Werewolf Ambulance: A Horror Movie Comedy Podcast - Episode 380- The Lock In (2017) feat. Eli Bosnick

Starting point is 00:00:00 Hi Alan. Hi, Katie. I'm Will and yourself? Good. We have a special guest this week. A guest? What is that? I don't know. We haven't had one in years. Hi, Katie. How are you? I'm Will and yourself? Good. We have a special guest this week. A guest? What is that? I don't know. We haven't had one in years? Yeah. But we are being joined by a very special guest this week. Um, prolific podcaster? Expert. Excertain. to. their. to? to? to? to? their? to? their? their? to? their? their? their? their? their? their? their? their? their? their? their? to. to. to. to. to. their? Yeah. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah? Yeah. Yeah? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah. Yeah? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah. We. We. We. We. We. We. We. We. We. a very special guest this week. Prolific podcaster, expert in religious cinema. Eli Bosnik. Oh, that's me. I just had a super sad moment where I was like, oh, that's sweet. And then I was like, oh, no, that one's true because of all the Christian movies. Ha ha ha ha ha! Because of all the Christian movies. Eli is joining us from the podcast God awful movies amongst many other podcasts that we will let him tell you about. Can you tell us a bit about God awful movies and how many Christian movies you've covered?

Starting point is 00:01:06 Oh, God of the movies is my hell that I volunteered for many many years ago and we are in episode... Oh God, let me check, because I literally don't know at this point. 276 is where we are right now. We have watched 276 Christian movies, not to mention 60 secular bonus episodes and about 10 episodes before we actually started the show, where it was a segment on our other podcast, The Scathing Atheist. So yeah, we're up in the 300s when it comes comes, th, th, th, to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to th, th, th, th, th, th, let th, let me th, let me th, let me the the the th let me th let me the, let me th, let me th, let me, let me, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, the the th, th let me, the th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, let let let let let let let let let let let th, let th, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me the ca, let me the the the theeean, let me the thean, let me the the thean, let me the the the the the the the thehing Atheists so yeah we're up in the 300s when it comes to Christian movies. I had no idea so many Christian movies existed. Oh sure. Me neither. I was

Starting point is 00:01:34 I was like oh this will be fun we'll do 50 episodes we'll knock out all the Christian movies I'll go back to driving for Uber and here I am. The Lord is very popular these days. Yeah, no. Very perfect. So, did you just say, no, no? So I had reached out to God awful movies a couple of weeks ago because I thought it would be fun to do a religious horror movie, not like The Exorcist, but a horror movie made by religious people.

Starting point is 00:02:05 And that was before all the Roe v. Wade shit has gone down. So it's a little bit hard to feel funny, make funny jokes about the Christian right? Yeah. I mean, I'm a professional so I can make dick jokes, but I'm just saying. What if I promised you a Blair Witch rip off about jerking off. That never, ever, ever mentions jerking off. No, wow. And how? What are we talking about, Alan? Oh, we're talking about the lock-in from 2017? This is from 2017?

Starting point is 00:02:38 I think so. This is the year of our Lord. Holy shit. If you had told me this was 2005, I would have believed you. Okay, fun fact. This was a tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. th. tho, thi. thi. thi. to, to to to th. to th. th. th. th. th. th. tho. tho. tho. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. th. th. th. th. Holy shit. If you had told me this was 2005 I would have believed you. Okay, fun fact, this was Gam episode 10 of our podcast. Oh yeah, when you wrote me the email and was like which horror movie to do, I called Noah and Heath and I was like, okay so I have 74 selections they were like, relax, do the lock-in. Oh, good, we'll do the lock. But the reason this movie is publicly available, the trailer for this was floating around the internet. A lot of people had sent it our way and we were like, ah, you know, we can't really find a copy of it. We like people to be able to watch along with us. A gamm listener who we wrote that email to, literally wrote to these the, the, the, the, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, thrown, thrown, thrown, thrown, their, their, their, their, their, the trailer, the trailer, the trailer, the trailer, the trailer, the trailer, the trailer, the trailer, the trailer, the trailer, the trailer, the trailer, the trailer, the trailer, the trailer, the trailer, the trailer, the trailer, the trailer, the trailer, the trailer, the trailer, the trailer, the trailer, the trailer, the trailer, the trailer, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, the trailer, the trailer, their, the trailer, the trailer, the trailer, the and was like, hey, there's this podcast that reviews Christian movies that would like to review yours. Will you put it up on the

Starting point is 00:03:27 internet? And they put it up on the internet and then someone took that and put it on YouTube and that's the Christian film we all watched there. You did this, you wrought this on the world. Why? Why why? I know I know I get that question so often? I the the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. I know. I get that question so often. I feel smited. I mean, did anyone think about youth pastor Chris? What this is going to do to him? Yeah, I'm knowing that we're about to roast this man. Yeah, and now that he has to just sit there by that copier for the rest of his life?

Starting point is 00:03:59 Well, he works in insurance now. A far more lucrative lucrative career, I would think. So the lock-in is made by a production company called Holy Moly Pictures, which I thought had to be satire. I don't think it is... It seems blasphemous. It does seem blasphemous. And we're, it opens on one of those very typical found footage text boxes that's like, this is all real, and they've given us permission to use this.

Starting point is 00:04:29 It's very paranormal activity. Yeah, yeah. It's paranormal activity if you were trying to explain it to your right-wing Christian mom. It was like, all right, mama, I did get possessed by a ghost, but I swear this is just for the church elders. In a film that the one mother character we get to meet is unbelievably awful. Oh she's a nice character in the movie. She's amazing. I don't think they know that is the thing. I genuinely think they're like they shot the mom and they were like perfect mothering, excellent. She's like oh yeah let me just call my son. That's like the first of many times that the mic blows

Starting point is 00:05:11 out I guess it was really upsetting my cat. She's like oh yeah before I was a Christian I sang in Deaside it's totally marbled. Alan I just realized this is your dream movie this is paranormal act of t act, pair of normal active titties. Yeah, paranormal act of titties. Yeah, it's the paranormal activities. Porn. What? What?

Starting point is 00:05:34 What? What? What? ? We see one of the articles. We do see one of the articles in the porn. You know how porn has lots of articles? You get a flash? But wasn't it like, it was like, some sort of like tool related thing or something?

Starting point is 00:05:48 Yeah, it's a better home and garden, right, that had like a hole on the cover and they were like, that's basically porn. I've jerked off to that. Here, take it, put it in a back. Could have even gotten like a bizarre or something that might have semi-naked women in a suit catalog? There is, somewhere in the universe, there was a time period where they were like, so do we get a swimsuit issue? And then everyone like started weeping and gnashing their teeth and tearing open shirts? Have you all ever seen the documentary called Hell House? Yes? Okay. I have not, but I've seen the entire Hell Hell House LLC trilogy. It. It. It. It. It. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's th. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. There's. There's. There's. There. There. There. There. There. There. There. There. There. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's the. It's the the the the the. It's like. It's like. It's House. Yes? Okay. I have not, but I've seen the entire Hell House LLC trilogy. It's true. This is a documentary about a

Starting point is 00:06:29 Christian haunted house in Texas. Oh I have, there's an abortion room, right? I have yes. And it reminded me of like when they're like talking about the gay scene in the in the hellhouse and they're like, well we don't actually want to pair boys boys up and girls and girls because that could lead to that's what makes you gay. Yeah that that could lead to homosexual activity and just like wait what? What? Okay well I hate to validate that entirely insane statement but we've been asked to do hellhouse for years and I don't really want to do it because it's kind of like it's kind of critical of the hell house itself and it's not it's that it's that it's that it's that it's that it's that it's that it's that it's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's tho that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that that that that I don't really want to do it because it's kind of like it's kind of critical of the Hell House itself and it's not super clear what it is. We could make fun of it but I have phenomenal news about the Hell House. The kid in the gay room who they interview is a listener and is a committed homosexual Hell House turned him gay.

Starting point is 00:07:23 Thanks Hell House. Thanks Hell House turned him gay! Thanks Hell House! Thanks, Hell House! Wonderful. I'm so happy. Oh yeah, the movie's like really exploitative and not... Yeah, there's a lot of issues with that film. Yeah. Maybe someday. Maybe someday. Some other sweet day.

Starting point is 00:07:40 But right now we've got this film in front of us, in which, I mean, I think one of the main problems with this movie is I don't believe there to have been a script. No! The director was just like, you're all such talented people, and I just feel like if you really feel it and you just run with it, it's going to explode on the screen. And I have to tell you, listeners, it does not. I need need to to to to to to to to to to th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th tho tho tho tho that that that that that tho, I tho, I tho, that the their tho, tho, tho, tho, their their their their their their their their their their their their their their, their, their, their, their, their, their their, their their, their their, their their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, tho. tho. thoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooom. I, thooooooo. I their, their, listeners, it does not. No. I need you all to act like you have beat your dicks into an inch of their live. Looking at this brown paper bag covered Sears advertisement. Yeah, I mean, to be fair, that was method acting for all these teenagers.

Starting point is 00:08:19 The best acting that was done around this film was all the teens who were like, and by the way guys, none of you masturbate to porn, right? And all the kids in this movie were like, yeah, never, no, you kidding? Gross. So excited to condemn the porn I never look at ever. I'm just going to keep tamping that down until it, what, what, what, what, you're the gunfire yeah whatever you have some ball sweat coming out of your ears Philip it's fine it's fine I wanted it this way stop rubbing on the couch so we meet this youth pastor pastor Chris former pastor Chris yeah he talks for I don't know 45 minutes

Starting point is 00:09:02 he's just babbling just bab babbling, about what has happened in the events of this film, which we are told has been made only to show the church council of elders or whatever. Sure. Yeah. Can we talk about Chris's physical appearance? Because like, look, I'm the last person to body shame anyone. Okay. But Chris is standing next to a copier and it genuinely looks like, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, the, the, shame anyone. Okay. But Chris is standing next to a copier and it genuinely looks like they started shooting after he ate the first copier that was in the room.

