Werewolf Ambulance: A Horror Movie Comedy Podcast - Episode 528- Burial Ground (1981)

Episode Date: August 11, 2025

In this week's episode, we're continuing on our path of delightful and terrible Italian horror with the 1981 mess "Burial Ground." Special topics for your consideration include: how easy it was to get laid in the 80s, zombie societies and cute little ruses, a background in butlering, and thanks to Allen, a brand new fear unlocked.  The regular lineup of links! You can support us at patreon.com/werewolfambulance and listen to a ton of action movie episodes. leave us a message at 412-407-7025 hang out with some cool listeners at https://discord.gg/DutFjx3cBD buy merch at www.teepublic.com/user/werewolfambulance the best place to reach us is at [e-mail] we're on Reddit at r/werewolfambulance sorta on Twitter @werebulance sorta on Instagram @werewolfambulance www.werewolfambulance.com if you feel you really must lodge a complaint with us, please do it on Facebook at facebook.com/werewolfambulance because we are probably not gonna see that, ever. If you liked this, please leave us a review on Apple Podcasts or wherever you listen! It helps others find us and allows us to continue to grow. Intro song is by Alex Van Luvie Outro song is A. Wallis- "EMT" Seriously, we have the best listeners, hands down.

Hey, Katie. Hey, Alan. Can I get a breaking news alert? What's the vibe? Sombra edition. So I'm at work today. That was beautiful, by the way. Thank you so much. I'm at work today.

That is somber. I'm taking care of some gentleman business. You're taking a shit. You're jerking it. No, no, gentleman's business. Gentleman's business? Yeah. Taking a shit.

That's a perverts business, jerking off. Oh, I see. You're taking a shit. The call of nature is being answered. Understood. I stand up from answering the call of nature. Sure, someone's going to do it. Just take a quick peek, make sure everything is all right.

digging around in there. Katie. Alan. Katie. What? Did you swallow a nickel again? There is a live wasp swimming in the toilet. I don't know where I thought this was going.

It was not there. Katie. Alan. Am I candy man? Am I filled with bees? Candy man, but you're filled with wasps. And you're white. White people would be filled with wasps.

Exactly, when I go sexton Protestants That's right Katie, I pooped a wasp a baby Do you think it was in your bowl? Do you know? Would I? I mean, did you come running in and sit down real fast?

Did you take it by surprise While it was answering the call of nature? Buzz, buzz, buzz, I got a B.M. Yeah, I feel like you rushed and you sat down And it was like, oh, fuck. All right, so when you stood up, did it fly out or was it drowned? No, I, well, you drowned it.

Barrier at sea. You killed it. Oh, yeah, yeah. You were like, now you have no chance. Wow, fantastic man. Fuck you wasp. Get out of my ass. Wasps, yeah, seriously.

If it was in your ass, it deserved to die. I'm sure as friend of the podcast, Justin Gray said in a text after I messaged him about this earlier. Yeah. I'm sure it wanted to die. Yeah. It was in there with your poop. That's gross. There's spack satan hoaggy poop.

Oh. Yeah. It's death was a mercy. What this happened? I was like, I can't wait to tell Katie on the air to thousands of people. I like that I came in and sat down. We chit-chatted for a bit, and you didn't mention any of this. We talked about farting, too.

We talked about what you had for lunch. That's crazy. Wasn't going to burn this cold. No, I'm so proud of you. I needed the shock and awe of you finding out where this story went in a direction. There was no way you could have predicted. Shock and awe is all I have. Thank you for making this a safe space where I feel comfortable telling this story.

I don't think you should. It's not just me. It's not just me in here. I should make this a less safe space for you. Start bullying you. Hey, I have reached the limit of our friendship. Yeah, here we go. Burial ground.

Burial ground. Can I read you? a review of it that's mentioned on the Wikipedia page. Sarah Castillo, a fear net, stated that the film is, quote, notable for its near total lack of plot and bloody zombie breastfeeding scene.

