Werewolf Ambulance: A Horror Movie Comedy Podcast - Episode 507- Ma (2019)

Episode Date: January 13, 2025

In this week's episode, we're discussing a lot of utterly bizarre choices in the 2019 maternal horror (?) film "Ma." We hope you like it. The regular lineup of links! You can support us at patreon.com/werewolfambulance and listen to a ton of action movie episodes! This month it's "Armageddon" because the top tier Patrons are actually just paying their hard-earned money to upset me. THANKS YINZ. leave us a message at 412-407-7025 hang out with some cool listeners at https://discord.gg/DutFjx3cBD  buy merch at www.teepublic.com/user/werewolfambulance the best place to reach us is at [e-mail] we're on Reddit at r/werewolfambulance sorta on Twitter @werebulance sorta on Instagram @werewolfambulance www.werewolfambulance.com if you feel you really must lodge a complaint with us, please do it on Facebook at facebook.com/werewolfambulance because we are probably not gonna see that, ever.   If you liked this, please leave us a review on Apple Podcasts or wherever you listen! It helps others find us and allows us to continue to grow.   Intro song is by Alex Van Luvie Outro song is A. Wallis- "EMT" Seriously, we have the best listeners, hands down. 

That's your intro? I want you all to know that Alan was doing Italian hands at me. It was like my mamma mia couldn't get started. It's cold outside. Mama, mama. Which reminds me, death to a loved one of the podcast, death to an important one, ripped to the fucking corolla,

speaking of things that won't start when it's cold outside. It's gone guys. Well, it's not gone yet, but it will be soon. Gone, but not forgotten. Gone, but not forgotten. Yeah, I can't wait till we get matching Corolla tattoos. When I was filling out the paperwork for like,

what condition is the car in? It was like any stains on the interior. And I was like, yes. What about every stains on the interior? If every bit is stained. Is it actually stained? It's got a lovely antique vanilla smell in it. It's got a frisson of vanilla, as you would say. Okay, but back to things that are much harder to talk about.

Ma. Ma. Octavia Spencer. Yeah, I like Octavia Spencer. She's fucking great. She's great. And I actually think she's pretty great in this. Oh yeah, she's great. And I have a lot of thoughts.

I have a lot of thoughts. Okay, first thought. Juliette Lewis. Yeah. Love Juliette Lewis. One point I turned to Missy and I was like, we've lived long enough that Juliette Lewis is now the mom in things. Yeah, the mom of a teen.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Love Juliette Lewis. One point I turned to Missy and I was like, we've lived long enough that Juliette Lewis is now the mom in things. Yeah, the mom of a teen. Yeah. Yeah.

She's a year older than I am and I was surprised about that. Yeah, she seems more my age. Yeah, yeah. I like that she has aged. She has let herself age. Sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure. Yeah.

Well, real Pam Anderson, if you will. Really? Yeah, Pamela Anderson is doing this whole thing now. She's not wearing makeup in public. Oh, good, sure. Yeah. Well, real Pam Anderson, if you will. Really? Yeah. Uh, Pamela Anderson is doing this whole thing now. She's not wearing makeup in public. Oh, good for her. And she's like, this is what I look like. Fuck you. Must be nice to be pretty. Yeah. I mean, she's got some other advantages, you know? Sure. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's like every time someone compliments Jamie Lee Curtis and I was like, yeah, no, yeah. Her mom was Janet Lee and her dad was Tony Curtis. Yeah, no, no, no.

And I can't imagine why she's still beautiful at her age. Oh, her gene pool is thick. Not just a puddle like I came from. Oh my God. Yeah. Drip drops of rain for me. So they are moving into a new house. Yeah. I swore to Christ, they were moving to the country at the beginning of the movie. Gonna eat a lot of peaches. And then there was like a cityscape and I'm like, okay, so they're moving to the city. They're country folk moving to the city. Yeah, no. As it's going and then they move to the suburbs and they're like, so we split the diff? Yeah, I think they split the diff. I never saw the cityscape, but I like that quite a bit.

That must have been very confusing because it's basically like a small town, nothing to do. Sure. Yeah. Yeah. It says the street they live on just says dead end. Forgetting of it. Oh man. Juliette Lewis is starting a day job at the casino. Yeah. It's like a day job with a bow tie and little shorty shorts. Oh, it's a casino.

Yeah. Which is just very, very bleak. She has a Rabaul style to go to work in. Oh no, this is what she asked for. It's like it's morning. And her daughter is Maggie played by Diana Silvers. Boy, is she striking looking. She's striking looking. I think she's very funny. Yeah.

And she's in a movie called book smart. Oh, you loved that. Which I love. Yeah. And I think you would also love because it's a dumb comedy starring two girls. movie called book smart. Oh, you loved that. Which I love. Yeah. I think you would also love because it's a dumb comedy starring two girls, two women. I love that. Sounds perfect. Yeah. She's a high school student. She's a high school student. She's the new kid. Yeah. Yeah. Fish out of water. But not really because she's beautiful and she gets taken in by the beautiful

kids right away. Is that what happens if you're beautiful in a new kid? It is. I remember when that happened to me. Oh really? I'm so happy for you. Never been a new kid. Went to school with the same kids from kindergarten, not kindergarten as I am prone to say kindergarten, all the way through high school. Same dude. Yeah. Yeah. Small towns, baby. My high school was in the middle of a cornfield, but I grew up 12 miles north of Pittsburgh.

My neighborhood was in the middle of cornfields until it became all built up. Yeah, walks into school and everyone's like, gah, gah, gah, jaw's hitting the floor, fucking Tex Avery eyeballs and tongues rolling all over the place. A reference for? 80 year olds.

Yeah, dude. I have no idea who Tex Avery is. It's the Ooga Wolf, where their tongues roll out tongues rolling all over the place. A reference for... 80 year olds. E80. I have no idea who Tex Avery is. It's the a-oo-ga wolf where their tongues roll out and their eyes go a-oo-ga when they see a pretty lady. Sure. And she helps a person in a wheelchair. Like the first five minutes of the movie you're just like, oh, she's perfect and I love her. She's perfect and beautiful and all the popular kids like her, but she's not tarnished by

that because she's helping this little girl in a wheelchair. Little girl. She's not and I love her. She's perfect and beautiful and all the popular kids like her, but she's not tarnished by that because she's helping this little girl on a wheelchair. Little girl. She's not a little girl. She's also a teenager. Everyone's a little girl to me. You're a little girl to me. Yeah. Adorable. I'll be a woman soon. Don't be in a hurry to grow up, Alan. And of course, mom befriends the one like queer coded character.

Stu? I fucking love Stu. He serves no purpose in this movie, but. But he's ride or die. He's ride or die. He saves the day. Yeah. Fucking Stu.

Fucking Stu. So, sorry, go ahead. He meets her and he's like, hi, I'm Stu. We're best friends now. And she's like, absolutely. Fantastic. Thank you so much. Also, he might be your boss.

Could be. Who can say? Who can say? So the cool girl is Haley. Fantastic. Thank you so much. Also, you might be her boss. Who can say? Could be. Who can say? So the cool girl is Haley. Yeah. And she is now Maggie's best friend. Maggie is our protagonist. She invites Maggie to go out and drive around and drink

with them. Right, but Maggie can't go because she's going to a concert with her mom. But it gets canceled because her mom's got to work. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We meet Haley's friends. She runs with three dudes, Darryl, and the two I cannot tell apart.

They are either named Andy or Chaz. Chaz, uh-huh, and they're interchangeable. So they should just be Chaz Andy. Or Az. Back that Az up. Greatest love song ever written. Great greatest love song ever written greatest love song ever written. They're twins. They're identical twins. They're not. Why would they cast these two? Is this a me problem? I think it might be a thing of like all teens look the same. I don't know. I can tell

Maggie and Haley apart just fine. That's true.. That's true, well the blonde brunette. Why couldn't they get a brunette dude? I don't know. Okay. Or men brunette, et implies woman. What's a brown haired man? As far as I know, yeah. What's a brown haired man called?

A brun? A brun. A brun. A bear. Yeah, like that. Yeah, like that. So there, I do like when she like, mom cancels on her, so she's at home eating a pizza and I just said, oh, I'll sell the pizza party. And then party canceled, our two notes.