Starting point is 00:09:30 He's a big guy. He's um. As a fatman, I might also look like that and that's a chance. No, I'm right there with you. I just want to feel like, I know. When I ne fried rice for breakfast. That's. That's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's. That's on that's on that's on. that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a they. they. they. they. they. they. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the thecooer. theat. theat. theat. theat. th. th. th. th. th. th. that's. that's. th. that's. th. th. th. I just want to feel like I acknowledge it when I walk into a room and people gasp I'm like yeah I know don't eat fried rice for breakfast that's on me but like delicious. Exactly. I so wanted him to when he told them what career he had moved on to to just be like oh yeah I'm doing like wet work I'm a mercenary now a more sensible position to move into after what I'd seen. But he's like I couldn't go back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that the the the their. I the the their. I'm their. I'm they. I'm they. I'm they. I'm they. I'm they. I'm they. I'm they. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm their. I'm their. I'm their. I'm their. I'm their. I'm not the the the the the the the the the there. I'm the the the the the they. I'm just just. I'm not. I'm the the the the the there. I'm not like, I couldn't go back there after what happened to those poor kids.

Starting point is 00:10:08 And it's like, but wouldn't that make you, if you really, wouldn't that make you devote your life to Christ even more? Mm-mm, gotta go. Devote my life to capitalism. Devote your life to insurance, the worst industry. That's something great about all Christian films is that almost inevitably in every Christian film There's a person who receives irrefutable proof of God or the devil or Satan or whatever the fuck it is and they're like I'm gonna sell you's cars on this car lot. This is my fucking shot. He just keeps saying like, oh, it's really hard to talk about and think about and then he's just just just smiling through his teeny tiny mouth and I just find it so upsetting.

Starting point is 00:10:47 He says, let's just say I now believe there's a correlation between pornography and demon activity. All right. All right. Pornography opens the door to Satan and his minions. All right. I once nutted a portal to hell. Just sitting around my office, there's like 27 portals to hell. Sorry, Asakira started a pay-only fans and it's just been a busy afternoon. Look, you gotta support independent creators.

Starting point is 00:11:21 Exactly. Thank you. Y'all, I want you to think about this. Like, it could be my daughter. Oh, he says not this time, but like, does your daughter have an only fan? Are we ever going to see Pastor Chris's daughter's born? Absolutely. Sleeping behind my dad, fucking behind my dad's back, literally. So after that, we get the, this film has been edited down to 80 minutes, and I was like, God bless you, thank you. Thank you for doing that. And then we meet the star of the film, the indisputable star of this film, Blake. Fuck yeah, yeah, Blake.

Starting point is 00:12:02 The hero we didn't need, but we do deserve. I just want to put my my my my my my my my my my my my my my my my my my my my my my my my my the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the. the. This the. This the. This the. This thia thia thi. This thi. This thia' thi. This this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this thiia thia thi. This thi. This thi. This thi. This thi. This thi. This thi. This to to thi. This is to to to thi. This is thi. This thi. thi. thi. thia. thia. thia. This film. This film. This thia. This thia. This thia. This thia. This is thi. This is Blank. The hero we didn't need, but we do deserve. I just want to put my knee into Blake's teeth. Yes. Is that too much to ask? Blake looks like Ashton Kutcher never got makeup or help being handsome, right? Like if Ashton Kutcher had just been a guy in Minnesota, he's Blake. Dres like he's out of the fucking sandlot and he's in like 1950s, peg jeans and high top, white converse.

Starting point is 00:12:28 You're killing me small. Also, he very clearly in some shots has like a collarbone tattoo that looks like script, and I just desperately want to know what Bible verse it is. What? That's amazing? There's a scene later in the movie when, I guess the demon is holding the camera and is doing close-ups on everybody's sleeping. And you can see it peeking over the top of his baseball shirt. And I was like, what is it? Is it a proverbs?

Starting point is 00:12:54 Is it? What is it? It's so important. I've made a terrible mistake being in this film. If you see this, help, help, help, help, help, help, help, help, help, help, help, help, th, this, this, th, th, th, th. th. th. th. th. thus, the the thus, the the the the the the the the th. th. th. th. the the, the, thi, th. th. th. th. th. th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the the the the the the th. And, th. And, th. And, thi. And, thi. And, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, thi. And, thi. And, get me out of this moving. But first we see the guy who's behind the camera most of the time, Justin, who turns on the camera to film himself looking at a magazine. Yeah. From behind and I was like, oh, this kid's gonna fucking cherk it, right? Are we gonna, because he's a shot, this actor is a child. For a second, I was like, oh man, I'm on a watch list, shit. Do not tug McGraw all your way out of this situation.

Starting point is 00:13:31 So he looks at the magazine and then he turns off the camera. Yeah. Cool scene. I just, I like to film the before, not the dooring. No, no one wants that. Honestly. Honestly. th. th. th. th. th. the camera. the camera. the camera. the camera. the camera. the camera. the camera. the camera. the camera. the camera. the camera. the camera. the camera. the camera. the camera. the camera. the camera. the camera. the camera. the camera. the camera. the camera. the camera. the camera. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. too. thea. Yeah. ta. too. too................................................ No, no one wants that. Honestly, if the camera had turned back on and just like giant white splotches all over the walls and he's all sweaty and red, maybe my favorite movie. Oh God. He's a child.

Starting point is 00:13:55 Now you're on a watch list. If you're just, look, if you see the after effects of a child jerking off, I think that's legal, you know what, I've had th th th th th th th th that that the thatheat the the that I've their their their their their that I've their their their the after effects of a child jerking off, I think that's legal. You know what, I've had this fight too many times with my lawyer. I don't want to have it here. I don't want to adjudicate this on the air. The ideas and thoughts of the gifts. Oh, let's have Eli on the podcast. I bet that'll be really bad.

Starting point is 00:14:19 Here's a thin. thing about boy come. Should it had me sign that boy come writer, that's on you. We really need to get that boycom agreement in place. So we, okay, so we need, okay we need Blake and Nick. Boycom agreement is the name of my band. I'm sorry, we're playing at the Y this Thursday. I would love for anyone to show up. It's like a J-pop, K-pop grind quarter band. Yeah, exactly exactly exactly exactly exactly exactly exactly exactly exactly exactly exactly exactly exactly exactly exactly exactly exactly exactly exactly exactly exactly exactly exactly exactly exactly exactly exactly exactly exactly. Yeah, the the the the the the the the th. Yeah, th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. th. th. th. to thi. thi. thi. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. the. the. th. th. th. the. th. th. th. We. th. th. grind quarterband. You're gonna love it. Yeah, exactly.

Starting point is 00:14:46 The lead singer is Nick's Mom, it's great. I'm sorry. Ugh! Mom, he's the finest actor in this film. She's also absolutely insane. Like maybe don't let a crazy person ad lib, because this is what you get. See, but I feel like Nick's dad, I know we're jumping ahead here. Are we? Well, Nick's mom is screaming and Nick's dad is standing next to her and tonight I'm 100% sure just like ghost farting, just pherr-pher-p! Yeah, he's giggling the whole time.

Starting point is 00:15:14 I've never seen an actor in all of the, what, 300? This is an episode, 380, I think the terrible movies we've done. In all, the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I's, I's, I'm, I's, I's, I'm, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm th. And, I'm th. And, I'm th. And, I'm, I'm toda. And, I'm, I'm a, th. And, I'm, I'm a th. And, I'm, I'm, I'm th. And we've done, I don't think I've ever seen anyone so conscious that they were in front of a camera. We see someone even more conscious later on in this movie. Who is that? The guy who comes to talk to Chris about the porn when his wife's away on vacation. Yes. Oh, the documentary, Hell Hell. I have so much to say about that scene. So Blake and Justin go to pick to pick to pick to pick to pick to pick to pick to pick to pick to pick to pick to pick to pick to pick to pick to pick to pick to pick to pick to pick to pick to pick to pick to pick to pick to pick tooom tooom tooom their their their their their thoomcoomcoomcoomc. thoom-a thoom-a thoom-a thoom. their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their th. th. th. th. th. thiia. thia. thia. thia. thoomorrow. thoomorrow. thoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooma. Wea. Wea. Wea. Wea. have so much to say about that scene. So Blake and Justin go to pick up Chris

Starting point is 00:15:48 because they're going to a lock-in. Did any of you ever do a lock-in? Oh yeah, once, but I was asked never to return. I used to lead lock-ins. Uh, not for religious institutions, but for like... Wait, who else is being locked up? So, here's the th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thus, thus, thus, thus, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, thi, to, to, thi. to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to,... Wait, come on, dude. Who else is being locked up? So here's a thing, underprivileged kids really like lockins. And so I used to lead lockins until they found out my job.

Starting point is 00:16:13 And they were like, hey man, are you on podcasts where you talk about boycom agreements? And I was like, I am. And they were like, cool. Never be near a child again. I was like, that's fair. You were asked 34 clearances have been revoked. Yeah, exactly. But I have not only been to several lockins, I've led lockins. You were the pastor Chris. I was the pastor Chris. I'm also a refrigerator shaped.

Starting point is 00:16:32 So it all comes to, I'm very much pastor Chris. I escaped to another job. My, uh, my, my, the only lock-in I ever attended was thethe Catholic Church in my neighborhood. My friend's mother was the receptionist at the church at the time, so a few days before the lock-in we stole her keys, had copies made so that we could break into the communion wine storeroom, which by the way, is Francia, Francia. Of course it is Francia. . .

Starting point is 00:17:02 Yeah, because I was asked was asked not to return. Yeah, because you've got blackout drunk. Oh, I got to pour up. And then I accidentally locked the keys in the storeroom with the wine. It's fine. That's a mission impossible shit. That's awesome. No, it isn't. That's very compared to it. I was like, I watched the goofy movie a bunch. I watched a goofy movie and tried them not to get to find out about the B.. the B. the B. the B. the B. the B. the B. I. the B. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the to to the the the the to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. the. the. thea. thorough. thorough. thorough. thorough. thorough. thorough. thorough. thorough. th find out about the BCA's that I've had to sign on different podcasts. That's a boy comic group. That's what we call a boy. BCA. B.C. A. You got to shorten it after a while. As a mandatory reporter, I do. That's right. You are. Yeah, I am. Yeah. So, okay. So yes, they're at Nick's house. thii. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. the they. B. B. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. B. B. B. B. B. th. the. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I. I. the. I. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. I. I. I. I. I. the, they're at Nick's house. We found out that Blake is doing the entire like exposition of the film in front of Nick's house. Because I'm not sure that the movie understood that you can maybe show us something without

Starting point is 00:17:53 someone telling us about it. Yeah. And don't forget that he's hitting on Nick's mom when he gets in the house. She's a good-she's-She's th. Yeah Well she's a good looking lady. Yeah she seems like she's a... She'd fuck him. Oh for sure! Yeah for sure Nick's mom fucks you on top of an expired coupon like it's on. You want to go to uh tea public dot com slash where will famulants and picks up the Nick's mom fucks t-shirt. I'm buying that shirt. I don't care if any of you listen to buy it. Oh they will. You'd the the the the the the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi's. th. th. th. thi's thi's. thi's thi's th. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.................................................................................................... th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. of you listen by it. I'm buying it. Oh they will. You'd be surprised the things they bought. We made up an imaginary ska band and they brought a t-shirt. There you go. General Ska Spiolk is out in the world. Blake also picks up like I think it's Nick's sister's wedding photo. Yes.

