Werewolf Ambulance: A Horror Movie Comedy Podcast - Episode 505- Our Little Secret (2024) ft. Everyone's Cousin Vicky

Episode Date: December 30, 2024

In this week's episode, we're joined by my cousin Vicky for our annual New Year's foray into romantic comedies with the brand new Lindsay Lohan holiday film, "Our Little Secret." Special topics for your consideration include: characters who are only capable of making one kind of choice (bad choices), Tim Meadows' financial situation, the economics of Christmas tree farms, and a celebration of all things Lohan! We've done a rom-com nearly every New Year's, so go back and check them out!   The regular lineup of links! You can support us at patreon.com/werewolfambulance and listen to a ton of action movie episodes! This month it's going to be a disaster month, because it's the holidays and why not?? leave us a message at 412-407-7025 hang out with some cool listeners at https://discord.gg/DutFjx3cBD  buy merch at www.teepublic.com/user/werewolfambulance the best place to reach us is at [e-mail] we're on Reddit at r/werewolfambulance sorta on Twitter @werebulance sorta on Instagram @werewolfambulance www.werewolfambulance.com if you feel you really must lodge a complaint with us, please do it on Facebook at facebook.com/werewolfambulance because we are probably not gonna see that, ever. If you liked this, please leave us a review on Apple Podcasts or wherever you listen! It helps others find us and allows us to continue to grow.   Intro song is by Alex Van Luvie Outro song is A. Wallis- "EMT" Seriously, we have the best listeners, hands down. 

It's the holiday season. I'm not doing it. Boop ba doop. I'm not doing it. It's over. No way, dog. Today is Boxing Day. Yeah. Hell yeah. I'm not doing it. It's over. No way, dog. Today is Boxing Day.

Yeah. Hell yeah. Hell yeah. We have a special guest here on Boxing Day. It's my cousin Vicki. Hi, Vicki. I'm back. Vicki has a Boxing Day tradition.

I'm nervous. Vicki has a Boxing Day tradition. I only wear pajamas all day and I do not leave the house, but I did leave the house for this special occasion and Still wearing pajamas. I changed pajamas. It's a one-piece These are classy. These are my going out pajamas. These are my going out pajamas and I have a shirt underneath my pajamas. I Changed my underwear. Thank you But I left the house so this is special for me. This is a big deal guys.

I don't know if you realize what a big deal this is. This is a great personal sacrifice. I am honored to have you in the attic. Yeah, thank you, thank you. I know Lindsay is honored to have you here. She did an extra special boob squeeze. I'm honored to have her. She looks great.

Oh my god, yeah. She looks great. She looks fantastic. She is surprisingly younger than I thought she was.'m honored to have her. She looks great. Oh my God, yeah. She looks great. She looks fantastic. She is surprisingly younger than I thought she was. She is younger than me. I think she's like my exact age. Yeah, she's 30. 37.

She's 38. She's 38. Well, I'll be 38. Yeah, you will. Well, yeah, well I'll be 38. It's gonna blow. I'm coming back around. Mm-hmm.

Watch out, world. I guess if I survive another four months, five months. This is the thing I told you about the apocalypse movie. Oh yeah. I just want to do one because she's been trying to tell me that an asteroid is hitting Earth soon. I mean, just because people ask me about the future and I'm like, I don't have time to worry about that.

Like we could get hit any minute by an asteroid. Any minute. I don't want to be the bearer of bad news, but in the entirety of your 37 years, you could have been hit at any moment by an asteroid. And I'm hoping it'll happen. I want to be a part of that apocalypse. It's not fair.

Wow. I want it to be me. I am meant for post-apocalyptic survivorship. That's not how asteroid works. Asteroid is not post. Well, no, wait a second. What about deep impact? Because remember, it only hits about the Appalachian

Mountains, and then it destroyed up until literally about mid-Pennsylvania. Okay. And then those people had to survive on. I've seen the other asteroid movie that came out that summer, Armegadon. Yeah, they were the exact same, a couple weeks apart. Although one had the sickest Aerosmith song in it. I can't wait to talk about it with Katie. But the other one had Elijah Woods.

And Elijah Wood. And Elijah, Woods. Oh, and Elijah Wood. And Elijah, it was under the name Elijah Wood. Just saying. Pre-Hobbit, pre-Hobbit, or whatever he did. I don't know what that is. I don't know what that is. Oh, Mickey's in the house. He's coming in hot.

All right, speaking of whatever people did, before we get started on this movie, because I ain't got much to say about it. I have quite a few notes. Oh, I do too. I thought I'd do a little quiz where you two have to guess whether or not this is an actual Christmas rom-com. Ah, ah. All right?

I feel like she has an advantage. That's all. I just wanted to point that out. Oh, you're going to, oh, like other Christmas. We should guess whether this is real or something of the fiction of Alan's imagination. I'll throw out a softball. Hot frosty. It's real, I throw out a softball. Hot Frosty.

It's real, I know it. Frosty? Hot Frosty. Hot Frosty? It's a porn? You're saying real? I know it's real. Are you saying not real?

Not real. Oh, Hot Frosty is 100% real and I have seen it. I've, what is it? It's got Lacey Shebaran in it. Oh. And the vet from Schitt's Creek. Oh. He eats a snowman come to life and then. Oh. The vet from Schitt's Creek. Oh. He eats a snowman come to life, and then they fuck.

No. They don't fuck in the middle of it. There's an implication to fuck, but the fuck does not happen. I do not know this one. Ice dick would have melted off. Holiday. Yes. No.

Vicky's correct. Yes. Of course. Of course. Love hard. Love actually. Yes, I believe that. I believe that's real. I believe that tone-deaf. No, it's 100 Of course. Love hard. Love actually. Yes, I believe that. I believe that's real.

I believe that Tom did. It's 100% real. Oh, okay, okay. Again, another porn. Ready to Jingle? Wasn't that the one you invented? Didn't you invent, Renty, Ready to Jingle? Huh?

So no. Okay, that was fake. I'm sorry, you can't have your fake movie in here. 100%, Christian Jingle. We talk about it fake movie in here. 100%, Christian Jingle. We talk about it every year. Christian Jingle? Christian Jingle. That's, ooh.

There is a movie called Christian Mangle starring Lacey Cheveur. Is there a Christian Jingle? No. No, I feel like Perry's lost with you. That's false, that's false. How about Mary Gentleman? Sure, yeah, that sounds right.

If she believes it, I believe it. Okay, all right, couple more it. Okay. All right. A couple more, couple more real quick. Single all the way. No. That's real. No. Oh my God. These are all real. And I'll give you a little plot for this one. The woman got a heart transplant last Christmas. Absolutely. That's real. Yeah, that sounds real. That's real. That's real. That's Sersa Daenerys from a game of Thrones. Yes. And it's based on the wham song. I don't think I saw.

Oh, our children performed that at Christmas Eve this year. It was an hour and 10 minutes and there were two intermissions. I almost died. It was a long song. It was so hot. I told her, we have to do it downstairs. We cannot go in that room again. All right. Just a couple more. Right. All right. All right. Ghosts of girlfriends past. Yeah. Real. Yeah. Uh, the night with a K before Christmas. Fake. I don't even know what you said. Like night, like night and shining armor.

Okay. And, Oh, probably real. It is real. Uh, Mary fist,mas about a love in a boxing gym? No, that's another porn. No, it's not. Fuck. And finally, Santa Babies. Oh. These are just all porn.

Yeah, they all sound oddly sexual. They all are. I mean, no. For like fuckless movies. No, that one is not real. Santa Babies, I'm going yes. Ah, not real. Ah!

I mean, they all, like even like Happiest Season, they all sound like they might be porn. Happiest Season sounds like a massage parlor of ill repute. Uh-huh, uh-huh. Unhappy ascending? Yeah. Oh. Oh man, but that's not what we're here to talk about.

No, we're here to talk about our little secret. Shh. Our little secret. Shh. My first note says, look, I'm already on fucking edge, all right? Because it's the Christmas season. And just that you were sitting down to another Lindsay

Lohan movie. Honestly, Vicki tried to get me to watch it with her last weekend. And I was like, no, get out of my house. So I did actually start watching this with my five-year-old. And then about 15 minutes in, I was like, you know what? I was like, let's put on something else. Have you seen Game of Thrones?

Oh my God, okay, well the best part of the movie starts off right away with the horny grandma. Wait, no. And then. No, you're skipping the animation. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. You're skipping the dad describing a man's love for his daughter, a man's physical love for his daughter. I was distracted by Elizabeth at that point.

She was like, what is happening? And that's what I said. The opening. The opening was the end of the movie, I think, I thought. It was, yeah, the same animation. But it's just the dad in voiceover being like, I got the honor of seeing my daughter get railed by a really nice boy. What?

Yeah, I did love that. You can fingertip like nobody's business. A generous lover. I don't know why he talks like this. He doesn't talk like that. She came first every time. Ew. I can't take it. Christmas is the filthiest season. Santa, baby.

I definitely blocked this part out, but now I'm remembering it. So it's animation of the love story. We met as children. We probably played doctor. We didn't go into that. Yeah. Of Avery and Logan, the every man and every woman of this film. Are they?

Uh-uh, I hate them both. I hate everyone in this movie. Except for Cassie, who does not get her due. Yeah, I actually feel really bad for her. Cassie's the only one whose storyline isn't resolved. Which one's Cassie? Logan's girlfriend, the younger sister. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, except that,

yeah, I mean, except that like, exposing him as a Matt Gates sort of should have been a thing that happened. She's way younger than he is. Yeah, well. But that's a punch line. She's a great team. Yeah. I have a gross note that says they turned into lovers.

Ew. Get out. That's not a fun word. And that's followed by Dead Mom Club. Dead Mom Club. She's in Dead Mom Club too. Vicki just looked at us with pity in her eyes. I just. I don't want to see with pity in her eyes. I just. I don't wanna see that. I don't care.

