Werewolf Ambulance: A Horror Movie Comedy Podcast - Episode 477 - FearDotCom (2003)

Episode Date: May 20, 2024

Katie is on vacation so you get a rare Allen write up. This week's movie a low for a time known as a horror deadzone. But we make the most of it and bring you over an hour of yuck yucks.  Special topics include: being a poor man's Ethan Hawke. Why is it so dark? Why is it so wet? Unwanted advertisements. When a movie tried to be every other movie. You know where to find us. Tell your friends. Thank you all for being the best. We truly appreciate you all. 

Hey Katie! Hi Alan! How are you? Um, I have a new neighbor who plays acoustic guitar and sings along with it, with his girlfriend. So I'm terrible. Hi Alan. How are you? Um, I have a new neighbor who plays acoustic guitar and sings along with it with his girlfriend so I'm terrible I'm actually fucking terrible suicidal I would say my summer is ruined covers or originals both wow yeah like is he like Samantha I wrote the song for you yes they did pay paradise and put up a parking, but I'm going to murder you in your sleep. How are you? I'm doing like fear.com right now. So really shitty? Like super

dark and wet. Speaking of which, let's just get this out of the way right away. Okay. We got a review from Syrene-6666. Got it. They say, always wet. Always wet. Five stars. Okay. This show is nothing like being... P. Poof.

I'm not going to cut that. I'm just going to start over. This show is nothing like being sawpaper raw-dogged, an enjoyable ride that brings me joy each week. Thank y'all for many years of laughs. I'm happy to be the opposite of that. I'm happy to be on the other end of the spectrum. To not be sawpaper raw-dog. What's the always wet reference? Because it's not

like being sandpaper raw dog. Oh sure it's all wet, always wet. Yeah we're always wet, we're always ready. I heard that means you have a disease. Never forget Ben Shabiro's wife. RIP to her sex life. RIP to her poor raw shape vagina. So thank you Syrene 60666. Thank you so much. RIP to her poor, raw, shaped vagina. So thank you, Irene, 60666. Thank you so much. Okay, I want to say something, and you can tell me if maybe this is a good idea. I've been thinking that perhaps I should retire from picking movies.

Why? Because I think I had this confused with the net with Sandra Bollick. Not to scarecrow this thing, but I was like, this is not the movie that I thought it was. Like, when are they going to erase her identity and stuff? But that was Sandy Bullock, and that was the net. And not Stephen Dorfington? I mean, I thought he was in it too. I think I thought they were they were they were they were the they were th th th th th tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho that tho that the tho the thi thi the that thi too. Okay. I think I thought they were the same movie.

Not famed British actress Natasha McElhone. Were there no American women available for the making of this film? I know it was made in like Luxembourg or something, but like... They were like, we need a Merrill Streep type. And this is all... Excuiting? She's got Merrill Street vibes. What? You don't think? No! And he's got Merrill Street vibes.

Psycho. You're gonna have to drink this beer to think about what you just said. Injia's physical appears. She's got a Merrill strepiness to her. No, but go on. That's all I have. She's holding onto that's that's that's that's that's that, that's all I have. She's holding onto that accent for Dear Life. Sure, but so is Stephen Dorf, and it's his accent.

He's an American, isn't he? Or is he Canadian? He's Canadian. I've got all these immigrants. No, this movie wasn't even made in America. I'm just being an absolute piece of shit. Also I I like immigrants. Some of my best friends are immigrants. Yeah, I got a problem with immigrants. How do you feel about the production company,

MDP worldwide? Which sounds like they made this movie and no other movie, and it's a drug front. Yeah, MDP means like major drug parties. Major drug parties. This was directed by the director of Haunting of Hillhouse, if you recall. The original? Fumka Johnson?

Jonson? Whatever her fucking name is. Fumka Jansen? Fampke Jansen. Oh, brother. Oh, man. Oh, man. Oh, man.

So, I fuck up. What are you talking about? It's like, I'm sorry did you pick a movie that we're gonna make fun of for a comedy podcast I mean yeah let's do it didn't fuck up didn't fuck up no well it's really long too it is painfully long and especially with commercial breaks on free-vee and free the does a thing where they don't pause before going into the commercial so like you might be glancing down to take notes and suddenly you're watching a Peloton ad? Why is th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th. th. th. I th. I th. I th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I thi thi. thi. thi. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. I th. I th. I th. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. thi. thi. thi. t. teeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. thi. th. th glancing down to take notes and suddenly you're watching a Peloton ad. Why is this so bouncy?

I got at least 13 Mac and Cheese ads. I'm like, that's fucking rude and also, wood. I didn't get a single Mac and cheese ad. I got Peloton and I got the guy from the hangover trying to sell me toilet paper. Huh? You know that guy, the funny guy. Zach Galifanacus? No. Ken John.

Oh, Ken John? Ken John? Yeah. Selling Charmin? And I was like, what happened to your career? Also, just get a bidet. tofeauny to the tooenery. Step your game up. Truly, it'll change your life. There was one craft macaroni and cheese ad that was like, it was the elbow macaroni noodle was large upon the screen.

And this little sad man with like an umbrella and a rain cloud walked in and then slid through the macaroni and came out the other side in a rainbow. And I was like, yeah, that macaroni's not drugs, dog. No. It's not going to fix to fix fix fix fix fix fix fix fix fix fix fix fix fix fix fix fix fix fix fix fix fix fix fix fix fix fix fix fix fix fix fix fix fix fix fix fix fix fix fix fix fix fix fix fix fix fix fix fix fix fix fix fix fix fix fix fix fix fix fix fix fix fix the message that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that's that's that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that's. that's. that's. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not the the the the the the the the the the the the th. the that. that mc. that that that that that mc. that that that mc. that that mc. that mc. that that that that Also, I like that the message of that was eat your feelings Meanwhile, I'm getting a peloton ad but some really fit lady being like get the fuck up and do it What man, I'm trying to watch fear dot com Anyway fear dot com So his movie starts off with the worst title sequence ever tell me about it. It's nothing and then it just goes fear. Yeah, I love that actually that's nice into the point. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. It. It. th. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. th. It. th. th. It. th. It. th. th. th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's thi. It's th. It's thi. It's the the. It's the the the the. the th. It's th. It's th. Tell me about it. It's nothing and then it just goes for your dot com. Yeah, I love that actually. That's nice into the point.

18 point Helvetica at the bottom of the screen. It's very succinct. Yeah. And then Udo Kears going into what I thought was a really wet library. Yeah, it's very, very wet. He's like wiping the rain off his face and the th. And the the the the the th. the rain. th. th. the rain. th. th. th. the rain. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi, thi, thi, thi, thiol-I. th. thi, thiol-I. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thiol- thiol- thiol-up. thiol-up. It's, thiol. It's, th. It's, th. It's, th. It's, th. It's, th. It's, th. It's, th. It's, th. It's, th. It's. It's. It's. It's, t. It's, t. It's, t. It's t. It's toooooooooooooooooooooooooes. It's t. It's t. It's like, thooes. It's thea. It's then looking at his hand like he's surprised to see it. Where did you come from? Yeah, it's like a long. I don't remember carrying you in.

Fucking raining. We have like an overhead light, a subway, the rain, a ball bouncing by itself and a little blonde girl. Like give me that horror ambience. I just referred to her as tiny and to the ta ta to her to her to her to her to her to her to her to her to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to taiin, to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to her as tiny and Anjia Taylor Joy the entire time. She is tiny Anya Taylor Joy. So pale. So pale and what a bad wig. Hi dude. So she's bouncing the ball like on the third rail. I mean like bzzzzda bap. Yeah. And who do care is like oh no I, I'm in this movie, I fucked up. Why will I be billed forth?

I don't even have any dialogue. This movie is so dark, like shot so darkly. It's the most impossible to see. OK, so I have seen this movie before. I remember renting it from the blockbuster in college. Sure, because it's nothing about a blockbuster. And what, yes, watching it and being like, I literally can't see anything. Oh my God, on VHS would be abysmal. On VHS, it would be abysmal.

I love that a lot. Yeah. So in this, I could see more this time. You can't tell if his nose is bleeding or he just has a big honk and mole on his lip? Yep. I love that a lot. Yeah, or he was just... So the other night I was, uh, I was eating a ice cream sandwich had chocolate chips on it. Oh, where did you get it? From Trader Joe, it's a little pre-packet. Oh, okay, not a lea's or something good. No, no. No, no. No, no, no. No, no, no, no, no, th th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. I was just the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. I th. I was just th. I was just thi thi thi thi thi. I thi o' thi. thi. I thi. thi. I theea. I was just the. I was just th. I was just th. I was just like, it's a weekday, a weekday ice cream so much. I had a fix that I needed and this was here for me. You had a feeling you needed to eat. Next morning I wake up and I'm like,

oh what the fuck? Oh, there's a chocolate chip in my beard. Oh, and that's what it would occur was experiencing in this movie. Just a little chocolate chip. Did you not like, like, thi, their, their, their, their, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. to to to to thi, thi, to to to to to to to to to th. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. theeat. theat theat the theat the the the theeat the theat the toeat toe. toeate. toe. Brushing your teeth with no glasses on. Well, that beard is so white. It's hard to see the chocolate chips. That makes sense. Perfect sense.

He, um, jumps down to try to save this child. After like seeing her down there for a while. A long while. And then goes, oh no! Get off those tracks, you silly, dickhead. And he does not jump down there. He tumbles. He tumbles! He like lays out and then rolls into the subway. The train is coming.

