Werewolf Ambulance: A Horror Movie Comedy Podcast - Episode 378- The Lighthouse (2019)

Episode Date: May 9, 2022

In one of the ultimate mood swings from last week's silly fever dream of a movie, this week we're discussing the 2019 psychological horror film "The Lighthouse." Special topics for your consideration include: a lovely production of "Treasure Island," limits to manual labor abilities, a perpetual fear of isolated places, a little chat about art, a little chat about farts, a sprinkling of Greek mythology and of course, dick jokes. Want more Robert Pattinson? You could listen to our own descents into madness with the "Twilight" series (and we only covered two of them!) The original is Episode 355; "Breaking Dawn Pt. 1" was Episode 359. And please don't even ask when we're doing Part 2 because I am genuinely still not okay from the first half. Find us online: Support us at patreon.com/werewolfambulance where you can hear us discuss an action movie (or almost at least usually an action movie) in our monthly bonus episodes Buy merch for yourself or those you love at www.teepublic.com/user/werewolfambulance on Reddit at r/werewolfambulance on Facebook at facebook.com/werewolfambulance on Twitter @werebulance on Instagram @werewolfambulance. [e-mail] If you liked this, please leave us a review on Apple Podcasts or wherever you listen! It helps others find us and allows us to continue to grow.   Intro song is by Alex Van Luvie Outro song is A. Wallis- "EMT" Seriously, we have the best listeners, hands down. Werewolf Ambulance is a horror movie comedy podcast.

Katie, Alan. Can I ask you a question? Yeah. Would you say you're fond of my lobster? Katie, are you fond of my lobster? I'm not. No. Katie, are you fond of my lobster? I'm not. No. You're fond of my lobster? I'm not. You're fond of my lobster. I'm not. Sorry, I have to go masturbate to this mermaid. Bye-bye. And that's as funny as it's going to get, folks. My first note on this is, ready for weird. Yeah. I was ready for weird too. I was not ready for this. I don't think one can prepare themselves for this. No, no. What are we talking about? We're talking about the 2019, the lighthouse by one very attractive, Robert Eggers. He's a smoke show. Smok show. Being at sea would be terrible. Just being at sea, being on the sea, being an ocean person. There's definitely something Ugh, being at sea would be terrible. Just being at sea, being on the sea.

Yeah. Being an ocean person. There's definitely something knocked marriage about being at sea. Yeah. It's what are we doing out there? It's not for us. It's for them. The depths and the blackness and the monsters.

It's just not for me. Sure. But it's also, I know you don't share this, but I find it calls to me. Is this a Fowana reference? No, no. Because you're literally singing the song. Am I the rock Dwayne Johnson? No, no, you're the little girl.

It calls me! It was a good movie. Oh, love it. It's really good. It's my favorite. Of the Disney Princess movies? Big time. Okay. I also like Tangled a lot, the Rapunzel movie. Also very funny. Oh, okay. I've not seen that. Well, you want to come over and watch it? I know someone who would like to. I 100% love the idea of watching those movies with an age-appropriate person and just not on my own. Yeah, just sitting here on your couch alone in the dark watching Tangled or Rapunzel story? Who was the one I watched? It's a, I want to say it's enchanted but that's not what it is. Describe it to me. It's two brothers who are, one of them's a big D&D fan and a heavy metal fan and drives a con thrivir thriver and th and th and th and th and their their th and th and their their thriver their thi their thriver their their thriver their thriver their their their their their their their their their their their their their one I' their one I'm their one their one I was their one I was their one I was their one I their one I their one I I I their one I I I I I I I I I I I I their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their th. thi thi thi thi thrush thrush thr-a thr-a thr-a. thr-a' thrown. I've the. the. I've thea' thea' their one thrown. I was their their their th like kid who just like square peg doesn't fit in the high school and their dad has died and they go on a quest to find their dead dad.

Oh, that's been one more hour with him. Way past the age group I'm watching. Oh for sure, 100%. I have no idea much about this movie before we started it? Uh, bits and pieces. I knew like, are, you're fond of me lobster. I knew that as a meme. Oh, I hadn't seen that. And I knew, you know, that it was basically a two-hander of a film just with the Robert Pattonson old Smiley McGee. Oh, Willem DeFoe. Boy, he is chewing it in this movie, huh? I think he's doing a great, I feel like he saw a production of Treasure Island and he came out here and he's fucking nailing it.

This movie, the opening to this film brought out such pretentious bullshit for me. Tell me. Like, uh, huh, the stringed interments playing some ominous Wagner music in the beginning of this. The Blagin' White really feels like a Bergman film in the high contrast that he's using, and the framing too. Well, so this, is this elevated horror? I can't be because there are 107 farts in it. Yeah. Okay. Okay. Okay. I I I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I feel like, I feel like, I th, th, th, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. the, the, the, the, the, the the the. the. the. th. 107 farts in it. Yeah.

Okay. I feel like Eggers heard like his movies being called Elevated Horror. They're like, well, which is Elevated Hard? And he's like, is it? Puh. He does seem like a funny guy. Yeah, for sure. Yeah, this is, I can see this being the line where knowing things might be better than being fun for you. Sure.

Yeah. I do like that these, so we're following Thomas and Ephraim as they get to a lighthouse where they will be stationed for the next four weeks. They get off the boat that's dropping them off and they just pass the two dudes who are the former lighthouse attendants and say nothing to them. That's odd right? Very odd. Yeah. Those guys should have been like, there's a seagull in the cistern or something. Something. Something. Something. Beware the mermaid perhaps. Don't jerk off to that hair I left in a bed. So I didn't know I knew Wilam de foe was in this. I did not know the other guy was, uh, our Pat. Yeah. I did not know that.

Welcome. I, I don't want him. No. No, I don't think I like him. Okay. Yeah. I thought he was fine in this. I thought he was fine, but that's it. Yeah.

He's doing, maybe maybe maybe maybe maybe maybe maybe maybe maybe maybe maybe maybe maybe maybe maybe maybe maybe maybe maybe maybe maybe maybe maybe maybe maybe maybe maybe maybe maybe maybe maybe maybe maybe maybe maybe maybe maybe maybe maybe maybe maybe, th,'s doing maybe a New England accent. For sure. And I don't like it at all. Because he doesn't need to, right? Right, right. Yeah. Hold on putting this down, doing this? Oh yeah, that was refreshing. But in his defense, like, Robert Degger's whole thing is like, okay, we're going to have the like colloquialisms down to an exact point of this time in history. Sure. Sure. Sure. Sure. Sure. Sure, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thiolol- to thiol- thiologuiologe of to to to to to to to to to to to to to to thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii thi isms down to an exact point of this time in history. Sure. We're going, you're going to have this weird mishmash of Canadian, Boston, maybe England

accent that's going to come through. Okay, all right. But where's Willem Defoe from? Treasure Island. Treasure Island. Local Community Theater Treasure Island. No, he's like Tim Curry and Muppet Treasure Island. You ever seen that?

