Werewolf Ambulance: A Horror Movie Comedy Podcast - Episode 232- Suspiria (2018)

Episode Date: June 10, 2019

In this week's episode, we go all in on the 2018 remake of "Suspiria." We probably ought to warn you right here at the top, we reaaaally did not like it. Really. Special topics for your consideration include: too many plots (not enough resolution), auditioning to be a Cenobite, whether Radiohead is just Tool for non-Tool fans, a surprising amount of 'Jersey Shore' knowledge and "Peter Pan" explained to varying degrees of accuracy. Did you miss our episode on the original "Suspiria"?  It's Episode 23. How about our episodes on remakes? You could do worse than Episode 50- "The Blob," Episode 85- "House on Haunted Hill," or one of our personal favorite episodes, Episode 108- "The Wicker Man." Have you seen this one? What did you think? Let us know your thoughts at facebook.com/werewolfambulance, on Twitter @werebulance or on Instagram @werewolfambulance. You can also email us for our segment "MAILBAG!" at [e-mail] and if you're feeling super generous, leave us an iTunes rating and review. Werewolf Ambulance is a horror movie comedy podcast.   

I guess what I'm saying is at its core. This is a film about women just breathing so heavily. It could be gasping, it could be wheezing, it could be grunting, moaning, sighing, it could be grunting, moaning, sighing, shrieking. It could be any of those, but women are doing it and they're often doing it rhythmically. So it's like an experiment in female breath work? It's like, have you ever heard, okay computer? It's like that, but with female breath work?

That's what it, I mean work that's what it I mean that's just I mean that's just my opinion it's just my opinion what it was the pop sensibility of Bob Fosse mixed with the oh I'm sorry there's still 45 minutes to go so I'm gonna need you to get up because this is the longest movie we've ever done right the longest movie yeah full stop period I? This is the longest movie. Yeah, full stop, period. I thought those comic books were worse. They're on par with, yeah. But at least you know what's happened in those? Something? Action. Action. They tell one story over that two and a half

yeah. And if there's subplots do they make sense to the story? Do they have anything to do with the story? Well you see the... Oh I'm sorry I was just a wheezing and I was wheezing the cus. It was like they heard the wheezing in the original Susperea that was like, oh that's kind of creeping or like, but what if? Yeah. What if it wasn't? And it just said like your aunt aunt was in the next room? We're like, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thus thus thus, the thus, the the the the the thusususususususususususususususususususususususus, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, the th, the the that, the that, they, they, th. thus, thus, the, thus, thus, thus, the thus, they, they, they, the room. We're like 15 minutes at a time. We're doing Susperia. Oh, this is Weryl of Ambulance. I'm Katie. I'm Alan. And we're, wow, we went off on that.

And it deserved it. Yeah. Oh boy, did you guys like this? Other people seem to have liked this? Yeah, and then other people really hated it. Oh boy, those people can come sit down next to me because boy, oh boy, oh boy. There's so much in this movie that you think that I would love? Yeah, I mean it's checking some boxes for you. Yeah, yeah. Didn't love it though. Spoiler alert. Yeah, when you take, oh I don't know, one hour and 45 minutes to get to the naked, coven, murder, blood scene, yeah. And I'm just

bummed. I'm just disappointed that I've spent this much time my life getting here, and I'm not even excited about it. Yeah, you've done a bad. You've done a very bad. I mean, like my first thought was, I can't wait to see what's so important that they have to make this an hour longer than the first movie. And the answer is political intrigue. I guess. And infighting in a group.

It's very boring. Oh, and by the way, the Holocaust? Yeah, just, never forget the Holocaust. It was 30 years ago, and it's nothing to do with really the plot of this movie. But like, let's talk about it. Oh, that was just me doing my women breathing. Do you think the whole thing with the doctor? I'm sorry.

Dr. Clemper? Was just so Tilda Swinton could dress up an old man makeup? I guess my question was, were we the viewer supposed to be surprised by this news? Like, were we supposed to know that was Tilda Swinton? Because I did? You did, right? Because she talks in her voice. And she moves like a woman and has a face. And she moves like Tillis Witten acting like an old man? Apparently somebody, apparently somebody on set

didn't realize it was her for the entire filming of it. That person is stupid. The person is stupid. You're stupid. I hope you're listening. I will stupid. You're stupid. I hope you're listening. I will. You made a stupid movie and I'm ashamed of you. And your father and I did not spend that money for you to go to film school to not realize that was Tilda Swinton. The two things I will say about old man Tilda Swinton that I totally 100% approve of.

Originally they were like they made up a fake IMDP, IMDP page for them. Oh, fuck, I hate that. And they were like, oh, this guy's never been in a movie, this is his first and only movie. He's a Holocaust survivor. I'm sure. And he's a real psychologist, was what they said. And then when it came out that it was Tilda, why did you do that? And she was like, oh, it was fun. Oh, Tilda Swinton did that? OK, I like it then. And it was like, that's funny.

That's funny that you like got dressed up and you were like, fucking with me, well, for fun. And the other thing was she insisted on a fake penis. I mean, it is weird. It's weird. It's weird. It's weird. It's weird. It's weird. It's weird. It's weird. It's weird. It's weird. It's weird. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like, it. It's like, it. It's like. It's like, it. It's like, it. It's like, it. It's like, it. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like like. It's like like. It's like like. It's like like. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like. it's like a little of being a sausage. They do a lot. Is that like just an ethnic thing you're saying? I mean, like everything about this movie is laughable, right? Like even just the, when it popped up the like music by Tom York, I was like, oh, fuck you, this is gonna be so bad. And I wasn't wrong.

You're, you're not a a fan if I remember correctly. No, stop noodling. Stop noodling. I think they did two perfect records, but, um, I know. Did everybody hear the look the K-Kin-Kin-K. I'm not going to go into it about how they change rock and roll me on. Please. Please, please. But this movie soundtrack felt like the person editing it. I must say, the dude editing it.

Sure. It was like, oh, Bob, I was listening to Radiohead while I was editing this and it came through. Yeah, I mean, I didn't match anything. It doesn't match anything. And when he started singing, I was like, can this motherfucker not let us forget about Radiohead like you know he's like don't forget I'm Radiohead it's me Radiohead doing the score of this movie Radiohead's is Radiohead just tool for not told people I have strong feelings and I'm sorry I know it's an unpopular opinion I know people love them sure it even if you love them you could not possibly have loved them in this movie or him in th th th th th this th th th this th th th th th th th th th this movie I I th th. Sure. Even if you love them, you could not

possibly have loved them in this movie or him in this movie, I mean. This soundtrack won awards and I was like, in what world? Yeah. No. Can I ask you a question? Please? Did you have the same reaction that I did when this movie came up with the title card? A six acts set in Berlin? And I went, fuck you? Six acts? I wish I had th. Did th? th. th? th. th. th? th. th. th. th? th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. Did th? th. Did th six-ax set in Berlin. And I went, fuck you! It was six acts! I wish I had known it was six at the beginning because I missed that. And then I wouldn't, when it got to five, I was like, well, this has to be the end.

