Werewolf Ambulance: A Horror Movie Comedy Podcast - Episode 472 - Conquest (1983)

Starting point is 00:00:00 Welcome, fellow traveler. I'm glad that you have chosen to play in this game of dungeons and dumps with me. You come from a mystic land and have been set upon a journey to achieve manhood by your father-slask God. So that's the setting for what to achieve manhood by your father slash god. So that's the setting for which we're playing this role-playing game in. Okay. You have been given a magic bow and a will adventure with your trusted commande whomst you have just met. Yes.

Starting point is 00:00:39 To fight the evil Ocron. Which is pronounced a million different ways, but that's fine. And her dog-faced Herman Minions. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Your your your your your powers. Your your powers. Your your powers. Your powers. Your powers. Your powers. Your powers. Your powers are thiiures. Your powers are thoers. Your powers are thoers are thoer- tho- tho- tho- tho- tho- tho- tho- tho- tho- tho- tho- tho- tho- tho- tho- tho- tho- tho- tho- tho- th- th- th- th- th- th- thii-s. thi-s. thia-s. thuuuuuuuoer-s. thua-s. thuoer-s. thoer-s. tho-s. tho-s. tho-s-s-s-s-s-s. thoa-sa-sa-sa-sa-sa-sa-sa-sa-sa-sa-sha-shaua-s that's fine. And her dog-faced Herman Minions. Yes. Your powers are soft focus and lack of focus. Whilst your opponents use sex magic against you? Snake sex magic. You're being attacked by dogmen and BDSMers. Roll for initiative. Okay. That's all I have. Oh, I thought I was really gonna get to roll. And for second, I was like, oh my God, do I roll for like the FACO or do I have to, don't hi or hello?

Starting point is 00:01:12 To hit ass class zero. Ask class zero. What is happening? I cannot thank you enough for being my friend A. Yeah, you're welcome. for being my friend A. And B, for doing, I can, Katie, I would like to do some absolute bullshit nonsense and you're like, okay, that's fine. That's fine. I'll be back next week. By, let's call him when he is, the maestro, the master of his craft. What is his craft?

Starting point is 00:01:38 That he is making a little to a Fulchee movie? There you go. I agree. 100%. Would you like to hear the old man joke that I wrote for the beginning of this? Yeah. I haven't been this excited for Vaseline since my colonoscopy. Oh my God, Alan. Why is the lens constantly covered in Vaseline for the entirete of this movie? There are points in which things get stuck in the veline on the lens and they're just sitting there. It's like little bits of debris. It's just stuck.

Starting point is 00:02:08 As a chronic sea student, I love the fact that this man had a half-assed career. It's like he just, you think he just wasn't putting forth the effort? You think he just didn't apply himself? I think I've always stood by I think he's setting out to make a great movie. I think Luccio Fulti a 100% believes in what he's doing. He's not, it's not tongue and cheek. This is the most sincere thing you've ever seen. But he's also like a very, he's an, he's an Ed Woody and character on some level, Okay. He's an edu-Woody, he's an the the thian character, he's thian character, thian character, thian character, thian character, thian, thian, thu. thu, thu, thu, thu, thu, thu, thu, thu, thu, thu, thian, thian, thu, thi, thian, thian, thian, thian, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thu- thu- he's thu- he's thu- he's thu. thu, thu. thu, thu. thu. thu. thu. thi, thi, thu. thu. thu. thu. thu. thu. thu. thi, thi, thi, thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thiii. thiii. thiiii. thi. thi. thi. thi, thi, th just lacks the ability to follow, like when there's plot holes and he's just like, fuck it, man. I couldn't give a shit.

Starting point is 00:02:48 You guys fill in the plot holes. Yeah, or don't. Who gives the fuck? Yeah. This movie starts off as all good, sword and sandal movies should, with the bestowing of gifts. I thought this was like a very cringy Instagram wedding. But go on. All your guests are translucent.

Starting point is 00:03:06 Yes, oh my God. There are points in this movie you literally can't see it. I kept turning the brightness on my laptop up until it was at the top. There was, I still couldn't see anything. Oh we're doing Lucio Fulchie's Conquest. I don't think we is the world of ambulance. This movie might have made us insane. Yeah, I've been teetering that line for some time. So this guy is standing there and like two Instagram brides come up to whom and bestow him with a leather jerkin that just

Starting point is 00:03:41 covers his like shoulders and nips? Yeah, he's real naked for most of this movie, not as naked as some other characters who are full-blown naked. Well, they do have a rubber-spiked god piece on it. And true, true. We'll get to that though. The man who is talking, who is his dad or his god? Yes. Okay. It's his dad. It's supposed to be his father, but it looks like if you're like, hey kid, draw me a picture of God. The echo effect on his speech is so bad I had to put subtitles on. I was like, I have no fucking idea. I don't know my dude. You can't worry about what they're saying to each other.

Starting point is 00:04:21 No, I gave up on that after I. I actually I actually actually I actually just I actually just I actually just I actually just I actually just I actually just I that after I actually just turned the subtitles off and was like, I'll just wing it. Because his name is Elias. Ilius. I mean it's also pronounced like 15 different ways throughout the movie. Sure. So his dad got is like, yeah, so you gotta go and be a man is to go and fight evil. Okay, must have missed all that. Yeah. Because for most of the movie I was like, to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to say to to to to to say to to to to to to say to to to to to to say to say to say to to say to say to say to to to to to to say to say to say to say to to say to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the movie. the the the today. the the tell. the tell. toe. toe. toe. toe. I. I. I the to the only way to be a man is to go and fight evil. Okay, must have missed all that. Yeah, yeah. Because for most of the movie, I was like, but what is your quest? Is it just to teach Mace how to love and accept love from others? And to destroy the evil that's a, that's burdening this land?

Starting point is 00:05:00 It doesn't seem to be. He goes to another world in which to do this, right? Or another part of the world. Another part of the world. Yeah. Okay. Stay out of their neighborhood. You don't go in there and police them. When Goddad puts his hand up and the bows coming to him, and it's just obviously on a string going, whoa, bobbub.

Starting point is 00:05:19 It's so good. The effects. The effects. The effects. The effects. The effects. The effects. The effects. The effects. The effects. The effects. The effects effects. The effects effects. The effects. The effects effects. The effects. The effects. The effects effects. The effects effects. The effects. The effects effects. The effects. The effects. The effects. The effects effects. The effects effects effects. The effects effects effects. The effects effects effects in effects in the effects. The effects. The effects in the effects effects in the effects. The effects. The effects. The effects. The effects. The effects. The effects. The effects. The effects. The effects in the effects in the effects. The effects. The effects. The effects. The effects. The effects. The effects. The effects. The effects. The effects. The effects. The effects. The effects. The effects. The effects. The effects. The effects. The effects. The effects. The effects. The effects. The effects. The effects. The effects. The effects. The effects. The effects. The effects. The effects. The effects. The effects in. The effects in the effects in the effects in the effects in the effects in the the the the effects in this movie are, nah, the arrows later, I shit my pants. I could not take it. Anyway, this is a movie. Yes. Hard yes. Directed by Lucio Folchie but written by Giovanni Di Clemente, who's got his fingers all over this. Produce this fucker.

Starting point is 00:05:41 Music by Claudio Simon fame. Of goblin fame. And there's a point in which there's a song playing playing there there's there's there's a song playing there's a song playing there's a song playing there's a song playing there's a song playing there's a song playing there's a song playing therelin Fame. And there's a point in which there's a song playing that I was like I've heard I've never seen this music. I've heard this song and I've never seen this movie before. There's like some to tutal too loot tutes that weren't in other things but then there's just like yeah I use this in Suspire but I use this in Suspireia but yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes this in this in this in this in this in this in s s I this in s I this in s I this in s I this in s I this in s I this in s I this in s I this in s I'm a this in sys. this is this is yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes. th. th. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. I'm. I'm. I'm. I this is. I this is. I. I this is. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I th. I'm. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. th. this. this. this. this. this. this. I this. I this. I this. I this. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It also kind of feels like Fulti's zombie, which but that was Fabio Fritze who did that. Oh.

Starting point is 00:06:09 Fabio Fritzi? Yep. Tda da da da da da. I can do that because I'm an Italian-American. This is an Italian-Spanish-Mexican co-production. As you do. Okay. And Spain and Rome. Oh, they hit them all. Good. This is like Luccio Fulchee imagining cave people. And it's like close enough. I have a note that just says, oh shit, Sabrina Sellers. Because it made me laugh, because I don't know who the fuck that is. But they're like also starring Sabrina Sellers. Who the fuck is that? That's the titty lady. It's a titty lady. And apparently she was mostly a titty. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. She's. She's. She's. She's. She's. She's. She's. She's. She's. She's. She's. She's. She's. She's. She's. She's. She's. She's. She's. She's. She's. She's. She's. She's. She's. She's. She's. She's. She's. She's. She. She. She. She. She. She. She. She. She. She. She. She. She. She. She. She. She. She. She. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the fuck is that? That's the titty lady. It's a titty lady and apparently she was mostly a titty lady. Oh, that's her career, her very short career as a titty lady. As a holdover from the 70s.

Starting point is 00:06:52 I can't reach that bell. Can't reach that. You put your hat on top of it. It's your hat. There you go. It's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it's, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it's a th. It's, it, it, it, it, it, it, th. It, th. It, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, the, the, the, the, the, th. It's, th. It's, th. It's, th. It's, th. It's, th. It's, th. It's, th. It's a th. It's a th. It's a very. It's a very. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. th. th. thi. th. th. th. the the the very, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her. there's like that 70s holdover in this film where they're just like, all titties are beautiful, baby. Yeah, see, I have a note here to ask you if her titties count as 70s titties, even though it's 1983. Yes, of course. I thought so. They have a 70s titties vibe about them.