It's on the Disney Channel if you want to watch that? Oh, it's really good. He's along John Silver. Oh, of course. And he's turned a lot of like, ha ha! Just recently celebrated a birthday. Ah, H. H.B.D. Tim Curry. Yeah. H. H. tha! H. t! H. t! t! t! t! t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. t. t. t. to. t. to. to....................................................... Without a doubt. I really like the sound design in this movie to keep my pretentious role going. I found it very upsetting. Sure, but I like that aspect. When they're walking up to the lighthouse it's just a cacophony of

waves and seagulls and the strings going, oh-ho-oh-ho! And we're like- a fog horn in the distance and just... that type of foghorn that just sounds like an old man moaning. Yeah. And then as soon as they go inside, it's silent. Right. And I was like, oh, that's weird. That is weird. That is weird.

Today, they entered a whole new world. Speaking of Disney, keep it. Speaking of Disney, keep it Disney, their own city or whatever the fuck they use to have, them. their their their their their their tran tran tran tran tran tran, tran, tran, tran, tran, tra, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it's their, it, it, it, it's thi, it's thi, it's thi, it's thi, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, th. th. th. their, their, their, their, their. their. their. their. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. th kids. For sure. Yeah, and we also support trans kids. Yeah. Also, just like give Disney their own city or whatever the fuck they used to have, I'm over it. Let them run the state. Who cares? We're 15 minutes away from corporations around the world. Just let it happen. Yeah, here we go. That's the dystovia I signed up for. Come on. We asked to be born. their. tho. I mean, we asked, we asked. I the the the the the th. I the th. I th. I the th. I the th. I'm the th. I'm the th. I'm the the the th. I'm the the the the th. I the the the th. I the th. I th. I the the tho, I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the fuck. I the fuck. I the the the the fuck. I the the th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I'm the. I'm the. I'm the. to to to to to to to to to to to to tho tho tho the. I thu. I the. I we don't let that happen. Oh my god, I can't wait for a running man because I think I'm gonna be good at it. Oh, no doubt without a doubt. Yeah, yeah.

I'm nothing if not scrappy. Which one there's the one guy who's just has my build and he's wrapped in Christmas lights and Looks like beefcake from a guar. Can we please do that on the action movie podcast? Oh, 100%? I'm surprised we haven't yet. Yeah. But make everything running man. Make everything running man.

We just do what I did last month when I wanted to watch Big Trouble Little China or this one? this one. Oh great. Oh, great. Or no, dropped last week. Oh. Where I was just like, oh, do you want this movie? This movie? Or Big Trouble, Little China. Big wink.

Who's not going to vote for big trouble? Like 12 people. 12 people? Yeah, they voted for like overboard. Not an action movie. I don't know, I would even see that movie in a minute. I haven't either, but I think I could say it like line for line along with it. I've seen it that many times. He abducts her, right?

Oh, one hondo. Yeah, it's not good. Yeah, it's not good. It's a lovable. It's a lobe-affii. But it was cute. But they fall in love. Oh, but really they are so good together because they are so good together that you're just like, I love them. Yeah. Robert Pattinson sits down on the bed in the house and you can't see that Wilm Duffo

is in the room with them because he's blocked by a Mr. Rabato style pillar in the little room. Wow. A thi. A lot of their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their th. th. their they're they're they're they're th. th. they're they're they're they're they're they're they're th. th. th. th. th. th. they're th. th. th. th. they're th. they're th. they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're thiiii. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thii. they're so they're so they're thiii. they're they're they are so thi. they are so they are so thi. thi. thi. Lot of pillars. Yeah, there's some bad places to stand. Not every seat is a good seat. And you just he sits down and beds over and then you just hear a ripping fart and will devote steps out from behind the pillar. So gross. It's just like, really? This is the movie I signed up for? And then he's whistling and farting, and I'm like, oh, you're the devil. What, what's wrong with that? Whistling? I whistle all over the place.

Do you? I've never known you to whistle. Because you're not just, well, I'm putting around my house. Okay, and farting, I assume. Oh, God, I'm a heavy farter. seen though is like the first of many like perfectly symmetrical shots yes where something is either bisecting the screen or perfectly framing something in the screen and I like that a lot. From this movie and the Vivich and soon I hope to see the North Man. That's out yeah yeah yeah that's out. Well we're behind. Usually. The kids like to see it they like to think it be. Well, we're behind. Usually. Yeah.

The kids like to see it, they like to think they be out for a couple years before we jump on it. Like how I learned what Yeat sort of was last week. So, but like in the witch, there's so many shots that are just like, oh, that's a painting. Yeah. Yeah. He clearly has an eye and a knowledge of art because there's definitely some shots in this that are very reminiscent to famous works of art. Yes. I mean, to like, there's that one shot of like the light beam shooting. Yes, exactly. But it's so like, there's even, let's see before they get in the house, that's just the two of them standing outside the house holding their gear. And it's so perfectly framed that it just looks looks like, that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's the that's that's that's that's that's the same that's that's that's the same that's that's the same that's that's the same the same the s sem their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their th. th. the. the. the. the. the. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. the. the. their. their. their. their. their. theirtwo of them standing outside the house holding their gear. And it's so perfectly framed that it just looks like a photograph of that time period. So, it's so gorgeous. Yeah. So what does he find

in his mattress? Oh, a wad of hair and a Mervaid statue? Someone was definitely fucking that mattress. Yeah. Oh yeah. Yeah, that's definitely the first instance of him finding come. Yeah. It's wild too because it seems like a lighthouse keeper shift is generally four weeks. Yeah. So like many men go four weeks without fucking, you know? Yeah, but rarely do they go four weeks without masturbating. Sure, but like you might be, never mind. You're not cutting holes in your furniture.

That's what I'm saying. Throws his jacket over the couch what? Yeah for sure, for sure but it's just like oh but you packed it with hair. Oh yeah. It's so gross. He looks at the titty mermaid and I imagine him thinking like she's no vacant 17-year-old girl from the Pacific Northwest but I guess she'll do. Who's gonna break my heart later? And I'm the Batman now? What? Is he the Batman? Yeah.

I didn't know that? He's the Batman. People are talking about the Batman, which sounds like a joke I would make about the Batman, calling it the Batman? I believe the new movie is called the Batman. Zoe Kravitz, she plays Catwoman. Oh, nice. Yeah. Well, whatever. The Batman. The Batman. Just, I'm saying the Pittsburgh hockey penguins.

You know, it's like how I be dismissive of things. So they sit down to dinner after Bobby Pat's shovel some coal after he touches, they definitely just to dinner after Bobby Pat's shovel some coal after he touches the definitely just on mermaid hair. And they sit down to dinner and Willem DeFoe Thomas pours a drink for both of them. And Bobby Pat's, I can't do that. It's not not regulation. Right.

Throws out as booze. He's got his handbook here. Yes. And Willm Defo does a toast. Did you write down to toast? Of course I didn't, did you? Should pale death with treble dread make the ocean caves our bed God who hears the search's role deign to save the suppliant soul. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Mm-hmm. Saluda me a family. And it's bad luck to leave a toast unfinished. Gee, I believe that. Sure.

Yeah. So Robert Pattinson goes over to get some water out of the cistern. Cistern! And it's disgusting. Yeah. And what is Thomas do? laughs at him. And he's like, yeah, that's your job to clean that out. I mean, there were like long stretches of history where you drank booze because it was cleaner than water. Oh, sure. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, that's why monks brewed ale.