No, it is six. No, it is six. Even when you get to the's just her staring into the camera and moving something behind it that's stupid it's stupid the whole thing okay I want to tell you what my my next note is yeah yeah I'm we're still in the opening credits I think this was when maybe the I think perhaps the mother is like suffering in bed the mena night mama yeah and I my the the the the the the the the th no th no th no th no th no th no th no th no th is th is th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. I th. I th. th. I th. I th. I th. th. th. I th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the the the the the the the th. th. the the th. th. th. th. th. I. th. I. I. I th. I th. I's. I th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the th. the th. the the the the the. the the the the the. the. the the. the. th. th. the th. th. th.onite Mama? Yeah. And I my note says I hope I die quickly. Which I meant I don't want to suffer but now when I look back at it my third note for this movie is I hope I die quickly I feel like yeah that was right. Yeah. Yeah.

So I mean it's not fair to compare to the original subject matter. This movie should they called it the same thing and made it about roughly the same thing with the same character's names? You think we shouldn't compare them? I'm sorry. This movie should have been called Dancy Witch School? Modern Dancy Witch School? Oh boy. Interpretive dancing which school? Why would you make the choice to get rid of ballet? Arguably like the one, the most beautiful part of the first movie? Why would you? Why would? Why would? Why would? Why would? Why would? Why would? Why would? Why would? Why would? Why would? Why would? Why would? Why would? Why would? Why would? Why would? Why would? Why would? Why would? Why would? Why would? Why would? Why would you? Why would? Why would? Why would? Why would? Why would? Why would? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? the? Why? the? the? Why? the? the? the? the? the? the? the? the? the? the? the? the? the? the? the? the? the? the? the? the? the? the? the? the? the? the? the..? the.. the. the. the. the. the. the.? the.? the? the.? the one the most beautiful part of the first movie. Why would you why would you be like no no no we're not doing that? They got rid of the other most beautiful part of the first movie? The color? Well then the third most beautiful the architecture. Yeah it's a it's just nothing and it's a nothing and it's in sepia and it's interpretive dance and all of those things are bad. I mean, when the director and the like, D.P or whatever came to people,

and we're like, we want to do this movie, and we're gonna do it without color in it. Yeah. Bam, I just blew your mind apart. It's like the first one was so good, so why don't we do the opposite? Yeah, the last episode we ever do. This might be the one.

Now I watch next week's movie. I know. I'm sorry. You thought this was the worst thing. Um, but I, like... So in the very beginning of the movie, her name always evades me. Susie? No, not Susie. Chloe Grace Morettes. Patricia. Patricia.

Goes to a Tilda Swinton man, Dr. and is like, oh my god, the witches. Like right out of the fucking gate we're talking about witches. Other than like a weird Italian man crinkling and cups and witch, witch, which is all we got in the first movie. You get a little bit of like, witch, witch, which. I mean, but she, okay, so she's talking about which is. But she's also talking about being a political activist, and we're getting interspersed with like, I just, why is that subplot? So I have a theory.

OK. To make another hour of a movie. A. Yes. But it would have been like of the time, 1977, the Batter-Minehoff group was like a radical, or Red Army faction. They were on trial, all that jazz. But the Batter-Minhoff effect is also known as the frequency illusion. It's when you hear something and then you can't stop hearing that everywhere.

Huh. Just because you're conscious of it? Yes, exactly. Exactly. Like the kind of thing of like when you buy a carola. A corolla. the throlla. Sure.

Because you're looking for your corolla. Great car. Yeah, and like, so, Corolla's on the brain. I always have Carolla's on the brain. It's a great car, great automobile. Just a hint of vanilla. Not great in the summer. Dairy. So my theory is that they, they shoehorned the, not shoehorn, but they placed the batter of Mine Hough stuff in there. No, yeah. Theythis? Oh man. Did you edit the better Mindhoff stuff into that movie too?

God damn it, Tom York and this? Um, but my theory is it's all in there to like give the illusion of illusion. So like, so they hear about a witch and now that doctor can't get witches off his brain. Oh, and now he's like they're witches, they're witches, everybody's a witch. Man, that's deep and well thought out and I don't know why you spent your time doing this to be honest with you. Now that is that is interesting. But that's the whole reason that's there. Go fuck yourselves. Because there's a lot of it. And there's just and there's the Holocaust flashback which is like related but also unrelated. Oh where we get the star of Susperea? Yeah, she still can't act though can she? She's speaking German and I know it's not good. And speaking of not acting I have oh boy I have things to say.

Dakota Johnson? No I was going to say Mia Goff. I don't think that woman should be allowed to act. Which one is she? Sarah. She's a beautiful print model. Yeah. And this is like th th th th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. Oh, th. th. th. th. Oh, their th. Oh, their th. Oh, th. Oh, their their their their their their th. Oh. Oh, their their. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. the. the. the. the. the the the the th. th. th. th. th. the th. th. the the th. the th. the the the th. th. the the the th. th. th. th. I. the th. the the allowed to act. Which one is she? Sarah. She's a beautiful print model. Yeah. And this is like her third or fourth movie. And I'm like, is this your first? I don't know. Seems mean now that I say it out loud. Also, how come at no point during this movie did someone turn to Susie and Sarah and go, your names have Ses like snakes?

Yes. Come on. It's such a missed opportunity. And no maggots. No maggots. No maggots. No slinkies. Oh, makies. Hey, slinkies.

Yeah. Barely a monster hand. Barely a monster hand. But additional booby sculpture. And, um, I did like that. Lank. Like I said, did you notice that she that she that she that she that she that she that she that she that she that she that she that she that she that she that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that th. th. th. th. th. th. thoes. thoes. thoes. thoes. thoes. th. th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. the. the. the. the to. the to. to. the the the the. the the. the the. the. the the. that. Looking like a centabyte. Like I said, did you notice that she had baby arms all over? Why did she have baby arms? They look like they were made out of that stuff that would like,

you would get the sticky hands out of the thing at the grocery store? And it would get stuck in your hair and you'd have to like pull it out. She just went to sleep on a pile of us? Yeah, and they're just stuck everywhere. They look, it looked disgusting and not in a cool way. Yeah, no, no, it's like, yeah, all that shit. I mean, it's, and it's the special effects people from like, Candyman and stuff. And they certainly had money. Oh yeah. Yeah. Yeah. 20 million dollars Money's. That's so much money to make a horror movie. Yeah, oh, it makes me angry. The first hour is like kind of truish to the original, because in the original, Madam Blanc wants Susie for nefarious purposes, but we like really don't ever find out why.

