Werewolf Ambulance: A Horror Movie Comedy Podcast - Episode 524- Galaxy Invader (1985)

Episode Date: June 16, 2025

Don Dohler, you beautiful terrible genius-- in this week's episode, we're discussing the third film in what may or may not be a trilogy? with the 1985 alien film "Galaxy Invader." Special topics for your consideration include: the Flannel Council of America, beloved characters such as Steven and Aunt Ruth, having either two dads or one dad and one brother IDK, that classicDohlercontinuity, and the most majestic scene that could possibly end this film.  Check out our other Dohler episodes in number 178- "The Alien Factor" and Episode 490- "Nightbeast." They are chef's kiss. The regular lineup of links! You can support us at patreon.com/werewolfambulance and listen to a ton of action movie episodes. If you get in now, you can vote in our June-Claude Van Damme month poll! leave us a message at 412-407-7025 hang out with some cool listeners at https://discord.gg/DutFjx3cBD buy merch at www.teepublic.com/user/werewolfambulance the best place to reach us is at [e-mail] we're on Reddit at r/werewolfambulance sorta on Twitter @werebulance sorta on Instagram @werewolfambulance www.werewolfambulance.com if you feel you really must lodge a complaint with us, please do it on Facebook at facebook.com/werewolfambulance because we are probably not gonna see that, ever.   If you liked this, please leave us a review on Apple Podcasts or wherever you listen! It helps others find us and allows us to continue to grow.   Intro song is by Alex Van Luvie Outro song is A. Wallis- "EMT" Seriously, we have the best listeners, hands down.

Hey, Katie. Hi, Alan. How are you doing? I'm good. About here in Baltimore. Oh man, you're in Balmer? Um. Balmer County.

Listen, I cannot hold onto that accent. It just goes into yin's. It's the same accent almost. Almost. It's the same accent. It's the same accent. It's the same accent. It's the same accent.

It's the same accent. It's the same accent. It's the same accent. It's the same accent. It's the same accent. It's the same accent. It's the same accent. It's the same accent.

It's the same accent. It's the same accent. It's the onto that accent. It just goes into yin's the same accent almost Look I Want to start by saying I Am an atheist. I don't believe in an afterlife sure, but if there is if I'm wrong I It is my genuine and true. Hope that when Don Doehler shed this mortal coil, the gates of heaven opened up and someone handed him the UFO files of the US government. I want that for him so badly. I want, okay. All right. He's going to need a natty light. UFO files.

And a titty mag as he walks into heaven. And a cig, a good cig. A 100, because it's been a while. Yeah, that just never burns down. Oh, Don Dollar, you fucking precious treasure. Do you want to hear my ridiculous thought? Yeah. Don Dollar is the Ramones of movie making.

Tell me more. Expand on this. Because he just keeps writing the same song over and over. And it's still good. It's still good. It's good enough. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You can only do like.

It's like Cypress Hill. Cypress Hill. Yeah, it's good enough. They're all that, and they're all good enough. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's totally adequate. I don't know what happened there. Completely adequate is a great way to describe this week's movie. Galaxy Inv't know what happened there. Completely adequate is a

great way to describe this week's movie. Galaxy Invader. Galaxy Invader, which I contend sounds like a dildo that you would buy online. I don't have any space themed sex toys. Mr. Minor Botanical. Here's a rose of Sharon, enjoy yourself. So this movie I watched on Tubby. No subtitles, fucking suck it up, babies. There's a character who I thought was named Natalie for most of the film and I'm like, Annie? Nancy?

Oh, Annie, Nancy, Natalie. Gotcha. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She's also a totally useless character. So who cares for her? She does have my favorite line in the movie. Which is what? Why don't we just move? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha I went into this deeply fucking psyched. Sure, sure. Having loved Alien Factor and Night Beast.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Where does this fall in the trilogy of the same movie over and over? So this is the final one that has a Wikipedia entry. The most recent. Yes, so it's Alien Factor Fiend, which we have not but will do. Night Beast and then Galaxy Invader

and then the non Wikipedia entry to films. Okay, gotcha. I'm not doing those. You mean like Alien Factor 2? Yeah, still factor. The Alien Rampage. He made a movie called Blood, Boobs and Beast? That's a documentary about him.

Oh right, we already had this conversation. Wow. You just get so excited about blood boobs and beast. It's so perfect. Decided lack of boobs in this movie. No boobs, no boobs. No boobs to be seen. But it did have Steven and Aunt Ruth.

I cannot, in my notes, he's only Steven. Wait, which one was Steven? JJ. JJ, yes, yes, yes, yes. He, I find it offensive that I'm expected to think of him as anyone other than Stephen when he played Stephen in the previous two films. I find it offensive that I'm supposed to think that he's the child of a man who's the same age as him.

Yes, that he lives at home with that father, his roommate. There's a lot of Dolors in this one, Greg and Kim, both children, and Pam Dolor, who I don't know, but might be, I don't know, a sister? Maybe. Maybe. Yeah, Dolor Dolor Bill, y'all. He wasn't married, oh, he married a woman named Pam Miranda,

so maybe it's her. Oh, maybe it is, yeah. The wife-o. Yeah. She didn't play Vicky, did she? Is that the town floozy, towny slut character? That was Teresa Harreld. Okay, okay, gotcha.

One of the characters in this film that we learned from the opening credits is named Frank Custer. Do you think I screamed? I did. Why did you scream? Because the name Frank Custer is fucking genius. It's just perfect.

It conjures an image. As does Joe Montague. But not the one we get. This one's going to be really hard to talk about, because we've talked about it two other times. It's almost the exact same movie. And very little happens. Very little.

There's a lot of walking in this movie. Yeah. Sometimes in the pitchest of Black Knight. I started knitting during one of the dark scenes. I was like, let me know when this is when I when I'll be able to see again. Don, let me know when you've turned the lights back on. Don pull it together. Oh man.

This movie opens in the dark. Yes. I'm sorry. Did you want to say something else first? Oh, did you know there's somebody in this movie named Bunky Hart? Bunky Hart, who is Bunky Hart? He plays Costco.

Costco? I don't know who that is. One of the dudes who whoops at the end, I presume. So yes, we start off in the dark. This movie starts in the dark. A car driving down a path at night for quite some time for a movie with a runtime of an hour and 19 minutes.

Enough time for the asteroid meteor spaceship to do a u-turn. It's quick. It's quick up there. Yeah. Do a u-turn and hit the car and make it electric, I think. Yes. Woogie woogie woogie. And I wrote, am I a mess or is there just no sound? You figured there'd be a, a zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz Strong disagree. Oh, I really like it. Really? Okay, all right. I think I like it for its extreme mediocrity. I mean, it's just like a really jaunty song while a man is chasing his daughter through the woods with a rifle. I think it's like ill, I think it's ill fitting. How much do you think Don Doller respected women?

It's hard to say. He does hate women. Yeah. Not as much as Argento. Or Fulci. Not as much as Fulci. And it's also, it almost feels like it's the bad guys who are being really shitty to women.

Yes. But there's always a bad guy who's really shitty to women. Like he has to have that in the movie. Yeah. Yeah. Maybe that's why he was married to thrice. He had a lot of love to give. He had a lot of love to give. He had a lot of love to give. So a mustache is awoken by a phone call. Yes, it's the fucking drunk mayor from Nightbees.

