Werewolf Ambulance: A Horror Movie Comedy Podcast - Episode 310- Among the Shadows (2019)

Episode Date: December 7, 2020

In this week's episode, Katie finally gets what she's been asking for and instantly regrets it. We're talking about the much-anticipated 2019 Lindsay Lohan spectacular, "Among the Shadows." Special topics for your consideration include: presidential prom limos for President Husband, having no motivation to do any of the things you do, FREXIT!, the benefits of recording episodes from one's home, sorta-vampires and kinda-werewolves, and the true gloriousness that is Lindsay Lohan. Big fan of LL? Please enjoy Episode 104- "I Know Who Killed Me." Big fan of absolutely nonsensical werewolf movies? Try Episode 217- "The Howling II: Your Sister is a Werewolf." Find us online: Support us at patreon.com/werewolfambulance and get bonus episodes about action movies Buy merch for yourself or those you love at www.teepublic.com/user/werewolfambulance on Reddit at r/werewolfambulance on Facebook at facebook.com/werewolfambulance on Twitter @werebulance on Instagram @werewolfambulance. [e-mail] If you liked this, please leave us a review on Apple Podcasts or wherever you listen. Someday we're gonna be #1 in Finland. Some sweet day. Intro song is by Alex Van Luvie Outro song is A. Wallis- "EMT" Seriously, we have the best listeners, hands down. Werewolf Ambulance is a horror movie comedy podcast.   

Have you ever wondered what would happen if werewolves meddled in politics? Neither have I. Have you ever wondered what would happen if werewolves meddled? I'm sorry. Have you ever wondered what would happen if vampires meddled in business summits? Have you ever wondered what would happen if you filmed an entire movie without ever meeting the other cast members? What are we doing? You tell them.

Okay, so this is my fault, and I'm actually not even that sorry. We're talking about the 2019 film, Among the Shadows, the Lindsay Lohan, werewolf vehicle. Mm-hmm. But she's not a werewolf. What is she, Alan? She's a vampire-ish? She's a vampire that just has no other vampire-like qualities other than blood-drinking.

I mean, not even a real need for that. Nope, nope. No. I mean the were wolves are are Fang and I only werewolves and maybe claws but we don't see the claws? No, there's not a single claw. It's a very, very, very bad movie and I understand why people didn't vote for it. I assume no one has ever seen it but us. Is that a fair assumption? I would think so, yeah. Yeah, and maybe Charlotte Beckett, maybe she went to the premiere. Lindsay Lohan has never seen this movie. Oh no, Lindsay Lohan doesn't know she was in this movie. I actually thought Charlotte Beckett was fine. I thought she was doing a good job for what they gave her to do,

good job for what they gave her to do, except for her monologues. Oh my God, all internal monologues. Every time she started monologuing, I literally just, my brain turned to mush. I don't want to be judgmental. But if you're doing a movie that has, I'm going to say excessive, Dashel Hammett, or inner monologues, do not also make those characters telepathic because then we have all internal dialogues. Oh my God, yes you cannot red harvest this shit. But when she is standing like six inches from the werewolf guy and they're just staring

at each other and having a silent conversation, I wanted to be dead. So did it. Oh, and for the listeners at home, we are once again back on not in the same room styli. Yeah, wear your fucking masks. Sure. Yeah, yeah, and demand that your government step up and start fucking doing things for us. Right. We need a lockdown and we need the government to pay people to stay at home. Mm-hmm. Yep.

Yep. But for some reason, my computer is recording both Katie and I, I don't know how or why it's happening. I can't attest to the sound quality being great, but this is what we're doing right now. This is how it's happening. Yeah, this is they're magic. Well, you just told Rob that Wi-Fi is a wavelength, not not 20 minutes ago, so I'm not sure if that's true or not. No, don't believe anything I say ever. It's all lies.

Are you actually recording me or is this episode just going to be you talking to the ether? That thing that no one ever wanted to listen to a one-sundee bill thing where you're like this is my new friend in the chair over there. So this film opens with Lindsay Lohan monologuing about something and just hearing her voice like made me laugh. It just brought me such joy to just be back with Lindsay. She's doing a press conference and she is reading her dialogue. You can see her eyes scanning the dialogue while she's talking. They're filming her from like a three-quarters angle.

To probably prevent you from being able to see that she's reading it and it still doesn't work. She's out of a green screen, which, to, to, to just to, to, to just to just to, to just to to to to to to to just to to to to to to to to to to just to to to just to just to just to just the the to just the the the the the the the the th. th. th. th. th. She's just just just just just just just just just the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the their, just just just their, just their, their their their their thi, thi, thi, thi, thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. throoooooooooo. thi. thi. thi thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. the the thi. you from being able to see that she's reading it and it still doesn't work. She's out of green screen, which we later see the green screen because throughout the movie she's constantly at it, even when she's in scenes with other people. That scene where she's having the conversation with uh, Ms. Wolf. Detective Christy Wolf. The werewolf named Christy Wolf with an E. I couldn't believe what I was watching. I couldn't believe that was real. The funny thing is that Christy Wolf was trying to make the facsimile of eye contact and Lindsay Lohan was just straight down the barrel of the camera. She didn't give a fuck.

Like, it is just, I assume that Christie Wolf had someone else in the room, like sitting in a chair across from her where Lindsay Lohan is just literally doing what I'm doing right now, which is staring at myself on Zoom. There is a, there's a fucking Malania that walks around as a Lindsay Lohan. Her body double is so fucking funny. Like don't try to convince me that that's Lindsay Lohan, I can see that it isn't. Also, can we talk about fake Melania really quickly? Yeah.

I love it so much. I want it to be real. Yeah. Oh, no, it's definitely real. That is not. been several fake Melanias and I'm sure of it. First of all, she never smiles very much when she's with Donald Trump and who would. And second, she just doesn't look like that. No. I just think it's amazing. It's like they think we won't notice. Like your kids goldfish dies while they're at preschool and you go buy a new one at Petco. She's of like varying heights too, the different women playing Melania Trump. I thinn, yeah. the, the, the, the, the, the, their, their, their, their their their their their their their their their their their the different women playing Melania Trump. I think all they're doing to cast Melania is hair and thinness. Yeah.

And willingness to be kissed by Donald Trump. That's a hard, hard bargain. That's gonna be a hard no for Jimbo. I'm not doing it. But I loved in this that the body devils both for Christie Wolf and for Patricia Sherman. Yes. Their body devils do not care whether or not the women they are doubling just had their hair in a ponytail or not because they're often just like, uh, Lindsay Lohan has like curly

tresses. Well, yeah, so will the body double. Well, in this scene, she's got a ponytail. Yeah, but she's got curly tresses. We've got a... I like it when there's a body double for Christie Wolf. And it's like, okay, Mike, put on the wig, we're doing it. Oh, and she's fucking like full-on like moitai flipping on people. Honestly, like, this film is made much worse by having just watched Atomic Blonde where the Hand-hand Combat is so beautifully choreographed and so like wonderfully executed.