The girl is gone. He gets into a little alcove that will prevent the train from hitting him. Yeah. And then the train doesn't break. It's just honking its horn. It's like, I can't possibly stop for you, Mr. Question. Yes. Is that a ghost train?

Because when Stephen Dorf finds the body, he's like, well, he doesn't look like he got hit by a train. He's like, Well, he doesn't look like he's. the man looks terrified and I want to be like but he got hit by a train. He got hit by a fucking train. Like you'd be terrified to, Steve Dorf. I would be screaming into that train. Yeah. Yeah. There's no vape powerful enough to stop you from being stunned by this train situation. You know what I like about Stephen Dorf. Yeah. Still looks like he did in the gate in a tai. the th. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. the th. Yeah. th. Yeah. the th. th. the th. Yeah. Yeah. the the the the th. Yeah. the the the the t. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. the the the the the tree. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. the the the their their their their their their their their their their their their their their the the the the the the the the the their their their their their their their their their their their their. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. their. Yeah. their. Yeah. Yeah. t. t. train. train. train. train. train. train. train. train. train. train. train. train. train. train. train. train. tr. the the the the the the the the the thing that I found very cute as a little kid in the game. Love that fucking movie. Yeah. He's very tiny. He's very tiny and very much not a good actor. I mean he didn't get a whole lot of roles. Shots fired. Take a sound, Dorf. There's also when the train goes by because it hits him but doesn't smush him, it sort of hits him and bops him out of the way. Yeah, yeah. And then he sees like visions of a face or something on the press. Alan, I'm sorry.

Like, CGI visions of a face. Yeah, for a movie about bad computers, they sure use computers a lot to make things. A movie about bad computers that barely has any computers in it. I mean, I feel like this is a very millennium concern, you know? Like, this came out immediately post 9-11. This was made immediately post-9-11. I feel like we were living in a more fearful world. There was like danger lurking around every corner. I don't know.

We had stopped experiencing the millennium that we thought we were all promised. I mean, I was ready to go to Miami. Exactly. And be welcomed. No, no, no, no, no, no. That's getting jiggy with it. It's fine. They're all the same.

They're all the same and they're all bangers. Oh, yeah, yeah. Just like that Cypress Hill record. Well, except for Wild Wild West, that song. No, come on now. It's fine, it's the same as the others, you cannot be angry at it. So yeah, Stephen Dorphin. Wait, wait, before we meet Stephen. Oh yeah. We meet.

Terry Houston. Terry Houston, who is so American. Her first line is, thanks, binging. And you're like, you're not no you're not you're not even doing it here's the thing yeah as a filmgoer sure I can accept that people from other parts of the world have moved to different locales yeah so like having a British person who was a forensic doctor in New York City one of the biggest cities in this country?

Would not surprise me one lake. Wait, they let British people into New York now? Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, you've gone over that whole revolution. See, I wouldn't have bought it. Um, they let British want to go to college now?

Wow. Though thi thi tho, th th th th th th th that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that, that, that, that, that, that that that that that that their their their that, tho- tho tho tho tho tho tho their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. thoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. too. tha. tha give the shout out to the Irish? No, frankly. Have you been following the story of the portal that's in New York City? The Dublin to New York portal? Yeah, that got shut down because he was who were mooning it and showing their titties to it? Oh my god, did you see that woman showing her titties to it? I love that. Yeah, little bummed about that because she because she she she she she she she she that because she that because she that because she would have done it for the joy of showing those Irish dudes my tits. Exactly! That's why you take your tits out for money. Who cares? The idea of just like, but like an uncommodified tiddy is just a different animal. We need a pure titty viewing in this world. Untouched by capitalism. No one has ever paid me to see my tits and that's and my. And my my my my my my my my tipipipipip. And that's. And tip, and tip, and tip, and tip, tip, tip, tip, tip, tip- tip- tip- tits, tits, tits, tits, tits, tits, tits, tits, tits, tits, tits, tits, tits, tits, tits, tits, tits, tits, tits tits tits tits tits tits, tits tits, tits tits tits, tits tits tits tits tits tits tits tits, tits tits, tits, tits, tits, tits, tits, tits, tits, tits, like, tits, tits, like, tits, tits, tits, tits, tits, tits, tits, tits, tits, tits, tits, t see my tits and that's a fucking two. That's also not true. I'm gonna go right by that. No, I'm gonna tell you about it. Once I ran the length of Margaret Morrison Drive

wearing nothing but a pirate's had and a pair of Chuck Taylor's. Oh wait, how you've said so on the podcast before. Screaming Screaming Pit Rules, listen, there's 500 episodes. this story. How much did you get paid? $250. That's amazing. I paid my rent that month. Yeah, that's fantastic. My rent was like $250 because it was old Pittsburgh. So people were like mooning the camera and stuff.

Also some girl was like, you're fat. I was like, I'm funny. That's the thing. Go on. So people were like mooning the camera and stuff and then the people in Dublin started holding up their phones and show up to the webcam and showing videos of 9-11. Oh, I didn't know that. To which I then decided, the Irish are the greatest shit-talkers on the planet. That may well be true. Do you? But I mean, like, we're like, here's some tits

and they're like, here's the greatest terror attack that ever happened in your country, not greatest. I mean, largest. Funny. And it wasn't great. Anyway, I love it. No, no, number one. when Queen Elizabeth died and there's all those videos of people at like soccer stadiums chanting Lizzie's in a box? Oh my God.

No, fuck her. I mean, it's just- I mean, it's just- Oh no, sure. I just didn't know that that happened. So it's just like, oh, Irish people, shout out. You're the best shittalkers on Blennairds. You did it. It's amazing. Congrats. I like cried laughing about the 9-11 videos. Just, because it's just like, oh yeah? Oh you want to go there? All right, here we go.

Go where? They just showed them some tits. Not showing them dying on the side of the road of grass in their mouths. I think it was pre-titties. I think it was th. th. th. th. their th. way up in the toe and her slipper. Yeah, and she just picks it up with her bare hand. Yeah, what are you going to do with it? Pick up the shoe and dump it into the trash can, like a regular ass person? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So we're back to the subway and this is when we get Stephen Dorff being shocked to, thin the they die when they're scared? Did you face do like that? I think in a post ring movie world they do. So what this movie presupposes that you've seen the

ring? Wait when does the ring come out? In the 90s, the late 90s. Well the Japanese I would assume that that the MDP pictures has not seen the Japanese ring. the ring ring ring ring ring the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th is the the the th is the the the th is the the th is the th is the the th is thape is the thapy. thapy. thus is th is th is thi. I'm the th is the th is is the the the the the th is is is is the th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is things is things. the the th is the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the thi thi thi thi thi thi thronge is. I threat is. I that threat is. I that threaten. I that. I things. I will. things. I will. I will. I'm things. I'm the is. I'm gonna say the MDP Pictures has not seen the Japanese ring, but go on. It's like Ringo 7 and Dark City. They're just like... Oh, Dark City, Kiefer Sutherland. It's like, it would take too long to explain. Okay. It's a very dark, wet movie, much like this very dark, wet movie. And I'm sure the director of this film was like, hmm, this is my David Fincher moment. I'm going to be David Fincher right now. He does not. He does not fincher this. The man in the, in the, who has been killed is named Paula Dory. Mm-hmm. Which we will get many variations of thrown.

Yeah. Udo care, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Oh no Every time there's an headbrain there's two minutes of ads. Yeah. Yeah. Come on free. Come on. It's not free if you're selling me something. I clicked on the Roku link to rent the movie because I was like I don't want the commercials. I'll spend the 299 in this movie. Yeah. And I still it just went right to. the the the the the the the the the the the the. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the th. th. th. the the the there's. there's. there's. Come. Come. Come. Come. Come. Come. Come. Come. Come. Come. Come. Come. Come. Come. Come. Come. the. the. the. the. the. the. th. Yeah. th. th. th. Yeah. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. t. t. t. I. I. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. I. t. t. I. I. t. I. Well I mean here at this point I'm not going back. Yeah. See yeah and somebody was in the subway and I was like yes eyes were already bleeding before he jumped in it was like who

notices this? Who could see I thought it was an abandoned subway tunnel and because it was so wet because it was so wet you couldn't just wait there it was pouring and because I think it was a ghost train because it didn't break. If you have that much time to honk, you have that much time to slow down. Oh yeah, time to lean, time to clean, time to honk, time to scrunk. Time just... Scronk. So, cut to some dude in his apartment,anging occulty looking like images on a table.

Oh see I thought they were just like detailed drawings of anatomy on lined paper like those didn't already exist like just Google them. Some so many people have drawn anatomy you don't have to do it but go on. And then he goes to a website called distressed furniture which never comes back. I don't know what that means. No. Then I thought is this poor man was he just trying to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. Oh. thi. Oh. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. I they. I they. I just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just th just th just th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. the the the thi. the the the the the the the the th he goes to a website called Distressed Furniture. Which never comes back. Never comes back! I don't know what that means. No. Then I thought, is this poor man, was he just trying to buy like a dresser? I'm just looking for something for my porch.

Just looking for something, just looking for a glider. Just want to put somewhere, somewhere I can put my feet up. I've watched a thipppa tham American American American American American American American American American American American American American American American American American American American American American American American American American American American American American American American American American American American American American American American American American American American American American American American American American American American American American American tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. Truly. But no, it's a snuff website. Yeah, it's you click on live show. And you click on subscribe. And then I just imagine this happening in a modern world with some some bozo being like, hey guys, like and subscribe.