I was so happy to see those armpits again. But no, he's not a drunk mayor in this one. No, he's Dr. Tracy. He picks up the phone and the kid says, hello. He says, he's Dr. Tracy. He picks up the phone and the kid says, hello. He says, hello, Dr. Tracy. And he goes, yes, this is Dr. Tracy. I think you guys are misreading the subtext. I don't know. Or the stage direction in the script. Hello, Dr. Tracy. Yes, this is Dr. Tracy. This is David Harmon, student and son of Don Dollar. This is Greg Dollar.

Oh, is it? Come with it now. This is the Dollar boy. Is he one of the kids in the car with grandpa when grandpa gets out to take a leak in Night Beast? Yes. Okay. He's got the shirt on that you really like the shirt.

Yeah. Yeah. Someone found that for me and I never bought it. Yeah. That's true. Fuck, I'm the worst. I don't know if that's true One thing was true. The second thing not so much. I am unclear on which is which He's describing he's like hey professor I was your student and I remember that you like UFOs and I just saw one and he's like, okay, okay

Describe it to me. Like I am on fucking board Listen I know you were masturbating on a highway when you saw an alien. I'm going to jerk off. Will you explain this alien to me? Absolutely. He says, the kid says it flew overhead. And he's like, you son of a bitch, I'm in. Yeah. I'll see you in six hours. To Harleysville. I'm pretty sure he said it's 20 miles away. Did he say that? I thought he said five hours.

20 miles, you crawling? I don't know, it was just like, what? Again, no subtitles. I'm a lost goose in this one. Figure it out. My next note? They spent a really long time on the logistics of where they're gonna meet, when they're gonna meet,

how long it will take to get there. It's like very boring. Harleyville gets shouted out so many times in this movie. I assume it's a real place in Maryland. Got to be. Got to be. Also, I even know if this is Dr. Tracy is a real um actor because he's just like, um, yes, um, I will do that. Um, that sounds great. Um, I like him quite a bit. I think he's my favorite actor in this movie.

Oh, interesting. Interesting. Not Carol. So Carol's such a bitch. Like, why does anyone love Carol? I don't mean that in a mean way. I mean that in a genuine way. If I'm not worthy of love, why is Carol? You know, Katie, can we talk about the next couple that we see? Yeah. The one with the sickest 80s hair on earth and bunko Tom Brady. And are they a couple? Are they a father and daughter? They have matching mugs. That's all I know. Yeah. Yeah. No, they never speak. They never speak. No.

And she has like a crop top and a mini on. Yes. And he is of course dressed in jeans and flannel, which you are required to do in a Don Dohler movie. That's all men wear. That's all you're allowed to wear. They hear a noise that I did not hear. They both like jump and look at it. Nope, wasn't there.

They say nothing to each other. And then just get up and like go look in the basement. Yeah, there's this great sight gag because sound is, why? Why would you sound? No. Where the male uh the man in the couple picks up a knife and then puts it down and grabs a bigger knife yeah i liked that actually what it's in their basement i guess yeah it's an alien it looks like broccoli i thought it looked

like um a morel mushroom sure yeah there's that. I believe when he pops up on the screen in the MSC 3k episode of Pod People someone says oh look Eddie from Iron Maiden. He's kind of got that vibe a little bit with his skull face. I like him. I think he looks better than the alien factor alien and I cannot remember what night beast looked like. Night beast was great.. Beast had a lot of face very puppety Was nice beat night beast covered in hair or what am I think so? Okay? All right He I liked a night beast Yes, this is this is above alien factor, but for me below night beast

I mean night beast is the the best sure yeah, I just mean, as far as the alien goes. I see, I see, I see. He doesn't look like shit piled into jeans. No, no, he's wearing zero pairs of jeans. But he is wearing suspenders. Well, they're holding up his- Belt. Belt? Alien legs.

It's like a fanny pack. He's like carrying his little ball around in it. I love him. Was that an egg? What was it? Are we ever told? It's his power source. It's his power source. It's his power source.

Yeah, cause without that, it doesn't operate the gun. You need that to operate the gun. I see. I don't see. They go into the basement, we catch a look at the alien. He looks like a morel mushroom crossed with broccoli. Yeah, delicious risotto. And then I have a note that just says much investigate

because they walk around this basement for 20 minutes of this film's runtime. Yeah, I mean, again, that's a quarter of the movie. Yeah. And then the alien attacks them very aggressively. Yeah. But the way the fight happens, you just get a closeup of who's being attacked. Yes, and their agony. And then But the way the fight happens you just get a close

up of who's being attacked. Yes and their agony. And then they fall to the ground. Yeah. It's very funny. Are they dead? We never hear anything about them. Yep. Okay. There's the death toll in this movie is bananas. We got to talk about it. Yeah. Also the the the woman with the perfect 80s hair attacks the alien with a tiny child's lamp. Yes, she does. It's very funny. Yes, she'd be great if she spoke. Cut to the Montague family. These are five adults or four adults and a late teenager. Yeah, and a Natalie, Nancy, Annie.

Something. I just wrote, how many fucking dads does she have? Mom, mom, where are my eggs? Where are my eggs? You're 25. Make your own fucking eggs, Carol. For the record in the movie, they say you're 25. I'm not just saying that. Missy was so confused cause dad asked Carol where she's got to go or maybe JJ does.

And her response is- One of her dads asks. One of her dads are the same age. I had no idea that JJ slash Steven was her brother. 100% her brother. Says where do you have to go? And she's like to the prom. I'm going to be late to the prom.

And Missy's like, didn't they just say she was 25? Why is she going to the prom? And I'm like, no, no they just say she was 25? Why is she going to the prom? And I'm like, no, no, that's a Don Doller joke. You have to understand. This is part of the Don Doller humor universe. And then she calls her dad a drunken bum. Yeah, he's wearing a shirt. I almost cut a t-shirt for the hole in the center of it.

If you think I didn't think about that. It's got a hole cut where one's cleavage would be. Sure yeah yeah. And then it's cut in the front so that it's sort of a rainbow arc from like side to side so it's showing belly button. It looks like a sorority girl made it for pledge week. She just needs to cut the sleeves and like tie them into little tassels. Back to watching too much Project One runway it looks like Christian Siriano and or Tim Gumm will walk in and go, do you love it? Maybe rethink that.

I'm very concerned about this. And luckily you get to spend the entire movie with him wearing this shirt. There are points in which he's wearing a different shirt, which means that he puts that one back on. This is meant to show that he's a drunken idiot. Also, this movie takes like a Don Dolan movie. It takes place, it is filmed over a long period of time. Seasons change. Oh, months, months. And also his hair dye situation

changes throughout the film as well. It does. They're all being super mean to the mom, which pissed me off because that's Aunt Ruth. You know, fucking talk to Aunt Ruth that way. She runs a fucking morgue in her basement, remember this, from Alien Factor? I do. I think this is the same house. She ran a doctor clinic out of her house later as well. She sure did. She's a very accomplished woman until this movie. Sure, yes, she's been downgraded. I think it isn't a night beast after this though,

so she came back up to being a doctor. I see, well she was a doctor in post-mortem. Oh no, this is the last one, nevermind, I'm wrong. No, yeah, no, no, you're right, yeah. She was downgraded, yeah. So, Carol calls her dad a drunken dummy or something. Yeah, drunken bum. Drunken bum, he stands up and slaps her across the face.

How slow is that slap? How slow does he slap her? So slow slapping. Such slow slapping. He has a gun and he's just stupidly pointing it. I even know that it says, wait, how old is JJ? I even know that it says, that's her brother. They all live there and eat breakfast together

and his name is JJ. No, I'm sorry, it's fucking Steven. Is he JJ because he's Joe Jr.? Oh, probably. I bet, I bet. It's so shitty that he fathered a child at age three. And were they're twins and he's just dominated him the entire life. So dad's hunting Carol.

