Werewolf Ambulance: A Horror Movie Comedy Podcast - Episode 508- The Others (2001)

Episode Date: January 20, 2025

In this week's episode, we're discussing a movie that Allen has wanted to cover forever and that I have been absolutely dreading-- the 2001 supernatural horror film "The Others." Special topics for your consideration include: the sadneeeeess, recognizing hypocrisy at a tender age, bad medical advice, reasons to go to war, and sad "Beetlejuice." Do you like Nicole Kidman? You can catch her in Episode 76- "???" which is really just "Days of Thunder," or Episode 424- "Stoker" which is also really quite bad. The regular lineup of links! You can support us at patreon.com/werewolfambulance and listen to a ton of action movie episodes. It's FINALLY a car movie month!   leave us a message at 412-407-7025 hang out with some cool listeners at https://discord.gg/DutFjx3cBD  buy merch at www.teepublic.com/user/werewolfambulance the best place to reach us is at [e-mail] we're on Reddit at r/werewolfambulance sorta on Twitter @werebulance sorta on Instagram @werewolfambulance www.werewolfambulance.com if you feel you really must lodge a complaint with us, please do it on Facebook at facebook.com/werewolfambulance because we are probably not gonna see that, ever.   If you liked this, please leave us a review on Apple Podcasts or wherever you listen! It helps others find us and allows us to continue to grow. Intro song is by Alex Van Luvie Outro song is A. Wallis- "EMT" Seriously, we have the best listeners, hands down. 

So this is my fucking birthday movie, huh? This is me? This is my birthday present from you? Yeah, I figured you needed to, a very, very, I don't know, what would you call this? Sad movie? Miserable movie? I describe it as Beetlejuice but make it sad.

What if at the end of the sixth sense you went, ah, ah, fuck! Wait, didn't you? No. No. I feel like this is the sixth sense for sad boys. I thought the sixth sense was the sixth sense for sad boys. Maybe this is the sixth sense for goth boys.

Or like people who want to talk about God. Who doesn't? Me. Yeah, yeah, no, yeah. What are we talking about, Katie? We're talking about the 2001 film of Alan's Choice that because we can't use a fucking calendar, ended up being my birthday movie

because today is my birthday. Happy birthday to you. Don't don't you worry at the end of this episode. I'm going to, I'm going to ring it up. Uh, the others, the Nicole Kidman vehicle, the others. I like to think of it as the Christopher Eccleston vehicle, but that's fine. That's fine too. That's fine too. Cause Nicole Kidman is wholly unlikable in this movie.

But she is like a porcelain doll of beauty in this movie. I mean, what's the thing about how far being beautiful will get you? It got her really far. Yeah. I also think she's a decent actor. I think she is too. I think this is the shitty part. Oh, oh, bold stance out of the gate. Out of the gate. Out of the gate. Well, out of the gate, this movie gets into creationism, which like, here we go.

But it does it in the way that I love it, which is on children's like storybook drawings lit by candle from behind. Yeah, you like that? I thought it looked gorgeous. Yeah. Yeah, fine. Yeah. But, fine. Yeah, but you're getting your Genesis. You're getting your build the world in six days, all that jazz.

Absolutely. Seven. Well, seventh of the day he rested. Yeah, he had to take a little nappy nap. A little Jesus nap. That's actually just God at that point. Oh, he hadn't split off yet? No. No. My next note says we call this old Jersey, which is not a great joke. Mine is, isn't there something they could put on movies to take Harvey Weinstein's name off of all of them? It seems like it shouldn't be hard.

Yeah. Just go in there with a fucking eraser. Yeah. I want to watch every old season of Project Runway a million times over, but it sucks because it's goddamn names all over it. Listen. And his wife is a guest judge on a lot of them. Really?

Yeah, Georgina Chapman, founder of Marquesa Luxury Brand. Oh, I had no idea. Yeah. I'm just saying if Martin Scorsese could get the bump of cocaine out of Neil Young's nose for the last band Or the last Waltz documentary they should be able to wipe that guy's name off these fucking movies I mean if they can put Carrie Fisher into movies, right? That's a Star Wars Sure, I fucking get an eraser and take off Harvey's name. That's it. So we live in old Jersey with Nicole Kidman.

1945. 1945. The war's over. If you want it to be. The war's over for those of us that want it. Those of us who came in late and then claimed the victory. I just meant, um, we thought we vanquished Nazis. That's my, I'm getting political. So somebody write a review about it. So it opens on a foggy house on Jersey Island with, uh, with three folks walking up to a door. Yeah. All dressed in black, all looking morose. Yeah. Yeah. All having great names.

This, yeah. Uh, Bertha Mills. Yeah. Mr. Tuttle. Yep. And Lydia. This movie is shot in morose. Like they put the morose setting on the camera. There is a morning veil over the camera through the entire thing. Is this your first time seeing it? It sure is Alan. And to be very frank with you, it is my last. You'll find this not at all hard to believe, but I own this movie. No, no, digital versatile disc, one hundo. So they come up to the house and they're like,

hey, we're here for the, and she goes, what the job? Yes, come on in, you're hired. Just terrible at everything. She's terrible at parenting. She's terrible at parenting. She's terrible at being an employer. She's just, she fucking sucks. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, we find out why, right?

I mean, when I say terrible at parenting, yeah, no. There's terrible at parenting and then there's, ay, ay, ay. Oh. So it's this big, beautiful manor house. It's got no electricity because the Germans kept knocking it out. So they were like, fuck it. We don't need it.