Starting point is 00:18:39 Yes. Nix's are so hot. Thank you. Question that came up for me if he jerks off to Nick's sister's wedding photo does it become a demon tel? Yes she becomes pornography. Yeah, I mean I know it when I see it in that wedding photo. Yeah. And she's technically somebody's daughter. Yeah. So I mean that hits all the check boxes right? Okay well then I would like to apologize to a lot of photos of Amanda Bines from the years of like 2007. th.... th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. the. th. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. N. N. N. N. the. N. N. N. N. N. N. N. N. N. th. N. th. th. N. N. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. then I would like to apologize to a lot of photos of Amanda Bines from the years of like 2007, 2010. That's on me, as a young man. I'm sorry I turned so many of your Instagrams into Demon Portals.

Starting point is 00:19:14 Instagrams. We didn't all grow up with the internet, okay? It's almost had to make do. I do have to get this comment in before the to to the to to to to the to to to to the to to to the to to to the the to the to. tha, and the th. th. th. tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, the the the the the the the the the the the the the tho, the tho, tho, tho, that, that, toooooooooooooooan, te.... tooooooooooooooooooooo... t. t. t. t. to make two. I do have to get this comment and before we get too far, well we see Justin in his leading up two moments before he turns the camera off. We see his haircut and that is my least favorite haircut. Oh. That's why I thought this was like early to mid-2000s. He and Jessica both looks straight off of my space. Oh for sure, he's got the, but it's like, at this point, that's just a like, I'm a good Christian kid haircut. Oh, okay. It's a little like you slept with your hair

Starting point is 00:19:51 in somebody's butt cheeks thing in the fun. Yeah. It's like not quite boy band to the haircut. Yeah. Somewhere between a boy band and a Pewey is where you ended up. But yeah, and just all their sartorial choices of like the old Navy button downs and all that jazz. Again, looks very 2005. So there's clearly two, I would like to say that this movie was made all in one take, but there's clearly reshutes because Jessica's hair and nose ring changes. And her plugs change. Yes. His shirt changes. Sometimes it's green, sometimes it's purple. And Blake shaves. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. She shaves. She shaves. Sh shaves. She shaves. She shaves. She's the shaves. She's their shaves. She's their shaves. She's their shaves. She's their shaves. She's their shoots. She's their shoots. She's sha shoots. She's their shoots shoots. She's their shoots. She's their shoots. She's their shoots shoots. She's their shoots. She's their shoots. She's their shoots. She's their shoots. She's their shoots. She. She's their shoots. She's their shoots. She's their shoots. She's their shoots. She's their shoots. She's their shoots. She's their shoots. She's their sha. She's their sha. She's their sha. She's their sha. She's their th. She's too. She's too. She's too. She's too. She's too. She's too. She's their their their their their their their th., his shirt changes. Sometimes it's green, sometimes it's purple. And Blake Shaves.

Starting point is 00:20:26 He is more her suit earlier in the film. Wow. Like, because when, okay, we'll get to it. I'm so sorry. I mean, there is an, the ultimate continuity thing happens at almost the end of this movie. Which is. When somebody walks into the shop and then backs back out of it. He backed out of it so slowly. Oh hell man, you guys making that movie still? Fuck man, I'm sorry about that.

Starting point is 00:20:49 Oh man, I'm sorry about that man. Are you gonna keep this in the, you're gonna keep it? You keep this explanation as well? Okay, good to know. It's called Demon Seaman like there. My favorite, oh, you want me to get it? All right, I'll leave, I'll leave. Just let me finish this game of Connect 4. I was playing it myself.

Starting point is 00:21:11 Just hear all the plastic pieces hit the ground because he accidentally gets the gate on the tabletop, Connect 4 he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's. the the the the the the the the the the the the the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the..... the.. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. th. th. th. th. th. th. t t t t t t together. t t t together, th th th th th th th th th th th th right? And they're like, no. Just CG-y-me-out, right? Just make me and then one of them semen demons. Because there is CGI in this film. Mm-hmm. Those are demons. There's an app you could download to your iPhone in 2017. Shit.

Starting point is 00:21:40 So in this scene, Nick's mom finds out that he has a crush on a girl named Jessica. Oh yeah. She flips her fucking shit. She's screaming, I don't want you to get her pregnant. Don't touch her, Nikki. It's crazy. First of all, can we talk about the fact that dad comes over and she screams his name so hard that the microphone clips, but dad comes over as though like he was an under five trying to get paid and the ability and the ability. the ability. the ability. the ability. the ability. the ability. the ability. And the ability.. the ability the ability the ability the ability to the ability to the ability to to to to to to to f ability to f-flii f-flii f-flii f-flii f-fli-fli-fli-fli-fix f-fix flii. She's flii thi thi thi thi thi thi-fix f f flii-fix f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f. to f. to f. to f. She s f. She s f. She. She. She. She. She. She's f. She's fcc-fli. She's f-flii. She's f-flii. She's f-flii. She's f-s. She's f-s. She's f-s. thiii-s. thiiiii-s. thiiii-s. thi-s. th over as though like he was an under five trying to get paid and the ability to eat crafty and goes, Luigi's, no weeny, if there's a hell, and I'm not saying there is, but if there's a hell, it's just dad shouting that an inch from my face for all eternity. I would definitely eat at a place called Lil Luigi's. though. Louiji's. No wee. So his mom's like, is that the front seat or the back scene?

Starting point is 00:22:27 It's like, who eats pizza in the car? You're a fucking psycho. Yes, she blows out the sound. And I honestly felt like I was going to have a panic attack. It was wild. This is where I have the note a really long time where they're sort of like secretly filming his parents giving him what appears to be a sex talk. Right but like a shameful prayer based one? Yeah did you pray about this? Yeah.

Starting point is 00:22:56 Dear God protect our son keep his barn door shut as mom says. Barn door shut! Then later the pastor references the barn door too? Yeah. Is that something you've experienced in your religious cinematic experience? Okay, but here's weird thing. Keep your barn door shut means that your zipper is unzipped accidentally. It doesn't mean like your dick's out.

Starting point is 00:23:24 It means like, yeah, you went to the bathroom and you forgot to zip your pants. They have now turned it sexual. Yeah, when your barn doors open, all of your horse semen runs out of your pants and gallops through people's fields. I'm just picturing them watching people with their zipper open being like, don't worry, his dick's not out. No need to tell him. Oh, he's got a gonzo nose whenever they're tell him. At this point, I accidentally closed the YouTube app, and when I reopened it, it started 30 seconds back, and I was furious that I had to re-watch the 30 seconds, because listening to these teenage boys talk in the car is like having dental work done. But in their defense, it did feel like Blair Witch when you wanted those, we were like rooting for the people in Blair Witch to die at that point in the movie.

Starting point is 00:24:10 Yeah, fair enough. I also felt like maybe they shouldn't have filmed that teenager actually driving his car around, because it felt unsafe. Yeah, Blake drives the way I do. Eyes off the road. And this is where we're introduced to Justin, Justin Justin Justin Justin Justin Justin Justin Justin Justin Justin Justin to Justin to Justin to Justin Justin to Justin to Justin to Justin to just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just to just just just just to just to just to just to just to just to just to just to we're introduced to Justin being essentially bullied by these kids, endlessly, mostly for being raised by his grandparents. Which is so weird. As a person who lived with their grandparents for quite a bit of time, I'll tell you who made fun of me for it. Literally no one in my life.

Starting point is 00:24:40 Yeah. Never! You had adults that loved you and cared for you? You idiot! They, you thought. But they also make a big deal of him dumpster diving. Yeah. Which I also thought wasn't that weird, but... Okay. Kept me in furniture and I grew up in a college town.

Starting point is 00:24:58 You could score entire unused, like, uh, crates of ramen from dumpsters. But get the textbooks and sell them online. Yeah. That would be like my summer summer income there. That's my keystone ice money. Growing up in Delaware. Grown up punk in Pittsburgh. Maybe that's what it is is like getting punk at a young age as you just think

Starting point is 00:25:17 it's okay to dig in the trash. I'm just picturing you guys out in a dumpster behind whatever tartartar'm shopping for school supply and set. Let's go get some Zemas. I remember being on tour in Chicago and somebody went for a walk and came back with a garbage bag filled with day old Dunkin Donuts and we all lost our minds. Oh yeah. We have shut Eli down. No, that's, I'm glad you got a big trash bag full of donuts. That seems like a really nice memory for you! In defense of dumpster diving, it's actually really cool, okay? Yeah, no, it sounds cool.

Starting point is 00:25:59 No, yeah, that's where you get porn, apparently. Well, I should be going. It's been a good podcast. We're basically Jack Carrowack, all right? Not exactly. But it's also where you find pornography when you're cleaning out your trashy car that has a windshield wiper in the backseat. I assumed this was going to be woods porn because you're always telling me about woods porn, which I still don't believe to be real. It's real. How is this possible? There must be something in like the Y chromosome that like acts as a divining rod to Woods

Starting point is 00:26:30 Porn. Look, I'm ready to blow up the truth on Woods Porn, forgive the pun, because here's the thing. Back in the old days, and you kids don't understand this, you k't know what it was like, okay? But you would get a porn magazine, right? You would buy it from an adult, you would ask an adult to buy it, you would find it in the woods, and you would jerk off to it as many times as you could. But you have never, you young people have never had to jerk off to the same thing 17 times. Eventually you can't do it anymore. And that's th. You, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th,. You can't do it anymore and that's when you go into the woods and you just leave it there for another young person to carry forward.