Right. And Susie fights back, and that's the movie. And this movie, at the end of the first hour, Madame Blanc wants Susie for nefarious purposes and you don't really know why. And I was like, oh well I guess they're just making this movie again but like visually worse. And then I don't know what happened. No, for a movie that is seven and a half days long. Yeah. For there to be points in this movie where I need Clarif a fucking Cation? Yeah, it's offensive. When she makes her heel turn and becomes mother Susperia Mara Mar was nothing up until that point other than like her and Tilda Swinton start having

a telepathic conversation? I was like, what's going? Why is this happening? Why is this happening? Is it because Tilda Swinton touched your face so much? Because God damn it, I would hate it if someone touched my face as much as that woman does. It did make like when they started having a tell about the conversation I was like Oh earlier when all the witches were having a mundane dinner and there was conversation like 80 yard on top of it. I thought it was just conversation 80 yard on top of it. Yeah, no, they were talking in the brain pants. It's stupid. And so okay and then Tilda Swinton is Madame Blanc and I don't know who that what the hell hell hell Lena Marcos I they, th. they they were they were th. they were th. th. the th. the the th. the they were the the th. th. the the th. the the the the th. the the the the th. th. the the the the the their their they. their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their which is their which. It's is their. It's is their. It's is their. It's. their. their. their. their. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. I was. I was. I was their th. I was th. I was t. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm the the the the is Madame Blanc. And I don't know who, what the hell whole,

Lena Marcos, I don't know who is playing that role in that suit. But there is like infighting between the two of them, which was not in the first movie. No, I mean, no. There was like a lot of meetings of the witches going on that we would like walk by. Yeah, but there wasn't like a, we, theee, the, thi. thi. thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, and thi, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, thi, and, th. And, and, and, th. And, and, and, th. And, and, and, th. And, th. And, and, and, th. And, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, th... th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. th. thi. And, and, by. Yeah, but there wasn't like a, we also need to deal with the witches turning on each other, which is just like, let's add another, it's like an onion, you peel back the layers. But what if the witches were just mundane bureaucrac? You know, to be honest with you, that got me thinking that like I wouldn't mind being

a low level member of a coven? Like the like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like to to to the the the the the to the the to to the to they, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you to be like, you're to be to be, you're to be, you're to be, to be, to be to be, to be, to be, to to to to to to to to be, to be, to be, to be, to be, which is, to be, to be, they, they, which, the the they, which, the they, which, which, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the they.. Yeah, which, which is, they. they. they. they. they. theymea, theymea, theymea, thean, thean, thiii, thii, thi, thi, they wooomb, member of a coven. Like, you don't have a ton of responsibility. You don't have a ton of power, but you're like just part of the team, you know? You're there for a... You're on the roster. You're gonna sell your raffle tickets? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, you're gonna clean up after the party. Right, right. But you also don't have to deal with like, you know, the baby killing and the baby killing.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. You're just there for the party. Yeah. I'm just now finding out that, uh, death, the character of death was played by Susie's mother, which I did not realize. I'm sorry. Who is death? The one who walks around and kills everybody in the final, uh, the big battle sequence. Oh, I, I literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally, I literally, I literally, I the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the baby, the baby, the, the, the, the, the, the, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, the. Yeah, the. Yeah, in the final, the big battle sequence. Oh, I literally honestly forgot about that. When everyone's like, who do you like? Marcos, bam! Who do you like? Yeah.

When it becomes a sorority, that was offensive, like, that women can't even like do a fucking thing without fighting between each other and blowing up. And I feel like this movie was like, look, we have no men, except this one man who's playing a cop and is being humiliated by a group of women. So this is like a really feminist movie. But no, sirs, it is not. Is it directed and written by men though? Yes.

Yes. Yes. Of course it is. There was the slightest frisson of movie punks, which I got very excited. The father was like, are they going to come back? No, no, they're not going to. No, they could have improved it. They did not. Oh, why is she a Mennonite?

I don't know. I don't know. Why is she a Mennonite super dancer? Dancing for money? I don't know. I was quite frankly stunned and distressed when they started doing like modern interpretive dance. I was like what a terrible choice to have made. I have a friend that I really like a lot that does that.

I want to support you. Oh no no. I get the weirdest like, like live dancing gives me the most secondhand embarrassment. Oh yeah, I freak me out. That's not what I mean. I don't mean I don't mean. I don't. I they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I the. I they're the. I the. I the. I they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they th. I th th th th th. I th. I th. I th. I the the the to to the to to the the to the thee to the the thee an thee an thee an the an the an the an the an like, I want to support you. Oh, no, no. I get the weirdest, like, like, live dancing gives me the most secondhand embarrassment of it. Oh, yeah, I freaked me out. That's not what I mean. I don't mean modern interpretive dance. I mean that like, the ballet is so like essential to the first movie. It's like rigid and it's structured and it's like a little little like a little little little little little little little little little little little little little little, like a little, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, and, and, and it's, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, we were just like doing floor work, which just seems like you missed that entire idea?

You know what I mean? Well, in reading about it, they were like, what if the dancing was the spells? No, that's cool. Yeah. But you could have done it. You still could have done it. But it made me question, like, so when, is it Sarah, that gets beat up during the first big dance, tha, tha, the tha, the the the, the the, the wa, the wa, th, the wa, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, it Sarah that gets beat up during the first big dance beat up sequence? You mean the woman who dies?

Yeah. Olga? I'm sorry. When? I liked her. I liked her. I liked Olga. I liked Olga. I thii.

I like that she seemed to be a lot older than everybody else. What's you doing here, Olga? I like it. Yeah. Watch those knees. Yeah. But, so Olga had been doing that part. Was there somebody else in the mirror basement getting their ass kicked every time she was doing that part? I don't know. Because when fucking Susie does it, she just beats the shit or like. Who, who came before? Yeah, yeah, exactly. Patricia came before. That's that's th. Because. Because. Because. Because. Because. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. th. the. Oh, the. Oh, the. Oh, th. Oh. Oh, the. Oh, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh, the. Oh, the. Oh, the. Oh, the. Oh, the. Oh, the. Oh, the. Oh, the. Oh, the. Oh, the. Oh, the. Oh, the. Oh. Oh. Oh. Patricia came before. That's true. So maybe she was... Because she is being kept in like a drawer with a saggy boob? And a sad face, which... That was so silly. Why did they do that to her breasts? They were like, what if it was like, I guess like, witch's teat, huh? Yeah. Well, that's stupid.

That's still stupid. Like, why did she look like a straight up zombie, Gollum? I don't know. I don't know. I was like, what is this? What's happening here now? What did they want her to do? What did they want her to do?

Well, the whole end thing is to get, um, is it Helena Marcos into a new body? Okay. Well, multiple baby arm lady. Yeah. The new body. Where? So, where? Because he was like, I got to be in Hellraiser 7. Give me a new body. Why did she have those arms? Why on God's greener? When she, so she'd come back as Dakota Fanning? What does she seem to go to Johnson? Dakota Johnson, yeah. Would she have those arms still? No, those are whose arms were those? Maybe the failed attempts. That's, oh my god.

