Werewolf Ambulance: A Horror Movie Comedy Podcast - Episode 132: Tales from the Darkside (1990)

Episode Date: May 1, 2017

In this week's episode, we hit up another anthology film, 1990's "Tales from the Darkside." Special topics for your consideration include: late night HBO viewing that is most definitely not child friendly, the supernatural works of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle and who was cooler him or Houdini, college dorm life explained, and the assurance that your cat is most definitely going to eat you.  Have you seen "Tales from the Darkside"? Did you like it? Let us know your thoughts in the comments below, on Twitter @werebulance or on Instagram @werewolfambulance. You can also email us for our segment "MAILBAG!" at [e-mail] and if you're feeling super generous, leave us an iTunes rating and review.    Get this episode and all our old episodes wherever you like to listen to podcasts. Missed our other anthology episodes? Check out Episode 68 -  "Trick r' Treat" and Episode 21 - "Creepshow."   Check out our sponsor this week as well: Cryptocurium (www.cryptocurium.com) where cool horror stuff gets handmade and then lovingly delivered to your door in the form of the Parcel of Terror on a monthly basis. You can also sign up for their secret society, Order of the Thinned Veil, in which you can profess your love for all things Halloween and be rewarded handsomely for it!

So, I'm thinking about having a dungeon put on my kitchen. What do you think? you can do this you can just have a dungeon put right on your kitchen. Oh yeah? Yeah, it's like not even that expensive. I mean where did you get the general idea for that though? Property brothers. Would you like to lock one of the Lawrence boys up in there? I'd love the... it's Joey Lawrence's little brother, Matthew. They had a sitcom didn't they? Like brother't gone, whoa! What was it called? Oh God, I already have to look stuff up. I'll tell you that while you're looking that up, I would not have recognized that child as being a Lawrence brother.

And Missy goes, oh, is that Jerry Lawrence's little brother? It's like, how the fuck do you know that? Brotherly love. Please tell me was set.. that's a a a tha tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. thii. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. to to tho that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that's. that's. that's. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. t. today. today. today. today, today, today, thi. today. that's that's that's thi. that's. thi. tell me it was set in Philadelphia. Hey, they're from Philadelphia. Oh, are they? I think so. Abington Township, that's Philadelphia, isn't it? Montgomery County?

Yeah, yeah. Yeah. I feel like a lot of people say they're from Philadelphia, but they're not really in Philadelphia. Yeah, for sure. So Matthew Lawrence is a liar. thiiii thii. township which is uncertain not a lie. Hey we're doing a movie we are and we're doing a horror movie again I'm sorry. We're doing tales from the dark side the movie. Did you ever watch the show? Oh yeah I'd never saw it. A ton. Yeah when was it when was it on? Late 80s? Mid to late 80s? I didn't know. Yeah there was a lot of a it was like a lower budgety more horror based you know it was like it was like it was like it was like it was around the the the the the the the the the the the tals. tals. t. t. It was t. It was t. It was t. It was t. It was t. It was t. It was ta. It was ta. It was ta. It was ta. ta. It was ta. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was a ta. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's t. It's t. It's a t. It's a t. It was like. It was like. It was like. It was like. It was like. It was like. It was like. t. ta. It was like. It was like. It was like. It was like. It was a t. It's a t. It was a lot of, it was like a lower budgety, more horror-based, you know.

Well, it was like, it was around the same time as Tales from the Crypt. Okay. It was on HBO. I wasn't allowed to watch Tales from the Crypt. It was like a one thing that I wasn't allowed to watch. Oh, really? Yeah. I don't know if it was too scary or what, if I remember? gory. Maybe that's why. Yeah. Yeah. Also it's like late night HBO and I was probably six. So like there had to be some some rules somewhere. You're going to accidentally see taxi cab confessions. Yeah. Oh look real sex is on again. Which if I remember clearly wasn't anything like real

sex. It was just all weird. It was just like elderly nudists and like Chairs with Dildoes attached to them and I mean I guess that's real to some people It's true. I don't want to yuck anybody's yum Yeah, but this is a horror movie anthology with a great wrap-around story very similar to like a creep show. Yes a lot of people consider this to be Creep show three, but it isn't it's called something else. It's thi. It's and it. It. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's thin. It's that. It's that. It's that. It's that. It's that. It's that. It's that. It's that. It's that. I that. I that. I that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's thi. It's thi. It's the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the thi. I thi. It's thi. It's thi. It's thi. Very similar to like a creep show. Yes. A lot of people consider this to be creep show three. But it isn't, it's called something else. What with Stephen King and George Romero both involved in this. True. Though neither directing or writing the entire thing.

Just putting their fingers in it and walking away. So it the, the-around story is Debbie Harry is aka blonde Love blonde day. Oh, it's so good. Can you believe she's 71 years old now? That seems crazy to me. It's totally bonkers. Yeah that makes me feel old but I guess it shouldn't. No it just a lot older than me. She's not my contemporary. You know you weren't alive when she hit vague. No. No.

But yeah, she's fantastic. She's wonderful. Music holds up really well, even to this day. A heart of glass, such a fucking good song. I like hanging on the telephone. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So she is a lady who's having a dinner party and she's serving Matthew Lawrence, aka Timmy. Of course, because he's a child, a child in a movie in the 1990s named Timmy.

