Werewolf Ambulance: A Horror Movie Comedy Podcast - Episode 364- Resident Evil (2002)

Starting point is 00:00:00 Hey Katie. Hi Alan. I realize we didn't ask if one of us had an intro for this one or not? I don't. If you listen to last week, this is a very drinky episode. Here's the thing, we're remote again because the world is a vampire set to dream. Here's the thing, we're remote again because the world is a vampire set to drain and everything sucks. And I drank a half a bottle of wine in the last episode.

Starting point is 00:00:35 I have the other half here in front of me. Thanks, M-Knight. Thank you. Night. I also watched this movie last night, wherein I drank probably more than half a bottle of wine, so I actually because because because because because because because because the the the world, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, the the world, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, th, I'm th, I'm th, I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. thi, thi, thi, thi, the the the wa, the wa, the wa, the wa, the wa, the wa, the drank probably more than half a bottle of wine, so I actually think I'm in bad shape physically. And I don't remember much about what happened in this movie except that I just really didn't like it. So here we go.

Starting point is 00:00:58 It's like watching somebody play a video game. My first note just says, I just think I'm not going to like this. So even when I was sober I wasn't up for it. See, but you went into it with the wrong attitude. No, I went into it with the same attitude I have about everything. Well, here's the thing. So since we've been doing action movies, it's really, we haven't done that many, but I've certainly got a taste of 14 of them. Well, yeah, the the, the, their, their, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, I thi, thi, thi, thi, I'm, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, th. I th. I th. I's thi. I'm, thi. thi. to to to to to ta. toda. tooooo. today, too. too one was also something else not that action oriented. I, now that I've gotten sort of a taste of the different, I guess genres of action. Yeah. I'm learning that my absolute 100% least favorite is like a squadron of people sent on a mission. Oh, I see. I just don't like it. And that also probably

Starting point is 00:01:46 explains some of my aversion to predator as well. Sure. Sure. Yeah. You like aliens though, right? Yeah. I did. I feel like that had a lot of other things that were saving it. It's a gorny waver things. Yeah. Yeah. And a, I mean like obviously number one is martial arts. And number two is sports action. Sure, sure. Sports action films like Major League. Yeah, Major League. Actually Major League too. I do want to point out that this film is thematically tied to last week's episode of old. Where in Corporations are bad. Yeah, is this movie about Amazon? Is this week's episode of Old, where in corporations are bad. Yeah, is this movie about Amazon? Yeah, before Amazon was really Amazon. Yeah, and the Red Queen is Alexa?

Starting point is 00:02:36 Yeah, uh-huh. 100%. Okay, got it. Predicted before it happened. Yeah. Well, my second note, my first note is Amazon equals umbrella corporation. Absolutely. My first second note says, okay, so it's Amazon. My second note says, genre films have been warning us about the ills of capitalism for decades.

Starting point is 00:02:56 And look at us now. We've learned nothing. This film is a film based on a video game. First and foremost. Okay, Resident Evil. Yeah, did you ever play Resident Evil? I did not. This is like in my period of time where video games were just gone to me because I was drinking a lot. Okay. Okay.

Starting point is 00:03:15 Yeah. This is one of the few video games that I have played extensively. Interesting. Tell me more. Because it was legit scary. Really? Yeah, it was a lot of like very dark. Your POV was just whatever headlamp you had on. So you're just like scanning rooms and a zombie. And like so it was, it got me. I liked it.

Starting point is 00:03:36 It's a first person shooter. Yeah, yeah, yeah, first person shooter. And also I was doing a light of the lighest of research I can do, which is reading the Wikipedia page. I thought we agreed you weren't going to do this anymore. And I found out that George Romero, patron state of Pittsburgh. Oh, mayor. Mayer. Forever life, Mayor. Sorry Ed Ganey. Not sorry, Pado. No, I will never say I'm sorry to you. So he-

Starting point is 00:04:06 The mayor follows me on Twitter. He only follows like a very small portion of people, and I'm one of them for some reason. You're a goddamn genius. The ear of Ed Ganey right here. You're a city treasure. So, George Romero wrote a script for this. Correct that he wrote five different scripts

Starting point is 00:04:25 for this movie and each of them were rejected because they were too good. They were, because they were, like, legit, scary horror movies. Why didn't they want to make a legit scary horror movie? Because they would have been like hard R horror movies. Oh, what is this? This is a movie for the children's. I'm sure it's like PG-13. Damn.

Starting point is 00:04:51 Did he keep going back and revising and they were like still too scary, still too scary until he either quit or died? I think at some point they were just like we're going to go in another direction with this. All right. Which is to make the most 1999 action movie we can possibly make. It has a very turn-of-the-century feel about it, doesn't it? A hundred percent. I think it's the shitty CGI that always makes all these movies feel the same. Yeah, and it's a shame in this movie particularly because like zombies are great, zombies are scary. Like you don't have to

Starting point is 00:05:20 CGI their faces. We've been doing practical zombie effects for decades. I mean, it looks like dog piss. And I won't even say dog shit because dog shit you can pick up and throw away. Dog piss is there forever. Sorry. I don't know what I mean by, that's a metaphor that I'm working out in my head. It's not really... I was just thinking of a Jared's commercial where they're like diamonds and dog piss forever.

Starting point is 00:05:51 It's true though, isn't it? So we see science happening with techno music behind it, while science is happening. And then sprinklers are all over the computers and I thought well this is not great. Like why don't there should be some sort of stopgap for this like some sort of fail safe where like if it starts sprinkling on the computers there's something you can do? Like I thought about this for a long time like are there just sprinklers in server rooms everywhere wouldn't it destroy everything all the time? Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. What? Well that's why this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this is I this is this is I this is I this is I this is I this is I this is I this is this is this is this is this is this is this is this is this is this is this is this is this is this is this is this is this is this is this this this this this this this this this this this this this this I I I I I I this I this I this I this I this this this this this this th th th th th th tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho-to-to tho-to tho tho tho tho? Wouldn't it destroy everything all the time? Yeah, yeah. What?

Starting point is 00:06:27 Well, that's why you don't throw science around and let it explode on the floor. Okay, that's fair. You're right, you don't do that. Yeah. And then we get a very late 90s camera goes into the vent shot, which I feel like is in all of these movies, like. This is the cube, essentially. This is the cube, this is Dracula 2000. I feel like there was vent shots in that.

Starting point is 00:06:49 Wait, did I like Dracula 2000? Yeah, you did. Yeah, I did. Yeah, I did. Is it a, it's a, the guy from, what's his fucking name? The buff guy. Oh, who plays, I'm not gonna be able to pull it now that you've asked me, yeah, who plays Dracula?

