Werewolf Ambulance: A Horror Movie Comedy Podcast - Episode 470- The 13th Warrior (1999)

Episode Date: April 1, 2024

In this week's episode, IT'S ALLEN'S BIRTHDAY and it's a biggie, so we're letting him pick whatever he wants. We'll be discussing the 1999 intersection of many of his interests, "The 13th Warrior." Special topics for your consideration include: what makes a good D&D movie, a very brief re-telling of "Beowulf," the Omar Sharif cool factor, religious loopholes, and some Viking lore.  I legitimately can't think of another movie we've done to compare to this one, so I maybe we'll go with the literature angle: Episode 110- "Bram Stoker's Dracula." The regular lineup of links! You can support us at patreon.com/werewolfambulance where you can listen to 40+ episodes of our action movie podcast, including our brand new episode which basically a love letter to Bolo Yeung in "Enter the Dragon." leave us a message at 412-407-7025 hang out with some cool listeners at https://discord.gg/DutFjx3cBD  buy merch at www.teepublic.com/user/werewolfambulance the best place to reach us is at [e-mail] we're on Reddit at r/werewolfambulance sorta on Twitter @werebulance sorta on Instagram @werewolfambulance www.werewolfambulance.com if you feel you really must lodge a complaint with us, please do it on Facebook at facebook.com/werewolfambulance because we are probably not gonna see that, ever.   If you liked this, please leave us a review on Apple Podcasts or wherever you listen! It helps others find us and allows us to continue to grow. Intro song is by Alex Van Luvie Outro song is A. Wallis- "EMT" Seriously, we have the best listeners, hands down. 

Katie. Alan. the the the the the t-of

Katie the the to . . . .

. . . Yeah, we're trying to come in here with a lot of gusto. You know why? Why? It's your fucking birthday. It's my fucking birthday.

It's my fucking birthday. It's your fuks. their fun. Thus' thears will just be a whizz. too' a husk of a human being. There's been a discussion on the discord of fuel being like, I'm only like four months older than Alan. Why does he talk like he's so old? I don't know, why do you? I know, it's funny.

I think because you're so much older than me, we really have to play it up because I'm so young. I'm like so young and virile and. What they don't know is that I carry her upstairs and. It's uncomfortable. I've put on a little weight. I know it's a struggle for you, but like I appreciate your efforts. Happy birthday. Happy birthday to you. Can I do this in honor of you? Yeah, please.

Oh, that's the sound of summer, everybody. That is my first icy light mango of 2024. It's a tall boy. It's a tall boy. Is this 24 ounces? And I'm enjoying an arrogant bastard because I am an arrogant bastard. You're not at all. You're like the most humble person I know. You can't take a compliment to save your fucking life. Oh, come on. You're not a bastard your dad was just texting you. However, this I see light is from last summer. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. It's great. Oh aged. Is it a little funky. It's always a little funky. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's a th. It's a th. It's a th. It's a th. It's a th. It's a th. It's a th. It's a th. It's a th. It's a the the th. It's a th. It's a the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. It's. It's. It's. It's a th. It's a th. It's a th. It's a th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. thi. th. th. thi. th. thi. th. th. th. th. I's th. I's th. It's summer. Yeah, yeah. Ah, it's great. Oh, aged. It's aged. Is it a little funky?

It's always a little funky the first one. But today was also the Pirates opening day, so I get to enjoy two of my favorite things, Alan and baseball. Ah, if only you could hit me with a bat. See, that's Eregan people don't say things like that. Katie. Alan. I'm very grateful to you because we're going to talk about a movie that I chose for my birthday

movie and it couldn't have made you happy to watch it. I guess I just have a question for you. Yeah. What made you choose the biggest box office bomb of 1999? With losses up to a hundred and twenty nine-a th. th. th. to th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thous. thous. thous. thous. thous. thous. thous. thoose. to to to thoos. to to thoes thoes thoes thoes thoes thoes thoes thoes thoes thoes thoes thoes thoes that I that I that I that I that I that I that I that I that I that I that I that I that I that I that I that I that I that I th. thoes thoes thoes thi. thi. thioosen thioos. I thioos. I thoos. I thoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooes. I that I that I that I that I that I th. I think this movie should be a cult classic. I think this movie should get more love than it does. I was one of, I don't know, six people who saw this in theater. The other one being my husband. Who you really should have replaced me with him on this episode. In his defense, he was 12 probably when he saw it.

99? No, he was 17. Oh, okay. Because you were 27. Yeah. No, you would would th th th th th th th th th. No, th. No, th. No, th th th. No, th th th th th th th th th th th th th thi thi thi tho tho tho tho tho tho thin thi thi tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I was thi. I was tho. I was tho. tho. tho. thoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. I. Oh, okay. Because you were 27. Yeah. No, you would be 25. Yeah, Robin I are closer. Robin, you are closer. Yeah, all right. Even though we're, we graduated the same year because I skipped a grade because I was genius. And then I smoked it all away. It sucks so bad. Ellen and I were just talking about like paths we could have taken that might have led us to becoming meth heads and I realize now that like I could have taken a smarter path too. Oh no no that's for sure. Like there were roads that diverge they were like well that's probably a better idea. No I'll be punk rock for 20 years.

I'm just gonna do some hanging out. So this is 13th Warrior. 13th warrior. An adaptation of a Michael Crichton novel. The Eaters of the Dic. And he was a producer on this or? He was a producer and according to the behind the scenes documentary that I watched. Yeah. Because yeah, I went hard on the fucking day.

It's your birthday. Yeah. He had final say on everything. Oh did he really? Which John McTiernan was not stoked about. Well, yeah. Yeah. He had all these visions for the movie and Michael Crichton went, yeah, but no. Yeah, but what if we did this instead?

How does that? How do you let that happen? Did he just finance it? Yeah, I think in order for the thio, to produce, to produce, to produce, to produce, to produce, to produce, to produce, to produce, to produce, to produce, the to produce, the to produce, the the to produce, to the to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the the the the the the the the tho., the the tho., the the thooooooooooooooooooooo., the the too., too., too. Yeah, too. Yeah, too final sale. What a bitch. He's like you can do it but. Is he dead? Yeah, 2008 he passed away. Oh wow, it's a long time. Yeah, he's been dead for a long time. Yeah, I've been dead. Yeah, and I recently saw a true true crime for a minute. I recently saw, I always get him mixed up with John Grisham. I was like, what? Shut up. You can crush him? Go suck a butthole. He's like, I got a lot of contacts in the legal world. I was like, because you wrote the client. Yeah, fuck you.

And Tom Clancy also thinks he's president. Anyway, dad. . Dad books, though. I don't know how I've I don't miss miss miss miss miss miss miss miss miss miss miss miss miss miss I've like I, although I have been getting into reading Western, so I guess I'm going that round. You're just a different kind of dad. Yeah, you're just a, you're an uncle. I am an uncle. You guys want to talk about Larry Lamore, come over here, kids. I don't know the fuck that means. Lucy, get away from him. the way from him. he's tho'a'e. tha'a' th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. Yeah, thi. Yeah, tha' tha' tha' tha' tha' tha' th. Yeah, you're just th. Yeah, thi, you're just just th. Yeah, you're just th. Yeah, you're just th. Yeah, you're just to to to th. Yeah, you th. Yeah, you th. Yeah, you th. Yeah, you th. Yeah, you th. Yeah, you th. Yeah, you th. Yeah, you th. Yeah, you th. Yeah, you th. Yeah, you. Yeah, I, th. Yeah, I, I th. Yeah, I, I thi. Yeah, I thi. Yeah, I thi. Yeah, I'm thi. Yeah, I'm th. Yeah, I'm just th. Yeah, I'm just th. Yeah, I'm just th. Yeah, I'm just th. Yeah, I'm just three to four minutes. He is great. He's great.

I love Omar Sharif. Antonio Banderas. Antonio Banderas. Fantastic, as always. Yeah, I think he's trying, he's doing it. He's easy on the eyes. He's easy on the eyes. He's got those beautiful eyes.

Oh my god. Oh my god. Yeah, I'm always always thah. I'm always going on about puffy lips and cheekbones. You do love the puffers. His is all lashes. Yeah. He's beating you down with those lashes. Eyes are so big and so brown and so deep. Yeah, you want to swim in them.

Yeah. Numb, numb, numb. He saved one of the Vikings lives while they were shooting this movie. Wait, real Antonio Bander. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The one guy who is like his best friend in the movie, the guy who looks like Old Eddie Better. Which one? Yeah. What is his name, like Hedigar or something like that? I know none of their names and I refuse to call any of them by their names when you say

them. Even Bulvife? I can't say it. I practice saying it on the way over. Did you? Bulveif. Say it again? Bulvife. Bulvife. I'm sure I'm not saying it. I'm leaving a letter out.

There's an hour-in-there. There were more letters in it than you need it, I think, in my opinion. So there's the scene later in the movie when they have to swim through and the the, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, the, the, the, to, to, to, like, like, like, the, the, the, to to to to to to to to to to to to to, to, to, the to, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the, the the the the the, the the, the, the, the the the the the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, they, they, they, they.life, thi. toooo-life. too-s, too, the the, the, yeah. So they were like there was a passageway that they had to swim through and it was on a set and so everybody goes through and then Tony Banderas is like, the water's gross I'm not doing that. So he like went under and then popped right back out after they said cut and so he's just like hanging out there and somebody on the other side. theynette the the the the. So, they is is is is is, th. I I I, th. I, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thin, th. th. th. they, they, they, they, they, th. th. th. th. their th. their th, their their their their their their their their their their their their th. th. th. And then, th. And then, th. And then, th. And then, th. And then, th. And then, th. And then, th. And then, th. And then, th. And then, th. And then, th. And then, th. And then, th. And then, th. And then, th. And then, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, they. And, th. And, Dennis is over there, and they're like, no, he's not. Oh my God. So Antonio Benderes reaches into the tube and the guy grabs his arm. Oh my God!

