Werewolf Ambulance: A Horror Movie Comedy Podcast - BONUS EPISODE #5- Weekend at Bernie's (1989)

Episode Date: June 6, 2020

I mean...why the hell not? In this brand new bonus episode, we're discussing the 1989 masterpiece (?) "Weekend at Bernie's." We hope you like it. 

Hey Katie. Hi Alan. How are you? Ah, fine you? I'm excited. What are you excited about? We're doing a bonus episode for these people. Oh, I thought this was a horror movie. It is. It is in a certain way. There's a lot of corpse on screen, so, you know, horrific. Oh, I tho-a-hifi. It is. It is in a certain way. There's a lot of corpse on screen, so, you know, horrific. There's a lot of horrors of being a woman in the 1980s. Yeah, and a lot of horrors of being a rich person and having nobody truly love you. They're just there for the blow. Yeah. And all that champagne. Speaking of champagne. Yeah. Alan and I just looked at our PayPal account and realized that we have money.

What should we spend it on? Hey fans. Hey fans. Hey, what should we do with it? I think once we can go to restaurants again, a nice dinner is always do. I would love to have a nice dinner with you. Yeah. Just me and you though, like, oh yeah.

Nobody else. I'm not bringing my dumb kid. Just kidding. She's great. Maybe one lucky fan. No, no. What? No. Oh no. That would be so fucking weird. And also if we were going to have dinner with the fan, I'd make everyone eat at Arby's, which isn't going to spend our money, you know? No, and isn't going to treat me very well either.

You could eat like the mozzarella sticks, I guess. I would get my go-to it, Arby's, the curly fries, and a Jumoka. And a Jumoka. Oh yeah, yeah. Oh. I love the flavor of Jumoka. Jamoca. I don't know if I like the taste of it. I just like ordering a Jumoka. Do you, like let's roll play this because I want to hear how it sounds when you say it.

Hey, what can I get for you, sir? I like an order of your curly fries and could I get a jumoka? Do you make that face when you ask for it? Alan tilted his head about 90 degrees and like winked. Oh girl let me get that jimoka shake. Man I love Arby's though. Where do they five for five? I love a horsey sauce I have to say. Oh yeah because that's a good time. Big fan of both horse radish and mayonnaise which I'm sure is all it is. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Anyway. Yeah so if you have any ideas of what we should spend money on.

Basically we're Bernie Lomax we have all this money to burn. Should we get a boat? We can get like a very, very small pontoon boat. What do you think a pontoon boat costs? Oh, a thousands of dollars? Oh really? Yeah. What about a very, very small one? I do know that you can get a eight foot round swimming pool for under a hundred or for around $100. Whoa. I am excited. We could get a bunch of those. Your dog's getting in that pool. I don't want to get in there after your dog's been in there. No, no, they don't want anything to do with. We bought a kitty pool for a one dog because she

likes to swim and she was like, hmm. How dare you insult me with this plastic nonsense? I'm sorry, is th this this this this this th this thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thu thi thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thi thi thi thi thi the tho o' tho o' tho o' thoom-a thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi th. We get to get get get get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. to get to get the. We'll to get a tooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.ardia? Well, I don't want to get in it then. Remember when they were too many dead deer and overturned shopping carts in our water supply and we all had to boil our water so we didn't get Giardia? That was cool. Was that before after they stopped cleaning it? Oh, no, I haven't been up there since I got yelled at for getting my dog too close to the reservoir.

Are you kidding me? There's literally overturned shopping cards in it. And just like dead animals galore. It's a wonder we're alive. People love to yell at you for doing things that they think are an injustice, like getting your dog too close. There's geese like getting their their their their their their their their their their th. th. th. th. th thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, tho, tho, thi, thi, to getting to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get tho, tho, tho, thi, thi, th. th. thi, th. th. th. th. thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi. thi. thi. thi to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get thi. thi. thi. thi. too close to a reservoir. There's geese like flying over and just turning it in the whole way across. But my dog might get close. That's our water supply. Anyway, anyway. So weekend at Burneys, yeah?

We've been talking about this one a long time. It's true. I like that we're dropping this as the surprise on people's heads after we announce that we are doing weekend weekend a a a too in the most recent episode of World Ambulance. People are like, but how will I know what's happening in this movie if I don't watch the first? And I don't watch a movie unless World Ambulance tells me. Surprise! We're doing weekend at Burnies. Thanks to the D-mannist. Thanks, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. We th. We th. We th. We're th. We're th. We're th. We're th. We're th. We're th. We're th. We're th. We're th. We're th. We're th. We're th. We're th. We're th. We're th. We're th. We're th. We're th. We're th. We're th. We're th. We're th. We're th. We're th. We're th. We're th. We're th. We're th. We're th. We're th. We're th. We. We're th. We're th. We're th. We're th. We're th. We're th. We're th. We're th. We're th. We're the. the. the. the. the. the. thee. the. theee. the. the the the the the. the the the. We're the the D-Man for his assist on this one. Thanks Dennis, this movie's hard to find. Yeah. Yeah.

So this, it opens on like, um, just like a funny, weird, Calypso song. And I was like, oh, this is going to be fun. It's like Scott adjacent. It's pretty great. It's not reggae, it's not Scots like, yeah it's not reggae, Scott or Calypso but it's somehow the three of them. It's from the islands. Yeah it's island-ish. Long Island maybe. Can I just add the jump say how fucking likeable Jonathan Silverman is? Oh he's adorable. He's so likable. You don't feel that way about Andrew McCarthy? Oh no no no no no no no he's forever a villain to me. Why? Because all those John Hughes movies from the

80s or he was like the rich shitty preppy kid. Oh was he in pretty and pink? Yeah now I remember. Even looking at him in this movie I was like why would you hire him to do anything? Mm-mm. And he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he's he's he's like like. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he is like, he is like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he is like, he is like, he is like, he is like, th. He's like, th. He's like, th. He's like, he is like, th. He's like, he th. He's like, he th. He's like, he th. Yeah, he th. Yeah, he th. Yeah, he th. Yeah, he th. Yeah, he th. Yeah, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, th. He's like, th. He's like, th. He's like, th. He's like, th. He's like, th. He's like, th. He's like, thi. He's like, th. He's like, movie, I was like, why would you hire him to do anything? Mm-mm. And he's just like, he is such an 80s trope of like the dude who just skates through life but still wickedly succeeds. Yeah, totally. And I'm like, I'm skating through life. Where's not success? I'm half-assing it, too!

I'm mixing prints. Why are th- out there? I'm wearing tube socks and purple chucks to the beach. Why am I not doing better? Oh man, so these two knuckleheads work at Bernie Lomax's company. Right. It's an insurance company and when I saw that Bernie Lomax's boat was named premiums, I lost my fucking mind. I laughed so hard at that as a person who sells life insurance. I did not realize that was the name of the boat. That's amazing. Yeah, premiums. Ha ha ha ha. I wrote notes like I'm someone's aunt who's judging their friends.

