Werewolf Ambulance: A Horror Movie Comedy Podcast - Episode 284- Weekend at Bernie's II (1993)

Episode Date: June 8, 2020

First, Black lives matter. We probably don't need to tell you, our wonderful listeners, but we're also trying to do some good with our platform. On that note, we're doing a fundraising drive: please donate to National Lawyers Guild (nlg.org) and forward us a receipt at [e-mail], send us a screenshot or tag us on social media. We'll be matching 10% of your donations and if we hit $2,500, I (Katie) will touch a horse. On video. We already have the horse lined up. On one hand, I want to raise a lot of money for a seriously good cause; on the other hand, I kind of want to faint when I think about actually touching a horse. Anyway, onto this week's episode. Yes, we know, we know, just because a movie has zombies does not make it a horror movie, but that's neither here nor there. This movie is actually horrifying. We're talking about the sequel to our most recent bonus episode, 1993's "Weekend at Bernie's II." Special topics for your consideration include: becoming a full-on sociopath overnight, what the hell happened to Gwen?, Terry Kiser continuing to be the GOAT even as actual goats parade around him, a complete lack of understanding about voodoo and the possibility that this movie was actually written by a team of children. We have done approximately one billion zombie movies, so here are some of our favorite episodes: 92- "Dead Snow," 130- "Pontypool," 160- "Shaun of the Dead" and Episode 227- "Zombi 2." LUCIO!  Have you been thinking about buying a t-shirt but perhaps none of the designs spoke to you? Then we are certain you'll love our brand new design by the inimitable Justin Gray, "Close Enough, Lucio!" You can get this design printed on a t-shirt, cell phone case, throw pillow and more weird items at www.teepublic.com/user/werewolfambulance.  Have you seen this one? What did you think? Let us know your thoughts at facebook.com/werewolfambulance, on Twitter @werebulance or on Instagram @werewolfambulance. You can also email us for our segment "MAILBAG!" at [e-mail] and if you're feeling super generous, leave us a rating and a review on Apple podcasts or wherever you can. Or hey, just tell a friend about us. Thank you for helping us continue to grow.  Theme music by Aaron "Toxic" Mortimer SoundCloud- https://soundcloud.com/toxic_dsm Contact- Facebook (ToxicDSM) or Instagram (toxic_dsm) Werewolf Ambulance is a horror movie comedy podcast. 

Hi, Alan. Hey Katie. It's a it's a tough time, huh? Yeah, it is. We're making it through. We're doing fun stuff to give people a break from the Hardcore monotony. Yeah. To quote Fresh Prince. Yeah, but uh, to take you back to the hardcore monotony and the sadness and despair for a while, you know, it's probably pretty obvious from listening to us that we support the Black Lives Matter movement and th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th thus thu thus thus thus thus th th th th th th th th th th th th th thu- thu- thu-in-in-in-in-in-in-in-in-in-in-in-in-in th th th th th th th th th th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th th th thu. thu. thu. thu. to to thu to-a thuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu thu thu thu thu thu th probably pretty obvious from listening to us that we support the Black Lives Matter movement. And on that note, we're going to do a charity fund drive here. Yeah, we're going to raise some money with you for the National Lawyers Guild. Do you want to tell me what that is? Sure.

The National Lawyers Guild is the nation's oldest and largest progressive bar association and was the first one in the US to be racial, to to to be to be to be thuuuse, thuse, thuse, thuse, thuse, thu, thu, thu, tho, tho, the the tho, the the the tho, the their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, the, the, their, th...... Ande, thiii. Ande, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi. And, thi. And, thi. And, togu.u.a, togu.a, thi.a, thi. And, thi. And, their, their, their was the first one in the US to be racially integrated. Their mission is to use the law for the people, uniting lawyers, law students, legal workers, and jailhouse lawyers to function as an effective force in the service of people by valuing human rights and the rights of ecosystems over property interests. That sounds like something we should support. All right, so here's what we're going to do. Yeah, you're the you're the money person. Talk to me about money. All right, our goal is to raise $2,500. We will match 10% of that. All you have to do is go to NLG.org, donate there. You can just then send us evidence of it, whether it's forwarding us the donation email, tagging us on social media, screenshoting it and sending it to us, whatever.

If we hit $2,500 with our 10% match, what are we gonna do? I'm gonna touch a horse. And we're gonna film it, we're gonna film it, and share that with you. And literally as I said that, I started to sweat. I felt like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like a a the th, I feel like like like a th, I feel like a th. th. th. th. th. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to And literally as I said that, I started to sweat. I felt like a bead of sweat under my arm roll down. Look, we're bringing people together. We're helping people out, and we're uniting Katie and horses. What better thing could we be doing? We all need to change our minds, right? So maybe I need to change my mind about horses.

That's a worthy, goddam cause even if I don't touch a horse. So, you know, make your donation, send us the proof. We'll tally it up, and I guess what, by the end of June we'll say. Sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That sounds good. You guys have to tell June 30th. We'll put a little counter on our Facebook. I don't know how this works. I'll just make checks marks on a piece of paper. I would like you to do that.

Count down to horse. But yeah, we figured this would be something we could do that's fun and also involves you guys and does something really positive and could help people out. Yeah. Because we got to do what we can. Yeah, all of us need to chip in and make this world a little bit better. A lot better. If you can only donate a dollar, donate a dollar, it's one dollar closer to my fears being realized. Yeah, you want to scare Katie.

Hi Alan. Hello. Oh god. You're doing all right? You're hanging in? No. Uh-uh. I'm doing like the rest of everybody else's right now, I think.

