Werewolf Ambulance: A Horror Movie Comedy Podcast - Episode 363- Old (2021)

Episode Date: January 17, 2022

In this week's episode, we're tapping into a familiar well for us-- the work of M. Night Shyamalan with his latest film, 2021's "Old." This was, shockingly, one of the more divisive movies we've ever discussed! Special topics for your consideration include: confusion about science, questionable choices for your child characters, the least worst pharmaceutical company, some utterly incomprehensible line deliveries and a ska-promise (skamise? I don't know) that we are making to you, our EMTs. Wanna hear us discuss more from ol' M.? DCheck out a very early-but- goodie, Episode 12- "The Happening," Episode 157- "The Sixth Sense," and Episode 169- "The Village." Find us online: Support us at patreon.com/werewolfambulance-- if you sign up now, you'll get to vote on this month's film! Buy merch for yourself or those you love including our new "General Skaspital" shirt at www.teepublic.com/user/werewolfambulance on Reddit at r/werewolfambulance on Facebook at facebook.com/werewolfambulance on Twitter @werebulance on Instagram @werewolfambulance. [e-mail] If you liked this, please leave us a review on Apple Podcasts or wherever you listen! It helps others find us and allows us to continue to grow. Intro song is by Alex Van Luvie Outro song is A. Wallis- "EMT" Seriously, we have the best listeners, hands down. Werewolf Ambulance is a horror movie comedy podcast.

Hey Katie. How are you? Well the upside is that we're both drinking because neither of us have to drive anywhere. Yeah. Next episode's gonna be messy. I have a quick question at the top of this episode. Yes, please. How? Does he keep getting money to make movies? I mean... It boggles the mind. So here's the thing about M-Night Jamilon. We're talking about old. I wish you all could have seen one of Katie's islands just involuntarily stopped. It was like I can't do this right now. I think he's a good director. I think he gets good performances out of people. Oh, Alan's face is like, I just farted. No, keep going. I think he would do well to let someone else write a movie

and then direct it. Okay, okay. I think he is terrible at directing human beings. You think so. Every actor in this movie that I know from other stuff is so much better than they are in this movie. The only person I recognized was Gail Garcia Bernal. I don't know if I'm saying that correctly. You could just say, prrrh.

There I said it. He's a very attractive gentleman. My goodness. I love him as an actuary though, being like, it's statistically improbable. The only reason I have to tell you is I have an actuary is because later numbers will come up. You've been really. You've never seen Rufus Sewell in anything, I'm surprised. I'm looking him up. He's the guy who played Charles. He's in a ton of stuff. He is in a ton of stuff and I have not seen them. Okay. You have seen Alex Wolfen's stuff. Who's Alex Wolf? He is the teenage version of the boy child. Okay. He's in hereditary. Okay, I thought he looked familiar. Also, I thought the casting of the children to adults was so good. Sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, they. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They, they. They. They, they. They, they. They, they. They, they. They, they. They, they, they. They, they. They. They, they. They. T. T. T they. T. T they they they they they they're. they're they're they're they're they're they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. the the the the the the the the the the the the they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. Yeah, they. I. Yeah, they. I. I. I. I. the the the the the the th. the th. th. the. the. the the the the the the the the the the the the, I thought the casting of the children to adults was so good. Sure, yeah, yeah, yeah, they legit looked like each other. Yeah. And I guess I've seen Embeth David's in other things because she was in, um,

was an army of darkness or just Evil Dead? I can't remember now, but is she in this? She is the oldest Maddox, the daughter. Yeah, and Beth Davis. Oh, is she, is she in the evil dead remake? No. Oh. No, she's an army of darkness, excuse me. Okay.

Yeah. She's the lady, the like medieval lady, right? She's the lady. Oh, yes, yes, yes, yes. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I got you. I forgot. I was just thinking of the teenage version of their, not of a full-blown adult version. Yeah, the teenage ones I feel like didn't get a whole, whole lot to do. Yes, but she's in stuff, thah thia, thia, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, oh, oh, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, th, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, th, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, th. I too that I've seen and I can't think of what it is. Okay. I think she's in last night in Soho. I hear that's great. I have not seen it yet, but I hear that as well. I guess I know Rufus Sewell from the miniseries Helen of Troy where he plays Agamemnon. I did see that. Okay, I mean you didn't recognize Agam. My boy, Aggie?

Oh, boy. Can I come out of the gate with something a little bit shocking to you? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I liked this movie. Would you like me to just to come out of the gate as well? Yeah. I thought this was one of the worst things I've ever seen in my life. Really, really. Maybe it's because I watched our second movie for this that we're recording this week, next week's movie, the night before and I disliked that so strongly. Okay.

And maybe because I had set the bar so low. Sure. My expectations were so low. In the sand, if you will. Absolutely. I met one of those sand crabs that if you like dig your hands as the the the the their their their their the sand if you will. Absolutely. I'm at one of those sand crabs that if you like dig your hands as the tide as it goes out you just they're in your hands and they're like help God put me down. Those little translucing gray motherfuckers. Yes, that was my expectations. I was interested which is more than I can say for a lot of other movies that he's done. Sure. Sure. Yeah. Okay. Okay. I'm. I'm. I. I. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th, I'm th. I'm th, I'm th, I'm th, I'm th, I'm th, I'm interested. I'm th, I'm th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. th. lot of other movies that he's done. Sure, sure. Yeah.

Okay, all right. I'm excited to have this conversation now. Okay, let's do it. Because before we started, Alan was like, I can't wait to rip it apart. And I was like, I love it, don't rip it apart. It's saying something. My first note is, ooh, rated PG, looking forward to that fuck. Was it rated PG-13?

I'm sorry. Oh, PG-13. I was like, no, children under 13 shouldn't see this movie. Our child fucking is fucked. There are a lot of parts of this movie that are absolutely fucked for sure. I... Okay, we're going to get to that. We'll get to that. Okay.

And I also was approaching this movie sort of with the knowledge that it is basically the plot, and I realize this is a graphic novel that, you know, people probably like. Right. But it's basically the plot of an X-filesioioioioioioioioioioioioio. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. the the the the thi. the the thi. thi. thi. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. I I I I I, th. I, th. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. th. th. th. th. th. to. to. to. to. to. th. to. th. th. th. the th. the th. th. the th. the th. the of an X-Files episode where they're on a ship where they keep aging. Okay. And it's a very good one, in my opinion. I'm looking up what season it is. It's season 2 episode 19.com. And it's very good. Is that dead calm in Swedish? It is? Good work. You call them A because it's like an IKEA furniture like a lounge chair for you to meditate in.

