Werewolf Ambulance: A Horror Movie Comedy Podcast - Episode 170- ???? (1989)

Episode Date: April 2, 2018

In the grand tradition of "Days of Thunder" (Episode 76) and "Over the Top" (Episode 128), it's our annual first-week-of-April mystery film! We look forward to this one all year, and this year's is quite possibly our bawdiest episode to date. Hope you love it. Have you seen this movie? What do you think of it? Let us know your thoughts at facebook.com/werewolfambulance, on Twitter @werebulance or on Instagram @werewolfambulance. You can also email us for our segment "MAILBAG!" at [e-mail] and if you're feeling super generous, leave us an iTunes rating and review.  Check out our sponsor this week as well: Cryptocurium (www.cryptocurium.com) where cool horror stuff gets handmade and then lovingly delivered to your door in the form of the Parcel of Terror on a monthly basis. You can also sign up for their secret society, The Order of the Thinned Veil, in which you can profess your love for all things Halloween and be rewarded handsomely for it! Werewolf Ambulance is a horror movie comedy podcast.

Alan, Keene, I have really exciting news. What's that? I have really exciting news. What's that? I got a new job. You got a new job? Yeah. I am going to be a Brazilian air by

extorting 10% of profits from small businesses in a rural community. You got to bring Kmart into town. I'm going to bring JCPenney into town. I'm going to get a fucking helicopter. I'm going to ride a quad on my land? Oh that was a three-wheeler. Oh a tri- Which are now illegal because so many people died on them their their their their th. th. th. th. th. th. thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi th. th. th. th. th. th. thi thi thi th. th. I their their their their their their their their their their their th. I's th. I's th. I's their their their their their th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm the. I'm the. I'm the. I'm the. I'm the. I'm the. I'm the. I'm the. I'm the. I'm th. I'm th. I'm gonna ride a quad on my land. Oh, that was a three-wheeler. Oh, a tri- Which are now illegal because so many people died on them. So what do you think of my business plan? It makes perfect sense, right? Take 10% of very little and get a lot.

From not very many places. Yeah, go and rob that auto parts that's literally in the middle of nowhere. What I'm thinking then is I'll just burn that to the ground. Then I'm get money, right? Are you gonna have a gang? I'm thinking maybe I'll just drive a monster truck through some of the merchandise that is going to pay me. That's how you make money, right? Am I making money yet? Are you gonna wear a Kicky Elf Boots? Are you gonna wear kiki the thooo? Haphools? th. th. th. th. th-up, everybody. Love Piki Boots. This week is. April Fools. I'm the movie. April Fools. No, we already did that one.

It's Roadhouse. It's a road house. Staring Swayze. Crazy for Swayze. He's the best. RIP. Two of you was smoking three packs of cigarettes a best. RIP. RIP? Do you smoke three packs of cigarettes a day? Shut up.

And that's like how we got all this cancers. 60 cigarettes. 60 cigarettes. I'm a former smoker. Me also, as you know. As you guys all know. I smoked for 12 years. By the time I was done smoking, I was about a pack a day. Same.

Where the fuck do you find the time to smoke 60 cigarettes in a day? I don't know. You'd have to be smoking at some points two at once, like Daffy Duck style. You'd have to have like that later in the movie where he's got the little hand counter and he's counting people and he's going to have that for his smokes. I mean, th th carton in less than a week. I can't. It's crazy. I would just, ugh, it's making me feel gross.

I know, and then also being like super buff and fit. And a dancer. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, the dirty dancing. tooomb. Because somebody put baby in a corner?

Yeah. Nobody does that. When we do dirty dancing? Because somebody put baby in a corner? Nobody does that. Wait, I have a different intro. OK. Alan. Katie? I have great news. What's your great news?

I've got a new job. What's your new job? Oh, you didn't read about it in cooler magazine or somehow get the cooler message through the cooler underground. I'm going to Jasper, Missouri. Wait, do you? Dalton. You thought I'd be bigger. How did they have like a network of informants?

I could not figure it. You're Dalton? What? Like, I've never known the name of a bouncer anywhere, let alone the bouncer's boss. I've known so many people that have worked at bars and none of them have been like, oh man you should hear about this guy. No. Roadhouse. We're talking about Roadhouse, Roadhouse, 19 something. 87? I think 89, I think 89. That seems too late.

Yeah, who cares? It does seem too late. Oh, 1989. This movie is not- This movie is so fucking stupid. This is directed by a man named Rowdy Harrington. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow.

This is not your first tense. Rowdy Harrington is one of ours. He's from Pittsburgh. We've got Mr. Rogers. We've got Michael Keaton. We've got Routy Harrington. He was the best boy electric on a nightmare in Elm Street. I was starting to think of that it was a character.

He also, and directed Striking Distance. Oh shit. Yeah. The Bruce Willis movie? Yeah, the Polish Strangler. And he directed Gladiator, the 1992 movie Gladiator. Oh, brother. So this is a movie about bouncing?

Um, it's about cooling, which is different than bouncing. Sure. Uh-huh. It's about philosophy. It's about... It's about... Uh-huh. That's about it.

It's about small town politics. Yeah, it's about extortiontown politics. It's about, yeah, it's about, um, extortion. Taxidermy? Taxidermy. Polar bears. Um, inexplicable medical actions? It's about pain not hurting. That's, it doesn't make any sense.

It's what it is. It's about two hours long, and that's way too fucking long for this movie. You know I put my DVD in to watch this movie though? You own this? Fuck yeah. I've often argued that this is the greatest film America has ever produced. Citizen Kane. More like Citizen Eat a Dick.

Yeah. Um, this is an era when everybody is just throwing around $100 bills. Yeah, the 80s. I also want to point something out. I looked at, this isn't Jasper outside of Kansas City, which I assume is Jasper, Missouri. Sure. Which as of the 1990 census, had about a thousand people living in it. Yeah, and all of them are of drinking age. All of them are the double deuce. They're all into fighting.

I'm sorry, you mean the double douche. Who said that? Was that Sam Elliot? That's fucking Sam Elliot? Okay, like here's the thing about Sam Elliot in this movie. You know how I feel about Sam Elliot. Yeah. I want to fuck Sam Elliot. Who doesn't? He's a maximum on Kelly Lynch and she's like, oh she's treating him like a like a harmless dad or something. He is a fucking

gross oh scumbag like get out of you don't trust him. He bounces at a strip club. Calm down Rambo. Oh my God. Sam Elliot. Oh man, I love that he's so hot and whistles every one of his god-dam S's and I'm so happy that he doesn't. Yeah. So this is a story of a man named Frank Tillman who wants his little rundown roadhouse bar to become a not-so run-down roadhouse bar. Yeah, a respectable roadhouse bar, I guess. Like an apple piece.

