Werewolf Ambulance: A Horror Movie Comedy Podcast - Episode 365- Slaxx (2021)

Episode Date: January 31, 2022

In this week's episode, we're venturing into the world of eco-friendly, sustainable, and also anthropomorphic clothing with the 2021 film "Slaxx." Special topics for your consideration include: the OG terribly pretentious clothing store that was (is?) American Apparel, influencers, Team Craig I guess, pants that look like people, famous inventors and a film that is just utterly full of surprises. And hey! This is our 365th episode which is a FULL YEAR of Werewolf Ambulance (not including our maternity break clip shows and our pandemic bonus episodes)! Man, you guys are really getting your free's worth.  I can only think of one other movie we've covered in which the main bad guy is an inanimate object, dolls and puppets notwithstanding. It's Episode 112- "Christine." Find us online: Support us at patreon.com/werewolfambulance Buy merch for yourself or those you love at www.teepublic.com/user/werewolfambulance on Reddit at r/werewolfambulance on Facebook at facebook.com/werewolfambulance on Twitter @werebulance on Instagram @werewolfambulance. [e-mail] If you liked this, please leave us a review on Apple Podcasts or wherever you listen! It helps others find us and allows us to continue to grow. Intro song is by Alex Van Luvie Outro song is A. Wallis- "EMT" Seriously, we have the best listeners, hands down. Werewolf Ambulance is a horror movie comedy podcast.

You didn't tell me this movie ends with two X's. Did it take you a while to find it? It did take you a while to find it? It did, because I even texted you earlier in the day and I was like we're doing slacks right and I spelled it as one would spell slacks and you were like yeah yeah yeah that's it. Oh that is what I sound like. Yeah yeah. Yeah good even over text. I assumed that you were talk to texting the text to me so the talk to text would not know about the double X spelling. Okay so I do do a lot to do a to do a to do a to do a to do a to do a to do a th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I. Yeah. I. I..... Yeah..... Yeah...... Yeah.. Yeah....... Yeah...... Yeah............. Yeah........ Yeah.......... Yeah..... Yeah.. Yeah... I. I. Yeah. I. I. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I. Yeah. t.. I.. t... I. t. I. I know about the double X spelling. You do, okay, so I do do a lot of talk to text because I'm a middle-aged woman. Yes.

But also you assumed that I would just know it ended with two X's. Well I assumed when he went to shudder and it typed in SLA. Mm-hmm. I went right for the SLA. Okay. Too fast. Yeah. T-I. too. too. too. too. too. too. too. too. too. too. too. too. to. too. to. to. to. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to too. too. too. too. too. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. Well. Well. to. Well. Well. to. Well. Well. Well. to. Well. to. Well. to. to. Well. to.............................................................................................fucker told me it was called Slacks. So then I had to Google Slacks horror movie, which came up SLAXX. And you know how Google will show you like related questions? Sure. The first question is, you know, the people also ask is is, quote, it slacks a real movie.

Yeah, saw that. The thing, is it real? What do you say? What would you say to that person? 100%. Yeah, agree. Yeah. Yeah. This movie's weird.

You know what movie I kept comparing it to was that Velvet BuzzSaw movie that we did? Mm-hmm. Yeah, with way less star power. But I was like, hmm, this movie's actually way more effective than that movie was. Yeah, I think it's short length. God bless. What's that? I said, God bless? Yeah. Yeah. And the, like, sort of no-name actors really like made that? I said God bless yeah yeah yeah yeah and the like sort of no-name actors really like made that work whereas you know Tony Collett's not she can't do she can't pull that whole weight herself you know. Right right right

yeah you John Malcovich isn't gonna let you cut scenes. Yeah you're gonna have to watch him walking on a beach for an hour or whatever the fuck the ending of that movie was. I really don't even remember. Okay, okay. Tony Colette died and you were like, well, I'm out. Is that really what happened? Yeah, it sounds right. Yeah, she dies like halfway through the movie. Spoilers for Velvet BuzzSaw? We've got to stop doing this. All right, so... this. This, a th, a th, a th, a th, a th, starts off in a cotton field. Picture this, a cotton field.

People picking cotton. And there's a sign that says Experimental Field 357, Canadian cotton clothiers. So this movie is making fun of, what was that company called? American Apparel? Yes. Yes. Did you ever shop in an American apparel? Katie, I'm an over 300 pound human being.

Yeah? No. No. They had a strict no clothes for fatty policy. At least on the floor. You could order stuff offline, but nothing on the floor was like above an Xcel. That sucks. Yeah, it's fine.

I mean, everything about that place sucked. Yeah. Every time I went in there, everyone acted like I smelled bad. You know what I mean? It's because they smelled bad. Wow, what a nightmare. Oh, and that, the fucking CEO was a godd-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-s-s-s-s-s, th-s, th-s, th-s, th-s, th-s, thi-s, thi-s, th fucking CEO was a god-dam monster. Yeah, I think he's like, still a CEO of a large company. I think he's like, oh yeah, I'm sure. He did not get canceled.

Does his name like Dove Cheney or something like that? Dove Charney? Yeah. What a piece of shit, fuck that guy. Yeah. Anyway, that's what this movie's about. I love that the, the, like I can't rule what the, the SS stands for on the pants. Shape, shapeers, super shapers. Super shapers, but the fact that like these jeans have the SS logo on them is fucking hilarious.