That's so scary. And he said like he was in bed for three days because he was like super fucked up. What if you died making the biggest box office bomb of 1999? That's that's so so that's so that's so that's so that's so that's that's so that's so that's that's so that's that's so that's so that's so that's so that's so that's so that's so that's so that's so that's some. that's some. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. to tooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo a sad as the crow. I mean, nothing could be sadder. Sure, sure. Yeah, well, we'll get to the movie that we're also recording an episode about today. Yeah, our Patreon episode. So, the reason I choose this is because this ticks so many fucking boxes for me of just like, I look, yeah I love Bayouwolf okay so it's been a minute for me since I've read Baywolf like and by a

minute I mean about 25 years so watch you just give me the quick run I remember there's the Grendel he's got to fight the Grendel the Grendel is like and then he has to fight Grendel's mother by Angelina Jolie. In the, in the, in the, the Beowulf animated movie that Robert Zemetkis did. I think it was Robert Semenciss. To me. Anyway, um. I feel like you're just saying movie terms.

But like, the read the, if anyone's interested, read the shamess Haney translation. It it. It. It. It. It. It. It. the. the. the translation. the translation. the translation. th. the translation. th. th. th. th. th. the. th. th. th. th. the. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. that. that. th. that. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. What. th. th. th. th. th. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. the. And. the. the. the. the. the. to. to. to. to. to. the. to. to. to. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the He like modernizes the language a bit so it's a little easier to to Grock if you will We hate that I said that I'm proud of you Just shamelessly too Fuck I'm gonna I have a 20-sided die on my wrist. You're talking about how much you love Beowulf. So I love your live who you. Live your true self. You're 50 now, almost. Yeah, I'm like four hours from it. I have read the book that this book is loosely based on. Four and a half hours. Don't get dramatic. By Ahmed, even Fadon, Fadlon. Yeah. played by Antonio Bendez. But that, like that character was a real dude who actually wrote a book about meeting the Vikings

and he documented Viking shit that there's no other written documentation about. Like that funeral speech in this movie, Lo there, do I see my father, lo there do I see my mother and my sister. That is from Fodlan's documentation of seeing a Viking funeral. Okay. So like that is and that is the only written record of that in history. That's wild. Yeah, so like so I love that and like so it's just like ticking all these boxes for me and like the like just sort of like meat-headed Conanness, Conanness of the whole thing when they get into like the fight scenes. And they like put together a party like this like this this this this this this this this this th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi that is that is that is that is that is thi. And thi and th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th is th. And th is th is th is th is th is th is th. And th is th. And th. And th. And th. thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi. thi. thi. that is that is like that is thi. thi. that is thi thi thi thi thi the whole thing when they get into like the fight scenes. And they like put together a party like this guy's good at this and that guy's good at that. And there's so much like D&D bullshit in this movie.

Oh yeah. Yeah, it's so great. It was like, it was like the closest thing to a D&D movie at the time. Yeah, for sure. Yeah, for sure. I'm in in that, I in that, I in that, I, in that, in that, in that, in that, I, I, in th, I, I, I, I, I, in th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. th. think of it as a quest movie. Sure. And then, you know, and then Lord of the Rings came out a couple years later and like it's kind of insinuating his style. Would have been successful, were it not for Lord of the Rings several years later? Okay, all right, okay. In the film's defense, the Warner Brothers did not know how to market it. Okay. The Warner Brothers did not know how to market it. They originally wanted it to be PG-13. So John McTiernan shot it as a PG-13 movie. Sure.

And then like three-quarters of the way through, they're like, no, we wanted to be R. He's like, okay, well, I would have made a different movie if I could have done R. So they went and done all these like weird scenes that feel sort of cut in. Yeah. And then they lofted out 10 minutes of his footage that was like background on Antonio Bedderes' character. And like, yeah, he's introduced to us really quickly.

He's like, I am a poet from the greatest city in the world. And I was like, Pittsburgh, wait. But it was funny, like, John McTearne had talking about it, was like, he was like super stoked that they had a lead character that was an Arab. And it's like, okay, but you did not cast an Arab. Yeah, sad there's thing that there's no Arab actors in this world. Isn't that the saddest thing that they're not allowed to act Arabs that they just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just they just don't act. It's so weird and sad. Well, Omar Sharif is in it for three to four minutes. Yep, he is what Egyptian? He's from

Egypt, yeah? I think he's Lebanese. Okay. You want to bet? I'm gonna say he's Lebanese. I'm saying he's Egyptian. All right, let's go. What are we betting on? I don't know? I don't know. I don't know. I'm I don't know. th. I'm th. th. th. th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi he he he he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he he's he he's he he's what he he's what he he's what he he. He he. He he. What are he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he. What he. What he. What he. What he. What he. What he. What he. What he. What he. What he. What he. What he. What are th. What are th. What are thi. What are theee. What are th. the. th. th. thee. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E only saying that because somebody in the documentary I watched earlier said he was Lebanese. But they could have been. Born Alexandria, Egypt. Omar Sharif was an Egyptian actor, died, Cairo, Egypt. All right. I stand corrected. So what do I win? I don't know. You tell me. No, nothing. You get to keep doing this podcast. Yeah, more episodes.

But so he's super stoked that they're doing a movie with a like Arab Muslim lead in it. Sure. They have a rough idea of what Muslims are though. Like when we see the bandits, like one dude is just wearing a poncho that looks like he bought at a head shop, like a total drug rug. I've been reading a lot of books about the Eurasian step, and there's always like that one high guy that just comes along when whatever band of Raiders are coming through.

I mean, I guess you're gonna need him. Yeah, who's gonna hold the weed? Someone's gotta hold the weed. But the way he's like super intelligent like an American oh my god dog dog dog sir John McTiernan not a great advocate for stuff I think about predator when they just fired into that village full of like women and children yeah but they were a couple bad guys in there. What are you doing?

Also, the way that they show Antonio Bandettis as being Arab is him wearing like hell-a-thick eyeliner. He looks like he's from the fucking suburbs of Pittsburgh. He looks straight out of Penn Hills. You know what I mean? He also has a turbanon sometimes. Sometimes. He like can't wait to put it back on later. It's fine. So the movie starts off with Antonio Banderas riding a camel, going on a tour of the world, and because he's been run out of Baghdad because he was dipping his wick where he should have been

right, right into a royalty. Yeah, where some guy who looked like a gnome what was to be the that, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, to be. He, he, he, to be. He, he, he, to be to be to be. He, he was to be, he was, he was to be, he was to be, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was to, he was to, he was to, he was to, he was to, he was to, he was to, he was to, he, he, he, he, he, he, into a royalty. Yeah, where some like guy who looked like a gnome what was talking to the head of Baghdad and being like, get him out of here. Yeah. And so he's got to go and explore the world. And he's got Omar Sharif as his translator. Yes. Omar Sharif speaks all the languages, which is very useful. Yeah.

It was fun in that documentary of like all of the actors just being geeked that Omar Sharif was there. That's cool. And Tony Benderers was like, I rode a camel next to Fucking Lawrence of Arabia. Yeah, she's like, yeah, yeah, no, you did it, you got that shit. No, you did, you got to, that's pretty great. Um, so we're introduced to them and they're being chased by the tartars. Yeah, like to this riverbed and then the tartars are like, oh no, we have to run away because something worse is here. But the Vikings aren't bad to the, I mean, I there, I there, I there, I there, I their, I their, their, their, the Vikings, the Vikings, the Vikings, the Vikings, the Vikings, the Vikings, the Vikings, the Vikings, the Vikings, the Vikings, the Vikings, the Vikings, the Vikings, the Vikings, the Vikings, they're their, they're they're they're they're they're they're they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they's, they's, they's, they's, they's, they's, they's, they's, they's, they's, they's, they's, they's, they're, they're, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, their, their, thi, their, their, thi. We're thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. they're thi. they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're, I mean there's, there's porty brus. There's guys, there's guys who are like, yeah, come on, you want to come, you can come. What's going on a quest? Oh man. Our introduction to the Vikings is the, what's his bull-vice? Bull-bif. Yes. Stabbing a man? Beowulf if you will. Can I just call him bay-wolf? Okay. Stabbing a man? Baywolf, if you will.

Can I just call him Baywolf? Okay. Stabbing a man, cutting a man open for reasons that seem petty at the time? I read on the Wikipedia that that was his brother, so he becomes the heir parent. Which I had no fucking idea about. Did they say that the king had died and that Bolivife was the next in line. Yeah. And then his brother is, or I never realized like I was his brother. No.

Maybe Wikipedia made that up. Maybe. Yeah. Because they were like, we have to make sense of the hero of this movie cutting a man open for no reason. How good is it? Like that guy like splits like bread in the oven when he. sharp sword. It was very nice. While Antonio Banderas is reciting a poem about a lot to him. Yeah, yes he is. Yes, he is. And then they all just go back to partying after that guy's been

sliced open like bread. I'll tell you what's cool. Yeah. A drinking horn. Yeah. My friend Christina got really enthusiastic at the Ren Fair last year and bought a drinking horn. Oh mean, it was incredibly expensive, but it looks cool as hell. Did she get the holster to wear it on her belt? I think she did. I think she went all in. I do want one though. It'd be fun. Yeah, they're very, well, your birthday's coming up.

In a mere X amount of months. There's this Viking metal band that I th, I I I I I I I I I I I I I I, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, the th, the th, the th, the the th, th, th, th, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, th, th, th, th, th, th, the, the, thi, thi, thi, thi, thiolou., theaugh, the, thi, thi, thi, thi. thi. thi, thea, the, th Viking metal band that I really love called Amanamarth and the singer has the horn of Mead on his belt that he drinks while they're playing. Mead? I feel like it'd be hard to drink Mead while playing metal. So like sweet and weird. Yeah, middle's kind of sweet and weird. No dude. You remember metal hits, they're always sweet and weird. They're the nicest. I guess so oh yeah, sure, you're all fine.

