Werewolf Ambulance: A Horror Movie Comedy Podcast - Episode 503- Demon Wind (1990)

Episode Date: December 16, 2024

In this week's episode, we're covering a movie that we've frankly been putting off for like two months now with the 1990 supernatural (?) thriller (??) "Demon Wind." Special topics for your consideration include: running at full speed out of the gate and being unable to maintain that pace for any amount of time, lying about the dates of milestone events, He-Man lights, wizards, pudding, and what if anything a demon wind actually is.   As far as horror goes, 1990 was an absolute mess as evidenced by the high highs and low lows of Episode 28- "Child's Play 2," Episode 97- "IT," Episode 132- "Tales from the Darkside," Episode 167- "Puppet Master 2," Episode 184- "Tremors," Episode 194- "Santa Sangre," Episode 320- "Nightbreed," and Episode 335- "Frankenhooker." YIKES. The regular lineup of links! You can support us at patreon.com/werewolfambulance and listen to a ton of action movie episodes! This month it's probably going to be a disaster month, because it's the holidays and why not?? leave us a message at 412-407-7025 hang out with some cool listeners at https://discord.gg/DutFjx3cBD  buy merch at www.teepublic.com/user/werewolfambulance the best place to reach us is at [e-mail] we're on Reddit at r/werewolfambulance sorta on Twitter @werebulance sorta on Instagram @werewolfambulance www.werewolfambulance.com   if you feel you really must lodge a complaint with us, please do it on Facebook at facebook.com/werewolfambulance because we are probably not gonna see that, ever.   If you liked this, please leave us a review on Apple Podcasts or wherever you listen! It helps others find us and allows us to continue to grow.   Intro song is by Alex Van Luvie Outro song is A. Wallis- "EMT" Seriously, we have the best listeners, hands down.     

["The Last Supper"] ["The Last Supper"] ["The Last Supper"] ["The Last Supper"] ["The Last Supper"] Katie. Alan. Can I get a breaking news report? Ba-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da- So jazzy. So jazzy.

I have another news update. Okay. I have seen Hot Frosty. Oh my God. The text I got from you. Okay, just tell me about Hot Frosty. Tell everyone. Lacey Shebert returning from Christian Mingle,

previous movie that I remember her doing. Christian Mingle and that weird scarecrow movie that we did from the sci-fi channel. You got it. You got it. Was not the scarecrow movie and the vet from shits Creek. Oh, I like that guy. He's cute. He is ungodly buff. Oh really? Like disturbingly, like superhero buff. I don't like that. Um, and he is a frosted,

the snowman that's brought to life by Lacey Schaber scarf from a very queer coded straight couple that she received to the scarf from. Are they a throuple? Is she having like a three? No, no, no, no, no, no, no. She's a, her husband died. Of course. Oh, of course. Yeah. So she has to find new love and they give her a scarf to put on. There was a snowman making competition and there were three like fat frosties and then a super hot snowman. She put the scarf in the super hot snowman. What's wrong with the fat guys?

I don't know. She was like hugs. She likes to feel like she's being crushed under the weight of huge muscles. And she puts the scarf on him and the next day he runs around the town naked and finds her and tells her that he loves her and they fall deeply and fastly and furiously in love. Me familiar. Hot frosty. Hot frosty. Nudity? No, no nudity.

No, no. Snowy and dick? No, I wanted there to be a huge snow no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, for our New Year's movie? It's not. It's not. It will not be hot frosty. Because I can't watch hot frosty again. Or with a critical eye, I feel. It's true. It's I would just I'm busy furiously masturbating. You can't take notes. You got to jerk it. But that's not what we're here to talk about.

No, what we're here to talk about is a movie that you suggested, I don't know, three months ago, and I just kept putting it off and putting it off. And here we are here. It's a movie that every time I said the title to my partner, she went, Oh, that's your farts. That's it's absolutely a fart reference. Demon Wind. Demon Wind from 1990.

Or is it filmed in 1989? Still. Yeah. Oh, God, it looks like it's filmed with a cam Filmed in 1989. Still. Yeah. Oh God. It looks like it's filmed with a camcorder in 1990. It looks like it's filmed with pencil and paper. I think I like getting right into it. No frills, no opening credits, title card movie.

Well, I think I like this movie starts off with an inconsistency that will keep coming back up through the movie. Tell me what it is. It opens on 1931. Correct. And throughout the movie, Corey, our character of interest, keeps referring to how all of his family died in 1929. Wow. I gotta be real honest with you. How much attention do you think I paid to this? 100%. Okay, I got super high last night

and watched the first hour and I was like, this has to be almost over. And then I paused it and I was like, 40 fucking minutes. So I watched the rest of it at work today, I'm sorry. No, I mean, I would not expect anything less. So I missed, I mean, I think there are things that I was like, what the fuck is this?

Which like they probably explained. So, okay, great. There's only one actor in this film that has a Wikipedia link. And who is that? That is Stephen Quadros. Oh, Stephen Quadros. He played Chuck.

I don't know who Chuck is. Chuck is the man who is the martial artist in the film. Oh, Stephen Quadros. He played Chuck. I don't know who Chuck is. Chuck is the man who is the martial artist in the film. Oh, the wizard, the- The magician. The ninja magician. The magician ninja? Ninja magician. Because he has like over a hundred credits

in like martial arts movies. Oh, good for him. He's been in like Chuck Norris films and such. I kept looking at him and thinking that he looked like if a werewolf didn't change into a werewolf, but into Kevin Bacon. He was made Kevin Bacon transition. I was like, is this the new live action lion king?

So I'm glad we were on the same page with some things. Okay, it's 1931. 1931. There's a body burning on a cross, which is a great opener. Yeah, great. You're getting right in there. Oh, fuck, yeah. All right. There's a gunked up body on the ground.

Who we refer to as a bloody buddy. Bloody buddy. Is this what the 1930s looked like? The inside of this house? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. People definitely wore like 1970s socks in the 1930s. But also it's seems to be lit and heated only by a fireplace. And I thought, did that say 1830s? Did I miss this? No, people saw that 1930s. No, they had a heat.