And in this, it's just like a woman who probably took a couple Moitai classes to get ready for this. And then, like, a dude wearing her wig, who's just kicking and kicking. Who's fucking funny? They just set to flip. Yeah, right. He's like a Cassio keyboard of people when they hit the flip button. No, that's Bossanova!

Katie, I prepared a game for this episode, and then it fell apart quickly, but I would like to still try to play some of this game with you. I am all in for this episode and then it fell apart quickly but I would like to still try to play some of this game with you. I am all in for this. How well do you think you know famous Lindsay's? Oh, not well at all. That's probably because there's not many. I am going to give you an eye statement and you're going to tell me what Lindsay I am tell me Okay. I am a sniveling piece of shit

senator from South Carolina. Lindsay Graham. You got it. I play guitar and Fleetwood Mac. Lindsay Buckingham. You got it. I know who killed me. Lindsay Lohan. I am an American country singer and university student who is 12th place filist on the fourth season of American Idol in 2005 and yet somehow I still have a Wikipedia page. How does this person have a Wikipedia page and we were rejected for not being famous enough? Do you know that? Did you ever tell you that? It came up on our sub-breddit. I have no fucking idea. Her name is a Lindsay Michelle Cardinal. This is exactly why I stopped going

the game. Because I was like, if I've already gotten here. The fourth Lindsay is just, well, that was fun. I was a 12th place finalist on the fourth season of American Idol. No one knows you. I can't, I'm trying to think of another Lindsay right now and I really can't. Yeah, no, there are not many famous linsies. I was like, I was like, I, I, I, I, I, I, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, if, if, if, if I was like, if I was like, if I was like, if I was like, if I was like, if, if I was like, if I was like, if I was like, if I was like, if I was like, if I was like, if I was like, if I was like, if I was like, if, if, if, if I th. I, if I, if, if, if, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I was like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, th. I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm you. I'm trying to think of another Lindsay right now and I really can't. Uh, yeah, no, there are not many famous Lindsay's. I was like, oh yeah, Lindsay Buckingham, Lindsay Graham, Lindsay Lohan. Oh shit, that's literally the three. Mm-hmm. Lindsay Bernstein, I went to like grade school with her. I don't know what happened to her.

I had to do an eye statement to do to do to do an eye to do an eye to do to do an eye to do to do an eye to to to to to to to to to to to to to to their to their their their to to their to to their to to their their their their their Lindsay Buckingham their Lindsay Buckingham the the their Lindsay Buckingham their Lindsay Buckingham their Lindsay Buckingenzy-I their-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-s their their their their their the went to grade school with Katie and then I could have fenced Lindsay Bernstein. I made fun of Katie's glasses in fourth grade. Oh man, come on, Lindsay. Bernstein. So this movie presupposes that after Brexit will be F-X-it, which causes the fall of the EU and then they create the EF? Uh-huh, the European Federation. How is that different than the EU? Because they let Americans in, I guess? Are they American? Lindsay Lohan is 100% American.

Yeah. President needs a haircut is 100% American. In my notes I referred him only as president husband. Richard Sherman. Famous football player. What, I mean, that, there's, when you're casting a president of the European Federation. Are you going to pick a five foot four man with a mullet? And like, oh, wet like, like, Brett Hart mullet. Like, I'm not like... Yeah. But also, I'm a clean, Chris Mullet. I don't... I don't think. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. th. th. th. th. th. F- I'm th. F- I'm th. Fame. Fame. Fame. Famo. Famo. Famo. Famo. Famo. Famo. Famo. Famo. Famo. Famo. Famo. Famo. Famo. Famo. Famo. Famo. Famo. Famo. Famo. Famo. Famo. Famo. Famo. Famo. Famo. Famo. Famo. Famo. Famo. Famo. Famo. Fame. Fame. F. F. F. F. F. F. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. F. th. F. th. F. like Bret Hart mullet. Like I'm not like a clean crisp mullet.

I don't think that man is American. He is a very European name. It's a Christophel Verdunck. He was doing an American accent wasn't he? Yeah, I don't know why. Yeah. I was shocked that the man doing a Scottish accent is actually Scottish. That is such a serious Scottish accent. It was also kind of shocking because his name is like Gianni Kapaldi. You're just an Italian man doing a Scottish accent? No. That's what was happening? He's straight out of Scotland. Shitland. Because he was like dangerously close to groundskey for Willie. Yeah, he was veering into that territory.

But I mean, I think that's his voice. I do too. Everyone in this movie is just like questionably European. Like why is Christy Wolf Belgian but her uncle is American? Uh-huh. Maybe British. No, no. He's American. I mean, he's got an American accent.

But she has a British accent. I thought she was Belgian. She is. I guess in two years, because this takes place in November 2022, all of the, all of the different countries are just melded. Yeah. And the building thatakes place in November 2022. All of the different countries are just melded. Yeah, and the building that she lives in in Brussels has a for rent sign in English on it. Wait, I have a question.

I have a lot of questions. What is he the president? President of what? What is he the president of? Duh, the European Federation. So do countries not have prime ministers anymore? No, according to this they became the United States of Europe. At one point, Lizzie Lohan said,

United States of Europe, and I was 100% sure she forgot European Federation. I do remember her saying that now. I watched this last night. It's all a blur. Yeah, I watched this and our next movie last night and my brain is a scrambled egg. Which order did you watch them? Oh, in proper order, yeah, yeah, yeah, good, good. So this film opens on some opening credits that are about 27 minutes long?

That's, yes, generously, yeah, they might be 30. It looks like a student film. It's just all these cemetery images. They were like, let's make some artsy shots of leaves on a headstone because like the leaves are so temporary man. Just like life and stuff. I hope they were able to turn this footage around for a like industrial film for a mortuary. Yeah. McCaven sons. This is still happening.

I was eating dinner during this and I was like, yeah, I'm not going to take notes for a while. Let's see what happens. I mean. I'm like, I mean, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. I th. I th. I th. I'm th. I th. I th. I the. I'm the. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I le. I le. I le. I lea. I lea. I lea. lea. lea. lea. lea. lea. lea. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. th. lea. I was lea. I le dinner during this and I was like, yeah, I'm not going to take notes for a while. Let's see what happens. Oh no. I mean, the beginning of the movie is very convoluted. We meet the man who is Lindsay Lohan's uncle, no, Christy Wolf's uncle. Yes. His name's Harry or Henry or something. Harry Goldstone. How is he her uncle? It doesn't matter. Yeah, it doesn't matter. He is getting murdered by a werewolf? Yeah, uh-huh. Randall, Randall Jackson.

