Werewolf Ambulance: A Horror Movie Comedy Podcast - Episode 506- Alien: Romulus (2024)

Episode Date: January 6, 2025

In this week's episode, we're checking out the newest entry in one of our all-time favorite franchises with the 2024 film "Alien: Romulus." Special topics for your consideration include: teens in space, the horrors of the universe, a total lack of scientific understanding on our parts, possible evolutionary advances that could benefit us, and of course, Data's dick. Of course. Want to hear us talk about the original "Alien?" It's Episode 65. I was also absolutely sure that we covered "Aliens" but that must have been on our action movie Patreon (details below). In that case, maybe just go listen to Episode 183- "The Alien Factor," possibly the finest horrible terrible alien film ever made. The regular lineup of links! You can support us at patreon.com/werewolfambulance and listen to a ton of action movie episodes! This month it's "Armageddon" because the top tier Patrons are actually just paying their hard-earned money to upset me. THANKS YINZ. leave us a message at 412-407-7025 hang out with some cool listeners at https://discord.gg/DutFjx3cBD  buy merch at www.teepublic.com/user/werewolfambulance the best place to reach us is at [e-mail] we're on Reddit at r/werewolfambulance sorta on Twitter @werebulance sorta on Instagram @werewolfambulance www.werewolfambulance.com if you feel you really must lodge a complaint with us, please do it on Facebook at facebook.com/werewolfambulance because we are probably not gonna see that, ever.   If you liked this, please leave us a review on Apple Podcasts or wherever you listen! It helps others find us and allows us to continue to grow.   Intro song is by Alex Van Luvie Outro song is A. Wallis- "EMT" Seriously, we have the best listeners, hands down. 

In space. No one can hear you, teen. That should have been the timeline for this movie. Yeah. Bunch of teens in space. Yeah. Yeah. Oh. I mean, I've been, when I started this movie, I was like, thinking about how I don't really like space. Sure.

And I was like, maybe I should give space more of a chance. Final frontier. I like next generation, but I realized that that's because they're just like, there's a Gimblede in sectored Guelve, you know? And it doesn't mean anything. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But in these movies- You're like a light sci-fi.

Yes. This kind of thing, I feel like, I'm supposed to know things about spaceships already, and I feel stupid that I don't. Oh, okay. I wanna know why they always so wet. Why spaceships always so wet in these movies? I don't know, I don't know.

I don't know what happens when you open the window, I don't know what happens when you press the buttons. Think about a plane, but harder. Okay, I get it. See, that's the kind of explanation I need. We're doing alien Romulus. Do you think they didn't do alien Remus because of uncle Remus, the racist character from the beginning of the last century?

Wasn't Romulus the one who was king though? Oh, maybe. I think so. All I remember about Romulus and Remus is that they both got their milk from a wolf's tit. Right. Which I don't know that you would know to do. No.

I mean, but if you're gonna rule Rome at some point, or create Rome, right? Didn't they invent Rome? They founded Rome. Yeah, they invented it. And then Romulus kills Remus. Oh, gotcha. Then it makes total sense to call it Romulus. Yeah, they invented it. And then Romulus kills Remus. Oh, gotcha. So then it makes total sense to call it Romulus.

Yeah. Romulus is the murdering one. He's the murdering one, yeah. I feel like I should say this out of the gate. I really fucking like this movie. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's very enjoyable. Yeah.

It reminded me, have you ever played Mothership, the RPG? No. It's like Aliens, the RPG, basically. I like that. Oh, maybe I have. Maybe I have. It's like a Super Rules light. Yes.

Is it like all D12s or something like that? Yeah. It's a real fun system, but this was like, oh, this is a one shot for Mothership. That's what this movie feels like to me. But also let's tie it in with your old friends. Yeah. Ian Holm.

Sure. I was like, how'd they get it? He died. He's dead. Your old friends, the fuck is Bilbo doing here? I will say right out of the gates, I love it when a logo is messed with at the beginning of a movie.

Yeah, very cutesy. It felt very tree house of horror, which I like a lot. Jim, friend of the podcast, did describe this movie as Disney body horror. Yeah, he's not wrong at all. We open on some space shit. There's always this goddamn, something's beeping, something's flashing. I don't, you know. It's gonna throw back to the OG.

Sure. Ship getting woken up by a distress signal. But this is all space. All space does this. Yeah, yeah. But they find wreckage, and it's the Nostromo. It's the Nostromo. That's cool.

Yeah. I like it. What do they find in the wreckage and it's the Nostromo. That's cool. I like it. What do they find in the wreckage? What do they go to get out of the wreckage, Katie? A xenomorph out of a amber that they put a needle in and suck the blood out and then made an amusement park around it. Welcome to your demise.

And while this is happening, the score is just like one step shy of Oh Fortuna. Just like, whoa, settle it down. Bad, I love Oh Fortuna. Yeah. It's a bop. It's a banger. Slaps.

Yeah. Boom, boom, boom. So yes, we get this like opening montage of them cutting the xenomorph out of the stone and a bunch of like scientists going, Oh man. Yeah. And I like it. It's fine. It's fine.

Yeah, I'm into it. Then we get a bunch of people coughing and then like a news alert or PA system broadcast being like, please report to the medical bay. If you're sick, these motherfuckers brought COVID to space. But I mean, I like, I love just being dumped into a fully fleshed out dystopian hellscape. Right zero hours of sun. Yeah, zero hours of sun, it's a mining colony. Everybody is miserable,

there's revolutionaries on the street. There's thugs, there's the world's most adorable Android, Andy. Do you find Andy cute? Oh, I love Andy. Oh, Andy. He's in a really good Agatha Christie adaptation. Oh, really? On Brit Box? I think Agatha Christie adaptation. Oh really? Yeah.

On Brit Box? I think it's either on Brit Box or PBS. I'll look it up. Yeah, yeah. He's really good in it. Who was the actor that played Andy? That is- David Janssen?

David Janssen. Son of a yawn. That's what, yeah. No, I'm looking at you. He just has this like, because he has like those like heavily hooded eyes and his brow was always arched in the center. It's like a buddy. Do you need a hand or you okay? He's going to scritch him under the chin.

So to make sure everything's all right. So he has known her and her, this is Rain, our protagonist, known her since she was 12 and he keeps making puns. Such good jokes. Oh God. I feel like I would have thrown him into a ravine. I was on alien Romulus, r slash alien Romulus and it's just people making Andy jokes.

Oh God, of course it is. Of course it is. just people making Andy jokes. Oh God, of course it is. Of course it is. So yeah, she, Reign has a plan to get off of the alien hellscape. Yeah, she's gonna cash in her work credits for a travel visa.

Yeah, to a non-colony system. Right. Yvaga. Yvaga. Yeah. Which has a son. And also, if you are allergic to Yvaga, don't take Yvaga. Yvaga. Yeah. Which has a sun. And also if you are allergic to Yvaga, don't take Yvaga. Yeah. Side effects of Yvaga include xenomorphs. Xenomorphs and diarrhea.

Yeah, definitely diarrhea. Unwanted pregnancies. And very, very goopy discharge from your breast. Yeah. Oh, fuck. That's what it feels like. Well, nevermind. Nevermind. It's horror. No one tells you about the horrors of lactation. But of course she gets refused her visa to Yavaga and the woman at the, what was it? The office of like off colony, something or other. It's just like office of off colony affairs. It's like, yeah, try again in five or six years. Cycles, they call everything cycles.

Oh yeah, it's true, cause there's no sun. Cause there's no sun, how would you measure a year? Yeah, it's brutal. Oh man. She comes out and Andy's getting the shit kicked out of him. He's bleeding white. And I thought that's because there's no sun. Cause I'm really smart.