And to get drunk. And to get drunk. And because it's more fun than drinking water. Yeah, for sure. Water doesn't make me prettier or more interesting, does it? Water ain't never made me forget. I say it manga. Thomas insists that he is the only one who can tend the light. Right, they're supposed to do alternating shifts, but he's going to do the light every night. Yes. And Robert Pattonson is going to do all the day work, which is like the back-breaking labor. Yes. Of shoveling coal and transporting coal and cleaning the sister and dumping shit into the ocean

against the wind. Yeah, yeah. It's a tough job. When we see like terrible things like Bobby Pat's is cleaning next to the foghorn, which then goes off in his ear. Yeah. Yeah. And we see Thomas staring into the light and maybe crying shirtless. It's confusing what's happening there. He's got a reverence for it. Right. And then on the very first night that he's there, Ephraim has the dream

about the mermaid. First dream about the mermaid. I like that it happens right away. Yeah. No fucking around. Yeah. Which is interesting because it's a film about really like a descent into madness. Yeah. But it just begins so quickly. Yeah. Which why wouldn't it? I mean that's a, I used to think when I was very nihilistic that the idea of being a lighthouseman. It's like, oh that's the idea, you get away from everybody, you just out there by yourself. And then I'm like, oh wait, no, you just go fucking insane. Like, that's why they've stopped having lighthouse people. There's no burger king. There ain't no burger king. No burger king. This is why I live in the city city the city the city the city the city the city the city th. I th. I th. I th. I thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, thi, thi, you're thi, you're thi, you're thi, you're thi, you get thi, you get thi, you thi, you th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is thi, you thi, you thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi. thi. thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi. thi. thi anything. There's no rules, you know. You live in a lighthouse, it's just so much responsibility. Rules all the time. Yeah. But I love that shot of his nightmare when he's walking out onto the beach to see the mermaid for the first time. And the like, the starkness of the ocean, like how if the water is so black but the light of the moon on it is so bright that it just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the light. the light. the light. the light. the light. the light the light the light. the light. the light. the light. the light. the light. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the light. the light. the the light. the the the the the light. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. th. th. the the the th. the the the the the the thi. the the the the the the the the the so black, but the light of the moon on,

it is so bright that it just looks, I believe I describe that as having a very lovecraftian feel. Certainly. And it's just very, like, ominous, in the way it is. Yes. It'd be crazy to live somewhere so dark. This is genuinely why I get scared outside of cities. Yeah, for sure. I don't like it. I don't want to see stars. I think they're great. I'll go to the planetarium. You take the

bus there. Have you, have you been places that you can see star, like, like nebula with your naked eye sort of such. Yeah, I've been like middle of PA. Yeah. Yeah. I hate. I hate. I hate. Oh, I the. I the. I the. I the. I the the the the the the the th. I the th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I'll th. I'll th. I'll th. I'll th. I'll th. I'll th. I'll th. I'll the th. I'll th. I'll th. I'll the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the planet. I'll the the the the the the the planet. I'll the the the the the the the the planet. I'll the the the the the th. I'll th. I'll th. I'll that. I'll ta. I'll ta. I'll ta. I'll ta. I'll ta. I'll th. I'll th. I'll th. I'll th. I'll isn't. It's so beautiful. It's like space, like there's no one to hear you scream. Final Frontier. I don't, yes, well, these are the voyages. Yeah. It's like while I was watching this movie, my neighbors were just yelling around outside and I was like, thank God. It's the fog horn of my neighborhood. Truly. But I wrote, is this a punishment? Like who chooses this career? Sure, sure. But it makes sense when we learn later about Bobby Pats and the life that he's had up until this point. My next two notes are, "'Twas a dream. More farting. What's the stuff that he dumps into the cistern to try and clean it out? It's like lie or something? I have no idea.

I genuinely don't know. It was real gross looking. The whole thing is real gross looking. And he's just getting tired and sweaty and pushing a wheelbarrow of coal up a hill. For sure. It's just, I mean, it's very slow. It's a lot of scenes thi thi thi thi the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the thoing very very very slow slow slow slow slow slow slow slow slow slow slow slow slow slow slow slow slow slow slow slow slow slow slow slow slow slow slow slow slow slow slow slow slow slow slow slow slow slow slow slow slow slow slow slow slow slow slow slow slow slow slow slow slow slow slow slow slow slow slow thoen thoing thoing thoing thoing thoing thoing thoing th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th thoen thoen tho thoen tho tho tho tho tho tho to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the the the Like, I can see how you fell asleep the first time you watch it. Yeah. Yeah. It's almost soothing in the first half. Yeah. And I think I just wasn't in the mood for weird when the first time I try to watch it. So when it starts getting weird, I'm like, I'm not. I think you got to be in the mood for weird for this. Baby's baby. No one to th baby's baby's baby's no to th baby's no th no to th no th no th. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No one makes th. No one makes makes makes makes makes. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. Yeah. Yeah. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. watch Ephraim watching Thomas sleepster Pete?

I don't know. Is he awake while he's grinding or is he asleep? I don't know. And I love the like there's so much a homoerotic under and overtones in this movie. Yeah. And like so when we see Thomas masturbating or whatever he's doing, like his butt flap starts coming open and like that seems to really excite efferum. And I was like, okay, all right, here we go. Yeah, I mean you're inside a giant penis. A lighthouse is just a day. Sure.

Apparently there was a scene I was reading about where at some point the lighthouse was gonna start wiggling like a penis. And then it was gonna cut to to to to to thom, Robert, a thom, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, thom, thom, thumb, thom, thom, thom, thom, thom, thom, thom, thom, thom, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, thea, that, thea, thea, tha, thea, thea, thea, thea, thea, thea,. What? And then it was going to cut to Robert Pattinson's erect penis. Wow. And the people who fun in the movie were like, hey, can you not do that? Can you please not do that? Fair enough. I mean, I think you can get the sort of falic imagery of a lighthouse without it actually having to morph into a man's erect penis. Yeah, but no funny with that? No, I would have liked that a lot. I would have paused it, you know. Especially if his dick just had a light that was spinning on the top.

Wow. Don't crash into this boat. Tell me about the one-eyed seagull that is taunting him, he's like fucking with him, pecking at him, and he, like, Ephraim kind of like fronts at him. And later, Thomas tells him, you know, it's bad luck to kill a seagull, they're the souls of soldiers lost at sea or just dead. Seaman, or just dead semen, not soldiers, sailors. Yeah, dead, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Dead semen. Dead semen. Let's keep with the theme of the film.

Dead semen. There's a lot of semen in this movie. Oh my god. Remember that movie where there was like semen coming from the walls? Oh, you mean the CMPUNC? Yeah. That's what the icy mango in your hand. And you just need like a cigarette to point at you with? You got it, chief. There you go. That's my boy.

This moth fucking knows what he's talking about. Yeah. So there's this very cool, creepy siren song scene. Yeah. Where she's singing, I guess he's dreaming, maybe hallucinating. I'm not sure he or sleep. This this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this is this is this is this is this is this is this is this is this is this is this is the si the si the si. And the si. And the si. And the s. I, I, I'm. the si, I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I, I'm. I'm. I. I. I's. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. It. It. It. It. It. It. It's. It's. It's. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It's. It. It's. It. It. It. It's. It's. It. It's. It. I'm. I'm. I. I hallucinating, I'm not sure he's awake or sleep. This is Ephraim, Robert Pattinson. And the siren is singing at him. I don't remember exactly how it ends, but I liked it.