Starting point is 00:07:09 Gerard Butler. Gerard Butler, Jerry Butts. Jerry Butt. Oh, why didn't we come up with that one earlier? We probably did. Sounds like something we'd say. So we see a rude dude knocking people's coffee out of their hands. Yeah. Again, a totally unnatural reaction because your reaction to that would be,

Starting point is 00:07:29 the fuck asshole? Yeah, the guy goes, uh, thanks. Little bitch, baby. Listen, I want to actually, can I, I should have prefaced this episode of this. I'm sorry if this is a movie you love. Please don't take me too seriously. We th and we th. We th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. to th. to tho. to tho. to tho. tho. toe. tho. tho. toe. toe. toe. tho. too. thi. thi. tho. too. too. too. too. too. too. too. too. to be. to be to be to be to be to be th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. th. th. th. th. the. the. the. the. toa. toa. toa. toa. toa. toe. toa. toe. toea. toa. toe. to. th. th. th this episode of this. I'm sorry if this is a movie you love. Please don't take me too seriously on this one. I'm suffering, we're all suffering, and this is what I'm doing tonight, okay? That's an excellent point.

Starting point is 00:07:51 I was thinking about this today, like everybody, everyone is fucking going through it right now. Oh my god, yeah. Yeah. Like, let's try to work patience into what we're doing. I have no patience for this movie, though, so I don't think I'm a great, like, spokesmodel for this. Your job in this situation is to have no patience for this movie. Because you're going to be delivering comedic gold with that lack of patience. I hope you're right. I hope I can live up. get into an elevator. Nothing's going to go wrong here. Ugh, elevator horror. I find this actually very frightening.

Starting point is 00:08:26 And we see a bunch of dogs bugging out. A bunch of dogs freaking it. Yeah, there's dogs and cages that are freaking out. Oh yeah, yeah, oh yeah. Oh yeah, that's okay. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Why do they just drape them and meat later? Okay, we'll get to it. th. th. th. th. th. th. th- th- th-in. th-in. their-in. they-in. they-in. they-in. they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're just just just just they're just just just just the. the. thi. theat-in. theat-a-a-a-wea-wea-wea-wea-wea-wea-wea-wea-wea. thi-wea. they're just they're justpe them and meet later? Okay, we'll get to it. In their defense, what else are you going to do? No, that's true.

Starting point is 00:08:48 So the security system has registered that there's been a science leak? Yeah. And so they have to lock everything down and gas everybody in the building. So when they start gassing them, we see a woman, everyone's wearing gray suits also. You have to wear a gray suit to work there. Sure. When they begin immediately when the poison gas comes through the ventilation system or whatever, a woman is like, what is the gas called, halon or? Oh, I don't even know. Heylon. Something that didn't sound real. I think was Halon. Okay. She's like, immediately. She's like. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the th. th. th. th. the the the the the the poison. the poison. the poison. the poison. the poison. the poison. the poison. the poison. the poison. the poison. the poison. the poison. the poison. the poison. the the poison. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. th. th. th. th. tho. tho. thooooooooooooooooooo. the. th. thea. thooooooooooooo. th. th. th it's like, were you aware that there were poison gas valves in this office? Because I don't think I'd work somewhere where that was like an

Starting point is 00:09:31 option that they might gas you? You know what I mean? Well, listen, if Amazon need you to work in a facility where they might gas you? I mean, yeah, that's fair and that's Oxen. I'm sorry I said said that. It's a privilege right there to not work in a poison gas facility. So I really enjoyed the scene in the elevator where like the elevator falls because the brakes fail, but they stop right before they hit the floor. Yeah. And then they pry the door open, and a lady gets a head and a shoulder out? I guess a fucking bat shit. She's like, oh yeah, I can squeeze through there.

Starting point is 00:10:07 Look, if you can't get your head through, you can't get your butt through. And everyone fucking knows that. You're a grown-ass woman. You're a grown-ass woman. You're a grown-a-? If you could get your head through you'd be able to pull your whole body through? Exactly. Wow. I'm like a little rant.

Starting point is 00:10:28 No, there's a... I need like two heads to get my hips through. You know what I mean? There's a large midsection of me that's not going through my head through. I just, I was like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, fu. th. th. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to, fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking like, fucking like, fucking like, fucking like, like, like, like, like, like, like like is that, so she gets, the elevator is stuck in the up position of like six feet above the floor, whatever. And so it drops and then almost like cuts her head off and you're like, oh my god, didn't cut her head off and then the elevator shoots up and cuts her head off. Yeah, I did like that.

Starting point is 00:10:59 I was pleased. I was like, what a letdown that this foolish woman is not smush and then, okay, now she is. Which then cuts to Milo Jovovich, looking, oh God, she's a stunning woman. Oh yeah, insanely beautiful. Yeah. It's just like, that's not fair for the rest of us. You know, she was a model. Oh, I'm shocked! I enjoy her in this movie. I'm going to put it out there. I think she's really fun at it. It's weird because she has no lines.

Starting point is 00:11:30 Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And I just feel like we've done only a few action movies in the relative number of movies that there are in the world. But so many of them that we've done start with this scene, like a bruised and scarred, beautiful person waking up in a bathroom. Like, that is such a new trope of action movies, huh? I think so, yeah, yeah.

Starting point is 00:11:54 I'm sorry that this is news to me, when it's not news to everybody else. Well, you're so vulnerable in the shower, but we see that she that she that she that she that she that she that she that she that she that she that she that see that she has like some random scars on her shoulders. Yeah. And she has no memory. Yeah. But except she sees herself passing out in her memory. That's the last memory she has is herself passing out. Right. And I assume she was in a hotel because whenever I see bathrooms attached to bedrooms I always assume it's a hotel, but I guess rich people just have that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You may also. th. th. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And I, the the the the the the the the the the the. And. And. And I the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And, the. And, the. And, the. And, the. And, the. And, the. And, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the. the. the., but I guess rich people just have that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You may also be forgiven because she walks into her bedroom and there's a notepad with a pencil and someone has written, today all your dreams come true, which seems like something you might find in a hotel as well. Like at the Disney World Resorts in Orlando.

Starting point is 00:12:37 Fairy tales can what though, thank God for Disney Plus on a pandemic, I have to say. Oh sure, yeah. Hey, have you seen it in Kanto? No, have you seen it 47 times? Stastastic. So good. You can watch Godmothered on there. Oh, I won't.

