Werewolf Ambulance: A Horror Movie Comedy Podcast - Episode 512- Blood Diner (1987)

Episode Date: March 3, 2025

In this week's episode, we're discussing an often-requested 1987 horror comedy terrible masterpiece: "Blood Diner." Special topics for your consideration include: jokes that haven't aged well, upsetting lips, the pros and cons of actually just eating people, the absolute horror of topless aerobics, and...brothers? Are they brothers?? The 1980s was a spectacular time for bananas horror movies, but my favorite is and will always be "Chopping Mall." It's Episode 174. The regular lineup of links! You can support us at patreon.com/werewolfambulance and listen to a ton of action movie episodes. This month we watched "Crank 2," so you know, I'm holding on by a thread here. leave us a message at 412-407-7025 hang out with some cool listeners at https://discord.gg/DutFjx3cBD  buy merch at www.teepublic.com/user/werewolfambulance the best place to reach us is at [e-mail] we're on Reddit at r/werewolfambulance sorta on Twitter @werebulance sorta on Instagram @werewolfambulance www.werewolfambulance.com if you feel you really must lodge a complaint with us, please do it on Facebook at facebook.com/werewolfambulance because we are probably not gonna see that, ever. If you liked this, please leave us a review on Apple Podcasts or wherever you listen! It helps others find us and allows us to continue to grow.   Intro song is by Alex Van Luvie Outro song is A. Wallis- "EMT" Seriously, we have the best listeners, hands down.

I've got some news for you. What is it? You also already know this news for you. What is it? You also already know this news. Okay, what is it? She said yes! She said yes! In our last episode, we helped propose from one listener to another, and she said yes. Yeah.

They're gonna get married. Oh, that's so sweet. Or hand fasted, anyway. Hand fasted. Yeah. Let us know when to be there and what the dress code is. And you know, we'll bring cookies for a cookie table because you ends up probably not from Pittsburgh. You need a cookie table.

It is something that should be taken up by everyone. I hate going to out of town weddings where there's no cookie table. And I'm just like, the fuck did I come here for? One of the best weddings I ever went to is my friend JD, who lived in Pittsburgh for a while. But instead of having a wedding cake, they had donuts. And I was like, that is a fucking baller idea.

I had that at my wedding too. Yeah, oh, that's right. Oh, JD's was better though, OBS. I think it's because it was my first. That's fine. You never forget your first. Anyway, Blood Diner. Blood Diner.

My first notice, oh, it's an artisanal film. Artisanal? Why is it artisanal film. Artisanal? Why is it artisanal? It's produced by Artisan. Oh, okay, okay, okay. Hell of a warning at the top of this one. Very funny. It's very funny.

Basically saying, like, if you can't handle this movie, don't watch this movie. It says leave the theater. Like this movie had a theatrical release. I know it did, a very limited one, but come on. I mean, you've got to be aspirational with your warnings of nothing else. I think that's true. Yeah. We are, uh, it's 1962 and there are two little kids making food art or something. What is happening in this scene?

One kid is cooking with Play-Doh. He's making food. And the other one is trying to practice his hypnotism with a clock. Yeah, one of those like clocks where the cat's eyes go back and forth. Yeah, and he's just staring at it, moving his eyes back and forth and saying, I think I got it now.

I have a question. Are they brothers? They're brothers. Okay, what, are they? They're brothers. Okay. Are they? They're brothers? They're brothers. Okay. What? Are they? They're brothers. Okay. Are they?

They're brothers. Okay, okay, okay. So mom's got to go out of the house. She's got to run to the market. She'll be back in 20 minutes. Ran out of goddamn tampons. And I was like, can I watch mom's movies? Yes.

She calls them little shitheads too. And I was like, they I watch mom's movie? Is that an option? Yeah, she calls them little shitheads too. And I was like, they probably are. And we learned from the radio that there is a meat cleaver murderer on the run who has a meat cleaver in one hand and is gentle to the other. From the Happy Times Girls Glee Club slang. And at this point I was like, I'm so in on this movie. Like, this is so good.

It is just bananas from the jump. And of course he comes and busts in their door. Uncle Anwar. Is he the mom's brother because she's not Egyptian? Yes, aunt. He's the, before uncle Anwar bust bust in the one brother, Michael is practicing his hypnotism on the dog. Yeah. Who's meowing like a cat. Yes he is. But he's never said meow like a cat to the dog. No, it's just like they messed up the track, you know, like, cause it's a little like, I don't know, Pomeranian or something.

Yes. I'm a little fluffy, but I was like, it's a fucking cat. Make cat noises. What uncle Anwar is terrifying. Sure. Yeah. He's covered in blood and he has crazy eyes. And when he runs in, I was like, Oh, he looks like the main guy from Herschel Gordon Lewis film Blood Feast. Because he is, right? Sort of, yes.

This is meant to be like a, go ahead. An homage to that. Yeah. I was like, oh, that's cute. He's telling them about the Lemurian amulets, which are over five million years old. No matter that the Bronze Age began like 8,000 years ago. They're like, oh yeah, 5 million years.