I'm really smart and good at space. Wow, his blood turned white. Okay. What? Lack of vitamin D, you get that milk blood. You never know. It could be. it could be. It could be.

But it's not, it's because he is a synthetic. Yes. Just like Ash and Lance Henriksen. Oh yeah, Lance Henriksen. Yeah. Yeah. I remember his synthetic's name. Ropey. Ropey. Ropey.

He's fun for a girl and a boy. So yeah, she gets Andy unwulped and then fixes him up with like a fucking pocket wrench in his neck. All of his business seems to take place through a port in his neck. Yeah, God, I wish. You wanna shit out a port in his neck. Yeah. God, I wish. You want to shit out a port in your neck? Why not? Dude.

So easy to wipe. Gross. So she gets a call from some old buds that are like, hey, come meet up with us. We got a thing going on. Yeah. And they it looks like an RV park anywhere, really. Yeah. Yeah. Just like in space. I love Rednecks in really. Yeah. Yeah. But just like in space. Love Rednecks in Space. Yeah.

Big fan. And we meet, what is it? Tyler. Tyler. Kay, Tyler's sister. Yep. Navarro. Yeah. And Bjorn.

Bjorn. And that's it, right? Yes. Because she makes, Rain makes five. Right, right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And Bjorn's a piece of shit. Yeah.

Especially to Andy. He's real racist against androids. Yeah, yeah. Wait, is his name Andy because he's an android? Maybe, probably. She got him when she was a kid. Yeah. Yeah. And they tell her that there's a ship in orbit,

it's derelict, that they're going to go to, to steal cryopods so that they can go to Yavaga because the company's never gonna let them go. Right. Which is sad. It's sad, it's sad. They need Andy. The reason they've called her in is that they need Andy because he was

programmed by what's the name of the way and Utah, way and Utah to be an Android. So he still can open doors and get security access. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I love that the kids, I feel like it's a very like easy, but lived in world is when they call it way you. Yeah. Yeah. Oh yeah. That feels like that feels right. It's real natural. Yeah. Um, so yeah, they're gonna, they're gonna, they're gonna go up to this spaceship and check it out. Navarro's the pilot. She's cool. Yeah, she's cool.

She's like shaved head, tough, very attractive and ropey somehow. Yeah, sure. Yeah. The alien world, the ropeiest of people. The ropeiest, yeah. Yeah, yeah, while they're talking about this, like needing to escape from here,

we see a bunch of people in like full mining suits carrying canaries in cages. Yeah. It's like, wow, we're still doing that too, huh? Yeah. carrying canaries in cages. It's like, wow, we're still doing that too, huh? Tell me that capitalism doesn't give a shit about people without telling me that capitalism doesn't give a shit about people. Very well said.

I do like that they're on a ringed planet. I wish we were a ringed planet. I think rings around a planet are very cool. Like Saturn. Like when I found out that those rings were ice, it blew my mind. Well, it's hard on earth here because earth is flat. It's not like Saturn.

Saturn is round. 2025, baby, I'm leaning in. We're all gonna get weird. So after they fake the golf of Tonkin, they were able to make you believe. But the towers were never there, you see. They didn't have to get hit because they never existed. So Russia isn't real.

Vaccines cause autism. See how that sounds too, just like all the others. Cybertrucks look cool. Cybertrucks look dope when they blow up. Tell you that for sure. It was filled with fireworks. Like, let's make it a party. Yeah.

Probably just taking them in his truck somewhere. Oh God though. Yeah. I'm not cut out for space work and space life. No, terrifying. No. Did you ever hear the story about William Shatner going into space finally? No.

Like somebody like Virgin or somebody took him up and to like their low or thing or low orbit thing that they do. And he got up and he came back down and people were like, Oh, what'd you think? You got Captain Kirk. He must've loved it in space. He's like, there's nothing. I just looked down to a void. It was awful. Wish I hadn't done it. Where William Shatner went wrong. Just like, you just like gave him the,

like when you think about space, it's fucking terrifying. Like everything in space is terrifying. Yeah. It's very cool, but it's also very terrifying. Yeah, I mean, maybe we're not meant to understand. Sure. But this is why I'm more scared of the ocean, because we know more about space than we do about the ocean.

Sure, yeah. And that's why I'm scared of the ocean. And the ocean's more about space than we do about the ocean. Sure, yeah. And that's why I'm scared of the ocean. And the ocean's right there. People are like, let's take a vacation there. No one's saying, let's take a vacation to, oh wait. They will, they will. They are, they are actually. Yeah, they're gonna do that.

Anyway, smoking on a spaceship seems like a real prick move. Sure, sure. And what are you smoking? Where are you getting cigarettes from? Great question. Just human fe what, what are you smoking? Where are you getting cigarettes from? Great question. Just human feces, I assume. Probably. But as they leave, I guess, the orbit of this-

Yeah, the atmosphere. The atmosphere, they see the sun. Yeah. And the way they feel seeing the sun is the way that I feel when I see it in Pittsburgh in December. Just like with an awe of, like with an air of awe and mistrust. I love that the sky is on fire below them. Like there's lightning storms everywhere.

But then like it's just red and looks like lava below them and they see the sun and they're like, Oh, it's so beautiful. I've never seen the sun before. Terror. Is that? Yes. It's our sun. Yeah. Get it? our son. Yeah. Get it? They birthed it. It's our son. Whose son? Jesus.

What? So we learned that the space station, which is a space station, not a ship, that they're going to. Yeah. And it's going to crash into the rings of their planet. Okay. And so they have like nine hours or something

until that happens. That's the impact event. Exactly. Okay, okay. Cause what would happen if that happened? It would destroy the ship. Okay, okay. As seen in the film we're watching.

Right. Because they're basically hitting ice mountains in space. Sure. In space detritus that it's stuck in a loop. But they've got hours and Tyler's sure that they can do this in a half an hour, but in and out, the old in and out. I am absolutely sure that nothing will go wrong

with this plan. No, no, space stuff, it's easy. Yeah. And we learned that Andy's directive is to do what's best for rain. God, I need an Andy. What have you had someone whose job it was to just do whatever was best for you? I thought that was me.

I thought that's what I'm doing for you. Do what's best for candy. I don't know, man. There are some things that I could tell you are the best for me that I just don't feel like you would do. Come on, we got to rob the market district. Oh yeah, I'd help you do that. They would have it coming. They've been robbing us for years.

I thought you were gonna get us some like Dr. Pimple Popper shit. But I'm like, oh, I can't do that for you. Oh, no, no, no, no. Well. Our friendship has a limit. I don't, my love for you is unconditional. So Andy gets them in. Yeah. Our friendship has a limit. My love for you is unconditional. So Andy gets them in.

Yeah. The butthole opens, the butthole closes. The death butthole. It's a butthole of blades. It's a butthole of blades. I turned to Missy and said, why do all these things have to look like assholes? Everything does though. I do appreciate that this movie has brought back the horniness of an H.E. Geiger, or H.R. Geiger.

Yeah, for sure. This is the horniest one and I've seen it a long time. It's got a lot of, yeah, it's got a lot of horndog to it. Yeah, so it's Bjorn, Andy and Tyler go into the air lock and onto the ship. Right. And they have to go through this like extremely tight space and I was like, is that just upset me? That's the foyer. Like, why are you doing this?

This spaceship's got a strong no fatties policy. That sucks, spaceship. They figure out where the pods should be. Yeah. And then like, here's another thing I don't get. Gravity, no gravity, little bit of gravity. How control the gravity? They've set up that the gravity system went offline, has to purge itself every blabity blabity minutes.