The werewolf, who just like looks away from him for one second? Why does he look away? I don't know, and then Harry attacks him. I don't know. And while that's happening, there is a whole like scene of these three fucking lunkhead werewolves that are like, all right, they told us to make disturbances. Let's go make a disturbance. And their only thing they can think of to make a disturbance is to attack female joggers. Yeah, they just hang out in parks and attack female joggers. Apparently they've killed a lot of them. Yet, as we see later in the film, a group of like 15-year-old girls is still jogging in the park at night. I just don't three cops. We get, what is it, Bastine?

Bastion. Bastion. We get Blaze. And we get McGregor. McGregor's the dick. Bastion is like the, hey, your uncle's dead. That's a bummer. And Blaze is like, hey, do you need a minute? Is everything okay? Yeah. He's the compassionate cop who later gets punched in the face wire. Yes. Yes, and Bastian is also like the lightly tousled hair cop. But also I honestly believe that no lines were written for McGridor, McGregor, and he just had like a pocket handbook of like detective lines. Everything he says is like, go through it with a fine tooth comb and I want that report on my desk first thing in the morning and you're like, wait, what are you even talking about? And then he just starts trying to go, you're all doing a great job, it leaves. I have no idea what his deal is.

He's the guy who solves it all in the end though. He does, he comes through. Why, I don't know. So, we see the president and Lindsay quotation marks Lohan being delivered somewhere, which this is the first time we see fake Melania Lohan. Yeah. It is very clearly not Lindsay Lohan. Everything is wrong about it. It's great. But they show up in a white I'm either going to the prom or I'm on a bachelorette party limousine

I thought is this how it's done in the European Federation I can't imagine because when we're inside of it later there's like strips of neon everywhere inside the limbo and giant subwulfers. Yeah, it's very clearly just a we rented a limo for the day. Yeah. Do you have one of the black ones with golden tear? Nah, dog. It's homecoming season. You can have a homecoming limo.

We only have homecoming. You should have come to homecoming limos. This is all we have. So we'll pick you up at the gymnasium gym gym gym gym gym no, no, no, no, no, no, we're filming a movie. So we see a scene of like tiny baby, Ms. Wolf, talking to her uncle, and he's talking to her about the animal inside her. Like, he's like, crouched down to her level, talking her, telling her about, like, how someday she might find an animal inside of her. And then later, when he, his photo is in the newspaper after being murdered, it's a still from that scene.

I was like, why who photographed him talking to a small child? It's insane that they couldn't just take Why who photographed him talking to a small child? It's insane that they couldn't just take a professional headshot of that man. Or, since he's an actor, use his professional head shot. All of his head shots are him is like, the wacky doctor, the bad guy with a girly mustache. Nothing. There's like throwing them on the floor. None of this is usable! The fact that they won't show you the face of the young Christy Wolf.

Maybe think if she turned around, she's just a 35-year-old man with a mustache. It's the same body double, just wearing a different wig. And like, they're doing like that Lord of the Rings forsponsive to make her look tiny. Mike, get the little girl wig. It's a living. Then we see the meeting between Christy Wolf and Lindsay Lowyon, which is so, so clearly taking place with the two actors in different rooms. It's a mind fuck that this is a movie.

It looks like a date line interview set up. Because the pan, like there's never a two shot of both of them in the scene. It's always like, Lindsay, Christy, Lindsay, Christy. And Lindsay's so clearly green screened into the background, whereas I think Christy's actually in the background, which becomes really evident when they keep switching the camera back and forth between the two. And you can the the the the th so so the the th the the th th the th th the the th th the th, th, th, th, the the th, th, th, th, th, the th, the the th, the, the, because th. And, th. Because, because th. Because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, th, because, because, the, the, because, because, the, like, because, like, the, the, because, like, the, because, like, th, th, because, th. Because, like, like, like, th. Because, l. And, l's th. And, l's th. And, l's, th. And, th. And, they, they, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, the, the, the, the, the, the background, which becomes really evident when they keep switching the camera back and forth between the two. And you can see that Christie's in the room and Lindsay isn't. I'm sorry, Patricia.

Patricia is just right down the camera. She's like, yes, this will happen. And then this will happen. I'll need you to do this now. I have a question. I can't the question, I can't the th can't th can't th can't th. I can't th. I can't th. I can't th. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. to attempt. to attempt. to attempt. I can't. I can't. to to. to. to. to. to. to. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I. I. I'm. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm t. I'm t. I'm t. I'm t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. to. th. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. we get? That's only the second time I've said this is episode. I will say it a number of times. Where did Lindsay Lohan stop being good at acting? She was good at acting. She was a fantastic child actor. She was great and mean girls. She's been and she has been a very competent actor. What happened to her? What happened to her? It's like Nick Cage where like just too big and then crashed. Because she had some like substance abuse problems and stuff right like. Sure oh for

sure for sure but so do a lot of actors and they keep they don't get worse. You know what I mean? I assume she stopped caring. I could pay lens. Yeah I mean, she is. thi, I mean, she is. She is. She's like, thi. th. th, I, I, I, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th. th. th. th. th. th. thi, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. th keep, they don't get worse. You know what I mean? I assume she stopped caring. I get paid Lens. Yeah, I mean she is. She's like a, what she does like, parties in, in like, like, mayorka or something. Like she has like some crazy job

where she like is a party promoter. That sounds significantly better than my job. Does it? Party in Maureka? Have you watched the Maureka files on Britbox? No. Oh, it's good. I like it.

It's cheeky. You might like it. Okay, I'll check it out. It's a detective show. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. I like this. I just can't imagine, like My job is staying up till 4 o'clock in the morning to make sure people have fun at a party. Yeah, but if you don't have anything to do the next day.

Anyway, at one boy, Christy asks Patricia, why would a vampire marry a wolf? This is the first time we learn that Lindsay Lohan is a vampire. Or that her husband is a werewolf. The president, president husband is a werewolf. The president. President husband is a werewolf. Lindsay just goes because I love him. I'm convinced that was an answer to another question and they just had to like figure out what to do with it. Oh, Lindsay, precious Lindsay. Oh. Oh.

I can't remember who was involved in this scene, but somebody's like, oh no, it was between Lindsay and, and, and, and Christie. Sorry, Patricia and Christie, but she's like, I'll do it for 5,000 up front and like cut to Lindsay Lowend, well, here's 10,000. We're like, you're very bad at negotiating Lindsay. You're the worst at it. I can't imagine that they couldn't get Christy to redo that line, you know? What was she doing?

Hopefully other stuff. Hopefully, I felt one, sorry for her, and two, that she was really, really working as hard as she could. For sure. Yeah. I just kept trying to figure out if she looked more like Kate Beckinsale or Live Tyler? And I kept alternating between the two. I would lean more on the Beckenside side. I would lean more on the Beckenside. Yeah. But, uh... No, you're right.

There's a Live Tyler flavor in there. She got them lips. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. She does so many voiceovers. The entire film is basically explained in her voice over. And they... in her voiceovers and I listened to zero of them. So. If it's not in a voiceover, it's the news comes on and they do exposition for the fucking movie.