Yeah, she ends up going out. Yeah. Haley has some good ideas, like you can vape as much as you want. And as long as you quit by 25, you'll be fine. I was like, oh, I quit smoking around 25. And then I was like, no, you vape as much as you want. And as long as you quit by 25, you'll be fine. And I was like, oh, I quit smoking around 25. And then I was like, no, no, I didn't. And like fucking Maggie's faces of, no,

that's stupid, are fucking amazing. She's very emotive. Yeah. And like the interchange of her and Andy being like, no, that's not true. That's not true, yeah. So they do the thing that we've all done. Oh, I used to do it outside Melanger's in Oakland, yeah. So they do the thing that we've all done. Oh, I used to do it outside Melingers in Oakland, yeah.

We were real lucky because one of the guys I rolled with was a little bit older and knew the dude who worked at the pizza place so we could go around back and buy beer from in there. Brad. Yeah. I have a vivid memory of riding with my friend on my handlebars and him holding a case of beer

as we were going to a swimming hole. Where did I grow up in what decade? Fuck it. 1950s shit. And I was like 14. Oh man. Six foot, but 14. Yeah. Well, you're a big, you're a biggin. Oh yeah. To this day. To this day. You didn't shrink, Alan. You didn't get any shorter.

I think I had a goatee then too. At 14? Oh yeah. I'm sorry to cackle at a 14 year old having a goatee then too. At 14? Oh yeah, yeah. I had a kid there early. Sorry to cackle at a 14-year-old having a goatee, but I can't stop. I don't know how I have held onto hair for as long as I have,

but the amount of testosterone that I must have had as a child. Great head of hair. Oh, that tofu I ate. All that tofu. No, that would turn you into a soy boy, which would give you tits and no... Yeah, but I would keep my hair, because it would push my testosterone down. Oh, you're saying you tits and no. No. But I would keep my hair because it would push my testosterone down.

Oh, you're saying you've been at a level of testosterone instead of a spike. Got it. I understand. I spiked early and then brought it back down by going vegetarian. Also, Alan and I are endocrinologists and you should listen to us.

You should definitely listen to the people who in last episode went, how come when it's 98 degrees, I'm not just feeling fine. I'm not just okay. Did anyone answer that? Okay, well, what's the answer? It's something to do with sweating and your body like stops producing sweat

after a certain period of time. Well, that's just an inefficiency. Yeah, well, no, this fucking meat sack sucks. It's also kind of amazing. But also they put, they, Jesus, put the breathing tube in the same tube that you shove food down like an animal. Yeah, I mean, really the fleshy hole in the middle of your face does too many things.

It's a hard worker. We're gonna split piss and shit, but they're gonna shove all the stuff in the big hole at the top. What do you mean split piss and shit? They pee out of one hole and poop out of another. Really? Two of a cloaca. It's where the baby came from.

Oh God. So they sent Daryl, weird to send the black kid in a town like this, but. But he gets denied and walks back in and goes, shit's racist as hell. But then. They send Maggie. They send Maggie. They send Maggie. She's the new girl. She's got to prove herself.

Octavia Spencer shows up. Yeah. Walking the tripod dog. With like scrubs and like a haircut that can be best described as, I don't know. Prince Valiant? Prince Valiant, but with like a longer layer below. Yeah. Like an emo Phillips vibe, but with like a longer layer below.

Like an emo Phillips vibe, but rounder. Like an emo emo Phillips. There you go, there you go. She's great. Yeah, yeah, and I love a fucking tripod dog, so I was so excited for a tripod dog. Yeah. Who doesn't wanna just give scratches

to a three legged dog? I scratch all dogs until I don't. Until they give me a reason not to. So Octavia Spencer is like, no, I won't buy you booze. And then she notices the name on the van they're in. Hawkins security. Hawkins security. This rings a bell with her.

It does. And she says something about a man sending a girl to do his dirty work because Andy gets out of the van. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And he says that they're just gonna get some beers and go to the rock pile. Yeah. So she does it.

Yeah, she doesn't buy them beers though. She buys them all like handles of vodka. Yeah. I mean, that's what you drank back then for me anyway. Oh yeah, it wasn't just like Boone's farm and beer. No, we would get like a handle of uncle Vlad. Wow. And go to the Econolodge and get a room for like $25.

Look at you. Yeah, cause you could do the- It's sophisticated. Oh yeah. The Econolodge on route eight off the turnpike. Ours was a holiday inn. No, that's, that's nicer. It wasn't. I think it may have been the first hotel

I was ever in with linoleum floor. Oh, love that for you. We know what's happening here. Yes. We're not gonna, we're not gonna steam clean anything. Oh man. So yeah, she buys them the booze and they go down to the hole or the rock pile,

the rock pile, and they're, and they're, which is just a wrecked building. Yeah. And they're drinking and so Octavia Spencer, AKA Ma, AKA Sue Ann, Sue Ann, pulls some bullshit, which she do. She calls the Hawkins she knows and says, your son is doing a dirt. Yeah. And so dad calls a cop because he wants to teach his son a lesson. Right? It doesn't work. The cops like, eh.

I went to high school with your dad. I played football with your dad. Your dad's a dick. I'm going to leave and you're going to leave and then this is going to be done. His dad is a dick. This is a fantasy movie. Yeah. The cops got an opportunity to fuck with teens and passed it up. Right. And also Maggie is gorgeous and Andy is a fantasy movie. Yeah. The cop got an opportunity to fuck with teens and passed it up.

Right. And also Maggie is gorgeous and Andy is a dork. Sure. Yeah. Sure. Come on. Haley is also gorgeous. Yes. This is this tiny town filled with beautiful people. And dorky boys. Andy feels like he is 16 years old. He, I think he probably is. Yeah. Haley's 26.

Is she? No, I don't know. I'm guessing. Uh, so yeah, they, they get, uh, they, they leave. But wait, she calls, she calls, uh, dad, dad. Well he's getting his dick sucked by Missy Pyle from Josie and the Pussycats. So this is the first of the movies I wish had happened. Yeah. I wish we could have followed Missy Pyle around this town, giving enthusiastic but poorly delivered blow jobs. Yes, I love Missy Pyle.

I'm on board. Anything she's doing, I'm there for it. In this scene, all we see is her butt up in the air and then her enthusiastically going back in to blow this dude and him being like, no, come on. Come on. No, thank you, but no.

Thank you, no. I was like, she rules. She's fucking hilarious at this. She's fantastic. Yeah. There's also a very funny line here where Maggie doesn't know what to do because the cop is coming up. And she goes, do I hide?

And Haley goes, no, you're a girl. They're not going to do anything to you. Is that true? No, I've been arrested. Yeah. I wasn't as pretty as Maggie though. Let's be real. Sure. Yeah. I am a white dude, so I've never been arrested. Then why have I? It seems I should be less likely to be arrested than you. Yeah. I've done a lot of crimes that I should have been arrested for and I've gotten off every time that the cops confronted me about shit. I've been handcuffed on a bike rack. And I've gotten off every time that the cops confronted me about shit.

I've been handcuffed on a bike rack. Why were you riding a bike rack? I don't know how to ride a bike. So I thought this was the next best option. I figured I'd start at the beginning. Start at the beginning. The bike rack. It's not going anywhere. OK. We also meet while she's while Sue Ann is doing this calling. Yeah. Lurking on their online presences

Yes, she's Facebook stalking these children and we see that she's at work She's like a vet tech and her boss is Allison Janney for no reason who is seemingly like, oh, this is a comedy movie So I'm gonna fucking do comedy. Yeah, I think it is a comedy It can't be by the thing that happens that is the inciting incident in this movie that was originally not in the script that they added in later and I think fucked up the movie. I agree. I don't want Sue Ann to have trauma. I want her to just be insane. I want her to be a murdering lunatic. Yes. A black woman in a small town who murders everybody? Yes. I understand you've been

briefed. I'm here, right. Let's do this. Yes. No. No, I don't like that at all. Yeah. But yeah, it's Alice and Janie who did not get the memo that this was no longer be a comedy. And she's like, get off your fucking phone. I'll fucking take care of the dog. You piece of shit. She's such a bitch. Yeah. She's a handsome woman. Oh yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Again, a movie filled with beautiful people. Yeah. And actors you like to watch do things. Oh yeah. For sure. You'd like to watch Missy Pyle give enthusiastic but poorly delivered blow jobs. Her name is Mercedes. So good. That was my dog's OG name before we renamed her Ruby. That dog? Mercedes? That dog is not the Mercedes of dogs. Her sisters were caramel and cinnamon and I was like, so they're stripper dogs. Caramel and cinnamon would be cute was like, so they're stripper dogs.

