Werewolf Ambulance: A Horror Movie Comedy Podcast - Episode 513- Longlegs (2024)

Episode Date: March 10, 2025

In this week's episode, Nicolas Cage is perhaps at his Nicolas Cagiest in the 2024 horror/crime thriller "Longlegs" and what a treat he is. You can catch him in practically 20% of the movies we've covered on this show, so watch some Maika Monroe instead. She's in Episode 26- "It Follows" and Episode 279- "The Guest." The regular lineup of links! You can support us at patreon.com/werewolfambulance and listen to a ton of action movie episodes. This month, our top tier listeners will be voting between Jason Statham and Denzel Washington so probably the only loser will be me? leave us a message at 412-407-7025 hang out with some cool listeners at https://discord.gg/DutFjx3cBD  buy merch at www.teepublic.com/user/werewolfambulance the best place to reach us is at [e-mail] we're on Reddit at r/werewolfambulance sorta on Twitter @werebulance sorta on Instagram @werewolfambulance www.werewolfambulance.com if you feel you really must lodge a complaint with us, please do it on Facebook at facebook.com/werewolfambulance because we are probably not gonna see that, ever.   If you liked this, please leave us a review on Apple Podcasts or wherever you listen! It helps others find us and allows us to continue to grow. Intro song is by Alex Van Luvie Outro song is A. Wallis- "EMT" Seriously, we have the best listeners, hands down.

Hey, Katie. Hi, Alan. How you doing, bud? I'm okay. How are you? Yeah, you know me. I'm just... long legs. I'm just...

I'm just... I'm just... I'm just... I'm just... I'm just... I'm just... I'm just... I'm just...

I'm just... I'm just... I'm just... I'm just... I'm just... I'm just... I'm just... I'm just...

I'm just... I'm just... I'm just you doing, bud? I'm okay. How are you? Yeah, you know me. I'm just long legs. How long were his legs? I don't know. Not very. Regular length. Regular length, I would say.

Normal legs. Normal legs. Leg lengthed. Yeah. You got long legs? I got long legs. I got a short torso, long length. Yeah. You got long legs? I got long legs. I got a short torso, long legs.

I am the opposite of that. Yeah. If you put us together, you'd have a nice looking person. Well, the mashup of you and me would be a very funny looking mashup. I assume there's still be a beard involved. We couldn't possibly be more opposite looking. Yeah.

Except that we're both white. Long legs. Long legs. What an intro. We're killing it these days. What's this guy's name? Oswald Coppelpot? Oswald Perkins. Osgood Perkins. Osgood Perkins. Bringing us another one of his meditations on slow moving films. This is a slow burn. It's like Silence of the Lambs meets Zodiac meets. For Solve 7. Yeah. And Nicolas Cage being a crazy person.

I have multiple notes that are just like kudos, Nicholas Cage. Kudos. Feeling himself in this movie. And he should. He's, it's very fun to watch. In a movie that's not very fun to watch. No. And I'll tell you this, Michael Monroe, we always talk about as being one of our favorites. I don't know why, cause she's always a bit wooden, you know? Yes. But in this one, it works. This is like the perfect role for her because the character is pretty wooden. Yeah. Oh yeah. And then the guest, she's like a dispassionate teen. So it works there. That's right. You're right. I had it in my head that she was Australian, born and raised in California. Yeah. But I had it in my head she

was Australian. I think she was just like, Oh, pretty blonde lady. You're from Australia. All right, Kylie Minogue sit down. What's going on Margot Robert? Yeah. Oh, she's Australian. Yeah, that's right. Apparently love slipknot. What's really that's interesting. Did you recognize the mom from this? This is our second Alicia. From urban legend. Um, did you recognize the mom from this? This is our second Alicia from, uh,

urban legends from David Lynch's dune as well, which is where I know her from. All right. All right. Uh, from back in the day when she was six, should I get into dune or is it too late for me? It's definitely not too late. I just saw your head go back six inches, which is usually when you're going to tell me something you think I don't want to hear. Tell me if these things interest you. Okay. Statecraft. Nah. Space travel. Mining rights. Nar. Intrigue and espionach. Yeah, okay. A distilling of East meets West. No.

Like political relations. Nah. And kind of talking about the wars in Afghanistan in a weird way as well. Okay. But set tens of thousands of years in the future. No, none of this is for me. You're right. You're right. Thank you for just, thank you for saving me the time.

I mean, if you're into any of that stuff, it'll give you like, I think you would get something out of it. Maybe watch the movies. See if you like the movie. Like I already just thought about doing it and thought, nah, you know, I want to see a little chalamet. I don't get that guy. Everybody's all into that guy. I don't get that guy. I haven't seen him in anything. I don't see movies. How do I do a movie podcast? It's got Momoa in it too. Boy, Jason Momoa. Really? Yeah. All right. And Oscar Isaacs with a beard.

Who's Oscar Isaacs? You know what? That's not the movie we're here to talk about. Let's just change the subject back to this one. I have to get it out. Okay. He was the husband in Annihilation that came back from the Forbidden Zone. Okay. Yes. So yes, we're here to talk about Osgood Perkins and his film.

Blood Wags. Written and directed by. Yeah. It's about Jodie Foster as a plucky upstart FBI agent. She's doing Jodie Foster, right? I think she's always lately doing Jodie Foster, you know? But she's not doing a Western PA accent, which is a bummer. But like, she kind of gets almost there sometimes.

Doctor Lector. Doctor Lector. Yeah. We start off with a quote from 70s glam rock band T-Rex? Who play prominently in this film. They sure do. Yeah. I like T-Rex.

Sure. Who doesn't? Okay. All right. All right. There's a picture of Mark Bolin in Long Legs bedroom. Yeah. That was weird.

Yeah. Yeah. What was weird. Yeah. Yeah. What? Is... Okay, we'll get to that. The quote is, well, you're slim and you're weak. You've got the teeth of a hydra upon you. You're dirty and sweet, and you're my girl.

Getting on. And that's setting up your film right there. Yeah, imagine thinking that's your thesis. I like the use of red a lot in this movie too. Yeah. We pan from just a solid red block into a car driving towards a house. This is like a 1970s looking vibe, yeah.

Then, because I didn't realize that was baby Lee Harker, played by Michael Monroe, I kept thinking that the rest of this was happening in the 70s, because also everything's sepia. And then finally you see a picture of Bill Clinton behind her boss and I was like, hole up. So a little girl sees this car pull up. Yes. And, or a young lady.

She's a little girl. Yeah. And she's nine. That's nine. That's a little girl. I just want to be respectful to our nine-year-old listeners. No. They're probably out there.

No, that's no. No. Stop fucking listening. Go to bed, you little shit. Your mom's tired. Tell your parents what you've been doing, and we'll get a cease and desist. Hey, we put it out there.

It's not our fault if they are not watching their kids. Although my kid watches some weird shit on YouTube. She's getting in that skimpy toilet yet? No, but she does say it occasionally, and I'll ask her if she's ever seen it, and she's like, nah. I assume it would scare the shit out of her. I have no idea.