What did you say? Richard has a stick up his ass and Larry is laid back to a fault. Oh my god. This is like the worst iTunes review we've ever gotten. Alan has a stick up his ass. Katie is absolutely not laid back to a fault. Probably, that's probably better than the one that accuses us of being warhawks, right? I feel like that person was just leaving that review in every podcast that week.

So I, we've talked about this before, I think in probably Jason Takes Manhattan and Sleepless No, nope, we didn't do Sleepless in Seattle, we did, you got mail. Yeah. About New York as a character in a movie. Yeah. And I love it. I'm such a fan. Do you?

Yeah, I loved like the, just like, that New York vibe that the opening of this movie has. I think that Sex in the City really ruined that concept for me where it's like, New York is the fifth character. Who, New York fucking? Are you Carrie, Samantha, Miranda, the other one, or New York? I'm New York. I forget what the other one's name is.

What I say, I'm New York. All I can think of is the one cast member from Flavor of Love. Oh yeah. Yeah, then she got her own show, right? New York, New York? God, I know that those shows had to end because that one guy killed his girlfriend and cut her up and put her in a suitcase and put her in a dumpster. What? Okay, so yes, this was the last one of those VH1 dating shows

they did was Megan wants a millionaire. Megan was one of the women who lost on one of the seasons of Rock of Loves, which was the one where you compete for Brett. As we've all always been doing. Yeah, I mean, I regularly say, I'm here for Brett, just in my life. Anyway, one of the contestants, they started airing the season and then one of the guys who made it pretty far, I think he may have been in the final, I don't know if she chose him, because these episodes never aired.

He was arrested and then eventually convicted or possibly played guilty to killing and dismembering his girlfriend, and putting her in a suitcase, the the s, the, the, the, the, the, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th,ing his girlfriend, putting her in a suitcase and leaving it at dumpster, yeah, or something like that, something horrible. And VHN was like, maybe we shouldn't do these shows anymore. Which is a bummer because they were great. Maybe a high stakes romance and cash are a bad combination. Yeah. Ugh. Rock of love, though. I never watched that. Really? You should check it out. I think you would like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that. That that that. That that. That that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that though. I never watched that.

Really? You should check it out. I think you would like it in Rerun. At any point does he show you that he definitely has hair sewn into a hat that he's wearing. Oh no, they will like film him in bed like he's just waking up and he's still wearing a bandana. It's so sad. Pittsburgh Zone. Pittsburgh zone, from Michaels. I know, I know. I had a friend tell me that he liked poison

based on the fact that they were from Pittsburgh, and I was just like, that's not a reason to like something. Yeah, have you heard of the clerks? I have not. You don't know who the clerks are? I know who they are. I know who they are. But people like them, they're terrible. Yeah. Uh-huh.

Anyway, we can do Burney's. One thing I really loved about New York is the going through Central Park and the guy trying to mug them and the guy just, and Larry just goes, get your ass out of here. I think it's too hot for this. Get your ass out of here. He, you know, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, the the, the, the, the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th, th, th, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. to. to. to. thi. to. to. the thi. the thi. the thi. thi. this. Get your ass out of here. He, you know, for his like bad of a villain as Andrew McCarthy always seems to be, he's like very funny, I think. Oh yeah, yeah, I think both of them are hilarious in this. When he's sitting in that baby pool on the roof and he just goes, this sucks. I am so unhappy. I was like, God, I feel you so hard. I was wondering wondering wondering wondering th wo wo wo wo wo wo wo wo wo wo wo th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th thi thi thi thi thi, I thi, I'm just like, I'm just like, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, th. thi, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. He th. He th. He th. He th. He th. It's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, thi. thi. that's like, thi. thi. I was wondering how that hasn't been memeed.

Yeah, I think people just don't appreciate this film, honestly, for what it is true. Yeah. And it's hard to come by now. It's hard to come by, which is shitty because this is a very funny movie. Mm-hmm. Yeah. I hope you liked it. Um, for sure. I've never seen the deuce. I've only seen this one.

I look forward to the deuce. I think you're really gonna like it. I cannot for the life of me imagine what the premises. It's about 45% sillier than this one. So, okay, buckle up. Because this is mad silly things in this is mad silly. Yeah. Like, there are just insanely silly things in this. Like when they, okay, so they are working for Bernie Lomax at his insurance company. They're both trying to like move up in the world.

And they find a discrepancy in the accounts that basically they think is saving the company $2 million, so they're going to take it to Bernie and get promoted. But really, Bernie's been siphoning off the top. Yeah, poorly, apparently. Yeah, without hiding a scent of it seemingly. Yeah. But like, when they are going back into the building wearing like suits to meet with Bernie, there are two men just wearing business suits with shorts, there's no mention made of them. Our main characters don't look at them. It's just, they just walk on by. No, they looked like if Angus Young from ACDC was trying out to be in the movie Wall Street. Yes. Very upsetting. Yes. It was so weird. And like, the movie opens on it being like a terrible heat wave in New York. So I was like, is it just because it's hot?

Yeah. Oh. Later in the movie when they go to the beach, Andrew McCarthy is wearing so much clothing that it was driving me insane. Yeah, it had to have been hot. Yeah. So when they're coming into the building at that point to relate to Bernie what they found out, we meet the love interest of Richard, which is Gwen Saunders.

She's from the Mall Apocalypse movie, right? Yeah, Night of the Comet. There's a lot of crossover from this movie and horror movies that we've done. Oh yeah? Who else? Well, there's Catherine Mary Stewart was a Night of the Comet. Yeah. Terry Kaiser? Yeah. Is in Friday the 13th part 7. If you remember he's the psychologist, he's telling the psychic girl what to do. No. You don't remember him? He's Bernie Lomax is in part seven.

Have you blacked that out entirely? I think so. And then Polly who's played by Don Calpha is the mortician in return of the living dead. Oh, okay. Great. Mm-hmm. That woman's character in Night of the Comet is significantly better than our character in this movie. Oh yeah, yeah. Yeah. I do not get the appeal of Gwen. I do not get Gwen's love interest in Richard after he does all the things that he does.