I listen to a lot of black metal, Katie. Yeah, that's true. You're like, I know D-O with a slash through at D. Dot? I, uh, uh, I have no idea what I was going to say. Oh no, no, I was going to say, I think this, the premise of this movie would make a great Twilight Zone, Outer Limits, X-Files, like, you get me in in 44 minutes with commercials. Okay. Like, I think you're going to get a much better movie, you're probably going to leave out the child fucking. Yeah, you should. I mean, if your choice is the choice is. I, I was to say, I was to say, I was to say, I was to say, I was to say, I was to say to say to say to say to say to say to say to say to say to say to say to say to say to say to say to say, I was to say, I was to say, I was going to say, I was to say, I was to say to say to say to say to say to say to say, I was to say, I was to say, I was to say, I was to say, I was their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their much better movie. You're probably going to leave out the child fucking. I mean if your choices leave the child fucking

in or take the child fucking out. I think you always have to go with taking it out. Oh man. It was a choice. The choice was made. The choice was made and the wrong one was made. Certainly. Also having non-American parents with American children, I thought was a bit odd. Yeah, yeah, interesting touch. I liked it. Yeah, I liked it. But so we meet this family, the Capas,

who are going to a resort in an unnamed tropical area. Yeah, some tropical paradise somewhere. Looks nice. The cinematography of this movie is really th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I thi thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thoes, thoes, thoes, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi thi thi thi thi, thi thi, thi thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, was a thate thateateateateateateateateate thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii. thi. thi thi. th some tropical paradise somewhere. Looks nice. The cinematography of this movie is really pretty. I love this. It's gorgeous. It looked. I mean, I think M-Night in his defense has an amazing eye. Look, can we call an M-or-Knight? M-Nii, it's like Sarah Jessica. Yeah, okay, fair. I think, mm, has a great eye for, like, for cinematography. I think he knows like how to frame a shot and what's gonna look beautiful in that same-side shot.

And just the topography of it, like those aerial shots are just like breathed. You ever been to the Caribbean? I have not now. You see, you know, have you ever swum in clear water? Um, yeah in Maine. It's fucking lobsters. They're not like on the shoreline attacking. I don't know about that. Maine seems like a place where like, I don't know, the rocks, lobsters, and like angry white men. Not rock lobsters, no. Sorry. And when I say swim in Maine, it's a, you get up into about your thighs and go, ugh, it's all, guess why, is it still freezing? Yeah. The children are very cute. The son is very precocious, which becomes important later because they need that kid

to make a lot of smart choices that he can't make unless he's a really smart six-year-old. Oh man, he's great. The little kid actor is great. And so is the little boy that he meets there. Oh, Idlib? I loved Idlib. He's so fucking cute. And I thought the little girl was a good actor too.

I thought she was, I thought all the kids, I thought the kids were all good. Little Maddox, yeah. Yeah, yeah. And she had a voice of an angel. When she was singing? Yeah, which is interesting because later they have, they do a singing of her older singing and it's not the same actress doing the singing, it's the middle actress. Not good and I thought oh she lost that talent in a day. And also when she sings, let's just focus on the mother. We're not going to show her opening or closing her mouth

because it's probably someone off screen that's some interesting choices. So as they get out of this like private van that's brought them to the resort, who's driving the van? Is that Alfred Hitchcock? No. Is that... Is that... Is that night?

Shyingamalan? Is that night show, shying amalon? Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. I'm feeling dark. They get out of the van at the resort, and they are greeted by Clint Eastwood's daughter who gives, yeah, isn't she a drop-dead beauty? Yeah, well, some see. Young Clint Eastwood, sweet Christ. It's like sad to think that he became such a shithead. beauty. Yeah, well some see. Young Clint Eastwood, sweet Christ. It's like sad to think that he became such a shithead. Yeah.

I mean, men of a certain age, right? Yeah. What are you hanging on? I'm just kidding. That was mean. Anyway, they're handed cocktails by Clint Eastwood's daughter, like specialized cocktails for their tastes. Fun fact, I just thought, hey be cool if somebody knew what I wanted to drink when I got out of the car.

Oh yeah, I would love that kind of service. They're like, hmm, based on your food and preferences you've chosen, here's straight gin. Here is a pint of Ben and Jerry's. You're going to get jip-faced. Oh, great miscongeniality riff. Oh, man. So yeah, they show up at this resort, they get their specialized drinks. Wink, wink, wink, nudge, nudge, nothing's going to come of that. Nothing. And we see that dad is very concerned with furniture injuries.

Yes, because he's an actuary for an insurance company. And then we also quickly learned that they are taking this kids on like the sort of like one last trip before they get divorced. The saddest of trips. Which, like, is that a thing? That doesn't seem like a good idea to me. To have your kids leave super happy and then be like, oh, here's the rug.

You're not standing on it anymore, you know? Oh, you remember that that wea that we spoiled all the memories of by poisoning it at the end of it? Absolutely. Yeah. Yeah. I do appreciate that when he said he was an actuary, he said of an insurance company, because I had to be like, oh, actuary, actuary, ah, yes. And mom's been getting headaches, we see. She gets like, she's not doing well, and we find out that she has some sort of cancer going on, it's alluded to. Yes, that doctor thinks is benign, she tells us. Sure. Yeah. This is all sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th thi thi thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. that thi. thi. thi. that's that's that's that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that. that. that. that. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. th. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. th. th. th. th. th. th. thinks is benign, she tells us. Sure. Yeah. Yeah. This is all sort of revealed as the movie goes.

Right, right, right, right. Because in pure M-Night, Shia M-All in fashion, he's laying out the pieces for you. I have to say, I think in this movie, he does a good job of having a reveal instead of a twist. And the reveal has been teased along the way that all these people have medical conditions that someone is watching. I do think it's done like a real movie. Oh dog, you made a real movie. Yeah. He didn't just try to make the sixth sense over and over and over and over. Which is also a real movie and I hate the idea of the twist. I just like, it's just a movie and something

happens that it shocks you. It's not the twist. Like, yeah. I feel like he's up his own ass and in his own head about the twist so much that it has ruined many of his subsequent films. He has the Yips. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So that it it. So that it. So that it. So that it. So that it that it that it that it that it that it that it that it that it that it that it that it that it that it that it that it that it has that it has that it has that it has it has it that it that it that it that it that it that it that it th. That it th. That it th. That it th. That it th. That it that it that it that it that it that it that it that it that it that it that it that it is that it is that it is that it is that it is. That it is that it is that it is that it is that it has it has it has it has it has it has th. th. th. th. It has th. It has th. It has th. It has th. It has th. It has th. It has th. It has it has it has it has it has it has it has it has He has the yips. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So they end up, you know, they're hanging out at the resort. Yeah. The parents are saying dumb shit to each other. She's like, honey, what book am I reading?

And he's like, I don't know why. And she goes, no reason. And I thought, like, this is such not a good indicator of how, like, the status, thiiiiiiii. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi And I thought, like, this is such not a good indicator of how, like, the status of your relationship. Yeah, for sure. Missy has no idea what books I'm reading right now. Well, if like, if Rob asked me what he's reading, I would say, it's probably either battle tech or the civil war, but I have no idea what it is, you know? I am, I am sure I've revealed this before, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm thr, th, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th...., th, thi, thi, thi, thr, thr, thr, thr, thr., thr.a, to, to, to, to, thr.a, thr.a, thr.a, thr.a, thr.a, thr. to five books at any given time. Sure. I always have four or five going because my brain just that's the way I work. Yeah. So like, yeah, what, huh? What? And what dumb interest of my am I reading about that? I was very annoyed by that as well. I just thought, oh, M-N-N-N-N-I'm-N-N-I would be terrible to be in a relationship with. For sure. their, their, their, their, their, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thi, thi, th, thi, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, th-I. Yeah, that, so that, so that, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. So, yeah. So, yeah. So, yeah. So, yeah. So, yeah. So, yeah. So, yeah. So, yeah. So, yeah. So, yeah. So, yeah. So, yeah. So, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, like, I, I, like, I, like, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, that, that, that, that, that, that's, that's, that's, that's that's that's the twist at the end of this meal. No, M-Knight, I just want to have fucking dinner. The twist is I'm not going to permit you to order dessert. And you're

like, fuck you and bring me the molten lava cake. Dickhead. I'm getting that lemon custard pie with a little bit of whipped cream on it. Yeah, that's what I had after dinner tonight. No, no, no make it? No, no, no, no, I came in. We ordered it. Yeah. Oh. Not as exciting, but. So eventually they're approached by the sort of like concierge, I guess, of the resort. Sure. Who tells them about a private beach that they can go to. This is after, oh, this is after we see a woman have a seizure. Right, and after we've seen someone skinny dipping on a secluded beach, with a man in sunglasses watching her skinny dip. Right, and I got real like, don't fuck in the ocean, because that's disgusting.