I haven't seen it. It makes me sad for the youth. But then again, we had hair metal, so. Right. So she puts on her snow clothes and goes outside to greet the youth. But then again, we had hair metal. So she puts on her snow clothes and goes outside to greet the car. Yes, she's got a little Polaroid camera too. Because nobody ever visits is what we learned later. Right.

Someone calls for Cuckoo. Is that her name? Or that she just, mom's just calling for Cuckoo? I don't know. Or was it long legs that were for cuckoo? I don't know. Or was it long legs that were saying cuckoo? I thought it was long legs that was saying it. Maybe. Yeah. And then long legs is right in her face and says,

it seems I wore my long legs today. What happens if I... And then he bends down. Yeah. Comes slightly into frame. And then it bends down, comes slightly into frame, and then he screams and it cuts. And I loved it. I thought this was, I was like, oh fuck, this is gonna be good, this is gonna be good.

And he's got a very full lip, would you call that? Yeah, he's got a Kardashian lip and some Kardashian cheek fillers too. He looks like a lot of the women I see leaving the skin center. He looks like modern day Mickey Rourke. Yeah, he sure does. He sure does.

He's also wearing like pale makeup, which we can tell because his hands are hand colored, which I thought was an odd. What is his deal? What is his deal? But all of his clothes are the same color as his pale makeup. Yeah. And his hair, which is white, blonde and wavy, a la like D Snider. Welcome to my world.

And then we get the credits, which have images flashing like in them, just upsetting images of like snakes and people's faces and upside down houses. Just weird shit. Yeah. Some weird shit. Yeah. Yeah. And it says part one, his letters. Yes. So Michael Monroe is a new FBI agent and her and another new FBI agent are going on their first outing as FBI agents. Yes. Looking for this serial killer. They're just looking for him.

It seems like they're just looking. They're going to wait and see what happens. And she, they get to like a, a, a housing community neighborhood. One of those places where all the houses look the same. Yeah. housing community, neighborhood. One of those places where all the houses look the same. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he starts knocking on doors and she has a premonition about one of the houses. Yes.

And says, he's in there. She know that. She got them psychic powers. She's got psychic powers. Yeah. Her partner's like, okay, well, I'll go check it out. Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. And just gets fucking shot. Knock, knock, dead. Yeah. Yeah, okay, well, I'll go check it out. And just gets fucking shot.

Knock, knock, dead. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then she runs into the house with her gun drawn. Do appreciate her. She always runs to whatever the danger is. Oh, you do love that. Yeah. To or at. Run to it or run at it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so she's running in there and everything's covered in plastic like they're doing remodeling and or this is Dexter's house. Okay, right. And the person gets away. Oh no, she finds a guy.

She finds a guy. He's got his hands up. He's like sitting on his bed with his hands up. Oh, that's right. That's right. I kept expecting it to be long legs at the beginning, but then we find out. It's a different serial killer stalking the streets of Seattle. Yes.

Yeah. And so then immediately she has to get a psychic valve, psyche valve. Yes. Which felt very like clockwork orange. It felt like they were torturing her. And I thought, is this what the FBI does? And she's just like, what are we doing? Why are we doing this?

But she evidently aces the psychic valve, which I didn't know was a thing you could do. Yeah. She comes out on top. She's in the top 99th percentile of psychs. Who's her boss? It's Blair Underwood. Blair fucking Underwood. He's so cute.

So cute. So cute. He's talking about the Mariners, which, you know, if I had an American league team, I might pick them. Yeah. Seattle? Yeah. Oh, okay.

Yeah. Look at you. Look, okay. Yeah, look at you. Look at me. Look at you. I did also just say Seattle a moment ago. Oh, fudgicles. You did great. So he recruits her to join this investigation for what appears, I guess, is it a cold case?

It seems like they're, like when's the last time he committed a murder? Yes. Okay. Cause it like time is very wishy washy in this whole film. It really is. Like I said, you couldn't tell what decade it was set in. Micah Monroe is like bronzed to the gills

and they've given her like some thick eyebrows and ugly bangs. Yeah, and her hair is like much darker than I've ever seen. Yeah, so they're like, I mean, you can't tell what age she is meant to be. Yeah. Same with Alicia Witt, really.

Yeah. They look like they're the same age. Yeah. And yeah, you have no idea how much time has passed. Yeah. Yeah. So he's recruited her because she's got psychic abilities. And she's telling him, also, I took an edible before we did this. So my notes are wishy at best.

I watched it this morning and took no notes. So I'm just looking at the Wikipedia page, which is not helping me. I could probably just put my phone down. This is what, this is what 2025 will get you y'all. I'm tired. I'm tired buds. We're doing it. We're doing it.

We got to, we got to pick it up, pick it up, pick it up, pick it up. There's some long legs associated. Long legs is associated with some murders. Right. He leaves notes and he signs them long legs. Yes. So I did not understand why she wasn't like, I remember long legs. I remember this guy.

Did you know that was her as a child? No. Okay. All right. All right. So then Blair's questioning her about the shooting of her partner. Blair. Just my guy Blair.

My guy Blair. My guy Blair. I can't hear the name Blair without thinking about the TV show, The Facts of Life. Oh my God, Alan. You got Blair, you got Tootie, you got Joe. Oh no, no. You got Mindy Cohn, I don't remember what her character's name was. I didn't see that.

That's not for me. Mrs. Garrett, come on. No, stop. Wait, is that the one about the robot? Small wonder. Small wonder, small wonder. No, this one was an offshoot of different strokes. Okay. Well, let's not say that we didn't.

So, uh, I have a note that says stupid Bill Clinton, because this is where we see the picture of Bill Clinton in the background. You know, he always looked stupid, didn't he? Just has a dumb look about him. It's a real piece of shit. Not the worst. look about him. It's a real piece of shit. Not the worst. So we learned that all of the murders have involved families

with daughters who have birthdays on the 14th of the month. Right. And they're all murder suicides perpetuated by fathers, seemingly against their families. Yes. Wouldn't you go, huh, my birthday is on the 14th of a month?

I think I would think that. I mean, I'm pretty self-centered, but yeah, I think that would be the first thing in my mind. Here's my problem. I wouldn't even just think it. I would say it out loud. Oh, my birthday's the first. Yeah, of course you would.

Of course you would. And we hear this 911 call that has one of the most terrifying lines I've ever heard in a horror movie. What's that? The daughter is not my daughter. Yeah. There's just something about that was like, oh no. It reminds me of that X-Files episode where they do the we are not who we are thing.

I don't remember that one. Ice. Yeah, where they're in Antarctica and there's the worms. It's the thing. The thing. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Oh yeah. That was great. Also, the X-Files pilot started playing immediately after this movie on Hulu for me, and I was like, bro, you know I've seen this like 40 times.

Bro. Bro. Hulu, I feel, is a bro. Sure. Yeah, it's like real bro-y. Hulu's algorithm does not know who you are. No, and it makes no effort to know who you are, and that's why it's a bro.

You watch Long Legs. You want to watch Kardashian next? You like lips? How about fringe? I don't know what we have here either. Here's a mid series episode of Monk. Why are we not giving you the first one? I don't know. So Long Legs letters that he leaves at these crime scenes are like the, what is it?