And cinnamon would be cute if she was chocolate. Why is she not chocolate? Cause she's Mercedes. She came with a bag of dollar bills. It was very confusing. Yeah, that's great. So she goes home. She's fucked up. Her mom knows. Juliet Lewis knows. Juliet Lewis knows what it is to get fucked up. She reeks of marijuana. Yeah. And, um, her mom is mad. I don't want to have a teen daughter. Who did this to me? You did. Yeah, I did this. I'll edit this out, but I believe it's the aforementioned raw dog. Yeah. You don't have to edit that out. They all know I got raw dog.

Why would you edit that? How many times have I said it? You've said it. It's not okay for me to say. But that's how babies get made. What? Oh God. They put it in one of the two holes. Yeah. My pee hole.

My pee hole. Where my pee comes from. And babies. Ouch. That's a lot. No thank you. No thank you. So they go to get Ma to get them more booze.

And this time she says they have to follow her. Oh, before they do that though, Erika, Mom, Juliette Lewis takes the oldest dog that's ever existed to the vet for it shots. Yeah. And I was like, if she fucking hurts this dog, this movie is getting shut off and I'm walking away from it right now.

Louie. We never get a resolution on Louie, do we? No, which is fine, I don't want to watch Louie get murdered. Well. I mean, the Grim Reaper is coming for that dog. Yeah, I mean, he's not long for this world. No, Louie is no longer with us, I guarantee. This movie came out in 2019.

Oh yeah, Louie's dead. So, but then we realized that mom and ma know each other. Right. They went to high school together. Yes. Because we realized that Juliette Lewis has come back to her hometown to be a cocktail waitress at the casino. Yeah. That's never a great, things have not gone well. Yeah.

Also in this movie, there are two ages. There are people who went to high school with Juliette Lewis and people currently in high school. That's it. Nothing in between. No one else lives in this movie, there are two ages. There are people who went to high school with Julia Lewis and people currently in high school. Nothing in between. No one else lives in this town. Yeah. No. So Ma, they, Ma buys them booze. And she says that they have to follow her to get it cause she doesn't want to get fired. She takes them to her house and says they can hang out in her basement. Yes. Darrell says no. Darrell's smart. I'm with Darrell. No. Yes. I was going to say like, you're 16 years old. This happens. And you're like,

absolutely fucking literally not. Absolutely fucking literally not. And I was reckless. Oh yeah. You know, for a hundred percent. Yeah. No, thank you. No, thank you. I will take my chances at the rock pile. Exactly. There are train tracks around here. I am sure. Certainly she's got taxidermy down there and a Pittsburgh potty. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's, I think this is in Ohio. So it might be the same. Okay. Um, Oh, so the city they drove past may be any city between there and San Diego.

Sure. Remember when we got to Detroit and we were like, this looks like Pittsburgh. So yeah, she's like, just hang out down here. You can't go upstairs because it's a mess and I just don't like people going upstairs. Don't go upstairs. Don't take the Lord's name in vain. Yeah. And don't drive drunk. Those are the rules.

Yeah. And she leaves them to go about their business. And I was like, oh, these kids are fucking in your basement. That's weird. Yes. You can't give children booze in your basement. And free rain. And free rain. And free rain.

No. And go upstairs and look at their Facebook profiles. She comes back down eventually. And they say that she needs like a beer pong flip cup table. And I was like, yes, I am sick at flip cup. Ken and Tess have played flip club with you. I'm so fucking sick at it. It's like my one true skill.

Why can't I be like, why can't I harness that and put it into something productive? Because you're not putting your energy into it. And you just put it out into the universe. This is the secret. You're gonna throw it to the universe that you're gonna be a professional flip club, flip club player. Is that a pro job?

Oh yeah. If there is an arm wrestling competition where you could win a fucking Mack truck. What if I won a semi truck? I'm going to flip this cup. Professional flip cup. And when I flip this cup, it's like you switch. It hurt. Oh God. Oh shit. There is a professional.

Of course there is. Four by four. I got to get three other friends who are, no one wants to do this with me. Well, listen friends out there, are you sick at flip cup? Drop out on the line. Oh my God. Also in the Pittsburgh potty that they have in the basement, Haley goes in there to use the bathroom, comes back out of the bathroom. There is never a flush. She's a dirty girl. She's mellowing. Yeah, she's, maybe, maybe.

She didn't strike me as the environmentally conscious type. No. Ma also brings them pizza rolls. Yes, one of the masks for pizza rolls and she comes back with pizza rolls. And I was like, man, I haven't had a pizza roll in a fucking minute. Oh, they're a pretty regular staple around my house. I'm sure. Because we smoke a lot of weed.

And you have a seven-year-old. No. I don't know if she's had pizza rolls. Oh, that really tickled me. Oh, my daughter's never had a bagel bite in her life. I don't think she has. I feed her healthy foods. But her parents teach her to eat pizza rolls all day.

Chew on bong rips and eating pizza rolls. Fuck, someone's going to know. Someone might call CYS. No one can call the services on me, right? I'm a great mom. You are a great mom. I don't even feed her pizza rolls. Oh man, that really tickled me. She also pulls a gun.

Yes. And tells... On young Chisandy. Chisandy to strip. Yeah. This is so fucking upsetting. They all laugh. They all laugh. Which is like when you learn what her fucking trigger was that flipped her into this world of evil.

Yeah. That's fucked up. So fucked up. Yeah. Also, this kid is ripped. What the fuck is going on? That's the only way you can tell the differences. One doesn't have a shirt on. Yeah. Yeah. Also, someone pulls a gun on you. You never go back there. No. Ever. Ever. Yeah. Ever. As someone who's had guns pulled on him, I can attest. I've never had a gun pulled on me, but I have had a sword pulled on me. I've had a gun pulled on me in a car. Not a lot of places to go in a car. She says this thing doesn't even work. I found it when I was moving in. What do you think I am? Madea? And I was like, these kids have no idea who Madea is. No, why would they?

We still never did the Madea Halloween movie. I don't think I knew there was one. And the way you said still makes me think we've discussed it in the past. Oh no. There are two Madea Halloween. I think they're called Madea Boo. We're doing another one next week, aren't we? It's a little late in the season for Halloween movie. We're a horror movie podcast. Oh my God.

So the night is ending. Daryl's going to puke. Yeah. Yeah. And this is where we get a flashback of Sue Ann as a young child. As a little dorky kid. At the rock pile. Yeah. She gets invited there.

Yeah. We see her looking through her high school yearbook and it says she did animal husbandry. Can't believe that was an option. She got to be a vet tech. I guess so. I mean, so if Juliette Lewis is around the same age as you, that means that Octavia Spencer's character

would be as well. Yeah. Do they offer animal husbandry in your high school? I didn't grow up in the sticks really. I grew up in the suburbs. I know that they definitely do in like rural high schools for sure. Yeah.

Cool. Yeah. You're gonna have to learn how to take care of the cows on the family farm. 4-H shit, huh? Yeah. All right, all right, all right. Yeah.

All right, all right. We could go downstairs in my house and talk to the person who was in 4-H. Yeah, let's do that. So yeah, there's a boy that she's sweet on, Ben. Yep. Who we learn later is Ben Hawkins. Dun, dun, dun.

Andy's dad. Yeah. He really is a piece of shit. He's a total... He looks like a piece of shit. He has a piece of shit face. Yeah, he's got like that d'Artagnan facial hair. He's got what the German would call a backfifinger-shicked face in need of a punch. I don't know if I'm saying that right'Artagnan facial hair. He's got, um, uh, what the German would call a back fife and gashaked.

A face in need of a punch. I don't know if I'm saying that right. Please don't correct me. I should have to learn. And so she starts creeping on Juliette Lewis at the casino. No Ben and Mercedes see Juliette Lewis at the casino. But Ma is there watching her interact with Ben and Mercedes. Oh, I miss that. And that's why later in the movie, she says, I dealt with Mercedes for you. Oh.

Yeah. Okay, so she, Mercedes is drunk at the casino. Yes, stealing champagnes that's not hers. Stealing champagnes that's not hers. She's getting kicked out by a swarthy man. Yes, curative man. She calls him Mario. I said, is his name really Mario

or is she just being racist against Italians? Yes. Oh. Oh. Missy Pyle, fucking amazing. She is fantastic. But she's being addicted to Juliette Lewis about having to had to come back here.

But she's always been there. And given bad blow jobs. Sucks at beach. She says to her, Oh, you moved back here to work at a casino. So sad. You're such a good shit. I wish she was my friend in real life. If you could get her and Parker Posey to hang out with you. I mean, they did it and Josie and the pussycats. We got to get a reunion.