It is fucking hilarious. And I did like that every time it atetook it ate someone it turned a little portion red. I thought that was nice. Like filling up your pie in True Real Pursuit. I compared it to getting another heart in Zelda. There you go. So I like also really liked that when we're in the sort of storage backroom, we're getting like a jeans-eye view of the place, which is very strange, but also really enjoyable. Did you ever work a retail job? No, I only ever worked in food service.

Oh wow, okay. Yeah, that's where I can really shine. Okay, I got you. I got you. I got you. Like a good fucking hoagy. Oh, that's right.. That's, that's, that's, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, the thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, th. th. thi, th. thi, thi, th. th. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi, thi, thi. thi. theananan. theanananan.a.a. theanananananananananananananann. thea. the. th. th. th.that's right, I forgot that you worked at a hoagie manufacturing business. Yeah.

Which is what I call a sub shop. I actually invented the hoagie. Did you? God, I don't think your Pittsburgh accent has ever been stronger than you saying hoagy. I cannot say it any other way. Hey, hoagy. Wait, hoagy. Oh, enjoy your hoagy, agie. Is that better? Ooh, a hoagie. Ooh, enjoy your hoagie, ma'am.

Hogi. Hogi. Hogi. You don't even have to move your mouth. Watch, Haggy. It's like there's a little hug in your hoagy. Yeah, hoggy. This just gave, I mean, we've talked ad nauseum about my time at Things Remembered in the

Mall. Things remembered and Borders. And Borders, yeah, this was just giving me like, thank God I don't work in fucking retail anymore. It's the big. It's the big. It's like a nightmare. Borders was maybe, uh, no, they were both terrible, but borders was like a special kind of thiol.

was like a special kind of terrible. Yeah. Yeah, because just people wanted you to know everything about everything and like... They're like what's this book about and you're like read the fucking cover I don't know. I'm literally here to steal CDs, ma'am, I have no idea. Well there is a big sign in the back room of this place that says employee theft hurts us all. And I just thought about like I wasn't even thinking about stealing until I saw that and now I am. Yeah for sure. So we meet Libby who is the new hire at the Canadian cotton clothiers. And she's very earnest. Yeah. Which oh god you hate to see it. Do you? Yeah. Yeah. I mean I think she's great, but earnest people make me anxious. And there's this whole like rigmarole where the her new, she's a new hire there and her new co-workers are two human assholes to her. Yeah. They're really terrible. They're really terrible. They're really terrible. They're really terrible. They're really terrible. They're really terrible. They're really terrible. They're their. They're the their. They're the the their. They're the the the their. the the the their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. E earnest. E earnest. their. their. E earnest. their. E earnest. Earne. their. E earnest. E earnest. E earnest. E earnest. E earnest. their. E earnest. their. their. E earnest. their. their. E earnest. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. E their. their. E the their. the their. E. their. E. E. the the the their. E earnest their. their. their. E earnest. E earnest. their. their. Earn. their. Earnes. their. their. Earnes. earnest people. Earnes. Earnes. their. Earnes. their. Earnes. their. their.two human assholes to her.

Yeah. They're really terrible. They're really terrible and everyone's talking on headsets even though they're like a couple feet away from each other, which I thought was funny, but also like, oh God, these fucking people. Yeah. His name's like Hunter and Lord. And Shrudy. Yeah, Shruddy is a good good normal name. And we find out that the

there's an influencer, which I'm still convinced that we are. And what are we influencing anyone to do? What are you talking about? Start SCA bands? Has anyone done that? In the last five years whether they've heard us or not. Oh have they? Yes, ska's back in a big way. Glad to hear it. Love to see it. To be fun and that's better than knowing things. We've influenced them to do that. Some people, yes, some people know. We've influenced them to tell their assailant if a gun is pulled on them to shoot them........ them. them. them. them. them. S them. S them. S them. S them. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. them. them. them. them. them. them. their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their, their, their, their. their, their, their. their. their. their. their. their. their, their, their, their, their their their their scscat, their th. th influenced them to tell their assailant if a gun is pulled on them to just shoot them. We're influencers. I'm not saying that if they're just trying to take your wallet, if they're just trying to take your wallet,

if they're just trying to take your wallet,they're trying to get you to get in a van, you say, shoot me then. I hope you never find yourself in this situation. I hope I never find out I'm wrong about this. If this backfires for you, do not get in toub. No, no, please don't. Like laying out, like bleeding out just being like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, the the like bleeding in the sure safe parking lot, bleeding out just being like Where Wolf Ambulance told me to.

Scrolling through Instagram searching for us, sending us a DM. It's just a photo of your like dying face and it just says, diss your fault. Cool, we can really handle that guilt. You two Jags. So the manager of this place is a guy named Craig. Of course it is. Who really wants to be a regional manager? He's giving himself this pep talk into his computer, like as though we're a mirror,

I think. He's using his webcam. I love this. I love this guy. What is the, it's like, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, th, you, you, you, thi, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, th. You, th. You, th. You, th. th. It's, it's, it's, it's, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi, it's like, it's like, it's though it were a mirror, I think. He's using his webcam. I love this, I love this guy. What is the, it's like, it's a bunch of B statements, like, B to be, be something, and at one point you're just like, be come, and that made me laugh really hard. Yes. Yeah, I wrote some of them down. Be, be love, be cu. Be cum, and, and, and, and, and th, and th, and th, and th, and th, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, and th, be, be, be, and th, be, be, and th, and th of them down. B to be, belong, believe, be love, be come. Dude.