Starting point is 00:13:00 If no one fucks a ghost, I don't want to see it. I'm really surprised that our listeners didn't really run with the ghost fucking aspect of that episode. There was so much to, I think, probably a lot of people just didn't listen. I don't know, I didn't look at the numbers. So she gets dressed in this very fetching cut of a dress. I really like that dress. Oh, when you said fetching, I thought you were going to say to say to say to say to say to say to say to say to say to say the the the the the the I really like that dress. Oh when you said fetching I thought you were going to say senseless. What the fuck is it? It's like the worst high-low you've ever seen but also there's like a mini skirt under it? It feels very like anime to me. Okay that's fine. Yeah. And she's also wearing it with combat boots which is driving that point home. Yeah very video gaming. She's like standing in her house a bunch. S s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. the. the. the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I the. I the. I the. I theateateateateateateateateateateateateateateateateateateateateateateaa-s. theatea-s. thea. thea. Very video gaming. She's like standing in her house, a bunch of SWAT team dudes bust in, like special forces? Yeah.

Starting point is 00:13:52 And start referring to her as soldier? Yeah, and she has no idea what they're talking about. No, she does not. And it also looks like she's in the Capitol building. I don't know why that building looks like the Capitol building, but it does. This gives you January 6 flashbacks when they're busted in. And this is where we meet baby, baby, Michelle Roderick is. Just a little baby. This is the same year as the first Fast Furious movie.

Starting point is 00:14:18 Right when she met her family. Yeah, forever. Family, Cars, Cars and B Family. Big old fucking butts. Wow, she sure can glower, though. She's in this movie because she can glower, yes? I don't want to seem rude. Say it. But I think it's her only move. She's a terrible actor. At least she is in this movie. Maybe she gets... Yeah, but it's very early on.

Starting point is 00:14:44 She is Bad. I don't like her. I don't like the character. She's playing. I don't understand why this character gets to have such an arc of like We need to save her fuck her. Let them eat her. She sucks I did get excited because I thought one of the soldiers was named Madison Addison, but it's Matthew Addison, which is like... Madison, Addison is like a name straight out of Salt Lake City. This is my daughter, Madison Madison. Michelle Rodriguez, she says stuff like, blow me. Fuck off, Michelle Rodriguez.

Starting point is 00:15:26 Like, frankly, fuck off. I have a lot of notes that just say intense techno. Oh my God, it is so intense. I have a lot of notes to say, is this a shitty total recall? I feel like the Matrix ruined that. The Matrix was like, no, you've got to have really low techno and everything. And this movie may predate the Matrix I don't remember when.

Starting point is 00:15:52 No, Matrix is 99. And this is 2001. Yeah. Apparently this movie was originally called Resident Evil Ground Zero. And then whoops a doozy. Yeah, like that Jimmy World Album. It came out in early 2002 to 2, so they. th. And, and th. And, and th. And, and th, and th, so, th, th, th, th, th, and th, th, th, th, th, and th, and th, and th, and th, and th, and th, and th, and th, and th, and th, and th, and th, th, thi, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, th, you, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, the thi, thi, the thi the the the thiiiiiiiiiiiiiii, the the the the the thi, you thi, you thi, you then whoops a doozy. Yeah. Yeah, like the Jimmy World album. It came out in early 2002. So they changed the title, yeah. Jimmy World had already put that record out in the summer, I feel.

Starting point is 00:16:14 Yeah. And it was called Bleed American and then they were like, just kidding it's self-titled. Do you remember the explosions in the sky record that came out on 910. No. It was called, the bands called Explosions in the Sky. Yeah, great band. And on the liner notes of the record, there's an airplane that says this plane will crash tomorrow. And then there's also the Koo album.

Starting point is 00:16:36 Wait, look at this. Can you see what that's just said? Look at my goosebumps. Yeah. There's an album by the hip-hop band The Coo that came out on September 11th which has the the cover of it is the DJ and the rapper on the front cover pushing down one of those dynamite exploded things or maybe pushing a button and the windows of the twin towers are blowing out. Fuck! It was gonna knock them for months. Oh my god.

Starting point is 00:17:05 That's wild, inside job. Yeah. Oh God, please know. I'm shaking my head. No, no, no, no, no. The views of Katie? Do not represent the views of Katie? No.

Starting point is 00:17:19 Wine, Katie says things that regular Katie doesn't mean. And inside job is one of them. You're something that both Katie's mean. I desperately just want to be walking somewhere and then give someone the fist, the raised fist sign to stop, you know, like the from the elbow. So the next time we're walking somewhere together I'm going to do that and I expect you to halt okay. I will and then ask if I need to be on point point to be on to be on to be on to be on to be on to be on to be on to be on to be on to be on to be on to be on to be on point to be on point to be on point to be on to be on to be on to be on to be on to be on to be on to be on to be to be on to be on to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be walking. I to be walking. I to be walking. I'm to be walking. I'm to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be the to be on the the to the to the the to the to the to the to to the the to the to the to the to the the to to the to to the the the the the then ask if I need to be on point. And I'll say, shh, yes. And I'll say things like, I got your six. And I'll say, are we going to get ice cream or not? I got your six.

Starting point is 00:17:52 Watch out. Rick Seaback is going to pull into this parking lot way too fast when we're getting ice cream. Rick Seaback does a lot of things I don't like now that we're talking about it. We read pages Dairy Martin, I'm sure we talked about this before on the podcast and he came into the parking lot at what, 70 miles an hour? That parking lot is so fucking dangerous and full of children and pedestrians. And he hopped down and he's like, what's up? I'm Rick, fucking.

Starting point is 00:18:24 He could have hit a kid and we'd all been like, hell yeah. For anyone who doesn't know, which is, which is, most everyone. Every one who's not, Rick Seaback is like a Pittsburgh. How do you like, he's like a PBS in Pittsburgh. Yeah, he's legendary. Yeah. I also saw him at the Edgewood Center, Edgewood Town Center, Giant Eagle, checking out through the express lane self-checkout with an entire fucking card of groceries. And I was like, how about you don't, Rick Seaback?

Starting point is 00:18:56 But I didn't really say that. I just stood there, because what are you going to say to say to say to say to say to say to say to say to say to say to say to say to say to say to say to say to say to say to say to say to say to say to say to say to say to say to say to say to say to say to say to say to say to say to sayback steakhouse of people. No rules, just right. Once I saw him on Liberty Avenue, I just walked right by him and put my hand up. I didn't say a word and he just high-fived. No, I just kept one. Yeah. That's why he rules. Do you remember when he said he could stand in the center of Forbes Avenue and shoot somebody? It would never be arrested. Oh no, wait, that was the former president. No, Rixie-see see the ice ice ice ice ice ice ice ice ice ice ice ice ice ice ice ice ice ice ice ice ice ice ice ice ice ice ice ice ice ice ice ice ice ice ice ice ice ice ice ice ice ice ice the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. I th. thi the the the thi. I th. I the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. th. th. t. t. t. t. t. ta. t. t. t. t. t. to. th. th. th. I th. I th. I th no wait that was the former president. No Rixie Bac's better than that. Just loves ice cream and like inconvenient groceries. And being a DJ. So we see a photo of Mila and her supposed husband who is James Purfoy and I got very excited about James Perfoy being in this. What do I know him from? I started looking him up on IMDB and then I think got distracted. So the stuff that I know him from I know that I know that I know that I know that you like like like like like like like that you that you that you that you that you that you that you that you that you that you that you that you that you that that you that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi thi thi thi thi thi to theeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. their their their their their their their their their theirway being in this. What do I know him from? I started looking him up on IMDB

Starting point is 00:19:45 and then I think got distracted. So the stuff that I know him from, I know that you have definitely not seen. Okay. Like the HBO show Rome. No. Or the show Happen Leonard. No.