Okay. So my Nana had several of these Jesus's that we see in this panning shot. I was like, I know that Jesus, I know that Jesus too. It's the same picture of Jesus over and over. No, it's not. There are several pictures of Jesus. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But there's like one that keeps repeating throughout the house. Yeah. Yeah. He likes for you to just have a lot of pictures of Jesus. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But there's like one that keeps repeating throughout the house. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He likes for you to just have a lot of pictures of him. I mean, I, to recognize two Jesuses in the intro to this movie felt a bit bad and I was like, I fucking think I know the song too. The lamb's blood and the bullshit. Yeah. Yeah. Oh man. So there, there,

and there's old tiny that look like they were taken at an amusement park photos of a family. When did like kerosene heat become a thing? Oh, I don't know. Yeah. Even like, I just don't think, I mean, I know people who today still will primarily heat their home with a wood stove. They sound like fucking insufferable. No, they're just old people. Yeah. Like I said,

why don't you live so long? Kick it already. God. So this person really loves Jesus. Yeah, they sure do. But there's like a weird little half circle of demon nonsense on the floor or witch nonsense or something. Yeah, and the driest turkey you've ever seen.

Why is that just hanging? I don't know, is it supposed to be Thanksgiving? I don't know what's happening. I don't know, but when we see it later, it has not changed. So we see this lady and she got scratches on her back. Yes she does. She's Regina, Grandma Regina.

Is she the one who says wind? Yeah. Yeah. She's calling for George. George. George, come help me George. George isn't here to help I don't think because she calls him a bunch of times. George Joseph.

And normally I hate vomiting. Oh God, this baby food bullshit. When he dumps tapioca into her hair, it's the funniest fucking thing I've seen in a really long time. The thing is, it's gotta be hitting the top of her head. 100% And it's gotta be heavy and warm,

and she does not recognize that something is happening. Old pudding mouth showed up and starts dumping on my head. It's like, does this happen all the time? You know George. George, he's in rough shape though. He's got boils and mush. Fucking Dr. Pimplebopper would be nutty about this dude. I would love to pick at this man's face.

His eyes turn all red, to which I wrote, maybe run lady. She does not. She got to stare at him. And he gets very demons looking, as in the film demons. The Bava or Fulci? Lumberto Bava. Bava. He gets like those demon teeth

that are just coming in at every possible angle. Yeah, that's what mine looked like when I was a young child too. Demon teeth. Something is coming out of either his chest or his back, it's unclear which. Yes. Yes.

And when you can't tell, you don't need to know, I guess. Fuck it. Yeah. And she says to him, remember if the crystal breaks, both of us end, or it ends both of us, the snow globe of a church that she's holding. Yeah. She said the power of the crystal, but I thought she said the power of Christmas. So that's when I put the closed captioning on. Why? That doesn't really come back, does

it? But it just blew the whole fucking house up when she drops that snow globe. Yeah, it was fucking full of nitroglycerin. What is happening in the whole house? As soon as that happens, my note, this movie is fucking amazing. Yes, this cold open, I am in, he says to her, and now my pig, you die. And I was like, fuck yeah, you're a monster.

My pig. This movie has so many horror movie references in it of like, A quark? A squeezy? Well, that's like an exorcist thing. She calls people like little piggies and stuff. That's true. It's a rip off of Night of the Living Dead and Evil Dead. It sure is. Yeah.

Oh right. It is 1990. I kept thinking it was older because it looks so shitty, but no, it's post all of these. Yeah. Yeah. Oh right, it is 1990. I kept thinking it was older, because it looks so shitty. Yeah, yeah. But no, it's post all of these. Yeah, yeah, 100%. Yep, yep, yep, yep, yep. So then we go to the present day. We've got a knockoff Emilio Estevez. How old is he?

I don't know, but I will comment that makeup tech has come a very long way. Over a shore. He is wearing one metric ton of foundation. He is, and it's still not covering the dark circles under his eyes. No, it's like smoothing him like he was airbrushed. Yeah, but they missed a few spots.

Yeah, he looks like Trump. Yes. When he puts on that bronzer, it's like not on his ears. Just put it everywhere. Or don't put it on at all. Or don't put it anywhere. You don't put it on at all. Or don't put it anywhere. You can't have it in the middle.

Nah, nah, it looks like I was eating a basted turkey. Oh, God. He's, knock off Amelia Westavis here is being short with his be-boad girlfriend. Elaine. Elaine, is that her name? I refer to her only as blonde. Yeah, that is Elaine.

Everyone in my notes is referred to only in rude terms. What's your dad like? Apparently he's pushed her away since he found his dad 48 hours ago, but they're riding in a car together on a road trip. So I don't know how, I guess that's the, okay. He must have been her glilian task not to look at her. She's like, you haven't looked at me in 48 hours.

And he was just like, I shan't. What's your dad like? Real weird. Real weird. Real weird. Yeah. Cory sucks. Cory sucks.

Oh, I could not get over his foundation. I have so many notes about it. I just don't want to look at Cory. Sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He looks like the guy who looks like Kevin Bacon becoming a Kevin Bacon werewolf. He looks like Emilio Estevez's wax figure at Madame Tussauds like became a real boy in the world.

And hasn't eaten in a while. Sure, yeah, yeah. Cigarettes, he's eaten a lot of cigarettes. Lot of cigarettes. She's like berating him when something is clearly wrong with him and it's just like, maybe he's sad, ladies. Sometimes you have to give men space in which to be sad.

It's funny. They're driving through like the hills of Calabasas, California. Sure. And there's this like wrong synth going on. Yeah. Okay, well something's gonna happen. Something menacing.

A Dust Bowl child just. Odd dirty girl child points a stick at the vehicle as the absolute most menacing music plays to which I wrote, I am so in on this movie. Then what does she do with the stick? She pokes a cow skull with the stick and then smiles. Cow skull that's just got worms draped on it. Why earthworms, not maggots, earthworms. They waited for the rain. Corey and blonde get to a gas station. Oh yeah. Hard courts. We're going to meet the harbinger.

Oh, there's also a cafe, a cafe attached to the gas. It's like a sheets. It's like a sheets or a, uh, a Gecko. I love the food that you can get at the cafe. It's like a 50 cent hamburger ham sandwich ham sandwich. And the hamburger next to it says sandwich. It's a hamburger sandwich. They're ending that debate right now. A hamburger is a sandwich. Yeah. Hot dog? Of course it's a sandwich. Of course it's a fucking sandwich. You idiots. We get Cory sees the gas station and then tells and shows his nightmare to Elaine.

He goes, I've been here before in a dream. And you're like, here's that dream. Of course he's naked in the dream. Is he about to give a speech to his entire middle school? I think so, I think so. He's naked at the gas station. I put a note that says, yo, Cory is caked up. They do, they like sort of pan down his back

and there's a real musical sting when it gets to his ass. I liked that a lot. Wow. He has the face of a 45 year old and the butt of a baby. I don't know what's happening to Corey. He's like got a toned but asexual somehow butt. It's because his face is so rough. The butter face ruined everything.