This is always a dead mom. This is a safe space for dead moms. Yeah, this is, you're lucky to be sitting in on this meeting. Sorry guys, I don't know. So that was in 1996. Now we skip ahead to 2014. They're at a party. This is where grandma admits

that she wanted to fuck some britch. Oh, horny grandma. Right. This is where Lindsay Lohan is trying to make her partner take a guess about why she's mad, which is always a good idea. He's like, why are you mad? And she's like, why don't you guess?

Dude, the sartorial choices for making him look younger are hilarious. He's wearing one of those jean jackets with a hoodie sewn into it, as only a child would wear. And his hair is like pushed forward. Yeah. It's like pushed forward. I actually thought he was a different person when he came back. I was like, is this the same guy? Like he looks so, I was like,

I didn't even know who he was when they first showed him. Cause I didn't realize. He's like the Gary Oldman of this movie. I think surprise parties are dick. Was that good? Was that good? I have to say, I think surprise parties are dick. I know. I hate being involved in one.

Imagine being proposed to like that in front of all these people. No. Oh my God. It's the only thing I think of. Oh, I know. Someday, Alan, someday. Someday, you're at the night and shining Christmas.

Someday. God, yes. Someday, my Santa babies will come to me. Yes, someday. Her dad rolls up to him and is like, you two have what it takes to go all the way to the Olympics. That was also creepy. I think he meant, fuck my daughter.

Bad news, they've been fucking. She's 28 years old. Yeah, but she has had so much Botox. Her face does not move. She's on Nicole Kidman levels of Botox. She's an emotionless human being. When she cries, you're like, oh baby, no, nothing happens. Nothing changes in her. I love it. She keeps going to bed with a massive amount of makeup on her. I was like, does it not wipe off with Botox? Is that what happens? No, it sucks it right in. I haven't put makeup on my forehead in a year and a half.

And also, growing up being cute to beautiful must be a fucking head trip. I don't know Vicky, what do you think? What? But like in the public eye. What? You both are cute and beautiful, come on. But Vicky was a really cute child. I had a lot of hair. I was a fucking wreck. No, you were cute, it was come on. But Vicky was a really cute child. I had a lot of hair.

I was a fucking wreck. No, you were cute. It was just like the 90s, like the early 90s. You were cute, but like ET. But like those bangs and those shoulders, pads, you know. Yeah, and this fucking nose. The 90s, I have the same nose practically, you know? I don't know, I don't know.

Those bangs and those shoulders, god damn. That would haunt me if someone said that to me. I just rolled around. That's what I'm talking about. I mean, it was all ruined with bangs and shoulder pads. No, it wasn't just me. No, it wasn't just me. I just got caught at a bad time.

No. No. Dude, I came up in a time of undercuts and goatees. Yeah. So like, it was not good for anyone. No. But now you're a beauty, both of you. Oh my God. Both. No, but now you're a beauty. Both of you. Oh my God. This is a good looking room.

Both of you. That's why we do a podcast. So good. So good. Peaceful podcasting. So good looking. So good. Her dad is like, give a speech right now at her going away party. After saying you could go the distance.

Yeah, you can fuck my daughter, but only if you give a really rousing speech. He basically recited the lyrics to that cake song to him. And then he decides to get down on one knee. Ugh, so awkward. Are they in love or not in love? Because everyone's like, get up, get up, get up! But they've been together since they were children and they're in their late 20s?

Because everyone knows public proposals can suck a butt. Yeah, that's true. I mean, if you can pull it off, power to you, but there's no way on earth it would work for me. Everyone knows public proposals can suck a butt. Yeah. That's true. I mean, if you could pull it off, power to you, but there's no way on earth it would work for me. Everything would go wrong. Yeah, that's weird. I would get down on one knee,

my pants would rip in the seat. While reaching to find the hole, you would just like put the ring into your butt somehow. Fart on the way down. That's what I would do. Fart on the way down. Oh my God. But everyone knows that he's botched it and they're all like, get up, get up.

And she's like, I'm not gonna marry you. I mean, she's leaving. I don't know what he thought was gonna happen. He has two out of the gates that are big no-nos. You don't inform someone they're running away from things. Especially from their dad who's standing right there while you're talking about how he can barely make a sandwich on his own and he just told you you could have sex with his daughter. That's one of the two funny lines in the movie when the dad was like, well, it depends on

the sandwich. And then he's like, and your dead mom would be so disappointed in you. He is throughout the film insensitive about her dead mother. He has no arc on that. He starts and ends shitty about her dead mom. And if we're going to comment on her looks, his eyebrows will not go anywhere near his eyes like they're in some sort of like fucking Crayon versus Crayon divorce. When they get to the same room.

His eyebrows are like up here the entire time. He's shocked. Is it just then or is it the whole movie? The whole fucking movie. Because he's a different guy in the second half. When they recast him. He's a different actor, I don't know. This is where she does her very very very bad cry.

Oh no, I know. Like her face looks great but when it's not inflex no, I know. Like her face looks great, but when it's not, inflexible, how do you cry? I don't know how you act. We've never known her to be an actor. Yes. She's got good comedy chops, I think. Comedy chops are fantastic.

You're saying that comedy's not acting, Alan? No, it's not, of course not. It's just making jokes and making ha-ha's. I do love her in the parent trap when she's like 13. I think her acting is fabulous in that. Herbie the love bug? Come on. I love it.

Mean girls. Mean girls. Mean girls. Oh my god, mean girls. That werewolf movie where she was never in a scene with another actor. No, we did a werewolf movie where she was green screened into the entire thing. Into the entire movie? Why?

She's never in the same scene. Under the dark something. Was she on like House arrest and they have to film her from far away. I don't even know this one. I think she's like, listen, I'm coked to the tits of Mallorca right now. I will phone this shit the fuck in. Like literally on my phone.

You make it work people. It's great. God bless her. That was a great movie. Oh my God. She's a werewolf or she's a vampire? I literally have no recollect. I know that there was werewolf and vampire.

Don't watch it. I know I'm gonna have to. Trust me. I love Lindsay Lohan. I love her. I'll watch it. The opening credits mention that Chris Parnell will be in this movie.

Yeah. What? Dr. Spichemin. And Tim Meadows. And Tim Meadows, he did this with a gun to his head. Or he is, I don't know who that is. He's the dad of the other family. Oh.

He's Stan, Stan and Margaret. He just, he is so dead. Dead eyed in this film. I think I was really tired when I watched this cause I'm not remembering half of this stuff. That's all right. Sorry guys, sorry, I'm not gonna be very good. You didn't remember A Castle for Christmas. I don't know, I don't know. I think I kind half of this stuff. That's all right. Sorry guys, sorry, I'm not gonna be very good. You didn't remember At Castle for Christmas either.

I don't know, I don't know. I think I kind of remember that one. How could you forget my precious Angus? I love him so much. But yes, I know what you were gesturing about about the opening credits where it's like, the world happened, right? And it goes year by year.

I actually kind of love that and I wish that was the whole movie. I don't know, I just was like, oh yeah, I forgot about that. There were things that happened in there. I don't even remember. I can't remember. Not 11. Not every fourth thing they're like, Oh, and then I don't know. And then there was a Netflix movie and this happened and there was a Netflix movie. then this happened and then there was a Netflix movie. Yes, yes.

So the ice bucket challenge, that's the only one I can remember. That I was like, oh yeah, forgot about that shit. The world happened. The world happened. I don't know. Anyways, so then we, Cassie, then you see Cassie. Cassie is cute. Cute.

Is cute. But I thought initially I was like, wow, she's like Lindsay Lohan in the last Christmas movie. Because she was like- The socialite. The socialite. The social media influencer. The socialite. Yes.

I was like, I think I've seen this before, but then I end up liking her. Yeah, well the movie set up- I don't know what happens to her though. You think the set up is gonna be that they're both with shitty people. Yeah. Yeah. But they're actually both shitty themselves.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Cassie's okay. Cassie's not shitty. She's the only one who isn't shitty. She's the only one who isn shitty themselves. And Cassie's okay. Cassie's not shitty. She's the only one who isn't shitty. She's the only one who isn't shitty. The other guy's shitty. Do you think you liked her because she was the color of an Oompa Loompa? Oh, yeah.

Well, are you saying something racist about us here? No! No, I'm not orange, I'm yellow. I'm yellow too. Neither of you are the color of her mother and Cassie. I'm green. Green and yellow. Neither of you are the color of her mother and Cassie. I'm green. Green and yellow.

I liked her because every time she had the opportunity to do something, she did the right thing. Like she supports him in his job. She encourages him to take the next step. Absolutely. She's like kind and sweet. Like why does she get shit on and then never, ugh. I don't even know what happens to her in the end.

I don't even remember her reaction to any of this. I don't know. there must have been a brother that she hooked up with at some point. Did she leap? I don't remember. I feel like she's like, Logan, what? And that's the last we see of her. Yeah, I don't remember.

I don't remember either. That sucks. If you're gonna get with an old man, at least get with a sugar daddy. Don't get with this loser. Yeah, don't get with a man you have to encourage in his career if you need him to be your sugar daddy. Yeah. If he's 15 years your senior, you should not be like,

I'll mother you if this is what's going to happen now. He's an architect now and Avery is consultant. What is her job? Every time she's on the phone, she's just like, whose money is working at money? I would like to consult that money right now. What? I thought she made PowerPoint presentations.

I assumed that was her job. He's totally better than him, because his proposal looks like he made it with like Microsoft clip art. Yes. 100%, of course he did. So bad. I love Microsoft clip art.

I wish I could still use Microsoft Word. You can. No, but I don't, I have, Justin has me set up with the Apple stuff. We're not doing this right now. We can't do this right now. We're not doing this right now. I just don't know how to use their programming. That's all.

Listen, this is going to turn into a domestic IT podcast. I don't know anything about IT. I don't know anything. Oh. Oh. Oh, bother. Oh. So we meet Lindsay Lohan's new boyfriend. Yeah, he sucks.

His name is Cam. Yeah. Yeah. I guess he sucks. I mean, he's being as shitty on the phone about his work as she's being on the phone about her work. And I thought, which of you is our hero? Yeah, yeah, yeah, they both suck. Yeah. They're going to her dad's house, which is now full of boxes.