There's definitely a hard pause in be come. Be come. It reminds me of a, in one of the Robert Jordan books that I'm reading in my fantasy novels, someone says, I reached for the dark one's taint. And I was just like, that doesn't mean what you think that means. No, did you grab it? There's not a whole lot to hold on to, really. You could pinch it.

Yeah, just like your thumb and forefinger. Just the worst. He's like, oh man, he's funny. He's terrible. I think this actor is doing a great job. Oh, yeah. I thought all of the acting in this movie was actually really, really good. For sure. So much I thought I was shocked that only one of them has a Wikipedia link. Strong agree. Yeah. I think we'll see more of them has a Wikipedia link. Strong agree. Yeah. Yeah. I think we'll see more from them.

I hope so. This movie. So we know that these, there's two visitors that are coming to the store. The owner of Canadian cotton clothiers is coming to launch the new jeans line at the store. Who is named Harold Langrove. And Peyton Jules, the the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the the the the the the the the thion, thi, thor, thuels, thi, thi, thuels, thuels, thuels, I thum, I thum, I that I'm the new jeans line at the store, who is named Harold Langrove. And Peyton Jules, the aforementioned influencer, will be stopping by to pick up a pair of jeans. I love Peyton Jules. Do you? No. I feel like she was going really hard at influencers. She wasn't trying to be an influencer as much as just tear them down. Saturize an influencer and it's working for her.

Mm-hmm. So this is all happening because they're doing the launch of these new genes, the super shapers, which automatically adapt to your body's eyes, which sounds pretty incredible. Does it? Yes. Okay, all right. Imagine if you didn't have to pick out a size of jeans. You just put on the jeans and they were like, whoop, thu.

But I was thinking about this, like, how does kind of a low baggy leg? Because the, whenever somebody... I think they're skinnies. Well, it's boot seasonsesesesesesesesesesesesesesesesesesesesesesesesesesesesesesesesesesesesesesesesesesesesesese. to to to to to to to they want to want a little baggy leg. Okay, okay. I think they're skinnies. Well, it's boot season, so I need my jeans to cover my boots. See, I need my jeans to tuck into my boots. Well we have different jeans needs. You should tuck your jeans into your boots like a goddamn pirate. So one of the employees grabs a pair of these jeans and puts them on.

And then realizes that she's started menstruating and says, Aunt Flo has showed up. No one has ever said that in real conversation, I don't think. And someone yells, plug it up, girl! Yeah. And then you're like, is that a carry reference? Or are you just a grosso? Plug it up? Yeah.

So she goes into the bathroom stall, and the jeans start closing in around her, which is great. They're like basically cutting her in half, and there's just blood starts spurting everywhere and then you hear the sound of her bones cracking. I loved it. I love that so much of the special effects in this movie is blood and sound effects. Yes, absolutely. And hot dogs.

And they make that work so well. Yeah, it's clearly low budget, but it looks great. Until they start dancing, but... I know you didn't stick around to the end through the credits. No, I didn't. But there are bloopers and outtakes in the credits, which to me is the sign of a good movie. Okay. And one of them is the dance sequence where you can see the person in the the the the the thuuuuuuuuuuuuu thu thu thu the thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu the the and the and the and the and the and the. the. thin. thin. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. they they they the. they they the. they they they they the. And they they the. And they they the. And they they the. the. And they the. And the. And the. And the. And theanan. And thean thean thean thean thean thean thean thean thean thean theananananananananan. Okay. And one of them is the dance sequence where you can see the person in the green suit holding the pants doing the dances. That's funny. Maybe I'll watch it. Maybe I won't. I love that after she has been chewed in half by the pants, we have a scene of the pants sucking up all the blood. Yes, slithering away and then sucking up all the

blood, which is awesome. It's so funny. Did you think that the CEO looked like a weird Neil Patrick Harris, like a Canadian Neil Patrick Harris? I didn't, but I can see that. Yeah, he really does. He looks like a weird somebody. But yeah, Neil Patrick Harris is as good as anybody else for sure. I wonder how he met my mother. I don't even like jokes about network TV. Pazinga! Oh boy. I'm gonna tell you. I'm a little worried that my kid's gonna want to be a YouTubber. Sure. Yeah. How weird is it that that's an aspiration now? I can't

even, like, it sucks, I guess. Does it suck? I don't know. It's weird. It's just weird. Well, like there, I don't know if they're still online or not, or still doing videos, but there was like a six, seven, eight-year-old. th, I th-a-a-a-a-a-a-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-a-y-a-a-a-a-y-y-y-I that's that that that that's that that's that's that that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's to to to-a. to-a. to-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-c. to-a-a-a-a-cc. to-s. to-s. th. th. th-I-I-s. th-I-I-s. th-s. that's that's that's that's that's that's to-s. to-s. to-s. Well like they're I don't know if they're still online or not or still doing videos but there was like a six, seven, eight year old kid who was doing unboxing videos and making a million dollars a year doing it. Oh yeah, Ryan. Is that what it is? Okay. Yeah, I forget when his Brian's something, I've managed to keep Lucy from it forever. That's so wild. That's so wild. So maybe maybe she could be roll of a catch cow for your family. I don't want that. Go out there and work the fields. Actually don't.