Friend of the podcast. Friend of the podcast. When I saw that, I just copied and pasted and emailed a tour and said, I am cackling. When I saw that, I copy and pasted and texted it to her and said, this you? Sorry about you. Sorry, we did this. It is her.

It is her. It is her. Sorry about that. Yeah. I'm so glad we both did that independent of each other. Also, kudos to us for doing research. Look at us over here. I know.

Well, listen, this is not research, but I do have a question for you. Yeah. Now, I was not born yet in 1981, but you were. Sure, yeah. Did they bury everyone in floor length, shapeless gowns? Okay. In Italy at the time. In Italy at the time.

When most people died, they were in a ceramics. class. I see. So you needed to be smocked to the tis. We're, your spill smock. Yes, exactly. Everyone, including the guy in the inside out Boris Karloff Frankenstein mask. Oh my God. I just want to say that I feel like they did a lot of work on these makeups. There are so many of them and they're varied. And every one of them a different, a different guy. That's what I'm saying. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. No, apparently, according to the same said Wikipedia, or this might have been on IMDB, the lion's share of the budget went to paying for the special effects.

You don't say. I don't say. Because what else could it have been? Titties. Titties be free these days, right? Especially in 1981. This thing is slagging. Yeah, slanging and banging.

Let me smang it, girl. Smash it and bang. Guys, listen to young Hama. Listen to young Hama. Give him a little bit of air time. Let me smang it, girl. Smash it and bang. The way I work, that kitty gonna make your heart sang.

Oh, he loves cats. Yeah, he just loves to pet your cat. It makes your heart happy when someone's nice to your pet, you know? Sure. That's what he's talking about. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you think you could grow a beard like the man at the beginning of this movie, Professor Ayers? Yes, and it would get on my nerves.

Yes, and it would be dope. Yeah, I know. My beard's pretty long, though. I just cut a bunch of it off. and if you cut a bunch of it off and then it isn't pretty long. Yeah. Yeah.

No. I think it could be longer. It's true. I think you should try. I'm just saying I think you should try. Maybe in the winter. Okay. Okay.

All right. I'm just telling you what to do with your face. Thanks. That's all. Could you hide more of yourself behind a beard for me? That's exactly what it is. That's so much what it is. Put your light into a bushel.

You let it shine, Alan. Katie, can I read you a quote? I would love that. The earth shall tremble. graves shall open they shall come among living as messengers of death and there shall be knights of terror prophecy of the black spider was it that at the beginning of the movie also and the end of the end was the typo at the beginning also yeah okay good i only caught it at the end i was like there's some motherfucking typo in there that's not how you spell knights it's not how you spell

prophecy i assumed that was something stylized but there's just no way you mix up the tea and the H and Nights or whatever it is. Come on, fucking guys. Nights. How does this movie open? This movie opens on, I was afraid that Professor Ayers was approaching me. He was walking at the camera so quickly. I was like, oh, no, this guy's coming to talk to me.

Then I was like, it's a movie. Doesn't look the healthiest at pre-zombie Professor Ayers. No, he's looking rough. Yeah. He's something about the secret. Oh, that's the thing where you like write down. what you want to have happen? I think, yeah, you just have to will things into existence.

Okay, okay. It's like how if you don't cure your cancer, you didn't pray hard enough, you know? I think that's tied to that somehow. Sure, sure. Yeah, you got to be the change you want to see in the world. Right. And visualize world peas. I just haven't been visualizing hard enough.

It's true, it's true. It's me. It's on me. Of course it is. Everything is. No, no, no spiral, no spiral. Why isn't anyone ever loved me? I love you to tell me.

I know I love you too. So this guy's an archaeologist, and as I have a note, he's doing some cave shit. I thought he was going into the neighboring historical basement. So six and one, half dozen of the other, yeah? He finds a tablet that was nicely placed in the wall for him to find. He hits it with a chisel, and a relief in stone just slides out. Yeah, yeah. And his reaction?

