Werewolf Ambulance: A Horror Movie Comedy Podcast - Episode 355- Twilight (2008)

Episode Date: November 15, 2021

Let's do "Twilight!" he said. It'll be fun! he said. It's got vampires and werewolves, how bad can it be? he said. My friends, I am here to tell you that it is bad. It is really, really bad. Special topics for your consideration include: nonstop relationship red flags, daringly naming a character "BEAUTIFUL SWAN" on purpose, the return of a certain fan-favorite bell, Mike Dexter, spring training, ravioli, hunky dads, and becoming a true crime podcast instead.  Warning: this episode is particularly NSFW. Like even more so than usual. Frankly I'm not sure that there's a more wretched vampire film than this one, but that might just be because Danzig's new project hasn't been released yet. Regardless, you may also like our episodes about such wretched vampire films as Episode 89- "Queen of the Damned," Episode 153- "The Hunger" (I'm sorry, I hated it), Episode 310- "Among the Shadows" or Episode 317- "Dracula 2000." Find us online: Support us at patreon.com/werewolfambulance  Buy merch for yourself or those you love at www.teepublic.com/user/werewolfambulance on Reddit at r/werewolfambulance on Facebook at facebook.com/werewolfambulance on Twitter @werebulance on Instagram @werewolfambulance. [e-mail] If you liked this, please leave us a review on Apple Podcasts or wherever you listen! It helps others find us and allows us to continue to grow. Intro song is by Alex Van Luvie Outro song is A. Wallis- "EMT" Seriously, we have the best listeners, hands down. Werewolf Ambulance is a horror movie comedy podcast. 

Alit, K, Kagan. Um, Keti. Can I please get a news alert? Bette-bubbidda-da-da-da-pup-dap-t-deta-dita-da-pap-t-di-tap-o-o. Savini watch 2k-2k-o-oh-oh-oh-t-o'-t-o'-t-o'-t-e-o'e, the autumn edition. , the autumn edition. . .. to-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-ss. to-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-e. th-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-ss. th. th. th. th. to-s. to-s. to-s. to-s. to-s. to-s. th-s. th-s. th-s. th autumn edition. Yeah, I saw him yesterday morning.

Oh, how is he? I didn't talk to him. Of course. I was driving. He was standing on the sidewalk, drinking a cup of coffee and looking at his motorcycle. Hell yeah. Yeah. Live in the life. Can I get another news flash? Bidda da da da da da da da da da da da. I'm angry with you. Not for the first time. No. Um, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. to. too. too. too. too. too. too. too. too. too. to to to to to to to too. too. to to to to to to too. to too. too. too. too. too. to. to. to. to. to. to. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to too. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I to to th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. th. th. th. the the the the th. the the th. the. to th. to to to to to to to to to th. I to th. Not for the first time. No. Um, this is fucking trash. What? Twilight! What?

Haven't you ever seen someone in immediately nutted and become uncomfortable in science class? Is that what happens to teenage boys? I guess so. Wait, we have to close out the new segment. Oh, da da da da da da da da da da da da da. Well I th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, the, the, the, the, th, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, t, t, t, t, t, t, t, t, t, t, t, t, t, t, t, t, t, t, t-a, t-a, t-I, t-I. t-I. t-I. t-I. t-I. t-I. t-I. t-I. t-I. Oh, but a da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da. Oh yeah, freestyle. Great. And honesty. Hold on, I'm getting, yeah, I've been fired from the news.

Yeah, okay, yeah, you're fired from picking movies. I went too far off. You can't fire me from me from th from th from me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me from th from th from th from th from th from me from th from me from th from th from I will say that this is listed as romance, comma, fantasy. It is not a horror movie. Are they vampires? Yeah, I think they were going to be werewolves. Yeah, but there are no werewolves. Are the Native Americans werewolves? I get, I mean they're descended from wolves recently. Reese, very recently. Very recently. Okay. Because...

Oh. Oh. I mean, when that flashback, the Cullins are there. Yeah. So it's got to be within the last 300 years that they're descended for wolves. Was Robert Patton's in there? I don't think so. Okay, because we know that he was born in like 1900. Yeah, yeah, yeah, he's a hundred and fourteen years old. And he's praying on a high school

junior. Sure. Yeah. Oh this movie should be called uh-uh. Yeah. No. Young ladies, young ladies, young gentlemen, if this happens to you, no. Move out of the country. So it opens on a pretty moody landscape. Sorry, it opens moody. Sure. Yeah. Sure. Kristen Stewart's talking about how she's going to miss Phoenix.

Are you sure she didn't go, I really miss Phoenix? I'm going to be so sad when I'm not missing. She seems sedated for this film. I've not really seen her in much else though, to be honest. So, no, she was on an episode of my beloved Hot On the YouTube. Yeah, you do love that one. And her reaction to everything was, whoa, oh, it's really hot. Watch out everybody. So she's just in real melancho.

Yeah, she's just like, yeah, she seems weeded at all times. Well, I would be too if my mom married baby John Cena. Hey, he's got minor, minor league baseball dreams. I was like, how old are you, sir? If you're old enough to have like a 16 year old stepdaughter, you're too old for minor league baseball. He's Dennis Quaid in that movie where he becomes a professional baseball player in like his 50s or whatever that was.

The professional? I don't know. I don't know. Based on a real something I assume. Probably. I have a quick question of you understand baseball far better. The professional is about also a Lolita. It's. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. thi. thi't it? It's true. It's true. Okay, wait, no. Rookie of the Year. Got it. Later in this movie, two grown-ups who are going to watch the Mariners game. Yeah. Baseball team. They are a baseball team. They would be my American League team if I had one. Okay. I like their colors. Yeah. I like their. I like. their. their. I like. I like. I like. I like. I like. I like. I like. I like. I like. I like. I like. I like. I like. I like. I like their colors. Oh yeah, yeah. Yeah. At the same time, Stepdad is in spring training? That's a great, that's a great point.

Yeah, that's like, well, okay, so she says it's March when she gets there. Okay. So that's, you know, generally baseball games begin the first week of April. So they might well, and going to give this movie one point for that. Because I assumed it was like August. No, yeah, she does say it's March. And in her defense, she went, it's Springtray. Yeah, it's spring tray. He's trying to play, no, he's really great.

Is he? Is anything really great? I mean, quayludes, I guess, I, I, I guess. I'm pretty into them. One of my first notes is just, wait, is that guy one of the guys? I don't know what I meant. I guess I think I was speaking of Taylor Lottner, who is probably not Native American. So according to the Wikipedia, he has Native American in his lineage somewhere, which so did every one of my aunts. Really? You have Native American? No.

They claimed it? Weird. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. bone, any white person with a cheekbone, it's like, hey, yeah, no, no, no, no, yeah, that's me, that's Native American, I'm indigenous. Because I am the child of basically immigrants, all of my cheekbones went into my nose. I don't know where mine went, in my beard.

My next note says, must be nice to be pretty in high school. Why, because literally everyone is like, you're my girlfriend, no, you're my girlfriend, you're my girlfriend, no. And you're also my best friend, and I just, like, love you. Yeah. Why does everyone love? I mean, she's gorgeous. For sure. She's very uninteresting. Thankfully so. Bainfully so. She's clumsy, isn't that adorable? She is so fucking so so soo- tha tha tha tha tha tha. She so fucking tha. She's so fucking tha. tha. thiiiii. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. tooom. tooom. tooom. tooom. tooom. too. tooom. too. too. too. too. too. too. too. too. too. too. too. too. too. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. too. to. too. too. too. too. too. too. too. too. too. too. too. to to. to. to. to. though. Isn't that adorable? She is so fucking useless.

I am devastated. Like, I don't want my child to ever find out that Twilight exists because I don't want her to grow up to be a little bitch baby like Bella Swan. Oh, the beautiful swan. You have to be fucking getting me. Bella Swan. Uh, Stephanie, can we see you over here for a second? Stephanie, this cannot make it through.

Uh, also, this movie could have just been solved with people masturbating and everything would have been fine. So, every time we have a vampire movie, I ask my questions, but do vampires jerk it? I hope so. Edward needs to. Edward needs to jerk it like a hundred times. Yeah, fuck a pillow do something, dog. Just relax.