And then they repeat that fact the rest of their lives. But he has to go and by has to go, he has to go out on the street and get shot dead by cops. He sure does. Oh boy. He loves them and he tells them something about She-Tar. She-Tar. It seems like they know of She-Tar because this is not news to them. Right, because they have the book of ancient black cult rituals or whatever.

Who gives this to a child? Well, Uncle Anwar because he was trying to get them ready for bringing She-Tar back. So Lemuria was a scientific theory that was disproven. But it was- It's like a Atlantis type thing, isn't it? Yeah, it was like meant to explain why lemurs lived in Madagascar or were found in Madagascar or something like that.

But has been, since been disproven. But Sheetar is not a real thing as far as I can tell. I don't think so. Okay, yeah. And I thought lemurs were just cause of evolution. I think that might be the real answer. Yeah. So we fade to black and then it's 20 years later.

So we're in the eight, 1982 now. Yes, we've got a man in a bad wig walking through what appears to be a bad jungle. But it's a cemetery. Yeah, but it's a jungle too. I was so stoked when George hits him in the back of the head with the shovel and his eyes just popped out of his head. Yeah, it's a like, I don't know.

It made me worry that my eyes might be that loose. Yeah, like I feel like, can that happen? It's also, they're very NBD about killing him like no big deal whatsoever. Which I'm like fine give me student, you know how I love laughing at slaughtered people. I mean that's our thing That's what's right with America. That's two idiots. That's two idiots. Oh my god Fucking messing up our ratings. Who put Albie back on Uncle Anwar's tombstone? I feel like that's really just hilarious. They cut his head open, Uncle Anwar, and his brain just pops out of his head.

It flies into the air and they catch it. Like I can't even like a pop fly ball you know and the soundtrack is just like free to use library music and it's at top volume top volume and immediately and there's a thing where I'm so sorry I'm so sorry but they like he was buried in his bloody shirt which is like like, Oh, that's a little creepy. And then when they open up, they see him, he like lifts his arm in the air and it's meant to be a jump scare, but the score is so loud and so imposing that you actually can not be scared by the arm. They say he's happy to see us.

Okay. That's funny. That's funny. And so the brain of Anwar is now yelling at them. He's just calling them little dickheads and stuff. Cut to the police station. This man's lips upset me so much. The chief or Mark? Mark. Yeah.

His lips are turned out and he's also being dubbed. I think. A lot of people in this movie are being dubbed. He's so upsetting and he's just dressed like a 70s pimp. I don't understand his whole thing. He's, was he supposed to be undercover? I don't understand what's happening. I have a note that says, I think I'm done taking notes, but then I took like eight more pages of notes. The chief has a premonition that something awful or something cataclysmic is

going to happen. And then he tells Mark that he's getting a new partner. Yes. She broke open the, uh, the enema bag rapist case wide open. It's funny. You say it's fun. I don't think I get it. I don't think I get it. It's funny. I don't think I get it. Um, because it has enema in it, so it's inherently funny. Sure. Um, and then we learned that Sheetar must be constructed from the body parts of many

girls. Immoral girls. Which is a good thing that we met these cheerleading vegetarian aerobics and showing their tits, ladies. You're just scared to showing their tits ladies. You're just scared to show your tits. The scene where we see them making the video, I whacked, I wept for their tits, just

so painful. No, again, what a 12 year old boy thinks is horny. Honestly. It's not titillating. It's upsetting. But before we see the titty aerobics. Yeah, sorry. We meet the veggie burger expert who is also very dubbed. Yeah, he is.

And he's yelling at, uh, George. He's watching wrestling behind the counter. He calls it a homo sport. And I thought a man who eats veggie burgers in 1982, isn't calling things homo sports. You know what I mean? Am I wrong about that? No, but the casual homophobia of the early eighties is just so gross. So gross. Um, but also George's making food is basically just him punching food on a plate. Yeah. He's, um, not right.

He's very raw. Yeah. Like how do they communicate? What do they have in common? And, and so George, he doesn't like this guy besmirching the name of wrestling, so he like smacks him around. Yes. But the guy won't leave, he keeps eating their veggie burgers.

Keeps eating the veggie burger. And Michael. Yeah, the handsome. The swarthy one. Yeah. Is hypnotizing a girl named Connie who's just scared to get her tits out. Yeah. He's just so gross get her tits out. Yeah.

He's just so gross and menacing. It's so weird. So then we cut to the aforementioned weeping for the bosom scene. Cheerleading tits in the wind. And these young ladies are just bouncing up and down. I mean, it's awful, awful as a tit-haver. It makes me wanna cry.

It literally made me wanna cry. Then a guy came in with a Ronald Reagan mask and shot everyone in an aerobics class. I was like, well, this happened in LA fitness out here. Remember that? No, I don't. Then that guy shot up the LA fitness. Oh my God, that's right.

It was like a mini mall. Yeah, yeah, yeah. In the South Hills, yeah. Oh man. Yeah, I didn't like that. No. But it's George, I guess, who does this. Yeah, and then we see that they've cut out all their tongues and for some reason the tongues are still wriggling

And he's cutting a butt cheek off. I think yeah That's do the body of she tar must be a composite of Immoral women moral the cops are in there one guy's just picking up limbs and throwing them in a bag without any gloves or anything They're boneless limbs and it's very funny. They sure are. And the chief is all upset because it's an eighties police chief. And this is where we meet Mark's new partner, Shiba Jackson. He looks at her like he's having some sort of episode.