He's yeah, he's a true butter face. Oh my God. And then he's screaming with no sound or something. Who cares? In his nightmare dream. And someone, I think it's his grandma says, welcome home, Corey. And she's all covered in blood.

Yeah. Grandma Regina. So this dirt, this, this, this gas station is a dirt, grassy dirt lot. Sure. And the dude won't tell them where the Carter place is. He says you can't, there is no such place. Mm hmm.

No. Of course, also wearing a ton of eyeliner on his water line, which I noticed when they, he came out of the dream sequence cause it was an extreme closeup on his face. It was a gross. Oh, like a, uh, Pete Wentz. Like a Pete Wentz. Like a real Pete Wentz over a guy liner. You all remember guy liner? Yeah. Is it gone? Is it over? Eyeliners for chicks.

For chicks only. I like that the makeup person was like, like I do my own makeup. I guess I could do yours. I'll just do the same thing I do on me. They go into the cafe and blonde is like, we should get out of here. This isn't right. We should just go home. And he goes, this is the place of the dream. Is this film written by a native English speaker? It's written by the person who wrote the clot.

And then what inexplicable thing does his girlfriend do? She shakes her lacy butt at him, just pulls her pants down and starts shaking her ass. And he says, a moon for the misbegotten. It's like I'm starting to be a little out on this movie. She has on these lacy underpants that have what looks like a cutout posted note of a heart with an arrow stuck to it. Yeah. I mean, you wouldn't sew that there. Is it an iron on patch? I, you wouldn't want it there. Listen, I swung by the mall and while I was in things remembered,

I had the people at the iron-on station throw this on my undies. You love Things Remembered. I do. It's such of an era store. You worked there, yeah. That I used to work at. You were an alum, an alum of Things Remembered.

But as the moon for the misbegotten is being shown, a woman in a floral shower cap. A woman from the past. From the past. 100%. But not like the past of the beginning of the movie, like a later past. Well, yeah, somewhere between the beginning of the movie and now.

She says they have beer, coke, water, and goat's milk. I didn't see any fucking goats. Wait, is that a devil thing? Oh yeah, 100%. I mean, do you think that that a devil thing? Oh yeah. I mean, do you think that that's, I assume yes. I love goat cheese. I was kind of like, I kind of want to try goats, milk and Coke together. That's a tasty treat. Wait, what is that? Like a root beer float, but for insane people, it seems like a beer wouldn't be out of order for these folks.

No, it is Milwaukee's best. I love a beast when it shows up. Drank a lot of beast ice in my life. Sure. Yeah. Um, and then we start to get the cavalcade of friends showing up. It's all couples, all white people. All straight white people.

Except for the two, the gay couple, the wizards. Big sexual tension energy. They love each other. And Del keeps calling them homophobic shit. So I assume that they are genuinely. Like when he tries to win back Terry, I was like, no, you have this boy now. You already have Stacey, what are you doing Chuck?

I genuinely thought that they had broken up because he realized he was gay. Yeah, I 100% want friends that are a gay couple named Chuck and Stacey. I think that's a, I would be hanging out with them every day. Very cute. So Dell shows up. Yeah, Dell.

Who is Dell and why is he here? He is not a funky homo sapien first and foremost. He absolutely is not. He is like the beefcake in the movie. And he's got Terry, his girl, he owns. Yeah. He, she is his property. Yeah. And he slips her the tongue and says, that's why I keep her around. You see so much of this man's unrequited tongue going into her mouth and she's just like, Oh, yay. She's with down now. She needs to be with someone who takes her seriously.

Oh, it's like warm baloney landing in my mouth. No, this is like when you called me your pod wife earlier. That's exactly the same feeling I got. I think we've got Jack. Who seems uncool and unfun. But yet has a rat tail. Oh does he? The coolest of hairstyles.

Is it? Listen, if you're listening to this, ah nevermind. Keep your rat tail. Do what you like. What do I fucking care? He's got Bonnie, who is a very handsome woman. 100%. I refer to her only as handsome woman.

She looks like she's going to go and win like a bodybuilder competition. Yeah. She has broad shoulders. Broad shoulders, big jaw. Yeah. Yeah. She could kick your ass. Yeah. I was hoping she would. She doesn Yeah. Yeah. She's gonna kick your ass. Yeah.

Yeah. I was hoping she would. She doesn't. I really want her to kick my ass. Spoiler, she doesn't kick anybody's ass. No. No. She does nothing.

That's not true. OK, wait. Oh, so the gas boy shows back up, the old Harbinger man. This is, yeah. And he's like, oh, the dead own that property. Right. Dell gets mouthy with him and says, who owns that property? He goes, the dead.

And he puts a fucking gun in Dell's face. He does. And Dell immediately backs down. I was like, dog, just smack that gun out of the old man's hand. And this is also where Cory is doing the exposition of how four days after Cory's father was born, his family disappeared from the farm. In 1929. If you say so.

Repeatedly in 1929. After Cory, right after Cory was born, his dad went to check to see where his family was. This would have been at least 30 years later. Yeah. Yeah. He never came back. Nope. Why did he leave right after his child was? I mean, okay.

Hoomst can say. And then we get this really weird heart to heart between gas boy and Corey. But he, Corey calls him Harcourt. And I was like, where did you catch his name? It's written on the outside of the gas station. He might be just be an employee. It's like, you know, if you work at Little Caesar's, everyone doesn't just get to call you Caesar. Every time I accepted the money when I was working at Little Caesar's, I would

just say, give unto Caesar's, that which is Caesar's. I guess if it works, it works. I never worked at Little Caesar's. No. Just things I worked at a pizza shop called bogeys golf themed. Oh, it wasn't Castle Blake. No. Okay. We all had to wear little Scottish golfer shirts and hats and shit. This isn't the suburbs. Oh yeah.

Yeah. That's got suburbs. I always had PGA 94 playing on a VHS, the PGA tour of 1994. Not in 1994. Oh yeah. Yeah, that's got suburbs. It always had PGA 94 playing on a VHS, the PGA tour of 1994. Not in 1994. Oh no, this would have been 2000. Yeah, you weren't working there when you were 10. No, you can't do that. That's true.

Yeah. So, hardcore saw what happened to Cory's family. He, a hot dry wind blew that summer, crops and cattle burned to a crisp. What? How dry was that wind? Was it an oven? What are you talking about?