Is this where we see her oyster cuttlefish vichetia? That's later. Okay. I love the scene where he walks the giant oil can up the to the top of the lighthouse and then Thomas is like, you could have just used this tiny can. Yeah, why didn't he use the tiny can? Now lug that back downstairs. That's so brutal.

There's no way I'm just not tipping that down the steps. Yeah, you have to admire his self-restraint. Yeah. Yeah. You've taken one life, it's like, what's another? Right? It's like eating Oreos. You've had one, what's two? You've had two, what's four? You've had four? What's a whole one of the third sleeves? Yeah. You only ate one of them? You're fine. Go to bed. It's like thin-mints. A sleeve, a a the thin-a. A thin-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-oice-oomice. A the the the the the the the the the thine-oomice-s, a the the the the thoomice-oomice-oombou-s, their-o' their-o' the the their one's the the the the the the the the the the the the their one their one their one their one their one's one's their one. their one. their one. their-oom. their-oom. their-oom. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th-s. th-s. th-s. th-s. th-s. tooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo' the. the. to bed. It's like thin mints, a sleeve is a serving size. A serving size is however much you would eat on your couch in sadness while watching Netflix. That's a serving. They don't reseal, what am I supposed to do with this? A great point. There's nothing I can do but eat them all.

You're not going to twist it up and do a little curl and 't have to do that. So we keep seeing these scenes of them having dinner and Robert Pattinson not drinking. Yes. And refusing the booze. And Willem Defoe getting drunk every night. And we find out that his former second in command died. Right. He went mad. That's what he says to him.

He started talking about a scrimshaw and then a mermaid and a... Lays it all out. And Robert Pattinson's like, huh. Oh, ditty. Interesting. And, and, and, and, uh, effram disrespecks the idea that killing a seabird is bad luck. Wendafel flips his fucking shit. No one can flip that shit like that man. Yeah, he that, that, that, that, that, th, that, th, th, that, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th. thi's, thi's thi's thi's thi's thi-uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, to, to, to, to, th. th. th. th. th. He, th. He, th. He, th. He, th. He, th. He, th. He, th. L, th. He, th. L. L. He's, th. Uh,. No one can flip that shit like that man. He's so scary.

He's such a scary man. Apparently on his recent S&L monologue, he was like, people come up to me on the street all the time and they're like, hey, you should be on a comic movie movie, you should play the Joker. And his response was cool to know that I look like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like the one like th.. th. th like th like th like th like th like th like th like th like th. th. th like th. th. th. the one like th. I th. I th. I to to to to th. I to to th. I th. I th. the th. I the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the one the one the one the one the one the one the one the one the one the one the one the one the one the one the one the one the one th. th. thi. thi. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. thi. thi. thi. thopath. He does that. A 100%. Yeah. I was so mad in the one Spider-Man movie that he's in because he's playing the green goblin. Yeah.

I saw that. They put him in a helmet and I'm like, you have this gorgeous face of a goblin man and you're not going to use it Sam Ramey. He's a goblinman. Wait, Sam Ramey made those movies. The Told me McGuire ones. Yeah. I saw that. Toby Mags, yeah.

In a minute. Good for everyone. Yeah. Yeah. Is he now? Is he now? Yeah. announcer in the, or wrestling announcer in the one scene and like... Glad their friends. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Seems nice.

Yeah, they're really sweet. Love you, Bruce Campbell. If you're out there, we love you. I feel like I would be quite bad at this job after about a day or two. Sure. The manual labor of it. And then I started like really thinking about it and I wrote I think I th I th I th th th th th th th th th thi I could th thin I could thin I could thin I could thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi to be to be to be to be thi to be to be thi thi thi to be to be to be to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be a to be a thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I the thea the thea thea thea. thea thea thea. I thea to to to to toowed a lawn. I've never even touched a lawn mower. Why would I think I could do this? I rebuilt a retaining wall outside the house the other day. That's wild.

And I built it, and then I was like, I could do those bricks better. So I tore it all apart and did it again. And then the next day I was like, I don't think I don't th. I don't think I can move my arms. No, arms are dead. Because they're not like the little bricks, they're like landscaping bricks. Yeah, they're almost like pavers, yeah.

Yeah, this is why people tell you to plan. Plan ahead, don't just start a job. Oh, I've always heard that you should just jump right in. Is that the situation. This is where we see Bobby Pat's jerking it to the mermaid statue. Yep. For a long time. Like a long time and with like, I know you love that sound design, but it is a slapping sound, a wet slapping sound.

Yeah. I mean. If I can be very crass. I mean, he's definitely stirring the macaroni and cheese at that point. Oh, no, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi. thi. thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, like, like, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, th. th. th, th, th, th, th. For th. For like, th. For like, th. For like, th. For th. For th. For th. For th. For th. For thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi. And, thi. And, thi. And, thi. Like, thi. Like, thi. Like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, thi. Like, like, like, thi. Like, like, thi. For thi. For thi. cheese at that point. Oh no, why would you say that? I'm just barring a line from what ass pussy by uh... Cardibee. There you go. Megan, the stallion. Yep. Yep. I eat that song into my ears. I don't know. Did I do it? Did I do it? Woo. I don't know, but that made me lean back and hold the microphone up like I was fucking Selim Deon just nailing it. Yeah, your heart went on. So after the jerking it, uh, and I was like, oh man, am I going to see Robert Pattinson's

dick right now? Is that what's going to happen? It's like, he's blowing a load, but it's artistic. And then you're like, am I mad at that or do I like that? I don't know. Because I am a little bit. Here's where I was getting, I think this is a crucial problem for me in this movie. Yes.

The black and white. the fallic imagery, all I could think of was anti-christ. A film which has affected me in a very, very negative way. I really, really hate. And I just had those vibes in my head. I hate it so much. That was a movie that made me realize I'm an awful person because I thought that was the funniest movie I'd seen that year. I do love chaos rains. But that's about... What she cuts her clit off with a pair of scissors, oh, spoilers for Antichrist. I love when she beats his dick to death with a piece of wood and then jerks him off and blood comes out. I know we talk about that all the time. It makes me laugh so much. That's what I felt like when I was watching this. It's one of of the the the the the the the the th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thiol is thi. thi. thiolies thiol- thiol- thiolies, thoes thoes th. thiolies. I was thi. I was thi. I was thi. I was thi. I was thi. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was thi. I was thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. the. the. the. the. that's thea that's that's that's thoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooe. ththis. It's one of those movies where it's like, what have everything bad happened all at once?

Yeah. All the time, to everybody. I hate that man so much. He's a dick. He's a monster. Lars. Shove it up your ass. Anyway, did you think Robert Penson looked like Luigi?

100%? He's cosp-playing Luigi. And or Wallo Agie. Yeah. Yes. He was his own worst enemy. Those movies lit. Um, so Thomas gets, Thomas accuses Bobby Pats of shirking his duties. Right. And this is where we, they start getting these like head games where you can't tell if Willem Defoe is just fucking with him?