This sucks, he's literally chasing his daughter around with a gun. And mom's like, mom, mom, uh. Mom Ruth. Mom Ruth, Aunt Mom Ruth. It's like, you gotta go stop him. And JJ's like, what, I can't do that. I'm not an adult. Mommy, I need my binky.

The ridges on this man's face. He has seen shit. Maybe he's got the Ben Buttons disease. You think so? Wait, that's the one where you grow older faster. What's the one where you grow... Maybe he's got Progeria. Progeria, that's right. Thank you, Susan Sarandon. Oh, fuck. I didn't know this is intense music,

this movie has it all. Yes, this is where I felt that the music was way too sassy for what it was doing. For sure, for sure. But he did all the music himself, and I think I'm just proud of him for that. Did he do it all himself? Yeah, I believe Dondolor is the composer for this movie.

There's parts where he's just like wailing on a Casio. Yeah, yeah, yeah, going hog on it. All right, I just want to do some quick math here. Yeah. Steven was born July 3rd, 1946. Okay. Which would have made him 39 years old in this movie, which feels rough, a rough 39.

Can you find a birth date for the actor who played Joe Montagio? Richard Ruxton? Teddy Ruxton's brother. No. No. What if that information was online? He went on to work with the Shakespeare Company for years.

This says November 21st, 1923. That cannot possibly be true, can it? Well, he would have been 60. That would have made him 63 or 62 in this. Sure. I'm sure it is possible. I don't, but they're like, they're dyeing his hair gray because his hair is less gray at points.

Yeah, you're right. Yeah, so he's shooting at her. He's going to blow her head off. He's such a fucking dick. He's a real piece of shit, and it only gets worse. Yeah, sure does. But then he sees the alien. Yes, who's upset that he dropped his baseball?

As far as I could tell? Yeah. Okay. Can you imagine a picture in your mind's eye, if you will? I'm closing my eyes. You're haunting your daughter with a shotgun. Oh, my baby Lucy. Yeah, but you know, she called you a drunken bum, so you gotta kill her. I am a drunken but you know she called you a drunken bum so you gotta kill her. I am a drunken bum. What if I am a drunken bum? You're not. Okay but what if I was? What if I

was wearing that shirt? I'm gonna be him for Halloween. Go on I'm sorry you're doing something. One of your titties is falling out of your shirt if you wear that for Halloween. I'll put a bra on. Well then you want them no know and understand the costume. Oh, I thought you were supposed to be Joe Montague, but he don't wear no bra. Brawl. So you're going to kill your daughter in the woods. Back in your mind's eye. I got it. And then you see a big broccoli morel man. Yes. You're immediately switching gears to shooting that guy. I mean, he has it coming. Yeah. Right? Well, being an alien in his neighborhood.

Sure. And dropping an LED baseball. At this point, it gets so windy on set that I could not understand anything the dad was saying. The ball is what now? No. Cut to Carol is out, I don't know, an outhouse. She's found the Blair Witch house as far as I could tell. It's Maryland, isn't it?

Yeah. But no, she's waiting for her boyfriend slash drunkle. Her massive boyfriend. Michael. Michael. She's a bitch to him too. I was so mad at her for being mean to Aunt Ruth and here she is doing this.

Hello, he's like, I'm gonna kick your dad's ass. I'm gonna go kick your dad's ass. She's like, no, no, you'll ruin it. She's like, he's chasing me with a gun. And he goes, this is the fourth time. Fourth time. That's too many. She goes, this is how he's been his whole life.

Wait, what? Oh man. So there he's talking about running away with her and he's like, well take Annie and your mother too. I guess fuck JJ. He's gonna have to make his own goddamn eggs now. Well, he knows that JJ is just in dad's pocket. He's in the pocket for big dad. JJ cannot take care of himself. He will die.

Like an unfed goldfish. Without constant intention, JJ will die. Will die. Oh my God. And she's like, no. And like when he says take Annie and your mother, without constant attention, JJ will die. He will die. Oh my God. And she's like, no. And like when he says take Annie and your mom, she goes, no.

She wants a normal life. No. Cut to David waiting for the doctor, Dr. Tracy. He does the best thing I've seen in this movie. What's that? This child. Yeah, David. Is so physically uncomfortable, is Greg Doehler.

And in this scene, he meets up with the drunk mayor from Nightbeast, Dr. Tracy. Dr. Tracy. Dr. Tracy. He have the mustache. And he goes to point to where he saw the fireball go down and he points across his own face from the camera so that he's blocking his face with his own arm as he delivers his lines.

No second takes. No second takes on a dollar. Especially once you're a fucking stupid kid. Oh my God. It's great, good stuff. Something with an unusual mass came down. One of my science friends told me. Oh, interesting.

But science has written it off. They're not going to investigate the unusual mass came down, one of my science friends told me. Oh, interesting. But science has written it off. They're not going to investigate the unusual mass. They were like, you've got this. Hey, Tracy, you're on it. Dr. Tracy's got it. Hello, this is Dr. Tracy. I wish he would say that every time he came into scene. Hello. Hi, Dr. Tracy.

Hello, drunk mayor. No, not this time, Dr. Tracy. Not the drunk mayor who just wants to swim in his goddamn pool. I will say, none of these people are professional actors, even though Dr. Tracy has been in two of the three films. I think at this point they have to be professionals, right? Sure. Tom Doehler gets pretty all right performances out of these people. He does. They are characters. Yeah. He gets something out of them. Yeah, they he he gets he gets something out of there's there's times where they're just looking down the barrel of the camera.

Sure. Pointing across their own goddamn faces. No, but he particularly Dr. Tracy and Frank Custer, I think, are really doing all right. Frank Custer is having it the fuck up. I love that. Why is Don Doehler so sure that JJ slash Steven can pass for a young man? He cannot, he does not. It's like radio, it's theater of the mind. But he's a young man in all of these movies. He's always like Aunt Ruth's young sidekick. Or lover, I think, in Night Beast. Oh my God, they were lovers. Yeah,. They were love Cuz one of them dies and the other one said I don't remember which one if you died I'd be sad and we're not lovers true

How can we be lovers if we can't be friends? How can we be lovers with the nightmare never? Dad where's Carol shut up, I'm busy I saw dollar movies. Dad, where's Carol? Shut up, I'm busy. He sucks so fucking hard. I mean, just blatant sucking. Also Dr. Tracy's car is really cool.

He's got a really cool like 60s, like European car of some sort. Oh does he now? I don't think I could see it. It was very dark. Did you watch this on the lap-tip? I did, I turned the brightness all the see it. It was very dark. Did you watch this on the left? Yeah, I did. I turned the brightness all the way up. Yeah, yeah. I do.

I watched the last half hour of the movie on my phone at work today. Oh, good. And then came home and rewatched it so I could take notes. So you could see it. Yeah. But last time I was watching it, I was like, it's like 10 o'clock Don Dollar. You're not keeping me up, buddy. Don Dollar. This is not working for either of us. So a car pulls up and a pair of legs get out and Steven gets a boner. I was really hoping this was going to be

the mayor's assistant from the last movie. I hoped the same. Yeah, but it is not. It's not, right? No, no. It's the town drunk lady who seemingly is down to clown with whomever she's talking to at that particular time. Yeah. She's just a slutty townie basically. Yeah. Yeah. Which is fine. It's okay to be a slutty

townie. Big fan. Yeah. Um, and, and her name is Vicky. Oh, is it? Which gave me a little chortle because of my cousin Vicky. Yeah. We have a Vicky in our lives. Yeah. She's also a slutty townie. Cause of my cousin Vicky. Yeah. We have a Vicky in our lives. Yeah. She's also a slutty townie. Decidedly not. Decidedly not. Does have nice legs though. Look at the gams on Vicky.