Oven high ever since, what's happening? He tells this story about how the Carters missed church on a Sunday, they would never miss church. So he goes up to see what's going on. Finds blood everywhere, figures in the darkness. And I never told a soul. What? Assuming that a family that you cared for had been murdered,

who would you not, why would you do this? Listen, man, out in the country, there's not shit going on. You're like, I don't know. I'll go see what the Carters are up to. And then when you find them dead, you probably tell somebody. Oopsie doosie don't know. I'll go see what the Carter's are up to. And then when you find them dead, you probably tell somebody. Oh boy. Hardcore it out. Do you think that nobody ever went back to their house until the dad went back 30

years later? Yes. A hundred percent. Yikes. So why even have a gas station in your town? For whom? It's not going anywhere. So then the magician show up. This is a great entrance and in X explicable entrance. One of them is driving a convertible.

The other is standing up with his top half out of the convertible. What's he doing? He's dressed like a magician. He's dressed like a magician. And he pulls flowers out of his sleeve and says, flowers for the lady, but says it in like a, flowers for the lady voice. In my notes I refer to him as Jerry Padalecki. 100%.

And he like goes through all of Padalecki's hairstyles in this one movie. It does. And he is the ex-boyfriend of Terry He like goes through all of Patalecki's hairstyles in this one movie. It does. And he is the ex boyfriend of Terry, who is now with honky, honky Dell. Dell who can't keep his tongue to himself. No. And Dell throws a can at Chuck, the magician. And his response to that is we see the can spinning and the sound of it being kicked.

Yeah. But we only see it for like a minute. I mean, it goes high, high, high in the air. And like, we only see his leg lifted once and it's not the same shoes that he's wearing. No. And then he kicks the can like 12 more times and then kicks it into Dell's face.

Yeah. He hacks it. It's a. Yeah, he hacks it. It's a little bit of hacky sack. Yeah. And I have a note that says, Jesus Christ, this is bananas. It's just such a choice to have in your movie, this movie that's like an hour and 40 minutes, which is about 20 minutes too long.

Sure, easily. Why are you having this scene? It reminded me of, I don't know if you're gonna remember, Hack-O-Lantern. Hack-O-Lantern, describe it to me. Hack-O-Lantern is the, oh man, it's set in a very rural place like this where the family is Satanist or the grandfather's Satanist.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And they're at the Halloween dance and there's just a standup comedian doing a tight 10 outside. That's right, I forgot about that. And he's like, is that your feet? No, must be your pussy then. Waka waka.

That's a great joke, Alan. You should work that into your act. It's a Red Fox joke. In this scene also, Jerry Padalecki says, be my guest and then throws a smoke bomb. And when the smoke clears, there's a little baby bunny. Yeah. Don't step on the bunny. Where?

How did he do that? Dropped out of his dick, fell right on the ground. Oh my God. Carrying a bunny around in your dick is uncool. Then I think it's the other one. I think it's Stacey pulls a dove out of his sleeve and throws it up in the air and then the bird shits on Dell. There's like, this movie is in fucking sane.

He throws it into the air and just says, shazam. To which I thought, I kicked that, I'm sorry. To which I thought, how do these people know one another? Why are they all Cory's friends? Yeah. Well, I mean, everyone just, Cory's animal magnetism just attracts them all. So they all start driving to Cory's grandparents' house.

And the wizard's magicians are throwing their clothes behind the car, like they're afraid they'll get lost? Uh-huh. OK. And they drive by a nest that has an egg in it that cracks open. And it's full of magg that has an egg in it that cracks open. And it's full of maggots or mealworms. They're mealworms. Like, let's be real. They're, they've got them at the feed store.

She was like, Oh, you can't even get a mag. You can't even include them to her phone. You answer the maggot phone. The rings. You answer. You, uh, no, put a couple more maggots in her mouth. Oh, she vomit. Keep it in. It's a good vomit. Don't waste it at vomit.

Don't waste it at vomit. Come on, this is racist now. So they get to the house, the Carter farm. Yes. And the cross with the bones on it is still up. It is a full-ass human skeleton on the cross. And blonde turns to Cory and says, what are you going to expect to find up here?

Take that one again, blonde. Oh, man. I thought I edited that sentence. Holy shit. They get out of the car, and I was, oh no, someone burned this set down. Because it looks like a cardboard set that has been set on fire and then stomped out. Oh my God. It's so beautiful.

And then Bonnie is trying to walk, but she falls a few feet away from a skull that she falls on. Why did she fall onto that skull? I don't know. Cory comes over to check out the skull and he gets hit with laser radio waves and sees a flashback to a kid running at him and bleeding from the mouth. He gets hit with he-man electricity. He gets hit with he-man electricity. And he goes, it's my dad's older brother. I just know that's all.

And there's this great scene of this like 1920s teen running up to the camera with a mouth full of blood like He like freeze-framed so long that I thought that Tooby had frozen And then he just kind of like spills the blood out of his mouth. Why? Because he's got blood mouth. I don't At this point I began to become suspicious of this movie. That I thought maybe I'm not as on board

as I thought I was at the beginning. A film that like is losing steam, like someone took all the caps off the radiators. Yes, it's a balloon that someone is stretching the top and just letting the air out. That's the demon wind. That's the demon wind. That's the demon wind. A magician wizard says, I don't know what happened here,

but you can sure tell the death walked through this place. Can you, sir? Can you? Because is it because of the skeletons? I guess. Oh my God. So is it a rubble or is it a house? I don't know. It could be both. I actually kind of like this mechanic. I is it a rubble or is it a house? I don't know.

It could be both. I actually kind of like this mechanic. I loved it a lot. That it looks like there's nothing there but a facade, but when he walks in, there's a house. And I like that he walked around behind and they're looking in at the house, but can't see him. So the front door opens

and what should be nothing behind the door is the house. And I was like, oh, this is cool. This is a really good idea. It's a great idea. Keep these ideas, no, we're done. We're done with the idea. He goes in by himself and everyone else is like, nah.

And it's like, why did you fucking come all this way? But no, they do go in. It's like the whole setup of this is sort of like field of dreams, but ghostlier. Field of screams? Field of screams. And an old woman, no, there's an old woman. There's a skeleton on the floor and he goes,

it's my grandma. Yeah. But wasn't his grandma burned outside? Hush, no. Okay. Maybe that was George. Hoops can say. God. I just don't know. So there's like witch graffiti all over the house that I learned about from a book of Shadows. Book of Shadows. Blair

Witch 2. Colin Blair Witch 2. Colin Blairichita. And Bonnie reads the witch graffiti. Look, don't read the Latin out loud. No. But all it does is make all of the voodoo dolls that are inexplicably in this house and the turkey explode. Yeah, that turkey, the bird looked cooked. It had not rotted. No, no.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. She says the Latin out loud and the fireplace lights up and a chair flies across the room. And the wizard guy, his surprised face is like, it's so good. And the knife flies at Cory's head as he's like standing around going, Oh, what's that knife going to do? Everybody runs out and Cory just stands there. Cory fucking go. And then it hits the wall and he goes, Oh, what?