That's, yeah. This is movie will, yeah. I can't believe they're doing a lockdown in the store where no one could get in or out for four hours. Such a fucking fire hazard, right? What if something catches a flame? What are you going to do with these people? Just because they're in a room with a bunch of cotton? You think that's a fire issue? I would think not. So everybody has to go and search for different people throughout the movie. So Hunter, whose hair was fucking fantastic.

I knew you were going to say that because I was also going to say it. She looks amazing. Yeah. Just that voluminous, curly, mmm, so good. So good. She has to go find Jemma who's been cut in half. She sees the pants. She puts the pants on. Mm-hmm. They're sort of flailing around as she's trying to put them on. They remind me of that folklore about the dancing shoes that you put on the meet you have crazy legs to you die? That's not folklore. That's a real thing that happened. What? What? What's not the shoes, but the dancing plague?

Oh, I don't know about that. Oh, in, let me the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the, let me me me me me that, let me that, that, that, that, that, thea, the? the. the. thease me thease me me that's that's thinks, that's that's that's that's that's that's that's note. that's noteoloreeasekhaease. that's note. that's note. that's note. that's that's that's that's that's that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's not. that's not. the the the the th. theaa. thooooooooooooooooomeckeckecklureaaaaa. that's notecklureau. that's noteckea. that's. don't know about that. Oh, in, let me get the year because it matters. Oh, then I have another fact for you that I've been meaning to talk about for ages. Oh, I love it. The dancing plague of 1518, okay. Was a case of dancing mania that happened in what's basically in Strasbourg. Uh-huh. And people just danced and danced, like one woman started dancing and then that was in like the middle of summer. And then by fall it was like beginning to end. So like from July to October or something like that people just fucking danced until they died. Wow. Yeah. You can say a lot of things about the over the insane amounts of media that we consume as a populace. Yeah. That doesn't happen anymore. No.

No. I guess that's probably where the folk story comes from then of getting the dancing shoes to make you dance to death. I would think so. I think it was really more about, I think they may have eaten something dad and just had like hallucinated, like basically we're just tripping constantly. Sure, sure. But I don't know. Some people starve to death though because they just kept dancing. It's wild. That is insane. Yeah. So I learned about this on a podcast that I listen to that's not ours. It's a podcast that's actually about facts as opposed to being about the opposite of facts as ours is. And I learned a fact that I want to share with you. Okay. We have often referenced on this podcast on this podcast on this podcast I learned what cotton eye Joe is. Oh my god,

what is it? Syphilis. If it hadn't been for Cotton Eye Joe I'd be married a long time ago. Where did you come from? Where did you come from Cotin Eye Joe? Well where did you come from his sex? Yeah. And where did you go is nowhere? Yeah, nowhere into your brain actually. But yeah I guess it could cause you to get like milky eyes and they would call it cotton, you know, cotton eyes. Oh my god, that's wild. Yeah. Man, I've always wondered what, why Cotton Eye Joe was coming between the narrator and

and I love, but I guess it's syphilis. It's one of those things That don't be a barrier. It's one of those things that I always just assumed was like a made-up funny sound. Yeah, no. No. Also, that band is Swedish. They're called Red Mix. For sure. Anyway, that's my fact corner.

Anyway, that's my fact corner. I will be out of facts for the rest of the evening, which includes next week's episode too. Katie, can I real quick read you something? Now that we're in Diversion Corner? You know how people will get those spam emails that are someone saying that they have a video of you masturbating? Have you heard about these? There are these like scam videos where they try to get money from people and they say they've like hacked your camera and caught you looking at porn and masturbating. Oh God.

So I got one of these and I would like to read you the first line of it because it might be the greatest email I've ever received. I'm ready. This is from Karen Bailey. Karen, you bitch! And I received it on Christmas. Listen, Alan, have you ever thought that your dead relatives can follow you when you wank off? I wonder how this would your great grandma react after witnessing this? What the fuck? So it's not about blackmailing you to your colleagues and loved ones,

it's about blackmailing you to your dead-grandpa. The next line is, your spiritual upbringing is, of course, none of my business, but I'm just freaked out by you. Karen? Karen, you're the one hacking webcams. I feel like that fits in with this movie though, because it's got like ghost vibes too in possession. Oh my god, yeah, all right, fine, I'll accept it. And grandma's watching you jerk off in the afterlife.

I'm not real clear on why your grandma would be able to see you in the afterlife. I don't know. That's not jiving with me. And at least one of them has been dead for 30 years, so she's seen a lot. She's seen you wank so many times. Conservatively, like how many times you jerked in the last 30 years. I don't even want to give it a... No, I can't put a number on it.

How many days? Anyway. So Hunter's got the dancing crazy legs. Yeah. And then the pants run her over to a wall and impale her on a coat rack. It's so good. I love this. And at this point, I am just 100% all on board with this movie. Yes, it's so silly at this point. And then like we see the jeans

sort of slithering down the hallway but the back pockets are raised up like there might be like eyes and it's really good. It's like very expressive. It really is. It's amazing. I love the like thing, the faux paw that Libby does where Shrudy is listening to music and Libby is like, oh I love Bollywood music. My favorite is, oh god I wrote the song down, now I can't find it in my notes. Hamara India is the name of the song. Shrudy is just like, hey, are you asking me that because I'm Indian? Because that's fucked up.