I mean, it doesn't make any sense. Mm-mm. Uh-uh. What point do you just walk away from a pathological liar? I think when you walk out of their parents' living room. I don't know, it's kind of funny seeing your dad in his underwear. No, it's not. Especially because the first thing he said to her was, my aunt is very sick, which was so funny. And like, that line is delivered so well.. that. that. that. that. thiiiiiiii. that. that. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. to to to to to to to to to to to to thi. Like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, to to to to to to to that thi. to to to to to to to to thi. to to to to to thi. to to thi. thi. thi. thi said to her was, my aunt is very sick, which was so funny and like that line is delivered so well. I just loved that. Yeah, yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Have you ever seen Brighton Beach memoirs? No. It's like peak Jonathan Silverman. It's amazing. It's really good. I don't know how it holds up, but when I was a kid, well, probably, yeah, in my teens, I really liked it. Okay. All right, so they go and they meet with Bernie. Yeah, I like that he walks in, walks into the attached bathroom, and they're like, where is he going? And then he comes back out and is like rubbing his face, like pulling his nostril, so fucking funny. That is like the subtlest I just did a bump that I can imagine in a movie. It was pretty funny. It was really, I wonder how much Terry Kaiser

improvising this because he's fucking hilarious. He, I mean, just to play this role of Bernie where you're dead for the whole thing is, I mean, just to play this role of Bernie where you're dead for the whole thing is, I mean, you'd to be really committed to being Bernie, and I appreciate that. Did he get nominated for an Oscar for this? Well, yeah, this won Best Picture that year. Oh, no, I'm sorry, I'm thinking of the sequel. Because it, a best supporting actor should have gone to Terry Geyser for this movie.

Oh yeah. He is amazing in it. I like when he is smoking in his office and Andrew McCarthy starts smoking and he's like, oh no smoking here. That's such a cool power move that I just like desperately want to be able to do. We can make that happen. I can't wait to quit smoking again when this pandemic's over. It sucks. I can't believe I did this to myself again. If you need any help, I'm here for you.

11 years without smoking, and I was like, oh wow. You should probably start smoking again. Which explains my note, God I want to be the woman with a cigarette holder and the wrist ruffles, which is the woman at the mob table in the restaurant. Oh my god. I love her. Boiney! So we get Bernie being like, hey, you guys should come out to my house for the weekend, and we can discuss this at my house alone, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, which the, which the, which tho, which tho, which tho, which thi, which thi, which thi, which, which, which, which, which, which, which, which, which, which, which, which, which, which, which, which, which, which, which, which, which, which, which, which, which, which th th.. th th. th th. th th th the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the theeeat theat theat theeeeeeat, which is theeeeat, which theeat, which theee, which th like, hey you guys should come out to my

house for the weekend and we can discuss this at my house alone get to know each other better. Quick cut to Bernie in a restaurant and a table full of mobsters going, we got to kill him. Yeah, that's a very funny cut too. Very funny. The thing about that scene is that it's pretty long him talking to the gangsters and like th th tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi the the the. the. the. the. thi thi the. the. the. the. the. the. the. tho. tho. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. th. th. th. th. th. th. to to to to to to the. the. We the. We the. the. the. the. the. We the. the. the. too. too. toooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. Wea. Wea's pretty long, him talking to the gangsters and discussing whether or not they're going to kill these people and if they are what the plan is. And they are playing this like somewhat godfather song in the background, but they play it under the entire scene. And at one point I was like, oh my god, this song is still playing.

It's just like guitar trills and then ring out. It's like lightly Italian. It's like it's Italian as Italian dressing is, you know what I mean? And they're hitting all of the Italian stereotypes as hard as possible of this. Oh my god, it's so funny. But he also says, the mobster also says, I give problems, I don't get problems, which I also really, really enjoyed. I was very excited that all the people playing mobsters were Italian.

Yeah. That often doesn't happen. No. I didn't know they were, so I do appreciate that also. Mm-hmm. How did you feel about, what is it, Tina? Is that the woman who's in love with Bernie? The woman with the wrist ruffles and the cigarette holder? I love her.

She does fuck a corpse later, which is a little bit uncomfortable. It's the best he's ever been. Oh my God. You know, like, I can see her attraction to Bernie, because he has a Dave Wanstett vibe that's really doing it for me. Who? Dave Wanstat, former head coach of the Pitt Panthers football team, but also, okay, let me just screen share with you for one second, okay?

Is this gonna be Huey Lewis all over again? I still maintain he's a handsome man. I know, I know, I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th th th I th. I thi th. I thi thi thi thi, I thi, I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I think. I think. I think. I think. I think. I think. I think. I think. I think. I think. I think. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I I know. I think Bernie is also, if he's not handsome, he's like magnetically charismatic. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know that guy? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I went through a period of my life of having a big old crush on Day Wanstett, so.

He also looks like a real grosso. He's got that going for him as well. Look at that guy. Look at this this this this this this this th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th thi thi thi thi thi thi. He's he he he he thi. He's he's hea' hea' hea' hea' hea' hea' hea' hea' hea' hea'er. Hea'er. Hea'er. He's hea'er. He's hea'er. He's thiiiia'er. He's thiiiia thiia thi. He's thi. He's thi. He's thi. He's thi. He's thi. He's thi. He's thi. He's not thi. He's not tho. He's not thoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo'ea. Hea. Hea. He's got that going for him as well. Look at that guy. Look at this guy. I'm like how disappointed he is. Yeah. Shaking those crutches. That's already got fired. Oh. Yeah, no, it's fine. Kept losing late. It doesn't matter. Anyway. Go deep on one step. No, it's okay. I once forced the man to wave at me while he was doing a radio show and it was, it was just, it doesn't matter. So as far as Tina goes, yes, I love her. Okay. And I get it. So Bernie convinces the mobsters who have gotten out of the murdering people business because now they're legit businessmen. Yeah. To one more time go back. Right. And I love how joyful that

like Polly just being like, you know I'm a little rusty but I think I could do this. I think it'll be fun. Yeah, like it's a project he's taking on. Yeah. As soon as Bernie leaves the restaurant, the main mobster whose name I'm pretty sure is Vito. Oh yeah, for sure. He's like, yeah, no, we're actually gonna kill him. Yeah, because Bernie gets up and leaves the table, and then Tina leaves right after him to go out and dry hump him on the street. Boiney. And henchman number two, who's not Polly, goes out to spy on her for veto. Gotcha.

And I really like Don Calpha. I think he's really, he's really great in this role as Polly. And I love him a return to the Living Dead as well. And I think it just has a great like deadpan comedy aspect to him. He looks like he just woke up. Oh yeah, yeah, sleepy eye, very sleepy eyed. Very Susan Sarandon. She got a sleepy eye.

Yeah, I think so. Vince Vaughn is definitely a sleepy eyed person. Yeah, Vince Fawn is definitely a sleepy eyed person. Nope, they wouldn't do that. Mm-mm. So the next thing we know, we're on a date with Richard and Gwen. Yeah. And it is like, they're having fun and you don't believe it, you know?

What's the name of the restaurant that they went to? Oh, I forget I did not. Oh, you didn't write down a Jaime's Hunan? I did not. I bet that's the first time you ever had a sweet and sour mottsal toss ball. Why? What is that weird? And it was like, yo, I think I might fuck up a sweet and sour sauce honestly. Um, but and also like, again, New York comes out as a character in this because they're walking out of the street, trash chucks, jackhammering, people screaming, and it's supposed to be the middle of the night or whatever. Yeah, so it has been previously established that Richard lives with his parents and Larry offers

to lend him his apartment, which is apparently so horrible that he will not even think about the idea. So he takes Gwen to his parents' house. And he tells her that it's his and that his parents died. And it's just, yeah, he's just lying up the storm like he's whispering, why are you tiptoe he's like, oh yeah, my neighbors, I don't want to wake my neighbors up. Oh my god. And then his dad is his butler, he tells her. That was very funny. I thought when he was like trying to talk to his dad, back in the mobster scene when the veto's like, hey, you should stick around for dessert.