Cryptogram that, um, uh, uh, zodiac. Yeah. Yeah. Did you watch that zodiac movie with Jake Gyllenhaal? Oh yeah. I liked it. It was a good time. Another slow burn of a movie.

Yeah. I enjoyed it quite a bit. Yeah. That's got your Ruffalo in it. Everybody loves a Ruffalo. Everybody loves a Ruffalo. He's America's second boyfriend. Number one. Paul Rudd. Oh really? America's boyfriend, Paul Rudd. All right. You don't think so? What? Doesn't do it for me. Oh my God. He's the cutest man on the planet. You know that's not true. Are you serious? Are you serious right now? I don't even know what you're talking about. Did Tom Hardy get shot into space?

Probably. He's not Katy Perry. Did she get shot into space? She's going up on like the fucking Virgin satellite or space ship. We're gonna leave her there. Do you think we ought to leave her there? We should have let her record California girls and then left her there. You know what I mean? Hey, what's our

Blando Bloom gonna do? Why do I know all this? Why do you? I didn't know you were up on your celeb gossip. I don't think knowing that Blando Bloom and Katy Perry together counts as up on. I don't know. I knew she was going up to space. It's true. I didn't know that. Harker gets all of the information they have about the serial killer and then sleeps on top of it.

Yeah. Like you do when you're studying it. Yeah. When you're precocious. Would they? They only let her work in a large empty room for some reason. She might hurt somebody with the furniture. I don't know.

And every time I forget that she's one of the top 10 Chinese people on the face of the earth. She is little. She's so little. Yeah. Yeah. Try great for that kite sailing that she does. Kite sailing.

She's a professional kite sailor. What's kite sailing? You're like on a surfboard and you have a sail and you do your, I think it's called kite sailing. I'm looking it up All right Okay boarding maybe kite Let me say sailing kite surfing maybe fuck it. No. No, I gotta know. No, I really don't care

this look this is all sorts of things that don't apply to me like oceans and strength This, look, this is all sorts of things that don't apply to me, like oceans and strength. Hold on, one, two. Okay. So then she has to go out to dinner or go out to get drinks with Blair and she neither drinks nor wants to be around other human beings seemingly. But he makes her. He makes her. He's a bushy guy. He says, good, you can drive that. Yeah. And she neither drinks nor wants to be around another human being seemingly. But he makes her. He makes her.

He's a bushy guy. And she says, good, you can drive that. Yeah, I like that for him. It's very responsible of him. I like him, I like his character. Yeah, Blair's a great guy. Blair, our Blair. So they hash out some theories about long legs.

She already knows quite a bit seemingly, like just from going through the file. She's psychic. She's very smart. We see her have these like psychic moments though, like we see what she's seeing. Yeah. And I don't seem all that helpful. No, that's because you don't have these little gray cells that you can use to parse all of this together.

Have been watching too much Poi Row. You need to see now it's affecting our work. Oh, mommy. It stings! this together. I have been watching too much Poi Row. Now, see now it's affecting our work. Hey, Sting! Wow, get out of my brain. That just made someone very happy. Oh, I hope it was me. So she drives him home. Yeah. And he's like, okay, well now you have to come inside and beat my family. Why do you assume that child would be awake? Put that baby to bed. How about when she goes back to see a little, the daughter's room and she just sits there like the most awkward human being has ever existed. I, this whole, I find this all very unreasonable that the child would ask that that she would do it, and then that she would just sit there silently,

like, what are you doing? I did like when Ruby invites her to her birthday party, and she just goes, of course I'll be there. Yeah. I was like, oh, that's so sweet. You know what I thought was weird is when we got to the birthday party, that nobody else was there.

Did she really just invite her dad's coworker? I think so. That doesn't seem right. I have no friends of my own. Yeah. And neither do my parents. Maybe they're new to town. Maybe. So then we see her at home. She gets home, she checks the mail, looks around that.

There's a lot of like looking at things that aren't scary, but there's like scary music and you're like, am I scared? Am I scared? It's long enough lingering that I might be scared. Yeah. She goes into her beautiful house. Her home, she's got great taste, but it's also got a seventies vibe to it. And I thought, well, it must be the 1970s,

but how did they know Bill Clinton would be president? That super non-Euclidean geometry lamp that's right in her foyer was beautiful. Yeah. She doesn't strike me as a person who would shop for home goods. I'm a psychic. I got a real good radar for interior design. And I kite surf. And I'm cool with nine-year interior design. Yeah, and I kite surf. And I'm cool with nine-year-olds. Yeah, very strange.

So she calls her mom and they have the most normal regular conversation two people have ever had. Like you do with your mom when your mom is a religious nut job, maybe. You still praying? She didn't have that accent, but that's how I feel those lines should have been delivered.

I'm glad she didn't have that accent, but that's how I feel those lines should have been delivered. I'm glad she didn't have that accent actually. Yeah. Yeah. But she hangs up on her mom because she hears a voice whispering. This is very creepy. Oh my God. So creepy. So good. And there's a banging on the door. Who's at the door? Nobody. Nobody. Until we see somebody at the edge of the woods. Ooh, I might've missed that actually. Yeah.

And so she runs towards the woods, cause she's- She runs to the danger. And then she turns around and somebody's in her fucking house. And I was like, I hate this movie. Yeah. I'm so upset about this movie

and you're thwarting my run at it plan. It's true. That is like a big flaw in your plan is when it gets behind you. That everyone is faster than me. I'll dangum it. Son of a gun. With the banging on the door and all that shit is so good and so,

so much tension is being built through this. You're right about it being very slow, but it's doing it so well. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And she comes back into the house and there's a package waiting for her with her name on it. And I have a note that says, that's good spookery.

It's great spookery. Is this where she gets the birthday card from Long Legs? Yes, this is part two, all of your things. Okay, the birthday card is for a ninth birthday. Yeah. Which is weird. Yeah. And we also know that her birthday is coming up

because her mother has mentioned it on the phone. It's true. Yeah. Someone's got a birthday coming up. Alicia Witt, cool out. Cool out. And on the back of the card is this cipher, and she immediately looks at it. She's like,

Oh, I know what this is. Let me get the Bible. Yeah. She literally just opens a drawer and pulls out her Bible. I thought, do you live in a hotel? Was the gun in the same drawer as the Bible? I mean, they are go hand in hand. Yeah. Like Jesus said, shoot them motherfuckers. Yeah. That's why I go to that church that worships AR-15. Ah, that's so fun. That's so cool. It's just like so modern and youthful and vibrant. It's just, it's hip hop. That's what it is. It's really, it's just truly to the soul of both your soul and the soul of hip hop. And sometimes alternate rock, alternative rock.

Sure. Sure. Don't, you don't know. Little bit of pop punk in there. What do you think? We doing it? A little bit of pop. Just smidgen. For song. As she'd like to say. I'm the one who says that. Mom gives her a call back while she's breaking the cipher. She ignores that call. And then another call comes in and it's her job. And so she has to go to a crime scene. What's the crime scene? It's a murder that happened a couple months ago. Yeah, I mean, like if you were going to Disneyland, you're not going for a month.