I love it so much. I love this too because it's 1990s so it's right on that cusp when everything still feels so grossly 80s. Yeah. It's the 80s hangover. Yeah. She's real dumb in this movie though because she's totally getting distracted by this kid reading stories to her from a book that she has apparently read before. Come on, Blondie. You're better than this. But they do come out swinging because the movie opens and you see the opening credits and it says Debbie Harry or Deborah Harry I guess, and then Christian Slater. And I was like in, in, in, did not know that all of these A-list actors were in this movie? I did not.

Like baby Julianne Moore. Oh God, it's so great. She wasn't even that young, but she seems young. Yeah, yeah. And Steve Shemmy seems so young, even though he was 33 when he did this movie. Oh, that college but that's fine. So Timmy starts telling her a story, and it is the lot 249 story, the first one that we encounter. Which is based on Sir Arthur Conan Doyle.

So did you ever read any of his tales of the supernatural? Yes. Did you ever read any of his tales of the supernatural? Surre-I'm surprised. I must have been like collections, but not they. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. Yeah. the the the the the the the the the the the the to. I. I. I. I to. I to. to. the the to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. the the to. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the to............................................................................................................................ want because he didn't really want to do Sherlock Holmes all the time. He wanted to be a one-off and people loved it so he had to do it. Right. They're not like none of them are very good. Well he was a believer. Like his whole thing was like he was super into the like supernatural. Yeah, he just. He believed those girls who did the fairy photographs and stuff.. the the the fairy photographs the fairy photographs the the fairy photographs they they they they they they they they they they they they they they were th. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. tho. thi thi. thi thi thi thi thi thi th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. I th. I th. I th. I wanted wanted wanted wanted wanted wanted wanted th. I was th. I wanted th. I wanted to to to to to to to thooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. He wanted wanted wanted th? I don't think I do that. Yeah. What's a fairy photograph?

I don't think I even know what that is. They were making paper dolls of fairies and like exposing them into these pictures. And they were like, oh no, we're taking pictures of fairies in our backyard. And Oka Conan Dwell's like, hell yeah you are! Houdini used to butt heads about like the spiritualism. Houdini can fuck off as far as I'm concerned. I don't know why I feel that way. I don't know why I said that. Because you can't take a bunch of the bread basket. Yeah, you're gonna get in these fights.

You better be able to get punched. I'm pretty sure that would kill me. My tum-tum's not for punching. It's based on the Arthur Conan Doyle, and it's Steve Ushemmy, Julianne Moore, Christian Slater, and a fucking mummy. Christian Slater legit looks like a college student, but I don't know how old he is in this, and I'm not going to look it up. Even to bribe it in his early 20s. Yeah.

So like, Steve Bouchem is a poor kid, who gets cheated out of a scholarship or a fellowship by a rich kid. Yeah, yeah. Steve Bouchemie is a poor kid who also just bought a fucking mummy and he's gonna sell it for a profit. Where did he get the capital to buy a fucking mummy? Tell me about the rooms that you lived in college that were anywhere near as gorgeous as the house that he's living. Yeah it's's literally a dorm, but Ksen and I, when we lived in a dorm it had cinderblock walls and our beds were in an L with our feet together. Like, and this was in 2001.

It was disgusting. Oh God. We shared a bathroom with several members of the pit women's basketball team. Okay, okay. Did not clean up after themselves. Wait. Athletes, man. They were putting people who didn't know each other in a situation where their feet might touch? I mean, our beds touched. Our feet weren't toubts.

Oh, okay. For some reason I thought it was like depression era you guys are sleeping. It's not like- It's not Charlie and the chocolate factory in here. We just had our beds in an L. Okay. See what I mean? For some reason I was picturing where your feet are going to actually talk. Yeah, Casey just kicked me in the face all night and that's why we're friends still. But yeah, so your dorm room did not have eight foot wood, beautiful wood, bookshelves and fireplaces and now. Also I could jump from one side to the other and touched both walls so I don't know where where where where where where where where where where where where where where where where where where where where where where where where where where where where where where where where where where where where where where where where where where where where where where where where where where where where where where wheretouch both walls. So I don't know where I would keep a fucking mummy. But I do like the idea of mail ordering a mummy.

How did he pay for it? I don't know. Who's he selling it to? He's because Christian Slater's like you're going to sell this for a profit. And he's like, what other reason would there be to sell it? Like, so you're just like a mummy broker? Is it from other mummy like brokerages that you've done that you just have extra cash? And like, why are you getting a good deal on mummies? Are you going like, mummies mummies mummies and buying mummy?

I just don't understand. Do you think as a business girl, that's just like, hey, I'm just like, sell me a mummy cheap also to someone else for more. Like that's not. Also I'm gonna handle it without wearing any gloves. But it turns out there was another reason he wanted this mummy. As it turns out yes. Because there's a scroll hidden inside it's tum which he just cuts open and starts throwing stuff out of. Yeah it's disgusting with his bare hands no gloves. For a person who's like very into antiquities, I guess, he does not give a shit. No respect for them. And there's a scroll in there where he can make the mummy seek revenge.