Starting point is 00:19:59 He's been in a to'n't to'n't. He's, he's, he's, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he he's been in some period dramas. Oddly he was in a Night's Tale which I only I'm only bringing up because what's his name? Sewell? Rufus Sewell from last week was also in a Night's Tale and I thought I should have seen this movie. How have you never seen a Night's Tale? I don't know. It's a good-ass movie got your boy Heathle and that. He is my boy though, isn't he? I sold the movie, In Theater. Did you? Yeah.

Starting point is 00:20:29 Oh, that's cute. Isn't it? No. No. Uh-uh. What am I thinking of? Uh, ducktails? Yeah.

Starting point is 00:20:39 Yeah. Well, go on then. then. So, uh, uh, oh, my notes are a fucking mess. Because there's so many dis- Who cares? This movie's a fucking mess. It doesn't matter. So they have to go down to some crazy basement. And they find James Purfoy somewhere.

Starting point is 00:20:56 And they have- And they're both wearing wedding rings. Right, right. Let's say, umbrella, umbrella corporation on the inside of the wedding band. And I thought, is this a corporate promise ring? Is this like marrying to, or did you marry? Is it like how nuns wear wedding rings for Christ? You're married into the accounting department? Yeah, because it says on the inside the ring property of umbrella corporation. Yes. Yes. So basically, you're a nuns are to Christ as Milo Jovovich is to Umbrella Corporation.

Starting point is 00:21:28 Did she the name? Alice, of course Alice. Why wouldn't it be Alice? You got the Red Queen and Alice. This is infuriating to me because I said to Rob like part way through the movie is this basically just a remake of Alice in Wonderland? He was like, what? No? I didn't realize her name was Alice so now I'm upset. So they get they they they they get they get they get they get they get they get the the the the they they get they they they they. th. they get they. th. they. th. th. thi thi thi they. thi thi thi thi. they. thi. thoom. I to to to their to their to to to to to to to to to to their their their their their their their. I'm their. I'm their. I'm their. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm the. I'm toe. the. toe. toeole. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. I'm toe. I'm toe. I'm toe. like, what? No. I didn't realize her name was Alice, so now I'm upset. So they get on this train and then we get on the exposition train where we learned that the house that they lived in was a cover story for the hive raccoon city, which is the like huge scientific complex that's below their home that you can only access a via a train. Yeah that doesn't make a lot of sense. No. The guy were the guards, but apparently the only guards? Yes, but they're like trained assassin people's.

Starting point is 00:22:15 Yeah, I guess. Because at one point she opens a drawer and there's like some huge automatic weapon in a drawer. Right, right, right, right. And she's like, what's this? She has like, not a lot of reaction in this movie. No. And she asked if they've been attacked and the guy says it's more complicated than an attack. Right. I guess. It's not, I mean, it really isn't, though, is it? She touches James Purfoy, they have a flashback, and it's a sexy flashback. Yeah, they've been doing some fucking these two. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Starting point is 00:22:53 Why not? They're both beautiful people. Yeah, fuck a beautiful person if you're beautiful. Who might have stop you? And then we see that a bunch of the office spaces that people are working in have flooded? Yes. And there's a woman's body floating in the office space. It conveniently floats right up to the window and then just bobs there for a little bit, which I thought was nice, yeah. And then they walk away and what happens? Her gong, grog, gong her eyes open and it's zombie water lady. But also they're like walking around down here and they're like, oh, the halon is dissipated.

Starting point is 00:23:25 There's like, they have like a little meter or something. It's like, already fucking have your gas masks off. Why won't you leave them on until it's like, you're sure, but okay? Maybe their halonometer told him everything was fine upstairs. Yes. Because we find out that she was gasped in her shower and that's why she passed out. Right, and good thing the fog machine is still on down there, even though the halon is gone. So they have to go down. It looks so shitty.

Starting point is 00:23:51 I cannot describe to you how shitty it looks. There's like aerial shot and then walking around what looks to be like sort of like a server room. And it's sort of maze-like, there's all these different different different different different different different different different different different different different different different different different different different different different different different different different different different different different different different different different different different different like like like like like like like like like like like their their their their their their their their their their their their different paths and things, but there's a fog machine running and it's just so shitty it just looks so shitty. Kitty I think you're confused that's not fog that's science. Oh I'm not I've never been good at science to be fair. I have a note that just says gooey science stuff because she looks at one of the like servers and it's a it's a containment unit of some kind of monster. Okay. Who I will later refer to only as GUI boys. GUE boys. I even know that says servers. I don't care everywhere has servers.

Starting point is 00:24:38 So good indication of my mental state at the time. Whatever movie, everybody's got this stupid movie. Seriously, do you know places I've worked where there was a server room? All of them. So... I'm not fucking impressed. They got to hack some doorways to get into them. It's a five-digit code. This is the biggest corporation in the world who's doing secret genetic experimentation. It's a five-digit code. I mean, how many possibilities could there be? At least five. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. Do they the th. Do the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. Seriously. Seriously. Seriously. Seriously, th. Seriously, th. I thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. I thi. I the the th's doing secret genetic experimentation. It's a five-digit code. I mean, how many possibilities could there be? At least five. Yeah. Can I just read a note to you that I have right after bitching about the five-digit code? It just says, what now, computer shit? Which I think is a great synopsis for this film. What now, computer shit? Now, computer shit. So the soldiers walk down this hallway,

Starting point is 00:25:31 they get trapped in the hallway, and then we get the most late 90s thing that can happen, which is a laser bean, comes down the hallway, and chops people in half. When it thirteen ghosts them. Yeah, and when it 13 ghosts them. Yeah, yeah, and when it goes ship. I was like maybe 13 ghosts is good. Ghost ship, 13 ghosts? Wait, was it ghost ship or 13 ghosts where at the beginning some of they...