And we got to show up there and you have to kill one of Pussycats. Exactly. We got to get a reunion and we got to show up there. And you have to kill one of the Pussycats. I could be Tara Reade. I was going to say, I'm pretty sure Tara Reade may have taken herself out by now. No, she's alive and alive. So Ma calls them all on the phone. Is this calling them on the phone?

How is she having video talks? Is this Instagram? Yeah, I think she's just sending them video messages and be like, I got your booze. OK. Yeah. And she says, why wait for the and be like, I got you booze. Okay. Yeah. And she says, why wait for the weekend? It's five o'clock somewhere. Yeah. This is fucked.

Is this where she leaves the box of booze by their car? Oh, yes. I think you're right. Yes. To Ma's house we go. And it's packed out with teens. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. And also like, Juliette Lewis is going away for casino conference for the weekend. I think she's learning to be a dealer, like a car dealer. Yeah.

And so yeah, we, we, we, yeah. Oh my God. So, uh, Hailey in the scene yells, let's get filthy, which felt very, let's go be girls to me. Let's go be girls. And so they have a dance party to only 80s music. Yeah, to like music you'd hear at a wedding, like funky town. And we meet Ashley, the pastor's daughter, who pretends to be passed out at parties so that she doesn't have to drink and doesn't get in trouble when she goes home. She kind of rolls.

I feel like at that point you should just stay home. What I appreciate is that later in the film, she does not break character so much that it's endangers her life. Yes, it's true, it's true. And then does break character and is maybe killed. Maybe. So we get a flashback again of Ma getting a beer at the rock pile. And it's a sad memory.

And it's from girls who look just like little Missy Pile and little Juliette Lewis, which is fantastic. So Ma rolls up on Darryl and says, milk did that body good. Gross. She's a pedophile? I wondered if everything from this point on would not have happened if one of these teens had fucked this woman. And I'm not encouraging that to have happened. I don't think teens should fuck adults. No.

But I think that like that's what she was aiming for at some point. Do you think if Daryl had just gone for it, none of this would have happened? I mean she makes out with Andy, she'll say Andy later. Yeah, but it doesn't do it. She knows he's, it doesn't work. Like she knows he's lying. Sure. Maybe if Darryl had been sincere in his love for her.

I don't know. I don't know. At this point, they hear like a thumping sound. Yeah. And we see Ma with a syringe upstairs. After she goes, that damn ice machine. Yeah, and we see ma with a syringe upstairs after she goes that damn ice machine. Yeah, right So Haley needs to use the bathroom the bathrooms taken She and Maggie go upstairs. Yes, they're not allowed to go upstairs

No, no, no and Maggie hears more thumping and Ma saying more thumping and Ma saying, you shouldn't have done that. Yes. To someone. And Haley's in the bathroom. I feel like Maggie would have gone in with her if they weren't allowed up there.

She wouldn't just be wandering in the halls. And if I know anything, ladies love going into the bathroom together. I mean, yeah, of course we do. What's when we do our best chats? Yeah. I've never grabbed one of my male friends and we're like, hey,

you wanna go hear me fart for a little bit? That's right. So suddenly Ma grabs them. She's angry. Yeah. And they leave. Yeah. So Maggie runs back downstairs.

She's like, we got to go. Yeah. We got to leave. Maggie has already seemed suspicious of Ma. Sure. Why the fuck wouldn't you be? Reasonable. Yeah.

Then we see Ma cutting something with scissors. And when we look down, it's a photo of herself. Yeah. Did I ever say this that apparently when they originally wrote the story, there was no back there? Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So, cause I kind of hate the backstory aspect of it. Yeah. And I also think this is spoilers for later in the movie,

but she is keeping her daughter, Jeannie, who is the girl we saw earlier in a wheelchair. She's like munch housing by proxying her, which I assume is a reference to Gypsy Rose Blanchard. You know that story? Somewhat famously in true crime world, this mother played by Patricia Arquette in the Hulu original series about this.

This really happened though. She kept her daughter sick. She injected her with things. She talked doctors into removing all of her teeth. She got her a feeding tube, like kept her in a wheelchair, awful, horrible abuse. All of her teeth? Yeah.

And then eventually Gypsy Rose Blanchard finds an internet boyfriend that she convinces to come and kill her mom. And she just got out of jail like last year. But I assume that this and Jeannie and Gypsy, I think that there's like, I think that this is a reference to that. And I think it's horribly misplaced.

Why is she doing this to her daughter? It doesn't need to be in this movie. Why is she doing this to her daughter? Yeah. Like she's not doing it for attention she doing this to her daughter? Yeah. Like she's not doing it for attention because she barely lets her leave the house. Yeah, why did she let her go to school at all?

Right. So weird. It just doesn't make sense. Yeah. I have a note that says, this is so weird because Ma shows up at school to encourage them to come hang out with her. Well, she sends him, yeah,

she sends him a million apology messages. Yeah. And this is also where we meet Stephanie, who has gotten a bracelet from her boyfriend, Taylor. She says, he gave it to me for our five month anniversary, so I finally let him go down on me. And Hailey just goes, how did you wait five months? And I thought high school is different now than when I was in high school.

Yeah, dude. Yeah. So yes, Ma's at school. She says, I got a beer pong table and a keg of Bud Light on ice. Yeah. Kegs ain't cheap. And they were tell her that they're, they're not going to do it. Yeah. They all have different things to do. And she goes, I guess I should just work a double since you don't have any time for me. Okay.

And Haley says, you need a man. And she says, you need to watch your mouth. The funny thing is that I never find Octavia Spencer intimidating in this role. No, but she is menacing somehow. Yeah. I don't know. So she does, she does, she does a real quick turn on a dime from like sweet to spicy. Oh, but she is menacing somehow. Oh no. Yeah. So she does a real quick turn on a dime from like sweet to spicy.

I like that. Spicy. Yeah. So she gets new teens. Yeah. Why would these dickhead boys burn the mall bridge by calling her a loser and throwing things at her though? Like that means she'll never buy you booze again.

You would never bite that hand that feeds you. I can only assume they're implying that these kids' parents told them about her that she's a loser. Because later Ben calls her a loser. Yeah. He's been a loser. Yeah. It's like calling Marty McFly a chicken. Exactly. Yeah. Exactly. Yeah. I have no she gets new teens. These new teens are rude. Yeah, teens are rude. She cries. So now we see ma putting on makeup and there's going to be another team party, but she's dollin herself up for it. Stephanie's birthday. Right. And there are so many varieties of beer cans in this scene. Like they're building a tower out of them. Is she buying all these different beers? What is no one questioning this?

I just love to drink fellas. I just love 17 different varieties of beer. She's doing like everybody was Kung Fu fighting and she's kicking over beer cans. Yeah. She has a talk with Maggie about like, um, boys only want one thing. Yeah. She has a talk with Maggie about like, um, boys only want one thing. Yeah. And Maggie says you sound like my mother and ma like storms away and glares at her kissing Andy. Yeah. Cause they're, they're a couple now. Of course you have to make out constantly. Right. Uh,

and she makes, is this one? She makes Maggie do two shots. Yes. Yes? Yes. Yes, yes. She gives Maggie her shot. Yeah. Yeah. And they're listening to the safety dance and Maggie starts acting weird.

Ashley, the pastor's daughter, gets up to do the safety dance. She gets excited. I was like, all right, man, everybody likes men without hats. Got it. Men with hats, men without hats. Men without hats.

Men without hats. Men at work, men without hats. Men without hats. E E E T T T T Y Y Y Y Y safety. Safety dance. What a weird song. What a weird time. The eighties were. What a better time. Simpler time. Simpler time. So ma's staring down Maggie, who's all fucked up.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And she wakes up with her dog, that old ass dog in her face. Her knees are scraped and her earrings are missing. And I was like, are these knee scraped knees going to come back in a very disturbing way? Luckily they do. They don't. She just fell down. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But her earrings are missing. Yes. So Maggie tells Andy that she doesn't want to go to malls anymore and she doesn't want him to go either. Yeah. And he agrees. Yeah. Cause they're at the mall and they're going to get egg rolls and put ketchup on them. This whole thing. I was like, ketchup is for children. Good thing.

You're a child. A no B yes. What is the no for? Get your chips for everybody. Ketchup is for children. I love ketchup on french fries. Get ranch dressing like an adult. It's too much. It's too much flavor.

Why do you, but that's just sugar. No, it's tomato as well. You don't besmirch the name of Heinz tomato ketchup. Everything about me is yinzy, except I hate ketchup. I think it's nasty. The smell of it. Gah, gah. I'm not a big ranch guy.