Yeah. Which is to say suffering? Yeah else's right now, I think. Yeah. Which is to say suffering. Yeah, yeah, but trying? Trying, yeah. We all just have to get out there and try. What? We're like the most low rent, like, a self-help book. Just, I don't know, get out of bed, I guess, later.

If you can, try, I guess. If not, just start doing the jack-off symbol to your alarm clock and go back to sleep. Yeah, two hands for two dicks, both of them ejaculating into the wind. To be unlike ourselves, I'm going to be serious for a minute. And, um, this shouldn't shock anyone, but we stand with Black Lives Matter. Absolutely. And, you know, if you can donate time or money to organizations that are supporting them. Yeah, bail funds. Just, there's a lot of support funds for your various cities, wherever you are locally. And I also want to recommend that speaking specifically

to the white listeners right now, make an effort to learn stuff about what's going on. There's plenty of resources that are being posted on social media everywhere, investigate those. If you want to contact us, I can put together a list of books and stuff that I've read that have helped me. I know Katie is extremely wise about stuff as well, so. Not as wise as you are, my friend.

Because as Joseph from Marvling and Marvels, Marvel says, you're one of the wokest people in the world. I hate it. I hate it. Why? It's a good way to be. It's a good way to be. I know I just, it's, it makes me very uncomfortable. Sure. Sure. Sure. In any way it does. That's why I like to to to to to to be to to to be to be th. th. th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th thi th thoi th th th th as as as as as as as as as as as as as as as as as as as as as as as as as as as as as as th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi. thi. as. as. as. as. you as. as. as. as. you as. as. as. as. as. as. as. as. shape or form. Oh, I know. I know it does. That's why I like to do it, just to watch a squirm. It's a kind of friend I am. But in all seriousness. Yeah, I've spent a lot of time reading about experiences that are different than my own that aren't the cis, white, male, hetero thing that I am. And I've try the the si thi thi thi thi thi thi, I have thi, I have thi, I have thi, I have thi, I have thi, thi, that I am, that, that, that, that, that I am, that I'm that I'm that I'm that I am. that I am. that I'm that I am, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, is that, is that, that, that, is a that, that, that, that, is a that, thi, is a thi, is a thi, is a thi, is a kind thi, is a kind of thi, is a kind of thi, is kind of thi, is kind of the. that kind of thi, is kind of the kind of thi, is a kind of that kind of that, is a kind've tried to experience like taken the experience of other people through literature and and nonfiction and music and art and stuff so I do have some studying that I've done in this. And without having done

all that studying I would like to say frankly this shit has to stop and we have to make our voices heard but more importantly we have to make marginalized people's voices heard and it's I have to make marginalized people's voices heard. And it's I don't know it's it's getting on. Yeah. It's happening so I feel like it's happening. I hope it's happening. I keep thinking of this in terms of I don't want this to be a diet. I want this to be us. A lifestyle. Yeah, reconfiguring the way that we consume everything. I mean when Cosmo magazine is posting articles about how defunding the police is a logical like conclusion. Yeah, I mean the world is a god damn it. I hope the world fucking changes. Yeah, I got so hyped because teen vogue posted a primer on

anarchism the other day. It was like this I don't I don't know what world I've woke up in, but I'm fucking loving this aspect of it. like, like th. like th, like th, like th, like th, like th, like th, like th, like th, like th, like th, like th, like th, thi thi thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, the thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, the the the the the their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their, their their, their, their, their, their, their, their, thi, thi. thi, thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. teeeooooooooooo. te. te. thea. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. th other day. It was like this, I don't, I don't know what world I've woke up in, but I'm fucking loving this aspect of it, like, people are trying. And that's great. So. On a selfish note, I really wanted to find the local news footage of me from 2003 protesting the war and also yelling around about police brutality at protests, just to be like, I was here first. But I restranged myself. I keep thinking about a bunch of friends and I went down to protest Bush's inauguration in, what was that, 2000, 2001. And we decided to dress normal. So picture a bunch of 90s punk kids trying to dress what we thought normal was?

We looked like fucking cops. It was great. What were you wearing? Can you like describe your outfit to me? I was definitely wearing a yellow fisherman's raincoat. With jeans, a chain wallet, vans and and a messenger bag slug across my back. You were like, that sounds very scot to me. That sounds like a scaw kid. Yeah, normal. Pick it up, pick it up, pick it up.

Can I make another point? Go. I, okay, this, I regret to inform you that Weekend at Burney's two does not in fact surpass its predecessor. I was going to drop in right here you saying I'm withholding my 10 rating from Weekend at Bernies so I could give it to Weekend at Bernies too. Yeah I fucked up I fucked up. Weekend of Bernies is far superior to Weekend of Bernies too and I actually think weekend of Bernies is a little bit genius. Yeah. i think it's a little bit genius. I, I'm here here here here here here here here here here, I you here, I you here, I you here, I to to to to to to to to to to to to to you you to you to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to you to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to their their their the the the thro thro the thro the the thro the thro thro the throoooooo to to to to to to end to Bernies too and I actually think Weekend of Burneys is a little bit genius. Yeah, I actually think it's a

little bit genius. Now watching this I'm like oh no no no you've done bad. Weekend at Burneys is almost like a magic trick. Yes. That they made it interesting for an hour and 38 minutes and this movie theythat person I just put in the box. That's not supposed to spray blood. I don't think we have seen a drop off in quality. I think this may have surpassed Poltergeyce to Boulder Guys 2. No, I strongly disagree about that. Poldergays 2 is a horrible film. Do you remember the Native American guy in that film? I'm sure. But do you remember Andrew to to to the Andrew to to the to to the the the the the the the the an the an the an the an the an the like like like like like the an the like the like the like tho tho tho tho tho tho thoomo thoes that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's tho Gose 2 is a horrible film. Do you remember the Native American guy in that film?