But they also do need it because the children can't be exposed to light because they're photosensitive and they'll die. Yeah. I know photosensitivity is a real thing. Sure. But like not dying of light, right? Unless you're a vampire. That's what I love about this. Cause the first time I saw this movie, I was like, are they little vampires? Is this a movie about little vampires? Yeah, little vamps. No,

it's not. Don't worry. Cause the little boy, Nicholas, a hundred percent looks like a tiny vampire. Yes. He looks like he got changed real young and everyone's like, ah, fuck. a tiny vampire. Yes, he looks like he got changed real young and everyone's like, ah, fuck. And he's like, I just want to smoke and fuck, but I'm eight forever. Wait, so with the way this movie ends, they're free of the photo sensitivity.

So maybe they really did have it, like really would. I'm Googling it, you talk. Okay. So she takes, this is Grace, this is mom, in Momly Notes, uh uh uh Nicole Kidman, takes Anne and Lydia, or I'm sorry, takes uh Mrs. Mills and Lydia around the house and she tells them that they have to unlock and lock every door they go through and then all the rooms must have the blind closed at all times when the children are near them. Yes they have to use like an airlock system or like the goat gates at the petting zoo you know. Yeah yeah yeah yeah. No photosensitivity cannot kill you.

Well actually in actually actually actually it can because these kids are Well, actually, in this movie, actually a Ken. Actually a Ken. Because these kids are fish belly colored, so I can imagine the sunburn alone would take them out. That's true. I mean, that's just British people though. You've seen them, right? But Christopher Ackleson shows up later, Tan is a motherfucker.

Yeah, they didn't get it from him. No. No, they got it from their porcelain doll mother. First of all, I was gonna say imagine being a porcelain doll, but I'm actually going to say, imagine having fucking servants. Yeah. That's right. Like when a server in a restaurant brings me the omelet that I ordered, I'm like, Oh my God, thank you so much. You like, so didn't have to do that. Oh, thank you so much. Yeah. I would have gotten up and gone to the kitchen to get it.

Do you need anything right now? Server sit down and enjoy my omelet. I'm going to leave. Oh, do you like veggies? Uh, I just can't, I just can't, I just can't imagine. Yeah. Yeah. No. Yeah. Like all that downtown Abby downtown Abbey shit. Come on. I'll see that. Yeah, just servants living in your house. They have separate stairs because they can't use the same steps as you. Yeah, my house has service stairs in it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I use it. I have. I've used those as well. Does that mean I'm your servant? I think it means I'm my own servant.

I've used those as well. Does that mean I'm your servant? I think it means I'm my own servant. Oh My own grandfather. Interestingly, Lucy is the only one who doesn't use them. We are all servants of Lucy But Nicole Kidman is a bitch and it comes out right away when she's talking to Mrs. Mills and she's asking questions of Lydia who never speaks yes, Mills says that she can't speak. And Nicole Kidman's like, the other girl I had talked too much anyway. She's just coming off as a shitty rich. Yeah, I guess so.

Yeah, like a real aristocrat. Yeah. And the last crew of servants disappeared without a trace. Yeah, they bounced off the island. I mean, I think I'd leave too. This doesn't seem great. A little foggy ass island with Nazis on it. You want to leave? Yeah, you're right. So the only thing the kids get to do seemingly is Bible study. Right. Because she gets migraines and she likes silence. And I will tell you as a parent that if you like silence,

the best thing you can do is have children. It was my one and only complaint about that, uh, fucking, uh, what was that movie called? A quiet place. You know, you've got, you've got aliens that are going to kill everybody. Let's have babies. Notoriously silent babies. Notoriously silent. Yeah.

She wakes the kids up to meet the servants. What the fuck? You never wake a sleeping child unless you at like utterly have to. She's a terrible parent. She wakes these kids up so fucking much. Yeah. Let them be. They're just babies trying to sleep. They're one to grow. They don't have any vitamin D. They don't have any vitamin A through C. No, they are. They are. They look rough.

They got scurvy without a doubt. Oh yeah. Their, their gums are rotting out of their heads. I love it when they're doing the one Bible lesson and it's the thing about someone denying Christ when they're questioned about it. And Anne's like, yeah, that's stupid. They should have fucking lied. They could have lived. What are they doing?

Yes. I wrote myself a note here that just says I would get on Anne's good side and I would stay there because that child has a madness in her eyes. Ben, I read my highly offensive note to you. Oh yeah. Jesus is a little bitch. I mean, he's really, he's, I, we've discussed this before, but he's just a high school boyfriend. Yeah, he's very neat. Tell me you love me. Tell me you love me.

Get down on your knees and tell me you love me. Now stand up and tell me you love me. Yeah, calm down, Nickelback. I'll tell you I love you later. I don't know what that means that I'm happy. Nickelback had that song where they're like, I like a pants around your ankles and my hands around your throat. Oh god, the Nickelback. No, you're embarrassing your parents. No, you're embarrassing your parents. Shut up, mom. That pants around your ankles money bought you a house. Yeah, I guess so. Yeah. Oh, Nickelback.

I'm glad we get to bring them up like every six to eight episodes. Never forget. After Jesus's Little bitch, I have this child abuse. Oh yeah, absolutely. She's basically telling them that it's better for them to die a violent death in this life than suffer hell in eternity. Children's hell. She basically describes children's hell,

which is where the bad children burn. And Anne's like, yeah, that's not real. And she's like, fuck you, it is. Can you imagine? You have a beautiful daughter. Very intelligent. Can you imagine trying to tell her that she's going to spend the rest of eternity burning because she denied some dude? So I just can't imagine telling a kid that they'll be in pain forever and then being like, do you understand forever? Picture it, you little piece of shit. Imagine the end of eternity. You can't, can you? It's infinity plus one.

And then I have, I went down a real quick rabbit hole, which was, holy shit, this movie is 24 years old. Holy shit. The kid who played Nicholas is 32 years old. This came up the year I graduated high school. Oh my gosh. Me too. Yeah, you too. God, you are so slow. I just couldn't get that algebra man. I mean why would it equal something different every time? M equals mmmm and you know it.