Everybody is so ready to fight all of the time, and they're all carrying knives. They're so ready to fight. They're so ready to engage in prostitution. Yeah. Even like cheapo prostitution, like, kiss and boops for 20 bucks. It's like really low stakes prostitution. The fucking acting in that scene in particular, you want to toucest him? You can kiss him for 20 bucks and the other guy comes everybody's just gugly eyes and like groping the woman.

I got 20 bucks. Everyone's smiling. I ain't got 20 bucks leads to a bar clearing brawl. Everyone is involved. Everyone except for the band. That's only because that guy's blind. Why is that band? Why is that character?

Why does he provide? What is he? He was big at that point in time. Jeff Healy. Yeah, it was like a big blues guitar player. But they needed a band. But he has a lot of lines. He does have a lot of...

He is also magical. A magical blind man? Yeah. Yeah. Don't. Did we get any blowback from that? No, not they haven't figured it out how much you hate the blind? God damn it. We th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th. He th. He th. He th. th. He th. He th. He th. He th. He was. th. thi, thi, tho, tho, he thi, thi, thi, tho, he was tho, he was tho, he was, he was, he's, he's tho, he tho, tho, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi. He thi. He thi. He thi. He th. He th. He th. He th. He th. He th. He th. He thi. He thi. He thi. He thi, thi. He was thi. He was thin. He was like, thin. He was like thoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. He's the. He's th how much you hate the blind. God damn it. We did get contacted by catchy handle on Twitter. Who is blind?

Who? Insid. Fuck you. They wanted to guess what movie we were doing. So they sent us a Jiff. Would you like to see that animated Jiff? Only she say it right. They wanted to guess if this one

What the fuck? What the fuck? What the fuck? What is that? It's somebody watching a weasel because they thought we were going to do Encino man. One, you're a genius. Two, that's hilarious. Three, we fucking blow it. But when you first look at it, you're like, what are they doing? What is the user's name? Oh, that's catchy handle. Catchy handle. Catchy handle, thank you. That's great.

That's the weasel. But catchy handle also hipped us to a fact. Me, Grill. What is the? It's from Encino Man. What's the fact? So in the very beginning of the movie, when we're in the bandstand, when Frank Tillman goes to see Dalton for the the the the the the the very beginning of the movie, when we're in the bandstand, when Frank Tillman goes to see Dalton for the first time, whose name is James, never said once in the movie, James

Dalton. Oh. I looked up on Wikipedia and I was like, what the fuck is a first name? No he doesn't. Um, the band that's playing at the beginning of that actually ties this movie into horror cinema. Oh how so? Because they are the band or they they went on to like members of that band went on to be in the band that's in from dust till dawn. Okay. Robert Rodriguez Quentin Tarantino movie. Starring George Clooney as well. All right. That's something. Yeah, that makes this a horror movie. Yeah Hold on you want to see that thing with the weasel? Yeah I do. That weasel so stoked. to like like like like like like to like to like to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the to the to the to the their to their their their to to to their to to th. th. to th. their their to to that that that that that that that that's that's that's to to to to to to to to see. to see. to see. to see. to see. to see. to see. to see. to see. to see. to see. to see. to see. their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their th. th. th. th. th. the th. the the th. the th. the th. th. th. the. th. th. to. to. to. to. to. th. to want to see that thing with the weasel? Yeah, I do. Oh, it's, that weasel so stoked. You guys are like getting shampooed, though.

Yeah, it seems nice. Do you ever see that video of the bunny taking a bath? No. Okay, just look that up. Okay. You can look it up now. Look it up now. So this Frank Tillman guy goes and gets Dalton and is like, hey I'll pay you some money and Dalton's like, I'm ready to leave. $500 a night tax-free. Is that a good

deal? Yeah. That's a good deal today. What about getting, I mean like if someone said you might get stabbed but I'll give you $500 and I got it. Oh you can do your own stitches. Pain don't hurt. Pain don't hurt. That's right up the the the the the the the, hey. That, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, th, th, hey, th, th, th, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, th, hey, th, th, th. And, hey, th, th. And, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, th, hey, hey, hey, th, th, hey, th, th, hey, th, th, hey, th, hey, th, th, th, th, th, th is, th is like, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi's thi's thi's thi's thi's thi, thi, thi, th is like, 500. I got it. Oh, you can do your on stitches. Pain don't hurt. Pain don't hurt. That's right up there with Predator and Ain't got time to bleed. I love these dumb, manly aphorisms. Oh, men are so stupid. How tall is Patrick Swayze? He is 510. He's billed at 510.

I agree. He looks like he's like 5-6. Yeah. He's got like a Tom Cruisey and body. But then if you think about like the outsiders or Red Dawn, where he's like the quarterback of the football team, he's bigger than those other dudes who were like regular-sized guys. It just doesn't seem right. No, it doesn't. He's not, I think it's his his his his his his his his his his his his his his his his his his his his his his his his his his his his his his his his his his his his his his his his his his his his his his his his his his his his his his his his his his his his his his his his his his his his his his his his his his his his his his his his his head his head his head his head. He's his head. He's his head. He's his his his head. He's his head. He's his his his his his his his his his his his his his his his his his his his his his his his his his his. He's his his his. He's his. He's his. He's his. He's his. He's his. He's his. He's his. He's his. He's his. He's his. He's his. He's his. He's his. He's his. He's his. He's his. He's his. He's his. He's his. He's his. He's his. He's his. He's his. He's his. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He, it doesn't. He doesn't, he's not, I think because his head so big, he's got like actor head. Mm-hmm. And they're making a lot of jokes about his size in this movie, yeah. Five ten's like totally average. Five ten is, yeah, you would see a guy, you wouldn't think. You'd see a guy, you're the ta'a' tha' tha' tha' tha' tha' tha' tha' th' th' th' th' th' th' th' thi' thi' thi' thi' thi' thi' thi' thi'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a' thi' thi'a'a'a'a' th' th' tho' tho' thi' thi' thi' thi' thi' thi' thi' thi' thi' thi' thi' thi' thi' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thi-s' thin' thi' the' thea'ea'ea'ea'ea'ea'ea'ea'ea'ea'ea'ea'ea'a'a' thea' thea' thea' thea-1. Yeah, I think. Shorter than me? Really?

Bigger than Terry Funk? I'm bigger than Terry Funk. That's something. This is our second Terry Funk. I know. From last year's. Terry Funk. Only on April Ful's episode.

I want to be able to do an impression of Terry Funk. Yeah, but I just can't do it. Like it's just, it's not, it's like strained but not, it's such a, he's perfect. What the fuck? Like he's just so good. He's just so ridiculous. Yes. I love that he has way more lines in this than he did in, uh, over the top. He's a fine actor.