It's true. Especially if you're just up at the, up the coast. I mean, who can afford that? Who could afford that? This is the bleakest shit. Yeah. Cause there's also like a child, like it's January. That child wouldn't have come back to school.

Like that doesn't make it just, come on. Yeah. I mean, I think this movie definitely employs some, like definitely some suspension of disbelief. For sure. And some like maybe dream logic is going on as well. By the time we get to the explanation at the end, I was kind some like, maybe dream logic is going on as well. By the time we get to the explanation at the end, I was kind of like, um, hold, hold on. So wait, like, sir, sir. And also man. And it is magic. There is magic being used, like Satan magic. I have to say, I don't love the idea of like actually worshiping Satan.

Nobody does, right? I do love the idea of Nicholas Cage yelling, hail Satan. Oh my God. Good news for you. This movie's got it in spades. So there's a family that's been killed. The father has killed the family and shot himself, which is the MO of all these murders. Right. They're all family annihilators. So they realize that somebody is getting into this house and causing these murders, but they don't know how,

because there's no trace of them in the house. Wait, how did that work? You know what I mean? Yeah. So that's what they're trying to figure out is how. But we, even when we get the explanation, we never- It's the dolls. No, no, no, no. We never find out why there's like no, I guess it's the nineties, but there's no like trace. There's no fingerprints. There's no like-

Yeah. Yeah. I guess she's just really good at it. I guess. Okay. But we do get a shot of the fam, the daughter and the mother under the covers and they're covered in maggots. Yeah.

And I was like, Oh, that's pretty cool. Love a maggot. Yeah. Love a maggot in a movie. It goes from a maggot right to a microfiche. And I was like, these are two things that I'm very excited about. It's really good horror juxtapositions. Sure.

Yeah. And tropes of the, all the movies that it's aping. Yes. And every movie Nicholas Cage has ever been in, there has to be a microfiche. Did you know that? It's, it's in his rider.. And every movie, Nicholas Cage has ever been in there has to be a microfiche. Did you know that? It's in his rider. It's his rider. I would die at this point. I have a note that says, I wish I had seen this on the big screen because there's stuff that like comes up

on the screen. They're like, you guys reading that? No, you're just watching it on a normal STV at home cause you can't read that. I'm sorry. Yeah, that's a bit of a bummer. I'm like putting my fingers on the screen, trying to big elated. So she starts looking up, uh, like a cult sigils and she comes to a realization about the way the, the pattern of the cipher is spelling as like laying out sigils or something. It has something to do with the dates of the murders as well,

or the month in which the child has the 14th day birthday. This part I was a little unclear on. There's something with the number 13 being like the 13th something is missing, which they keep referencing. And I was like, I may have gotten too high to know exactly what you're talking about. Yeah. But I did think about 13 ghosts a little bit. Maybe it was good. Who can say? So she says, she says that it is an algorithm. Yeah. And then she explains what an algorithm is. I already forget, which is a bummer because I would like to know what an algorithm is.

It's how Hulu doesn't know what to tell you to watch. Has never heard of algorithms. Is that what you're telling me? I think so. Yeah. Got it. So she has to go visit the lone heard of algorithms, is that what you're telling me? I think so. Yeah, got it. So she has to go visit the lone survivor of one of these murders at a psych hospital. Carrie Anne Kamra.

Why is her name Kamra, do you think? Cause she's, cause the kid, she, when we see her as a child at the beginning, she's got the Polaroid camera, and that's what ends up like cracking the whole case open too. Yeah, I don't know. I don't know either.

I just wonder if it meant Yeah. I don't know. I don't know either. I just wonder if it meant something. I don't know. But this character is played by Osgood Perkins Stalwart. Oh fuck, what is her name? Kiernan Shipka. There you go. Yeah. Yeah. She had that one locked and loaded. What was she in? Black Coat's daughter is the other movie that she's in. Okay. Which is, I mean, if you like slow burns that don't make a ton of sense, that movie's. This is, oh, that's right, he's the guy who did a pretty thing that lives in a house. Yeah, a slow burn.

And he did a Hansel and Gretel movie as well that's a very slow burn. I'm glad this man has so much time on his hands. It must be so nice. Yeah. Yeah, why don't you make a crank threes, buddy? Why don't you get out there and just make frenetic films that upset everyone? Get in, get out.

No, I, I, this is way better than crank too. So we learn from the, uh, I guess, director of this mental health facility, who is like the most out of place character in this movie. Trying to remember who that was. He's a like queer coded, maybe Middle Eastern or Indian man. Oh, that's right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he's like, let me tell you how it is. And he tells us that Carrie Anne had been basically,

not comatose, what's the word I'm thinking of? Like non-responsive. Not copacetic, that's also not it. What's the fucking word? People are shouting it at their iPods right now. I know, she wouldn't respond to any stimulation that anyone like, she was just like catatonic. Catatonic! There we go. Catatonic catatonic catatonic.

I'm so glad you got it until yesterday when she had a visitor and now, you know, she's like up and at them. She's a chatty Carrie Anne. She's a chatty Carrie Anne. So they go to look at the log and it says Lee Harker. That's her name. That's her name. And the, uh, Blair says to the director, like, do you guys just does the guard check IDs? The director's like, no. That's a good idea. That sounds good, but we don't do that.

Why are you in this movie? I love it. Yeah. It's like he wandered in from another set. You know? I'm just shooting house over here. You guys need a doctor for anything? I'm just shooting house over here. You guys need a doctor for anything? So the toxic to carry and camera. Yeah.

Who? Okay. So she was the, the, she was the only survivor of what we think is the first murder, right? What they think it was the first murder. Maybe, but we, don't we find out at some point though, these murders have spanned like 30 years. So that wouldn't make sense. But hasn't it been? Well, that's, I think this is confusing because she looks very young. But we're told that that happened in like 1973 or something. And Bill Clinton is in office. It must be at least what, 1992? Yeah. Yeah.

And she would have been nine. So she's cause it's the ninth birthday. So, yeah, she might be 30. Fuck. I didn't look like that at 30. I didn't look like that at 20. I've never had such childlike wonder. Well, you were also never on Mad Men. No, it wasn't was I? Not that I know of. Not that you know of.

Yeah. She kind of like, she is really excited about Long Lake. I wasn't, was I? Not that I know of. Not that you know of. Yeah. She kind of like, she is really excited about long legs. Yeah. She's basically says like whatever he tells me to do, I would do. Yeah. But she says it in like cutesy folksy way. Yeah. But then when we hear from him, that's how he talks, which is creepy. And she says, if he told me to, I would walk out a window. Yeah. Yeah. Luckily that won't come back.

If in the second act, Kieran Shipka says she's going to walk out a window. Yeah. So they have to go to look at this barn or farmhouse. Yes. That has, and they're supposed to be X's marking the spot at this place. Was that in one of the coded messages? Okay. Yeah. And they find a floor board that has a crucifix on it. These two fuckers just rolling in no backup. Yeah.

They're going for a jog without a t-shirt. Does someone own this property? Who can say? Is he going for a jog without a t-shirt? Yeah, roll no back up. What if you got a running by a pack of smokes? You can't go in that store. You don't have a shirt on.