That's where, like, little, those little crabs, the aforementioned little gross crabs. You want those thoves, thoves, thos, thos, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii, thi, thi, thi, thi, those little crabs, the aforementioned little gross crabs. You want those in your vagina? And you do not. Anything could get jammed in there. That's what they've been waiting for this whole time. Yeah, it's a good old vagina to crawl into. Oh Lord. Yes, so we see the woman have a seizure. And Rufus Sewell, who is Charles, runs over and he's like, I'm a doctor. Yeah, and her husband's like, actually I'm a nurse. And he's like, okay, well, I'm still

going to give you instructions. The guy's like, she's had epilepsy for years. This is a thing we deal with. Go fuck yourself. Doctor. It's, it's to set up, and this gets hammered home even more later that he's an old British racist man. th. th. th. th. to. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. to. to. to set up, and this gets hammered home even more later, that he's an old British racist man. Yeah, right. Because he can't remember Jaron's name. Right, he's like, well, Jack. But the actor playing Jared, or Jaron, Ken Lung, his delivery of, it's Jarren actually, is just like, buddy? What? I understand you've probably been dealing with this your whole life and that's what we're trying

to establish. Yeah. But like, it felt like they were in two different movies? He felt like he was in a different movie to everyone. Yeah. His just whole demeanor was like, felt off to me. And I've seen him and other stuff, fine actor. Yeah, but just weird in this.

So they get in the van to go to the private beach and the doctor and his wife, who is like an influencer, and they're like maybe four-year-old daughter. Yeah. Get on, get on the van with them to go to the beach. Does the wife have any medical the th th th th th th th th the th th th th th th th the th th th th th have any thiiii thi thi thi thi. thi. thi. I have thi. thiole thiol-I thiole, thi with them to go to the beach. Does the wife have any medical issues that we should be aware of? Oh, she's a calcium deficiency. How did we learn about that? She snapped at a waiter. She's ordering, like, this is called the calcium blast.

It better have a lot of calcium, because I have a calcium deficiency syndrome. Have you ever seen anything labeled as heavy in calcium on a like menu anywhere? Nope. No. But then again, I don't really rocks with resorts. No. Never been to a resort. Nothing about this as I wave up and down myself says resort-uh.

Uh-uh. Nothing about me says I want you to wait on me. I feel guilty in a restaurant. It's too hard for me. Let me. Nope. Nope. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the to to to to to to to me. Me. Me. Nothing about me says I want you to wait on me. I feel guilty in a restaurant. It's too hard for me. Let me get that. Let me get that. Like, oh, why don't you have a bite? Have a bite?

Do you want me to put some in a box for you? I can go back and get one. I can go back and get one. When they the beach the beach the beach the beach the beach the beach to the beach to the beach the beach to to the beach to to the beach. the beach. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. to get thi. thi. thi. to thi. thi. thi. thi. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the to the thi. thi. to thi. ti. ti. ti. ti. ti. teea. tea. tea. tea. tea. tea. tea. tea. ti. ti. to the beach, they meet the man that we saw earlier. Yeah. He's, his daughter's like, oh my god, it's mid-sized sedan. And I was like, oh, it's a comedy movie. That's why the acting is terrible. It's a comedy movie. I didn't think the acting was terrible.

And I think mid-sized sedan is a fucking great name. Also, that man's eyes are fucking gorgeous. He's beautiful. Yeah, mid-sized sedan. Mid-sized sedan, and he's bleeding from his nose. And seemingly unaware of it. Yeah, right. And not telling them that he, his, the woman he was watching skinny dip in the water has disappeared. Yeah, that's a weird, a weird turn for him, I guess.

Is it because 80% of his dialogue is just him going, Damn. Yeah, or, mm-hmm. So much so that I named him mid-sized Saddam. Oh, that's very good. So they're, you know, hanging out. Oh, and then the woman who has, had the seizure and her nurse husband show up, that's Patricia and Jarin. Yeah, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they had, they had, they had, they had, they had, they had, they had, they had, they had slept, they had they had slept, they had they had they had they'd they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that that that that that the. the. th the woman who had the seizure and her nurse husband show up, that's Patricia and Jaron.

Yeah, they had slept in and got dropped off later by a seemingly M-Night Shambalon as well. Which is such a risk for M-Night Shambalon, I guess. I guess not because they can't get through the rocks, so never mind. I guess it's right. Right, right, yeah. So the kids are swimming in like a shallow tide pool and a body rolls up behind the little boy. Right, right. Which I thought was really good. Well I really liked him being in the water and just, he's a very observant child. He's precocious as fuck. And he's just like in the water and goes, huh, no fish. And then you see a body come up and hit him from behind.

And they've also found a bunch of old junk from the hotel. Right. Knives and stuff. Oh, and the doctor's mom and her little dog are there too. Yeah, and his dog. I forgot entirely about her until this moment. It's all right. She's like. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. And th. th. And thi. And thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thoes, thoes, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi. And, thi. And, thi. And, thi. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, thi. And, thi. And, thi. And, thi. And, thi. And, thi. And, thi's thi's thi's thi's thi's thi's thii's thiii's thi. And, thi's thi's thi. And, thi. And, thi. And, this moment. Yeah. It's all right. She's like, she gets three minutes of screen time over this entire movie. Yeah. When they're dropped off, the driver tells them to call when they, and he'll come pick

them up. Are you surprised that there is no phone reception on this beach? I am not surprised, Alan. No. And they just keep trying to, which, which, which, which, which, which, which, which, they, they, they, they, they, they're, th. th. th. they're, th. thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they, they, they, they, they, they's, they's, they's, they's, they's, they's they's they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're to get to get to get to get to get to get to get tooes. to get to get too, too, tho, thoooo, thooooooooooooo, thoooooooooo, thoooo. Wea, tho. tho just keep trying too, which is like you're really spending a lot of time on this. It's never going to pay off. No, no, it's not going to change all of a sudden. This movie is a little bit confused about surprises, I think, because like, things, they find the body, people are getting upset. The mother dies. Just like stops, has

chest pains and stops breathing. And so everyone is sort of in a panic. And then the kids, we're suddenly only seeing them shot from behind, and their voices sound different. And it takes like minutes before we see them having aged. As though it's going to be a reveal, like the movie is called old. And the description says people on an island get old. So maybe like, I think that could have been a really interesting reveal if you didn't call your movie old. Yeah. And write a synopsis about how people on an island get old. Sure, yeah, yeah. Like, I think if it had been called, like,

I'm gonna go ahead here, the beach, not to be confused with beaches. And then the camera like spun around and the kids were older, you'd be like, what the fuck? You know? Well, the graphic novel is called Sand Castles. Okay, even better. That's so much better better than than than than than than theeea thea thea thea thea thea thea thea. thiia. thia. thia. thia. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I's thi. I's thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm theeea. I'm theea. I'm thea. I'm thea. I'm thea. I'm thi. I'm thi. I thi. Better. That's so much better than the beaches or whatever I just said. Beaches is fine. Delightful movie.