Oh yeah, he's fine actor. This also has such fine actors as Ben Gazera. God, I love him. And Sam Elliot. And John Doe from famous punk band X is the bartender who gets fired for stealing money from the till. Oh, okay. Yeah. Yeah. And Keith David, who has no line? Or he's like the whiskey is getting low I was like how do you underuse Keith David?

What is he doing in this movie? I don't know. They were like well we should oh I don't know. You guys know him? That's Keith David he's the only black person in this movie. I think so. But it's Jasper Missouri so. Yeah. I'm assuming it's Jasper Missouri. I just keep saying that I think it is. I just the jesper Kansas. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. the the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th is is. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. Is is is is is is. Is is. Is is. Is. Is. Is. Is. Is. Is. Is. Is. Is. Is. Is. Is. Is. Is. Is. Is. Is. Is. Is. Is. Is. Is. Is. Is. Is. Is. Is. Is. Is. Is. Is. Is. Is. Is. Is. Is. Is. Is. I. I. I. the. I. the. I. the. I. the. the. the. I. the. I. the. the. the. the. I. the. the. Missouri. I just keep saying them. I think it is. That's fine. For Jasper, Kansas, one of those two. Yeah, I don't know if there is a Jasper Kansas. I was when I was looking at my senses information, I don't think I found one. Terry Funk's opening line, when he calls the guy the peckerhead when he Pickerhead is good. How about we get nipple to nipple? No, that's disgusting.

I can do that myself. That seems weird. Denise, it's so weird. Women in this movie are not so good. Oh, man. Kelly Lynch is a doctor. She's a doctor who is just like, hi, you're a bouncer, I'm fascinated by you.

I'm going to stay out all night and then I'm going to hit my ER shift. Which is just going to be like stab wound after stab wound after stab wound. Don't get me wrong. Patrick Swayze, very attractive man. Very lithe, does that Tai Chi all morning long? Yeah, sweatbands. Like, weird, like, oh God. Yeah. Later on in the movie when he's just wearing a gee with jeans. What in what situation is that blouse appropriate? It's like they were like, how do we make you know that he knows karate?

Yeah. Um, every woman in this movie is running at him? th th th th th thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that that that that thi thi thi thi thi thi thi tie tie tie tie tie tie tie-a tie-a-upi-upo-upo-upoomoomatchai-uponitit that that that's that's that, how do we make you know that he knows karate? Yeah. Every woman in this movie is running at him vagina first. Oh yeah, like, okay, here's the thing. The character Carrie Ann, the waitress, who, the woman from Gilmore Girls, do you watch Gilmore girls? No. It seems like you might like Gilmore. I feel like it's a thing you could get into. I watch all the women women women women the women the women the women the the the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. they th. they they they they're th. they're they're th. th. th. thi thoom. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. they're th. they're th. th. they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're, they're, they're they're they're they're they're like, they're like, they're like, they're like, they're, they're like, they're like, theea. thi. thi. thea. thea. thi you could get into. I watched all of Veronica Mars in like three months.

I feel like I should watch Gilmore Girls. You have it next, yeah. And it's got a, well whatever, we'll talk about Gilmar Girls on a different podcast. I like got real mad in this movie because I was like, why is it, can't she be the love interest? Why can't she? Why? She, tha, tha, thu, thu, thu, thu, th. Why, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi, thi, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. the. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. the. plot where she gets a boyfriend. Oh yeah, yeah. The guy's like, I didn't know she could sing and then later he's got his arm around her. And I was like, I guess she gets a love interest after all. It mattered to me.

I would not want to subject Carrienne to what passes for a sex scene in this movie. You mean just fucking bear backing? You're an ER doctor. It's the 80s. That's not even the... like, we're skipping ahead here. There's no plot. They're fucking up against a wall. Which is first, my note is, that seems exhausting. Oh my god. But then, he picks her up off the wall and dances around the room and I'm like, you're dancing with your dick inside of somebody.

Ah! And they're making him, they're like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. It's so weird. I mean, it's disgusting. It's disgusting. And we've already seen his butt too. Oh, Carrie had loses her mind when she sees this butt. But like, and I'm also like, how are you going to have sex with a man who's wearing a monotone outfit of khaki's a sweater best and a t-shirt. It was such a weird outfit. It was all tan though. Everything was tan.

Tanned man. Ugh. So he gets higher to be the cooler at the double deuce. He's got to clean this joint up because it's nonstop bar fights and doors. They sweep up eyeballs after the bar closes. One of the waitresses is Dealing Coke. I love this. I missed that whole thing.

He was like, the waitresses is Dealing Coke. I love the- I missed that whole thing. He was like, you're selling drugs. And I didn't see that. She rolls up on a woman. She was like, and the woman reaches into her brazier and pulls out money. She was like, not here. And then later you see the woman walk out of the bathroom, like cleaning her nose off. stealing from the till. Yeah. Another dude is totally fucking underage people in a closet. Yeah, that's all got in with a Sears card.

And he says to her something like, you're going to be my regular weekend thing. Oh, please. You're going to be my regular Saturday night thing. Oh, excuse me. Oh, that's horrifying. I feel my man says that to you, you stab him. That's why you carry a knife, right? And yeah, and Terry Funky has no, he can't be a bouncer because he does not the disposition for it. Yeah, right, sure.

So he goes to the bad guys. He goes to the dark side, Ben Gazera, who is a Brazilian air with a helicopter and trike, and a pool party and titties. So many titties. So many like 80s titties. Oh yeah. Oh it's rough. Because you know that's just like, it's like kind of how I feel,

I know that LASIC is not that new anymore. Yeah. But I feel like I'm not going to get it until I know theythey got right. You know, it's just, oh, those 80s, titties. But it got them into this movie. True. That's lucky for them, I guess. And there's so much cleavage at the beginning of this movie too that it was like, they're trying to make sure, Jackie Trehorn, because that's just... They're the same character, right? Like, it's just...

The kingpin, yeah. Yeah. It's a good look for Ben Guzara, I guess. He really works it. So, I can't figure out this character. No, it doesn't make any sense. It doesn't make any... Is he independently wealthy?

And if so, why is he the the ex the ex the ex the ex the ex the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th is he is he is he is he is he is he is he extors the the the is he extorting is thoring poor is th so, why is he extorting poor Reds, windshield, wiper, oil change, you know, filter business? I... Like, he's a big game hunter. Yeah. He owns a helicopter. Yeah. He owns a helicopter. Yeah. Multiple three-wheeled motorcycles. He has a crew. He has a posse that's apparently on a payroll. Yeah. Because you can smack him around and they'll hang out. You're a bleeder. You're a messy bleeder. You bleed too much.