Yeah, you're right. I can. I've always referred to that as rolling no back up. You're such a strange man. I love you so much. What did you describe? What was the word you used to describe when Dennis would wear a hot water music hat and jacket at the same time? Doubles.

Doubles. Hi, Dennis. He just loved a really busy bass player. He loved hot water music, loved Operation Ivy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Lot of notes, gotta hit a ball in every song. Our Operation Ivy is one Lucy told me that it was too chatty. She didn't like it because it was too chatty.

I was like, you know what, you're right, Scott is pretty chatty. Mom, why do they keep telling me there's a freeze up coming? Too chatty. I was like, do you like this? She was like, no, too chatty. If I'm honest, she's not ready for Scott. No, she's too chatty.

What am I supposed to do about that? Let's start her off with some dub reggae. Start her off slowly. Get some King Tubby in there. Make her a little playlist. Oh, I would love to. Yeah, you won't. So they go into the house with flashlights.

They find this floor board that has a crucifix nailed to it. What's Blair gonna do in this situation? He's gonna break it. He's just gonna get right in there. He's just gonna get right in there, which he does. He breaks it. And my high ass is looking at this and going, is that a little girl?

Mm-hmm. Is it a doll? Mm-hmm. Is it a little girl encased in a doll? Mm-hmm. All of these things are kind of true. It is really good. It is really good. It's really good. I mean, you really want to rewatch oddity. Oh yeah.

But the wooden man. Yeah. Yeah. That'd be so good. So good. Yeah. So yeah, they, they, they, they, they find a little piece of paper to you that has a triangle with a smiley face on it. Right. And when she was cracking the code, she was putting a triangle on the page. It was like, is that long legs way of saying like, you're in the right direction? I think so because what she had figured out with the triangle from earlier was that like one date was missing. Right. That was the 13th. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There you go. Yeah. Right. Um, I just have a bunch of notes.

We're like, is it a mannequin? Is it a girl? Is it a mannequin? What's going on? Um, yeah, yeah. So this man who also is in the wrong movie, the coroner, who is like doing an autopsy on the doll, and he's like, and my wife left me. And you're like, buddy? I liked him. I liked him too, as much as I liked the director,

but I thought both of you are not meant to have been in this. And they find that there's like a metal ball bearing in the middle of the doll's head. Yes. And. Which the coroner is like, I've been calling it the brain. Oh, you're fucking twisted. At least it's not even a sandwich. Yeah. A sloppy sandwich over the doll. And Blair Wunderwurts first thing is so we can hack that open, see what's inside of it?

He's like, can we open it? And the guy's like, well, sure. We can, there's nothing in there, I X-rayed it. He also says that he thought he heard it whispering to him. Yeah. And then he was like, oh, but my wife just left me and I'm really, really hurt, so. Yeah, so it was like, oh, you're gonna do the next murders.

Yeah. That's fucked up. Wait, he's the killer. I don't think so, but it could be. Do you think that's what it's trying to tell him to do? Right. The thing his wife left him. Yeah. That saved her life. Yeah. I wonder if he has a nine year old daughter. I don't know. This is all very fucked up. Have we seen the devil yet? I can't remember if we've seen the devil yet. I think so when we were talking to Carrie Anne.

Right. Because the devil is just like a veiled silhouette of a person that occasionally has red eyes. I don't like that red eye bit at all. I feel like for how like arty and tasteful the rest of this movie is that part is a little James Wanian for me. Sure. But I'll take that over Darth Maul any day. For sure. For sure. Please. Don't think that I'm bringing out Darth Maul into this or a newsy child running around and giggling. So scary.

Oh, so then we see Long Legs shopping at a hardware store. Yes, and being creepy to the girl behind the counter who's like, dad, the weird guy's here again. Yeah. And then Long Legs is just screaming in a car, Mommy, daddy. What is long legs deal? Why does he call himself long legs? I don't know. It's a good fucking name though. I've given yourself a nickname.

You know how people feel about it. Maybe Satan gave it to him. Maybe. Do you think Satan said it to him? Cause it wasn't necessarily true? How tall is Nick Cage? He walked in with his tiny ass legs and Satan's like, was I long legs? That's a no.

Hey, yo, red shirt. You know, I'm the one who started Four Eyes. That was me. Oh, wow. And he's like the Lord of Darkness, so you have to like play along. Classic dick. Such a piece of shit.

Who says, oh, okay, this is from when she was talking to Carrie Anne and Carrie Anne says, you're a dirtsy, flirtsy old angel bitch. Yeah, what is that? I don't know. But it sounds like something that long legs would say when we talk to them later. Dirtsy, flirtsy.

Old angel bitch. What? That reminds me of that song from the 90s, you know? I'm a bitch, I'm a mother, I'm an angel, I'm a flirtsy. I will give you $20 if you could tell me the name of that artist. Meredith Brooks. Is that what it is?

Yeah, look it up, give me 20 bucks. No, I'm taking your word for it. Okay, no, you're not actually giving me $20. Why do you have your wallet in your pocket in your home? I am not taking your $20 for that. Put it away. I'm not, you're just trying to make business expenses now. It's tax time, baby. Oh, you're such a dirtsy flirtsy old angel bitch.

I sure am. I think I might get old angel bitch tattooed on my other butt cheek. We'll be old with an apostrophe. Old angel bitch. Like old dirty bastard. We have to get dirty flirty. I don't know about that. I don't know about that.

So now Blair thinks that Lee is in some way like connected to long legs because long legs used her name when signing into to see Carrie Anne. So now he's like very skeptical of her knowing everything. So he digs into her past. Yeah. And what does he learn? She doesn't go to see her mother.

No, that her mother called in a police report. Oh, that's right, that's right. That her birthday is January 14th and that her mother called in a trespasser 911 call the day before. A weird stranger. Yeah, weird stranger. With them Kardashian lips. Wait a minute, 911 didn't exist back then.

Yeah, it did. 1973? Would it have been that long ago? That's what year they say it. Maybe 1974, I can't remember. Ah, that's good. You better not have gotten this wrong. I'm sorry, it really matters to me.

When 9-11. When 9-11 happened. I don't think you should. Oh no, that's something else. That's something else entirely. You said you would not forget. I mean, you promised you would never do it. Uh, Katie? Yeah. 1968. All right. Thank you.

Well, at least that's what Google AI taught me. Oh, that's never right though, is it? Yeah. 1968. All right. Thank you. Well, at least that's what Google AI taught me. That's never right though, is it? No, no. Me and Ozgood both looked at the same source. That's legit. Yes. And now she has to go see your mom. Yeah. To find, she has to like dig into her mom for information about what happened. Her mom is weird. Yeah. To find, she has to like dig into her mom for information about what happened. Her mom is weird. Yeah. She's, she's living in a bit of a hoarder situation and she seems like frail and sickly. Sickly. Yeah. Sickly. And dresses not unlike a nun. Why is she doing

that? She loves God. Yeah, she sure does. Yeah. Do you still say your prayers? So she says something odd to Lee about like, you were allowed to grow up. Yes. Implying that she wasn't. Is that what the implication is? Well, that's what you think at the time or you think that she's just like really controlling but when you learn what really happened then you understand why she was allowed to grow up. Real quick you know how you were saying you never looked like the young Shipka girl? Yeah. I just found out that Alicia Witt is a year younger than I am. I was gonna say she's your age.