Okay. So there you're like, will be no gravity and then it'll kick on for a second and then cut back off again. Yeah. I don't know why, I don't know how it works. Okay, I didn't know if that was like an established sci-fi trope,

but I've never heard it before. I think it was just to be Chekhov's gravity at the end of the movie. Yeah. But yeah, I liked Bjorn falling on his back and saying, I broke my asshole. It was good. Yeah. Uh, they're, yeah, cause they're booting up the old spaceship. Yeah. Opening mother 9,000. But they find the pods and they only have three years worth of juice. And they need nine years. Can I ask a question about that? Love it. Do they have to go into cryosleep because it doesn't, because it actually takes nine years to get there

or do they have to go into cryosleep so that it can go so fast that it won't take nine years? It actually takes nine years to get there. And if you're asleep and being sustained by these pods, you don't have to bring food along for that amount of time. Yeah, so, but when you get there, nine years have passed. Uh-huh. That's how space travel works. I don't think I would do that.

Yeah, no. You're missing a lot. No, I mean, it takes what? It's like nine months to get to Mars. Like, that's just nine months. That's how long it's gonna take us to do that. Yeah. So it was like, oh, shit, I forgot my keys.

I'll be right back in 18 months. Yeah, right. Well, I don't think I'd participate in space travel. No, I'm an Earthbound misfit. I'm not going out there. I'm gonna fuck this up and die. Fuck it up. We learned that Bjorn hates androids because an android

left his mom to die. Yeah, it made the decision to seal the mind she was in. To save dozens of other people. You hate it. Yeah, yeah, who doesn't hate the trolley problem? Yeah. But I like, I mean, again, this movie is very good at, it's very good at just like,

here, I'm just gonna give you this information, but not making it feel like information dumping on you. It's just like, I need to tell you why Bjorn hates them. It's conversational. And it also is very good, I think, at the, except for maybe one time, at the callbacks to the other Alien franchise stuff of reminding you of Alien stuff, I think it misses a beat once, but that's.

When do you think it misses a beat? Oh, you bitch. Yeah. Yeah. But it doesn't ruin the movie or anything for me. No. For everyone, I'm referencing a line in the movie, not calling Katie a bitch. No, it's okay. I'm fine with either. We get a big splashy barf. I

bet you hated that too. Yeah. Yeah. I hate a big splashy barf. And we find out that Kay is pregnant. And I also like that she's like, who's the father? I don't know some asshole. And then she's like, don't tell my brother. And it's, I think he's going to find out. Cause like, are you going to get that? Okay. You get in there pregnant. She's going to have a nine year old. What were you thinking? But she's going to have a nine year old fetus, right? I feel like that's bad for it.

I feel like if I couldn't eat salami or whatever the fuck like. What? Yeah. You can't eat deli meats like listeria or something I don't feel like you should cryo freeze a fetus in my mind you were the nine-year-old fetus who was, I can't eat salami. I've been in here for nine fucking years. All I've been waiting to do is get out and have salami. I've heard tell of salami. What would a nine year old fetus look like? I guess an eight year old child. Got it. Oh man. Oh, you're great.

We learned that Andy can't go to Yavaga because no artificial people are allowed there. Yeah, it's not a Weyland-Yutani colony that they don't let that stuff in. And we learned that in the kindest way possible. By Bjorn saying, well you think you're coming? I'm fucking coming. And Reynadn told him, which was dick. Yeah. Also, is Rain 11?

She looks so insanely young. She's a cute baby button. I'll tell you what. She's a cute baby button. How old do you think she actually is? 23. Oh God, her name is spelled so wrong. C-A-I-L-E-E. That does not seem right to me.

She's 26. Oh, okay. All right. Yeah. Wow. Wow. Why do I look like a child since I'm 26 as well? What are you laughing at?

Shut up. Oh, just one of my notes. I have a funny note. Anyway, I do. Can I tell you laughing at? Shut up. Oh, just one of my notes. I have a funny note. Anyway, I do. Can I tell you something stupid? I know it's a diversion and we never do that on this podcast. No, God. We were here to talk about business.

So sometimes I get bored and just scroll through Reddit and I ended up on the Southern Reach trilogy Reddit. Oh, okay. I didn't read those, but people really like them. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. yeah, they're fun. They're fun. But someone had posted, it's like all about

like nature going weird. Yeah, yeah. So someone had posted, they were in like Denver or something and they found a picture of a jackalope, you know, the rabbit with deer antlers. And they were like, oh, this reminded, this screamed the area X to me, which is in the Southern region. So all these people were replying and I replied, Oh man,

I wish you had gotten a recording of the scream and then had to put my phone down because I laughed for so long and my own dumb joke. I don't get it. It screamed area X to me. I wish you to know that that is the first time I've ever posted on Reddit there was a non-werewolf ambulance really in the thing. Wow. I imagine you like flexing your hands

to crack your knuckles before typing it in. The first thing I did was scroll through the comments to make sure no one else had said it. They hadn't, I assure you. Oh, God bless you, Alan. I wish you had gotten a recording of the scream. And then I ran upstairs and I was't, I assure you. Oh, God bless you, Alan. I wish you had gotten a recording of the scream. And then I ran upstairs and I was like, missing, I just did the funniest thing.

How many upvotes have you gotten? Did you check? One. It's your own? I always delete my own upvotes. Do you really? It feels disingenuous, yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. God, you're a strange man. Wait, are you just putting this out God, you're a strange man. I love you though. Wait, are you just putting this out like 15 years into our friendship? No, I knew. So Bjorn's got a stun rod that he found

and he's being a dick and like threatening Andy with it. Until Andy saves his damn life. Yeah, but that's like, Bjorn's about to fall in a hole, but the way it looks is like he's waving the sun rod at Andy and Andy just lurches at him. And Bjorn's like, oh shit, I'm sorry. Yeah, he's scared of him. I would be too.

He's a machine. Yeah, he's got the white bloods. And he can fuck like Data, presumably. At one point the movie stops, Andy turns to the camera and goes, I can fuck like Data. Andy has a penis. Why does Andy have a penis? Data, why does Data have a dick?

We haven't talked about this in ages. So we can fuck Tasha Yar. Yeah, fuck her to death. No, that's Worf. Worf will fuck you to death. She got dented by some ooze. Yeah, that's such a fucking bummer. Such a bummer of a death. Yeah. Cause she showed her titties in a magazine. Fucking bummer. Such a bummer of a death.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Um, well, but anyway, they find enough fuel to get them to Yvaga. And by the whole that, and, or, uh, Bjornimus Felin is the, uh, half upper half of an Android. Right. That's been melted by acid. There's a body. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So yeah, they get the,

they have to go to the cryo chamber to get in and, uh, get the fuel they need to get them to your Vaga. And I love this setup of they show you one of the legs of the facehuggers and I love the like, Oh, we know they don't know. They don't know. No fucking idea. Yeah. They think nothing else will go wrong. They're so sure of it. And then the worst, there's the rows of them and like shrink wrap.

Yeah. I wanted to puke. They are disgusting. I like it a lot. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And they're going to the cryo chamber and it's knee deep water.

And I'm like, it's gotta smell bad. Why is it wet? Cause I guess it was frozen at some point. So it thought out. But where did the ice come from? Where I had to start. It's true. I don't know. These ships are wet as shit, man. That's what I'm saying. Uh, uh, so yeah, they, they get the, the thing they need, but when they take out the cryo fuel, it sets off an alarm because the ship knows that you can't take that out or it'll they need, but when they take out the cryo fuel,

it sets off an alarm because the ship knows that you can't take that out or it'll thaw out the things that are in here. And they get locked in and they have to swap out Andy's data card from the old Android that's laying on the floor. Who's the old fucking Android? It's Ash's brother, Rook. Yeah, it sure is.