What? Do you need native deodorant because your dick smells terrible and dick? Can you not get hard like you used to? What are you and I subscribe to on Reddit that we're getting these ads? Why am I on like mom it? Why am I getting dick hard ads? Because they probably think you're a pervert

who's lurking her on mom? Maybe they're gonna post breastfeeding pictures. Oh my God. I like that that's the default, not that this woman is a mom. Grrrh. I wish I could get hard like I used to. All that does it for me is breastfeeding, so. I wish I could get hard like I used to. And or I smells like Girl Scout cookies from Native. Thank you, Ooh, really? Is that one of the sets?

No! That's the most perverted thing I've ever heard. If you want your dick to smell like thin mints, you can get the fuck out of here. Get bent! Get out! Just go. Anyway, we're never going to get through this movie, are we? Of course they are. I do love the blue box shortbreads too though.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, you can knock that with a cup of cheek. Come on. Tree foils? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. thriff is a cop and his buddy cop is Jeffrey Combs. Oh my God, that's who that is. Yeah. He's seen him in so many movies. I know, but I've not liked any of them. He's so bad in this movie, it's great. He's just bananas. So Stephen Dorf is looking at photos of a lady who is this lady, we don't know, but we

will find out. He's reading a letter, a handwritten letter from the doctor, who's a serial killer who's been taunting him. And when Udo Kirk goes in the subway initially, there's big graffiti that says Dr. Gogol on the wall and I was like, is this a... Are they giving a hat tip to Google the Russian writer from the 18th century who wrote like fantasy and like folklore stories? What? Is that what's happening right now? Do you believe that to be true? I don't know what I believe anymore. I don't know what to believe anymore either. So yeah, he's looking at these pictures and he's got the handwritten note from the doctor?? th.. th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, thi, the Russian, thi, thi, the Russian, the Russian, the the their their their their the Russian, from, from, from the Russian, from the Russian, from the Russian, from the Russian, from the Russian, from the Russian, from the Russian, from the Russian, from the Russian, from thi, from thi, from th th from th from th from th from th from th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, their thei-I-I-I's thiiiiiiiii-s, their their their thiiiiii he's looking at these pictures he's got

the handwritten note from the doctor. Here I have a note that says am I wrong or is Stephen Dorf kind of cute? Oh no he's kind of cute for sure. Here's the problem with Stephen Dorf. Yeah real cute from the side profile sure. Sure straight on not so much. Here I have a theory about Stephen Dorf. I'm ready to hear your Stephen Dorf theory. That he is when you can't get an Ethan Hawk, you're like, you know what I got? Dorf, baby! Steepin Dorf, right my back pocket here. I think they get a vibe. I think they get a vibe. Yeah, yeah, right? Okay. He appears to be in with bloody eyes screaming in German and there are a million cops restraining him and Stephen Dorf is telling them all what to do and I just feel like he doesn't have that

kind of authority. That doesn't have that vibe. No no you go, I'm not gonna do that Stephen Dorf. Yeah, I'm not gonna do, Jeffrey Combs, let's go! Yeah, they're gonna go to this kid's apartment. But I'm like, you didn't say where they were going? Why are they're going? Like, no, the one cop finds the kid's wallet and tells him the address. And he's like, we gotta get there?

Why would you go there? He's speaking German. It's not a like a dead language. Someone in this building speaks German. Every time someone comes to the drunk tank, they're like, Karnwa's house! He also calls the kid Sid Vicious because he's a cop and he has to be like, quippy. And the kid's a punk rocker. He's a little bit of a punk rocker. But he's also German, so it might just be that. You know, you, th, th, you, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, he's thi. He's thi. He's thi. He's thi. He's thi. He's thi. He's thi. He's thi. He's thi. He's thi, he's thi, he's thi, he's thi, he's thi, he's thi, he's thi, he's thi, he's thi, he's thi, he's thi, he's thi, he's thi, he's thi, thi. He's thi. He's thi. He's thin. He's thiiiiiiiii. He's thiii. He's thi. He's thi. He's thi. He's thi. He's a little bit of a punk rocker. But he's also German, so it might just be that. You know? It's like a punk culture. Punk culture, yeah.

So they let themselves into his apartment. You don't need a warrant? Fuck it. No, he came into the police station, which means you can come into, he came to your house. see. It's like how Jesus could come to your house after you go to church. Wait what? Jesus is allowed in my house? I don't know if you ever go in a church? Yeah, you've been in his house. Oh fuck. Jesus, get out. try to masturbate and watch Brokenwood mysteries. Come on. Well, I was just wondering if you had a

rectal defunction. I'm ghoeing up. Jesus, I can't get hard like I used to. Well, your dick smells too. Is thii? Is this funny to anyone but us, let us know. Yes. There's water coming from under the bathroom door. Never a good look. No, no, and the bathroom door is like everything is dark and dirty. And wet! And it just looks like everything smells bad. It's got a dank smell to it.

Yeah, Dank. And then he looks down the hallway and there's just this white pristine bathroom door and I'm like, well, that's obviously the thing of the video game that you're heading towards Stephen Torf. You press X for a clue. There's a woman in the tub. Yeah, and I was like, is that the woman from? No, I didn't know either, but she's got titties out, but they're dead ones. We see her titties both dead and alive, dead alive and then dead again, so it's fine. What's fine? What's fine? A-T-A-B. All titties are beautiful.

No, no, it's fine. We can look at her titt Also because she's German. They're more free over there. So at this point, Stephen Dorf has believed that this kid has some sort of virus because he is bleeding from his eyes the same way that Paul Adori was. So he has called in the Department of Health. Yes. So Terry shows up. Terry Houston. Why is that so funny to you? I don't know why. Also we have to so funny to you? I don't know. Also, we have to remember back to 2003,

we were, as a culture, terrified of Ebola. Yeah, totally. I mean, rightfully so. Sure, no, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So yeah, Terry Houston from the health department shows up, and she's like, thiii. It might be a hemorrhagic virus, something like Ebola. And he's like, I'd love to help, but for some reason I have to go back to the station.

Right now I have to go back to the station. The station is calling meo. Right. And also, is this so, I watch a lot of police procedure roles. This is not the way cop works. Also there's been something, oh no, right, because the kidk, k, k, thk, thk, thk, thk, tht, there's been something, oh no, right, because the kid has died in the cell. He exploded in the cell. He exploded. And he's written Murderer 48.

And the woman's like, Terry Houston is like, that's murderer in German. And Stephen Dorff goes, yeah, I know. I mean, to be fair, murderer in German is like more Darar. I used context clues. So he's dead in the middle of a cell which is more like a zoo enclosure. Uh-huh. Yeah. And they think it's viral. They think it's viral.

Yes. And everything that's viral. Yes. And everything that Terry is saying is either in ADR or the quality of this film is so bad that the sound is fucked. Yes and. And these guys in hazmat suits the th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th thi's the quality of this film is so bad that the sound is fucked. Yes and. Yes and. So these guys in hazmat suits show up and they look like plague doctors. Yeah. Because their hazmat suits are gray black and it's like that's not the way that works. You're always in like high-vis hazmat suits. Right, super white, yeah. And Dorf is like, should we have those on too?

And Terry's like, oh, we're probably already infected. Totally cavalier about it. Terry is ready to die at every moment in this movie. She's ready to die. And seemingly, as I already decided she's gonna fuck Stephen Dorf. I mean, you see a Stephen Dorf, you fuck a Stephen Dorf, am I right? If it feels so right, how could it be wrong? Exactly. So cut to a street pervert filming people, filming a woman walking to work. Filming a bunco, Sarah Michelle Giller? Is she a bit of a bunco, Sarah Michelle Giller? Yeah.

She's got a vibe, for sure. Yeah. So she's going to work at theater. She's in a box office? Yes. Ladies. Ladies. Lady, Lady La-P, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to to, to to to to to to to St, to St, to St. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, to, to, to, to, to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to going to work at theater. She's in a box office. Yes. Ladies, lady listeners, if there's a man with a video camera who tells you that you'd be the perfect leading lady for his film and he's never heard you speak. You don't talk to that man. If he says, you're so beautiful, you don't go, oh really?

No, no, that doesn't happen. It's not how it works. You say, sir, I have a silent alarm under this counter. I've already activated, the police are on their way. Have a nice day. I said good day. Yes. So we cut to

Stephen Dorf and Terry Houston who are now partners. Just totally push Jeffrey Combs out of the way. I wonder if he ever got mad throughout the making of this movie. He was too busy eating something out of a white wax paper bag. Donuts because he's a cop, see? So there, so Stephen Dorf and Terry Houston are watching a video from a camcorder the German kids had. Uh-huh. That was in the bathtub. It was in the tub? She pulled it up and it was wet. It could have just been beside the tub. Oh wait, no, we see it fall on the ground later, because we see the video get made. It falls on the ground,

I recall this specific, in today. No, you're right, you're right. Because when it hits the ground, it makes a squish sound like it was a grape. It's a fucking. Care on. Soft-shell video camera. Yeah. T. I. I. I. I. I. I. the. I. I. I. I. I. th. I. th. I. I. th. th. I. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. tho. then. thoom. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. Because, tho. Because, don't know, going around New York and being tourists and then also fucking?