This short really explains it to you. Oh yeah, yeah, it lays it all out. He's been accused of stealing a zooni fetish from the museum where he works, which was really stolen by Julianne Moore, who is going to plant it on him basically and frame him. And she like opens her drawer and pulls it on and she goes, Zuni fetish. I would have guessed, he didn't have to tell me. And then like he's reading the scroll, he's reading the scroll. And then like he's reading the scroll, and then like, he's reading the sco-I, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like,, he used to, I saw him doing it. Like, why are they spelling this out for me? But I would assume that's on par with the original Arthur Conan Doyle.

Yeah, that's probably true. Yeah. So yeah, he gets the squirrel, right? Yes. And he unleashes a curse on to, I don't know, what's that guy's name? Todd, thii. Rich, rich guy. Yeah, rich guy. Lee. Lee, yeah. It's a rich guy name. Because Lee has cheated him out of this scholarship. Which he's doing to buy a Mazzarotti. Which I feel like you have to account for how you spend your money on a fellowship, but okay. There's not a Maserati-like dispensation.

No, I don't think so. I don't think so. I don't know, but I don't think so. But it turns out that Lee is a buffoon and Susan, aka Cholian Moore, is behind the whole thing because Bellingham has the hot for her so she can manipulate him and ruin his life. For like no goddamn reason. I feel like it's just that 80s like hard movie of like, well, we need to blame a woman for something. Yeah, let's get a beautiful one and blame her. Yeah. And so yeah, he unleashes this mummy on the two of them. Also, she's 30 when they, when this movie happens. Really? In college? Yeah.

Well, it's like super grad school, right? Sure. I feel like in the 80s, everybody grad school was in their 30s. Yeah. Christian Slater is 21 so I'll accept that. Oh okay, okay. So the mummy goes and kills Lee while Julianne Moore is planting the Zuni fetish on Bellingham. Yeah he just reanimates this mummy who like just wanders around and he kills Lee by putting the hook up his nose and pulling his brains out because his mummy is like a really good memory for not having a brain and it being 3,000 years ago that it happened to him. And he's able to articulate really well with those dusty-ass hands. He's basically

like you know in monster squad how the mummies real like shuffling ill-coordinated not this mummy no this mummy. This mummy's just a guy. Just rip it around. Yeah, ripping around. Right in a scooter. And then the mummy comes back home to Bichevi. He then sends the mummy back out to kill Julianne Moore? Yeah. After she like turns him into the dean and he's like getting kicked out of college. So he, the mummy walks in while Julian Moore is like complaining about these chrysanthemums. And he ends up shoving the flowers into her corpse, which I guess is a thing that, you know,

they did in ancient mummy times, Egypt. That's the word I'm looking for. But the way it's filmed, the way it's presented is that he's just like like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, thi, thi, thi, the thi, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th, the th, the th, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi., the the thea., thea thea., thea., the the the the the the the the thi that he's just like don't talk shit on these chrysanthemums like he's so pissed the mummy is. They were beautiful chrysanthem she like she tells Christians later I lied to the police about who killed Lee why? Why didn't she tell him? She's like he was thin and tall and dirty. Yeah you'd tell the cops that? That seems like something they should know. How are you gonna? to to to to to to to the the to to the the to to the the the the to th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their. their. their. their. It's is thi. It's is thi. It's is thi. It's is th. their. It's. their. their. their. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. the the they. they. they. they. It's tell the cops that? That seems like something they should know. Well, how are you going to tell them it's a mummy? But you could give a fake description. I don't know, a couple thousand years old, a dusty fellow? Fine. And so, Christian Slater is best because now his sister, who was Julianne Moore,

has been murdered by Steve Bouchem. He's not th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thin, thin, and thi, and thin, thin, and thin, and thi, and thi, and thi, and thi, and thi, thi, and thi, thi, thi, and thi, thi, thi, th, thi, th, th, and thi, and th, thi, and thi, and thi, and thi, and thi, and thi, and thi, and thi, and thi, and thi, and thi, and thi, and thi, and thi, and thi. And, thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii, thi, thi, th's not terribly sad, though. No, because he knows that you're shitty. No one is terribly sad about anyone else's death in this movie. It's true. Not a lot of emotions. No. So he hacks up the mummy with like a sawzol, and burns it and burns what he thinks is the scroll. Right. And then was the actual scroll. It just seems

like why is he so hell-bent on hurting Christians later? Just he like really didn't do anything and he tried to be nice to him and like I don't know. The morals are a little sketchy on this one. A little loose, but the cabbie is great because he's like a movie punk cavy. It looked like he'd maybe had a misfit sticker in his back window. I couldn't th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I the th. I th. I the th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I'm th. I'm just just their th. I'm just th. th. th. th. th. th. their thi. thi. thi. their their their their. th. their. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. I. their. I. I. their. I. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. th. th. th. th. t. t. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. the th. the the th. the cavy is great because he's like a movie punk cavy. He is a movie punk cavy. It looked like he'd maybe had a misfit sticker in his back window. I couldn't tell. And just chains hanging randomly throughout the cat. Right, because that's punk. We love chains, Katie.