You know why I don't like you, O'Connor? Because you make fun of my weird kicky boots that I'm wearing in this puppy vest. They were like those weird, like those those those those get the wrinkles. Slotchy, yeah. They're kicky. I was like, I don't, I have not seen a man wearing boots like that. Like, he should have been in like poison to wear boots like that. Oh, he's rich. You can do whatever he wants. It's true. When they walk into his house, you can see there's two pool the pool the pool the pool the pool there's the pool the pool there's the pool the pool the pool there's the pool tables. It's kind of a pool tap for all the boys.

Yeah, that's true. Um, talk to me about Jimmy. I love Jimmy. Jimmy. Jimmy is his main henchmen. Yeah. And he's got a real rage problem. And he also can karate, I guess.

He's also been to prison. He fucks guys like you in prison, you being of course, Patrick Swayze. This movie is filled with the stupidest lines. I fucked guys like you in prison. Or I used to fuck guys like you in prison. Yeah. I mean, it's fucked up in like homophobic and gross. But like, it's also like... You said that out loud, you know?

You said that like as like, uh, I won't beat your ass. Also I, then, what if that was your last line of your life, the last thing you ever said? Your last words where I used to fuck guys like you in prison because I don't remember if he said anything else else after that, but I'm not sure that he does. So throughout the movie we are learning more and more about James Dalton. Don't, don't call him James. How dare I? He used to live in Memphis and killed a man. By ripping his throw down. In self-defense.

In self-defense. As you do. Because when a mothucker pulls a gun on you, you have two choices. Die or kill the mothe the ma the ma th. tha tha tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, thii, th. thi, thi, th. thi, thi, thi, thi, tho, tho, thoom. thoom. tho, thi, thoom. thoom. tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I I th. I th. I I I I th. I th. I I I I I I th. I I I th. I I I th. I th. I th. I th. I thi. I thi. I thi. I'm, thi. I'm, tha, tha. tha. togea. togea. togea. toge. toge. toge. tole. tole, tha have two choices. Die or kill the mothfucker. That presumes that people have guns, which nobody in this movie does until the very end, which is so strange. Everyone is just rolling around with knives like it's England or something. Like it's Arsenal versus Tottenham. Yeah. Come on, you spurs. If you know karate, I do.

As you do. I don't. Okay, you're wearing that gee and jeans, right? Yeah, it's super comfy. It's like my chest is entirely exposed. So blousey. There's got to be, oh, I don't know, six, seven hundred other ways to disarm your opponent rather than ripping their throat out.

I mean, it's his go-to move. It's crazy too, because like, he does it. It's like when he does it to Jimmy, he cannot stop himself. And then he later he has Ben Guzzar and he's like, it's like that Mr. Magi scene at the end of, yeah, like- I wanted him to hog his nose. Yeah. It's almost like, I mean, like, there are things that sometimes you can't control yourself from doing. Saying something farting, even punching someone.

You know what I mean? Like sometimes you just haul, not you, but in a movie, if someone halls off and ripping someone's throat out is bananas, banana ramma cassette tape. I just don't like, I've got a long, pretty powerful fingers. I don't know if I can rip some throwing around. What a, what a like colorful way to describe yourself? I was a guitar player for years. I just like, I'm like the best crocheter in this house. I'm just saying I got good fingers. I just can't imagine. He's a fuck finger's like this in prison. With some mother fucker bulls of fingers on you like that.

You have two choices. I just can't imagine like, oh, I just got to rip somebody's throat out. This is what I'm going to do right now. Again. I can't. Well, you knew you could do it now. Yeah, right? Like, also do you like that he rips Jimmy's throat out and then Jimmy screams?

That can't happen. Your throwns. doctor comes over and looks at him she's like well nothing I can do you're you're you're trained in emergency and traumatic medicine madam she just turns and walks away that's not right because she knew that you had to break up with your boyfriend he's just straight up murdered someone and faces no consequences for it a lot of people face no consequences for like insane shit in this movie because there's no police presence like like driving Bigfoot number seven, which is the name of that truck. Great the-er!

Through a car dealership? It doesn't make any sense. Like, Ben Gazaire's like, oh, the police in my pocket, they look the other way. You could, this, you can't look the other way. It literally causing a fucking auto parts store to explode. There are so many explosions in this. It's so dumb. They burn down the farmhouse?

Yeah. Just because. Emmett's house, they just blow it up. Just cause. I love Ebbett so much. Until I just mentioned him I had forgotten that he existed. You mean Sunshine Parker? That's that? It? It? That? It? That? That? It? That? It? It? It? It? It? It? It? It? It? It? It? It? It? It? It? It's? It's? It's? It's? It's? It's? It's? It's? It's? It's? It's? It's? It's? It's? It's? It's? It's? It's? It's? It's? It's? It's? It's? It's? It's? It's? It's? It's? It's? It's? It's? It's? It's? It's? It's? It's? It's? It's? It's? It's? It's? It's? It's? It's? It's? It's? It's? It's? It's? It's? It's? It's? It's? It's? It's? It's? It's? It's? It's? It's? It's? It's? It's? It's? It's that? It's that? It's that's that? It's that's that? It's that. It's that. It's that. It's thed. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's? It's? It's? It's just mentioned him I had forgotten that he existed. You mean Sunshine Parker? That's the actor's name.

That's lovely. I haven't know if this is balls big enough to come in a dump truck. It seems like anybody could come in a dump truck if they wanted. No, they have to be driven in a dump truck. Oh. Oh. Oh, look, here's the thing. You just broke me. Here's the thing.

Like what I assumed it meant is not out of the realm of possibility for this movie. Oh no, not at all. I just like that you're like, well anybody could do that one. Yeah, I mean, it's true. Anybody could bring their balls around in a dump truck, too, you know? It's true, but they would have to come in a dump truck. Fine, fine. Didn't say necessity. That's a Terry Funkism, isn't it?

Probably. Oh, God damn it. For a good fuck call, and then Tillman changes it too for a good Buick. On the wall of his own bar, which I like a lot. Right outside of his office, too. Yeah, he's just like, well, maybe someone wants a Buick. They're going to be disappointed. Back to the Jeff Healy band for a quick second. Sure. Jeff Healy is soaking wet, sitting down playing guitar. Soaking wet. Maybe it's all the beer that's being thrown

on him. They repeatedly show the drummer who's given that kit some action. He's really going to town. Yeah he's he's sitting it hard. He is not at all sweaty? And I'm like what's what's going on with Jeff Healy? Why is it so damn sweaty? I mean I they do see, they do show, uh, him getting a lot of stuff thrown at him, behind like a chain link fence. Yeah. What's so weird? Can we talk about Dalton's rules of being a bouncer? You can't, but they don't make any sense.