He's the happiest boy you ever done, did see. He's a happy professor. I like this for him. I want him to be happy, despite not knowing him or caring for him at all. it's incredible it's true it must be yeah

so yeah because he goes back home and he looks at the tablet and he's like I gotta go back to that cave yeah I need to look at this cave again

and what happens when he gets there he taps a fresco yeah and then that fresco was holding back the dead yeah that guy

that zombie guy's there he's got a lot of teeth yeah he has so many teeth yeah yeah and most of them are near his mouth Yeah, most.

Some are a little nostril-y. Summer teeth. Some are not. I was reminded on the Discord recently that during the, oh, shit, wreck episode. Rec. Oh, oh, oh, I was thinking W-R-E-C-K and I was like, you know. We did wreck and Ralph? Yeah.

Was it good? Did we like it? We loved it. Great. Who doesn't love John C. Riley? I think he's the voice of Wreck-and-Ral. I might be making that up. Who fucking knows, but I do like John C. Riley?

Yeah. In that episode, I made the joke about someone having summer titties. And I was like, oh, I had now have to listen to that episode and find out what that joke was. What was it? Did you find out? Yeah, it was about the, like, creature at the end, like the little girl all grown up as a monster. Yeah. And I preferred her as having summer titties because some were high and some were low. Oh, God. And you got very upset about summer titties and kept yelling, they're not all the same size.

It's true. They're not all the same size. I'm very familiar. No, upset again. that's a good joke though so the zombie guy shows up yeah and then his friend shows up yeah yeah and then they help they help each other eat they eat professor airs what's he yell before they eat him i don't know i'm your friend oh i'm your friend that's why i wrote this down i'm your friend i'm your friend why would he be their friend he wanted to help the zombies out to do what now exactly get them smocks off i guess so

And then we get the title card for Knights of Terror. And I was like, fuck, I'm watching the wrong movie. I, like, watched the cast and compared it against the Wikipedia to be sure I was watching the right movie. You didn't just grab your DVD off the shelf to watch it. I didn't. And I had also already paid $1.99 for it. So I was like, if this is it, I'm still going to watch this one. Alan and I are talking about two different movies.

I'm waiting for that to happen. It will happen one day. And it'll be fun. Yeah. We'll make it fun. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. So then we get this jazzy soundtrack. Jazz, jazzy, jazz.

A lot of jazz in this one. Well, they call 1981 the jazz age. Great. The golden age of jazz. Yeah. The golden age of jazz. Yeah. 1881. Jazz and also poison. Warrant. Winger.

Wings. I'm going to be a couple years later because L.A. Guns is still a going concern at this point. or not L.A. Guns and Roses, yes. But Gunza Rose, it's an original incarnation with Tracy Guns and Axel Rose, hence the name Guns and Roses before he went on to be in L.A. Guns. Stop doing this to me. I'm so sorry I did this. I feel like I just like took a balloon and started pulling it apart to let the air come out. And you were like, I got to do it.

And it's just facts about the L.A. rock scene. Yeah. Oh, man. So, we are introduced to these characters, one of them being played by the actor, Peter Bark. Can we talk about Peter Bark? Please. You know Peter Bark? Just from this movie.

Okay. Yeah. I've never seen this movie before, obviously. Obviously, you do not own it on TV. It took me a while to realize he was a grown man. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He's like 25 at his point. I mean, I understand.

He was born in 55, so. Yeah. Yeah. I understand why they needed him to be a grown man. for what happens in this movie why they couldn't have a child playing this part but holy God is it unnerving

Real quick I want you to do a little thought experiment I'm gonna do a thought experiment They had to hire a man with dwarfism Does he have dwarfism He's totally proportionate Yeah yeah He just looks like a very small person

Yeah as far as I've heard what him being described as having dwarfism Okay fine What do I know? I might be totally off of it. off face with this. If I am, I apologize. I am just relaying, much like my mother told me that bumblebees can't sting.

I'm just relaying information that I've heard. Alan's misinformation campaign. I'm not a doctor. I don't know. I don't know shit about shit. But think about the fact that he had to hire him. Yeah. Because to do this movie, they had to have a scene where a kid does that to his mother.