Whoever's listening, you're great. You are or you aren't, I don't know, I don't care. We see that the king is being buried with one of his servants. Yeah. Who they're like bobbing up and down on a chair, like a Jewish wedding? And I thought, God, I hope that if I am to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be murdered to be murdered to be murdered to be murdered to be murdered to be murdered to be murdered to be murdered to be murdered to be murdered to be murdered to be murdered to be murdered to be murdered to be murdered to be murdered to be murdered to be murdered to be murdered to be murdered to be murdered to be murdered to be murdered to be murdered to be murdered to be murdered to be murdered to be murdered to be murdered to be murdered to be murdered to be murdered to be murdered to be murdered to be murdered to be murdered to be murdered to be murdered to be murdered to be murdered to be murdered to be murdered to be murdered to be murdered to be murdered to be murdered to be murdered to be murdered to be murdered to be murdered to be murdered to be murdered to be murdered to be murdered to be murdered to be murdered to be murdered to be murdered to be murdered to be murdered to be murdered to be murdered to be murdered to be murdered to be murdered to be murdered to be murdered to be murdered to be murdered to be murdered to be murdered to be murdered, I get to be bobbed up and down first. Sure. Who does it want a little pre-death bobbing? I want a little pre-death bobbing? Yeah, that's what I want. And that's where we get the lo, there, do I see my father? Lo, there do I see my mother? My brothers and my sisters and Valhalla forever, yada, yada. Yada. And we're getting all of this one the v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v. thiiiii, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, tho, th, th, thi, thi, th, th, th, tho, tho, tho, tho, thah, thah, thah, thah, thah, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, thoo, thoooo, thoooo. thooooooo. thooooooo. thooo. getting all these different like translations. Yeah. But in the moment, I was like, why do these Vikings speak Greek?

Like, was it just that one guy that did? Sure. But so, can I nerd for a second? Oh yeah. So the Vikings traveled all over Europe and into the East. So they were known for speaking much of different languages. The reason that all of their armor is different is different is saying that they all spent times in different parts of the world and that's how like the one guy had a gladiator helmet. Yeah. And some of them are like idiosyncratic like one guy's dressed in basically like Elizabethan armor. It's like kind of ridiculous. But so it's just supposed to symbolize that they've been all over the world. Oh right. So, like. And some. And some. And some. And some. And some. And some. And some. And some. And some. And some. And some. And, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, the, the, the the the the the the the the the, the, the, the, the, the the, the the the the the the the the the the the the the to symbolize that they've been all over the world. All right fine. So there's been all this documented like trading between like the Moors and the Vikings and all this stuff so. I mean to be fair I know very very very little of our Vikings. Yeah I've yeah I know way too much not to be a bigot. Yeah, I know way way too much s sio' too much not too too too too too too much to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be too much to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be a to be a to be. to be. to be a to be too to be. to be. to be. to be. to be. to be. to be. to be. to be. too too too to be. too to be. to be too to be too to be too to be too to be too to be too to be too to be too to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the to the to to the to bea. their. the too much not to be a bigot. So I know too much shit about Viking stuff and I'm not a bigot, which is surprising that I know so much shit about Viking stuff.

Yeah, yeah. The way you said that the first time you were like, oh by the way, I'm a bigot. Sorry. Because I know a lot about Vikings and truly white people are the best. Like I had to talk myself out of of the th of th of th of th of th of thor thor thor thor tho tho tho tho tho thi thi thi thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. to thi. to thi. to thi. toeeeiiii. thiiiiiiiiiiiiiii. thi this? You want to fight a guy in the Harmar Target about that? Fuck that guy. Fuck that guy. So after the funeral, everybody goes to bed, and then in the next morning, Ahmed wakes up and he's walking over the tent for breakfast, and he sees a kid hanging out on a ship

yelling to the shore. Yes. And so he he he he he he he the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the they. He he he they. He he goes th asks he goes th asks th asks th asks th asks th asks th. Hea th. Hea tha. Hea. Hea. He's th. th. th. th. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. Fe. Fe. Fe. Fe. Fe. Fe. Fe. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. He. He. He. He. He's. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I'm. I. I'm, th. I. I'm. I. I. I'm th. I'm th. I. I'm th. I., yelling to the shore. Yes. And so he goes into the tent and he asks Omar Sharif, and Omar Sharif asks the guy who speaks Creek, and he sees them all spitting no bowl and then wiping it on their faces. Boogar bowl, no booger bowl. So that supposedly is not true, but it was like, no one would do that. But it's in Ahmed Abedin Fadlan's writings is like how gross they were. Like they did gross shit like that. He just, who? And he's like, people would like surmise that he may have just being like being big towards

them. It's like, because he's an ambassador. And you're like, well, this is what being an ambassador is all about, my dude, you've got experience other cultures. But it's very gross when they're like blowing snot rockets and then rubbing their faces with the snot rocket water. Oh, God, it's awful. It's like when I think about it makes me want to throw on. Yeah, it's gross. So we'll move on. So he- Wait, can I get a breaking news update? Yeah. Yeah, but bbbbbbbbbbbbbb. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. But. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. are one and tho. Whoa! I gotta win the World Series. It just ended right now. I cannot wait to win. 161 to go, baby. Keith, I can't do this with you again.

Yes, you have to. Listen, some people have religion. I have the Pittsburgh pirates. I believe in them for no reason. They've given me nothing to believe it. Nothing to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the world to the world the world the world th right then then the the the the thi. It. It. It. It. It. It just the the the the thi thi thi thi thi thi now thi now thi now thi now now thioom right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right thi. It thi. It thi. It thi. It thi. It. It. It thi their their their their their their their their their their their thi. It's thi. It's thi. It's the. It's the. It's thean. It's thean. to thean. thean. thean. thean. thean. theananit theanit thia. It believe in them for no reason. They've given me nothing to believe it. Nothing to believe. There's no evidence. You afraid to them so many times with no delivery.

No delivery and I'm forcing it on my child. So basically, yeah, Jesus. At least you're not trying to make her an Eagles fan. Uh, Rob is though. It's gross. Anyway, go on. As he bought her a pack of D battery shit. This is what you throw at Santa. They bring in the old lady. Right, because they, well, they bring in the kid off the boat because they wouldn't let him in because there was a fog the night before and they had to make sure he wasn't a ghost. Right. Like you do. There's a lot of talk about fog, but I couldn't really quite figure out what the fog was about. Just so they fear fog. There are people who navigated the ocean with no mechanical, they didn't have compasses

or anything, so like fog was a big deal. Sure. The big enemy, fog. I've seen that movie. I've seen that, John Carpenter. So, yes, so the Angel of Death comes in after the kid tells them... I can never hear the phrase, Bortar, Angel of Death! Go on. It's just, you know, a non-committal song of the songs.

Very factual. Joseph Mangala, it's like, that's a judgment on anybody. Not gonna like come down on one side or the other. I'm just gonna tell you about it. Just delivering, like a history book, basically. It's like behind the bastards if Robert Evans was just real middle of the road. It wasn't insanely judgment. So yeah, they've realized that he's not a ghost. He tells them that his father is the king in the north and he needs them to come home to rid them of some great evil that no one will name.

Right. Which is Grendel. Right. Got it. So they bring in the angel of death, she rolls the bones. Reading bones is a great, it's such a dope con. Yeah, I love the whole thing of like knuckle bones of a dead man. that like kind of idea. That's that's badass. Yeah and it's all just made up too which is really fun. Old timey witches are wild but I love them. Yeah. So she like lays it down she's like okay you have to go there have to be 13 of you and then there's this. She says because for 13 months of the year and I was like I wasn't I wasn't I wasn't I wasn't I wasn't I wasn't I wasn't I wasn't I wasn't I wasn't I wasn't I wasn't I wasn't I wasn't I wasn't I wasn't I wasn't I wasn't I wasn't I wasn't I wasn't I wasn't I wasn't I wasn't I wasn't I wasn't I wasn't I wasn't I wasn't I wasn't I wasn't I wasn't I wasn't I wasn't I wasn't to to to to to to to to to to to to th. I wasn't I wasn't I wasn't I wasn't I wasn't I wasn't I wasn't I wasn't I wasn't I wasn't I wasn't I wasn't I wasn't I wasn't I wasn't I wasn't I wasn't I wasn't I wasn't I wasn't I wasn't I wasn't I wasn't I wasn't I wasn't I wasn't I wasn't I wasn't I wasn't I wasn't I wasn't I wasn't I wasn't I wasn't I wasn't to to to to to to to to th. I wasn't to th. I wasn't to to to to to to to to th. I wasn like a leap, a leap century. You know, there was a time before the Gregorian calendar. You know, I don't know much about the Gregorian calendar and its origins. No, it would. Uh, you I would have expected, honestly.

As the resident 50-year-old? Yeah. Ah, still four and a half hours. So, she's like 13, and then we get this long scene of people, the the the th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, the, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, this long scene of people going, I want to be the next one. And me! It's a me, I'm a Viking. Yeah.

One of them has like a tattooed face, but he's the only one. Yeah. I like that for him. He was like, I'm going to be the tattoo guy. And he's Irish, actually there were a lot of Irish Vikings because they they they they they then you could stop being a slave and just become a Viking if you wanted to. Like indentured servitude? But like you were free quote-unquote like you could leave but like they were like well I was a shit farmer before this and now I'm making a ton of money raiding ships. Fair enough. There's also apparently a lot of black Vikings as well, but... What? Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But like, you know, white supremacy doesn't let you talk about that. No, no. I feel like I'm too ethnic to be a Viking. No, no, you could have been there. Rad. They the sea. No. No. No, no. I'm not made for fighting. No, no. I'll be the cook, you know. I'll make them a nice spiget.