He is an absolutely inexplicable character and he's never explained to you. You never figure out what is that's going on with him. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. And he starts calling him a dog at this point. Yeah, which really upsets Robert Pattinson for reasons that we will get to later. Wheelbarrow and a rainstorm. God, that wheelbarrow tipping over just made me want to cry. Because he just stands there, he does that thing where something bad happens to you and you just stand there like, oh fuck. Yeah. And those wheel barrels, I remember using one years ago with just the metal wheel.

Not even like a rubberized tire around it. They're, why? We've invented better things at this point. It's true. What time period is this? The early 1900s? Late 1800s? Okay. Okay. Yeah. You couldn't tell by the accents? I thought he really brought those home to a very specific time period. I mean, it was mostly the mustache that was doing it for me. Yeah, yeah. I have to say I thought Bobby Pats look good in that mustache. Yeah, I liked it. I think Will and Phil looks great in the beard. His beard is fantastic. Yeah, they both are, yeah. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. I wish I could pull off a mustache. I cannot do it. I just look like have cop-shaped head. You know, I've never thought about it that way, but you're right. That's why I keep a big ass beard. Yeah, it's good. It makes you look jovial. Yeah, Santa Claus. I tell you that I was

taunted on the street by like six-year-olds the other day in a bus there where the kid going, Santa, Santa, Santa, don't! to th, the the the the the the the the the the, to, the, to, the, to, the, to, the, the, the, the, the, the, th, th, th, th, th, the th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, thi, th and I th and I that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I that, that, that, that, that, that, that's, that's thi, thi, thi, to thi's ta. I'll ta. I'm ta, ta, ta, that's that's that's that's that's list! Did you like that or no? No, I did not. As a fat man with a white beard, I know what I look like kid. I think you look great! I do! And I think, I mean, there's worse things to be called than Santa in this world. But it's all I get called. Yeah. What do you want them to call you? Robert Eggers, Robert Eggers, put me in your next drama. What you done witches, you've done lighthouses, Northmans?

What are you going to do next? Are you pluralizing it because Pittsburgh? Gotta go down to John Eagles. You know what I really like about Robert Ager's is his bird thing? I love birds, I fear birds. I respect birds. They're terrifying. Yeah.

Like if a bird's mad at you, you've done fucked up. You've never been chased by a goose on the North Shore trail when you've accidentally gotten too close to one of their gosslings and they're going Or if you've never been in the Allegheny Cemetery and walked up on a raven that's just on a headstone, like what? Yeah. What you doing? Yeah. I have been punked by both ravens and deer in that cemetery. I love the deer in there.

They just don't give a fuck. Yeah. I had one that just started walking at me and I was're like, you will beat me. You will kill me. Maybe he thought you were Santa and he was hoping to audition as a reindeer. My nose is red. How you doing, little buddy? Watch me fly. Does a line, just walks away. Do you think that lighting your pipe from the coal stove is like lighting a cigarette

on a gas burner in terms of class? Yeah, for sure. Yeah, for sure th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th those days. Dude, after watching this movie, I fucking ordered pipe tobacco. Did you really? Yeah. I like once a year, I like, once a year, I'll like get it out. And it's got some fucking cherry pipe tobacco, because I love the smell of cherry pipe tobacco. Yeah. I love the smell of tobacco. I love the smell of the smoke. I. I. I the the tobacco. I the smoke tobacco. I the smell tobacco. I tobacco. I the smell tobacco. I tobacco tobacco tobacco tobacco. I tobacco tobacco. I tobacco. I tobacco. I tobacco tobacco. I the smell tobacco. I tobacco. I tobacco. I the smell the smell tobacco. I tobacco. I tobacco. I've tobacco. I've tobacco. I've tobacco. I tobacco. I tobacco. I tobacco. I the smell the smell the smell the smell the smell the smell tobacco. I tobacco. I tobacco smoke smoke smoke smoke smoke smoke smoke smoke smoke smoke smoke smoke smoke smoke. I tobacco. I tobacco smoke smoke smoke smoke. I tobacco. I tobacco smoke smoke smoke smoke smoke smoke smoke. I tobacco. I tobacco. I tobacco smoke smoke smoke smoke smoke smoke smoke smoke smoke. I tobacco. I tobacco. I tobacco. I the smell just so cool. Yeah. We had this a tea and tobacco soap for a long time that I just loved. Yeah. And we feel like I was a ship that just got unloaded in a port. You are Willem de Foe after all. So we get the... Who's wedded to this here, light. I love the sea. On the run then. You't this one-piece jammies? Never mind, go on. Oh man, I used to rock a union suit.

Really? Yeah, yeah. We gotta spread it to poop. It's a very weird situation. Yeah, it's not for, not for me, women. No, no, no, no. It's like a romper for men. A romp him, cr-a, thim, th, th, th, th, th, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. to. to. to. to. to, to, to, to. to, to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to, to, they tried marketing a few years ago. Really? You don't remember the romp him? No sir I do not. Like we couldn't be all right with a romper.

Sometimes I worry that like everything before yesterday is gone to me. Because it seems like that sometimes doesn't it? Now tell me about these teletubbies. What was this? Oh, I never want to whitewash a lighthouse with Wilhelm Defoe holding the rope. What a horrible job painting that lighthouse. Dude, if that thing broke and I hit the ground, you just have to start digging my grave, I'm done. Yeah, regardless of whether or not I make it, I'm done. Yeah, I think I'd be done with chores at that point anyway. I'd be like, you know what, it is what it is. Yeah. We just watched the Tony Hawk

documentary. How was it? It was great. I bet. Good guy. Great guy. And also very sad. Why? Because he is just brutalizing his body. Ah, yeah. And like, they were showing something where at like the, I don't know, 30th or 40th anniversary of the Search for Animal Chin, they got the guys back together to skate the ramp.... and then, and then, and then, and then, the the the the the the their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, th. And then, thi, thi, tho, th. thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th. was, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi, thi, thi, the, the, the, theeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. It was thooooooo, the, th. th anniversary of the search for animal chin. They got the guys back together to skate the ramp. And then after they were done filming, like they just kept going and to Tony just kept getting bigger and bigger jumps. And then at one point he falls and his limbs start moving involuntarily. No, Tony, no, no, I don't want that for you. And just like, give an ambulance, let's like, this is, and it was, and it, and it, and it, and it, and it, and it, and it, and it, and it, and it, and it, and it, and it, and it, and it, th. And it, th. And it, th. And it, th. And it, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. And, th. th. th. th. th. th. the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, th. And, th. th. th. th. thirty, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the, the, th's go, let's like this is, and it was just like, dude, you're 50, you have to, you can. Relax, you're already the most beloved skateboarder of all time, yeah.

You're, you are the, the literal goat. Like, no one will ever surpass what you've done for the sport. So just stop. Yeah, I mean, so you do all 1,000,50, or whatever your next movie is. I mean, like, just because I can doesn't mean he has to. But there were so many times where he fell in that movie, that I was just like, no, I don't get back out. I remember falling in the ice on my knees and just being like, am I done? Is this it?

This is the upper part of the lighthouse, and Robert Pattinson's just watching him, like not letting him have his private drippy moment, but scoping it. He's scoping it, yeah. He comes on his face. He drops come on. He drops the gum on his face. He's not wipe that come off his face.