Yeah, two scenes, two very uncomfortable scenes of a kid doing this to his mother. Listen, we're not going to not have those scenes in this movie. I feel like they wrote it. And then they were like, we can't get a kid to do this. And someone was like, what about a little person? So I watched a couple of the interviews on the DVD that I have with people who were involved in this movie.

Yes. And one guy was like, yeah, because of laws, we couldn't have a kid involved. I was like, you thought about having a child. It's not because of morals. No. It's because of laws. We couldn't have a kid involved. God.

All right. So his mom is way too hot. for her husband. Sure. What is he? He's disgusting, this man. This is George. It just looks like a wet sack of potatoes with a wig on.

He's a wet sack of potatoes who then dried and got wet again and they're really like shriveled but wet? Yeah, like the boxed potatoes, those potato flakes. You know, I kind of like those. Oh yeah, I'm not mad at them. I'm just saying if you were going to form a human being of them, they would not be an attractive gentleman. And then roll it in like the floor of a barbershop.

Yeah, exactly. Oh, God. He's upsetting. On Ginger Day. On Ginger Day. Yeah. Mom is the only real actor, from what I understand. I mean, Peter Mark has been in a few movies.

Sure. But as far as, like, she was the name. Because we know this, because when her name comes up in the credits, it's in a box. It's in a box. They put it in a box. She's pretty cool. Everyone else is also terrible. She's absolutely terrible.

Rretched. They cast another woman to play one of her friends. who looks just fucking like her. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And I was going to say it's because she was willing to get her tits out and I was like, nope. Everybody gets her tits out. Everybody gets their tits out. And this lady has found lingerie, like a corset boostier kind of deal. You just put it on. She just puts it on. And her boyfriend, also, she's way too hot for this

creep. Sure. He's gross too. Yeah. Yeah. He says you look just like a little whore. but I like that look on you. I like that in a girl. Is that what he said? I thought he said, I like that look on you. I like that in a girl. Okay. You know.

Just make it grosser somehow, buddy. Just keep... And then he just starts digging his chin into her stomach. I don't like that. I don't think. That's probably not my thing. I mean, it's like the movie sinners. It's celebrating Conellengus, right?

Is that what it is? But your chin on the stomach. In the tum-tum. He's just licking her rib cage. Is that you like it? So where the button is That brings down the whole cathedral As we learned last week

These people just really get off on rubbing Because we cut to Michael's mother I think her name is Evelyn I think so I could not catch anybody's Because I watched my DVD No subtitles So names are a loss on me Gotcha

And they're also just like rubbing on each other Yeah You know like The way I like to get on off his, like, tectonic plates. Oh, yeah. You just slide against me for a while. Absolutely.

I assume it was like, because also in one of those interviews, the guy was like, yeah, there's like some sex, but just soft stuff, just soft stuff. Like, he expected maybe they were going to get a little, but. He thought we were going to see full penny, as you call it. He's like, yeah, it was all right. We didn't go full penny. You know, I never see porn and don't think about you saying full penny. So that's kind of ruined me.

I don't forget about double penny Wow thanks for ruining another one I've got very little left Just porn bloopers from here on out Oh man I can't watch it regular I was just all on double penetration And now he's ruined that too Thank you so much

So they're rubbing around in the bed The door opens and a shadow approaches And neither of them say a word They both look aghast They look aghast Michael comes in You cover yourself up in the bed Instead of showing your kid your puss if you wanted

You know Listen she jumped up Put her hands over her tits Then lowered them and covered her vagina Leaving her tits Flying asunder I love this movie so much Oh my God

We now get our third couple This is Janet Janet whose hair changes drastically throughout the course of this film And so much so that at one point, I was like, is that the same person? I don't think it is. I think when she has the wig on that has the really tight curls,

it's her sister. Oh, maybe. I think it's her twin sister. A real, real Tisaferro situation. What now? Tisa Ferro, the Mia Farrow's sister, she's in zombie. Yes, got it. She's in necrophages as well, I think. Anyway, doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. But it's like swapping them two out. Yeah.