Starting point is 00:25:56 Well, 13 ghost ship is the one where the wires snaps and hacks everybody in half. Go ship, I mixed them up, yep. 13 ghosts is where the guy gets bifurcatedated thated thated thated thated thated thated thated thated thated thated thated thated thated thated thated thated thated thated thated thated thate. thate. thathea. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. to. to. to. to. to to to to to thoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooose. I goes goes. I's. Yeah ship, I mixed them up. Yeah. 13 ghosts is where the guy gets bifurcated by a sheet of glass. Oh yeah, it's Matthew Lillard. Yes. Yeah. And it happens a ton in this era of film. I feel like someone gets in the haunting remake. I feel like someone gets sliced and diced in that.

Starting point is 00:26:20 And the cell definitely that happens. Yes, a horse. It happens that happens that happens that happens that happens that definitely that happens. Yes, a horse. It happens to a horse, remember? Because I was so excited. Oh, was that in the cell? Or? No, I'm thinking of Cube. I'm thinking of Cube. Okay, well, regardless, a horse gets cut in half in the cell,

Starting point is 00:26:33 and I was very excited about it. So, first a laser comes down at head off, and then it comes down at like butt height and not somebody's butt off. It's so mean, it's just like, it does what it wants, I guess. And the captain has avoided both of these. And then he's standing there and he's like, all right, what are they going to do next? And then it's just wire mesh of lasers that comes down. He just becomes a breakfast waffle. But they gotta go on with the mission even though the captain's dead. Right, they've got Stephen Brault, they can keep going.

Starting point is 00:27:11 It's just, he's a, this guy looks just like Stephen Brault, former Pirates Pitcher. Oh, okay. Literally, this is a joke for no one! I laughed and I had no idea what it meant. You're like, oh yeah, Stephen Bralt. Oh, Bralty. Yeah, no. Squid Bralt.

Starting point is 00:27:30 So this is where they meet the ghost ship, Victorian ghost child, right? Yeah, that's an AI. Yeah, it's Alexa. Red Queen. Yeah. Yeah. And she's like, you Queen. Essentially. Yeah. Yeah. And she's like, you shouldn't do that.

Starting point is 00:27:47 Please don't do that. You have an Alexa, right? Or you have a Google Home. I have a Google Home. We have a bunch of them, yeah. I don't like to mess with yours as much because I feel like Missy will get mad at me, but I have a friend who has an Alexa. I just like to, I mean even during pandemic when we've been zooming, I'll just scream like, Alexa, play Alex Chilton by the replacements! And it'll pick up in his house and start playing it's so fucking funny to me.

Starting point is 00:28:10 Like don't have this thing, if you just don't have this thing. You realize you just did that to everybody who's listening to this on a speaker. Alexa, play Alex Chilton by the replacement. It's a good jam. It's the finest jam. Sorry about that. I'm not even sorry, enjoy the song. Come back to us afterwards. Oh man, so the Red Queen's like you're all going to die down here. What's her deal though? She's the Red Queen. What does she want? Alice in Wonderland. Right. She wants to stop them from doing things. I don't know, Katie.

Starting point is 00:28:51 Okay. She's a child hologram for some unknown reason. Is she involved in making the zombies? I don't think, I think she's just like the security system and like the the AI system that's running everything down there Okay, but they have to reset her with some big electric thing that's gonna electrocute the system and reset it So they do reset the Wi-Fi they turn it off and wait 30 seconds to turn it back on you got it you got it and then they have to call Verizon because it's not coming back on properly? You're? the? th? th? th? th? th? th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. they th. th. they have they have they have they have th. they have they have they have they have th. th. th. they have they have th. th. th. th. th. th. the th. the th. th. th. the the th. the the th. to have to have to have the the the the the the the th. th. th. th. th. the th. th. the th. th. they have they have th. they have they have they have they have the the th. they have they have they have they have they have to have the. they have they have they have they have they have they have they have they have they have the. they have they have they have to have to have to their the the. to to call Verizon because it's not coming back on properly. And then that takes fucking forever. You're like I'm paying for this. Yeah, come on. Verizon, hurry up. Come on. And so the, when they do the reset, this awakens the gooey science things. We see that like the gooey science go. I don't know. Okay. And there's like a there's like a scraping noise that like the gooey science guy, I don't know. Okay.

Starting point is 00:29:51 And there's like a, there's like a scraping noise that Michelle Rodriguez is now hunting around in the server room. Right, right, right, right, right. I actually liked this, the sort of dragging foot and dragging acts. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I think I always like that, you know. And she gets bit. foot and dragging axe. I think that was a nice little touch. I think I always like that, you know. And she gets bit? For like the first of a hundred times. And then they start shooting the zombies and the zombies aren't stopping. This is the

Starting point is 00:30:18 weirdest thing that you have to break the zombies next to get them to stop? Yeah. Why? Okay, okay. Oh, and there's this weird cop that's with them as well. Who's not really our cop? Wait, oh right, the guy with a very long head. Is that Chad? Yes, I think it's Matt, but close them off. Oh no, that's Madison, Addison, you're right. Madison, Madison.

Starting point is 00:30:49 It's very sultly. She's sex. She's going to be an influence on her when you guys are. What? Can I read you a note that I have from the scene? Please. There are people on fire and I'm still bored. Oh yeah, there's that great scene where a zombie is attacking them and the zombie is

Starting point is 00:31:09 legit a human being on fire. Yeah. And it takes like 15 minutes and like, yeah, it's kind of like anticlimactic. That man risked his life. And then at this point I had to stop and think to myself, wait, are they in space? Because it seems like they should be. It's got Jason X-Fibs going. Yeah, totally. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:31:31 Yeah. Oh, and there's a little bit of like a, there is a nod to Night of the Living Dead with like the eating the victim scene of like I guess. And we see that the Goe-Boy has broken out of his science chamber and he's running around. When you say Goo-Boy, are you referring to the dogs and meat suits? No, I'm not referring to the dogs and meat suits. I'm referring to like the man-animal thing with the giant claw hands that's completely C-Gi that looks like 100% dog piss. Yeah. With you forever.

Starting point is 00:32:08 It's like this 8-bit creature shows up in your movie and is running around. Yeah, totally. Which I describe is looking CGI-licious. It sucks. It just sucks. This is a time that we were like, oh yeah, we've totally figured out C-G-I and we can make like, whatever we want with it. It's going to our movie. It looks so shitty 20 years from now. Whereas if they had just made like puppets, we'd be like they look great.

Starting point is 00:32:33 Do you remember the beginning of Event Horizon where there's like the space debris floating around and it's all CGI that looks like shit? Yeah! Like, that was just of this era. It's just a thing they figured out they could do and so they wanted to do it as much as they could. Exactly, exactly. And like, would it all- And I guess that's how you get good CGI now, right? It has to suffer before it could be good.