So at this point we get a little monologue from Mrs. Mills about how she and Mr. Tut and Lydia used, Mr. Tuttle, excuse me, Mr. Tut, used to work in this house for a previous family that lived there. And at that point I was like, Oh, there it goes. It's like, yeah, yeah, yeah. This is act one, scene three, you know? This is a movie that you like, that I am primed for, because you know, I have that thing where I'm just like, I just shut it all off and I go where the movie takes me.

Let's see where this goes. Because if you start picking at it, this thing is gonna fall apart real quick. Yeah, I have some real questions that we're gonna get into at the end. Yeah. For my thesis. I do love the scene of Nicole Kidman

hearing a child sobbing and then running to both of her kids. They're both like, I don't know what you're talking about. I wasn't sobbing. Yeah. And just like accuse Anne of lying about it and all this stuff. Well, Anne says it was Victor, the boy.

Yeah. So I mean, when you think about that, then it's really fucking dark. Yeah. Making this little boy cry. I love Anne. Yeah. This little boy cry. I love Ann. Yeah. Ann rules. Would be haunted by spoiler alert for the end of this movie.

Right. But I love, I love all of this stuff of her. Like you, it's like out of the gate, you're like, oh fuck it. Like Nicole Kidman is cracking up. She's like losing her shit. Yeah. We learned that her husband went to war and never came back and she's had no word from, from, or about him, even though the war is now over. Yeah. Yeah. And, um, Oh yeah. And, and, and, and Ann tells mom that Victor and his family are viewing the house. Yes. And, uh, uh, in the mirror, she's, uh, mom sees that the door she just came through is

open now. Yeah. Not so locked now. Is it Nicole? Kid? Man. Oh man. So spooky.

Good spookery. She gets mad then that Lydia makes too much noise while moving her feet around on a floor, basically. And she hears some clattering and she's yelling at Lydia, but she's like, Lydia, Lydia! It's like, she can't fucking answer you if she's on the floor above you. So, but she isn't, she's outside. Yeah. So mom's said to go investigate. Where there's a fucking statue from a nunnery covered in a sheet. Why is that? Why would they have a convent statue? I've only ever seen those in churches and

convents. I have, but there's also a big like Christian stained glass window in this house. Yeah. What's that all about? So was this like a proctor's house or something? Or yeah, maybe there was a chapel in the house. I don't know. Yeah. Why would she not have that running? Cause she seems the type.

It's true. It's true. Maybe she has like, maybe that's like her like my blow molds for Halloween. She just has like Christian statues in the attic. Covered in sheets. You should cover each of your blow molds with a single sheet so that people have to be terrified and pull them off. Dude, I'm so spooked anyway in my house,

I don't need that. Whenever I accidentally turn the light off in your attic before I turn the stairs light on, I like let out a squeeze of pee, I'm so scared. But I like finding out like all of this shit that keeps happening in this movie, like finding out what the reveal is at the end. Right? So her like throwing the sheets off of stuff in the room,

like if you were a person per se in this room and all of a sudden all the sheets just started flying off of everything. Yeah, that's good. Spookery. That is good. Spookery. That is good spookery. And I was not being patient enough with this film to think that bit through. Yeah. I didn't want to because I was just mad. This is the reveal at the end of the movie when you get, when you find out that they've

been ghosts the entire time. Yeah, oh yeah. What? And then you go back and reflect on everything that's happened in the movie. Like, I don't know, a kid in a hallway crying and reading Bible verses that you can't see. Like shit.

Yeah, that's shit worthy. I think the go back and reflect part is the part I wasn't willing to do. There you go. Yeah, that's on me. Yeah. That's my bad attitude. I do like Anne calling her brother a cowardy cowardy custard. It's hard to say. Yeah. Yeah.

It's hard to say and not fall into a British accent as well. Yeah, it's a very British phrase. Yeah, but I would also eat whatever a cowardy cowardy custard is. Do you love a custard? Yeah. already custard is. Do you love a custard? Yeah. Who doesn't love an egg whipped up? Uh, no, I can't imagine. So now she's got a shotgun. Rifle anyway. Yeah. And she's, I don't know, waving at everybody in the goddamn house. Just tooling around the house with two kids with the fucking double barrel shotgun fully loaded and prepped to fire. Two kids and a woman who is unable to speak. Like, I don't love that for her to be able to like, you know, warn her of her presence.

So weird. Yeah. I really like the scene where Anne wakes up in the middle of the night and the curtains are open. Yeah. And she wakes her brother up and the middle of the night and the curtains are open. Yeah. And she wakes her brother up and she's like, dude, the curtains are open. Victor did it and gets Victor to touch his cheek to prove that he's real. Or does he? Does he actually do it?

Right. Or is it Anne, right? Or does it not happen at all? We never actually find out. Yeah. Yeah. That's the fun of it. Then they have this fun conversation with Mrs. Mills

where they're talking about how they don't believe in the shit their mom says. Like Jesus. She's like, my mom says I shouldn't read everything in books but then she expects us to believe everything written in the Bible. And I was like, nice work, Anne. That is a great look at hypocrisy.

It's true. And she, like an early age should be putting all of those fucking points together. And they don't believe that doves are holy because they poo on our windows. And they both say it like, man, doves. Now by this point, Anne has drawn pictures of the people she sees.

Yeah. It's a mother, a father, a little boy, and a scary old woman. Whose eyes always look at you, but can't see you. Yes. So Nicole Kidman takes this child's drawings and starts comparing it to like family portraits that she finds in the attic. Imagining me taking Lucy's drawings where like my arms coming out of my neck. Gosh, none of these people have arms coming out of their necks. I got a very sweet drawing of a robot from the child of a friend of mine, a friend of ours.