I love them. And that's not, that's the first one. So they come back. He they re. He. He. He. He. He. they come. He. they they they they th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. the. the. the. the. And, the. the. the. th. And th. And just th. And just th. And just th. And just th. And just th. And just th. And just th. And just th. And just th. And just just th. And just th. And just th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And the. And thean thean thean thean tean tean tean the the the the the theates Julian Moore and Rich Guy and they kill Christians later. Yeah, yeah. For like no reason. Which felt a little bit like Ted Danson and... Exactly. I like that. Yeah.

I love that Ted Danson forever. Oh, yeah. He's great. Yeah. So then we go back to the wrap-around story. And Timmy's like, got to tell you another story and Blondie's like okay all right but it's great because at one point she pulls she opens the oven and pulls out the rack which is like four feet long and there's a pan shaped like a

child filled the tin foil yeah yeah yeah she's been heating that child pan I really appreciated that I do like how casually she's talking about eviscerating him though I thought that. I do like how casually she's talking about eviscerating him though. I thought that was pretty good. And next we meet, or we go to the Cat from Hell segment written by George Romero. I love this. It's so dumb. It's so great. I love it. I love that it stars Uncle Lewis from National Lampoons, The Blessing. You know what I'm talking for tho? And David Johanson Bustornenene. I that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's the blessing! You know what I'm talking about? And David Johansson, Buster Poindexter. I don't know who that is.

He's the singer from the New York Dolls. Oh. And he was a character named Buster Poindexter. He was a character named, hot, hot, hot. That song? Yeah, that one. That's B. thirty. Yeah, that's what's your point Dexter? I think I just confuse it with red red wine for a second. You B-40? No, not you be 40. Tire Straits? No. This also I watched this with Glenn, my hat, and I was like, you're gonna kill me someday. So this one could be summed up real quick. Drogan, William Hickey, who is Uncle Lewis.

He hires... You couldn't hear a garbage truck going through a nitroglycerin plant. I don't even know if those are the words, so that's what I think they are. Which one is he in? He's in National Lampoon's Christmas vacation. I haven't seen that one very much. Oh, I have to watch it every year. Oh really? Yeah, I imagine why. One guess is one person who loves it. Who do

you think it is? Robbo! Don't worry, he won't hear this. We can talk about Rob and Dennis all day long. Oh, that's right. Dennis doesn't listen. Fuck you, Dennis. That's gonna make Jim real happy though. Hi Jim. Okay, we gotta stop saying hi to people we know. Let's move on. So this one is Uncle Lewis hires David Johansson, who's a hitman for the mob to kill a cat. Who like is very upset about getting blood on his clothes? And I was like, you're a hitman.

It's like being mad about getting flour on your clothes when you're a baker. Did you feel like like like like like like like of that shirt was, it wasn't enough? Yeah, that's a hundred dollar shirt? Word? I mean, that's not cheap for a shirt. But he's not cheap for a shirt. But he's like, but he's like, but he's like, but the best for me. Like, that should be a $500 shirt.

And also if you're, you know, you're going to kill somebody, wear the $50 shirt. That's true. That's true, and a plastic suit? Yeah. Why was Carolyn dressed as a flapour? Questions I have. in like the 20s. They just, you know, you get locked into a style. I guess you put that headband on every day, you don't know why you're doing it, but you do it. Oh, look the guy from Dire Straits.

Yeah. Can you tell we were recording this and the same day we recorded last week. Yep. That one still sick. This one feels very much like the cake want my cake portion of creep show with the old man and they have like the flashbacks that are all in blue. Yeah. So this kid this cat has been killing off everybody in this guy's family. Because for good goddamn reason. Yeah because? Because he's a cat killer. He was his company

made this like heroin-esque drug that they tested on cats to make it. Five-five g's thousand cats. Five thousand cats. It's th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th thousand cats. It's thousand cats. It's thousand cats. It's thousand thousand thousand thousand thousand thousand thousand thousand thousand thousand thousand thousand thousand thousand thousaughes. thousaughen. Yeah thousaughen. Yeah. Yeah. their their their their their their their their their their their thes. Yeah thes. Yeah thes. Yeah th. Yeah th. Yeah th. Yeah th. Yeah th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. I's th. I's thate. I's thatea. I's tha. I's tha. I's tha. I's tha. I was. I was. I'm the the the the the thatea make it. Five, five gs of cats. Five thousand. Five, five thousand cats. It's so crazy. Yeah. And then I was, I was trying to explain this to Glenn. I was like, so you have no reason to kill me. And he was like, don't forget who pours your brown cereal. Oh, that's a thrown. that's, th. th. th. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. tho. tho. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. It. th. It. It. It. th. It's. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. th.. It's like no wonder he's always begging me for cheese, you know what I mean? He eats brown cereal for every meal.

Tota's a monochromatic meal bullshit. Yeah. So, this whole vignette is David Johansen chasing around this cat, tried to kill him. And flashbacks of the cat killing other people. And it's so good. Like he kills, I just feel like, I the the the the the the th. thii the thi thi. thi. thi. thi, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, th. th. th. thi, th. th. th. th. th. th. thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, is, is, is, is, is, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. I, th. th. th. It's, th. It's, th. It's, th. It's, th. It's, th. It's, th. It's, th. It's, th. It's, th. It's, th. It's, to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. t. good. Like he kills, I just feel like when he kills the guy in the car, that guy, like, he just needs to toughen up a little. Just punch the fucking cat dog? The cat scratches him and he's like, ah,

I took his hands off the wheel, but not his foot off the gas. And it's, sir, have you never ridden in a car with a cat before? This is what they do. Not out of the carrier. Oh. I let poopies ride in the car like a person. Oh, really? Yeah, he likes, he likes to look out the window. Oh, my animals will go right out of the break and kill me. Oh, no. He's so well behaved.