He is so hard to watch in this movie. I haven't really seen him and much else either. He's very hard to watch. Supposedly he is, like, he's become, like, he's, like, to. to. to. to. to, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, he's, thi. thi. thi. to, to, to, to. to. to. to. to. to, to. to. to. to, to. to, to. to, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the, the th. the, th. th. th. th. the, he's, he's, he's, the, the, the, the the the the the the the the the the the the, the. the, thi. thi. thi. thi. th either. He's very hard to watch. Supposedly he is like, he's become, like, he's like, he's like a, he's in a bunch of Cronerberg stuff. Oh, really? And, or a few Cronerburg movies, he is like, sort of an indie darling on some level. I guess he is actually into like the craft of acting and like supposedly

personal shopper starring one K Stewart is supposed to be a good time. Okay. I just maybe it's just the way he's trying to swallow that accent in this movie. Sure. It's very hard to watch. He is very hard to watch. A lot of what he is directed to do is an uphill battle for anyone. What is he being directed to do? Have high hair. Yeah, that's easy. You're handsome. Well, where a lot of like pancake makeup?

His neck is not that pale. He just has this like very derpy look on his face. Like, he just, I know he's supposed to be so dreamy Sure to me it looks like he can't do basic arithmetic. Oh, no, he looks dumb as a stump. Yeah, I know so but all of the Collins do They're all just so wide-eyed. Yeah, and the one guy was in Prom night 2008. I mean it just keeps coming back The same year this came out. What a big year for that guy. I know, this movie? this movie. This movie. this movie. this movie. this movie. th. this movie. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. he's he's he's hea. I he. I he. I he. I he. he. he. he. he. he. he. he. he. he. he. he. he. he. he. he. he. he. he. he. he. he. he. he. he. he. he. he. he. he. he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he th. he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he what a big year for that guy. I know. This movie is just like, oh shit, oh fuck. You gotta be loaded after this.

Like, do you get points? Get points on this movie? I don't know what that means, but I hear that's the thing people do. I assumed you meant like, um, like, miles on your credit card. And I thought, well, maybe they have like a frequent the their their the, like, you get points, you get some of the profits as the movie is making money. So like, your ten sandwich is free when you punch all the cards. Exactly. Yeah, I think it's like the points is the decimal point that you get of the

profits of a film. Got it. I think. Okay. It sounds good. I'm talking partially out of my th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. the points. the points. the points. thi. the points. the points. the points. the points. the points. the points. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. it. I think. Okay. I could be, it sounds good. I'm talking partially out of my ass. Frankly, being fun is better than no one thinks. For sure. Do we mention they went, she moved to Forks, Washington? She did. She moved to Forks, Washington. Population 3,000. 1,000. the population. the the high school is huge. So many kids in that high school. Are 2,000 of the people of the populist high school students? I think so. Everyone is squinting all of the time. Squinting and like she just kind of blinks a lot. I just saw my note that says I wish his character was named James Pean. James Pean. Yeah I do

too. Edward Cullen, which is a much better name than his adoptive father, Carlisle Cullen, played by Mike Dexter. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Mike Dexter is a role model. Mike Dexter is an asshole. Peter Fetchner. Peter Fatchinelli. Ten years, only ten years between, can't hardly wait in this, feels like a lifetime. Ten years and a lot of hair bleach. Yeah, what happened to Peter Fatcheli? He's in Nurse Jackie.

Oh, okay. And he's really good at Nurse Jackie? No, no, no, no, no. So that was a choice for this. Yes, yeah, apparently, yes. Who the fuck knows? There was a lot of, like, why did this movie feel like it's set in 1998? I think that's just how the Pacific Northwest is. Okay. Is that right?

Okay. the teau. . It was a 90s. Yeah. I could have been in this movie 10 years later. But even like Alice, the one who has psychic powers I can see the future, yes. She has like the flippy haircut. That I had like 10 years earlier. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, it's very bizarre.

She's very bizarre. And Bella is wearing a ton of headbands, which I just don't get. Yeah. It's just... It's just... Head bands. headbands. When the Cullins walk past the window, just have a note that says, who are these jags? We're told that they're foster children who have been taken out of state and I thought you can't take foster children out of state. So like why is that even part of the plot? I don't know when they're all romantically involved? Yes, and they're even Anna Kendrick is like, you know, it's actually weird. Because like, fucking your foster brothers not great, I wouldn't think.

Not a good look. No. Uh, you know what? You know what? Yeah, I really like Anna Kendrick. Yeah, they-a this movie, except it like have great tits. Yeah, she's got, she's in Tittie Town. But like later in the movie they're like, hey great tits, she's like, yeah, I know. I know. And then we're supposed to believe that this like busted teenage boy is like

has to settle for taking Anna Kendrick to the prom and you're like, teen. It's also like an entire town of beautiful people. Oh yeah. Yeah. Well, I mean she steps in front of a fan and he gets a boner so and then runs out of the room. When she first walks in the class and she has to sit next to Edward and he goes, is he coming? I think so. That's what it looks like to me and he's trying to hide it. Can you ask Missies since she read she she she she she she she she she she she she she the book the book the book the book the the the the the the the the he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he the the to to to to to to to to to to tie to the tie. tie. tie. tie. tie. tie. tie. tie. tie. tie. tie. tie. tie. to to to to to to to to to to to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. That's what it looks like to me and he's trying to hide it. Can you ask Missy, since she read the book? If he, if he's coming and let me? Oh, don't you think I already have? What'd you say?

I believe I yelled, he'd notn? And she was like, hmm, sort of. that you're just supposed supposed supposed supposed supposed supposed supposed supposed supposed supposed supposed supposed supposed supposed supposed supposed supposed supposed supposed supposed supposed supposed supposed supposed supposed supposed supposed supposed supposed supposed supposed supposed supposed to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be, to be, to be, to be, to be, to be, to be, to be, to be, to be, to be, to be, to be, to be, to be, to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be the the the the the the the the the the thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. th. th. the. th. th. thi. that th. th. thi. th. thi. th. to. that thi. to. to. to. to believe that her scent is so intoxicating to him that it makes him stupid. That explains him being so stupid. Yeah yeah yeah yeah like she is because we learn that he can't read her mind when he can like all the vampires have their own special superpower. Yes. Although what is the guy from from promenades super, just wearing a hat sideways? Because he does that a lot. I don't know. Could be anything.

Yeah, we only learned Alice and Edwards. Yeah, I think they just could not come up with the other one. Yep. I don't think he can't read her mind. He can read everyone else's mind. Why? Because she's so fucking deep? Yeah.

Wait. so fucking deep? Yeah. Uh, wait. That's one possibility. Give me another. It's completely blank. I like that. Perhaps he just actually can't read. I just think these roles and whatever direction these kids are getting as actors is doing them no favors in this movie. Like a direction that she must have been getting is shake your head slightly back and forth but really fast all of the time. Because she's like you're asking me about the weather shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake. Shake, shake, shake.

Yeah. What are you shaking at? Yeah. She's just like, there's just like, uh, try to spell the, uh, supercarofagilistic expiolidotious in your head while anyone's talking to you at any time. Yes, yes. Uh, hold on, oh, oh, uh. Uh, when I yell cut, you're going to recite the parrot Pythagorean theorem. And it's, it's, oh, it's Edward. He's like, oh, you know that's, who's know what pie is the square root of pie and it's it's oh it's Edward he's like oh you know that he's like yes she's a fucking human

being like did you know what the square root of pie was I know that like those strings of numbers I would have been like yeah that's pie I wouldn't have because I didn't know what the square root of pie well I would just thrown it out there I don't thr a girl and you know stuff. So these two actors got together in real life. Yes. Which is crazy because their chemistry seems to be a zero. Sure. I don't know if that's just what they're being directed. I like this is supposed to be a teen romance. I could not have felt more uncomfortable. For sure. Yeah. I often wonder if like these intense filmmaking things just make for relationships that seem more intense than they actually are. Because you're always hearing about ex-celebrity

left their partner for whoever they're starring in a movie. Like Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie. Exactly. That's precisely who I was thinking of. It's the only one I can think of actually right now, but I don't know many stars. But there's like a lot of people who like, that happens to them. And I think they're just like this really intense, you're with the same people and they did five of these movies. Oh, congratulations to K-Stu who recently announced her engagement to her partner. Oh, congratulations. Yeah. But yeah, they have zilch chemistry. And we're, as we tell, talk as badly about her as we possibly can. Pro face. It's pro face. Pro face? It's Anna face. When they're looking at the worm.

Oh my God. Then there's just, he just goes, why didn't you, oh no, the scene cuts. And then the next thing he's just like, why didn't you move with your mother and Phil? And you're like, shut up. And you're supposed to to to to to to to to to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to to to to to to to to th th th th th th th th th th th thi, th thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th, th the th, the the the the th, the th, thi, thi, thi thi, thi, thi, thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi the the thi thi the thi thi thi the thi th the next thing he's just like, why didn't you move with your mother and Phil? And you're like, shut up. And you're supposed to at this point be like, he was listening, he remembered Phil's name. And we're supposed to feel a certain kind of way about the, Bella, what is her deal? Why does she like him? Well, yeah, it's not like she has like a lack of other suitors who

are trying to pay attention to her who are fine-looking human beings and don't just go, huh? When she walks into a room. The Native American kid seems nice? Oh man, I, his acting is why I'm like, ooh I don't know if we should keep doing this or not. Really, you felt that badly about him. Yeah, because after these movies, they tried to make him into an action star? Really? And we all went, oh no, I think we're okay. Thank you, though. Well, he did an action movie podcast. Why didn't you move with your mother and Phil? Phil? You remember Phil's name? Oh my God. I love you. I am going to give my life for you. Bella you stupid fucking idiot.

