Werewolf Ambulance: A Horror Movie Comedy Podcast - Episode 464- The Peanut Butter Solution (1985)

Episode Date: February 12, 2024

In this week's episode, we're back in the studio discussing a fine Canadian children's fantasy film, "The Peanut Butter Solution." Special topics for your consideration include: what passed for kids' entertainment in the 1980s, Celine Dion's greatest accomplishment of film, bad ideas in parenting, many many brother, and what Dario Argento dreams of.  Yinz like Canadians? Please enjoy Episode 88- "Shivers," Episode 103- "The Fly," Episode 177- "The Brood," Episode 203- "Grave Encounters," Episode 35- - "My Bloody Valentine," Episode 417- "Skinamarink," Episode 442- "Videodrome," or Episode 456- "Rabid." The regular lineup of links! You can support us at patreon.com/werewolfambulance and listen to all of our action movie episodes. It's sword & sandal month and we're discussing "Conan the Destroyer!" leave us a message at 412-407-7025 hang out with some cool listeners at https://discord.gg/DutFjx3cBD  buy merch at www.teepublic.com/user/werewolfambulance the best place to reach us is at [e-mail] we're on Reddit at r/werewolfambulance sorta on Twitter @werebulance sorta on Instagram @werewolfambulance www.werewolfambulance.com if you feel you really must lodge a complaint with us, please do it on Facebook at facebook.com/werewolfambulance because we are probably not gonna see that, ever.   If you liked this, please leave us a review on Apple Podcasts or wherever you listen! It helps others find us and allows us to continue to grow. Intro song is by Alex Van Luvie Outro song is A. Wallis- "EMT" Seriously, we have the best listeners, hands down.

Alan. Katie. Happy birthday again. 40 forever baby. So I would like to read from a prepared statement. Oh, please. And this is in response to several messages that I received this week and last. And I would like to state unequivocally that in regards to the peanut butter solution, I am not sorry at all and no one can make me be. You are not responsible for that film. No, and also it's great. It's good. It's fine. Stop complaining.

Also, you people have made me watch a lot of shit. And I just want to say that I can bite back. I just want you to know. Katie. Alan. Before we get into this episode, yeah. I would like to play a three-minute long voicemail at the beginning of this episode that will be followed up by a minute and a half voicemail at the end of the episode. And I think everyone will be rewarded for this happening. Hi. Hi. Hi, Alan and Katie. I am Deanney. She, her pronouns, and I am calling for three reasons. I'll try to make this quick and I will fail. Reason one, you guys are awesome.

I'm really bad at giving compliments. They always feel super fake to me. So I've over-engineered a compliment for you, which is, thank you guys so much for your friendship into a force for snarky inclusion. I am here for it every god-dam day. All right, reason two, I have a story about the first time that I watched when evil lurks. It's a little bit spoilery, but no more than I think Alan already gave away on the podcast, so in the weird instance that Katie is the first one to listen to this, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, thin, thi, thin, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thin, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, tho, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, the the an the an thean, thean, is thean, thean, thean, thean, thean, the instance that Katie is the first one to listen to this, I think we're still safe. All right, so in when evil lurks,

demons are the big bats and when it is revealed that when they are near pets and other animals start to act weird and that at a certain point in the movie dog is introduced to the plot. And you know from the very first fucking moment that that dog is on screen sniffing, discarded demon stain clothing, that something bad is going to happen. But the movie is very good. It doesn't pop off right away. It's building the tension. While it is building tension, I hear my cat in the corner and I look over and he is sitting facing

away from me, staring into the blank corner, just talking to himself, which is only weird because he's usually a very quiet cat. I look back to the screen. On screen, the dog is being hugged by a tiny child. Surely this can't go wrong. I'm now extra anxious. I hear a weird noise. Back off screen. My cat is no longer in the corner. He is scaling my floor length curtains. I think, what the fuck, you're ruining my curtains. He gets to the top. Now, this is the first time that I've actually thought demons might be real because I am an atheist and do not believe in such things. But my cat gets to the top of the curtains and his head flops bonelessly all the way back so that he is staring me dead in my eyes. And as on screen a horrific dog malling starts to happen, he starts howling.

And I mean Mar-ar-ro-de-demand-noise howling. And I, like a sane person, scream, What the actual fuck are you doing? And he drops off the curtain and launches himself across the living room at me, flinging himself over my shoulder and down the hallway, ping-ponging off the walls along So stick around to see what happens in the conclusion of that voicemail. I can't wait to find out. Back to the peanut butter solution. All right.

Also, my legs are so itchy. Oh God. These pubes have gotten out of control. I mean, it's a children's movie. The only thing, I swear to Christ this movie was about getting pubic hair. That's all I remembered about this movie. I mean, it's the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the to the the the to to the the the the to the the to the the th. Back to to to to th. Back to to the. Back thi. Back thi. Back thi. Back thathea butter thathea butter thatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheat. Back. Back. Back. Back. Back. Back. Back. Back. Back. Back. Back. Back. Back th. Back th. Back th. Back th. Back th. Back th. Back th. Back th. Back th. Back th. It's th. It's th. Back th. Back thi. It's thi. the that. thi. the the the the the thin the th. thea thea to thin the thin pa thinnea thinnea thinnea thin swear to Christ this movie was about getting pubic hair. That's all I remembered about this movie. I mean, it's really the most graphic image that's not meant to be. Okay, so I had this movie taped on VHS and it was one of very few that I had. So I watched this movie probably like two dozen times in my childhood. I knew this movie inside and out and now watching it as an adult. I'm like, what, it, it, it, it, it, I, the the the the the the th, I, I, I, the th, th, I, th, the th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I this movie it, I this movie it, I this movie it, I this movie it, I this movie it, I this movie it, I this movie it, I this movie th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi probably like two dozen times in my childhood. I knew this movie inside and out and now watching it as an adult, I'm like, what in the actual

fuck was happening? So what did my sweet baby friend Lucy think of this movie when you showed it to her? I would never, ever. She'd have to be 20 before she can watch this movie. It is the most, I think this might be the most horrific film we've ever covered. And we did hereditary. I don't understand how the US did not declare war on Canada after this movie came out.

I mean, something is very, very wrong. This is what you do to Children, Canada? And the messages, my God, the messages that it's giving, I don't, I don't get it. So as our resident expert on the pita butter solution, yeah. I have a query for you. Okay. Do you think there's any way in, pardon my language, fucking hell, this movie was written ahead of time? Oh no, Act 3 is absolutely a last minute add-on. It has to be. It takes such a hard turn from an already very bizarre premise. The one actor I have seen in other things that's in this movie.

The dad? The dad who's in Battlestar Galactica. Yeah. I swear to Christ, he just showed up on the set high out of his mind. I was like, I don't know, I guess I'm a painter? And they were like, yeah, Sean, you're a painter. That's fine. Or yeah, his clothes were just all stained. And they were like, oh, ah, fuck.

Okay, well, I guess you're a painter. And he was like, I don't know, I'm so blackout drunk right now. Why did you hire me? I feel like this had to be a low point for him, you know. I don't, or this was like, I'm in a movie. Mom, Dad, that's right. I'm 45 years old, but I'm in a movie. In a real feature-length film. And if you want to, so full disclosure, we're recording remotely as you can tell, because I still have fucking COVID.