Starting point is 00:07:16 Yeah, they're're great. Great. She did it, knocked it out of the park. But yes, you're right, there are creatures and I also wrote BDSM Warriors. Why are they so gimpy? Just, all right, you're gonna wear a full face mask, some furry shoulders and pants, tiny, tiny pants. Teeniest of pants. And the creatures come running up, and they speak English, they're th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. the. the. the. they're the. they they they they they they they they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're th. the. the. theeeeean. thean. thean. thean. thean. thean. thean. they're so so they're speak some with the subtitles just kept saying, speaking foreign language. Yeah, that's when they're just grunting too,

Starting point is 00:07:51 which I thought was racist. I just call it a foreign language. We see a bunch of scared stone age people huddling in a field, staring up at something, and then materializes Sabrina's sellers in all of her glory and her BDSM wolfman pack are hanging out. She has two separate brides of minions. She has regular ass men who are wearing gimp masks and then like...

Starting point is 00:08:21 Like...Cheebees men. Yes, like cute puppy men with pointy ears. There's a point where Mace flips one of the Wolfman monster and the guy hits the ground and his head, like his prosthetic head just falls completely off. Didn't cut it, it's fine. Look, close enough. He cured him of Wolfman. I feel like everyone in this movie wore a full face mask so as

Starting point is 00:08:47 to not be associated with it. Except for Mace. Mace and the other guy. Yeah, we can't even like sing a Mace song because they're not even good. Never were. No, they never were. Such a mumbler. Yeah. Speak up, he sucks. He sucks. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So. So fu. So fuck puff. Puff daddy. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I. Yeah. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. Yeah. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Such a mumbler. Yeah. Speak up me. He sucks. Yeah. Yeah. Also, fuck Puff Daddy. Yeah, for sure. Like, also, fuck 50 cent for all of his homophobia about Puff Daddy that he's doing right now. Oh, is he? He's like hard trolling Puff Daddy, but they're all like shitty gay jokes. Oh, come on? Oh, come on? It's like... 2024? Yeah, there's a other other th. th. th. th. th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th- thr- thu th-f th-f th-f th-f th-f th-f th-f th-f th-f th-f th-f thu f f ff thu f f f f ff th. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He th. He th. He th. He th. He th. He's like th. He's like th. th. th. th. th. th-f. th-f. thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu th, there's other shit. What's that? It's 2024? Yeah. There's other shit to come at that dude for... He's done some really bad things. Yeah. Allegedly, allegedly. I'm not trying to go down for this. I'm not trying to get sued by Puff Daddy or whatever his name is. I think Mr. Didly has bigger fish that are literally frying him right now? That's fair, yeah. Can we talk about the design of Ocron's, Ocron's whole look? Yeah, yeah, go, I love it. She is wearing nothing but a codpiece, yeah, and a full-head goldhead. the full-head goldhead. She speaks inside it.

Starting point is 00:10:05 Uh-huh. Obviously her lips don't move. No, why would they? They're inside the mask. They're inside the mask. Yeah. Her face does not move. No, it's inside the mask.

Starting point is 00:10:13 It's a very odd choice to have a bad guy who can't emote in any way. It's all for the reveal at the end. Wait, what's the reveal at the end? When he shoots her helmet off. Oh, that's right, and she looks like Jason from the end of Friday the 13th. Yeah, all right. So, they're on the side of this mountain so that she can bring the sun up in the morning, because she threatens not to bring this up. And the stone, the stone, the stone, the stone, the stone, the stone, the stone, the stone, the stone, the stone, the stone, the stone, the stone, the stone, the stone, the stone, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, tho, threaten, threaten, threaten, threaten, threaten, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, thi. From, throwne. From, throwne. From, throwne. From, throwne. From, throo. From, throoooomooooomorrow, throwne. From, throwne. From, throwne. From, from, from, from, from,the song. Oh right, don't take away the sun. That's dick.

Starting point is 00:10:45 Yeah, there's a lot of stuff in here about sun gods, but they keep having different names too and I just could not follow along. And then the Stone Age folks join in the chanting. Yeah, they make one, they make one woman fall right on her bare tits, which been so painful. Is this when the after they joined in the chanting and the wolf men are like, no we're gonna beat you up anyway? Yeah, they're like you're not part of us. And I had this terrifying moment. Yeah, when they grab the one woman and they're dragging her by her legs and I was like, did I forget a very bad thing? Yeah, they start pulling her their legs? it's okay because they're actually just ripping her in half which I'm here for. That not a problem at all. That doesn't happen to one in three women. One in three women are not torn asunder. It's true. This is the man who like in the movie that we will never do, uh, fuck, what is it called? Something Manhattan.

Starting point is 00:11:46 Made in Manhattan with Jennifer Lopez. Is that a movie? It should be. I think it is. It's a movie for sure. Hold on a time? Hold on. Is this the other scarecrow movie?

Starting point is 00:11:59 Oh, thi? that's the one I've been thinking of all along? Fulchie? Oh. Oh. Oh, th. Oh, th. What if that's the one I've been thinking of all long? Fulchie. Oh, I was looking at Maid in Manhattan. Oh, yeah, no, we're on different, we're on different journeys. It's Jennifer Lopez. Yeah, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I have seen, I'm, the T....... that, I'm, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I, I have, I, I, I, I have, I have, I have, I have, I, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have seen, I have seen, I have seen, I have seen, I have seen, I have seen, I have seen, I have seen, I have seen, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I know. I know. Oh, the touch is in it. The touch.

Starting point is 00:12:25 Sorry, you were telling me about something relevant. No, it's the grossness of Luteo Fulch, he had a movie called a movie called. That's what I thought it was called, but I was like, there's no way that's what it's called. No, that's absolutely what it's called. That is like his grimyest movie and there is not one but two sexual assaults with a bottle in it. Oh no, that's awful. Lucio. It's not Manhattan baby, that's the one about Egypt and something. You know, Manhattan, baby, Egypt.

Starting point is 00:12:56 What? Manhattan, comma, Egypt? Anyway, that's neither here nor there. So they rip the woman in half. Because Akron likes young flesh and I thought, my God, I'm so glad to be old flesh. No old flesh, just young flesh. She doesn't eat the flesh. No, we never see her.

Starting point is 00:13:15 No, we never see her. But I did find out from this movie that if you rip someone in half by forked their body, their head just pops off off pops off and you could take their head away. I feel like there's some pressure that would build up. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, that's like a tandy line would pop it right off. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, little dandelion. You're so cute.

Starting point is 00:13:33 She's got a snake. She has a snake familiar. She has a snake familiar. and snake familiars. And what, there's just like four snakes on her, and I'm like, what are you doing with your life? What is this? Her little dog is great. It's so fluffy. I don't know if that's when an Akita is. It's fine. Okay.

Starting point is 00:13:54 With it, we'll get to the dog later. I love the dog. See, there's a dog on my block that looks just like that dog. And his name is Nigel and he's great. So I... I was making time for Nigel. Woooo. It's a song by XDC. It's fine. It's an old man thing. I'm just gonna keep going. We're just gonna keep on moving. Okay. Keep this train of cruising. I mean, my next note literally just says, what is this madness. So she gets the young flesh his head. Yeah. Stakes a stone knife. Shovel. It looks like it's a trowl. You're trowel. Trowl. Yeah. Stone trail hacks into the head and doesn't scoop out the brains. Just sticks her mouth in there like a little piggy. It goes. She has a gold mask on which justBah-Rah- She has a gold mask on, which just has a slit.

Starting point is 00:14:46 So she's just shoving brains into the hole, then slurping them up? I mean, I guess it's a diet plan to keep you slim. Looks great. Yeah. And then she eats the brains and then lays on the floor and snakes. around a little bit of blow I think on a stick what is that? They're like blowing it into each other's noses? Like they're doing like when you're running low on weed and you do the fuck what's it called when you blow it through a tube into the you're from the person next to you. A mistake. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:15:16 I never knew that had a name. Well it does. I just looks longingly out the window. I don't know why. I'm imagining myself with like very little weed being like we're going to make this last. Come here, I got contact high too. Does that work? I don't know. We thought it did. Yeah, I mean, if you're in a room with people who are smoking weed, yeah, I didn't know if like blowing it through a stroll into each other's mouths would do a thing. I think it's a little bonus weed. You don't want to let that go to waste. Yes,

Starting point is 00:15:47 she's tricking it with a snake. It's very uncomfortable. And hilarious. Is it funny? I think it's very funny. I did not laugh at this. Yeah. Also we've seen like at least two scalping happen for no fucking reason. Yes, Italians love to see a scalp come off, yeah. Yeah. I gotta get to them soft meats right underneath the skin. Yeah, that's where you keep your prosciutto. So we see Akron, Okron, having a vision. Which is really hard to see because there's so much fucking Vaseline on the camera. So much Vaseline and so much falk. Everything has so much fuke. I'm not sure what the intent was. Yeah. Oh, okay.