Most of her life is just looking over her shoulder. Sure. In a coy manner, just right over the shoulder. Well, everyone is trying to grab her at all times. Yeah, that's true. You're my girlfriend, you're my girlfriend. Just laying claim to her. And sometimes the van tries to hit her. What was that situation?

Why did he lose control? He lost control five feet from her. Yeah. If you're five feet from someone you've already lost control. And Edward moves, soops quick. Yeah, from across the parking lot where she had seen him just staring at her moments prior, which is incredibly creepy. Yeah. Don't just stare at people. He is just a walking red flag. Yeah. This is again red flags you'll ignore because he's over six feet tall.

Yeah. So he saves her, he saves her life. Yeah, uh-huh. Which she later is like, he's like, Bella, we shouldn't be friends. And she's like, why didn't you just let the van crush me then and save yourself all of this regret and I literally screamed. I mean, okay, all right. Okay. So I says to him. So this, this movie feels like, did you date in high school?

Not much. Okay, I dated in high school and every relationship I had in high school was the most intense relationship I was going to ever have in my life. Okay. Because that's just how I was, my brain was wired. And, teens. So I, I like, from that standpoint, this movie th, th, th, th, th, th, th, this movie, this movie, th, this movie, thi, this movie, this movie, this movie, thi, this movie, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi., thi. thi. thi. thi toee toe toe toe toe toe thi. thi. thi. thi, thi, my brain was wired. And, teens. So I like, from that standpoint, this movie gets it right, but it also has to distill that down

to a two hour long snippet. Yeah. So you're not getting, like, Missy says in the book, there's like a little bit more development of their relationship. I would hope. They don't get to you, I would die for you so quickly. Yeah, it's just so hard to watch that happen. Yeah. Yeah. So she has to go to the hospital where we meet Dr. Peter Fatchnelly. Dr. Peter Fatchnelly, aka Dr. Carloll Cullen, aka Dr. Carlolol, which I can't believe made it through first draft either.

Yeah, made it from a book to a movie. Yeah. And she tells her dad and the doctor that Edward saved her. And Edward's like, you know, I didn't, it's fine, whatever, shut up. I was standing right next to you. I've always been standing right next to you. Smelling your hair. This is where I have the note. Everyone looks like they just got caught poop in their pants. They do. Just, like, deer in headlights but trying to play it cool.

But also just shaking your head, no. No, no, the answer is no. Also we've seen her sleeping in him standing in her room. Oh, that's where I have the note, oh, he's in a room. No, she's just horny. No, but then later he has been in her room. He's like, I like watching you sleep. Fuck off. Yes, that's restraining order shed. Prom. Dancing. That's a line in this movie. That's a line in this movie.

Yeah. I can't dance. I'm very clumsy. Every question in this movie is delivered as if there's a period at the end of it. Sure. What's in Jacksonville? Springtraining. I'm sorry. I'm winding down. What if I'm not the hero? What if I'm not the the thi. Yeah? Yeah? the the the the the the the the the thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. that. th. that. th. th. thi. thi. th. thi. thi. thi. spring training. I'm sorry, I'm winding down.

What if I'm not the hero, what if I'm the bad guy? You are! Yes, spoilers for everyone! I'm a killer! Oh, I've got a new segment on the show. What is it? It's called Missifax. Oh, I love Missifax. This is the first time Google was said in a movie.

Missy Facts. 2,08, really? No. Oh. It was just a thing she said after someone said Google it. Missy. Miss, so Missy facts are more like Missy thoughts. Missy bullshit. Here's where I have the note note, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that that, that that that that that th, that that th, that that that that that that that that that's, that's, that's that's, that's, that, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. tha. tha. tha. thi. tha. thi. thi. tha. tha. th note Edward is a gaslighting stalker.

Wait, do you like that I believed it? Sure. Oh boy. It may very well have been. No, it may very well not have been. Did you like when they went to the hot house? To the what now? The garden center, the hot house, wherever they were. I don't even remember that. What were they doing there? Looking at plants? What? No? And that one kid tries to drink compost juice? Oh yes, I do remember that.

Yeah, okay. I'm sorry. I could only absorb so much of this. And so this is where Edward is gaslighting her. I can't even remember about what at this point. Sure, something. I think this is when he says, Bella, we shouldn't be friends. And she says, why didn't you just let the van crush me then and save yourself all this regret? And then I have a note. Thank you Anna Kendric for interrupting this emotional abuse. Oh, really. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, th, oh, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, thi, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi, thi, thi, th who I'm going to the brum with? And it's like that shitty kid over there. Come on.

Come on. So Bella's living with her dad, who is the only character in this movie I care about. And he's a cop. He is like a Lego man cop too. It's so good. I find him very attractive. Whoa! Yeah, he's just fitting in my weird dad mold. I love that as you blossom into maturity. These like weird Tom Selikian gentlemen just become very arousing for you. I didn't say very arousing, sir. I didn't come all over the biology lab. Uh, proface.

You care if I check? What was that scene? I don't know. They're both smart. I guess. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

Oh, man. So, her dad is the cop, the sheriff, and he says things to her like your mom seems really happy now that she's gone with Phil. It's like, oh your mom's happy you left. Great job hot dad. What's his name Charlie Swan? Charlie Swan. Charlie Swan. Oh, he also in this scene, or perhaps a later scene, it matters not. Edward walks up to Bella and then says, if you're smart, you'll stay away from me. Sir, you just approached. So the nerds invite her to La Push Beach,

La Push Beach, where are they going? Right, La Push. And she's like, Edward, you should come to? I can't go there. Why couldn't he go there? Because it's where the indigenous people hang out. Right, and he's racist. Is that what we're going on here? No, there's a pact between the vampires and the possibly werewolves.

I guess we'll have to find out later if they are indeed werewolves. Can I be honest with you? Yeah. Totally glossed over this. Do you want to explain it to me? Oh, so when she gets to the beach, she tells Taylor Lautner, Jacob. That she invited Edward, and she also tells it to his wig. It's so bad. It's like, it's got like Dracula point on it.

But I thought, is he a werewolf or a vampire? He's a hair wolf. A hairwolf, very good. So he explains that some point in time his people are from wolves, and the culets have always been here. Wait, they're descended from wolves? So wolves were fucking and human babies came out? Uh-huh.

Is that how descending works? Yeah, I mean, technically. Or did humans fuck wolves and have human wolves? Yeah. Ew. Yeah. I guess that's how where wolves get made? A chicken or a I guess there's a real chicken or the egg with a wolf. Yeah I mean it's supposed

to be a curse and that does sound like one. Yeah getting fucked by a wolf sounds terrible. Having to fuck a wolf sounds terrible. Wait is that what you're saying? Pretty much. Okay. And so he explains that the Cullins and the Wolves have these issues that go back hundreds of years, there's a truth, but in that truce the Cullins can't go on indigenous people's land. Okay. So that's why Edward couldn't come to La Pouche, because it's not a hate speech, I guess. So this is about segregation. Well, it's about turf war between the vampires and the werewolves.

Okay, fair enough. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I have a note about the ethnic characters have to stick together because then the Hispanic girl and the Asian guy are going to the prom together. Oh my god. This movie could also be called, hmm, it's a white supremacy? Who knows? I don't know. The super race are all blonde-haired and light-eyed. That's, oh shit, yeah. Yeah.

Not all of them, but enough. No, aren't they? No, because Robert Pattinson has brown hair. No, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's the the the that's th. th. th. th. th. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. the th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thease theat theat theat theat theat theat theat theat theat theat th theat, thi. thi. th that's light. That's like, that's a dirty blonde. But his eyes are also like yellow? Yeah. I don't get that. I don't know. Yellow. Okay. Oh yeah, so this is the eye. I've the the what is happening in this flashback. So thank you for explaining that to me. Yeah. So she goes prom dress shopping with her friends in the dangerous town of Port Angeles. It is so dangerous. Yeah. They must only have five antique shops in that town.