It sure is. I do appreciate that he's not all CGI, that it is an animatronic head. Yeah, but it's using a life cast made of him from The Hobbit. Yeah, so it's like an old, you know? Yeah. Yeah. It's weird.

Yeah, but it like, it felt more tactile than like, this will mean nothing to you. But in the star wars movies, they put characters that were dead into the movies. I've heard of this. And they look like shit. Yeah. Cause they're just CGI. It looks like, Hey, I'm going to turn and talk to this video game character right now and then go back to the movie. Like snap, crackle and pop her ear. And then I'm going to go back to the movie. Yeah. Um. I'll tell you what. Yeah. If I die.

Yeah. If I die. Yeah. You have full permission to make a CGI me and make it just for fun. Oh, you're getting Tupac hologrammed. Like out of the gates. I will agree to this if I can just be like a poopy rapper.

I come back as a poopy rapper, you know, just like poop and farts and farts and poop, you know, shit like that. Just. My favorite genre of hip hop. Yeah, poopy rapper. I come back as a poopy rapper, you know, just like poop and farts and farts and poop, you know, shit like that. My favorite genre of hip hop. Yeah, poopy rapper. MF Boom Boom, love him. Perfect. Lil Boom Boom, actually.

Lil Boom Boom. Diarrhea, but somehow just spelled with all Xs. And a Y, one Y. So there's a very tense scene where they're trying to like get the new card into Andy out of the old Android. She's got to scrape off like old white blood and I was like, you know what that looks like, right? You know what that looks like?

Yeah, you're scratching it off. Old cum neck over there. Just go over there and get that stuff out. Why is there blood cum? I don't know. Okay. And during this time, Navarro, who's just out fucking around. Yeah, just waiting, hanging out, chilling.

She finds an X-ray machine and just starts putting it up against her body. I was like, ma'am, ma'am. At first I was like radiation. And then I thought like you live on this mining planet. You're in space. You're fucked. Yeah.

Your life expectancy is now. Tomorrow. So Andy reboots. It's very scary. Yeah. Yeah. Because he does like the eyes roll up into his head and stare at the ceiling and go, aggada, aggada, aggada.

It's upsetting. And while he's doing that, something falls into the water. Yes, out of the orange square. Yeah. They're swimming. They can swim. Of course they can. They're very good.

Perfect organism. Perfect organism. And they like flip beyond to the ground. Yeah, face hugging him. Yeah. And we have, to my knowledge, I don't know that I've ever seen the ovipositor before on one of these things.

It looks like their little dicks come out and smack him in the face trying to get into his mouth. Oh, ovipositor. Yeah, it puts the ovum into the thing. Into what thing? Into the mouths, into their bodies. It's the ovipositor. Who has this? Into what thing? Into the mouths, into their bodies. It's the ovipositor.

Who has this? Oh, it's a term I've learned from mystery science theater. Okay. All right. All right. I believe they refer to who's the guy from pod people. Trompey. Trompey is having an ovipositor on his face.

Okay. All right. I'll look into it. I think anything like welches out eggs like that. Like, okay. Yeah. Great. But anyway, it's like smacking him in the face. Like it's a little ding dong. That's funny. That's very funny. Yeah. It like grabs Bjorn, then Tyler, then Bjorn shocks it. Andy snags it by the tail in midair. Yeah. They sure do move quick. Yeah. Yeah. I love, yeah. Andy snags it by the tail in midair. Yeah. Are they sure do you move quick? Yeah. Yeah.

I love, yeah, he comes back from his like eye rolling and just in time to snatch this thing out of the air. And then they have to climb through this door that won't open all the way, which is upsetting in itself. Yeah. You know, tiny doors. No one wants to try to squeeze through tiny doors. No, you're right.

And then they can't get it shut all the way so that the facehuggers start piling out and Missy like jumped out of her seat. When this really, that's very good. She was like, that's too much. It's so gross. I think it's just the right amount of gross. They're really, it's really gnarly. They're so skittery. Yeah. Yeah. Cause they look like hands with a tail running at you to jump on your face with the little wangers.

So fast. Yeah. So fast. You can barely tell what they are. Yeah. Now they're all loose. They're all loose. Yeah. Um, but then they go. This is where I got confused. Did they leave the space station and go to back onto the ship? When does Navarro get there? They're still on the ship because they go to talk to Rook. Right. Because Navarro came over with Rain to get them out of that room.

Right. They got locked in. Yeah. Yes. So that's why Navarro gets hit with the face hugger. Right. And it's doing its whole like tentacle choking her out and they're like oh my god it's going to kill her and he's like actually I think it's going to keep her alive. It's feeding her oxygen. I don't know why. I have keeping her alive. I have just been upgraded. So yeah they hook up the top of Rook's body basically to get him to tell them about the creature. You don't help her, you run. That's what he says. Oh, oh, it's so gross.

And they, and Rain gets the idea to freeze off the tail of the face lager so that it'll release her around her neck and they can pull the thing off of her. And when they do, the ovopositor is like 12 feet long as they pull it out. Whoa, so gross. It's so gnarly. And Rook gives her 60, 40 odds

that the alien didn't lay an egg inside of her. Yeah, they say what's gonna grow out of her and then it pans out to show a xenomorph hanging from the ceiling. Fuck! Oh, yeah, yeah. Meanwhile, Kay is sleeping through this whole thing morph hanging from the ceiling. Fuck. Meanwhile, Kay is sleeping through this whole thing. Like, come on. Just an adorable little angel. Just like the first trimester tiredness, I guess.

Is that a thing? It is. Yeah, I'm sure. Your body is becoming not your body. It's very weird. It's always your own body. No, no, no, no, no. Ah! But it is becoming a different, there's different stuff going on to be weird. Are you gonna explain pregnancy to me? Yeah.

So. How that baby get there? When an alien loves the mouth very much. Okay. So they're, Bjorn's taking Navarro back to the ship because Andy is trying to kill Navarro. Is he though? No.

I don't know. Yeah, but they don't know what he's trying to do and Bjorn is not trusting of Andy. Right. But also Rainn is like, are you trying to kill her? And he's like, yeah. Yeah, Navarro looks bad. Yes.

And then she x-rays her own chest. And she uses, yeah, she sees the creature bouncing around in her chest cavity. And I was like, there's so much, their gestation period is so much shorter than it was in the first movie. Yeah, that's right. Yeah. You're right about that.

And then she was like flailing around and just kicks the car into gear. Now this is their spaceship? You're right about that. And then she was like flailing around and just kicks the car into gear. Now this is their spaceship? Their spaceship is flying around? Oh, I like that it just ends up on a loading dock. Yeah. Oh, she's actually really good.

Yeah, great work. But it also loses a bunch of fuel in the process. Mm, okay. So it speeds up the timeline of when it's going to crash into the rings, not Saturn. But I love the chest bursar x-ray thing of seeing it bounce around inside her chest. It was gross. It looks gross, it looks great, and it's terrifying to see her say, like, please don't let me

die. And you're like, nah, I think it happened. I think it's over. Did you ever see that movie, the believers? Tell me what happens. It's about voodoo. I think, is it, uh, Martin Sheen, maybe any points. Somebody gets a blemish on their face and goes to like pop it and a bee comes out. And like,

I feel like this chest burster x-ray thing is now replacing that in my nightmares of like, what could happen to my body. I love that. Yeah. There was a scary story to tell in the dark story about a girl who has a boil on her face and so she takes a really hot bath and it hatches open and thousands of little spiders come out. That was in the movie, wasn't it? It may have been in the movie too. It's like one of the iconic images from the books. Yeah. That's so gross. Yeah. I've been thinking about that since I was six. I'm fine. Botflies. And you're like, oh, it's real.