Yeah. And Steven Dorf's like, I can watch us later and she's like, fuck off, I'm watching this. He was basically like, I can watch us later, I'm jerk off. They're also just like these kids are filming themselves doing everything, like using the internet, which took forever back then. You young kids kids kids kids how long it took to read a web page in 2002. A site with a lot of animation on it. Oh, it slowed everything down. Slowed everything down.

You could like get up, go to the bathroom, grab a snack, come back, maybe you can scroll. All those pointy, bouncy scalples in one animation? Forever. Forever. Forever. So yeah, they're like filming themselves, look at a website, and they both go, ha-dee, while they're looking at it. Yeah, there's like two flashes, and then a scream from their desktop monitor, and then

they turn the camera off. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. They've been speaking English this whole time, too. Well, yeah, I mean, when you videotape someone, their German becomes English, it's a commonly known thing. Well, that was my question, was like, did he stop knowing English? I don't... Oh. Because he's clearly trying to communicate with the police the police the police the an exchange student in America, which we're told, you have to know a modicum

of English. You don't just show up speaking not a word of English and enroll in school. I don't know. I don't know either. Because the bad guy in this movie is very confusing. I think there's a couple bad guys. One of them might be Stephen Dorf. I'm unclear. So after they see the website, then we get video of the German guy attacking his lady friend? Yeah, and speaking German very unkindly.

Yeah, and then we see her all beat up in the bathtub. And she's seemingly going to drown herself in the bathtub. Right, that's when she drops the camera and it makes the squish sound. Yeah. Deep. Yeah. Cut to this fucking Sarah Michelle Geller Bozo really going to the theater. She's really going there to meet the guy who said he was making a movie. So when a pervert approaches you on the movie, and you're like, you know what, I have always wanted to be in a movie. I like this guy's the jib cut off.

He's very confident. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I like a confident man. And that's just, it's attractive. And so you go to the theater that he's supposed to be filming you in his movie. And it is just like the city has been beat to shit. But it's also New York in 2002. Yeah, or Luxembourg.

Yeah, or Montreal, because some of this was filmed in Montreal as well. It's true. They gotta get all those tax credits. So she like goes into this theater that doesn't have a door and is just like black inside. No one in it. Go home! Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Um, also right here I've written. Now I'm gonna eat a hoagie, so notes may be spotty. Sorry. I like they were cut from the same cloth. You're gonna have to carry me here. One set of footprints right now. So she goes into this thi th. th. this th. th. th. this th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. tho's tho's tho's tho's tho's thi. th. thi. thi. tho. th. th. th. th. th. th. thoes thoes thoes thoes thoes thoes. thoes. Yeah. th. Yeah. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. It th. th. th. th th th th th th tho. tho. tho. tho tho tho thoooooooooooooooooooooo. It's theeeee. thoooooooooo. It's tho. It goes th here. One's out of footprints right now. So she goes into this theater and she's being filmed by night vision cameras because she can't see shit.

Yeah, don't go into a dark place with a man you don't know. And don't just keep walking in. No, I get him. And so she, like, I feel like this movie is a lot coming. That's kind of the vibe you get from this whole vignette. Yes because later in the movie when they're talking about Jeannie the main impetus of all of this or whatever or whatever. One of the cops is like yeah I went to every apartment she lived in they were all shitholes it's like what does that have to do with this?

judging by the city that we've seen so far everything everything everything everything everything everything everything everything everything everything everything everything everything everything everything everything everything everything everything everything everything everything everything. everything. everything. everything. everything. Everything. Everything. Everything is. Everything is. Everything is th. It's th. It's th. That's th. That's th. That's th. That's th. That's th. That's th. That's th. That's th. That's thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi that's thi that's that's that's th. That's th. That's th. That's th. That's th. That's th. That's th. That's th. That's th. That's th. That's th. That's th. That's th. That's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi's like, what does that have to do with this? Judging by the city that we've seen so far, everything is a shithole in the city. Is a shithole. Except for Denise's office, which is a ballroom. Go on. But kind of a shitty ballroom. That's pretty purple.

So she's walking in and she gets, and eventually ends up stage and the stage like lights start flickering at her. Run. And she's like, oh, what's this? Is this part of the movie? Am I being filmed right now? This is my audition. I'm ready for my close-up, Mr. DeVille. And then Dr. Gogh or whatever the fuck comes up and starts murderizing her. To Romstein maybe? Or something. And I was like, oh good, new metal. I mean, it's 2002. What are you going to do? What are you going to do? What are you going to do? It's unavoidable? So there's like a fire alarm or something? Yeah, she pulls the fire alarm and hopes I guess of the fire police coming? I don't know. I mean, I think if you pull fire alarms, fire police come, don't they? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah? I? I? I? I? I? I? I? I? I? I? I? I? I? I? I? I? I? I? I? I? I? I? I? I to? I to? I to? I to? I to? I to? to? to? to? to to? to? to? to? to? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? I? What? I? I? Yeah? I? I? I? I? Yeah? I? Yeah? I? I? Yeah? I? Yeah? I? I? I? I? I? I? I? I? Yeah? I? I? I? Yeah? I? I? I? Yeah? I? Yeah? Yeah? I? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah. I? Yeah. I? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm? Yeah, but it's been deactivated. Oh God, that's what happened. Yeah. Okay.

Yeah, yeah. I mean, again, meeting a hoagie. And then we cut back to Terry Houston and Stephen Dorf. Oh, she's gotten a parking ticket. Yeah, and he's like, I can take care of that and she goes, oh can you? ACAB and all but I need a man who can take care of parking tickets for me. She was busy like, you know I'm gonna ask your D if you take care of those parking tickets. I will, yeah, you know what? street cleaning happens every month. You'd think I would remember. It's a scam. The streets are never clean. So she goes to see her boss, Mr. Turnbull. He's insane looking. He's peering through

the blinds and smoking indoors in the Department of Health. In 2003. In 2000. In the 60s. No. Is that really allowed? I worked in an office that year. I did not get to smoke inside. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. It's like, the the. Is th. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. Is. Is. Is. Is the. No. Is. Is. Is. Is. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. Is. No. Is. Is. Is. Is. Is. Is. Is. Is. Is. Is. Is. Is. Is. Is. Is. Is. Is. Is. Is. Is. Is. Is. Is. Is. Is the. Is the. Is the. Is the. Is the. Is the. Is the. Is the. Is the. Is the. Is the. Is the. Is the. Is the. Is the. Is the. Is the. Is the. Is the. Is the. Is the the. Is the. Is the. Is the. Is the. Is the. Is that really allowed? I worked in an office that year. I did not get to smoke inside. No. No. No. She's like, where's your computer? He's like, it broke. So is it Ebola? Is it Ebola?

And she's like, no, it's not a Bola. And he said, good. I've got a bloody nose. I was hoping this wasn't Ebola. He absolutely is cast as a villain in this scene. He is not. No. No. No. He's also like one of the fish people from Innsmith. Like there's just a lot going on here. A lot of weird stuff. Yeah. He says something, does he say something about surfing the information superhighway or did I just write that down? Yes. I don't remember that but it's totally plausible because this movie definitely goes

into some like Strangeland territory. Strangeland's a better movie. Much better movie. Watched a moody nose, but it's all day long. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Cut two, he's out driving. Cut two, he's got a bloody nose but is still lighting a cigarette. You have to admire that like fucking commitment to smoking.

But there's also three cigarettes burning in the ashtray. Sir, one at a time. Yeah. Yeah, hear me out. Not a daffy duck here. Listen, 2003, cigarettes were still like $5 a pack? Oh my god yeah no you would buy a pack of cigarettes with a $5 bill and get a single and change back for sure. Especially if you smoked Wave's like I did. Every time I see someone smoking now I'm

like that's $11. What are you doing? Each of those cigarettes costs like 62 cents. Yeah. What are you doing? I can't make a fape it's so much cheaper. I've told you a thousand times. I th. I th. th. th. their. th. their. th. th. I. their. th. I. I. th. I. th. their. I'm. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their their their. their. their their their their their their. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah... I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. Yeah. I. I. Yeah. I. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I. Yeah. What are you doing? I can't just fape it's so much cheaper. I've told you a thousand times when I started smoking they were 99 cents for a pack of cigarettes. I know buddy. And you rolled your own. Oh. Oh. So turned bulls out and he gets out of his car at abandoned sight. Why is he there? Abandoned industry. Well, you know, he's in the health department. And he sees Baby Anya Taylor Joy with her ball. With her ball. With her ball in like a train car or a doorway or a trailer or something. Yeah. And then I think there's like a jump scare of her like right at the car window. Yeah. Which I wrote, little girl face jump scare. See, afr-I-I the the have been eating and missed whatever it was but there was a sting so I assumed.