Yeah, right. And five bad guys, and they're all going to attack her. So I just saw a note that said Santa Claus guy is on his boat and the Cullins attack him. But it wasn't the Cullins. It's other bad guys. and the Cullins attack him. But it wasn't the Cullins. Right. It's other bad guys. We should also clarify that earlier in the movie,

some creep walks up to Bella and like, hey, you remember me? I was Santa Claus when you were five. Yeah. And we're like, oh, and dad's like, hey man, get the fuck away from my daughter. Okay, gotta go. And then that guy's that guy's that guy's that guy's that guy's that guy's that guy's that guy's that guy's that guy's that guy's that guy's that guy's that guy's that guy's that guy's that guy's that guy's that guy's that guy's dead's dead's dead's dead's dead's dead's dead's dead's dead's dead And then that guy's dead and dead, it's like I lost my best friend. Yeah. I didn't notice because he's so hot. But yeah, it's not the Cullins that attack him. Right. You do think it is though because they all kind of look the same.

For sure. Yeah. That pony guy, the guy with the ponytail. What is wrong with him? He looks like something's wrong with him. I was like, he's like. He. He. He. He. He. He, he. He, he. He, he. He, he. He, he. He, he. He, he. He, he. He, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he. I, he, he, he th like, he th like, he th like, he th like, he th like, he's like, he. Yeah. I th. Yeah. I th. Yeah. Yeah. I th. Yeah. I th. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, he. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He, he. He, he. Yeah. He, he. He, he. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He, he. He, he. He. He, he. He, he. He, he. He, he. He's like, th. I, th. I, th. th. th. th. th. of look the same. For sure. That pony guy, the guy with the ponytail. What is wrong with him? He looks like something's wrong with him. I was like, he has to have been in a movie that we've done before. Yeah. I don't know, I didn't bother to look it up, but like... So I looked him up, and he's a very handsome man, and I was shocked because he looks like something is,, looks like he got caught in a door, stepped on by a horse or something in this movie. I think that Blonde Pony is not doing him any favors. Although according to his Wikipedia, he does like having bleach blonde hair. Well I'm happy to know that about him, whatever his name is. His name is Camm, Gigendet.

One more time. Cam, short for Cameron. Okay. Gigandet. Gig. G. G. G. G. G. G. G. G. G. G. G. G. G. G. G. G. G. G. G. G. G. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. th. thi. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. It. It. th. It. It. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. Cam, short for Cameron, okay. G-I-G-A-N-D-T. Giggin-D-T. Giggin-D-it. What do you think that is? I bet it's friends. Uh, Gis-Jundee. Probably, probably. You're probably right. Giggin-deit. Gigandit. Did you see on our Instagram how a listener tried to help me figure out Don and Don Yes, by using a yawn and Ron and I was like they ride What are you talking about? I love that she was like crack the code Katie? We got this. I kept saying it to Rob I was like? Yon. Ron. Yon. And he was like, you're too far gone, just stop. And then I was like, gone, Ron?

I appreciate those efforts, though. Truly, I do. Oh, let's see, he was in a movie called Who's Your Caddy. No. He's surprisingly not in a movie we've done, but he felt like he should have been. Yeah, absolutely. Kim. Gijande.

Gjjjandet. Gigandet. Giggity, giga. So she's getting attacked in dangerous, dangerous, Port Angeles by a crowd of crouping men. Yeah, a crowd of presumed rapists. But luckily... Someone can drive a Volvo super fast.

He's the least cool car. It's a Volvo wagon. It's a Volvo wagon. I'm like a sporty Volvo wagon. That's so not cool. But it's so white. Yeah, it is very white, and he is very pale, so I guess that makes sense. I've been watching you making sure nothing bad happened to you.

I couldn't stand it if anything bad happened to you. Sure have a nice daughter, Sir, be ashamed of anything for anything. It sounds like a threatening- Yes. And then he, so he looks at these guys, and you're like, oh, he's gonna fuck them up. He doesn't do anything. He doesn't do anything anything anything anything anything anything anything anything anything anything anything anything anything anything anything tha thaen them. He's threatening her all movie. Katie, what are you talking about? Did I miss something? He goes, a growl. What have you just growled at people on the street?

I have diffused fighting situations by barking at people before? Weird. Yeah, because they're like, oh that guy's crazy, so I'm just going to walk away from this situation. Oh you were one of the fight fighting fighting fighting fighting fighting fighting fighting fighting fighting fighting fighting fighting fighting fighting fighting fighting fighting fighting fighting fighting fighting fighting fighting the fight fight fight fight fight fight fight fight fight fight fight fight fight fight fight fight fight fight fight fight fight fight the fight th. th. thi fighting thi fighting th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. th. th. th. th. th. th. hea. hea. hea. hea. hea. hea. hea. hea. hea. hea. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He th. He th. He th. He's th. He's thi. He's thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. th. thi. th. th. th. thi. situation. Oh, you were one of the fightees. I was the person who was going to be fought. Oh, wow. I thought you had just like walked upon two men fighting and you were like, no. No, no, no. No, no. Because that's what I would do. I go for more of a DMX park. giggle I couldn't possibly. Oh, ho, oh, oh. Oh, it's dark and hell is hot.

Is that what it is? Am I saying there? Right. This is where, when he's driving her away and she's like, I love you, or whatever the fuck she says to him after he says the most abusive line you could say to someone. I didn't have a note that says this relationship, 8 U's, sucks. Socks.

And there's just, this movie is just made so badly. Like, there's so many weird cuts. He goes from, I guess, growling at them, just sitting in the restaurant. And she's like eating ravioli? There's a big deal made out of her being a vegetarian I think because the waitresses are always telling her what she ordered. Sure yeah yeah yeah like here is your mushroom ravioli here is your garden burger. When they said garden burger I could taste the errant water chestnut that would be in every garden burger had to have one. They'd be like, oh that's that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that's that's that's that's th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the their. There's a their. There's a their. There's their. There's their. There's there's there. There's there. There's there. There's there. There's the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the. There's thea, thea, thea's a big thea' thea' thea' thea' thea' thea' thea' the the theaaste the errant water chestnut that would be in it. Every garden burger had to have one.

You'd be like, oh, that's not the right thing. Water chestnuts are yucky. I don't mind them when I know that they're going to happen. Like in a Chinese. Yeah, yeah, yeah. When it's in your mix of garbage vegetables and vegetables and Chinese food stir fry just like water mixed with air? And a baby corn. Yeah, I have to tell you, I really don't like baby corn.

Oh, I don't like it. I don't like, they're actual baby corn. It's the vinegar. Like it just makes them too like. Oh, no, I just, I don't want to be an adult, sir. I don't eat corn on the copy then. So at this point I'm like, oh fuck they're about to drop a Dracula line on her because she's like you're not going to eat. And he could have been like, I don't eat. No, food. No, he's not going to do that. I don't drink wine. No, he's just like, no, I don't eat. He's so shitty at hiding being a vampire, isn't he?

Why do you need to hide it? It doesn't seem to have any effects on anything, except that you're old. I guess he thinks people will think he's a killer because he's a killer. Oh, sure. Sure. But she doesn't care for some reason. She's so fucking horny. I have to be honest. I've then,, but if I found out someone was a killer, I think that's a deal breaker. I mean, historically there have been plenty of people that that has not been a deal breaker

for them. That's true. Prison pen pals and... Sure. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Oh, um. Oh, fuck.

Is it Stark Weather? Who's the guy and the girl that went across the Midwest and killed a bunch of people? I don't know. No, never mind. Stark Weather? Stark Weather was a serial killer. I've never heard of Starkweather. Oh, okay. That seems weird.

Yeah. Are you thinking of Paul Bernardo and Carla Holmoka? Yeah. Are you thin? Hold on for a Stark weather break? but I do like that one person's last name a lot. Hoboca? Yeah. Yeah. Hold on for a Stark Weather break. So he had a 14-year-old girlfriend named Carol Ann Fugate. Okay.

Charles Raymond Starkwether and Carol and Fugate went on a killing spree. They were, they murdered 11 people from, uh, in Nebraska and Wyoming. I've never heard of this. That's crazy. There's a movie, I think it's, it's Sissy Spacic and Charlie Sheen. No, Martin Sheen. Ooh, I would love to watch a movie with the two of them. Yeah, and it's when they're both like young. Yeah. And young Charlie Sheen, or sorry, young Martin sheen, unfuck withable. Young Carlie Sheen also unfuck withable. Young Emilio. Yeah, I'm all very handsome. Just fuck them all.

But, uh, yeah, it's, it's worth your time. Yeah. Yeah. Anyway, yes, so there are plenty of people who would not, being a murderer is not a tailbreak. Okay, some people like to fuck a murderer. Fine, fine, fine. And Bella Swan, those people. Beautiful, delicate bird who needs to be saved and hugged and coddled and cannot do

anything for herself. I just wanted her at some point to be like, I can't dance. Ha! Fall off the stage. She figures out, does she figure out that he's a vampire before? Yes, because she touches his hand and it's cold. And then the scene ends ends and you're like, what? Listen, I run super hot as a human being.