Starting point is 00:32:55 But what the CGI in Jurassic Park looks. good. Stunning. And then... 1993. And then they was just like, yeah, but what if we half-apped it? Yeah, what if we just made a face in that facemaker game and then just put it on the zombie? What if I just did an MSPaint monster to run around this room? It just sucks. It just really sucks. So we get a whole bunch of things of like, we have not become attached to any of these soldiers but they start dying off and we're supposed to feel something for them. At one point I thought Stephen Bralt had died and then I saw him again later and I was like, did you not die Stephen Braul or are there two Seven braul? Now is Stephen Braul the computer guy that's with the security force? I'm gonna send you a picture of Stephen Brault. Okay.

Starting point is 00:33:47 And you can tell me which guy is. Which is a much easier way of doing this. If we were in a room, we would just hand a phone back and forth. Yeah. Hang on now. Let me just open this up, screen share with you. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. People listening-hmm. th-hmm. th-hmm. th-hmm. th-hmm. th-hmm. th-hmm. th-hmm. th-hmm. th-hmm. th-hmm. th-hmm. th-hmm. the-hmm. the-hmm. the-hmm. the-hmm. the-hmm. the-hmm. the the-hmm. to-hmm. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th-hmm. I th-hmm. I th-hmm. I th-hmm. I th-hmm. I th-hmm. I th-hmm. I th-hmm. I th-hmm. I th-hmm. I th-hmm. I to-hmm. th-hmm. th-hmm. thi-in-in-in-in-in-s-s-in-s-in-s, thi-in thi-in thi-in thi-in-in-in-in-in screen share with you. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. People listening at home are like, I don't know why I bother anymore. I see, yeah, it's the computer hacker guy. Okay, good.

Starting point is 00:34:13 All right. I like seating brought him. I'm sad. We got rid of him. Me too. I have missed him since he's been gone. When did you leave? Just the end of last season so there hasn't been any games without us. Oh, all right. All right. Wait, is the baseball not going on currently? Well, so I'm hopefully it'll be back before the spring, but right now, yeah, it's on strike. And

Starting point is 00:34:33 if you look at the MLB website, it looks like baseball hasn't existed since Roger Maris, which is very interesting because they can't make any reference to like current players or teams. So what is Phil from Twilight doing? Is he going to get picked up this season? Oh my god, well here's the thing. Phil is probably in his 60s now. So I'm hoping Phil invested well, I guess is what I'm saying. He's probably working at a car dealership. That's a very Phil job. Yeah, for sure. But I bet he's good at it and I bet he doesn't dick people over because we like Phil. Feel as personable as hell, that go-tea or that soul patch? And he's going to give you the lowest price he can. He's not going to drive the price up his manager when he says he's going to go talk to his manager. Oh yeah. He's not just going to go into another room for a little while.

Starting point is 00:35:26 Why do we love Phil? Because he was the only thing that we could hang on to in that fucking film franchise. Something we're free falling and we just see something to latch onto and we're like, here it is. It's the minor league baseball player. I should want the the the the the the the the to to to to to to to watch the th. I th. I th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thathe thathe thathe thathe thathe thathe thathe thathe thathe thathe thathe thathe thi. He was thi. He was thi. He was th. He th. He th. He th. He th. He th. He th. He th. He th. He th. He th. He th. He th. He th. He th. He th. He th. He th. He th. He th. He th. He th. He was th. He was thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi that I have now seen most of the final movie in that franchise. You watched it. Because Missy was watching it. She wanted to watch it before they went away on Netflix. Tell me, or are they gone? Oh, the 15th. So yeah, basically. So, um, I saw the big battle that happens at the end of the movie. Okay. And there's this huge battle that happens between the Voltaire and what? I was just asking who's battling, but then you started to tell me. It's the Voltaire and the vampires and the wolves have all teamed up.

Starting point is 00:36:11 And they're, well, the wolves and the vampire are fighting against the Voltaire, which was the Michael Sheehan vampire overlords. Got it. And this whole big battle sequence goes out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out the thii, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, and thi, and thi, and thi, and thi, and thi, and thi, and thi, and th. And thi, and thus, and thus, and th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the, and the, and the, and the, and the, and the, and the, and the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, their, their, their, their, th. And th. And th. And th. And thi, thi, thi, thi, thus, thus, thus, thus, thus, thus, thus, thus, thus, thus, they. And they. And their, their, the these people die, and then the film cuts back to it was all in Alice's mind and she showed it to the people to show what would happen if they actually had the fight. The fight never actually happens in the movie. And the end of the movie is the werewolf boy and that baby who's grown up to be about 13 years old go off and they're lovers now. It boggles the mind. I am speechless. Shooketh.

Starting point is 00:36:58 Oh, spoilers. Oh, spoilers for the last Twilight movie. Oh, spoilers for the last Twilight movie. Something you didn't expect in our episode about Resident Evil. Hey, are he's fucking that baby? Yeah, and he like kind of jokes with Edward. He's like, so can I start calling you dad? But that's crazy because he's known her since she was a baby. Uh-huh. But they bonded, remember?

Starting point is 00:37:27 Like hyper changes and stuff. They bonded. I don't want to talk about this anymore. I know. I'm over Twilight. You're only saying that so you can pull yourself out of it. You want to know more. No, I don't.

Starting point is 00:37:41 I know everything I need to know, frankly. So there's these action sequences where they have to climb up these pipes to get out of the room that they're in to escape the zombies? Are you so talking about the ZOilet or this movie? No, I'm talking about the zombies. Okay, I'm sorry. I'm listening. What is his name, Stephen Bralt? Stephen Bralt. What is his real name, J.P. or something? J.D. No, no, J.D's a different guy.

Starting point is 00:38:08 See, that's what I'm saying. I think he also looked like Stephen Brault. Yeah, sure. I mean, they all have, they're of a, of a vibe. I'm gonna send this podcast episode to Stephen Brought at pirates.com? I follow him on Twitter, I'll see it. But yeah, so we're losing, we're losing men and in the special forces. Are you on Twitter now? No, I'm looking at my notes, look.

Starting point is 00:38:40 This episode doesn't exist yet. There's nothing I can do. Steve, we're coming. This is the most mentioned you've gotten since you've got by the pirates. You know, Rumbunter didn't even talk about you this next. That's a joke for nobody to. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry to everybody I hope this is nobody's first episode. They're not all like this. It's just been really, it's been hard, it's been hard days. We get this whole scene where the Stephen Bralt guy's got to shoot himself, but he doesn't,

Starting point is 00:39:16 he shoots a zombie and then him and Michelle Rodriguez are getting, he like, he sacrifices himself for her so that she can get away, right? Yeah, he sacrifices himself for them to all get away and we think he's dead. Okay, right, right, right. Yeah. Oh, this is, um, is this Madison, Addison? No, that's the cop. Who we find out?