Yeah. Yeah. Fuck me. I ain't never looked that good. She's all grayed up in this though. Yeah. They make her look sort of witchy. Yeah. Yeah. Um, and she's just being weird and like, Mike Monroe is going to make food for her mom. And then she asked her mom about the, her ninth birthday and her mom's like, I don't know anything about it. But is also crying. Yeah.

Love that. As a shitty liar, I appreciate other shitty liars. But I think that that adds like as a film that's just going full tilt on atmosphere. Yeah. Like her doing that adds to the atmosphere. For sure. Yeah. Yeah.

And then mom's like, I've kept your room exactly like it's always been. Why don't you go upstairs and look at your stuff? Yeah, that was weird. Yeah, it was weird. So she is it's also weird that this is the first time it's come up, you know? Because she does seem to talk to her mom somewhat regularly. Yeah.

Maybe she just doesn't go home that often. I guess. So she goes to her bedroom and finds a shoe box full of Polaroids. And who's there Polaroid of? Oh, long legs. This made me so mad. Like cracking the case wide open

because you found a Polaroid of long legs in your mom's house, I just felt was like, how are we gonna do this? I think that's what was giving me dream logic. Okay, fair enough. But yeah, no, I can totally understand that just like being like, huh? Wait, why? And taking you out of the movie. Yeah.

But then we see him singing a threat at her when she was a child. Yeah. Cause her mom is like, who are you and why are you talking to my child? Yeah. And he's like, I'll just have to keep coming back. And it's Nick Cage doing his Nick Cage-ius singing. He's like, don't do Elvis. don't do Elvis. I'm doing Elvis a little bit. Hunk of hunk. Yeah.

So yeah, now they're going to start a manhunt because she's got a picture of Long Lakes. And we don't see that manhunt because in the next scene, he's standing at a bus stop and is immediately apprehended. By like 50 cops. He is distinctive. Yeah. And he goes out and hangs out in public. So like, and annoys people, annoys people. Yeah. So he's not easily forgotten. Right. It's like, if you don't know who sombrero man is, do you? He was a person who hung out in Oakland

for years wearing a giant sombrero and would say, sparriny change, change, sparriny change, change. And everyone knew sombrero man. And now my joke has completely fallen flat because you don't know sombrero man. Well, I will bring up that in Newark when I was a kid, uh, there was a man we called the quacker because he would just run up behind young ladies and go, was he harmless otherwise? Hopefully. I never heard anything beyond that, but it was not like he upset people for sure. But so he's that guy in the town.

So of course they're going to find him right away, which they do. And they bring him in. Dale Ferdinand, Cobble. Cobble. Cobble. We are introduced to him for the first sort of like long period of time that we're seeing him. I guess we see him in the hardware store too. But it's on a video of him singing happy birthday to Lee.

Yeah. Cause he'll only talk to her. Yes. And he's doing this in the FBI headquarters. And then finally they turn it off and it's cause someone else is like, it goes on for a long time. Another 24 minutes. And she goes, how long? 24 minutes. So upsetting. I wonder if she was supposed to be 24 years old. Maybe. So then there's some quoting of revelations. No revelation. It's singular.

Remember she says that. Oh yeah, It's singular. Remember she says that? Oh yeah, that's right. I never knew that. So rad. Today I learned. So, and she thinks there's an accomplice. Yeah. I'm not sure how she really comes to this, to this, to this realization because he could

have done it all. I guess it's about getting into the house, right? Like no one's going to let him into their house. Exactly. So she goes in to talk to long legs. Yeah, which is like, I'm not an FBI agent, but I don't think I want to talk to long legs. Dude, he's great in this scene.

I don't even remember what he did. I just remember being like, I just have a note that says Nick Cage is great. He sure is. He's like acting, like somehow he can act in a chewing the scenery way. That's still like really enjoyable to watch. He's doing it in a quiet way in this scene where he's like talking about the man downstairs, um, downstairs of everywhere. And he's like speaking in riddles and he's totally like captivating.

You know I'm not the world's biggest Nick Cage fan. I think he's hard to watch at the best of times. I really enjoyed him in this. What about when he was pretending to be a pole dancer in the opening to Face Off, when the choir of girls is singing and he's pretending to be a voltage. I forgot about that.

You said you wouldn't forget. I never promised that. But yeah, he's just being like full Nick Cage. And like, it felt like he was really enjoying that, like the coverage of the makeup, which kind of hit his Nick Cage facial expression. Yeah, he's got like massive prosthetics on. Yeah. Including a weird little nose. The weird little nose really got me like a weird,

like it was like almost like a Michael Jackson type nose. Yes. And I think it mostly looks that way because the cheeks are so big. So it looks smaller by comparison, but it is very creepy. He looks fantastic. He kind of looks like maniac cop. Maniac cop. I don't remember what maniac cop looked like. Uh, Adrian Zadar is the actor's name. I'll look real quick. Okay. Nah, I won't. He had a real big chin. Um, so then maniac cop on our hands. I remember that line.

That's all I remember. So then Nick cage slammed his head into the table a bunch of times after yelling hail Satan. Well, so he says to her, he basically like explains how people get into the house, how they would get into the house of being like a gift from the church, a nice lady from the church. And then I think at that point, she starts to suspect it's her mom. Cause she's a pretty good FBI agent.

She's maybe the best. Simply the best. Since Jodie Foster. Simply the best. Better than all the rest. Better than anyone I've ever met. I'll give you this $20 if you can finish this song. I think that $20 is already mine, actually. Oh my God. So then part three, birthday girls.

Yes. Oh, and he looks fucking fantastic three, birthday girls. Yes. Oh, when he looks fucking fantastic when he smashes his head, the prosthetics are amazing. It is, this is really the first like big gory thing we've seen. We saw the dead bodies with the maggots, but this is the first like bit of real, Oh no, it's not. Cause we saw through the eyes earlier of like the guy killing his wife with an ass. Nevermind. It's really gory.

But it's, it's beautiful. And I think like just the starkness of like his white face with all of that blood on it. And she's just like completely shell shocked by this. And as one of the idiots that's ruining America, I loved this. Oh my God. Yes. I love to watch a man smash his face into a table until he dies. Honestly, maybe I am what's wrong with America. Who's to say?

We're on the down slide. I can't point fingers, but it might be me. Part three, birthday girls. Birthday girls. Yay. We love a birthday party. So one of the other agents is going to drive her to her mom's house.

That's right. And when they get there, she's like, I agents is going to drive her to her mom's house. And when they get there, she's like, I'm just going to wait here in the car. And so, uh, Harker goes into the house and as she's going into the house, we see the mom walking around the grounds and then like sneaks up on the FBI agent in the car and fucking shoots her and then walks around the car and shoots her again. Yeah. From both windows. It's very good. And Michael Monroe watches the second one. Yeah. She's, she's fucking freaking out now. Mom just shot the mom just shot her boss. So yeah, cause I feel like that lady may have been yelling at her earlier in the movie. She's been very dismissive of her anyway. Yeah.