Because that's the only way you find out, or that's how you find out that Harry, Uncle Harry, was the president's campaign leader or whatever. I mean, the whole thing is just, I really do not understand what anybody is doing in this movie. I don't understand what anybody's motivations are. I don't understand who hired the guys to kill Harry. Was it Patricia?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Then why does she bother paying Christy? Because she seemingly wants to give Christy a lot of money as we learned at the end of the movie, where she's like, you go to jail but you'll have more money than you can possibly imagine. I forgot all about that already. To which, spoiler alert, Christy goes, okay. Yeah, I'll do a year in jail for untold riches. I think she got something in writing. Yeah.

We've done a lot of werewolf movies, I would say. A fair amount, yeah. Did you know were so punty? Nope. Because when she goes to the bar, the werewolf bartender is just like, he calls her, he says something about her being a pup. He calls her, wherewolvy, he asks her if she wants some hair of the wolf. And this is in, he's intro, this is in like the first 45 seconds that we've met this.

I feel like that guy walked out of the howling to your sister's a werewolf, like into this movie. I was like, oh, I guess we'll just keep doing this. At the end of this movie, Amazon recommended me a film from 2011 called The Howling Reborn. So... Ooh, la la. Get ready for next week, everybody. Please, no.

Keep in mind, you wanted this movie with the once of a thousand sons. You were burning for this film. I was burning. You know what, they were fucking cowards, and I was burning for this film. And I was burning for this film. I was burning. You know what, though, they were fucking cowards. And I was burning for this film and now I've seen it and I feel bad, so. I'm going to put it out there. I was right. About what?

This is better than Urban Legends. Oh, yeah, if I had to watch one or the other again, I would absolutely pick this one. And I'm going to say that that to say to say to say that to say to say that to say to say to say to say to say to say that to say to say to say to say to say that's to say that's to say to say that's to say that's to say that's thoom. thi. the the thi. thoom. th. tho o' the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. I thi. I'm thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. I thi. thi. thoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. I th. I th. I And I'm going to say that almost across the board for Lindsay Lohan vehicles. She's enjoyable. Oh yeah, she's a delight. Yeah. It's a delight because you're just looking at her like, what are you doing? I'm like, what are you actually doing? And her response would just be like to wink and shrug her shoulders and walk away from you. Yeah, and you'd be like, well, that's Lindsay. That's my girl, Linz. Can I tell you another two things that I really liked about the film making of this movie? Sure. I like when they would do aerial shots of the city that someone else clearly shot, like actual shots.

And then whoever, like, edited this, just learned how to sort of fade one scene over the other, like a weird wedding photo from,, thiiiiiiiiiiii, th....... th. th. th. th, th, th, thi thi thi thi thi thi thi, thi thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi thi, thi, thi, thi, that I like, that I like, that I like, that I like, that I like, that I like, that I that I that I that I that I that I that I that I that I that I that I that I that I that I th like th like, th like, th like, th like, th like edited this just learned how to sort of fade one scene over the other, like a weird wedding photo from the 70s, you know what I mean? I do. I don't know what that technique is called, but they do, and they love it. I also couldn't figure out why everything was gray-washed when you were up above the city, so it almost looked like night vision slash black and white photography. I don't know. It was very bizarre. It was a weird choice. I mean what choices were

there? I love back to the bar. I love when she goes and meets with Frank the bartender who says dumb things like Hare the wolf. Frank, relax. You're a bartender and a werewolf bar. How many times a day do you say that? Can you imagine like going to a bar and someone like, oh, hair the human? Yeah, no. Ew, cruel.

Yeah. But when she gets drunk and she's like, she like, she like, she's like, yeah, that'll zip a zap, I don't know. She, but it's like, what is, how are you this drunk? I don't know. She loves to drink does Ms. Wolf. She's a private detective. I don't think we mentioned that. Or that it matters.

Well, it only matters that they're trying to make her into like some hard-boiled detective. That's that's the voiceover thing was like voiceover and drunk. Gotcha. Gotcha. She's also supposed to be poor and wearing like hot kettore just like dressed to the nines at all time. I assume there's a fair amount of running in a detective work. Sure. Would you wear like a chunky heel with big fur around the top boots for that running? Am I a werewolf? Oh that's right but maybe it was just her fur. Yeah I think her it's just her leg hair. Her ankle's really wolf felt that's it. Yeah. So we see a scene where a president-husband is in the boardroom with vice president and some other people. And like a woman that we see once has one line and never returns again.

There's like an aid of his. And there's a whole bunch of people sitting around the table and he like sort of the president husband kind of gets into an argument with the vice president. And then the woman just turns to president husband and goes, I don't trust him. Do you? It's like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, there are, there are, there are, there are, there are, there are, there are, there are, there are, there are a the there are a the the the their their, their, their, the the their, their, the the the the th. the the th. the the the the th. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. th woman just turns to President's husband and goes, I don't trust him, do you? It's like, there are a bunch of other people at this table. Including the man you don't trust. Yes, he's still there. And President Husband just goes, no. Is the vice president the man I only refer to as squinty guy?

Yeah, he's squinting the whole time. Also at some point he's having an incredibly graphic sexy. I hated it so much. I hated it so much. Who is that woman? And why do we have to see her vulva from the back? Do you do? Oh yeah, we get full on vagueness. Yeah. Yeah. She is the like crimped-haired anginaw we see with it earlier on. Oh yeah, because she comes, she hands him a USB drive and she's like, you need to see this. I think she's like Russian or something. Because everyone's nationalities are very confusing. And she gives him a USB drive and she goes, you need to see this and he puts it into

his computer and goes, whoa. You need to see. And I was like, who is she? Oh, the woman, the woman, the woman, the woman, the woman, the woman, th, the woman, th, th, the woman, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, tho, she, she, tho, th, th, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, th. She's th. She's th. She's th. She's th. She's th. She's th. She's th. She's th. She's th. She's th. She's th. She's the, she, she, she, whoa. You need to see. And I was like, who is she? What is she? Why is she? Oh, you're the woman who agreed to put her a couter on the screen for this movie? Who is she? Where did she get it?

And what's on it? We do, we do. It's the president and husband, like, Oh brother. But literally every other person in this movie is a werewolf. Because Edelman... Well, except for Lindsay Lohan. Who's a vampire. He's a vampire. But she's the only vampire I think that we need, right?

I also forgot that she was a vampire, because there's a scene where she's actually in a scene with another human being, where they're in a cemetery. And they got, I don't know, I th 30 th 30 th 30 tho, I tho, I tho, I don't tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, thi, tho, thi, thi, tho, th. thi, thi, thi, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho and they got, oh I don't know, 30 minutes of her walking around that cemetery that's in the movie. It's a very, very long scene. And she goes into this old mausoleum and she's like, he was an old lover of mine. And I was like, why would you have an old lover? You're like, not a, you're 34. I know how old you're, oh fuck, that's a vampire. that's never mentioned. tha tha thiiii. thi. thi. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi's thi's, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. they's they's they're thi. they're thi. theea. thea''a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'er. th. a vampire. All right, that's right, that's right. Yep, yep, yep. Because it's never mentioned again. No, no it isn't. It isn't. And the vice president squinty eyes is like... He comes up to Miss Wolf at her uncle's funeral and he goes, I really don't want to have this conversation at the funeral, and then proceeds to have this conversation at the funeral.