I'm like always super warm and everybody else feels cold to me so I am on a planet of vampires. It also seems to be the Pacific Northwest at night in the springtime. I bet it's cold. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But no, she figures it out because she's super smart because she knew about pie. Yeah, we see her figuring it out in real time, too, but it's like we're seeing all of her flashbacks of context clues and one of them is just sitting at lunch. It's like, how does that factor in.

Also, she went to like an indigenous bookstore to buy the on indigenous vampires of the Pacific Northwest? I think that's where I started getting confused about who's what and why they are. And I was like, okay, all right, support local indigenous businesses. I'm into this aspect of it. Yeah. Oh, and dad gives her pepper spray. Do we mention that? We did not. So she figures out that he's a vampire. Oh, and the vampires in the indigenous lore book are called The Cold One. The Cold One. Yep, yep, yep, yep, yep. And I think maybe, I don't know, it's because they're so vacant. They're just emotionally distant. Yeah. So she like, figures out that he's a vampire, and she seems mad at him about it. And, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, I, th. So, I, th. So, th. So, I, th, th, th, th, th, th. So, th, th. So, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, th, th, th, th, th, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that's, th, th, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, thi, thi, so, thi, thi, thi, thi. So, thi. So, thi. So, thi. So, thi. So, thi. So, thi. So, thi. So, thi. So, so thi. So, so. Yeah. So she like figures out that he's a vampire and she seems mad at him about it. And she just walks past him and walks into the woods. And it's like, why are you going? Go to school or get a job.

And he's like, I guess I gotta go in the woods now. Yeah. She's like, how long have you been 17? And he goes a while. Which is incredibly fucked up. And then he tells her, he needs to show her why he can't be in sunlight. Oh my, so this is a thing. And he runs her up the side of a mountain at super speed. Super speed piggyback.

I genuinely think that's what Lucy expects of me when she gets on my back, and I think she's disappointed. I scream laughed when this happened. It's insane. She looks like she's riding a person motorcycle. I was just like, every teen has lost their horny at this scene. Total boner killer. And she's, this is the only time we see her emote in any way

where she just goes, whoa, and like opens her eyes a little bit? Because he walks into the sunlight and starts sparkling. He sparkly like a beautiful princess ballgown, and also how did his shirt get ripped open? Also, why does he sparkle? I don't know. And then she delivers the line. It's like diamonds. You're beautiful.

It's insane. I find his face off pudding actually. I don't find him handsome. I only think he's a handsome gentleman. Maybe I just don't like him in this. And then he's also just like, fuck this tree. And it!! and it, and it, and it, and it, and it, and it, and it, and it, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi. thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii. Also, thi. And, thi. And, th handsome. I only think he's a handsome gentleman. Maybe I just don't like him in this. And then he's also just like, fuck this tree! And it's like, who wouldn't want to be with a dude who rips apart trees?

Well, let me show you, I could kill you. Yes. He's like, I never wanted a human's blood so much in my life. She goes, I trust trust trust trust I trust I trust I trust I trust I trust I trust I trust I trust I trust I trust I trust I trust I trust I trust I trust I trust I trust I trust I trust I trust I trust I trust I trust I trust I trust I trust I trust I trust I trust I trust I trust I trust I trust I trust I trust I trust I trust I trust I trust I trust I trust I and it and it and it and it and it and it's like, and it's like, and it's like, and it's like, and it and it's like, and it. And it the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. And it's like, and it's like, and it's like, and it's like, and it's like, forget that he said, your scent is like my own personal brand of heroin. Teen poetry, we're writing teen poetry, and I get it, it's for teen. Sure. Fine, it's not for me who's 24. Your hair is autumn fire. Winter fire, January flame or whatever. January embers, my hair burns are too. January Jones. You just totally glossed over me having been 24 for the last 14 years.

Of course you are. Like a vampire. I've always known you as 24 for? A while. How long have I been 47? Feels like a while. Yeah, feels like a very long time. So he's a grown-ass man and she's a tune-a-a-a of sad derpy face. Here's a note I wrote about you. I can't believe I'm

watching this for my horror movie podcast. Can we watch Twilight, he says? It'll be fun, he says. You laughed at them running up the mountain. I did. And then I, whenever he like is glistening in the mountain. I did. And then I whenever he like is glistening in the sunlight I was just praying to some god somewhere that he makes an audible twinkly sound. Or then he fucked up and just burst into flame. I would love that. Whoops. I am unconditionally and irrevocably in love with him she says to her dad. Oh my God, I hate it so much. If Lucy's, as that to me, she's going in the basement. Listen, there's a bunch of Luna bars and some water in the basement. I'll see you in six years. When you're over this.

He's my own personal bread of heroin, mom. Oh, no. Oh, no. Why did I have a kid? It's going to tha tha tha tha tha tha tha tha tha tha thi thi thi thi that that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that that to be that's thi. that's to be to be to me to me that's that's that's that that's that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. that's to the. to to to to to theat too too too too too to me. too that. that. that's that. that's that? It's going to be terrible. Is this what teens are like? Yeah. No. Yeah. Yeah. When they're not yelling at you, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. We're saying the meanest things in the world she can think of to say to her dad. Do you, I mean, yes, we remember being teens. We were fucking, I remember being a teen and being like, I'm a dick and I have no idea why right now. Yeah. Yeah, that's fun. Her sad, her dad. She'll hit like 20 at some point, it'll be great again.

So six years in the basement. Yeah, exactly. It's gonna be a lot of Luna bars. They were the lady power bar. Yeah, they're protein for women. Because they had like a candy coating because women's got sweet tits. Oh, women love chocolate because of periods!

Hack chocolate! Oh, Kathy! When will you just buy the bikini? Does his painting suit made me look chocolate? So she and Edward are now together. Right, he explains vampirism to her and why his family are vegetarians because they only eat animals. Right, which is not vegetarianism but okay. It's like, you know, tofu. It's not as good as real food. I like tofu. And I was like,

fuck you dog. I just had tofu for dinner. Everybody likes tofu, it's not as good as real food. I like tofu. And I was like, fuck you dog, I just had tofu for dinner. Everybody likes tofu. But we've also learned that, so Carlisle turned into a vampire, because he had Spanish flu. Spanish flu. Yeah, yeah. Yeah.

Carlil just turned sick kids into vampires. Hot ones. Oh, that's why everyone else died of the Spanish flu. Too beautiful to die. He like made himself a forever wife, which I thought was weird. Why do I know that lady? She's from Haunting of Hill House. She's a sister who works the funeral home, yes. But I do like to imagine that Edward is just looking at her and he sees a tee bone, like a cartoon. Like a buncha? Oh my god.

And the whole thing of her like washing the truck and him just like hopping on her truck and hopping down like an overactive peeknies and just being like, I'm gonna take you to my parents tomorrow. Yeah, don't. Dude love CDs though. I got a lot of CDs. You don't have a bed. They don't sleep. No, not at all. What about for Fuckins though?

Yeah. That's probably why he's not jerking it. I mean, I guess, you never have to sit on the toilet? This is the thing of whether do vampires ever have to pee or poop? It's true. Because if they don't pee or poop, they wouldn't have a toilet. Yeah, whatever else just doesn't have a toilet? No beds, no toilets. Yeah. This is the first time we're using our kitchen. Yeah, why have it I can't remember which one that was. It does. It's the girl from 13. Yes. Yeah, yeah. This is directed by the same woman who directed 13, right? Yeah. And the girl from 13 wrote the movie 13 or 13 when she was 14. She wrote that movie. Nick Reed did? Yeah. Wow. Man that movie fucked me f- It th. It th. It that that that that movie f f f f f f. It was. It was that movie f. It was that movie f. It was that movie. that movie. that movie. It was that movie. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. It was th. th. It was th. It was th. It was th. It was th. It was th. It was th. It was th. It was th. It was th. It was th. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. th. th. th. th. thi. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. movie. Nicky Reed did? Yeah. Wow. Man that movie fucked me up. I've never seen it. Oh, it's don't bother.

Okay. I mean, no, it's good. It's good. But it's like not a good time. Not a good time. Yeah. Yeah. So when Bell was like, oh, I already ate because you people are vampires, and I didn't think there'd be food because that's..... they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. the. the. thea thea thea thi thi thea. thea. the. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu to to to thu to to to to to to to to to to to to tooo thu thu thu thu thu thu th I did a rational thing. Yeah, why would you expect them to cook for you? Mickey Reed throws the salad bowl on the ground! No, she doesn't, she squeezes it to death. She's close in her hands. You fucking idiot. Yeah, she's so mad. She's so mad that Kristen Stewart exists. And I'm not sure why, because she's got a guy from Prom Night 2008, right? No, she's got, um, oh god, what the fuck was his name, like Jeremy or Jasper? No, I think Jasper's with Alice. Oh, that's right. You're right. You're right. She's got Prom Night.