Yeah. And then Libby's like, no, no, no, no, no, no, she says no, like 27 times in a row. And then the callback is later, Shurdy is definitely listening to that song and singing along to it. And somehow, okay, we'll get there. So Libby and the manager Craig find the origin of the first woman in, she's like basically ripped in half and all her hot dogs are on the outside and they open the cabinet and he says, I know she was battling serious body issues, but it's so sad she couldn't reach out for help. And you're just like, what the fuck? Just for the at-home listeners,

she is sawed in half and her legs are laying on top of her body. Yes. And she's been shoved into a cabinet. And her hot dogs are on the outside. That's a weird take, Craig. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he's trying to keep Libby from telling the rest of the staff, and he's like, do you you you you you you you you you you to th you th you th you like th you like th you like th you like th you like th th th th like th like thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi to thby from like telling the rest of the staff and he's like, do you like being afraid? Do you want everyone else to be afraid?

That's not really showing team spirit. And then I was like, I am in love with Craig. Craig's insane and I love him. I also like Libby's perpetually shocked face through all of this. Yeah, she's like, you know, I feel like we talk about this with a markey mark where he's always just like, no, but that's how Libby looked through a lot of this too, but it's much cuter on her. She's the markey mark of slacks. Yeah, but a much better way.

Be scientific, douchbaugh. He's still in movies. How is he in movies? I don't know. Just being buff, I guess. I guess. I guess. Marky, do you want to eat this cookie? No. He also sounds like a toddler.

Yeah. Oh, I also like that when people pick up the slacks they sort of hypnotize them. Yes, how do they do that? But they do. I don't know what they do. The slacks, two X's. Well, they're experimental. Yeah. So the guy, this guy Lord picks him up and they just bite off his thumb. And then they eat his whole hand. And then they eat his whole hand and then they eat all of his hands. At this point this movie is reminding me of Housu. Where the girl gets chopped up by the piano. Yes. And she's like dancing around, severed body parts are dancing around. It's just like when inanimate objects grow teeth I always think about

howsu. Yeah, yeah, yeah. teeth I always think about how so. Yeah, yeah. God damn and I love that movie. So silly. It turns out I love movies with inanimate objects killing people. Yeah, for sure. Now he just has like stumps of blood and the genes have a mouth and the back pockets are eyes and they just murder him so badly. And it's funny because you can see the jeans like laughing up the blood, but it's so obviously two hands just in the back of the jeans just wiping the floor. Oh, fucking funny that it looks like it's drinking it. It's so good. I love it. They're making the most out of the low budget of this movie, like,

Absolutely. Above and beyond. When they find Lord's body and Craig goes, oh, it's a mannequin. You cannot deny his commitment to tell Harold and Craig knocks her out? Yes, with like a very heavy object. Yeah, I believe the leg of a mannequin. Yes, right. And then just leaves her there, knowing that she's alive, just leaves her like seated, upright

and unconscious. Yeah. So this is when Peyton show, Harold has shown up, told them they're gonna be the inaugural store for this, blah, blah, blah, it's not very exciting. He tells them that they're like soldiers in the army of the store's success, which is wild. That's the kind of bullshit corporate speak at retail places though. Really? Oh yeah, borders got real into that shit towards the end of the time I was working there.

Like using war references? Not quite that bad. Yeah. But like people were unionizing borders. So we had to have meetings about how unions were bad for the company and bad for the employees. God damn it. When will companies learn that they cannot convince people that unions are bad for them? As soon as people stop being convinced that unions are bad for them.

Hmm, fair. So Peyton Jules shows up for her live streaming that they're not going to let her to thrown. She has to record it and put it up later. Yes. She is very mad about. She is. She is thi. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th th th th th th th th th thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi the thi the thi their their their thi their their thi their thi thi their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their thi thi thi thi thi thi thi to thi to toe toe toe tooooooooooooooooooooome toe toe their their their their their their their thethey're not going to let her live stream. She has to record it and put it up later. Yes. She is very mad about. She is. And then she tells her crew. She has these two like crew members with her, which are just like regular looking people, which is sort of funny to imagine them just like having to hang strangle her to death. Yeah, but first she says that she's going to lose her mojo if she doesn't start recording. And I was like, I'm going to start saying that to Alan. I'm going to lose my mojo if we don't start recording. And the boom operator just looks like he wants to die. I love it.

Yeah, immediately she's gone. It's so funny though, because the jeans wrap around her and then pick her up off the floor and break her neck. Yep, they strangle her and then they hang her. It's wild. And then the jeans just get up and start walking away in front of everyone. What the actual fuck? Like, how do you think of this movie? I don't know. And then they, the jeans end up killing basically everyone else in the store, except for the

green lady who I only began noticing at this point in the movie. Is it shrewdy? No, the lady in the green, halter top, the blonde woman, the like very icy woman. Oh yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, the corporate lady that's in this. Yes. It's a bummer that she gets killed off camera because I feel like we deserve to see her death, you know? Like we've suffered her and now we deserve it. Yeah, but she's only really addicted to Craig. Yeah, but Craig's just doing his best.

She just really wants to be part of the CCC management team. I love that your team Craig. I mean, I'm not really, but no, I am. Yeah, I'm on team Craig. Gotta sell jeans, baby, you gotta get the turnover done. This is when we see Shrudy singing Hamara, India, and the pants start like dancing behind her, and it's fucking hilarious.

It is fucking hilarious. And then this movie takes a really dark turn. Oh, you think? Yeah, I do. Okay. It's also kind of crazy that knowing this dark turn, that like the genes just cannot help themselves from dancing to Bollywood music. It's a weird, it's a weird combination there.