Uh, never seen it. Haute breaker. What's wrong with you? Yeah, and it's just like, let's just show me the fucking kids. Yeah, it takes a very long time to show them. And it's not a reveal at that point, you know. Maybe it's just, it's called old because the premise gets old after a little while.

Yeah, maybe. So everyone who they try to leave because now they need to report this dead body. Right. And I can't remember who goes out first. I think it's the doctor, Charles tries. I think it's Jarren. Is it Jarren? I think so, yeah. And he like tries her one away, everything gets shaky and loud, and then he blacks out and wakes back up on the beach. Right. And they were like, oh you just came stumbling out and holding your head. And then we see Charles, the doctor, kind of like lose it a little bit and he slashes, he has a knife. And he slashes mid-sized sedan across the face, who inexplicably the first thing he says is there's a damn hole in my cheek, which is not the first thing you'd say upon being slashing the cheek. No. No, I don't think so. You don't think the fuck? We're just kicking that man in the stomach as hard as you can. He's

also mid-sized sedan is the size of a mid-sized sedan so he could have to rip the shit out of a roof of steel. He does say that's a salt man and I thought that is a salt man. But the cheek wound on his cheek heels immediately and looks like like th. th. to th. to to to th. th. to th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi, the thi, the thi, thi, the thick, the the thick, thick, thick, thick, we thu, we thu, we thu, we thu, we thu, we thu, we thu thu thu thu thu th th th th thi, we th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th. We'll, th. We'll, the, thi, thi, thi, the, the, thi, the theeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee thu. We'll thou thou a salt man. But the cheek wound on his cheek heels immediately and looks like an old scar. Yeah. Which I think is a nice touch. For sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I wish I had written down what made me say this.

I bet I can figure it out. Tell me. It's the dialogue and delivery in this movie is insane. Yeah, I can't actually help there. Because it's just like, you've got Jaron just like yelling, my name is Jaron. Just kind of like off into, like, I feel like I'm in an acting class

and multiple people are doing their monologues at the same time. That's true. Yeah. He's like, this may be an ensemble cast, but I will have you remember me. Oh, this is why I actually wrote a note right before it. With, uh, Rufus Sewell says, the dog is dead. It was only just alive. That's the way it worked, champ. Yeah. Well, I mean, I think that's a reasonable thing. Like, you find out someone's in, you're like, I just saw them last week, you know. Well, would you say he was only just alive?

No, I wouldn't. I'd say I just saw him a minute ago. At least they don't show the dead dog, though, like a little bit of that. So at this point, the, they're the they we've seen the kids they're older they're like teens now for they were like six and eight and now they are like 15 and 17 or whatever like yeah yeah which is crazy because they stay that age for like a really long really long time we needed one more set of kids I feel like a 25 year old age or 30 year old you know they needed something to split the difference. Sure, agreed.

And there's also this like weird line of like, when they realize the kids have grown, and Jarren's like, oh, that's why they're eating so much. They're just packing on mass. And he's, they're talking about why their hair isn't, hair and nails aren't growing. And he, and he, and he, and he, and he. And, and he's, and he's, and he's, and he's, and he's, and he's, and he's, and he's, and he's, and he's, and he's like, and he's like, and he's like, and he's like, and he's like, and he's like, and he's like, and he's like, and thinks, thinks, thinks, thi's like, they're like, they're like, they're like, they're like, thian. thi, thi, thi, thi, thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thee. thean. thean's like, they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're theanananananananan't hair and nails aren't growing. And he's like, well, they're dead cells, so they're not growing like that. But it's like the woman's body was dead and then it decomposes. So like why are you even throwing that line in there? Yeah, because I assume all the actors like, actually I don't want to have to do anything to my hair. So, yeah, I the they they their th, I th, I th, I th, I th. th. th. th. th. thi thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. that, that, that's that's the, the. that's that, the, the, they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the. the. the. the. So, the. So, the. So, the. the. theat. they're not they're not they're theat. they're they're they're they're they're they're they's the way, I mean, your hair is alive inside of your scalp. That's how it grows, hence it would be getting older. Yeah. And growing. Right. Listen, Jerrin.

Also, like, they've already seen the body of the woman decompose. So they, and that's how they figure out, like like basically the time conversion that every half hour is like seven years or something. Yeah. Uh, what is mid-sized sedan say when he sees the body? I don't remember. Damn. I should have guessed. There is a line shortly after that where they're talking about how the kids are changing so much and it's noticeable, but it's just like not noticeable for the adults yet.

And Patricia says to mid-sized sedan, this is the first time they wish they were black. Yeah, I did like that. Mids-sized sedan goes, mm-hmm. I like that a lot. Yeah. So we and Kara, which is the child of the influencer and the doctor. She was four when this began. Hmm. Yeah. So they're laying in a tent and they're like, I can see colors and my thoughts are

so much more thinking now. Which is insane, but okay. And then we leave them in the tent, and then they come out of the ten.. And, and the, and the, and the the the the the the the the the te, and the te, and the the the the the te, and the the the the the the the the the the th, and th, which, which, which is thi, and te, and thi, which is their their their, which their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their te, te, and te, te, te, te, te, te, te, te, te, te, tea tea tea tea tea tea tea tea tea tea tea tea tea tea tea tea. Yeah. And then we leave them in the tent and then they come out of the tent. And what's happened in the interim, Katie? Well, she's eating pasta salad with her bare hands. Just eating pasta salad with her bare hands, which was for me the most distressing scene in this movie. It's... She's fucking pregnant. Because this ostensibly four and six-year-old have just fucked in this movie.

Like, as they age, they might become more emotionally mature, maybe, but they're not going to have learned experience. You know, like later, Kara says to try and she's like, we never had a prom or a graduation. And it's like, you don't know what those things are. Like, I have a four-year-old who has no fucking idea what prom is, you know? Like, you don't just, that's not just innate knowledge, like, what? No, 100 percent? Like, I don't th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, th, th, like, like, thi, thi, thi, th, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. they, they, they's, they, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, th. thi. th. thi. th. th. th. th. think, I think that emotional and like growth and understanding comes from actually observing the world and aging through it. Yeah, you wouldn't even have more language acquisition. No. She should still be talking like a four-year-old. Which would be really upsetting. So she's, she's like, she comes out of the tent and Darren goes,

well, by my estimation, she looks like she's five months pregnant. And I'm like, well, that's not the way anything works, but okay, go on. And also she was way more than five months pregnant because she's a huge belly. Five months, you're still like, you might even be able to hide it, you know? And then what happens? Well, she quickly goes into labor and they have to like calm Trent down being like she's going to go through really intense pain but then it's going to be over. Right, because he's a six-year-old. Because he's a six-year-old. It happened, birth happens super fast, which also doesn't make any sense because time isn't speeding up.