He just opens his eyes as wide as he can. Right, because he's new to the vegetarian lifestyle. Did she turn him? Is that what we're to understand? I think they brought him into their fold. He had already been a vampire, but he became part of their family. That's my understanding. So his constant look of shock is that he can't just murder everyone around him at all

times. I thought he just looks that's an excuse for Durp. Yeah. But, oh my god, it's so, it's so silly. There's, they dance in his room and it makes me feel terrible and I don't know why. You know Debusy? Clare de Loon's pretty good. What? Okay! But it feeds into that male fantasy of like the perfect pixie, Bannock Pixie Dream Girl

who knows like, oh shit, you know the pixies and you know blah blah blah and like, you know the things that are cool that I like, like Debusy. The pixies. Okay. Because this movie is male fantasy even though it's a place in a book written by women, written by a woman, directed by a woman, screenplay by a woman, but it's completely male fantasy. The female, the female lead character is a very bad example of being a woman. Sure. Yeah, yeah. She's helpless. She gives everything up for a man. It feels

very outdated. She seemingly has no autonomy whatsoever. She just likes him because he negs her, I guess? Sure. Why is she even into him? It's beautiful? What, like, he's so into her for some like weird biological reason that vampires up? What is her deal? If I could, I do, okay. Yeah, it's fine. I'm not expecting you to explain this to me, Stephanie Meyer. Hi, I'm Stephanie Meyer, I'm the co-host of your podcast for the best seven years. It's weird that we waited this long to do your movie. Yeah, also, I'm phenomen Meyer, I've been the co-host of your podcast for the best seven years. It's weird that we waited this long to do your movie. Yeah, also, I'm phenomenally rich.

Yeah, you think we could get us a better attic to record in, Stephanie Meyer. They do a bit more leaping and flying around, which is just terrible. And we feel like we've entered into padding the movie. And why? I do not know. And also, I feel like if they were going to pad the movie, they could have done it with scenes of them talking to one another and developing a relationship. We never really see them have much of a conversation.

Katie, he says, well, hold on tight, Spider Monkey. Oh, yeah. That was weird. That made me uncomfortable, because it's that he that he that he that he that he that he that he that he that he that he that he that he that he is, thii. thi. thi. thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, I thi. thi, thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. I thi. I thi, I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I feel, I feel thi. the is thee is theeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeea. theeea. theeeeeeeea. theeeeeeee. the. the. That was weird. That made me uncomfortable because it's weird that he's referring to in these terms of affection when also like showing her no real affection. Yeah, when also being older than her dead probably grandfather. Oh yeah, yeah. Look, what did they even talk about when they hang out? I do not know. I was thinking that and then it cut to like her watching him play a grand piano while lounging on a sofa. And then I wrote, I'm just being a dick because I'm bored. And I feel like that was like, that was like feeding into the chasteness of this movie where I was getting like, like Jane Austin vibes like, oh someone's playing piano well to entertain their lover. Like, because we can't actually touch. Because when they do try to make out later, he can't stop himself from going too far.

But not sexually, right? Right, no. But it was... Like, bloodlettingly. It was basically vampire soaking. Are you familiar with soaking? I am familiar with soaking. And what's it called when you jump when you have a friend jump on the bed? Oh I don't remember yeah. That's really sad for sure. That's just a bummer. It really is.

But I wanted to just be like just let me dip my fangs in. Just hold him there. Just get fucked. Everybody just get fucked if you want to get fucked. Everybody's just get fuced. Everybody's consensing in the situation. Get fucked. You you you do talked. You're just. the f. th. Just. th. th. Just. th. th. Just. th. th. th. th. th. th. Just just. th. th. Just just. Just just. th. Just just just just just just just just just just just just the the the th. th. th. th. th. Just th. Just th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. that's just that's just that's just th. that's just that's just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. Just. thi. thi. Just. the situation. Get fucked. You talk about what you're doing beforehand. Get fucked. Yeah, everything will be fine. Just get fucked. Yeah. Just, we don't have to do this. Oh.

Tell me about the baseball scene of thunderstorms. I don't want to. You love baseball. Yeah, I do. Why are they wearing old-timey baseball uniforms? Because they've had them for years, I guess. They go play baseball in a thunderstorm. Why do they play it in a thunderstorm, Katie? Because they're hitting the ball so loud that they need the sound of thunder to cover it up. Fuck you, movie! They also fly around the bases, which I think is cheating. They like fly-ish. They're just like so so so th- they're th- they're th- they're th- th- they're th- they're th- th- th- th- they're th- th- th- they're th- th- th- th- th- th- th- th- th- th- th- they've they've tho- thi- thi- thi- they've they've they've they've they've they've thi-tha-s thi-s thi-s thi-s they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they're they're thi-a-s thi-s. thi-s. thi-s. tho-s. thoo-shauuuuuui-shauu-shaui-sa-sa-sa-sa-sa-shauaseaseaseasea-s. tha-s. th bases, which I think is cheating. They like fly-ish.

They're just like so fast that they're airboard, basically. And they can also fly to the outfield and catch fly balls. Right. It's, Alice is the pitcher, and I thought, well, she can never bat because she can see the future so she knows what pitch is coming. So it must be like a DH League. Yeah.. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sure. Yeah. Real Dickhead League. If you had to guess what D. H. Stood for. Designated hitters. Oh, we could. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's pie. Debusy. You're my manic pixie dream boy because you've heard of designated hitters. Are you negging me right now? And pixies? I am. That's fine. I've been watching you while you sleep.

No movie! She's like awesome. That's so hot. I fart so much in my sleep. I know that I'm I'm a sleep partner because I've been told by many a partner. Yeah. That's embarrassing. That's embarrassing. Yeah. Or even worse would you just think you're alone or it's like, well, I'm just gonna let go and... Yeah. Or just, yeah. Or you're just like quietly jerking it in your bed and some dude from school, this 118 year old man from school is peeping through your window?

Not even people through your window, he's just standing in the dark. What was the movie with the masturb th you th you th you th you w w w w w w w w w w w w w w w w w w w w w w w w w wa th th th th th th th th th th th th th th thi thi thi thi thi thi thi- thi- thi thi thi- thi- thi- thi- thi- thi- thi- th. Oh, th. Oh, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. that's that's that's th. that's that's that's that's th. that's that's thi? that's that's that's thi? that's just just just just just just thateeateateateateateateat that that thateateat that that that's just standing in the dark. What was the movie with the masturbating ghost that kept getting powder on it at the bottom of the bed that was watching the people make a porno? Do you remember what I'm talking about? Whoa, that sounds vaguely familiar, but I do not. It wasn't that long ago. Was it a movie? Was it? Was a movie? Was a movie? Was a movie? Was a movie? Was. Was a movie? Was it? Was. Was it? Was it? Was it? Was it? Was it? Was it? thi? thi? thi? thi? thi? thi? thi? thi? thi? thi? thi? thi? thi? Was it a thi? thoomomating? tho? tho? the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. Was. Was. Was. Was. Was. Was. Was. Was. Was? Was. Was? Was. Was? Was. Was? Was? Was. Was. Was? Was? Was. Was. Was. thi? Was. thi? Was. thi? Was. thi? thi? thi? thi? thi? thi. thea? thea. thea. theaua. that. that that that that that that that that that that that that thi? that a sex tape and then something happens and dust falls from the ceiling and it lands. Oh shit, paranormal activity. Yeah, oh yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah. Because he was watching them make a sex tape. He's a creepy old man I remember. Anyway, that's you Edward Cullen. It sounds like a ribald comedy about Master Mane Ghost. Like Bovattie. I'd like that a lot a lot a lot a lot a lot a lot a lot a lot a lot a lot a lot a lot a lot a lot a lot a lot a lot a lot a lot a lot a lot a lot a lot a lot a lot a lot a lot that a that a that a that a that a tha tha tha. tha'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'er. thoomomatonea'a'a'a'a'a'er. thoomomomom. thoomomomom. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, Goldwain eighties. I'd like that a lot. So here come the cool vampires from the city.

Oh my God, oh my God. They just want to play baseball too. Or at least the, they're like, headleader guy once, just wants to play baseball too. So we've got James Witherdale, who the pony tale. Witherdale! Victoria Sutherland who's the lady and Laurent de Reveen. Everyone has to have a three-syllable last name. And Laurent is the sensible guy who's like, hey we're just passing through. Well you guys been causing us a lot of trouble. Well, all right, we're just going to take off, man, sorry.