Well, get the fuck out of my city. I like ranch on wings or on like, say, tan wings. Yeah. But that's about it. You like a blue cheese? I do. My partner can't eat blue cheese because she has a mold allergy.

Oh, that's right. You got that big wheel of it. Yeah, that I had to eat myself. We had to share with our eight year old friend who loves cheese. She loves stanky cheese. She loves the stanky cheese. Um, okay. So we find out we see ma putting back a vial of Diazepam in the vet locker. Like it was like, is the vet this Lucy goosey with fucking opioid?

There are just open vials of Benzos everywhere. Yeah. Cause I thought she was stealing drugs, but she was putting them back. Yes. And we get a teen make out session. So gross and weird. Just fumbling towards ecstasy. Is that something? Yeah. What is that from? It's a Sarah McLaughlin album cover, her album title.

Now you're thinking about sad dogs. Yeah. I'll remember you in the eyes of the angel. What happened to Sarah McLachlan? I don't know. I hope she fell into a lock somewhere. I think she's still probably a little touring. Is she still a little touring? I would go to a Lilith Fair now. It's back baby! Is it really? I don't know, I need to, Franco's not doing stuff. Take her out there. Where's Tori Amos when you need her?

What about the Indigo Girls? Yes, I would go to that show. Yes! Is Lilith Fair a thing again? Are you saying that as a joke or are you saying that because you believe... I mean, I'm just saying that because the 90s are back. Oh, is Lilith fair? Still going on.

No. But there are plans to revive it. This is on Google's AI, so it can't be true. Oh, Sarah McLaughlin is in charge of trying to get it back up and running again. Hell yeah, she is. Do you remember me? I made you sad about dogs. Wow, they tried to do it again in 2010.

Too soon. You gotta wait until Jankos come back and then you can do it. The tour fell apart on the road as headliners Carly Simon, Nora Jones, Kelly Clarkson, the Go-Go's and Queen Latifah dropped out, fearing they would not be paid for their performances. Sarah.

You went too big. You gotta dial that back a little bit. I don't know, I'd go see Queen Latifah. Sure. Oh man. Anyway. Sometimes I forget that Queen Latifah was a really good rapper.

She's a really good rapper. Yeah, yeah, but like she's- Not was, is, she's alive. She's been acting as Queen Latifah for so long. She's multi-talented. Yeah, it's like sometimes I forget that LL Cool J was a really good rapper. Yeah, there you go.

And still is a really good rapper. Yeah. Like JLo, that she was a singer. Sometimes she forgets that she was a singer. Sometimes she forgets that she was a singer. Sometimes she forgets she was an actor actually. I don't know. So mom comes home, they're making out, mom meets boy. He like drops both fuck and bitch on her

the first time he meets her. I thought that was very tactless. And after he says, I think it's after he says bitch the first time, mom's like, Hmm. She gives him a, Hmm. Maybe don't talk about adults like that. Even though I agree with you, even though Mercedes does suck. He's talking about Mercedes. Yeah. And her,

she comes home and her daughter's in the kitchen and the microwave's going. And she says, are you making something? And she says, yes, I'm making cheese steaks. And I thought to myself, what cheese steak are you microwaving? Probably one of those frozen steak-ums. You gotta cook them on the stove top. I've never eaten a steak-um in my life. What?

I used to fuck steak-ums up. You should get back to it. I have a feeling that steak-ums are probably pretty much vegetarian. I would say it's the same as those bacon bits, just textured vegetable protein. Oh, yeah. Oh, my cousin Joe vegetable protein. Oh yeah.

My cousin Joe eats those by the handful. He eats them as a snack. It's disgusting. It's probably why I have high blood pressure. I've eaten so many bacos in my life. It's a lot of sodium. So Ma sends a video, oh no, no, Hayley sends a video to everyone telling them to block Ma.

Yeah. Yeah, but somehow Ma gets this video. I don't know if she's sending it or if it's on social media. She sent it to Ma. I don't understand. She goes to Haley's social media. Okay. Okay. I don't understand how social media works. No, especially not this fake ass social media. Okay. Okay. So that's not really how Instagram works. I don't, I'm all right.

So Ma's pissed that Haley wants everyone to block her. Right. Does Haley have that kind of sway? If you were Haley, you would. It's true. You're fucking gorgeous. It's true. So we get more flashbacks to her being a kid. Yeah.

Sue Ann. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. She goes into a, this is when we get the flashback of her going into a darkened room, like a janitor's closet. Yeah. With Ben, Andy's dad.

Yeah. And then the next scene, Ma got a new number and is saying, are you guys mad at me? Meet me at the rock piles after school tomorrow. No, do not go. They all show up so that she can tell them she has pancreatic cancer. Tell your parents this old person has been fucking around. Kids.

Kids. Do not hang out with people that are double your age. Yeah. I think that's great advice. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I think like, I don't know. I wouldn't even go, I would say anybody five years older than you, if you have not hit 18 yet. And also if an adult is making you uncomfortable, tell another trusted adult. Yeah.

Since we apparently have kids listening to this podcast. Go find a helper, not a cop. I help her. No, not a cop. Tell your guidance counselor. Exactly. Yeah. Oh man.

Oh, she's like, I'm gonna beat this, but I need some friends. Yeah, and they're like, we'll be your friends. She's wearing Stephanie's bracelet, it says Taylor. Why would she think that no one would notice that? It's gaudy. I don't know, maybe she let Taylor go down on her. Maybe, after five months.

But Hailey spots it and is now incredibly suspicious. Yeah, so now they're gonna fucking go crack the case. Because Hailey's grandma's ring has gone missing and so has Maggie's earrings. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah has gone missing and so has Maggie's earrings. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. They break into the basement. They do. And they go upstairs.

They do. And the upstairs has a cage around the steps. And there's like a locked door with what appears to be a wig on it. I don't know what's happening. Those are hanging on the wall behind the door. There's like a tribal mask and then like some stuff hanging on the walls because the, cause later, uh, Jeannie has the mask in front of her face to scare them. Oh, right. Okay. Yeah. Oh, it's so weird. Right there. So they're walking around and you see a person walking in the background behind them. You think it's Ma, but it isn't. It's Jeannie. Yeah. Yeah.

And I like this. I like that. Like people under the stairsiness of it. I like the like people under the stairsiness of it. I do like the people under the stairsiness of it. And I also like that they're being like kind to her and being like, why aren't you at school? Like what? Yeah. They aren't. No one's ever shitty to Jeannie, which I like. Yeah. Yeah. Yes. This movie not mean to animals or except when Ma is calling like the one dog a piece of shit at one point, but that thought might've been a bit of a Some dogs are pieces of shit. Let's be real.

They also go into Ma's room and they see that she's cut out all of these pictures of them and pictures from like the old yearbooks of their parents. And put their faces over their parents' faces? Something is very weird here. I like this. Sure. Yeah. And I think it would've been great if you could give all this stuff, but not the backstory. And I'm still like, yeah, something crazy is going on here.

Right. It's a weird, it's also like, it kind of makes sense that you're saying that that wasn't in the original script because like all of, Maggie moving to town is the catalyst for all of this, but all of these people have been there all along. Like it's a small town. She must've run into Andy's dad all the time. Sure. Yeah. How could she not?

How could she not? But they haven't seen each other since high school. That doesn't make any sense. Yeah. So yes, so she's going to, she's going to go and she's invited to the janitor's closet and we see who I assume to be young Mercedes putting lipstick on her and telling her she's very pretty. Yep. And then all you have to do is move your head back and forth, which is funny because we've seen Mercedes give a shit blowjob as an adult, a Paris Hilton level blowjob. I don't know what that means and I'm not sure I want to leave a one night in Paris. I certainly haven't watched it.

Why don't you describe it to me? It's just a very like, adjugant, a dispassionate blow job from Paris. I mean, it's fine. The guy seems like a piece of shit, but. Who is the man in that? I don't even remember. I don't remember. I wanted to say Ray J,

but that's Kim Kardashian's sex tape. That's Kim Kardashian, yeah. No. Brandy's brother, Ray J. Oh, I know. I'm familiar. Okay, good. All right. Didn't her mom release that tape? Kim Kardashian. Yeah. For a second I was like, Brandy? No, not her mom. Jesus Christ. Yeah. I hate everything. Oh, I know. We're living in the darkest possible timeline. I saw a photo yesterday

of people taking selfies, like giving peace signs and smiling in front of the LA fires. And I was like, my dudes, grab a bucket and fucking help somebody. Steve Gutenberg is out there helping people. Is Steve Gutenberg out there helping? There's like a news clip going around of this guy walking up to the newsman and saying, hey, can I say something real quick?