Starting point is 00:27:09 Oh. You pay it forward. Yes. Exactly. Okay, well I'll accept that. Yeah. Because later in the movie, Jessica is talking about all of her dad's magazines and how it tore the family apart. And I kept thinking like how many fucking magazines would you have to have for it to tear your family apart? Like, who has the space? Yeah, and my dad had hundreds that did not tear our family apart. I have bad news for you. Your dad still has hundreds. No, we moved them.

Starting point is 00:27:34 No, we moved them. There weren't any in the house. We moved but I, but the, but the, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, and th. And, and the, and the, and them, but, but them, but them, but them, but them, but them, but them, but them, but them, but them, but them, but them, but them, but them, but the, but the, but the the the the the the the the the the th. And, but I th. And, but I th. And, but I th. And, but I th. th. th. th. th. th. And, and th. And, and th. And, and th. And, and th. And, and th. And, and th. Nice. Score. Yeah. I mean I'm going to Hill. Please, you're a bunch of demon, yeah. So they get to the lock-in. It's also, can we comment on how edgy Jessica is? I feel like she's way too edgy for this lock-in. Oh yeah. I'm gonna be mean about Jessica for a minute. Yeah. So they're like, oh, she's so cute.

Starting point is 00:28:05 And then when they rolled up, I assumed Genesis was Jessica because she's clearly the cute one. Jessica is not the cute one. Oh, but she's edgy. She's edgy. Yeah, all right. You know this girl's? Just like, um, soaking? No, this makes me so happy that I get to share this insanity with you. So Pastor Chris actually says it, or he says a version of it. He says, guys, you have a red box, girls, you have a blue box, don't make a purple box.

Starting point is 00:28:37 What? I did hear him say that, but I didn't understand how the box was word. So they used to tell you, you have a red, invisible red box around your penis, and you have a invisible red box about your, but JJ don't make a purple box which they would call purpling for short. Wow. Yep. Purpleing.

Starting point is 00:29:01 So it's like an area of effect, basically. Exactly, yeah. So that's why they do sidehugs. It's an aura, yeah, exactly. Because when Pastor Chris said that thing about only give side hugs, I got, do you remember that YouTube video, give me that Christian side hug that was... Yes! It has been in my head for three days now.

Starting point is 00:29:20 I'll link to it in the show notes if I remember, which I won't. I'm, this whole movie I just kept thinking, what if we talk to kids about pornography? Like, hey, it's like a fantasy, it's not a roadmap? I mean, use it to do what you need to do, but realize that this is not what the real world is like? Mm-hmm. No, I don't really like this. I think we should just have them them them them them them them them them the the th th th th th th th th th th th th thus have just have just have just have just have just have just have just have just have just have just have just have their their their their their is not what the real world is like. Now I don't really like this. I think we should just have them abstain entirely. Okay. Oh! We have not to work much.

Starting point is 00:29:51 Until it comes out in bullets. Much better. Yeah, okay. I always like the Mark Merrin joke that when he has kids, he's just going to explain it that they're clowns, right? Because clowns, the clowns, th clowns, th clowns, th clowns, th clowns, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thi, thi, thin, thin, thi, thi, thi, they they they they they they they they they they they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're just, they're just, we they're just, we they're just they're just they're just they're just th, we th, we thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thi, thin, thi, thi, thi, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thoooo, thin, thooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo, thi hurt you and me, but it's really just for fun. Don't overthink it. I really use that on my kid. Also, is there a petition I could sign that Mark Marin does not have children? He does not have children. Don't worry. He is achieved that for us. But there, I mean, in this the scene where they're driving to the lock-in and getting there, they're talking about about about about how the they about they they th th th th th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, tho tho tho tho, tho, that that, that, that, that, that, thi, thi, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, th. th. th. th. thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, their, I their, I their, I their, I their, I th.. their, I th....... th. th. the th. th. th. I, I, I, I, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's thin, I's thin, I'm thin, thin, thin, th th th thin, thin, thin, the thin, the thin, the thea. thea. thea. the. the. I's, in the scene where they're driving to the lock-in and getting there, they're talking about how we're like, oh, you're going to marry Jessica.

Starting point is 00:30:27 And I was like, do Christian teen boys actually fantasize about getting married? Yeah, because you can't say you're going to bone down on Jessica. Yeah. Because they're like, oh, tonight's the night you kiss her, which was not my teenage experience at all. Also, highly controversial among Christians, a lot of Christians who watch this movie wouldn't have approved of kissing before marriage. Oh, for sure. Really? Yep. Wow. Yeah. Well, what if you're kissing? What if you take it for a test drive and you don't like it? But if you're married, you're stuck with it. Right? I have some chewed gum propaganda to send you that'll really, really wreck your weak.

Starting point is 00:31:11 No. Oh, man, I just want to go back to being a quasi-Saton-loving weirdo that I've always been. The other side seems so weird. Yeah, exactly. Welcome to my world of cinema. Don't you wish you could go back to demon babies now? But there is a demon baby in this movie. I can't always talk about it.

Starting point is 00:31:35 There is a demonistry. My notes are wild. They're just like, I just keep thinking I have to get to the other side of this. Yep. Yeah, this movie's a lot like childbirth. You just, it's the only way out is through. Out is through, that's right. Oh, and it ripped my tint. Yeah. And I needed six stitches when it was over.

Starting point is 00:31:54 Couldn't poop for three days. to have it surgically removed for me. There's just so much. Like they find the porn in the dumpster, not because Justin digs in dumpsters, but because they were throwing garbage away. Then why did they set up him being a dumpster diver? Great question. Yeah, all right, all right. Yeah, he's supposed to be weird because he's homeschooled, which I have a challenge to his grandparents loving him.

Starting point is 00:32:26 We'll get to it later in the movie, but I have a challenge to that theory. All right. Jessica finds the pornography. And then it gets to Chris that they found pornography. Yes. And he has the, what if it was my daughter? Oh my god. God. Conversation, which is literally you're a bad person if you have to like have that relationship

Starting point is 00:32:47 to somebody to care about them. Yeah. Would you come over and watch my wife take a shower? It's like, is someone paying your wife to watch her take a shower? That's the worst version of that sentence I've ever heard. Let me just say, any other time someone says that sent you to you down right neighborly. Like I wouldn't come over like I mean I'd just lurk outside it's not like visiting. It's like if I lived nearby and could see. Peep and Blake. Oh man his wife is such a church lady. I assume that's his wife with the turtle neck and too thin body and curled hair. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Oh, possible. Why else would she be in this movie? thi. th. th. that. that. that. th. that. th. th. that. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. else would she be in this movie?

Starting point is 00:33:27 You all know that pornography is a gateway drug, right? Yeah. Into Satan? Satan's defense, apparently. All right. They do literally ask him. He's like, this is a gateway drug, and they're like, to what? And he's like, but, we should have had a script.

Starting point is 00:33:44 I don't know. I'm pastor, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, the youth, the youth, the youth, the youth, the youth, the youth, to what? And he's like, but we should have had a script. Fuck, I don't know. I'm pastor, I'm youth, youth pastor Chris. I don't know, do we just start over because I lost the thread here? Start the movie over, I'm gonna go eat another copier. He just, every time he gets to talk, he just goes and goes and goes, like when he's giving that prayer before they like officially start. Yeah the la the l.. the the the they they they they they they the they they they they the they're they're their. they're they're they're to to to their. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to start. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to their. their. their. their. their. their their their the. I the. I the. I the. I'm their their their the. I thea. I thea. I'm thea. I'm thea. I'm the. I to to th start the lock. But it seems like he's never made up a prayer before. It's very good. Yeah. He's like, God, um, yeah, my name. Let's play Blazardag. Hey, their, champ, how are you?

Starting point is 00:34:19 Stupid. Hi, I hope today. Hey, hey, hey, God, my me and my wife noticed you're across the bar. No, damn it. You watch my, you are already watching my wife take a shower, so. Hot. What? There are children here.

Starting point is 00:34:34 That just reminded me of a preacher named T.D. Jake's that had something where it's like, God's always watching you. And it're bent over in the kitchen, cleaning the floor, God's watching you. And I'm just like, God, take a break, buddy. It's gonna be some really boring stuff for a while, God. You're gonna see some sweatpants with holes that you didn't know could come into sweatpants. Just hope out your business, Lord. You're not even a pant anymore. No I'm not throwing thin this thi thi thi thi thi thu thu thu thu thu thu the thu thu thu thu that that the that that that that that, their that their that their that that that, that, thin' thin' thin' th. thin' th. thin' th. thin' to be than than' to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be than. toooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooanananan't. tooan. God. Yes, I am going to wear this to the store, God.

Starting point is 00:35:06 Now I'm just picturing God, like walking up to the angels and being like, hey guys, Eli, he's been singing that same Tick-Tock rap for like 45 days now. Any chance we could hit him with a truck, please? He just, it's pretty much all his money. Can we do something about that? No, no. So what do they do with the pornography? They pretend they're going to throw it away and then hide it in Nick's backpack. Which Jessica then opens looking for cookies, I think? And just reaches it and pulls it out.

Starting point is 00:35:38 Yeah. And screams, uh, looking at porn, you're a pig, you're disgusting. Which is my favorite line in the movie. Yeah. And then Pastor Chris is like, we got to burn this, guys, we got to burn it. We got to burn this. Why would they not redo this scene where he can't get the- such a great question.

Starting point is 00:35:58 This journey to, it's like watching, what's his name, bring the dead guy back in the abyss It is fucking is like okay. What if I stick the letter all the way in and just click it a bunch of time? No, that doesn't work. What if I just lay down and die next to it? Yeah. Because that's what I want to do. I really wanted him to dip it into the demon portal full of fire. Oh, heythere you. Okay, it works. See. Could what do you think impure thoughts to this magazine real quick? So they said it on fire out next to the dumpster on a very windy day? And then we go back in and they are secretly filming Jessica having a phone call. And this is the first time I was like, oh, we'll be able to see what the filmmakers thought was like important to do retakes on because now Jessica has bangs and two nose rings. Uh-huh.

Starting point is 00:36:49 So this was filmed later. She's having this conversation and I thought she was, Lou is leaving a message? She's like, hi, Rachel, it's me, Jessica. And I just like wanted to tell you about this thing that's that's that's thin thin ththe ththe thi thi thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, th. So, th. So, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi. thi. And, thi. And, thi. And, thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi, thi, thi, thithing that was happening and like, wait, what? It's like you were talking to someone. Why didn't they just have someone on the other end of the phone talking to her? It's so uncomfortable. I wouldn't know how they snuck a lav mic onto her for her to have perfect audio through a door.