Yeah, cause dad's moving out with this new lady. They're going to Aruba or something? Somewhere. Somewhere. But yeah, his new wife, Susan. This is where they diss Tom Selleck. Oh yeah. Yeah, cause he looks like him.

Well, dad defends Tom Selleck. I mean, I love him. Tom Selleck. Oh yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it looks like him. Well, Dad, Dad defends Tom Selleck. I mean, I love him. Tom Selleck. Yeah. Yeah. Not necessarily Tom Selleck's current day political views. I just felt like the new wife Susan would have been a more fun person to spend the movie with. Yeah.

She seemed really nice. But Dad's like, here are my memories. You are the keeper of them now. Oh, that's a lot of pressure. Yeah. You are the keeper of them now. And like shoves a box out. A lot of pressure. Yeah. Isn't that what every like mother does though, parents, they just like bring all the shit to your house

and they're like here. Like, yes. You don't want them? You don't want them? You're the one who needs to remember. You know my second grade picture that I made for you for Christmas? This is your fault.

That's what we get. That's what we get. This is your fault. All of his notebooks that he kept from eighth grade, you know, literally like we have all of them. My childhood is gone. Oh, I don't need any of that. I never existed before 17 and I'm not sad. I think your mom has photos of me. My mom, my mom got stuff. That's where I saw the bangs. My mom has all of them. I got divorced. I don't exist before 40.

Yeah, that's true. Oh! But look at you now. I know. You're eat, pray loving your way through all of this. Oh, I love eat, pray love. I love eat, pray love. There is something in there that I think is very valid,

but we'll talk about it later. Do we have to? Yes, we have to. Are we doing eat, pray love next year? Oh, I love eat, pray love. Is that a rom-com or is it a rom-com where you learn to love yourself? All of it. All of it. In a foodie's dream. It seems like the most insufferable movie that's ever been made. But read the book. I like the book. Alan's birthday is coming up. There you go. I'll get it for your birthday. If you give me Eat, Pray, Love, I will take a shit on it. Sorry, Vicki.

I probably have a copy at home. I'm sure you do. A house sign that says Eat, Pray, Love. With a praise spell with an E. What? You're vampires. We're all vampires. Yeah, that would be a good one.

So we're walking to the front door, and Cameron is explaining hurriedly all the rules to Lindsay Lyon. We've got to meet Logan's family first too. Horny grandma is now dementia grandma. That makes it even better. Horny, demanded grandma. That's like the best version.

You're a healthcare worker. I've met so many horny, demanded people in my life. It's my favorite. It's my favorite. This is who I prefer to work with. The hor horny, demented people in my life. It's my favorite. It's my favorite. This is who I prefer to work with. The horny and demented. The target demographic is the demented. I know.

It's so funny. And you can just say what you want. You know, no one cares. So. It's my favorite patient. But so this is like, they're like, can you feel something for Logan? His grandma's demented. Remember how he for Logan? His mom, his grandma's

remember how he was a mega asshole. His mom got huge cheek fillers while she was gone. Wait, did we meet Kristin Chenoweth now? I don't know. Okay. Okay. Who is Kristin Chenoweth? Oh God. I don't God. I knew the name. Do you watch The Descendants? Yeah. With Lucy, she's Maleficent in it. She's Maleficent! Yes.

That's where I knew her from. Yes, she plays so many evil characters. Are you mispronouncing Magnificent? Maleficent from Sleeping Beauty? Yeah. There's a series of movies on Disney called The Descendants, which is the children of the villains.

Yeah. And they sing and dance and shit and I fucking hate it. Yes. Are they doing Descendants songs? No, no. That I would like. Just doing American? Not.

These sheets are dirty. No. And so is Snow White. Dude. There's a lot of Descendants and it's not either of them. None of them. None of them. Not that, not that. There's also a George Clooney movie called The Des of them. None of them. None of them. Not that, not the other movie. There's also a George Clooney movie called The Descendants.

No, not that movie, not that either, I know. It's very confusing. It's very confusing. Which I was like, there's no way Katie's saw that movie. How are you bringing that movie up? This is definitely the most popular of all of them though because every kid in America knows The Descendants. Like everyone, like it's.

Yeah, yeah, everyone loves Milo when he goes to college. We're going to the Descendants show in August. What are you made of money? I look at tickets and I was like, you're fucking kidding me. Justin was like, this is the only present they're getting from us. I got two moms in the house. They still got ice capades?

I have no idea. Oh, man, that. Why would I go with that? I didn't go to ice capades. When I was a kid, I went to ice capades. We weren't ice children. They've Disney on ice. Yeah, we don't do winter.

We do summer things. We go inside in the winter and we get warm by the fire. Look at what she's wearing. In salami. It's a one piece. And we make salami. I don't know, I've gugged it, I don't know. Fuck.

So yes, we meet Kristin Chenoweth, who is very orange. Oh my God. And who is very orange. Oh my god. And she is very shitty. A screw top, fast and easy. I love a screw top on a bottle of wine. I purposely choose them. I drink too much wine because I don't want to jam that cork back in there.

No, it's too hard. It's too hard. I just don't like to get the opener out. Also, there was a time where there was a cork shortage. Yeah, that's right. Yeah. So, but she also says fast and easy and looks Lindsay Lohan up and down

because she's wearing jeans like a real, real whore. She showed up in a fast, easy slot. Fast and easy. I was like, maybe a loose skirt. Fast and easy. Tight jeans, they're not fast and easy. They weren't even tight, they were wide leg. They were, they were a fashion.

Yeah, I noticed, I noticed there's all wide leg in this. That's another. That's all I'm wearing these days. That's something else for me to deal with. Our mutual friend Taylor saw me wearing them and said, hey, nice jinkos. That's how I feel every time I try them on. I feel horrible. Can't do this again.

Can't do it. We then meet the youngest child, Callum. Oh my god. Callum. What a psycho. Where I've just written why, why do I have to do this? Such a psycho. I don't even have anything to say.

It's his older brother who is saying this time next year, frankly, I think I'm going to have a boat. I'm raking in the Bitcoin. Breaking in the Bitcoin. Yes. If you, anyone ever talks to me about Bitcoin, know that I will walk away from that conversation. Absolutely.

My professional advice is that it's a Ponzi scheme. Yeah. Absolutely. Absolutely. My professional advice is that it's a Ponzi scheme. Yeah, 100%. Yeah, absolutely. Is Trump having his own fucking, uh, whatever those things, cryptocurrency? Cryptocurrency. Yes, it is a scam. The man who had a fake college, fake stakes, fake everything. Fake vodka. It doesn't make any sense to me. The mining, you go mining. And it's bad for the environment. It's horrible for the environment. But I don't understand how you can fake mine. Oh, you never play market?

With a pickaxe? Am I going mining? Alan, give us a BLI-5 on how cryptocurrency affects the environment. I don't even understand it. Because it's so, there's something with the blockchain where it has to do, like it's doing computation, it's what keeps it secure.

And what's- It's like numbers. It's numbers. It's numbers that are constantly being cycled through. You've seen the matrix? No, no, no. So they do this? Oh, so there's huge data farms.

I think maybe you should just give up right now. I don't know what any of these things are. There's data farms that have CPUs in them that are just running these blockchain numbers. They're not doing any other computations, but this thing and a huge amount of resources. Power. They're eating through.

Energy, energy. Like actual coal that you have to mine for. Yeah, they're eating through the Amazon every day, basically. I just don't even understand how this is happening, but I get that I okay. So it takes very powerful computers to keep it afloat. And the very powerful computers are using a lot of energy. Where are these computers located at? In the desert.

In the desert? Or near big water sources to stay cool. Yeah. Maybe the asteroid will hit them first. We could be so lucky. And that is my extremely rudimentary understanding of this shit, but like, it's just another level of fuck this thing. Same thing with AI. That is very environmentally dangerous as well. Yeah. Or destructive.

Although I will recommend that everybody who's still on Twitter, X or Z or whatever it's called, go and follow the account Donnie Smokes. It's just AI photos of Donald Trump smoking cigarettes in various situations. It is run by two members of our family. It is? It is. It's pretty funny.

Oh my God. They keep getting big name Republican influencers to retweet these pictures of Donald Trump smoking on a water slide. What? Okay, you gotta remind me of this after. Actually, they're gonna be mad that I outed them, but they probably won't listen to this.

Whatever, they're not gonna hear it. If I remember, I'll leap and blap at it. Eh. Nah, fuck them. All right, so mom is a real piece of shit, gives her guff for wearing jeans to a Christmas party? Fuck my black. Well, she said she needed to change.

She said, I didn't change. Remember? So she didn't even wanna wear them. So she didn't even wanna wear them. She was staying in and changed. I know, I know. Let's show too. Yeah. All right, let's see. Okay. This might be bouncing ahead,

but can we please talk about that wall of horror? Christian, do you want to? We're bouncing ahead. We have to have the uncomfortable conversation where Logan and Avery get introduced to each other. Oh, I forgot about that. And she says the precedent that they don't know each other.

I must have missed a bunch of notes in here. Vicki, what were you doing? And he's like... I was very sleepy and high. Logan's like, it'll be funny. People will think it's funny. And she's like, no, it'll ruin everything. Because the mom already thinks she's a whore.

And so she slept with someone else at the age of late thirties. She was a whore. This 38 year old woman, she definitely slept with somebody else. Yeah. Oh my God. This is also where we meet Cameron's Avery, which is Sophie. This beautiful, beautiful woman. Oh my God.

Beautiful. She walks on screen, I'm like, Jesus Christ. I know. Oh no. What does she want with Cameron? He's a... I don't know. Just, you know. You're a doctor. I think she want with Cameron? He's a- I don't know. Just, you know.

You're a doctor. I think she just wants to ruin people's lives because she's also a crazy lady. I don't know, you ever fucked with them Geico cavemen? They're pretty hot. He does look a bit like a Geico caveman. Yes, I see it. Very brow-y.