No. He's the city here. You know what I mean? It's true. I'm gonna go to like Penn Hills or some shit. So he gets his like laser scope out to kill the cat and he's got a dead beat on it. I really thought the cat was gonna start batting at the laser dot because that's what would really happen. He draws it out with the saucer of milk. All the cat stuff he would do. Cat's shit. Catch it, yeah. And the cat jumped down his throat.

Yeah. And so he's dead. Oh, going. I was thinking like when the cat was going to to'eilet. I was thinking like when the cat was going to to think, I just, their toilet. You know what I mean? How gross that is. I know he's gonna die, but they stand in their toilet. The last thing you have to think is that I have cat shit in my mouth now. Yeah, and then you can see the cat like moving in his belly. So good. It goes down his throat for a really long time too. A very long time. And then Uncle Lewis comes back in, to to to to to to to to to to to to the the to the cat. the cat. the cat. the cat. the cat. the cat. the cat. the cat. the cat. the cat. the cat. the cat. the cat. the cat. the cat. the cat. the cat the cat. the cat the cat the cat the cat the cat the cat the cat the cat the cat the cat the cat the cat the cat. the cat. the cat. the cat. the cat. the cat. the cat. the cat. the cat. the cat. the cat. the cat. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. th. th. th. tip. tip. tip. tip. tip. the tip. the the tip. the the the the the cat. the the the the th He's left for the murder times. When he comes back in, the cat bursts out of David Johanson's tummy. No, he doesn't burst out of his face, because he like pushes back his slap face, which I thought was very good.

And I guess I was just thinking of the chest burser from alien and gives the old man a heart attack and kills him. Yeah, makes him drop his pills on the floor. I liked it. Yeah, it's fun. Loved it. I loved it a whole lot more than this last one. And then we're back to Debbie Harry. She gets convinced to listen to another story.

A love story. Which is where I was like, how does the snoring sound? Cronchew. Oh, three stooges snoring? Yeah. Boobbbub. This one stars the guy from Warriors. The guy from Warriors. And some lady.

Radon Chong, Tommy Chong's daughter. Oh. Of soul man fame and a bunch of other movies in the 80s. OK. Her name is is is is is is is is is is is that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that just. Oh that just just just just just just just just. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh, that that that just just just. Oh, that that just. Oh, that just. Oh, that that that's. Oh, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that that that that that that that that th. Oh, that th. Oh, that that that the. Oh, that's the. Oh, that's just just just just just just. Oh, the. Oh, the. Oh, the. Oh, the. Oh, th. daughter, of Soul Man fame and a bunch of other movies in the 80s. Okay, her name is Carola, Carola, not a fucking name. Well not a human name, Katie. What? No, I guess not.

I like, okay, so this one I was just kind of like, I'm not watching this. I watched it, but I was mostly eating oranges. So not spaghetti. So this one is based on a Japanese folk tale that you can see in the movie Quaidon, which is a Japanese ghost story movie, which is beautiful. And so it's in that it's a snow demon that he encounters while him and his friend are out walking in the snow.

And she gives in this ultimatum, and then what happens, happens. OK. So this is the New York City version of that where he runs into a gargoy on the streets. Looks like stripe from uh, grublins. It does, it does. It's sort of cute almost. And then later I thought the kids were very cute. The kids are fucking adult. Yeah, fuck that. You know how I feel about dinosaurs. So Preston Prest Prest Prest Prest Prest Prest New York City who is, his agent played by Robert Klein is abandoning him.

10% is not a great deal for an agent. No. And he's hanging out at the bar and he's getting drunk and at the end of the night, the bartender's like, I'm a red shirt and Star Wars, I'll walk you home. And so, you know the guy's gonna die. The guy you know is gonna die. Okay. And Star Trek, Star Trek, not Star Wars.

The guys in Star Trek that are wearing the red shirts that always die and the original Star Trek? I have only ever watched next generation. Oh, okay. Where nobody ever dies. Except. It's how she are. I was shocked. I just had to hear about how terrible her funeral episode was. Why? I know Jim was talking about how terrible her food. He's a huge next generation fan. That's funny. So the the bartender and Breston are walking

out of the bar and they get attacked by this thing, this gargoy-winged thing. Yeah. And it kills the bartender and then Just like has a talk with him? Just like chats with him? Don't ever tell anybody what you've seen. Like why? Never draw me. Yeah. And he's like I promise, just promise. Promise never to tell anybody.

Yeah, promise. Seems like a good deal. The gargoyle falls in love with them seemingly. Well, I didn't know that the, okay. OK, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, Well, I didn't know that the, okay, I guess she, okay, I mean, did you, were you supposed to know that Carola was the gargoyle? Because I straight up didn't. No. I mean, I don't think you're supposed to know, but yeah, I think it's...