Because I'd taken you love it, you love having COVID. I wish I didn't take this as some sort of personal failing on my part, but I totally am. You're fine. But, I'm not really symptomatic anymore except for like a little bit of brain fog, and watching this movie I was like, I don't know if I'm actually watching the movie or not. Like, I feel like I'm going insane right now. th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi this this this this this this this this this is this this this this this thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi to to thi to thi to to thi toeei. I toeiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii. I thi th'm actually watching a movie or not. Like, am I making this up? I feel like I'm going insane right now.

So this movie was part of a film series called Tales for All in Canada. Yeah. And I'd like to play a little game with you. Oh, I would love that. Which of these is not one of the tales for all films? Okay. The Dog Who Stopped the War? My Dad, the Long-Hall Trucker. Bocke and Broccoli, or Tommy Tricker, and the Stamp Traveler.

The one about my dad being a long-haul trucker? It is, it is, but they also have such a today, they also have such a tveler. The one about my dad being a long-haul trucker. It is, it is. But they also have such titles as The Case of the Witch, who wasn't? Oh, which, which is which. Oh, boy. There's a lot of these. And they are all, they all sound insane. Like, I know that thisthis is this is filmed in Quebec. Yeah and Quebec

Qua cinema is a weird animal I think. And like the whole time just going, fuck I need to go to Quebec. I've never been to Quebec. It's so close and it's like the most European city in North America. Sure. Montreal is I really want to go see it. I want to drink their fine Belgian ales that Unibro makes. Who does? Yeah? Montreal? Montreal? Montreal? Montreal? Montreal? Montreal? Montreal? Montreal? Montreal? th? th? th? th? th? I I I I th? I th? I th? I th? I th? I th? I th? I th? I th? I th? I th. I thii. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is thi. I is is is is is a thi. I is is is is is is is is, I is, I is, I is, I is, I is, I is, I is, I is, I th. I th. I th. Yeah. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. th it. I want to drink their fine Belgian ales that Unibro. Who does? Unibro? Ooh. Yeah.

Like that, the Fin DuMont and Ma Diet and all that stuff. The stuff you have to buy, buy a single bottle. Yeah. That's not icy light, I don't want it. No, it would be lovely to visit Montreal though. Why don't you have thi their their their their thiiiii thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I tho, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th. I th. I th. I th. I tho, tho, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, th. Oh, I th. Oh, I th. Oh, I th. Oh, I th. Oh, I th. Oh, I th. Oh, I th. Oh, I tho, I tho, I tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, thin, tho. Oh, thoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. Oh, tho. Oh, Montreal though. Yeah, why don't you have us up there for one of your comedy festivals? I don't know that they'd have us. I don't think that we're right for the, I don't think we're right for the Montreal crowd. I mean I have a Godspeed you black emperor tattoo. I feel like I'm just, I'm all in on Quebec.

You go, I'll say. But this movie is bat shit. It sure is. This movie opens on a theme song that when I heard it started giving me some real childhood stress. Oh, okay. And then the title card of the movie goes into a blender? Where a child wearing an adult's pajamas is trying to blend fruit and force her brother to eat it? And eggs, raw eggs into the blender. Eat it.

Like not drink it. She's trying to pour it onto a plate and I, like, immediately I'm repulsed. She's also basically the mom in this movie. Like the dad treats her like the mom. Because the dad is like almost criminally neglectful of his children. It is insane that this man is a parent. Poster child for like arrested development. Yes. Oh my god, it's the worst.

I mean the worst criminal in this movie is Michael's mother for believing that her husband could handle this, like her leaving the country. I guarantee you there was no father in Australia. No, she just had to get the... he was working on that tenn his th th th th th th th then his then his then his he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he, he was he, he was he, he was he, he was the. He was he, he was he. He was he. He was he. He was he. He. He was he. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He was th. He. He. He was th. He was th. He was th. He was th. He was th. He was th. He was th. He was th. He was th. He was th. He was th. He was th. He was th. He was th. He was th. He was th. He was th. He was th. He was th. He was th. He was th. He was th. He was th. He was th. He was th. He was th. He was th. He was th. He was thi th. He was. I guarantee you there was no father in Australia. Oh no, she just had to get the, he was working on that tennis painting and she was like, oh God, I can't even pretend, I can't even pretend to like it. I fucked this man at least twice. At least two times. On purpose.

Oh, we also don't find out until like act two that she didn't just leave the family that she's in Australia because her dad died. Like I thought she just left, like left him. I love that like 15 minutes in they're like, well, mom's not dead. You're like, what? Because everyone assumed that mom was dead up until this point. I assumed she was dead until this point. I assumed she was dead until that point, and then I assumed she had just like up and hot

to trot it off, you know? But no, she's in Australia. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. She drove. She doesn't come back when her son is kidnapped. Or, alternately, the dad doesn't tell her, both of which are equally insane.

Or, alternately, really seem to care that much. Dad does not give a dick shit that this kid has been kidnapped. Not a wit. And then he just lets his daughter ride around on her bike. There's like 24 kids fucking missing. This movie, the third act of this movie, anything you were expecting, it's not. It's the opposite of everything you could ever have imagined

that a movie for children about hair loss would be. Also, I don't think I've heard the term wino this much since I was like real into watching film noir from the 50s. I was surprised at the phrase rubby-dubby. What was rubby-dubby? Michael says it to the, I'm just finger quoting here, to the wino, he's like, how did you become a rubby-dubby? What?

What? I've heard rummy before? I don't know. Close caption told me he said rubby-dubby. I'm sure. I am overjoyed by that. When dad gets home at one point he goes jiggity jig. It's just like, what is happening right now?

That's, he's the light through this. We have to get through this. I love it. No, I actually do too. My first note is so Quebec. Yeah. Yeah, I mean half of the credits are in French. So we meet Michael and his sister Susie, whose mother has left two parts unknown at this point. And his wicked good wig. And their dad is a painter and he is, I would say, not good. No. No, that's true.

And the thing is that his paintings are all over the house. They are so bad. All of them. It's like such a joy to look at the background and be like, they have they have they have they have they have they have they have they have the they have their they have their their their their their their their their their their They are so bad. It's like such a joy to look at the background and be like, they have another one of these paint. Who painted all of these these for this movie? How could they not have more of these paintings? Who would buy them? Who? Six thousand dollars were told? It would have to be some like wild-ass outsider art for that to happen? You'd have to find out that like dad was like a real Henry Darger type. And he is not. So we also meet Connie who is Michael's best friend and is annoying, which the father has no problem letting him know even though he's a smallish child.

Dude, little boys are a lot. Little children are a lot. Little children are a lot. They're all a lot. But little boys are like a special, a special brand of a lot. Yeah. As a former one, we're a lot. You can attest. Yeah, yeah.

So they're talking about the fire at the old spooky house down by the school that the whino has been sleeping in. We're told it burned to the ground when we arrive it's fairly well intact but what are you gonna do? You know? And Michael's just like I gotta get in there. I gotta get in there. I got to see what this is all about. Why though? Little boys man they got to get in there. I guess so. Gotta get in there. And he had just given the wino money. th. When when when when when when when when when when when when when when when when when when when when when when when when when when when when when when when when when when when when when when when when when when when when when when we, when we, when we, when we, when we, when we, when, when, when, when we, when we, when we, when we, when we, when, when we, when, when, when, when, when, when we, when we, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we're, we're, we, we're, we, we, we're, we're, we're, we, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, when, when, we boys man they got to get in there. I guess so got to get in there. And he had just given the whino money which we see in the scene like Michael's not going to be able to feed his family if he gives this money to the wino. It's like. Like he's the fucking good Samaritan. Yeah.