It's the haircut of the low brow ridge. It's the brow, it's the brow, yeah. But yes, describe to us the horror portraits. Okay, so have you been to Disney World? No. Okay. Have you seen the movie? You would know.

The answer is no. I'm sorry. Not since 1994. Well, it hasn't changed. What's the horror movie? What's the ride there? The Haunted Mansion? Haunted Mansion.

Yeah. It looks exactly like those photos in the Haunted Mansion, but instead of it being you illuminated with the ghosts, it's Kristin Chenoweth's crazy. With her family. With her family. Oil portraits painted of the family. And she's in much brighter hues than everyone else. Yes, than everyone else if she pops.

And that's how you are in those little cars that go by the windows in the mirrors, you know? Like you're much brighter. Very cool. Yeah, anyways, that's just all I saw. I haven't seen the movie yet though. There's a movie? Yes, it came out.

Well, I watched the Muppets Haunted Mansion, is that what you're talking about? No, they came out with like a Disney version of Haunted Mansion. Are you talking about the one with Eddie Murphy? Are you talking about the most recent one? Most recent one. It's not good, don't waste your time.

No, it's what everyone said and I feel, but I need to watch it. Yeah. All right, anyway. I think this is where you watch the Lindsay Lohan werewolf vampire movie. I do wanna watch that. I do, don't waste your time. No, it's what everyone said and I feel, but I need to watch it. Yeah. All right, anyway. Why don't you rewatch the Lindsay Lohan werewolf vampire movie? I do wanna watch that. I do wanna watch that.

I do wanna watch that. You may wanna rewatch Our Little Secret before you go in and watch it. I have no idea what even happened in this movie. Lindsay Lohan was in this? I was like way drunker the last time I watched, but this, I just, I think this just happened days ago and now

Christmas has happened and I don't know it was Sunday to be fair today's Thursday Sunday. Yes, so it's just been days ago Yeah, it's been days ago. I watched this days ago. You're not fresh like Katie. I'm not fresh It's the next morning after the party they have to go get the Christmas tree Yeah Yeah. So Avery and Logan are going to go? Yeah. To send these two strangers? That's so weird. So weird. And why didn't you get the tree already?

Yeah, you had your Christmas party last night. That's when you need the fucking tree. The tree should have been there. Tree should have been there. And also, we're going through this perfect tree farm. But have you ever been to a tree farm the day before Christmas? They're all gone. It just stumps.

You're walking among stumps about trees. Here's a problem I have, and maybe this is a digression we don't need to have. I don't understand the economics of a Christmas tree farm. I understand that every year there's a new crop and then you replant, but it takes so fucking long to grow a tree. That initial investment of capital seems really excruciating. Yeah, I agree. Way do you find out about how olives are made.

Oh, how olives are made even though that was- It takes 30 years for one of those trees to fruit. Dang. That's like a lot of fruit trees are like that. It takes years and years. Yeah. I still am waiting on my lemon tree. It's been seven years.

It's been seven years. Maybe, maybe this will be the year. Started it from seed. Sounds like that tree's a lemon. Seven years. I, maybe this'll be the year. Started it from seed. Sounds like that tree's 11. Seven years. I'm sorry. Sorry. Did you hear what he just said?

What did you say? No, say it again, Alan. What's up? I said it sounds like that tree's 11. Oh. Wap, wap. So yeah, apparently Cam and Cassie are like, let's see if these two will fuck each other as a dare

or something. Something has to happen in this movie. He's trying to make her put on another coat. She's like, I'm not gonna get too cold. Do you think she's gonna get too cold? No, me either. So you're at your prospective in-law's house with your child bride.

Yeah. And you're like, oh, my ex-girlfriend and I are gonna go tree farming. Tree hunting. Tree hunting. Prey. So she has this really stylish looking coat, but I think she's gonna get cold.

I'll grab a random jacket from this closet to give to her. No one else is going out that day. Yeah, that makes it look like she deals meth. That jacket had meth in it. I thought it was duct tape. It was duct tape. But it was like fashionable duct tape. No, it's fashion duct tape.

I thought it was purposeful initially. Yeah, I think he just really fucking sucks. He has no consideration for anyone. Sure, no. Which one? Logan, Callum, Cam? Yeah. Which he are you speaking about?

Yeah, all of them. And she's on the phone doing her work stuff again, like holding a mug that says, hashtag girl boss. And her ex-boyfriend says, I usually bring a baggie of nuts and crackers in case you get hungry. Which he says in the present tense, and I thought, God help him if every time he leaves the house, he's tucking them in there like a squirrel.

Listen, if you date a child, you have to have snacks. It's true. If you look at my bag right now, there will be some sort of snack because I live, I travel with a child. Some loose ones too. Yeah, some loose ones. There's definitely old fucking fruit snacks.

Oh no, we ate those at the doctor's office. We did eat them the other day. Oh my God, I forgot about that. They were so stale. It was the last I forgot about that. They were so stale. It was the last fruit of Fruit by the Foot. I love Fruit by the Foot. The kids want them and I'm like, no, you can't have them. And then when they get them, I eat them all.

I eat them all. So satisfying. So good. They're so good. Plus you can pretend to have a giant tongue for a little while. Oh, I know. You change the color of your tongue. Perfect.

So these two make a deal. These two make a deal where she's gonna do free business consulting for him. She's gonna consult for free. She's gonna consult for free if he consults on getting the mom to like her. Right, yeah, because he's a decent human being and she's a monster and she wants the mom to like her.

I don't know why this family sucked, just fucking leave. Imagine having to spend every year there. Yeah. It would be awful. It'd be awful. We can paint on our own. They're doing an oil painting while they're... Yeah.

Can you imagine getting an oil painting just every year done by your family? Oh yeah, Missy and I do one every year. Every year, every year you sit there. You should start, really. For reals, where are they? You should start, actually. I need to have an oil painting done, I just realized that.

We should get one of us. Why don't we have one of just us? Yes. Who would we gift that to? Ourselves. The universe. The Carnegie Museum of Art. We have a friend who works there.

We have a friend who works there. He can put it right up. He's in the writing department. It's a friend of the podcast, Barry. He could just fucking stick it in there. No one would ever know anything different. Do you think that that would happen? I think that he would ever know anything. Do you think that that would happen? I think that he would lose his job.

Do you think he would get fired? Yes. So she eats these weed gummies. She finds these gummies and she eats them. Oh my God. Yeah, yeah, yeah, the whole bag. I cannot believe that. As a weed gummy eater.

She'd be hallucinating. No, they don't. You can tell they taste different. They're weed. They taste like weed, man. She would feel horrible. Oh God. And then it's LSD that she takes. It's not weed because she starts hallucinating. I feel like I hallucinated last time I took a weed going. Edibles will get you there. I definitely hallucinated that my dog was jumping on the bed. Absolutely, and never again.

So you like see things out of the corner of your eye. I was like, get out of here, Scarlett. And Justin was like, she's downstairs. Okay, but you don't see the Virgin Mary telling you that you need to pick it up. Maybe if I ate like seven. I would. I don't know.

The day I had my accidental 500 milligram dose, I feel like I came very close to hallucinating. Very close. Very close. Very close. I am a novice at close to hallucinating. Very close. Very close. Very close. I am a novice at this. Although I did have a weed gummy recently and a couple hours later I farted and it smelled like weed and I was like, that's weird. It might not really have. Maybe you were hallucinating. You're like everybody knows. I was, I was a-tootsinating. I was, I was a tootsinating.

Vicky here makes you punnier. Thanks for laughs. That's all I need. She's giving the tiny dog a wide berth and like there's a musical sting on the dog, which I sort of liked. Just keeps following her and sitting behind her. The other horror part of this. Oh, that's creepy Yorkie. Oh, they're the worst. They're the worst.

I hate little dogs. All right. I'm gonna get enemies. I'm gonna get enemies on this. That's all right. We hate a lot of things. They're so mean. They're so mean.

What about Rafiki? Rafiki's nice, but I have a mean Yorkie in my family. She's mean to everyone. Rafiki. Rafiki's nice, but I have a mean Yorkie in my family. Oh, Jasmine. She's mean to everyone. Jasmine, Jasmine. Named after Princess Jasmine. Dog's a good bitch. Correct. From Aladdin.

Oh, okay. Aladdin. Come on, you know Aladdin. Grow up. Yeah, my sister-in-law named her when she was like 14 and stuck. That dog is so old. She's so mean. We're at children's mass, a highly anticipated event.

Yeah, 4 p.m. 4 p.m. There's a huge sign out front. The mom's been talking about it. Everybody's gotta go to Children's Mass. Gotta go to that mass. There's no children in this movie. Gotta go to that mass, no.

There aren't, they have no children in their family. No. But I think it's supposed to like infer that they're still infantilizing Cassie, Carol. Gotcha. So Logan realizes that she took all the THC gummies. And so he goes to tell the child of the priest boy. An altar boy. The altar server.

Do we not call them altar boys anymore? No, altar servers. Okay. Like now you can have girls. Oh, okay. So it's like server versus waitress. I guess. Okay, got it.

Gotcha, gotcha, gotcha. Thank you, Vicky. I was an altar server. So the altar stewardess was there and he would not have let Logan. Excuse me, he's the altar steward. He would not, God is his co-pilot. He would not let Logan talk to the priest because I guess the priest was doing his warm-up, his priest sermon. I don't know what he's doing in there. What is he doing in there that you can't disturb him?

I don't want to know. I don't want to think. How many altar servers are there in a mass, Vicki? Oh no, Katie, no, what? There's two, where was the other one? Only one standing guard. It's not great. Katie, oh no. What, what do you think was happening in that scene?

I don't know, I didn't think about it. Okay, well I did. The Catholic Church has a legacy. I see, I see. Oh my God. Lindsay Lohan is sitting in a pew looking at her nails and saying, they're so hard and they grow out of nowhere. That's what I thought was actually a little bit funny.

I think that's valid. I feel like I know that part totally sober. Oh yeah, I thought that. I definitely thought things like that. And her boyfriend's like, oh babe, what's wrong with you? You're so fucked up. Because she's never fun or funny, I guess. You're actually a little fucking human being. she's never fun or funny, I guess. Like.