I'm sure, but do you remember Andrew McCarthy in this film? Because I don't think he does. Oh, no, but that's not his fault. That's cocaine's fault. There are scenes in this movie. There are scenes in this movie. There are scenes in the the middle of distance for no fucking reason. I feel like he had a tough time making this movie. Meanwhile, Jonathan Silverman has like lost all his weird baby fat that he had in the

previous movie that I didn't know he had because now he's like very sleek and like weird hunky. And his hair is all sundappled. Yeah, he is sundappled. Oh, so this movie opens on like sort of a Saturday morning cartoon animation. And I was like, oh, I like this in this jaunty little theme they have. But then it goes on for like, I don't know, 62 minutes? It's, I expected at some point for them to tell us not to do drugs while that animation was going on. Absolutely. It was very, very, very, very Saturday morning. And then we pick up back with Jonathan,

or no, I'm sorry, with Richard and Larry. Right, I still don't know which is which actually. Richard is Silverman. Okay, okay, okay. And Larry is the other guy. And it's the next morning, even though they have visibly aged, and they have to go identify his body. Yeah.

In what world? Right. In the first movie we see that Bernie has like romantic partners, so I would assume maybe one of them could do it. Get Tina down here, come on, what do we do? Seriously, but no, it's his two employees that he was found murdered with. Yeah, they identify the body. And like Andrew McCarthy grabs the toe, I think it's Andrew McCarthy,

one of them grabs the tow tag and like reads it, and then like visibly recoils and walks out. And I was like, what is so surprising the so so so surprising th so surprising thi so thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. I th. I to to to to to to to to to toe. I toe. I toe. I toe. I to toe. I the. I the. It's th. It's th. I th grabs the tow tag and like reads it and then like visibly recoils and walks out and I was like what is so surprising on there? The man you've been dead with for 72 hours? Yeah, you've been literally touching his corpse. So like what is on that toe tag that's just physically repulsive to you? I love that in the last movie they vacuumed off his wig or his tupay at one point and that never comes back up in this movie where this corpse is abused mercilessly. No, no, it doesn't. He's still smirking though to his credit, Terry Kaiser. He's still the most charismatic person on the screen at any given moment.

That is absolutely true. I also like that this is the next morning and that the entire plot driver of the first movie, Gwen, is just gone. No mention of Gwen. Especially when it like the last one, seemingly the night before they had fallen in love with each other. And now it is literally picking up where it left off. Not even a, where's Gwen? Oh, she's in the bathroom, like, not even a Gwen. Oh my God. So, okay, so they have, so, like, do you want to just like, overview this plot? I can't, I'm not sure that I can.

Do you feel like you can overview it? No, that's why I'm asking you to. I don't know, I feel like I was stoned out of my mind watching this movie and I was not. I unfortunately was, but, okay, here's what I think happens. Okay, some of the money that Bernie Stole is missing, it seems like it's in cash. Mm-hmm. Okay, so... some of the money that Bernie Stoll is missing, it seems like it's in cash. Okay, so the company is looking for the money, but so also is... The cartel? Yeah. Where they come from? I'm not sure. I don't know. Because he was working with the mob previous to this.

That's a good point. Where's Vito? That is a... I don't know. It doesn't matter, I guess. He's with Gwen. He and Gwen got together between this morning and this morning. So there's a voodoo queen. Mow-boo? Mowbo? Who has these two, like, henchmen?

Is that Charles and Henry? Yeah, I actually liked them. They were amazing. I loved those shorty shorts. I'll tell you. That did it for me. He was giving me like like Morse Day vibes a little bit. Yeah, all right. Yeah, which I'm 1,000 percent down with. Watching that man wear those shorts, I was like,

I should watch the NBA from the 70s or whatever. Like, why am I not? So she hires them or has them, or I don't know why they're doing this for her, pressures them, into going to raise Bernie from the dead. But it seems like they don't have any specific voodoo knowledge. No, no, no, they know nothing about it. She has to write out all the instructions for them. Why doesn't she send someone who's more reliable? Well, they're from New York.. So, or, or, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, or, so, so, so, so, so, so, or, so, or, so, or, or, they're, they're, or, they're, or, I, I, or, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, or, I, or, or, or, or, I, I, or I they're, or I, or I, or I, or I, or I, or, or I, or, or I, or I, or I, or I, or I, or, or, or, or, I, I, I, or, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I they, I they, I they, I they, I they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're. She has to write out all the instructions for them. Why doesn't she send someone who's more reliable? Well, they're from New York. So they're going back to New York to get Bernie's body. So it's just a convenience thing?

Yeah, I don't know. Oh, OK. All right. Don't have to deal don't, I can't. Yeah, it doesn't make sense. She, she shows them what Bernie looks like by holding up a smirking voodoo doll. That, I thought was funny. It's funny, but it's also like a little too self-aware, you know? I kind of lost my mind when that happened. Did you?

I do, I mean, I do appreciate that he is very true to that smirk. And it's got a little blue windbreaker on. Yeah. Uh, what white people don't know about voodoo? I mean, anything, genuinely anything. So they, I just have a note here that says, oh I guess Bernie landed on a cat, because I think he gets thrown out the window of the morgue maybe.