Yeah, they just, he really just wants to play baseball. I guess all vampires do love baseball. And James is like, ah, I gotta have her. James's ponytail makes me not respect him. I wrote that down.. It's true. That's a truism. Yeah, so they run away, Edward and Bella. He's got to get her out of town. He buckles her in like she's a small child. That was so infuriating to me.

Hey, and she's like, yes, daddy. Yeah, hands up. I can't buckle you when you're messing around. Where's my binkie. the the th. the th. the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. I. th. I. I. I. th. th. thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, th. thin, th. th. th. thi. to. to. too, too, too, too, too, too, th. th. th. th. th. He's, th. He's, to. He's, to. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He's, to. He's, to. He's, t t t too. toge. tog. to. to. t to. to. tog. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. I want my tablet. We're only going to be driving for a few minutes. I want it anyway. Can we stop? I have to pee. So Edward's like we got to kill him, rip him apart and burn the pieces and it's like, that escalated quickly.

And she's like, okay. He will never leave you alone. He's got your smell in his nose. So fucking stupid. I don't know, dog, you're a little watching her fart at night. Yeah, makes her hurt her poor dad. Yeah, he's like, he'll try to let him down easy and she comes in. She's like, I'm gonna leave you for the same reason mom did. Yeah, you trapped her here. Just like, Jesus Christ, Bella. you just went zero to a thousand. Her dad and Laurent were the only people who seemed like they'd been in a movie before.

Yeah, for sure. Which is definitely not true. Peter Fatchinelli. Promy 2008. Probably the same time. Yeah, probably the same time. Yeah, he's probably doing them concurrently. Be right back, gotta do a scene with Idryselba. I wish Idrisselba had been in this movie.

So they're like, let's sneak you away to someone where you, they'll know where you are like Phoenix. Yeah. Yeah. So they take her to Phoenix, they stay in a hotel. It's her and Alice and Jasper, who is just gazing glassy-eyed at nothing. He looks like the frog prince who got turned into a prince like unbeknownst to him and he's like what the hell? What's going on? You half expect his mouth to open in like a whole long tongue to unfurl?

It just needs a fly off the wall. Chasper. Oh my god. We're 56 minutes into this. I am not nearly done, so buckle in. So, of course James finds them, because you're like, you loved your, your mom's a dress at your house. Right. Well, and they're also like, the other vampires are going after him. Yeah.

Fotchinelli and his forever wife. And Rosalie, who's Nicky Reed, who's like, I just want to hit dingers. I just want to go out there and hit some dingers. And they're like, well, you have to fight this vampire. And she's like, mother fucker. Big thunderstorm coming there. I'm going to rea to crack to reenact the natural here people. Great movie. And also Jacob is supposed to be hunting him as well, right? Easy? Yeah, because he's not with Bella. He's

hunting James. Wait, Jacob. No, Edward, Edward. Sorry, sorry. Because Jacob turns up again at the end of the movie and you're like, where'd you come from? I forgot about you? Who are you? What have you been doing all this time? Getting the wig. So yes, Edward is also, I think he's with his dad. Right, who's not his dad. He's just his friend. His vamp daddy. Vamp daddy. Ew. So she gets away, she sneaks away from Jasper and Alice and I don't remember why. But she's doing it while they're like standing at the front desk of the hotel for a really long time and I was like like like like like like like th th th th th th th th th th th th like like like th th th like th th th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. Yes, th. Yes, th. Yes, th. Yes, thi, thi. Yes, yes, th. Yes, th. Yes, th. Yes, th. Yes, I th. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. th. Yes. th. Yes. the the the the th. Yes. Yes. the th. the th. th. th. the thi. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes doing it while they're like standing at the front desk of the hotel for a really long time and I was like what are they doing? Are they checking out or they waiting for more towels? Like what is distracting them? Jasper made a pee-pee and they've got to clean him off. Just standing like with a wide-legged stance like awww. These jeans are soaked. Oh, pissed jeans. So she's leaving them behind because James has called her and would like,

meet me at, meet me at your old ballet studio, which is a premonition that Alice had earlier. And they should have known. And they should have known. Yes. That's my old ballet studio. What? That's my... Wake up! I can't stop shouting, I'm so sorry.

That's my old ballet's. I belied. How did she have the energy? She did appear what? And so yeah, so she has to go to her old ballet studio where James is and then of course Edward shows up. Well, how does he know that she's there? Katie. I don't know. Kady.

I don't know. Am I supposed to know? Her love is his drug? He can't get enough of her. He knows where she is at all times. Right. It just seemed like he would have been busy hunting James. Well, to. I, to. I, to, to, to, the, to, to, the, I, I, th, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm. th. th. th. th. th. th. K, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, fine, fine. So he gets James up against a pole or something. Yeah, James bites her at some point.

Yes, he bites her arm. He bites her arm. But he just soaks. He doesn't go all the way. Yeah, he just soaks. He's really going to snack. He's going to have some more later. Also, she gets her femoral artery severed, which is like, like,. And they're like not that concerned about that part. No.

Yeah. Also, James is trying to make a video to show to Edward to upset him later. Yes, right. He is. Why? I don't know. All of a sudden I want to ruin this kid's life. Yeah, just because he wouldn't let me play baseball, question question, to play, to play, to play, to play, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the........ th like her life passing before her eyes, but it's all just her looking bored or vaguely confused and you're like, that was it?

That's it. That's it. So Edward has to suck the venom out because apparently they have venom. Yeah. Oh, he does say that earlier that the venom is excruciating. Yeah. I hadn't really thought about that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that thiiauuuuu thiathat the venom is excruciating. Yeah. I hadn't really thought about that until now and I realize I don't like it one bit. Oh not at all. No. Nope. He sucks out the venom but he almost can't stop himself. Yeah.

And Peter Fatchnelli is like, stop, stop, stop. And it's like why didn't you just do it, Peter Fotchinnelly? You know, I've got enough vamp kids as it is, and it would accidentally make another one. Why didn't he just... Huh? Okay. Because he can't have his kids, no, that's happening. I'm not sure what's it, why. Okay.

So she wakes up in the hospital. So she wakes up in the room? Are you sleeping in the room? Wouldn't you assume that he'd pushed her down the stairs if you're her dad? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Because they had a huge fight apparently and she ran away and the next thing you know she's at the bottom, she's been found at the bottom of a flight of stairs with a broken leg, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Oh my irrational if I was her dad. Yeah, yeah. Her that. the that that that. the that the that that that the that the that that the the that the the the the the the the the that that the that that the that that that tha tha tha tha tha tha that that that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the. the the. the the. the the the th. the the the the the the the the th. the th. the. the. the. the. the. the. thetake him too. Oh for sure. Maybe not as a vampire. He immediately makes it about him too. She's in a hospital bed. She's been bitten by a vampire, the venom sucked out of her. He's like, it was so hard for me. It was so hard for me to stop. But I did. Are you proud of me? And it's like, dude, let her have like one fucking thing. No, she has nothing.

It's all his. Yeah. I mean, there's a, is there a chance this movie is a condemnation of how shitty dudes aren't women? Maybe, because he's like, this is it, we have to be apart forever now. She's like, I'll never be apart from you. And he's like, okay. So he's just like negging her to get her to beg him to make him stay. To let, no, to let her stay. It's gross.

And they're immediately like, I will die for you. For you, I will die. I will die, I will die. I will die. I will die. to the prom but he apparently has been to more prom than you have. He's been to four. Yeah, they go to prom, they walk around, compliment Anna Kendrick's tits.

Yeah, that's great. Forits. Yeah, that's great. For sure. And then, and I don't mean to be objectifying her, but they're just like, there's a scene where they're trying on dresses where they're just like, huh? What do you think of these guys? These make my boobs look great. Yeah, they're like, they're like,, yeah, yeah. Yeah. I like how they go out to that gazebo to dance where there was already a couple having a romantic moment

and these two just step the fuck in and start chatting and it's like, come the fuck on. The couple's like, I guess, fuck it and walk away. Yeah, I guess this is your gazebo. Sorry, I'm trying to finger bang in his gazebo. Snaked on in there and finger banged in a gazebo. Also, this is what Jacob comes back when she, like, I can't remember where fucking Edward went, but she's just sitting outside and Jacob like rolls out of the woods.

Not his high school, not his problem, but he's got a tie on. Yeah, what was he doing there? Who knows? Maybe he started an emo band in the 90s. And so she's asking him I think to turn her into a vampire and he's like, isn't it and is it not enough to have a long and happy life with me? And it's like, you'll be 17 forever. She cannot be taking you places when she's 50 and you're 17. You know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. I just don't get it at all. So they finally kiss without him nutting all over her. With the force of his ejaculate blowing him back against a wall. And uh, his one sister who hates Bella is watching them and that's the end of the movie, right? Like there's like... I didn't even notice that. Yeah, like she's like watching them out of a window and like, ugh.