You're acting like a fucking human being. What's going on right now, babe? Babe. Babe. I hate babe. Babe. So. Hey babe.

Hey babe. The boy who probably didn't want to talk to the priest didn't talk to the priest. And there's this like comedy stab of when she gets called up and Logan like makes eye contact with them. Tell them. And the kids like, Whoa, that's not funny.

Did you think the Virgin Mary statue talking to her was sort of funny? I did not. I did a little bit. Okay. All right. I don't have the history with the church. Yeah, that's fair. So she starts off her sermon.

Yeah, she's doing a reading, but she looks at the words and they come together to say everyone knows, so she slams a bookshelf. Yeah, yeah. But the real comedy beat would be her like opening it then to like revelations. Yeah. Just reading some random shit.

That's the comedy beat. But that is intense. At children's mass. That's intense. Yeah. That's the apocalypse. That's not what happened. So what does she start doing? She starts saying the lyrics to a song before that. I don't know. She starts doing the opening scroll from star wars. Oh, that's right. That's right. Far, far away.

Well, I did like what she turns to the organ grinder and says, you can say organ player. That's every person who plays the organ. Organist. Like a flautist. She turns to the organist. Thank you. And says, line. That was very funny. Again, she does have great comedic chops. Yeah, she's very funny.

Yeah, it was really good. But I love that she saves the day. She saves the day. Well, the black ladies in the chorus save the day. That's true. Which is like a weird way. It's a weird bit. Women of color have to come to a rescue.

Oh yes. And they're like, well, I just can't resist cool and the gang's like, let's go. They're all singing celebrate. Who can? Who can? And mom's mad. Mom's so fucking pissed.

Oh, she's so mad. Oh, I loved it. But then the priest comes out and he's like, this is the best thing I've ever seen in my life and you're like going to heaven now. I just, yeah. I don't get that whole thing because like, they're fair weather people, aren't they?

Churchgoers. Yeah, why is it so, why does it matter? So why are they so involved? Yeah, why do they care? Why didn't an actual involved person in the church do the reading? Yes, why did they let this rando who comes once a year, let their girlfriend do it?

Rich? Just cause they're rich. I guess so. How does the priest even know who they are? You think they're rich? I don't know. I guess so. How does the priest even know where they are? Of course, they get oil paintings. Poor people don't get oil paintings. You don't get oil paintings? Can you pay for them?

Yeah. Oh my God, the clapping. The clapping was so unbelievably off time. Oh, I know, I know. This is a good movie. I know. And yeah, you keep saying you're-weather worshiper to mom. Yeah, so then why do they care so much? What does this mean? I put father in quotes in talking about Mary. Do you know what that means? Talking about Mary? Oh, because she says the mother and the father. Oh yeah. Which actually is how funny.

That's actually really funny. That's actually really funny. I don't know what I meant by that, but that's a good thing. Thank you, now I'm remembering. What did I mean? That was very funny. He said something really deeply insensitive

about her mom's death here too. I forget what it was, but it was something like. He keeps bringing it up. Yeah. Just cause your mom's dead doesn't mean you get to be sad. Yeah, yeah you can. Yeah, actually you're allowed. Just cause we, yeah you can. Yeah actually you're allowed. Just because we don't doesn't.

Yeah, you're allowed to be. I thought for sure she had some involvement in her mother's death and that was gonna come up. Oh man that would have been so dark. I did, I did, but it didn't happen. No, I love that twist though. It didn't happen though, no. Catch a baby Lindsay Lohan just holding a bloody knife.

I don't know. Did you keep thinking this was a horror movie? I know I did. I kept seeing it happen. I thought more like, you know, like Mean Girls, like she stepped in front of the bus and got hit because she saved Lindsay Lohan. That's what I was initially thinking was going to happen. Let's try to predict it. I don't know.

You're more creative than they are. They should have done that. So earlier there's this offhanded comment from Cam about how his mom has like a cookie limit. Yeah. You can't eat too many cookies, but you have to appreciate the cookies. Yes. Now see, that's a terrible person.

Yeah, that is a terrible person. She gets the munchies as you do after you're done being high. You're like, oh, I After being high for hours and days. Now I have the munchies. I'm gonna eat seven cookies? I think it was more than seven. Well, still. Oh, I think it was more than seven.

I hope. You can't have the cookies out and not at Christmas. I know. You put them in a cookie jar, that's an eating receptacle. That's an eating receptacle. What did you think was going to happen? You put it in a container with aluminum foil if you wanted to go somewhere.

No one will open that. Or Ziploc bags. Ziploc baggy. Yeah. She wakes up in the morning in the cookies, which means he left her there. She fell asleep at the cookies. She just puts it back. And she hears the mother talking about the cookie exchange. And so she freaks out and makes it look like the dog ate all the cookies.

I know. And I'm like, is she stupid? At this point, is she stupid? Yes, every choice she makes is the wrong one. She's a consultant of something. She's not a consultant of dogs can't have chocolate. Like, does she not know that? Everyone knows that.

Yeah. People don't have dogs. Everyone knows that. I know that. Yeah. You know that. They can't have chocolate. Like she don't know that. Everyone knows that. Yeah. People don't have dogs. Everyone knows that. I know that. Yeah.

You know that. They can't have chocolate. Okay. But this was like, this was like, whatever. This was a very upsetting scene. It was upsetting. Cause it's Chris Parnell as Dr. Spichemin describing what he has to do to the dog. Yeah. I had a cat who ate lilacs and she had to go

and like get her stomach like expunged with charcoal and all that stuff. Yeah. And then they throw up charcoal for days. It's horrible. It is horrible. I'm sorry to hear that. Oh, she's still alive.

11 years later. She convinces mom, Kristin Chenoweth, that Avery is going to take care of this situation for her. She needs to go chill. I got this. And mom's like, you know what? I trust you. I don't know why I've hated you up into this very moment, but okay, let's do this. Yeah. I liked, I did like Lindsay Lohan's line though, when he's describing all the things he has to do to the dog and she goes, no shit. But then, so that's like one comedy beat and then the comedy and the next comedy

beat is a man with a kangaroo and a sling. Why was he doing that? So she is like, Hey, actually, I ate all the cookies. The dog didn't do it. So we don't need to do this to the dog. I need you to pretend that we did this to the dog. And he's like, I don't know, and she's like, do you have in-laws? And he's like, I do, I agree with you, let's do this. Your mother-in-law is a massive bitch. And then she makes those horrible dog noises.

They both do. They were horrible, that's not what happens. No. Also if you're both howling and at different pitches, that implies that it's two dogs. It's not gonna, hmm. That was horrible. I like that the vet tech at the counter

just turns the radio up. And then at the end of it, Lindsay Lohan, it was $1,435. And I was like, yo, she actually got off cheap. That's cheap. She just paid it. She's an emergency vet, That's fucking cheap. Absolutely. So then they get busted by Callum having a discussion in Lindsay's bedroom.

Oh yeah. Logan and Avery do. So the youngest brother now knows that they used to date and that she ate the cookies. Yeah. So he's going to blackmail them. But she knows about the weed. Though this is like the third horror movie moment when they're getting blackmailed by the 18 year old kid. All those blackmail horror movies? Aren't there a lot of them? I feel like Saw on his face is a blackmail horror movie. You know what I mean?

The blackmail is I'm gonna rip your head off. The blackmail is needles into your like testicles. That's the worst movie ever. Let's do it next week. I'm sure you've already done it. We've done several. Saws. They're terrible.

We've already done the one with Donnie Wahlberg. Carioleways. A Carioleways of a Castle for Christmas. Yes. I think I listened to that one a long time ago. This is a while ago. Yeah, forever ago. Yeah, oh yeah.

So he has to, they have to do a booze run for Callum. Right. Hilarity. So funny. Then he gets drunk and then they have to drive him home. Yeah, and they go to the- Cool story arc. In the interim, they go to the clurb.

They go to the clurb. Because everyone's family in the clurb. Everyone. Especially in your 30s. What's this phrase Perry always says? Everybody in the club being careful. That's a, I always do the everybody in the club going to Galiftes. That's really fucking regional.

And not existing anymore. Yeah, Galiftes is gone, isn't it? For like 10 years. Yeah, long time. Airbond club going Galiftes. I just like the idea of being done at the club and going to get pie. Galiftes, a well-lit establishment. So yeah, they have to go for a ride in the car because her dad's trying to sell his house

and she has the key and the realtor can't get in and it's her problem. So Oh, right. That's after the club where the hot lady shows up at the club. Oh right. Sophie shows up. And she leaves Cam and the hot lady together. Nothing's going to happen there.

That's what this note that says, sorry, what's happening. I blacked out means. I didn't know what was happening. Blacked out. Yeah, I think I missed a lot of this. I don't know what was happening. I'm blacked out. Yeah, I think I missed a lot of this. I don't know what happened. This might be where Justin showed up and I had to give him a recap of what was going on. Did he enjoy this movie?

I don't think so. He did point out all the errors. There's some errors coming up here. As we go along, I'll tell you. Everybody in the club being careful. So she gets to her dad's house and starts sobbing, even though she was just there seeing her dad like two days ago. But now it's empty.

Well, it was then too, to be fair, just boxes. Yeah. Oh. And they have a sad cry. Sad cry. And then they have a head on the shoulder fade out. Yes. And then it's like, she's gonna fuck them

at her boyfriend's house. Yeah. Like, come on. It's really awkward. Yeah. This whole thing. And they have no chemistry. Oh no, zero. Yeah. Like, come on. It's really awkward. Yeah. This whole thing. And they have no chemistry. Oh no. Zero. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Perhaps because her face doesn't do that. And his eyebrows don't. No. Her foreheads are all fucked up. No.

Maybe she convinced him to get Botox. Maybe. He's like, oh God, I can't act. It's convincing. I'll never stop. Okay, so thanks a lot. No, I'm never stopping Botox. You talked me into it. I know, isn't it great? It's so good. You're the Lindsay Lohan. I'm so pretty now.

