Werewolf Ambulance: A Horror Movie Comedy Podcast - Episode 502- Maxxxine (2024)

Episode Date: December 9, 2024

In this week's episode, we're wrapping up the Ti West trilogy of fame, sex, and weirdness with the 2024 film "Maxxxine." Special topics for your consideration include: casual cocaine takes, Kevin Bacon's teeth, a primer on Rambo knives, giallo gloves, pets with a taste for human flesh, and ball smashes. If you haven't watched the other two films in this series, you really should! We're Ti guys! They are Episode 396- "X" and Episode 440- "Pearl." The regular lineup of links! You can support us at patreon.com/werewolfambulance and listen to a ton of action movie episodes! This month it's "Josie & the Pussycats" and you are really going to like that. leave us a message at 412-407-7025 hang out with some cool listeners at https://discord.gg/DutFjx3cBD  buy merch at www.teepublic.com/user/werewolfambulance the best place to reach us is at [e-mail] we're on Reddit at r/werewolfambulance sorta on Twitter @werebulance sorta on Instagram @werewolfambulance www.werewolfambulance.com if you feel you really must lodge a complaint with us, please do it on Facebook at facebook.com/werewolfambulance because we are probably not gonna see that, ever. If you liked this, please leave us a review on Apple Podcasts or wherever you listen! It helps others find us and allows us to continue to grow.   Intro song is by Alex Van Luvie Outro song is A. Wallis- "EMT" Seriously, we have the best listeners, hands down. 

I didn't get to tell you this, but I like your sweater a lot. I just want to open it. That doesn't have to be in the episode. I just want to tell you. It's not my intro. I feel like I'm definitely somewhere between Kurt Cobain and an old ass man. to be in the episode, I just want to tell you. It's not my intro. I feel like I'm definitely somewhere between Kurt Cobain and an old ass man. Yeah, I mean the line is a dot, you know.

Katie. Alan. I was listening to a podcast today. Yeah. And I heard a thing that made me angry and thought it might make you angry as well. Oh good, that's what I need. One was talking about being in Pittsburgh. Wait, are we plugging this podcast or no? Oh sure, it was behind the bastards. Oh good, that's what I need. One was talking about being in Pittsburgh. Wait, are we plugging this podcast or no?

Oh sure, it was behind the bastards. Oh, okay. And I believe it was Jamie Loftus that was talking about being in Pittsburgh. And she said she was with the, what did she say, hot dog king of Pittsburgh? Who the fuck is the hot dog king of Pittsburgh? She's like, yeah, I was hanging out with Rick Seback.

Ha ha ha ha ha! And she said, and I quote, he's like Pittsburgh's Mr. Rogers. Oh my God. What a bitch. You heard it here first. Jamie Loftus is a dumb bitch. No, I actually think she's hilarious. Mr. Rogers is Pittsburgh's Mr. Rogers and Rick Seback is Pittsburgh's Rick Seback. But I will also accept him as the hot dog king of Pittsburgh. I want that to be him. Like, uh, you know, they kind of call me the hot dog gig of Pittsburgh. I mean, the last time I saw him, he was judging a wing contest. So yeah.

Yeah. Last time I saw him, he was walking through squirrel hill. Oh, that's good. Yeah. And time before that I saw him, he's walking through Bloomfield. Yeah. I saw him taking a whole fucking cart of items at the Edgewood town center, giant Eagle through the like 10 items or less self-checkout. I guess they let you do that when you're Rick Seebeck. I, I would like to get famous enough on this podcast that we can just do whatever the fuck we want in society.

We want something like for you. What's that? What does that look like for you? Well, we want some Rick Rick Seebe almost take in an entire crowd of people at Pages Dairy Market. They cheered. They cheered at their near death. He was in a car. Yeah. They were waiting for ice cream.

Soft serve, really. I want people to just like, he's basically a Sasquatch that you see around the city and you tell your friends about. Yeah. Oh, I saw Rick Seback. I tried to introduce my friend, Pi, to him. He was uninterested. You can go through the express lane with a full card of deviled ham.

I'm saying it. He had a full card of deviled ham. Just like that lady in book of Shadows. Book of Shadows, Blair Witch too. Yeah, that's all. I mean, that's all I want out of fame. I don't need to be any more famous than, I mean, I'm going to be famous. I mean, your record is coming out soon. It's coming out soon, guys. They're going to sell 500 in a day, I heard. Elder Chan is that baby?

I'm like super pissed that you're going to be more famous from that than this. I feel like, take me with you, you know? Pull me up. Don't pull that ladder up behind you. I can be an Elder Chan. These coattails have room for everyone. These coattails have room for everyone. But also, 90s emo famous.

Not that famous. I don't know. Sounds like you're pretty famous. I think it's right up there with number one in Fiji podcast famous. Okay. Fiji is dope. We've got to do a world tour that ends in Fiji. Starts in Portugal, ends in Fiji.

Oh my God. Beautiful places I would love to visit. Shout out to the, I'm assuming one to two people in Fiji that were listening to this. I'm assuming one to two people in Fiji that were listening to this. I'm assuming one to two people in Fiji that were listening to this. I'm assuming one to two people in Fiji that were listening to this. I'm assuming one to two people in Fiji that were listening to this. I'm assuming one to two people in Fiji that were listening to this.

I'm assuming one to two people in Fiji that were listening to this. I'm assuming one to two people in Fiji that were listening to this. I'm assuming one to two people in Fiji that were listening to this. I'm assuming one to two people in Fiji that were listening to this. I'm assuming one to two people in Fiji that were listening to this. I'm assuming one to two people in Fiji that were listening to this. I'm assuming one to two people in Fiji that were listening to this. I'm assuming one to two ends in Fiji. Starts in Portugal, ends in Fiji. Oh my God, beautiful places I would love to visit. Shout out to the, I'm assuming one to two people in Fiji that were listening to the podcast. Their podcast chart was six podcasts deep. Yeah.

And we were number one. We were number one. Yeah, so good. Pretty dope. Yep. Maxine. Maxine. I like that we've begun introducing the show

with just you and me chatting. Oh yeah, yeah. Where we just assume everyone knows what we're talking about. Like if you haven't listened to every fucking episode, you may not know that Alan's nineties emo band has been resigned and is repressing their record. You may not know that Rick Seeback is a man about Pittsburgh. You may not even know where from Pittsburgh.

What I love and we get this in reviews all the times that people feel like they're hanging out with two friends. Just walking into a conversation you weren't invited to. Exactly. And you sat down and you listened and you weren't allowed to participate. Oh, you participated, they just didn't acknowledge you. Because they can't hear you.

No, you dumb fucks. Hang up your iPad. Maxine. Maxine, starring Mia Goth. The third in a series of X, Pearl, and this, Maxine. Maxine, starring Mia Goth. The third in a series of X, Pearl, and this, Maxine. Maxine. Maxine. Your favorite to this point was Pearl, correct?

Correct. Yours? X. I liked X a little better. So it's gonna give it to you. I mean, how could it not? Was very excited for this movie. Really?

Just to see the series wrap up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I'm on board with Ty West, as you know. True, yeah, yeah, yeah, you're a Ty guy. I'm a Ty guy. I'm a Ty guy. This movie opens on 1959, to which I've written a terrible year.

Just seems like a terrible year. 1959? Fuck 1959. What name seems like a terrible year. 1959? Fuck 1959. What name one thing that was good in 1959? Ah. Doo-wop maybe? Doo-wop, doo-wop. Yeah.

And that's not even good. It's tolerable. Doo-wop, mid. It's mid, yeah. They still say that? Or have they stopped because we started? If we said it, yes. It's over.

Yeah, it has ended. Yeah. And what's happening in 1959? We're seeing a home video of a young girl, big smile on her face, which like the idea that this normal looking girl grew up to be Mia Goth is fucking insulting, but okay. Beautiful, but extremely distinctive.

Just, you see that face and you know it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And it's probably screaming at you. And it's probably, it might be kicking you as we've learned. Didn't she kick somebody on set? I never stopped thinking.

Or walked on their head or something. What a monster. She is being coached by a man off screen, her father, to be the star of the church. I didn't know that churches had stars, but go on. Like, oh fuck, what's the guy from Mausoleum? Marjo? Oh, Marjo Gortner. I just saw a trailer of something with Marjo Gortner and I was like, I know him. Star of the church though.