Uh-huh. I guess the thing is that everyone is so willing to accept lichanthropy. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Because now he knows that she's one too and he says oh my god good Lord are you one of them too how many are in your family just like that and she's like a few yeah he does a lot of acting with his hands uh and it's not good because he can't with his eyes because he's squinting all the time. I feel like you'd the worst headaches from that. I just, I have notes like, oh, this fight, remember the fighting in atomic blonde? That was good. I do, too.

I have, this fight scene is so shitty in a post-atomic blonde world. When, so we see her meet up, I'm sorry, we see Christy Wolf, Detective Christie Wolf, meet up with Bastian on the street, and they're like, hey, and the other one goes, hey, and then they go back to her apartment and fuck. And, yeah, I wrote, this is expected, but also stupid. When they go to the apartment, it already has tea lights behind gauzy linens. She set that up before she left. Which is a fire hazard. And when there are those like flickering LEDs that I like. That's practical.

Christy Wolf is nothing, nothing if not practical. When they're fucking, the distance between his genitals and hers, it's just like she was like, yeah, that's as close as I'm going to get. Yeah, she's riding his belly button for sure. It's either his belly button or back near his knee. This is like, um, there's a lot of sex in this movie, and all of it is a woman on top. Yeah. And they're all doing the exact same thing, and I thought, this guy's got a style. Except when, when Squinty Eye and the crim terridangeno are doing it, and they're doing it from the side, and I just started yelling, I don't want to to see the the the the the the the the the the the the the tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho thu and thu and tho thu and thu and thu and thu and tho tho tho tho tho tho thi and thi and thi and thi and thi and tho tho tho tho tho tho thu and thu and thu and thu and thu and thu and thu and thu and thu and thu and tho and th. and th. and th. and th and th and th and th and th and th and th and th and thi and thi and thi and thi and thi and thi and thi thi thi thi the the and the the and the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the and the the to see this. That guy is really getting it though for an old guy.

He's like I'm really going to town. He really is. I didn't like it at all. Really pumping away. She looks bored though. Sure. She's just like I'm getting extra money for doing this, but I'm not happy about it. Yeah, I guess so. They start talking about Edelman, like, I don't know,

a third of the way through the movie and you're just like, who the fuck is Edelman? Am I supposed to know? I still don't know who he is or what he was doing? Oh, he's the guy who gets the package delivered to him the guy watched earlier of the president. What? And then later he is confronting president and the first lady of the European Federation in the United States of Europe, Lindsay Lohan, in the prom limo. When he's like, you gotta step down, you gotta take an L on this one.

Oh right, because there's an election happening. This is all taking place around an election. I love that they're like, he's like, no, the the the the, th, th, the th, th, th, the the th, th, th, the th, th, the th, th, th, the th. He's like, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, he's thi, thi, he's thi, he's thi, he's thi, he's thi, he's thi, he's thi, he is thi, he is thi, he is thi, he is thi, he is thi, he is thi, he is thi, he is th. He is th. He is th. He is th. He is th. He's th. He's th. He's thi, thi, thi, thi, the thi, the thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, the thin, thi. thi. thin, and thi. thi. thi. thi. thi, an election happening this is all taking place around an election. I love that they're like he's like no and then the next day it's like yep he won the election or the elections tomorrow. Yeah it's too late and also like what what is that guy's goal? What is Edelman's goal? Who knows? He's mad later. He's a werewolf too. Yeah yeah. And he's in in charge, is he in charge of like Randall and the other werewolves, the leather jacket wearing werewolves? No, I think Lindsay Lohan is. Maybe she was in charge of everybody. Ah, who fucking knows? Because she sets them up to kill the president, which they do. You president husband. When... Sorry. When McGregor and Christy are figuring out what's going on and they have to fight somebody

and somebody happens and it doesn't matter and I don't remember and I don't care. And they're like, oh my god we have to get across town. And then she starts driving and the whole seat is just him yelling at her to drive faster and saying, never mind, we're not going to make it. Yes, that's right. Why don't they call someone? They don't call anyone. And they don't make it.

No, they don't. They don't. They don't. And also, how do they. How, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they, they, they, they, they, they, they they they they they're, they're, they're, they they're, they're, they they, they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they know? It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. Oh, that's right. Edelman is in the limo telling them that he needs to bow out and he would cut a share of the profits from European fossil fuels. A lot of this centers around some sort of clean energy act that makes no fucking sense. I don't know who's for it. I don't know who's paying for it.

I don't know who's th who's th who's th who's th who's th who's paying for it, I don't know what's going on. I do know that he says, you don't want European fossil fuels as an enemy. Why not? Why doesn't he call them by their acronym, F? They do call it EFF at points. It's just so fucking stupid. Heroically stupid. We forgot to mention that when Squinty-eyed guy and the Grim Tered Anjou finish fucking, she gets shot in the head and then he dies. Oh yeah, for no reason, who shot them? I don't know. But they let them climax, which I really like.

They do. She's relaxing and he's wandering around the house. Hey, hold off to the refractory period, right? Yeah, yeah. There's a scene in this movie where Lindsay Lohan is watching Christy Wolf strangle someone. And she just is watching it like she's watching a makeup tutorial on YouTube, like head slightly cocked and just like kind of intrigued, like maybe I'll try this smoky eye. I don't even remember that happening. Wait, my next note start to talk about Colin and I really want to talk about Colin.

I really want to talk about Colin. I couldn't remember the last name they gave Colin. They didn't. they gave Colin. They didn't. He's just Colin. Because at some point, there's a flashback. There's a flashback of herself talking to her uncle, and she's like, do you know Colin? And he's like, do you know Colin?

And he's like, yes, I haven't heard Colin's name in a long time, Colin. And she's like, okay, well, tell me, tell me, where where where where where where where where where they, they, they, they, they, they, there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's a there's a there's a there's a flashback. There's a flash. There's a flashback. There's a flashback, there's a flash, there's a flash, there's a flash. There's a flash. There's a flash. There's a flash. There's a flash. There's a flash, there's a flash, there's a flash next scene she's wandering around looking for Colin and you think it's still in the flashback but no it's in the post-uncle death world. It just makes no fucking sense. He's just Colin. No, they do say his name. It's Colin Harusen and I couldn't remember what they said, so I called him Hooper Sound. Colin Huba stank. And I was like, when I went back and checked, I was like, oh shit, I was kind of close. I don't want him to have a last name. He has two things going for him. He's some sort of wizard who makes tinctures for people.