Hey, it's a kid. She's making a nice spiget. Spaghetti. Oh, who doesn't love the spigue at sea? Just to weigh me down with the Vikings and they get all 12 and then the angel of death is like, you need one more and it's gotta be a foreigner. Yeah, so they all look at Ahmed and he's like, what? No? But I don't want to really know thank you.

And then Omar Sharif is like, yeah, because I'm done with this shit-ass job that you've got me doing, so don't you go do that and I'm gonna go back home. He does he almost does a like hey look over there I'm out kind of thing you know I like that. Oh man yeah so cool I wish I could be Omar Shariff cool but I'll never be that cool. You would need a mustache I think it's amazing his mustache is doing a lot of work yeah come come up there's a lot of work yeah Dr. Chivaco. Not since I was a very little girl and I found it very boring at the time. Of course she would. My none I loved it. Oh, it's snowing again. Great! God, she like gave me this little wind up thing that you turned to the thing and it played

the song and the people dance and I was like, I hate this movie. Sorry, Nanna. I'm not going to watch that together. It would have been a good time. Yeah, she would have liked that. So, they are like, you're the 13th word. And he's like, I don't want it, and they're like, you got it. He's like, okay, I'll go. Yeah, fine, whatever. I don't have anything else. Speaking of things I don't know much about. It's just a little tiny horse. It's a little show horse. Okay. I do like that he's tiny compared to all the

other actors. Yeah and like you don't get that a lot. Like think about Tom Cruise. It's like yeah you're gonna have to put me on seven apple boxes on the same height as a six foot foot five th five th five th five th five th five th five th five th five th five th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th. Yeah th. Yeah th. Yeah th. Yeah th. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. hea. hea. hea. hea. hea. hea. hea. hea. hea. he. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. I th. I th. th. th. I th. I th. th. th. I's like. th. I th. I th. th. th. th the six foot five man. Yeah, the Beowulf guy is huge. Yeah, yeah. And that one real dumb looking guy is really tall. The dark-haired guy, the like, the thief, the rogue type? No, no, there's like a guy that Billy from a Bugs Bunny cartoon. Oh, I know who you mean. He looks like McFully.

I think I referred him only as McFolly. The guy, the dark-haired guy, the thief character, I was like, I know him from something else and I looked him up. He's been in nothing else. Yeah. And he's like a doctor now. And he's got all these fillers in his face and he looks he he he he he he he he th and he looks th and he's th and he's face and he looks insane. Insane. Because he's a handsome gentleman. He was then. Yeah.

Give him a quick look, Daniel Southern is his name. You remembered his name. Yeah, because I just kept being like, this cannot be the same man. All right, hold on. And then I like went through his bio and he went to med school. Daniel Southern, a film actor Daniel Southern? Then I'll do th do th do th do th do th do th do th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thu thu thu tho, he tho, he tho, he thi, thi, thi, he thi, he thi, he thi, is thi, is thi, is thi, is thi, is thi, is thi, is the, is the, is the, is th. Is is th. Is th. Is th. Is th. Is th. Is th. Is is th. He, is th. He, is th. He, is th. He, is th. He, is thi. He, is thi. He is thi. He's thi. He's thi. He's than, than, than, than. Hea. Hea. He's than. Hea. He's thanan. He's thi. He's thi? He made his head like twice the size it was previously. It's very strange. Yeah.

Oh, buddy. I know. Don't put that many fillers in your head. This is what aging into your beauty is very beneficial. Because then you're not like looking at pictures of yourself when you were 17 and going, why don't I look like thi. We get this great language learning scene. I adore this scene. I feel like this is very like duolingo baby.

Like this makes that owl happy for once that whiny little shit. I did not make you sad. You chose to feel sad. Bitch. I think this was a genius thing on McTiernan's part because he needed to, like, A, he needed to get out of people speaking foreign languages. Sure. So that an American audience would watch the movie.

It was, I mean, when it was being translated twice before it got to us, I was a little, okay, come on, come on, come on. T, too many languages. I'm just, I'm here to watch to watch to watch to watch to watch, I'm here to watch, I'm here to watch, I'm here to watch, I'm here to watch, I'm here to watch, I'm here to watch, I'm here to watch, I'm here to watch, I'm here to watch, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm here to watch, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm here. I'm, I'm here the the the the the th. I'm here. I'm here. I'm here th. I'm here, th. I'm here. I'm here, th. I'm, th. But it's like a minute-long scene of them like showing the passage of time at every campfire they're telling your mama jokes and he learns to speak their language from your mama jokes. Yes he does just like children do. Just like children do. Yes I'm sorry I interrupted you as you were going to talk about that. Oh, no, I was literally just railing against Duo and his sadness and his like weird taco shop over on Penn Avenue.

Have you seen this like? No, I've never done anything with Duolingo. Oh, yeah. Well, they're headquartered a few blocks away and they have like a taco and they have like a taco. I was like why thi. Why th. Why th. Why thi. Why thi. Why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, th. I, th. I th. I th. I th. I, th. I, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, thi. I thi. I thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. t so. Go and ask for duo taco. It's called duo's tacos or something. Yeah, it's so stupid. It makes me want to die. It's still a better name than what is that one in your neighborhood? Baby loves tacos. It's really good though, have you been? they're really good. I hate their name. Yeah. That's not what you call your restaurant. It's like Ricky's tacos. It's their they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's really really really really really really th. It's th. It's they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're tod. I today. I today. I today. I today. I today. I today. I today. I today. I today. I today.. Ricky's Taco Shop. He just docks my neighborhood. Mmm, Rickies.

Anyway, so yeah, he learns their language and they're all mad at him for learning his language until they're not. Are they mad? The one guy said, whoa, why do you know our language? I think he's just stunned. Yeah, because they weren't going to learn anything except you they they they learned all these other languages, so I don't know why they, whatever. They were like, they were like dads. They're stunned, but their only promotion they could show his anger.

Right, there you go. Baywolf is a very squinty man. He looks a bit like the Vigo the Carpathian guy, excepting. So he asks, Antonio, the the the the the the the the the the the the thian, thian, thian, thian, thian, thian, thian, thian, thian, thian, thian, thian, thi, thi, thi, thi, they're they're they're, they're, they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're they're they're they're, they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're thi, thi, thi, thi. thi. They were thooooooo-a thoan, like like like, like, like, like, like, like, like, they're they're they're they're they're they're's Miko the Carpathian, but he needs readers. Yeah, exactly. Or cheaters. So he asks Antonio Bendatis to draw sounds. To write words, basically. And the phrase he chooses to start with is like, there is one God and Muhammad is his prophet. And you're like, is that really what you want to start? Is that what you want to start with? Okay, all right, all right. What was he gonna do? Eat Ricky's tacos? Anything.

I mean, he has learned the phrase pig-eating son of a whore, so I would start with that. That was a good bust. Yeah, it's good bust. You're a whore. Yeah. Maybe do hello my name is. That's a great one to learn in any language. But then they'd just be like, slim shady. Yeah. Fucking Eminem. I have like a free trial of Sirius XM right now.

And I was listening to Fly the best channel on there. And it's like every time, I don't know. It was like, I don't thrown. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. th. thi. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. th. they' they' they' they' they' they'd. they'd. they'd. they'd. they'd. they'd. they'd. they'd. they'd. they'd. they'd. they'd. they'd. they'd. they'd. they'd. they'd. they'd. they'd. they'd. they'd. they'd. the the the the th. th. th. thin. thin. th. th. the. the. the. to. to to to to to to to to to the. the. the. the. th song until Eminem comes in and it's like no not turn this off turn this off I've never been an Eminem fan I'd like I understand that he's very good at rapping seems like it but I just don't care it's it just sounds like he's talking through his nose and I don't like that very much it's a lot of his voice timers what I don't like yeah it it it it is a the to to to to to to to to to to to to the to to to to to the to to to to the to to their to th th. It's a th. It's a th. It's a th. It's a to th. It's a th. It's a th. It's a to to to to th. It's a to to to to to to to to to to to to th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. It's a th. It's a th. It's a th. It's a th. I'm th. I'm th. It's a th. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm th. I'm not thi. I'm not th. I'm not th. I So yeah he shows him how to write. Bullwife immediately remembers how to write in Arabic. He's really good. Everyone picks that up immediately. I mean Arabic is super simple. Super simple.

And then they're like, they're making fun of his horse again. He's like, oh yeah, oh yeah. Well look at what my horse can do. Yeah, jumps a fence. Jumps a bunch of stuff. The guy's got the f f fi the fi the fi the fi the fi the fi the fi the the th. th. th. th. th. th. He's th. He's thi thi thi thi. He's thi. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's thi. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I is th. I is th. I is th. I is th. I is th. I is th. I is th. I is th. I is th. I is th. I is th. I's is th. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah. Yeah, th. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, th. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah stuff and they're all like the guy he's got fillers now turns around and goes yeah. Yeah. The Beowulf tells him to be in the mist and I was like what does that mean before I realized that he was like the rogue character. Just like what does that what does it mean to go pick up some hoagies? Like what are you doing? What is being in the mist? I get it now? the th is being being being being being being being being being being being being being being being being being being being being being being being being being being being to to to to to to to to the the the to to the the the the the the the to be being being being being being being being being being being being being being being being being being in being in being in. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. th. th. th. thi. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. tell. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. Hogi's. Me too. The dog can jump! Yeah, he jumps the fence to run down a sad screaming baby. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Don't run at the sad screaming baby. I think that scares them. That's later though. We got a while to get to get to... Yeah, yeah. Oh, shit. Well, the opening shot of them on a boat, so now they're on a boat on a sound stage, that's all CGI going north. Oh yeah, I said, wow, this looks so real and Rob got super defensive about it.