Star of the church. He was like four. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And she delivers the, I'm not going to settle for a life that I don't deserve or something like that. I will not accept a life I do not deserve. Yeah. And he says, preach it like you mean it, or it won't come true. Is that how it works? Yeah. That's the secret. That's the secret. If I'm not mistaken. And then we cut to 1980 something. My nose are very spotty. I think I was eating dinner when I started this movie. Nice.

First we get that Bette Davis, if you aren't known as a monster, then you aren't truly a star quote. Cause that lady was known as a monster and boy was she a star. I do like rewriting history to make. I'm holding a picture of Betty Davis next to my face right now. That someone printed and sent to you.

Yeah, someone printed and sent to me. That's a Steph. Thanks Steph. Thanks Steph. It sits next to my chair and I look at it every time I sit down. I like that you do have the wall of like Elvira, Dracula, Egon Spangler. I'm doing my hard work over here. Yes, I do. But I do like rewriting your own history to be like, I'm not the asshole. I'm the asshole. I'm the asshole in a good way. Yes.

Cut to me a goth walking into an audition of some kind and to which I wrote, what is it like to have a waist that small? What's it like? Well, it's pretty great. I feel like you could fit in anywhere, and frankly I would, just to see if I could. That's funny, because there was a point in this movie when I looked at her and was like, she's not like Hollywood thin. But maybe she is, yeah.

I think maybe she is. She's wearing like size zero leather pants. What are you talking about? I don't know, man. She's being interviewed for this part. And the director says something like, she's a adult film star, Maxine Minx. Maxine Minx.

And she's asked, did you always want to be in that line of work? And she says, I always want them to be famous. Which is a better Southern accent than she does in the whole movie. When she does it. How dare you?

I do appreciate that at some points she just doesn't. It's just generic American. She just turns into house for a little while. Yeah. But to her credit, I often forget that she is English. Do you? Yeah. Occasionally when she raises her voice, you can tell, yeah.

Sure, sure. But she does not raise her voice much, probably as a result of being British. She's not like that guy from Sons of Anarchy that every time he yelled at you, she's like, call Blimey! I'm an American. Hey, did you see all episodes of Whistable Pearl are out now? Yeah, I already watched the whole season. Oh, did you? I like to wait for the whole thing to come out. I know you do. You like to binge it. I'm a binger. I'm more of a purger. Just shitting out with stable Pearl. What's that baby man doing in the toilet? See, that's a thing. People don't know if they haven't listened to like two to three specific episodes. Do you refer to her mom as with stable Cheryl? Cause I sure as shit. I'm going to now. Hey, did you see either make it Shetland season nine?

It's already airing in England. Yeah. It starts December 18th in America. You have to let me know when it's over so I can watch the whole thing. I'm psyched. Can you take your top off so we can see your breasts? Yeah, sure. So we can evaluate your breasts. Yeah. Yeah, sure. It's a living. It's a living. And then we get some ADZZ top. No, first she walks out and there's a whole line of blonde women waiting to audition and she goes,

y'all might as well go home cause I just fucking nailed that, which I loved. And I was like, this movie's off to a great start for me. Going into this film, I was like, she's the villain, right? But she was the hero of the last film. And then I had to like, she's the hero of X. Right. She's also the, I mean, not, not, I guess Mia Goth,

maybe you're confused because Mia Goth is supposed to be the hero and the villain of X. Yeah, maybe, maybe. But I mean, but like, she's a sociopath. Yeah. Sort of, cause she does have some emotions for some people. She's just a hard worker, see? She's just tryingopath. Yeah. Sort of, because she does have some emotions for some people. She's just a hard worker, see? She's trying to get ahead.

But yes, we get the ZZ Top song. I love this vibe that they're doing. I love the credits font. I love all of it. I love the car she's driving. I mean, and like, it's not easy to do, it's easier to do 1950 in a film than it is 1980. Why do you think that?

I think just cause like, cause you're just going back a little bit. Although I guess at this point it was 40 years back. Also, everyone who lived in 1959 is dead as we know. So there's no one to tell us whether it's right or wrong. Right? Right in, if you were alive in 1959, we have a 67 year old cat grandmother who listens. Oh yeah. I like to hear from her. I only want to hear from women who were born before 1959.

Men you can sit the fuck down. And very excited. The credits are rolling and I see that Giancarlo Esposito is in this movie and I am fucking stoked. Okay, so I was fucking stoked about Kevin Bacon. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Who's Giancarlo Esposito? So he was in Breaking Bad. He's in Do the Right Thing.

He's the shit stirrer in the pizza place in Do the Right Thing that says, why aren't there any black folks on these walls? I think he may use another word. And I remember watching Breaking Bad and just being like, oh my God, is that the guy from Do The Right Thing? Because he's 40 years older. Great actor.

He's just one of those dudes, shows up in something, you're like, this thing got better. Who is he in this? He is her manager, lawyer. Oh, the lawyer. Okay, I know who you mean. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And it's got a fucking name that I would kill to have.

Giancarlo Esposito. Or Giancarlo Esposito, as I say. There you go, you're from Delaware. We got Dee Snider in the opening credits. We do have Dee Snider. He kicks ass. Why did they do the PMRC thing in the opening credits? Just to be like, this is what was happening in 1985.

I think, yeah, because a lot of it is about what is art and what is smut. Oh, that's true. Yeah. And so that was the censorship. Okay. He does a great job if you ever watch that thing. Oh my God. Where he's like, I came in like a kid, a bad kid in class who has his homework folded up in his back pocket and he sat down and just read them the fucking riot. Such a smart guy. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Um,

yeah. So it's great. It's a montage of the eighties. Who doesn't love that. Exactly. Uh, and then Maxine pulls up at her workplace, the landing strip, where they have Sunday brunch, which I lulled at. I would love to eat some brunch at the landing strip. I have heard of strip clubs that have really good buffet lunch buffets. Yeah. Yeah. My uncle used to be the CPA for blush downtown and he would always just stop in and have the lunch buffet. He'd be like, you want to meet up for the lunch buffet?

Like, no, I don't really want to have the lunch buffet at blush. It's like, you guys can go anytime you want. No, Uncle Bob. Listen, you get a fucking hot roast beef sandwich and you wash some tiddies flopper. I just assume it's a hot pan full of chicken tendies. You know? No one's mad at that. We can't be mad at that.

Is there a honey dipping sauce? I'm sure. They have ranch too. I'm sure. It's fucking Pittsburgh. Oh, yeah. I mean, come on. Come on.

They go into the, she goes into the employee only area, which is where they're making a porn. Yeah. And the, the sign says flight crew only, which I also lulled at. There's just a lot of things in the background of this movie that are so like lovingly and wittily done. I just love it.

There's a thing that happens later in the video store that had me chortling. I can't wait for you to tell me about it. We're waiting for Frankie Love to bust. I'm trying man. God, I can't like, oh, the pressure. I don't know if I couldn't do it. No, no one tried to book me. I'm not doing it. You're not a $35,000 a night. Fuck like the, uh, the Ghanaian woman from the God awful movies podcast. The clot. Yes. I could not remember what it was called. Oh, so she gets a call from her agent. While she does a bunch of cocaine out of a porcelain duck.

So much cocaine in there. That is so much cocaine. You know how much cocaine that is? A lot. It cost a lot of money. Not 1985. Really? Cocaine was like free back then. Really? I love that her cocaine use is never, it's like smoking a cigarette. It's never an issue. Never addressed. It's never like, yo dog, you need to slow down. No. No, I'm just going to just bump it up a little bit. Just a little bump. At one point she takes a bump and then lays in her bed and reads her script. I was like, word?

Is that Adderall? What are you doing? I just like a little bump so I can grind my teeth while laying in bed reading this. Never done cocaine? Never will do cocaine. Oh, it's never too late. It's too late.

I'll get us some coke. My anxiety-riddled ass would just be gone. I'm going to have a heart attack. I'm going to have a fucking heart attack. Yeah, that's never too late. It's too late. I'll get us some Coke. My anxiety-riddled ass would just be going, I'm going to have a heart attack. I'm going to have a fucking heart attack. Yeah, that's fair. Like monster energy drinks used to give me like the worst anxiety attack. That's because they're literal poison.

They're literal poison. Cocaine is natural. So is poison. Ha ha ha. Fair. So she and Carlo gives her a call. Yeah. And she got the part. She got the part in the movie. Puritan 2, she's in. Fair. So she and Carlo gives her a call. Yeah.