Chill your beans. Fuill him. We get this before they go into the house, we get this seed in art class where we meet the seigneur. I love the seigneur. He's such a creep. When later on he gets called into Miss Plume's office, who is the I'm assuming principal. She is dead-eyed, the most dead-eyed woman I've ever seen in my life. She's fantastic. She's like, uh, Aunt Plume, would you

mind being in my film? Well, I've never acted before. I'm sorry, what is this guy's? Michael Rocco? My nephew, I've never acted before. But you have written and directed a film, so I'd love to be in it. Oh, this movie has like five writing credits. A lot of people had their sticky fingers in this movie. So yes, we meet the Signor in art class and this is an incredibly intense elementary school art class. What the fuck? Can you imagine? Why is his dog in the art class every day?

That dog goes everywhere with him, it's his familiar. It's wild. Jean, I do love that the dog's name is Jim. I think that's a great name for that dog. What, what's Mr. Signor's accent? The actor is French Canadian. Okay. But I think he's trying to be Italian because of Signor? It's not... I thought he was trying to be Austrian.

Austrian? Is it... Oh, I don't know. It spelled... The way it was spelled just made me think it was Italian. Oh, for sure. Yeah, and he's sort of doing a like... Mnobah, I'm like, eh, you're French Canadian though. Maybe it's just the combination of the two got me to Austria. Maybe. I mean, I actually don't know anything about him. He could be from anywhere. I love the idea of slamming kids, like metaphorically and literally for using their imagination.

Fantastic. He hates imagination. That's why he's the bad guy in this movie, right? That's the worst thing he'll do, right? Is like hate imagination from this children's movie.... thaaaauuction. then, then, then, then, thiiii, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, maybe, thi, maybe, thi, thi, maybe, thi, thi, thi, thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. toooooi. toei. thii. thiii. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. hates imagination. That's the worst thing he'll do, right? Is like, hate imagination for in this children's movie? What about some light kidnapping? Will that be probably? What about setting up a child's slavery camp? Would that be okay? Just a, uh, a sweatshopish area where I dressed children up, like, they're in a cult. Where did he get those robes? Why did he make them wear the robes, Alan?

Who can say? Who can say? That's not a pig, that's a dog! Start again! He's so great. What are these squiggly lines around the dog? I'm a Austrian Italian. That's they're not that far apart. It's true. I told you a thousand times? I'm an Austrian Italian. They're not that far apart.

It's true. I told you a thousand times, no imagination. No imagination. No imagination. What a villain. At this point in the movie they're like going to go in a particular direction. Michael's imagination is going to get him in trouble, but then it's going to save him at the end and or something. Exactly. And or something. And or something. Here's where we see all the dad's terrible painting such as relaxing bird and well-dressed bird.

And then I thought, is this supposed to be funny? I mean, like, is this supposed to be a comedy beat? Katie? Yeah. Can I reveal something to you? Yeah. I would hang well-dressed bird in th th th th th th th th th them th them them th them th them th th th them th th them is this supposed to be a comedy beat? Katie, can I reveal something to you? Yeah. I would hang well-dressed bird in my house. One hundo, but I have shit-assed taste and I wouldn't pay six brand for it. Well-dressed bird was definitely the cream of the crop. I mean, there's, yes, absolutely. There's portraits in their living room that make them all look like like like like like like like like like like like like their their their th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, thi, like, like, like, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. theeeaa. thi. theaui. thea. thea. thea, thea, their living room that make them all look like they've had their gums pulled back away from their lips pulled up and away from their teeth.

Awful, awful. A rictus grin, if you will. Exactly that. Why is his art dealer named Bunny? The Rabbit? T they never explain why he's called the rabbit. I assume it's because he fucks. I can, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't. I can't. I can't know. The rabbit, that's what it is. They never explain why he's called the rabbit. Hmm. I know, I assume it's because he fucks. I can't wait to get to the reveal about him later in the movie.

Can I just say it now? There are four adult males in this movie, and it turns out all but one of them are brothers. Five, five, all but one of them are brothers. What the actual shit is this movie? I like, when we, when it gets to the scene where all the brothers meet, I was like, I remember being flabbergasted by this as a child, and now is it an adult, like it doesn't, it's not any clearer. Not since the great Empire Strikes Back reveal of who Luke Skywalker's father is. Has there been such a familial

the fuck happening in a movie? All of them had different accents. All of them were completely not from the same DNA set. Not even remotely. So Michael and Connie go to the spooky house and Michael climbs up and goes in. There's no caution tape, there's no fire department, there's nothing. They've let it be, it's over. Okay, it's done. Now it's just going to be like this. Kids are so dumb.

Kids are so dumb. Oh, I remember. We like, before the area I grew up and got built up, there was like a bunch of abandoned houses and shit that we used to go and climb around in. And I remember one that the second floor was rotting through, so you had to be really careful where you walked or you would fall through. Great. Cool shit, kids.

And this house that burned last night has like a wooden shoot going out the back of it? What was that? It's reconstruction stuff so that's why there was all the stuff you like you put one of those shoots up when you're like knocking on the walls in a room and you could just throw all the trash down the shoot and then pick it up on the ground. But why would they do that? It was just on fire. I assume it was a house that was a house that was a house that was a house that was a house that was just that was just that that that that th. I was just th. I was just th. I was just th. I was just th. I was just th. I was just on th. I was just th. I was just th. I was the the the the the their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their was just their was just their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their th. I was just just th. I was just thus. I was just thus. I was just the. I was the. I was just. I was just. I was just th. I was just the. I was just the. I was just the. I was justbing, like a slumlord had stopped fixing it up and then that's when our neighborhood whinos came in. The unhoused population of this area. They are wild. These two are wild. They're inexplicably wild.

So Connie gets mad at him and is like, no, no, don't go in even though he just told him to go in and said he was going to go in.......... And, the, the, the, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, thi thi thi. And, thi. And, thi's thi's thi's thi. And, thi's thi's thi's thi. And, thi. And, thi. And, th. And, thi. And, thi. And, thi. And, thi. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, thi. And, thi. And, thi. And, thi. And then, thi. And then, thi. And then, thi. And then, thi. And then, thi. And then, thi. And then, thi. And then, thi. And then, thi. And no, no, don't go in, even though he just told him to go in and said he was going to go in. Yeah. And then Michael screams. And falls back out the window. His hair is standing completely upright, which I liked quite a bit. And it cuts to Susie being like a tiny little accountant. She has like an adding machine, she has a full calculator, and like a desktop computer.

So this is the point in the movie where I called children's services on this family because she was doing the accounts for the family. She's paying the bills why the father is fucked off in the attic, huff and paint. And she says earlier in the movie that Michael is always going at her like nothing, something's always wrong, the dishes, the movie that Michael is always going at her like nothing, something's always wrong, the dishes, the money. I was like why are you both involved in the money? What is your, what, how long has your mom been gone? So she hears a knock of the door that interrupts, or no, the friend Connie comes to the window, it gets her attention? And she's like, oh, I'm in the middle of tax season, so leave me alone, buddy.