I wanted her to just at one point for it, like, like, thi the comic relief? Is that what's happening? I have no idea. Oh my God. That's so far into this movie. Oh yeah, I mean we haven't even gotten to Susie being chosen to dance the lead because she's being so bold with Mottom Blanc. Is that okay? I guess it's okay. You got to take what you want, you know? I don't like that. Why? the the the the the the the the the the th. Why? the th. Why? th. Why? th. Why? the th. Why? th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. th. th. th. thi. th. thi. th. th. I's is. I's is. I's. I's. I's. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. tho. the. thooo. I the. I to. I to. I thoooooo. I's. I. I the. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I. You gotta take what you want, you know? I don't like that. Why the whole like light thing? Like when Montaum Blanc like touches her feet in hands and like imbues them with magical light? This movie, so two thoughts that I had while watching this movie, this movie is a show or not a grower, because it's showing you fucking everything. It's just like, all right, they're witches. Say your witches. their. their. their. Their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the right they're witches say your witches we're witches and then it's this is this movie feels like it feels like the book version of Suspirea like when they would write novelizations of film yeah it just like a shitty like a shitty

like a shitty I just go ahead like the yeah like the person doing the novelization a like a shitty like a shitty I just go ahead like the yeah like the person doing the novelization was like I've got a lot of ideas Yeah, I need to get them out on the paper. It's the second book. Yeah Which makes sense in this movie. Yeah, but it's just like you're you're giving me too much like the the kind of the? I mean? For me part of the beauty of the say I mean the for me the part of the beauty of the original Susperea is that you don't have any fucking idea what's going on right it's a nightmare yeah yeah yeah and it's beautiful to look at and this is giving me neither of those things no although when they do do a nightmare sequence it does look like a student art film

it looks like the film from the ring. Yes, it looks like the film from the ring. But like someone is playing next to like a broken TV that's showing static. And there's like, it's just, it's such a like, come see my senior project in my art program. Kid, you're gonna come to my performance this weekend. Exactly. Does my as cut look all right? Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, like, like, like, it's like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, the the the to my performance this weekend? Exactly. Does my ascot look all right? Does my ascot look all right? I'm smoking a gal-was and have an askot? I'm very sophisticated.

Yeah, this movie was definitely trying to tell you how sophisticated it was at all times. Also during one of those nightmare sequences, there was like a reference to the scarlet letter? Was there? Yeah, there was like a, and you see like a fingers painting an A in what looks like blood, and then someone whispers, Hester. No. And I was like, yes, I was like, why? Why? She was a witch, she was a witch.

She's got to be embraced by the coven. Oh, it's so bad. That's not the point of that book book book book book. That's that book. That's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that bad that's not that's not the point of that book. Are you crying? I think I might be crying. This movie's almost like someone Googled witchcraft. And then just cut and pasted everything into it. It's a word dog of copied and pasted, different fonts, dead links to nowhere. Copy and paste Microsoft and Carter 1995.

Witches. Oh, these, I am crying actual tears. I did this. This is my fault. You were like, let's do it. And I was like, I don't want to. And you were like, it'll be fine. You told me, you have a month to watch. You. you. you. you. you. you. you. to to to to to to to to to to to to the to to to the the the the the the the the the the the the different, different, different, different, different, different, different, different, different, different, different, different, different, different, different, different, different, different, different, different, different, different, different, different, different, different, different, different, different, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. th. th. th. th. to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have a to to to thi. thi. Copy and thi. Copy and thi. Copy and thi. Copy and thi, thi. Copy and thi, thi,'s do it. And I was like, I don't want to. And you were like, it'll be fine. You told me, you have a month to watch it. It was awful. Sounds like the thing you'll say right before you stab me. You told me I'd have a month to watch it. Oh, God. Oh my God. Speaking of stabbing though, in that scene where the one which stands up and just stabs herself in the neck, were you like, did you a moment where you're like sometimes I feel like

doing it too? Like when you're out with people and they're just like going on and on about shit you don't care about and you're like what if I just, what if I just, you know what I have a feeling felt her in that moment that missy felt that the other day because I got real wrapped up and doing research on beard oil oh boy we telling her about it of course that was I mean relationships are just punishment right that's why we do it that's why we do it. Oh man, oh man. I got, by the time I got to Act 5, I was writing down all the titles.

Oh, okay. And the title card for Act 5 comes up and it's like 73 words and I just wrote Act 5, real long title. Act 5, nah. I just have notes that just say it's still going. Yeah. Dude, when she, sorry, we're all over the place. Hopefully you watch this one. Don't, if you didn't, don't.

Like, I love you and don't. But you're my friend. When death is walking around killing everyone who's team Marcos. What? Because they got to be team Marcos. What? What? Because they gotta be team Susie. Gotta be team Suzy. And Suzy just stands there and puts her fingers into her chest and makes a chest vagina? Oh, the sacred heart of Susie. Yeah, it is definitely a vagina and it definitely wiggles.

Pulse is at you. Yeah. I'm real into this. My, my. Oh man. There's a point where Susie screams, I know who I am! And all I could think was, I know who killed me! And I thought, fuck, I wish I was watching that beautiful movie right now. It used color very well. Remember, everything was blue. That was bad. That's genius compared to this. What if instead of death walking up the steps it was just low hand?

Oh God, what a... Are you team Marcos? Would have turned it around? That's what I kept waiting for the thing that was going to be like, oh fuck it. I'm glad I spent two hours during this. I think that's what that last scene is supposed to be the like blood explosions and like just the the the the the the th the th th the the th someone the the the the the the the the the the the the the the that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that ta that that ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta thakea thakea thakea.ea.e. than. that. I think that's what that last scene is supposed to be, the like blood explosions and like just the taking of someone's hot dogs out of their body. Where were they taking them? What were they doing?

Leave? Like, what do you? There were too many hot dogs? Like, theyce. Oh, you're like, Chloe's. There. There's. There. There. There. There. There. There. There. There. There. There. There. There. There. There. There. There. There. There. There. There. There. There. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. t-. t-. t-. t-. t-. tha. tha. the the tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the t-. ta. ta. ta. ta. ta. ta. ta. ta. ta. ta. ta. ta. ta. ta. ta. ta. ta. ta. ta. ta. ta. ta. ta. think you have that many hot dogs inside you. I don't know, to do like six or seven miles of them or something. Inside you. I think so. Oh man, six or seven miles of hot dogs sounds delicious. You know, sometimes I think about hot dog eating contests and how gross they are, because they wet the buns so they can choke them down faster and I'm like, that's That's just nasty. It is just nasty. You're just being a nasty boy.

I do have to admit that I got stoked when Jessica Harper showed up and I was like, oh, Jessica Harper's here. You are like something, I know something that's good. I am ambivalent towards the original Susperea, but sure. God damn it did this movie make me appreciate it. Oh, nice. Yeah, I was like, I get it now. You were trying to do something. And it was art.

And then this is fart. Is that a good joke? Fake art. Fart. It fell out of my mouth and I was like, don't say it. This is bro. Oh, I farted. There is so much online written about this movie.