Yeah. So, uh. Who is Frank Custer? He's like the town like hood. He's like the town criminal. Got it. He's a, he's a, he's a, he's a ne'er do well seemingly. Understood.

So they bring in Custer to look at this thing that they got from the alien, the orb. Got it. There's men contemplating their orbs and Vicki comes along for the ride because she loves Frank, I guess. They're all convinced that it has monetary value. Yeah. I don't think that's true.

If you see something you haven't seen before, assume you can make money off of it. Okay, that's the American way. You're right. It's absolutely the American way. Shit, I've not seen this dog shit before. Can I take this in? What can I do?

What can I do with this? How am I gonna make this work? Can I get on American Pickers? Is that a thing I can do? What's American Pickers? It's a show where they go around and buy antiques from people. Like Antiques Roadshow? No, no, this is like, they get like, It's a show where they go around and buy antiques from people.

Like antiques roadshow? No, no, this is like they get like the, they go out driving and find a bar and they're like a barn and they're like, Oh, do you have any old signs I can buy? That's on television? Yeah, it's on the same. It's a, uh, I was thinking about the other day, my parents were real into watching all those shows and we were, I was spending time with my parents and they were talking about the shows they like. This was back when they were real into watching all those shows and I was spending time with my parents and they were talking about the shows they like.

This was back when they were real into Duck Dynasty. Oh, that guy just died I saw. Yeah, all right, Pizzle. Not a moment too soon as far as I know. And my mom was like, you really like that hardcore pawn to my father? And he's like, what? We're in a restaurant. And she screams, hardcore porn.

Oh, God rest her soul. Rest her soul. And then realized what she did and started laughing. Oh. So yeah, they're gonna show Frank the thing. So he sends JDA to get the orb. And when Frank sees it, he's smoking a cigar. She's at least eating a cigar as far as I can tell.

Yeah, there's no smoke. You're right. And he's chewing it with his goddamn teeth. And when he sees the orb, his mouth opens and a cup of drool pours out of his mouth. Very strange. And I was just like, what the fuck? Just, I mean, gross, cigars are gross and they make you salivate. And I understand that. Sure. What the fuck?. But what the fuck?

Don, what happened here? There's later on in the fist fight scene. I'm pretty sure Joe Montesquieu's nose is running on the guy that he's fighting. Or else he's crying, but I don't think he's crying. Maybe he's crying. What have I wrought? Yeah, he drools when he sees the orb.

And JJ goes, I came from a green man. And the dad's like, stay out of it, JJ. He's like, he's a child. So they show Frank what it does. And what it does is shoot sparks out of the back of it. Okay. And lights up the end. Yeah, it's pretty cool.

And they're like, oh my God, we're gonna make so much money. This is like life-changing money for us. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Frank Custer says to Vicky, wait a minute, girl, I'll do the thinking here. Fuck. Don Dollar has not one but two shitty men in this movie, men who are shitty to

women. This is why it's the last movie of his that has a Wikipedia entry. Maybe. The rest of them just are entirely casted by shitty men. So sad. So Frank, they're like, we're going to catch this alien. And Frank says, you've got to catch this bird alive. Yeah. Why does he say that? I don't know. I thought birds were women. Yeah, well yeah, I don't think Frank is hip to the British slang. No, I guess not. And then the mushroom guy zaps Stephen and takes the egg and you're like, wow Stephen's dead.

JJ, JJ. JJ, yeah, yeah. I'm sorry, we'll call him JJ. It's just that he's only Stephen in my notes. Well, yeah, cuz he carries it back to the garage Here's a noise and walks around with the orb rather than putting it back like his father told him because he's a child small baby child We're in the bar is this the bar where Atlantis played I think it is I hope so I was like when the jukebox kicked on I was like, please please please please please please please, please, please. Son of a bitch. Oh, what a fucking fantastic song. I refer to it as a local watering hole. Oh, that's a great name for it. I like that the year is some ladies who are just putting down whiskey even while they're being filmed. She's great. You're on camera right now, Beth. I love her. She has just tiny little shark teeth.

She's just tiny little shark teeth And she's wearing like a completely denim jumpsuit, yeah, I was like this lady rips what season is it? It doesn't matter doesn't matter where the denim jumpsuit Tomorrow we a different one. Sure In the day after it'll be this one again So Vicky and Frank are here with Joe to get a posse going. Yes, they need men to hunt this alien. Why though? Cause Frank wants other people to do it

so he doesn't have to risk getting hurt. But they have the thing. Why do they need to get the alien? Oh, cause the alien would be worth more money than the thing. That was Frank's great plan. He's like, we can get this bird. It's going to be important.

Maybe he thinks the alien's a bird. Maybe he thinks it's a rare bird. They wrestle up some men. I bet one of them is named Costco. Probably. Free samples and like weird sweatpants. And just too many Doritos. There's no such thing as too many Doritos.

It's true, it's true, I regretted it as soon as I said that. It's just felt blasphemous. When they go to leave the bar, Joe Drunkadad just takes his drink with him. Takes his whiskey with him. You can't do that. I'm so glad you noticed that too. Just walks out the door.

I was like, that wasn't blocked for you, was it? Dude, Baltimore County, no rules just right. It's like the Outback Steak you. Was it dude Baltimore County? No rules. Just right? It's like the Outback Steakhouse. Oh, yeah Aussie Aussie Aussie So now oh, oh, oh, oh, you're supposed to say oh, oh, oh I'll see oh, oh, see oh, they do that about backstake They do that in the ads and I was with pie watching a baseball game when one came on I was like, these are your people. Was she offended?

No, she was like, that's what we say. We say Aussie, Aussie, Aussie. And everyone says, oh, oh, oh. I was like, no, I get the joke. She yelled, my culture is not a costume. No, you know, Australians are, they think everything's funny. Well, good, good on them. They live in a nightmare hell hole. It's filled with giant spiders the size of dinner plates. And then real pretty like beaches and stuff too. Yeah, and then they're beautiful people just wandering around.

Yeah, so much better than here. And they're also like free. Huh? They have freedom. Unlike America. Unless they, you get in trouble if you don't vote in Australia, do you know that? As you should. I know.

At least a light brow beating. I think public shaming is fine. Yeah, bring it back. Yeah. Bring back the stocks. Let's put people in stocks again. We have here Annie slash Natalie slash

Nancy. Nancy. With her friends. Her friends who are children, but she's not exactly a child. No, she might be 18. Okay. Yeah. And one of them says, your father is weird.

And she says, I hate him. And another one says, if he was my father, I'd hate him too. And that made me cackle. Don Diller gets me. He gets the jokes that I get. I was like, been there, dog. Oh yeah.

Oh yeah. Oh, so dad's looking for JJ, finds JJ. And then when he finds JJ, we cut right back to the hikers. We don't get an end to that scene. No, that just, that part's over now. Just pretend that didn't happen. And the professor's like, man, it's getting dark out. You want to go get something to eat? Yeah.

He just wants to go to the bar with this kid. You want to just be my best friend now? Yeah, they are best friends, though. Luckily, nothing bad's going to happen in their relationship. No. I had completely forgotten about them by this point, too, though. It had been five minutes, and they were gone for me. Cut back to dad overhearing that nobody liked him.