You know this is a good time for me. So she has to come to the front door and sees that Michael is in a grocery card. Passed out, unconscious. The dad is so deeply unconcerned by this. Like Susie hangs up the phone and she says, I phoned the hospital. Doctors don't make house calls. What? Why don't they make house calls? When was the last time you had one? So like maybe take the kid to the hospital or just like dad have so many DUIs he can't drive in there because we see him, we never see him leave that house practically. Not until the very, like it's the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, th, th, th, th, th, doctors, doctors, doctors, doctors, doctors, doctors, doctors, doctors, doctors, doctors, doctors, doctors, doctors, thi, doctors, doctors, doctors, doctors, doctors, doctors, doctors, doctors, doctors, doctors, doctors, doctors, doctors, doctors, doctors, doctors, doctors, doctors, doctors, doctors, doctors, doctors, doctors, doctors, doctors, doctors, doctors, doctors, doctors, doctors, doctors, doctors, doctors, doctors, doctors, doctors, doctors, the, the, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the their the their th. th. th. th. th. th. th. Doctors, like, like, like, the the the the th. the thi. thi. their, th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. Doctors, thi. Doctors, doctors, doctors, doctors, doctors, him, we never see him leave that house practically. Not until the very, like into the third act when he's driving around in the Ford Fairlane

Mobile. What is his problem? I do have to tell you something that we get the scenes where the cat keeps wrapping itself around Michael's head while he's unconscious. The cat, Pablo as the scenes where the cat keeps wrapping itself around Michael's head while he's unconscious. The cat Pablo as the French Canadians say. But at one point, Mom Susie comes in and says, Mom Daughter Susie, Mom Daughter Sissy. So very upsetting. It comes in and says, Ah, Naughty Pablo, I make a solemn promise to you that I will one day have a cat named Naughty Pablo. Oh, do you promise? I do. How good of a name for a cat is Naughty Pablo.

Fantastic. I mean you're typecasting it a bit but I think it's great. Oh, Naughty Pablo. Noddy Pablo. And it also has a bit of a Pee-Pablo vibe to it for me, you know. There you go. The cat's gonna have a good rap career. Yeah, he's gonna raise up. I go here, oh, God. Okay, I think Connie is meant to be the comic relief, the thinne's favorite fruit, if you had to guess.

Grapes, why is there such a, why is... Okay, I think Connie is meant to be the comic relief, even though he's tha the tha tha tha tho. tho tho thi thi thi thi thi thi thi to be to be to be to be the to be to be to be the to be to be to be to be the to be the comic relief, even though he's also the action hero. It's hard to be both as a child of nine. You were around in 1985. I was, yeah. As an 11-year-old, I don't remember the great grapes that would make Dad such a piss face about this kid eating grapes in his house. I mean, it's just costing him so much money to have his wife in Australia. But if she's selling your dad's house, isn't she just like staying there? Like what? I don't know.

I'm hoping one of the other films in this series is Mom's Story. I hope so. Although like, how fucking pissed would you be when you've got out of that taxi? Okay, wait, we have to get there. Anyway, Michael wakes up the next morning, he's full-on bald. They shave this kid's fucking skull. Perhaps he needed medical attention after all. But dad blames the cat and says that damn cat and runs out of the room. It's amazing. And then there's this incredibly awful scene of poor Michael just sobbing.

Like so much of this horror of this movie is Michael's like humiliation, right? Yeah. Like, and he is just sobbing, this little boy is just sobbing and it's so fucking hard to watch. But then they come in and everyone cheers them up and dad's like, oh look at you, you little fudge face and the sister, mom, daughter is like, hey, I'll make you some food or something. And then Connie is like, hey, look at my dead pet aunt. And everybody's like, ah, ha, ha, what? I'm a sociopath.

You put an ant in a matchbox and it's dead, huh? Wow. That's a good one. Yeah, I was pulled the wings off flies earlier, and then this happened. The dad says, if he doesn't have hair tomorrow, we'll go to the doctor's, the doctor that same day. They're all wearing the same clothes. What's the doctor's diagnosis, Katie? Hedom-scat-um.

What is his accent? Where is he from? Austria. Okay. Scarum, scare him. His name is Dr. Einstein, Epstein. Shit. There's no way this movie was written ahead of time. I feel like the, because the dad is the only one to call him that, and I feel like he just drunkenly burbled it out. He's like, we'll take him to see Dr. Einstein, Epstein.

I'm so drunk right now. Oh my God. So the doctor goes in and explains how the hair got off his head. And he tells the child that he has to scare him as he's holding onto the desk. And it takes a few tries, but Michael gets there and he shakes the doctor. The doctor's, whoa. And thethe doctor let's go of the desk Just like Michael's hair did. Yeah This is actually I really liked the scene because he calls Michael a bimbo to get him pissed off enough to scream and Michael screams fake her and his face and the doctor goes I really felt that

Which I thought was really fucking funny. Uh, uh, Michael Rocco, should I call him a hussy or a strumpet or go with Bimbo. I really felt that. So then he, yes, when he explains that his fingers, he wiggles his fingers, he wiggles his fingers and there's like a clackety, clacety noise. Clackety! The only time there's a sound effect of this movie! Except for when he makes his fingers go away from each other as if the hair was falling off his head and there's like a blub-ring, magical noise? I love this movie.

I don't care what anyone says. So we get back to the house and dad sees the opportunity to make a buck on some paintings here. So he starts like doing bald paintings, which I think is really exploitative of this thing his child is going through. Oh, dude, I was 100% sure that I had traveled through time and space and something else was happening while this. I was like, this can't be this man's reaction to his son going bald. This man is awful.

Awful. So Michael dreams about what he saw in the house, but we don't get, he doesn't get all the way there. He doesn't get to where he needs to be to, to, to see what he needs to see, I guess. I remember those nightmare scenes like really scaring me when I was a little kid. How they hold up as a, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, th. th. to, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, to, to, to, th. th. th. th me when I was a little kid. How they hold up as a 40 year old one? Uh, I, uh, nostalgic. Sure. Scoot, scoot.

They're doing, I mean, for a kids, for a kids movie that's supposed to be a little bit scary, these are fine, you know? Oh, sure, 100%. I mean, all of this should be under the rubric of this is a children's film, 100%. Until Act 3 when everything goes to fall. Oh, fuck! Dude, that's what kids' films were in the 80s! I don't, I cannot, this is insane.

What up? I mean, I can't think of another movie that I saw that went this insane. Yeah, the only ones are like full-blown horror moviesies thiiiiiiiiiiii. that, that, that, that, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, th, th, thi, thi, that, th, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, th. th. th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, thi, that, that, that, thousa, thousand, to, that, to, thousand, to to thousand, thin, thousand, thousand, thi, thi, thi, thi, th I saw that went this insane. Yeah, the only ones were like full-blown horror movies, like The Gate or something like that, that was like, yeah. Yeah. Really, really spookelicious. Baby Stephen Dwarf. You know, that's still one of my favorite movies to this day that we've done on the show is The Gate.

So good. It's so good. It's so good. It's so well well well well well well well well well well well well well well well well well well well well well well well well well well well well well well well well well well well well well well well well well done. So good, yeah. Also Canadian. Right. They really know what they're doing up there. So the scene then drastically cuts to the senior being called in a Miss Plume's office. Yes, like how was he employed there in the first place? Like what did he have on Miss Plume? You know I've been doing a little looking into your background and I see that you're not at all qualified to be a teacher........... tha. the the. the the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. to to to to to to to to to told the, so to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the. So. So. So. the. the. So. the. the. the. the. thean. toeaneaneanean so toean so toean seean seeeneneateateateateateeeateateeeeee. Soe. Soe. So, so you're not at all qualified to be a teacher. I'm sorry ma'am. Did you hire him initially? She is saying all of this, like the calmest woman in the world. She's like you've changed your name and appearance four times and you're like, what? What the fuck lady?