I read zero words. Tell me some words. But it's just like, like, how, like, there's, the film is about nationalism and the film is about this. And the film, and it sounds like, nah. I mean, maybe, but like, maybe film is about everything and nothing, you know? I feel like it's that thing of when like someone shows you like a Rothko or a Jackson Pollock, and they're like, oh this is the sunrise on Jupiter. Yeah, and you're like, okay, that's orange. That's, yeah, it looks nice, I guess. You did an orange.

But it's also like a bit of a roar shock test too where if you're like this is a thing that I believe in, you'll find art that mirrors that to you. You know, you see it in you, but, and this is not art. This is fart. I stand by it. I'm glad I said it. I'm saying it again. Yeah, it's like a fucking endurance test. It is. Did you do it in one sitting?

No, right? Oh, yeah. Alan, I had a month to watch it. Saab, Sam. Sam, because I'm bleeding so much right now. You're going to finish the episode though, because you're going to finish. the episode, because you're going to finish the complete two and a half hours long. Oh, buckle in. This is the first one we're not going to edit, so you're going to get the complete two and a half hour recording.

And about an hour and 15 minutes, I'm just going to whine about PMS for like three to seven minutes. So fast forward if you don't want to hear it. I'm going to do a sack solo at a minute 53, so get ready for that. those mean. They mean nationalism. No, you can't just put shit into a movie. You can't just put shit into a movie. I mean, I may have just pulled that whole battered mindhoff thing out of my fucking ass. I mean, I think it's well thought out, but I don't think they're the ones who thought it out. Yeah. But like I'm sure if I was like, hey, did you think of this? Yeah, dog. Surprised you caught that. I haven't seen any of this guy's other movies.

He did, what does it, say my name or call me by, call me by your name? Say, baby, I love you. Oh, God, why aren't we just listening to Destiny's Child? That would be so much to the name. Yeah, call me the name, yeah, is very is very is very very very very very very very very very very is very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very's called. His name, yeah, is very familiar to me, but I didn't think I'd seen much of anything that he had done. No, I have not seen any of them, and after this movie, I never want to. Yeah. It's a good name that I would butcher if I tried to say it.

Guadanino. Thank you very much. I know some Guadaninos actually. Really? This is a solid-ass last name. I know. You know who else's last name is Guadanino? Who? Vinny from the Jersey Shore. Why didn't we watch the Jersey Shore? They go back. We might have. This movie is about the Jersey Shore. This movie is about what happens when people stop being polite and start getting real but are also Italian American. So, the doctor represents Snookie? The doctor is such a J-Wow.

I don't think you're doing this right. J-Wow is the only empathetic one. I thought Snooky was the empathetic one. Are any of them the empathy? Not that one who's probably a murderer. Which one who's probably murdered? The guy who's punching everybody all the time. Oh, just a situation. No, no, no, the big burly one.

Oh, Ronnie. Yeah. Oh, yeah. He's a murderer. He's murdered. He's a murder. friend on that show. He like broke our glasses. Ugh, why do we know this? I don't know. I saw an episode where he like broke somebody's ocular bone by punching in the face.

It was like, you're thinking of real world Texas? Oh yeah, that happened on there. But he was like at some bar and somebody like pushed Snooky or something. And he like broke the dude's face. Whoa, damn. And they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I I I th. I I I th. I I I th. I I I I I th. I I th. I I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I thi. I the like like like like like. I the like like like. the like like like. the like. the like. the like, yeah, bitch, me! Come on, buddy. Oh, no. You need that. But still, I still think Jersey Shore is more art than this. It's the, the juice heads and the...

Well, you have to remember what happened to them 30 years ago. And this is the last time they're going to perform it. I kind to watch to watch to watch to watch to watch to watch the the to watch the Jersey the Jersey to watch the Jersey this is the last time they're going to perform it. I kind of want to watch the Jersey Shore scored by Top York now. Oh, that is bleak as fuck. Yeah, and I was reading about his soundtrack and it was like, you know, I was thinking about like the repetition of like casting a spell, so I wanted the music to be repetitive. I know the music to be repetitive. I wanted the music to be repetitive. I know that sounds dumb. He says in the quote and I was like, all right.

I mean, that's much more self-awareness that I would expect from Tom York. I have a feeling he knows who he is. Yeah, he's Radiohead. And don't you fucking forget it? Somewhere in the world, Johnny Green moves like, what? No, I'm radio.. I the the the the the the the music. I thue. I thue. I thue. I thue. I thue. I thue. I thi. I thu. I thu. I thu. I thu. I'm thu. I'm thu. I'm th. I'm thu. I thu. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm thu. I'm thu. I'm that's that's that's that's that's that's that's. I that's. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I'm. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I that's that's that's No, I'm ready to hit. I did love the I can't remember what magazine it was in the 90s. It was like an enemy or something like that and they photoshopped all their imperfections so I like D. Drupy to his one eye and like gave Johnny

Greenwood like small lips and stuff and I was like that's funny. Yeah, that's funny. That is funny. I'm sure it was a comment on something, but I was like, that's funny. That everything is a comment on something. No, I'm sure that was a comment on something. This is also comments on things. A lot of things. I mean, it has to be to somehow warrant the two hours and thirty two minutes, thirty three minutes? 33 minutes I think.

Oh, for Christ's sake. And like, I don't think we can feel much more time talking about it. Should we talk about the, I don't know, should we talk about it? Should we talk about the end scene? I guess that's what's important about it? Yeah, I mean, I want to know do you know why she is mother Suspire or? No. Like why is she like why is she reincarnated? She's been passed down through a bloodline? Or like is that why she could be the dancer? Like she's the dancer so she's obviously that thing. But her mother is like my daughter? My daughter was my son. Yeah my son. What is she just she's talking about Suzy right? She's thi. She's. She's? She's. She's. She's th. She's th. She's th. She's th. She's th. She's th. She's th. She's th. She's th. She's th. She's th. She's th. She's th. She's the th. She's th. She's the th. She's th. She's th. She's the th. She's the th. She's th. She's th. She's th. She's the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. She's. She's. She's. She's. She's. She's. She's. She's. She's. She's. She's. She's. She's. She's. She's. She's. She's th. She's th. She's th. She's th. She's. She's. She's. She's. She's. She's. She's. She's. She's. She's. She's. She's. She's. She's th. She's th. She's. She's th. She's obviously that thing. But her mother is like, my daughter, my daughter was my sin. Yeah, my sin.