A TJ girl at window scares him in his car his car is now on fire he's stuck inside car speeds away he crashes and flies through the windshield is a single note that I wrote is the car driving itself is this a pre Tesla driving into certain death? I hate Tesla's. Yeah. Yeah. Same. Anyway, cut to an autopsy table, oh no, the titties have died again. The medical examiner is doing an autopsy of the German girl. And she says her, something about her cerebral, the cerebral. Oh no, the cerebral cortex is a different, it's, oh, it's a different, it's, oh, it's a, oh, it's a, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, it's a, oh, it's a, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, the, the, the, the, the, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it's. It's. It's. It's. It's. the, it's. the, it's. the, it's. the, it's, it's. the German girl. And she says something about her cerebral cortex instead of cerebral. Oh no, the cerebral cortex is a different, it's, oh it's, oh I see your non-anatomy. It's right behind the paraneum. That's your taint, you're talking

about a taint. Like clearly the internet existed because this movie is called Fear. Com so I feel like you could have looked it up or just ask someone like your doctor maybe the person who wrote the movie. For been corrected in medical school? Oh you mean for the actor? Progeria. Progeria? Never how nobody stopped her. Yeah you got to correct Susan Sarandon you are not going to correct Susan Sarandon. She's making an ass of herself I might. Anyway they bring in a new body. Who is it? Oh, I don't know. It's Turnbull. It's Turnbull. Yeah, it's turnbull. Yeah, it's tuble. They go to talk to Turnbull's wife. She's also smoking. She's also smoking. their sown. they-skits. When they first walk in, it's like a long shot. It's th. th. th. th. their. th. th. th. th. th. th. to. to. th. th. to. to. to. th. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. It's a. It's a. It's. It's. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's, it's, it's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's t. It's t. It's t. It's t. It's t. It's like. It's t. It's like. It's like. It's t. It's like. It's t. It's to. It's t. It's t. It's t. It's t. It is not. No, no more like Jackie Oassus. He was always seeing things, a little girl, he was always working always on his computer. He's on his computer. I guess. What jackassery? We cut to a bunco Sarah Michelle Geller, who's wearing a very elaborate bra. It was either one or two bras, I'm unclear. There was like a, like, a, like a, a shami, what do you call those?

Camusol? Camusol? Over top of her bra that he has to cut through to get to her bra to cut through the bra. I don't know if, I mean, it had structure to it. Sure. It had burning in it. There was like, yeah, there was a lot lot lot lot lot lot lot lot lot lot lot lot lot lot lot lot lot lot the the the the the the the the the the that shammy. So it seems like you can click on a scalpel and then somehow she gets cut with a scalpel? Yeah, you choose a scalpel. He uses a scalpel, choose and use. How many subscribers does he have? I think up to one point of like 123? I was like, oh we have more subscribers on YouTube and we

don't even make videos anymore. Take that distressed furniture and fear. tho. to distressed furniture. Fierier. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. their thi. Yeah. th. th. Yeah. th. to. th. Yeah. to to to th. Yeah. to to to to to.com. We should change our username to distressed furniture fear.com. Distrust furniture. Nope, you drove it into the ground. Yeah, just like this Tesla. He's just showing his damn face. Sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What? On his webcam that no one can find him in? What? He's also in an episode of the X-Files that I love.

Sure, and I think he's British. He's a character actor. Yeah, he's in like a lot of like British shows that I've seen. Yeah. He's a, um, like a gender-bending Amish guy in this X-Files episode. Okay. Okay. It's very good. So he like, he he he he he he th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I, I. I, I. I. I, I, I, I. I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I'm. I'm, I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm, I'm, I th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. I'm, I was like, yeah, movie, I don't need to see, I don't

need, I don't need this buddy. No. But it's, yeah, and he's like torturing her. And then we cut to Terry's now watching the tape of the German girl by herself. Wow. Terry has not been deputized. Why is Terry investigating this? It seems like the moment they realized it wasn't a virus, because someone brings her results and she goes, ah, serum test came back clear, it's not a virus.

To which I was like, fuck you, you can't test for a virus. And then I was like, yeah, wait, coronavirus. You have literally taken hundreds of COVID tower number seven. Jet fuel doesn't burn that hot, doesn't it? She also has a book on her desk called The Secret Soul of the Internet, which is the book that Paul Dory was holding. Why does she have access to all of this evidence? Well, she's a cop.

If you decide you're in love with a cop, you become a cop. I mean, I think that's true, actually. More cop than punk anyway. So she watches the video of Terry. She's like, oh, no, she watches the video of the, she's Terry Houston. Excuse the, Terry Houston of the, uh, Terry Houston just like a quarterback from some 70s football team. Yes. Terry Houston won th. that. that. that. that that that th. that that th. th. th. th. that that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's just says like a quarterback from some 70s football team. Yes, Terry Uson won three Super Bowls. Nine years, several rings. Yeah, but it was for the, when the Raiders had no city affiliation. So if they don't count, the Super Bowls.

Um, so she's watching this video, and she's like, okay, she goes into the tub at 5, tthen she gets out of the tub at 511 the next day, 48 hours or something. Exactly 48 hours. And I was like, well, but what does that mean? You have no fucking idea what that mean? She's like, yes, she sees her watching the video online because they film themselves using the computer and then 48 hours later she dies. Yeah. Okay. Yeah, I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I, yeah, yeah, I, I, I, I, I, I, th. th. Yeah, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the the. the the. the the. th. she dies. Yeah. Okay. Yeah, yeah, it's not causality is not video tape. Are you sure? And I was like yes, no we've all seen the ring you see the video you die. We understand what's happening here. Mm-hmm. But this time it's a website. Oh good point. So they call on the computer lady, Denise, decidedly on American. What? Denise's ADR as Fuh. They have to take so many lines from Denise. I feel like she had more lines and they were like, listen, you can't even make your mouth move like an American.

So Denise immediately finds Fear.com by typing Fear.com into her computer search engine. Wait, no. This is my favorite part of the movie and I need to really linger on this. She types something in, or she's like, ah, she's cross-referencing the three, the compute, the histories of the dead people. On like a DOS format. She's doing a C prompt on this. And it says, Match is found, and then it scrolls through a bunch of web addresses, and then it comes up with one, and it says, W.W.W.Fear.com.com. tooom. God, dude. I love it. So much. And it's's like it's written in like papyrus, it's in like a funky fun. Every time they use a computer it's in papyrus. W.W.W.Fear.com. Written out.com. I wrote that in my notes and it brought up a link. It made it a link so I'm just going to click on it real

quick and see what happens. Fear.com.com. The site cannot be reached. Check if there is a typo in, W, W, W, W.W. Fear.com. So I mean we can buy it? Get your shit together, Denise. Denise, you're stupid, stupid. So we see a giant roach crawl out of her...

Yeah, like a hiss and cockroach. Yeah, and she screams, and we're meant to believe now that Denise is more afraid of roaches than anything else. Yeah, bitch, I'd scream at that too. That's so scary. Oh yeah, a bug that big? Nah, I ain't having it. Nah. No. I'm waiting for you. Denise? Oh yeah, so, so, so the website is like,

sexy lady asking if you want to kill her. Do you like to watch? And Denise is like, well yeah. Yeah, I mean, I'm a good. That's why we're here on the internet in 2002, isn't it? She's like, do you want to hurt me? No. Are you sure, Denise? in 2002, isn't it? She's like, do you want to hurt me? No, I don't want to hurt you. Are you sure, Denise?

How do you know my name? Oh, Denise. So Denise shuts off the internet, and the internet's like, I'm not done with you yet. Turned itself back on. You cannot turn off the internet. And then the internet shows her the ring video but it's shitty. It's so shitty. It's like it's this

Jenny woman who will learn about later or Jeannie or whatever. And like she's in different states of being tortured and then there's like a doorway and then there's like an eyeball rolling in a like a reloading like pinball machine like crack and then like yeah it's bad it's real bad is this what everyone sees when they go to fear dot com no yeah if you get infected by the fear dot com so this is it yeah think it would be fucking better well that's the thing of like I remember when a John Carpenter did the cigarette burns short for Masters of Horror, and in

that movie, they're supposed to be a movie that you see that drives everyone insane. And he was like, that's a cool idea. There's no fucking way to film that and make it look good. It's true. It has to be an implication. So when they show you this thing, you're like, well, that sucked. Even in the ring, I find it creepy. The video is creepy. Yeah, yeah. It's well done. Yeah, yeah. Not a mess. It's bad. But wait. Aren't people watching and clicking scalpells and things like that? Are they watching a live stream of him torture women? What I'm saying is what happens when you go to fear.com. Katie. Alan. I don't want to disparage anyone. I mean yes you do but

go on. But you just put more thought into this movie than the people who wrote this movie. Maybe they just didn't understand the internet the way I do. It's true. We've had a lot more time not afraid of the internet. I can, see, you can turn the internet off now. Just unplug that blinking machine in your living room. Yeah, but then what if I want to go and do my spelling bee on the New York Times app? Then you use your fucking, geez, that's not the internet. I've been getting Queen B a lot lately. I'm real proud of myself. What is Queen Bee?

Queen Bee is beyond genius. You get every word. I can't, I cannot do, I do all of them. I do every single one, every day except for Spelling Bee. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's all good.

You know it doesn't get enough to do letterboxed. It's true, letterbox is hard. I get letterbox every day. It's good you're a smartie pants. No, you're the smart one, you're doing spelling bee. We go back to the doctor. No, you're the pretty one. We go back to the doctor explaining why he's doing this to Sarah Michelle Geller. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Which is that he can't feel anything because he's been deprived of that thiiiiii thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi been deprived of that somehow. I hate this conceit. Like, did you ever watch Dexter?

I hated Dexter because Dexter is like he's a sociopath. So he's like, I can't feel anything and that makes me sad. You're feeling something! Yeah, if you feel sad about feeling nothing, then that's, yeah, that's, I mean. It's like, if you choose not to make a choice, you still have made a choice. Rush Tottis! Thank you. I love that song. The song fucking rocks.