And she got the part. She got the part in the movie. Puritan 2. She's in. That's so fucking funny. It's also so fucking funny when later they're talking about the movie and the director's like, I'm an artist. This is going to be an art film.

It's Puritan 2, lady. She's like, it's going to set it apart from all other sequels. And I was like, Ty West, you are actually very smart and funny. Very funny. Yes. We get some great shots of like Hollywood seediness of like movie punks on the street and like people just being jerks on the street and a guy who looks like Buster Keaton on the street. Yes. And a guy or a lady who looks like, uh, uh, who's the waddling guy with the cane in the Hitler mustache? Charlie Chaplin? Charlie Chaplin, yes. There's the Shuex Pesa Theater where St. Elmo's Fire is playing.

I hate that fucking movie. Terrible fucking movie. Luckily that song won't appear in this movie. I kind of think the song's a banger though. I think at one point I had put it on my running mix and then when I was like six minutes into it I was like, you cannot do the chorus one more time. Yes. Why do you hate some St. Amos fire?

So other than it's just really boring. Yeah, it's boring. Cause people are whiny. Grow up. Fuck you brat pack. Yeah. Exactly. And then we get some fucking giallo gloves.

Yes, in a, this is one of those, this is Maxine's next job. Yeah. Where she's dancing in one of- At a peep show. At a peep show. I feel like this is the way to go, like window stripping, but all you see is a mirror.

You don't have to look at anybody. Sure. It's the eye contact that would bother me. You don't think it's like trying to be on a roller coaster with your eyes closed and you're just imagining the worst? I don't think it matters because you know, like, what the fuck could be, they can't get you. Also, how hard up are you to see a titty

that you're gonna go in this tiny ass booth that's just like filled with fun juice? It's like where you do confession, where you're just across the screen from the priest. Confession. You don't want to look at their fucking faces. It's the eye contact that gets me. He's got these black gloves on and he's getting so worked up.

He breaks the goddamn window sill with his black gloved hand. Why is there a handlebar in front of him? Actually, I do know, nevermind. I don't need an answer to that question. I figured it out on my own. Wait, I'm thinking. Think about a gentleman who was taking care of some particular pants business,

might need something to brace himself on. Great. Gross. Yeah, yeah. Good, good, good, good, good, good. Kinds of gross. Great. Gross. Yeah. Yeah. Good. Good. Good. Good. Good. Good. Gross. Kind of gross. Um, yeah, but she's like dispassionately dancing for him, but she does this at one point she's like cut her legs closed and then she snaps them open. And I was like, Ooh, my hip. Sure. Her, her, her wig is my same haircut in the scene.

And then she comes out and puts out her cigarette on Theodabara's walk, star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. And I was like, you were just wearing her wig. You were just doing her thing. You were wearing her outfit. Ty West is nodding to himself so much in this movie. Really? Well, like that, like not like I had her wig on her and now she came out and it's like, you know, like,

there's a lot of- He's like, did you get it? Did you get it? Yeah, we're gonna make the best sequel, all of this stuff. Like it's see, normally I find that abrasive, but since I'm on a Matai guy, since I'm a tie guy, I'm like, oh, that's really funny and witty. See, that's a double standard. Sure. But that's what life is made of. Who does she meet as her friend to go and eat a hot dog with? Is this Halsey? This is Halsey.

Yeah. Pop rock singer, Halsey. Pop rock singer, Halsey. Halsey. That's all I know is that she's a singer. She voiced a character in a children's movie I have watched a number of times. Oh, Inside Out 2? No, Sing 2.

Oh. Also a sequel. Okay. Also those movies are pretty great if I'm being honest with you. Okay. Yeah. As far as kids shit goes, could be way worse. Got Matthew McConaughey voicing. I know you want to say something and I can't stop voicing a koala. Go on. Watched Ratatouille for the first time recently. Terrible.

I've never seen it. Tell me the plot of Ratatouille in under a minute. In under a minute. It's a rat that really wants to be a cook, so he figures out how to puppeteer human man to cook food in a restaurant. How does he puppeteer him? By pulling his hair. They work out a system where he pulls his hair and the guy does the movements that he wants him to do.

They're a team. Because the guy can't cook, but gets a job as a cook because his dad was a famous cook. I see. That actually sounds kind of nice. Yeah. It just, it's a, it's a little itty bitty child's movie and I'm, some of them are fine grown ass man. I just saw Moana too in the theater this week. I'll tell you what, same as Moana one, but the songs are worse.

I saw Shrek for the first time. I have never seen Shrek. Missy's mom got a DVD player and Missy's brother dropped off a bunch of DVDs. So I was like, well, I know what I'm doing in this house. So we can't do nothing all weekend. Watching Shrek. Watching Shrek. How do you like Shrek?

It's great. I've heard that it's a fucking Eddie Murphy and it's fantastic. I have a neighbor that has a bumper sticker that says Shrek is the apex of American cinema debate me. So, I mean, that's wrong, but Eddie Murphy is great. Okay. So she, uh, she meets Halsey who goes to get a hot dog because she doesn't, she's going to a party in the Hills. She's going to a sex party in the Hills.

It doesn't want to eat in front of people. And her friend earlier, the blonde woman who, uh, what was his name? Fat Tony, Frankie love from the Simpsons couldn't, uh, couldn't, yeah. There are that lady, she was also going to a party in the Hills. Is that Tabby or is Halsey Tabby? Unclear. One of them is Tabby.

And the other one is? Halsey. Amy maybe? Sure. I have their names later in the notes when they become, Amber and Tabby. Amber and Tabby, okay. Yeah, I think Halsey. Amber is the woman at the beginning. Halsey is Tabby. Yeah. So yeah, they go to eat a hot dog on the street, which I appreciated.

And then Halsey gets in a cab and we've also, this is all set to the backdrop of Richard Ramirez being on the loose. Basically the, you know, women are being murdered. People are being murdered. There's the night stalker. No, I mean, he really did terrorize California, but sexiest serial killer ever. Not with them teeth. Not with them teeth. You seen them teeth? I love that this is not the first time we've had this conversation. Really?

It always cracks me up that people were like, he was so hot and it's just like, he was a murder man that immediately disqualified. The pirates had a relief pitcher in recent years named Richard Rodriguez. I could not, I just always fucked it up and called him Richard Ramirez. That's not great. He comes up to bat and just shows his pentagram palm.

What a piece of shit that man was though. Oh yeah, no, yeah, he was a fucking awful human being. And so was Richard Ramirez. I know nothing about Richard Rodriguez. Take that dicky rod. I don't know you. So she's going down an alley. It's locked. Yeah. Where is she going home? Yeah. But before she like Halsey's like, Hey, take care of yourself. Or she go, Hey, take

care of yourself kid. Because she's from the 1920s New York city. She sure is. And I went to call her Pearl. Maxine is like, I could take care of myself. Yes. And goes down a fucking dark ass alley in Hollywood in 1985. Where all of the lights are red. Yeah.

And the gate is locked. Yeah. She turns around and who's there? Buster fucking Keaton. Oh, this guy's so creepy. It's so weird. Just the idea of being attacked by Buster Keaton. Yeah. It's really upsetting. It's eerie. He pulls out a switchblade.

And he says, you can run and you can hide, but you'll never get away. But she got a gun. Yeah. She pulls a gun on his ass and he's like, Oh my God, I was just playing. She calls him Buster. Yeah. Which is funny. And she says, well, we're playing now, Strip. Yeah. So she makes him strip naked.

Uh-huh. Get on his knees. Didn't like this. Nope. I was doing that thing where you like look and then you like look down for a while because you just are so uncomfortable. I don't want my mom in heaven to see me watching this. My mom is not in heaven.

But our moms are dead, so happy holidays, everyone. Dead mom club. Dead mom club. Are you in the dead mom club? I'm sorry to hear it. Yeah, get in touch. We've got jackets. Yeah.

Oh God, they're so cool. They look like bowling team. We look like the pink ladies from Greece. Oh my God, can we? I want to be Rizzo. Absolutely can. He's on his knees. Oh my God. Can we? Absolutely. Can she, he's on his knees. Really broke the tension on this one with the dead mom thing. Yeah. Cause it was real gross.

Real gross. Puts the barrel of the gun in his mouth and says, yeah. And I was like, Oh, well he'll do it once. No. Oh no. He, Oh, he's going to fucking town on that thing. He's gagging. He's gagging on that barrel. And she's like getting off on it. Yeah, she's holding the gun at dick level. Yeah, and sort of moving it in and out. Yeah.