Stacey, the other wizard says that was Latin. It says now Satan shall walk. What are the chances that 33% of this party knows Latin? Oh, pretty high. You think so? Oh yeah, I mean, look at these, they look like a bunch of smarts. Oh, that's true.

No, I don't believe any of them would know. I mean, he should have said, wait, I don't read Latin. Wait, yes I do. Oh wait, yes I do. What is that from? That's from demons. Demons, fantastic. Oh wait, yes I do. Oh wait, yes I do. What is that from? That's from demons. Demons, fantastic. Oh wait, yes I do.

So the skeleton falls off the cross it's on and they try to leave and all their car batteries are dead. Yeah. They don't check under the hood to see if like someone's stolen their alternator or something while they're inside. Nothing, nothing. One of the women says, and I'm not sure which one says, if we die, don't bury me here. That's my girl body.

Like, OK, like I think I'm going to make whomever I am with, promise me of that everywhere we go. Like, what if we were when we were in Detroit and I got too drunk and I was just like, Alan, if we die, don't bury me here. Say that to my kid at the food court at the mall. Lucy, while we're in Aldi, if I die, don't bury me here. Don't bury me at the Aldi. Everywhere I go.

So they're gonna just walk out. They're like, fuck this shit, we gotta walk out. We'll walk out. Yeah. But here comes The Fog, a novel idea in a horror movie. Not just a fog, the fastest moving fog you've ever seen. It really rolls in. It really, really rolls in and someone yells, it's not the same forest, but I didn't, don't remember seeing a forest ever. It looked like it was, it was a farm with like six trees. Yeah. But I do like the mechanic of the demon wind moving you around. Like it's the, uh, you've used the war whistle in the original Zelda.

Katie gave me like a look that said, do you, when you said it like that, I liked it a bit more, but it just, it really is a wind. The antagonist of this movie is the wind and it's not even like the happening. So they get taken back to the house and who shows up at the house? Kids, they just sort of beam in like they're on Star Trek. There's a lot of Star Trek shit in this. More dust bowl kids.

Yeah. Dell starts, I don't know, fucking with them. And the girl picks them up by the head and throws him. Yes, and they all say, you can't leave. And Bonnie screams and the little girl shows up right in front of her and says, you are mine and turns her into a baby doll. And then the baby doll says, you lied

and it bursts into flames and her boyfriend makes a pouty face and no one says anything. And I just, at this point, I just don't know what to do with myself. I was so happy. I was like, I'll move it. You're bringing me back in. This is so stupid. I love it. Bonnie. Bonnie got turned into a doll and then exploded. That's it. That's it for Bonnie, right? Or does she come back? She comes back and yells at them again.

But she comes back. This is her death, right? That's it. Nobody cares. No one will care about any of their friends dying in this movie. I mean, Bonnie literally just died and Chuck turns to his ex-girlfriend and says, we have to talk. His name is Chuck. That man's name shouldn't be Chuck. His name is Chuck. That man's name shouldn't be Chuck. I always, whenever I hear Chuck, I think it's Chuck. Is it Chuck or is it Buck? In, uh, uh, fuck, what's the Quentin Tarantino?

Kill Bill. Kill Bill. I think it's Buck. Oh, is it Buck? My name's Buck and I love to... Yeah. Yeah. But the TV edit of it is, my name's Buck and I love to, yeah. But the TV edit of it is my name's Buck and I like to party. That's very funny. Del punches Chuck after Terry says, Del needs me, you don't. Terry, get a fucking life

And then I thought I wonder if the Wizards new boyfriend is saddened by the sight of him like groveling at her feet I love that they're wizards and not just regular as magicians. No they're wizards That's what I refer. I'm sorry. No, I love it They go back into the haunted house that I refer, I'm sorry. No, I love it. They go back into the haunted house. That's gotta stink, cause I can only imagine what an exploded turkey

must smell like that's been there since 1931 and or 1929. I mean, it would just be a skeleton. Yeah, but it was still meaty. It's still dry as shit, but it was. I mean, all turkey. Yeah. It's not a good meat, y'all. Corey says, I think it's gonna be okay. Why? Why do you think that?

He decides they have to clean up the house. Yeah. And instead of cleaning up, Chuck is just doing the silk towel trick over and over while everyone else cleans up. Yeah. What a dick. And grandma summons Cory. Cory. And he says, grandmother? But I thought you never met her. You don't, you wouldn't know what to call her. You know how we all have just this psychic link

to our dead relatives that if they show up and they're like, hey, come touch stuff in the dresser drawer in my bedroom. You're like, oh, grandma. Yeah. Oy, oy, oy. It's like my nonna had like 17 bars of safeguard soap

in her dresser. Ha ha. Never know when they're going to stop making it. Gotta have your clothes smell like safeguard soap. But a drawer gets blown open by a demon wind. Yeah. But not a demon wind. I thought it was a demon wind, but it's not a demon wind.

It's a grandma wind. It's just grandma wind. And papers get blown out, presumably, by the same grandma wind. Yeah. And they reveal what looks like a photo album. Is it a photo album? It's just grandma wind. And papers get blown out presumably by the same grandma wind. Yeah, uh-huh. And they reveal what looks like a photo album. Is it a photo album?

No, it's her diary. It's her diary. Born 1884. Yeah. Don't fucking read it out loud, you dipshits. It's written in the Evil Dead font. Yes. And she says something about two out of seven daggers.

Yeah. I thought the other five were gonna come back at some point. No, she says in the note that they've disappeared. But, oh, because they're single use items. Yes. Oh. But this is also an omen reference because he gets those daggers to kill the son of Satan.

Yeah. Oh. So, we go back to the gang who are not mourning Bonnie So, we go back to the gang who are not mourning Bonnie in any way, shape, and or form. No, they're just burning an issue of good housekeeping. Good housekeeping. One single issue to keep warm. This is where there's some super passionate exposition that I totally zoned out on. Oh, you mean when Anders brought the entire family here with his church and then started

preaching about a false God? Is that what happened? Yeah. He's a Satanist that brought his, all these people out here to this, like Jim Jonesy and satanic area. Was, was Corey Corey's ancestors were not involved in the satanic cult. Oh, but they were. I see. Okay.

They followed this guy out here to be part of it. Oh, and we learned that Corey's dad was a triplet. None of the babies was even human. That's what that means. But the dad was, he looked human. Yeah. Yeah. None of the babies was even human. I mean, this is a direct quote. He ends it with, and that's what happened to my family. And I wrote, what, what happened? Oh man. And I got to tell you, I'm still on board because I haven't checked to see what time it is yet.