What is she, she's talking about Susie, right? So what, how, does that mean she was like, she's always been evil? Because that is not a character I care to see in this movie. You know what I mean? They always evil, Sui? Yeah. I guess that's she doesn't, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, that's, that's, that's, that's, she, she, she, that's, that's, that, that, that, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is. that, is, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that's, that's, that's, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, is. that, is. that, is, she never, maybe I was approaching it wrong. Because I was thinking of Susie being like sort of an unwitting victim,

as she is in Susperia the Real, or the Susperia the, I'm going to call this one Susperia the lesser, if that's okay. And in this one, maybe she's just always been bad and she's been called there or something. Right, because she's a rule breaker, she left home, to to to to to to to to to to to to to to thi thi thi thi, thi, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, thi, maybe, th, thi, maybe, thi, maybe, thi, th, maybe, th, th, maybe, th, maybe, maybe, thi, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th. S, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, like, th, like, like, th, th, like, th, like, th, th, th, th, th, thi, maybe, maybe, thi, thi, thi, maybe, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, th one, maybe she's just always been bad and she's been called there or something. Right, because she's a rule breaker. She left home multiple times to go to New York City to see Tilda Swin and Dancing. Which is totally what men and eight super dancers do. Okay, so, all right, because I kept thinking, this character doesn't have very much depth.

But it's just because she's the same all the time, which is what not having depth is, I guess. I don't think I've seen Dakota Johnson and anything else. I've not seen any of the deeper shades of gray movies. Oh, is that what she's in? Yeah. Ew. Um, but she's uh... Wait, is she the adult? Is she an adult? Yeah. How old? Oh, I don't know. Let's let's look her th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th thi. thi. thi thi thi. I don't thi. I don't th i th i th i th i th i th i th i th. I th. I I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I don't I don't I don't th. I don't th. I don't th. I don't th. I don't th. I don't th. I don't th. I don't th. I don't th. I don't thi. I don't thi. I don't thi. I don't thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi. I don't thi? Is she an adult? Yeah. How old are they? Oh, I don't know. Let's look her up. She's the daughter of Don Johnson and Melanie Griffith. I did not know that.

Yeah. She has 29 years, goddame old. Well, that doesn't seem right to me. She looks like a child. Yeah. Maybe it's the wig. Oh man, wig number two, way worse than the original one. Yeah. When she's like comes back all, she's the evil head witch when she goes to talk to the doctor and explain,

the fucking most unnecessary scene in this movie, explain how his wife died in a concentration camp. And then she's like, I'm going take all these memories from you, but she took all the good memories of his wife too. Why? Why? End of his care, his caregiver? She goes, no, no, no, this made me so mad because she goes, I'm gonna take the women who have upset you or something like that out of your brain. She names them. She says, Onka, your wife, and she says, Patricia, Sarah and Susie.

Yeah. And that's what she says. And then he seizes, and the caregiver comes in and he goes, who are you? And I was like, she wasn't one of those people. Miss Sesame was not one of those people. Miss Sesame was not a woman who wronged him. Like, it's just the most fucking thing. And they weren't even women who wronged him. They were just women that he loved and lost. That may be wronged, isn't the right word. Yeah, but like even that, like, you can't take someone's love away from them. What the fuck is wrong with you? I know, that was literally the worst part of this movie. He's gonna be dead and I don't, that's fucked up. Yeah, I didn't care for the man who gets reunited from his wife who is stuck in communist Germany.

I should care every fucking bit about that. I don't. No, I didn't. I don't. No, I didn't. No, I don't. Two old people walking in the snow should just ripped tears out of my face. Oh my God, and I was like, well. You're Tilda Swinton with a fake dick. I know what's going on.

You tilt to Swinton with a flappy old dick. So, so there was no meaning to her playing him then. Because I kept thinking it's gonna be revealed that that's Madame Blanc. Oh God, how insane would say that like Madame Blanc was, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, the snow the snow the snow the snow like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, th, th, th, th. I, th. I, th. I, th. I, th. I, th. I, like, like, th. I, like, like, like, like, like wasn't for you, Mother's Suspereorum. I just mean. I want to know. I want the motivation for her to have been dressing up as that doctor that she just really likes soup. This is the only way I could get constant and flux of soup in my life.

Soup life. I don't know. I just. Or if she had just like stopped and screamed in the costume and blown off of like anything. I wouldn't have accepted anything at that point. It's just like, it either means something or it means nothing in either way it feels fucking stupid to me. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It just felt like I don't know how it felt so slapdash. Yeah. Because they took three story lines. It's like it was like an episode of Brooklyn 9 9. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I. I. I the. I the. Yeah. I the. I the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the. I the. I the. I the. I the. I the. I the. I the. I the. I the. I the. I the. I the. I the. I the. I the. I the. I the. I the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the thedash. Yeah, because they took three storylines. It's like, it was like an episode of Brooklyn 99

where they do a plot and then a two subplots. Yeah, it was like that, but they can do that in like 22 minutes. Yeah, thear, subplot, subplot. Yeah, Terry, uh, Terry Cruz did at no point and man, I really like that show. But they can do that in like 22 minutes. Plots, subplot, subplot. And they wrap them all up. All of them get wrapped up. Not one of them, maybe.

Well, we find out what happens to his wife. I guess we don't find out what happens to mother's a spuriorum. No, she's just now, now, now, now, now, now, later, later, later, later, later, later, later, later, later, later, later, later, later, later, later, later, later, later, later, later, later, later, later, later, later, later, later, later, later, later, later, no, later, no, later, no, no, no, th. Later, no, th. thi, no, no, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, th. All. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. to. to. to, to. to, to. to. to. to. to. to, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all guess it just gives us a history ending to the terrorists. They were just like, oh by the way, that's how it ended. All right. There should have just been like a hyperlink for Wikipedia. Yeah. When that sort of subplot ended, I was just like, yeah. Like what? It literally had nothing to do with this one. It literally. If it had something to do with it,

I'm just, I'm not seeing it. Yeah. I mean, it could have been Patricia really wanted to go work at Taco Bell. Yeah, I would have been fine with that. Patricia just wanted to party. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That was the 70s. In Berlin. Yeah. She could have fucking hanging out with Bowie. Yeah. I did have the thought that seeing Tildes Witten and Old Man Makeup is like the closest we'll ever get to seeing Old Man David Bowie.

That's pretty true. Yeah. Do you think that any of those matrons just wanted to teach dance? Who was the fucking Velma from Scooby-Doo that just cried? I don't know. She's had these giant like George Romero classes and would sit in the corner go. The one who stabbed herself in the neck? Yeah, she would just be like,

we never find out who she is. Why she's sad, why she stabs herself in the neck? We learned none of that. None of that. And then in like the very last scenes of the movie all the dancers are just going back to class like none of this has happened the matrons are just teaching them they're like oh madam Blanc left the company to half of them have were blood exploded they took that all out man they took it all out I

do like that they make a corpse pile at one point. Did you notice that? They were like dragging all the corpses in your pile. I was like, no, that's good. Mopping up? Yeah, clean up. I like that. See, that's what I'd be doing as a low-level member of the coven. I can't be trusted with real responsibility. And also, I tell, I'm just trying to be to be to be to be to be to be to be the to be their their their their their their their their their their, you. Yeah, the whole like being a witch at a school is just mundane aspect of this

movie. It was like, why aren't they flying around? Like, like the ending, spoiler alert, the ending for the witch when like she gets to fly around. I was like, that's, why wouldn't you do that? You're a fucking witch? Do it all the time. These are like, oh, I got a fucking, a triplicate form and I gotta I got thol it. th. th. their to all the time. Do it all the time. I usually like, I got a fucking, a triplicate form and I gotta fill out. And then I gotta clean the toilets. So. Yeah, I'm the lowest. It's my week.