Yeah, she should really just divorce this man. It is the 1980s. gone for me. Cut back to dad over hearing that nobody liked him. Really just divorce this man. It is the 1980s. You're allowed to do that. I don't understand the editing in this film is bananas. Oh, sure. He never got better at that. You know, he never improved. And there's also just like so much dialogue. Like the script must've been 300 fucking pages. There's so much just talking about what you're gonna do, what you've done, what's happening right now. It's a movie.

It's visual. Is it though? I don't know. Because the next scene is the boys showing up in the dark and then 10 minutes of them trampsing around the woods. Yes. In the dark. With the crickets being so loud,

they should be given a fucking IMDB credit. Bunky made the cut, but these crickets don't? Honestly. I think it's Frank who says this to one of the hunters. He says, it don't matter what it looks like, it don't look like us, and that's what counts. And I thought, Don Doehler is saying something about racism here.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, in this day and age, watching a movie about people hunting an alien, are you joking me right now? I can't even with this. Yeah. He also leans into Joe Montague and says, we'll let the boys take the lead and we'll hang back.

Right. Because if they get hurt, You just don't want that guy out there with a gun either. No, he's really unstable. He's a bit unhinged. Which one? Joe, Joe, Frank, any of them. Any of them really? Yeah. Joe had or Frank has on like a, I feel like he should be wearing a cowboy hat, but he's wearing like a pilgrim's hat or something. Is it not a cowboy hat? No, it's like flat brimmed. Oh yeah, you're right.

Yeah, it's very weird. It's like what Malachi wears in Children of the Corn. Children of the Corn. Yeah, you're right about that. He's a townie, I guess. Yeah. He should be wearing the little flat brimmed hat. Yeah.

We get an extreme closeup on Annie's face for no reason. Did you notice this? It was like even her hair line and chin were cut off. It was up so close. We're seeing the ennui that she's experiencing as a child in a hostile environment. Why don't we just move? We're back at the bar.

We're back at the bar. You're everywhere. You're bar. You're everywhere. You're here, you're there. You're every fucking where in this town. It's just after we hear mom's like, Hey, why don't we go play Scrabble? And Annie Natalie says, I hate Scrabble. And I even know that says, why you hate Scrabble? Scrabble is the only people who hate Scrabble are people who are bad at Scrabble.

Yeah. Fucking practice, bros. Get on my level. It'll make you better as a speller. We're back in the bar. Back in the bar. Fancy five hours away. Professor wants, I think a martini. Yeah, but it was just a joke. He knew he was just going to get a beer. That's a doler joke right there. Yeah. And the waitress being like, Nope. Yup. Is also very Don Doler. And Vicky is just there fucking tossing them back, boozing it up and telling everybody her secrets. Which is weird because in the previous scenes we've seen her, she's been very cool and aloof.

And then all of a sudden she's, I was like, is this the same lady? When Frank's not there, she gets a little unhinged. Okay, she cuts loose, she nuts down her hair. Frank is the governor on her. Keeps her tight. Fucking Frank Custer. Frank Custer. Frank Custer.

What a guy. She's blubbing about a spaceman. Ice man. Spaceman. Spaceman. I could not understand a fucking word she said, I'm sorry. I have an odier that just says, come on Thompson you old piece of shit.

I don't know what that means. I don't either, but I like it. Were you watching the baseball at the same time? I just talked to texting. Oh, the Pirates are starting a four game series of Wrigley Fear tonight. Is that not true? That is very true. How did you know that? I did my toe in every once in a while.

Really? It was on the NPR while I was driving home. Oh, okay. Yeah, they sure are. You know who I fucking hate? The Chicago Cubs. Aw, the Cubbies. Hate the Cubs.

America's team. That's the Dallas Cowboys and a different sport. More of a socks girl. If I had to choose. Sure. I had picked the White Sox. Well, then I'm with the Pope. Did you see him wearing a White Sox hat?

No. It's pretty funny. Can't be mad at that. It's true, it's true. What are you gonna be mad at him? Do you care not get to be mad? No, there's plenty of other things to be mad at a Pope about.

I'm not gonna be mad about a hat. Do you think that that means Jesus is a White Sox fan now? Why couldn't we get a Pope from Pittsburgh? Why couldn't we get a Jesus from Pittsburgh? What would Pittsburgh Jesus be like? He wears a gas mask. I've seen the one that's painted on that church. Oh yeah, the Vanka, Max of Vanka.

They're great. If you're ever in Pittsburgh, go to that church and check out the murals. They're amazing. Yeah, give them some money too because they're always threatening to close them. Yeah. Oh, and they just lost a bunch of government funding too.

Oh, fun. It's art. David, who knows everyone in town, even though he's 11 years old. Yeah. Is like- Slash a college student. Slash a college student, slash of drinking age.

Yeah. Professor over here is Vicky talking loudly about seeing a Spice Man. Spice Man. And he's like, hey, David, do you know her? Dave's like, of course, that's Vicky. I know everybody in this town. Yeah, that's Vicky. I know everybody in this town. Yeah, that's Vicky.

She's a slutty downy. And he says, David, can you call her over here? I'm Dr. Tracy. Tell her Dr. Tracy wants to speak to her. And then when she walks up, he goes, hi, Dr. Tracy. And she's impressed because he's a doctor. Yeah, of course. Of course.

She thinks she's getting a drink out of this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's like, I want you to sit down and I'll buy you a drink. You can tell us any secrets you have. We'll never tell anybody. And she's like, secret secrets are no fun. Secret secrets could hurt someone. So she tells him. She immediately tells him and then does not get a drink. No, I thought they should have bought her a drink for the troubles. Yeah, you threw money on the table.

Exactly. If this were a side quest in a video game, you'd have to buy the drink. Sure. Sure. Sure. Yeah. You're never going to be the Exactly, if this were a side quest in a video game, you'd have to buy the drink. Sure, sure, sure. Yeah, you're never gonna be the witcher without buying her a drink. No. So they head out of the bar immediately. Don't even finish their beers. Right.

Just take us out of there. And we cut back to what's happening in the darkness. Who can say? It doesn't matter. The vigilantes are walking around in the dark. A lot of whooping and saying yeah, but otherwise I don't know. That's not how you hunt, my friends.

That's not how you hunt. In the dark, whooping and saying yeah but otherwise I don't know that's that's not how you hunt my friends in the dark whooping and saying yeah the hunt is shot in night for night yeah but the moral moral mushroom broccoli man is there you're watching them closely I hear shooting I see nothing until I see even flashes the guns now there's one flashlight flush entire group of people. And that's when you see the alien. Yeah. And then they get them with the rope. So the alien runs like Keanu Reeves.

He does. The professor and the student are just watching them tie up the alien and not doing anything, not doing anything, not saying, hey, maybe don't do that. I have an audio that says men talking, men talking, blah, blah, blah. He turns on his orb and kills two thirds of the haunting party. I think about at least like at least seven or eight people. Seven or eight people.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's a high body count. You're right. Yeah. Yeah. And then, uh, yeah yeah they watch them get uh tied up and I have a note that says where's the horny sheriff I demand a horny sheriff

horny sheriff yeah and mermenny's just like banging that one to me my god I forgot that was night beast night beast high titty count high titty count in night these her tits were yeah out a lot. Yeah. And there were other tits too. Yeah. But those were sexual assault tits. It's fucking dawn. Like I made it through an hour of this movie last night and I was like, Missy, this is pretty good dawn dollar. No sexual assault. Dun dun dun. Dun dun dun. So it's daylight all of a sudden. Yeah. And they're freeing the alien. Yeah. And he's not going to attack them afterwards. He's happy just to be freed. He's standing there. He's reasonable. You know? Well, this is because David knows where the Montagues live because he knows everything

about Harleyville. Right. And yes, they go there and they free him. Oh my god. This makes perfect sense. And we're intercutting this with a scene where JJ and dad are figuring out how the gun works and dad has the bright idea to shoot it into a stairwell that's made of concrete. And I'm like, things will bounce back and hit you. And I would love to watch the two of you die right now so if you can keep doing this. And after the first time he does it,

JJ goes, do it again. He wants his dad dead though. Does he? Yes. Everybody wants his dad dead. I think JJ is in love with his dad. I think he's the only one who likes his dad. I think he just feels under his thumb. Sure. Yeah. He could throw off those reins and be the 43 year old man he was born to be. Mom goes to the basement to confront dad with, of course, with Annie and toe. Sure. Annie, go to your room and he do something else.