A friend of ours. And I still cannot figure out what part of the drawing is the robot. Yeah. But I very much appreciate it. Yeah. I really love it. Yeah. It's hanging up in my kitchen. I love it. It's art. But yeah, I can't imagine being like, Oh, which robot was this?

Or to be like, that's its eyes. There's something that I've seen a few times on the internet where someone has taken kids drawings of animals and then 3d rendered them as moving animals. And it's the most terrifying thing you've ever seen. I need to find that. That sounds right up my alley. So she's going through all these photos and then she finds an album of death portraits. Yeah. Memento mori. Good thing. She doesn't get all the way to the end of it. I mean, good thing.

Yeah. Cause the movie would be over. Well, that might be a bad time. Maybe she wish she would have gone to the end of it. I could see this as a short film. I definitely have a note when she's looking through that, that says, I would kill somebody to get one of these books. Of course you would. I think they're fascinating.

Yeah. I do like she's like, how can people be so superstitious? And it's like, you're the Bible lady. Yeah. The hypocrisy of mom is all over the place. And then, and, and Mrs. Mills delivers the fucking kill shot, which she's like, yeah, people will do really strange things when they're grieving. A hoink? Nope. I also like when she answered the picture of the family that she drew and

she points out the woman with the dead eyes. She's like, Oh, and her breasts smell so bad. Wait, I didn't catch that. And that's very funny because that's a real lady. But it's also like, why does this child know what that lady's breath smells? Like, no, that's upsetting. Yeah. And then of course my most memorable line from any Pearl Jam song. Go ahead. Just say it. Seem to recognize your breath. I feel like you get a royalty every time you say that for some reason.

I mean, I'm a 50 year old white dude in America. I am Eddie Vedder. So yes, I do get money for that. So Nicole Kidman apologizes to her daughter for not believing her while her child is sleeping. No, you apologize to your children while they're awake. I'm not the best parent and even I know that. Yeah. But what if you did it while they were sleeping? Yeah. Then you've never really did it, did you? Have you thought about wearing insanely well tailored tweed suits and apologizing to your

daughter while she's sleeping? I mean, I would wear insanely well tailored tweed suits every day of the week were I a rich bitch. But you're also a miserable rich bitch. Yeah, I'd rather just wear leggings. Yeah, be a rad dude. I'm a rad dude. The next morning her son is like, why did daddy go to war?

And she's like, because he was brave. And I was like, no, to get away from you, truly. Like he went to, he enlisted. He didn't have to. He did it to get away from you. Truly, like he went to, he enlisted, he didn't have to. He did it to get away from you, one hundo. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Luckily he doesn't basically say that when he comes back. Yeah. I have a note here that says, this movie makes me want to use terms like mise en scene. Cause the way these scenes are put together is just gorgeous. Yeah, they certainly are. That's a term I haven't heard since the one film class I took in my life. Which qualifies me to do this podcast.

Exactly. We'll pretend that I also took a film class and am not just a pretentious pain in the ass. I wrote a paper in that class arguing that John Hughes was an auteur. Did you win? I got like a B because she was like, it's a good argument, but no, no, it's like it's actually a good argument because it's true. Speaking of of auteurs, we lost two greats today, Katie. David Lynch, David Lynch and Bob Uecker. I didn't know Bob Uecker went today. Yeah, we lost Bob Uecker, Katie. David Lynch, David Lynch and Bob Euker. I didn't know Bob Euker went today.

Yeah. We lost Bob Euker Katie. Well, Jesus fuck. Yeah. What's Mr. Belvedere going to do now? Bob Euker was on Mr. Belvedere. Yeah. He was the dad on Mr. Belvedere. That's how I knew him. Until major league, of course. I did not know he was on Mr. Belvedere. That's bananas. Oh, Brewer's legend. I mean, fuck the Brewers, but he seemed like a cool guy.

I like their logo. Brewer's got a good logo. Fuck other teams. It's true. Yeah. So we get this great scene where she goes into the piano room because she hears piano play it. Oh, right. There's a piano, but no one's allowed to play it. I wonder if the innkeepers was doing a little naughty nod

to this with that whole piano scene in their movie. Oh, maybe. Ah, you hate to think that though. Oh, I don't. I love this movie. I know. We will find out in the ratings phase, and I adore this film. Spoiler for the ratings phase. But she locks the piano so that it can't be played.

And then she turns around and dun dun dun. The piano is unlocked. She's rolling around the house with a big old ring of keys. Yeah. By 1945 you could just get all of your locks rekeyed to the same key. You know, why would you need all of your indoor? Cause if you're locking and unlocking things in a hurry, like you're always flipping through that ring of keys. Do you know what I'm saying? I do. I do. I do. Yeah. I was like, it's not the 1800s, but wouldn't it have been as powerful if she was just like, this is my skeleton gig. It gets me through every door in this house or hi, I have a janitor's key on a retractable key chain on my belt. I think I just really disliked this movie so much that I'm bitch eating crackers with it.

But I love that this happens while she's in the room and she's like these motherfuckers are in my house and I'm gonna get them. Yeah she does this thing where she's like how do doors work And then one just hits her in the face and she falls down. I like that a lot. Oh man. So good. Yeah. That door beats the shit out of her. How do doors? So she runs outside cause she's going to go get the priest cause I guess she wants to get the house exercise now. Yeah. And she tells Mr. Todd will look for graves in the yard

while he is covering up headstones in the yard. He's covering them up with like loose, dry leaves, which is not a great way on an island to hide something. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And also he's been the gardener for many years, we've been told, because he worked there for previous families. Like if they were there, he would know, you know? Sure, sure.

And you would think she would as well, because she lives there. So she's in the fog. It's been foggy for days. The fog is relentless. Yeah. And it gets even worse when she runs out into it. Right. It's just, there's nothing else.