I think he's flirting. I think so too, because the score is just some sort of like, boop, she boop, she do ba do ba da. I hate it. And he's just like, like doing like share tongue on his lips. He is having a fit of some kind. This is where we also see the wrestler little Jimmy Hitler. Okay.

I wish I hadn't laughed at that, but I did. I laughed very hard at little Jimmy Hitler. There's so many Nazi jokes in this movie. Yes. Why are those guitarists nay trumpet players? All little Hitlers. Why are they twin Hitlers? We thought it was funny in the eighties. We thought it couldn't happen again. We said never again. So yes, yes, little Jimmy Hitler's professional wrestler. Oh my God. And something causes the veggie burger guy to throw up all over the other patrons. Oh, it's George squeezing him.

Oh, right. He's wrestling him. He says, I'm gonna wrestle you. And everyone goes, ugh. And then I thought everyone was gonna barf, I'll stand by me. Oh, I'm so glad that didn't happen. Then this guy sits down to continue eating

and he's just got barf all over his shirt and in his beard and it's just like chunky. It's a gross out movie. I know. They're trying to be as gross as possible. I know. That one was to be as gross as possible. I know. That one was a lot for me actually. Really, I'm usually the puke boy.

The idea of eating while you have puke around your face is just a bridge too far. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, and we forgot to, oh no, we mentioned the amulets. That's right. Because Michael now gives his five million year old amulet to Connie. Connie, who has just seen a headline about, um,

topless cheerleader aerobics class gets a bloody workout. And I thought, fuck, that's inconsiderate. Connie's such a dummy. Like I understand that she's hypnotized, but she's really such a dummy. What makes you say that? It's just everything she does is stupid. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know she's hypnotized, it's fine.

I didn't catch her name as Connie, so I just gave her a referring to her as the sad lady. She is the sad lady though. And we find out that all the victims were vegetarians. Right, their diner is vegetarian, which is important for reasons. Because one of the main ingredients is human meat. I see.

Yes, because vegetarians are stupid or something, I don't know. Probably. We also learned that the machine gun that was used in the fitness studio slaying was stolen from the Gangsters Museum, which tickled me. They're sewing the body together, stolen from the gangsters museum, which tickled me.

But they're sewing the body together. Yeah. And Uncle Anwar is just complaining that when he was alive, he let his shlong do his thinking for him. It's just gross. And either like spraying this golem with like cooking oil or something. It's so weird. That's also the thing. They like have it. She's an all in pieces.

It's very Frank and hooker, right? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Uh, Frank and hooker. What's that? Frank and hooker classic. I think I hated that too. Didn't know. I'm pretty sure you love Frank and hooker. That doesn't sound like me. Super crack. Come on. Oh fuck no, I hated that. The golem that they're putting together has allegedly different tits, but they're just so clearly the same tits. Perfectly symmetrical. Why would they not do something?

Something to make the tits look different. I don't know, why do they need two stomachs for her from a couple of tramps, which is something that's said by Uncle Landlocker. I think because she's gotta be able to eat whole humans. That's true. That's true. As we'll see later. That's why Vicky has two stomachs. Has she ever told you this theory? No. She believes that my cousin Vicky, she believes that she has two stomachs and when she's sitting and eating, she holds all her food in the top stomach. So then she stands up and lets

everything fall to the bottom stomach so she can fill the second, shut the top stomach again. Vicky. She believes this. You went to medical school. Ah, a medical adjacent. She's not a doctor. Yeah.

I love her. Yeah, me too. So we get, they go to Club Dread. Yeah. Yeah. I like Club Dread. Yeah, yeah love her. Yeah, me too. So we get a, they go to Club Dread. Yeah. Yeah. I like Club Dread. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'd like to hang out there. A real party place.

Yeah. They throw a bouncer into the street and his head gets crushed by a jumping up and down automobile on hydraulics. Yeah, he presumably dies and they start laughing. And then the entire crowd is laughing. Well, no, they're all making appalled faces but there's the sound of a start laughing. And then the entire crowd is laughing. Well, no, they're all making appalled faces, but there's the sound of a crowd laughing.

So I don't know if, I don't know where that was supposed to land. And then they go inside the club because the other bouncer's like, oh, you can go in now. Wait, yeah, wait, can we talk about what they're wearing, which are like these outfits and pompadour wigs? Yes, one of them is dressed like John Travolta in

Saturday Night Fever and the other one is dressed like a punk rocker. Yeah, but they both have very silly wigs on. And they go into Club Dread whose live musical app is a doo-wop band. Yes, it is. There's so much fucking doo-wop in this movie. That's the early 80s man. Really? So much doo-wop in this movie. That's the early eighties, man. Really? So much doo-wop. Why? Because people that were alive in the fifties were now like 30 and 40 years old.