I mean, it's like if I was thinking about it, maybe instead of thinker. No. Especially after the last two, especially after the cat climbing out of the tune. It's not much better than this one though. So immediately he meets a woman on the street who's looking to hail a cab in this bad neighborhood and he's like come back to my house. I don't go into, I even have a note here that says like do not go into the child's like, you thought he was going to rape you. And I was like, then why the fuck did you go? You went on your own accord. Because she could have turned into a gargoyle at any point and ripped him apart. But why would you tell your kid that? I don't know.

It's not a great wonderful life together for 10 years. Yeah, it seems very nice. Yeah, she gets his career on track. He has no scars from that attack. No. Which we know because they're just boinking and you can see it. This is the one segment with Boinking in it. Yeah, I was like, this is boring. And we see, he keeps drawing her and then like tearing up the pictures. The gargoy.

Not, yeah. And finally on their 10th anniversary, they have two beautiful children. Robert Klein is looking at. Yeah, happy family. Yeah, yeah. They still live in that dumpy apartment that he was like, if he's super rich now, why are they living in that dumpy apartment? I don't know, right? It's just through the room. Yeah, eh, so it says do them, I says. I don't know. So he decides, you know, that he should tell her what's going on, what he saw ten years when he came that.

Why? Because he's stupid? I don't know, is it because he ran into the guy, the comedic drunk from the bar, who reminded him of Jarrah's death? That was 10 years earlier. Oh, that was 10 years earlier. Maybe he just been thinking about it for 10 years. I guess. It seems like he was maybe supposed to have been haunted by it,

but we're like not really shown that, because it just seems like he's had a happy nice life. And he's he he he he he he he he's he he's he he's he he's he he's he he's he he's he he's he he's he he's he he's he he's he he's just, he's just, he's just, he's just, he's just, he's just, he's just, he's just, he's just, he's just, he's just, he's just, he's, he's just, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's. he, he's. he, he's. to be to to to be. He, he's. He, he's. He he's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. to. to. to. to. to be. to. to. to. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. trying to unburden himself of this thing. He blew it, and he blows it. But I do like the reveal, where he's like, he tells her, and she's kind of like, yeah. But she's going, I loved you. Which I thought was like, sort of sad and weird, and I just didn't need it. It is a very sad story.

And the kids turn into gargoyles, too. And she, and she, and she's, and she's, and she's, and she's, and she's, and she's, and she's, their, their, their,. And then the kids turn into gargoyles too. And she's like, your own goddamn fault. This is your fault, yeah. And they fly away into the night and become statues again. And they eat, do they kill him? She rips his throat out. Yeah. Well, how to come in. She detroats him.

So then we go back to Debbie Harry for the final ramp around. Who at this point has been explaining to us how long it's going to take to prepare this child and has just like wasted all this time. She's got to cook him for an hour and a half, which is the length of the movie. Yeah. And she goes in to grab him and then... He's like telling his own story where he... uh has marbles in his to to to to to to this in to this in this in to this in this in this in to to this in to this in this in his to to to to the to to the to grab him and then... He's like telling his own story where he has marbles in his pocket and throws them on the floor. She trips on them even though he just told her she was going to. And she falls backwards onto her... Unto the skewer?

the skewers that are just like the most dangerous kitchen tool I've ever seen. And then falls onto the tray, the baking tray, and he slides her into the oven. Yeah. So it's a little head-in-that child-sized tray. Just a tiny lady. Yeah. And, yeah. And he eats those cookies and says, don't you just love happy endings?

And that's how the movie ends. Adorably with a child eating a cookie the ba the th. the th. th. T th. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. toy's, toya?. toya? And, thi. thi. toya? And, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, thin, thin, th. And, t. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, thin. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And,'s how the movie ends. Adorably with a child eating a cookie. Yeah, super cute. So that is, Tales from the Dark Side, the movie. This film has a 35% on Rotten Tomatoes. I know. That's upsetting. I know. I was depressed by that.

Because like, what did you want from it? You know? It's very similar to all of those anthologies of this era, like they're all like this. I don't know. It's straight up silly. It's straight up silly. It's totally watchable. Yeah.

It's very enjoyable other than the last one. Do you want to the last one? Do you want to move on to the ratings phase then? Yeah. I don't have any good voice for this one. Katie, do you want to hear a story about a little kid that rates a movie? That's fine, let's do that. I like that. I like that segue. You go first.

I always go first. I'm always going first. I'm always going to go first. So I really enjoyed this movie. I don't know why with you not over it. Should we shout at the same time? Yay! That was really good and that felt like they was in tune. Really? Because this is episode 132, we're doing something, right? So I really like this movie. I think it's as good as it's up there with Creep Show and definitely with Creep Show and Creve Show and. Which one did we do? Creep Show or Creep Show? Okay. I don't know if I've ever seen two.