And this dude is like, I can't feel anything. I don't understand empathy. I'm just said, I'm holding on to this American accent as hard as I fucking can to. He sure is. And I'm gonna put this acupuncture needle like lightly in your shoulder and it's gonna feel like it kills you, I guess or something. I thought he poked it right into her titty,

but I couldn't tell because it went right into an ad, another fucking Peloton ad. Listen, lady, stop screaming at me. Ride this bike, ride this bike, I thought that that was just cutting mid-scene. Yeah. And then we're gonna come back to it. No, we're in the police station when it comes back from ads.

So this goes back to my theory that on Freebie, they don't stop the movie. It's just happening. We missed two minutes going to stop. This movie was cogent as shit. We just happened to chop it at all the exposition. It did win Best Picture O3, or O2, I don't really know. Yeah, so it immediately cuts to this like cop at some sort of station, and Denise is like going up to steps.

They must be working super hard to conserve energy there because there are zero lights on. Why would you turn a light on? It's so wet. All the bulbs are going to explode. It's so wet. Why is it so wet? Why is everything so slick? I don't know. We live in Pittsburgh. It's wet as fuck. It's wet and it's dark.

Yeah. And I'm fine with it. It's not like Yeah, dude. So Denise sees the white ball, the bouncy ball. But then it turns into something. What's it turn into? CGI's into an egg or something? A roach?

I don't know. It's chasing her, but we can't see it because that would cost actual money. And then she runs into Dorf and he's like, hey Janice, did you internet? She's like, oh, I sure did. And then this mother fucker goes, oh yeah, that guy, that's Alistair blipety blaft. We know all about him. Why didn't you tell her? And I was like, why do you know his name? Go find him.

Yes, yes, exactly. It's not that hard. He's on a live cam site. Trace it! Yeah, well he keeps changing, he says this a couple times, he keeps changing his site. What does that mean? What does that mean? It's not even a VPN? Oh God. Oh, I hate it so much. So he and his new partner, Terry Houston, his old partner is just gone. Don't worry, he'll be back later to die. To die, just to show up and die. They go to a bar to meet the guy who wrote the book that Paul Dory was holding.

Yes, Frank Bryant. When we meet Frank Bryant, yeah. He's laying down on a bench at a bar. Like you do. And there is a woman under the table. Is she sing his D when they first show up? I think so. Because she crawls out and kind of like straightens her clothing and looks like he-he. Yeah. But then this guy sits up and he's the least suckle-a-dick of suckable dick. I didn't know you were keeping a running tally of Suckabbley's. Who's number one?

Oh, well, we don't need to get into that. It's Channing Tatum, isn't it? No. Although I will say, I've been watching. I've been watching that stick with a saking stains stick. I've been watching that black sales show. And I never had a thing for Toby Stevens is so fucking sexy in that show. In like the third season when he shaves his head and I was like, oh shit, Toby Stevens. No.

All of your Maggie Smith jeans just came out and hit me right in the fucking dick. He's so sexy in that show. Yeah, yeah. I don't normally go for a ginger. But when he has hair, I'm like, I don't want it. Oh, I even like him with the ponytail. I'm to shave. to shave. to shave. to shave. to shave. to shave. to shave. to shave. to shave. to shave. to shave. to shave. to shave. to shave. to shave. to shave. to shave. to shave. to shave. to shave. to shave. to shave. to shave. to shave. to shave. the the the the to the to. to. the the to. to. the the to. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the to. the to. to. to. to. to. to. to. the to. the the the the the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. toge. toge. toge. toge. toge. toge. toge. toge. toge. toge. toge. toge. tob. tob. he shaved his head, I'm like, I'm all fucking in. Oh, how about it? Yeah. Toby Stevens, a guy we can agree on. Only in that show, though, because I've seen him in other things and been like, I don't want to see you do a period piece.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, technically that show is a period of that's accompanied with a smile, by the way? I was trying to hold the smile back because I wanted you to think I was upset. I wish that this character, the man who's getting his de-est. Yes, Frank Ryan. I wish that it was played by Jeff Goldblum. I wish that he was doing a real Jurassic Park thing right here. Who's like, is this the guy who wrote,the movie? Why? This man has zilch charisma.

Why is he in this movie? And so, Stephen Dorf sits down and he starts to him about Polly Dory. He and Paul Dory, it turns out, we're friends. Yeah, yeah, take butts. And the guy, 100% says, Polly Dolly, twice, and they do not do a retake. Was that supposed to imply that they were like, we're friends, this is what I called him? No, because he also calls him Paul Dory earlier in the scene. He is the inventor of the internet, this man, we're told.

He basically figures out that he was looking at phone lines one day and figured out that you could hook computers together like Al Gore. Make a super computer. Yeah. And that Polladori believe that the web could take in energy and store energy and send it out, negative energy, magnetic field, psychic energy, stealing your soul. And he like rolls his eyes and goes, man, madam, blah, blah. You guys see that I was getting my D-East earlier? It was pretty cool. And so, and so, he tells them about how Paul Dory told him about a website. And Terry's like, do you remember the name of the site?

And he's like, no. Like, how could you remember something like Fear. And Dore? Distressed furniture. Distressed furniture. What was the distressed furniture. Distressed furniture. What was the distressed furniture thing? What did we learn from talking to Frank Bryant? Nothing.

Fuck all. This is like that, like, in a call of Cthulu adventure, where the DM is really trying to railroad you, and you go do something else and he's like, you will learn nothing. You're like, but what if I try to find peanut shoes in London? Fuck. I just haven't noticed this is. Shit, Denise. Yeah, Denise's ballroom is a mess now.

But Denise is kind of hot when she's distressed, like, she's like taking off her glasses and loosened her ponytail. Yeah, she's doing a, she's all that. Yeah. But like, she's all that crazy. Mm-hmm. Because now there's CGI roaches a whole horde of them. Oh, so many.

I mean, look what we can do with computers, right? I mean, really. You just go to fear, seems like a logical person. Sure. Denise ought to call for help. What? I'm having a mental breakdown. I need help. What if you just crawl around on the floor on the wet for some reason, wet

wet floor in your apartment? Why is Denise's ballroom wet? She's in like a silky nighty, which is also wet? Yeah, probably because she didn't use native crotch dealer. Yeah, made her crotch all sweaty. And she's like, oh she's just writing ones and zeros everything. So she's like writing out the internet around her apartment. Yes, she's she's coding. She's doing an early coding boot camp. Yeah. So Terry and Dorf show up.

And then as they get out of the car, Denise hits the roof of the car. Yeah. At least she dies sexy though. She's in like the sexiest pose and it's raining on her. What's the, the, oh man, the picture of the woman who committed suicide that's like this beautiful photograph of she fell into a car in New York City in like the 50s. I don't know. Oh yeah, I can't remember the name of it. It's a famous photograph of a woman. I don't know. Yeah, that's what it was reminding me of though. Gotcha. Do you think it was a reference to that? Sure. Yeah, this movie's really ardu. Yeah, this movie is all. the movie. I even that she she she she she says she says she says she says she says she says she says she says she says she says she says she says she says she says she says she says she says she says. I says she says. I says. I says. I says. I says. I says. I says. I says. I said she says. I said she says. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm that she says. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I that she. I that she. I that she. I that she. I that she. I that she. I that she. I that she. I that she. I that she. I. I. I that she. I that she. I that she. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. It is. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's that. It's that. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th.. And Terry's like, it's not your fault. Actually, yeah, it fucking is.

Probably. 100% is his fault. He brought her into this and didn't tell her anything about it. And didn't like follow up of anything about what she said. No. And then Terry's like, I did some research. Did you know the German girl was terrified of drowning? No. How would you have? Who are you? Who? Who? Who? Who? Who? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? the? the? the? the? the? the? the? the? the? the? the? the? the? the? the? th? the? the? the? th. Yeah? th. Yeah? th. Yeah? Yeah? Yeah? the? Yeah? the? the? the? the? the? the? the? the? the? the? the? the? Yeah? the? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah? the? the? the? the? the? the? the........... It? the. It? the. It? the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the German girl was terrified of drowning? No, how would you have found that? Who are you? Who? What? What research did you do, Terry Houston? Terry Houston, you have no authority here. She just doesn't have anything else to do because her boss is dead. There's no one to give her like assignments. She's not going to have to work.

When you're boss died, you can just stop working. Yes, if your boss ever dies, you are free to do nothing forever. Do you know that? It's like if your roommate kills himself in college. Oh God was going to say that. She's like, dwarf, promise me one thing that you won't have visit that site because we're now in love. I would never do that. Bada-bop, bada-pop, internet. He's like, I would never do that. And the next scene, she is laying in bed, sleeping, and he's standing over her, slicking it. Is he just standing over her jerking it? No, he's leaving to go look at the internet somewhere else.

He has to go to Denise shit hole apartment. It's not a shit hole, it's a ballroom. It's so wet though. So wet. I mean, it was nice when it was dry. It's true. So I like the idea of him sitting down on her computer and not really knowing how to use it and just like accidentally going to the website, like he clicks history. And he's like I'm interested in history. Let's thiii in in in in in in in in in in in in in in in in in in in in in in in thininininininininininin interested in history. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. It th. th. It's th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. the thi. the the thi. thi. thi. the thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi what that is. He just brings up window. It's a window.

It's called a hotbox. Hotbox. Was that ever a thing? I'm not a computer guy. Just when you're in your car? Yeah. And you're hotboxing. Did you gesture at my car? No, just in general. That's the only hot box I know. And he just types in fear.com. Nope, he doesn't on purpose. And he sees the internet ring video and now he's got 48 hours. And like the ghost is like you have 48 hours to find me. Yeah, there's just a tiddy in the darkness. And they're like... Which is my favorite book that I've ever read to be in the darkness?