Starting point is 00:16:31 It is... Dream like quality I'm going to go with. I mean, this does feel like a fever dream. Yeah. Or a D&D adventure, you got way too drunk during and then when you look back at your notes, they're just like sketches of Jillian Anderson. She sees our guy Ilius, but it's not our guy Ilius because he has no face. And when I say he has no face, I mean that they've put,

Starting point is 00:16:57 how do we describe this, a pan lid over his actual face? Yeah, yeah, I was gonna go with a giant egg. A giant egg is better. Because it is so rounded in his chin. Yeah. Like that it just, like from the sun. It comes to a real point. From the side he looks like a horse. Yes. But like a faceless horse, which is just a nightmare. Oh my god. Look, I look at my arm. Do you see this? Nightmare. Those are goosebumps. Because I started thinking about a faceless horse. Oh God! And she sees him run at her and shoot a bright laser arrow into her chest that makes meat explode on her tum tum. This was very funny because we see him draw back the bow but there's no arrow in it and you're like, no arrow my dude.

Starting point is 00:17:42 Magic arrows, man. No, it's a laser it's a laser it's a laser because it's 1983 For some reason now If you watch something on prime Amazon's like well, you've got to watch 10 minutes of commercials. Yes This went right into a little Caesar's ad for me her getting shot in the stomach was a little Caesar's ad and I was like wow Little Caesar still exists that might be racist. Might be racist and also it's not doing anything for little Caesar's and their, you you. You you. You you. You you. the their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their. their their their their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their their their their their their their their their their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their their their not doing anything for Little Caesars and their, you know, rich reputation of giving you diarrhea. God, I haven't had a little Caesars in Seoul. Like since I could like afford to eat, that wasn't just getting two pizzas for five dollars.

Starting point is 00:18:17 Oh, the hot and ready? Oh, man, it was the best. I'm looking up to see if there's a little little little little little little little the red sticks that was just pizza dough that they then sliced into sticks. I put like powder on. Where's movie? Where's Greensburg Avenue? Uh, Greensburg? No, it's seven miles away from here.

Starting point is 00:18:34 Oh, I don't know either. I'm just wanting, you want to go to a little Caesars after this? It's a 24-a twe twe the twe the two, the thio, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, to, to, to, to, to, like, like, to, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, th, th. th. th. th. th. th. to to to to to the to, to, the to, the to, to, to, the to, the to, to, to, to, to, to, to, the the the to, like, like,. What the fuck? Where is this? You have to go through a time hole. I don't know, but on my Google Maps it shows me going past a Taco Bell and it felt the need to point that out to me because it... Hey, you sound like you're high. Do you want to stop in this Taco Bell? Yeah, it also told me that it might be affected by the flash flood warning because I was a great flood of 24 to get over here. I was like, ah, it's pretty flat over here. She'll probably be fine.

Starting point is 00:19:06 Nah, it's fine. It's in Turtle Crick. I'm going to go out to Turtle Crick? Yeah, okay, sorry about that. So she masturbates a vision. Mm-hmm. I'm so glad I don't see faceless men when I jerk it with a snake. Oh, yeah. She's, that. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's, it's, it's, it's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's. that's that's that's that's that's that's that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's that's that's that's that's that's that's th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. that's that's thi. that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's the sounds she's making our jerking it sounds. Oh yeah, she's, yeah. But it's so upsetting. And she's basically just lightly rubbing the snakes on her

Starting point is 00:19:33 nip nips. Yeah. I like nip nips. So we meet, we see this lady with bangs. She's covered in mud because she's a mud person. And she is, how do I describe this, a fucking moron? I mean, I don't believe that you grow to adulthood in the goddamn wilds of wherever she is without noticing the kind of shit that's about to happen. And also, well, no one can notice the 30 men standing in the reeds. Mace doesn't see them either. No, you're right. He's too busy mumbling. She is filling some sort of container by using like half a coconut dip, like dipping water into that and then using that to pour into a container that she's going to

Starting point is 00:20:17 to take back and pour into a jug. And I'm like, well that jug can just be put in the water and the water, like she's a woman, so she's very, very weak and could not carry a jug full of water. She has to carry little bits of water. Listen, she is prepping herself for when she covers herself in sheep fat. And then, look, when she's eating that meat, and she's just like wiped off all the white mud on her face and the guys look at her like yeah yeah I'm gonna fuck that greasy mouth it's horrible just horrible so yeah so

Starting point is 00:20:51 she's a she's getting some some water and there's a snake and some people are lurking the snake is about to attack her which she does not notice no until Ilius shoots it with his magic bow and arrow. This is just a regular arrow. Are you sure? Are you sure? I got him shoved in his boot. Oh that's right, because I wrote here arrows in his boot but I'm pretty sure they invented quivers at the same time they invented bows and then I wrote myself a little that says I'm not an expert or anything. Where was Rob to give you the military history? If he had been there I would not the their they. they, they, to to to to they, to to to they, to to to to to they, to to they, to to to they, to they, th, tho, tho, th, th, thi, they, tho, tho, tho, tho, th, their, th, th, th, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th the, the, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, theeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. thoooooo, tho, tho, th give you the military history. He had been there I would have asked him. But like we're not going to invent bows and be like I don't know how to carry the arrows. Yeah, you put him right in your boot. No, I don't think so. That doesn't make anything.

Starting point is 00:21:30 You just feel like clack-clackly-clicly-cla-cla-c... And I'm just like, man, that's a bummer. You thin' thinin' thin' thin' thin' thin' they thin' they're thin' they're not thin'. Yeah, they do kill that snake. And I'm just like, man, that's a bummer. I don't feel bad about it. I don't care about snakes. I only care about cute animals. Like that Akita. What's an Akita? The dog is not an Akita.

Starting point is 00:21:57 Well, Akita's a weird looking. What's wrong with their tales? They're like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like. they like. they like. they they they they they they they their like. their like. their like. their like. their like. their their their their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their their their their their like. their like. their like. their like. their like. their like. they're they're they're their they're their their th. th. they th. th. they they th. they they they they th. they they they their they their their their their their their their tails? They're like super curly, right? They carried on their mid-back. Yeah. So he shoots the snake and says, that won't be bothering you anymore. Fluffy, motherfuckers, though. Oh yeah, you're right, sorry. You're talking about a movie. And she's like, I gotta go and runs away.

Starting point is 00:22:19 To which he says something like, nice way to show your gratitude. Like obviously you owe me? Our hero. So he gets attacked by the dudes who are lurking in the reeds. Yes. There's so much reed lurking in this movie. They were reeds. It's hard to tell. I'm glad that you were able to tell. And he shoots the first guy who runs out of the reeds square in the dick and it's so fucking Yes it is. Hey, we gotta, we th, we th, we th uh, we uh, we to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the th, runs out of the reeds, square in the dick and it's so funny. Yes, it is. We gotta shoot this guy right in the dick, huh? Right in the dick. It's hard to say meek.

Starting point is 00:22:55 But here comes another guy. Here's another guy. And he's got one weird trick with a rope and a stick and BDSM warriors hate it. Yes! This is Mace. And then he's got what I just assume are furry nunchucks. I have no idea. They might just be stones, I can't tell, but all he does with them is waggle them in front of himself.

Starting point is 00:23:18 He does a lot of hypnotizing of creatures, but these aren't creatures, these are men, the men that work with the monsters. I mean, it seems like only the buffest men of the tribe can work with the monsters. Sure, yes. So maybe they're easily distracted? I don't know. I don't know what the message is here. I don't know, but there's a great spear cam shot when one of the monsters is charging him with the camera is just on the head...... the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. th. th. th. th. thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, the's the's the's thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, the, thi, thi, thi, thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus, thus, thus, thus, thus, thus, thus, thi, thi, thi, thi, the, the is the is the is the is theeeeeeeeeeea theeeeee is thee is theeee is thee is the is the is the is the the is charging him with the spear, but the camera's just on the head of the spear, oh no, it's gonna, go, go, go, go, go, it's funny. It's very, very funny. Also very hard to see. And then I just have a series of notes that are spearcam, jumps, toss.

Starting point is 00:23:53 My enemy's to call me Mace and then he does. Yeah. Uh-huh. And I was trying to remember, is the symbol on Mace's forehead? Is that the book of Abon symbol from the Beyond? The Beyond? The beyond. The one that takes place in New Orleans, the plumber zombie in the basement? Yeah, no, I don't know. I have no idea.

Starting point is 00:24:21 I'm going to look up up up up up up up up up up look up the book of Abon real quick. Abon calling. Sorry, I'm sorry. How many foolchees have we done? Too many. At least four. Oh yeah, we've done City of the Living Dead, beyond. Zombie. Zemtery.

Starting point is 00:24:37 The cemetery one? Uh, house by the cemetery. They're all the fucking same and somehow all so different. What are you talking about? They're all just bad shit. He's, yeah, a special man who does special things. Sorry, I'm just... and just kept getting money to do them somehow. Yeah. Yeah. They were just, they were just... Yes, it is pretty much that same symbol. I wonder what that means to our friend Luccio Fulchie.

Starting point is 00:25:08 I don't know. I don't know. All right. So he has the symbol in the middle of his forehead. It's never talked about. We don't bring it up. I thought he mentions it. I thought he's something like, this symbol means, oh, oh, I was like, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I th I could be wrong. I'm no expert. So as these two besties, they've become so close. I mean, it's the first friend Mace has ever had.

Starting point is 00:25:31 Truly, other than birds, he's friends with birds. My enemies with my Mace, my friends call me Reginald. Yes, he finds a bloody bird. And the bird, they just threw fake blood on this fucking bird. This poor bird is so sad. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It has th. It has th. It has th. It has th. It has th. It has th. It has th. It has th. It has th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. theeeea. thi. theea. thii. theeea. the thi. theea. It's the. It's threw fake blood on this fucking bird. This poor bird is so sad. But it has two bird friends that are flapping around in the atmosphere. Sure, up there where the birds are. It's so obviously just a bird on a rubber band and someone shaking. Like a cat toy, like you get due to get your cat active because you're worried they're gaining too much weight.