They do a delicious cream brule. Cream brule. I laughed at cream brule. Sorry. I'm sure you did. So Gwen finally bailed him after the 115th lie on this date. Right. And then I think we see him next on the ferry to the Hamptons, which they referred you exclusively

in this film as Hampton Island, which I wondered if it was like became the Hamptons like colloquially known later or what? Oh I don't know. Because everybody's like, yes, Hampton Island, which you never hear it referred to us. I once summered in the Hamptons. No. I will for like a week. What were you doing in the Hamptons for a week? Rich dude in college. Oh nice. the ta ptons, yeah. So we partied there for a week. Lala. It was the first time I'd ever seen a person throw up in front of a gardener, and then the gardener cut the grass around the vomit. Just cut in a circle around it.

It was really fucked up. Yeah. It didn't work out. Rich people do it different, huh? Yeah, it was fun though. Isn't it so weird the first time you interact with like straight-up rich people and they try to act like human beings you're like, I don't know. You're like, you're not fooling me. You, sir, do not eat at RBs. And if you do, you do it ironically. Was McDonald's like a twice a year treat in your family?

Oh. Oh, it's a different world where they come from, you know what I'm saying? Yeah, mm-hmm. So before Richard and Larry get to the island, Pauolly shows up earlier than he's supposed to. Yes. For nefarious reasons. Because he is going to kill Bernie. And it's adorable the way he kills Bernie.

Just stabs him with a syringe. In the tookus! And he does get him in the tookus. And Bernie goes, hangy! And falls backwards with a smile on his face, which he keeps for the rest of the fucking movie. Alan, can I tell you a spoiler for the second movie? Yeah.

He's still smirking. Of course he is. But I love the idea that O-Dying on heroin, which is a horrible thing and I don't love that idea. I love love the idea the idea the idea the idea that it that it that it that it that it that it that it that it that it that it that it that it that it that it that it that it that it that it that it that it that it that it that it that it that idea. I love that. Oh, I love it. No, that's terrible. That it gives you a like, hang smirk. And he plants, Polly plants drugs on him, and that does my favorite thing of pulling out a priest-collar Dickie out of his pocket. Yes. Oh, that's so good. The Monsignor. So he he meets Larry and Richard coming off the ferry where the fairy by the way can we talk about it? It was packed to the gills everyone was drinking and dancing.

Yeah yeah. And then there was just like Richard had been sitting on a bench next to an older lady. And then when he gets up and walks away, she hasn't said anything in the scene. And when he gets up and walks away, he's like, nice chatting with you. And I was like, that's so sweet. Have a good day, young man. Yeah, it was so nice. So they go in and find Bernie. So they go in and find Bernie. They think he's just just just just just just just just just just just thiiiiiiiiii. their their their their th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. they they they th. they they th. th. thi. thi. th. they th. th. th. th. th. th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He th. He th. He th. He th. He th. He th. He th. He th. He th. He th. He th. He th. He th. He th. He th. He th. He th. He th. He th. He th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's thi. He's thin thee. He's theeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. He's thin. He's th. He's th. He's Bernie, they think he's just basically like sacked out at first. So they drag him out to the couch in the living room. They're going to make him coffee. Yeah. And then, I forget how they realize he's dead.

So they've flipped him onto the couch and then Richard is setting him right and his heroin and needle fall out of his pocket because Richard goes, oh look at you, you got all your stuff falling out of your pocket. Yeah, he's talking to him like a baby. The fact that they moved him across the house but never checked his pulse is baffling to me. I mean also baffling is the fact that Bernie does not succumb to rigor at any point. Oh no no no no. No. Bernie is just limp and th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi tho tho tho tho- tho- tho- tho- tho- tho- hea hea hea hea hea hea he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi theeeeat-n' thooooooooooooooooooooooo-hea tho-hea tho-hea the fact that Bernie does not succumb to rigor at any point. Oh, no, no, no, no. Bernie is just limp and loose. The only thing I could figure, because you're only, you only have rigor mortis for like a certain period of time, as all of our crime shows have taught us.

12 to 18 hours though. Oh, really? I think so. Should we look into it or no? You know what, Alan? Being fun is better than knowing things. True dad. So I don't think we need to worry about it. I like when they realize that he's dead and Andrew McCarthy just goes, why do these things always happen to me? He's such a shitty person. He's such a shitty person.

But you also like, I mean, this is definitely like shithead comedy, right? Like, it's a brand of comedy that is made about shitheads, but you also kind of love him. Oh, sure. Yeah. The two of them together have like a, almost like classic comedy, like Dean and Jerry, like, old school comedy feel with each other. Oh, cool. I don't, I don't know much about like that era of comedy. So I'll take your work. You're not a thousand-year-old man like myself?

I mean, if I was really serious about my comedy, maybe I would look at the early days or something, but I'm not. You're fine. It doesn't fucking matter. Just like every dude of my age, I've had some sort of infatuation with the rat pack at some point or another, so yeah, I've gone down that road. Sure, sure, sure, sure. They don't really have the opportunity to do anything with Bernie because a party is starting.

It sounds like it's like a party-hopping house-to-house kind of thing. But the first woman who comes in... I believe they they they they they they they they they they th th th th th th th th th th th th th th is th is they describe it as a floating party? Yeah, floating party. Her name is Tawney, and she is... Like, I can't... I don't even know how to describe her. Oh, if you had an 80s woman generator, it would make her. Yeah. She looks like a woman that's on one of those cups that you would get in a novelty store that when it's full of liquid her tot, her bikini comes off. You know what I mean?

I bought a bunch of pins in Puerto Rico. Yeah. I bought a bunch of pins in Puerto Rico that did that when you click them, the dude just pulls his dick out. I wish I still had them. Did you give them out on your job? I give them out to my friends. Oh, all right. Oh, thanks for doing business with me. Look, it's got a dick. Um, the party goers are so fucking funny. The two drunk guys that are pretty much Stadler and Waldorf from the Muppet Show.

I love the two buff guys wearing the torsos by Tony Tank Tops. And one of them just says, hey dude, you need to pump some iron in like a total Arnold Schwarzenegger voice. And the other one's like doing a Valley Guy accent. And like was not that buff? No. No. Oh, you've never been looser, Bernie. Oh, yeah.

Yeah, everybody's like coming over to like pay respects to Bernie as he sits on the couch. So like, literally nobody notices he's dead. There's this like running gag where someone's th thing thing thing thi to to to to to to to to to to like pay respects to Bernie as he sits on the couch. So like, literally nobody notices he's dead. There's this like running gag where someone's trying to buy a car from him. And so every like figure that he offers, Bernie doesn't respond. And he's like, oh, fine, Bernie, I'll come back later. He goes from 35 to 50 grand on that car. And I was just like, I think I can get one new for that. Honestly, why do you want Bernies for that much?