So he's up late working, Mrs. Logan. Oh, oh. And he looks at his watch, which is analog and has not numbers, but Roman numerals. And I was like, I hate that. I was like, oh, it's like 130. Yeah, yeah, I can't read that. Did he like, oh, it's like 130. Yeah, yeah. I can't read them.

Did it actually say? Five AM. Fuck. So this is this is first error. When this all went down, I was like, everybody's wrong. It was only 130. This is where the first error takes place that Justin discovered.

It was that he was working, but his computer was not on. Okay, good. The screen is not once on. Oh yeah, no, no, no. But he's doing like thought work. No, but I mean, it's black. The screen is doing like things. He's got like things. He's like things. He's got like things.

He's got things. He's got things to work. While moving his fingers on the keyboard. Yeah, yeah, that's how he thinks. It's like some people like move their mouths when they read, when he thinks he has to type. Oh, yeah, that makes sense. That makes sense.

Okay, that's the first error. I'll let you know as they go along. Thank you, Vicky. Thank you, Justin. Someday I will make it my mission to teach you how to read an analog clock. I feel like when the shit goes down. Lucy's in second grade. She's in second grade.

She's gonna have to learn soon and I'm gonna have to help her with that homework. Danny learned in second. I know, it's gonna force me to learn. Does Rob know how to read an analog clock? Yeah, because every time I watch a movie, I say, what time was that? And he says it's 8.30.

I immediately was like the Civil War buff. Does he know how to read an analog clock? He doesn't look at a fucking sundial. I mean, I think the thing. Does he know how to read an analog clock? He doesn't look at a fucking sundial. I mean, I think the thing is that we know how to read it. It's just, I can't see it in a split second. Yeah, I need to count it out. Just because we don't have the practice. Because we have digital clocks nowadays.

And T-Dom started at 12.15. Oh, God. On my pocket watch. Dearest motha. So at 5 AM? Yeah, Cam comes in, smelling a puss. Sneaking in, smelling a puss. Really pretty puss, though.

Yeah, she's real pretty. She's real pretty. She definitely gets tidied up. She's a beautiful vagina. Beautiful vulva. Tucked in. Tucked in. Tucked as fuck. No, it's flaps of the wind, but still gorgeous.

I feel like I'm blushing. A-V-A-B. All vulvas are beautiful. He says, don't tell... What is Linz Avery. Don't tell Avery about this. She gets upset when I stay out and drink. Yeah. So either he's a real bad drunk or she's a controlling bitch. Yes. Yes. And yeah, I think he's not, he doesn't even have to be a real bad drunk. He just has to be like a come home at 5am. Yeah. Yeah. Like, yeah,

you're right. Yeah. So he shit. Yeah, yeah, you're right. Yeah. So he is. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Got it. And Logan's like, yeah, I'll cover for ya. Man code, bro code. Immediately tells her. Immediately.

Immediately. And she gets mad, she's like, why are you trying to start shit with this gem? She was stunned by the use of the phrase start shit, and then I remember this was a Netflix movie and not Hallmark. But up until this point there's been zero, like she said shit once.

She said no shit, that was it, yeah. And I was like, why are you trying to start shit? And he's like, I'm not trying to start shit. Well step motherfucker. Whoa, this escalated. Lindsay, excuse me, Lizzie go to bed. She was in bed. I turned it off five minutes in. Lizzie has never heard bed. Oh, she was in bed. Good. I turned it off five minutes in.

Lizzie has never heard anybody say shit, that's for sure. Not me, not her sister. My friends were all swearing, because I'm the best mom. Mom of the year here. Oh, yeah. Nine years running. So after the start shit conversation, she feels bad, so she checks out his presentation. Yeah, it looks so shitty. So after the start shit conversation,

she feels bad so she checks out his presentation. Yeah, it looks so shitty. It just says construction proposal lifestyle complex. For Stan. It looks so shitty. I know. To your Stan. She does not fix that before turning it in

later in the movie. I just want to point that out. That's actually kind of your job. She just gives it. later in the movie. I just wanna point that out. That's actually kind of your job. She just gives it. You're a consultant. Yeah. Anyways, eventually, my next comment is, thank God, oh no, no, nevermind, nevermind.

Okay. I'm skipping ahead, sorry. So now it's Christmas Eve. Yeah. Lindsay Lohan is wearing the best red lip. She wears a red lip like nobody else does. She does, but she has the most beautiful hair and skin and the whole thing.

Her lip is perfect for her. Yeah, yeah, yeah, beautiful lady. But I also was upset, meet on Christmas Eve. I know, what a shame. Fucking heath perfect. Her hair is perfect. Beautiful lady. But I also was upset. Meat on Christmas Eve. I know, what a shame. Fucking heathens. Of course they're fairweather. This is.

Oh yeah, oh yeah. Church families. Oh yeah. Fucking meat on Christmas Eve. No we don't do that. No we don't. We eat the fishes. No we don't do that.

You don't eat meat on. No. But you know people do that. Jesus' birthday. Jesus' birthday. People do that. I know. I don't eat meat on any of the Eves.

Good for you. Good for you. Good for you. Good for you. I need to stuff the squid again this year. It's like poking. It was so good. It was so good. It was so good. But it's like putting poking stuffing into a cold condom.

I was shocked when there was tentacles on the side though. I didn't know you would chop the tentacles up. I was, I didn't chop them up. They just came that way and I threw them in. And then your mom was all agitated and I didn't want to be in the kitchen so I didn't get a chance to tell you there was like a pound of tentacles in there. It shocked me when I pulled them out. Pretty good though. It was very good. Can't wait for that conversation after the end song. That's the real horror movie. There was tentacles.

There was tentacles. She loves this presentation. She loves it. It's so good. She loves it. It's so good. It's so good. And he's about to give it to Tim Meadows when he gets distracted by... I don't know. Oh, he hears. For some reason, the mom thinks that he's going to propose to Cassie. Oh yeah. So Calum has stolen one of their secret Santa gifts because he didn't buy anything for his secret Santa. This is his mom. That's not how this works. It's fine. It's fine. It's fine. This not how this works. It's fine. It's fine. This movie.

This movie. It's fine. It's fine. It's got to be fine. Everything is fine. Sure. And so he, he, he, yes, he's going to give the proposal to Stan, but he has to like do like a fucking fake out on mom.

I think that happened earlier with the dog, when he was like covering for her with the dog Oh right and that's when she thought that he was gonna propose. That's right because she says are you gonna ask what I think you're gonna ask and he says yeah I mean what do you think? I was like you're an idiot what do you think is happening here? On Christmas Eve. This has already happened once. No I was like what an what an idiot. He didn't understand any of that. He doesn't deserve Lindsay Lohan's beauty. No, he doesn't. She's a bitch, but he doesn't deserve her beauty.

I honestly can't even picture his face in my brain right now. When I try, I just get the old, like the kid from fucking Freaks and Geeks who grew up to be on that show, Bones. Oh. You know who I'm talking about? That kid. Yes, yes.

That's who I'm getting. I might actually look this up so I can see who we're talking. It might be that guy. I think he looks like the dude who created Family Guy. Oh, Seth MacFarlane. Oh, yeah. He looks like you drew Seth MacFarlane from memory, or as we like to say, a Kirkland signature Seth MacFarlane.

Kirkland signature Seth MacFarlane. I introduced Rob to the idea of calling Bunko things the Kirkland signature and he's been doing it. So that your joke has been stolen. I'm sure I stole it from somewhere else. Okay. Now I'm seeing him. You look like that kid from that show. Yes. Yes, I see it. Okay. He doesn't at all, but I appreciate you.

I think he kind of does. Oh my God. I'll look that guy up. I'm looking him up. He's just so generic looking. What? I don't know how to do that. I appreciate you. Thank you. I think he kinda does. Oh my God. I'll look that guy up. I'm looking him up. He's just so generic looking. What?

I don't know how I couldn't even remember what he looked like. Bones cast. I should have done this in a cognitiv window. Oh. Just gonna get plaster cast. Look, isn't this that guy? I guess he kinda grew into that.

He looks real awkward looking as a child. Yeah, oh yeah. Yeah, yeah, I'm thinking of him as a little baby boy. No. Well anyway, it doesn't matter. Anywho. It matters for not at all. All white guys look the same.

All AWG, LTS. All white guys look the same. Uh-huh, that's how I feel about blondes. What's that? That's how I feel about blondes. What's that? That's how I feel about blondes. Blondes! Blonde girls. They're hard to tell apart. They're hard to tell apart.

When we do a movie and there's too many blonde girls in it, I'm just like, I don't know. I get very confused. Dark haired people I can tell apart. Me too. You get a bunch of dark haired men in a situation, I lose control. All the same. It's because you're a blonde man. You're blonde.

You probably know the blonde boys apart. If there were a bunch of Santas, I could pick them all up. If there was you and another blonde man in this attic, I'd be like, I don't know which is my friend. I'm sorry, is that Alan or the guy from Cobra Kai? I don't know. I don't know. It was.

But at this point, Logan makes the movie's big reveal, where he catches the dad, who has been barely on screen for the entire movie. Kissing the mom from the other family? Judy Ray's from Scrubs. Oh yes, oh yes, oh yes, I know. I love that she was in this. I feel like she and Tim Meadows

were criminally underused in this movie. Yes, I agree. Tim Meadows is a good, funny actor. He's fucking hilarious. He's awful in this. Someone had a gun to his dog's head. Or he was like, fuck, I've gotta make this final payment on this fucking boat.

I gotta put my kid through rehab or something. He needed a payday. The dad and the other mom, I don't know anybody's names. Margaret. Margaret is the other mom. Stana Margaret, I remember for some reason. Stana Margaret are Tim Meadows and Judy Ray. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So Margaret and dad. Dad. Are making out in the closet. They're making out of the closet. And he says, can't you see I'm in a loveless marriage? Logan says, everyone can see you're in a loveless marriage, but you are old, and that's just marriage at this point. And I thought, you are the romantic lead of this film?