Oh, the computer says to him to him him him him him him him him him him him him him him him him him him him him him him him him him him the the computer says to him, Mike. And I was like, is his name Mike? I swear to God. I've not heard them say that before. Mike Stephen Dore. Michael Stephen Dorder. He says, how do I play as he's like finger typing it into the box? She says, do you want to play like finger typing it into the box she says do you want to play and if he had just been like nah would that have been it yep yeah yeah yeah yeah he sees the the the ring video in the internet it really knocks him for a loop got you he's really taken back and he's like tripping now and everything's like wow wow wow yes and there's the bouncing ball that has this like really shitty folly work to th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th the the the th the th th the the th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th he says he says he says he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th like wow wow wow yes, and there's the bouncing ball

That has this like really shitty Foley work on it that I couldn't tell if it was meant to be shitty Like because he's so fucked up right? Yeah, yeah Yeah, because he's tripping such bad balls. Yeah, but also he like goes to push the elevator button and the bell rings before he pushes the button and then he pushes it the thin???? it's absolutely a mistake. And then it lights up? And then this movie's only halfway over. How, how? How far into this episode are we? Uh, holy shit, we were 59 minutes in this episode? What are we gonna do? So he finds the woman? I was like, well there she is, you found her. You didn't need 48 hours. Wait, where does he th? th? th? th? th? th? th? th? th? th? th? th? th? th? th? th? th? th? th. th? th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi? thi? thi? thi? thi? th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. It th. It's? th. It's? th. It's? th. It's? th. It? th. It? th. It? th. It? th. It? th. It? th. It? th. It? th. It? th. It? th. It? th. It? th. It? th. It's? th. It's? th. It's? th. It's? th. It's th. It's thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. was like, well, there she is. You found her. You didn't need 48 hours. Wait, where does he find her? I don't know, he sees her in this hallucination. Oh, yes.

He stands up and she does like the nine-inch nails video head shake kind of thing. Cut in with images of like a brain scan. Oh, yeah. This is when they made the mistakes, the mistake, apper. And so he's being taken away on like a gurney screaming to Terry. It's not just energy. She's alive and the wires if the will is strong it can just live out there to which I wrote, what? And Terry's like still would. Yeah I'm still gonna do this, but first I need to go to fear.com.com. I do like when she shows up, because she realizes where he is after she wakes up, she's like, hey bet you went to Denise's to use the internet.

To use the internet. She drives to Denise's. Isn't it a crime scene? Isn't it a crime scene? No tape? No tape, nothing. She parks in the middle of the fucking street. New York. Like she expected it to be a crime scene, but it wasn't yet. She's like, well, I could just do this now and the crime scene around me. So she gets on the internet and she says, why are you killing Mike guilty? What? What? What? What? Oh, man? So she has her little freak out from looking at fear.com. But in hers she's just petting the monitor, just like kind of putting her hands up and patting it like a... Isn't that terrifying? No. And then she just fell asleep here at Denise's because Denise has a computer. And then she goes to the police station. And he's like, I'm a civilian, give me those files. And Jeffrey Colm is like, look, I haven't really been doing much, so yeah, here you go. And she's like freaking out, and he's like, Jesus fucking Christ, knock yourself out already. Like, in that moment, we are all Jeffrey Combs, just right now.

And she's got the Ebola face bleed that let you know that she's got the virus that isn't a virus. Right. I think if I were her I'd have just not gone to the website and instead gone back to my Department of Health job maybe you could get your boss's job. He's dead. Sure. You're in line for a promotion. Oh man. There's a scene where like a photo start. Oh yeah she goes to talk to somebody and they've got a photo of that kid. It's the mom, Janine's mom, yeah. Or Jeannie, Jeannie, whatever. Jeannie, Jean Marie, I feel like her full name was. Sure.

And she's got a photo of like her as the little, On your Taylor Joy Child. And then that photo starts moving, and I was like, was this just a th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, like, thin, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, thi, thi, like, like, like, like, like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, th. th. th. I, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thin, th. th. th. the a thing in early 2000s? Yep. Yep. Oh, fuck, we'll freak out the fucking norms, man. What of a photo mood? I mean, the Stephen King it mini series did it in 1990 with Tim Curry. Yeah. Yeah, so fuck you. Um, we're also getting like a snippet of the doctor, like telling us Joseph Stalin's thoughts

on death, and I'm not here for this. No, no, not at all. No. And then the mom's like, yeah, Jeannie was a great girl, she's really good, she used to play down at the old steel mill. Despite being a hemophiliac who could die from a scratch, get out of the old steel mill.

Also, be a better parent. just as it was two miles down the road. I don't think I'd let my kid walk four miles around trip to play in an abandoned steel mill, but that's just me. Then it went right into a Peloton ad. And then I got an ad that I think had Alan Iverson in it, talking about cash back with Kevin Hart and Steph Curry. It was like we talking about cash back. There was a third man that I didn't know and I was like, I think that's AI. It's definitely targeted at you after me making that reference so many times on this podcast. Were we also just talking about macaroni and cheese? Maybe that's why you got that ad? Oh yeah, yeah, Cash Mac. understand what's happening in the scene. The worst glaucomo you've ever seen. Yes, she hasn't seen anything in years, Terry.

What are you looking at? It's like, don't make fun of her? What are you doing, Terry? You work for the department of health. She says, where is she? And the woman just points to the water? Yeah. No. And Terry's like, well, I guess I'll go in and swim in this water for a while. How did she end up in that water? Yeah. Did she jump in?

I was still eating. She walked in. There was stairs. How did she end up in the water? I wrote? She's really the. We know how this goes. You find the corpse in the water. And it really stayed intact, huh? Her hair. And it moves. It moves. Oh my God. So she pulls the corpse out. Yeah. Where she takes the corpse? Oh, with her? Presumably, does she just put it in the trunk? I guess. Okay. Because she's got to go to the hospital to see baby Svendorf. Yeah. No real. the the the the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the th. the th. th. the the th. the the the the th. the the the the the the the the the the the the the internet calls her on her cell phone like the god damn mothman calling Richard Gere. What's happening in this movie?

What if, what this movie presupposes is that it's every movie? Yeah. Have you seen a movie? This is it. The voice on the other side of the phone says, find me. And she goes, where are you? Not how it works? th works? th works? th works? th works? th works? th works? th works? th works? th works? th works? th works? th works? th works? th works? th works? th? th? th? th? th? th? th? th? th. th. th. thi? thi? th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. that? that? that? that? that? to. the the the the the the the the the the the that? that? that? the th. voice on the other side of the phone says find me and she goes where are you? Not how it works my dude. I have a note that says this is mad goofy. Yeah the ball rolls by in the hospital hallway. So she has to follow it to the elevator. This movie gives a lot of consideration to the idea that holding the camera at a 45-degree angle is creepy. Get Dutch angle on that ball. That's not what that means. I don't think. And suddenly Mike flat lines, no, he's out of there.

Mike, of course, being Stephen Dorf. So they're doing an autopsy on the girl that she found on the wooder. And then we find out that the girl had swallowed a lipstick container. Nope. No? I mean, it doesn't make a lick of sense. Oh, okay.

All of her organs have been removed and put into a bag, but we found this inside. No, then she didn't swallow it. It would have been in her fucking stomach, which would have been in the fucking bag. Huh? He cut her open while she was still alive. Let the medical examiner determine that. She knows more than you, even if she doesn't know what a cerebral cortex is. Yeah, calm down, Quincy. I don't know what that means.

It's a joke for all the kids out there. Okay, so yes, she, she has, quote, What this movie and this doctor presuppose is if you swallow things they just float in your body They just they don't go through your your digestive system It's called absorbing food You eat a marshmallow might end up in your shoulder you never know what's gonna Why does shit come out my butt? It drops into your bottom? I don't know if you're familiar with the cerebral or not. I don't feel good. I haven't noticed this is, oh she swallowed a useless note, oh wait there's an address on the back. Well yeah because the front side of it just says the

guilty must be punished and Terry's like, she didn't want a burial, she wants revenge. What? Also the plot of the ring, I think, yeah. Get out your jump to conclusions, Matt, I guess. Sick office space, reference. I love office space. So they're going to go to this guy's apartment because they have his address, and they go in. And it's totally Kevin Space's apartment because they have his address, they go in and it's totally Kevin Spacey's apartment from 7, but I'm just screaming at my television for

them to turn a fucking light on because it's so unbelievably dark in here. You didn't feel that the room was well lit enough by the spinning dead face photo screen saver that he had on his desktop monitor? No, I didn't. I didn't. Nor the back lit like embryo in a glass jar that he had. Why is that there? You know, because he's just freaky-deaky. He's freaky-deaky and he doesn't care. He is talking now to Bunko Sarah Michelle Geller, who is like mostly nude and... And mostly dead. the straps across her tits. tipipipipipipip. Tits. Tits. Tits. This tits. This tiptiptiptiptiptiptip. This tip. This th. This woman. This woman. This woman. This woman is th. This woman is th. th. th. th. thi. thi thi thi thi thi thi that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that. that that that that. that that that that. that that that that that th. th. that. that. that. that. the the the the the the. Why is the that. Why is that. Why is that. Why is that's that's that's y-upy thing. Buy your nipples. The straps across her

tits. This woman was like, I'm not showing you my tits. Yeah, yeah. But I guess I'll let you smash them for a while? It looked so uncomfortable. The worst thing that happened to her was that tit bar. And he says to her, you asked for death, so I am no longer your murderer. Um, we didn't hear that. th. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to to to to to to to to to to their their their to be their their to be their their their their their their their their their their their st. their st. their st. their st. their st. their st. their st. their st. their st. their st. their st. their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their th. th. th. th. th. th. the. the. tie. tip. tip. tip. S. S. S. Sets. Sets. Sets. S. Sets. S. Sets. S. S. S. S. S. Sets. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. I their st murderer. We didn't hear that like. Oh no, he says to her, are you ready to die? And she's like, yeah. Oh, I miss that. Oh, I miss that. Okay. Being in this movie fucking blows.