Starting point is 00:26:07 And it is so fucking funny. It's insane. So he heals the bird. Yeah. He like cooks something up and rubs it on the bird. Yeah, for reasons? Yes. And then he releases the bird and it now becomes a flappy cat away. And then he shoots a stranger for no reason. Shoot a fucking tizzy one of his meat. Death comes quickly out here.

Starting point is 00:26:31 He's like I won't kill an animal but I will kill this man and steal the animal he killed? What? And then we shoot right back to the fucking drug den where they're all hanging out and doing their weeds. Yeah, they're just just, I, I, I, I the their just, I their just, I their just, I their just, I their just, I their just, I their their th is just, I their their, I their, I they're all hanging out and doing their weeds. Yeah, they're just, I mean the bad guys are having a nice day. We learn one of the wolf man's name is Fargo. Fargo, yes. Fargo go good this for me. Fargo, he speaks perfect English.

Starting point is 00:26:54 I wish he had a Minnesota accent. This is where Mace, when Mace kills the guy to steal his meat. He says when a man meets the man man man man man man man man man man man man man man man man man man man man man man man man man man man man man the man the man the man the man the the the the the the the the the the the guy to get steals meat. He says, when a man meets a man, you never know which one will die. But when an animal meets a man, it's always the animal that dies. Yeah. And I was like, we have literally watched creatures murder women and a snake almost do the same in this movie. But they didn't think about it. But those wolf men tore a woman limb from limb.

Starting point is 00:27:24 Yeah, good limb. Yeah, but they're like wolf man. Oh, good call. Yeah. Yeah. What I wrote here, like, don't tell me Fargo isn't an animal. Whatever. So these dumb shit's go sleep in a cave. May sleeps like a starfish, which I appreciate.

Starting point is 00:27:42 Just limbs everywhere. Just a man who's never had to consider anyone else's comfort. Never had a friend. So the Wolfman light, they light this brush on fire, and then they're pushing it towards them going, ah, huh, hah, ah, hah. They're so fucking subtle. And our heroes wake up and fall down a hole? They do.

Starting point is 00:28:08 They're just so stupid. There's a snake and May says he's harmless if he doesn't bite you. But like, yeah, the bite is actually very harmful. So, I don't know. There's a snake in the hole. So what do they do? I don't know. They go to sleep. They go to sleep. But they go back back back back they go back back they go back back back they go back back they go back back they go back back they go back back back they go back they go back they go back they go back they go back they go back they go back. They go back. They go back. They go back. They go back. They go back. They th. They th. They th. They th. They tho. They tho. They tho. They tho. They tho. They tho. They tho. They tho. They th. They th. They th. They th. They th. They th. They th. They th. They th. They th. They th. They th. They th. They th. They th. They th. They th. They go back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back tha. They go back tha. They go back tha. They go back tha. They go back tha. They go tha. They go tha. They go tha. They go tha. They go tha. They go tha. They what do they do? I don't know. They go to sleep.

Starting point is 00:28:26 They go to sleep, but they go back to sleep, right? And then they're like, oh shit, that snake knows the way out. So he starts hammering on the wall. And while he's hammering, in between the blows, I'll just sticking his hand where he's hitting, and I'm like, what are you doing? Move your fucking hand. So why is he, does he get this bow and why is he on this journey? Because he's quite stupid. Oh, he's a fucking moron.

Starting point is 00:28:54 He's great. And he looks like, um, Randall Pink Floyd from Dazed and confused. He does. He does. I think he's on this mission because they're like, you are like, they're like, their, their, their, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, tho, tho, thi, thi, thi, thi, tho, tho, tho, tho, thi, th. thi, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. toooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. thi. thi. this mission because they're like, you're the handsome guy from the village. You're going to go out and do this stuff. Yeah, yeah, all right. So they go outside and then do a hilarious prank by stealing some guy's sheep carcass. And they do like a, there's like this gleeful, whimsical music as they're frolicing

Starting point is 00:29:19 about with a dead sheep? And they take it to some other other other other other other other other other other other other other other their th............................................................................. That, th. That's, th. I, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah................................................................................................................................................. Yeah.... it to some other people who live in caves. To some women folk and children. Yeah and he's like that's the one that I bang. You can bang her too though, whatever dog. He's like I'll take the other one. Oh yeah bagger's sister I don't give a shit. No this lady's contouring needs work. She's just got the worst worst contouring. Where it just looks like she just rubbed a lipstick. the lipstick lipstick lipstick lipstick lipstick lipstick lipstick lipstick lipstick lipstick lipstick lipstick lipstick the lipstick the lipstick the lipstick the lipstick the lipstick the lipstick the lipstick the lipstick the lipstick the lipstick the lipstick the lipstick the lipstick the lipstick the lipstick the the the the the th. th. th. th. th. th. I th. I th. th. th. I th. I'm just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just. I I I I I I I I I I I I I I. I I I I I I I I. I I. I I's just. I the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. th. I'm just. I'm just. I'm just. I'm just. I'm just. I'm just. I a lipstick off the side of her face? Why would she have done that? Oh, you know. Okay. And at this point, it is so dark in this cave. It genuinely looks like we're watching the movie

Starting point is 00:29:51 through a campfire and having micro-dosed on mushrooms all day. All day long. Just that moment where you're like, I really can't even see anymore. See, he's trying to put you into the zone. What zone? You just described it, the shroomy zone! Oh, well, they're eating. Success. And it looks like their version of, the women have never eaten before, this is their first time, so they're, one woman is just like rubbing it on her mouth. Yeah, she doesn't know that you need to open your mouth and then use your teeth. And the other one is like shoving it in so forcefully that she's wiped off all the mud

Starting point is 00:30:27 around her mouth. Why is she a mud person? Yeah. At first I thought her she had painted her body with like white paint, but no she's a mud person. Yeah, they're covered in mud, like stone age people. I mean they're covered in mud. their like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like. Like like. Like like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like. Like their. Like their. Like their. Like their. Like their. Like their their their th. Like their their their th. Like th. th. th. th. th. th. they're th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. their their their their their their their their their their their their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their their. their th. th. th. the. the the thea. thea. thea. thea. thea thea thea thea. thea. thea. the the just mud people. The children are muddied, everyone is mud. Bud, bud, mud. Their name is mud. That's the bass. I love it. I know. I love that song. I like primus. Okay. I like primus. Okay. I like primus. Okay. I like primus. Okay. You saw them live? Yeah. Oh, that's fun. Where do you see them? Really? They were the closing act and it was fucking great. I bet. Yeah. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:31:09 Yeah. Them arrested development and Fishbone were all great. Fishbone. Tool were real boring, it turns out. Yeah, that's the whole thing. Because the machine didn't play except for the bass player playing with his penis and getting smacked by Zach Daly Rocha. Why did they not play? they? they? they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they were they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they th. th. th. th. th. the. the. the. the. their their their tho. their their the. the. the. they were were they were they were they were they were thing. Race against the machine didn't play except for the bass player playing with his penis and getting smacked by Zach Taylor Rocha every time we toucest it. Why did he not? Why did they not play? They came out on stage naked with PMRC written across the chest. And the bass player kept like tugging on his wiener because I guess he wanted to get like a half. Zach Taylor Rocha would just smack his hand. Yeah, good times. Better times. Easier times the 90s. Oh yeah, come on. I paid for I paid for my lullabloos to take it in change. That's the most old man thing you've said since

Starting point is 00:31:58 you said whatever old man thing about earlier. That's a lean in Goloscopies. No something after that. Oh the song by X X XXC X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X. That. That thi. thi. you. you. You you. You you. You you. You you. You you. You you. You you. You you. You you. You you. You you. You you. you. you. you. Better. Better. Better. You you. Better you. Better you you. Better you times. Better you times you the the times. Better you you. Better you you. Better you you. Better you you. Better you you. Better you you. Better you you. Better you you. You you. You the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the times. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You times. You times. times. times. times. times. times. times. times. times. times. times. times. times. times. You t something after that. Oh, the song by X, uh, XEC. Well, you really lean it into being 50. I'm happy for you. I am what I am. We are all what we are. It's true. And what Ilius is, is getting fucked by the mud woman. Horny for sloppy, fatty-faced mud woman. I mean, she's a beautiful woman, but covered in mud and meat, meat drippings.

Starting point is 00:32:28 Just, oh God. She makes him close his eyes, and then she's backing away, and she screams. She makes him, she walks him to a part of the cave and is like, he, he, touch my breast. Sure, like you can. And then she like pokes his dingus. And then she's like, touch my breast again and close her eyes. And then she backs away and then he opens her eyes and she's been scalped. Well, so he closes his eyes. We're seeing this, we're seeing him. She screams.