So, yes, we meet Janet and Mark, I believe. Yeah, Mark. Mark and his prematurely receding hairline. It's just trying to get away from him. Yeah, everybody is in this movie, or at least they should be. And they're, uh, yeah, she immediately, like, Janet's like, I'm gonna leave. We should go. Why are they?

Why are they? Who's home is it? It's the professor's home. They went to visit the professor. He summoned them all there. He had something very important to tell them. He's an, the fuck was that. Oh, no, I didn't.

Be fucking professional for once in your. your fucking life. We've been doing this almost 11 goddamn years. This is because I said double penny. This is why wasps come out of your butt. Turn your fucking phone off. I can't wait for that shirt from Justin. This is why wasps come out of your butt. We got back to the zombies.

One of them is just getting out of bed. Like, ah, I thought it was Saturday. Now I got to go to work. But, okay, so Professor Ayers is an Etruscan historian. Yeah, yeah, yeah. How does he know these bozos? Yep, they're all good friends from the Smart Academy. They're wildly different in age.

No, uh-huh. The difference between-poules, yes. Janet and George is probably 35 years. Yeah, at least. Okay. You could have a full Michael in between those two. Yeah. Don't ruin Michaels for me, too, okay?

Do you want a full Michael? Sorry, Peter Bark. I can ruin Peter Bark. There is only one. And that is not his name. Ah, okay. I mean, that is his stage name, but it's not his God-given. Yeah, Janet's like, we got to go.

We got to go. And Mark's like, Janet, be quiet and keep your shit to yourself. Okay, honey, okay? And she's like, okay. They suck. They suck. So immediately cut to dinner. The professor's still not there.

Right. And there's also there's help in the house There's a butler and a maid And they said that he often leaves before sun up And comes back after sundown, whatever He's just out there hard working You know how Professor Ayers is He's a hard worker

Yeah He's too busy to shave To shave or cut his hair Yeah He looks like hillbilly gym He also looks like the bass player From the wrecking crew Before he went gray

I don't know what that man looks like But I agree with you So there having dinner. They have an awkward conversation. What are they talking about? I don't even remember. And then everyone's like, we have to go do things and they all just leave Michael at the table. Yeah, poor Michael. And then mom's like, do you want to come with us, Michael? And he glares and glowers. He doesn't like his mom getting boned. I assume George is not his father. I'm assuming. Yeah. Although they're both pretty, I go. I'm just saying. And she's very beautiful.

She's really beautiful. I mean, Italian horror movies. Sure. Yeah, just get the most beautiful women you've ever seen and put them with the weirdest-looking human beings you've ever seen. I watch, I always watch these movies, and I look at these Italian women, and I think, but why not me?

And then I think, should I start hardlining the underside of my eyes with eyeliner? Do you think I should try that? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You think that's a good look for me? I also throw it out there. Yeah. Just random lingerie that you find. Oh, if I find lingerie, it's on my body.

It's on my body. I don't care if it fits me. I don't care if it doesn't fit me. I don't care if it's been worn. If you, I mean, I support you in any makeup decisions you want to do. What if, no, that can't possibly be true. White eyeliner, let's go. What if I started going full goth, just like clown paint?

Dude, I would fucking love it. You would not. You would not, you would not corpse paint. That's what I meant to say. I said clown paint, didn't I? I was thinking about juggalo's. I was debating whether to go goth or juggalo with that joke, and I just mixed them. I mean, one of them has better music.

That is the difference. I guess I'll go bath. So Janet and her Bozo boyfriend, who I only refer to as dip shit in all of my notes. He is such a dips shit. They go to take sexy photos, I think. Okay, I didn't know if he was just an Instagram boyfriend and also whether Instagram boyfriends are still a thing. Is that still a thing?