Yeah, that's when, so when Charles and Henry go to the morgue, they are consummate fuckups. But he is, his body is just in the hallway. Why, though? Oh. No, that's grave dancers. No that the no it is because they but it's got something to do with oh man my notes are a fucking mess for this. Me too I watched it like four days ago which is a year ago it's gone for me. I literally don't know what any of it means. All right so in between there's a there's a point between that where Richard and Larry have to break into

Bernie's office to find the money. Right. Oh, no, they break into the morgue and they get his wallet because. And they get his wallet because Larry starts using his credit cards to buy food. How does he think he's not? I mean, was credit card fraud just a lot harder to catch back then I guess? Oh yeah, I mean it was just it was all on the uh everyone just trusted that you were who you said you were when he used car. Honor system and all that huh? But like how how is he not going to personally get caught for this?

I don't there are so many times during this movie and in the previous movie that Larry should have gone to prison. Oh yeah, Larry is a felon. Hand a sociopath. So, and yeah, so they were rooting around in Bernie's body and then... Not in his body, literally. Oh, they were in his cavity. And then Charles and Henry show up and they've got a chicken with them to do the sacrifice or do the ritual. Yeah. They lose the chicken. This is in the porn theater you're talking about. Oh that's right because they steal them. That's right because they find the body in the hallway they shove it down another hallway because an orderly's coming down.

Yeah and he's got to go through window, right? He flies out a window into a trash can where a cat meow screams. Then they go down and they put him in a shopping cart and everyone's on the street, it's like, hey, what's up, man? You're doing all right? Do, do, d'u, d'al? And it's so stupid. So they take up to a porn theater bathroom to do the ritual. It's a weird choice I think. Yeah because I thought they were rent they were going to rent like a an hourly hotel room or

something. Yeah, but they just end up in a bathroom. So they lose the chicken and they chase it all around. I love the scene in the porn theater with the chicken. When the guy is holding the chicken? And they're like, hey, that's our chicken. He's like, no, this is my chicken. This is watching porn with his chicken. He says, this one is with me. And he's just like lightly stroking the chicken. The chicken looks happy.

The chicken is happy. That guy's fucking that guy. Actually, I think that chicken's probably fucking that guy. Do we ever figure out if chickens have peckers? Yeah, a virus said so. Yeah. So then the next scene is Henry and Charles out on the street looking at barbecue chicken in a window, which is very funny. And then they just turn and see a pigeon.

So the pigeon apparently doesn't have enough magic. Yeah. Okay, this is much funnier talking about it than I was watching the movie. It's a really funny idea when you get down to it. Well, again, it's Terry Kaiser's performance. Sure. He's a sham. My God. They re-animate him. He can only be animated while there is island music, again,

island music playing, some steel drum, maybe a reggaeton beat, I don't know. With a calypso flare to it, I would say. And, but, the fact that the dance always starts with his butt. Yeah, it's just where he feels it. Yeah, it is. Because if he's laying face down, his butt just starts bouncing and then he raises his whole body up. I love that scene in the porn bathroom where they stop the music and he falls down, and it's clearly like just a Bernie doll falling flat on his face. That is so fucking funny to me. Oh man yeah wow don't watch

this movie just talk about it with a friend later. I mean I didn't hate it it is just not what I remembered it being. I wish I'd taken a picture of Missy while we were watching it because she just was like, irate and confused the entire time, and it was fantastic. That's fair. Those are fair emotions to feel about this. So they've got Bernie dancing and they take him down to the subway. Why wouldn't you get a cap?

I don't know. These guys are so dumb. That's the, that's the subway. Why wouldn't you get a cap? I don't know. These guys are so dumb. That's the stick, I guess. And they've got the boombox with candles all over it in the subway. And the guy steals, the guy in a mesh shirt steals their boom box. My box, he got my box. And the guy's like eyeing up from across across the car like, ooh la la look at that box. You see the guy eyeing the box and you're like,

this guy's gonna take that box. It's so dumb. It's so dumb. So they leave Bernie. They leave him on the subway, they leave him? Yeah. Because they chased the guy at the boom box and then the subway takes th th thakes thakes thakes thakes thakes thakes thakes they're thakes thakes thakes they're thakes thakes they're thakes thakes're like, oh dang it. Yeah. So how does, how do Andrew McCarthy and Jonathan Silverman get him back then?

Oh, uh, babba-de-ba. Guest those box, slapstick fight, gets them arrested. Oh yeah, that's right, those guys get arrested. Because the next thing I have is them jamming him into a suitcase, which I found to just be like horrible. I guess that's when, is that when Jonathan and Richard and Larry go to the morgue when he's back in the, because the way he gets taken back to the morgue. And the corner, the corner is like, I've already seen this guy. That's right. And he doesn't have any clothes on so they give him some of Richard's clothes? And I would never picture Richard wearing the thief like track suit that they put on Bernie. And that was like all he was going to bring with

him to the Cayman Islands, or the Virgin Highlands or wherever they go. Oh and the whole time Barry Bostwick is chasing them. Yeah, who who, why, though, though, though, though, though, though, though, though, though, though, though, though, though, though, though, though, th th th th th th th tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, thi thi thi, thi, thi, the whole time Barry Bostwick is chasing them. Yeah, who, why though? He works for the company, I guess. Yeah, he's like an insurance investigator type guy. And he thinks that Larry and Richard have the money, and so he's like following them to try to get them to lead him to it. And taking pictures. But they need Bernie to sign for a safe deposit box, so they need Bernie to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be an to be an to be an to be an to be an to be an to be an to be an to be an to be an to be an to be an to be an to be an their to be an to be an to bea. to bea. to be to be to be their. Why. Why. Why? wa. Why? wa. Why? wa. Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? the the the their? their? their? their? to lead him to it. And taking pictures. But they need Bernie to sign for a safe deposit box, so they need Bernie to be animated. So they literally shove him in like a carry-on bag and put it in a mini-fridge.