Starting point is 00:32:56 I was like, she fell off a clip. How do we survive as a species? No, but that's not it. Someone has scalped her while he's working on a chub, you know? So sad. I love when we see him open his eyes and then the camera switches to inside of his head and you see like a faux eyelid open on the camera. So fucking Artie. Thank you Fulch. So already. Because when you open your eyes, you see them, right? You see your eyelids? You don't. Your brain doesn't do that. Brains don't do that, Lucio. And you think for a moment this might be the end of Mace, because he's all busted up. Yeah. Yeah. And you see him looking at some children, and I think it occurs to him in that moment that those are his kids. They're all dead. They're all dead. Oh, we can't, we would be remiss if we forgot the way that the greasy mud lady woke up, Elias,

Starting point is 00:33:52 or Elias, by blowing on his eyelids. Oh, that's so fucked up. She was lightly blowing on his eyelids. I feel like if someone does that to you, you should just go at them with them with with with with with with with with with with with them with them with them with them with them with the force the force with the force with the force with the force with the force with the force with the force with the force with the force with the force with the force with the force with the force with the force with the force of your forehead. Just headbut them into tomorrow. Just yeat them into the sun as those kids say. As those kids say. So those are his kids. And do you think, do you think their mom was like, oh here comes your weird dad again? Like every time he shows up. Oh at least he showed up with some greasy meats. Yeah, that's good. I'm gonna rub them all over me. And at this point he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the just just just th. theat is th. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. some greasy meats. Yeah, that's good. I'm gonna rub them all over me. And at this point, he cares quite a bit for Ilius. He's like calling his name and, oh. Luckily, some friends come back to show him where Ilius is. Some bird friends.

Starting point is 00:34:36 Yeah, I just started spelling it B-U-R-D-S. I like that. Birds. Because they weren't birds. No, they're not like birds. They're birds. And they're like, ah, it's over here. So he's trying to track down Ilius, who has been kidnapped by the BDSM warriors and the monster men. Yeah, and they've spit him and are carrying him away. There are definitely easier ways of carrying a limp body than this. And then I wrote it so Vaseliney I can't even enjoy the thigh lights because you can't see anything.

Starting point is 00:35:10 No there's no definition. No definition. When you see the Ilius with out of face, for a second you're like, is it just blurry? Is it just that blurry? Oh, sucks so bad. So they tie him to a steak because they need to rest. Yeah, they're tired. They've been working a lot for Akron, who is trying to prevent him from killing her. I guess. So May sneaks down. He's made some sandball bombs. Oh, I thought he was making a little sandwich when he started doing it.

Starting point is 00:35:45 I was like, oh, he's just making some little snacks. I do, I can't fathom what it was, but he just like balls up some like thing with a thing and puts a leaf around it. Yes, like he's making and packing a sandwich. And then he throws those into fire to make them explode. And he's like, he the bo thi thi thoe thi, thoes, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, throw, tho, tho, tho, tho, I'm, I'm, I'm, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I I's, I's, I I I's, I's, I. I's, I. I's, I's, I's, I's, I's th. I's th. I's tho, I's tho, I's tho, I's tho, I's tho, I's tho, I'm tho, tho, tho. tho. thooooooooooooo. tog. tho. I'm just just just just just like,then he's like go get the bow. You'd think he would have gotten the bow before this this kid. It's not his bow though. But they also punch a man's helm into his head, which I liked so much. And you're like, hmm, that probably wasn't supposed to happen, right? I mean, I don't think it was supposed to dent like that, but the fact that that much blood came out of it, very fun. Every wound causes the most blood you've ever seen.

Starting point is 00:36:27 Except when there are just two monster men, each one holding one of Mace's thighs, just like sort of clutching at the outside of his thigh. They're gnawing on him. The funniest fight scene I've ever seen in my entire life. I love how shitty he is filming fight scenes. The camera is always way too close to what's happening. You need a more of a far perspective. You don't want to be right in the middle of a fight. No. No. I have a note that just says, oh another beautifully shot fight sequence. Oh it's terrible. And so then, I assume this is Fargo. Yeah, gets cooked like, slow cooked like a smoked brisket.

Starting point is 00:37:07 Right, because Okron is like, you failed me, so get on to this hot rock. Hot rock. And then she's like, you know what? Only one person gonna be able to help me. I'm gonna need Zora the Explorer. Zora. So, Akron is a woman, Zora as a man. Yeah, don't get twisted. So where does Zora come from, Katie? Uh, oh, the dog that you were so excited about morphs into Zorra. What? That was, whoa,

Starting point is 00:37:32 I did not see that happen with my eyes. Are you sure? The dog fades out? The dog was Zora the whole time? Yeah, that's why at the end of the movie, Zora and O Akron are running away together in dog form. Oh my god. That, I feel like that should change things. It doesn't. No, it changes absolutely nothing. I must have blinked. But I do love how shook you are by it. I am shook. And Zora is wearing head-to-to-to-to-to-roton armor. Yes, it's a metal stitched-together body. is wearing head-to-to-toe roton armor. Yes, it's a metal stitched together bodies, like stitched together of little like brackets almost?

Starting point is 00:38:12 Yeah, but it's like woven as well. Yeah, I mean, the actor clearly cannot move inside this thing. It must weigh a thousand pounds. And also has a full metal face. Uh-huh, uh-huh. Okay. So she has to do more snakestermating to get him to change change to change to change to change to change to change from to change from to change from to change from to change from to change from to change from to change from to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to together together together together to to to to to stitch to to to to stitch to to stitch to to stitch to to stitch to stitch to to to s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s secetha the the the the the the to secetetha toge toge toge toge toge toge toge toge toge toge toge toge toge. So she has to do more snakestermating to get him to change from a dog into Zora. Right, and then he will do her bidding for her body and her soul forever. Yeah, she offers herself to him. Yeah. Her dog! That was her dog. She's fucking her dog, that's illegal and gross yeah but not like a stone age like people weren't fucking dogs all the time back then that's not great they were gonna

Starting point is 00:38:46 call the dog bone age but then they were like hmm let's make it this a little cleaner for kids right yeah well they got to learn about it in school they still learn about that in school the dog bone age so they make a raft. Oh, sorry. By they, I mean Mason Ditty, Mason Ilius. They're bad boys for life.

Starting point is 00:39:13 That's all sucks, by the way. Sucks. Sucks. Anyway. Mace says something about Ocron where he's like, I don't bother her, she doesn't bother me like they had a bad breakup or something. Or they're just neighbors that do not get along. Exactly.

Starting point is 00:39:29 She borrowed my cheesecake pan, she never gave it back, I asked her about, she said, I don't know what you're talking about. So fucking shitty. And Ilius is like, oh, maybe I should go check it out. And Mace is like, well, you haven't thua thuu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thi thi, thi, thu thu thi, thi, tho tho tho tho th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm just just just just just just just just like, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, thu. Oh, thi. Oh, thi. Oh, thi. Oh, thi. Oh, thi, thi, thi. Oh, thi. thi. thi's thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. Oh, thi. Oh, I should go check it out. And he, and Mace is like, well, you haven't really asked, but I'll take you as far as I can. What? Just fucking get it over with, guys. Yeah, I wish they had kissed.

Starting point is 00:39:51 Oh, gee, it's a little smoochies. Well, I wrote right here. I hope these two kiss at some point. They don't. a raft and then they promptly walk away from the raft. Uh-huh, yeah. We didn't need the raft. And then they're like, fine, let's go make Ocron pay. Yeah. There's all these cartoon arrows that come out of nowhere? And I thought, do you think Lucio was proud of this? Yes. Okay. He never watched any of his movies. It's literally just like animated lines going across the screen. Scribble. Yeah, it's scribbles. Yeah. Skiffy scribbles. Yeah. And like, and the Mace knows to get down, he's like, uh, birds are flying to the water. What does it mean? It's not good. What? What? What? So ducks are problematic? Oh, thi. Oh, yeah, you see a duck. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. Yeah, thi. th. th. th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.? It's not good. What? What? So ducks are problematic. Oh yeah,

Starting point is 00:40:48 you see a duck in the water, you get down. You get down super low. Drive off the road, wherever you are. So you eventually, they don't get hit by any of the arrows until... There's 3,000 of them, so it's wild. Ilius stands up and catches one in the leg. Right. And then they bring the raft into play because I th th th th th th th th th tho th tho tho th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. tho. th. th. thu. thu. thi. th. th. th. So, th. So, thu. So, thu. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. So, the th. th. the. the. the. the. the. theeea. So, thi. So, thi. So, theeea. So, thu. So, thu. So, thu. So, thu catches one in the leg. Right, and then they bring the raft into play because I thought he was giving Ilius a Viking funeral. I was like, oh God, he died so fast. Oh my God, and why the arrows are flying, there's the, there's the, the closed capture, he just says monster chuckles. I had turned it off by then. I had given up up th g given up. My tho my tho my tho my tho my tho my tho my tho my tho. My tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. thi. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. I. I. I'm. I'm. I'm, to. I'ma. I'ma. I'ma. I'ma. I'ma. I'ma. I'ma. I'ma. I'ma. I'ma. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. off by then. I had given up. My God, do you think we're making this up?

Starting point is 00:41:27 Does it tell like we're making this up? Roll for a dish. Yeah. Monster chuckles. So immediately Ilius is like, oh I'm done for, I'm poisoned, it's over. It is a gross boil though. Fulchie. I love you so much much. I mean when the boils pop, it's like the grossest thing since Maggot phone. Oh yeah, yeah, it looks like garbage water, like out of the back of a garbage truck is pouring out of it. Yeah, it looks like it smells. Oh God, they answered the maggot phone. They had to. He made them do that. Yeah, but you have a note. Oh, the wooing, th th is woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo, the woo, the woo, the woo, th, th, th, th, th, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, it's th. Oh, it's th. Oh, it's th. Oh, it's th. Oh, it's the boils, it's th. Oh, it's the boils. Oh, it's, it's, it's, it's the the the the th. Oh, it's, it's, it's, it's. Oh, it's. Oh, it's. Oh, it's. Oh, it's. Oh, it's. Oh, it's. Oh, it's. Oh, it's. Oh, it's. Oh, it's. Oh, it's. Oh, th. Oh, the th. th. th. tho. th. tho. the tho. tho. the th. thoooo. the th. the the th. the th. the the th. th do that. You have a note that says, ooh, the wooing is oozing because fulchy. Because fulchie, yeah. And then when we see him again, he's covered in ants, which are not generally harmful creatures.