Starting point is 00:37:18 Which is wild because for most of this movie, I couldn't understand a fucking word anyone saying. Jessica took the laugh Mike with her when she left. She walked upset. I gotta go to the piercing begot. I'll be back. I honestly believe that Jessica just left this movie because at one point she's just gone. She had a shifted hot topic guys at the mall. Is there a Christian version of hot topic?

Starting point is 00:37:41 Oh, great question. That could be our moneymaker. Yeah, that's. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. to to too. too. to too. too. too. too. to to to to to to to to to to too. She's. She's. She's. She's. She. She. She. She. She. She. She. She. She. She. She. She. She. She. She. She. She. She. She. She. She. She. She. She. She. She. She. She. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I to. She. She. She. She. She. She. She's. She's. She's th. She's th. She's too. She's too. too. toa. toa. toa. toa. to. to. to. to. She's to. She's. She's. She, great question. They should be. That could be our moneymaker. Yeah, copyright copyright. Yes. I once tried to start a Christian band called Avenging Angel after my band The Hips broke up and we only came up with one song but it was called Jesus and Sarah and it was about Christ having his hand on Sarah Palin's shoulder. I love it.

Starting point is 00:38:00 I'm in. I love it. I'm th. . I'm in. We didn't get anywhere with it. It's such a bummer. Jesus and Sarah. I love, I'm already in. Yeah. It's to the tune of, what, my little pony? I like this. Something like that. Yeah. These kids were definitely our target demographic though. Yeah. Mm-hmm. So Satan brings the magazine back. It's rolled up in Nick's sleeping bag. Yeah. And then we see all the security cam footage because we're told. Oh Oh. Oh. Oh. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. th. the. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. the. the. the. bag. Yeah. And then we see all the security cam footage because we're told, oh Pastor Chris has told them that there's security cameras throughout the church, which is like 300,000 square feet. How is it hurt so enormous? Thank you. The real horror of this movie is how big this

Starting point is 00:38:39 mega church is. Yeah. Right. Just like I want to know what city this church was in and what its homeless population is, because I have a solution. It's in Colorado Springs, which I know because that was the name on the dump, or the city on the dumpster, when they were burning up, burning the porn. Even the parking lot for it is bigger than my entire neighborhood. Yeah, yeah, yeah. When they keep going back to dip and the baptisms happen. And it's just a, it's, it's a labyrinth to get back there. It's so huge and it has fucking colored lights and like a fucking sauna. It's so much. And carpeted steps coming out of your feet being soaking wet? That seems like a bad idea. And also when all the lights are turned off, they're still on in the stairwell. And I have to believe that that that that that the film the film the film the film. the film. the film. the film. the film. the film. the film. the film. the film. the film. the the the the the the their their their their their to to to to to to to to their to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be their. their. their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their th.a.a. their their the, they're still on in the stairwell. And I have to believe that the filmmaker's like, we don't want these kids dripping. You don't want these kids to fall down.

Starting point is 00:39:27 Also, the, uh, the A.V. computer and the big auditorium is still on. Oh, is it? Yeah. No, the demon does leave the projector on the projector nothing in the entire movie. Keep, how dare you? I mean, he does open an automatic door, which we see on the security cam foot. He throws a trash cam. Sort of, yeah. And he does a thing that led me to making a note that says, fuck you rocking chair. Yeah. Okay, someone saw a paranormal activity and was like, but what if God? Okay, but that means th is th is th is th is th is th is th isthat means that this mega church has a nursery. Why does this mega church have a nursery?

Starting point is 00:40:06 I don't know. Why does it have Moose Mountain? That's true. We do also see Moose Mountain. I'm just going to say a lot of time thinking about. I'm supposed to be teaching my son to talk and I was like, what the fuck is Moose Mountain? Before I saw the Moose Mountain. I was like, before I saw the moose mose mose mose mose mse mse mse mse mse the mse mse the mose mose mose mose mose mose mose mose mose mose mose mose mose ms. Before I th. Before I th. Before I saw before I saw before I saw before I saw thus. Before I saw thus. Before I saw thus mous mous mous mouseus mous mous mous mous mous mous mous mous mous mous mous mous mous mous mous mous mous mous mous mous mous mous mous mous mous mous mous mous mous mous mous. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I the. I the. I th. I the. I the. I the. I the. I the. I the. I the. I the. I the was like, why is the upper floor a coal mine? What is going on? Moose Mountain. Moose Mountain. It doesn't make any more sense than it being a coal mine. Oh my god. This, I mean, the quality of the film is like something you would make for history class where someone's pretending to be Abe Lincoln and you have like a pasted on beard and your teachers in it like ad living which the woman at the door is doing. Absolutely.

Starting point is 00:40:51 Do they, I couldn't tell because my hearing is very bad. But did they say that Justin left his insulin in the car? Or they left, he left something in the car? Something like that. I mean, I have to admit that I could also not, he the he the to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the to the to to to the th, the th, to to to th, to to to to to to to th, to the, the, the, the, thease, thease, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, th, like, the their th, like, the the the th...... the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the, the, the, the, theat, theat, they.. that, that, that, that, that, that, theat, theat, theat, like, theat, like, like, like, they... the car. Medication in the car? Something like that. I mean, I have to admit that I could also not hear this. It was also just like hoping paint was wet near me that I could watch dry. The problem with trying to hear anything in this movie is that this movie constantly traps you into turning up the volume, and then it's like, ah, and you're like, oh god, my my my my my my my my my my my my my my my my my my my my my my my my my my my my my my my my my my my my my my my my my my my my my my my my my my my, my eardroths. Nick!

Starting point is 00:41:25 When Jessica screams later in the movie, I literally wet myself. It was so loud. It frightened me. And I was like, oh, that's why Jessica got the roll. Yeah. She's got some lungs. Yeah. I hope she had like some weird Christian emo band that she sang for.

Starting point is 00:41:41 Yeah. Wacom agreement. I told you. She was the bassist. We're at the Y this Thursday. You can come see it. I left a flyer on your desk. See, I would think it would be like my biblical romance. Oh, phenomenal.

Starting point is 00:42:01 Oh, I'm good at naming things with really shitty names. General's Hospital? Yeah, General's Hospital, a wherewulf ambulance. Yeah, I still don't get that one. 300-something episodes in! Other people let me name a podcast marveling at Marbles Marbles. And they do it now without you, which is very fine. Okay, so they're running around trying to get rid of the, they want to take

Starting point is 00:42:26 the porn outside to throw it in the dumpster again, I guess. Yeah, sneaky, sneaky style. The woman won't let them out to get Justin's whatever. She's like, no, you know that you cannot go outside once you have been inside. This is a lock-in? Are you aware that this film is called, the, the, the, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th. th. So, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi's, thi's thi's thiiiiii's, thiii's thiii's thi's thi. So, th this film is called The Lockin? I want to throw this out there. As someone with some...can experience, you're not like a prisoner in a lock-in. That's not how it's supposed to work. It just means you get the building to yourself.

Starting point is 00:42:54 No church jail. Yeah, exactly. Little carbon monoxide leak. I'm sorry. Sorry about your head. Oh, the whole city goes blue. That can be the murder way or the democratic way, however you want to think about it. Oh, sorry, we don't talk about politics on this podcast anymore. Oh, okay. I get it. No, I get it. Me neither. I get it.

Starting point is 00:43:16 The trash can like rejects the porn. They're in the cage. It's like a cage beneath the church like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, the the the the the the the the cage, it's like a, the cage beneath the church like it's fucking Cthulu. That's what you think happened? Is that not what happened? No, the demon throws the trash can. Oh, I thought that religious trash can was saying, no, I will not accept this porn. That would be the best if the counter theoryylatize. Minister Oscar would not let that be put in his trash care. Spits it the fuck out.

Starting point is 00:43:50 Oh my God. So they find Jessica, okay, they go upstairs and everyone's gone. Yeah. And it's, well, they left because you people are fucking terrible. They find Jessica in a closet and she tells them, she looks at her, she pulls out her phone, looks at it, says that an hour has gone by, but it's only been a few minutes to our protagonist. She puts her cell phone away. We never see her cell phone again.

Starting point is 00:44:18 Did you get the glint coming off of her cell phone when she pulled it out? It was the most spiderwebbed cell phone I've ever seen. And you know why? Because Jessica drinks. After her shifts at Hot Topic, she sits there with a bottle of beach snobs, tries to forget all the porno magazines that Dad tore her family apart with. There is no way that girl's not down for porn. Right?

Starting point is 00:44:43 What do you mean? Like that she would be grossed out by it. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Okay. There is just an ensuing, I don't know, four to five hours of this film where they're running around this goddamn fucking Olympic Stadium-price church. Yeah, we've reached the point of the movie where describing the rest of the movie is,

Starting point is 00:45:05 and then they run from room to room yelling. Well, they're screaming, but nothing is happening. The only things that I saw that would be scary were, I guess the garbage can not spitting out the porn. And the child's face. So like, what else are they screaming about? Somebody, some cabinets are locked? Somebody explained the child to me. Eli you've seen this twice. Go. Now here's the terrifying thing I've seen it

Starting point is 00:45:37 three times. I watched it twice when I reviewed it and I watched it a third time today on double speed on YouTube. This is a clean 45 minutes for me. Let me tell you. So the child, first of all, the child is literally an iPhone filter. Like this is an Instagram filter from the original, this is like the original Snapchat filter back before we all stopped using it. But at one point as they're running throughout this building, they see like a nine-year-old sitting there and they're like, hey man, how's it going? How's it going? How's it going? And he turns and it's the scare effect from like YouTube videos someone used to post to your math space? Yeah, so like can you, can you see the difference between these two pictures Yeah. It's a hundred percent then. I have a question. This is just a question about

Starting point is 00:46:27 demons in general. Oh sure, yeah. Okay so demons possess the porn. When we see the video of the man being interviewed by the pastor, he appears to have also been possessed by porn. How much penetration did that kid have to watch in order to become possessed? Oh, what kind of porn was that kid watching? Wow. Great question. Or is Alan, the phrase Alan has taught me, full penny, which I think about every day. Full penny.