So they were making things. So they were like, I love doo-wop as a child. I see. Yeah. Oh, what a nightmare. That's at least my idea. I think you're probably right. I think that's why Billy Joel

wrote all those fucking doo-wop songs that nobody ever wants to hear. In the middle of night. Oh my God, Billy Joel, go home. At least go back to Allentown. Right. They find two perfect trashy girls. Yeah. They look at one woman who's smoking a cigarette and he, and Michael says,

no, she's not trashy enough. Keep looking. These two women come on up to them. Imagine approaching those guys even in 1982, looking like that. And not only approaching, but going to their laps, to sit on their laps. Yes. He says something to her about 5 million years BCE.

And I was like, every time you say that, you sound stupider. Every single time. It's so dumb. It's so dumb. This feels like a Charles Band movie. Oh, I mean, yeah, yeah, yeah. It feels like Lloyd Kaufman, who is in this movie, tried to make a Charles Band movie.

Yes. Maybe it's because of the weird puppet in the next scene. What is that thing? Stan is really mentally ill, and nobody's addressing it. It's smoking a cigarette, but it's not smoking it. It's just burning the ash down to its puppet fingers. And it's eating a plate of food that it's not eating. Stan is just constantly talking to this puppet who's talking back to him.

Yeah. And for a few moments, you don't see Stan doing the ventriloquist act. So you're just like, who is voicing this puppet? Is this supposed to be a real character that they couldn't hire an actor for? Supposed to be a real character. And then they like cut to Stan and he's moving around just a little bit. You're like, what? Pete Slauson

The whole time, he's talking to Shiba Jackson. Shiba Inu Yeah. So upsetting. Pete Slauson What is going on? Shiba Inu So upsetting. So they take the girls back to their diner. One of them says, I'm so hot, let's do something kinky.

Words never uttered. Brand new sentence. And the woman playing Sheetar is naked painted gold and standing with her eyes closed and she can't stand still with her eyes closed. No, she's wobbling. Wobbling everywhere. And taking deep, deep breaths. Taking deep, deep breaths. Taking deep, deep breaths. I mean, like, there's no way that if this woman, if this were real, that this woman wouldn't have seen her being like, uh, uh.

So George is just like, I don't know, playing with Legos with his lady. Yeah. And she's like, oh, I'm so horny. They should make out and fucking stuff. He sticks his tongue all the way out, and she just jumps onto it, which I thought was actually very funny. And while that's happening, his brother, Michael is battering

a woman's tits. And she's like, ah, yeah, I love that. I love that. And he goes, there's just one more spot I have to get. And he rubs it on her head and dunks her into the fryer. She has a meatball for her head. I was like, her head is a donut. Her head is a fucking munchkin. Until he knocks it off her shoulders with a broom. I thought this was very funny. And I also really like what the other lady is wearing, which is like harem pants, like MC Hammer pants. Yeah. Because it'd be like going out in your jammies.

How comfortable is she? She has a blouse on with like a bustier underneath this like very like office appropriate blouse. Yeah, like a silk floral. But when she comes out, she sees Michael taking her friend apart from the hot dogs on the outside. And then she tries to run out and then she realizes she forgot her bag and has to go back for it.

Leave your purse, baby. Go home. You can get a new driver's license. Dumps her purse out. Yeah. And then goes back to pick up the things that fall. There's like tampons. And then with one fell swoop, Georgie cleaves her in two. And then we cut to them putting the bodies in the trunk and him spray painting Tres Pezzers, T-R-E-Z P-A-Z-E-R-S will be eaten.

Yeah. Just advertising that they're cannibals. I mean, they're putting human meat and vegetarian food. Don't put it on the, oh, all right. And then we go to the Lemurian dig site. Oh my God. Which is in Southern California. Yeah, of course.

Well, I didn't really, I don't think it was, was it meant to be a lemur? I thought this woman just knew a lot about the Lemurians. It said Lemurian dig site on the screen. Okay, well I was having a second screen experience. This woman is insane, utterly insane. She's screaming. She's just cussing everybody else out on the Dixite.

Why? Oh God. And, and, uh, Mark and, and Ms. Jackson are there. I am for real. And yeah, they're getting an exposition dump about the Lemurians. But I don't think we actually need to know any of that. No, we don't, we don't, we don't.

No. And we learned that they need a virgin for Sheba, or not Sheba, She-tar. She-tar to eat. Right. Yeah. Don't worry though, because Michael has hypnotized Connie into going to George's wrestling match. Yeah. I don't know. Also their vegetarian restaurant is always packed. Packed out. Maybe. I've heard that long pig is delicious. I've heard that too. Yeah. Heard it

tastes like pork. I would eat a person. I think we've talked about this. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I mean they have to be humanely slaughtered, but sure. There's a good propaganda song about that. Yeah. Um, Propaganda. Uh, I haven't heard you says the IRS just, just show up. Who was that? What is that about? Oh, because they call an IRS man comes in to audit them. The diner? Yeah. That's funny. And uh, I watched that this morning.

George needs to, uh, to get more, uh, like chicken finger, fake chicken fingers or whatever. So he goes to the back and chops the IRS man's fingers off and then puts them in the fryer, no batter. And they come up as like fish fingers and everybody bites through them just by them having bones. Like, have you never had a wing? You can't just bite through the bones. They let uncle Anwar make a phone call here. Why is he making the phone calls? They're people. Oh yeah. I don't think we see uncle Anwar's brain in a jar with two eyeballs.