There's definitely some symbolism there. You think? Aha. And then she says, lay down, face down, ass up. And what was the next thing that popped in my head, Katie? I don't know. That's the way we like to fuck? Yeah. ass up and what was the next thing that popped in my head Katie? I don't know. That's the way we like to fuck.

Yeah. As soon as you said it. Yeah. Face down, ass up. Yeah. It's like if someone's like, ah, my neck and I was like, oh, and you're back and then you're pussy and you're crack. Is that what's going on?

Yeah, for sure. She says, do you know what I did to the last person who tried to kill me? I crushed her fucking head. What does she do, Alan? She stomps on his testes with a high heeled boot that makes his testicle explode out of him. The sound work on this is... Beautiful.

Yeah. It's exactly the sound you would think a testicle getting smashed under a high-heeled boot would make. It's so visceral. It's so visceral. And I assume as someone who has faced sexual predators down in life would watch this and go, that feels good. Yeah.

I really like that. For sure. Yeah. Like, just stomp on a man's balls out. It's so, it's very gory. It's very gory. But also like in that red light. So every, like there's no, you don't, you're not seeing blood. You're definitely seeing sperm. Yes. Nuts explode. It's a viscera, just some viscera. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

It's a tasteful viscera. It's a tasteful nut stomp. Were there ever an artistic nut stomp? It'd be this one. Yeah. It cuts immediately to the Puritan. Yeah. Of her watching the Puritan. She's fallen asleep on the couch with Leon,

who we met earlier at the video store. I love Leon. Leon's so cute. Later when he's just stabbing a giant knife into the cast on his arm, I was like, this has to be something. Well, the knife is the Rambo Survival Knife. Okay, okay.

So I was like, I love that he has that because that is so specifically 1985. Sure. Like I had a friend who had that knife. Yeah. Not a thing an 11 year old should have. It's a fucking massive knife. And it had a, it had,

and you could, it had a compass on the back and you could screw on the hilt of it. And you could screw that off and there was garroting wire inside of the knife. An 11 year old had this, yeah? Merry Christmas to little Jeff. I'm sure the garroting wire would break and the knife was not sharp at all, but still. I mean, you don't want to teach children about garroting. Children don't need to know about garroting. I mean, Sicilian children do, but no one else.

The movies we were watching, I knew about garroting. Oh yeah, I saw The Godfather very young. Well, I mean, you had to. I mean, it's part of my heritage. Heritage not hate. And there's a knock at the door while she's, they're both asleep watching Puritan. Yes. What's in, what knock at the door while she's there both asleep watching Puritan. Yes.

What's in what's at the door? She, when she opens the door, the elevator is already going down. Yeah. There's an envelope containing a VHS tape. And when she popped it in, I was like, this is the porn from the other movie. I was happy. I was like, oh, we're back. I remember this porn.

I remember this porn. The VHS says for Maxine. Yeah. And it's her fucking porn movie. It's her fucking. And Leon wakes up and goes, what's that? Yeah, she's real like nothing. Yeah.

Well, I mean, he knows you do porn. Yeah. Seems like maybe he could help you solve this mystery. It would probably be like, if you came in and I was listening to the aforementioned mid-90s emo band, and you're like, maybe he could help you solve this mystery. It would probably be like if you came in and I was listening to the aforementioned mid nineties emo band, like you're like, what do you listen to? And like, nothing. Jerking off in the mirror. Yeah. Yeah. It's also,

I guess she doesn't want to be associated with that because she was implicated in all the murders, which is really the plot of this movie. So I don't know why I asked. She runs away. He skateboards away. And I was like, is this the coolest dude ever? Loves Judas priest. Yeah. Has Rambo knife, has a broken arm that we're just not going to talk about how that happened. Never mentioned probably skateboarding. It's dangerous. Yeah. Oh my God. Especially the older you get guys, if you're older than your mid twenties, you gotta hang it up. No, come on.

Got hips and backs. Anthony Hawk is out there flipping and dipping. I haven't even spoken about the fact that Tony Hawk's son and Kurt Cobain's daughter have a child together. What? Have we spoken about this? Have we spoken about this? Have you and I discussed this?

I don't think we have. That baby is so perfectly 90s. As a pop culture podcast, we should really cover. I'm just saying. Did they also name it Franken Beans? I forget what it's named. Frances Bean? Yeah.

Come on, Kurt Cobain. Gosh, she's gorgeous though. Is she? Oh, yeah. I don't know if they've seen her since she was a child. Her husband is very cute, Tony Hawk's son. Oh, Tony Hawk's kid got me. This kid's gonna be so made. Yeah.

Well, now we've discussed it, so I can check that off my list. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Wait, is it the video that also has the friends and the green door? That's later. Okay, okay, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Later, Leon is watching behind the green door in the video store. Yeah. Yeah, Uh, the later Leon is watching behind the green door in the video store Yeah, yeah when the funniest thing in this movie happens, but my next note just says oh no

He kidnapped her friends who were going to the same party So I think this is on the same tape because there's like three men taking them through a set of green doors I think we're just cut to that that being video. Oh Okay, okay. Okay. That was not on this tape, right? there's because first we have to go to Kevin Bacon in the car turning around to the being videoed. Oh, okay, okay, okay. That was not on this tape. Right. There's, because first we have to go to Kevin Bacon in the car turning around to the yellow gloved man in the back seat. Yes, yeah, yeah. And he says, I told her, I told her I would found her and I did. I don't want to be involved in any sick shit.

Mm-hmm. And then we cut to the sick shit. Well, then he says the price just went up. Yeah. Not that he won't do it just for the right price. Kevin Bacon also has all the shit all over his teeth and I like it a lot because you know Kevin Bacon loves those teeth. He has a gold filling or gold cap on each of his incisors and I thought that was really funny. He looks great. He's great in this movie. He's okay.

Oh, I thought he was really good. His accent is bothering me. Sure. It's terrible. Yeah, but he seemed like he's having a great time. Oh, I thought he was really good. His accent is bothering me. Sure, it's terrible. Yeah. But he seemed like he's having a great time. Yeah. So yes, then we get to the video recording of Tabby and Amber sobbing in a closet with their eyes bound and their hands

bound and they're led into a room by some guys who I described as galoots. They sure are galoots. Through a set of green doors. Through a set of green doors. Through a set of green doors. Yes. Very famous pornography film called Behind the Green Door. Right.

And Gialohand is involved in this. Yes. Yes. And the guy who's filming it looks like a young Ron Jeremy. And I was like, I bet that was on purpose. Oh, yeah. I'm sure. Yeah.

Well, speaking of scumbags. Yeah, not a great guy. Well, who would've thought? Yeah. Cut to Maxine getting a life cast done. Yes, she is talking to the effects artist, who's like, who shot you? Because she's got a gunshot wound.

And she just goes, it's a long story. Cool. So she puts the mold on her face to make the life cast. Do not want to ever do this ever, ever, ever, ever, ever. And there's a ticking timer, like a kitchen timer, and it's just getting louder and louder. It's a very well shot zine. They don't put the straws up her nose. No.

Normally they put straws like, like drinking straws off your nose so you can breathe. Yeah. Stuff gooped all over you. Yeah. She does tell her like, remember to breathe. Yeah. It does seem like she's plugged her air holes. Yeah. And while she has her eyes closed, what does she see?

She sees Pearl. Yeah, flashbacks to the first movie. Yeah, she says you'll end, it's Pearl saying you'll end up just like me. Yeah, and Pearl comes in to massage the top of her boobs. Yeah, tips her, yeah, she gets, feels hands on her chest. Yeah. Tips her damn self over.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. And then Bobby fucking kind of always shows up. He has such a weird arc in this movie. I feel like he was like kept showing up and being like Ty time. I'm a man. I got some ideas for my character. And he was like, really, you're just a cop. Speaking of people who don't look like anyone else on the face of the earth. Bobby kind of all I was called Bobby kind of all ace, but I guess maybe that's not his name. Bobby's kind of all this.

And so they found the bodies and I'm sure some Hollywood reservoir that I should know about. And, uh, the person who is the corner, did you recognize him? No. It's an actor named Toby Huss, who played Artie, the strongest man in the world on the Pete and Pete TV show. You're kidding, I missed that. I love Toby Huss so much.

Is he done other work? So much stuff. He was just in a movie that I watched called The Rental. It's him and Alison Brie. I love Alison Brie. Yeah, me too. They both get short shrifted and it pissed me off. It's directed by Dave Franco, the better Franco.