Just John Carpenter's The Fog. Yeah. But then she sees her dude in The Fog. Yeah. Shuffling footsteps coming towards her. Yeah. It's her dude. And he seems, I don't know, what would you say?

Shell shocked? I think that's the technical term at Yeah. The time. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Uh, she's hugging him and he's like, I don't know what the fuck is happening right now. He says, sometimes I bleed. Yeah. Apropos of nothing. Apropos of nothing. Yeah. I'm going to start greeting people that way. Oh yeah. Sometimes I bleed. I'm like, yes, you're a woman. Mrs. Mills seems very rattled when she comes home with him. Yeah.

She did not see this coming. No. This was not part of her plan. Oh, we're not supposed to be getting more. Yeah. But they make him food. And I was like, yo, can these ghosts eat? The children are always eating.

Yeah, but the food doesn't taste good anymore. Do they say that? Yeah, and they give Ann toast and she's like, doesn't taste like it used to. Oh, I miss that too. Yeah, yeah. Fine. He goes to see the children, the kids are stoked,

very excited. Yeah. And then he's a mopey mopey custard. I mean, he's not really getting out of that bed. No, he's a sad boy. No. And Nicole Kidman's already like after a day writing it about getting out of bed, just like you have to get up.

Like, well, he just came back from the war. What the man lying in bed? I do love her like frantically happy to see him and like wanting to make him happy? She's like, we have to do this and this and this that can make this happen. And she's like, oh, lady, no one wants this. You gotta take it out a few notches. Did they not give you a pamphlet about this?

I really like when Anne is breathing really fast and she's like, Anne, stop breathing so fast. Stop breathing. Yeah, and stop breathing so fast. Stop breathing. Yeah, that upset me. Yeah. Because then also Ann says it to Nicholas later too, when they're hiding. Yeah. Yeah. Family is very anti hyperventilating. We keep getting, you know, scenes of Nicole Kidman and Mrs. Mills talking about what's going on.

And it's all very cryptic from Mrs. Mills' end. Sure. And she's also been giving Nicole Kidman pills and she's like, what are these? And Mrs. Mills is like, the same migraine tablets you always take. Yeah. And then she, but she flushes them down the sink.

But what were they then? Cause, ghosts. Migraine pills? ghosts, ghost pills. Two things. If I'm fucking tethered to this earth and forced to haunt it after my death, one, I better not get migraines anymore. And two, I better not be anybody's fucking servant. Bullshit. Sure. Yeah. I will not do this in my ghost life. But what if you just really enjoyed serving?

Volunteer at the animal shelter. As a ghost. I'm walking the ghost dogs. They're like, I just keep getting out, putting on their leashes. Oh, man. So dad's not long for this though. No, he has a private meeting with Anne. Yes. And Anne tells him what happened.

Yes and we have heard before that mummy went mad one day. Yeah and Nicholas does not want Anne to ever talk about it. Right but she talks to dad about it. Yeah. And he's like, oh we, okay. Go on on. No, please. He's like, fuck you. I'm out. Yeah. And then he's like, wait, actually I'm going to fuck you. And then I'm out. Okay. So like, you know, I've always wanted a ghost fucking scene. I've always wanted to do your hallmark movies where ghosts fuck people. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, to be fair, this is ghosts fucking ghosts, but I was still pretty happy about it. Sure. Yeah. Although we just see pre and post coital ghosts. We don't see actual fucking of the ghosts. That's true. But I know they fucked and you know they fucked. It'd have been real weird to see like ghost doggy style. He just keeps going right through her pelvis. They are corporeal, I guess. And we keep getting these scenes of Mrs. Mills and Mr. Tuttle and Lydia and Tuttle and Mills are like, well, yeah, they're going to find out eventually. And you know, they're just

going to have to get used to it once they do. Yeah, yeah. I don't, I mean, for all of this you're like, okay, well, I think we know what it is. Right, we're setting up that Mrs. Mills and Tuttle and Lydia are all ghosts and they're haunting this family. Right, sure. Yeah. Why would they, okay, whatever. But I like this little like red hair. It feels very like, um, like black and white, like, uh, uh, the haunting of Hill House kind of vibes to it or something like that. Like, um, yeah, I don't know. I like the throwback vibes of this movie. So we get a scene of Anne wearing her confirmation dress. Communion. Am I saying this dress? Communion.

Am I saying this right? Communion. Communion, yeah. Yes. That's the first time in Catholicism where little girls dress up in white dresses like brides and wearing veils. For Jesus. For Jesus, you do it for communion,

then for confirmation you also wear a white dress for Jesus. I just realized I thought confirmation and communion were the same thing. No, communion is when you eat the body of Christ for the first time. Confirmation is when you declare your undying devotion to the church. Which one do you get the new name? Confirmation. Confirmation.

Perfect. And communion, have they thought about moving it to like a Mexican pizza or something like that for the first time? Yeah, I remember being really underwhelmed by it. about moving it to like a Mexican pizza or something like that for the first time? Yeah, I remember being really underwhelmed by it. Yeah, a little bland there, Christ. Can I get a saltine instead? A little cheese it maybe. A little unleavened Lord. Why is Christ so bland?

He's Middle Eastern. You'd think he'd be spicy. Put a little za'atar on that. Jesus, what are we doing? A little spice blend. So yeah, Anne is wearing her dress and she's like, mommy, I just want to keep it on a little bit longer. Yes. Oh, this is before the ghost fucking, isn't it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And she's like, yeah, you can keep it on. Just don't get on the floor.

Or lean against the walls. How fucking dirty are your walls? I mean, wiping down the walls is what, like two, three times a year. When you have servants, it gets done. It's true, it's true. Oh man. I wish I had somebody who lived here that would dust all the things that these billionaires tech dorks are working on.