He's dirty, boy. Do what you got to do but don't just get sneaky come on your face. And then there's another great symmetrical shot of the seagull that's in the water cistern. Yes. Yes. That's where it goes down. Oh because he's like whacked it to death brutally. How long is a scene going on for? It's still happening. Until my next birthday. Just beating a seagull to death. And then some. Yeah.

I mean, listen, I've never beaten a seagull to death. But I imagine you could do it in three, four hits. Half a dozen at most. So you took a Tutsi pop to the woods, found an owl, and were like, how many wax would it take to be the sea cull of jam? Yep, he was like one, two, maybe six? Kid, you gotta go home. I'm just try to need tustey pops.

A very unsatisfying lollip. A tot-p them, too. No go. No blow pop for you? No blow pop. I don't do gum, though. It's the worst gum you've ever had as well. That is not for me. Yeah.

Because I'll just eat it. I just eat it. I just eat the whole fucking thing. old niece was like to chew to spit it out and I was like no. Katie yeah what's a Timberman want with being a wiki? What's what's a Timberman want with being a wiki? Just got tired of the trees I guess. This is where Wiki Leaks comes from? Yeah I never heard the term wiki before yeah. I love that I'm just like, Robert Egger said it must be true. Yeah, right, I believe him. Yeah, I'm sure he gave it a really strong gouge before any of this was made. So now the storm is coming. Yes. How long does this storm last? Um, months? Weeks at least. I didn't know that could happen. It could storm for weeks on end. And the one guy was stuck out there for seven months. That doesn't sound right to me. But okay, I date, I mean, Robert Eggers. Uh, if I ever told you about the storm that haunts my nightmares? No. It's on Jupiter? It's on Jupiter. Okay. I'll never get to Jupiter. Yeah.

But there is a hexagon-shaped storm that's in the North Pole of Jupiter that has been there for maybe a hundred years. And for some reason, it terrifies me. You know, a things to be afraid of. Yeah, I don't know why. Well, when I think about it, oh no, I don't like why. That's up there. Well, when I think about it, I'm like, oh, no, I don't like that one bit. No, the fact that it's a thing that can happen in this universe. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Do you also have the dream where you keep running into rooms and they're getting smaller and smaller? Yeah, I do. Yeah. Yeah, those are called anxiety dreams game. Yeah, I know, I've heard. So yes, because he has beat this gull to death, he has brought this storm and bad luck on to the Wiki Island. Yes.

To the Island of the Alive. Yes, last week's movie and this week's movie, very similar. Oh boy. So they're planning to get off this week's movie very similar. Oh boy. So they're planning to get off this rock tomorrow. It's last night and Robert Pattinson ends up getting drunk. Yeah, why not? Last night on the island, go ahead and have a sip. And then he has a lot of sips. And then he wakes up the next morning on the floor like you do when you drink too much. For sure. And there's, yeah, just drink too much

and scream sing at each other for a really long time. Yeah, I know how that goes. And then this is where he carries the shit out to dump it in the water. Just pee and poop. They like do a real close up of that poop in there too. And I was like, is that poop? Oh, it's that, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that poop. Oh, is that poop. Oh, is that poop. Oh, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that poop? Oh, is that poop? Oh, is that poop? Oh, is that poop? Oh, is that poop? Oh, is that poop? Oh, is that poop? Oh, is that poop? Oh, is that poop? Oh, is that poop? Is that poop? Is that poop? Oh, it's poop. I'm so glad this is in black and white. I think the whole reason this movie is in black and white so you don't have to see the duke. Yeah. Oh, no. So he goes to throw it and then the wind sort of changes direction and just blows it all

over him. All over him. You smell like shit. And he's obviously super hung over, it's just awful, just awful. He just stands there and screams fuck. And I was like, we're right there with you, but right there with you. Um, why were they gonna get picked up at night? Or did they just wait? They just waited all day. Okay, okay. Wait, doesn't he fuck the Mermaid before this? Uh, maybe? Because he, yeah, he's like, sees her body in the rocks? I th. I th. th. th. th. th. th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. they just just just just th. they just just they just th. th. th. th. they just just just they just they just they just they just they just they just they just they just they just they just they just they just they just they just they just they just they just they just they just they just they just just just just just just just just just just just just just they they they they they they they they they they they they the mermaid before this? Uh, maybe. Because he, yeah, he's like, sees her body in the rocks and then goes up to her and like start squeezing her boob even though he thinks she's dead? Oh, yes, he's doing a bit of like weird gropy stuff and it's like, this is where

I was like, many men go a month without tits. You don't need to do this this this this this this this is where I was like, many men go a month without tits. You don't need to do this, like, you know. And then we see, earlier, I'm sorry, when he was come down, we saw that. Yes, in that scene. After the jism hits the floor and his face. Let the jism hit the floor. Let the jism hit the floor. Floor. Nothing's wrong with me. Ew. Nothing's wrong with me.

There's a tentacle that slithers across the floor. Yes. A post-jism the clenicle. So yucky. So yucky. So, yucky. So when he's like touching the mermaid, we see that she has a giant vulva that looks like an oyster or a clam. Yeah.

And then there's tentacles on it. That's much later. Is that much later? When she has the fish labia and he's, there's jerking it and tentacles and sobbing. Yeah. Okay. Okay.

Okay. This is just the the footage of the waves. Oh, no, I don't. Oh, I hate it. I absolutely love it. I mean, I think it's beautiful, but I hate it. Too stressful. So we believe it to be the day after they've missed the tender, picking them up.

Yes. But Willem DeFoe says it's been weeks. Right. And that the food the food the food the food the food the food the food the food the food the food the food the food the food the food Right, and that the food has gone to rot because it's become damp. Right. But we're like sort of seeing this from Robert Pattinson's perspective where we don't know that it's been weeks. We think it's been a day, like him. Right.

Has it been weeks? I think so? I feel like... Because he's been getting blackout drunk. Right. But it's like sort of one of the interesting bits of this movie is we never know film to foe is telling the truth about anything. There's like one scene where we have seen Robert Pattinson shirking his duties and then he gets accused of it again by by Thomas. He's like no I've been doing everything and we're like actually we know that you haven't been. Right. So that's like the

one scene where you're like, actually we know that you haven't been. Right. So that's like the one scene where you're like, oh. Well, sometimes you shirk your duties. Sometimes you the day off. Yeah, I mean, if I throw shit in my own face, I'm going to shirk some duties. Yeah, the duties have been shirked. And he tells them days as a sailor, where he's talking about how, you know, they were all eating grass after their teeth had fallen out from

scurvy and he was like, you can't eat grass with no teeth. Right. Yeah, you can. You just jam it on your throat. Yes, sir. And then I wrote, I too would fuck a steak. If I had a steak, I'd fuck it. I also hope to someday scream, Hark! As thunder crashes in the background.

Katie, yeah. He fond of me lobster? This monologue that he does, the like wishing for his death is so fucking good. Like, how he does not win the Oscar? Is that the award you win for doing this thing? I don't know. Yeah, it was phenomenal. It was really really, really, really good. Yeah. He arguably is a fantastic actor. Oh sure, can't deny it. And Willem Defoe's good too. See what I did there? See what I did there? I do see what you did there. I don't like it.

But you are fond of me lobster. I'm not, Alan. I'm not. Yeah, I had the scene, the note, this death scene, or this scene of the death curse is amazing. Yeah, it goes on a long time. Yeah, and it feels like it's something out of like the Iliad or something. Like it's really...