At this point, I was getting sleepy. Because only Chuck stays here awake now and they're keeping watch with a shotgun and a revolver. Yes. And a titty lady shows up. A weird Courtney love titty lady. Yeah. Nancy Spungen comes back from the dead.

She looks great. She's doing a weird like, she's wearing like a white gossamer gown and just sort of wriggling and being like, titties, titties. With a Danziggy and B bustier that's pushing them apart, pushing them up, up and apart. No, you don't want them apart. Demon has great titties.

And they're like, that's a demon. Yeah. They're supposed to look at each other and go demon. What? So they're going to go outside and fight the demon. Everyone else is falling asleep sitting up. I want to mention while this is happening. Yeah. It's so stupid. But yeah, they go outside like two mercenary karate magician

wizards. They deliver a Arnold Schwarzenegger-y in the action movie line. Yeah. They're playing our song. Let's dance. Let's dance. The titty demon says, I have something for you,

but it's tits. It's not, it's that she got bad skin. It's, yeah, I did like her gnarled feet though. I thought that was very cool. I genuinely thought it was cool. Yeah, no, no, no. That's why I haven't done this since she got fucked up feet.

She got fucked up feet. And then all the other demons show up. There's this fucking guy with his hammer. What the fuck? Some of them look like the, what is the family from, Cabin in the Woods? It's like the-

Oh yeah, the, I can't remember what they're called. The Embreaded Cannibal Bruder family or whatever. So yeah, they're, they're, shit. They're shooting everybody. I mean, good thing these people can be shot. Yeah. Yeah. But like they get shot and then the camera cuts to somebody else and then that same person

who got shot is right back up. And when they get shot, it just like oozes a river of like boogies out of them. Just like wet, deep, cold boogies. I refer to it as pudding, but yeah. Just like vanilla pudding, dumping out of them. My heaven, oh, this is please God don't let my last word be presto. Well, you're luckily you're not a wizard.

Luckily I'm not a wizard. The other wizard then karate kicks the woman's head off and sprays boogers everywhere. That's Steven Quattro. Yeah, good for him. Does a fucking round house and knocks her head clean off. It's pretty good actually. And then the original Titty Demon kills him.

Right. So now Stacey and Chuck are dead. Rip Chuck and Stacey. Yeah. And Terry's overly upset, which Dell is not going to like. No. But then there's like a scene of, which turns out to be a dream, but Dell is like fondling Terry's boobs while she's asleep.

Oh, really? I was like, Dell, this is not the time for that. Oh yeah, I wrote, please let the woman sleep. She's had a hard day. And then she turns over and it's Chuck with a fucked up face. Right. And then Del wakes up in a room full of people screaming. Yeah, that's right. And no one is concerned about him. No one is concerned about him. And then Willie and Rena show up. They're like, wow, Willie and Rena are here. Hey, it's Willie and Rena. Like this is made up. You're making this up as you go along. And they're all like smiley like heck yeah. Willie and Rena are here.

Oh, thank goodness. Only three of our friends are dead. Fucking finally. Can we talk about Willie? Yeah. He's the dangliest of earrings. Yeah. Willie fucks. Willie fucks. That dangly earring will be the only way we could identify Willie later on in this movie. Exactly. Corey comes running out of the house like,

don't turn off the engine, don't turn off the engine. Turns off the engine. But like, if they had just not, could this movie have ended? I think so. Okay, great. So they cut to fortifying the inside of the house all on the night of the living dead. No one has told Willie and Rena anything,

but they're just going along with it. Yeah, yeah. And Cory summons his grandmother? This is after Del and Terry decide they're leaving. Oh, right? Yeah, and fucking Cory gives him the gun. Sure, yeah. Okay.

And then they get demon winded. Then they get demon winded, but no, you're right. He starts chatting with his gam gam who works through the fireplace. Yes. I don't know. And in the demon winding, Terry becomes a demon. Yeah.

And her fingers. He goes, Terry, where the hell are you? She's right next to him. Use your eyes. Use your fucking eyes, Del. You know Del just wants to use his tongue, Katie. You're right. And Terry turns around to stick her fingers,

which have turned into pink pencils. Freddy's claws, I've written here. And they go into his forehead and one of his eyes. He says, but I loved you and partially collapses. And she said, I loved you too. And then he collapses all the way to the ground. What? Why?

This is when I went to bed. Cause my next note says, well, now I'm at work. There's still so much movie left. Oh, Alan, I had such a hard time with the rest of this movie. It really has just fallen off epically at this point. When it becomes a siege film. Yes.

Oh my god, it's Bo Ring. It's a siege film, but also you never really get a sense of what the house is. So they just keep running from room to room, and it's like, I don't know where you are. And they briefly touch back on the fact that it's like, I don't know where you are. And they like briefly touch back on the fact that they're there. It's like a ghost house. So like the, the, the Zambies demons are like trying to go in from the wrong way

at one point. And it was just like, I don't know what that means. Cause you can only go in from the front of the house. If you try to go in from the back, there's no ghost house for some reason, inexplicably. What if you go out the back door? Yeah. I mean that happens and like, yeah, it's fine. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So who can say, right? So the gang is going to fight now. So they're going to go into the barn, which is where they find this skeleton, human skeleton with a cow skull. Yeah, why? And I was like, did you mean to put a goat skull

and you just didn't have any? I mean, every time we see a skull that's not human, it's a cow. Yeah, because California is just filled with dead cows. Really? Oh yeah. Stop killing the cows, California. We can't, they can't stop.

I mean, 50 cent burgers, Rockefeller. So. Fucking Rena just got here. Just fucking got here. There's something beautiful about it. Is there? So this fucking moron walks towards the pentagram walled cow skull.

And what? At the top of a human skeleton. If you saw a real life human skeleton, you'd be terrified. the pentagram walled cow skull. At the top of a human skeleton. If you saw a real life human skeleton, you'd be terrified. Yeah. Also, whose skeleton is that? Oh, so the tongue shoots out, or it creaks open, the skull creaks open, and a tongue shoots out and grabs Reena.

It tongues her whole head in. And all of her friends stand there going, oh man. Oh fuck. Oh wow. Rina. Oh wow. Rina. Fuck man, I bet that, oh wow, Rina.

She gets all bloodied up. Yeah. From having her head pressed into the cow skull, I think. Uh huh. And then she dies. Yep, none of her friends helped her. No, she's just hanging there, feet like a couple inches above the floor.

Yeah, they suck. Your boyfriend, Willie, does nothing. No, but then she becomes a demon and stands back up and she has Willie's head. Yes, she does. And the way we know it's Willie's head is because of that stupid dangly earring. And then the wizards have risen again.