It's real. So, yeah, it crashes in a loading dock. They have 47 minutes to impact now. Rook is on the move, crawling his ass around on the counter. How's he doing that? We learn that Andy has a new directive. Yes. It's to do whatever's best for the company.

Fucking Andy. Andy. Andy. So he tells them that they're searching out their heat signature. So Rain gets the idea to raise the temperature of the ship to match their body temperature. Yeah.

And then it made me think about the thing that has never made sense to me since I was a child. If my body is 98 degrees, why does it bother me when outside is 98 degrees? I don't know, but I'm sure we have some scientists who listen to this show who can answer that question. Dr. Beer, get in touch. Dr. Beer, MD, PhD, Psy.D, MED, whatever you are.

Or your alligator knowledgeable sibling. Yes, ask your gator sister. I need to know. Yeah, I've never known like, I was like, well, if that's 98 degrees and I'm 98 degrees, should be fine, right? Everything should be fine. Yeah, why does 75 degrees feel so,

air temperature feel like so comfortable to us? But then if you're sitting in water and it's 75 degrees, you're cold, right? I don't think so. I think 75 degrees is a pretty good temperature for water. I guess so. Yeah. But if you were in 98 degrees water, it'd be like, oh, that's, it's toasty. That's a hot tub. Yeah. Yeah. Which is called? A human soup. There you have it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Which is called a human soup. There you have it. Um, so Kay finally wakes the fuck up and sees dead Navarro and sees the, uh, fucking space dick burst out of her chest and stuff. So gross.

It's our gear. You nasty. Do you think he had anything, any influence on that sort of hanging man with no back to his head? No, it's, it's, I feel like all the bodies that are hanging up around the place look a little bit dookie. Sure. I don't know why they do. Yeah. I feel like they could have been better.

Yeah, agreed. Agreed. Um, I feel like they were like, listen, later on in the movie we're gonna get to this fucking vagina pod that's gonna blow your mind, so just focus on that, don't bathe into these bodies. So they have to, so they've raised the temperature of the room and now they're gonna try and get by the, my new favorite word from the movie, parasitoids.

Ooh. Cause I was like, I just call them face huggers, but you got a science name for them. I'm sticking with face huggers, cause I don't know that one. And the parasitoids are just like, like looking around with their eyeless hand bodies, but like not seeing them and they're walking real,

and then Tyler gets a phone call from his sister. What the fuck, man. Don't answer that. No. These teens and their phones. You cannot detach them from their hands. And also the little baby xenomorphs, they're kind of cute.

Just like sort of pathetic in their looks, really. You know? Oh, look at that little baby xenomorph with little silver teeth. They have two sets of great grills. It's like two Paul walls. That's a joke for almost. I think me.

Yeah. I love chopped and screwed hip hop. What are you going to do? See, we see the, the sloughed off skin of the chest burster. Yeah, it's growing. Yeah, and now it's in its larval stage. I have here that Bjorn is full of bad ideas, but I don't know what it is. So you see a big, let's call it what it is, a big space pussy hanging on the wall.

Yeah, giant space pussy. And so you're going to hook up the cattle prod you have to the electrical outlet in the wall to make it even stronger and then just jam it on in there. Right. That makes. Uh huh. Yeah. Uh huh. And then it squirts acid all over him. So he gets squirted on by the wall. Yeah. Squirted acid and then a dramatic death. And then yeah, cause it squirts into his chest and then his chest explodes.

Yeah. I was like, that's cool. That is cool. And also fuck Bjorn. Yeah. Also, what is your family nationality if you have one child named Tyler and a cousin named Bjorn? What are you guys doing?

Yes. Okay. I have a note that says Bjorn dies and our alien hero rises. Fair enough. Fair enough. Because the alien hatches from the wall vagina. And it is terrifying, as always.

There's a lot of birth in this. Yes, yeah. And I do like that a like eight foot long penis comes out of this wall vagina. Yeah, I feel like the director, what is his name? Fede Alvarez? Yeah. Was really going Alvarez? Yeah.

Was really going through some things. Yeah. Make it more dick looking. Make it look more like a dick. Can you do that for me? I feel like his wife was pregnant for the first time or something and he was having some real big feelings about that.

He had just witnessed the birth. It was like, guys, it's horrifying. It's a nightmare. They call it beautiful. It's not. It's not beautiful. It's horrible. It's a nightmare. They call it beautiful. It's not. It's not beautiful. It's horrible. It's so wet.

I have another note that says, Gere was a horny man. Oh, he also directed that Evil Dead, the 2013 Evil Dead. Yeah. Did you see that one? Uh-uh. Yeah. It's very violent and very, like, it's not a fun movie.

I gotcha. And don't breathe as well. Which I will never see. Why is that? Because it's not a fun movie. I gotcha yeah and don't breathe as well. Which I will never see. Why is that? Because it's very rapey. Oh home intruders. Yeah they find a woman chained up in a basement that a man's been trying to put a baby inside of because she killed his baby. Wow okay no! I'm so glad we're not doing that next week. I mean I get it but that's a bridge too far for me. That's on entertainment for you. That's fine.

That's fine. I feel like I got as close as I'm going to get to that with barbarian. Yeah. Yeah. Barbarian was funny though. Barbarian was really funny. So yeah, Kay gives a phone call and now they're on the run from the parasitoids and we get the 30 minutes to impact note from the computer.

And then they have to get through a door and Tyler almost doesn't make it through the door. And Rain's like, you almost killed Tyler. And he's like, yeah, but I didn't. Yeah. He's like, if you noticed, I reacted at the exact right moment that he wouldn't die. I was like, oh, you're a nerd too on top of everything. Fucking pedantic piece of shit. Is this when Kate, yeah, Kate.

Kate takes this massive spill and I was like, wow, she lives, probably not pregnant no more. But like the rest of the movie we are to pretend she is pregnant. Yeah. Oh boy. She falls three stories onto her tum-tum. So she's locked on the other side of the door that Andy won't open. Because he says that if he opens it, then the monster could get in to get them. So she's locked on the other side of the door that Andy won't open. Right. Because he says that if he opens it, then the monster could get in to get them.

Because we can see the xenomorph is behind her waiting for them to open the door. Right. And we also learned that he has a new directive, which is to finish the mission. Yeah. From Rook. Yeah. Get that ooze. Yeah.

Just like the Ninja Turtles. Yeah. Secret of the ooze. So this is a very stressy scene. Yeah. Just like the Ninja Turtles. Yeah, Secret of the Ooze. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. So this is a very stressy scene, like you're on opposite sides of the door, they can't get it open, Andy won't do it.

And they can't hear each other. And then all of a sudden she's just like gone, pulled straight upward. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's a lot of tail work from the aliens in this movie. Yeah. Yeah. A lot of lifting people off the ground.

I like that. Yeah. Yeah. Why wouldn't you? If you had a big bony tail, you'd be pulling things all over the place. Can you imagine the things I would do with a big bony tail? Making a sandwich. It's the first thing I can think of.

Oh man. Andy says something to the others like that they were too weak to make the decision about opening the door. And I thought, well, at least all of humanity is too weak for space life. Like that makes me feel a little better about myself. I feel like Andy, when he got rebooted, turned into a Twitter user. He really did. Like a really sort of smug and self satisfied one.

Yeah. You guys just, you need to watch more. And, uh, what's that guy? Uh, Andrew Tate. Yeah. You need more entertain your lives. They have to go to the Romulus lab. Is Rook in there now? No, he's on the TV. Okay. He's on the TV. And they take a space funicular to get there.

I was very excited about this. I called a gondola, but okay. And I was like, how fucking big is this spaceship? I don't understand. I just have such a problem with scale and purpose. Sure. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. When it comes to spaceships.