Get any out of this hostile situation. Maybe we should just move. And she's like, Hey, you've got to stop doing this. And he says, what did he say? I'll put your lights out forever or something to that effect. And she's like, Don Dolar. This is really mean. Calm down.

He's starting to kill everyone in the family. Yeah. Ay, ay, ay. And then says, the Russians will pay a million dollars for this. Oh, I missed that. And it's like, you're immediately going to sell it to the Russians. You're not even a patriot. Cold War shit.

Yeah. Oh, come on. Come on. Where's your patriotism, Joe Monte? This country is giving you shirts with holes in the middle of them. I feel like the sorority girl who cut that out would call that displaying the assets. Because she's got it. You're going to see the belly ring where it's kind of the belly ring. Yeah. And you're going to see the cleave. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

I mean, you're going to accidentally see a tit. It's going to happen. I don't see any way around it. She's going to be reaching for the mustard when she's eating a hot dog and then yeah, just dumping it out. Dumping out the hole. That happens to the best of us. I even know this is like the alien suspenders. No pants lifestyle. Yeah. He's holding up nothing but a belt. He's holding up a belt.

Yeah. Belts generally do that on their own. This belt keeps riding up to my nips. Or I imagine that he's walking and it just falls like down over his butt. I don't have an ass. No. So there's another conflict in the woods at this point, this time in daylight. Oh, is this after they let the alien go and their, their, their way to get away from,

from Frank who showed up and said, I talked to my friends, they're interested. And they're like, Dr. Tracy goes, I'm going to open this door and we're going to run. Let's hope this alien knows how to run. It's bipedal. I mean, it can't possibly just walk. It's evolution, man. When they take off running, I just started giggling so hard. And I wrote, I love him. I love him too. We must do everything we can to protect the alien from galaxy.

And we don't, we don't, we don't. No, he is his body's 80% torso. Yeah, roughly. Yeah. Yeah. These little legs just pumping, pumping away. I couldn't figure. I kept trying to imagine what the person inside the costume was built like, because how did they fit in there? Like not well.

Not it's very weird. how did they fit in there? Not well. Not, it's very weird. Oh, and while this is happening, Carol is stealing the gun and orb for some unknown reason. She's gonna give him his ball back so he can take it and go home. Yeah.

Only to later be terrified of him. Yeah. Carol's an idiot. Carol is a bitch. No one should love her, and I don't understand it. So Frank and dad are chasing the doctor and David and Frank shoots the doctor dead. Yeah, shoots him.

He comes up, they sort of run into each other on the trail and he just shoots him. Shoots him right through the lung, pancreas. And then goes to shoot David and Joe's like, wait, that's just a kid. And Frank says, but he's a witness. He drops fucking Jay-Z on him and he's like, no witnesses. No witnesses.

Oh man. So the alien saves the kid. Yeah, kills Frank. Shoots Frank and then stands there just to be shot by Joe who kicks him badly and takes the ball back. There's still 20 goddamn minutes of this movie. At this point I was like, it's over, it has ended. I just wanted to see him running more.

I wanted a running montage. Yeah. So Carol's like, we gotta go meet Michael. He's our only hope. And I was like, if that drunkle is your only hope. Yeah. This is a situation you're in, my lady. She's like, I saw everything that happened.

How? They were in the woods. You were at home. Okay. That space man saved my life. Did someone say that or did I just think that to myself? Yes. Okay. That space man saved my life. Did someone say that or did I just think that to myself? Yes. Where, where do they find Michael? Uh, I actually don't remember. Just standing by a tree. Okay. That's why in the fucking woods, just by a tree. He was waiting there. There's no building around. Yo, meet me up by the tree. Which one? Yeah, our tree.

Oh, there she is. I love you, and then they make out. She's saying goodbye to go back and do something to her father, and they have to tongue kiss before she can take off. Well, I think she's sneaking in to steal his gun. Right. So that he can't shoot her with it. That would be a thing for her to

do, but instead she goes home, puts on a nightie and goes to sleep. Carol. Carol. And then goes into the basement because she hears a sound. She's useless. I love this scene. Tell me why. So she goes into the basement. There's a sound. We don't hear it. We don't need to hear this. This is a repeat of the previous scene where there was a sound we didn't hear in the basement, but okay, okay. And she's walking around the basement and then there's a light that causes her to be in silhouette and the sound goes, ah, I call.

What is this light? Oh, it's just a light because the aliens behind her and scares her and she screams. Yeah. And when she screams, he's like, what? He like, his body language is very like, Woody screams, it's me, it's Kevin. Man, we've already met. Yes, where you gave me back my ball? Is it because I smell like broccoli and mushrooms?

Oh, I've been in space. Cook me up with the butter, you'll love it. What the hell is wrong? Shouts her drunk dad who is here to just shoot into the darkness. And don't worry gang. He's still wearing the shirt with the porthole in it. He is. And then all of a sudden it's daylight again. Oh my God. It's so stupid. I love it. At this point, I did the math and realized there was still, it had still a 25% of its runtime left inexplicably. Hour and 19 minutes, in and out.

Unbelievable. There's so much walking, padding in this movie. It's insane. Useless ass JJ, mom and Natalie aren't much better. These are notes that I have. So they are running away from her husband, I think, and Annie just all of a sudden stops and is like, I don't want to go. Why? Who can say? Why don't we just move? Why don't we just move? I mean, it's a rational thought. Just move away from his ass.

Leave him behind. I mean, yeah, leave him. You're a doctor, ma'am, or a mortician. That, no, well, she was a coroner, also a medical doctor. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Dad wakes up at home in the same shirt, or maybe he does this to all of his shirts. I don't know. He, okay, we also, JJ was missing, we have found him again,

his sister's calling him a wimp, which is obviously true. Yeah, 100%. Cut back to Joe. So he's waking up, wakes up, drinks, passes back out. Then he, this is where I have a note that says, wait, I thought her name was Natalie. It's Annie, fuck me. So then he wakes back up to knocking

and incessant knocking is happening at the door. Whom's at the door? It's Vicki. It's Vicki. I fucking love those red leather shorts. I want those badly. All right, all right. I would wear them with my Montreal tank top or T-shirt.

Ring or T. Don't Don Doehler't don't dollar outfit. Yes. I love this for you. Should we get matching red leather shorts? I'm looking it up by you. I can't imagine how sweaty I would make a red leather. How bad they would smell after one wear.

Just sweat pouring. Just dripping through the leg holes. Maybe that's what all the liquid was in a dripping while everybody's dripping. Red leather shorts. Oh, go on. I'm almost saying. Oh yeah, no, no, no.