Why not get rid of dust? What are we doing here? You have a robot vacuum. Isn't that what it's for? It doesn't go up the fucking walls Katie. Why doesn't it? Down like ripping all the books off the shelves pulling the others DVD off the shelf and tossing it to the floor Be like this one's for Katie But this scene I think is phenomenal And playing with a puppet as you do. That's like her only toy, which is a bit of a bummer.

Yeah. Yeah. That and tormenting her brother. Well, yeah, she has literally nothing else to do. And he is a bit of a weenie. Bloodless child. I'm not saying bullying is good, but you know. I think it's needed to develop character. And stress builds character. Sure.

People call me a character. And my anxiety to the fucking roof. So a mummy comes back in and sees Anne sitting on the floor and she's like, I told you not to sit on the floor. And she's playing with her puppet, but what's up with Anne's hand? That is not Anne's hand. That's a much older lady's hand.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then she goes around to look Ann in the eyes. And it's the old woman with dead eyes. But with Ann's voice. Yes, it's very, very creepy. Very creepy. And then what does Mom do? She beats the absolute shit out of her. Absolute shit out of her own child.

Beats the absolute shit out of her. And her child's like, Mom's like mom please stop which you think would be enough. Her dress is fucking ripped up after this beating from her mother. It's really sad. Yeah. I mean not as sad as later but. And not as sad as when her daughter immediately says she won't stop until she kills us. Yeah. So yeah, then she fucks the ghost. Then she wakes up and he's gone. Yeah, cause he's got to go back to the front cause the war is still on in his mind. Yeah. His whole, I don't understand why he even shows up.

I mean, I think, yeah, we could talk about that at the end, I think, yeah, we could talk about that at the end. I think. Yeah. So the kids' curtains are open and nothing is happening to them because they're not really allergic to light. Uh huh. Uh huh. Uh huh. And she's screaming at Lydia to tell her what happened. Lydia doesn't do a lot of telling. Cause not only are the curtains open, they're gone. They're gone. That's right. They're gone. Because Anne says that Victor told her that the family is going to get rid of the curtains. Oh, right.

So the curtains are now gone. Okay. And daddy's gone and the kids are sad. And Anne is hands shy of her mother, which is one of the most fucking heartbreaking things. Yeah. Oh, man. Well, yeah, fuck, this lady's insane. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah Well, you're fucked. This lady's insane.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Just a little bit. Just a little. Um, so now Tuttle and Mills are taking a new tact, which is sort of being like, I don't know. Yeah. They just play possum on this one. Just absolutely like, but also like smirking at her while doing it. I mean, she's screaming, give me the keys at gunpoint. So, yeah, yeah. And after this, after this whole outburst,

Mil says to, to Tuttle, she's like, I'm at the end of my tether, go and uncover the gravestones. Dun, dun, dun. Yeah. Yeah. And then Anne's gonna go into the woods to find daddy. Yeah, she jumps out the window. Yeah, climbs down the water spout. And so does Nicholas.

Just like a bitsy, bitsy spider. Just like a little bitsy, bitsy spider. And when she looks up at Nicholas following her and has this look of like, oh, I'm so proud of him for being brave. Yeah. I was like, this child is a star. This child is a star.

Did she go on to do anything else? Yeah, she's still acting. Oh, good for her. Nicholas runs like a theater somewhere. So he's like still in the biz, but not like she's still on like TV shows and stuff. Uh, I recognize Lydia as being on an Irish cop show called no offense.

Oh man. Did you ever watch blue lights? Do we talk about blue lights? But I did finish the new season of Whistable Pearl, if you want to share your thoughts with me. Oh, definitely. Big baby lost weight, doesn't look like as much of a baby. I know, I feel like if anybody just got in on this season, they'd be like, why are these people calling him that? He doesn't look like a baby. So the children are outside now and they're trying to get to the woods, but the three ghosts are coming towards them. So they start running back towards the house.

And that's when Ann discovers the headstones that have the names Bertha Mills, Lydia So-and-so and Bob Tuttle. Bob Tuttle. Bob Tuttle. So we're surprised they're dead. Yeah. And it's a sweet little reveal that we get at the same time that mom is wandered up into the servants quarters and is rummaging. I guess supposedly looking through for the curtains. And she finds the memento mori photo of the three of them right right right they died of tuberculosis they

died of tuberculosis because when mom shoots the gun at them when she runs on the yard to save the children she shoots the gun and mrs. Mills is like you can't do nothing else that tuberculosis didn't already do. And I was like, damn, got to drop the tuberculosis hammer on her. I love that truly. Yeah. Oh right. And the date on their, their, um, their death portrait is like 1809 or something. 1891. That's what I said, Alan.

something. 1891. That's what I said, Alan. Yeah. But I love this. Like this feels like, I don't know, this, this feels like a classic horror movie at this point to me. I'm feeling it. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. All right. I want, I want the kids to be safe. They go hide in a closet in the house. Yes. But if you want to, you want to be safe, hide in a closet that you can't get out of if you want to, you want to be safe, hide in a closet that you can't get out of through the one door. Well, this kind of speaks to your theory of like running at the danger though, doesn't it? Because you can always ambush someone from a closet. It's true. It's true. It's just not the, you know, we've seen so many people die in the closet. That's true, too. Yeah

No, you can't but that's not what happens to these kids No well while they're hiding in there the Servants are trying to convince Nicole Kidman that they are stuck in the house with the intruders Right and that she needs to go and deal with that Yeah And so she starts praying the rosary as you do.