It's like, that's horrible. Of things we've seen, that's horrible. This, again, this series needs a gritty dark reboot. Yeah actually that I would hate that. You would be terrible. Yeah eternity at Bernies. When they've got Bernie in the bag and they're going on the plane or they get off the plane and there's like Calypso music playing, and the bag is dancing. Okay, that's actually pretty funny things in this atrocious movie.

Atrocious is a really harsh word. I'm not backing down from that one. That's fine. Oh man. So they successfully get Bernie to the bank, tie him up like he has a toothache, like wrap a paink around his head. Like he's fucking Jacob Morley! Yeah, I don't say fucking Jacob Marley.

They get him to sign the card for the safe deposit box using their own hands through his sleeves which is clearly the wrong hand. It's like so evidently the right hand on the left side. It makes me so happy that he has two of the same hand. And the guy is like, fine, nobody notices. That guy could give a fuck. Like that that's not a plot point. They were just like, yeah, yeah, that's fine.

What's in the safety deposit box? Oh, the giant safety deposit box. Yeah, the one you pay the most for, it's a map. It's just a map. On like notebook paper. Right. Yeah, hand-drawn map. Which they take with them, and they believe it's the location it's the location it's the location it's the location it's the location it's the location it's the location it's the location it's the location it's the location it's the location the location the location the location the location the location the location the with them. And they believe it's the location of the money. Mm-hmm.

At what point do Charles and Henry show up and see Bernie in the back of the car and like, oh man, that's our guy, and steal Bernie? They do. Well, first of all, why do they leave Bernie in the car? Because Larry and Richard are assholes. They are serious assholes in the movie. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi- thi- thi- thi- thi- thi- thi. thi- thi- thi- thi thi thi thi thi thi thi. thi. Mm thi. Mm thi. Mm thi. Mm thi. Mm the thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. Mm the thi. Mm the thi. M money money thi-in, thi-in thi-mcccc, thi-mcccccccccccc. thi-hmm. thin thi-hmm. thi-hmm. thi-mc. thi-mooooooo thi. the car? Because Larry and Richard are assholes. They are serious assholes in this movie. Like in the first one, you almost see them as being like, just like downtrodden guys who want to have fun or are doing it for a girl. But in this movie, it's just like greed and being horrible.

Yeah, they're no longer lovable losers. Yeah, exactly. They're like, they're no longer lovable losers. Yeah, exactly. They're like genuine bad guys. Um, so but there's a lot, I mean, like, they're, like, you know what is a scene I liked when, or Richard dives into the pool and Larry's like, be careful, you haven't swam in a while, and then like just later in the scene we see a woman saving you from drowning? That was fantastic. I like that a lot. And he looks fucked up. He does look fucked up. So talk to me about the conga line. Okay so there's at this resort I guess there's like a

conga dance that happens every night and there are two New Yorkers. Oh, are they from New York, do you think? I think they might be from New York. The one is a buff guy, his name is Arnold. And then I remembered in the first movie, there was like the guy, the buff guy was doing like a Arnold Schwarzenegger. And I just this buff guy was wearing a torsos by Tony TankTop. I do too. This guy is there with his

woman friend whose name is... Doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. Yeah. Who falls in love with Bernie? Because he's such a good conga dancer. You know that dance that everyone could be real good at. Dancing. He's walking around in a conga line. And then he spends the night with this woman. I actually really like the scene where he was slapping the buff guy. I thought that was very funny. I also love that like his conga dancing is just him smirking with his head popping back

and forth and I'm shaking his hips. Yeah, he puts, he goes pelvis first when he begins to walk or dance. So he like sort of just does like that pregnant woman slouch, you know, where you got your background in. I like to think of that is getting off the couch. Getting off the couch. Apparently a sports team, I want to say the the the the the the the the the to say to say to say to say the to say to say to say to say to say to say to say to say to say to say the to say to say the to say the the to say that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that. that. that. that. that. that. that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's. I. I. I, that's, that's, that's, toe. I to be. I to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be the the the the the theck. I thea. I thea. I thea. I thea. I thea. I'm thea. I'm theck. I'm theck. I'm the. of that is getting off the couch. Getting off the couch. Apparently a sports team, I want to say the Oakland Athletics. Is that a sports team? Yes, they are.

Yes, they are. That's Jose Konseco's team. They incorporated this dance somewhat into the celebrations of something or other. Wow. I didn't know baseball people did dances, but... Yeah, they generally don't because of the unwritten rules of baseball. Okay. Which is like you can't flip a bat when you hit a home run, you know, you can't like look at the pitcher when you hit a home run or else they're going to throw at you.

There's all this weird stuff in baseball about not, like, not pimping it, as they say. I do want to put out there that as I'm saying this, I'm 80% wrong, sure that I'm incorrect about what sports team that was. I think you are too, but let's just let it be. You knew a sports team and I think that's good enough for everybody here. Bash pros, man, how could I not know? American League. Okay, Yeah. Plus Jose Konseco is a national treasure? I mean, his thing is everyone should do steroids, right? So like, he thinks everyone should do steroids, live to 120. He thinks that,

he thinks that we're going to look back on this era of like as the dark ages when they were testing for steroids. The best part about this is that I have some Jose Canseco jokes lined up for next week's episode. What? Oh, oh, okay? I'm really looking forward to this. Jokes might be a strong, strong term, but... You know what? Everything we do on here here is jokes if we say it's a joke Why does she why does she like Bernie why does this woman like Bernie it's so sad it's so sad?