I'm not doing that now. Dad wakes up. Vicki's there. She's looking for Frank. She's really concerned about Frank. Dad sexually assaults her. She gets away from him, which is great. Great for really concerned about Frank. Uh, dad sexually assault her. She gets away from him, which is great. Great for Vicky. Yes. I was just like, use your knees and feet lady. Like don't

just wiggle. But luckily, uh, he grabs the alien gun and goes outside and shoots Vicky. She's trying to get away from him. Shoots her in the back. She was right in the back. Kills fucking Vicky. Oh, it's not lucky. It does suck. This is the body count keeps rising. Yeah. And like, she's like, Tom Dohler, we, we already established this man was bad in the opening. He hunted his daughter. Like it doesn't get better than that. Just for the crime of being a little too sassy. Yeah. Yeah. Just for pointing out the obvious that he's a drunk bum. When you're a drunk bum, you know it. Sure, but you hate being reminded of it.

I am a drunk bum. Stop it now. You're not a bum. Ah. What is he even swigging from this bottle? Is it brandy? I don't know, schnapps? I have no idea.

Most decorative bottle. So they have run away from dad, and then they decide to go back and sneak up on the house. Why are they sneaking up on the house? Because they don't want to rouse him, so they don't use the steps. Okay. They, JJ, David, and Michael climb over the railing

to get on the porch to go in the house. Right. Oh, they have to get the alien ball. They have to get the alien ball and gun. At this point, dad's hair is ten shades darker than it has been at any other point in this movie. It sure is. And three men, three grown ass men, are sitting around a sleeping man

and none of them can figure out how to get the gun out of his hand. No, they're pretty stupid. You just take the gun out of figure out how to get the gun out of his hand. No, they're pretty stupid. You just take the gun out of his hand. You take the gun out of his hand, now you have the gun, see? Now you have the gun. Now you, yeah.

Also, was Vicki's body still on the front lawn? None of these five adults sees it, so. He drug it away, he drug it away. I didn't see that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He wakes up and calls JJ a boy, and I was like, JJ is 105 if he's a day. JJ's a man. How dare you.

Oh man. Start smacking his kids around, running with a shotgun. It's fall outside. Now there's leaves all over the ground, which is the first time this has happened. Yeah, this is new news to me. He's shoving the women to the floor and getting in this terrible fist fight to which I wrote amateur actors. You don't say. So is this fistfight happening at the crater of the spaceship? Oh yes, because they go to the site of the fireball, which as I recall earlier, they

could not find. Could not find. Okay, great. And they go there and it's very close to Joe's house. Yes, it's right around the corner. But they go there and they look into this hole in the ground, but don't show us what's in the hole. We just see the actors going, whoa.

Yeah, it's pretty rad, whatever's in there. Check that out. And yeah, then dad shoots the alien. Dad and Michael get into a fight. And I love it earlier, Michael was like, I can fucking take your dad. Joe's whooping his ass. If you can't beat up your girlfriend's drunk idiot father,

you're doing a bad job. Yeah. Even if he does fight dirty. Yeah. You fight dirtier. Yeah. Kick him in the dick. Go for the eyes.

He's dripping into Michael's face. And then mom comes up behind him with the shotgun in what I can only describe as the weirdest shot I've ever seen in any movie. I counted the number of shots of her with the rifle in what I can only describe as the weirdest shot I've ever seen in any movie. I counted the number of shots of her with the rifle. Yeah. 13. And they're just all these slow-mo takes of her getting up to him, stopping, resetting and doing it over again. And like pulling back with the shotgun, coming towards him with the shotgun closer now, closer now, closer now. And pull back again.

It's like you're watching a slow-mo of someone doing that thing where people like test their golf swing before they swing. If you were making a flip book of that, yeah. And some pages were gone. Yeah, several. She hits dad with all of the anger that she can muster. Yep.

As a coroner, as a doctor. And as a put upon wife. She knocks this fucking dummy that's stuffed into a shirt with a hole in the chest off of this cliff. And it's the funniest fucking thing you've ever seen. I just wrote, ladies and gentlemen, Don Dollar has thrown a mannequin off a cliff. It's beautiful. A Kimbo does not do justice to what the limbs are doing.

You know that scene in American beauty where he's watching the plastic bag. So I felt watching this scene. I was like, it's actually beautiful. Am I wrong? No, it's beautiful. Am I wrong? No, it's beautiful. So Kevin Spacey just like laid out that he's a grosso like in that movie and none of us were like, Oh, all right. And then he hasn't even faced any consequences, has he? No, no, he's already back in movies, you know, cancel culture. Um, and then in a sex pest to almost no one, and I'm not in movies. What's the deal with that?

Well, have you thought about being a sex pest to people and trying to get in a movie? I'll work on it. Katie. What? This movie ends with dad on the ground and the alien on the ground. Joe and the alien are both dead.

There is a point in this- The alien has been shot to death. Did we mention that? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Fuck it. There is a point at this point in the movie. There is VHS static, and then it cuts back to the two of them being dead

and then the credits roll. Yes. Can I read you my last note? Yeah. Say what you will about Don Doehler, but the man had a vision. He just did. He just did. He just did.

I use the word juxtaposition about dad and the alien. Wow. What'd you think of this movie, Alan? Oh, it's a goddamn trash delight. Oh, it sure is. Don Doller, again, he's the Ramones, the ACDC of filmmaking. Oh man, ACDC has some good riffs though.

They fucking, I mean, you're gonna get big balls. You're gonna get. Yeah, but we've got. But every once in a while you're gonna get given the dog a bone. Yeah. And you're like, you didn't even try this time. Didn't even try.

In a CGC. Wait, you think big balls is an example of them trying? Big balls is a fucking jam. Wait, but it's not effort. We've got the biggest balls of them all. It's just about throwing big parties. We've got big balls. She's got big balls.

What are you talking about? All right. Someone tried to explain to me that dirty deeds is about a hired killer. Yeah. But he says, I'm your, I'm your back door man. And I'm like, no, it's about butt stuff. That is a hired killer. Yeah. But he says, I'm your back door man. And I'm like, no, it's about butt stuff. Oh, that is a dirty deed. Yeah, done dirt cheap.

And knowing ACDC's oof, I'm going, it's about butt stuff. High voltage. Giving the dog a bone. OK, we've got to move on. What are you rating this bitch? You gotta move on. What are you rating this bitch? I'm gonna give it, five JJ's a teenager.

Okay, all right. I'm giving it an 11. It's an 11 for me. An 11? Wow. It's beyond perfect. And I'm really rating all three of them as one because they are one and we are all we are all Don Doller in This moment. We've got to see fiend. We've got to finish the quadrology

quadro quadrology Maybe there's another Atlantis track in that movie I'm just hunting for Atlantis. I'm always out here looking for Atlantis. Katie. Alan. We received some mail. OK, what do we get? We got a DVD. What is it? Oh my god.

This one you sent me the photo of. I have to say this baffled me. I wonder if it was a mistake. You always say that I keep the DVDs passing this run right on. No, thank you. I don't have a way to play it. This is Barry Monday starring Patrick Wilson, Judy. This is Barry Monday, starring Patrick Wilson, Judy Greer.

Oh, it's Patrick Wilson, Judy Greer. Yeah, patron saints. Patron saints. Chloe Sevigny. We like her. It also has Cybill Shepherd, Gene Smart, Missy Pyle.

We love Missy Pyle. Yeah, Malcolm McDowell. Actually, I understand why this has been sent to us now. I have to be honest with you, I didn't look at it that closely when you sent me the photo. The cover is like Judy Greer with a milk mustache and in front front center is Patrick Wilson, dressed like a child maybe. Or a college rugby player with a the name Barry Monday with an arrow pointing to his penis that says a Comedy that hits you right where it counts is in the penis in the penis. I don't want to get hit in the penis

This is a note from Jeff who sent us this Jeff Jeff. What are you doing out here? Patrick Wilson check Judy Greer check plent Plentiful Dick jokes, double check. A true guilty pleasure from Jeffrey. Oh, thanks, Jeffrey. You know what? I'll take it, I'll watch it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll put it in my laptop.