Starting point is 00:42:12 You don't want them like in your pantry, but they're not going to get you. You don't want them in your pants. They don't go after wounds, as far as I know, I think, afterwards. Nah, I think they're just out there for crumbs. I think they just like bread crumbs. Oh, the most adorable of ants. I think ants are actually very cute. So he's covered an ants because Mace has been like, hey, there's a valley right over there. I just got to run over that valley.

Starting point is 00:42:37 I've got to you. Right. This is basically, what is it, King's foil that Aragorn has to find to put in Frodo's wound after he's been stabbed on Weathertop. Anyway. Does that happen? Yeah, I've seen that movie like eight times. Yeah, when he gets stabbed by the Morgl Blade, they have to go find the thing that Sam Wysse thinks is a weed, ethyl thii. Aeth. Awel, th. Awel, th. Awel, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, they's they's they thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thr, thr, thr, thr, thr, thr, thr, thr, after thr, after thr. thi, after thi, after thi, after thi, after thi, thi, thi, thi, thi? thi? thi? thi? thi's thi's thi? After thi's throwneeeee an thrownee and it's throwneeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeean, throwneeeeeeeeee and. throwne, after thrownto put it he like chews it up and then pour puts it on the wounds sure whether by the trolls they find it whatever and like oh it's mr. Bilbo's trolls what trolls The trolls from the hobbit that bilbo or the gandoff turned to stone and so at one point while they're the trol there tro'n't their their their their their their trtle trtle tro trtle tro trtle tro tro tro they they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're tro they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're tr-in trown trown trown trown trown trown trown trown trown trown trowne trowne trowne trowne trowne trowne trowne trowne trowne trowne trowne trowne to to trowne to to to to to trowne to trowne toe they're traveling, they see the the the trolls that they've been turned to. I think I'm always so high when I watch that movie. More like Lord of the Thanks. Yeah, yeah. Oh, you're fantastic.

Starting point is 00:43:36 I'm actually very stupid, much like Ilius, I'm quite stupid. He, when he's going to the other valley, he has to go through a body bog. Okay, so there's, he wakes some zombies who were just napping in the shallow water. The zombies are wearing the same mud as the lady friends. I just don't know. And they're all wearing masks as well, which is weird. There's a heavy mask budget in this movie. I don't know why.

Starting point is 00:44:04 Yeah, think about it, because it's all the same actors just wearing different clothes. Yeah, probably. So he has to fight all the zombies. But he's got him, he's got him, he's got a poke and stick. He's, I mean, Mace is nothing if not resourceful. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. Oh, what the fuck? wakes up and he says he sees Mace standing over him and he's like, Mace, I really need you. And Mace is like, you got it and goes to crush him with a rock.

Starting point is 00:44:29 But then also Mace has come to rescue him and Mace is fighting Mace like a mirror match. And I just thought this would be so much more impactful if I was entirely sure that both of them were Mace, but it's hard to tell because it's so blurry. It's points the fight shot like in shadow of the two maces. They both have all the same weapon so it's like double nunchucking. Yeah. It's so funny and they flip each other like 15 times? They do. And then other mace turns back into Zora. Yeah. Who then can no longer because they're wearing 8,000 pounds of metal. It's fine, they could disappear. Disappears.

Starting point is 00:45:07 And go, ha ha ha ha ha, as they disappear. Can't believe that dog was Zora. Monster chuckling. Wait, can we talk about one thing? Yeah. What, what, Zora was the dog, was the dog, the portal by which Zora had been turned into a dog, or does the dog become... Is the dog the portal by which Zora can come to this plane? See I wasn't even thinking about it like that.

Starting point is 00:45:33 I was thinking, did she adopt a dog and then turn it into a warrior, or did she know the warrior and turn him into a dog? Does the warrior do it of his own volition? Do he become dog? Does he like to be a dog? I the dog? I the dog? I the dog? I to be to be to be to be to be to be the dog? I th? I thia thia. I thia tho? I tho? I tho? I tho. tho. tho. tho. thoom. tho. tho. thoomoom. tho. tho. tho. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. tho. th. th. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. thoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo Do he become dog? Does he like to be a dog? I don't know. I think I'd like to be a dog. Do you? Yeah, I mean, you don't have to go to work.

Starting point is 00:45:52 You go out for walkies. You sometimes get to ride in the car. You think mailmen are terrifying. You don't have to worry about getting to get their their to get to get to get to get their to get to get to get their to work to work to work their day around the same time. You do get yelled out a lot because you do dumb shit all the time. I mean, that's light. That's me now, though. The look you gave me when I didn't know what the trolls were from Lord of the Rings, like I feel you didn't yell at me, but I felt your disappointment.

Starting point is 00:46:16 It's because I've read the fucking books 12 times and I'm, I am not I am not I am not I am not I am not I am not I am not I am not I am not I am not I am not I am not a good person because of it. I don't think that's necessarily true, but you would be a great dog. Oh, I would be a fantastic dog. I know. Oh, I would be a giant dog who wanted to be a lap dog? I would just nap. Your feet would never be cold if I were around. Yeah. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:46:36 Good times. Good times. the it up. I'm just being like, I don't know, I did what I was told. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Fuck, my life sucks. Not at all. I have to shit in a toilet.

Starting point is 00:46:53 I have to figure out where food comes from. You're more than welcome to shit in my backyard. I could probably shit in your backyard without anyone seeing me, huh? Uh-huh. Your neighbor next is pretty old. I'll just put some Vaseline on the lens, it'll be fine. They might already be in some stage of glaucoma, so they might have their own. True, what I'm saying?

Starting point is 00:47:15 At this point, Elias is like, I don't remember if I had a mission. I think I'm just going to be a coward, but I am going to leave. Yeah, I don't want to be a coward, but I am, because I'm not exactly sure why I'm here anyway. Yeah, I felt that, I felt that. I mean, I often just want to leave things. Yeah, for sure. Yeah. When you're in the show and you're like, I don't just leave. You can just leave, yeah. When you like start fantasizing about your couch or your bathtub and you're like, I could just be in my couch and bathtub.

Starting point is 00:47:48 Yeah. Yeah. Put the couch in the bathtub, it's my stuff. You could if you want it. It's a little couch. A tiny couch. Is a bathtub with a couch? Is a bathtub with a couch? tub. Ah. No, it's a very wet couch.

Starting point is 00:48:06 Just stinky, mildewy couch. Ilius is like, you know, dog, take my bow. You know, you've been great to me. You're the man around here, not me. And Mace was like, I can't take your bow, that's your thing. Your dad, God gave it to you, so. And he's like, wait a second. Why you, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, th th th th th th th th th th th. th. th. th. th. th. tho, thi, tho, th. to to to to to to to to, to to, to to to to to to to to to???? to? the the the to, the to, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. to? the. to? too. t. to. ta. ta. too. too. to. to. to. to to. to to. to. to. to. to. to. to you so he's like wait a second why don't you come home with me we have long-haired beasts that take care of our fields for us what does that mean

Starting point is 00:48:29 horses who are the long-haired beasts horses I think alternately just more fargos yeah it's a living yeah yeah so so so so so so mace is like I to they formed out of the raft that he made me. Yeah, so Mace is like I can't go there because I'll always feel like an outsider, but it's frankly your part of the world seems like it sucks. But it's my part of the world, right? I mean, I guess that's how I feel about Pittsburgh. Pittsburgh don't suck. Not all the time. No. And then I'll just comes back. th I I'm I'm th I'm th I'm th. It I'm th. It I'm th. It I'm th. It's I'm th. It's I'm th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's, it's, it's, it's th. It's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. that's th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. that's th. the. the. that's that's. the. the. th. all the time. No. No. And then Ilius just comes back. He's like, I'm not afraid I've come back. Well first, Mace has to go and get involved with the frog zombie men. Right, now there's rock zombies because reasons. Is that rock lobster? Yeah. I hate the B-52 so you know this about me. I know. What do you guys doing? Just being stoked. Relax. Hi. Hi as shit. that. Is that. Is that. Is that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that th th th th th th th th th th th th th th thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi th. th. th. th. th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th th th th thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi to to to thi to thi thi to thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi 52s, you know this about me. I know, but what are you guys doing? Just being stoked.

Starting point is 00:49:26 Fulking, relax. High as shit? Just chill. If what cocaine can bring into the world the B-52s? I guess though. So we meet the rock lobsters, and they're just hanging out and they're like, and these guys talk. Yeah, they talk but they they're their their their their their their their their their their their m m m m mouths their m mouths their mouths their mouths their mouths their mouths their mouths their mouths their mouths their mouths their mouths their mouths their mouths their mouths their mouths their mouth. their mouths their mouth. their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their mou. their mou. their mou. their mout. their mout. tho. thooooooombs. thoooombs. thooooombs. thoombs. thooooombs. their thoombs. they're they're they're they're, and these guys talk. Yeah, they talk, but their mouths don't fucking move. No, no one, no, God damn it, Luccio. But you can see their mouths inside of their mouths moving, which is great.