I don't know from Porsche's. What I have, what's a car? I have a Corolla. Paid it off. I still don't know if it's Porsche or Porsche. I don't think either. I think it's porch. Okay. Don't you think? Don't you think? Porched. The Eastern European. Yeah. So Gwen shows up at this party at which we

realize that Gwen, I was just like, I don't know, Gwen, you're boring, you know? Because she's dressed like a yuppie, she's there with her parents, she's like friends with, she got her internship because her parents are friends with Bernie, which I thought was gross. Oh, she's so weird. I am always put off by the Oxford shirt, shorts at the beach combination. Yeah, it's too much.

It's a vibe, I would like to know what that is. I could look it up on my phone. Okay, this is the kind of print. It's very white girl at the beach. It doesn't matter. Oh, I see. I do like how shockingly specific it is though. So yeah, she's being letched on by guys who are saying things like, You've got a nice outfit, it would look better crumbled up at the edge of my bed. I mean, she's like 21 maybe. Oh, she says she's going back to college. She's a college student. And these guys are like in their 60s. Yeah, but you know, the heart wants what it wants.

I guess. But the guy that responds with a polyester doesn't grumple. Oh my god, the Hamptons. But this is definitely a commentary on the rich, right? Like they're not paying attention to whether or not their host is even alive or dead. They care so little about him. It's definitely making fun of the shallowness of... Love that, like, 80s, like, fucking, like, greed is good, Gordon Gecko nonsense.

The cocaine and speedboat crowd. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Our crowd. All right. O'r's is more like a vape pen filled with weed and possibly a very small pontoon boat. Probably river rafting is closer to it.

I think we could probably rent kayaks with our money. Oh, that's true. You like kayaking? Yeah, for sure. Yeah, well, kayak. Whereof ambulance, kayak outing. We could even socially distance while kayaking. Oh, I have no control.

So this party keeps going and getting more and more ridiculous with people interacting with Bernie and basically Larry at this point taking over for being Bernie's intermediary with the world? Yeah. Until they try to walk him out of the house, dump him over the railing off the porch and leave him on the beach! Yeah, why don't they do anything about it? He's just over the railing. Oh, I think you know why. Well, I know, yeah, I guess women, women folk.

Gwen was standing on the beach with the moon and the sand and the waves. Ugh. She was totally baiting him though. Yeah, for sure. Yeah, just down there kicking around by yourself. Okay, Gwen. Fucking Gwen. So they're like messing around in on the sand and Bernie just washes up on the shore next to them, which is so funny. It's just like, it just like, it just, this is the, the, th- th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, thi, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, thin, thin, the, the, the, thin, the, the, the, the, the, the, the the the the the the the the, the shore next to them, which is so funny. It's just like, it just, this is comedy for me. Oh for sure, that and the looking directly into the light of the lighthouse falling down three flights of steps and then making out with somebody. Very funny. Yes, very funny. I always wanted a limp.

He's so uncool. He really is. Yeah. So he's like, but he's like washing up on shore next to them and then like getting dragged back out by the tide and then washing up again. Again, the man should have gotten a fucking Oscar. He's amazing. So good. Can you imagine getting hit in the face with waves and not like reacting at all? Not even remotely. No. He's still smirking. So, Tina, eventually the party ends and it's just Richard and Larry there with Bernie's

corpse and Tina shows up. They put him up in the bedroom, right? Yes, they put him in, I think, in his bed. And she comes in going, Strato, Strato, which I like. It reminds me of my childhood. She was definitely Italian swearing while she was like panty flashing on the floor for a while. Yeah. And then there's just a little necrophilia for you. Just a wee bit. Just a touch.

Off screen. It's very tasteful. It's off screen, it's tasteful. And henchman number two is back spying on Tina, because I guess his job is to follow her? Yeah. I do like Andrew McCarthy saying, I get yelled at when I just lay there. It's so weird. That's so funny to me. Who you having sex with that's reprimanding you? You can't just leave it Alan.

I also like when he opens the door when he's, you think that he's having sex with a woman and he opens the door to goes, give me 30 seconds. I like that amount of honesty. Yeah, he's great. Yes, Tina says that Bernie is the best she's ever, he's the best he's ever been today. It's horrifying. Well, you know about the thing of angel lust? What? When dead men get erections.

Oh, I've never heard it called that. Yeah, I think that was a six feet under thing. That might just be like a naughty six feet under thing. But yeah, they refer to it as angel lust. It's disgusting. I mean, not getting a boner, that's normal. Calling it, having a name for it, Oh, yeah, it's also mentioned in, uh, waiting for Godot to get

very artsy fartsy on this podcast. Yeah, you know I haven't. It's not one of your favorite plays to read? No. I've read plays. I know. I've read in like 11th grade and it's stuck with me because they said, I hear that when you get hung, you get an erection. And I was like, he, he, he, he. You were like, wow, that's giving me an erection. Hearing about someone else's erection always arouses me. I hear they're putting a big building up downtown. Gone! Grows? Grows. Grows. This is gross. Real quick, I think I've told you this before, but in Delaware, this is gross. Real quick, I think I've told you this before, but in Delaware there were two companies that were near each other on this one road.

There was the erection company I think it was called, which built buildings and the other one was called anal tech. Oh no. Because they were an analysis technology firm. Yeah, I like that a lot. It said anal tech. Anal tech. But, yeah, and the erection company. Pretty great. Yeah, teller. In the middle of Pennsylvania, somewhere near Wilkes-Barre, you go past a sign that has, you know, it's like

mile markers until two different towns and one is Shemoken and one is Pottsville, which I like a lot. In Maryland, there are two roads that are near each other, which are thankless and blueball lane. Oh my god, someone was so fucking bitter. That city planner was like... I never get my rocks off! Just thinking about his erection, give you an erection right now, though? If the answer was yes, would you want you th you th. Would you th. Would you th. Would you thi, would you thi, would you thi, would you thi, would you thi, would you thi, would you thi, would you thi, would you thi, would you thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, which I thi, which I thi, which I thi, which I thi, which I thi, which I th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. I I I th. I th. I th. I thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi? I thi? I thi? I thi? I that that that that th that that that that that that that that that that that thi. I that that thi. I that the rocks off! Just thinking about his erection, give you an erection right now, though? If the answer was yes, would you want to know that answer? I think I want you to lie to me. Yeah.

Then yes. Okay, good. Okay, good. So they passed the night in Bernie's house with his corpse. They don't call the police. There's been many attempts to call the police and then Gwen will show up. Right, that's all it takes is Gwen being like, hey. Just the sniff of Gwen in a room and he's done so.