Then Lee, like, this is the first time she runs away from the situation. I thought she was going to look for her mom, wasn't she? Oh, maybe. Because she has to, like, go out to get outside. I don't know, I don't know. Oh, maybe. Ma'am, I assume she was running towards it

because she's so brave. And mom's got a doll. She's got one of the dolls. She's got the gun on a doll. Yeah. She's gonna shoot that doll. The doll looks just like the child at the beginning of the movie.

It does. It's baby Lee. It's baby Lee. Yeah. And she shoots the doll telling her daughter that she's free. And she hits the ground like a sack of potatoes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

What? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. The devil had her. The devil had her. Put her, put her soul right in that doll and then her mom freed it. This part I was a bit confused by. Sure. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. 100%. Okay. Great. Yeah. Do you have to like kill your family to free their soul from the doll or something? I don't know. Because the doll makes everyone act strangely, not just the father. Make me act weird too. Yeah. Things creepy as hell. Yeah. And mom tells her that no one comes to visit and that's like rattling around in her brain. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. Yeah, yeah.

It's a devil doll. It's a devil doll. Yeah. So is this where she like sort of reveals it all to her? Yes, I think so. So we learn that she made a deal with Longlegs long ago when he came to their home that she would help him in exchange for

letting Lee live. Yeah. Yeah. But why did Lee still have to have a doll then? You know what I mean? Why couldn't Lee just live? Okay. I don't know. Cause the, the dolls, the, the brain of the doll holds like some sort of black magic inside of it. Right. And yeah, but she learns all this in a dream, it seems like. Or a flashback of her mom, like cuddling her as a little girl.

I don't know. That's right. Yeah. Yeah. Very weird. Very weird. And then she wakes up and she stands up and we get this like beyond A-24 flip scene. If I had been taking notes, I would have written, Hey, who invited a 24? But it's like,

it works so well because it's kind of like following her progress, getting out of bed and cameras rotating. So she's now on the ceiling and it's just this like very unsettling, like, yeah, it really, it really, it really fucks with me. It really captures like the idea of the world turning upside down. Yeah. Which it just has for her.

Yeah. When she learns that her mother is a fucking serial killer. So weird. That'd be a hard thing to process. Yeah. We get a flashback of her mom going to the, to Carrie Yann's house's house. So I guess she couldn't have been, well, maybe she was the first one. Maybe it was the first success. Maybe like,

long legs never pulled it off before. Maybe. He had Alicia Witt. Again, high as shit, so I don't know. Yeah. Now you are the me. So we get this flashback of her saying like, Oh, a gift from the church. She's dressed as a nun. The mom's like, Oh, come in. She's carrying a big box. And then her going back into the car covered in blood. Yes. Well, we see the daughter open the doll and then in the background, you see the dad like put his head in his hands. Like he knows what's going on. Yeah. Like it's already affected him. I liked that a lot. It's a nice little subtle thing.

There's so much subtlety to this film. Yeah. The very next shot though is him murdering the mom with an axe and then she puts her hand up in the air and he hits her again. You're like, oh. She's asking for another. Sir, I have not yet died. More weight. Giles Corey. We're like Giles Corey. So she gets a phone call that she's late for Ruby's birthday. Who called her? Was it Longlegs? He's dead.

Blair Underwood? I don't know. She's at her mom's house. Because she gets in Longlegs' car that had been at her mom's house. Oh my God, that's right. Yeah. It was his car.

Because it had like the bottle opener thing hanging from the window, the rear. Why would, that's a good way to get caught, letting him keep his car at your house. True. And when we get to the house, we see that Ruby got a doll for her birthday. This one looks less like her than the other ones

look like the other kids. I felt a little bit bad for her. But she loves it. She's snuzzling this doll. She's not said a word. She doesn't say a word again. No, she does. And the mom Carter's wife is being very weird, like spacey and kind of acting like she's a little bit afraid of him. Yeah. And he's acting like a rage filledfilled maniac. Yeah, we've only seen him, other than in one work situation, be very jovial. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Like some Mariners. Who doesn't? Everyone knows baseball fans never have rage. So Blair's going to kill his family is what it boils down to. Yeah, there's this very tense interaction about cutting the cakes. We've got to cut the cakes.

I'll get something to cut the cakes with. Cut the cakes. Cut the cakes. How many cakes you get? There's only three of you plus your fucking subordinate over here. Your frivolous daughter. Yeah.

And your work buddy. Yeah, what the hell? So she's- And her mom's sitting there on the couch, by the way. Her mother is sitting there on the couch. In her nun habit. And doesn't she say like, that's not a nun, that's my mom or something? Yes. She says that to Blair. And he's just like, it's too late for him. He can't hear

her. Yeah. It's not a nun, that's my mom. And so she's got to kill Blair to stop him from killing his wife. Too late. He comes, no, he comes out covered in blood. He comes back from the kitchen. That's right, because we hear the murder happening in the other room. Yes, because she's trying to get Ruby to get out. That's right. And he comes back in covered in blood.

Yeah. And she wings him. Does she kill him? I guess she must kill him, right? Yeah, she kills him and then she has to kill her mom. She kills her mom. Yeah. And then goes to shoot the doll, but she's out of bullets.

I thought, you're not that good of an FBI agent, huh? Because you forgot to reload. He didn't count. He didn't count. And then, Hail Satan, I guess. Yeah. That's the end of the movie. Yeah.

Yeah. I loved it. Me too. It was so good. I've heard nothing but people kind of shitting on it and I don't understand why. Really? I thought it got generally really positive reviews. Huh. Yeah.

I think it's pretty highly rated on Rotten Tomatoes. The old RT. Old RT. Yeah. It's got an 86 on the old RT. Oh, is that from professionals or from fans? I don't know. It's only a little bit higher than I know who killed me. Katie.

Alan. Why don't you hit me with that ratings for the ratings phase? I'm going to give this... Not remembering what day your birthday is. What about you? It's the 14th. I'm gonna give it 14. All right, perfect.

Finishing this movie, I was like, fuck, I need to watch that again. I do need to watch it again, yeah. I need to watch it when I'm not exhausted. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Maybe I won't get real high and watch it. I'll just watch it normally. Get real high and watch it,

but just drink some coffee too. Oh no, you're not doing that anymore, huh? I'm off the cap. Because you're so straight edge. Right, I got high to watch this movie, but I'm straight edge as fuck. Look, I'm straight edge except for drugs, okay? Don't be a buzzkill.

Yeah, really? No, I highly recommend this movie. Whatever our rating is that makes you want to watch a movie, that's what we're rating. Yeah, you should watch this. I think you'll like it. If you can handle a slow burn. And generally, I'm not a fan of a slow burn, as you know. I'm always like, let's get to it, let you'll like it. If you can handle a slow burn. And generally, I'm

not a fan of a slow burn, as you know, I'm always like, let's get to it. Let's get to it. You did like, uh, the pretty thing that lives in the house. I don't think I did. I think I, I think I was about it. Okay. I really liked that one. I also, I have a hard time with that actor though. From a Luther. Yeah. Yeah. I like her a lot. Yeah. Weird mouth. It's her weird mouth. I can't stop looking at it after you pointed out that she has a really weird mouth. I don't know why I focus a lot of people's mouths. Maybe you're actually, I don't know,

maybe you're a lip reader, but you also hear. Well, I think it is because I am partially hard of hearing and I do have to read people's lips a lot. Yeah. Um, but also it pays off when you watch something like blood diner and you see a officer Mark's mouth. His lips were so weird. I've been thinking about them all week. We even watched another movie. I was still thinking about his weird lips.