Starting point is 00:46:54 Yeah. With Ben Shapiro's driveway. I have a challenge to your listeners to use that next time they're trying to have sex, right? I just, I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't th. I don't th. I don't th. I don't thi I don't the thoen, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, their, their, the the phrase, the phrase, the phrase, the phrase, the phrase, the phrase, the phrase, the phrase, the phrase, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, th. th. the, the, the. thean, thean, thease, thease, theasease, theasease, theaseasease, the, the, the, the, the, the,'re trying to have sex, right? You're like, I just, I don't know, we've been dating for like six or seven months now and I really feel like full penny. I'm just in a mood for full penny, did I? It's just a descriptor of pornography y'all. It's not an act. It's not something you invite somebody else to. Wait, whoa, whoa, you're describing pornography as full penny? Well, yeah, you know, if you get you you you you you you you you you you you you you the the the the th you get, if if you get, if you get, if you get, if you get, if you get, if you get the the the the the th you get the th you know, if you get a pen house, there's going to be full penny. I feel, I have many issues. I'm sorry.

Starting point is 00:47:31 I feel like we're watching different genres of porn. Oh, I'm sorry, Alan's talking about paper porn. I'm talking about paper porn. I'm alky told. The internet is still... You didn't want to get those. I'm terrifying. Were you finding tablets of woodpour, woodsporn that were hooked up to Wi-Fi? I would just, I would just find an iPad in the woods as a you've filled with porn. You'd read it till the battery died and then you just walk off into the distance.

Starting point is 00:47:58 It was a simpler time. There, the woods porn in my neighborhood was the wood, thops, thops, thops, the woods, thops, thops, th, th, th, th, th, th, tho, tho, tho, the tho, tho, the the tho, the tho, the the tho, the woods, tho, the, the, th, th, th, th, th, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, I tho, I tho, I were, I were, I were, I were, I were tho, I were tho, I tho, I tho, tho, tho, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, the woods that like train hoppers slept on. And I'm convinced that's why I have yet to get COVID. It's better than a vaccine. It's a waxing. I'm sorry.ling for the first time, which I love. I love it so much. It sounds like a lion. Is that what Jessica thinks Genesis is? Oh, Genesis war is like a lion. I think she's around here. Yeah. No, there's a very clearly like a MGM lion roar and Jessica's like, classic Genesis. She hasn't had her afternoon snack. That's her tummy on Rumb Lion Roar and Jessica's like classic Genesis. She just had her afternoon snack. That's her tummy on Rumbloom.

Starting point is 00:48:48 Let's go check it out. I'd like to linger on the name Genesis for just one moment. Oh yeah, no, I have thoughts. Oh no, please tell me your thoughts. My thoughts, my hopes and prayers are that she was named after the band, not the book in the Bible. Oh, I love that. Big Folk Allens fans. This is her brother, Lamley, sound on Broadway. This is our other son's sticks. I threw a whole face, sorry. He's a renegade.

Starting point is 00:49:15 How dare you? How dare you, sir? This is I, Eli is when I arrived here this evening, Alan's was walking his cat outside on a leash and the cat was eating sticks and he made a renegade Joe. This was an hour ago. Oh, it's all set up. Oh, I see. Oh, yes. You think this is spontaneous.

Starting point is 00:49:34 This is all pre-written material. I click over in the dock and just everything I'm saying is somehow scripted out. How? I'm sorry, if you find a nine-year-old with a demon face, you beat the shit out of that nine-year-old. Oh my god, you kick him right in this fucking- Could I just say, this movie absolutely could have saved itself if these teenager isn't just attacked in this nine-year-old? Fuck! Whack! Get the fuck would you like consent? Totally fine with it

Starting point is 00:50:08 he's like yeah okay. If my therapist was like we're filming today I'd be like you go fuck yourself. Yeah. Especially on the jacket conversation. There were no mentioned of giving himself rub burn while his wife's away for the weekend. He keeps saying how it's intensifying. What does that mean? And I mean, just to put this out there, porn addiction is a real thing. Oh, sure. There's...

Starting point is 00:50:38 No? I'm a guest. I'm a guest. I don't want to be rude. Well, I think it tends to go hand in hand with other addictions, which... Sure, but anything that's going to release dopamine into your system, it can be addicted. You can be addicted to anything.

Starting point is 00:50:54 Sure. It is not a legally protected term. I knew a woman who was addicted to tanning beds. Sure. Yeah, it was bad. That woman was that woman. It was that woman. It was that woman. It was that woman. It was that woman. It was that woman. It was that woman. It was that woman. It was that woman. It was that woman. It was that woman. It was that woman. It was that woman. It was that woman. It was that woman. It was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that. It was that. It was that. It was that. It was that was that. It was that. It was that. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thea. thea. thea. thea. thea. thea. thea. that that that thi. It was thrible. Yeah, that sounds bad. Yeah, it was bad. That woman was me. Thank you for trying to save me. Okay, I'm so glad to hear that because we're on Skype right now. Alan, I thought you've been in blackface this whole time. I've been very uncomfortable. It's just a tanning thing. Okay, good to know. After Eli said that, I turned into dust and was blown th and was blown th and th and th and th and th and th and th and th and th and th and th and th and th and thus thus thus thus thus thus thus they try to break the windows, but like, just taping you. Or with the chairs. I'm like screaming, break the window pussy!

Starting point is 00:51:32 He's, there was very clearly a pastor standing there being like, okay now Blake, remember we're letting you use the church for free. So he was like, all right, we gotta get out of here. Tink. The best part is he really winds up to and then he pulls it back at the last second, which is the very obvious way. He just want to break K-FAB while he's doing this. There's also points where they're like trying to open a door. And they, someone will accidentally hit the push bar and you'll hear it engage in ag ag ag like, oh no! At one point, when they go to the kitchen for snacks, and Satan has decided no snacks,

Starting point is 00:52:08 and nothing can open, Blake puts his hand on a drawer and then grabs the handle and start going, hig, huh! I was like, Blake, you fucking idiot, get your pushing arm off that so the pole one can work. Oh, so, so many times throughout this movie they will walk th. And th. And th. And th, and th, and th, and th, and th, and th and th and th and the th and th and the, and that and that and that and the the that and the the that and Satan, and Satan, and Satan, and Satan, and Satan, and Satan, and Satan, and Satan, their their their their their their their their their their their their their, and Satan, and Satan, and Satan, and Satan, and Satan, and Satan you fucking idiot, get your pushing arm off that so the pole one can work. Oh, so many times throughout this movie, they will walk towards a very obviously unlocked door and do their best not to open it and fail. I cannot count the number of shots where they accidentally start to open doors and they're like, oh, no, never mind. It's locked. It's locked. Also, why is this church? this church? this church, this church, this church, this church, this church, this church, this church, this church, this church, this church, this church, this church, this church, this church, this church, this church, this church, this church, this church, this church, this church, this church, this church, this church, this church, this church, thusus. thus. thus. thus. thus. thus. thus, the church, the church, the church, the church, it's the the the their, it's their, it's th. their, it's their, it's th. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the thi. thi. thi. thi. toooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. to. to. to. to, to, soundproof to the extent that that man couldn't hear them on the

Starting point is 00:52:45 street? Well, the devil did that. The devil. I'm so fucking stupid. The devil messed up their cell phone networks, locked the doors, the fridges, and made the church soundproof. It was a weird day for him. I felt like the devil was using, was bating clean up with his powers? He was like, hey, so you know what? We gotta use all these by the end of the month.

Starting point is 00:53:05 We need soundproofing cell phones and projector, and we can move to trash cans. What do you guys want to do? You want to go to fuck with some kids in a lock-in? Well, we haven't a point with Mitch McConnell. Well, we won't need the trash cans for him. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. to to th. th. th. And to to to thrack, to th. And, th. And, thirty, to to the to to the to to to to to to their, to their, and, and, and, and, and we'll, and we'll, and we'll, and we'll, and we'll, and we'll, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, th. And, th. And, thrash, to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to too, to thrash, the kids and then we'll go talk to Mitch McConnell. So I have a theory. Okay. That Satan put them in a pocket dimension where the reason they couldn't open any doors is because they couldn't actually touch them. Um, I beg to differ because they touched the doors, but all right. But they couldn't, they just couldn't make them work. I the the the the th. I th. I the th. I th. th. the th. th. th. th. th. the th. th. th. thi thi thi thi thi thi thi. thi thi thi thi thate. thateath. Sath. Sathea thathea thateatheatheatheatheatheathea thathea thathea thathea thathea thathea thathea thathea that. Sat. S s s s s s sat. S s s sa. S, th. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S so so so th. S. S so th. S so thi. S so thi. Sa. Sa. Sa. Sa. Sa. Sa. Sa. Sa. Sa. Sa. Sa. ta. Sa. Sa. ta. Sa. ta. ta. ta. ta. ta. I guess. You put so much more thought into this movie than the people who made this movie. It's often my problem.

Starting point is 00:53:49 That we see in horror movies is that you have to explain away some of this. Like, you have to see them pull out their phones and that scrambled or something. You have to see that they aren't able to touch the doors but this film does none of that. Right, right. What? How? Okay. Well they they filled a baptismal though. That's true he did turn a knob to turn the water on. I am. No, that was the devil. The devil turned the water on. I mean, no, I understand. I do. Yeah. Yeah. I am a hundred percent sure there was like a conversation of, could we just put red food coloring into the baptism to make it look like blood? Absolutely not, Blake. Blake, Blake, we've already given this to you for two hours to film your movie and you're pushing it. I saw how hard you tapped that window, Blake.

Starting point is 00:54:34 We were all very disappointed. He used the plastic end of the chair, not the chair, not a chair, the thin, I I I you Blake. Sorry that I just said I hate a child but I do. That man's not a child. He has a collarbone tattoo of presumably a Bible verse. Yeah. Okay. Can we talk about the scene where they all gathered to talk about their experiences with born destroying their family? This is when I realize this wasn't satirical. Yeah. When we meet his parents at the beginning I thought this is satire. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the ta. ta. ta. ta. ta. ta. ta. ta. ta. ta. ta. ta. ta. ta. ta. ta. ta. t wasn't satirical. Because when we meet his parents at the beginning, I thought, this is satire. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then when they have this like heartfelt scene, I was like, oh shit, they're serious. Yeah. So I want to go over these stories. Jessica already teased us with this.