Potions. She's them potions! She's like, I need a potion. He's like, all right. No, he's like, no, okay. Yeah. She doesn't try to convince him. He has luxurious hair. His hair is amazing.

He is a great example of being beautiful only getting you so far though. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Because it's going to get you this far and no further. There are a lot of like, you should be in Calvin Klein ads people in this movie. He should be in still shots. He should not act, yeah. I don't know if he was very nervous or if you just had a bit of a tick or what, but he was blinking really hard. Sure. Yeah. Also wearing a tuxedo in the club feels a bit overdressed. Especially in that club. Yeah, unless like you're a butler

and you came straight from work. I was down in the old butle minds and came down here. Oh my god, I forgot that they are having a conversation in the men's room where he splashed a bunch of water on his face and then it's dripping on her face while. the bathroom. the bathroom. the bathroom. the bathroom. tops. And tops. And tops. And the. And the. And the. And the. I. I. I's a the. I's a the. I's a the. I's a te. I's. I's. I's. I's a te. I's. I'm te. I's te. I's. I's. I'm t. I'm t. I'm. I'm. I'm. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I's. t. t. t. t. t. te. t. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. t while he's talking to her and then all of a sudden a bathroom attendant off screen hands him a towel. And I was like, are you going to tip him? He was listening to the whole conversation about potions? Oh my god. And he's got like Pee Wee Her at the end of the Feeley's big adventure voice. She's like, would you like a towel? Yes, when he's paging Mr. Herman. And I mean, splashing your face, sure I get it, but he like splashes and then just like holds his hands and rub the water down his face.

I was like, okay, you're washing up. Have you ever splashed water on your face in a public restroom? For sure. For what purpose? It's refreshing. Is it? If it's a hot day out? Sure. Get that salt. You just paper towel it off. Yeah, that's why, if there's paper towel, yeah. If not, you just stand there with the tilt the air dryerier the air dryer dryer dryer dryer dryer dryer dryer dryer dryer dryer dryer dryer dryer dryer dryer dryer dryer dryer dryer dryer dryer dryer dryer dryer dryer dryer dryer dryer the air to the air to the air to to to to the air to to the air to tothere with the tilt the air dryer up and go, blu-glue. You tip that bathroom attendant? The hand you towel? I have in the rare cases that I've been around a bathroom attendant. I have tiped, yes. Yeah, I hate a bathroom attendant though I have to say. It's been 20 years since I've been near one.

The target to have one. Like I need, I need neither a tampon nor mouthwash, but thank you. Ah, crap shoot, give me both. Let's see what happens. Tip one and the other, let's go. Is that butt-shugging? Oh, no. Oh, I didn't mean put it in your vagina afterwards. You monster? It's a fresh vagina. Well, I'm drunk. Let's go. This is the benefit of me recording in my house is that I can't stop drinking. Just a fresh vagina. Oh man. Someone's really mad at me for saying that.

So she calls Dr. Blaze after we see her in a gym earlier and she beats the shit at some dude. And she calls talk... Yeah, they're like all shocked that she hit this guy, but like why is he's sparring with her if they're not evenly matched, you know? Her eyes did turn into headlights and she went, wow! That's fair, yeah. That's true. That's true. That's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, the the the the the the the the the th. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi's thi's theeee. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. th. th. evenly matched, you know? Her eyes did turn into headlights and she went, wow! Oh, that's fair, yeah. That's true. She's losing control of herself, I guess, but we don't know why, or nor do we care? No. Nor does it matter.

No. But she invites Detective Blaztold to, who was like, I was like, this is literally the character I care about it in this movie. I didn't remember him from any previous scenes. When he showed up, I was like, where did you come from? This is your first scene. How are you going to forget Detective Blaze? He was the one that said, are you okay? Are you okay? the today, I don't know.

I don't know. I missed it. And he's like, hey, could you not? Could you not do that? Yeah. The end. Yeah, I don't really know. And then he gets killed, right? Oh, because she's like, can you spy on a hoop-stank and tell me what's going on? He's like, I guess, cut to the news saying he's been blown up.

Wait. So she thinks there's a leak in the police department that's connecting them to the werewolves? Yeah, uh-huh. Who is the leak? I assume it's Bastion? That doesn't make any sense. That's just what I assumed. I assumed it's got to be the guy she's fucking. I mean, like, it's just insane. Like, at one point, she says that the park murders are just a distraction to keep the police off of Harry's case, which sounds insane, but it's actually what's happening.

Like, the more insane thing everything that's impossible, it must be the pastibilities? I think it's pastabilities. Postabilities sounds like like a frozen brand of pasta you buy in the sure-safe freezer section and put in the microwave. And when it's over you have meatballs and spaghetti. Isn't it the, the tagline for an old olive garden like experience the posthability? Oh, fuck. That's pretty good though.

Anything's possible. It's true, anything is possible. At one point, there's just a random person who's tied up and gagged and they torture him and then like this poor asshole thinks he's going to get rescued and then I think Christy eats him? Yeah, uh-huh. What is happening? She like saves him for being tortured and then they're like, well you saved him, you can go ahead,

thooo' that. She's like, hey. Hold on now. Hey, hey, hey, don't throw that away. Don't throw that? I got that. Yeah, don't waste food. I'll eat those chicken wings. Hold on. Oh, my god. It's just, it's fucking bonkers. Lindsay Lohan goes to three distinct business summits in this movie. Was she under house arrest during the filming of this movie or what? I don't know. Why is she not in?

Because there's a couple of scenes. At one point I was like, is it possible that we're not going to see her in a scene with another actor? And there are a few that she's in, like maybe four scenes in which she appears with another person. She's in the cemetery? She's in the limo. That might be it actually. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, there's a scene. No, that's probably a blue green screen. Yeah, there's a, she also is on multiple Skype calls with people. It's so nice that she can just Skype from anywhere. presumably to not set off her bracelet, you know? Well it's hard to, it's hard to get

from those business summits to wherever she needs to be. There's so many business summits in the European Federation of United States of Europe. And it's very confusing because it seems like she and her husband are running as a pair for the presidency. Like even in the meetings he's like Patricia, this, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. It th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's the the the the the the the the, it's thea thi thi thi, it's thi, it's to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's thi. It's thi. It's thi. It's thi. It's thi. It's the. It's theea. It's thea. It's thea' thea' thea' thea' to to to to to to to to like, Patricia this, Patricia, that, me and Patricia. And when he gets shot, she's like, in his honor, I'm running for president. I don't think, is that? Okay. I will take his place on the ballot, she says, the day before the election. And she wins. And wins in a landsline. There's also Frederick. Frederick's running around. I have no fucking idea why. Who the fuck is? the f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. th. th. th. th. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. th. th. th.. There's also Frederick. Frederick's running around. I have no fucking idea why. Who the fuck is Frederick?