Starting point is 00:39:40 He's got a name, I'm sure of it. I don't remember now. Maybe he's Chad or Spence. No, we're doing a good job this time. It doesn't matter because they're all fucking interchangeable. Yeah, they really are. We learned that the cop guy, Madison Addison, is his sister was in Umbrella Corporation trying to take the company down from the inside.

Starting point is 00:40:05 Yeah. It's Kaplan. Kaplan. Yeah, and he's so not. Oh, his first name is Chad. There we go, he is Chad. Yeah, he's really, um, very clearly not American. Oh, OK. Oh, Australian. There you have it.

Starting point is 00:40:19 No, wait. So, Madison's sister was working on the inside, try to take Umbrella Corporation down, and we learned that she was working with Milo Jovovich. Jovevich. Jovevich. Yovitch. And that James Perfoy was spying on her. Dun, tun, tun. Right, because he's the bad guy?

Starting point is 00:40:47 Because he's the bad guy. Oh, okay. And in her place with this we get gooey boy climbing around on walls, like chasing after them. Fucking eight-bit little guy trying to track them down. Oh, and there's the dog fight all the dogs that track them down. Oh and there's the dog fight. They have to fight all the dogs that are now covered in meat. Why did they just have meat on them? Is that really their experiment? I think it worked. Well in the video game there are zombie dogs that attack you and they're

Starting point is 00:41:16 fucking terrifying. Okay. Because they'll like bust in thrown through a window when you're not expecting something to bust through a window at you and it's a god damn zombie Doberman Pincher? Oh, that's pretty good. Yeah, that's spooky. It's good spooky. Sounds like a fun game. It is a fun game in 1997 or whatever the fuck that game came out. Sure. But also, nobody is talking about killing Michelle Rodriguez, which would be my first order to be my first order of business. Because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, th.

Starting point is 00:41:43 a bunch of times and second of all, she sucks. Well, we don't learn until a little later that one bite is enough to turn, because in this world, zombies don't exist. There's like no zombie movie, so nobody knows what to do with zombies. Okay. It seems like. But they're, okay. All the zombies are wearing gray suits, so can't they just kind of infer that they were the people that, okay, whatever. Well, they don't know that it's going to transfer from a bite. Okay, fine. Until the Red Queen tells them that just a single bite will make it happen. Okay. Fine. All right. And then one of the female characters, I don't know if it's Mila Yovic

Starting point is 00:42:20 or Michelle Rodriguez, Sonia Blades kills someone with the Sonia Blade killing, which is wrapping their legs around their neck and breaking his neck. I think that's Mila. Which is Paul Anderson doing a nod to his other movie where he had someone do that? Because he directed, and we haven't even talked about Paul Anderson, and the fact that he directed Mortal Kombat. Can he married to Mila Yovovitch? They are married, or at least were, I think they might, I don't know, regardless, they

Starting point is 00:42:46 fucked. Um, Michelle Rodriguez, Michelle Rodriguez is also at this point talking sexy to the zombies, like oh you like the taste of that, and it's very uncomfortable. Oh, when she's like dripping blood into their mouths. Yeah, it's weird. Why is she doing that? She's just doing that. Also her name is Rain Ocampo. Ocampo. I forgot that her name is rain. I hate her. I hate her. Oh man. When I get out of here, I think I'm going to get laid.

Starting point is 00:43:29 That's one of her lines in this movie. Set her on fire. Like, I hate this. So we find out that there's an antivirus that they're going to try and get to rain. Yeah. And we've also found out that Purfoy is the one who started all this shit. And he... He only seems to realize he's the bad guy in like the third act, which is really stupid.

Starting point is 00:43:55 But he realizes that he like, he threw the, I don't know why he threw the virus. Why did he do that? Yep. Okay, good, good. So the train gets attacked, they get onto the train. There's eight minutes left before the door shut so they can escape. Gooie Boy attacks the train, he kills Kaplan. Oh yeah, he has such a short-lived second lease on life. It's like a month-to-month lease. It's like... Sucks for him. Rain is a zombie.

Starting point is 00:44:38 Yeah, finally. Also fuck off. And like, Mila Yovic at some point has like looked at people and been like, wait, I know Kung Fu, and then just started like kicking them. And then she gets attacked by a bunch of like pathologists and can't take it. It's insane. Oh, James Purfoy is killed by a goe boy as well. Or somebody, some zombie kills him. Ah, who noise? Who noise?

Starting point is 00:45:08 And then, and then she's, she wakes up wearing the strangest hospital gown I've ever seen. Like why even bother? Oh, this is after the like guys in the hazmat suit come and take her away after she escapes. Yeah, the pathologist. Yeah, okay. Yeah, sorry. No, no, no, not. No, no, no, no, I mean, I may have skipped well ahead here. I have no idea what's happening in this movie, nor do I care. I have the note hazmat buddies show up and take them away. Yeah. And...

Starting point is 00:45:33 And... And... Madison, Addis? Yeah, they want them in the Nemesis program, they say. I don't remember that. Oh yeah, and she wakes up and she's like, she's got some paper taped to her body? Yeah, the worst hospital gown I've ever seen. Why?

Starting point is 00:45:57 I don't know. Why? I even bother. She was like, no nips, and they were like, fucking fine. Yeah, you get a little side move at the beginning of the movie, but that's it. No nip, yep. She's got a little side shave, which I think she was really ahead of her time with. Yeah, it looked good on her too. She's got like probes stuck in her head. And she breaks out and goes outside because the facility is empty. I wrote, this has been a mistake.

Starting point is 00:46:26 Like my whole night, it's been a mistake. Because she was like, did we talk about how she was in cahoots? She was like the trader to the corporation. Oh yeah, briefly, yeah, I think we mentioned it. I might have been looking at Twitter when you said, so sorry. She goes out into a post-apocalyptic world, I guess. Yeah. Why does my last note say, OK, but how, and then Godzilla?

Starting point is 00:46:50 Oh, I don't know why it says Godzilla. How does the movie end? It just ends with her walking out into the street. Well, why did I talk about Godzilla? I don't know, maybe you just like Godzilla. Oh, weird. Ah, and that is... What's that? I said I love Godzilla, that's all. I don't know if you could see the sticker on the back of my laptop or on my tablet.