Get cops in here to get him out. He's insane. Oh my God. He does this great speech about what a great artist and a great teacher he is and he she doesn't know the terrible battle he fights every day against imagination. Who hurt Michael Rocco? I don't know. I did like when he called the woman a sausage and she goes I think you mean a savage. I loved that. Haugh to that. Sausage feels like a very British thing to call somebody. Like a pillock or a knob end.

So, oh, free watching it, it's so good. It's so good. So bad. In line of duty part two. I'm in season two, episode three. Okay. Yeah, this is the the Keely Hall Halls season. I love the Keeley Haas season. She is just done the like, oh you're gonna arrest me? Well look at the shit that I got on you dog. It's so good. Steve Arnett definitely fucked her though, right? I don't know. He definitely fucked that other witness. I don't know. He definitely fucked that other witness. Wait. the problem. the thrown. the the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thu, thu, thu, thu, th. the th. th, thu, thi thi's the, th. th, th, th, the th, the th, the the th, the the the the the the the th, th, the the th, the th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th. Oh, th. Oh, thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi the the the thea thea thea thea thea thea thi thea tho-a thi thi thi th's the nurse that he goes home with, too. He fucked that nurse, too. Steve Arnett cannot stop fucking. Well, the problem is that no one in England can resist him.

Guys, if you want us to do a re-watch of line of duty and do a podcast about it right in, because if we get enough, if we get enough support behind that, I'll probably do it. You're gonna have to go back and start it again. I've already done it twice in a week. I would do it again. Because I re-watch it, I was like, miss you you have to re-watch it and I'm on my own watch it with you. So we, we, the Signora gets sacked. We cut back to the house. And we see that, uh, brother and sister are having a piano and drum to the house and we see that the brother and sister are having a piano and drum off in the house. Susie is a fucking piano prodigy. She's amazing and no one cares. No one cares. And also I don't think she goes to school because she's never at school with them. She's never, she's always home when they leave and always home when they get back. Yeah, she's raising a when they leave and always home when they get back. Yeah she's raising a child and supporting her dad husband. It's so upsetting. But not as upsetting is what happens in this scene which is that they hold him down, physically

hold him down and force a wig onto his head rather than being like, hey, it'll be okay. This isn't that big of a deal. It's just, anyone cannot have hair, anyone can shave their head, it's fine. Shave your head in solidarity with him, all sorts of things you could do. No, they hold him down and force a wig on him. Everyone hates Michael. Everyone hates Michael. It makes him the happiest boy that's ever existed though. So much so that you think this is his heel turn and it's when he becomes the joker. Because he's just like, I'm so happy.

I do like that they did not trust the actor enough to portray happy. So he turns around and says, I'm so happy. Like runs off screen. I know, bud, I see that. So they glue it to his fucking dome. Yeah, she says the sister-wife mom says that it will last 30 days guaranteed. 30 days, so he's got a soccer match. He's got a play a little footy.

They're really trying hard to convince us that he's great at soccer. Oh, I have the note the note th a thu thu that thu that that thine thine thine thine thine thine thine thuuuuuu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu that really trying hard to convince us that he's great at soccer. Oh, I have the note that says Mike is the Pele. There's also no nets on the soccer field. They just have to kick it through like a, what the fuck Canada? And only one side to the soccer field. There was nothing on the other side. No, no lines, no nothing. No. And there's also he's playing against a giant. This child is a giant.

It's like me. Yeah. So he gets, he gets fouled by this kid. And then he, you know, he kind of, he kind of gets up and they have a little tussle, they have a little fight, little push fight. He gets up swinging, which which which which, which, which, which, which, which, which, which, which, which, which, which, which, which, which, which, which is, which is, which is, which is, which is, which is, which is, which is, which is, which is thi, which is thi, which is not what you do when you get fouled. Grow up, Michael's a hothead. No, what you do is you lay there and you grab some part of your body whether or not it was actually touched by anyone and you go, ah, ah, oh, no one's paying attention, I'll get up now. And the guy he gets into a fight with his opening salvo is ripping the wig off of Michael's hand. Oh, it's awful. It's awful, yes, it stretches so far off off off off off off off off off off the the the the their th. It stretches so far th. It stretches so far th. It stretches so far th. It's held on my gum. It's, yes, it stretches so far off his head, which was very reminiscent of Conan the destroyer

when they cut off the Andre the giant monster's head and all his shit was so stringy and it's all just so upsetting. It like goes into slow motion in this like deep score kicks in and you're just like, oh my god. He kind of looks like Corey Feldman from the end of that one Friday, the the th th that one, that one, that one, that one, that one, that one, the 13, that one, the 13, that one, that one, the 13, that one, th, to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to th deep score kicks in and you're just like, oh my God. He kind of looks like Corey Feldman from the end of that one Friday the 13th. Yes, yes. Oh no. It's just awful. And Michael's takeaway from all of this is that he's mad about the glue.

You said the glue would work. Well, I would be upset too if I ran all the way home and all of the school kids followed me singing a song that they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they'd they said the glue would work. Well, I would be upset too if I ran all the way home and all of the school kids followed me singing a song that they had seemingly just written to perfection. What? I thought I wrote down the lyrics to the song. There was something about a hard-boiled egg and something about Baldy, Baldy. It was really good. A little stupid Baldy without his stupid wig. It's one of the things the school the school the school the school the school the the school the the the the school school school the the the the the the the the school school school school school school the the the the the school school school the school the school the school the school kids the school kids the school kids the school kids the school kids they's the school kids the school kids they's th. th. th. th. th. th. the school the school the school the school the school the school the school the school the school the school the school the school the school the school the school. the school. they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's the school. they's the school. their their their s. It's their s. It's their sc. thi. It's thi. thi. thi. their sc. thi. their sc. their sc. their sc. their sc. his stupid wig is one of the things they said to him. Awful. Awful. I love these kids. So he tries to call his mom and can't figure it out.

And his dad won't help him because he's like, don't fucking bother her with your petty shit. Listen, she's 15, 20 minutes away from leaving me, and I really can't have you ruined this because I got a good thing here, kid. Seriously, I bet she's a doctor. That house is huge. Huge! So, he sees somebody else in the house. He has a shadow moving in his house at night.

Yes, and who is it, Katie? It's the whino? Who's just... Maybe? I don't like to say to say to say to say to say to say to say to say to say to say to say to say the the the their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their?. their their is their their? their? their. their is their is their is their is, their is, their is, their is, their, their is, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their... th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. that's thi. thi. thi. thi. thi last name. Maybe. I don't like to say wino, but that's the only name the character's given. Yeah. Well, there's two of them. There's the male and female winnow that are in the house. Yes, and when I heard her talking, I was like, this woman has to be from Western Pennsylvania with that accent. And I googledled it and she's an American Canadian actress who grew up in Johnstown, Pennsylvania. Wow.

Yes, she's so, she's yin-shi. She is yinzy. That's amazing. Yeah, I was really happy. So yes, he and his, the winnow and his lady friend are spitting in the kitchen and stealing boxes of cereal or something? What was the spitting? Like spitting in this food on the stove? I don't know. I don't know because they're being friendly but they're also just taking boxes of cereal? Only you can only hear us because you can see us. Right. It's something the winnow man says to him and then he closes his eyes and the wineming theymeen is slamming cabinets.