Hmm? Because like it doesn't go day night, day night, day night, quickly. So like her labor should have still taken a long time. But it's one whale and then the baby's out and I thought, well, I wish birth was really that fast and also fuck you. Maybe if her, I don't know. I was going to try and come over something, but I got nothing. It was redunculus. Yeah. It's like they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they're. They's they're. They's they're. They's their. They. They. They. They're. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. one. We. th. one. We'll. one. one. th. one. one. one. th. th. th. one. one. It's one. It's one. It's one they pan down the beach, come back, the baby, you hear a baby crying. Yeah. And then Trent says something like, oh, it's good the baby's crying. That's how babies breathe or something. And then the baby stops crying. I just put it down for a second, and it was dead.

Yeah. That baby died from a lack of attention. Well, you gotta feed a baby like every two hours. And so if 30 minutes is thiiiiii thi minutes thi minutes thi minutes thi minutes thi minutes thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi, thi, thi, baby like every two hours. And so if 30 minutes is seven hours, you can't not feed that baby for more than, like, even when your baby is that small and you're nursing, you're like, I'm nursing constantly, like you would literally have to be. That baby just dies. But I felt like, I felt like at that point I was like, all right, move, you don't cast fucking moral dispersions on these people. I mean, literally one of them just goes, things are moving too fast for a baby to survive. And you're like, what?

However, despite the child fucking and child birthing a baby. Yeah. Yeah. I'm enjoying this so far. Okay. Okay. When Trent goes to bury the baby and like he kind of dumps the blanket and a bunch of dust just falls out of it, I was like, wait, it's already dust? Like it took forever for that woman and become just bones and this thing's already dust? Jesus. Ashes, the ashes, baby. So we also see that Charles is like continuously just breaking down, like saying weird stuff

about a movie that Marlon Brando and Jack Nicholson were in. What's the name of that movie? I don't know, is that a real thing? What's the name? No, I don't think so, but... You've never been in a movie together? That they know of. Huh. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

But, and this was supposed to go, oh, he's schizophrenic. Yeah. And no one's taking the knife? Everything is fine, right? Um, well, first he tells his wife to put on makeup. Yeah. She's like, by the way, we've barely talked about her crystal. She is insane. She's also a great actress. I've seen her and other stuff and she's also. Yeah. Yeah. I thought she was fine in this. I thought she did a good job. Yeah, she's like more distressed about the death of this baby than the fact that her four-year-old just gave birth.

Yes. Yes. So he, yeah, Charles takes a knife and stabs poor mid-sized sedan. Yeah, tiped a minimum convertible. Oh, fuck. That's a big convertible. Man, do they make giant convertibles? I kind of want one. Oh, for sure. Yeah, you like, yeah, yeah, yeah. What kind of, what what do you look at for? I don't know, what can I trade my 2011 Toyota Corolla? What do you want, like a stretch-hummer convertible?

We can get you one of those? How easy? Pretty easy. It's good for city driving. Good. Oh, let's, before the stabbing happens, we completely glossed over the tumor removal. Oh my god, you're right. So mom has, I forget mom's name. Prisca. Prisca. She has been like, oh I don't feel so well, and then sort of passed out on the beach and her and her husband whose name I also don't know dad. Oh you're talking about a guy? Guy yeah not gee but guy guy and Prisca. He's like oh she has a tumor which it turns out to be like in I maybe an ovarian tumor or something? Something down there. Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah it's like oh god it's the size of a golf

ball and she's like no it's three centimeters and then she passes out and then he's like it's the size of a grapefruit yeah it's like well that haupe in a. Well that happened in seconds yeah so they decide to excise it with the knife this is pre using the knife to excise it with the knife. This is pre-using the knife to kill mid-sized family sedan. And also pre-the baby dying, I think. Yes, yeah, yeah. So they cut her, they make an incision, the doctor makes an incision, and it immediately just closes back up.

So they all have to put their hands in and pull it apart. I liked this a lot, and I wish it had been a their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their... to to to to to to to to get toir hands in and pull it apart. I liked this. I liked this a lot and I wish it had been a bit more gory. I wanted their fingers to get stuck inside of her. Yes, because one of them's like it's closing her on my finger and he's like, we'll just keep pulling and it's like, no, no, no, no, I want one of them to be attached to her for the rest of terror. Why come we've never done that movie? Because I'll never watch it again. I like that we've both seen it once. I appreciate that. Who has seen that movie more than one time?

Don't get in touch. Okay. Although I did watch too. Did you, you psychopath? It's not a bad movie. Isn't it just more people, It's more people, yeah. Yeah, it's like a guy who's a huge fan of the first movie does his own better version of human centipede.

It's wild. Thanks, I hate it. There's a third one, too, isn't there? Yeah, where there's even more people. Hands across America. Ask to mouth across America. So yeah, they get out her tumor and by the time they pull it out it's a loaf of fucking gray bread with veins on it. It's huge. Yeah, it's great. Awesome. I wanted it to turn into something cool that hung out on the beach with them. Yeah, like have little legs and just scuttle into the ocean. I would have like like to to to to to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go. to go. to go. to go. It to go to go. It's to to to to the to the to the to the their their their their to their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their th. Ask tho. Ask tho. Ask tho. Ask to to to too. Ask to to too. Ask to too. Ask to to to too. Ask to their their their their their their turn into something cool that hung out on the beach with them. Yeah, like have little legs and just scuttle into the ocean. I would have like that a lot. Gotta go!

Yeah. So then she's fine. Yeah. And now she appreciates her husband because he told him to cut it out of her, I guess. You made a decision for me. I love you. Like a lot of, I mean, that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, to to to to to tooomomomome, to too, tooom. tooom. too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, to be, to be, to be, to be, to be, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, the to, thi, too, thi. too, tho. too. tho. too. too. tooome. tooome. tooome. too. too. too. too., I mean, that's his job, really. Even in real time, if something had happened, and he had to make a medical decision for her, that's his job. Right.

He did what he was supposed to. A lot of this movie is focusing on their relationship, but we never really see it like, I feel like I still don't have a real good grasp on it. Nope. No. No. No. I like this movie. I don't know what it is. Um, so is this? So is this? Wait. Uh, who says? Oh, yeah, it's a, um, fuck the influencer. Crystal. is talking to her daughter. I think she's talking to somebody and she says a line that for no reason made me laugh hysterically because she said, when I was your age, I was in love with a man, his name was Giuseppe. She's talking to the teens, yes. For some reason, his name was Giuseppe just like made me giggle and roll around on the couch for a little bit. I like the idea that you don't believe anyone's name

is actually Giuseppe or that Crystal knows a Giuseppe. It was just such a weird pole of just like it could have been anything but for some reason just sepi just fucking got me. It's such a weird scene too because she's like he wasn't very handsome we looked weird together so I left him. I've been thinking about him a lot here and it's meant to be like she's getting old so she's like reflecting on her life I guess. It just falls so flat. Meanwhile Jaron's like I was on the swim team I'll make it so he tries to swim around the reef. Yeah whatever movie he's in. Or outcropping yeah. He's decided to swim to swim to swim to swim th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th thin th thin th th thin thin thin th thin th thin th thin thin thin thin thin thin th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th thin thin thin thin to to to to to to to to to to to to to thin to thin toe thin thin thin thin thin thin thin thin thin thin the swim team, I'll make it. So he tries to swim around the reef. Yeah, whatever movie he's in. Or outcropping, yeah.