Three simple rules. Sure. Never underestimate your opponent. Okay, fine. Take it outside. All right. Be nice. That doesn't make any sense. Until it's time to not be nice. It doesn't make any sense because we don't see him being very nice.

No, he's zero to 60. He's just, he's constantly in a fight. that woman's dancing up on the bar. And then the guy who looks like Matt Bessor from the Upright Citizens Brigade pulls a knife on him. Yeah. And he just takes the guy by the back of the head and slams it into a table and breaks the table and it was like, Jesus Christ. I know. And also, is that table going to come out of your paycheck? Everything's made of balsa wood at this place. It's just, everything's shattering all over the place.

That strip tea scene is very weird. With Denise? Yeah. Because we've seen her earlier, we see that she is working out with a black eye. Yeah. Because Ben Gazera, I guess, beat her up. Yeah, it's garbage man. And then she's fine later, just dancing on the, I just don't, I don't, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, th, thin, th, th. With, thine, thine, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with. With, thine, th. With, th. With, th. With, th. With, th. With, th. With, th. With, th. With, th. With, th. With, thin, thin, thin, than, than, than, thin, thin, thin, to thin, to thin, thin, to thin, thin, thin, to to to to thin, to than, than, th her, what is she doing? I don't, I don't get to aerobosizing. It doesn't even matter, I don't care.

How about the pool party scene at Ben Gazara's house? You did titties and heels in a pool? God, wearing heels in a pool seems like that'll fuck up your liner. Oh yeah, you know, you don't go to wear a stiletto in there, but those bitches wearing stilettos. Yeah, yeah. And hanging out with that lurch-looking, mothfucker dancing all over him. Yeah. Oh, that was so, what a life. What a life, Brad Wesley is leading.

I gotta get rich. So that I can have a pool party with titties and heels. And a helicopter. Just raise up. Uh, the guy red, of red's auto parts? Yeah. In real life, his name is red? Of course. And look at that hair.

Super tight with Elvis back in the day. No. Until he tried to help Elvis get off of drugs. And he got kicked out of Elvis' life. That's terrible. That's terrible. Well, you know what though though though though though though though though though though though though though though though though though though, though, though, though, though, though, though? If you are trying to help someone get off of drugs and they turn their back on you, you're probably better off for the time being.

It's true, Red. It's like a vampire. If your friend turns into a vampire, you kind of don't let them into your house, you know? It's true. I don't know. I've been watching. Tinker. Which one is Tinker? Tinker's the chubby guy? Well the polar bear time. Yeah. Well I had a hard time at first telling him apart from the chubby guy on the good side. Okay, okay. Who falls in love with Carrie Ann. I'm very obsessed with this minor storyline. But it's funny because tinker just like gets away with it all. Sure. I love him because his go-to- to- too the-I've- the go- the t the- the- the- the- the- the- the- the- the- the- the- the- the- the- the- the- tie- tie- tie- tie- tie-s thea-s the tie-s tha- tha- tha- thea- the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the tie-s tie-s tie-s tie-s tie-s tie-s tie-s tie-s tie-s tie-s tie-s tie-s tie-s tie-s tie-s. tie-s. tie-s. tie-s. tie-s. tie-s. tie-s. tie-s tie just a tiny dude with like not much reach, just start nailing people the nuts.

I guess, I mean, I guess that's cool. It's just, I don't know. So, so, Pat, so Dalton falls in love with, actually, the ER doctor falls in love with him. Yeah, she's just so fascinated by this guy whose job it is to keep fights from breaking out in bars she fucking saves lives like gets some self-respect. Did you see that butterfly stitching that he did? I mean giving yourself stitches seems incredibly unhygienic. It's disgusting. Yeah. So they fall in love and then she gets mad at him for ripping someone's throat out and then she gets over it I guess is the plot of this movie. Boy meets girl, boy rips someone's throatout out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. Oh th. Oh th. Oh th. Oh th. Oh th. Oh th. Oh th. Oh th. Oh th. Oh thi thi thi. Oh th. Oh th. Oh, thi. Oh, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh, th. Oh, thi. Oh, thi. Oh, thi's thi's thi's thi's theee's thi's thi's thi's thi's the the the the the thi. I's the's thrown out and then she gets over it I guess is the plot of this movie boy meets girl boy rips someone's throat out girl gets mad boy gets girl back similarly calls him meho a lot yeah

it's a meho hey meho I love him so much Sam Elliot in this movie is just so sleazy oh yeah he just smells like a pack of camels Sam Elliot in this movie is just so sleazy. Oh yeah, he just smells like a pack of camels when he rolls up. He looks gross. But I love that when he rolls in, and someone's like, asked him his name, and he's just like, um, Wade, Garrett, and they're like, you're the other cooler that we heard of.

Sure, they read about it in Cooler Mour Monthly. I don't know, but like, everybody everybody everybody everybody everybody everybody everybody everybody everybody everybody everybody everybody everybody everybody everybody everybody everybody everybody everybody everybody everybody everybody everybody everybody everybody everybody everybody everybody, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, they read about it in Cooler Mag. Cooler Monthly, cooler quarterly. I don't know, but like, everybody seems to know. Can I tell you some of my favorite lines in this movie? I would love to hear them. When someone calls somebody else, chicken dick? I did write that down. Chicken dick is pretty good. Uh, does a hobby horse have a wooden dick? Yeah, like that? You usually like anything that brings up a dick. I have a question for you.

Mm-hmm. What kind of gas mileage do you think that Big Slet 7 gets? I have that question too. Milege on a monster track, question mark? Because they're just driving it around casually. They're at one point... I need to run up for smoke. They're like, they're doing like, um, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, is not casual. Motherfucker, I can see you.

Yeah. Like, it's not like you're sitting in a monster truck and someone glances at you and you turn on, you know? You know? Especially when I'm the guy in the monster truck that just got into a fist fight with you 20 minutes earlier. It's so stupid. The monster truck, I get it, they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they theyto have it to do the car scene. It is, until that scene, you're like, what the fuck is going on? Well, I think, my theory is that they had to rent Bigfoot number seven from the Bigfoot Corporation.