Which doesn't really work because you don't, he doesn't know they're slamming cabinets. He has no idea. And then he opens his eyes because you're right, I didn't hear any of that. You're fucking idiot. You're you're fucking fucking, you're fucking, you're fucking, you're fucking, you're fucking, you're the fucking, you're thi, you're thi, you're thi, you're thi, you're thi, you're thi, you're thi, you're thi, you're thi, you're thi, you're thi, you're thi, thi, thi, thi, that. You're a fucking idiot Michael. You have no critical thinking skills. I have so many notices this kid is an idiot. He's so stupid. Like he's so, he's such a sympathetically weird character. But also, come on, Michael, everything, every choice he makes it every turn is wrong. So, so, so he gets the ingredients from the winnow lady, Mrs. Weino, for, to make the peanut

butter solution for his hair to grow back. And she's very specific to not put too much peanut butter in it. Very specific. What are the ingredients for the peanut butter solution? I don't know. Do you know? One, really ripe banana. Okay. Put it on my head. Put it on my head. Put it on my head. Put them on your head. We're really patting this movie now.

Five dead flies, one rotten egg, three licorice leaves, a fistful of kitty litter. Three Connie crisps. Three Crosby crackers. What are these things? Nine spoons of soil. A glass of peppers fizz and a spoonful of peanut butter. Pepper's fizz is also defined as mouth water, the biggest mouth water in the world.

Does this, I, are, is this something we don't know because we're not French Canadian? It's just something I don't know because I'm having some sort of brain issue because of COVID. I know it is absolutely just the reality of this film. Mouthwater? The biggest mouthwater in the world and Michael's like, yeah, got it. What? I'm going to go out on a limb and say the only mouthwater in the world and Michael's like, yeah, got it. What? I'm going to go out of a limb and say the only mouth water in the water? What is mouth water? Spit? Oh, is that what he's talking about? Is that why he's spitting? Is that why he's spitting? I don't know. Is he pepper? Is that his fizz? I'm so upset.

So Michael collects all the ingredients to the ghost leave with like boxes and boxes of cereal and or like potato flakes. Who knows what they're stainless. Who can say? They, Susie and dad look out the window and see Michael and Susie goes, Dad, he's digging up earth. He's not going to eat it, is he? And he's like, the dad's like, beats me, Sues, but like, I'm not going to stop him. So Michael collects all the stuff, puts it in the blender, the real Eve-Sick style. And then, love that band. Goes and is going to use the solution, but then Susie steals it, or dad steals it, hands it off to Susie, they flush it down the turretlet.

Yeah. So he's got to go through it all again. Speaking of patting out the film. Yes, because they have him do this thing, and then they have him have a dream where the ghosts come back. And he's like, I forgot, can't th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. th. th. th. th. th. th. tho. He's, tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. He's, th. He's, th. He's, th. He's, th. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He's, th. He's, th. He's, th. He's, th. He's, th. He's, th. He's, th. He's, th. He's, th. He's, th. He's, th. He's, th. He's, th. He she's like no and he's like tell me and she's like no and he's like tell me and she's like okay here's the whole thing again and he's like okay I'll do the whole thing again should they have to get to him at 90 minute run time or something I assume yeah I assume maybe it was so they had enough time to put in the song that's coming up in this movie that blew my fucking mind.

You talking about our girl, my girl and yours? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But I am talking about the first time she recorded a song in English is in this movie. Look at the magic man. What? He remakes the solution.

And it's a little too watery. So what does he do? He puts a whole bunch of peanut butter in it in the very well-placed Skippy ad. Apparently Skippy paid a lot of money to have that in the place. Really? If you put Skippy on your dick, you'll grow pubs. That's what Skippy is saying by endorsing this message of this film so I hope they sold a Brazilian jars I mean who doesn't want to dip their dick in a jar full of peanut butter if that's a thing men want it's a thing I never knew about until right now what a man

wants what a man means oh another, another great western Pennsylvania, Christina Aguilera. It smelled like hot dogs. So he smears this disgusting foul shit all over his goddamn bald paint. He does. He puts it in a jar and just like tucs it amongst the shit in the bathroom. Like, what is happening in this world? Someone's gonna come in and go, oh God, Michael is capturing his diarrhea. Yes, it's disgusting. It looks like diarrhea in a jar. So he goes and he showers it all off with the most insane showerhead I've ever seen in my adult fucking life. I didn't even notice it. Descite it to me. It was like like the showerhead was a star of like 10 pipes that were then dripping down on him.

And there was like a whole system of piping inside of the shower as well. It was wild. That's inefficient it seems. Yeah, yeah, it was like a rain shower, but like one you made at home. I get it from my water barrel. Is that okay? It's a gray water system. Is that all right? So he has hair. He has hair now. Yeah. His sister yells, what's that on your head? Yeah. But I actually liked how it sort of grew over the next couple of shots like He started out with just like teeny tiny bristles and then it gets a little bit longer in the next scene and the next in the next Next I really liked that

Can I can admit something to you right now? Yeah, I'm a fucking idiot. What do you mean? I was just gonna say yeah, how long would it have taken him to grow out his hair and they had to keep coming back in and filming these scenes? Hey, Dum Dum, they filmed it in reverse and cut his hair down. You stupid, stupid. Yeah, they just went down a number. So Connie comes over and Michael shows him how he grew his hair, which is this very dangerous solution. What does Connie do with it, Alan? Well, as all 11-year-old boys would do with it, he puts it on his dick. He puts it on his dick. Yeah, well around his dick, you don't grow poops out of your dick. I don't know why that phrase took me by such surprise, but it sure did. I just imagined a dick covered in hair just like wearing a, just a fur dick.

A real Yeti cock. Real, big foot, if you know what I mean. A Sasquah, a Sasquak if you will. That's so good. Write that one down. So they're all celebrating Michael's new hair. He comes home from school. Susie's made Toronto noodle soup, whatever the fuck that means.

And they're like refusing to help him with it. It's in his face. It's like down past his back. It's seemingly attacking him. It's seemingly attacking him. And he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, that's that's like, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's. that's. that's. that's. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that him. It's seemingly attacking him and he's like, can you cut it and Susie's like, no. I would kill for that hair. You're such a little bitch, Susie. I know you've got a lot on your plate right now, what with all of your shit going on, but... And the dad is just ignoring all of this because it's the mother fucking 1980s. Yeah. But my favorite part in the movie happens now?

Yeah. When he runs out of the house and screams, I want to be educated. Because his family won't let him go to school because school doesn't want him. Well, he also does a speech about that end of the class because Connie keeps having to cut his hair into a paper bag in the middle of the classroom. And he does this speech like, please let me stay, I want to be educated. Maybe that's what it was. All the kids clap?

No, this, I mean, we're like barely through this movie. We got to speed this up. He, but so they get sent to Miss Plume's office and she's given them a talking to about his hair and then eyes Connie up and down and says, I think you've got a problem too. Because his pubes are growing out of the bottom of his pants. It's disgusting. It's awful. It's awful. We also see him yell, stop at his growing pubs and they stop.

Then they stop. This is never mentioned again. Nope. No, no, that's it. So, yeah, Michael has this nightmare of the seigneur and the dogs chasing him, which really fucked me up as a kid, and I have a lot to talk about therapy tomorrow, because I feel like this made me realize a lot of things about myself. The peanut butter solution, awakening. Yes. The dog dragging him by his hair on the ground is very upsetting.