Yeah. Yeah, and one of them says, Del good enough to eat and throw us a hand. I liked a lot. And they have the worst wigs you've ever seen in anything you've ever seen. And I've seen a lot of bad wigs. Stacy had this like kind of cool, like horse brush haircut initially, where it was just like kind of sticking straight up. Yeah. Up and back. Yeah. Yeah, up and back.

Yeah, up and back. Yeah, very, very teased, well sprayed into place. And now he has a grandma wig on. Yeah. And it's with your grandma wig. I don't know why. I don't know why. You can't kill what's already dead.

Oh my God. They also say something about how the guns won't work, but they at least briefly stopped the others. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They'll knock them back, but they won't work, but they at least briefly stopped the others. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They'll knock them back, but they won't kill them. Okay, gotcha, gotcha. Yeah. Well, the gun wouldn't work

because they were currently in the house of the damned, is what Stacy says. Wait, is that just the house? It's the barn is the house of the dead. So when they get back into the regular house, the guns work now. Why? Devil. Okay.

But the Devil Dagger works. They're able to kill one of them with the Devil Dagger. They fear the dagger. Well, no, they don't kill, they, Cory stabs Rena with it. Oh, right, right, right, right. She says you killed me and then disappears into like a human blaze. Light bling, beam, bling. Oh my God.

And then like Cory casts a spell and then the demons have broken the spell and they keep handing the gun back and forth and I just can't do this anymore, Alan, cause we're at like an hour and 10 minutes into this piece of shit. Cory, the spell that's keeping the demon zombies out. Corey just takes credit for like he did anything.

He did nothing. I, Corey's a twat. A hundred percent. Yeah. So we get more like a long stretch of demons, fucking shit up and then putting bukin and Jack becomes a nerd demon. And I was going to make fun of the ring he's wearing, and then Puddin' Bukin and Jack becomes a nerd demon. And I was gonna make fun of the ring he's wearing. But then I remembered you were going through a ring phase. It's fine because the ring he's wearing only goes to the second knuckle on his pointer finger. It's true.

I'm like, what is this look, Jack? Jack. The only interesting thing about him. We also see Bonnie again at this point and she just gets pulled into the fog and I feel like everyone's like, ah, Bonnie, where you been? Jack, when he's a demon, he tries doing some titty touching.

Yeah, he's all fucked up now and he says, it doesn't hurt, don't fight, I'll make it so sweet and just grabs blonde's tits. And she does not react. Oh, she just, first of all, if a man grabs your tits and you don't want him to, you give him a push. Yeah. And if he's a demon, you give him too. Yeah. Yeah. So she puts the dagger in his eye. Yeah. And he turns from a demon. He, before he does, yes, go on. Sorry, go on. To a child. To a, to go back to himself.

And he, you see as an adult and he's just going, ah. Sorry, you're right. And then into a child and then into an infant. A cute baby. Then into a dove. Why does that baby turn into a bird? Were we all birds before we were babies?

Is that how babies get made? Is it birds and the bees? And this stupid fucking moron that is Elaine runs out to Cory and says, I saw Jack's soul. Is that what that was? Cory says, they're like about to die. Cory says to her, I'm sorry. And she goes, I'm not. What? You should be fucking sorry. This has been a terrible day. I've wanted to kill Jack this entire time.

Oh my God. So I'm very happy I got to do it and see his soul. Bonnie was no fun anyway. So then there's a guy outside who's calling all the Zeemans, zombie demons. Zeemas. Bring me all of your Zeemas. It's the gas station man.

Why is it the gas station man? Katie, I can't answer this. Is he a ghost? Yes. Is he Anders? Yes. Is he? Theoretically, yes.

Then he must be a ghost. Yeah. Why is he? Why is he? Why has he gotta run that gas station man? Because he really does pump them some Yeah. Why is he? Why has he got to run that gas station? Cause he really does pump them some gas, doesn't he? He was willing to like check their oil. Oh my God. He has an employee at the gas station. That lady. He gets all of his children, the zombie demon.

He says, come on to me. Come on me. Gross. And they all turn into light beams. Cartoon balls of light. And they fill him up with light beams. And then he becomes a big postulant piece of shit. Which he is smooching Bonnie. Smooching Bonnie.

And then eating Bonnie. And then she immediately just turns into a bloody skeleton. Bonnie is really a placeholder for like, we just didn't know who to have here. Cause I'll do it. All right, Bonnie, come on back. It's funny to hear a demon say, Corey. Apple.

Apple hush. I'm telling jokes in here. Corey. And then in this movie of nonstop inexplicable bullshit, the greatest moment of inexplicable bullshit happens. Describe it to me. Elaine does a spell which turns Cory into Trumpy from the Pod People episode of Mystery Science Theater. He is a background character on a planet in an episode of Next Generation. What is happening here? I think he's supposed to be like touched by a demon. Like a hybrid. A hybrid? Or maybe he's

like an alien like John Huston in that movie that we watched. What? What movie that we watched? Remember the movie with John Huston was a space alien. I don't know who John Huston is. He's a big old man. He had to walk down the really long set of stairs. Oh, The Visitor. The Visitor. Yeah, I did like that movie.

That movie made more sense than this one. It didn't make any sense. No sense. The demon says to him, I will teach you to read before you die. Was Cory illiterate? Was he actually illiterate? We never see him read English anyway. So Corey's thrown against the wall after he gives a nut shot to the demon.

This is his opening salvo is kicking the demon in the balls. I mean, I think it's as fine as a final move as any nuts and eyes, nuts and eyes. We know this is where to go for a male attacker. That's right. And don't go to a second location with your postual demon. Never. So he gets knocked against the wall and then he wakes up in Elaine's lap and all of his friends are around. Yeah. Corey's okay. And Dell's like, we were so worried about you, man. You just passed out. Yeah. And then Dell pukes up some tapioca pudding and goes, oops. Oops. He pukes. They're all fucked.

And blondies fucked, too. Oh, my god. I love that the demon goes, oops. Oops. Did I do that? And then he's back with the demon, and he's back to having the weird head on. Sure.

Yeah. And the demon says, now you're my pig. And then we see Cory's dad cutting his wrists the wrong way. Why did Cory's dad cut his wrists? Because he knew what happened to his family? Yeah, but he'd known for at least how old is Corey? Uh, 30, 27. He's known for at least 30, 27 years. Yeah. Yeah.