He's decided to swim past the point of no return. It's cool, he floats back. He does. We do see him very shortly thereafter. Maddox is like, well, actually, why don't I swim? There's Jaron. Yeah. Yeah. Rip Jaron. Charles is just off in a corner by himself after he kills midside sedan. Just no one addresses him again.

No. But like the rest of the movie. So they have no doctor and no nurse at this point. They've lost their two medical technicians. Still have an actual word. Kara. Kara decides she's going to climb over the... Oh, Kara. Kear.

Heck of a climber she is. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Until she gets to the pass-out zone and falls down. Yeah. It's like, damn, they just killed that baby. Uh-huh. She used to be a baby. I guess we all used to be babies, huh?

Oh, oh. Oh shit. And not long after she dies, Patricia has like 12 grandma seizures in a row and dies. Which they're all acting very surprised about her having a seizure, which I thought was weird because they all saw her have a seizure that morning but okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah, but so much time is past. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. But so much time is past. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, oh, oh god. Oh, oh, the, that. the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the the the the the the the the, and the, and the the the the the the the the the the. And. And. And. And, and the, and the, and the, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and the, and the, and the, and the, and the, the, the, the, the, the, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. the th. the the th. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. the the the th. th. her have a seizure that morning, but okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But so much time has passed. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, God. Yeah. And we see that a guy's vision is starting to go. Yes. And that, uh, what's the, I'm sorry, mom, Prisca? Her sight is beginning, or her hearing is beginning. Yeah, she can't hear in her left ear anymore. Yeah. Yeah. No one informs either of Kara's parents that she's dead. No, no, no, no. No.

No. No. And Crystal is just marching around with like eyeliner all over her face, looking insane. And we see that she's getting, um, is it scoliosis or osteoporosis? Osteoporosis? And then scoliosis of her spine. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So her back is getting more and more arched and she now like always has a shawl covering herself? Right, she's telling everyone not to look at her. Yeah. I really liked the scene where she like sort of corners the kids in the cave and then just starts breaking her own bones and the their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their the liked the scene where she like sort of corners the kids in the cave and then just starts breaking her own bones and they're healing at the

wrong angles. I liked it. I thought it was brutal and her body healing in the wrong position was great. Like it seemed very unlikely but it was good. Because she's basically just thrashing and breaking her bones and they're like until she looks like, uh, just like a jigsaw puzzle has been dropped on the floor. Which is interesting because when you get to the end of the movie, can we reveal the reveal? Oh, sure, yeah, yeah, yeah,

we're 46 minutes into this. We can reveal the reveal. Oh, God, yeah. Okay. So, right. But like we know how to treat osteoporosis for the most part. You take some calcium, you get some bone infusions, you'll live a fairly normal and okay life. So like yes if you take a woman with osteoporosis and deny her calcium for 70 odd years, she's probably gonna have a tough time. It doesn't seem like a worthwhile experiment. And we should mention that in the beginning of the movie, Guy is looking at a pamphlet for the hotel resort

and goes, huh, I wonder why a medical corporation runs this resort. Oh, I didn't even catch that. Oh, and they're Warren and Warren, which must be Johnson and Johnson, who is like a pretty ethical company, so I'm surprised by that. Wait, aren't they the baby powder people? Yes. Which gave people cancer for years?

Well, they didn't know. They knew about it. Oh, I didn't know about it. I thought Johnson and Johnson was often upheld as like one of the more ethical companies. They may be one of the more ethical companies. Well, again, again, again, again, again, again, again, again, again, again, again, again, again, again, again, again, again, again, again, again, again, again, again, again, again, they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they the, thi, they they they they they they're they're they're they're they're, they're, they're, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, th th th th th thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha, tha, tha. they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they they the more ethical companies. Well again don't take our edge by yourself. So then this movie turns into I don't know terms of endearment on the beach. Tell me more. Where it's just like mom and dad have reconnected in love and old age they've grown old together. And the kids are just sitting around them

being like, we love watching you two grow all together. Yeah, that's true. This is after, so Charles tries to stab a guy. Right. But guys, like, I can't see him. Where's the knife? You could see where his nut sack is. Just kick him in it. He's not paying attention to what you're supposed to do. You're supposed to sing.

And also I thought they had taken the knife from him. How did he get it back? Who knows? Okay. So here's the problem with this. Like, it's actually, right? But if the parents are in their 80s and these kids have to be like in their 50s and they're not, it's still the teenage actors. Right, right, right, because we get the reveal later of them older.

Yeah. That's bothersome to me. Sure. Yeah. But like they, their faces have not changed sufficiently. I feel like the 80-year-old-year-year-year-year-year-year-year-year-year-year-year-year-year-year-year-old-old-old-old-old-old-s, th-s, to-s, to-s, th-s, th-s, th-s, th-s, th-s, th-s, th-s, th-s, thi-s, th-s, th-s, thi-s, thi-s, they's, they's, they's, they's, they's, they's, they's, they's, they's, they's, they's, they's, they's, th. th. th-s. th-s, th-s, th-s, th-s, th-s. th-s, th-s. th-s, th-s, th-s. th-s, to-s-s-s-s-s-s-s. thou-s. th-s, thou-s, th-s, thi-s, thi-s, they're thi-s, they-s, thi-s, the 80-year-old parents are just like, they got crows feet and stopped. And I was like, well, is this just the top of the top of the gene pool here? Or what are we dealing with? Like, I think it was for some reason they couldn't have them, because of this weird thing they'd set up earlier about the hair, they couldn't change their hair, which are tough to do I guess. I don't know Oh, it looked good. It looked good and natural I thought but

Not right is it dying of old age. Yeah, maybe it would have been too off-putting to make them look too elderly. Yeah, we forgot We are they killed Charles by mom putting rust into his bloodstream and say it, it poisoned you, rust. Rust. And then we see him get poisoned in a very extreme manner. Yeah, was that just like Tetnus? Sure, but it was like, tetnus sped up. Okay, gottiness.

Hmm. So then the camera cuts in its morning. there we've got the fifth the we've gotten Maddox and Trent in their 50s yeah which also doesn't make sense they should be much older but okay whatever And Maddox is like is this when he? Oh no no no no I'm sorry no is this what yes this is when he's like oh I should decode that message that Idlib gave me yesterday. Yes it is and she they're like building a sandcastle before they do try to

escape again and she's like, which is a very sweet scene and they're having a great time and she's like do you think all people our age feel this way? Or is it because we were kids yesterday? Like, it's because you were kids yesterday, I feel like shit. Katie, do you want to build a sandcaster right now? No. Leave me alone. Nobody talk to me for 15, goddam minutes and let me eat a sandwich. So that's that.