It's so fucking wild. How the whole is very upsetting. So fucking wild! How they get, the whole time I'm watching, I was like, how do they get the dog to do that? Yeah, that's a pretty good track. So, yes, his hair is dragging on the ground. He's banned from school, he goes anyway. And this is when he falls asleep under someone's porch because it's too windy? He can't move around because his hair keeps getting caught on things in the wind. What a stupid movie!

And who shows up while he's sleeping under a neighbor's porch? Who can say? Oh, it's the seigneur. It's the seigneur. Then we flash cut to the dad just like breaking shit and then newspaper headlines in both English and French and I know the English ones say that Michael is missing. I don't know what the French ones say. The headlines say 10 children are missing. And then immediately we get a scene where I think Susie is talking she's like 20

children are missing. Someone says I thought it was just 10 and she's like, nah it's 20. Oh right in that scene where she's talking to Connie and their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. I's thi. I's thi. I's th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I's saying, th. I's saying th. I's saying th. I's saying th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I's the the the the the the the the th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I's like, th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm thin. I'm th. th. th. I'm the. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm the thi. I'm. I'm. the the like nah it's 20. Oh right in that scene where she's talking to Connie and they're correcting each other and he's like yeah one of them is my little sister Myling and I was like why aren't you more upset? He doesn't give a shit about that child. When they leave at the end he leaves with Michael's family he leaves my Ling to just be on her own. You figure it out you're six. So they. When. When they. When they they they they they they they they they're they're they're they're they're so. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're be on her own. You figure it out. You're six. So they're going to cheer, to go to the art store to buy something to cheer dad off because he's been, he's been so great up until this point. You really want to make sure he's happy. Yeah. Connie says like, why doesn't your dad do something about this? And she's like, I don't know, because he's useless. He absolutely is.

So the guy at the art store is like, hey, why don't you buy him this brush right out of human hair? We're holding a bit of Michael in our hands. Because Michael currently is lying in a bed in a warehouse with his hair growing down and he's being kept in a yogurt coma by the seigneur. I wish I wasn't saying these things out loud. The coma, the yogurt, the yogurt makes him fall asleep. He's on a yogurt diet. He's being force-fed yogurt. It's very fucking upsetting. His hair is going through one of those things that they shove your Christmas tree for through it or Christmas Tree Farm to put the

net around it? So the kids do a stakeout to follow the seigneur. They had this elaborate plan where a five pound bag of sugar is going to last for miles as you're dumping it through a hose out of the back of a truck. Why is she following them instead of just going with him? Well calling the police? Anything. Yeah, any of these things are an option. Because when he, when the senior opens the door of the truck and Connie's in the

back, he's like, hey, what did you expect to do? Because you left your sugar hose hanging out I could tell you we're in here. When Connie gets into the truck. A song starts playing and the fucking, uh, closed captioning gave me the greatest jolt of my life. What was it? Selene Dion singing this wild ass song. Yes, Canada's Treasure, Celine Dion. Listening, Listen to the Magic Man. What does that mean in the context of this movie? It's so like low rent, like fucking local theater sounding song? Like it's bad. Can we agree that this is the best movie

that Saline Dion has done the main title theme for? Oh 100%? Absolutely. Oh, wait, I can't think of any. Oh, no, that one were those two people fucking a car. Oh, car fucking, car and boat fucking. You know, that one where that old lady throws a necklace into the ocean at the end of a movie? You know, that one we devoted like three and a half hours to you in 2020 because we had nothing else to do.

We lost her god minds. We did, but I think those are probably very funny to listen to. I just don't think I can. One of the lines in this Saline Dion song is, and oops, your mind goes clang, clang, you're like, what? And then she says like diggety, dang. Like she's going into kid rock territory. She's gonna bow it to bow. She, this is her first English language song, right? Yeah. Like she's going into kid rock territory. She's gonna bow what to the ball. This is her first English language song, right? Yeah, that's what I read on the internet, so it must be true. Fantastic. So Susie's riding her bike behind the sugar truck.

Yeah, until... Well, first of all, there's a bunch of wineos cheering for her. Like it's a marathon? But then street cleaning is sweeping up her sugar. Goddam socialism. I always knew street cleaning was a scam. I love that Connie is immediately caught. What did he think was going to happen? He didn't even try to hide. No. Also in this scene when Connie is caught and he's taken into the see where all the other children are, the Signors wearing a jacket made out of a course

Michael's hair. Oh it's so good. His hair is so gross. I'm sorry I'm obsessed. I still blind it. With other hair. There's a quick cut of you see Jim, the dog, also wearing a haircoat, but it never happens again. I didn't see that at all. He really went for Jim. That's really good. In this scene, the Signior also accuses Connie of being a spy for Ms. Prune, but why would she do that? Because she fired him? Who can say?

Who can say? So he takes him back into his warehouse, which is like this hallway of cotton and cargo nets, and then kids in cages. Because he's running a child slavery ring. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, one man operation he's doing a pretty great job at it.

This movie's themes are wild. It's like imagination is actually good and confronting your fears is actually good. And sometimes the bad things really are just in your imagination. Also, exploitation of children and labor and kidnapping? Jesus Christ. What the fuck happened here at the end of this movie? I feel like the writers, one of the writers like, wives left them and they were like, well this is what I'm doing now. Take that Cindy. So we get this whole fucking like acid trip of a family lineage where we discover that the doctor that introduced the idea of

harem scarrum into our lives is related to the seigneur. Yes. That there's a twin brother of the seigneur fraternal, not identical, who is the rabbit. Right. And the wino was also their brother. I somehow missed that entirely. Because he says, because Michael says something to him like, were you a kid once like me? And he's like, yeah, I had lots of brothers and then the bottle body. Oh shit! Yes. And in this scene where they're all the brothers are all together, they say to the rabbit, where's your brother? And he was like, he died, I think.

Good Lord. Good Lord. Literally all, there are five adult men in this movie, the dad and those four. And they're all brothers. We see this great scene of where action hero Connie has to sneak around and he invents this great scene where action hero Connie has to sneak around and he invents this great trip wire detection thing, which is just a rag on a stick. And the Signor has all these trip wires hooked up to a ring that's on his middle finger. Very silly. How could you ever roll over? Just if you got an itch on your nose, like you're just all the sudden pulling all this

shit off the wall. And I would be very clear about these investigation scenes too where Susie and the dad because they're not actually doing anything. Nothing. They don't go to the police. They know that the seigneur has kidnapped him. Why, why don't they go to the police? I don't know, why?

Because my dad is way smarter than the police. That eyes, Susie baby, he is not. Did you see that tennis racket size that he was holding? No one holds a tennis, and that's so small. It's just... No one could play tennis with that he was holding. No one holds a tennis, and that's so small. It's just... No one could play tennis with that. How does Connie trick the seigneur? This fucking... I cannot believe this. He tells the seigneur that his dad died in a plane crash.

And he wants the seigneur to be his new dad. Yeah. The end. I wish I was joking. I wish that was a joke. The seigneur's reaction is, of course I'll be your father. Yeah, he's like, because you're such a good artist and a teacher. And the seigneur's like, I will consider this, my son. And Connie has learned from the other children that you can walk into the seigneur's paintings

because they're so realistic that they're magical. Right, because they're made with Michael's hair, but how did he know that Michael's hair was magical? How did he know that to kidnap him? Yes. Got it. Because his brother made the solution that made his, I don't know. This sweater is going to fall right the fuck apart if we start pulling on any strings. No strings to pull.