Yeah. Why does he have eyeballs? So we can see what's going on. Oh my God. It's just, it's too much. It's literally like a cauliflower painted pink in a jar with two googly eyes on it. God bless them. Oh.

I thought I hated this movie. Now I think I love it. George is driving the van and he keeps running over that one fat biker dude. I wrote, I'm having a second screen experience and I missed who that was that he just ran over but it probably doesn't matter. He doesn't, but he runs over the guy like 60 times the guy just keeps standing back up. That's actually super funny. This is so stupid I love it so much. And what he's going to do, he's driving to find two people fucking on a beach.

Right. This is Cindy and Buzz. Cindy gets bushed to the wind in this scene. That is a full bush. Yeah. Do they not invent tremors in 1982? Or was that just the style? Yeah, we loved a full bush back then. What happened?

I don't know. Bring it back. She says, I feel weird with all these weirdos around butchering vegetarians. And he says, I'm so horny I could fuck a cow. Brand new sentence. I also wrote that down because it made me laugh. Can you imagine saying that to some of them then still being like, you know what?

I'm still gonna fuck you. No. But George shows up. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He uses some wrestling moves on the boyfriend. And they work on him. But they don't work on her, because she probably took a self-defense class or something.

She's beating the shit out of him. Squeezing him by the balls and punching him. Like, she wins this fight. And keep in mind, the entire fight, she is bush to the wind. Bush to the wind, full bush. Then she falls to the ground. Yeah, because a stalactite falls from the cave

and hits her in the head. Kills her. This is insane. I am absolutely baffled by this. It's banana batshit and I'm kind of into it. Why did they not just have him kill her? Why did a stalactite have to kill her? If I may?

Yeah. Stalactite is funnier. It is funnier. You're right, it's funnier. Cause it's funny because George isn't good at fighting and like she still like had to die somehow. That's true. All right, all right.

Poor Buzz. Poor Buzz is freaking out. Yeah. It's actually a very sad scene. I felt really a lot of feelings. He says to the cops, my only mistake is I was horny and now she's dead. I'm sorry. That's very funny.

Buzz, that wasn't your only mistake. No. Ah, you know, he didn't, he didn't, he was, Buzz didn't do anything to anybody. So now the cops have to go visit Paul Stanton, who was involved in the case 20 years ago. Okay. Okay. Mark's chest hair is ridiculous. And Stan and the puppet are, are like outside of the diner. They're in the, the, the cafe.

Right. They're, they're breaking into the diner. No, this is when they're going to test the food out before they go to break in. Right. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Someone says they're bored of mummies and health food. Who's that? Oh no, this is when they're staking out the place. You're right. You're right. Okay. Yeah. So we learned from Paul Stanton that he was the cop who killed Uncle Anwar back in the day.

His wife's hair is massive and she will not stop screaming. Every time she hears Anwar's name, she screams. It's so loud in the mix of this movie and it sucks so bad. Literally every time they say his name, she screams in the same exact way. Yeah, it's the same clip, because we don't see her face doing it. The diner at this point I realized was called Tutman, which is the reverse of Nam Tut,

which is the uncle's name? Yeah, and more Nam Tut. Ah! I can't fucking do this. And we also learned in the scene that Connie is the cop's daughter, which is weird because her mom is like the same age. And there's just a picture of the actress with a horse. Bring us a picture of home of you and brought in a picture of her with a horse.

And they were like, this will do. I just felt like maybe the screaming woman could leave the room for this conversation. You know, like, does she need to be present? The old cop is just chugging a beer the whole time. He also has her like tucked fully in his armpit. Like she goes nowhere. Maybe that's why. Oh man.

So we the Anwar tells the kids that they need to have a party so that the party can ravage the buffet as she tar must ravage the virgin. If you say so. I stopped listening to uncle Anwar at some point. So yes, this is when Stan breaks in and he's going to find their recipe and he brings the puppet with, oh no, the puppet's left in the car, but he's very worried. This is weird because the puppet stays in the car and he's going away, but the puppet's still going, Stan, come back.

I hate it, I absolutely hate it. So they found a venue for their buffet and ceremony. Which is, I think, at the Club Dread. Yeah. Yeah, okay. And then. They're like, oh, we just had a loomarian feast last year, but yeah, we'll do it again. What? What? Who else is doing them?

But before they, the same night as their Lumerian feast is when George is going to wrestle Jimmy Hitler. You mean George as luscious Lou, the Lumerian, Lumerian. You mean George as luscious Lou the Lou Marion? Lou Marion? Triple L. I think luscious Lou is a fantastic wrestling name. Taking on little Jimmy Hitler, who when we see him in color is like even funnier for some reason. Because it's just a blonde dude with like Charlie Chaplin mustache. Dark black mustache.

I don't know. Oh my god. Okay now is Connie still hypnotized because she's kind of watching this like, oh okay, this is sort of fun. Yeah. Oh, it doesn't love wrestling. A lot of people. Also, Michael keeps calling his brother babe, which I thought was a little odd. Get him, babe. Are you guys fucking or are you not brothers? So Jimmy Hitler is mopping the ring with George, just kicking the shit out of him.