It's that smirk ladies love that smirk it's really bleak she spends the night on the beach with him at least she didn't fuck him. Oh, thank God. Oh, he's got to smell so... She slept with her head on his chest and he has to smell so disgusting. He's been dead two full days now. At least. Right? Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. It's like you get on a flight to the Caynnn't thua. to to to to to thu and thu and to the to th th th th th th th the to th th th th to th to th to thu. to thu. to tooom tooom. tooom. tooom. too to tooom. too too too too too to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to tho tho their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the their their their their the Virgin Islands, I think, sorry, keep saying that. Why am I apologizing? It does not fucking matter. You're putting more thought into this than Weekend Burney's two day. It's, I know, it's true. So, so the guy, so Charles and Henry steal Bernie back, and they're driving away with him and then Larry and Richard just grab his arms and pull him out onto the street. Like, how is, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, th, th, th, th, th, th. the the th. the the th. the th. the th. the the their, their, their, their, their, the, the, the, th. thi, thi, the, th. the, th. th. th. th. I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I, I, I, I, th. I, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. th. th. the the the th. th. the th. th. th. th. th. the th. th. the the th. th. th. th. the th. th. th. th. th is, it's broad daylight in the middle of like a business district. I love that in this movie they've gotten even less regard for his corpse.

Oh, it's terrible. They're beating the shit out of this body at this point. It's like a lot less funny in this one, I thought. Like, remember when he was hitting the buoys and clanking each one? That was funny. Remember he was washing up on shore and then washing away while they were making out? That's funny. When they were dragging him down the boardwalk and his head was turning to the side so he could smirk at the camera? Did you like this one where he gets dragged by a parasail and then pulls off those women's tops? Did you like that? Did you expect boobs in weekend to Berni's too? No, but I feel like I should have.

Like we're really trying to up the ante. Yeah, it's true. Oh, and this, while all this is going on, Barry Bostwick keeps getting himself arrested for doing fucked up shit. Yeah, like, somehow he manages to like get the bathing suittops out of Bernie's hands and it looks like he pulled them off the women. And without even questioning him, the cops just arrested. It's insane. Doesn't a shark latch on to Bernie at one point? Yeah, I have a note here that says I have no memory of that shark but, who boy. And it does nothing to the potty. No, it's fine. I am convinced that this movie was like,

Hey, you want to go to the islands? Yeah. All right, we can't the Berni's too. Yep. Yep. Like, one of the main characters, just says to the other, Bernie was parasailing. You're like, that's the joke. That's it.

Like, he made a decision to go there. Oh, my sweet lord. Bernie keeps trying to walk out. Oh, and there's the woman who works at the resort that Richard and Larry are staying at, who becomes someone's love interest. Richards's like Gwen doesn't even fucking exist. Because Larry tries backing it to her and she is immediately like, mm-hmm. Oh right, they go on a very weird date. Yeah. Oh God I'm thinking about later in this movie and home. I have at so many points in my notes it just says this is absurd.

Yeah, it is. It's totally absurd. I fucked up so bad. You didn't. You didn't. You didn't. You didn't. You didn't. You didn't. You you. You th. You th. You had th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th th th th th th th th th th th th thi thi th thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi. thi thi. thi. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii thiii thi thi thi thi absurd. Yeah, it is. It's totally absurd. I fucked up so bad. No, you didn't fuck up. You had no idea. How could anyone know? I mean, it's not like I've seen this movie a billion times, which I definitely have. I also have the note Terry Kisser is still a gem. the the, theyre, not Kiser. No. No. No. No. th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, the, th, the, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, the, thi, th. th. th. th. to, to, to, to to to, to to to to to, to, to, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th. I, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. to, to, to, th. to, th. to, the, the, the, to, the, to the, to the, the, to too. too. too. to to to to to to too. to to to to the, the, the, they have to go and get scuba gear, and now Claudia is with them on this adventure.

How do they know how to scuba? You can't just scuba. Oh, yeah, scuba? You just pop that shit in your mouth and go, right? Oh, no. No. You're going to take lessons. You've got to be certified. There's nothing about Larry that says certified. Meanwhile, the tall bad guy is, what's his name, Barry Bostwick? Well, yeah, that's the actor. It's Arthur Hummel.

He has like almost 200 credits or something on IMDU. Oh yeah. He is on like a submarine tour of the reef or something. And the woman, the tour guide with the fun, is the voice of Patty Manez from the show Doug for people of my age. Wow. Yeah. That's a deep cut.

Well, she's also on Orange's the New Black, so she had a bit of a resurgence. But her voice is just like so distinctive. That's awesome. Yeah, Patty mayonnaise. Doug's love interest. He's taking the submarine tour because he's starting to think that he's losing his mind. Is that what you would do if you were losing your mind? No. I would literally rather be dead.

Submarines are so scary. Everyone's on the submarine tour and they're sitting in a position like they're pooping so they can look out a window. Yeah, why are the windows not just up a little higher? Build your submarine more comfortably. Everyone is popping a squat. It's so weird. So there's scuba underwater and also Terry Kaiser kills it at the underwater scenes.

He's holding his breath like a champ. And the guy sees them and like demands that the boat surfaces so they can go after. And then again the cops show up with a straight jacket. They do, they have, again, the cops have a straight jacket and one of them says, that's it, I'm gonna deport this guy. I don't think you can, officer. Then, okay, so then it cut, so can you tell me what happens in the underwater scenes? Because I almost, I almost can't.