Yeah. But yeah, he's been an autonomous. He was in Halt and Catch Fire. He's an autonomous. Okay, all right, all right. Yeah, Toby fucking Huss, already the strongest man in the world. I love that character. And he's great in this because he's the coroner

and he's like, he's not eating a sandwich. He's not doing standard 80s coroner eating a sandwich, but he does have a cigarette hanging out of his mouth the entire time. That's okay. It's not, not, not a crime scene. And definitely flippantly flipping a woman's dead body over to show where she's branded with a pentagram.

Yeah, the bodies are upsetting. Halsey looks amazing. Yeah. The effects are great in this, yeah. Yeah. Ty knows what he's doing. I know you're a Ty guy. I'm a Ty guy. Are you a Ty guy? Would you describe yourself as a Ty guy? I feel like I might be a Ty guy. I feel like I'm an old school Ty guy though.

I've been, I've been a Ty guy since the beginning. It's true. You really liked House of the Devil. Yeah. And I really like Inkeepers. I liked Inkeepers a lot too. Yeah. House of the Devil too. Are we Ty guys? I think I'm a Ty guy. Should we change our name of our podcast to Ty guys? Ty guy ambulance. So yeah, they've been branded with pentagrams. Yeah.

And yeah, we cut back to Mia Goth, Maxine, living her life. Right, she shows up at the studio for her first day of work and there's a guy there like a production assistant or something helping her and he just goes, uh, I love your work. It's like, oh, this way, this guy, you know, and this there's protesters at this point to like protesting the movie smut. Yeah. Satan stole my daughter. I love that sign. Every time I saw it, I laughed. Yeah. I know what it means. You know, Satan has

his claws in your daughter, but what if Satan just like came craving through the window at night? Just yoinked your daughter. Yeah. You liked her right out the window. So she, as the guy says, I really like your work. Uh, she finds a note on her windshield and it says for a good time call. So she does the thing that I would never ever do. Never call, which is immediately makes a phone call and says, who's this? A man once left his phone number on the windshield of my car at my office. And I threw it away because I was like, I'm not calling you. What would I call you?

Call the fucking FBI. But it's Kevin Bacon. It's Kevin Bacon, John LaBatt. John LaBatt. He says to meet him on the 34th floor of a hotel. Yeah. And she does. Yeah, I don't think I do that either. No, I don't think so.

She, I mean, she wants to be famous and she knows she has to put in the hard work. It's true, she's a hard worker, she's headstrong, she's killed, she's taken lives. Head's true. She's a hard worker. She's headstrong. She's killed. She's taken lives. Headstrong, she'll take on anyone. Yeah. What is that?

A song. I know I hear it in my head. Headstrong, I'll take on anyone. What is it though? I don't remember. Oh God. Who it is. Good, good.

Incubus? No. Good Charlotte. No, no, it feels more like men wearing masks and filming in the woods. You. Incubus? No. Good, Charlotte. No, no. It feels more like men wearing masks and filming in the woods, you know what I mean? Mud vein. Something to that effect, yeah.

Get in touch. Papa Roach, you know what I mean? No, Papa Roach is, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Cut my life in two pieces. You're right. All right. Sorry. No, why are you sorry?

Your impression of father Roach really got me. I don't think it sounds anything like that. Got my life in two pieces. Why is he a baby? Speaking of, I expected to get a call from the internet with a Paloquine waiting for me out front for my impression of Marilyn Manson for people to just carry me around my block

and celebrate me. You should have, you should really. I can't believe that hasn't happened yet. The joy in your voice while I was doing that impression of him while I was editing it. So good. Oh, I'm so happy. Oh, so good.

When I could get a good chortle out of you, nothing beats it. Thank you, Alan. So this detective is dredging up her past. Yeah, he calls, he says to her basically, like I know what you did. And he says, he calls her Maxine. And I thought, wait a minute,

she didn't change her fucking first name? Change her fucking first name. I know the Maxine with the three Xs in the middle is very, very, very, very good. But like, he might wanna change her name. I mean, she's like smart, stupid though. Right? Like she is smart. Stupid. She's smart for a Southern person. Catherine.

She wants to be famous yet she's also very willing to commit murder. Yeah. Oh, so willing to commit murder. He leaves her an envelope with an address on it. And when she opens the envelope, it's a headline for the Texas porn star massacre. That was a fucking, first of all, whoever wrote that headline is a genius. And I was like, Ty West, I West wrote it. You know, you're a tag guy. I'm a tag guy.

After that, I wrote Texas porn star massacre headline fun. Very good. So she gets approached by the cops on the street. She says, I don't talk to police. Very good. I was like, come on Maxine, you rule. Although they are asking her about the whereabouts of her friends.

So if your friends have been murdered, I feel like maybe you try to help. Oh, it's the catch-22. If someone murdered you, I would do anything I could to find that person because I would step on their balls in a high-heeled boot so hard. And not a jury on this earth would convict me. Oh, they took out Alan Ambulance?

Yeah. Retribution ain't free. So this is where the funniest fucking thing in the movie happened. Okay. So yeah, we cut to Leon spinning the giant knife in his arm cast. Yes.

He's watching behind the green door and, uh, and stabbing himself with a giant knife in the, uh, in his cat. Just indifferently. You know, yeah, yeah, yeah. There Maxine comes in and asked him if he can figure out where this videotape is from. Yeah. Cause he's an actual fucking detective in this movie.

In the background while they're doing that is a man with a three foot long dildo. Oh. That's holding it and looking down it and like kind of appraising it Okay. The entire time they're talking. I did not notice.

Like he's just like, hmm, how much of this could I do? Well, if I just, okay. All right. I'm okay. I can do this. I just, I lift a leg a bit. It was very fucking funny. That is great. And it's blurry and it's in the background. I was like, is that a giant? That's a giant fucking dildo. That's fantastic. The store rules. It's just, it's like video, like regular ass video rentals, porn videos and fetish gear.

Yes, exactly. Yes. So she goes and talks to him and is like, yeah, I guess I'll look into it. He knows a lot about it already. He's like, well, interesting brand, not used much, blah, blah, blah, blah. I wish I knew anything like that. I know nothing about nothing. Yeah.

And then she like storms out, doesn't say thank you to him I knew anything like that. I know nothing about nothing. Yeah. Yeah. And then she like storms out, doesn't say thank you to him, and goes to the lot and who is the security guard at the lot? I don't know. Who is that? Larry fucking Fezenden. Was that Larry Fezenden? Oh, he's looking rough.

He's an older gentleman. He's always looking rough, huh? Yeah, she says, I thought he, he got a weird amount of screen time for this character. Okay, that makes perfect sense. I did not recognize him. He also does not treat her like a person. No, because she says, I'm Maxine Minx, and he goes, yeah, you are.

Yeah. That's the, I've masturbated to you, chuckle. Yeah, gross. The only person who treats her like a person is a Liz Bender here, who is eight and a half feet tall. At least. God, I thought she was standing, like they had her standing on platforms or something

to make her seat. No, she's massive. Yeah. And she has on 80 shoulder pads. Yes. So like her silhouette is just bananas. She looks great. She's very thin and very tall

and then has these huge shoulder pads on. Yeah. Yeah. Can't be mad at that. She takes, the director takes Maxine Minks around the studio to talk to her about how she like fought for her to be in the movie and that she needs to know she's dedicated. She says what you said and there was really real and raw and powerful.

Which we see later. It's not. None of the other. I think it's very funny that he has made this director to be like really pretentious, but making the Puritan too. And then like when you see what she actually says, you're like, ha! And you say, your character too. And then like, when you see what she actually says, you're like, ha! And you're just like, your character is gonna be like, Clint Eastwood meets Charlie fucking Bronson.

Okay. So they're out in front of the psycho house. Yes. Next to the Bates Motel. Cause they're on a movie line. And she's staring up at Pearl in the window of the psycho house. Starting to see this lady everywhere.

Yeah. And then they finished their conversation and- It's about, the conversation is a lot about being ruthless. It's about being just like getting what you want and need with no consideration. In that conversation I was like, oh, I don't ever want to be that. Oh, I'm Ruthful.

I'm full of Ruth. Empathy is what I'm shooting for at all times. Ruthless is just, it doesn't suit me. I'd rather be Ruth. I'm Ruthed. You can think of me as a, you know, I'm an attractive guy, I'm kind of a babe Ruth. I ruined the Supreme Court, I'm Ruth Bader Ginsburg.