He sure is. Well, Jimmy Hitler is a professional. Yeah, and this is like a, he'll take all comers on, like anybody can come out of the crowd to fight him. Yeah, and Luscious Lou the Lumarian is one of them. And then, uh, Luscious Lou the Lumarian's finishing move is to bite a hole in his calf and in

Jimmy Hitler's calf muscle. You can't bite in wrestling. No, no, no, no. And you can't spit the piece of meat you bit out of the man into the woman's face. Who is the date of your brother wrestling thing? I mean you shouldn't know his blood is spraying everywhere. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. What this movie presupposes is that wrestling is real. And then the crowd's chanting for She-Tar.

Yes, they're chanting for She-Tar. So then Connie wants to go home because she's just got sprayed in the face with a bunch of blood. She says, please take me home now. And he says, I guess I don't have a choice and knocks her unconscious by punching her. This guy just does not care.

Nope. Nope. Nope. Then we get a scene of them driving and he's the George's mooning Sheba Jackson. Yeah. And she hits him in the ass with a hamburger, which I thought was funny. I thought that was funny as well. But also why? Well, so that she can realize that Tutman is nam tut backwards because it's written on the back of their van. Right. Okay.

I have a note that says, I don't think this is historically accurate. I have no fucking idea what I was talking about. I don't know either. So uncle Anwar is missing when they go back to, to do the final preparations. And Michael keeps saying like, George, where did you put him? George is a fucking moron.

No, then they realized Stan has broken in. Yeah. But before they can go to Stan, she shows up and they like hanger by her belt from the ceiling. Yeah. By a chain. Yeah. Uh huh. Uh huh. by her belt from the ceiling. Yeah, by a chain. Yeah. Uh-huh, uh-huh. Then they go to Stan to get the uncle back.

Right. Someone in the scene is eating with food all over their face. Like everyone in this movie is a fucking disgusting baby. I can't take it. What do they do to Stan? They cut off his hands. Yeah. And then he's driving a car with his hands cut off.

Spraying blood all over the windshield and then driving into a cliff face. And he has the windshield wipers on to get the blood off, but it's on the inside. It's on the inside. Oh, that was very good. Oh God. And his car like slowly hits the side of a cliff and he goes, no! Oh man. The woman who's playing the lady cop, Sheba, she gets cut down by Mark who sucks, who's like cutting the buttons off her shirt because he's a creep.

She cannot make eye contact with any other actors in this movie. Would you? No, she's so ashamed. She's also fucking beautiful. She is beautiful and a terrible actor. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. It was weird that I didn't see her in more stuff. And so we go to the ritual.

The ritual's happening. It's starting the party. They've hired a band. They have to take the brain out and put Anwar's brain in. And they also bring in like a stew made of humans, but it's like very obviously of humans. There's like hands and feet and stuff. Yeah. And the band is one man who's dressed like Elvis,

but in Egyptian gear. Yeah. And then the rest of the backing band are dressed like little Hitlers. Yeah, guitarist twin Nazis. But they have on armbands, but they're like anchors, not swastikas. Oh, I didn't notice that.

Yeah, but they all have little Hitler mustaches. And they're all wearing like olive green. I mean, all the colors. Yeah, they're brown shirts. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But again, that was like a weird punk thing to do back in the 70s and 80s. Ah, it's not for me.

No. One of the men who is eating from the stew turns green because reasons. Yeah, he's a zombie now. And then everybody starts turning green that's eating the stew. But. He's a zombie now. Uh. And then everybody starts turning green. That's yes. But they're all, they cannot stop themselves eating this too. They're just pulling hot dogs out. More meat. All these hot dogs. And they're all fighting and they get Sheetar to wake up, which I wrote

Sheeter. And they're talking about how Sheetar is feeling vengeful, but I don't know why. What has happened to Sheetar? Well, five million years ago, I don't fucking know. Fuck. I also like how the cops show up and the people, excuse me, the doorman is like, no warrant, you're gonna have to pay the cover. Sounds like something Manny Theiner would say. Weisenheimer.

Where does Sheetar have a second very large mouth? Is she, it takes up both of Vicky's stomachs. It does take up both of Vicky's stomachs. It's all in her tummy. It's all in her tummy. It's a straight up and down mouth. Yeah. Yeah. The guitarists also now have trumpets and I find it hard to believe that there are Scott Nazis. No, there were, there was a horn section and the guitarist. There was, there was like eight members of this band. We, the people with the trumpets

weren't the same as the people with the guitars? No, I don't believe that. No, no. No, they were not quadruplets. I don't think they actually look the same. No, they did. Alan, I saw them. They all look the same.

There are no Scott Nazis. That cannot be. No. Scottsies. Scottsies. Man, I watched multiple YouTube documentaries about two-tone ska today. It was very good. You like that?

It was a good day. Good. So this is just, chaos is ensuing. Yeah, they brought Connie back to be eaten by Sheetar's big tum-tum. And Sheetar awakes. Her tum-tum's gnashing and... Lady cop starts shooting. And then Mark is shooting, they're just shooting everybody in the crowd.