So they follow Bernie and he finds the suitcase. Bernie leads them to it, which means Bernie has some sentience. Well yeah, he's got the voodoo in him. I know, but... Oh, don't forget they had to put waterproof headphones on him so they could play music and he would stay mobile. That's right. They do. And I love to be he had on the yellow sports walkman that they could play music and he would stay mobile. That's right, they do. And I love that he had on the yellow sports walkman that was waterproof and made me so happy.

Very funny. While he's wearing that like light blue and white track suit windbreaker look with like a, was he still wearing the visor at that point? I think so. So. Also, like, when they pull out the tray in the morgue, Rob was just like, why does he still have his sunglasses on? And I was like, really, that's the question you have.

Also, at some point, the New York guys are told that they're going to be turned into goats if they fail this mission? Yeah. So when we see them later, they're back on the island, they're talking to Mobu, and the one guy looks at a goat, and goes, damn, girl. That's right, he's talking about fucking a goat. He's talking about fucking a goat. He's sexually attracted to that goat.

He wants to put his dick in that goat. Because the first thing that turns is your libido. Yeah, their their their their thino, thino, thino, thino, thi, thi, thi, thi, thus, thus, thus, thus, thus, thus, thus, because thus, because thus, because thus, because thus, because thi, because thi, because that, because that, because that, because that, because that, because that, because that, because that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, thing that turns is your libido. Yeah. Yeah. It's so silly. Oh my God. The Voodoo Queen has also poisoned Richard. But she really didn't, right? No, she did because Claudia's dad, Claudia's dad has to reverse the voodoo.

Oh, right, right, right, right. Because he's studied voodu and how the voodoo. Oh right right right right because he's studied voodoo and how to reverse voodoo. He's also a medical doctor. Uh-huh. Okay. Because he is with Barry Bostwick as he's being arrested for being criminally insane or something. Right. Also I like that she and her dad get right in on these capers like they find the map they show it to her, she's like, I'm on it, she like literally drops the thing that she's carrying and runs to her father, who looks at the map and is like,

I'm there, and then they both just show up to solve this voodoo problem. I know you both have jobs. Yeah, you're both, literally, we saw th th th th th th. When these two numbskulls come down from New York City. So, okay, so Bernie walks towards... Why was the money there anyway? Did he drop it off of... Like, why was it under the water? I could only assume because there's that whole money laundering thing of putting it in an offshore account and they were just like, well, what's more offshore than a briefcase

full of money underwater? That is the most offshore you can get. It's true. It's true. So he finds this chest. And then they're like celebrating, I think, when Larry shoots him with the spear gun? Yeah, because I've got all this money now. He shoots him like he's fucking Steve Martin from the 70s with the arrow going through his head.

Yeah, which breaks the headphones, so he stops moving. And then they're dragging him around by the spear gun in his head. Okay, first of all, imagine if you saw, like, three people dragging a man who appears to be dead out of the water at the beach. Wouldn't you run the fuck over there and be like, do you need help? Like, wait, am I in New Jersey?

No, you're in the Virgin Islands. Okay, probably I'd go for help. In New Jersey, you'd let him die. the their their their their their th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thu. th. th. th. th. th. th. thirty, thirty, thi. that, thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. the. the. the. thea. thea. thea. thea. toea. thea. thea. thea. thr. thr. thr. thr. thr. thr.'d let him die. Yeah, you do what you got to do in dirty chairs, right? You mind your own. It keeps himself to himself as I say. Yeah, so they smash his nards into a tree and then use him to pool a rickshaw, which I thought was a little gosh. It's so dumb. It's so dumb. I fucked up. No. Like, at one point Missy is just like, this was written by a 12-year-old and I was like, oh, this is the movie that's most been written by a 12-year-old of any of the movies we

joked about being written by a 12-year-old. Including the movie that actually was written by a 12-year-old, which was Houssou. I feel like she was even younger than that. Yeah I think she actually was, yeah. And that movie made way more sense. That movie got a little less complex with the plot. And also I take issue with the idea that Houssou makes more sense than this. Do you remember the watermelon guy? Do I? And later he's a watermelon? Yeah, that's way more sensical than this. So this movie just ends with them having the money. There was, oh, there was actually, what, 4 million or 3 million in there? And so they're gonna like... They're gonna keep a million of it because they only had to turn in two million. To the insurance company, right. Right. Right. There, right. Oh, the, right. Oh, oh, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, their, their, their, their, their, the, their, their, their, hea, hea, hea, hea, hea, hea, he. And, he. And, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, the, the, the, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, the and so they're gonna like... They're gonna keep a million of it because they only had to turn in two million to the insurance company right?

Well don't forget they need to reverse the voodoo spell and the only way they can do that is with a virgin's blood. Oh God right I didn't even take notes on this because I was like please God know. Like where are we gonna find a virgin and Larry just like to tho the th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the to the to to to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the thu. thi thu. too too too too too too too too too too too too too too too to to to to to to the the his hand in front of the doctor. It's so dumb. He's like, just take the blood doc. Oh. I find it hard to believe that Larry wasn't in a fraternity in college, you know? Oh, God. And don't forget the New York City guys are goats now.

Yes, I actually love that steel drum parade at the end and deeply want to go to that. Yeah. It seems super fun, but they are marching in the parade as goats. And that's how the movie ends. And Bernie is still dancing. Is he? Yeah, well, I have a note, Bernie is still dancing. Is he? Yeah, well I have a note, Bernie is still dancing. Well, he must have been. Wait, so what happens to Bernie's body at the end of this?