Crip Show 2 has the raft and the cigar store Indian that's killing people. Oh, I have seen it, but it's not as good. No, it's not as good. I think this one is probably better than 2. Like just yeah, the first two segments are just mad cap the entire time like It seems like the actress are having a good time Yeah, I know that's a different movie. I think wasn't it because they were like racist and fucked up like that's pretty good. Pretty good for its time. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We'll have to do that movie at some point. Yeah, maybe. Is it a Savini doing that? It's a today?? It's to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to they. to to they. they. to they. they. they. to they. they. to they. to they. their their their to their their their their to their to to their their their their their their their their their their their their. I. I. I. I their. I their. I. I. I their. I. I. I. I their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their historic. I. I too. I toooooooic. I tooic. I tooic. I too. I'm. I'm their historic historic. I'm. I'm. I'll their their historic. I their theirthat? Is that Savini's problem? I think he's involved in that. It's almost time for us to look for him again. But yeah, I would give this movie an eight. An eight. That's pretty good. This is totally watchable. This is if you're doing a movie night with your friends,

this is a good one to throw on. You can talk over it without missing anything. You don't even need need to to to to to to to to watch to watch to watch to watch to watch to watch to watch to watch to watch to watch to watch to watch to watch to watch to watch to watch to watch to watch to watch to watch to watch to watch to watch the to watch the to watch to watch the movie the movie the movie to watch to watch. to to to to the movie. the movie. the movie. the movie. the movie. the movie. the movie. the movie. the movie. the movie. the movie. the movie. the movie. the movie. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. th. th. th. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I'm. I'm. I'm, th. I'm, th. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I. I'm. I'm. I'm, te. th. I'm, th. I'm, at all. You don't even need to have watched this movie. We just basically told you the entire thing. Yeah, for sure. There's very little to it. Yeah, we wrapped it up in like under half an hour, which is shocking for us. It's going to be short one, guys. Yeah, and it's just, uh, it's just fun. Yeah, I thought.

The third one I was like, shut up Ajax. I don't even like understand what you're saying. I will give it a... I'm going to give it an eight also. I think people should watch this movie. It's super fun. Yeah, yeah. I feel like it's a forgotten classic on that level. Was the show as good is the show similar to this like they're definitely really good episodes yeah show I should watch it is it on the thing yes is on the thing cool I'll watch it on the thing then it's fun I mean it's just like it's exactly what you would think it's gonna be I'm glad

there's some stinkers on there everything's got stinters this movie you know I'm saying it's true tales tales tales tales tales tales tales tales tales tales tales tales tales tales tales tales tales ta ta ta ta ta thel thel I thea thea thea thea thea the the the the the the their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their the thea toy toys toys te toy te toys toys toy te te. toys toys toys the tb the their their their there's some stinkers on there. Everything's got stinkers. This movie had a stinker. You know what I'm saying? That's true. Tales from the Crypt I think was better, plus it added Don Rickles episode, so. God rest his soul. Yeah, I feel like for some reason. I don't know, I don't know. I don't see this until I'm, I don't know why people don't like it. They can go fuck themselves. It's pretty much how I feel.

I think dumb horror movies get a bad rap sometimes, but. I don't know who would say such a thing. Oh, and people like me. See, I don't know why this is acceptably dumb to me and other things or not. It's just, there it's like anything else. It just depends on when it catches you. Yeah, what kind of mood them in? Return of the Living Dead, you know? Caught me in a bad day. It's a bad day. It was like a day where you come home and like a cat has thrown up on your pillow and you're like, mother fucker, I'm going to hire a hit man to kill you. Do you say about the night? I. I I I I I I I I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I thi. I that. I that. I was. I was. I'm that. I'm that that that that. I'm that that that that that that that that that, I'm the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that tot totee an tote an too too too too tooe. tooe. tooe. that that that that the night that I got in to bed and was like, why are these sheets so cold? Oh, they're wet.

Oh, that's awful. Which is just like, you know, it's late. I'm trying to go to bed. You can't deal with it then. I'm going to change the entire bed. Yeah, oh, that's awful. Yeah, motherfuckers. in our house. We should kill them all. We should get a hit man in here to kill them all. Is Buster Boy Dexter available for murdering these features? Or just like open the front door and let them out. I feel like Glenn wouldn't leave. He would just go, eh? Yeah. I would guarantee both of my cats would jump down my throat. Yeah. Oh yeah. And Fran, she's chunky. It's going to be hard for her to get her out. You're to get out. to get out. to get out. to get out. to get out. the to get out. their. their. to get out. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. I their. I their their their their their their their. I their. I their. I their. I their. I their. I their. I their. I their. I I their. I I I I their. I I I I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I th. I'll th. I th. I t. I'll t. I'll t. I t. I t t t t t t t t t tell. I t t t tell. I feel t t t t t t t t t th. I gonna be hard for her to get to her. You're never gonna get her out. You're never gonna get her out. It's a thing where like, oh,

and if you die, your cats will eat your face. And I feel like my cats wouldn't wait till I was dead. Before they start eating my eyeballs and genitals. Because that's what they eat. The soft spots. I mean, like, I just take them to the vet and have them put down when they can't take it anymore. Boy. I like the idea of when they get. I'm just done. Katie, I can't take it anymore. Wash your hands of it, you know? You know what? I'm not going to wash my hands up, Katie. What?

The partial of terror from crypto. It's not as long as Jason keeps giving us money. What is that? Tell me about it. It is a monthly subscription box of awesome horror stuff. Like wall plaques? Wallpacks? Hand made, hand painted, hand sculpted? Magnets? Hand made, hand painted, hand sculpted?

Uh, keychains? Hand made, hand painted, hand sculpted. Not necessarily in that order. Yeah, that's gonna get weird. You got some art, some stories. Yeah. You got some, we got a backpack last month, which is pretty cool. It is cool.