Yeah, there are definitely a lot of Greek mythological references in here. Yeah. Obviously the Prometheus thing and the Proteus thing and... Right, right, right. And then after the death curse, all right, have it your way. I like your cooking. It was funny. It was funny. It was funny. And he. And he. And he. It was funny. And he. And he. And he. the th. th. the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the the tha. thi. they. thi. they. they. they. they. their. their, their, they. they. they. Yeah, they. Yeah, they. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's the the the the the th. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the tha. And he's still out there doing his chores. I don't think I'd still be doing my chores. Yeah, but they've become a little skewed when he's pushing the barrel that's filled with water, one piece of coal and a whiskey bottle. Yeah. Oh right, because they find, they dig up the

rations and it's all it is is booze. There's no food. Yeah. Yeah. And that's, yeah. I think when we get the fish. the fish fish fish fish the fish fish fish the fish fish fish the fish fish fish the fish fish fish fish the fish fish fish fish the fish fish fish fish the fish fish fish fish the fish fish fish fish fish fish fish the fish fish fish fish fish fish fish fish fish fish fish fish the fish fish fish fish fish fish fish fish fish fish fish fish fish fish fish fish fish. I fish. I the fish fish fish fish fish. I the fish. I fish. I fish fish fish. I fish fish fish fish fish fish. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I fish fish fish fish fish fish fish fish fish fish fish fish fish fish fish fish fish fish fish fish fish fish fish fish fish fish the fish the fish the fish the fish the fish the fish the fish the fish the fish the fish the fish fish. I the fish. I the fish. I the fish. I the fish. I the fish. I the fish. I the fish. I the fish. I the fish. I the fish. I the fish. I the fish. I the fish. I the fish. I the fish. I the fish. I the fish. I the fish. I the fish. I the fish. I the fish. I the fish. I the fish. I the fish. I think when we get the fish labia and jerking it in tentacles and crying. Oh, okay, okay. That's a lot for me, that scene, the screaming and crying when you come. This is a lot, prison and logs and sea vagina and penis action. It's a note that I have. There's definitely a log going in and out of a sea vagina at one point. I think so, yeah. Or like a sea cucumber? I don't know. Something very dickish but not a dick. Yeah, but not a dick. Yeah. Boy, no brother. Oh man. And then there's like that scene of them almost comedically chugging liquor. Yeah. Yeah. They look like they're doing it at a frat party. Yeah. And then slow dancing. Oh my god the slow dancing. So good. Oh my god the slow dancing. So good. And this is the scene where Robert. the s s the s the s the s the s the s the s the s s the s s s the s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s th. th. the. the. the. th. th. th. th. th. the. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the s. the s. the s. the s the s the s the s the s the s the s the s the s the s the s the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. S the the th. S. S. th. S. S. S. the. S. S. Pattinson tells Willem-Defoe his back story.

Yeah. Because he keeps saying, Thomas, I'm Thomas. And Thomas keeps saying, no, I'm Thomas. You're Ephraim. I'm Thomas. Shut up your ragbox. Why just spill your beans. He's like, I really do like this scene, though, because Robert Pattinson is like, stop twisting it out of me, I'm going to tell you. And Wilm Duffo's like, don't tell me.

Don't spill your beans. He's like, why would you tell me that? And Robert Patton says, because I trust you. He's like, no, I don't. You wouldn't trust this man at all. I like the idea of a grown-ass man complaining that someone is spilling their beans. Spilling their beans, yeah. Oh, the cat's out of the bag. Now you spilled your beans! So the beans he's smelling is that he used to work in timber,

and he like essentially let his foreman die in an accident purposefully, because he didn't like being called dog and basically shit on. So Willem Defoe was like triggering him. And then then then then then the then the th then then then then then then then then the then then the then tho the the the the the the they they they. Oh they. Oh the the thoes. Oh the the the the thoes. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. basically shit on. Right. So Willem Defoe was like triggering him. And then stole that man's identity to get a new life for himself. This is early identity theft, yeah. Which is like a thing that happened because who the fuck could tell you you're not?

Yeah, there'd be anyone. Yeah, a real spoiler alert for Madman. I never saw that show. Oh, I won't tell you what this show. It's like if I haven't at this point. You still have to get to the wire before you get to Madman. I know. How many seasons is that? The wire? Yeah.

Uh, I want to say four. Oh, God, I don't have time. Meanwhile, I've watched two seasons of Traces bay, kill me. What is wrong with me? Nothing at all. No, lots of things. Your joy. So then there's a naked will him to foe with light coming from his eyes. It's wild.

Yes. Yeah, yeah. But I love that it's just the straight up reproduction of a painting. Pretty much, yeah. And at this point, this movie is just off the fucking rails. It's off the rails. You don't know what's real. You don't know what isn't. Like, um, he, Robert Pattinson pulls up the lobster trap and there's just a head missing an eye in it. And you're like, oh, that guy's missing an eye like the bird. That was the guy, the guy's that we used to be here. He smashes up the life up up up axe and chasing each other around and you're just, move. Yes, yeah, you can't leave me here, so I'm going to smash this lifeboat up.

Yeah. Also, could you imagine getting a lifeboat and going out of that water? Oh, it's all I think about. Yeah, of course. Seriously. They have run out of whiskey so they're drinking honey and kerosene. Turpentine, which will make you go blind. Yeah, for sure. Absolutely. And then someone refers to somebody else as a monkey pump.

Yeah, I like that a lot. And then peeing in that floating bucket, which seemed like a really fun game until he threw up. And at this point, he actually says it. And at this point no he really says it. Then we get Willem de Foe as a Barnacle Mermaid man. Sea Monster Willem Defo pretty lady mermaid. This is I think a reference to Proteus. Are you familiar? I know the name but I don't know if I'm familiar go on. Yeah he's basically the original old man of the sea. Yeah so I I th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. th. th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. Yeah. I th. I the. I the. I theer. I'm theeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeemeeeeeeeeeemeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeme. S. S. S. theeee. the sea. Okay. Yeah. So I think that's what he's meant to be here. Gotcha. Gotcha. And he's wished this like Promethean death on Robert Pattinson. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Which spoilers. It does happen. It does

happen. Yeah. Whenever I think of Prometheus, I think of his brother Epimetheus, who I played in a school play. Did you Ephemethius? And you may remember many years ago I referenced a school play where I pissed myself on stage? Yeah, that's the one. I was Epimetheus in that play. Did you have any lines as Ephemes? Yeah, yeah, yeah, and I got to eat a task cake. What was it meant to be? Uh, some kind of food, but it was just a Caste Cake. It's very exciting.

It's adorable. That's also very like, um, East, East Coast. Yeah, for sure. Um, but, after the barnacle man and then the, uh, Patinson beating the shit out of Thomas, almost killing him. Tying him up with a leash, yeah, to walk him around as a dog. I have a note, is this film Psychosexual? Have you ever seen the movie, A Film in England?

I have not. Or a field in England? A field in England? It's by the director Ben Wheatley of your favorite film The Kill List. Oh. And it is also in black and white. Okay. So I was thinking of that movie with this movie and there's a scene where someone is tied with basically ships rope that like super like, you know, six inches round rope.