And she goes into the kids' room where the scary old lady is talking to the children. Yeah. And when mom walks in the room, what's going on in the room, Katie? They're having a seance. They're having a seance, talking to the ghosts of her children. Talking to the ghosts of her children,

asking the children why they won't leave and the children are chanting, we're not dead. We're not dead. I know you're not a fan, but I just got goosebumps saying that sentence of they're talking to the ghosts of her children. Yeah. Look, it just put me in a bad mood. I love this like reveal of fuck, they've been ghosts the whole time.

This family is the living trying to move into this house and they're being haunted by these fucking annoying children that are shitty mom. I'm surprised you like the, uh, the sort of implication that automatic writing is a real thing because it's actually working. Yeah. Yeah. But I do. I, I want all that shit to be real. I just know that it's like, I want werewolves to be real, but I just know they're not whatever. No, they're not. Okay. What are you, what, what I just know they're not. I mean, you don't know they're not. Okay. What are you, what, what, let me ask you this. This is a serious question.

This is a serious question. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What do you think is more likely to be real? Werewolves or automatic writing? First thought, best thought? Yeah. Automatic writing. Boo!

You're so wrong! It's absolutely werewolves. It's just Urgot poisoning, Katie. No! That's witches! It was also werewolves. They also think that werewolves were like, there was a werewolf scare in France that they claim was because of Urgot poisoning.

You are more likely to believe in ghosts than werewolves. Cause automatic writing means there are ghosts. Oh fuck. I think I'm closer to believing in ghosts than werewolves. Yes. You're a 9-11 denier. You know it as a Vietnam war denier. So Anne is whispering to the old lady and something about a pillow and she says, is that how she killed you? And Anne just looks shocked.

Yeah. Oh. Cause they didn't know they were ghosts. No, nobody told Anne. Nobody, because ghosts have sheets on them and shake chains. Right. That's what she's been telling Nicholas the whole time.

But then when she tells him that the servants are ghosts, he's like, but they don't have sheets! Can I read you a funny auto-correct? Sure. She killed the kids and shit herself. She killed the kids and shit herself? Oh, shot herself! Oh, I bet she shit herself too. I think he shits, that happens sometimes. When you die. Why did she shit herself too? I think that happens sometimes when you die. So this is how they all learned that mom killed them and then shot herself in the fucking head. Yeah.

This is how Nicole Kidman learns it too, seemingly. And that's why we forgot to mention the opening scene to this movie is her screaming herself awake. Right. That's true. She had killed her children. Right. Yeah. And we see the new,

the new owners of the house are having the seance and one of them is Lady from a Season of Game of Thrones that I actually watched. Oh sure, yeah. Isn't that, that's Caitlin, right? Caitlin Stark. Probably. I think so, yeah. Yeah, probably. A character who's amazing in the book and got shit on on the fucking TV show. I remember her being a whole lot of nothing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, and like, I don't, but they also, the family looks like they're from the 20s rather than from the 40s.

Yeah, I don't know. I think there was a little confusion on that. Yeah. Yeah. But so they're gonna leave tomorrow morning. And so the, the mother stands up and says, I'm just going to go check on Victor. Yeah. Oh, hell yeah. Victor's a real boy. I love that Miss Tuttle or Mrs. Mills does the most British shit ever when Nicole Kidman finds out that she's

dead. You want a cup of tea? You want a cup of tea? Want a cup of tea, yeah. And then Nicholas is like, daddy died in the war, didn't he? And she's like, yeah. This house is ours. Yeah.

It's a real Beetlejuice situation. Yeah, yeah, but sad Beetlejuice. Beetlejuice will make it sad. And would you like to hear my last two notes? So good. A plus. Okay. Can you explain to me why the father comes back? Because he has died and is going to the next realm, but like his only want in life was to pat, to go back to his house.

So he like in this spirit world goes through his home and then has to keep But like his only want in life was to go back to his house. So he like in the spirit world goes through his home and then has to keep going. He didn't seem real psyched to be there. No, because I don't think he expected to be dead and find his entire family also dead. How did he know, but they didn't know? Uh, cause he was killed in a war. Also, would that have been like years before?

Were there even any like casualties in 1945? I don't know. But like, I, the, the, the, the tiny whiminess of this whole thing to quote Dr. Who is just like, it's all over the place. Like, because this, these three from 1891 show up. Yeah. 1809. And, sorry, forgive me. I got the date wrong. You would figure that. You would know, right? You think it would be you that knew. But it wasn't.

And so I think there's just sort of this, like in this limbo that they're living in basically, which I think is this is supposed to be what limbo is the hell of being stuck in this life that you can't escape. So the description of the end of eternity to the children was foreshadowing. Yeah. Rad. Yeah.

Katie! Alan! Can you rate this film for me? You know, I didn't like it. No? Okay. I mean... Can you rate this film for me? You know, I didn't like it. No?

OK. I mean, I really couldn't stand Nicole Kidman in it. I guess I see why she was cast in that role, but I didn't like her in it. I felt like it was way too slow of a burn for the payoff that really wasn't, because you do kind of figure it out as you go. You're like, at least of these six characters, at least three of you are dead.

Sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I just don't want sad Beetlejuice. I want funny Beetlejuice. So I'm going to give it a 3 and 1 half. I just really did not enjoy it. Wow. I mean, I was watching at a 1. I just really did not enjoy it. Wow. I mean, I was watching at a 1.2 speed

and it still felt very slow. This may be our most disparate rating. Oh boy. Cause I'm going to give this movie a 10. Ew, ow. Cause I fucking love this film. You love Nicole Kidman though. I do.