Katie, what child can help themselves from dancing? That's true. Spoiler alert, it's the ghost of a child that's possessed these pants. A ghost of, and then it turns out to be a ghost of more than one child. Yeah. Because there's an army of them. I couldn't tell if that was, her blood had gone into so much cotton that it was able to make multiple pairs of pants.

Or if it was saying that so many children have died making these pants. Oh yeah. Oh yeah, this is where the movie takes takes takes takes takes the movie the movie the movie takes the movie thakes the movie the movie thakes thakes the movie the movie thakes thakes thakes the thakes the to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be. to be. to be. the the the the the the the th. th. th. th. th. the. the. the. the. the. the the. the the the the the. the the. the. the the. the. to. to. to. that. to. to. the movie takes the dark turn. Yeah, well, the cotton is being harvested in India. They claim that it's organic and ethically sourced and all of those buzzwords that go around things that are never those things. No. Like, I just saw that Hershey's and Nestle's and Mars are all being sued by different people for using child labor to pick cocoa beans. Are you kidding me?

No. Like I shouldn't be surprised but like there's that there's like, oh, god damn it. Yeah. Sorry, I feel like I've just been the harbinger of bummer news for the past few podcasts. Yeah, I have not started the new season of cheer. I probably won't. I'm so sorry. Apparently they address it. What's that? Apparently they address it. Oh, okay.

So, I'll only say nice things. Only say positive things if you're on out. Just for like the next couple minutes. Okay. Well, it's gonna be hard because we're talking about the sad part of the movie right now. Oh yeah, well then we'll save the good things for later. So the mannequin or the the jeans take over a mannequin? This is great. I love it's like one of those faceless, totally smooth, just white-headed, white-bodied mannequins. But it puts a little bindi on its forehead with blood. Insane. It was like like the the the the the the the the the the the the the thine, thine, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thin, the, thin, thin, the, genes, genes, genes, genes, genes, genes, genes, genes, genes, genes, genes, genes, genes, genes, genes, genes, genes, genes, genes, genes, genes, genes, genes, the the the the the the the the the the the the the, the, the, the, the, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, the the the the the the tean, the tean, tean, genes, genes, genes, genes, genes, genes, genes, genes, genes, genes, genes, was like, this is, okay, okay, all right, we're taking a turn here, movie. And then you see the mannequin's hand painting blood on something else.

I love this. Because the mannequin picks up one of Lord's severed hands and uses it as a marker on a wall for a really long time. Yeah, writes like has a whole conversation in writing it on the wall with blood with a separate hand. It's very good. It's very funny. So, so Shruthy can read and speak Hindu so she can communicate with the ghost. And we learned via flashback that the poor girl that we saw at the beginning of the movie, Picking Cotton, had a piece of her clothing stuck

in a cotton gin? That's a cotton gin, yeah? I don't know I assumed to threather, but I don't know anything about farm. Where are you at Eli Whitney? Get at us. I feel like I don't know who invented anything other than the cotton gin and it's Eli Whitney, but everybody knows that. It's universally known. Yeah. Yeah. Weird. Get at us, she dies. Yeah, she gets pulled into the machinery and killed.

I feel like it could be safer, that machine. Well, yeah, I think so. And I have the note, ooh, this took a turn. Yes, yes. Yes. But it's also, like, then it flashes back to the now times and they put on like, like, Craig comes running all the fire extinguisher and just fire extinguishes the genes. And you're like, this is just, what is this tone you're going for?

Because Shrudy and Libby have decided that they're going to help the genes to get their vengeance. And Craig has admitted that they use like GMOs and G G G G G G G G G G G G G G G G G Gm, liked. And their their their their th. th. their th. th. th. the. thi. thi. thi. thi. the. the. the. the. th, thi. thi. thi. thi. th, thi. thi. thi. thi. the, the, the, the, the, the, the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. their their thi. their their thi. the. the. the. to to to to to their to to to to to their toeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. to. their their the. admitted that they use like GMOs and... Yeah, and every buzzword, every single one of them. And, oh man. Oh, this is when we see the genes are feeding on a stack of employees. Yes, they have like quietly made a neat pile of bodies. Like, just like quietly chomping on him. And Shrudy and Libby have been filming all of this on Peyton Jules video camera.

Yeah. So Craig is trying to get the camera back from them. Right. And they fucking stab Shruthy. I did not see that coming. Not at all. No, I thought she would make it to the the the the the the the the the the the the to the the to the Shruthy. I did not see that coming. Not at all. No, I thought she would make it to the end. And this is where Missy said he stabbed her because he's an in-cell.

Oh, he is giving off in-cell vibes throughout this movie. How do you figure just because he's real into his job and he seems insane? Yeah, yeah, yeah, and doesn't seem to like any women that are near him and yeah, No. Yeah, it seems like a real shit bag. Love you, Craig. I want to be very clear. I don't love Craig. I love the actor playing Craig. The very committed actor who's playing Craig. Yeah, he's doing such a good job. But I just, yeah, I agree I could not believe that he stabbed her to death. Yeah, that was wild. I. I. I I I I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I thi thi thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I thi th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. th. th. th. th. th. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. th. th stabbed her to death. Yeah, that was wild. I didn't see any of the things happening, which happened. No, no, no. From this point in the movie, it just gets wilder. Yeah, the jeans leap onto him, and I fucking love it when they leap, because it's just a pair of jeans to the hair in like a slightly tensted position. Just being thrown thrown thrown thrown thrown thrown thrown thrown thrown thrown thrown thrown thrown thrown thrown thrown thrown thrown thrown. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, thrown, thrown, thrown, their. Yeah, their. Yeah, their. Yeah, their. Yeah, tho, thr. Yeah, thr. Yeah, thr. Yeah, thr. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, thr. Yeah, thr. Yeah. Yeah, thrown. Yeah, thrown. Yeah, thrown. Yeah, thrown. Yeah, thrown. Yeah, thrown, thrown, thrown, thrown, thrown, thrown, thrown, thrown, they. they. they. the the thrown, the thrown, thrown, thrown, thrown, thrown, thrown at somebody, starched jeans being thrown at somebody. It's very funny.