What does the message from Idlib say? My uncle doesn't like the coral. My uncle doesn't like the coral. Which, it could have been clearer, Idlib. Yeah, Idlib, a little, I mean, I realize you're six, but still. Yeah. So they swim to the coral. There's a tunnel in the coral.

They swim into the tunnel. Maddox gets stuck in the tunnel. Don't swim with your little gauzy outfit on. Leave the beach shirt. Your goddamn bathing suit and Beth Davits. And there's like this big to do about the brother coming back to save her. I was like, yeah, what is he a shit bag? And there's like this big to do about the brother coming back to save her. I was like, yeah, what is he a shit bag?

Like, why wouldn't he do that? Yeah. Of course he's going to try to save her. Yeah. And then we cut to, and they've been seeing something on top of a nearby cliff top that they're like, that's your boy, M-Knight. It's my boy, mhm. And he's on his little walkie-talkie, talking about how they're gone, everyone's dead, the trial is over.

Yeah, yeah. Well, did you see the bodies? No, but they're dead. It's fine. Nothing's ever happened in a movie where like people can hold their breath that long like I can't because I smoked for a really long time and I don't have the will to live like that but I'm sure other people can. Wait don't you hold your breath when you go through the tunnels on the turnpike? Well yeah but like not if I'm driving. Because that's dangerous. That's dangerous. That's not the, I'm a, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the th. th. th. the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. I th. I th. I th. I thi thi. I thi. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I'm th. I'm th. th. I'm thi. th. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. thee. I thi. I th. I th. I th. I th. do that. So we go back to the... And Trent, when he was a little kid, his way to break the ice with people was to walk up and say,

Hi, what's your name and what's your occupation? I thought that was really cute. And so was everybody else at the resort. Yeah, they all were really nice to him. And luckily he met a cop. He met a cop. Yeah. And then luckily. And then he re-meets a cop. And the cop is immediately like, okay, yeah, yeah, yeah, I'll look into this. Because he has, Trent has a notebook of the last people or previous people who had been on

this beach in all of their names and addresses. Right. Because he found that in the pile of Deborah that was on the beach. thoes. thoes. thoes. to. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. thi. the. thi. thi me me me me me me me me thi. thi. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. th. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He's the. He's the. He's the. He's the. He's the. He the. He met. He met. He met. He met. He met. He met the the the. He met. He met the the the the the the the the beach. So the cop immediately goes to a phone, calls someone... The rest of the cops. Wow, they're all missing people, which I just don't see happening, but maybe he's a good cop. Katie, quick question. Yeah. You're an evil empire corporation. Yeah.

You're running this unbelievably unethical, medical trial thing. Yeah. You invite a cop to stay at your resort? Is the resort invitation only? Seems to be, because they're like leaving clues for people to find it to go to it. Are they sending everyone from the resort to that beach? Or do some people just go and have a nice time? I think the people who are still at the resort are like a control group is what I was thinking. Oh. I mean that's the

only reason they'd be there right? Well they got to make money somehow. Why? Warran and Warren can foot this whole bill. Yeah you're right. To sell more oxies to fucking people, you scumbanks. Ooh, yeah. That's what I mean by Johnson & Johnson might be an ethical company compared to the fucking Sackler family. So, but what they're, what they reveal in this reveal, where they're all, it's a very like cabin in the woodsy vibe where it turns out there were people watching the whole time and they were doing this for some sort of perceived greater good, right? Where they have, whatever medication they had given Patricia kept her from having a seizure for like 16 years. And they're all celebrating this, it's like like golf claps going around the room. Yeah, yeah. I love that the bad the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the theateateateateateathea their theateateateatement their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their theat is is theat is theat is their teateateateateateat.eat.eat.eat.eat. teateat. Wea. teateateateat. their their their their their going around the room. Yeah, yeah. I love

that the bad guys are German. I don't know why I love that, but I do. It seemed very, uh, well, it made Missy and I be like, are they, is this supposed to be buyer? This is supposed to be like the aspirin company? I don't know. Yeah. I don't know. So immediately like the cop arrests them basically like they get caught. Yeah. Insane. And then the kids are going to go stay with her aunt. And they're like, do you think she'll recognize this as 50-year-old adult people? Yeah, like in my notes I was like, I'm enjoying this and I'm afraid he's going to ruin it in these last couple minutes.

And then like, one of the last the last the last minutes the last minutes is the last the last the last the last the last the last the last the last the last the last the last the last the last the last the last the last the the the the the the the the the the the copiockckckckckockockockockockockockockockockockockockockockockockoomk. thoomk. thoomk. the couple minutes. And then like one of the last minutes is the cop being like, okay we've called your aunt and uncle they're ready for you. You know like how I forget how he says it but it's like how do you think this is going to go and the kids like well how do you think you feel if cut it off. Can I reach you my last four notes? Oh yeah, I'm ready. What the actual fuck is going on? No, I feel dumber having seen this. Oh, how is this a movie? Oh.

You know what? Kudos, M. Knight, you did it. I'm just strongly disagreeing with you on this one. Yeah, yeah, it's fine. Yeah, yeah. It sounds like we're, oh, go on. Well, it's funny because I thought, well, that was, I think the, because the last new, the most recent M. Night Chamalan film I had seen was obviously split, which I have referred to on this podcast many times as, like, it's, the th...... th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi, thi, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, th. It, th. It, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. that's, th. that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that podcast many times as like criminal. Like it's it's worse. It's what's worse than criminal? It's a hate crime against movies.

Like I hate that movie so fucking much. And I thought well let's see how like ratings to this one compared to that movie. And that is a highly rated film and it's like 70% on Rotten Tomatoes and it's only is 50% and I think this is a much, much better movie. Katie, it sounds like we're going to. The ratings phase. I'm ready. You want to go first? Actually, I'm not, I'm not ready because like, the more I discussed it with you, the more I was like, this movie's actually terrible. I don't know why I was enjoying it so much. I was. And now I don't know what to say. Do you want me to go first? Yeah. I hated this fucking movie so much.

I know. I'm going to give it a zero. Wow. And I hope never to see it again as long as I live. Wow. That's so much worse than I expected you to feel. But again, kudos M-Knight, you did it, you made another one. I'm looking forward to you make it another one.

Dude's got to be a billionaire. But ten times over, I'm sure. Why are we not billionaires on his coattails? That's the question. Exactly. Um, I think this movie showed a weird amount of restraint. I think it's good that he didn't do a twist. There isn't a twist. It's a reveal. Yeah.

But it's not like, it doesn't flip anything on its head. It's been being set up the whole time. You know it has something to do with these people's medical medical medical medical medical medical medical medical watching them. So you can sort of extrapolate of like, here's likely what's happening. And I think that makes the movie, and again, it's like my expectations were that it's gonna be so bad and it's gonna have some asinine fucking twist, like the twist at the end of Split, which is just Bruce, oh, forget it, and I'm gonna do it. Watch it. Watch, watch, watch, watch, watch, watch, watch, watch, watch, watch, watch, watch, watch, watch, watch, watch, watch, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, and it's, and it's, and it's, and it's, th. th. th. th. thi, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, and it's, and it's, it's, and it's, and it's, and it's, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it's, it, it's, and it's, and it's, and it's, and it's, and it's, and it's, and it's, and it's, and it's, and it's, and it's, and it's, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. thi. thi. thi. thi. that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like If you if you think you're ever gonna watch it skip ahead but it's basically Bruce Willis showing up in the end of the movie as his character from Unbreakable and being like it was all us all along. It's just so fucking terrible.