In the morning. Oh, oh, and like, so the problem is that the mob guys think that Bernie's still alive because they realize he's just had sex with Tina. And then the next morning, Larry has gotten him set up like in a wheeled chair, like a wheeled lounge chair by the pool. With string on his wrist. Yeah, he's making him wave to people on the beach. They're playing Monopoly.

Which, when you think about it, he's playing Monopoly by himself. He's literally doing that. Like, monopoly is boring at the best of times. Larry is a straight up sociopath. There's something wrong with him. Yeah. I kept thinking, there's a gritty reboot of this which is basically that movie Maniac that we did. Oh the Elijah Woods movie. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's basically just

where Larry is going around and killing everybody. I mean honestly, he even says like, why don't we just pretend he didn't die just for a little bit. Like the dead body keeps leaning on them and they're like, cool, cool, cool, cool. Yeah, they don't mind. My God, I cannot wait for you to watch weekend at Bernie's too. There's gonna be a Conga line. So, of course there is. So, Polly comes back and I think Gwen shows back up so Larry is trying to hide Bernie from her because she wants to thank Bernie for the internship. But Richard's about to tell her that Bernie is dead.

And so Larry's trying to like, keep that from happening. So Larry dumps the body off the side of the porch again, but it falls onto Polly who thinks he's under attack. That is so great. It's so fucking funny. It's so fucking funny. And then them like sort of punching each other, but one of them is a corpse. And then him choking the life out of him?

Yeah. Then when we next see Bernie, he's been almost entirely buried by an asshole child. I was excited to find out that that asshole child is a director named Jason Walliner. Okay. Who worked with a human giant. Which is like Aziz Ansari and a bunch of other people. Paul Shear and like, yeah. Yeah, yeah, so he's directed all of their stuff. I laughed really hard at his line that was like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th., th, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, thi. that, th yeah. Yeah so he's directed all of their stuff. I laughed really hard at his line that was like, you talking to me? Then shut up! God I want to say that to somebody. Oh my god yeah. And when he gives the little kid finger? Oh it's so good. Yeah, little kid finger is funny. Yeah. At this point I wrote, the pacing of this movie is very strange. Yeah. Because there are like 20 minutes left and they've just now decided like,

okay, we're going to try to pretend like he's alive all the time. Right. In my memory, that was like 10 minutes of the movie and the rest of the movie was then pretend. No! It's so brief brief. th. th. th. th. th. th like like th. th. th like th like thi tho tho. tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho thi thi thi thi thi tho th. th. th. th. The thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi th. The th. The th. The th. The th. The th. The th. The th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi thi thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi thi thi thi thi thin thi thin thi thi thin thee thi thi thi thi thin thi thi thi thi thi the rest of the movie was then pretend, no, it's so brief. It's so brief. Oh I like all them, they dig Bernie up and then vacuum him. But they take him in the house to clean him? So they're sand all over the house. And they vacuum us to payoff? Which then it's like very clear that Terry Kaiser's wearing a bald cap. It's just, it looks so shitty. It's so yellow and weird looking. Yeah, it's amazing. And I love that, like,

so yeah, they've cleaned him up, they get his stupae, and Larry goes, I never would have known. Yeah, yeah. And Jonathan Silverman goes to make, to call the cops finally. And he obviously can't use a phone because he hits the answering machine? Yeah, I don't know. He has no idea what he's doing. And it plays, Bernie had recorded his call with Polly the hitman and announced that he was going to kill the two of them. Yeah. And so now they're wise to them being oft.

They find the suicide, murder suicide note that Bernie had written for them. Oh right, it's like a little transphobic. I was like, oh, this would not fucking fly now. No, maybe that's why. This movie's hard to find. I don't think so. Because for movies movies movies movies movies movies movies movies movies movies for movies for movies for movies movies for movies for movies movies for movies for movies for movies movies movies for movies for movies for movies for movies movies for movies movies for movies for movies for movies for movies movies for movies for because for movies from 1989 or whenever the fuck this is, it's a, it is not nearly as bad as a lot of others.

It doesn't go as hard in the paint as a lot as the folks too. No. But yeah, there's like some like, yeah, there's a suicide note, they're both gonna murder suicide and they decide that they have to leave the island. So they're going to take the ferry with a corpse. Right. Which does not work, but I forget why. Because they miss the ferry. Okay. And Pauly sees them trying to get on the ferry. So he has to get a boat back to the island once he gets off the ferry on the island. I guess on New York. Yeah, Manhattan. I don't know. But they've also managed to knock out a gardener. to to the to to to the to to to the to work to work to to work their to work. to their to to work. to to their to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the island. the the the the the the the the the the the the the their their their their their their the other island, I guess on New York. Yeah, Manhattan, I don't know.

But they've also managed to knock out a gardener and a repair man. Oh yeah, they are both hit men. Such innocent bystanders in this movie. They're also glass Joe, they just get knocked out immediately. Oh, twice, I think, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So there's two things that happen here that I really like. One is that Polly walks by the bar on the ferry, yells out an order and keeps walking. And I was like, not how bars work.

And I fucking love that move. And then two, there's this amazing scene of, so Larry and Richard have tied Bernie's legs to each of one of theirs, like a double three-legged race. Yeah. There's a scene where they run up the stairs and I was like, Mike, that must have taken so much synchronizing and like how many takes did they fall down? Because that would be really difficult to do. For sure.

Yeah, like a three-legged race running upstairs with someone else on the other side. Good for you. I think it is, again, a testament to Terry Kaiser. Like, dude is a machine. It's insane. It looks so funny and if you don't think about how much work that would be, it's like, you know, it's comedy. Oh yeah, it's the best, like that's the thing that's so amazing about slapstick. Yeah. Is it like, even like when we like we watched the ghost and Mr. Chicken and he did that flip into the elevator, like if he doesn't do that right, he fucks himself up. Yeah, I have to know what he's doing. He definitely had to have fucked himself up at least a little bit falling into that elevator. It looks so bad! It looks so bad. We're sure. But I love that like, because Terracozer takes some fucking Pratt Falls in this movie. Oh yeah, dude can take a bump for sure.

And he has to be limp while he's doing it. Yeah, oh my god, yeah. Maybe he really is dead. Has anyone seen him since? Uh, was Friday the 13th part 7 after this movie? I hope not. So eventually they remember that Bernie has a boat and they're going to use that to get back to New York. And there's a cores in the cup holder and also a pink solo cup, which I liked a lot as a touch. I don't even know where you get a pink solo cup. In the 80s, they came in a variety of colors. Cool. In this scene, I discovered something about myself. Go.

I really like boat wrecks. Oh, yeah. Oh yeah? Yeah, I want to see more boats hitting each other. Is there something I can watch? I don't think there's a, is there a boat version of a crash-em-up derby? I don't know. Or I mean like a Fast and the Furious but with boats. Speed 2? No, that's a big boat. That's a big boat.