Like, you suck. This Christmas romantic film? You suck. Suck. So Logan, that guy's got maybe 10 years on the other. Yes. Yeah, right. Logan, those eyebrows aren't fooling everybody. So now they have to go down and do the Secret Santa.

The Crystal Chinois is okay with it, though, turns out. Well. Yeah, yeah, don't skip ahead. We still have to get Calum giving his mother panties for Christmas. I don't know this timeline. When is this timeline happening? I don't know. Because now they go, he agrees not to tell their secrets.

Oh. He found the secrets. And now they're going down to do the secrets. Now they're going to do the Secret Santa. The most secrets of little secrets. Secret Santa. Oh, is this where horny grandma comes back? Yeah.

Horny grandma comes back. And there's this hilarious dementia joke, where they're like, where do I know you from? She's like, Avery. And she's like, where do you know Avery? I don't remember. That's actually really sad. Yeah, and I was like, that's not funny.

Is that supposed to be fucking funny? That wasn't funny. Anyone who's had a relative go from that, it's not fucking funny. That part wasn't funny. Awful. Oh man. Unless she's being possessed by that snake demon

from that Deborah Logan movie. I remember feeling like that was exploitative and not good too. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What's the quote Spartacus mean? That's what she's saying to the dog. What's the quote Spartacus mean? That's what she's saying to the dog. She's calling it Spartacus. Calling a dog Spartacus.

So somehow all the secrets come out. Of course. The things get like, Callum gives mom the teddy and the panties and she's like holding it up. She's like, I think I could actually wear this. And like Logan's like, I bought that for your daughter. She's like, okay.

And then yeah, the secrets start being revealed and Callum was like, I love this so much. I love seeing everything turned into chaos. I love him. And then I was like, am I team Cal? I think so, a little bit. The three of them just wreck all of these people. They wreck so many lives in this moment.

Yeah. But most especially Cassie, who has no recourse. Sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She's the only one I sort of feel bad for. And she's the nice one. Why wouldn't they just make her awful, so that you would be like, well, fuck her.

I thought I was going to start out that way. At first, I thought she would be the awful one. Why, because she was orange, blonde blonde and on her phone nonstop? Exactly. It's a bit of a set up. So yes, Kristin Chenoweth is like, I don't care that he's fucking someone else, it means he's happy and not here. Yes, exactly.

And I was like, yo, that is actually a really positive outlook on this situation. It's a positive outlook, but. A dick thing to say in front of him. I was just like, the kids, significant others is the least of her problems at this point. Yeah, she doesn't give a shit. She doesn't give a shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

She doesn't care. Yeah. And then Logan says to Avery, can I call you? And she goes, no. Which I liked a lot. Oh man, it feels so good to say no to that question. Yeah, I do know.

Oh my God, look at all these comments. Are these Justin's mistakes? The other girl looks like a ghost and more jaundice than tan. That's literally the next thing I wrote. I have no idea who I'm talking about. Cassie. Cassie. It's gotta be Cassie. She's fucking... But I think this comes later. I don't know. Did you just notice Cassie? No, I don't know. Maybe. This is the second to last thing I wrote. I don't know. At this point,

Logan dumps Cassie because he's like, hey girl, can I call you? And she says no. And he's like, I love that. I love you, don't know. I've got to dump this 12 year old that I'm dating. The next scene is Lindsay Lohan just opening her door, her apartment door,

not knowing who's there and opening it. No, no, don't do that. Don't even worry about it. Okay, where's the one year later? Yes. But it's not one year later. No. This is like right afterwards and dad comes home

from Aruba, Jamaica, wherever he wants. Wherever Susan wanna take him. Yeah. I was playing to Susan, I wanted her to come back. Susan looks like she's like, she's down for whatever. Susan is a mother-in-law that you just go out and get tore up. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

She's like, I've got pocket margaritas. Do you want to do something? What? And you're like, I don't know what that is, but yes. But yes. You walk around with a straw sticking out of her pocket. Yeah, the wine in your bra. Yeah.

She's that woman, the wine in the bra. Vicki, that's smart as hell. I haven't even ever seen that. No. It's actually a thing. I thought you invented it. No, maybe I did. Maybe you did. Maybe I did. Copyright wine in the bra. Vicki, that's smart as hell. I haven't even ever seen that. It's actually a thing. I thought you invented it. Maybe I did. Maybe you did.

Maybe I did. Copyright, copyright, copyright. Vicki, what would you call it? Wine in a bra. No, what would you call it? Wine in a bra. Things need to stop being so clever these days. We need to call it what it is.

It needs to be obvious. I feel like there's a better name. I want to be able to put wine in my bra. Wine in a bra. There it is. That's search engine optimization. Maybe that's why werewolf ambulance doesn't get that many hits. But not like Pete O'Bragio or something like that.

Too clever by half. Too clever by half. But then it's like as you drink it, your boobs deflate because it's like the push-up part. Here's the thing. I get uglier as I drink anyway. So you might as well let boobs deflate. It's like the push-up part. Here's the thing, I get uglier as I drink anyway. So you might as well let them deflate. You might as well let them hang out. I looked at the pictures from the end of Christmas Eve.

I look horrible. That's everyone though. I look like I'd been in the garbage disposal. No, that's exactly. We were wearing pajamas on Christmas Eve. We were all wearing pajamas. All of us matching pajamas. It was gross.

Sounds delightful. It was very fun. The neckline was really unflattering. Oh, I hate it. The neckline, yeah, it was huge. But this is dad, and he's brought her the key to his house. Oh yeah. He's like, yeah, I found a buyer for my house.

It's you, you have to buy my house now. I guess he put in an offer and then it was rejected, but I kind of missed that. I think that may have been cut. Why did her dad reject it? It was very quick and over. Yeah. I thought maybe Logan was buying her the house.

Ew. But it didn't happen. But that's controlling. I thought it was gonna happen though. Yeah, it wouldn't have made me like Logan. I know. Oh yeah, a man taking that kind of control. Yeah, I look up to that.

I admire that. No, no, no, no. Crack your knuckles. No. That is what happened in last year's Christmas story though. Didn't he buy her a house or something? No, she bought the house out from under him. I like that. Yeah. Okay. Sorry. Go on. Shit. I can't even see. I remember that movie almost more than this movie. I don't understand you. No, it, go on. That was shit. I can't even, see I remember that movie almost more than this movie. I don't understand you. No, it was completely wasted.

I was still smoking real cigarettes back then. Cause I remember I missed a bunch of the movie cause I was outside. That's right. You were like, do you want me to pause it? And I was like, no. Quarterly cigarette. Ay, ay, ay.

This is shit. Yeah, this is, sorry. So we get this shit ass memory montage, which I hate. Yeah, this is sorry. So we get this shit-ass memory montage, which I hate when movies do this. Like, remember a minute ago? Here it is again. Flashback to the movie you just watched. And I have, would rather have a horny grandma montage.

Yeah, absolutely. So I'm fucking this Brit on the goddamn tube, and I'm like, watch your step, you know what I mean? Mind my gap. Mom, put something in your mouth. A-V-A-B, you know what I mean? Mind my gap. Mom, put something in your mouth. A-V-A-B, you know what I mean? At this point, I thought that Avery was presenting his proposal as her own. That she found it and was like, fuck it, I'm a business consultant, I can do this.

No, she's determined to make Stan see the error of his ways and that Logan is the bestest that ever did it. Stan never saw the proposal because that whole fucking thing happened where someone was making out with Stan's wife and he was really sad. Yeah. So.

Poor Stan. Logan has to go to. Wait, first, really quickly get a New Year's Eve clip of Lindsay Lohan hugging her best friend that we met at the beginning of the movie. And she looks happy. It's like maybe all you do need is a good friend and a set of great tips.

No, she needs... No, but then she looks sad when her friend kisses her boyfriend. Yeah, well. She looks so sad. I do have a note that says best hits in the game. Best hits in the game. Oh my God, they're amazing. Yeah, absolutely says best hits in the game. Best hits in the game. Oh my God.

They're amazing. Yeah, absolutely. Nine years running. Probably not real. Probably not real. Nine years running. But yes, Logan goes to meet up with Stan. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, cause she, yeah, she's sad. And what's his name? Dave Unger? That actor? The guy who's on the Daily Show. Yeah. Oh. Yeah. They go to Doss Barbecue and I was like, And what's his name? Dave Unger? That actor? The guy who's on The Daily Show. Yeah! They go to Doss BBQ and I was like, this is gonna be a joke, right?

It does not pay off! Is it a Doss Boot themed BBQ joint? Is it? Is it Doss Boot? Cowboy Boot BBQ? I was doing a real six degrees of separation. It's nothing. It's just a product place for DOS barbecue. Is that a real place? I don't know. Probably. We should look it up. I'm doing it right now.

DOS boot barbecue. That's okay. Don't put that there. I'm done with them notes. I clearly stopped taking notes at some point. I'm done with them notes. Yeah. It is an Atlanta staple. There we go. Das Boot Barbecue. So they go there and Stan's like, I need an idea man. And if you're not going to be an idea man, I need this idea man. Cause idea man, can I leave this movie now? Hi, I'm a capitalist, but I have too much money.

What to do? Hire Idea Man? Unrealistic business reasons, bye. And he walks out of the movie, but he's delivering it in like Tim Meadows-ism. So I'm like, this is funny, but it's not supposed to be. He knows this is shit. It was just awkward. It's so awkward. it's not supposed to be. He knows this is shit. It was just awkward.

It's so awkward. The whole thing was awkward. Das food barbecue. Das food? We never even got to see the meat barbecue. No. That's what I'm there for, eating barbecue. You never eat on screen.

It's family that says enjoy your barbecue. I hate when people don't immediately start eating on TV. That's what you do when your food comes. Your fork is already in your hand. You don't keep talking. No. You've already been eating the never ending breadsticks. Just go.

Are you being racist against us again? Because our grandparents love the Olive Garden. I am offended. Nana's favorite place is the Olive Garden. She really loved the Olive Garden. She loved it. Hey, in this podcast, we're all family. Oh, good.