Starting point is 00:55:19 Porn magazines destroyed her family. Apparently he got eaten by one. Blake's dad laughed. Left him a box of porn? And he says, smoke up Johnny, no way up the he says you got to beat off. That's what men's got to do or something. And then Justin tells the story again my pocket theory that Justin's grandparents not so great. Justin was looking at porn on his laptop and his grandfather ells the story, again, my pocket theory that Justin's grandparents, not so great. Justin was looking at porn on his laptop and his grandfather ran it over with a truck.

Starting point is 00:55:50 You know you can use those for other things, pop pop, how's he gonna do his homework? Can I say this is a benefit to having parents? Parents know you can do other things with a laptop. Grandparents, not so much. I'm th th th. I th. I then then then then thooooooooo th. I th. I th. I th th. I tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho thi thi tho tho' thoomoomo tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho th. th. th. th. th. Just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just thatatto. thatto. thattooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. too. than. a laptop. Grandparents? Not so much. I'm so sad that we never got to meet me mom people. I know. I wanted to meet them so bad. They're in the sequel. God, I want to see a sequel to this movie. Lock out. Lock out. Lock inner. Here we see. Oh, this is one of the other things that the demon does. He like rattles the shutters. Yeah. And everybody runs away to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the the the the the the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. the. the. I th. I th. I to me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me. I the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I'll to to to to to to to to th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I the. I the. I the other things that the demon does. He like rattles the shutters. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:56:25 And everybody runs away except for Jessica. They will leave Jessica! Yeah. Laser and scream. Can we blame them? I'm not gonna leave, y'all. I'm just gonna, I'm done. So I'm gonna hang up.

Starting point is 00:56:36 By. But then when we come back, when's a different actor playing Jessica when she has bangs. Ooh, they like tested the Taylor Swift, no what's her name? The one they killed and then replaced her with a clone. Ever Levine. Aver Levine. They tested the Averlevine program on Jessica. Were you not aware of this? Alan just reacted like he was not aware of you don't know that they killed Avrilovina and replaced her with a clone? Is that why she left that man from Sun 41? How, why else? Why else? He could jump up in the air and spin around! He's so, so tiny, you just want to put him in your pocket.

Starting point is 00:57:15 Read a Tumblr, God. I can't see porn on Tumblr. No, I know more boobies. Oh, fuck it. What? You didn't realize, you didn't know they got rid of the porn on Tumblr? It wasn't my primary porn source. Okay. You missed out. You missed out? Oh, this is when they start just doing like long extended sequences of just a black screen and you think like well this is better. Yep. There was multiple points in this movie I was like this is gonna be the last scene. This is a terrible way to end this movie then this way. Please end this movie right now? Sure. I was very conflicted. They don't end it for a very long time. Yeah for a long time. This is when there's like 30 th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi thi thi thi. thi thi th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. theeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. thi. time. Yeah, not for a long time.

Starting point is 00:58:05 This is when there's like 30 minutes left and you just cannot possibly understand how. So Jessica gets eaten, yeah, right? I guess, shaking. Yeah, no, because there's a whole like long scene where they drop the camera on the floor are kicking it while a demon is pulling Jessica through a door. Oh, right, right, right. And then the, okay, I have I I I I I I I I I, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, I, I, okay, I, I, I, okay, I, I, I, I, I, I, okay, I have, okay, okay, I have, okay, okay, I, I, I, I have, okay, I, I have, I have, I, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the. the, the, the. the, the. the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. then the, okay, I have a lot of questions about, can we talk about cup puppets? Yes. Okay. Why are they behaving in this way?

Starting point is 00:58:33 That's a great question and I have a lot of questions. Okay. All right. They are. Their friend Jessica has been dragged away by a demon, presumably killed. So they draw themselves as puppets and begin to reenact the evening to the camera? They're behaving like they're on mushrooms.

Starting point is 00:58:53 They're like laugh-crying. I think this is supposed to demonstrate to the audience in a show-don't-tell way that they learn throughout the movie making process, that they are slowly going insane. Oh. At the time that is elapsing. Lighthouse vibes. Lighthouse, yes.

Starting point is 00:59:13 Yes. Yeah. You like me lobster. Yeah. Honestly, if Blake had just thrown himself into a giant flame made of God at the end of the movie. I think that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. th. th. th. th. I. th. I's, thi. thi. I. I's, thi. I. I. I. I. I. I. I is. I. I is. I is. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh...... Oh. Oh... thi. thi. thi. thi. th. th. thi. thi. th. I'm. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. I'm. th. thi. I's. thi. th. the end of the movie, I would have loved a lot more. I think that's a perfect way to end this movie compared to what actually happened. Sure. But Blake is very insulted by the cup puppets, and so he walks away and he's not in the movie

Starting point is 00:59:33 anymore. One of them calls another one a stupid idiot and it's like, oh, there's no coming back from that. They like refuse to speak again. That's it. that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's the the the the the their. their. their. their. their. their. their. that's th. th. th. thi. their. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. Bl. Bl. Bl. Bl. Bl. Bl. Bl. Bl. Blake. Blake. Blake. Blake. Blake. Blake. Blake. Blake. Blake. Blake. Blake. Blake. Blake. Blake. Blake. Blake. Blake. Blake. Blake. Blake. Blake. Blake. Blake. Blake. Blake. Blake. Blake. Blake. Blake. Blake. Blake. Blake. Blake. Blake. Blake. Blake. Blake. Blake. Blake. to. to. to. Blake. to. Blake. Blake. to. Blake. to. Blake. Blake. to. Blake. to. Blake. th. th. Blake. Blake. th. Blake. Blake. Blake. Blake. Blake. Blake. Blake. th. to speak again. That's it. That's the last we see of them. We are to assume that Blake is like, I would rather be devoured by a demon than share a room with one who would call me a stupid idiot. And indeed he goes off and does that. You all know that he left his family with a cup puppet, right? His family apart. He left driving away in a Pontiac LaSaber with a cup puppet strapped into the passenger scene. Oh my god. So there's just two of them now and there's a dark scene with heavy breathing and I was like kiss, please fucking kiss. I want to see these kiss, two kids kiss so badly. The light should have it come back on and Justin's just jerking off of the portal back that he couldn't see.

Starting point is 01:00:20 Into the cup of Blake's head. Why'd you choose Blake and not Jessica? Whatever, it's fine. It's fine. Boys, is it gay to jerk off into your friend's cup, your friend's cup puppet? I said, Blake on agreement. You have to stop. You can't, you don't get to start the jerking off into another child's head conversation and then cut me off. This is, this is my own show all over and again.

Starting point is 01:00:49 This is my show. Oppression. I control who talks about children's come. No. So what? I hate everything. It sounds just like Kamala Harris. That's why I don't eat dinner with her anymore. What? We don't get political. It's not political. That's about our friendship. Not anymore. She just ran away. No one calls her stupid idiot. That's true. Oh God, then they do the Heather from Blair Witch monologue. Yeah. That was so maligned at the time and mimicked and was in scary movie or whichever scary movie at the MTV Movie Awards, here's her. It is fucking Oscar worthy compared to what Nick is doing. Yep, yeah you never really sat there and appreciated just how talented the Blair Witch Girl was in comparison to Nick.

Starting point is 01:01:38 He's like mom, dad, so what I looked at porn? Don't forget about me. Your mom forgot about you two hours ago. Gosh, imagine having to explain that at the memorial. Oh my, I'm so sorry to hear about Nick. How did he, can I ask how he done? He got murdered by porn demons. Oh, you hate to see it. Kids these days.

Starting point is 01:02:00 I thought it was myth. Now, he'd done nutted himself out of existence. I genuinely couldn't look at his face. Something's wrong with that kid's face. I'm sorry. He's a kid. To be very, he's not a kid anymore. He's not a kid.

Starting point is 01:02:20 That's a full grown man now. Yeah, and his baby is probably bad. Yeah, but you can't go back to my girl and make foot of Macaulkin as a little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little he. He. He. He. He heau. He heau. He heau. He heau. He heau. He he. He heau. He heau. He he he th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's thi. He's thi th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I heatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheed. I I I th. I th. I th. I. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. He th. He's th. He's thi. He's thi thi thi thooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. and his baby's probably that. But you can't go back to my girl and make foot of McCauley Culkin as a little baby. No, he was adorable. Everyone in this movie voted for Trump. We can say whatever we want about them. Every one of them. There.

Starting point is 01:02:37 At some point I wrote, oh my God, Justin's tears are like lemonade on a hot fucking day for me. So satisfying. What did I mean by that? I don't know. Yes. So we end up with Justin running around this church yelling about how God said, no, no, you've got to go go to the deepen. Water, water, like, like, Jaffy Duck seeing an oasis. Yeah, he, the, we, these kids have been in this house for like 14 seconds, but he is now like cartoon desert levels of parched.

Starting point is 01:03:11 So he runs up to the baptismal font, which the demon turned on to have a drink. Yeah, he does. And to get the drink, he throws his whole body in the water. Slaling about. And they thought, God's a real dick for not helping out this kid. Kitchen touched himself. Yeah. Well, but when he does invoke the name of Jesus, yeah.

Starting point is 01:03:35 It ends. It's over. Yeah. He saves him. And like, can I just say, I would absolutely invoke Jesus first thing. I'm not going to lie to you guys. I am a strict atheist. I'm on a show called The Scaving Atheist. If a book falls off my shelf, I start commanding stuff in Jesus' name,

Starting point is 01:03:51 Justin Casalberries. There's, I would be so happy if demons are real, because I know the fucking cure. I'd be like, in Jesus, I'm doing a full back bend you guys can't tell but it's very impressive so that's interesting that you say that because I am a constant blasphemeanor I I love Satan and I um so I'm watching this movie and halfway through it I go to get a drink out of my refrigerator and a fuse is blown on the refrigerator and I have to spend 45 minutes trying to fix it yeah yeah we're running the insta the inst the inst the inst the insta the insta the insta the insta the insta the insta the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. th. th. th. th. the. It. the. It's the. I'm the. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I'm the the. It's the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the. the. the. th blown on the refrigerator and I have to spend 45 minutes trying to fix it Yeah, yeah, I'm running the instapot and the refrigerator at the same time again

Starting point is 01:04:30 No, it turns out there was just a breaker behind the stove that had popped and I had to go in there and hit it. Yeah Yeah, did you pray to Jesus? Yeah, I said Jesus in his internal I got you dog. I mean, it's it's the labyrin. the labyrin. It's the labyrin. It's the labyrin. It's the labyrin. It's the labyrin. It's the labyrin. It's the labyrin't. It's the labyrin't. It's the the the th. It's th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thinthing came back down. I got you, dog. Yeah, I mean, it's the labyrinthending. He's like, you have no power over me. And the demon's like, fuck. Just Satan twisting twisting balls in his hand. It would be, it would suck to be a demon if a teenager can just invoke a 2,000- Like you're a fallen angel from the battle with God. You got speared through the heart by Michelangelo and felled through eternity into hell.