Didn't work out. Didn't land. I'm a comedian from the seventies and no one actually ever thought it was funny. I'm Ruth Buzzy. Look it up kids. Wow. I know we had to do the rule of threes there. We should have stopped with your first one.

That was pretty good. Babe Ruth was a good one. Hey, I'm a candy bar that looks a bit like a turd. I'm a baby Ruth. Now it's worse. Now it's four and it's worse. The rule of fours. Who's on the lot following Maxine around when she's alone?

That's Kevin Bacon. It's Kevin Bacon. And she got key fists. When you put your keys in your fist. Uh, kids, if you're going to go punch somebody who you think might be trying to kill you, put your keys through your face, lace them betwixt your fingers and go and fucking stab that person. That's how I used to walk home at night all the time. Now I'm just like,

fucking take my shit. I don't care. You know, I used to walk home at night all the time. Now I'm just like, fucking take my shit. I don't care. You know, you want my life into pieces. This is my last resort suffocation. You want my three year old cell phone and some credit cards I'm gonna cancel momentarily here. So she goes.

She threatens to kill him and punches him a number of times. It's very good and bloody. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Fucks him up real good. And he says, you've made a mistake. Yeah. And so she goes to see Giancarlo Esposito. Yes, he's on the phone talking to someone.

While exercising. While exercising. He's like, yeah, I can get you the bearer bonds. I just need to be, I just need to access to the junkyard for about an hour or so. What are you doing? Just being the most corrupt human being you can be. I love this. Yeah, he's grand. It's such a great,

real introduction to his character, you know, you're just like, Oh, I'm on board. This guy's a fucking criminal. I get what this is. He's a scummy guy. Yeah. Lawyer with porn posters all over his office because he works in film. And she goes and she's like, this is this I loved because he's like, tell me what happened. And then he walks in front of the camera. It's a wipe. He goes away from the camera and he's like, okay, don't tell that to anybody else.

And I was just like, thank you, Ty West. I did not need to hear this whole story again. Yeah, it was good. It was great. Yeah. So she goes home. She's doing coke and highlighting her script. Yeah. He's going to help her out. Yeah. Yes. Doing coke and highlighting your script. That's you too. Well, now we get to, um, Leon watching beyond the green door behind the rain door. Yeah. Um, because she is reading the script and it's Veronica swings the blade. Oh, right.

But now someone's cutting up Leon, to which I wrote, not cool. Yeah, but looked very cool while he was being cut up. That slice across the eyeball, very nice. Very nice. And then someone, the giallo black-loved hand rips out his dangly gold upside-down cross earring. Yeah. Not his dangly gold upside-down cross earring. Yeah.

Not his dangly gold upside-down cross earring. Yeah. Poor Leon. I know. We barely knew ye. We deserved better. We deserved better. And Kevin Bacon is once again waiting in the car for this dude.

Yeah. And he's like, oh, you're not afraid to get your hands dirty or something. Yeah. He's impressed that this guy is a murder man. Yeah, to do the hard stuff. Yeah. The next morning, fucking Maxine's coming out of her apartment, there's cops everywhere, there's onlookers. When the cops see her and they're taking Leon's body out on the stretcher with the sheet over his face, they pull it back. To show her.

They should put this lady with the eyeliner next show her. They should, but collect this lady with the eyeliner next to her. She didn't ask to see that. She's just walking down the goddamn street. Bobby Cannavale is being a real dick. Yeah, well it wasn't Cannavale, it was the female. Was it? Yeah, it was female cop at the time.

Okay, okay. I was very excited because I was like, Ty West, you were a man of, you've got to be around my age. I think he's closer to my age. Oh, I see. Like betwixt the two of us. Nah. Let's see. Okay. Looking it up. No, I'm looking it up. I already got it. Ty West was born 1980. Okay. So what's the difference almost? Yeah. Yeah. Cause she is wearing a we T shirt. His name is Timon. Sorry. Timon. T? Like boom boom? T-I-M-O-N.

Nice. Wilmington, Delaware's own. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Fellow Delawarean. Delawarean. I love that word. You know I do. Sounds like a poem to me.

It's like Pennsylvanian. No, Delawarean. There's something very pretty about it. It's a beautiful state. It's got some bogs and shit. Beaches, yeah. Tax-free shopping. Oh, love it.

So she's wearing a shirt for We the Magazine. And We was like hardcore fucking pornography that I remember seeing as a child who should not have been seeing that level of hardcore pornography. Children shouldn't see any level of hardcore pornography. Oh, really? Call me a prude. I'm not sure. I'm not sure.

I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure.

I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure.

I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I, they're different varieties, different flavors. So here's Maxine getting back to set and-

Well, first she has to go see her friend's corpses. Right. They take her to the morgue to see Halsey and Amber. Right, and Liz Bender has told her not to be late. This is a very important thing she has her doing today, which is watching the shooting of some flashback scenes. Yeah. And the cops are playing hardball with her and then kind of always playing hardball. And then the lady cop, uh, I'm sorry. What is her? She is played by Michelle Monaghan, detective Williams, Monahan, Monahan. I don't know any Irish people, so I don't know.

Giancarlo. Giancarlo Monahan. So Detective Williams is trying to play like the, you could help me prevent another woman from being murdered. Yeah, which is a pretty compelling argument. But, yeah, you know, in a real bootstrappy way, Maxine is basically like, they should take care of themselves.

I did. Yeah. And then she goes, she's late to set. She gets to the set late. The director is pissed. She says that her first line in this scene is, I need a volume. And I was like, all right. Just a little light prescription drug abuse.

A little bit. We're on the set of Puritan 2. There's a bloody apple bite. Yeah. And she's given like a mentor actor to follow around and being told what to do. Right. This is Molly who was in the first movie. Oh, was she? I mean, Puritan.

She's the one cast member that links the two films. Right. And Liz Bender, who is the director, is doing this thing where she's like, you want something done, you have to do it yourself. And so she wipes blood all over this woman. And then they all shake hands. And she goes, oh, we've all got blood on our hands now.

What are you doing, Lady Macbeth? What is happening here? So Molly is basically like, just do what you're supposed to do. She's very odd, but I guess she's a drama kid, you know? I don't want to really help you at all, so just do what you're supposed to do. Do what you're told to do. This is my scream face. This will not come back later. Don't worry about that.

Not several times, I think actually. And go about your business and go look at that horse walking across the street. And she says, she calls her Nadine and tells her that she's going to a party in the Hollywood Hills. Yeah, yeah, yeah, right below the Hollywood. Maxine, smart but dumb, has not put this together yet.

She would. Yep. So there, she sees Kevin Bacon on the set. Yeah. And there's a chase scene through these sets. It was very reminiscent of Pee Wee's big adventure. Yes, you're right. Because she's running from like Western street and 50s New York street to eventually the psycho house, but just running through different buildings and ending up on the different sets. And I was like, oh, is that what it really looks like?

That's cool. I feel like she should have just run back onto the set where she was working, where someone's, it's gonna be real hard for someone to kill you. Yeah. Yeah. That's what I would have done. But no, she runs up to the scary ghost house where she saw the scary ghost.

Yeah. And Kevin Bacon's trying to get into the house with her. Yeah. And then Larry Fezenden shows up and says, you can't be there. Yes. And Kevin Bacon says to him, like, I used to be a security guard.

It's a very important job. And Larry Fezenden's like, yes, my friend. Come with me. And so she meets back up with the director. And the director's like, hey, why don't you take the weekend off, take care of whatever this situation is that's like in your head right now. Whatever's keeping you from being ruthless at this. Just go squash it, crush it like a man's testicles in the street.

I mean, metaphorically, of course. So she just, she formulates a plan to take care of Kevin Bacon by Yeah. By putting on Pris' makeup from Blade Runner. She looks cool as fuck. Yeah, she looks like Daryl Harrell from Blade Runner. Yeah. And she goes to a club and she's like seducing him at the club. Yes, I bet this club scene was a lot of fun to plan

because it's just like all the stereotypical people you would see in a club, but I only ever saw them at like the 80s night at the upstage, you know, not real eighties, do 2000s eighties. Cause you were a little baby. I was a baby in the eighties. You would have been one when this movie took place. I wasn't clubbing that much yet. Yeah. I had a mortgage. Um, so she, at 11, it's 11.