Sure. Yeah. I mean, we're never gonna find out. I hope I don't. Something will have to go terribly awry. I mean, maybe that never going to find out. I hope I don't. Something will have to go terribly awry. I mean, maybe that asteroid is going to hit us if Vicky keeps predicting and will catapult us into space. I mean, she's never been wrong about anything else. She's a doctor.

She's a doctor. She's not a doctor. She's not a doctor. Not a doctor. Decidedly not a doctor. So Andy tells them that he's going to take the stuff that he needs to grab back to Jackson and they can take the spaceship to Yavaga and go live their lives. And he's going to stay on Jackson.

And he says, I'll stay on Jackson in a way that's like, dun, dun, dun. Yeah, right. So sad. So is this, this is where we get Rook doing this whole like, I bio engineered some microorganism shit as an upgrade for humanity. We can't wait for evolution anymore. We made some news.

Felt like a documentary about Elon Musk. That's how nut bar it was. He would probably watch this movie and be like, you know what, the aliens are right. So yeah, he's, he's made Prometheus fire, which just sounds like a sick band. I want to check out. Yeah. And it's basically, he's, we were tight. We can't wait for human evolution. We're going to make them the next step. Yeah. And then when you see what they

made, the Yatchi match. It's several steps between from say Bjorn to xenomorph to very pointy elbows. Yeah. You're throwing bows at the club, man. Everybody watch out. Everybody watch out. But the Xenomorph is hunting them at this point. Yes.

And as far as we know, there's only one at this point. Do we know that? I mean, we've only seen the one. Okay, okay. That's been killing people. Okay, okay. And we only saw the one that burst it out of the lady's chest. So Andy gives them guns, but tells them they can't use them because they're at the bottom

deck of the spaceship and we'll shoot them all into space. Why does he think that the xenomorphs will be afraid of guns? I don't know. But they are? Sure. Yeah. Because at one point they take them out and the Xenomorphs are like, hey, watch it here.

That's where my blood lives. Yeah. And the guns are all cool and they auto aim for you. And I was like, thank you, I need that. Oh, god, yeah. It is very cool. But I also like that there's like, so he's leading them out and they find more of the opened facehugger candy bar

things where the candy, the facehuggers were wrapped in plastic. And then there's a whole like cave system that the aliens have made. Yeah. What are they doing that for? It's like an aliens when they go into the compound where all the people were living and they're all like strapped off to the wall because they're like keeping them to birth later. I don't remember that, but I believe you. So it's kind of a call back to that

because this movie timeline wise takes place between alien and aliens. Oh, how was I to know that? You weren't. Okay. Yeah. But yeah, that's, I think they give dates at some point. Okay.

If you're like a nerd, you would know that. I'm not a nerd. I'm not a fucking nerd. Sitting here in a Rocky Balboa sweatshirt, not a nerd at all. I love this shirt. You look great in it. I'm so happy. Maybe I'm a jock.

Maybe you're a nerd and I'm a jock and I'm gonna box you later. Yeah, you'd win. Yeah. I would just curl up in a ball. No, you wouldn't. Fight back. So they made this real squishy cave and they end up having to run into it

because something happens. Yeah, I just don't, okay. Because there's more facehuggers coming at them and they're like, oh, we need to go this way. I just feel like what are they all doing here? Yeah. Yeah. They're just hanging out, waiting. OK.

And they find Kay. Oh, no, they're not going to run into the cave. And then Tyler hears Kay screaming. Right, she lives. She's been hung up on the wall like these other bodies that look dooky. Yeah. Yeah.

Something, Andy says something about 25% of the human genome is shared with a rat. Is that true? Yeah, why not? I would guess it was actually higher than that. Ew. Is that why some people have tails? Okay. I mean, like, what's like their DNA difference between us and a monkey is like 1% of our DNA is different. They have hands. Rats could carry pizza. True. 1% of our DNA is different. They have hands.

Rats can carry pizza. I've seen pizza rats. True. Wasn't that all a set up, pizza rat? Oh, I hope not. Oh no, then don't look it up. I don't need that ruin for me like Leroy Jenkins. Leroy Jenkins? Years ago, there was this internet thing

of a World of Warcraft party getting together to do a raid. Yeah. And they're all like, they're, they're like making this rig long plan and then like they're doing it over comms or whatever on their computers. And then you hear some guy come in and go, I'm sorry, I was eating fried chicken. What are we doing? Lee Ron Jenkins.

And then runs to the room and gets them all decimated. Oh wow. And it was like this, like, oh my God, somebody captured this insane moment. And then it turns out that it was fake. But like, it's still like, I will randomly yell Leroy Jenkins. That's very good. So yeah, so they go dig, find Kay where she's hung up on the wall, but a big old xenomorph is lurking in the background.

Yeah. And takes out, uh, takes out Tyler. Yeah. Pails him. You think it's going to impale rain, but she's the hero. She's the Sigourney weaver. So aliens exist and they're hot. Oh my gosh. So they get K down and they're, they're, they're, and he's like, well you give her the compound that that might help. Yeah. That's when he says it's about the right work on the rats. Yeah. Well we've seen footage of the rats and we see like this rat come back to life

or whatever. And then as they're leaving the lab, the rat has like died but burst out of their cage and it's all like tentacles and crustacean. It's gnarly. Yeah. It's like it worked on the rat. It did something to the rat. And Rain's like, I think if we just put her in a pod, it'll probably be fine. Why don't we do that and not this thing? Yeah. But she sends, uh, what's her face? Kay to back to the ship and she's like, I'll find a way back. You just leave without me. Yeah. And take this black ooze with you. What are you talking about? You broad. Where are you going to go? How are you going to get there?

I didn't realize I was podcasting with Archie Bunker. He dingy broad. So Kay gets in the pod. Yeah. No, I'm sorry. She does not still have a baby in there. She's like holding her tum tum. I'm sorry. You cannot fall from the distance of three stories onto your tum tum and have it be okay.

No, what you have to do is like, you have to put like a bunch of straws around it and then you can drop the egg from quite a distance. You can get like a little box and fill it with cotton balls. Actually, I feel like that wasn't the way to do it. The way to do it was like using rubber bands to keep it suspended in the middle. So it would bounce rather than cushion.

Bounce, bounce, bounce, bounce. For all of you fourth graders. Probably, we probably have some listening. God, go to bed. Be nice to your mom, she works really hard for you. Your dad could suck it though. Yeah, your dad's a pussy. Holy shit.

Yeah, so Kay, Andy has fallen and not gotten up. He got knocked down by the tub thumping, by the he. Did not get up again. By the xenomorph. Yeah, what is happening to him here? Cause he's all fucked up. Yeah, I think it's just, it's knocked him out, basically. Got it.

And so, Rain is, that's, she goes back for Andy. That's why she sends K off on her own. Right, and she puts his old chip in. Yeah, and to get back to him, she has to climb down the longest elevator shaft ever known to man. Right. She's like, yeah, this is fine. This is a Wednesday for me. Let's do this. I'm wearing Reeboks. Let's go. It's like, wow, Reeboks in the far, far future.

Great. Good to hear it. But so she... I'm buying that Reeboks stock now. God, I used to exclusively wear Reebok when I was in high school, because it was the metalhead sneaker. Really? Yeah, white Reeboks, yeah. Okay.

Yeah, with your tight jeans and your white Reeboks. Okay, all right. Yeah, yeah. And your boots with the fur. And it had to have the real fat tongue that stuck out. Sure, yeah. The whole club was looking at your Reeboks. Are you talking about apple butter jeans? Yeah. The whole club was looking at your Reeboks.