Not that weird. If you're still thinking about them, is that really how you think that works? Things are, if you think about it enough, it must be normal. You should see my internet search history, buddy. No, if you think about it enough, you're be normal. You should see my internet search history, buddy. No, if you think about it enough, you're horny for it is what I think. Oh, well, it doesn't make any sense. I think I have a message from a Patron and then we can get out of here. This is from Josh R.

Hi, Josh R. Josh R. says, this reminds me of Katie's Love of the Pirates for some reason. And it's a picture of a game between Baltimore and Philadelphia and the score is zero for both teams. And so I assume you hate both those teams? I hate the Phillies. Sure. Yeah.

You're fine with the Orioles? Wow, I'm so glad you knew that. Yeah. You're fine with the Orioles? Wow, I'm so glad you knew that. Baltimore. Oh right, you're close enough, huh? Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I'm indifferent to them because they're American league. We like never see them yet.

Okay, okay. Thanks for all the laughs, you guys. Thanks for all the laughs, yous guys. Ah. The world kind of sucks right now. Sure fucking does, Josh R. Kinda is an interesting qualifier. I feel like we've all got to say what we've got to say

to get ourselves through it. So I'm glad you can still make me laugh. Side story, a while back when Alan's band made an appearance on the show, I couldn't quite make out the name of Alan's band. So I looked up the transcript from the show so I could find it on Spotify. And in the transcript, it said Elder Tennis Net.

Elder what? Elder tennis net. That's what I feel like my body looks like these days. I'm an elder tennis net. You're sagging in the middle. Oh my god. I'm starting an Eldridge Anisette cover band called elder tennis net and you can't stop me. Actually, do you want to be in it? Because you know all the guitar parts. Fuck if I do. I shit you not.

I came across some very interesting stuff before I finally found Elder Tennis Net, which rules by the way. Oh, it does fucking rule. Love yous guys. I love you, Josh R. Will you pretty please do another favorite movie, Hell Comes to Frogtown soon. Put it on the list. All right. All right. I promise it's the best. I might actually, it might actually suck, but it does have Roddy

Roddy Piper in it. Oh. From the 70s, I think. Okay. I love you both. No more poop games. Sorry, Katie. Poop games? Oh, oh. Yeah. Yeah. Um, it would be pirates, the P and if they had zero and then zero Philadelphia was P. So it's a poop, but they have changed the format. Oh, have they? So no more poop. No more poop. Sorry, Katie. It's okay. You know what? I'm a pirate's friend. Every game is a poop game. Thank you, Josh Hart for that message. Thank you. And thank you for being a Patron. If you want to be a Patreon, a Patron,

you can go to patreon.com backslash werewolf ambulance. And we have dozens of dozens of action movies. 54 of them now. We most recently did crank two, which if you want to like hear me lose my mind in real time, I assume. Much to both of our chagrins we recently did. Apparently it's my fault. What's this month Denzel Washington?

Uh, I have some plants. Okay. I trust you. People have been suggesting a lot of Jason Statham movies because we might get another Jason Statham film. Here's the thing. I trust you, despite having no reason to trust you with the Patron. I trust you. I trust you with my life. The Patron, you keep fucking it up. No, I trust you with my life. Maybe longer than 15 years. Oh, we've definitely been friends longer than 15 years. We started playing together in, um, Mark's Ravenloft campaign in like 2008 or 2009. Something like that. How long ago was that? 16 years, 17 years. 16 years, 17 years.

I've been here for 18 years. Yeah, so you've practically been my friend the whole time. Yeah, yeah. Oh, you booed my band when I was 22 years old. Did you guys know that? That Alan booed my band when I was 22 years old. I was a little girl. I was a child, baby.

I was actually still in diapers and he was just like in my face. You know that scene in The Princess Bride and he was just like, in my face, you know, that scene in the princess bride where the, the witch is like, I walked over, I smacked your mom's tit out of your mouth. My mother's dead. Alan, you're right. She wasn't then you want to do another one of these movies next week? Yeah, I can't wait until Elder Tennis Net plays a show so you can boom me life.

Oh, I can't wait. It did sound like you said Elder Tennis Net. I 100% said Elder Tennis Net. Okay, okay, okay. I can't tell anymore. I can't tell the difference. It's a real dawn, dawn situation. It really is.

Yes, Katie, we have picked another movie and we're going back in time to 1964. A Mario Bava classic. To where it all started. He's the founder, right? He's the founder of Giallo. Italy, as far as I'm concerned. Oh yeah, Romulus Remus and Mario Bava. All three sucking on a wolf's tit.

Yeah. It's a weird story. It's a weird story. Wolf milk. We should start milking wolves and marketing it to like Jim bros. Can we start? There are two wolves inside you. One of them is just lactating.

One of them is milk. So we're going to do blood and black lace and blood and black lace. It's on the shutter. It's on other place. I think I heard you can rent it for a dollar 99, a dollar 99 American dollars. That's a steal. I mean, in this economy, I feel like we need a third. We need someone to break us just continuously saying the same thing. Fuck that shit. We're going to bring a small child in like sitcoms. Did I tell you that Lucy asked if she could do be on the show? And I was like, I don't know.

I don't think you're cognizant enough for that. I figure it'll happen at some point. Yeah, it would probably just be on the Patreon too, just to keep it, keep her out of the hot. Yeah, and we'll do one of those like voice modulators. Yes, she'll talk like, I want her to sound like Johnny five from short circuit. No, that an action movie. No, it's a hell racist movie.

Sure is, Fisher Stevens and all. I love that Gutenberg though. Sure. Yeah. Such a crush on Steve Gutenberg. So fucking weird. It fits in perfectly with all the other crushes you've had. It's true. I feel like Craig T. Nelson and Steve Gutenberg. So fucking weird. It fits in perfectly with all of the other crushes you've had. I feel like Craig T. Nelson and Steve Gutenberg aren't miles apart.

They're in the same neighborhood. They're in the same zip code. Well, anyway, Mario Bava. Yeah. Come back for Blood and Black Lace. Go do the things you know. Go to our link tree on any of our social media and that will send you in the direction of everything you need to know. Yeah, join the discord, lots of fun over there. Yeah, go support each other. Be friends.

Be friends and I don't know, pee on a fascist if you get a chance. It's okay to punch Nazis. Oh my God, yeah. Oh yeah. So we love you all. Thanks for listening to another presenter for Werewolf Ambulance.

Oh, you haven't done that in ages. I think it was probably for the best. Why do you say that? Empty. Lorraine Newman. Oh my god No way to end it, let's keep on film reviews Killer clowns and landmuff face Killing him in outer space Appearance I've passed in case Please make eye-continue grave

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