And for some reason, it was just like they had this prosthetic and didn't know what to do with it, but like a man leans over to his date and he goes, so loud, my ears are gonna explode. And then his ears explode. I love that. I love that too. But also, what?

What? It's so silly. Oh man. And then George is trying to feed Mark to Sheetar because Connie has gotten away somehow. Yeah. And then Michael is standing there and gets his eye shot out, but it's from the wrong side. Like he gets shot from the right and then turns his head and his left eye is gone. It's a magic bullet theory, man. Back to the left.

And then Sheetar's tummy eats George. Yeah, George falls head first and Sheetar's tummy. And then Sheetar explodes. No, Sheetar explodes. She does. No, she don't explode. Oh, I missed that. OK. Yeah. And then we see the cops in the club and they're like just piles of bodies everywhere. Not all of these people needed to die.

No, no, no, no. But most of them were killed by the police. Yeah, exactly. So then we get a street walk of cheetah going down the street, pretty legs, pretty legs, walking down the street, red high heels. Yeah. Gets picked up by a guy. Cat calling is harassment. It is. Uh, but as we can see, sometimes it pays off. Uh, don't, don't cat call people. Keep your fucking mouth shut. Go about your business. He says he's hot, bothered, and horny. And she says, they call me Sheetar.

And you see her fangs. She says, her car is Sheetar, because she can't announce it with the giant teeth she has. I cannot fault her. Her fangs are five inches long. And he does not kick her out of the car. He just drives away to the sounds of boop she boop. Sha do ba do ba da.

And that, ladies and germs. What? That, what was it? Oh, the they-dees and gentle-dums. There you go. Was blood diner. Thank you all who have suggested this movie to us. Over the years.

This is the first time it's been on Tubi, huh? What? I need you to give me a rating. Five million years ago. This is my rating. I'm gonna give it two tramp stomachs. This movie is un-rateable. It is one of the most batshit movies we've ever done.

Have you ever seen Blood Feast, the movie that, oh man, the guy in that just keeps going, he's like, he's also doing cannibalism. And he keeps saying to people, have you ever had an Egyptian feast? Oh, I remember you telling me about this. Herschel Gordon Lewis is a native of Pittsburgh. Did you know that?

No, I don't think I did. I know that he is the godfather of- Godfather of gore. Well, he is the godfather of godfather of gore. Well, he's the godfather of gore. Cause he did like, like blood feasts is one of the OG like gore films, but he is more known for hold on one second. He got really into advertising and like all that, like, like spam mail you get in your mailbox, like coupons and all that shit. That's because of him.

Oh, that is keeping the US Postal Service running. So great. Thank you, Herschel Gordon Lewis. Herschel Gordon Lewis. We should do that movie at some point. It's very fun and very silly. Put it on the list. Katie?

Yeah. We have a voicemail that we need to listen to. Okay. Your beats are so loud. Hi, Ellen and Katie. No, you're the best. And you did a really good job leaving your voicemail recording. I just listened to your episode on Slay. I'm a long time fan of yours. I'm a fan of yours. I'm a Ellen and Katie. No, you're the best. And you did a really good job leaving your voicemail recording.

I just listened to your episode on Slay. I'm a longtime listener's second time caller. And I just yelped a little in public on my walk when I saw you were doing Blood Niner because that's the source of my existential dread and dismay because when I was a Livas in the late 90s in Massachusetts, I was writing for a website in the early days of the internet called Meet and Reviewers from Hell and I reviewed the movie Blood Diner as a red-blooded American wood and I wrote about how the lead actor was really charming in it and he died in a car accident and then his dad emailed me and thanked me for keeping his um his son's memory alive.

I was like 14. I was like oh shit I peed. I don't know how to get life because I wanted to be a writer at the time and I was like I don't know that it gets better than that. I don't know that it gets better than that. I think I've achieved all my life's goals. Oh, I don't know what to do now. And since then, I've just been a floundering monster watching horror movies. So I'm too excited to hear you review it. If you want to read more review for it, I just read it. I thought it was like Noble Peace Prize.

Really, I just read it. It's literally like two paragraphs long. And it's for it, I just read it. I thought it was like noble peace prize. Really, I just read it. It's literally like two paragraphs long. And it's just like, I like the movie. But if you want to read it, you can look up meet your viewers from Howe and look up Blood Diner on their website. It's still catalogued there, even though I think the website's inactive.

And the website labeled Nancy, you know, the only one, that one's mine. So thank you for being awesome. And I can't wait to hear your review. Holy shit. Oh my God. I love this for you so much. That's a really sweet story.

And I bet the blog post is better than you think. I hope you get that Nobel Peace Prize at some point. You know what? You deserve it. We're going to petition for you. So thank you so much. Katie, real quick before we go. Yeah. Before we tell people what we're going to petition for you. So thank you so much. Katie, real quick, before we go. Yeah. Uh, before we tell people what we're going to do next week. Yeah.

Cause I know that's when they turn this off. Yeah. This is how we keep them. We have an email that I have to read. Okay. I know we've done a follow up on a marriage announcement and a voicemail, but I've got to read this email. This is the one that you said was going to knock my dick in the dirt. Knock your dick in the dirt. Oh my poor fucking dirty dick. Dear Alan and Katie starting off strong. Starting off strong.