But I also like, I think this just checks every box for me of what I want out of this style of Gothic horror movie. So I'm sorry. I do like when I really love something and you really like, like a return to the living dead situation. Look, I think you cannot say I didn't give that a fair shake. I gave it two fair shakes. No. And I, I love that. Like, yeah,

I think we should have divergent tastes in things. I think that's what makes the show interesting. Although it could be wrong. That's just because everyone else on the internet thinks that doesn't make it true. It occurs to me that a lot of these movies that you love, and that I really hate, have been watched on very frigid days. I wonder if Emily's still keeping track of our ratings because I would like to see if the wintertime my ratings drop because I'm so fucking depressed. Oh maybe. Yeah. But and for me like these

cold wintertime movies are like just like my like I don't know they really do it for me. Congrats. Yeah I'll watch a gray ass washed out Nicole Kidman any day of the week. Porcelain doll of a human. Yeah. Yeah. Amazing. But Katie, I understand that there's a special surprise for me at the end of this movie. It's not even a surprise. It's not even good. I ba it's basically about next week's movie. Yeah. Yeah. I know. Okay. All right. So we fucked up the calendar. I didn't get to pick a birthday movie. Yeah.

So I'm gonna do exactly what I did last year. I love this. And I'm going to pick a Diallo film. Oh. And if I don't like it, I get reserved the right to pick again next week. I love this. Okay, so. What movie did you pick?

I have picked a film by a filmmaker that I have never seen any of his movies. I'm talking about Sergio Martino. Okay. Wait, is that his name? That sounds familiar. I suddenly am feeling panicked. Take your time. Talking about Sergio Martino. I picked, and basically I was looking at RGiallo on Reddit and the top, basically the most recommended of his films is the Strange Vice of Mrs. Ward. Ward spelled W-A-R-D-H. Have you ever heard of it? I've heard of it. I've never seen it.

Okay. Well, it's an hour and 21 minutes and it's free on Amazon. So I pick it for my birthday. It's thrilling, dangerous and sensual. I mean, that's this podcast, right? Right. And I sensual. Oh shit, I know that lady who stars in it.

I can't remember for what though. Well. I think she's in a Folti movie. Probably. Oh, it's fucking, Edward Fennec. Yes. Okay. Yes. Okay. Guy. You're the one who knows actually. No, I just got excited because I got her name. Uh, we'll come back next week for, for my birthday. I love that. Yeah. Katie, happy birthday. Happiest of birthdays to you. I mean it's Donald Trump's inauguration day so I don't feel great. And also MLK day and that just feels important. I do want to send a shout out to listener JT. They

sent us a really nice message that I will forward to you on an email. Thank you so much for getting in touch JD. JD, JD. Damn it! And I watched your movie and it was really fun and thank you for sending that to us I was as well. Yeah Like 15 minute long do they what does JT want us to hype it to our listeners or no? Yes, because they talk about print self-promotion in it. Okay Another first for me is hyping my work Okay, what's the name of this movie and where can they, where can it be seen? It's called the lookout, a short film by Casey Chapman.

And, uh, it is on YouTube. The look out all one word lookout. Uh, yep. Uh-huh. Like the record label. Um, and it's been up since July 28th, 2024. So go give it some views. I can't wait to watch it. But thank you, JT.

They also say some very nice things about the 13th Warrior, another movie that I love. That's the Antonio Banderas. That was your birthday movie, I think. It was. Oh my god. We were all winners then. Yeah. Yeah.

I don't know. So come back next week for the strange vice of Mrs. Ward. Yes. You can find us on the internet, lightly on various social media platforms, but the best way to get in touch with us is on our Discord, which you can get to by going to our website, werewolfambulance.com and finding our links there. You can hang out with our cool, cool listeners there. Our subreddit is popping off, our Werewolf Ambulance. A lot of fun over there. I'm in there a lot. You can be a Patron at patreon.com backslash werewolfambulance. We're doing action movies this month. That's finally a car movie because Alan promised me one and then Alan boned it up

last month. Yeah. And T-Public for any like t-shirt based things. Yeah. Just get something printed. Who cares? You owe it. You owe it to yourself. Well, no, I meant for them to buy werewolf ambulance merchandise. Oh yeah. Yeah. I meant to get something printed. I mean, I didn't mean to use, what I'm saying is you can get more than just a t-shirt. You get a tote bag, you can get a cell phone case, tapestry. Some of our stuff can be printed on tapestries. Don't you want it? It's so weird.

Didn't you say in 2025 you were going to get into tapestries. Don't you want it? It's so weird. Didn't you say in 2025 you were going to get into tapestries? Maybe now's the time. Oh man. I used to have a really big Metallica tapestry in my bedroom when I was a kid. I had a couple of tapestries that I bought from Teleropa that smelled like patchouli. So, yeah, I think they had like a stars and a moon and shit. I think I said a guar tapestry. That is, I wish you still had that. You and me both. I was just hanging behind your bed and your shared bedroom with Missy. That would not happen. No, she would not like that. It would have to be

rocket from the crypt for her to like it. Katie. Alan. Happy birthday. I love you so much. Happy birthday. I love you so much. Not my birthday. Not mine. Not mine either. It actually is. It's next week. Well, it's when this is coming out. Right. I know. No, it's next week. It actually is. It's next week. Well, I- it's when this is coming out. Right, I know. No, I just mean next week is my birthday week. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, January's your birthday month. My birthday movie, my birthday movie.

My birthday movie. I know, I know, I know, I know. Okay, birthday. All right, say goodbye to these nice people. Bye. Thank you for listening to another episode of Werewolf Ambulance. Empty. Bye.

Bye. Bye. Bye Empty. Bye! May the accent on deadpools, So many sightings at the pool, Nowhere to wait, but let's kill for film reviews. Killer clowns and land the face, Kill him and then out of space, Appear inside glass in case, Please make eye-catching your grave. E.M.T. Please make eye-contact in your grave EMT

Moral comedy, reviews, hungry, crying from Wayne's and Stephen King EMT We live deliciously, bad temper, treason, obese, grisly, come to day A pair of normal activities from Mr. Rogers to E.M.D. E.M.D.