If people are gonna be leaving their their cars on sunset Boulevard, leave your keys in the car so we can move them. So emergency vehicles can get by. And the reporter's like, cool. Thanks so much for saying that. What's your name? And the guy's like, Steve Gutenberg. And the reporter's like, wait, the, oh yeah. I mean, you know, I had a crush on Steve Gutenberg. Who doesn't? But it's just like, my dude, it's okay.

He's just like, it's like trying to do a rad thing and like be helpful. Oh, Steve Gutenberg's a good guy. I think we knew that from a party down. That's right. I love party down. Did you watch the reboot? No.

I haven't either, but I would like to. There's some, like, I feel like after like how much I did not like when they went back to Arrested Development, like those, those wells are hard to go back to. I'll watch Ken Marino fucking cut his toenails. Yeah. A great cast was amazing. A great Italian. Yeah. Well, why don't we replace Columbus with Ken Marino for Columbus Day? No one wants to take down statues of Ken Marino just with like a stupid look on his face kind of pursing his lips, you know? We need to do that movie where he

births a demon from his butt. Yeah, why haven't we done that? I don't know. Can we do that next week? Yeah, if you could figure out what it's called. Okay. From his butt. All right. From his butt. All right. So we see Ben's dad, excuse me, Ben, Andy's dad run into Sue Ann at the vet. And he's like, wow, come meet me for a drink tonight

at the bar. And she's like, yeah, yeah, let's do that. And she gets herself all dolled up to do it. Yeah, she does. I do like when she comes home while they're still in the house earlier and she runs in and they had touched her porcelain cats and she yells up to her daughter, Jeannie,

have you been downstairs? Someone's been touching my kitties. Poor Jeannie. She says, I'm not supposed to walk. Yeah. Yeah. That's Gypsy'm not supposed to walk. Yeah. Yeah. That's Gypsy Rose, and some Gypsy Rose stuff. Do not like.

No. So Ben and Sue Ann are having a drink at the bar. She doesn't drink, she's having a Diet Coke. And he's being very friendly and amiable. And then all of a sudden pulls something out and says, do you know what this is? She says, a taser? You're're gonna tase me for not drinking it's a tracker that he has on his entire fleet of vans including his son andy's van uh-huh why has he been at your house yeah yeah

and basically tells her like stop having my son at your house i'm not going to call the cops i'll handle this myself i think he says i think you're trying to get back at me. You're a loser Sue Ann and it's pathetic. Yeah. Yeah. So if someone's already in a revenge spiral, do you think calling them a loser and pathetic is the thing that's going to stop them from doing it? Especially if the person at stake is your child, your minor child, you know, there's no, like your problem is with me, deal with me, not my kid.

Stay away from my child. Yeah, any of that stuff. No. No, no. No. Oh my God. No. Oh.

So Maggie gets home and Ma is at her house talking to Juliette Lewis. Yeah. Yeah. Because she just stopped by to see how the dog was doing. Right after he got his shots. And this is... Sorry, I stopped by un see how the dog was doing. Right, after he got his shots. And this is... Sorry, I stopped by unannounced. And this is where we see the flashback

of what actually happened in the janitor's closet. Yeah, which is horrendous and rape and disgusting. Yes. They basically do like a bait and switch where she thinks she's in there with Ben and it's somebody else we've never seen before and never see again. Who's that guy? Who's much taller than Ben.

Much taller than Ben. Yeah. And also just like, why that guy? Hey, Bob, would you like to have your dick sucked by a stranger in a closet? Sure. I mean, it's a glory hole at that point, right? Oh God. She's out driving her truck, her pickup truck. She's got a air freshener called Horse Sense. She loves animal husbandry. Loves animal

husbandry. We see Mercedes out jogging. And she moves her the fuck down in a very violent and brutal way and I was like, all right, because I think I have a note earlier that says this movie better fucking pay off. Yeah. And I was like, all right. Cause I think I have a note earlier that says this movie better fucking pay off. And I was like, okay, all right, fine. Start murdering people. Let's go. Let's fucking kick it into gear. Yep.

Also when Ma was at Juliette Lewis's house, she was acting like she was a vampire that had been let into a house and can come back whenever she wants. Yeah. She was like, well. And she says, I'm sorry, she says something to Maggie right before she leaves, like, don't you let anything happen to that dog. Yeah.

Yeah, it's a threat. Which I was like, oh fuck, they're gonna fuck that dog up. No! She does fuck that dog up. She hurts that good boy. Does she? Yeah, remember, he's bleeding. Oh, that's right.

That's what I'm saying, we never get resolution on his life or death. Yeah, keep that dog outside. Don't keep your dogs outside. I think they had just let him out because he's in the house in the next scene. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But this is like a nice little creepy bit

where Maggie is outside trying to bring Louie, the dog, back in and Ma is just standing in the neighbor's yard in her like veterinary scrubs. Incognito, you can't see her. Cannot see her, very John Cena. But no, Lou Louis is bleeding. He's lost a lot of blood. She cut that dog up.

Yeah. Because she needed his blood for something that happens later. What? What happens now though, is that Juliette Lewis is like, okay, I'm gonna call Sue Ann. And Maggie's like, no, don't, don't call her. But they don't take Louis to like another vet,

an emergency vet, the next town over. They just like literally just look at him in the house. And we cut to the vet. Yeah, oh right. Where we find Alison. Alison Janney. In a dog cage murder. Yeah, this is funny.

This is very funny. And I was like, are we just doing this so she thinks she's still in a comedy movie? I think so. I don't think they wanted Alice and Janney to find out what was really happening. It's like Missy Pyle and Alice and Janney were like, I signed up for a comedy movie.

Let's do this. I'm doing this. We find that Ma has lured Andy's dad to her house and then she doses him. She lures him with the tracker. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And at this point, Maggie has confessed to her mom, what's been going on, who says your ass is staying in this house till summer break, which I liked a lot.

Keep that one locked and loaded. So she has dad tied down to a bed and naked with a towel over his penis. Yes. And she's threatening him and she's gonna cut off his penis, which he grabs. I was surprised by this. I'm sure it's a prosthetic penis, but I was surprised to just see a full hog. I'm just nodding at Alan. Yes, a full hog. I was like, that had to be fake, right?

They didn't like, all right, dude, I'm gonna grab your dong, let's see what happens here. He's hooked up to an IV bag. It just says Louie and it's filled with blood. Is she giving him dog blood? I'm sorry, nothing could be funnier. That's comedy. But, so she's put dog blood into him,

but then on the opposite arm, she opens a vein. Yeah, she's doing it, she's replacing it. That's not how blood works. It's a bit, you can just leave this big open and put new in. It might be, I don't know, I'm not a doctor. It's true, it's true. It's a bit like human centipede,

we just have to try this out, you know? What happens if you give a person dog blood, but take their people blood? She really should have put down a tarp. Sure. I don't know why she's doing this in her bed. She knows that she's burning everything down. Right? Yeah, I guess so. I mean, this is murder number three for her at this point. That's true. That's true. All sort of traceable back to her in many ways. So Erica confronts Sue Ann.

At the liquor store. At the liquor store. Yeah. And then mom, Sue Ann. After fucking Maggie gives her mom the finger and calls her a bitch because she told her she has to do chores with her the next day. First of all, your mother works so hard for you.

And second, you are the one who is wrong. And third, that's exactly what a kid would do as soon as their mom's back was turned. No. And you know that you did that. Oh, my mom was a bitch. But she's dead now, so it's okay. That's why we're wearing these jackets.

They look so cute on us. I love how they swish when we walk, because they're made of windbreaker setteens. So Ma sends Maggie a video of another party going down at the house. Wait, in this confrontation with Erica in the liquor store, Ma says something to her like, sounds like you're just jealous, you used to be pretty and popular,

and now no one includes you. The view from the center is amazing, which makes it sound like she actually believes that she is a part of these teens' social circle. Sure. Yeah, that's wild. And profoundly disturbing. Yes. And she says to think I took care of Mercedes for you. Yeah, that's wild. And profoundly disturbing. Yes. Yeah.

And she says to think I took care of Mercedes for you. Yeah. That's the only time Mercedes death is ever mentioned. No one gives a dick shit about it. No. Everyone's like, eh. Sucked it sucking. Sucked it sucking, sucked to living.