Me and Amelia. When you're here. So he comes bursting into Avery's house where she's having a housewarming party. And you think he's gonna propose again. Yeah, but he's like, I'd never do that. But I will tell you, you're a truly incredible woman. And I thought like, is she a truly incredible woman or did she just feel bad that she ruined everyone's life

and then tried to fix it by getting him a job? Katie, he loves her! There's literally nothing special about her. No. Besides her boobs. Okay, now it's one year later. Now it's one year later. One year later.

Because she loves him. Aww. Aww. I love you too. Aww. I love you too. May you're married? Well, the last line of the movie.

I can't remember. I literally can't remember. The last line of the movie is him saying, I booked our wedding venue today. Does that count? To which I wrote, dip shit. Did he tell her? I just don't even think I watched the last five minutes. I don't remember any of this. Well, you don't remember that Stan and Mom

are now together? Stan and Kristin Chenoweth are now together? That's so weird. Vicky! It's so weird! I don't know what happened to me. Are you saying it's so weird that they're together or so weird that you don't remember? I think weird that I don't remember any of this.

Did you have a series of mini strokes throughout the film? Maybe. I don't want to worry about you. I think the problem is that I should have watched this post Christmas. Pre-Christmas, I just think so many things were happening in my brain. We had an instance where we watched a movie,

and then the election happened, and then neither of us could talk about the movie. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. The movie just gone to you. It's like when you eat something and then throw up, then you can't eat it again. Exactly. You're so right. You can't taste it anymore. You just can't do it again.

Same idea. Jaeger Meister. Oh Jesus. Never again. That's just fucking weird is my last note. My last note is I can't believe Missy watches these recreationally. This is no hot Santa. I'll be honest with you. Hot Frosty? Did you watch Hot Frosty? It was good? No, it wasn't good. Was it a porn? No, it wasn't a porn. It was not good, but it was like, I mean, I think A Castle for Christmas was better than this movie. Yeah, I do too. I disagree. I agree. I agree. This is way more watchful. The last Lindsay Lohan movie we did was better than this. I agree completely. I agree. I agree. I agree. This is way more watchful. The last Lindsay Lohan movie we did was better than this. I agree completely. I agree with that.

That was very funny. That was better than this one. Yeah. I agree. But not much. Moving to the Reigning Space. This one was just so generic. Oh. And it didn't have any, it didn't have like as much good comedy as it was. No, no. No. If you're going to have Lindsay Lohan, let her be funny. Yeah. Yeah.

But I just think Castle for Christmas had so little going for it. I know. And so little going on. I know. They were so stodgy. I didn't hear it. Both Brooke Shields and Carrie Ellis. Actors you know I enjoy. And so it pains me to say this.

Christmas was only half the time in it. That's right. They didn't know it was this. I was so mad. You were like, it's an hour and 10 minutes in, it's just finally fucking Christmas. That's why I thought for a minute maybe Irish Wish was the one I was supposed to watch.

We should have had you watch a different movie. I practically did. I don't know what was happening. I'm trying to think of what an Irish Wish would be along the lines of an Irish goodbye. It would be not having a potato famine. I would like. Never heard of no pasta famine.

I think it's for love. Wishing for love. Wishing for gold. Wishing for love. Wishing for whiskey. I should not have uncorked the Irish taunts. She started it. I did not.

You said Irish. Vicky. I'm just a movie title. One out of 10. What would you give this movie? Probably a three, because I really like Lindsay Lohan. Maybe it would be higher if I paid more attention. OK.

That was my fault. Sorry. Katie. I don't think it's your fault. I think it's the movie's fault. No, it's the movie's fault. I really don't know what happened. This movie demands you not to pay attention to it. I know. It felt excruciating, but it felt

like one of the less excruciating rom-coms we've done for me with like, you've got male being at the top of the list of good and a castle for Christmas being all the way, no, Love Actually being all the way at the bottom. I like Love Actually. You got it. It's horrible. You think that Leonise is trying to fuck that child.

I thought they were a couple. That's the thing of the movie. You forgot that that one guy went to America, fucked January Jones, and then got on Death in Paradise. Oh yeah, he was on Death in Paradise. And now he has his own spinoff. Oh my God, you're right. I'm not watching that. Me neither. No fucking pandering me.

I'm gonna give this a four. Oh, okay. Oh wow. Do you think that's too high? Cause of Lindsay? Yes, I'm going to give this a four. Oh, OK. Oh, wow. Do you think that's too high? Because of Lindsay? Yes, I do. Because of Lindsay. Yeah. Always because of Lindsay.

And I thought Kristin Chenoweth was actually very funny in it, too. She is very funny. She's playing the bitch very well. She wasn't given a ton to work with, but I felt like she was really delivering on what she had. That's her character in every single thing she plays. She was being maleficent.

Yeah. I'll give it a four just for the hopes that they do more Lindsay Lohan movies so we can keep doing this. Yes, yes, yes. Everybody go home, put on Netflix, put on the Lindsay Lohan movie, and then leave the room. Right, right. And then put on-

Just so she can keep working. You don't have to watch it. You just have to support it. And then put Nellie on your Spotify. That's right. I paid his tax bill doing that. I just had Nellie's songs playing on Spotify for like weeks with the volume muted just to get him that money

because he had a big tax bill to pay. You should have cut out his band-aid budget. Oh, what if he still does that? No, it was only until his brother got out of prison. Oh, I did not know that. Look, I know a lot about Nellie. Oh my God, I did not know that. Nellie lyrics on my ass.

That's true. Shrugs and shrieks. Wait. We're. I'verugs and sh- Wait. I've never revealed what the lyrics are. No, no, I have to bleep that now. You have to, sorry you have to bleep so much of our podcast. Can I read you a review that we got before we get out of here? Do we have time for this?

We have time for whatever we want. It's our fucking show. It's like goddamn lives. All right. This says, Johan Perez, Johan P says, new favorite podcast, five stars. Ooh, hi Yohan. I found this,

I found this podcast recently on Facebook on a Facebook post about another horror podcast, the horror version. Oh, I don't know them. Someone recommended the podcast saying they liked the pod, but didn't like the foul mouth laughing emoji which immediately made me want to check you guys out I love the podcast starting in 2014 and now I'm at 2016 on episode 100 ish oh dang I'm just on the episode where Katie announces her pregnancy and I'm so happy I'm following you your lives each year.

Oh my God, I can practically drive now. That was a long time ago. Every time you guys say something about a movie that has a reboot in 2024 and stuff like that, it's so cool watching it with a future perspective. Oh wow. Anyways, I found you guys and I will meet up with you in 2024 soon.

Johan is coming for us. Virtually via the podcast. Thank you, Johan. I really appreciate you. I really appreciate you taking the time to leave us a five star review and to sit, leave us such a nice review. Yeah. And we've gotten some letters recently and stuff that we'll do next time we get together. So not to take any more of Vicky's time up. I got nothing to do. and to leave us such a nice review. Yeah, and we've gotten some letters recently and stuff that we'll do next time we get together, so not to take anymore of Vicky's time up.

Oh, I got nothing to do. I'm just in my pajamas. I'm just going to go downstairs and go to sleep. Katie. Alan. Let's get a little spacious. I love outer space. What about if it's a claustrophobic spaceship

environment? I love claustrophobic and outer space. What about if it's a claustrophobic spaceship environment? I love claustrophobic and outer space. What if we did alien Romulus? Is it on Shudder? It's on Hulu. Is it on Hulu? It's on Hulu. Great, I'll watch it there. You could try Shudder, but it's on Hulu.

Yeah, I'm going to look at Shudder first and see if there's something I actually want to watch. Just kidding, I heard this was OK. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've been looking for alien Remus. Yeah. And alien Romulus. Have you heard this was OK. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've been looking forward to Alien Remus. Yeah. And you're in Romulus. Have you seen Alien Romulus?

No, of course not. Have you seen any of the Alien movies? I did. Wasn't there like a prequel to Alien? Yep. What is it? There's Alien Covenant. There's Prometheus.

Prometheus. I saw Prometheus in the movie theater, or the drive-in, in a drive-in, pre to whatever movie I was gonna see after, I think that Abraham Lincoln vampire slayer one, and I had no idea that it had to do with Alien. I was so confused the whole time. I knew it and I was still confused. Yeah, I remember seeing the movie and being like,

but this isn't what I wanted. I mean, I'm easily confused, but I remember being like, what? And then like later finding out that it was still confused. Yeah, I remember seeing the movie and being like, but this isn't what I wanted. I mean, I'm easily confused, but I remember being like, what? No, that's not true. And then later finding out that it was the Alien prequel. Apparently this new one is closer to the OG. Great. So, looking forward to it. Check it out.

All right, so we'll be back next week with Alien Romulus. Vicki, thank you so much for being here. Aw, thanks for having me. Sorry, I was so confused tonight. That's okay, I've been enjoying all of the good Vicki time I've been spending lately. Love me some Vicki time. There's beenicky time, I don't get enough of it. There's been a lot, so.

We've got more coming. It's good being with you. Happy holidays, you idiots, love you both. Happy holidays. Love you too. Thanks for having me. Thanks for coming. Thanks guys. And go find us on the internet.

Oh, I didn't put those motherfucking T-shirts up. You hate KSWAR! New year, new, I did pinkie swear too. New year, new me, I'm gonna get done the shit that I say I'm gonna do. But not this weekend. Okay, just have a partying to do. I have partying to do this weekend.

Not this weekend. We're just gonna do a little partying. A little light partying. A little light partying, so come back to the light partying. We're in our pajamas in April, we'll be partying while we do it. And thanks for listening to another episode of The Real Fables. Bye! Many acts aint on deadpools, civilian sightings and the pool No way to end it once killed for film reviews

Killer glands and member face, killed him in outer space Appearance I pass in case, please make eye-continue grave EMT Morrow and comedy Reviews hungry Brian from Wings and Stephen King EMT We live deliciously Bad temper, treason, obese, gracing the gun today A pair of normal activities From this true Roger's city EMT EMT A paranormal activity Proposed to Roger City EFT, EFT