That wasn't like the first 10 seconds of the film. I thought, boy we're in for a rough ride. It does look like shit, but in their defense, it looks like shit. Yeah. In their defense, in, their their their their their their their their their th. And then we see that to find land, they just yelled Odin at everything for a while. Right. I think I zoned out a little during that because I thought, why shout? Well, you've got to, if you're going to get an echo, then you know you're close to land. If not, it's just going to keep going and come back to you.

I'm not a very practical seafarer, am I? I'm not an explorer. No. I got a GPS, you know. So, but the other thing they do is they're shooting flaming arrows. And the first one we hear sizzles, and then the second one is stuck in a tree. And that's how they know they're close to land. Got it. And also that trees on fire now. Whoops. Found it! We've started the long house on the hill and they're all getting off their boats and Ahmed gets up a sword from the Eddie Vedder looking guy that he can't lift because it's too heavy. Right, he's just a tiny baby Arab. Just a tiny, tiny baby man. They call him little brother.

And... That's actually very cute. Yeah. He, uh, we meet the perfumed ambassador or whatever from the king comes to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the king. to the king. the king. the kingthe perfumed ambassador or whatever from the king comes down to talk to them. I don't remember this. And they're like making fun of him because he smells good. Okay. You all smell like farts in your name. I like to be on the other side of bullying really though, where you're just like disgusting and you go after someone who isn't. So and we see that Bullwife has learned how to write, like he gets a little correction, but he's pretty much got it. I mean he's super smart.

Sorry, that guy's a Herald who comes to meet them. Okay. So now they're going to to go meet Rothgar, the King, who has Rocky Mouth for some reason. Sure does. I love him because he feels like he's in a completely different movie than everybody else. I feel like he was cast and he had a really specific idea of what he was going to do. And then when he got it on to set, they were like, oh no.

Look, the king's gonna be drunk this whole time. What, they're throwing it out there, what if I'm drunker than the game? What if I'm the drunkest? Yeah, I like that a lot. And he's got a hot young wife. And while they, they're, this is when we get the scene where Ahmed sees a child running. Okay, this is the first child they see. That's th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th the thi that thathe thathe the thathe the thathe kk, the thatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheathe, thathe, thathe, their, their, their, their, thu. thu. thu. thu. thu. thu. thu. thu. thu. thu. thu. thu. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. the. the. the. the. He's the. He's the. He's thea. He's theea. He's theea. Hea. He's thea. Hea. He's the the first child they see running. This is the naked one that they see. Yeah. That's all covered in go back to his family's homestead. Right, where we find like a hanging upside-down body and a baby-arm and you're like, oh, no. And I was like, oh, McTearney loves an upside-down body that's all cut up. He sure does. I don't thin. I don't thin. that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. thoo. tho. Yeah. tho. thoome. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the the th. th. the the the th. the th. wrong. No, I'm into it. It would look great. If that's wrong, I don't want to be right.

Also the red guys, curls are so beautiful. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. I wish I had hair, I wish my hair would curl like that. He looks like if you were drawing a rogue for a D&D manual. Certainly. Yeah, with those face tatoes and all that. redhead. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. His curls are so good. Yeah. What are you putting in those? Viking times. Just like a hot roller? Just hot rocks. Hot rocks. So the heads of these folks are missing. Yes. We're told that it is said they eat the dead. So they know what it is. Yeah. So the Wendell. Not a grendal. Mr. Wendel. Yes. Yes. We're toled. Yes. It is. that. It is. It is. It is. It is. It is. It is. It is. It is. It is. It is. It is. It is. It is. It is. It is. It is. It is said. It is said. It is said. It is said. It is said. It is said. It is said. It is said. It is said. It is said. It is that. It is said. It is said. It is said. It is that it. It is said. It is said. It is said. It is said. It is said. It is said. It is said. It is said. It is said. It, the Wendel. Not a Grendel. Mr. Wendell.

Yes. This is what arrested development was warning us about Mr. Wendel. For all you officianados of early 90s hip-hop that no one remembers. Yep, there there go. So they also find this like fertility totem there as well. Yeah, it's like a Venus. Yeah, the headless, legless, armless, big titty, big booty. That's all you need to have in this world.

Big titties. No arms, no legs. No, you'd be fine. Your Instagram will be blowing up. But I like the scenes of them sneaking into the farmhouse. They're doing like a raid on the farmhouse. Sure, yeah. Adventure scenes. Yeah, yeah, yeah, adventure scenes.

And we see that the Wendell are watching them. Right. They're creep, they look like just beasts. We don't know what they are. They look like mean, mean, mean monsters. They come with the fog, always fucking everything up. Yeah. Gonna lose your contact in the mist? We go back to the Longhouse, we meet the prince, he's a real dick. I don't remember the prince. He says some shit to Bulvife about not hearing about him.

And Bulvife is like, the only thing damn. But didn't Bolvife also kill his brother earlier in the movie? Huh? Okay. Okay. We also, there's this concept that they keep discussing, which is that your fate is fixed. Sure. And I thought, God, what a fucking way to live. I would have been dead by seven.

See, I, I'm of two minds about it. Because I kind of take that Viking idea of like your fate is fixed, you can't fucking do anything about it, so who gives a shit, just live your life. Which is what they're kind of saying. That would have led to me jumping off like a fourth story roof. Because if I'm gonna die, I might as well just do it right? Yeah but what if it was that was the time you die? Yeah then I would die. No but fate is fixed I have to jump off this roof. You're gonna die anyway. So might as well do it now. No! I'm really

confused. It's kind of the way Iating the idea that life has no meaning. You don't believe that though. That life has no meaning? Yeah. I, from the standpoint of like, from the standpoint of like, from the standpoint of like, if you believe that, you would never like, to make delicious baked goods and give them to people you love. I look at it as from the standpoint of life, life, life, life, life, life, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, the the the the the their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, th, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, life, like, life, like, life, like, th. Like, like trying to do. Oh, no, that's stupid. Goals are shit I like my goals are just to be kind and to like leave the world somewhat better than I got here Yeah if I can and just be like kind of loving to my friends and loved ones just kind of loving kind and loving

Just like kind a loving but also just like farting up their living room and going home Withholding compliments so they don't get their hatches. Look, you don't want them to, you don't want to blow anybody's ego up. You don't want anyone to be an arrogant bastard. But uh, so like I kind of, I gotta get that idea of fate, but it's also like mad corny. Well, I didn't do it. It was fate. Oh, I didn't do it, it was fate. What am I supposed to do? Oh, that is a great excuse though. Like, oh, sorry, I was supposed to come to work today and I didn't, my fate, it was faded.

The Norns already stitched this in. What was I supposed to do? Yeah. I still might jump off a roof, just to see. Please don't. You'll forget to tuck and roll, it'll just be bad. I never knew how to tuck and roll if I'm being honest with you. That's where you belly flopped! Yeah. But it also like, it kind of lends the Vikings, especially the one that looks like any better.

They're just having this like, man, it's gonna be cool man. Like, just do what you gotta do. He's like the dude of Viking. Very frustrating. So they go and meet with a guy who's seen the Wendell or the Vendal, I guess they would pronounce the WSV. Not Grendel. Don't get it twisted. You'll find this unsurprising. That's the first time that I put Wendell and Grendel together. I never thought about that before I'll be totally honest with you. And the the the th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. th. th. th. thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi to to to to to to to to tho thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi the I'll the I'll the I'll the I'll the I'll the I'll the I'll the the the the the the the the the the the the the to to to to to to to to to to to to to to toe toe toe toe toe toe to to to the the the the the the the thought about that before. I'll be totally honest with you. There you have it. I'm just like, oh, Viki movie. Yay! They go to meet this guy that is like a cartoon pirate who they have to go see? Yes, I liked the cartoon pirate.

And he's like scarred to shit, he's missing an eye, and he just keeps talking about a glow-virm? I love that he's talking and nobody seems to be that interested. What did you even come here for? There's a glow-virm and they're like, I don't, that little toy that got dirty was as soon as like your child touched it? Yes, I had a gloom. I would sleep with it in my bed and I would roll onto it and it was had such a hard face. Hard face that like glowed-d-like that that that that that that th th that th th is th th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is a thi-up thi-up thi-up thus thus thus thus thus thus. thi-a thus thoom. thoom. thoomathing. the the the th. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. th is th is th is th is th th th th th th th th th thi-t thi-to-to-to-wom. the the the. theat theat theat theat tooooooooooooooooooooooooom. the. the the from another room just attached to the glowingness. Yeah so sticky. Why? Gloworms were a terrible, terrible idea. Maybe that's that today was terrified. It was covered in the slabber of a child. This was the Glover. The Glover. No, I like that guy. He's great. So they have to go take a nap so the Vendal will show up, and so they fortify everything. And then the Mist comes in, and then the Vendal come in. Right. And attack them in the hall, but they don't drink before it because they have to be sharp mind. They should have discussed the plan before then, because Antonio Mendez is like what am I supposed to do as they're attacking and it's like why didn't you ask before they got there? Like did you lay down to rest thinking? He went to sleep everybody else was awake? Yes, he went to sleep everybody else was awake and he like when they all wake up to the sound of the

Vendal he's like oh shit I have a job and I have no idea what it is like that terrifying moment of like that thi tho thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to thu. thu. thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they're they're thi thi thi to to to theeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee to to to to to to is. Like that terrifying moment of like, I don't know what I'm supposed to do. Why didn't you ask before you went to sleep, you ding dong? I think that that was like a two-fold thing of like John McTearney, I mean like, you're gonna feel like a fish out of water right here. Sure. But also, like, that would be like if you were a't tell me any of the plays. You just ran, ran straight for the end zone every time, straight ahead. So there's this really fun battle sequence with a Wendell kick in, kicking all the windows and then they fight and then the Wendell steal all their dead back. Yeah.