Frederick is the like very French guy who wears the shirts that are too tight. Ooh, I have erased Frederick from my memory. Yeah, fuck it. Is he one of the werewolves? She, at one point she's talking to him on a Skype.. to to to speak. to speak. to speak. to speak. to speak. to speak. to the phone. to to the phone. to their. to be. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. their their thi. thi. th. th. their their their their their their their their their their their their their f. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. theea. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the the the the the the the the the their call and his phone rings and she goes speaker phone Frederick. Like good thing it was a scary bad guy on the phone and not just like his girlfriend who was like where are you you're late again? That was the guy who was in the room with president husband while he's having a Skype call with Lindsay Lohan but Frederick is the one sitting in front of the computer and her husband is just yelling into a phone.

Wait, what? Is that real? And I was like, do they not, do they, what do they think's happening right now? I am so confused by this movie. Oh man. We're like describing this scene by scene, but I still don't know what the plot is like These werewolves have killed a presidential campaign manager And they're also killing joggers in the park to keep The presidential campaign manager's murder from being investigated. Uh-huh, which is something that I guess what happened?

Are they the same detectives though? I don't know European European Federation has one police force. They just keep, and they just keep begging the president to kill the free energy program and he says it took me 30 years to develop this, but he's like 42. That's why he couldn't get a haircut. This is, I just like, my nose are just like, I regularly too fall asleep at my desk wearing a cowl and fingerless gloves. I feel like they taught Frederick English just for this movie. Is this her office? And why are there so many flowing silks? When we learn that Lindsay is behind the whole thing, my only note is DOI.

Doy. Another very DOY moment is when the Blaze's car has blown up. And that we learn about it on the news broadcast, because that's how we learn half the things we learned in this movie. And the news lady just goes, and the police have not rolled out foul play. And it's like, yeah, I wouldn't roll out foul play in a car bombing either, you fucking psychopath! What are you talking about? Oh.

So Lindsay Lohan, she's confronted by Christy Wolf. She knocks Christy Wolf out using her awesome vampire strength or something. I don't even remember this. What are you, when does this happen? This is near the end of the movie. Because then Christy wakes up and she's like, hey, I'm gonna need you to serve a little bit of time, I'll do the crime and then you get all the money you ever imagined. And Christy's responses, okay. That that that that that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is tho the money you ever imagined. And Christie's responses, okay. That is amazing because I have about 400 notes between now and then, but-

Really? Ha ha ha ha ha ha! Why is this part being shot with a much shittier camera while he's digging around in a safe deposit box? Did they let someone's little brother make this scene? It's so bad. It doesn't make any sense. I don't even know.

Did you bring the batteries for the camera? I got my phone. Yeah. A phone would look better than that. It literally looks like it's shot with like... Film. shot with like a film. I have a question for you about knives. Okay I love them. What is the purpose of a knife with holes in it like in this movie? So it doesn't get stuck. It's not going to create a suction. Oh fuck. Yeah. Oh fuck. Yeah.

All right. Asked and answered. Yeah. I'm glad you had an answer for one of my questions that I have in this movie. It's the grossest one, but yes I have the answer. Yeah. So the scene, the scene after the president husband has shot just ends with either McGregor or Christie saying, where's Bastion? And then it just cuts, the scene just cuts, and then it's daytime. Yeah. I just don't understand any of it. Oh, I think if you try, it will hurt yourself.

Like, the vice president gets killed. Like, the vice president's crim tear adjunctu gets killed. And I don't know why or by whom. And then Lindsay Lohan is the president. Uh-huh, president of lowhand, as we've always wanted. And she says something like, when a husband gets murdered, the first person police look at is the wife. And that's actually not even remotely true.

It's generally not the wife. For sure. When a man is murdered. Dumbies. When a president husband gets killed though. She has, so Lindsay Lohan tells her she'll take the fall, serve 12 months of a two to four year sentence and be compensated like she's never dreamed of. I love that she breaks it down so fucking much. It's really long. Do you think Trumps watch this movie? Yeah, I can do that she breaks it down so fucking much. It's really long. Do you think Trump's watched this movie? He's like, yeah, I can do that.

I don't think Trump has ever seen a movie, if I'm being honest with you. For sure. I don't think he can sit still that long. Am I too American to wear a cowl? Hell no! Like that cowl she's wearing that cowl, please, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that that, thi, that, that that's, that's, that's, that's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's is is is is a tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha, I is is is is is is is is. tha, I is is. is. is. is. is. tha, I is a, I is. tha. tha. tha, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's a tha. togs. togs. togs. toguia. togui. togui. togui. togui. thaui. thaui. thaa, I's love that cow she's wearing. Please. I will send you the company that Missy gets a bunch of like cow like sweaters and sweatshirts from. It's really dope. Cow's are dope.

Okay. Am I dramatic enough to wear a cow? I feel like I'm a little too goofy. No, for sure. Yeah, it's especially since we're like heading into like apocalypse times. I feel like cows are totally legit right now. I might as well stop trying to wear things that are flattering and just wear what I want. They just wear functional, yeah,

you're gonna need that to cover your mask up when the dust storms begin. Oh, please. I do like how they're setting this up, like there might be a sequel. Oh, no, you're not not't. Please nobody make that. Wow what a movie. Did we explain it to you guys? I still even now after we've talked about it. I still do not understand the connection between the politicians, the police, and the werewolves. I don't understand what anyone's

doing. Or how Lindsay Lohan fits into any of that. Like why does she want to be vampire president? How to get all the power from the federated United States of European Union time? But to do what with? Is it about free energy? For green energy? Is it about green energy? Is this an indictment of the Green New Deal? Oh no they didn't think that much about anything? that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that the that that that the that the the to be to be to be to be thi to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be their their their their their their their their their their their their the their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their Deal? Oh no, they didn't think that much about anything. Oh and like I forgot to have mentioned this but like Lindsay Lohan can read Christie's mind and has been reading it all along and she gets the potion from Colin to stop Lindsay Lohan from being able to read her mind. And then later she confronts Colin and she's like, she's been reading my mind the whole time. And Colin's like, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. th. th. thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi, thi, thi, thin, thin, thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thin, thi. thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin And then later she confronts Colin, and she's like, she's been reading my mind the whole time.

And Colin's like, yeah. I hated that so much. I just don't understand any of this. At one point, she's talking to her inner mind, and she's like, we're not at the Wikipedia plot summary. Bastion secretly executes Randall before telling Christian McGregor that he saw Edelman fleeing. Christian McGregor chase after Edelman, however he escapes. He does.