EmTs. If you know of movies where boats wreck into each other, could you just, th.... th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. thi. thi. thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. t. t. t. t. to. toe. toe. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. toe. toe. the. the. the. the., EMTs, if you know of movies where boats wreck into each other, could you just, just, just, hit me up. We've seen Titanic. Oh boy. That is such a weird, I would have had, I wouldn't have guessed. It just tickled something in me. I was like, striking distance, maybe striking distance, I don't know. Oh, we should do that movie at some point. Okay, maybe for the Patreon. Yes. When we finally get the

Patron up and running, we'll do Stryking Distance. I think one of the ideas was to do action movies for the Patrion. Yeah, I'm into it. I also really want that Take Bigelow T-shirt from Commonwealth. I need to get that. Which I know is a striking distance. Oh is it? Yeah. Yeah. They managed to wreck into a boat and make at least one other boat crash. Yeah, I love boat wrecks. Look at the smile on my face. I just caught a glimpse of it in the zoom call and I was like, wow, you're happy. You're really happy about boat wrecks. This is the gothest zoom call we've ever had. You're so in shadow right now. I'm loving it. I know. I forgot to turn lights on because we started recording when it was light outside,

and I'm afraid to walk away from the computer because I'm thinking it might not work anymore. I like it. I like when they go by one of the boat wrecks and a woman just goes, party! Doesn't someone say hi to Bernie while they're like driving away too? Which is like, this is kind of insane that they are doing such a bad job of driving this because I think it's not that much different than a car except without the brakes, right? I don't... I don't... Lay off the gas. The only boats I've ever driven are like the motor boat with a handle in the back. A rudder? No, like where the motor is in the back of like a little fishing boat. theymea. that's the thiiii, that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that, like that, liked, liked, liked, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, the the the the they, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, they, they, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like. Sure, sure, sure. I've never done the speed boat action. I wish we could drive a speed boat. Maybe that's what we do with our money. We rent a speed boat. Are we the cost to rent a speed boat and are we allowed to drive one? Like what is the rules for boating? Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. You've seen people down at the point. They don't have any rules down those boats. Oh yeah, I see. They've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've seen their their their their their their their their their their their th. I th. I their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their th. I don't th. I don't th. I don't th. I'll the. I'll the. I'll the. theat. theat. the. the. theat. the. the pay them some money and let us drive their boat around. I'm like I have a case of

icy light mango. You can have it if I can drive your boat. You can even ride, it's fine. Then they'll fall off the back like Bernie does and it's like he's water skiing. I love when he's hitting buoy after buoy with his head and he comes onto the boat and he's totally fine. Yeah, it's making like a grandfather clock noise every time he hits one. It's so tum. Oh I love it. Every time he hits one it's funny though, it's just so funny.

And they drive by somebody and they go, look at Bernie's showboatin. Bernie is literally horizontal in the water. He's laying face down. Just being pummeled by waves. Bernie's gonna burnie. Oh, fuck, I'm gonna be Bernie for Halloween. I'm gonna get a white blue windbreaker and a pair of sunglasses and I'm gonna be Bernie. And then I, if anybody tries to talk to me, I'm just going to be like,

smirk at them. All right, I'm getting a Hawaiian shirt, a long sleeve white t-shirt, tube socks and purple chucks, and I will be Larry. That's perfect. Keep moving people away from you so I could sit next to you and animate you. Oh, we also forgot to mention that that that that to mention to mention that to mention to mention to mention to mention thu to mention to mention to mention to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be also forgot to mention that my favorite thing that Bernie owns is the Porsche-shaped golf cart. Yeah. Oh, Bernie's life is so cool.

We didn't even talk about how ridiculous the house is. It is wholly unappealing to me, and I want a beach house more than you can imagine. Well, you might want a beach house, but not like a 1980s, like contemporary modern monstrosity of like boxy design. I mean, the fucking thing has a catwalk in it. Why would you have a cat walk in your home? It looks like a Coke den. There's nothing else you could do there.

No, absolutely. There's too much seating, like I don't want that many people to think they should come over. See, I loved those couches. Oh, the like U-shaped ones? Yeah, the ones that made like a big semicircle, I like those a lot. Yeah, and I also like the fainting couch sort of like things that they had that were near the fireplace. I fucked with that bad. Except that it all looked like it could have come out of like a synth wave video Like it's very Precisely. Very synth-poppy. Yeah

There's also a spiral staircase in this house like a very tight metal one and when they're running up it while being shot at it's just like hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot. I never think I'm going to fall off a set of stairs more than I do on a spiral staircase. I mean, it's literally just there for the danger, right? Like, why else would you have a spiral staircase? Oh, man. So they do dumb shit, like when they have to stop the boat and Larry throws the anchor into another boat? That's a boat wreck I like a lot too. It's so funny. So they have to go back to the beach house again because they fucked up on

boating. Oh they ran out of gas. Right, right, right. Oh, and they paddle Bernie's corpse back to the beach, that's what they do. Right, they're using him as a flotation device. They just roll up on shore. He's always like perpendicular to them and they're kicking their feet behind him. Do they have a life vest on him too? I don't know. I don't know. I hope tho. I hope tho. I hope tho. I hope.

No, I hope so. They get back to the beach house. Gwen is there. She follows them into the house. Gwen, go home. Stop it with these men. Is it just like a moth attracted to liars? Like, what is she doing? I don't know.

He's like a lot older than her too, I feel. Oh, I don't know. He's sort of like got a timeless look about him. He might be 23, 15 or 47. Yeah, that's true. And where is he now? Why is he in stuff now? He's great. I don't know.

What happened to him? Did David Schimmer take all of his roles? I feel like th th th th th th th th th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, thi, thi, tho, tho, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. tho, tho, tho, tho, to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to, to, to, to, to, to, to to to, to to him? Did David Schwimmer take all of his roles? I feel like they're very similar. Ooh, that could be. Um, oh and just for your edification, Friday the 13th part seven is pre weekend of Bernies. I'm glad to know that. By a year. Weakend at Bernies. I'm just clicking on a Jonathan Silverman here. See what he's up to. He's probably a director or something. Wow he even I don't know when this photo is from but he looks basically the same. Um, he he... He... Oh, he's still working. Yeah, he's still working. Oh, good. Yeah, he's got a... He's done some TV work.

A lot of TV work. He's in death becomes her a movie that I've thought that we should do. Oh, I saw that when I was too young to understand what was happening. Me too. Yeah. And it came out when I was out of high school. Oh boy. I blossomed later in life. Same, same, same. Oh yeah, he's doing a ton of stuff. He actually works quite a bit. Wow, we're jerks and I'm sorry. No, he is just out completely outside

of our wheelhouse. Oh yeah, totally. I've never seen any of these things and probably never will. But look at that picture, doesn't he look exactly the same? He does. Yeah, still very handsome. Boyish. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, anyway. So Gwen follows him into the house, they call the cops.