Which I really like that little mechanic of like you can't examine them, we've taken the bodies away. Yeah, we start killing off the adventurers because there's 13 of them and you have to start cutting down. We've met four of them so you know that the other nine are dead within a day. Dead and a day. And yes, when they all look around they're like, oh, their bodies are missing, which I thought was a really nice little like, yeah. Yeah, I like thees gets knocked out. He's got a boo-bo on his head. Yeah, so they wake him up and I'm like, uh, he did not die. They're healing him with cow urine. Yeah. Give us a shot. The thing they did because if you boil it down, it's ammonia. Which you can clean with. Oh, fuck. Yeah. How about that? And he believes in science. He listens to the to the nurse practitioner here here here here here here here here here here. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. to to to to to to to the nurse. the nurse. to to the nurse. Yeah. Yeah. the nurse. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. the the the the the the the the the the the n. the n. the n. the n. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. the the the the the the the the do like that like the the like fucking getting genius every day on spelling bee part of me is just like hell yeah I love a movie about a smart guy learning smart stuff and being smart about

things. Yeah. Spelling be so fructing be so fruiting. Yeah. Being a smart guy doing smart guy. Oh spelling bee I find a small guy very frustrating. Oh, I'm more of a crossword. See I found the crossword frustrating. But frustrating but like like like like frustrating frustrating frustrating frustrating frustrating frustrating frustrating frustrating frustrating frustrating frustrating frustrating frustrating frustrating frustrating. But th. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I. I. I. Yeah. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I'm more of a crossword. I'm more of a crossword kind of person. See, I found the crossword frustrating, but like I'm on a month and a half long tear of getting genius every day and I'm like losing. And I'm like, every day you're like, every day you're like, pressure? Does it feel pressure? Yeah, it's like, that's not good. I remember when they this next game is one we're going to lose. Yeah, good. I hope it hurt them when they did. Yeah, I mean, fuck Chelsea. But still, that's like the only thing I get, because

West Ham doesn't have winning streaks. No, no, the Pittsburgh Pirates are on a one game streak. A new pirate generation, everybody shouts, let's go, box. Really? thrown the t poets for you. Is that a song they play in the stadium? Yeah, when they win. Yeah. Are they going to play the national anthem that Trump is playing in all of his rallies, which is the January 6 people singing the national end? No. What the fuck? Are you serious right now? Are you making this up? No. He now calls them hostages. Hostages? Hostages? There is a chorus of January 6, fucking criminals that have sung the national anthem and he plays it and salutes them at the beginning of all of his rallies now.

It's we're, it's banana times. This is the, I feel like we're living in, I feel like, oh my God, what happened to us? What happened to us? See, the path not taken now, and some Robert Frost shit. But the entire country became meth. Yeah, the entire country went down the meth path. And some of us were like, do we have to? And they were like, yes. Oh my God, the roadless traveled and this is what we all get for those ironic,

ironic USA champs. I know, I have a tank top that I used to wear every 4th of July that says back-to-back World War champs with an American flag. It fucking bums me out. My grandfather won that goddamn war. Single-handly. I don't know, the amount of Nazis shit we found in his basement. I was like, wow, you killed a lot of Nazis. You were a really nice guy. Yeah, that's what nice guys too. Killed all the Nazis. So he gets cow piss on his face and then they got to go build fortifications and he like goes to the smithy to make his sword smaller and then does a bunch of sword tricks.

Yes, he can do sword tricks now, yeah. Which leads to one of my favorite jokes in the movie. What's that? Which is when the Irish guy goes, when you die, can I give that to me daughter? He's Scottish. He's Scottish. He's Scottish. He's Scottish. He's Scottish. He's Scottish. He's Scottish. He's Scottish. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's Scottish. He's Scottish. He's Scottish. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. that's thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. He thi. He's thi. He's thi. He's thi. He's th. He's thi. He's thi. He's thi. He's thi. He's thi. He's thi. He's thi. He's thi. He's thi. He's thi. He's thi. He's thi. He's thi. He's to to to to toeeeeeeeeeea toeeea. toeea. to toeeea. toeea. toea. He's thea. He's thi.. So then... That's probably the only joke in the movie, too, if I'm being honest with you. Sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Other than, uh, I'm not a warrior, you will be. Whoops, a toosy.

Yeah. So the mist comes in again, and we see the, the glowworm. So fucking misty. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Apparently, they shot this on, I think, Vancouver Island. Of course. And because Europe doesn't have these great expanses of trees anymore. Yeah. But so apparently, like, the mist was a real problem shooting this movie. I bet. Yeah.

Yeah. So the glowworm comes down, and they're like, what? What are we going to do? They're like, if only we'd ever the th th th. th. they they the they they they they they they they they they they they they they they and they're like what? Glowworm, what are we going to do? They're like if only we'd ever heard anyone talk about a glowworm before but I remember nothing about it. I literally told you all here! Shut up! I'm sorry. So there's like a fight or something. I wrote here an engineering dispute but I don't remember what that's about. So the engineering dispute is the prince is like talking shit on Bulavife and to show the prince that they don't know, that the prince doesn't know the full

capabilities of these Vikings. Okay. They engineer an engineering dispute where the Eddie Vedder looking guy throws mud on the giant that hangs out with the prince. Right. They start bickering and then they they they they they challenge they challenge, they challenge, they challenge, they challenge, they challenge, they ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch-a, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their thii- thi- thi- thi- thi- thi- thi- thi- thi- thi- thi- thi-a, thi-a, thi-a, thi-a, thi-a, thi-a, thi-a, thi-a, thi-a, thi-a-a-a-a-s thi-s thi-s thi-s thi-s thi-s. thi-s. thi-siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii. thi. thi. thi-s. thi mud on the giant that hangs out with the prince. Right. They start bickering and then they challenge basically challenges him to a duel where they have a three-shield banging duel. Right. And then he lops off the giant man's head to show that he wasn't actually getting tired he can still fight. Just killed that man. Yeah I don't love that. You were on the the same side. But they were and they were and they were all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all just they were all just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just the. they were all. their. they were all. they were all. they're all. they're they're they're their the. they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they're. they're. they're. they're. they're. they're. they're. they're. they're. they're. they're. they're. they're. they're. they're. they're. they're. they're. they're. they're. Yeah. I don't love that. You were on the same side. But they were and they were all just like, yeah it's actually a bummer. That guy was huge and we could have really used him but we had to prove a point.

Yeah, straight beheads him and sprays everyone with blood. But also in that scene Antonio Bandis goes up to Baywolf and is just like speaking directly into his nippies because he's so short. I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I love th. I love th. I love th. I love th. I love th. I love th. I love th. I love th. I love th. I love th. I love that's just that's just that's just that's just that's that's that's that's that's that's that's is that's is that's is that's is that's is that's that's that's that that that that that that that that that that that that's is that that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's th. It was th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's thus. It's very cute. Yeah. But yeah, so Eddie Vedder is like, he's just like, I'm a wild card, you know? I love that there's just like an old lady standing there, she just gets splashed at the face. She's like, I'm just trying to dig a fucking hole. I didn't want to do this anyway. I want to be watching my program. So then Antonio Banderas rides out to where cheek filler is, but he's not in the watchtower, he's hiding in a tree because everyone would look for him in the watchtower.

And then there's the thundercliff they learn about. Yeah. And the mist is coming, and now the firevirm. And I like the cheek filler has a zip line. Yes, I did like the zip line quite a bit. So this is when we see the child outside of the battlements. I have a note here to myself that says, this scene again, huh, of a child running? So that's where I got confused.

Yes, he runs out and he snatches the child right before the venal comes. Yes, he jumps over the spikes with the horse but place spikes. For horses. Yeah. I do like this like hundreds of torches coming at them though. I think that's a very nice little touch. Hundreds of torches and dudes wearing bearskins. Well, they're monsters. We don't know their dudes wearing bearskins yet, but they're riding horses so you're kind of like you're probably not beasts, right? Right? Otherwise you could do it your damn selves. So spoiler alert. The Vendal in, I think it's in the Crichton book and like theoretically in this movie

are supposed to be Neanderthals. There's supposed to be Neanderthals that like hung around. Just didn't evolve. Like no, I won't. I won't get any bigger than this. I don't think you have a say. Huh? So apparently John McTierne had like, was just like, well, can I turn them into predators? Is that a thing I get? Because he wanted to make the monsters.

Sure. He was like, have you seen the film predator? And my own one is like, yeah, that sounds like a good idea, but you can't have my thing. It's basically the plot twist from from the village the village the village the village the village the village the thuice thuice thuice thi thi thi It's basically the plot twist from the village. We're in now times, but they're Neanderthals. So, I do, yeah, I like the Calvary running or riding and just throwing torches at them. I think that's a pretty cool move. It is cool. Yeah. I like impaling horses.

I've always liked that. And I will always like that. How fucking terrifying would it be if someone threw you a pole that sharpened on one ed said put your foot on it because we're going to stop horses right now. Yeah, I don't think that I would. I think I would be like, oh shit, I dropped my watch. I have to just go back. Hold on one second. I will be right back. I swear to God I'll be back before it happens. I love that like Bandaris is just like, yeah, I'm down to clown. Whatever you guys want me to do, I'll do it. Maybe he agrees with the idea that your fate is fixed. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or maybe it's just like, this guy is three times my side. It's just thr I just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just thi. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. th. T. th. th. thi. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the th. th. th. the. the. the the the. the the the the. the the the the the the the the the. the. the the. the. the the whatever they say. So everything's burning. We're down to seven heroes now.