I hate it for some reason. Maybe it'll be explained within the next four movie. You're gonna have to ask me why that is because I just don't know. I can't. Katie. Alan. You want to write this movie? Yeah. I want to go first? Yeah. Okay. I said I would give it one point for knowing when spring training ends and baseball season begins. Yep. I'm gonna give it half a point for her hunky dad. Okay. And I'm done. Okay, one and half points. Yeah. And that, frankly, is too many. It's a generous amount of points.

So one thing that I like about this film is that I feel like it's bestowed upon me a superpower and I can now watch any movie. Yeah, there's a lot, this was a lot to sit through. I made it through this trash ass movie. I would like to send a shout out to you, Unfrozen Cave Movies on Instagram. Hello, unfrozen cave movies. Who said, I implore you guys, do not watch Twilight. You could totally skip ahead.

I felt the same way initially. And also thought Twilight, it be yeah it was so boring so so boring and then I skipped the head to the baby one and regret nothing okay okay okay thank you so thank you for that warning I had already watched them when I saw the morning I just found out about it after recording this episode about the movie so too late for me so I'm gonna give it I'm gonna go ahead and give it a two that's generous because I laughed so fucking much in this movie. Yeah. When she first sees him and he goes, ooh.

I laughed really hard. And the fact that he's like, get in her that face and she's like, oh, I'm gonna, he'll be mine. Either he'll be mine or I think I smell FC. Like it could be one or it doesn't matter her face is expressionless. KFC smells so good. Please make a vegetarian option. Please make a vegetarian option might throw it out there for you. It might try something new. It smells so good. I eat so much KFC when I was pregnant. I can't eat it anymore. Oh sure. I used to the popcorn chicken which is the dirt dogiest of dirt dogs. Oh it's that vegetarian option. That's that's the the the th option. That's th option. That's th option. th. th. th. th. th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th tho tho tho tho tho the tho tho tho tho theo theo tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th is the the the the the the the the the to to to to to theeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee thoooo okay. I used to love the popcorn chicken, which is just the dirt dogiest of dirt dogs? Dirt dog. But it's covered in such crunchy deliciousness.

So salty, oil. Katie. This episode is brought to you by Kentucky Fried Chicken. Katie and I will both be playing the Colonel in the next advertising campaign. I like that a lot. It'll be like the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. I'll th. thi. thi, thi, th. I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. I'. I'. I'. I'. I'. I'. I'. I'. I'. I'. I'. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll th. I'll th. I'll t t t t t t t t tough. touch. t. t. t. t. t. touch. t. t. t. t. t. t. touch. t. t touch like the two Willie Mays Hayes, we just won't kill you. I think Wesley Snipes and Omar Epps look more like than you and I do. To be fair. I don't know.

So these are some shout-ups for Patron's. Theen. The first one is for Whitney. Hi, Whitney. I love I love your name. Great name. Uh, you can call me Whitney during a shout-out. I just did, so thanks for clarifying. I love, love, love, love, warwilf ambulance. And you too don't know this, but you're my best friends. Whitney, we love, love, love, love you too. Yeah, yeah. And we are looking forward to getting the other half of that best friend's necklace in the mail.

Yeah, are we getting best or friends? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Or is it gonna be broken into three? Are we gonna get like, Beth, or just to the true. Thank you, Whitney, for being a patron. Thank you, Whitney. Thank you for your to your to your to your to your to your to your to your to your to your to your to your to your to your to your support your support your support your support your support your support your support your support your support your support your support your support your support your support your support your support to your support your support to your support to your support to your support, to your support and also for just being funny. Yes. I like you.

And this is from Carrie or Carrie Winkle, rhymes with Perry Winkle. Hi Carrie Winkle, that's adorable. You two are delightful and charming and I'm happy to contribute. Oh, I'm happy to know you. Yes, thank you. Thank you for being here.

Truly, truly, hushed by all these wonderful people. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, tho, tho, tho, tho, thi, thi, thi, thi, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, thi. And, thi. And, thi. And, thi. And, thi. And, tha. tha. tha. to tha'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a. And, tha. And, thank you. Thank you for being here. Truly, truly, truly, hashtag blessed by all these wonderful people. Oh my God, it's so fucking nice. We have the nicest people. Yeah, for sure. I think us complaining about getting bad reviews and us begging for good reviews has gotten us some good reviews. Can I read you one? Please. from Tiger underscore 4GE, Tiger Forge?

Tiger Forge. Tiger Forge. Does that mean something? Not to me, but I'm too someone. Hi, Tiger Forge, writes, come on, shudder. Come on, shudder, pay these people. I've listened to hundreds of hours of horror movie podcasts. Most of them make me want to continuously bang my head into the wall. Not wherewulf ambulance. Katie and Allen are beyond terrific. Hilarious, genuine, and as most other reviews state, they have incredible chemistry. I've re-listened to their

entire back catalog and amount of times that Katie would question if I'm okay. Are you okay, Tiger Forge? I even subscribe to Shutter to their, tooom to the the, I tie, to to th, th. the th. th. th. th. thu, thu, the thu, the thu, the thu, the the the the thu, their, and their, and their, and their, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and their their their, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, their, and, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. I they. I they. I've they. they. I've they. I've they. their, their, their, their, their, their, their, t should absolutely be giving us money. We're giving you money, give it back to us. Yeah, it says so it works. Now, give them money. And a little addendum here. Also, maybe the Pittsburgh tourism board should pay them too. They make it sound pretty dope. Two things. Yes. There's an age on the end of Pittsburgh. Tiger Forge.

I know. And the other thing is, bold of you to assume we have a tourism board. Do we know? I don't think so. Now, why wouldn't they come here? Why wouldn't they come here? It's got beautiful architecture. It's got great weather. If you like cold and gray, which I do. I saw like a listicle recently that was ten reasons not to move to Pittsburgh. Oh yeah. And one of them them them them them them them them them them th th th th th th th th th th th thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi to to to thi, to to to to to to to to to to to to their their their their their their their their their they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's their their their thi. It's thi. It's to. It's to. It's to. It's tooooooo. It's to. It's got to. It's got to too. It's got to to be to be to be to be to be and one of them was that the weather sucks. And another one was that people cuss too much. And I was like, oh, you can't take fucking cold weather and fucking cussing, you stay home,

you piece of shit! Fuck you, sunshine. Fuck your sunshine. That's why they make vitamin D, baby, it's fine. So this was before, this review happened before, I said that I would be mailing Halloween candy to people who sent reviews, but I like that one so much. Send us your address, I'll mail you a Tutsi roll. Love it.

Anybody who's written a review, please do so. Let me mail your Tutsi roll. You're a Tutsi roll. Ked Kee Leap. Yo, Tutsi Roll, let me mail your Tutsi Roll. Katie, let me roll. To the lap. You're laughing, jaffy. What are we? I am a big fan of candy-based club jams.

I am a big fan of candy-based anything. Yeah. Uh, next week, Alan. Yeah. Speaking of what sweet, sweet treater we bringing these people next week. Well, I got to pick a movie. And it was a revenge pick. And it would turn out it need not have been. Not enough. I picked Bride of Chuckie. Yeah. Yeah. There is a I will save this reveal for next week but there is a casting in this that made me gasp when I saw. Is a Kathy to Jimmy? No it is not Kathy to Jimmy. I one did. I did cast the Cathina Jimmy. Okay, let's talk about it next.

Yeah, so come back for Bride O'Chucky. Bride of Chucky is so good. Spoiler alert. You could find us on the internet. You can check out our Patrion if you're interested in getting our action movie podcast. And I post random playlists on there for people as well. So yeah, come, find us us us the to to to to the the to the to the to the to the to their to get their their to get to get their their to get to get their to get to get to get to get to get to get their their their cha. thi. thatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheathe. I. I. I. I. I'm cha. I'm cha. I'm cha cha cha cha cha cha cha cha cha cha cha. I. I. I. I'm cha cha cha cha. t. t. t. t. t.. So yeah, come find us on the internet. Leave us a review if you're so inclined to you, might get a tutsi roll in the mail.

I gotta get your, you gotta send us your home address. World Familants at Gmail. And then Alan will have it forward it to me because I can't see to check it. And thanks for the sown episode of Royal Family. Bye. Bye. Savini's tidings at the pool. Now we do in Finland's to fulfill reviews. Get the clouds and levy face. He in their own space. Appearance of his face.

Please make a good thing. Please make I continue the grave. E and T. E.T. Comedy reviews hungry, Brian from Wayne's and Stephen King. E-M-T. We live deliciously bad temperatures, obese, crazily gone to die. A paranormal act in today. A paranormal act in tubes from Mr. Rogers to say, E-M-D, EFT!