Yep. So yes, she sends a video to Maggie. Yeah at the party, including Andy and in ma's wearing the earrings. And she says, thank you for the earrings. Yeah. Gross. So Maggie steals mom's car, Juliette Lewis's car, Erica, and drives to the party, which a ton of kids are leaving when she shows up and they're walking outside and being like, yo, this lady's weird.

Yeah, because she kicks everybody, we told that she kicks everybody out because she wants to hang with the original crew. And Andy is drinking. But also like obviously fucked up. Not being a drinker. Yeah. And then Haley like tries to make out with her.

Yeah. Yeah. Cause mom made punch for Chaz's birthday. Yeah, uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh with Diazepam. Yeah. Because mom made punch for Chaz's birthday. Yeah. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. With Diazepam. Why? Why did she do this?

So that she could do the next thing that she has to do when the kids start passing out. Yeah, she barricades them in the basement. Chaz is like zombieing around. And Maggie runs upstairs because she hears Jeannie calling for help. Why does Maggie not use her cellular phone to call either the police or her mother or Stu for that matter?

Her new dad's too. And she finds Ben dead on a bed, which is not easy for me to say. No, as soon as she finds him, she gets tased. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Uh, and she wakes up or no, uh, Erica wakes up at home and Maggie is gone. Right. So she calls to, she calls to and Sue's like, yeah, a hundred percent. Let's do this right there. Ride or die. Ride or die. Maggie wakes up.

Conference together. You know what that means? Maggie is chained up by her neck and then we see that all of the kids are. Yeah. Yeah. With a, with a, a, uh, what are those collars called? They're like a collar. They have spikes on the inside. So when you jerk them at like, Oh, is that what that is? Yeah. They're like a training collar. Oh yeah. They're really abusive. Don't use them. No. Why would you? Uh, because people are dicks animals. Yeah. I don't like it either. Uh, nevermind.

So yeah, but they're all chained up and like hooked up with dog collars and leashes to things like use what you got on hand. Right. She doesn't have a dog though. No. No. Um, we also see Ashley is pretending to be not passed out. She was so committed to her bit that she allowed this collar to be placed on her. What? This is what happens when you grow up religious. You're real dumb.

So Ma is heating up a clothes iron and she's like, I want to see what it does to this boy's tummy. Yeah, so she's talking to Chaz like, oh, perfect skin, perfect belly, most handsome. And then irons his tum tum. Yeah. But he's so knocked out. It doesn't even wake him up. No, but Ashley gets up and tries to run. It's knocked out. So she does a bunch of weird shit, like painting Darrell white and saying there's

only, they've only got room for one of us. I mean, like she's doing some horrible things. She, she scars this man's stomach with the iron. She's so as a mouse up because she has the gift of gab. And then she was paint sterile weight. Like he woke up and he was like, right before she sewed Haley's mouth shut. I was like, why are that girl's lips so puffy? And I was like, Oh, they're prosthetic. I have the gift of gap. I hope nobody says my mouth shut.

I wouldn't let them. Thank you, Alan. But it's very weird. And I was like, this is, this could just be wild. Yeah. Without like, if you take the backstory out of it, it's just a wild ass movie. So strongly agree. I think it's a much better movie without the backstory. Yeah. So Andy wakes up and she sort think it's a much better movie without the backstory. Yeah. So Andy wakes up and she sort of like picks him up and says, mm, you smell good.

Just like your daddy. Gross. Pedophile. She's a pedophile. Yeah. And she says, we're the cutest couple and you're the most charming. And Andy, like no teen before him is immediately like, all right, I'm going all in on this.

I'm going to trick her by making out with her. I understand exactly what I need to do. He kisses her and says, I love you. And she stabs him and says, liar. The doorbell rings and she says to Maggie, don't make a sound or I'll slit your throat. Hot tip, slit her throat now. I'm team Maggie and all, but like, come on, use your brain.

Pro adult murderer of children. So it's the cop that lets them off the hook earlier. Yes. And he's come because there's cups and bottles and cars everywhere. Yeah. Yeah. And she's like, uh, you're actually preventing me from getting my daughter to the hospital or to a doctor's appointment. Right. Cause Jeannie has rolled up in her wheelchair. Yeah.

And so she shoots the cop and then says, screams a Jeannie, you just made me kill this man. And Jeannie's like, no, I didn't. I was like, I am team Jeannie in all of this. Honestly, Jeannie is the ultimate victim. Yeah. Yeah. But also the ultimate hero. Yeah.

Because mom makes Maggie take a photo of her with the kids on the couch. Right. Cause she's made a yearbook. Yeah. Yeah. And then she hangs Maggie. Maggie could have easily released the latch on the leash from like the collar. Yeah. Okay. She doesn't. She doesn't know. So Jeannie knocks mom down the steps and knocking over a candle. Yes. And starting a fire. Cause ma had pushed probably alcohol or something. Uh, and Jeannie helps, uh, Maggie down, which is great. I'm all on this. Now the house is burning. Ma grabs Jeannie and Stu's here to the rescue. Stu's ripping open the basement

door. The casino the casino boss. And our coworker. And our coworker, and our boyfriend, and our new dad. Because Stu is also going to be a dealer soon. Right. Yeah. So Maggie grabs the knife. Or no, Erica comes downstairs, and Ma and Sue Ann and Erica

have a confrontation confrontation and she's like you should, this is because of what you did. Right. So Jeannie says, Maggie help me. And Ma says, she won't help you. She's just like her mother. She was weak. Yeah.

And Erica's like, I'm so sorry for what happened to you. It was wrong and I should have done something and I didn't and I'm sorry. And then this is like the denouement of the movie is Maggie being like, I'm not like my mother. Getting a knife and stabbing Sue Ann. Yeah, but also like we've never seen them be anything other really than friends or like normal mother daughter.

There's no reason for her to have like, I don't know. Yeah, you're right, it sucks. Because she doesn't even know the backstory. She has no idea. She has no idea and doesn't seem to think of her mother as weak. Yeah. Yeah.

So stuff starts exploding in the basement. Yeah, you can't have a water heater on fire. And then Ma goes upstairs and lays in bed with Ben. First she looks out the window and all the kids are, all the injured children are just lying on the lawn. Maybe get the fuck out of there. I don't know. No, as long as you're like three, four feet from a burning house, everything's fine.

Yeah. And the serial killer there in, but yes, then she goes up the stairs, kisses Ben and gets in bed and snuggles up next to his body. The end credits roll. My final note is the three movies I would have loved this movie to have been rather than the movie I just watched. Tell me. Mazelunatic, Serial Killer with no backstory.

Great. Maggie Fish Out of Water teen comedy. Hmm. Okay. She's too pretty. I think Booksmart is just wearing off on me. Okay, okay, okay, okay. And then Missy Piles, an enthusiastic, but poor blow jobber.

There had to be a way to combine those things. Yeah. The backstory is a huge bummer and does ruin the movie. Yeah. Yeah. It makes it a fucking mess. It like turns this movie that could have been just fun into a fucking mess. A lot of this movie is kind of fun. Like Ma is crazy and it's fun. Yeah, that scene where she drives over Missy Pyle is fucking hilarious. Perfect. Killing her boss and putting her in a dog kennel. I like it. Chef's kiss.

Chef's kiss. And it's a bummer too because the person who directed this movie was like, I really want to do a horror movie. I want to do a fucked up horror movie. And he, it's friend was friends, or they were friends with, uh, Octavia Spencer. And we're like, I want to do this fucked up horror movie. Bloom house is going to do it. Bloom house. Do you want to star in it? Because we had a conversation where you said you were sick of just playing like

not the star of a movie. And she's like, absolutely. I don't even know what it is. Yeah. I will absolutely do it. Fantastic. Yeah. And this is what it was. I still think she did a lot with what she had. She was amazing. I think she was amazing. Yeah. Yeah. I thought all the acting was very good and competent. Sure. Yeah. Even the teens, even the teens. Yeah. Normally I don't get down with the teens. No. No. What do you want to give this bad boy? You're talking rain's face. I'm going to give this a solid four. Really? Yeah. I, I, I, it like, I really wanted it to pay off cause it got real boring at some point. I never felt bored by it. Yeah. yeah. I'm usually bored. Sounds like team Ma.

What are you going to give it? I'm going to give it a 6 and 1 half. I love this. I found it very entertaining, though I hated the backstory. Sure. Sure. That's it. Speaking of very entertaining.

Yeah. Katie? Alan. Oh, we got time. All right. Buckle up. This is a fucking roller coaster. OK, I'm ready. This is an email.