There's the big fight and then it's done and he finds out that mead is not made of grape, it's not made of grain. It's honey, so he gets trashed and then gets fucked. It's a loophole, like soaking or doing it in the butt. Please, Sovie wrote that down. It's made from honey, which is a loophole, like soaking or doing it in the butt, right there. Famous lupoles. Yeah, right. I do said, I do have, he could get drunk. A loophole. A loophole. I didn't put in the do it in the but thing. And then he just, he's never going to call. He's just riding out to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to ride out a to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to their to to to to to the to to to to their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the to to the to to to to to to to to. to. to. to. toooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. too. to in the doing it in the butt and then he just he's never gonna call he's just riding out of town on his horse been there sister do you like that lady that was saying that he makes women

noises was then like I'm going to make love to you now yeah yeah but they are fully clothed when next we see them because it's a PG 13 movie right right also have a note that s said me that's th I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th th th th th th th. th. I th. I th. I th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm the. I'm th. I'm they they they're they're they're they're they're they're th. they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they're they're they're they're they're they're thi thi thi thi thi thi thi took took took took try try took took took try the. the. the. the. they're they're they're they're the. I'll also have a note that says mead. That shit is a headache and a horn. Yeah, I don't want that. Yeah, I can't drink it. Yeah, it fucks you up. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. How can you be like playing metal and drinking mead? I feel like you would just be like, I have to throw up.

Because you're just like, I'm a Viking. Yeah, we do. Ammonomorth also does this thing where they get the entire pit to sit down on the floor and pretend like they're rowing a Viking ship. It's very funny. I'm thinking like, I hate to be told what to do, you know, and I feel like I'm not participating, but I would because if everybody else did, you'd be like, oh, fuck I'm fucking right here. But that's what I mean by them being so sweet. Stop moshing for a little while and row the ship. Yeah, don't punch, don't punch, just row. On a metal pit is just all punching.

Yeah, I'm sure. I've never been in one, but no, thank you. Uh, I think a monomarth pit was the last time I almost got into a fistlight. But they're so sweet, Alan. Some guy was moshing too hard. He hit me in the head. Dude, mosh too hard. That's what it is. That's what it is. That wasn't even old then.

No. God, that was like almost 20 years ago. Yeah. Hey, four hours. So, they go see another Oracle who will only lay down while she talks to them. I like that. Fuck I'm not standing. You're not Pam, we're not standing up to sit up. So she's like, yeah, you gotta go kill the mother of the Vendal and like, oh yeah,

you gotta kill this other guy too that we just kind of tacked down in here and you don't know who he is yet. Yeah. We saw th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th the th th th they th th th they th they they th th th th th they th th th th the the the the the the that the tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that the the th. th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th other guy too that we just kind of tack down in here and you don't know who he is yet. We saw him green screened in waving a club in the air earlier. That's right. That also looked like shit. That was a Michael Crichton reshut that he demanded to have in there. Really? Yeah, he wanted to have the duel at the end of the movie with Beowulf and that guy. And John John John John John John John John John John John John John John John John John John John John John John John John John John John John John John John John John John John John John John John John John John John John John John John John John John the the the the the they. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.. Yeah... Yeah. Yeah.. Yeah...... Yeah. Yeah... Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. that. that. that. that. the. the. need for that. He's because he'll be cool. Yeah. So they head off to find them. And then we get some more smarts from Antonio Banderas where he's like, where do bears live?

They live in caves. Let's go undercover of darkness? Huh? Yeah, they go fucking broad daylight. You couldn't have seen all the cool rope ladders that were everywhere. Yeah, that's true. God, I just... These people are cool. It's terrifying. Yeah.

Like, a fucking rope bridge? No, thank you. I will stay on to go there. What's over there? I don't give it. It doesn't. It doesn't. There's like this whole big Temple of Doom vibe right now. Oh yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. What's that? Temple of? Temple of? I'm not familiar. What? Since why didn't we start doing this? Well, this is the only action movie? Gotcha. It's a horror movie. There's monsters. No, I think it's horrible. th is is is th. th. th is is th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. th. th. th. th. th. th. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the tip. the tip. tip. tip. tipe. tipe. tempe. tip. temp. temp. temp. temp. temp. temp. tip. temp. temp. tip. t action movie podcast. It's a horror movie. There's monsters. No, I think it's horrible. We see a DIY head tree. Uh-huh. I think I saw that in real simple magazine. Jessica Albo wants you to build your own head tree. What's the feelings issue, Alan? I forgot to bring it for you. I love that this is a joke for nobody but you and me and I'm just going to keep telling it.

I love it. That's literally, that should be the tagline for this podcast. A joke for nobody but you and me. So they have to go through like all this like swashbuckling shit to sneak around and then falling into water and I'm like why can't you just fall into the water but anyway they know what they're doing I don't know their job they know what they're doing I mean you're not an adventurer yeah but I do like this like D&D thing of like okay if we just run in there we have to fight everybody so if we sneak we only have to fight a few people I like it yeah and then we have to fight everybody the to to to to to to to fight everybody to to to to to to to to to to to to to to their their their their their their their their to their to to to to to to to to their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their to. to. to. to. their their their their their their their their their their their their their the on the way out. You talk about it for half an hour while the DM just hits their eating chips, and then you just end up setting off a trap and calling all sorts of attention to yourself anyway. My favorite thing to do when my players are doing that is just to start rolling dice behind the screen. I'm not rolling to the fencing.

And they're like, oh,tension to the scene. Yeah. I might be alone in this room in that. And then they come a bunch of, come upon a bunch of shaman chanting. Right. And so their immediate thing is they just murder all of them. Yeah, I mean, what I'm going to go kill the mom. You guys do your thing. And like, how is this not the end of the movie? It isn't. Isn't it close? No, there's

still like a whole other battle scene that has to happen. So he's, he goes and fights the big mom and like it's weird that she's hot. Yeah. Like, why? Why, why thi. thi. th th th th th th th th th th th th th th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. th. th. th. th. th. th. And, thi. And, th. th. And, th. And, th is th is th. And, th. And, th is th is th th is th th is th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, like, like, like, like, like, like, thi. And, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, thi. And, like, like, th. And, like, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. Not what I expected her to look like a weird hot metal goth girl just looking at this cave, but she has a poison claw that she hits him with. She, well like, she set up as this big bad, but she dies so easily. Like I was like, oh wow snake and bone lady is way too cool to die, but she dies. Yeah, and then she, but she scratches him first. Yeah, like she just fucking dies. If I could put this in a parlance, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. She's, th. She's, th. She's, th. She's, th. She's, th. She's, th. She's, th. She's, th. She's, th. She's, th. She's, th. She's, th. She's, th. She's, th. She, th. She, th. She, th. She, th. She's th. She's th. She's th. She's th. th. She's thee. theea. thea. thea. She's theeea. She's theea. She's theeat theat the. She's th. She's th. She's so easy. If I could put this on a parlance that you'd understand. Sure. Real Darth Mall vibes with this lady. Yeah, from Insidious? Someday I'll see those. No, please don't. Okay, then I won't.

They're terrible. So yeah, so now he's walking out and he's all fucked up and they're like, oh, we've got to go down to go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go to go go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go. to go th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th th th th th th th th th. th. th. to go, to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to to to th. to to to th. to to to th. to to th. to to to th. to to that's to that's to to that's that's that's the that's the the tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho th., right? That's science. I don't think so, but okay. I don't know much about caves. This is an episode of things I don't know much about. I hope never to learn much about caves. I'm not a spolunker, no. Oh God, no. Oh, it gives me the hibbys.

Like the descent. Yeah. Yeah and it wasn't the monsters. No. It was the Cidorous joke. Had he given a lemon and orgasm? You tickle it sitterous. I don't remember that. Yeah, I like that. Sure the one woman tells it to the other woman when she's freaking out because she's stuck in the hole. That's funny. So she's like I'll make you laugh with this joke that I'll make a th you laugh at th you laugh at th. I'll make you laugh at th. I'll make you laugh at th. I'll make you th. I'll make you th. I'll make th. I'll make th. I'll make the joke. I'll make th. I'll make th. I'll make the th. I'll make thi. I'll make thi. I'll make you the thi. I'll make the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm tick. I'm tick. I'm tick. I'm tick. tick. I'm tick. tick. tick. tick. tick. tick. tick. I'm tick. I'm tick. I'm tick. I, it's fine. It's fine. It's fine. It's fine. It's fine. It does make me think I'm just going up and rubbing the nubbit on a lemon. I bet you do that every time you see a lemon and then you giggle. Yeah, I'm a friend of lemons. Friend of lemons. So they're running, they're runningto the ribs and is puking blood. Oh, I miss that too. There's a lot of things happening to a lot of, there's still a lot of characters.

Yeah. They gotta whittle it down a little bit more. Yeah. So he's like, yeah, I'm just gonna hang back and I'll die back here. So see you guys later. And then Eddie Vedder just like, nah. Just shakes his head, no, no, no. No, no. I have a no idea that a stream disappears under rocks. Your D&D potato is so demoralized. Who's the D&D potato?

Is it? Was that supposed to be party? No, I think I was referring to someone as a potato. Oh, well, it might have been party. Now that I'm re-reading it, your D&D party is so demoralized. Did you decide that one of these Vikings was a D&D potato? I think it's party. Ful of life, the D&D potato. He's a bit of a potato, though, you can't deny it.

Oh, no, no. And that wig is doing him no, no, no kindness. So they swim, they they they swim, they they swim, they they they they they th. So they swim for it, which is a literal nightmare. Oh yeah. And they have to go out and get out into the ocean, and then they're out in the ocean. I'm like, everything's fine, anyway, we'll catch you back up later. Yeah, what? Did you guys do? It's okay. You know, you just walk back out of the ocean. It's fine. You're on a cliff, it's fine. Right there. I mean, if if if if if, if, if, if, you the the the they. You, you they. You just, you th, you just, you just, you just, you just, you just, you just, you just, you just, you just, you just, you just, you just, you just, you just, you just, you just, you just, you just, you just, you're just, th. th. th, th, you're just, you're just, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thee. the. thi. the. the. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. th. th. a cliff, there's land, right? Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh, yep. Uh-huh.