Do you think that the light that she's following to the basement was supposed to what Tinker Bell is. I've never read or seen Peter Pan. So I like don't, I know that he's just like doesn't want to grow up. I know. How did you escape childhood? It was bleak. I feel like I'd saw, I guess being 10 years older than you, I would have seen like Sandy Duncan's. I don't know what that means. Do you know who Sandy Duncan is? No I don't. Wow, I have so much to

teach you. Okay we're back from the Sandy Duncan. Okay we're back from the Sandy Duncan. But like Peterbent was like a I know. It was like a big thing when I was a kid. Sure. And then like hanked. And then like, like, thank. Oh, than you you, than you, than you, than you, than you, than you, than than you, than, than, than, than, than, than, than, th than, th than, th than, th than, th than, I th than, I th than, I don't. I don't. I don't, oh, oh, oh, I don't. Oh, wow. Oh, oh. Oh, oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh, oh, oh, oh. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. Oh, oh, oh, oh. Oh, oh, oh. Oh, oh. Oh, oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. I th. I th. Do, th. Oh, th. Do, th. Do, th. Do thi. But like Peterbent was like a I know It was like a big thing when I was a kid sure and then like hook and all that stuff I've never seen hook. You know why isn't Robin Williams in that? Yeah. Yeah, yeah I don't like him. He plays hook. He's the titular character. See that's fine. I don't need that. He makes me uncomfortable. He's a boy. He's a boy. He's the the the the he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he's he he he he he he he. he. he. he. he. he. he he. he. he. he. he. he. he. he. he. he. he. he. he. he. he. he. he. he. he. he. he. he. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. took. took. took. took. took. took. took. t. took. took. t. took. t. t. t. t. t. t.'s a boy who never wants to grow up and he comes and steals kids who also don't ever want to grow up. Where's a take gun? He takes a...

Never-never land? And what happens to them? No, no, what happens to them there? they should have been an indication for their ranch. Damn, dog. their will? No, I don't think so. I think they're all just like party in and then like,

and then like, and then there's like pirates and stuff and it goes buckwild. Well, it's not, Ithe descendants? It's too late for the descendants. Milo went to college. My current favorite thing is to complain about not getting carded at bars. Come on buddy. Oh yeah. I can't. I just can't. There's a line at the end of this movie. I don't recall who says it, but the line is, this isn't vanity, this is art. And I thought, you're wrong. Did you? And that really sums up my feelings on it, you know. I have a question. Yeah.

So Tilda Swinton gets partially decapitated. And by, by like, psychic karate shop from the baby arm lady. It's, it looked, it was, it was so bad. It was so bad. But during the cleanup scene, she's just standing there with their head off and you're like, oh, she's dead. And then someone pushes her head back in a place and she goes, yeah. Yeah, why did she make a face?

That's not what faces would do. She looked like Mamby, one of the mommy heads from the return to Oz. Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Just like moving your head for your face when someone touches it. That movie's so upsetting. It was stupid. Like all of it, it was stupid. So, okay, so this is supposed to be the big payoff scene, right?

Like, she gets psychically karate chopped to death. And then, there's a bunch of titties. Everybody's so naked. And dancing wildly. Fine. And Susie is wearing a see-through outfit. And the wind is blowing her and we realize that she is... Mother's a speary aura. But was Helena Marcos one of the other three mothers? Was my understanding? I thought so, yeah. And where of the other three mothers? Was my understanding?

I thought so, yeah. And where's the third? This is stupid. Well, there's the mother of what, tears, sighs, and something else, yeah. I don't know. Darkness, right? Oh, okay. Tenabaram.

Yeah, I don't, uh, anyway. Anyway, so, anyway. Okay, so, um... But Helena Marcos has killed Madame Blanc, right? And Madame Blanc and Susie are now psychically connected, but Madame Blanc is dead. Is she, deadish. And Susie is an all-powerful being.

Yeah, the head witch, yeah. Head witch in charge, as they say. She's a false witch. And so she summons death? Okay, she summons death. And now we know it's her mother. Oh, it was her mother. Why is it our mother? Because her mother was dying, I guess.

Everybody is going to die. And maybe because she was her sin, she came to redeem that. I don't know. I don't know. I don't understand why every time death was on the screen, it was just solid red. Maybe that was to get a lower their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. that was that was thi. thi. that was that was that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that, that, that, that, th. thi, thi, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, th. th. th. th. that, th. th. thi. thi. thi. that's, thi. thi. thi. thi. that's, that's, thi. thi. that's, that's, is that's, that's, is that's, is that's, is that's, is that's, is that's, is that's, is that's, is that's, is that's, is that's, is just solid red. Yeah. Maybe that was to get a lower rating since they were having blood geysers constantly. Yeah. It was just like, the like,

the like a, like real world confessional, like spotlight on someone, they're like, Marcos. Yes, and then they blew up. Marcos. They do this four or five times I'd say. At least, yeah. And, yeah, and it, their, their, their, their, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, thi, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, that, that, that, that, that, the, that, the. the. the. the. the. the, times I'd say. At least, yeah. And it's, I think it's supposed to be shocking, would you say? Or, yeah. This is supposed to be the big payoff, right? This is supposed to be, you, this is what, this is what's going to make it all worthwhile. Right, right. This is what you guys have been hunting around for

for the last two and a half hours. People exploding into blood confetti doesn't really justify everything else that happened in this movie for me. I kind of wonder if this was a horror movie made for not horror movie people. What? How? Wow? That they were like, this is going to be for like the norms. We're going to fucking get them. We're going to destroy them with this wacky crazy shit. Yeah. Because th th th th th th wea. We've th, we th, we've th, we've th, we've th, we've th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, tho, tho, tho, tho, thi, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, thi, thi, thi, thi. thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, tho, thooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo, tho, th. get him. We're going to destroy him with this wacky crazy shit. Yeah. Because we've seen blood geysers are plenty in our life. Yeah. Yeah. We just have a blood volcano in Army of Darkness. Yeah. All right. Just so. Yeah. All right. Fuck it. You want to just. Is there anything else you really needed to hit home in this discussion?

Let me check. Let me check. Oh, death to any other mother. Yeah. Yeah. So maybe that's why it was her mother because she's not mother now. No, it doesn't. It doesn't stop. It doesn't make me sense. Did you have the note A and J forever? Because I wrote that down. Because that's the final shot of a family at the doctor's house sometime in the future, and it still has the A&J on the wall. Oh, that's why that woman had a cell phone. Yeah. I thought it was a mistake in the movie. I did.