The rope rope. And like walking and leading people somewhere and that was giving me this vibes with the dog on a leash thing. Fair enough. Very upsetting. the the storm. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi thi thi thi thi thi th is th is th is th is th. So I is th. th. th. th. So I is th. th. th. So I is th. So I is th. th. So I I I is th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. to to to to to to thi. to to to to to to theeeeeeeeeea toea toea toeea toea toea toea thea thea thea thea the. me this vibes with the dog on a leash thing. Fair enough. Very upsetting. Yeah. But at this point the storm has ended. This guy, it's clear. Yeah. Everything's fine.

Yeah. And he's burying Willem DeFoe alive. There's many, many, many, many shovels that we watch fall in his face. Well, Willum the foe is delivering a monologue with dirt, the dirt, the dirt, the dirt, the dirt, the the the the the the the the the the the tho, the tho, tho, tho, the the tho, thi, it, it, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the s' the s' the s' the s' the s' the s' the s' the s' tho, it's the s' thro, throom, throomoome, thooooooooooooooooooomoome, to-s thoooo-s' tho-s, thoomoom. It's th it was like cookie crumbs? Nope. I guarantee you that was dirt. You don't think it was Oreo cubs? I think it was. I think it was like butter and cocoa powder. No way that was dirt. No way! I guarantee! Get Willem to phone on the blower! Okay, well, I'll call him on my way home to home anyway. He likes to know that you make it home safe. Yeah, he worries about me. You wish to see what's in the lantern. Yeah. And he does. He does.

And then Willem-Defo runs up behind him and says, the light belongs to me with a pickaxe, and then immediately gets pickaxed. Robert Patton's and drinks a much of straight turpentine. Yeah, he does. Crawls up the stairs of a lighthouse, at which point I realized I don't know what's supposed to be in the top of a lighthouse. Is that how it looks? Yeah, for sure. Yeah, they used to be made out of like many, many panes of glass.

Okay. Like 900 or something. Really? Yeah, I remember when we went when we went when we went when we went when we went when we went when we went when we went when we went when we went when we went when we went when we went when we went when we went when we went when we went when we went when we went when we went when we went when we went the the the the th The whitest thing you've ever said? Can't be. And there was just like broken shards of glass because they would just chuck it off and they replaced stuff. Yeah. All right. But you know, it was really neat. And then the lighthouse makes him scream in eight bit.

Yeah, it gets so distorted and just so upsetting and just what the fuck. It's very wild. He takes a very long tumble down the spiral staircase. Yeah. And it ends with a shot of him nude on the beach and birds are picking at him and he's lost an eye. Yeah, and they're eating his liver. Yeah. Get that Prometheus. Yeah. Fuh. And my final note is how bummed are the next lighthouse keeper's going to be? That's like, you get a new job and they take you to your cubicle and the person's just dead there, you're like, ah! Oh no! The seagull eating its liver? Yeah, you're like, I think I may rethink this. Oh, Alan, what did you think of this movie? Um, I liked it.

Mm-hmm. I would give it a solid seven. Okay. It's very artsy, fartsy. You like that, though? It's very farty. You like that, too. I think it's a good two-hander of a film, just a couple guys out there reacting and acting across each other.

Yeah. And yeah, I like doing an episode. And how about you? Um, I think it's a very good movie. I think it's beautiful. Mm-hmm. I don't think I need to see it again for a long time. Like, uh, if someone said, I the th, I I I I I I I I I I I I I thi I I I I th I I th I th I th I thi th I thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi th like I th like I th like I th like I th like I thi thi thi thi thi thi th like I th like I like I th like I th like I th like I thi like thi like th. I thi like thi like thi like I th. Yeah, I th. Yeah, I thi like I thi like I th like I thi like I th. I thi th. I thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi to to thi to to to thi to thi to thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi if someone said, oh, was the lighthouse good? I'd be like, oh, it's really good. You should really see it. And then you'd be like, oh, you want to watch it? I'd be like, no. Absolutely not. No, thank you. Not for me right now. Not really fond

for that particular lobster. Yeah, that lobster is fine. It's good. It's good. It's good. Not for me. Yeah. I mean it is for me, but maybe it's not for me forget for a long time. What? Well, they need the number. Oh, do they need a number? I mean you could give it a... I'm gonna give it fish labia. Good thing, bad thing. Yeah, fish labia. Fish labia. Yeah. Fish labia. Yeah. You sickos. Don't go Google that. Monsters. Katie. Alan. Can I get a quick news note?

Oh, a little little new song? A happy one or a sad one. Oh, this is a happy one. Okay. Do, doo-doo, doo-doo, doo-doo. Oh, so funky. Beelch. It's me and Michael Moriarty. This just just just, from, from, from, so funky. Bielich. It's me and Michael Moriarty. This just end from Lister, Emmanuel.

Hi, Manuel. Says, oh my god, thanks for sharing the correction on the latest episode. Love listening to you both. Keep up the great work. Oh my god, thanks for correcting us. We're idiots and we need help. So thanks. I like that we just got that that message that message that that message that message that that that that to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to thi. Oh, that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the to the the the the the the the the the the the to the the to to the to the to the to the to too.. the too. the. the. the. the. the. the. tho. tho. thing. Oh boy, oh boy, this is great. I had a great time with you today.

I had a great time too. Should we do this again sometime? Yeah, what movie would you like to do next? Why do you always ask me when you know I don't remember? Well, Katie, thanks for asking. We're going to do the film that we said we're putting on the list and we need something to think of. Burnt offerings. Exactly. Look I didn't even unlock my phone. It's got, I remembered. Burgess Meredith. Yeah. Oliver Reed. Yes. Karen Black. And a surprise for me. Betty Davis. I love Betty Davis. She has her own eyes. She does and they are crazy. I've written a letter to daddy. I'm sorry I had to. She has her own eyes. She does. She does. She does. She does. She does. And th. And th. And to. And to. And to. And to. And to. And to. And to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to. I to. I to. I to. I to. I to. I to. I to. I to. I to. I to. I to. I to. I to. I to. I to. I to. I to. I to. I to. I to. I to. I to. I to. I to. I to. I to. I to. I to. I to to to to to to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the to. to. the to. to. to. to. the to. I've written a letter to Daddy.

I'm sorry I had to. Oh, get ready for the next episode. It's fine. I don't need to. Ruby started licking my leg when you started doing that. What is the crazy lady doing? So, come back next time. We'll be back in the attic. We've been down in the dining room again this week. Full of dogs. Filled with dogs. Maybe a cat or two, who knows?

I don't even see the cat. That's fine. Yeah, we love you. You love us and that's what matters in this world. Stay safe out there. Be nice to each other. And thanks for listening to another episode of WhereWulf Ambulance. Bye. Bye. Maniacs are dead rules, Savin'iys at the pool. No way to do in Finland's to fulfill reviews. Killing clouds and laugh the face. Can't live in space. A peer-in-lampaspace. A-punit-case. Please make I continue to pray.

EFT. A murmur and comedy, release hungry, pride, and burnt wings and Stephen King. E&T. We lived deliciously bad temperatries, obese, crazy gone to daddy. A paranormal act in cities from con to you died in a paranormal active tubes from the street by true true.

EFT, EFT. EFT.