The seigneur is now being so playful because Connie has said like, oh, why don't you paint the old burned out building? Yeah, yeah. He's so playful. He just needed a child of his own, I guess, and a fedora because Connie, by the way, has been wearing a fedora for the entire movie. And I was like is this supposed to make him look like was it data from Goonies? The kid who played... Oh the kid who plays short round. Yes yeah yeah yeah. Wow this is also a very temple of doom kind of thing here with these children all working. Yeah. It's true. Weird.

And yes, I think 100%. Okay, all right, all right. So the Signor paints, Connie convinces him to paint the building where the fire happened. So they can see Michael's fright. Which we are, which we learn at this moment in the movie. So the seigneur does the painting. He goes in, he goes to see the fright. He falls back down but he doesn't see the fright because he. Oh no he does see the fright because he. No he sees the fright because his hair all falls out. That's right. That's right. And Michael's hair stops growing and somehow Connie knew that the fright needed to be

passed on, like the ring? What the actual fuck is happening? I don't know. I don't know. Because someone says the hair stopped growing and he says, of course, the fright passed to someone else. What? A joy? A toy? Excuse me? So the kids are just running pell-mell all over the place. The seigneur is chasing them. He's bald. He, oh my god, he recaptures

some of them. My link sets a trap for him. Ah, you know. Oh, and Susie in the meantime has been just riding her bike around by herself, even though her brother and two dozen other kids have been kidnapped, finds the sugar again and follows it to the warehouse. So they... Why is the sugar back? I guess the street sweeper did a shit job? I guess. Great.

These are your tax dollars at work, Montreal. So they get his keys and they're going to like sneak out of the place because there's a bunch of padlocks on everything. And as they're sneaking out, dad and the cops bust in? No, the cops allow the dad and all of the brothers to come in first. And myling is there and she's like, I'll show you where the other children are so we can free them together. And Connie's like, see ya. I'm going with these shitheads. Unbelievable. They're grape rich. I'm going with them. Yeah, it's true. The biggest part of the fright was in your imagination, and that's the moral. Oh, moral is strong. Moral is strong. Oh my god, I hate it so much. So after pulling into the driveway,

who pulls up in a taxi? Oh, mom? Mom, she didn't tell them that she was coming back, she didn't come back when the child was missing. Her husband didn't tel her to to to to to speak to speak to speak to speak to speak the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the f f f f fie the fie fie f-fight the fri-fight the fritripea fripefight the fripefripefripefripefripefight the fripefight the fritritritritritritritritritritritritritry f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f fritritritritritritritritritritritritritritritritritritritritritritritritritritritritritritritritritritritritritritritritritritritritrit. the didn't tell them that she was coming back. She didn't come back when the child was missing. Her husband didn't tell her. She didn't speak to the child for weeks while he was missing? Weeks. Yeah. Weeks. Yeah. Weeks. Yeah. Oh, you sing it, Saline. You sing me that song. Katie. Katie. Alan. I need a very special birthday rating for this movie from you. It's a 40. It's awful. It's awful and I love it. And all of you have sent me messages about it this week. Ph-ph. I will say that it was a joy to watch when I was 11 years old. I thought this movie was great. It was also like, the whole time I was like, she can never give me shit for the dream logic about Dario Argento movie again. Dario Argenta wishes he could come up with this shit because this, if you step back and look at it as a horror movie, a fired,

disgraced art teacher kidnapping a child with magic hair to create paint brushes that create portals to other worlds. It's fucking terrifying Dario Ardjenjo could never. He's like, I don't know, witches again? If you just put a very vibrant color palette over this film, it is just a spirit three. I love that for it. What do you give it Alan? It's your vote. I will give this movie

Tabernac which is apparently like the most offensive thing you could say in French Canadian. What does it mean? I don't know there's like no English translation of it. Okay, I love that. It's like it's beyond motherfucker. So like somebody listening and in Quebec right now is like, oh my god. Oh boy. And also he butchered the pronunciation of that. Oh I'm sure. Oh what a joy. Thank you for this. I refuse to apologize. It was fantastic. Being in aware of ambulance means never having to say I'm sorry. Being aware of ambulance is never being able to get that mad, you know. Hold on, I'm going to play the rest of that voicemail now. Hi, Gain and Allen. So just heard that my message got cut off. I wish I could say that I was building tension, but this is going to make it so fucking anticlimactic.

So, my cat leaps off of the curtain at me across the room and just throws themselves bodily over my shoulder and ping pongs off down the hallway, apparently on his normal evening cat zoomies. And so thankfully that means that this story is not how I got murdered by my. down the hallway apparently on his normal evening cat zoomies and so thankfully that means that this story is not how I got murdered by my demon cat but how I had the most immersive horror movie watching experience since William Castle was alive but but I did say however that I had three reasons and the third reason I do want to fit in here that you guys should come to St. Louis sometime. I know I cannot sell it on my sparkling personality or the size of my board game collection

because we're not actually friends and we wouldn't hang out. But we have two horror-themed restaurants here. The first one, Terror Taco is very good and it's vegan. And the second one, the Headless Bat, has amazing cocktails, more importantly, strong vegetarian options on their pizzas. I think you guys would love it. So I'm out of reason, I'm late for work, I'm hanging up, goodbye. What a conclusion to that story, Katie. I have to say I didn't see it coming. No, who could have? Should we do that movie next week? the? And, and the the the the the the th. And the th. And th. And the the th. And the the th. And the th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And the the th. And th. And th. And the the the the the the the the the the the th. And the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. the th. th. the. the. the. theat. theat. theat. theat theat theat theat theat theat theat theat theat. theat. theat. that story, Katie. I have to say I didn't see it coming. No, who could have? Should we do that movie next week? Yeah, let's do when evil lurks.

When evil lurks? I'm excited. You've been talking about this one for a little while. It's really good. It's really good. It's really good. It's got some upsetting stuff in it as you. you just heard in the aforementioned voicemail, but it is very, very good. I just watched a small Canadian child be kidnapped and fed yogurt to keep him in a coma

for capitalism. So like, I don't know how bad can this be. I don't know. One of the plot points is kids pubs. Yeah. Everything is dark, I guess is what I'm saying. That is the moral of this film in our lives. Yeah. Kee. Alan. Alan. Alan. Alan. Alan. th, Alan. th, Alan. th, Alan, Alan, Alan, Alan, Alan, Alan, Alan, Alan, Alan, th, th, th, th, th, th th th thi, th thi, thi, thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, thi, I thi, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th you th th you thi, thi, thi, the the the that that that that that that thea thea thea thea thea thea thea thea the. That is that is the moral of this film in our lives. Yeah. Katie. Alan I hope you're feeling better soon. Thank you I hope to be in the same room with you again soon. Yeah me too. And we will see you

all next week here for another episode of Wherewulf Ambulance. Thanks for listening to another episode of Wherewolf Ambulance. Thanks to Wherewolfambulance. listening to another episode of Wherewulf Ambulance. Thanks to Weirwolf Ambulance. Go to Wherewolf Ambulance.com for more information. Don't get COVID. Don't. Just try not to. All right. Good night, y'all. Maybe acts in our dead pools, Savin'i's sight inside the pool. No way to do in Finland's to fulfill its tube-filled reviews. Killing to fulfill reviews.

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