I thought they just didn't bother to take it out. No. I didn't realize that. Because I was also like, A-D. Oka and Dr. Reutemann, which is you put on baby's butts. Um, or to tears. Yeah? Yeah, yeah, I use it on my tattoes. When they're fresh.

Fresh use. Yeah. Um, I guess what I want to say before we get into the ratings phase is just that I would like to understand what would make someone like this movie. Ah. I would like someone to tell me what they thought was good about it, because I just couldn't find anything that was redeeming for me. And I guess now we're moving into the. Well, it's like an expression of how I feel towards this movie. Would you, would you, people to say, like, quantify it in a numeric like a form

that's like universal across cultures? Would you people to like... I mean I don't want to be hampered by a by numbers. Look my dumbness trumped me. It's hard to be Luca Guadanino for long, to be fair. You want to rate this thing? Yeah. Let's rate this mother. Let's rate this witch.

I wish I was to. I hope I die quickly. Can that just be your rating? That is. I hope I die quickly. And sadly I didn't. I'm still alive. You? My rating for this movie is going to be my note.

The doctor's fake penis is my favorite part. Yeah. It was the best part. It was. I mean, like 15 minutes of watching a witch learn how to jump, or like a flabby old rubber penis. Give me that rubber dick any day. I would have watched 15 minutes of that flabby dick learning to jump. And it would have been fucking so entertaining.

Oh, Jesus Christ. Why did they make this movie? Oh man, why do they make it so long? Why did they make it so bad? They make money? Oh, I'm sure. Yeah, yeah. This movie was like a big time hit. No, but so far, box office 7.7 million. That's not so far. It's out of the movie theaters. Yeah, budget 20, box office 7.7. That is. That is. That is. That is. That is. That is? That is? That is? That is? That is? That is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is th? th. th. th. th. th. th. thi? thi? thi, thi, thi, thi, thi. thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi. thi. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi. thi. thi. thi. It's out of the movie theaters. Is that? Yeah, budget 20, box office 7.7.

That is surprising. Lock it, we're done. Hey, EMTs, we give you a lot, and we ask for very little in return. So we have actually a favor to ask you. We were contacted by a PhD student who is doing a dissertation on sort of like queer studies in horror. Yeah, I think so. That's a good way to put it.

So what they need you to do is take this survey, and it's a link. So we'll put the link in our shownotes for this episode. And we'll put on all link in our show notes for this episode, and we'll put it on all of our social media as well. So please go find it and really try to help this person out because they are a lover of whore and doing some really interesting research. Yeah. We say a lot of dumb stuff on here.

So having somebody do the smart side of things, we can encourage that. So yeah, someone should that that that. It'll be open for probably through the rest of the month of June, possibly a little bit into July and we'll keep reminding you about it. Alan, yes. Can I take you to a place called? Mmm. Mmm. Mmm.

Mm-hmm. You say it? our podcast on the app podcast Republic I will read it because we only have five reviews on there so I would like to read you our newest review number five five five stars five five stars Pablo says I've been binging this after you guys were the only podcast I could find with an episode discussing Tusk I haven't looked back and I've got through like 30 of these y'all are my spirit animals and big love from London. Oh, thanks, Pablo. Pablo said y'all, and he's from London.

So I think he's trying to speak with our, um, our vernacs, as they say. I'm worried now that there's a radio connection, he is Pablo, honey. Oh, no, no, that one of the good ones? Ah, no. Oh, no. You start at the Ben's OK computer. I wish I had not open up. Pablo, thank you so much for the rating. I worried when I started reading that,

that if you were out looking for a podcast that discusses Tusk, you might have liked the film Tusk, which, if I recall, we just certainly did not. So even if we had a difference of opinion, I'm glad you stuck around. I will watch Tusk over watching Susperea 2018 over again, any day of the fucking week. Alan, if I, to be honest with you, if I had to watch either of them again, I honestly might kill myself. Katie, can I read you something from Bailbag? I don't talk about you. No more, no more. This is from Jazzy 0319.

Love it. On Instagram. I put out a request for questions for mail bag. Mail bag. And Jazzy says, can every first Monday of the month be honorary April Fool's Day episodes? I need more of those. That's awesome. We could do them more often.

I mean, we did love actually for no goddamn reason. It was Christmas. Right, I knew something happened. No, we could definitely do it more often. I would like that. We could also do that as a Patreon and then Jazzy 0379 can put up a little mule. Oh, 319. Have some respect. Give us a gab a goal. There was another fun one I wanted to ask you. Hold on a second. Oh. Oh. I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I knew, I knew, I knew, I knew, I knew, I knew, I knew, I knew, I knew, I knew, I knew, I knew, I knew, I knew, I knew, I knew, I knew, I knew, I knew, I knew, I knew, I knew, I knew, I knew, I knew, I knew, I knew, I knew, I knew, I knew, I knew, I knew, I knew, I knew, I knew, I knew, I knew, I knew, I knew. I knew. I knew. th. th. the. the, I knew, I knew, I knew, I knew, I knew, I knew, I knew, the, the. Oh, the. Oh, the. Oh, thea. thea. thea. thea. thea. thea, the. the. the. the another fun one I wanted to ask you. Hold on a sec.

Oh, from Lindsay K. on Facebook. Since Father's Day is coming up soon, who's your favorite horror movie dead? Ooh. And why? And why? Justify yourself. Yeah. Um, I guess.

Do you want to go first? I'm going to have to go with the dad from the Monster Squad. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. the the th. th. th. th. th. th. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. the. the. the. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to to have to go with the dad from the Monster Squad. Yeah, he's so nice. He's such a hard worker too. Yeah, although... And his best friend gets blown up with dynamite. Oh yeah, that's brutal. Yeah.

I think I'm going to go with the bathroom buddy I have to say I'm surprised who did you think I was going to pick Craig to Nelson I mean that's a dad I want to like bone though so I feel like you can't be your favorite dad if you want to get to go to the bone zone that's like it's getting a little weird wait is that a hillbulf a horror movie dad I'd like to yeah yeah yeah where let's a the. Thank you, Lindsay. Thank you. Katie. Alan. What are we doing next week? Um, so like a lot of people have also been talking about Chernobyl. And the HBO show? The Hpo show?

So we're going to do that, right? But the free one on Netflix. I think it's just the like of the making of, it's called the Chernobyl Diaries? Chernobyl Diaries. It's timely. It's um... 2012. It's a film, arguably a film, that you can get on Netflix. And like people are really immersed in Chernobyl right now,

so why don't you just expand your Chernobyl horizons with a little diary. I have some behind the scenes Chernobyl stuff to bring up in the next episode, so get ready! Super excited for that. You've been watching the show? No, no, no, no, this is just from a friendly wet to Chernobyl. Oh, cool. Well, let's just go do it then. All right. We'll see you guys next week.

Yeah, thanks for listening to another episode of Where We're Fadlap. you know