So now they have to go prepare for the final battle, because they killed the ladies, so now they know the vendal are gonna come. So they have to kill the horn guy? They have to kill the horn guy. It's sort of like, So we get this the scene of Antonio Banderas praying to Allah. Making awkward eye contact with his one night stand. Oh.

Yeah, I was hoping she would leave with them when they got on the boat. We also see her with all the kids and the queen comes in and hands her a bunch of knives and like, don't let them take the children. Yeah, that's brutal. That is the most brutal thing that happens in this movie. Absolutely, that's the pain of women. No one's, it's totally it's totally offhand. The pain of women also is like being wildly underdeveloped in this movie. Oh there are yes, women have very few lines. So they're all they're all wife comes out and he's all fucked up in gray and he's dragging his sword. Because he got scratched by the bone lady.

Yeah, yeah, you got that bone scratch. Yeah, you don't want that. Yeah, you can't get a vahala if you don't die in battle. What? Yeah, yeah, you have to die with your sword in your hand. Or axe, I suppose if that's your weapon, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, th. th. th. th. that, the, tho, tho, their, tho, the their, their, their, their, their, the the the the the the the the the the the bone, the bone, the bone, the bone, the the the the the bone, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the throwne, throwne, throwne, throwne, throwne, throwne, thea, thea.a.a, thea.a.a, thrownea, throwne, throwne, the if that's your weapon of choice. What if you get cancer? Can you- You don't go to Valhalla? What if you have your sword in your hand when you die of cancer? Ah, I think you have to beat in a fight.

Loophole? Loophole? It's like, butt stuff. But stuff, soaking, cancer, sword, loophole. Yeah, I mean, I think there's a lot of them. So then we get all of them saying the, the low there, do I see my father, my mother, my sister, my brothers, a line of my people, back to the beginning, and then, and I will go to them in Valhalla,

and it ends on a mod saying, forever, forever, forever. And then the fight begins and everybody's fighting. Not Kung Fu, just regular. Just fighting. Just fighting. And Bull Life fights the big bad with the horns. He does, he kills it. Yeah. And then the dog is so sad?

Like the dog is howling? I figured those dogs would probably freak you out. I mean, they're not in the room with me. Yeah, they're the size of horses. Yeah, it's not my favorite. No, no. And then when he kills the big guy, all the rest of the vendors are like, by now. Yeah, thanks so much. It's very much a D&D adventure where you kill the wizard and all the people run away. Yeah, so they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they're they're their their they're their their th. Yeah. th. th. th. th. th. th. that. tho. tho. tho that. that. that. that. that's not. that's not. that. that. that. that. that. that. It's not. It's not. It's not. It's not. It's not. It's not. It's not. It's not. It's not. It's not. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's not. It's not. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. like, I'm a useful servant of God now. What?

What? Why do you have to bring God into it? You know, you gotta bring God into it. I guess though. What if God was one of us? Just a slob like all of us. Katie, yeah. Yeah.

How many out of 13 Vikings I would watch this movie again. I wouldn't pay attention to it. Sure. It's fine, it's a five. It's not asking you to pay attention. No, it's begging me to pay attention. It's daring me to pay attention as you would say. I bet you won't.

And I won't. Five out of ten. Nice. Not five. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. th. tho. tho. th. th. tho. tho. thooooo. thooo. tho. too. too. too. too. too. tho. tho. tho. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. tha. the. the. to. tooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo 10. Movies a solid nine for me. What? Really? What? You are crazy? When Missy and I started dating, this was one of the movies? I was like, oh yeah, I haven't seen this? You haven't seen this? You've got to the today. the movie. the? they. the. the. their movie. She was. You're like, you. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. I don't know, I think we should. I kind of think we should. We didn't do an April Fool's episode this year because we're doing your birthday and stuff. Oh, that's true. You want to do the Roadhouse with Jake Jillinhal? The Roadhouse? Sure. Really?

Where is it? ? I'm looking it up. I'm so confused by Jack Jack Jake Jillinhal. Jack Jake Jilin Hall. Yeah, wow, that's fun to say. Roadhouse, 2024. Yeah, it's on prime. Really? We're doing it next week? Is it our April Fool's episode? Dude, it's a hundred and twenty-three minutes. I'm actually not going to do that. April Fools were not doing that for me. Fuck you.

Katie. Alan. Can I read you a letter that we got for? I mean, call them letters. They're letters of the electronic variety. Hi guys. Hey, I just wanted to say thank you for the wonderful 406 episodes plus 42 Patreon pods and almost 10 years. Oh my god, that is a lot.

It's a lot. What are we doing? No wonder I'm so fucking tired. Wait, is that 500? Oh my god. We're almost a 500. Yeah, you guys have been providing awesome content. Thank you. Being at EMTs is often a thankless job, so I wanted to say thank thank thank thank th. th. th. th. th. th. th. I, th. I, to say, to say, to say, to say, to say, to say, to say, to say, to to, to to, to, to, to, I, I to, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm to, I'm to, I'm to, I'm to, I'm to, I'm to, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I to, I I to, I I I I to, I I I, I, I, I I, I, I, I, I, I. to, I, I. to, I, I. to, I, I, I. to, I, I, I, to, to, to, to, to to, to to to to to to to th. to thi. thi. to tttoda. ttoday, ttoday, tttoday, to ttoday, to to to to to to to thi. to thto say thank you. I have long thought the magic of your podcast is the friendship the two of you share. Honestly you guys could talk

about pretty much anything and make it funny I assume they're talking about line of duty. I, okay there we've got one vote for a line of duty re-watch podcast. It was me assuming that they're making that vote. This concept has le me and a friend of mine to start our own podcast based around a lifelong friendship. Oh my god! The podcast is called Everything About Nothing and we're on Spotify and we're on Spotify and we're on Spotify. Again, thank you guys for everything and never stop recording.

I would never. I didn't. to everything about nothing. . Fonty. Fonl. Jessie. I like, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. the. th. th. th. this. Again, thank you guys for everything and never stop recording. Fondly. Fondly. Jesse. Jesse, I like that.

Fondly feels a bit formal for our relationship, Jesse, but I'll accept it. I like that about us though. Thank you for... Thank you for taking the time to write that and everybody go check out everything about nothing. Yeah. I know I will. I need a new podcast. Who doesn't? I know. Can I read you a quick podcast review that we got that made me laugh? Sure. Best. Is it one star? It's five stars?

Okay, great. Best horror pod with an ambulance motif. I mean, are there other horror pods, period? Greg and June are great friends who secure horror movies on a weekly basis, and I will continue to listen to this terrific twosome until one of us dies or decides to go do Mushrooms in the Woods. Long live Werewolf Amulums with Blake and Trixie. Spoilers, I've done Mushrooms in the Wood since we've started recording this podcast and we just keep doing it. We did. We did. Let's 13th Warrior for you. We did.

Let's try something for me. I like this podcast has just become did for chat. Did for tad. Listen, I've been looking for the Scarecrow movie for years. Some that I may have seen. For newer listeners, years ago, I think I saw a scarecrow movie that I liked, and I've been searching for it ever since. Does it have Lacey Schaber in it? It's sure the fuck doesn't.

And that was a mistake, and that was a big mistake. And there but for the grace of God, and the Roadless traveled and also made all the difference. And it's not a movie about a bunch of town dickheads killing. No but I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I th. But I th. But I th. But I th. But I th th th th th th th tho tho th tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho that that that tho tho tho tho the thease thease thease thease thease thease thease thease the. the. the. the. tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho. tho tho tho. tho. tho tho thatt. thatto. thatto. that that that thea. thea. thea theaa thea. thea thea theaa theaa thea thea thea the love that moving. This is so good. This is so good. So let's try, this is the last one that I think it could possibly be. If it is not this, then you made it up. I made it up. Yeah. Scarecrows.

From 1988, it's like about a paramilitary group. I don't remember them being paramilitary, but we'll find out. I mean... I love this for us. I'm telling you, if this is not it, if this is not the scarecrow I'm looking for, that's a Star Wars joke. I made a Star Wars joke and you just talked right over it. Then I will give up, I promise you I will. Come down, Obi-one. I got your Star Wars joke. Well, you didn't look at me. I expected you to look at me. I was working on an idea that the Scarecrow movie you've seen may not have had Scarecrow in the title, and that is going to really limit us finding it. I don't know.

A lot of people gave us a lot of suggestions, and I kept being like, no, it's not. It's not that. And this is, I think, the last one that we haven't tried. Yeah. So if you suggested this thank you. I was a lot of people suggested this one too. And I was like, nah, I don't think so. I don't think they were paramilitary, but we'll find out. We're gonna find out. We're gonna find out. We're gonna find out. So come back next to th th th th th th th th th th th to th. Go check out everything about nothing. I heard he subscribed and Thanks for listening to another episode of a wherewolf ambulance. Happy birthday to my friend Alan who's turning 50 in exactly three hours and 33 minutes. I'm not old. I'm young like all of you listener

Goodbye. bye. Maybe acts in on dead pools, Savini's sightings at the pool. No, we do in Finland's cute, fulfilled reviews. Killing clouds and let the face. King Emily and his face. Our parents are fast in case. Please make a guy continue to grieve. E&T. Marlboro and comedy reviews.

Humbry, Brian, from Wayne's and Stephen King. ENDT. We live deliciously bad temperatures, obese, crazily come today. A pair of novel activities from Mr. Rogers to eat. E.M.D. E.D. from Mr. Rogers City, EFT, EFT.