Starting point is 00:49:50 Yeah, they have the tiniest little bit of vibration, I would say. There's like, where is your friend? We need your friend? for Akron? Yes, of course. Okay. And their whole thing is they just hang out in the nooks and crannies on the beach waiting for people. In like the big rocks. And they're covered in cobwebs? Cobwebs and they're, well I think they're meant to be like a chameleon blending in with their surrounding so they're just like covered in white paint and cobwebs. And as you do. And they all like have terrible posture because they're pretending to be rocks. Sucks. And there's so many of them. So many of them. Where do they get this many extras? I do not know. But if you want to point out that we are educating people because someone recently sent us a message that they

Starting point is 00:50:37 did not know about these spider webs and cobwebs have been abandoned? See I learned that and th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. their. their. their. their their their their th. S. S. S. S. S. they's. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. the. the. the. the. the the the the the. I. I. I. I. the. I. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. S. spider webs and cobwebs have been abandoned. See I learned that and then forgot it. Thank you for reminding me. But we didn't know that. Somebody told us that, right? No, but then we educated the world with the information that we got. That's, each one and their teachers, we're passing it along. Okay. Yeah, just like when you taught people thee. th. th. th. th. th. Yeah. Yeah. th. Yeah. th. thi. thi. that. that. that. that. Yeah. that. that. that. Yeah. that. Yeah. that. the. Yeah. the. the. th. that. Yeah. Yeah. the. th. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. the. the. the. the. th. the. th. th. th. th. the. the. the. the. the. sex and how the bees explode? I... Or their testicles explode, I think? Something, yeah. I vaguely remember that.

Starting point is 00:51:08 It was a very long time ago. Yeah, I think it was probably the Wickerman remake. Yes, I think so. Yeah. But you're right. But yes, Ilius comes back and pulls back his bow and lasers all the zombies. One laser arrow can shoot 15 men. It can split, I think? Okay.

Starting point is 00:51:33 All right. This had real like late night TV. Get this arrow that can shoot 15 of your opponent. It's a real like, thanks Obama ad. Are you sick of Bowas only firing one laser? I do like what Elias turned around and he's like, he has to hear the overly revered and blown out voice of his father. Ilias, you must do this thing to do this thing, do the thing, do the thing.

Starting point is 00:51:59 But there's never an answer as to why. No, no. And Mace has been strapped up on this X. He's like crucified on this X. Right, there's the rock zombies have done this. Yeah, yeah. And so they push him off into the water and he hits the bottom of the ocean. You can't swim like that?

Starting point is 00:52:14 So worried about this actual actor human being. Yeah, this seemed dangerous. get free Katie. Fucking dolphins? Dolphins? Duffins! I was like, oh my god, is that a dolphin that just swam by? Oh no, it sure fucking is. When the fake dolphin heads are chewing on his ropes? Why do they do? He's only a friend to animals? Yeah, yeah, friend animals, Mace. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:52:36 They're like, Reginald, we've come for you. My next note just says, sorry, I zoned out. I feel like I'm watching this movie without my glasses, so I don't know what happens next. Do you know why Mace wopped up, washed up on a shore? No, because he didn't want to take a shower on the boat? He washed. No, I get it. 50. This is what 50 is going to be like... I can't do this podcast anymore. I can't th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho- tho- tho- tho- tho- tho- tho- tho- tho- tho-n't tho-n't tho tho tho tho th. th. th. tho th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. tha th. tha tha tha tha tha-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-s tha-s tho-s thoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo 50 is going to be like. This is what 50 is going to be like... I can't do this podcast anymore. He's 50. I can't. You know what? Alan has aged out of this

Starting point is 00:53:07 podcast much like Minut. Minuto. I'm going to be auditioning very young men for your replacement. Do you have chest air? No? Good. Sit down. Tell me a joke. I don't get that either. I don't get that either. Get out. So now these two buckleheads head off on adventures together to take out Okron. Oh my god. And at some point Elias gets drug under the earth. Okay. Some guys grab him and pull him under ground. And we can't, we never see these attackers. They're just eyes and claws in the dark. Right, right. Is this where we see the bats? Yes. Okay.

Starting point is 00:53:49 I know bats are very cool, but I'm very scared of them. Oh, are you? Well, yeah. Yeah. Have you ever looked at a fucking bat? Yeah. Bats and possums, two things like, uh, get away from theirms, to. You can thank you so much. Can you just help me so much? Thank you. Do you want some rotten fruit? Here you go. So we attack some bats with his nunchucks and then they become his bat friends, I think.

Starting point is 00:54:10 It's like he has to beat them into being his friends. Yeah. I don't know. But then I'llius is beheaded. He finds his be off and his head. It's so funny. Yeah. And it's fucking Akron's yelling around about like, I will open his temper of secrets and devour him, but like you don't even have a mouth. She's so high. She's just, I pity her. So, she, she, her, his head materializes into her hands.

Starting point is 00:54:51 Right, it's very funny. And then she sets it down and we're like, no, we can tell that that's the actor just with a table on top of his life. No, no, she set him down. And he awakes. And she's like, slate his body but not his soul. God damn it, Zora just do this one fucking thing right! Zora cannot do this one fucking thing right? So Mace comes from revenge. He's avenging his lover friend.

Starting point is 00:55:19 The man who taught him how to love and accept love. Yes. Everyone he's ever loved has been murdered by these people. Which is one person. Or maybe his kids. I don't think he loved those kids. No. I don't think he I really don't think he realized they were his kids until right then. He was like, oh fuck. That one looks like me. Oh it's named Mace. Fuck. Mace junior. What does that mean? So Mace sticks out his hand. What flies to him, Katie? The bow. The bow.

Starting point is 00:55:48 Dada da da da da da da da da. And then what does he do? He shoots a bunch of lasers. It's a bunch of lasers. And the bow blows her mask all. At this point, I'm like, there's three minutes left in this movie. And it's not going to be me. No.

Starting point is 00:56:07 And they set fire to Ilius and then rub the ashes all over? Sure, yeah, yeah. He's going to be annoying his body with his friend's ashes. Like you do? Can we have that happen at my funeral too? Well, I was going to ask. I that to ask, I to ask, I to ask, I to ask, I to ask, I to ask, I to ask, I'll to ask, I'll to ask, I'll to ask, I'll to ask, I'll to ask, I'll to ask if to ask if to ask if to ask if to ask if to to thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. to to to to thi. to to thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. the. the. the. thea. thea. they they they they they the they they the they the the thea. the that thi.'ve established this. No. Alan, who is going to make my elaborate funeral happen if you're dead? So he shoots her in the mask and her mask shoots off and she's like a mad ball underneath there. She, yeah, I don't know what the fuck is happening. And she starts going, ah, blah, la, la, la, she talk totally normal with the mask on.

Starting point is 00:56:46 Yeah, maybe the mask was what allowed her to speak? You kind of voice modulator in it. Yeah. And so he shoots her and she falls down. Two shots, that dog, and runs outside. Yeah, a wolf, a dog, that dog, a wolf, I don't know. Wolf dog. Wolf dog. And she meets up with Zora, who is a th. That th. That th. That th. th. th. th. tot tot tot, tot, tot, tot, tot, tot, tot, tot, tot, tot, tot, tot, tot, tot, tot, tot, tot, tot, tot, tot, tot, tot, tot, tot, tot, tot, tot, tot, the mask, the mask, the mask, the mask, the mask, the mask, the mask, the mask, the mask, the mask, the mask, the mask, the mask, the mask, the mask, the mask, the mask, the mask, the mask, the mask, the mask, the the mask, the the the the tot, tota, totally. Yeah, totally. Yeah, totally. Yeah, totally. Yeah, totally. Yeah, totally. Yeah, tota, tota, tota, tota, the ma, wolf, a dog, that dog, a wolf, a wolf, I don't know. Wolf dog. And she meets up with Zora who has returned to his dog form. So yeah, I had just written like, okay, so now you and your dog are equals not so sure about the snake though. But I didn't realize it was Zora. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. So if you see a dogron. And then the craziest part of the movie happens. What's the craziest part of the movie? Freeze frame credits.

Starting point is 00:57:27 The first line of the credit says, any reference to persons or events is purely coincidental. To whom was that a concern? Who was like, oh man, this happened to my sister? What? Oh, my mom was Akron. Mom, snake sti. Mosakron. I'm not snakesterbates. Holy shit. Katie, what? How many fuzzy bone-nunchucks are you going to give this movie?

Starting point is 00:57:53 I, this is madness. Like, I feel like five years ago this movie would have made me super angry. And now I'm just like, what? I don't, I would watch it a hundred times. As I told you, rode on a bus for eight hours to watch this movie in a theater to see a print of this film but I had to see it in its original format. How did it look on the big screen any better? Fucking blurry shit! It was great. No better. I just, I feel like a a lot of the premise of this show and what charmed people in the the the th. the th. th. th. th. th. th. the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi, I, I, I'm, I'm, I, I'm, I, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, th. th. tho. tho. t. t t tote. t tote. tote. th. th. th. th. thr. tho. th. th.med people in the early years was how angry I would get at the stuff you made me watch and I just feel like I can't muster it anymore where I'm like ah I broke you that's what we call that's

Starting point is 00:58:32 Stockholm syndrome yeah this will probably be a research paper someday about the time I got broken this is two BDSM men two wolf men, and a sexy snake. Oh, so the full party pack. The full party back. Okay, okay, all right. And also those new Little Caesar's tiny pizzas that they were advertising. It's those two. They look so gross.