So they were like, well, we just paid X amount of thousand dollars. This fuckers in the movie non-stop. I guess. They're like, isn't thousand dollars this fuckers in the movie non-stop I guess they're like isn't this a good villain vehicle and everyone's like so so 80s I feel like monster trucks are so 80s I mean here are the things in this movie that are so 80s go monster trucks yeah dirt bikes mm-hmm a hundred dollar bills spandex dresses spandex dresses Weird underpants. The male and female love interest in the movie having the exact same flared hair. Those feathers. But it's not like, it's that, that, that late, like, this was when I

went into high school and I remember people in high school having this hair that just like, it goes off your head for three inches and then feathers back. So it's like, it's magic. It's a crown. My least least the least the least the least the least the least the least the least the least the least the least the least the least the least the least the least the least the least the least the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the th. th. th. th. the the. the. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the three inches and then feathers back. So it's like, it's magic. It's a crown. My least practical thing in this movie, boot knife. I feel like I'd just be cutting up the sofa all the time and like fucking stuff up all over the place. You put your boots up on the, up on the sofa. I'm a dirty boy hangs out with your car, you're just to be slicing the upholstery in your car.

I mean, this is kind of like why I get mad at you for carrying around knives. You know what I mean? Because you're like these fucking guys. Like, I got a knife. You know? I'm not pulling it out in bars. I have seen you notice that Ben Gazera kind of looks like an old Bradley Cooper? No.

He does. That's not a mean thing to say. Not at all. Bradley Cupert's a very handsome gentleman. Benzera is fine. Yeah. Yeah. It was. God rest of his soul. Oh, yeah. So much sad. Everybody in this movie's dead. Look Terry Monk's still alive? No, Kelly Lynch is still alive, too.

St. Mellie, thank God, still alive. Bigfoot's still out there? Grueggar. That's my monster talks though. Do you notice that Brad Wesley thinks he's Caesar? Tell me more? Give on to Brad Wesley that which is Brad Wesley's. the thlea Wesley's. thleslesles. thlessly. thlessly. that. thlessly. that. th. th. th. th. thusley. thusley. thusley. thus. that, thus. that, that, that, that, that, that, that, thi, thi, thi, th. th. to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to, to, to to to th, th. th. thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. toooo. too. too. Thank, to to to to, that which is Brad Wesley's. Oh yeah. Also, Brad Wesley, not an intimidating name. Also, if you're going to have an 80s movie where a character is named Brad, he better

be a ski instructor. You know, not a middle-aged man. Yeah, he's like the president of the fraternity. Fun fact about this movie. Bill Murray related. Apparently Bill Murray is very good friends with the gentleman who is married to Kelly Lynch. And every time he is somewhere and the sex scene from Roadhouse is on a TV, he calls Kelly Lynch's husband and teases him about it. Geez. It's so weird.

Also like how often are you somewhere watching that sex scene? I don't, I feel like this movie is always on at a hotel? I don't know. I feel like th the the the the the the the the the the the th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th It's so weird. Also like how often are you somewhere watching that sex scene? I don't know. I feel like this movie is always on at a hotel. Is it? I feel like it's just got to be on somewhere at a hotel. That's fair. Just like I have a theory that Van Halen is always on the radio somewhere.

I think this movie is probably always on in a hotel somewhere. Okay. So, so like basically and Dalton steps out of his role as keeping of keeping the bar clean right to like clean up the whole town right of this scourge he's fallen on love with the place why I do not know. Well we've seen the auto part store and the double deuce and Brad Wesley's house. And the barn. And the barn. And the barn. That's, oh, car dealership.

Car dealership. We don't see that till late, though. Yeah. After he's already in the town. Yeah. Also, that scene where they're fucking on the roof at the farm is disgusting. that's disgusting. to thi, the the the the the the the the their their their their their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. th. th. th. th. th. that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, their. their. that's. that's. that's. that's. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. te. tea. tea. tea. tea. tea. tea. tea. all, because it's not private. You shouldn't fuck it anywhere that's not private. You shouldn't. It's not right. It's, first of all, it's illegal. It's illegal. And like, you don't, like, there could be children around. You don't shouldn't see Kelly Lynch's ass bobbing up and down. You're reminding me of the end of this movie that I find so fucking ridiculous. It. It. It thi. It th. It th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. that. that. that's that's that's that's disgusting. that's disgusting. that's that's that's disgusting. that's disgusting. that's disgusting. that's disgusting. that's disgusting. that's just, that's just, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's that's that's that's that's. that's. that's. that's, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's thi. th me of the end of this movie that I find so fucking ridiculous?

The end is ridiculous because the rest of it, tell me more. So we'll get to the climax, but this is the very last scene in the movie, where there's the skinny dipping scene, where you see Dalton running into the water, Kelly Lynch is already in the water naked. And on the shore is just Emmett sitting on a blanket in a a a blanket in a blanket the blanket the blanket. the the the the the the the the the the the the is just Emmett sitting on a blanket as the two of them were skinny dipping. I didn't you that's terrible. It's hilarious. He's already seen them fuck. It was his property. The horses have seen them fuck. Everyone has seen them fuck Ben Gazera and anyone in Ben Gazera's house has seen them fuck. And he's fucking watching, too.

He's not even like, oh, I'm so upset and turning away. I mean, if you look at your window and your neighbors are fucking on the roof, what are you gonna do? You're probably gonna look, and they're gonna be like, oh, that's disgusting. You know, I'm not wrong about this. I do like that you're so I thak that you're so the tha tha tho that you're tho tho tho tho tho tho the tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho to tho tho tho thi tho thi to to to to to thi. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to tho to to tho tho th. I'm th. I'm to to th. I'm not th. I'm not th. I'm those syphorous about it though. You know how I feel. I do. How do you feel about seeing Sam Elliot's pubs? Less good than I would have expected honestly. Sam Elliot I just don't find this Sam

Elliot charming or harmless. He's so her suit that there's no like delineation between his stomach hair and his pu? There's no, he's like tip-to-to-toe hair. You could probably go from one end to the other without getting off the hair path. They say that when B. First came to America, Squirrel could go from New York State all the way across the Mississippi River on tree tops. You could do the same thing on Sam Elliot's hair. Wow. That was a long way to go for not much payoff. Do you like when he pulls his hair back into like a half pony? I was joking that 80% of his acting in this movie is hair? Yeah, it's just running his fingers.

And just letting it fall in front of his eyes. Sam Elliott, you're better than that. Oh, it's so hunky the samethat. So hunky in this movie. I, you know, I love Sam Elliot, this is not the hunkiest I find him. Okay. I like a cleaner Sam Elliot. Ah, so you're more of a mask or, uh...