You can also take the Archie McPhee's Fried Chicken Candy that he sent us to make the movie go down a little easier. Oh, God damn. Thank you, Jeff. What the hell? You're the best, Jeff. Jeff, there's only one Jeff and it's you. Yeah, God damn. Thank you, Jeff. What the hell? You're the best, Jeff. Jeff. There's only one Jeff and it's you.

Yeah. Yeah. Or sorry, Jeffery. He does use his full name. Well, I call him Jeff. We go way back. You have that special relationship. We go way back.

You're Barry Monday, buds. He's my Barry Monday guy. Oh, I feel like I'm gonna regret this. Oh, and to the person who sent us the email, you know who you are. Do they? They're all like, I sent you an email. Let's talk.

Yes, the one who has requested our presence in another city. Let's talk. Let's talk. We think we can make this work. We think we're gonna do it. Yeah, I mean, we've said we're gonna do it, we kinda have to do it. Yeah, we cannot make the,

we are not the kind of parents who offer something like we will be your parents and then we don't show up to your parent events. To be your parents. We're gonna be your parents. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. All right. Yeah, so let's talk.

Okay. Let's figure this out. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, Katie. Alan. You know what? What?

Your top five favorite person of mine on the fucking planet. I got, oh yeah, we share, our Venn diagrams are pretty, we got a lot of crossover. Yeah, I love spending time with you. Yeah. I would like to do this again next week. I would love to too. Do you wanna do a move?

I thought we were talking about someone who's a mutual friend of ours, who's in both of our top fives. I didn't realize you were saying we are in each other's top fives. No, I'm just saying you were a top five. I wouldn't ever- Well, like where in the top five? I think it's an amorphous-

Well, where does like- I mean, Missy's got to be pretty high. I mean, yeah, okay, fine. Missy's one or so. Yeah. Where do I- am I like where- I mean, you're two. Where's like Dave? What about like- Dave's up there.

What about Dan? What about like, you know, all the people, Mike and John and all those gaming buds. Much like my top five records of all time is roughly 50 albums. Oh man, that makes me feel so low. But you're number two. No, I don't want to be number two. That's too much pressure.

Give it your sweet spot. Where do you want to be? Four? I'll be three to four, three and a half, four. You want to be three and four? Top pick for people three and four topic for people. Katie is both three. I can't bump people like that. No, I can't do that. That's, that's, that's rude. Anyway, I love you. I want to do this again. I'm just saying you're one of my favorite people that I love spending time with.

And I want to do this again in a situation where we're not a hundred percent sure that we haven't already done this movie. I am sure that we've done it. You are sure that we haven't. The internet tells me we haven't. To be fair, that looking at our episodes tells me that we haven't also, but I'm still not convinced. We're going to do Season of the Witch. Did we do it on the action movie podcast?

I don't think so. Ah, I don't know, Alan. I'm sure I've seen this. And why the fuck else would I have? Nicholas cage Ron Perlman. Yeah, I'm gonna search in our episode folder I'm gonna look back through the patreon's but I do not believe we've done this All right, well I don't it, so we probably didn't. But if we did, we'll just call it a deja vu and do it again.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. People have really been requesting that we do another movie from memory. I saw that and I would love to. Yeah, we just have to find another epic a la Titanic that we can... Yeah. It was a really good format where we each watched

quarters of a movie and then explain them to each other who didn't see them. But we also, before that, did an entire episode of what we thought the movie was about. God, we have lost our goddamn minds during lockdown, didn't we? We got like three and a half hours of content out of that movie.

That's silly. I wanna know if any other podcast has ever done anything like that before. Something so stupid. I feel like we are the bottom of the barrel of stupid. No, come on now. We're like fucking high art stupid. Oh yeah, now we're taking over for Mark Maron.

Did we say what movie we're doing? Season of the Witch starring Nicholas Cage. Season of the Witch starring Nicholas Cage and Ron Perlman. I'm sure I've seen it. Why would you have seen it? Is this like where, it's Sparta? There's Sparta.

What a dumb fucking movie. I hope to never see that movie again. I don't think you have to if you don't want to. No, it's true, it's true. You have rights in this country, you're a white guy. Yeah, but I have really contrarian views. Yeah, well, they're just gonna make you watch 300 on a loop, like Clockwork Orange style.

300 is the only movie. Oh, what if we lived in a world? All movies are 300, 300 is the only movie. All right, well, I guess we're doing Season of the Witch next week. Season of the Witch. I just don't understand. Was, did we do,

We've done so many Nicholas cages. We've done so many witch movies. We've done so many. I feel like there's been a lot of plague too. Sure. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. Yeah.

I mean, Har's got like six tropes. It's true. I just, this one's just, I don't know. I'm wrong. I'm sure I'm wrong. What if this movie's everything? It's just like, look, I've got to pay the ghost for the Declaration of Independence that I stole It just keeps killing like deeper the bees and I'm gonna punch Lee Lee so be a ski. Oh my god

He beats the shit out of Lee Lee so be a ski Okay, so what movie are we gonna do from memory? I don't know we don't think about that if you have suggestions Yeah, think of a movie that we both know. suggestions, think of a movie that we both know. Yeah, think about a movie that we could both describe. Ben-Hur, let's go. Oh, please no. I don't know, I'll have to think about it.

Yeah, I feel like it, I'm worried that it was a flash in the pan, a lightning in a bottle, never to be caught again. Yeah, I mean, we were at the nadir of our psyche at that point in time. That was right when I got on psych meds. Listen, I mean we were at the nadir of our psyche at that point in time. That was right when I got on psych meds. Listen, I'm gonna fucking crumble or we're gonna do a three hour jaunt through Titanic. And I'm going to watch quarters two and four of Titanic. I got all the sex.

That's true, you got to see titties, I didn't. Yeah. Bummer. Great tits, titties. I didn't. Yeah. Oh, bummer. Great tits. Jesus. Fuck. Yeah. Great looking lady. I did get to see what's his nuts, steal a child to get onto a lifeboat. Oh, that Billy Zane. Billy Zane with hair. We got to wrap this up. So go back for season the witch. Go find us on Patreon. If you'd like to listen to action movie podcasts, go buy t-shirts. I am currently wearing the get high and do crimes for Satan tank top.

And you look cool and cool. Yeah, thank you. Double, double cool. Double cool. You smoke cools as well. So I could have done triple cool. Would they all have started with a K? No, no, no, you can't do that.

OK, great. Just making sure. I know what else we got? Fiber gummies. Fiber gummies, we're on BlueSki. I'm not on that. It's kind of useless, mostly Reddit or. Reddit or Gmail babies.

Gmail or Discord, join our Discord. Oh yeah, the Discord too. Go to any of our socials, it's got a link tree, get on the Discord from there. Real quick, I know that they're not listening, but if you're a copper, if you're an international guard of the Marines, you have an opportunity to disobey orders and not do this bullshit.

I just have to put that out there, I'm sorry. I know it's your career and all, but like, fuck this. Fuck it, you can't. So we love you all, be safe. Don't talk about shit you're doing protest-wise on the internet. No and Wear a mask. Wear a mask and thank you for listening to another episode of Werewolf Ambulance. Bye Bye Dollar Ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo Lady Axe and I, Deadpools Savini, Sidings and the Pool No way to win, Finland's cute, full-filled reviews

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