Starting point is 00:58:55 I would eat the fuck out of them. You have to be high as shit to eat those. No, I would eat those. No. No. I. I. I. I. I. I. I would eat those. I would eat those. I would eat those. I would eat those. I would eat those. I would eat those. I would eat those. I would eat those. I would eat tho. I would eat tho. I would eat tho. I would eat those. I would eat. I would eat those. I would eat those. I would eat. I would eat. I would eat. I would eat. I would eat. I would eat. I would eat. I would eat. I would eat. I would eat. I would eat. I would eat. I would eat those. I would eat those. I. I would eat those. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I would eat th. I. I would eat th. I would eat th. I would eat th. I would eat th. I would eat th. I would eat th. I would eat th. I would eat th. I would eat th turn a crick after this and we're getting Lil Caesar's. And then I'm going to go home and poop and go to bed. Is that okay? Yeah, I'm just going to snakesturbate while you're doing that. All right, I'll drop the pizzas off. Cold and ready. What about you? damn jam. I worry that you think it's actually good. No, no, I understand that it is phenomenally

Starting point is 00:59:30 enjoyable. I laugh the entire time I watch it. It's a comedy for sure. It is so silly in the best ways of just like faulty with the governor off. It's like, well make it look dream like we'll put Vaseline on the lens. And they're like, okay, I guess for the whole thing. Yeah. No, more. More. More Vaseline. But you won't be able to see the actors. I said more Vaseline. So I'm going to give it six empty jars of Vaseline. Yeah. And like just, it's free on Amazon Prime. it's on Toobie. Do yourselves a favor. Like, if you indulge, indulge before you watch this.

Starting point is 01:00:11 Please don't watch this sober. It's a promise from me to you, you don't want it. Or, or, like, just get a fucking family-sized bag of twislers and just go ham on it. Oh, yeah. And be mildly sugar insane by the end of this movie. You know what I really like is a Twizzler's Nib? Oh yeah. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:00:30 I've always thought that Nib sounds like some sort of weird racial slur. Oh God. Against whom? I don't know. I don't know. It's big. I don't know. Thai people. People from Wyoming? I don't know. Oh, Katie.

Starting point is 01:00:53 Alan. Can I read you an email that we got? I would love that. I think you might love this email. Okay. I'm just putting it out there. I'm not, I'm not making any judgments about you. Is your fucking phone on?

Starting point is 01:01:04 And then, um, no, it's fine. Everything's fine. Be nothing. Be a ffifififififififi, I thi something. Be a professional. Be a professional. Be a professional. I thi! I thi! I thi! I thi! I thi! I thi. I thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I don't thi. I don't thi. I don't thi. I don't thi. I don't thi. I don't th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I thi. I thi Is your fucking phone on? And then, um, no, it's fine. Everything's fine, nothing is fun to here. Be a professional. Be you do. Katie. Alan. This is from Jake M. Hi, Jake M.

Starting point is 01:01:13 The heading to this email. Hey, y'all. The-Tah. Sorry, hey y'all. Hey y'all. This is Jake from the UK. Don't say y'all. Hey y'all. It's not your word. It's not our word either. Just leave it out of our conversations, Jake. I grew up close enough to the base of Dixie line.

Starting point is 01:01:31 I could say y'all. It's not that the'l that guy who listens to podcast and never writes in because usually someone else will comment confirms my thoughts and corrections, smiley face emoji. You know what Jake, you should feel strong in your own voice and you should say the things you feel like you should say. Yeah. That's all. Unless it's shitty, then just keep it to yourself. I already have a good feeling about Jake. Oh yeah. But listen, he listened to the Scarecrow sc sc sc sc sc sc sc sc sc sc sc sc sc sc sc sc sc sc sc sc sc sc sc sc sc sc sc sc sc sc sc sc sc sc, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the to to to to the to to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th, to, to, to, to, to, to, to to, to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to th. th. th. th. the, the, the, the, the, the. theeeeeeeeeeean, thean, thean, thean, theeeeeeean, thi, thi, he listened to the Scarecrow episode.

Starting point is 01:02:05 You're still saying no one wants the line of duty podcast. I mean it's true. And I love line of duty. Jake. One of the best British crop dramas I've seen. So you all will at least have one listener. Thank you Jake. Thanks for the free funny. And my favorite thing I've ever heard anyone say is when th on th on th on th on th on th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the th. th. th. th. th. the th. the th. th. the the th. the. the. th. the their their their the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. thean. thean. thean. thean. thean. thean. thean. thean. thean. thean. the. the. th.. Thanks for the free funny and my favorite thing I've

Starting point is 01:02:25 ever heard anyone say is when Alan said on marveling at Marvel's Marvels. What's this now? Is this a line of duty podcast? Did he look up at the sun and the sun winked and gave him a thumbs up? No idea what happens to. I assume this is your Marvelless Miss Maisel podcast. Still makes me laugh now. Love you guys. Oh, I love you, Jake. Thank you, Jake. Thank you, Jake.

Starting point is 01:02:51 And I'm glad we will have one listener because I would do it for nobody, but knowing the Jake is listening is enough to make us do it. We're doing it this summer. Oh yeah, yeah. We'll have to do it maybe like two it makes sense. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. I'm just about done my rewatch of it, so I'm so stoked to get back into it again. Okay, I watched the first episode in the airport, but I was like half black out drunk, so I need to do it again. I was browned out. Yeah, my flight was really delayed. Yeah. The text I was getting made less and less sense as they were going. I mean, sorry about that. I loved it. Oh man. Sd, Steve. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. Yeah. Yeah, the the first the first the first the first the first the first. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I was. I was. I was. I was. Yeah. Yeah. I was. I was. Yeah. Yeah. I was. Yeah. I was. Yeah. Yeah. I was. Yeah. I. I was. I. I. I. I. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the te. te. the the the the the the the the the first. the first. the the first. the first. the first. the first. the first. the first. the first. the first. the they were going on. Sorry about that. I loved it. No. Oh man, Steve are not so bad at his job from the jump. I know.

Starting point is 01:03:30 It's all his fault. Okay, we got to save this gold. Thank you, Jake. Thank you for writing in. Thank you for listening. Thank you for wanting us to do another show because we're doing it. Yeah, it's gonna happen. Yeah, nice one mate. Somebody was like, do a test episode and it's like, fuck a test episode, you do a test six seasons. Yeah, we'll see what happens if they're gonna do a seventh, you know? Is that the rain? Oh yeah, I think so. Holy ghost. This might be that flooding we heard about. Oh, fuck. Katie. We're gonna do a movie next week. You're excited for it. I don't't know much about it, but I know a lot of people have asked for it.

Starting point is 01:04:05 Yeah, and I saw that it's on shutter now. What are, what are we doing? Drag me to hell. Drag Alan to hell. Yes. That's what I wrote it down in and it is my notes. He was like, why was I so mad at him? belongs in heaven alongside all the other angels. I am driving around upstate New York with all the other Paul Walker. Why are you driving? Because we have to

Starting point is 01:04:30 drive around on the farm. Why do you have to drive? Because Paul Walker? Exactly. Brian can't walk anywhere? No, Brian drives. For people who are not patrones, they're like, why are they always talking about how dead Paul Walker is? We know he's dead. It's sad. It was like a life cut short. Yeah. But also, not a great dude.

Starting point is 01:04:54 Not a great dude. Yeah, they're like, young, young, young ladies. And also, Vin Diesel's a Shihad so we never have to do another fast and furiouser, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeahihead, so we never have to do another Fast and Furious movie. Apparently The Rock is too, so. Yeah. There you go. But what about John Sonna? Yeah. We'll find another John Sunaa movie.

Starting point is 01:05:13 Or just another ludicrous. Or just another ludicrous. Yeah. I would watch the ludicrous Tyrese and the lady from Game of Thrones spin off. I'm sorry that I don't remember her name. Maybe from Game of Thrones. They're like the threesome of comedy. She was on Game of Thrones? Yeah, she is the Calisies number two.

Starting point is 01:05:33 You know what? I don't know. Okay. That's been a long time for me. Oh, so you may never have met her. Yeah. Because she was in... She's a very modern looking woman. Sure. I mean, it was a fantasy show where they dressed people up to look older. John Snow doesn't just wear that stuff all the time. The snow, fuck off.

Starting point is 01:05:57 All right, end this episode. Come back for driving to hell. Unbelievable. Did you like how I turned into the internet? You're like, God, you're a fucking moron. As the internet so often loves to tell me. Great. Oh, man. I love you so much.

Starting point is 01:06:19 I love you too. Uh, drag me to hell. Be a patron if you want to be a patro-on, Patriot on Wear-Wrof Ambulance. Go buy T-shirts on T-Public. Just have a rad day. Go be rad to each other. Yeah. And to yourself, you deserve it. Yeah, go snakes to bait.

Starting point is 01:06:32 Oh boy. I wouldn't, I don't I cannot believe you're defending this. It's just a luteal fault, gee. He had a great idea. Go snake's derby. Where a rubber spiked cod piece what you're doing. God help us all. Who? Savini's sightings at the pool. Now we do it, Finland's tube-off film reviews. Killing clouds and let the face. Can heaven and his face? Our parents are fast in case. Please make a kid in your grave.

Starting point is 01:07:36 E&T. Marlowe and comedy reviews, hungry, Brian from Wayne's and Stephen King. Ea to. We live deliciously back temp. He reviews Hulry, Brian, from Wayne's and Stephen King. E.M.T. We live deliciously at temperatries, Obes, Presley Cunctoday. A paranormal act in cities from Mr. Rogers to eat. E.M.D. E.D. See you, the team.

Werewolf Ambulance: A Horror Movie Comedy Podcast - Episode 472 - Conquest (1983)

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