Yeah. You can put all your cryptograms stuff in there and then take it to your friends. You got this. I don't know why I just imagine you were going to say to say to say to say to say to say to say to say to say to say to say to say to say to say to say to say to say to say to say to say to say to say to say to say to say to say to say to say to say to say to say to to to say to say to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their to say take it to your grandma's house. Hey, Meemol. You want this demo gorgon on your fringe? Then I just imagine taking all this to nunnas and being like, Nona I got you this chud keychain and her being like, what? Is that that movie?

That's the new guy's in New York City? Johnny Deppin' it? no, then I don't care. But yeah, there's amazing stuff every month and you should get on this. And if you follow Jason, or the Cryptocurium on Instagram, the underscore Cryptocurrem? Yep. You can see the process of them being made and you can see what's gonna be in them,

and you can see unboxings and all kinds of surprise, excellent, cool stuff. Yeah, it's amazing the stuff, the stuff, the stuff, the stuff, the stuff, the stuff, the stuff, the stuff, the stuff, the stuff, the stuff, the stuff amazing the stuff that he does. I just don't understand how he has the wherewithal. Or the eyesight to do a lot of this stuff. I like start doing something and I can never finish it. And he does this every month. You ever paint a mini? No, God, no.

OK. Rob's always trying to give you. No. I've done it after like an hour to you. to you. to you. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to their, to to to to to their, to to to to to their, to to to to do to do to to their to do to do to do to do to do to do to do to do to do to do to do to do to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their eyesight. I. I. I. I their eyesight. I. I their eyesight. I their eyesight. I their eyesight. I their eyesight. I to do. I to do. I to to to, ah, my eyes, I don't like them anymore. But Jason will go through that for you. For like a bazillion times because he does a bazillion of these. Yeah. And then he expanded to include the order of the thin veil. Yeah, him and Sam Heimer are doing this together.

Which is like a secret society cult. Should I not call it a cult? tha, should, should, should, should, should, should, should, should, should, should, should, should, should, should, should, should, should, should, should, should, should, th, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, a th. Yeah, a th. Yeah, a thi. Yeah, a thi. Yeah, a thi. Yeah, like, like, like, like, being an cult because it's like a it's a no commitment call. Yeah it's a call you can probably leave at any time I would think. Just maintain those pumpkin seas that you bought. Yeah. Yeah the order of the thin veil is a tiered system where you go in and you sign up up for this and you get awesome Halloween the thin stuffer right. And you get invites to special events that are only for order of the Thinvale members. In case you like want to leave your house. It's true. And you can sign it for either of these or both of these by going to Crypto-C-U-R-I-U-M dot com. Dotcom. What are we doing next week, Katie? We decided and I already forgot. Oh, we're returning to the year 2000. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

To watch a movie that we're hopefully going to hate. I assume we're gonna hate it. I think I've seen it or at least parts of it. The cell. The cell with Jalo. Jalo. No. Not Jalo. Jalo. Lo. I feel like I forget about Jennifer. the the cell. too. the the the the the the th. J. J. J. J. J. J. J. J. J. J. J. that. that. that. that. that. th. th. th. th. th. the. the. the. the. the. tho. tho. tho. that we that tho. that we're that we're that we're that we're that we're that we're that we're that we're that we're. that we're. that we are. I that we are. Yeah. I that we that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. that. that. that. that. that. that. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the the. the the the the the the tho. I tho. tho. I tho. tho.'s a gigantic star. If you were Mariah Carey, you'd claim that you don't know her. Really? Did you ever see that? It's like, uh, this was in like maybe 1998 or 99 when they were both like very popular. Right. And someone asks, Mariah, an interviewer asks Mar-Imar, an interviewer, thi, they're something. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thu. thu. th. thory. thory. thory. thory. th. thory. thory. thory. thory. thory. they they they they they they they they're they they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're you. you. you. you. you. you. you. you. you. you. you. you. you. you. th. th. th. th. th. to say. to say. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to try. try. to try. try. to to to try. to to to to to to to to me., I don't know her. Wait, Jennifer Lopez. I'm sorry, Jennifer Lopez. Did I say, Jay, I love you?

It's just like all I care about is Jay, love you? So I need to really be careful for this next movie. So yeah, we're going to watch the sell. It's on Amazon, I think. I'm just, you can rent this movie this movie this movie this movie. You this movie. You this movie. You this movie. You this movie. You this movie. You this movie. You this movie. You this movie. You this movie. You this movie. You th. You th. You th. You th. You th. You th. You th. You th. You th. You th. You th. You th. You th. You th. You th. You th. You th. You th. You th. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You th. You th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. t t t t try. t t tell t tell t tell th. th. th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I week, we're going to talk about that. Yeah, and listen to all our old episodes, and go on iTunes and give us a rating, talk to us on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, email us. I haven't been checking the email. I'm glad you're taking care of this shit. I am just out of control. You got a lot of other more important things.

My life is just falling apart. Excuse me. Yeah, and I love talking to people on Twitter and giving them my cryptic weird responses. I think that's the best way to do it. They keep going back for more. So yeah, just find us on the internet, talk to us and thanks for listening to another episode of World Ambulance. Bye. Bye. Bye.