Because there's a movie after that that's Bruce Willis, Mr. Glass, Samuel Jackson and James McAvoys from Split. Fine, but if you're th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, th, th, th, thi, th, th, watch it's thi, watch it's thus, thus, thus, thus, thus, thus, thus, thus, thus, thus, thus, th. th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, and th, and I I th, th, and I thi, thi, and I thi, and thi, and thi, and thri. thi. thi. throooooooooooooooooooooooooooo, thi, thi, th Fine, but if you're going to make a sequel to a movie, you have to tell people it's a sequel to a previous movie. Yeah. Because like, the way we do sequels where we see them and we don't know what's happening because we haven't seen the previous movies is bad. But you can't expect people to not be in that position if they don't know it's a sequel. Right because you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you the you the the the th you th th th th th th th th th th th th th th thi thi that that to that to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to expect to expect to expect to expect to expect people to expect people to expect people to expect people to expect people to expect people to expect people to expect people to expect people to expect people to expect people to expect to expect to expect thus thus th. We thus thus that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that the. the. I that the. I the. I'm thi. I'm to to to to to to to to the that thi. I that position if they don't know it's a sequel. Right, because you're not making a movie for comedic effect. No, and it's also just a trash movie because it like parallels the zoo. There's like a zoo component to it.

It's just reprehensible. Um, I think I just was shocked that it wasn't worse. Yeah. Andthat, I'm giving it a six. Oh my God! And for your shock, I'm giving it a six and a half. I love that we are both delivering ratings of this movie that the other one did not expect, did not see coming. I thought you would give it like a four. Yeah. No, I absolutely hated this movie. Noah, I absolutely fucking hated this movie. I absolutely hate it next week's movie. Don't spoiler alert.

Oh, please, I'm going to come out of the gate swinging at it. Katie, can I get them out of the gate swinging about my love of this particular person? Get swing at them. Who's what we do when we love someone we swing at them. Swing in a hug your way. This is a message from a patron and it goes a little bit like this. I guess it would be fun to have you try and pronounce my actual name. Okay. It's...

Wait, just to put it in the chat. We're on Zoom. Do, du, dude, dude. You know, that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's not that's not, that's not, that's not, that's not's not's not's not's not's not's not's not, to, du, dude, du, du, du, dude, du. You know, that's not the best third eye blind song. Hold on. I'm gonna go with Graduate, from the Can't Hardly Wait soundtrack. I'm gonna say it the second it pops up. I'm not even gonna think about it, okay?

You should know that there's umlots over the O and an accent over the U. Okay, I'm ready. Here we go. Solvydoon. It is Solvy, Doan. Doan. Doin. Yeah, you got pretty close. Hi, Solvi, Doan. Thanks for writing to us. Thanks for being a patron.

Thank you, Solvy. Solvy. Solvi's message is, maybe just come find me if you're ever in Reykjavik, Iceland. I would love to be in Reykjavik, Iceland. Get a tattoo for me and talk horror movies. Keep doing what you're doing. I simply can't get enough of your podcast. Solvy. The PS on this is the film Armageddon is now and forever Armageddon. I forgot about that. Are we getting tattoos with Solvie?

Did we agree to this? Yeah, I'll go to Iceland and get tattoos. Yeah, okay, fine. Yeah, that's where I'm going to get my Wearable Fabulance tattoo. Get ready, Solvi. to this point. Solvy, make us an appointment. For I don't know, what, three years from now maybe? Who even fucking knows?

I guess if I start walking there, I'll get there in a little while. I don't think it'll work that well. Sylvie, thank you so much and thank you to everyone who supports us on Patreon. You can do that at Patreon.com back slash wear all family meals but you also don't have to because this is free forever but you do get action movies over there and you might like that. And thank you to everyone who's been once a week we're selling a general scospital t-shirt and it makes me so happy every time it happens.

Bananas who is buying them? If you've purchased one, take a picture of yourself in it please and tag us on the internet. Let's just put it out there. If we hit enough sales on that t-shirt, Katie and I will form the band General Scostospital and play a show. Fuck, I had such a hard time doing our live show because I was shitting my shitting my sh You really think I'm going to play trumpet now? Oh you're not picking up your bass or going out there with a trumpet. I play both. Katie, have you thought about just being the dancer? I could do that. You could be the ska dancer. I'll be the ska dancer. See that's right up my alley. Speaking of things that are going to make us dance. to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the they were going the they were going they were going they were going they were going they were going they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were their they were their their their they were their they were their they were their. I I I I I. I were their. I were their. I was. I was. I was. I was. I'm. I'm.a.a.a.a.a.a.a.a.a.a.a.a.a.a.a.a. I were tha.a. I was. I was. I'm. next week? I'm not sure why you picked this, but you did.

You picked the film, Resident Evil. Can I tell you why? Yeah. I was looking at movies, and I saw that we had picked House of the Dead. And then if we had realized we had to pay for it, and I was like, and we were both like, uh-uh, I'm not, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, I, th, I, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, that, th, that, thi, that, that, that, th, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, th, th, th.. th. th. th. th. th. thi, thi, thi, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to-a, to-a, to-a, to-s, to-a, thi. to-a, didn't we do House of the Dead? No, we did House of the Devil. Oh, right, right. Right.

So that I was like, well, what other video game movies are there? Oh, there's Resident Evil and there's a Duane the Rock Johnton movie, which is Dune or Doom, or doom. There's a film adaptation, the soundtrack, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, th, the, th, th, th, th, th, the, th, th, th, th, th, the, tho, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, th, th, th, th, th, th, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, thoooooooooooooo, thooooooooo, some, some, some, some, some, sonot. But I was like... And you were like, no, let's not do that. Let's do Resident Evil. Which also has a soundtrack by Slipknot. A soundtrack by Marilyn Manson, no less. Same fucking thing. Actually, Slipknot's probably nicer. Yeah, for sure. Sorry, I wanted you in with that Slipknot. Sure, you're fine, question mark? Especially a little one guy with a hot dog for a nose. Just shaking my head. No. No.

They're one of those bands that I know if I was 15 when they came out, they would have been my shit. For sure. I was just too late for that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. I had to listen to the get-up kids instead. Oh, sure. Yeah, yeah. Um, Anyway, so we're going to do Resident Evil from 2002,

the most 2002 of films. And come back next week for that. It's on Hulu right now. Yeah, oddly enough, like all good movies are. I'm so mad at this one. Buckle up, buckle up because now I'm half a bottle of wine in when I watched Resident Evil. So that's a whole bottle of wine, everybody. One plus one is one in the sense. All right, thanks so much for being amazing. Take care of each other. And thanks for listening to another episode of a werewolf ambulance. Bye. By. Empty. Oh! No we do with Finland's to fulfill reviews. Get the clouds and let the face. Killing and the atmosphere.

A few times the case. Please make I continue to break. The EADT. All road and comedy reviews, hungry, Brian, and Stephen King. Ea Tee. We live deliciously at the-tree so he's recently gone to daddy. A pair of novel activities from Mr. Rogers to eat E-M-T, E-M-D.