I'm sorry that I said I would do that. I assumed that she could not hold on to an American accent in any way, so he just had to say it for it to say it to say it to say it to say it to say it to say it to say it to say it to say it to say it to say it to say it to say it to say it to say it to say it to say to say to say to say to say to say to say to say to say to say to to to to say to say to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to her. to her. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to th. th. th. thi. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. to to to to to to the. So in the apartment, they find a fully skinned corpse. Whose is that? Whose nose? Okay, all right. Is it Janine? I don't know, or Jeanne? She dug Jeanne up out of the water. Oh, I don't know.

I don't know. I guess Dwarf does say that he like killed nine women or something. We don't need to know any of their names. We just need to know Jeannie's name. The woman who is being tortured by this man, Bunko Sarah Michelle Geller, is listed in the credits as Alistair's victim. Yikes, give her a name. Betty.

There you go, that's my day's work. I'll see you guys on Monday. Punch out before you go. So the doctor is like, he says to Dorf when, well Dwarf comes, Dorf and Terry come bursting in and he's like, do you think the cavalry's going to come? Because the cavalry's right there! And it's Jeffrey Combs hanging from the ceiling? How did you get him up there? Strong AF. I mean, really? Because they called Jeffrey Combs where he was like having poker night with his real friends? Yeah, he's like I don't want to work. I hate working. I just bang on this drum all day. Yeah. Oh, and the soundtrack is like trying to make you be invested. It's like, tah-dun, tah-tah then he has a gun. And it's like, oh, hilarious turn.

And so he grabs Terry and says, attractive women like you, sell through the roof. Sell what? Is he making ad revenue on this? Is that his most downloaded episode when they're pretty? Like. I think this is just what the Joe Roget podcast is. Gotcha. So Jeannie was killing these people? Yeah, yeah, this is one of those instances where the corpse that just, or the ghost that just wants justice for herself

murders a bunch of other people. So then are the German kids gonna come back and seek justice? Who can say? Okay. Also, Stephen Dorf is the most responsible cop we've ever had in one of these movies. He's really trying. He's really given it as all. Well, from the fact that he shoots Alistair, but he shoots him in the knee. Yeah. He takes him down. And then Alstair has a gun and shoots him. He wants to see him brought to justice. But it was like, oh, you didn't, you didn't like, you didn't, you didn't, you didn't, you didn't, you didn't, you didn't, you didn't, you didn't, you didn't, you, you, you didn't, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. of mass, you were like, yeah. He should have, probably. Yeah, no, this is, what this movie presupposes is all cops should just murder people. Because if you don't, what are they going to do? Murder you? So there's like a smoky face, a syringe.

I genuinely don't know. Its face is peeling back. This is like making like Doctor Who special effects look like the fucking peak of special effectsness. This is very bad. I don't know what that means, but it reminds, this reminded me very much of a lot of scenes from House on Haunted Hill. Which we did a long time ago with our friend Ross, which I should go listen to.

But like where there would just be like spooky interludes. Here's a doctor and maybe there's a ghost behind them. What? Yeah, it's like a kid, a woman, a corpse, I guess? So the Alistair stabs Terry and then Dorf goes online. And Jeanne is talking to the doctor and she's like, time to feel. What? So stupid. I've cured your sociopathy.

Yeah, by killing you. The smoky faces are actually killing me, so I don't know what to say. They look like absolute and utter shit. I'm actually dying. And also, like, we learned sharp. He kills people with their worst fears. He killed Denise with the roaches. Right. How does he know your worst fear? Well as we learn you can just do research. Like did he just ask people you think? Sure. I would be like bunnies? Like a whole truckload of little baby bunnies? I'm so scared of those. Naps! Naps. Pizza? Super afraid of pizza. Do not put me in front of a pizza. If you really want to freak me out, leave me alone with a couple

books for a few hours. Yeah. You're gonna just bug me? Can I use your computer? I'm gonna get on aim. So Terry kills him. Rip Alistair, Rip Dorf. Yeah, Terry wakes up in bed in her apartment with Benny. The star of this movie, Benny. Benny. And she gets a phone call and the phone call says, Oh, does it? I didn't hear anything. And then she's like, Stephen Dorf, is that you? Why would it be Stephen Dorf? You saw him die?

I'm gonna masturbate. And then it cut to two minutes of commercials again? Uh-huh. And then it came back just for the credits. I was like, how fucking dare you! What? Katie? Wait? What? Wait. Why? I think I figured something out. And then it was gone like a puff of smoky face. Katie. Alan. Rate this fucking piece of shit for me.

Ladies choice, you chose it. What's the rating? It's not the net. I'm rating it not the net. Nothing but not the net. That's Alan it not the net. Nothing but not the net. As Alan Iverson always says. We're talking about the net. What about you? I wrote my rating in my notes. Oh, you were so ready for this moment. Absolute zero. This movie is colder than space. This movie is 100% early 2000s trash. Yeah, we got to get away from this. We have to make a clean break. We've got to go at least 10 years in the

future for our next movie. Yeah. Boy what a rough time. What a time to be alive though. 2003? I mean I was living my best life. Sure. Yeah. People still wanting hear me playing punk rock bands. Yeah, there you go. Yeah. I was in college. I've been fun college times. Doing the six beer challenge. Hell yeah. Yeah. I don't even know what that is, but I love it. You would cut the top off a two-liter like from soda and pour five beers into it and chug it and then you had to chug the sixth one from a can. It was just too much liquid. Your college experience was very different than mine. You didn't go to college. That's right.

That's why. I think in 2003 I might have still been straight edge. Probably. Yeah. Oh, gross. Sorry at all you straight edge, kids, you're fine. I just like to tease Alan the the the s s s the s the s the s to the s the s to the s the s to the s the six the s the six to the s out the se to the se th. th. th. to to th. thoome to to thoom- thoes thoes th. th. thoom- thoom- th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. the. the. thea. thea. thea. thea. thea'' siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiia. thea straight-edge, kids, you're fine. I just like to tease Alan about it. Katie. Alan? We referenced a movie recently, or I brought up a movie,

the Thai West film about the Jonestown masquer, called The Sacrament. Yeah, I think it's just called Sacrament. Oh, I thoun't. Well, that was literally the sacraments. Okay, I don't know. Well, someone on Spotify just wrote sacrament, so I don't know. That was literally their whole comment, so I really don't know. Including to the Google, it's the sacrament. Yeah, you're right about that. So, a bunch of you wrote in to tell me what I was thinking of, and I appreciate that,

and I wish you couldn't think of something, you were just like, EMTs! And everyone was like, sacrament! Serable! Orville Reddenbocker is what you're grasping for. Never forget that name. No, how could you? How could you? Who was the first in flight? I'm gonna... Sorry, that was a different Orville. I'm gonna whisper the name Orville Reddenbocker as my last words.

They... my dry, parched old lady lips. Orville Reddenbocker. I'm planning on saying Pepperidge Farm for members. So like I feel like that'll be a good crossover for us. It's really good. Growa. to thoah. Crow, Otoa, Pepit Farm remembers. Jesus, fuck.

I hope I'm already dead. So we're going to do the Sacrament, the Thai West film, because we love going back to the whale of Thai West. It's got to be better than this. Oh my God, yeah. Yeah. I like both Jonestown information and Ty West. Yeah.

Yeah. Well, I don't want to say I like Jones Town because that sounds like I'm a freak. But I do find it fascinating. Do you remember the band Guyana Punchline? No I do not. God, what a good distasteful pun that band made us. Really not great. Really not good.

Counterpoint, fucking hilarious. I think when children get killed, I just think it's not that funny. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. Yeah. I. I. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I. Yeah, I. Yeah, I. Yeah, I. Yeah, I. Yeah, I. Yeah, I. Yeah, I'm. Yeah, I'm. Yeah, I that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Uh, counterpoint, fucking hilarious. I think when children get killed, I just think it's not that funny. I know. I know. Oh, not the children, this stupid bitch. Remember someone wrote that in a review? You've added the SB to it. They didn't, they was implied. Look, I know when someone's calling me a stupid bitch, even if they don't say it. It happens enough.

Oh, so come back next week to hear us talk about the Sacrament. I feel like it's a good summer movie. Yeah, just a good, like, you know. Lightheartened. Ah. Bye, bye. Oh I am excited the pool. And we do in Finland's to fulfill reviews. Killing clouds and laugh the face. Can him in outer space.

Appearance of gas in case. Please make I continue to grieve. END. A-D. A-Rodd. A-D. Humphrey Bryan from Wayne's and Stephen Kang. E-MT. We live deliciously at temperatures. Obes crazily come to Daddy.

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