Oh, you were smoking. I was thinking of the day were smoking. I was smoking. I was thinking of the day of it. I bet I did some fucking irreparable damage to myself smoking at 11. Yeah, it's amazing you're as tall as you are, frankly. I bet you'd be like 6'8", if you weren't a smoker. Oh, that would have been awful. I'm sure it's great, but I already hit my head on everything.

I mean, it seems challenging to be 6'8". I already can't find cars half the time to buy. Yeah. So Kevin Bacon's following her around the club into the woman's room. And he's doing this long monologue about how he gets his man or whatever. Criminals, and he's a criminal, and she's a criminal,

and they're both hoarsed for money and whatever. But she's already snuck out of the room and doesn't hear any of it. It's actually very funny, because when he opens the last stall and it's empty, and the window's open, he's just like, ugh, did all that for nothing. And that's when you're like, yeah, Kevin Bacon's good. Yeah.

So she runs outside. He follows her outside. Giancarlo Esposito is outside. And so is the porn director with a baseball bat. And I thought, well, that's nice of him. It's just these men in her life that are going to help her. Yeah. Yeah. It knocks him the fuck out.

Puts him in his car. He wakes up handcuffed to his car, to his steering wheel. Yeah. And he's in a car crusher And he's in a car crusher. He's in a car crusher. And I have to admit something to you. I was like, Oh, well they're just going to scare him. These three people did not get together to commit a murder tonight.

They did. They did. They did. They bucket of blood him. They did. And he's screaming like, I only work for the man. I had nothing to do with this. And then he starts doing the old Lord's prayer. Yeah. After saying he was an atheist. Exactly. Into screaming and smushing and the horn blows and dies. Oh my God. It's so good.

So much blood comes out of him. And there's two Dobermans. Yes. I kept thinking like, maybe you shouldn't have pets with a taste for human flesh when they're stronger than you, you know? Or... They clean up the mess.

Yeah, the dogs go around and look up the gore. It's great. Yeah. Yeah. The agent says to her like, get lost, we'll clean up the mess. And she says, thanks. And he goes, what are agents for?

Not this. Not this. I love this. And I just love that the porn director was there too. They were like, we need one more person to help. And he's like, oh, I've got somebody. Yeah, I'll do it. Whatever, what do you need?

Oh, she gets the address out of the trash where she goes back to clean up at her apartment. And of where the party was. Or the address that she was given by Kevin Bacon, I'm sorry. Yes, it's where the, he does tell her it's gonna be a party in the hills. It's right under the Hollywood sign, whatever.

Yeah. So this is her gearing up to go and finish this. Yeah, just gotta finish the job. Yeah. Who is it when she gets there? It's a man with Donald Trumpian face makeup on. Yes. He's got so much bronzer on.

So I think that that is because they are making a movie. Yeah, yeah, 100%. And I feel like it's Ty West being like, this is a really low budget movie. They couldn't do like a, they couldn't face match. They couldn't, you know, it's very funny. It's very funny. Yeah.

It's her dad. It's her fucking dad who's the preacher man. And I was like, I should have fucking seen this coming. For real. She had to take a funicular up to the house. Funicular. The cable car. Oh, right, right, right, right.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I was like, oh. It's called a gondola. Okay. I know them as funiculars. Funicular. It's a fun word to say. It is a fun word to say.

And I was like, oh, so no two trips to the car for groceries? You do it all in one trip or you fucking let that ice cream melt. I guess so. You're not funicularing back down. Yeah, so it's her dad. The cops are following her to this house. We should mention that because they do pop up later. Right.

They are following her. Yeah. He says to her, it's taken me years to find you. It takes the gun from her. And she's like, lets him have the gun. She's bugging out. Yes, Satan is inside of you my darling, but I can take him out. I don't like it.

You don't like it? I don't like it. No. She backs away from him. She does. She wants no part of this, and she kicks a suitcase down the steps. Yeah, some body parts just come falling out.

And a woman with a screaming visage. It's Molly. It's Molly doing the scream, which I wrote, it's Molly doing the scream, which you can't be mad at. This isn't the suitcase full of Molly that I want. I'll tell you what. Oh, that's also very good. And then her dad comes up behind her and puts a bag over her head and she's out. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well, do not want, do not like, please don't ever do that to me. Why the fuck would I? She wakes up. Wait, first while before she wakes up, we get the flashback of what she said in the audition, which is like, she says something to like

Liz Bender, like y'all should really hire me for this part. And Liz Bender says, why is that? And she goes, because I'm a star, ain't nobody else like me. Whole world's going to know my name. And that was the thing that was real and raw. And prophetic. And powerful. And powerful.

Yeah. Yeah, and you're like, oh, fuck, this director's corny as shit. Yes. Just absolutely no taste. and powerful. Yeah. And you're like, Oh, fuck, this director's corny as shit. Just absolutely no taste. So she wakes up tied to a tree or a post or something. Blindfolded blindfolded. And there's a camera crew of Christian cultists. Crosses marked on their faces.

Yeah. Her dad is like doing all this proselytizing and they're making, they're all standing around in robes. Yeah, filming this. Yeah. Making a movie. He basically says like, I'm gonna make you more famous by murdering you. Yeah, yeah. Yeah.

It says work with me here. Yeah. It's like, no, I'm not gonna. I don't think I want to. I got so pumped when the cops showed up. Yeah. Because all of the cultists have sold off shotguns under their robes. and I don't think I want to. I got so pumped when the cops showed up because all of the cultists have sold off shotguns under their rooms.

They sure do. I was like, Ty West, you fucking genius. You fucking genius. Also, they're firing wildly all over the place. Mia Goth never gets hit. She never gets hit. Her father gets lit on fire. So this goes on for a little while,

him menacing her before the cops show up. And this all felt very anti-climactic to me. Sure. It felt like, oh, you didn't know how to end this or something. Yeah. Yeah. But it's all part of, for me, I thought it like, because the payoff is pretty good. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. So I feel like this was like the calm before the storm. They were lulling you into a sense of a... That's true. I'm a tie guy a. That's true. I'm a tie guy though. I'm a tie guy. Yeah, the lady cop shows up, they both show up,

they both show up and shoot, they start shooting. And he is doing this thing about like, where were they when your family went missing? And they are complicit, they are the devils, do not respect them. And I'm reading this book right now called Cultish, which is about the language of fanaticism. Have you read that book?

You read it? Oh my God, I'm really enjoying it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I just read about the things, because I've never listened to the Jonestown tapes, I can't do that. Okay, sure. Not for me, but I was reading about what he said,

and it's exactly this, and I was like, I bet Ty West has listened to the Jonestown tapes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. You know how the love bombing that guy has listened to the Jones sound tapes. Yeah. The love bombing that guy did. Yeah. This guy just sets himself on fire with a branding iron, then looks around and jumps in the pool, which I like a lot. He's like uninjured by this. Jump into the pool house back out and runs up into the Hollywood hills.

And Maxine has a switch blade because of course she does. Of course she does. Yeah. Cuts herself free. Yeah. And Maxine has a switch blade because of course she does. Yeah, of course she does. Yeah. Uh, cuts herself free. Yep. Um, she runs around, she picks up a shotgun from one of the errant cultists that have lost a shotgun. She runs up into the hill. Well, someone pulls her into the pool first and she puts the switch blade up his nose. That's right. I liked a lot. It was very good. If he looks at the switch blade in his nose. Oh, it's a dying. Yeah, that's very true. There's a gunfight at the switchblade in his nose. He's like, oh, fuck. It's a dying. Yeah, that's very true.

There's a gunfight at the Hollywood sign. Yeah, Bobby Cannavale gets it. Yeah, he says something about how he wanted to be an actor too. And Maxine is desperately trying to save him in a way that is totally unreasonable for the character that she's been. It's so weird that she stays with him until he dies.

I fucking need that state champs jacket that she's wearing. That's what our that she stays with him until he dies. I fucking need that state champs jacket that she's wearing. That's what our dead moms club jacket needs to look like. State champs. Yeah, state champs. Defeated. So. And then Michelle Monahan comes out running out saying I got him, but she's got a fucking cross

stuck in her eye. And then she just falls down the hill. It's so funny. It is so funny. But it looks great with the crucifix sticking out of her eye. It sure does. So she finds her dad laying on the ground

and stands over him with a shotgun. Yeah. He says failing a child is the greatest sin of all. Yeah. And I was like, ah, is that, that might be true. It's up there. So we go through this whole rigamarole, which I knew was a dream of her getting her own star

on Hollywood Walk of Fame and the night stalker being arrested. And she's famous, she's doing a TV interview and she's at Man's Chinese Restaurant, or Chinese Theater, Man's Chinese Restaurant. It was Man's Chinese restaurant or Chinese theater. Yeah. Man's Chinese restaurant. Man's Chinese eatery. Yeah. But it's all a dream.