Is he just in the parade? Yeah, I believe so. And I am hoping that there's a Bernie's three where his body is just disintegrating because he is dancing around the earth. Oh yeah, he's leading Henry and Charles, according to Wikipedia. Oh, and Larry and Richard used some of the remaining million to purchase a yacht crewed by attractive women. That's right.

You cannot buy a yacht crewed by attractive women for a million dollars. Maybe in the 90s you could, I don't know. Who boy? Katie. Alan. I don't have to ask you to rate this movie because I know from editing the bonus episode that folks got on the other day. You are picking on me.

I just look, you said it with just so much confidence. It was wonderful. Alan, no one has more confidence than the stupid. I will not let you call my friend stupid. Well listen, I last saw this movie when I was probably like 13, so like, oh yeah, one hundo I was stupid. I don't know why I have such fond memories of it. It is really not good. And the first one I, I always remember remember to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to th. I'm th. I'm just just just just just just th. I'm th. I'm just th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. to to th. to say to say thi. thi. thi. to th. to to to to to th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the the the th. the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. th. th. the I have such fond memories of it. It is really not good.

And the first one I always remembered as being like a bit boring, but watching it now I'm like, this is fucking comedy. This is high comedy. It's the adult humor in Weekend Appearance. Yeah, it's the stuff that's in there for me. This movie really sucks. And I was really let down.. I, I just not, I mean like Terry Kaiser's a gem. There were some very funny things like, you know, him being saved from the pool, from drowning.

But like, it just, I don't know how I always thought that it surpassed its predecessor. It's your love of a sequel. You know what, though Major League 2 is better than Major League 1, I will, I've seen both of those enough times to know to know to know to know to know to know to know to know to know to know th, th, th, th, thii, thi, thi, thi, thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I tho, tho, tho, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, they, they me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me, their, their, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, and I thi, and I thi, thi, thi, thi. And I togeeeeat toge, toge, toge, toge, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, though, Major League 2 is better than Major League 1, and I will, I've seen both of those enough times to know 100% that that is true. I look forward to doing those. I can't wait to make you watch a movie about baseball. I have seen Major League 1, that's the one with Wesley Snipes, right? Yes. Yes. Oh, Remar Eps is number too. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. th. th. ta. ta. too. too. ta. th. th. tha. tha. tha. thi. th. I th. I Okay, I can't wait to make you go to a baseball game someday when there's baseball again. Would like to. Really look forward to going

to a baseball game with you. I think it'll be fun. I think it's a sport you can get behind. There's a lot of just like sitting around shooting the shit. I do like that. It's one of our favorite things to do. Anyway, this movie is thrown. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, to to to to to to to to to really really really really really really to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to th. I is th. I is th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I that, I that, is Berni's is not readily available. It should be streaming for free somewhere so that children across the globe can enjoy that movie. Yep. I understand why this movie is not available. Do you think that the first one isn't available because this one's so bad? It's a two. I would even do two. I know.

Oh, I did such a bad. Again, I would highly recommend talking about it with a really good friend because it's very fun. But you don't watch it, like we just watched it for you. Read the Wikipedia page and try to figure out what the movie's about. Wait, this is a regular episode not a bonus episode right? That's correct we put the good movie as a Benis... It's not like they're paying for either. It's true. We, yeah it's true. We gotta get that Patreon

going. Katie. Katie. Alan. Do you want to go to a little place that I like to call them? Mailbag! I would love that. This is from Joe T. sent us an email. The subject of the email is, how dare you? Oh, I love this. Get into it, J. T. Tell me what you think. I just watched Hellhouse LLC. Oh, oh tho you convince me that this movie is worth watching? And even worse I signed up for a free trial of shutter just to watch Hell House LLC too.

So of course I got to subject myself to Hell Hells LLC three next week. I can't believe how much I enjoyed the first one. This this is a roller coaster of an email. I don't understand where he I do not understand where Jotie is coming down on this. I think this is one of those things where sarcasm is lost in an email. Can you read like the last couple lines to me again? Sure. After the free shutter part. So I know so I know that's what Hell want to watch Hell House LLC 2. So of course I got to subject myself to Hell Hell LLC 3 in the next week. Oh, I get it. Yep, don't. I would recommend not doing that.

Ug, I can't believe how much I enjoyed the first one. It's pretty good. Seriously though, this show is great. Thank you so much for doing it. Makes a suggestion for an episode. What is it? Have you seen Tragedy Girls? It's pretty awful, and I think you would make a great episode. I have not, but the movie sounds like something I would either be sad about or yell about,

which is fine. Mm-hmm, yeah. And then, uh, signs it Joe, and then parenthetical, best impression on the show is either Dr. Lector or Comte Daddy. Thank you. Those are both yours. You have the superior on both of those. I'm sorry, everybody does Dr. Lector.

Dr. Lector. But you do it actually, I sound like some sort of robot in heat, and you do it actually well. Yeah, you do sound like a robot who's trying to fuck. Like data with his dick, which we have not talked about in way too long. That's what society needs right now, more data dick talk. I mean, I think so. We should give them what they need. What do you want to do next week? Should we do a suggestion? Sure.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. This film was recommended to us by a listener named Leah Ashley. We're gonna do a film called Grave Dancers. She says, just listened to the Grave Dancers last night, and holy shit, this movie is so bad, it's good. It's the room of horror movies. So we watched it. Cravedancers, Jansen for Money. Don't blow all the gold on this one.

Yeah, we're gonna talk about Grave Dancers. Where did you watch grave dancers? Um, I rented it on Amazon. I think I rented it from Google. now, so... You fucking dicks. Thanks for listening to another episode of Werewolf Ambulance. Bye. Bye. you