He finally tells her that Bernie's dead and she's shocked. She shook. And then Pauly shows up and shoots Bernie. Yeah. Like a bunch of times, right? Yeah. Yeah. And then he goes to shoot, because he finally realizes Larry, Richard and Gwen are there. And he goes to shoot them and his guns out of bullets. He's like, this one's out of bullets. But this one isn't! So silly. So he's shooting at them while they're isn't. It's so silly. And so he's shooting at them while they're running all over Bernie's house. Yeah. It's just like, it's just so dumb.

I did like what Larry's like, hey, you and Gwen go and hide and I'll like lead him off. And Richard's like, great. And Larry's like, you're not going to try and stop me. Which was very funny. So this all comes to an exciting conclusion when I guess the police arrive right? Yeah. Which is like, how are Larry and Richard not even remotely suspects in any type of crime? They were with that body for over 24 hours. They have assaulted at least three people.

Yeah, they locked employees in a pantry that has a knob lock on the to'clock on the outside? Why would you need a knob lock on the outside of your pantry? Who knows? It's only to lock someone in? Of course. Yeah, Bernie was thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. th. th. th. thi. thi. thoom. th. thoom. thoom. thoom. thoom. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. toe. to. to. toe. toe. to. th. th. th. th. th. th. th lock someone in. Of course. Yeah, well, Bernie was locking people all over the place. You think so? He think it was just part of their job description,

so they weren't even that surprised when they woke up in the pantry. Oh, did I get knocked out by a piece of firewood again? God dang it. Oh, son of a bitch. Do you think that all cops on Hampahah in thin thin thin thin thin than thin than thian thian thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi. thi. that all just thi. Do that all just that all just tho tho tho tho tho thi. Do thi. Do thi. Do thi. Do that all just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just thi. Do thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi. thi thi thi. thi thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii thiiii thi thi they they're thi. Do thi. you're right. They do take them out in a straight jacket because he keeps saying that Bernie isn't dead. I also love like Richard has spoken multiple times to the operator trying to get the police. But finally near the end of the movie we hear the operator and she's like, hello, operator. Can I talk to the sheriff? He's not in right now. It's so silly. It's just like, who thought that desecrating a corpse could be so funny? This movie in all of Black Metal. So they get Bernie just about loaded into an ambulance. Yeah.

Our three protagonist Larry Richard and Gwen are going down to bask in the glory of winning and sit on the beach. I mean, this is not great for them, any of them. I guess they're alive, they're happy to be alive. As far as we know, all three of them are out of jobs. Right. Although Gwen's going back to school. Gwen's go back to college, yeah. Gwen's dad will get her another job, don't worry. And burn the ambulance driver, like two bikini women came up and started talking to the Amazon driver, he hits the dock, Bernie rolls backwards on a gurney, I was very excited about Bernie on a gurney.

He hits the beach, flips off the gurney, rolls land sitting up, turned towards the camera, smirking, which again, Terry Kaiser. One last Bernie. But the way they were seated, it was like, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. It was the them. It was the thi. It was the the the the them. It was the them. It was the camera smirking, which again, Terry Kaiser. One last Bernie. But the way they were seated, it was like Richard, Gwen, space, Larry, and Bernie lands in that space. And they all stared him and go, meow, and run away, and then the little kid comes up, and he's like, hey, can I bury you? That's the end of weekend and birdies.

Roger Ebert gave this movie one out of four stars. Oh, Raj! Saying that movies centered on dead bodies are rarely funny. To which I say, you strongly disagree. He's obviously never seen Necromantic. No, who has? I have. Yeah, of course you have. I'm Mike Bollum. I've also seen it. Katie. Yeah. Do you want to rate weekend at Berni's? Yes, I do. I love it. It's so fucking funny. It's such an enjoyable way to spend an hour and 38 minutes. For sure. You can just,

especially now, like, just turn your brain off. Before this movie, I looked at Rob, and I was like, let's get as high as we possibly can. And it was great. It was so great. It's such a great movie. A great film. I feel like a lot of th of th of th of th of th of th of th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. th. thi. thi. thi. to to to to th. to th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. to to to to to to to the to the th. to the to to the to th. to to to to to to to to to toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. to the the t. t. ti. great movie. A great film. I feel like a lot of reviews of this movie are about how It like it's a it's one tired joke over and over sure sure that joke does not get old to me Like I think it's funny the whole way through. I'm gonna give it a nine and a half what? What? I love it? I like what I like Alan. No, I adore that. I want to say to you that. I'm only th, I'm th, I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm to to to th. I'm to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the th. I'm to to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. the thi ti. ti. ti. ti. ti. ti. ti. ti. ti. ti. ti. ti. ti. I ti. I the the Alan. No, I adore that. And I want to say to you that I'm only giving it a nine and a half because I know that weekend at Bernies 2 is a little bit better. I love your love of a sequel. This movie is much more fun than I thought it was going to be. Because I haven't seen it since probably 1990. Or whenever it was on HBO when I was a kid. It is, it's so silly, but it's silly in the most three stuges way it can be silly.

Yeah, they even do like some three stuges bits of of like a gasping sound and like the whoop, you know? For sure, for sure. And I think if it wasn't so distasteful, the Three Stooges definitely would have done pranks with a dead body at that point in time. I'm going to give this movie a seven. Okay, that's better than I'd hoped, honestly. It's a lot of fun. I think I probably... I think you can't go wrong.

You can't go wrong. Other than the like, the real bad dip into transphobia. Yeah. But for an 80s movie, not dropping an F-bomb or being just overtly racist, yeah. Although it is the Hampton so there are no people of color. There was, I was like, all right, I'm gonna play this game. There is one black woman or one black person in this movie. Oh really? Yeah, and they looked very much like, oh shit, Hollywood from Manican, and I got really excited thinking that there's overlap in Terry Kaiser movies. Terry Kaiser's and Mannequin?

Mannequin too. Oh, with Christy Swanson. Yes. I like Mannequin too. I know you do. You love a sequel. I think what happened to me is that in my childhood, a lot of sequels were airing on like cable TV TV like on USA Network

all the time like Mannequin 2 was on all the time we can't attorneys too was on all the time Wayne's World 2 was on all the time ghostbusters too totally just movies that I've seen the sequel so many more times than the original that I'm like well it's better moving. I know it so it must be good. I have a movie review podcast. Those are in quotation marks. Which movie review podcast? It's definitely a podcast. Something about movies. Mm-hmm. I very much appreciated being written up in the AV Club, but when they said Investigates is like, mm-mm.

Mm-mm. We're not deep diving into anything, thank you. I guess in the world where Fox News is news, yes, we were investigative. Fucking hell. Sorry to bring that in. No, you had to end it on a bad note. Bernie totally watches Fox News by the way. Yeah, that's the thing.

Like, I think all, yeah, yeah, for sure. 100% all of those dudes, all the like crumpled up clothes dudes in this movie definitely do. Shit heel Republicans. Polyester doesn't crumple. Grush. Uh, so... Anyway, that's it. Thanks for listening to another bonus episode?

Of whereof ambulence? Yeah. Yeah. Bye. Bye. Bye. you