What's left of Craig after the jeans get done with him? Not much. They suck all the flesh right off of him. Now he just looks like a little bubble going man laying on the floor. Yeah. And somehow the jeans are making thumping noises when they walk, but I'm just not sure how. Who knows? They're also not touching the ground. No, it's true. It's true. How can they be making a sound? So the store comes out of lockdown. It's 8 a.m. It's opening to the public who are like outside, pounding on the door to get these new jeans.

And they just trample Libby to death. I did not see that coming either. You didn't expect your point of view character to lay bleeding out on the floor why all these people are murdered by genes? Total TPK. Genes that have all lined up on standing on like counters and military formation to attack these people. And they just murder them, all of them.

My last no one just says, well, that was much darker than I expected. So you didn't stick around through the, uh, the bloopers that happened. No. So you see people saying their lines wrong, and like Craig at one point, he has the line where he's like, we're all here for each other, but not like capitalism. That's just what he says earlier, and during the blueberry says, we're all here for each other, like capitalism.

No, that's not right. It's very cute. And there was this character named, oh what was that dude's name? I don't even remember, he's not even listed. He was like the hot dumb guy that Hunter had been making out with. Oh yeah, I think it's like, I think it's Camillo maybe or something like that. Okay. It's once or twice, yeah. And they, she had told him to go wait in the back and she was going to meet back up with him. And in like, summer school, the movie fashion, he shows up at the end of the credits.

And he walks out of her room and goes, it's been more than 10 minutes. And that's the end of the movie. Well, I'm god, that guy lives. Yeah. Hopefully he got eaten at some point. Okay, good. Yeah, I mean it didn't seem like they were planning on leaving that store. No, no. Oh boy. So that's slacks.

Wow, what a shift. This was very much not what I expected. Okay. Yeah. Was the first half of the movie what you expected? That was exactly what I expected. And then it just kind of snowballed into this like, real horror movie.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. The hard is important. And it does it in a clean hour 17, which is nice. I don't think you need any more of jeans murdering people. No, no, no, all. No. No. It would have been to its detriment

if it was an hour and 20 minutes. So what did you think about this movie? I really liked it. I thought it was gonna be a real turd, and it was really fun. And I think that there was a bit of a heavy-handedness to the social message of the film. Really? But it's fine.

I think any social message tacked on to this movie about jeans killing some people would have been heavy-handed no matter what they did. So it was fine. It does really come out of left field, yeah. Yeah, for sure. But I'm glad they addressed it. And I will tell you that that that that that that that th you you you you you you you that that th you th you th you th you the next the next the next the next the next the next the next the next the next the next the next the next the next the next the next the next the next the next the next the next the next the next the next the next the next the next the next the next the next'm glad they addressed it and uh, I will tell you that the next morning when I was putting my jeans on, there was like a half second when I was like,

uh, okay, no, this is fine, this is just my regular ass jeans. But you know, if it makes people think about like fast fashion and that kind of stuff, like, sure, why not? Yeah. Yeah. I would give this movie this movie this movie this movie this movie this movie this movie this movie this movie this movie this movie this movie this movie this movie this movie this movie this movie this movie this movie this movie this movie this movie this movie this movie this movie this movie this movie an eight. Wow. Yeah, I'm surprised. When you said we were doing a movie about a pair of killer genes, I first assumed it was from the 1980s. Well, first I assumed how it was spelled. Then I assumed it was from the 1980s because that sounds like right out of slime bowl, bowl ororama, or whatever. 100% yeah. But it's not, it's this. And while I felt a little bit slapped in the face with the social message because I've been having a fun time with jeans murdering people for seemingly no reason, I agree that it's a necessary message. And also made me feel bad the next morning when I was putting on my jeans, because I thought, well, these were probably picked by little hands. Yeah, for sure.

So cool. Yeah, great. I actually really enjoyed it. I would watch it again in a heartbeat. I'm going to give it a seven and a half. Oh, nice. Yeah. All right.

This is surprising. I love that it's spelled with two X's as well. I don't get that, but I'll take it. It's just like how, yeah, it fits perfectly into the making fun of the now times, I think. Now times are bleak times. Sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They'll get better. Katie, you know it's not bleak. What? Our delightful Patrones.

Oh, I'd like to hear from one. One or more. Here is a message from a patron. Hey, Alan, thanks for reaching out. It was just me that reached out. You sign your emails Alan and not wherewolf ambulance. Not both of us. I don't want to speak for you, Katie. Well, I'm here too.

They know you're here. You're their favorite. Stop it. Thanks for reaching out. More than happy to be a patron. Both my fiancé, congratulations. Congratulations on your upcoming nuptials. And I love the podcast.