Frogs. Frogs. Do you want to talk about, like, what happens in this movie? Sure. How it ends, I guess. I was just reading my notes and realizing like how absolutely shitty women are treated in this movie. Oh, terrible. I mean, like, I don't even think we need to get into it because it's not even, it's not even real. No, it's beyond. It's beyond. So, uh, Dalton has ripped the throat out of Jimmy. And then let him float down downstream, which is funny. So, it's the next day after the trot ripping, and Dalton has gotten his, he's got a Mercedes-Benz that, you know,

this is his means business car. It's like, it's not his beater that he lets everybody pop the tires on. He's going to attack the compound. Right. And he's he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he sp he he sp he sp he sp he sp he sp he sp he sp he sp he's he he's he he's he he's he he's he he's he he he he he he hea th. He's the the. He's the the the the the the the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the the. the the the the the the the. He's the th. He's th. He th th th the. He th the. He the. He's the. He's the the the the the the the theeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease the the the He's going to attack the compound. Right. And take out Ben Gazera. He's just on a murder spree. He's on a murder spree. And he spree murders for sure. Yeah. So many people die. Yeah. These are men with families, I would presume. As Missy pointed out, you can't do what he did, which was drive a knife into the gas pedal and have its day in place. What can't you? They're made a metal. th. th. the metal. the metal. th. the metal. the metal. They're th. the metal. They're th. They're the metal. the metal. They're th. their. th. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. they're they're th. th. they're they're. they're. they're. to. to. to. to. to. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah....................................................................................................................... they.. they... they. they.......? They're made a metal. Maybe they were rubber. But they're also like pushing. No. Never question the physics of a Dalton move.

So he launches his car into Ben Gazera's house. It's a very 80s car explosion flip scene. Well, what cars made of back then? Oh, fire. I love what everyone's unloading their shotguns at the car and John Doe the bartender is like pump like shooting his car but pumping his left leg the whole time he's doing it like he's playing a banjo at the same time. Gotta keep the beat. So then he goes in around and he murders all the

henchmen one by one. Yeah except for for Tinker, because he just pushes the polar barrel on top of Tinker because he's scared of stuffed animals. It's been established he doesn't like the taxidermy area. Yeah. And then later he's just like, polar brow on me. He turns into an eight-year-old. And then someone's like you're made for each other. Is it all that's that? that? that? and that? and that? And that? And that? And that? And that? And th and th and th and th and th and th and th and th and th and thi? And thi? And thi? And thi? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.that? Why? Mummies in my room. Creature stole my twinkie. So, and then there's the final confrontation between Ben Gazera and Dalton. Sorry. It's the final confrontation. Da da da da da.

Tda da da da. Dada da da da da da da. I don't have the range. They're duking it out. There's fire and guns. There's not. No, he picks up spears. There's a spear fight. Like a, yeah. God. It's not even worthy of my words. It's so inexplicable. At one point, they pass a giant glass coffee table.

I'm like, oh, who's going through that? It's Ben Gazera. It's Ben Gazera. So he then, he beats Dalton down. And then He's about to shoot Dalton because he's done with this shit And then everyone all like the the town elders come in with guns and kill him. Yeah He takes a lot of shots. They are not good shots. They like they wing him in the shoulder. There's thing. There's a gut shot. What are they shooting are like is itbusses? Because every explosion is like eight out like eight inches in diameter. Yeah. And then

red just gathers the guns and runs away. Yeah and then the cops show up. Finally, they fucking like how could they like I get in movies when they're like, oh, the cops are turning a blind eye to this thing like like the mafia's doing or like, you know, whatever. You couldn't, they drove a monster truck through a car dealership. You couldn't just not do anything. You couldn't, right? Sheriff is an elected position. Yeah, but money, right? thrown.

Well, he would just not be elected again. But what if Ben... I don't know. No, where does Ben? Does they even have money? Oh, it doesn't make any sense. The cops come running in and are like, someone's going to tell me what the hell happened? And everyone goes, I didn't see anything. Did you see anything? I didn't see anything? I didn't see anything. And then they laugh. There's a bunch of dead bodies in here. They're like, ah-ha-ha. You. Did you say anything, Tinker? Polar bear fell on me. The bear fell on me. And everyone's like, chuckle, chuckle, chuckle,

freeze frame. Fris frame and skinny, dipping with old man watching. The last note I have just says, well. And that, more or less, is Roadhouse. Wow, wow, wow, in your own words. He carries his medical records with him because it's easier. It's faster. Oh, Katie. Is that how she found out he went to NYU for philosophy? Is that in your medical records?

Uh-huh. Really? They have your educational information? I assumed he was getting stabbed in college and had to have something from like the school nurse. Oh, sure, sure. Oh, I see. He visited student health in NYU. And then talked a whole bunch about it, because philosophy majors, oh my god. I like briefly dated a guy who had a degree in philosophy. Yeah. He did a lot of thinking while he drove pizzas to people's houses. Thought really hard though. Hello I'm an asshole. What the fuck else is a

philosophy degree gonna get you? If you're not gonna teach you're gonna deliver pizzas. Hey kids, you're gonna deliver pizzas. Hey kids, don't major in philosophy. But do read philosophy, it's helpful. Eh, I'm a fan. Fine. Get your own thoughts, though. Ha ha ha ha ha ha.

Don't just think that stuff the Camus to think. Oh, Camus, he's all... God. Hey, Miho. Hey, Miho. You want to rate this movie? Yeah, do you want to go first, though? I feel like it's, um... All right, I'm going to do my whole rating in Terry Funk voice.

Are you ready? I guess so. I can't do it. It sounds like you're just trying to get out a big old shit. Oh man, he's probably taking so many throat shots in his life that his voice is just so strained. Yeah. God, I love him. Blading all over the place. Have we talked about him in the cactus jack fight in Japan?

I think we did in a last year's episode. Yeah, they're just calling the spots. They're so bloody. Licking. the the the the the the the the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi, thi. thi. thi, thi. thi, thi, thi, thi, thiol-a, throat. throat. tho' tho' tho' tho' tho' tho' tho' tho' tho' tho' tho' tho' tho' tho' tho' tho' tho' tho' tho' tho' tho' tho' tho' tho' tho' tho' tho' tho' throat. Oh, throat. Oh, throat. Oh, throat. throat. throat-a' throat. throats. throats. It's throats. It's tooooooooooooooooooooooooooo' throats. It's's so fucking good. They're so bloody by the end of it. It's so gross. Leagin. Roadhouse. This is an American classic without a doubt. This is a terrible movie. I love it, but it's shitty. I was gonna watch it before I watched next week's movie and the people I watched next week's movie with were like, we'll come back when you're done. Oh wow. They wouldn't watch Roadhouse with me. I'm gonna give this movie an 8.

Like, I own it. It's so dumb. You gave this movie your money. Oh yeah, yeah. I saw it in theater. Yeah, twice. And then bought it. What do you think of Rodehouse? For me, this movie is the quintessential so bad it's good, right? Yeah. This movie's fucking amazing.