Let me preface this with the fact that I am a 13 year old boy from Manhattan. Hi. I do not watch a lot of horror movies because I prefer Marvel comics instead. Oh. You and Marvel again, Marvel's Marvels are tied for number one favorite podcast.

It's very sweet of you. But your podcast is a perfect bridge for me because listening to you two is much better than watching those damned gorges, parenthetical gore plus orgies. I assumed that he was gonna say listening to you is much better than listening to Jonathan Joseph. That's mean, I'm sorry, you guys are great.

I mean, obviously we're better, but like. Like the idea of calling them gorgies. Your funny banter and obvious camaraderie is addictive. What 13 year old is using camaraderie? Smart one, this kid is precocious. Also, I watched Robert Edgar's Nosferatu. I haven't seen it yet. And it's pretty fucking good.

Yeah. And really fucking scary. Okay. Language, young man. I mean, I'm not your mother, but I will tell you that that is inappropriate. Check it out. I highly recommend it. It's on Pecock.

Thank you so much. Best regards, Jack G. Hi, Jack G. Thank you so much for listening. I feel like I should temper the things that I say a little bit. I feel like you know too much about me, a 41-year-old woman. I feel a bit guilty. I am definitely old enough to be his grandfather. Yeah.

Oh, yeah. I mean, mathematically, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well. Am I your grandfather? Is Alan your grandfather? That would be such a weird way to find this out.

Jack G, thank you so much for listening. You sweet baby angel. We were three years old. Or you were three years old when we started this podcast. Oh my God. You're only a couple of years older than my kid. We gotta go. I so appreciate you listening. I so appreciate you writing it. I'm just having an existential crisis. It has nothing to do with you. It's just midlife. This was the aforementioned

dick in the dirt. Jack, my dick is in the dirt. Katie. Alan. Can I go to jail for saying that to a 13 year old? I don't want to go to, I would not do well in prison. Look at me, I'm weak. You'd run that joint. I've seen an episode of Orange is the New Black. I'm pretty charismatic. Katie, what movie are we going to do next week? Next week we're doing a movie that you suggested,

a newish movie with an actor that we often like, Michael Monroe. Yeah. We're going to do next week? Next week we're doing a movie that you suggested, a newish movie. Yeah. With an actor that we often like, Michael Monroe. Yeah. We're going to do Long Legs. Long Legs. I think Nick Cage might also be in it. Why? You waited till now to fucking bring that up. I just remembered it.

We all know my memory is garbage. I couldn't even remember that you had donuts at your wedding. I feel like it's more important to know what movies Nick Cage is in. Your wedding is way more important to me than Nick Cage. Remember at my wedding, how you did the music and I said, no walk off, lock off flame until my nana leaves. And then as the door closed behind her, I heard, I go hard in the motherfucking paint.

I looked at you and you looked at me and we cackled. Not motherfucking, I did the radio edit so there was no swears. No, that wasn't even out of the building. She was just out of the room. Hey! Hey, this fuckin' guy. Thanks for doing that, that was really nice of you.

Oh man, I'm glad we've been friends for so long. We've been friends forever. How long ago was your wedding? I don't know. All right. So we're gonna do long legs. It's streaming on the streamers. I think it's on, it might be on Pecock too. I don't know. It's on one of the streamers. I'm out of

things that I know. These movies are wasted Katie. This, we recorded this in crank two in the same night and I am fucked. I gotta go too. I've got a titty What are you gonna get to? Wear a bra, please. No, the whole point is to have them flapping. You're gonna have them flapping like that. Oh God, your poor titties. Go buy a t-shirt. We got some new t-shirts in the store. I got my less, the less you know baseball shirt. It's so soft.

Oh, I love that. I'm so happy. I've been wearing it for like days on end. I need to get one of them Glendanzig shirts. I love them so much. And yeah, thank you all for being awesome. Yeah. Take care of each other and.

Patreon.com, backstages, Royal Family Ambulance. I don't know, who cares? We're on blue ski. I apparently we're blue skis. Can I have the password? Yeah, I think I'll give it to you. Yeah, yeah, for sure. I mean, don't mess up my algorithm.

Oh, I'm gonna get in there and I'm gonna roll around. I'm gonna fuck it up. And Reddit, go to roll around. I'm going to fuck it up. And Reddit, go to the Reddit community. Go to Discord. Things are popping off. Yeah. You can find it. Just Google it.

Yeah. Just give it a cue. Give it a cue. Or use a thing for ass shoes. Duck, duck, go. That's what I've been doing. Oh, yeah. You've got to keep your private.

Private. Duck Duck Go, that's what I've been doing since. Oh yeah, you gotta keep your private... private. And thanks for listening, I look forward to having you there. And so... Killer plans have left the face Killing him in outer space Appearance I've passed in case Please make eye-continue grave E.M.T. Horror and comedy Reviews hungry Brian from Wings and Stephen Peng E.M.T.

We live deliciously Bad tempered trees Obese gracingily come to die A pair of normal active D's from Mr. Rogers City E.M.D. E.M.D.