I just like instinctively clenched every part of my body. Okay. Go ahead. How do you start emails? Who knows? Hello. That's that. Wait, you're reading, you're reading verbatim now. Start over please. How do you start emails? Who knows? Hello. I think hello would have done it. You got there in the end. I got there in the end. I'm a big fan of the show.

Subscribed a while back after hearing you on Godawful Movies. Once again, thank you, Gam. Thank you, Gamm. You have changed our lives. And thank you for subscribing to us and we're a big fan of you. But I've only recently really gone back and started listening to you the whole back catalog from scratch. Oh no. I'm on episode 204 at the moment, The Item.

Oh, fuck. Historically a movie Katie did not finish. You know what? I'm not sorry. I'm not sorry. I wouldn't have considered myself a particular fan of horror movies before listening to your show because I felt really disconnected from the direction modern horror blockbusters have gone. Interesting. Listening to you both, however, I realized that I saw some of the inappropriate for children horror movies when I was a kid in the 80s and 90s.

Yeah. Both whimsical and not in full caps. Yeah. Plus a number of classics. You showed me that you can be a fan of the absurd and weird without being a dork for not wanting to see hostile. Legit. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, you're probably a dork, but that's cause you're listening to horror movie podcasts. I mean, we're with these two fucking dorks and you give,

and you're listening to God awful movies. They're fucking dorks. Beautiful, beautiful dorks. And you give me great creative insight into what people like and don't like about their media experience, which really tickles my creative impulses. So thank you. Oh my gosh. That's so kind. I've watched a couple of movies in real time, but my listening workflow is mostly to read the Wikipedia plot summary about halfway through the episode. If I get lost and you will, because we jump all over the phone. Now I'm not, I can't be bothered. I have become inspired to write because I am increasingly of the opinion that you all should sue The Good Place

for so clearly basing Eleanor Schallstrup on the life and times, not to mention the narrative flair of Katie. Really? What does that mean? Well, I'll keep going. Okay, okay. It's like that very clever show asks the question,

what if world renowned horror movie podcaster Katie from Pittsburgh was the self mythologizing cool version of somebody that never actually got it together enough to start a podcast. Whoa. And then Kristen Bell studied the two years of that catalog that had already been created to perfect that lovable scamp we met in 2016.

What? Wait, I've not seen the good place, created to perfect that lovable scamp we met in 2016. What? Wait, I've not seen The Good Place, but I know it made you cry because I came in when you were watching the final episode and then I had just had to go sit on the porch until you were done. You didn't have to. You could have come in and cried too. I didn't feel up for it.

I even looked to see if either the character or the actor were from Pittsburgh. They aren't and neither is the show creator. So it's pure cinematic, cinema, the cinematic homage. Now, Eleanor also had a lot of just shitty behavior in the background. I'm not suggesting any resonance with that. I'm thinking of the fun loving cool of Eleanor and the way she tells stories that will start with going to a concert and end up chuckling about getting arrested. Oh fuck. What you've done in this episode. Son of a bitch. They needed that

fodder for the existential drama elements of the TV show. I told you this was a rollercoaster. We're not even done coasting yet. I can be a real asshole. I have been a real asshole. I thought you might get a laugh from that comparison. I haven't concocted a similar absurdity for Alan yet because he's so mysterious. I'm really not. Thank you for agreeing. I mean, I know you real well, you know. Keep up the great work.

Back to the podcast, Listening Minds I Go. I am an artist, so when I catch up closer to current, I'll be listening for good ideas to send you a present and appreciation. Oh my God. Based on more current inside jokes. You don't have to do that. Thanks for being a little bright candle in this hellscape.

Lots of love, Auntie Anna. Thank you, Auntie Anna. I got very excited because I thought Auntie Annie's got in touch, but it's not. Love your pretzels. OPS, and this makes me think this email was sent from a different timeline. Okay.

OPS, the last genuine horror movie that wasn't Tucker and Dale that I'd seen before starting to listen to you all was Last Shift on Netflix. Wait, is that the, is that the one with Mick Foley in it? Oh, is that what that was? I think so. Isn't it? I'm looking it up. I'm looking it up. No, not even close.

I've never seen last shift. What's the Mick Foley movie called? I don't know. I bet that's what they meant. That's called 12 Hour Shift. Oh. With Anne Bettis or whatever her name is. Oh, anyway, that's what,

Last Shift on Netflix, it gave me such delight to hear you both poo poo that fucking movie. It gave me horrible skin crawlies and jumps, Twitch scares and maybe so unhappy while watching. But then the payoff was absolutely unutterably boring. Your disdain really exercise that from my brain. So I'm thinking they're in a different timeline and we've done that movie on the

other time. I'm looking for last shift. Yeah. No posts. No'm looking for last shift. Yeah. No posts. No posts. No posts. Wow. Okay.

Thank you, Andy, Andy, Andy, Anna. Thank you so much for writing in. Thank you so much for your kind words. I'll defer to Alan as to whether or not it's true that I resemble a Kristen Bell character. I did do a little voiceover work for, for Frozen. So, you know. Just a little.

Just a singing part. Just a singing part. Kristen Pell, she can't fucking sing. She can't fucking sing. She's fucking crazy. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. She's so silly.

She's married to Dex Shepard. I don't actually know who that is really. It's fine. I mean, I see him in the commercials where they have their commercials together, but I don't know what he does. He's an actor. Oh, what's he been in?

I can't. Fuck it then. He was an actor. Oh, what's he been in? I can't. Fuck it then. He was roommates with some friends of mine many years ago. Really? Good roommate? Bad roommate? Fine as far as I know. Good to know. I think it was like college days.

Sure. So it's many, many moons ago. Yeah. Thank you so much for writing in. Thank you for that roller coaster ride of an email. I feel, what's that word for when you've been spun around many times? That's not dizzy. I feel dizzy.

I'll just go with dizzy. I'm dizzy. Yeah. That was very kind of you to take the time to write in. You started an email. Great. You did a great job. You did a great job.

Should we do another movie next week? Oh, a Hondo P. What are we doing, Alan? Katie. Alan. Movie. Oh, did we? Oh, wait. You wanted Alan. Movie, uh, oh, did we, oh wait. You wanted me to pick another movie, didn't you? No, we can do that one. It's fine.

Okay. We're going to do a movie that we talked about doing a lot, but wasn't available on streaming for a long time. It's called The Others. I'm doing some Nicole Kidman shit. She's in the news right now. She's in a new movie that everybody's talking about. Really? What is it?

She has sex with somebody. Whoa. Yeah. It's called baby girl. She's fucking somebody. I think so. Like on in like what? I mean, she says a sex scene. That's not that notable.

Oh no. I thought people love sex scenes. I in a movie with a sex scene. Please bring me my clutching pearls. I'm Gen Z. We don't like sex scenes in movies. You know this about us. That's fine, that's fine.

All right, so we're doing the others. It's on shutter. Yeah, as soon as I picked it, I was like, that movie's a fucking bummer. Yeah, well we did discuss doing several other movies during the recording of this episode and didn't choose any of those. No, we chose the bummer, because we're smart.

Well, when you go to edit this episode, write down the things that we suggested. Okay. We'll do them later. So come back for the others. It's on Shutter. Shutter. If you need a password, just hit me up.

Yeah. Or me, I'll give you Alan's password. I don't care. I don't even think about it. What do you want? Social? You got it. Yeah. Thanks so much to everybody who buy stuff from T stuff from T public and I'm sorry, I

didn't put the new shirts up yet. I will do it. Put a calendar reminder in right now. Okay. I'm doing it right now. It's going to be a few days. Alan, I'm barely alive. Thanks to everyone who for staying alive, uh, except you, Jimmy Carter. And on his national day of mourning, you're going to say it like that. Probably the best, definitely the best president in my lifetime.

Not Barack Hussein Obama, but the healthcare. A lot of extrajudicial killings by Barack Hussein Obama. Yeah, you know. Yeah, come back next week. We're going to talk about the others. Okay. Anything else? Oh, Patreon. We're about to record our Patreon episode for Armageddon,

which I... it's just going to be 75 minutes of me screaming, I think. Just screaming. Which is half the length of the movie. Oh my god, I am dead in a ghost. Let's get that out of the way. We have to go. We love you all.

Thank you so much for listening to another episode of Werewolf Ambulance. Bye bye. Goodbye now. Come to my house, teens. We're gonna party. No, don't come to Alan's house. Please don't. Don't. Woo!

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