Hope the fellow fans and both of you are staying safe and looking after each other. I'd absolutely be thrilled if we could take Katie's phrase from West Craven's nude nightmare of I'm a big ass titty baby. You gotta say that out loud? Yeah for sure. And have that as a random phrase t-shirt. Much love from the, you're from two Welsh fans, Lee and Haley. Hi, Lee and Haley, and thank you so much.

And congratulations on your engagement. And I'm sorry I said that out well, but I liked it. And I assume where you live is just like the TV show, Hinch a Landon, I'm sorry. Yeah, seems cold, gray. Actually, it seems like Pittsburgh, yeah. Oh yeah, that's right. We do live in a bleak place. Maybe that's why we're sad.

Was I saying that about myself? Yeah, you called yourself a big ass titty baby though. I should point out that, uh, that Lee spelled, Tid, that, that, tid, tid, tid, tied, tied, tied, that, tied, tied, ti, thi, thi, thi, thi, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, thi, thi, that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, tttttoday, today today ttoday tttoday today thee the the thi, the big-ass-Tidy baby though. I should point out that Lee spelled TIDDY. Oh, is that the Welsh spelling? You guys fucking love D's and Y's. I think it's just the internet spelling of it. Oh, okay. See, I'm not real good at that either. But thank you to Lee and Haley and to everyone who is a patron.

Yeah and if you want to support us you can go to Patreon.com back slash Whirlofambulance and you can get our cool other podcast which is sometimes action movies and sometimes not usually action movies. For the most part. And you can not if you don't want to either because that's fine. Yeah we're still freezies. You get way more stuff for free than you do for I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I. I I the the the the the the most. I the most. I th. I th. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. th. th. th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And to to to to to to to to th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. th. And th. the. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. want you either, because that's fine. Yeah, we're still freezies. Yeah. You get way more stuff for free than you do for... I'm not a good salesman. I'm a bad salesman.

I'm a bad salesman. No, it's true. Why would you pay for one episode a month when you get four for free? Because you got to get that little extra zing, a little. I think they're just doing it because they like us. That's nice. You guys are nice. Katie, why don't you tell these fine folks what we're going to do next? Next, well, both Alan and I were supposed to pick a movie. We both picked it moments before we started recording. So we put a lot of thought into it, except not at all.

Yep. I opened up Netflix. I chose scary stories to tell in the the tell the tell tell the th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, the, the, thi, tho, tho, thi, the the the the the their, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, th......... th, th.. th... th. th. th. th. thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, te. We. ta. ta.a.a.a.a.a.a.a.a.a.a.a. ta.a. ta. tell, tell, tell, to Tell in the Dark The Film. The movie? I don't know if it's about stories from the book. I don't know if it's about the book series. I don't know what it's about. I don't know anything. Well we're going to find out. I don't know anything. I don't know anything. What if you just, this is where you get stuck. I don't know anything. I don't know anything. I don't know anything. So come back for scary stories to tell in the dark.

It's spelled exactly as you would think it would be. And every word ends in two X's. Oh yeah, scary X, stories, it's a straight detriment. Talks. Find us on the internet, you know what to do. Buy the SCA t-shirt, it's really funny. I love it every time someone sends a picture of them wearing it. Where can I see those? On the internet.

Fuck off! You have to be more specific. On our Instagram, usually. Isn't the people are tagging us? It's usually in a story, so it goes away. then, then, th. that the people are tagging us. Well, it's usually in a story so it goes away Oh, okay, well never mind then. Oh speaking. You guys just text them to me Here's Katie's phone number So free to get in touch any time good god, please don't. We should get a voicemail line though. That would be fun Should okay. Yeah, I mean, you can do one of the Google ones. Yeah. Yeah, th. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. Oh, well. Oh, well. Oh, well. Oh, well. Oh, well. Oh, well. Oh, well. Oh, well. Oh, well. Oh, well. Oh, well. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. th. thi. thi. thi. th. thi. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. th fun. Should, okay, yeah, I mean you can do one of the Google ones. Yeah.

Yeah. How has it taken us like almost 400 episodes to get there? Hey, you know, each one, one, teach one. Nope, that doesn't work here. I do want to thank everybody who got in tou old they were. That's a listener of the podcast. Yeah, there was one person that was 24. And I was like, people your age even listen to podcasts. I was shocked. I thought they were for just middle-aged people. So, thanks about the 24, 25, and 42-year-olds that are out there listening. Yeah, HBD to all of you, that's a happy th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. There th. There th. There th. There thi-a thi-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-tod-tod-a-tod-up-up-n'-n'-today-up-up-up-up-up-upe-upe-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a. th. th. th. th. th. th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th-a-a-a-n. And th-s. And th-s. And th-s-wa-wa-wo-wo-wo-wo-wo-wo-wo-wo-wo-wo-wo-wo-weree-wo-weree-weree-weree-weree-a-a-a-a-a-a-olds that are out there listening. Yeah, HBD to all of you, that's a happy birthday, because you're all going to be one year older this year.

And thanks for listening to another episode of Where the Things. Bye. Bye. Oh, mani-a-liddinger. No way to wait, let's keep a fulfill reviews. Get the clouds and let the face. Can him in every space. A few times I've asked in case. Please make I continue to the grave. E&T. Marlowe and comedy reviews, hungry, Brian,

and Stephen King. Ea D-T. We live deliciously at tempo trees, obese and recently gone to death A paranormal act in tis promise to Roger Citi. E-M-T, E-M-T.