate this thing?

Yeah, go ahead. Yeah, go ahead. Yeah, go ahead. What's your experience with this movie? You've seen this before, right? Yeah, I've seen this before years and years and years ago. And I didn't remember much from it other than the wheelers. And actually that was it. How creepy the wheelers were was the only thing that really stuck with me. I probably saw it on HBO the same time that you were taping it off of HBO. Right, so you were at least a teenager. Yeah, I was in my mid-30s.

And I don't know if it's the current climate of everything being garbage that made me feel this way, but like I felt like some kind of way about this movie, where I was just like, oh, this is a really sweet movie for kids. This just got like... But because I felt like it was it's one of the rare movies for kids that's written wholly from a child's perspective. That's fair, yeah, that's true. It's it's silly in that way that a kid's imagination is silly and I don't mean that pejoratively as much as

just like a kid's imagination is silly. They're doing silly shit and like coming up with weird things all the time. Like calling antiques ornaments because you can't remember what antiques are. Right. We're having ham sandwiches literally grow on a tree. Exactly. Yeah. I'm going to give this movie a seven. Yeah. Yeah, I think it's great if you've got a kid th kid kid kid kid kid kid kid kid kid kid kid kid kid kid kid kid kid kid kid kid kid kid kid kid kid kid kid kid kid kid kid the kid kid to th. th. th. th. th. th. thi thi. thi. thi. that's th. that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's. that's that's that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. th. th. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's the th. the the the the the the the th. the the the t. t. t. t. t. t. the t. t.. the to. the to. that. that. kid of an appropriate age to show this movie too.

I think maybe like, depending on how mature your child is, like eight, nine? I don't know. I feel like I saw this too young. And I was a mature child. What did Lucy think of it? She hated it? It's too silly. Yeah, we watched Daniel Tiger Family Trip, and then we watched this. So it was it th th th th th th th th it was it was it was it was it was it was it was it was it was it was it was it was it was it was kind it was kind it was kind it was kind it was kind it was kind th th th th. th. thi thi thi thi thi thi thi, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, thi thi thi thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, too silly. Yeah, we watched Daniel Tiger Family Trip and then we watched this so it was kind of a big shock to her system.

Gotcha. I love this movie. I remember I had not seen it in many years probably since I was like a late child. And I thought before I started it like I think this is going to be a movie full of like beautiful images and a really dumb storyline. And I was completely right about that. You were.

You were right indeed. I'd completely forgotten that the chicken is what brings it all down because they hate chickens. Eggs are poison. And I was very delighted to see 14 minutes of this movie that I didn't know about. It was almost like deleted scenes, but it was actually just the setup to the film. I'm going to give it a nine. I love it. Excellent. Yeah. It was fun. We had talked about doing a different movie for this and then MJ Fo Real on Twitter suggested that we do this movie and we're both like yeah yeah let's do this movie.

Sorry you guys missed out on Super Mario Brothers. Let us know if that's something you'd like us to do later. Yeah because I think we're gonna be in our houses a bit longer so hopefully maybe we can do some more bonus episodes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I think we got the internet figured out on them anyway. Fuck my internet. Seriously Comcastcast. Com. Com. they. Com. they. they. they. they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they th. th. they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they th. th. th. th. th. th. the. the. the. tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho. the tho. tho the the. the. the. the. th Yeah. I think we got the internet figured out on them anywhere. Fuck my internet. Seriously, Comcast, I'm paying you money. Why don't you work? You just have to be in a specific room for it to work. I'm sitting in a specific room with the computer at a specific angle balanced on my knee. My foot is asleep and I'm upset. Well, let's wrap this thing up though. All right. So, you know, this is just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just this is just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just this is just this is just this is just this is just this is just this is just this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this is this is this is just. this is just. this is just. this is just. this is just. this is just. this is just. this is just. this is just. this is just. this is just. this is just. this is just. this is just. this is just. this is just. this is just. this is just. this is just this is just this is just this is just a this is just a th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. this is just th. this is just this is just this is just though. All right so you know this is just a bonus we're not going to say anything to you. Bye. It'll come out eventually and hopefully it brings a little bit of joy into your world. Yeah I have felt much

better for the last hour just doing this so thank you Alan. Me too. It's good to see you. It's so good to see you too. I was so excited today to get to see to see to see to see to see to see to see to see to see to see to see to see to see to see to see to see to see to see to see to see to see to see to see to see to see to see to see to to to to to to to to to to thi to thi thi thi thi thi thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. thi thi thi thi thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thank you Alan. Me too. It's good to see you. Good to see your face. It's so good to see you too. I was so excited today to get to see you. Yeah. Thank you too. We're letting them win. I want to thank everybody who's been reaching out to us during this time and telling us how much the podcast means to them. I'm going to try to do this this tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. tho th. the the thi thi thi. thi. thi. thi thi thi thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. tho. tho. tho. tho. thi. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi thi thi. the to to to to the to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to toda. to toda. the. the means to them. I'm going to try to do this without crying, but you can't imagine how much that means to us. Yeah. To know that like us being enjoying each other's company and being silly for a little while like brings you joy and gives you a little bit of a respite from everything that's going on. These are unprecedented times. So, thank you. It's such a, it's so hard to be isolated. It's so hard to be alone.

And I'm just glad that we can be here with you, even if it's just through your earbuds. Yeah, because we're your earbuds. Oh my God. The other day, I thought that air pods were called Air Buds, and then I remember that that th, it th, it, it, it, it, thtap, I th, I th, I th, I tht, I tht, I th, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thought that airpods were called Air Buds and then I remember that that's a movie about a golden retriever and then I thought I bet Apple was mad that they couldn't have the Air Buds trademark. That's all I wanted to say. When you said Apple I thought you were going to say my dog was said she wasn't in the Airbuds franchise. Your dog would not be well be well behaved enough to this

bonus episode of WhereWaf Ambulance. Bye. Bye. Bye. you the