Yeah. But this is what she's seeing happen. There's a helicopter overhead telling her to put the gun down. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a fantasy sequence. She shoots her, she blows her dad's head off. Yeah, so something about divine intervention explodes his damn head.

It is gross city. It's so good. It's so great. It's head off. Yeah, so something about divine intervention explodes his damn head. It is gross city. It's so good. It's so great. It's so scanner. It's really nice. Explosion. It really is. And then cut to one month later, she's doing blow with her sad card for like just to go

out and talk to somebody. Yeah, just funny. She looks in the mirror and says, you're a fucking movie star. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And, yeah. She says something to the director like, I just never want it to end. And she looks like one of, and the director comments,

she looks like one of Hitchcock's blondes. Right, right. And then the camera. But the I never want it to end is a call back to Pearl, right? Oh, is it? Well, to X, to the character of Pearl in X, because that's the whole thing. She like got old and wasn't beautiful anymore. And she, that's what she said to Maxine was like, remember she got in bed with

her and was like, I'm going to, you're going to be like me someday. Yeah. Yeah. I liked it. Yeah. And then the drone shot going up into the Hollywood Hills where the Hollywood sign is now Maxine. Yes.

And so is this also just a dream? And Bette Davis eyes is playing. Yeah. And then my final note, all in all was kind of eh. Yeah, I felt the same way. When we talked about it, I think I had really high expectations for it because I loved those first two movies. I loved things set in the 80s.

Yeah. I mean, talking about it now, it was not eh. No, but it felt like eh while I was watching it. So which is it? I don't know, man. It's you, you bring it up. You bring it up. No, it's you.

Oh, you guys. You guys. Yeah, it was eh. Yeah, I mean, I would give it a strong seven. Yeah, same's you. Oh, you guys. You guys. Yeah, how was that? Yeah, I mean, I would give it a strong seven. Yeah, same. I don't know what I gave to X and Pearl, but I'd probably have a seven. A higher, for sure.

But I mean, all in all, I loved the series, really did. Kind of wish the Alligator would have come back. Yeah, that would have been a nice callback. Forgot about that. I need to re-watch X, I really liked it. Jenna Ortega's so cute in it. Yeah.

And she has that really uncomfortable sex scene. Yeah, cause she looks like a child. Oh my God, that's right. It's Kid Cudi. Yeah. Who I thought was Kid Cutie until you told me in that episode. I just, I'd never heard it said.

I'd only read it. It's hard to be stupid. I'm not familiar with this music, but I do read about it a lot. Well, do you see it written down on Spotify and things like that? For sure. Listen, here's the thing. Like Maxine, I am smart, stupid.

It should be double D to be Cuddy. Yeah. Yeah. I agree. Thank you. It looks like Kid Cutie. You're right. And he's pretty cute.

Oh yeah, he's a Kid Cutie. I call that guy Kid Cutie. I believe it. And if Kid Cutie's not taken, can I have that? Because I'm old and less than cute. Take it back. You're more than cute. Stop it.

You're adorkable. I hate you. I hate it when you say this to me. It's just cause I have bangs. Just cause you're sui-tation. Just cause my forehead kind of sucks. I like to cover it up. Same, but I don't look as good in bangs.

Your bangs are cute. We both have cute little bangs sticking out of beanies right now because it's very cold in the attic. Well, you look super hip up here, honestly. We look like we might serve you a latte. Yeah, I don't know how to make a latte. Fuck you. Katie.

Alan. Can I read you a review that we received? I'd like that a lot. Literally a lifesaver. Really? Five star review. Really? Katie and Ellen's friendship, banter,

and actual joy in each other, and the playful goofiness has literally kept me alive after the election, loss of my family, and financial hardship. Oh God, I'm sorry. That's a lot. It was their back catalog of super funny takes on horror movies I will literally never watch

because I cannot stand horror movies. How did you start listening? That's my question. I I cannot stand horror movies. How did you start listening? That's my question. How, how did you get here? Maui Pickle, let us know. Helped me laugh again and reminded me that there is more to life than the wet dumpster fire we find ourselves in.

Wet dumpster fire is the best description. You smell it. It's that hot summer garbage smell. It's just all around disappointing. Specifically how Katie's love of Pittsburgh is single-headedly made me want to check out this city. Is that why you brought a brick seat back earlier to get me all rambling about Pittsburgh? Cause it worked. It's such a nice through line that's genuine and fun.

And Alan's old man sense of humor is chef's kiss perfecto. I really appreciate Alan's sentiment that joy is still resistance, really struck a nerve. Yeah. I love the fun, happy, ridiculous, sometimes nonsensical and overall joy. This podcast brings in my life. Maui pickle. Maui pickle. Yeah. Let me tell you something. Yeah. You ever come to Pittsburgh, Alan and I will take you to our favorite bar and buy you a drink.

Yeah, 100%. I'm not even taking you to my favorite Thai place and have dinner with you before that drink. Oh, I'll meet you at the bar. Cause I'm gonna eat there. Cause I want their food. Oh, we can do that too. Just go to Kelly's.

Yeah, let's go to Kelly's. Yeah, fucking Beyond Burger will be delicious. Oh my God, their food's delicious. So reasonably priced too. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh my God. D food's delicious. So reasonably priced too. Oh yeah. God dive bar prices. I've our prices. Good food. Yeah. Yeah. Just have to wade through some Google dorks. That place was all punks. Yeah. Fucking Google. Speaking of punks,

what are we doing next week? Katie? Next week we are doing a movie I know nothing about because we picked it literally months ago and it just keeps getting pushed down on our list because I've been like, I want to do it. I want to do it. Yeah, it's called Demon Wind. It's called Demon Wind. I don't know anything about it. Demon Wind. Demon Wind.

I figure it out. I don't know. Fucking figure it out, y'all. Yeah, this is on you, not on us. Give it a go. If you want to know what the movies are, we're watching. Yeah, you could do that too. Or if you're a Maui pickle,

just wait for us to talk about it. Yay, hurry up, get here. Actually, don't come here now, it's fucking freezing. It is nice out. How dare you say that? Find us on Patreon if you wanna be a Patreon and listen to our action movie podcast and the first episode of our Line of Duty podcast,

Nice One Mate. Yes, I haven't listened to it, but I'm going to because I don't normally listen to it, but I feel like that one's gotta be really fun. It's a pretty good time. I'm excited to do another episode of nice one made at some point. Oh shit. I gotta watch them. I gotta rewatch episodes two through four. I love that the first episode is behind a paywall. You know what? They give you five bucks. They pull down the episode, and then they

cancel the subscription. Exactly. There you go. Look, I solved it for you. We have some t-shirt designs from Justin Gray that we need to get up in the store for Christmas shopping. Let's talk about this tomorrow. Yes.

And so check out T-Public. There'll be some new t-shirt designs. I'd really want a Glenn Zigg t-shirt. Yeah. You're really going to buy it. You should get a Glenn zig t-shirt. Yeah, you're really gonna buy it. You should get a Glenn zig tank top. Also we can sell that, right? Even though it's a copywritten image of Eeyore.

Yeah, of course. Let them come at us. Come at me poo. And then, that's not A.A. Milne who wrote, what is it? No, it's A.A. Milne. Is it A.A. Milne? Yeah.

And yeah, we're on blue sky orSky as I refer to it now. Oh, drinking some brewskies with your blue skies. Ah, I love that. We're on Discord. Go join our Discord. Those people there are amazing. If you go to any of our social media accounts, you can find a link tree with an invitation

to join the Discord. Yep, yep, yep, yep. And? We're over at aml.gmail.com. You got it. Five star reviews only. Leave us a five star review. Made us number one in Fiji.

Or if you're gonna give a really good review, but still only give us one star, cause I think you clicked accidentally, that was really fun too. Yeah, that was fun, but I think you should go back and fix it, cause it really hurts our ratings. And the ratings matter to us. Thanks for all our listeners in Fiji and Portugal.

Cause we just wanna be famous. And also South Africa. We're like popping off in South Africa. Hell yeah we are. Yeah. I mean, boggles the mind. Sure does. I assume it's VPNs. Thanks for listening to another episode of Werewolf Ambulance. Bye. Bye.

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