But why? But why? I told you Bastine was a bad guy? Is Bastian a bad guy? Yeah, because he kills Randall so they can't,'t like find out who sent him to kill the president. I thought he killed Randall because Randall because Randall killed his lover's uncle. No, he like, because he, wow, hold on. He shoots, he he shoots Randall and then like runs around the quarter when they come back he's like, oh man, that guy's the guy's dead. Oh, that's like, th, th, th, thian, thian, thian, thian, thian, thian, thian, thian, thian, thian, thian, thian, thian, thian, thian, thi. Oh, thi, thin, thin, thin, thin, thi, thin, thin, th. I was like, th. I's like, th. I's like, th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. He's like, th. He's like, th. He's like, th. He's like, th. He's like, th. He's like, thi. He's like, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thoan, thin, thoan, thin, thi. I's th. yeah you're right. Well you want to rate this thing? Well why would he just own up to killing Randall because Randall has just killed the president husband?

Because you're not supposed to execute suspects. Well it worked for Lee Harvey Oswald. Well that was a random man. That wasn't a government official. Yeah, whatever, come on. You're a European Federation cop? Who does he work for? He's in the Hugh Grant Division. Let's rate this bitch.

What did I give Veratica? I don't even know. Because this was better than Veratica. Do you think so? Oh, for sure. I guess, I mean, the problem with this movie might have been that they had too many ideas. Too many ideas, none of them stuck, like none of the pasta was done enough. Yeah, it feels very much like a short story that was due tomorrow, you know.

Sure. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Or a book report that you wrote without reading the book. Yeah, you read like part of the Cliffs Notes and then watched part of the movie and just filled in the rest from from imaginations. Um, I would give this movie a two. You think it's worth a two? Yeah, Lentie gets two points. There's a lot of blue in this movie, which may be very excited.

Did you think that that indicated the killer? I did. I think the problem with this movie is that it's not nearly as good as I know who killed me. Oh no, no, there's no sexy gardener. No, but there is a sexy ingenue. There is. But she does not have a nipple tattoo. If I recall the gardener had one. Like a tribal piece.

It makes less sense than I know who killed me also, which is a fucking hard thing to do. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Uh, 10. No, no, it was garbage. This is a three. I'll give it a three. Oh, okay. I, uh, I enjoyed it. But I also had no idea what I was watching. And I enjoyed the fact that every time that Christie started monologuing, I could just like do a little Christmas shopping. I got up and went to the bathroom. You did not. I did. I got snacks. When I came back, she was still fucking doing it. What was I going to miss?

Sometimes I heard her say the same thing twice. Like she said, come on, come on, think. Someone out there knows. She said that twice. And I don't know if it was recorded twice or if they just used it to to to to to to to to to to the to to to to the to to the to to to their their to to twice. Yeah. Anyway, it's a shit movie. I'm sorry, everyone. It's not like they're going to watch it. No, I wouldn't think so. I guess so.

I think anyone downloads this episode? Seven people will download this episode. I thank them for it. Well, hey guys. You know what else nice people do? What? nice people that have become patrons for us. On Patron? On Patron. Oh, I would like to give some thank them. Some thanks to them, yes. Hey guys, Alan took over the duties of finding out what your names are because I'm a failure. So.

This is from Dan G who is a patron, who we know, both of us. Hi Dan. I know Dan. Yeah and Dan. He says you know me. We know Dan. Yeah, and Dan. He says, you know me. I've been in DC for like seven years now. But you guys take me back to D.Burg Weekly, which has been all balm in these trouble times. I have a virtual COVID ban that I can promote, I guess, forgotten favorite. to out. Yes. Thank you, Dan. And say hi to Julie for me.

Yes, please. Dan is great. too. I want them both to be great. I want to be very clear. Dan, so what is a patron? Julie is great too. Julie, give me your money. No, I like them both very, very much. I used to watch Steelers games with them every single Sunday. Oh. Yeah. Back when it was cool to watch football. Before now times. Next we have Jess or kitten tongues is fine too.

Nip, nab, nab. She's Australian but lives in Kingston upon Thames, I assume, in England. Wow, you're so multinational. I'm from Pittsburgh, but I live in Pittsburgh. She says, probably never leave Aurora. Go on, fine. Fun facts. I have pretty much exactly the same taste and blokes as Katie. Yep, even Huey Lewis. Yes, yes, wood, right? And my little cat Floyd is a donut addict. If she hears

the donut bag, she comes running and gets right up in your face to give her a bit. That's awesome. I had a cat like that too. His name was Marley and he weighed 27 pounds. Marley was a god damn treat. You remember that? He was a th. He th. He was a th. He was a th. He was a th. He was a th. He was a th. He was a th. He was a th. He was a th. He was a th. He was a th. He was a th. He was a th. He was a th. He was a th. He was a the. He was a the. He was a th. He was a th. He was a th. He was a th. He's th. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He's th. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He's. That's awesome. I had a cat like that too. His name was Marley and he weighed 27 pounds. Marley was a god-dam treat. You remember that? He was a terrible cat. No, he was great. Shit on the floor all the time. Yeah, what do you do? No, he was fine. He was great. Love donuts. Probably why he was 27 pounds. Because I gave them to him. Thank you. And she thanks us for the quality entertainment and says we're literally her favorite podcast. You're literally my favorite person living in Kingston on Thames. Not that. She says, I find it hard now to listen to a lot of other podcasts because most of them have not come to the It's better to be fun than no things realization.

If you want that on a t-shirt you can buy it from our FT public store. Keep up the awesome work and I hope you both are well. Yes. Thank you. Thank you, Jess. That was lovely. Thank you so much. And that's the Patrons I'll do this week. That's wonderful. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Oh, thanks everybody. Oh, thanks everybody who got back to me. If you want to support us, you can support us at Patreon.com back-susworld family

meals. No worries if you don't want to. This will be free until one of us is dead. At which point the other will start charging for it, I would would th, I would th, I would th, I would th, I would th, I would th, I would th, I would th, I would th, I would th, I would th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. that, that, that, thi, thi, thi, that, that, that, that, thi, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, th. Thanks th. Thanks th. Thanks th. th. th. th. Thank, th. th. Thank, th. th. Thank, th. Thank, th. th. Thank th. th. th. Thank th. th. Thank thi, thi, thi. the the that, that, that, that, that, that. Thanks, that. Thanks, that. Thanks, that. Thanks, that, thanks, like a collector's item? OOP, out of print. I don't know why but I was like yes, yes, OPP. Katie, yeah. What are we doing for these fine folks next week? Like I don't know how this happened, but we are doing another film from 2019? Or is it 2020? I'm not even sure it's 2019 yeah starring C M punk called the girl on the third floor it's on Netflix and you can watch it and then we're gonna talk about it he talking about my boy Philip Brooks yeah that's the one I cannot wait to talk about about Philip Brooks so yeah go watch seem punk thethe movie, which I guess is what it's called, girl

on the third floor, which she's not, and then we can get into that. I mean I have a lot of things to say, but I'm glad we have another hour to fill with them. Me too. Yeah. That's it though, really. Yeah. You want to say goodbye to. Thanks for seeing 'i's sight inside the pool. No way to do it, let's do it, let's do it, to fulfill reviews.

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