Uh, I have a note that says Corey can fly. Corey does like, I have another says Corey can fly also. He says something like, it won't work. I'm not afraid of you. You're the one who's terrified, but what does that have to do with anything? But the deamors responses, nah, he says he turned you into a snake and a chicken shed at the same time. What did, who did wire? Where did Alan, why did Say what you will. No calling somebody a chicken shit. Always a good,

always a good thing. Holy smokes. My next note just says spell fire, et cetera. Yeah. Yeah. They do a spell. Uh, the demon catches on fire. Does a little fire walk. The house explodes. Yep. Yep. Like they dropped a snow globe. Like it already had once before in this movie. Pretty sure it's the same footage. Pretty sure it's the same.. Pretty sure it's the same. And then we're back at the gas station cafe. Yeah. They've got to clean up one last demon.

It's Harriet. She's a demon. This is the lady from the past who works at the cafe. I love that we've never gotten her name, but they're like, Oh, Harriet. Fucking Harriet. So she's still a bad guy and Corey comes running in with the book and just shows it to her and she turns into light. She screams into light. Uh-huh. Uh-huh.. Uh huh. That's that. Isn't it? That's

it. That's the end. Well, except for the, uh, one more shot of the decibel dust bowl girl who turns to the camera and she had demon. Yes, we assume that ma'am, you're out in the woods poking fucking cow skulls with a stick. Is this setting up the sequel demon went to it's still blowing. Yeah. My last note just says I D K. So it's rare that we just give a 10 right out of the gate, but uh, we're not going to do that now. That's why there's a reason it's rare. But I, my rating for this is watch the first 10 minutes of this movie and then give up.

Yeah. And then like you just smoke a bunch of weed, like play Fortnite or something. Oh, I saw. I won't play Fortnite when I got here. Yeah. So for some of our scene, Fortnite, it seems like you just run around and ride a motorcycle and shoot people. Yeah. I didn't see you shoot anybody. Sometimes just around the people. And then I got murdered and then we came upstairs and record.

I guess that guy shot you. Yeah. Yeah. What about you, Katie? What's your rating of this movie? Watch it at 1.8 speed. Okay. Yeah. Okay. Okay. Um, it's bad. It's real bad. So I've been on board for this silly shit lately, but this is just, it's too, way too long. If they were able to keep up that momentum that they open with, if they had just vomited and more people's hair. I mean, I did like a woman having vomit in her hair and not knowing it. I thought that was funny.

It set up the film of no one reacting to anything. Yes. Everyone in this movie is just absolutely non-plus by everything that happens. Everything. So smart. All of our friends are dead and I dragged you here. I'm sorry. Yeah. I'm not. What? We can be sorry. We could spend the weekend together. I'm glad you stopped ignoring me. I mean, the amount of paperwork they're going to have to do when they get back to the police station. I know. Yeah. Sorry, but you, you, you didn't give a numerical score. Oh, I didn't. Um, it's a three for me. Okay. Did you give it a numerical score? I didn't either. I'm going to give

it a four. Okay. Cause those opening minutes are great. Yeah, they are fun. Rip grip and rip Katie Allen message from Patron. Give it to me. This is from Gregory. Hi Gregory. As someone who drives in the city every day in Chicago You guys keep me sane. So thank you Shout out to DZ Law. I'm a lawyer and one of those Star Wars geeks who dresses up as a gamma guard for charity I don't know what some of those words mean. What do those words mean? You're a lawyer? Do you want to be our lawyer? Because we really walk the line of things that are, are and are not okay.

Gregory get in touch. It sounds like you're probably licensed in Illinois, but you know, we're here. Yeah. We'll move. They transfer. I like Chicago. Sure. Great city. Yeah. Yeah.

Maybe on our world tour after we go to Fiji and Portugal. Fiji, Portugal, Chicago, Sandusky, Ohio. I've been to Sandusky. It's not great. You got to see the point. So if you want to be a friend to the podcast. Thank you so much, attorney. Gregory. Attorney Gregory.

Gregory, thank you for being a Patron. Thank you, Gregory. And if you being a Patron. Thank you. And if you want to be thanked and have our undying gratitude, and also us not really knowing what you're talking about and then making fun of you for it. So sorry. It's a gamma guard, a Gamorrean guard. Cause I do know what that is. So, you know, in return to the Jedi movie, you've not seen, Nope. Is that the third, second one or the third one?

It's the, it's the third one. It's the one. There are these like big green pig guards. No, there's not the third second one. It's the, it's the third one. It's the one there. These like big green pig guards. Yeah. That must be what it is. Kim Morian card camo card. So you knew fucking nerd. I'm a 50 year old man. Star Wars is in my blood. Your DNA is like 90% star war. But thank you Gregory. And thanks to everyone who is a Patron. If you want to do that, you can go to patreon.com backslash. We're off ambulance. Yeah. We have like 50 some action movies that we do monthly,

uh, there for you to enjoy. And sometimes we just do a Josie and the pussy cats, which is not an action. Action. It was a good time. We need a theme for this month. We do need a theme for this month. What do you wanna do? I don't know. I'm thinking something.

Oh, fuck it. Katie. I'm on vacation mind, but I'm not going on vacation. I'm just edging my life right now. That's just called giving up. Baby might be that you have taken an Aerosmithian permanent vacation. I'm living it up while we're going down. Is that love in an elevator? Gross.

God, that band sucked when they stopped doing drugs. Yeah. Yeah. Drugs Aerosmith, totally top of the line. Fine. Yeah. Toys in the Attic, kind of a bop. Great.

Speaking of kind of a bop, what are we doing next week? Next week is our Christmas movie. It is our Christmas movie. And you picked it and presumably know the title. I picked it and I have immediately, Oh yes. It's a movie we, I think we talked about doing last year, but we didn't. It's called it's a wonderful knife. I have never heard of it before. Starring Justin Long and uh,

Isabelle Catherine is about Catherine is about, I was going to say Isabelle Rosalini. That's someone else. I do like her also. Yeah. Um, and a bunch of other people and Joe McHale, Joe McHale, for some reason I don't like Joel McHale, but I have no fucking idea why I don't like him. I think he's just kind of always plays an asshole. Yeah. Probably is an asshole. Probably. Yeah. Yeah. So yeah, that's on Hulu. If you've got the Hulu, if you don't fuck it, we'll just tell you about it. Yeah. You don't need to see it. You don't need to see it.

Plenty of people don't watch the movies we talk about. That's wild. But if you do want to watch the movies, join our Discord. And on Saturday nights, a bunch of people get together and watch together on the internet. I love that they figured out how to do that and we could not. I love that they are a group of friends that have been brought together by this podcast.

Weird. Yeah. We're making changes in the world. We're making the world a better place. We are making records. Katie. Alan. Thank you for listening to another episode

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