Starting point is 01:05:11 You come up to collect more skulls for the internal damnation and the battle for Earth's soul itself. And some kids like, jubus and you're all of a sudden you get sucked back into your cubicle? See, that's the Satan I love. I love like like that that that the the the the the the the th th thi thi th thi th th thi thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thus thus. thus. tho tho- thoan. thoan. thoan. thoan. thoan. thoan. thoan. thoan. thoan. thoan. th. thu. thu. thu-s. thu-s. thu-s. thu-s. thu-s. thu-s. thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu the the the the the the the the an theared theared theared theared theared theared thearedeared theared thearedeared theared theared theared theared the the Satan I love. I love like that Irish folklore Satan where they're like, yeah, I knew it was a devil, so I put salt on his tail and he couldn't follow me anymore. Yeah, my shoes from right to left and he was gone. I put a penny in my nostrilous and sneezed at him. And the devil's like, oh, Magdora, and runs away. Oh, God, someone, someone, someone, someone, someone, someone, someone, someone, someone, someone, someone, someone, someone, someone, someone, someone, someone, someone, someone, someone, someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone, someone someone someone, someone, someone, someone, someone, someone, someone, someone, someone, someone, someone, someone. Oh, someone. Oh, someone, someone, someone, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, so? Oh, so? Oh, so? Oh, so? Oh, so. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the end of this movie to me or just tell me about it. I don't think I can talk about it.

Starting point is 01:05:46 This masturbator throws out a little of pornography. Yep, he bags it up and throws it away. First he comes out, he comes out of somewhere in this message. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. And is in the sanctuary. He's at the beginning of the movie again. Yeah, Pastor Chris is giving his terrible speech about side hugs. Yeah. And he's apparently soaking wet. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:06:08 And his friends are like, fuck you! Why did, what? Okay. Yeah. So it turns out the movie never happened. But he has a video. I mean, he's holding the camera. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:06:20 What? Yeah, think about that, won't you? I don't want to. I don't want to think about this. Released from the pocket dimensions. See? See? See? See how this is all coming together? No, I honestly don't. No, listen to my stupid theory about this dumbass movie.

Starting point is 01:06:37 this. I think this is Dr. Strange and that just happened. Ooh I didn't I didn't see it either. I also I saw it yeah oh did it is it this is this what happened it is actually the lockin it's we're they're not talking about it because nobody wants to spoil it but they start Dr. Strange and then better to come back comes out he explains that it was really tough with COVID and then he like puts his hands on his ne and pants for a little while and then and they they they they they they they they they th th th th th th th th th th the th th th th the th th th th th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. the. th. th. the th. the the the the th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. I thi. I thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. I thi. I thi. I th for a little while and then they just show the lock-in and everyone goes. He doesn't go, y'all I was a, this is how Benedict Cumberbatch talks, y'all I was a chronic masturbator and so we just remade the lock-in with a 250 million dollar budget. I'd like to share

Starting point is 01:07:19 the words of Jesus Christ with you. My friend Martin Friedman cheated on his wife a whole bunch. That man's God, you leave him alone. Look, read a tumbler, my guy. I can't, there's no boobs. I can't see it. Someone please, Photoshop some boobs under a tumbler about Martin Friedman's affairs. Wait, Martin Freeman or Morgan Freeman? Morgan Freeman fucked his granddaughter, which is weird. Fuck!

Starting point is 01:07:57 Hey, how was having Eli on the podcast? Well, the last like 38 minutes he just listed all the fucked up shit about celebrities he knew so not great. I'm not sure if he disassociated or what? I think he's been used him past his time. Sure, he's their own killed her dead. I have a bunch if you guys want to go through them. What? That one I didn't know. True story. Killed her dad! Wow! Her dad sucked and was whacking her and she shot him. Shit! And then the mom was like, ah, it was me.

Starting point is 01:08:31 But then later on she was like, it was actually me. Oh, that's not a terrible thing. Yeah, it's good for her. I'm proud of her. Talking about terrible things. and... Katie, do you want to move on to the ratings face? I guess. Oh, God. Do you want to go first?

Starting point is 01:08:51 Would you like Eli to go first? I pointed out a computer that I can't see anyone on. Yeah. I think since you've brought it up, you can go first. Okay. I'm going to go with a classic. This movie gets first. Oh, okay. Okay. Hmm. I'm gonna go with a classic. This movie gets a hand turkey. Okay.

Starting point is 01:09:08 And the palm of the turkey is Harry. Oh, I like it a lot. I like it a lot. Katie. I was going to give this a non-numeric rating, but since I should have gone first, because you just did it. I'm going to give it the 16 years of my life that I lost to Catholicism. Better than the Catholic Church. Eli. I'm going to give this four out of five dirty porn magazines.

Starting point is 01:09:42 Now are they just covered in dirt because they were in a dumpster? Yeah, okay. Well four out of five of them are the five fifth one, pristine and the name of that magazine? Boy, come annual. Full circle. Doesn't anyone just be the sirens? I think I hear sirens. I'm genuinely worried about my job. Why would you invite me on the podcast? You know my podcast? I listened to all the Atlas shrugged episodes. And there was not this much talk about boy come.

Starting point is 01:10:14 There probably was, but my co-hosts were sensible enough to edit it out. I'm sorry I've created so much work for you. Oh, no, it's staying. The boy Come stays. That's the name of Robert Evans. Yes, the Robert Evans sequel. The Boy Com stays. The Boycom stays in the picture.

Starting point is 01:10:35 Yeah. Eli, thank you so much for being a guest on the podcast. Yeah, can you tell people all of the places they can hear you? Yeah, so if you want to hear us make fun of terrible Christian movies with a medium amount of boy come references. You can listen to God-awful movies wherever you get your podcast. We also have a news show called The Scathing A-T-Athiast, a show where we make fun of Wikipedia articles called The Cetation Needed, a minus. You check that all out. Wow. That's awesome.

Starting point is 01:11:07 That's a lot of stuff. That sounds amazing. Too many podcasts. I love it. Thank you so much for being here. Thank you so much for having me. Yeah. Well that was fun.

Starting point is 01:11:19 that was fun. Do you want to do another movie next week? I do. What do we do? Let's do an in Peacock Now film. And in theatres? And in theaters. What is it? It's called fire starta. How many times will I say that? I don't know. Listeners send in your bets on how many times Katie will say fire stata. I won't look at them. That's a great idea. I won't know. And then I'll do it it it it th. the the their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their ti ti times times times times times ti. ti. their their ti. ta. ta. ta. ta. ta. ta. ta. ta. ta. ta. ta. ta. ta. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. times Katie will say fire start. That's a great idea. I won't look at them so I won't know. And then I'll do it every time I feel the urge. Yeah. And then whoever wins gets to pick a movie. Oh. Price is right, rules, closes without going over. Okay. All right. Send those to where wolf ambulance at email. I love that. And I will compile a list of everyone who sent in guesses. It won't be hard for me to not look at the email because I'm not going to look at the email. So we're going to do Fire Starter. Thanks so much for Eli being a guest on the podcast.

Starting point is 01:12:13 Oh, that was so fun. Return to guest episodes. We got some other people we got a line up for guest episodes. It's true. The world is healing. The world is healing. the world. the world is sets again. We just got really, really lazy for a while. Sure, we just got really into ourselves. Remember the time we did Titanic without actually watching the movie Titanic? We each watched part of it. It was grand.

Starting point is 01:12:34 Well, the first, no, we did two full-upus. The first one we did what we thought Titanic was about, and then the second one thii. And th. And the th. And thi thi. And thi. And thi. And thi. And thi. And thi. And thi. And the thi. And the second one thi. And the second the second one thi. And the second the second the second th. the second th. thi. And the second thi, we did the second the second the second the second the second the second the second the second the second the second the second the second the second the second the second the second th. And the second th. And the second the second thi. And thi. And thi. And thi. And thi. And thi. And thi. And thi. And thi. And thi. And thi. And thi. And thi. And thi. And thi. And thi. thi. We ti. We ti. We ti. We just. We just. We ti. We just. We're ti. We just one quarter? Yes. That's so fucking funny. That's, I'm just gonna repost those. We are something level geniuses. Something. I mean it might be the, it might be the ground. Zero is a percentage. Zero is a percentage. Yep, yep, yep, yep. Yep. And on that note, find us on the internet. Thanks for being a patron to everyone who's a patron. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. to. to. th. Yeah. Yeah. to. Yeah. Yeah. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It's.............................. the.. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. th. the. the. th. the. the. the. th. th. the. note, find us on the internet. Thanks for being a patron to everyone who's a patron. Yeah, patron.com, back-shrone. Patreon.com, Yeah, Pateaubroix.com, I don't know.

Starting point is 01:13:11 Go bucks. Oh, God, they're losing currently to the worst team in baseball. Thanks for listening to another episode of Wherewell Fabulance. Bye, bye. Empty. Clear. Oh, maniacs are not dead rules, civeties tie inside the pool. No way to do it, but let's keep a fulfill reviews. Get the clouds and lewd reviews.

Starting point is 01:14:01 Kill the clouds and let the face. Killing in atmosphere. Up here inside is your case. Please make a good idea to continue on your case. Give the clouds and let the face, Can't live in his face, A peer in task as you case, Please make I continue to break. EFT. Marlowe and comedy reviews hungry, Pry and burn wings and Stephen King. EADD EFT. We live deliciously at the trees, obese, recently gone today.

Starting point is 01:14:27 A paranormal act in tisks, promise to Roger Citi. END, EFT. END

Werewolf Ambulance: A Horror Movie Comedy Podcast - Episode 380- The Lock In (2017) feat. Eli Bosnick

There aren't comments yet for this episode. Click on any sentence in the transcript to leave a comment.