Are you talking about apple butter jeans? Apple butter jeans? That's an accident. That's a mistake. I wanted to make a music video with Amish ladies wearing real tight jeans. It's called Apple Butter Jeans. Oh, weird Al. Weird Alan. Wow. If only weird Paul didn't exist, you would have the best fucking schick. Wow, if only weird Paul didn't exist, you would have the best fucking schick. So, uh, that is maybe the most hyper-specific thing.

Guys Google weird Paul rock band or don't, it doesn't matter. So she goes back down to get Andy and they get attacked by one million and a half aliens. Yes. And they're scared of the guns at first. Yeah. Which I think is weird, but go on. To get around this, she uses to check off gravity. She turns off the gravity. If there goes gravity and the spaghetti. After because Andy is telling her dumb jokes.

Yeah. And one of the dumb jokes triggers her to figure out how to do this. And meanwhile, fake Ian Holm is talking to K through the laptop or whatever. And he's like, press the button, press the button, but I don't know what the button does. It's the, the like, so that he can fly the ship. It's the remote button.

Okay. I'm your friend, I'll help you. Guy. Oh. So she replaces Andy's chip and Andy is fine now. He's back to old Andy. So yeah, she starts straight up shooting them. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And they have acid blood, which is okay because there's no gravity. Yeah, so they have to dance through the blood to get out of there. Yeah. Dance through the blood to get out of there. Yeah. Dance through the blood. Dance through the blood is our dance metal band. Sure. Okay.

I really liked when they are like dodging the blood and you see like the railing that they're trying to grab like melting onto the acid that's hit it and stuff. And I was like, oh, that's really fun. Again, a very RPG like roll for dexterity, see if you're able to get through this. Exactly. So I like that a lot.

The elevator won't work without gravity. Yeah. And then rain gets caught by an alien? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And she shoots it, so its acid blood opens the gates so more aliens can get in on some rain. Right. But then the elevator mushes some or most of the Xenos.

Yes. Xenomorphs. And they make it back to the ship as the space station is starting to hit the rings. Yeah, like this thing breaking is impressive and all, but I don't know. I just don't know. I thought it was very cool looking.

Yeah. I really liked it. I believe I do have a note that says the station crashing is cool. Cool. So Kay has injected herself. I don't know if we mentioned that or not. With the ooze. With the ooze. And so, Rain doesn't know that, so she puts her in a pod to heal up and then puts the autopilot on and plugs Andy in so that he will be charging while they're nine

years asleep. I feel like they could have just plugged him into a wall. I don't know why he needs a cryopod. He's a machine. Well, initially she didn't. She just plugged him in. Oh, right, right, right, right, right. Right. Um, so, and then as she is like, like getting ready for bed, cause they had, they had the Sigourney Weaver in her underpants scene. Exactly. Uh, although she is not wearing tiny, tiny panties.

No, I think she's wearing boxer shorts or something. It's pretty cute. She's wearing what I would assume future underwear would look like. Yeah. I don't know, they kind of look like Mormon underwear though. They're magical. Those are past underwear, magical underwear. I feel like all underwear are magical

if you think about it. I am thinking about it. I think we might have to put a pin in that. So she, she heard Andy are talking. And he said, she tells Andy that her, his new directive is to do what's best for us. Right. And I thought that was very nice. It is very nice, but also it took her a lot of her life to figure that out too.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Rain bit a little selfish up to this point. But now we hear some, some alarms going off because Kay is fucked. Yeah. She's having a seizure or something. She's not having a seizure.

She's having an alien baby from her vagina and all. It comes right out her vagina. And when it's like starts cresting, crowning, crowning, cresting like a fucking war cup. Wave. Ha ha ha ha. When it starts crowning,

it looks like a very hairy baby's head or something. And then it's a pod that comes out of her. It looks like an armadillo. Yeah. You ever see how an armadillo folds up perfectly into itself? It's wild. Nature is insane. Fucking good.

I wish I was an armadillo. I need to have a better life. I have so much less responsibility and I roll around. Have them big claws to tear at things. Marvel at my perfect fit. No, it's a baby alien and it scoots away through the grate. Fuck. No, it's a baby alien and it scoots away through the grate. Fuck.

So the alien is, did you see Prometheus? I can't remember which one. I did see Prometheus. So Prometheus, I think is the one where you see at the beginning, the guy go and see the planet. Yeah. And then like die. So this baby is supposed to look like that.

Okay. I don't remember it well, but I'll look at it again, yeah. Will you? No. I'm just. What? So, yeah, the baby like scooches away

in its little bean pod. Yeah, it's a bean pod, I agree with that. And it like drops through the floor into the storage compartment and the cargo hold. And rain is running after it. Sir. Sorry, rain is running after it.

And you see little baby feet prints that start to grow into bigger and bigger footprints as you're watching it. And I have a note that says they grow up so fast, don't they? Oh, Alan posted on Reddit. So missing about it. And this is where we see Kay, which is, you could see why I made a mistake. You see Kay like fall to the floor and grab her breasts. And it just has this like KY jelly mixed with oil. A viscous clearish sticky fluid. Yeah. Coming out that titty. I'm not that titty. She pulls out and looks at her hand and goes,

which fuck. Yeah. First they all would have been, what did I eat? Which fuck yeah. My first thought would have been, what did I eat? Oh God, I don't know what to do. It's coming out my tits. So we see the alien xenomorph next step in human evolution. Next to many steps. It's a leap. It's a leap. It's like 40 feet tall. It's seven foot seven and's a leap. It's like 40 feet tall. It's seven foot seven and it is former Romanian basketball player Robert Bobrowski.

It's a man with prosthetics. The only part of him that CGI is his tail. Is he that thin? Yeah. He's like seven, seven, two 40. Yeah. Jesus Christ. I thought the whole thing was CGI.

No, it's a real man. Yeah. Hang on. I'll get you a picture. Oh buddy. From Ashtabula, Ohio, I think. Okay thing was CGI. No, it's a real man. Terrifying. Yeah, hang on. I'll get you a picture. Um, oh buddy. From Ashtabula, Ohio, I think. Okay. All right. Um, it slices Andy's throat. He's like bleeding his white blood out. Here, here he is next to another basketball player.

Okay. Good gravy. Oh, I've seen that fellow before. Yeah. Yeah. Wow. You know that fellow? That's wild. Yeah. Shit. That boggles my mind. Yeah. The prosthetics look fucking fantastic on him. I know. Yeah. He's like, he's super sharp elbows, like his spine is exposed, but then like dips into his skull. This is him with a high school kid. It's, it's comedic.

Yeah. Okay. Go on. I saw some footage of like a seven foot tall female basketball player in China. And so she was just like, give me the ball. She grabbed it and put it in the net and I was like, come on. sport for you anymore. So yeah, they're, they're, they're like fighting this oversized thing and running around and Andy gets all fucked up. Um, I do like that it's alien mouth within a mouth is it's tongue that has a mouth on it. Yeah.

The smaller girl. Don't tell Missy I'm telling you this internet, but she said, I kind of wish I had a mouth inside my mouth. What would she do with it? I don't know. Probably talk shit. What if it had like different taste buds?

What if it was a different, like had different ideas? As a mouth? Talking out both sides of your mouth as they say. I love some pie. No, I wouldn't. God damn it. What? Well, I'm out of notes, Alan.

Why are we out of notes, Kate? Because I had to finish this movie while doing something else. So she is going to try to get this thing into space by making the cargo hold fall. That's okay. I was also trying to figure out her plan there. Yeah.

Yeah. So there's four latches she has to pull, four levers she has to pull to make the cargo bay fall. I just found my note that where I just refer to the alien is the Babalian. The Babalian. He doesn't look like a bee. Babalian. The Babalian. A little Babalian.