Nine. Nine. Nine bigfoots. Nine. Grape-digger! I always liked Gravedigger better. Oh, didn't he was cooler. Yeah, way cooler. Scareier. Yeah, it's got a skull on it. They're scary.

Speaking of things with skulls, on them? My tattoos. What else? Pardon? I've got to tatoes. I did not know what you said. You talking about cryptochirium? You talking about the parcel? Yes, I am. I am talking about the parcel of terror. It's a monthly subscription box that has skulls in it. Little animal animal skulls and then people will think you're a serial killer like Ted Bundy or something. Jeffrey Dammer. Jeffrey Damer. He always felt bad for Dahmer. What? He had a really rough time. I don't give a fuck one rough time, man.

I mean, whatever. Wow. We should have done a serial killer podcast because they're hugely popular. I know. True crime is like such a money maker right now and we are not getting that money. So not to derail parcel of terror. By the way, I'm off my favorite murder. They are just too disrespectful. Oh really? Oh yeah. And if you guys listen to listen, you listen to my favorite murder too. Like think about the way they're talking about real life dead people, it is not okay. They're talking about the way I talk about shitty movies, which is to say extremely disrespectfully. They're like, we're not laughing about murders, we're just like laughing. I'm like, no,

actually you're laughing at a real life dead person. Yeah. Yeah, I tapped up because the sound quality was so bad on that. Oh yeah, it's pretty bad. And sometimes the ads are just just super loud. Thank you. No. You guys are making fucking money. We aren't making fucking money and we can use level later. So you can do. I'll send him an email about level later. You know, don't bother. I listen to a few of the true crime podcast like the Atlanta Monster and there's all these like, or like the serial podcast where they're just like, there's no conclusion to this. I know. Did I want, I want, I want to, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, the, th. th. th. th. the, th. th. th. th. th. the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, th. the, th. the, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. they're just like, there's no conclusion to this. I know. I want, I want to, did you listen to Dirty John? No, what's that? Uh, it's a true crime podcast. It's good.

And there's a conclusion. Okay, I listen to that. But anyway, back to the thing we're being paid to talk about. horror related items that are hand sculpted by one Jason McKitrich. And then hand painted, hand wrapped, and hand put into boxes and delivered to you. Jason delivers it by hand. No, he doesn't. No, he doesn't. He delivers it by hand to the postman.

Yeah, USPS there. Jason is our longest friend. He's very tall. He looks tall. I've never met him in person either, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, th. But, th. But, th. But, th. But, th. But, th. But, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, th. th. the. the. the. the. the-a. the-a. theeeeeea. thea. thea. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tall. He looks tall. I think he's probably tall. I've never met in my person. I've never met him in person either, but I get the impression that he's very tall. Jason, can you let us know? 35 bucks a month. Go to the Cryptocurium parcel of terror. Give Jason your money. Crypto curiam. too C. theyc. C-rym. Cryum. Cryum. C. C. C. C. C. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. he. he. he. he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he. he. he. he. he. he. he. he. he. he. he. he. he. he. he. he. he. he. he. he. he. he. he. he. He. He. He. He. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's th. He's he. He's he. He's th. he's very th. th. th. th. he's very the th. the the th. the th. th. he's he's he's he's the he can get one, you can get a million of them, and just keep getting them. Yeah, in perpetuity. I love perpetuity.

Pertuitity. It's a great word. It is. Let's start a podcast called in perpertuity. I don't know what it'll be about, probably true crime. It'll be just me just me to be just me, me, me, me, me, the th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, that, that, that, that, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I tho, I tho, I tho, I that, I tho, I th, I love, I love, I love, I love, I love, I love, I love, I love, I love, I love, I love, I the the the the the the the the the the the the the th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I t, I t, I t, I t, I t, I to, I to, I to, I to, to, to, to, to, ttttttttttttto, tto, tttto, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, totally abandoned him and yeah, just sad. Ed Gaines mother was a real ass to him too. It's always the mother. It makes me very anxious about my child becoming a serial killer.

She's a... A young white female. Yeah. But also, children with a lot of serial killers that childhood head injuries. And so I'm like, sort of thinking about Lucy in the helmet. What do you think? I just don't want want th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi to to to to to to that is to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to thi. It thi. It thi. It thi. It's thi. It's the. It's the. theate. the. the the. the theate. the. the. the. the. thi. It's th'm like sort of thinking about putting Lucy in the helmet. What do you think? I just don't want her to be a serial killer. Just as a precautionary non-serial killer roof. I doubt that your doctor's gonna okay though. I'll bring it up at her her next checkup. Cool if I just have her in a helmet all the time?

I'm right anti-serial killer helmet on it. No killings here. Poor baby. Why am I her mother? Good, you're the best. Katie. Yeah, let's do another movie next week. You want you like a horror movie? Yeah, let's have a guest.

Let's get a friend in here. Yeah, let's get Tessa from a lady's nightmare. Oh, is this the final member of ladies nightmare? Yeah, she's the final girl Oh, that's awesome. Yeah, that's horror related. Yeah Let's talk about a movie with puppets. Let's talk about a Charles band film Gooleys. Goolies, goolies, just the first one. Oh, we had to rent this from Fandango. I rented it from voodoo. So Tessa got it out of the library. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that's. that's th. that's th. that's th. that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their th. G. G. their th. th. their their their th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. that's th. G. G. Goo to, I had to rent this from Fandango. I rented it from Voodoo. So, Tessa got it out of the library.

How is this not free somewhere? I don't know. Very strange. But I, uh, voodoo is nice because if you haven't used it before, you get a credit. So I paid like 99odoo tip. Jump up on it. Jump up on it? Come back next week, watch Gouldies. Get at us on the internet, you know where to find us. Thanks for indulging us for another April Fool's episode. Yeah, this is, we look forward to this every year. I'm already looking forward to next year.

What, what rock and roll song am I going to start this one off with? Oh, probably something like a skinnol I feel, or something a little southern. You have to think about that. Or just carry on my way where it's not because Kansas? Just kidding. To the breakdown of that song so fucking good. Yeah. Come back next week, we probably won't talk about Kansas. Probably not.

And yeah, leave us a review on iTunes, Facebook. You didn't get back to you guys. Instagram. Twitter. Twister. Twisters? The best ice cream? No, it's not. It's not.

I don't like soft serve. I don't like soft serve that much. Oh, I do like pages. It's the best soft serve in the city. Yeah, they's so many choices. I know. I just go for the chocolate vanilla swirl with the cherry dip. That's a dumb cherry dip.

See Rick C back over there. Thanks for listening to another episode of Warrior Wolf's Ambulance. Bye. Bye. Bye. you