Starting point is 00:47:17 It says, put God back in Godzilla. Where did you get that? From the same place that I got the, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, th, th, th, th, th, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, to to that, to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to that-a, the, the the the the the the the the the the the the Don Knot Spirit Board. Oh good. Yeah, and your baby Jane t-shirt? Oh, I wear it all the time. It frightens my child. I'm sure, it's a scary t-shirt. Scary t-shirt. Katie, do you know that there are five of these movies?

Starting point is 00:47:39 And why? And why not? A new one apparently just came out because when I searched for it, it was like, do you mean this one, the new one? Do you want to see the new one? You want to see this new movie? You want to see a new movie? And I thought, no, no, no, no, I really don't.

Starting point is 00:47:50 Yeah, they're giving us four more movies to do. I'm not doing any of this. I don't know, I was bored. I didn't get it. I don't think it was that complicated. I thought the acting was really bad for a lot of people who I think are fine enough actors. I just don't know why I watched it. I have honestly like, I have never cared less about a movie than I care about this one. And I don't know why.

Starting point is 00:48:24 I think it's really bland. So I have no reason to have these strong feelings about it, but mm-mm. Yeah, we've done blander movies in this. Oh, for sure. I don't know what it was. This just hit me at the wrong time, in the wrong place, with the wrong level of sobriety, and I hated every second of it. And that's going to facilitate this movie getting a... What number are you going to give? One. Okay, okay. Only because they actually draped dogs and meat, which I think is funny. Those poor puppies? They're not to eat that meat. It must not be real meat or the dogs are just really, hold on one second? Real quick.

Starting point is 00:49:04 The dog's like, what's that over there? I hate when dogs try to distract you. Because then they just distract themselves. I'm going to give this movie a four. Really? You can do worse than this movie. But you don't need to watch it. There's no need to watch. Mm-mm. And I'm sorry, if you love the video games, I think that's probably great. I think they're probably fine. But like, I just don't think this is a movie.

Starting point is 00:49:36 I like that we had flip-flop reactions between this and old, where I was just like, this is the worst. I don't have th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th thi thi thi thi was just like this is the worst I don't know why this was made yeah and you had that reaction to this movie it was at least old I felt like I could continue watching this I was just like i was thrown I was like I can't believe this is still going on yeah and neither of them are particularly long movies they're both like an hour 40 either way it's too much for one of us. Well, we got some comedy gold at her for these people. Well, promise me we never have to do another Resident Evil. I promise you. We'll never do that again.

Starting point is 00:50:15 Thanks. Silent Hill was better than this movie. So I asked Rob which of the movies he wanted to watch with me this week. Resident Evil are old. And he's like, oh, I've seen Resident Evil. It's like, bad shit, I'll watch that again. And then when we start, when I went to put on, he's like, yeah, this is about a town in Pennsylvania. And I was like, you're fucking thin hill. You already did that movie better than this. Can I tell you something you're going to love?

Starting point is 00:50:49 I would love that. It's a message from a Patron. Okay. Hi, Alan and Katie. Hi. Cindy Dietrich, sending you all the good vibes from Syracuse, New York. Hi, Cindy, thank you so much. It's very cold up there.

Starting point is 00:51:05 Colder than it, even is here. It's my pleasure to be part of the Patron Community. I'm so glad I found your podcast. Your chemistry and laugh-out-loud humor have made you guys the podcast I look forward to every week. Oh, Cindy, thank you so much. Also, as someone older than you, Alan, I am single-handedly attempting to skew your listener demographic older,

Starting point is 00:51:29 Winky Smiley Face, you both are rocking it. Oh, Cindy, thank you so much. Thank you so much for supporting us. Yeah, thank you so much for skewing. Yeah, skew it. I'm still convinced that everyone who listens to this podcast is age 35 to 70. There's nobody younger than 35 listening to this podcast. If you're younger than 35 get in touch. Yeah, do it. Tell us what you like and maybe'd like to hear what you like, too. Tell us what, uh, the weekend.

Starting point is 00:52:10 Wait, the musical artist or the days? Yes. Okay. Things I hate Mondays. Love lasagna. I love lasagna. So Katie. Alen.

Starting point is 00:52:24 What are we going to do next week? So Katie. Alan. What are we going to do next week? Next week we are doing a movie of your choosing. Which is... Picked entirely because it's 77 minutes long? 77 minutes and we're suffering. Actually, I think I want, I would say the name, but I want you to describe it, okay? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Starting point is 00:52:41 We're doing a 77 minute movie on Shutter called Slack. Slacks! It's a movie from what I understand about a killer pair of pants. It's the sisterhood of the traveling pants, but with murder, question mark? Why not? Aren't they rebooting the cheerleader movie as a horror movie? What? What's the cheerleader? Bring it on? Bring it on? Yeah. Which we've also done on this podcast. They're doing, bring it on with like a horror twist to it. You mean like so all cheerleaders die? Sort of.

Starting point is 00:53:15 Cool. I'll watch it though. Yeah. I love both of those movies because frankly I love cheerleading. Did you see there's a second season of cheer on Netflix? I'm very excited.. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. th. th. the the the tea. tea. tea. tea. tea. the the the the the the the the the the the thea. th. th. We's. We cheerleading. Did you see there's a second season of cheer on Netflix? I'm very excited about it. Oh I have not. Yeah, I thought cheer was tainted by the one guy being a child molester. Oh, someone's a child molester? Yeah, I got caught with kitty porn. Oh, I didn't know that. Yeah, sorry. Fucking hell which one? Uh, the lovable one. The lovable one. No, Jerry? I'm not sure. But let's finish this and then we can do some googs. Sorry, I'm already gouging. All right, what else do we have to say?

Starting point is 00:53:54 That's it. You can find us on the internet. You can be a patron if you go to Patreon, wear off ambulance. You'll figure it out. Tea-Public for the t-shirts. It was Jerry. Yeah. That sucks. Yeah, it does.

Starting point is 00:54:09 I'm surprised the show came back. And we love you and you guys are great. I'm sorry I'm ending this episode on such a distressed note, but I'm very distressed. I'll see it all next week. So come back for that movie about pants. Yeah. And thanks for listening to another episode of Whe Ambulance. Bye-bye. Empty. I like that. Thanks. I like that. Thanks. Mediacs are not dead pools, civeties sightings at the pool. Now we do it, Finland's to fulfill reviews.

Starting point is 00:55:12 Give the clouds and let the face, killing in every space, appearance I've cast in case. Please make I continue to like Greg, E&T. Marlowe and comedy reviews. Hung, Brian, from wings and Stephen King. E.M.T. We lived deliciously, bad temper trees, obese, crazy gone today. A pair of elective diggies from Mr. Rogers City, E&D, E&D.

Werewolf Ambulance: A Horror Movie Comedy Podcast - Episode 364- Resident Evil (2002)

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