So she knocks the egg sack, the egg pod over and it spills acid all over the floor which puts a hole in the ship. Right. And is now fucking the alien up. Right. And then she has to dump the cargo hold, but her cord is stuck on the handle, on the last handle she has to pull. Okay, that's what that was.

So it's the, the, the Babilion is falling out of the ship and using its tongue to like break her helmet open. It's super good. So scary. Yeah. But it's also deteriorating in the vacuum of space while it's doing this. And I was like, so you're part like perfect killing machine

and part totally fallible human. It was very upsetting. Very gross. Very gross, very fun. I mean, this creature is like worth the price of admission. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, we totally gleaned over Andy earlier, shot an alien and killed it and said,

get your hands off her, you bitch. Yeah. That's where it falls down for you. Yeah. So she's able to disengage the cargo thing. It falls out, the alien falls out, it falls into the rings. And she puts Andy into a stasis thing and they fly away.

Everything's fine. Everything's fine. And she gives a message that she's heading to Yavaga. She calls herself the sole survivor. Yeah. What about Andy? Is he dead? He's not a person.

But to her he is. He's a robot. That's a real weird arc through this. Because maybe she doesn't see him as a person, but she does see him as a person. But then she doesn't see him as a person. She obviously loves him. Yeah, I mean, I love animals, I guess, I don't know. Sure, yeah, I mean, I've always had the, not always,

I have this like real issue with making robots and stuff and how people are gonna interact with them and it's gonna be bad, it's not gonna be bad. It's not going to be good. We'll be dead though, right? We're like already mostly there. I mean, sex bots are already a thing. Sex bots. Yeah. Like robots people have sex with and I'm sure do awful, awful things too. I'm sure. But that's, how is that worse than fucking a flashlight? Cause one looks like a person and the other one looks like a flashlight with

the vajaj on it. Yeah, but it's not a non-descript, which is my favorite attachment on a, on a flesh. I remember seeing an ad for a flesh light and you could get a mouth, a butthole, a vajine or just a slit that said the non-descript. and you could get a mouth, a butthole, a machine, or just a slit that said the nondescript. For when you're not sure what you're into, huh? You know what, I'll fuck anything.

I'm just gonna fuck up fucking any donut. Give me a jelly donut. Katie. Alan. You wanna rate this movie? Sure. What would you give aliens the alien Romulus? I would give it a seven. I thought it was very enjoyable.

Clearly a movie of love. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I like the way it ties in the alien franchise. The Ian Holm was a bit off putting. Sure. And space confuses me, not space. I understand space. I don't understand space. I get space. I don't understand space.

I get space. I get what stars are there and shit. I wish you all could have seen Katie visibly calling herself out. Yeah, I'll get space. But spaceships confuse me and I can't seem to learn it. That's all. And that's not the movie's problem, that's a me problem. And I think these movies in particular are supposed to have this like claustrophobic and unending spaceship feel. That makes me sick to my stomach. Yeah, exactly, that's what it's supposed to do. Sure, what about you?

I loved it, I watched it once without taking notes and then watched it again with Missy to take notes and I'm really glad I did that. I like feel like I really got a good enjoyment out of it. I watched it once without taking notes and then watched it again with Missy to take notes and I'm really glad I did that. I like feel like I really got a good enjoyment out of it. Yeah. I feel like you caught a lot of things that I missed because of my note taking because it's also very dark and fairly fast paced. Yeah. The first one I watched it, I turned off all the lights in the living room. Yeah. Yeah. It's, I think it's great. I would love to see more movies in this setting. I think they're going to make them, aren't they? Yeah.

I think that would be a lot of fun. Like, as long as you keep this vibe to it. Like, it got rid of all the stuff I didn't like about the prequels. Like, where the computer technology is way further ahead than it is by the time we get to Alien. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He was like doing like hand computer waving.

Yeah, but in Alien, it's just like a, barely a DOS screen. Yeah. And this has like shitty computer technology and stuff. Yeah, as it should. Yeah. Yeah. And I really appreciate it. It kept the vibe going.

It's all about vibes. It's all about vibes. I'm going to give this a eight and a half. Great. Good vibes for this one. Yeah. Katie. Alan. May I read you a letter that we got in the mail? All right. This

came to our PO box, came to our PO box, which is if you ever want it, PO box five four seven one Pittsburgh PA one five two Oh six. We got a letter with a wax seal. Holy shit. That says in cursive handwriting, which they don't even teach kids anymore. And why should they? Great question. Dear Katie and Alan, I really hope one of you can read cursive or else this is going to be a bit awkward. Babies were old. We know how to read cursive.

We had to read like George Washington's handwriting. And I'm sort of living with Rob. What else would I have read the newspaper? Go on. I just want to thank you for your work you put into the podcast. It's one of the brighter points of my week. If just because a lot of the other podcasts I listen to you are topics that can be huge bummers. What other podcasts? I haven't heard of these. It's weird. So yours is a much appreciated change of pace. Oh, good. I liken it to hearing the excited conversation of two friends over lunch after they've slammed half a dozen mimosas or so.

So we sound like drunks. Sometimes we are drunk. We haven't been lately. I've been really proud of us lately. We're putting it down. We're putting it away for a little while. I hope you continue to review movies, both good and bad for a while yet

and hope that fortune favors you in these dark times. Oh, thank you. What a sweet thing to say. Was this written in the past to us? Yeah, I mean, if you sweet thing to say. Was this written in the past? Yeah, I mean, if you're reading it now, it was written in the past. I was tempted to start this letter in the traditional Call of Cthulhu fashion with,

if you're reading this, then I am already dead. But that feels like a jump in a letter from a stranger. I really don't want you to do that. That would have fucked me up. Hoping you live deliciously, Nathan. Nathan, thank you. I hope you live the most deliciously. Nathan included a calligraphy yin.

It's actually incredible. It's really beautiful. Beautiful. People send us the funnest things. They do. Like a DVD and they don't tell us their name. They don't. Or a little scrub of paper with Tom Hanks' autograph on it.

Who sent us the Walmart gift cards? These are from Mike. Thanks, Mike. Thank you, Mike. That was very kind of you. Super kind of you. And some people send us, someday something's gonna send us something bad. Like poopies? Like poopies. Don't send us poop someday something's gonna send us something bad.

Like poopies? Like don't send us poopies. Don't send us poopies. Don't send us poopies. No do do in the mail. No do do. The post office doesn't want that. They don't need that, they work hard.

It's one of the things they ask you if it's in a package. Really? You got shit in there? You got shit in there. Katie, speaking of shit in there, what are we coming back to do next week? I'm actually very excited for this. I think it'll be a little more lighthearted for me,

which is what I could use in the wake of Romulus in the bleak future and fucking our little secret of the bleak other half. Justice for Cassie. Justice for Cassie. We're gonna do the Octavia Spencer vehicle. Ma. I'm actually very excited. Have you ever heard anyone talk about this movie? I saw the trailer in the theater. No, never.

Well, let's play some new, let's, let's boldly go where no podcast has gone before. Come back to hear two people talk about this movie. I'm not going to do that. I'm not going to do that. I'm not going to do that. I'm not going to do that. I'm not going to do that. Never. No, me either. Well, let's play some new, let's boldly go where no podcast has gone before. Come back to hear two people talk about this movie. Ba ba ba ba ba ba ba. Yeah, I'm oh Fortuna, it's a bop.

Ha ha ha ha. Thanks for listening to another episode of We're All Facts. Bye. Bye bye. Bye bye. Bye bye. Bye bye. Goodbye! Bye-bye! So many sightings at the pool Nowhere to end, Finland's cute, full-filled reviews Killer clowns have left the face

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