I don't know. This is the first I'm hearing of it. Instagram boyfriend. It's like, you know all those like women who are like, take my picture in front of this, take my picture in front of that. Take it 17 times. Take it with these shoes, you know. So they just have a fellow that they bring along with them to take...

Yeah, I've known some Instagram boyfriends in my life, yeah. Just walking around, holding their wife's coffee, you know? Sure, sure. Yeah. It's a living. Hey, you've got to make content. If you're not making content, you're not making deals. Exactly.

You're not making deals, you're not making sales. You're not making sales. You're not making money. And you're not getting coffee. And that's it. Coffee's for closers. Coffee's for closers. She says she should get a raise, and he says, you're getting a raise from me,

but it has nothing to do with money, to which I wrote, L-O-L-L-O-L-O-L-L-O-L-O-L- What was he talking about, Gating? He's talking about his dick. Do you think I like that joke? Because I did. I liked quite a bit. She told me to come, but I was already there. She falls down at this point and is like, it's like the ground disappeared right from under my feet.

And he's like, well, don't bother getting up or anything. The pictures they're taking of her standing behind a branch. Yeah. And he's like, no shift. Now move. Now move. Now shift. Now give me branch.

While this is happening, the help is in the house. else and the lights start flickering and the bulbs are shattering as they just stand there and kind of grown? Whenever a light bulb starts flickering, my first reaction is, ah!

I'm going to have to call an electrician. My wiring's so old. Oh, my God. So we also, we've got the fellow that I refer to as mustache man, who is the partner of the woman in the lingerie. I thought that what's her face Michael's mom was cheating on her

dude with him because the other lady looks so much like her. And he looks like a bunco dad from Hellraiser. Oh, yeah, he does. But like put through a pasta machine. Is that a slander against the Italian? It sure is. So they're out like

frolicing in the woods as well. I love the idea that all of these large adult people are so horny that they would just be fucking all over the grounds. They're all married to one another as we learn. Come on, buddy. You can fuck anywhere or more than likely nowhere. Yeah.

Especially with your 12-year-old child hanging around. Where they're shooting a gun in the room with all the artifacts? What are they? What? You know what guns are? Really fucking loud. Yeah, and a room full of stone. And like Michael is walking in front of the mother shooting.

And mom's just like, eh, I can take it. if it's a loss. I'll take the L on this one if you just want to blow him away. What is she putting that bullet into? Because we see her fire the gun, but we don't see where the bullet goes. Like a Truskin statue.

Yes, that's what I thought. You know what guns are, along with being very loud? Very destructive. So now everybody's making out, except for Mama dude who are shooting a gun. Yeah.

And then... But her... her dude is touching her tits, to which her son goes, Mama. It's so gross. Help. It's so gross. Like, he's obviously horny for his mom.

Yeah. And you're just like, you're not going to do this, right? We're not going to do this. I guess when I had read Sarah's review about the zombie breastfeeding scene, I had hoped for hyperbole. Nope. Nope. Nope.

I mean, that's not even the grossest thing this child, this child is. supposed to be doing. No. So as they're all making out, we see that a dead person starts rising up out of the ground, i.e. pulling his hands up out of the grass. Yes, out of the grass. But good maggots. Fucking maggots, we have maggots is a note that I have. We've got maggots. I think it'll be very upsetting to be the person in the maggot mask. And I feel like this is an interesting conversation given that a wasp just came out of your butt. How do you feel about having bugs real close to your skin.

I feel like the maggots wouldn't upset me as much as the earthworms that are taped to the one guy's face. Yeah, I felt bad for those worms. Yeah. Because worms are hard workers. Exactly. We need them. Who did this to them?

They just waited for it to rain and then they went out and collected them and taped him to a head. Thinking of vermiculturist on set to take care of the situation. No, no many worms were harmed. Many worms. And millions of maggots. Yeah. But he's taken his sweet time.

Oh, yeah. sweet time to get to them. They're big baby shufflers. They're just dry humping, to which I wrote the thing about dry humping is. I don't know. I'll never know. He never dry humped. No, it's just, it was a joke from, it was a callback from a previous episode.

Sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I just need to know what I meant. I feel like it's the purpose of my life. Oh, wait, this is your Jack Burton. Yes. You know what I say when it's melit time. Oh, man.

The thing about dry humping is I just need someone to fill in that black like for me. Someone get inside my brain. The friction. It's the friction. It's not what I mean by it, though. But while he's dry humping, he gets his ankle grabbed by Magut Man. They sort of pull and crawl away from him. Sort of. Janet doesn't really move. No, Janet doesn't really move it. And then they just sit and chat about it. Like, don't run from it. They call it a walking corpse. Maybe run.

they run and then I have a note whoa this one is spry because one of the zombies didn't get the note and starts walking fast yeah the second one pops up and it's like well now we got to get them let's hurry one of them says to the other this is a movie of people with absolutely no preserve self-preservation instinct sure no survival skills no survival and zero on-screen charisma oh god that's so good so great so delightful so Gives us all hope. A third one pops out of them while they're running like it's a corn maze haunted house. I like that a lot. That's the one that just has an eyeball stuck on top its eyeball.

Yeah. A couple of them have eyeballs on top of their eyeballs and I like them a lot. I do. Like they fell asleep and their left eye rolled into the right eye socket. Fuck, not again. That's what I meant by double penny when you get two eyes in the same hole. You're ruining everything. Now you're ruining eye socket porn for me.

is there anything else you'd like to take bowling pin shit you can take bowling pin shit if you want octopus nonsense go ahead make those jokes too wasp poopin waspoop porn that's it that's it that's all the thing about wasp poop porn is the thing about shitting out a wasp is should I go to the hospital I think of when you shit the second one yeah can you put your ear to my tummy and see if it's buzzing. Little wings flapping against your tum-tum. That's fucked up, Alan.

So while mom and Michael are snuggling after dad's been grabbing her boobs and Michael was jealous. Yeah. A zombie comes walking. What's dad's first reaction?

Pulls a gun. Pulls the gun. He shoots him. Yeah. And then shoots all of them, yeah? Yeah. And what looks like mud comes out of them except for the one that looks like piss. Yeah, it's like a green slob.

Which I'm into. I find this nice. Yeah, yeah. I also, there was one zombie in the scene who had like a sort of a rectangular hole in his face. Okay. And I liked him quite a bit. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I like the ones where they definitely ran out of makeup and they just have like a splash

of red on their face. Red and like a ton of eyeliner. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. The gots. Is this where Michael picks up a piece of like burlap wrapping and puts it to his face and says mother this cloth smells of death I think that's later on shut up yeah because when they walk in George goes who are you George you fucking dipshit

but they pull George apart they like dunk his head they put their hands on top of his head and push him to the ground as though they were dunking him in a pool and he was their little brother When they pull his hot dogs out? Yeah. Well, the way, thank you for everyone who tagged us in the story about the hot dogs being spilled on the turnpike outside of Pittsburgh. Perfect. Perfect.

Just everyone would mean like the first thing I thought was you. I saw a thing on our hot dogs today, which is a subreddit that I follow. And it was a man that said, it was just like a video that said something like relaxing after a long day. And it was a man holding a, he's like holding a hot dog. and he licks it like he's rolling a joint and then closes it up and then has this tiny bottle of ketchup and so he puts it to his mouth like a bowl and he just runs the ketchup down it and then he takes a bite and then he flicks he holds it between his fingers and he flicks the ashes off and takes another bite and I thought sir you are my soulmate except he puts ketchup on which we know

I would never do because ketchup is for children not true and that's amazing mustard and relish are the only way to eat a hot dog okay for you? No. For adults. But yeah, it's very fun and very bloody. They just pull him all apart. I love that it's just like pig intestines with tempora paint all over them.

They look great. It looks so good. It's a lot of fun. Oh, man. And then one of the zombies puts it in its mouth. And I'm like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, it's paint. That's definitely toxic. We cut to mustache and same looking lady.

And make it out again. And she. is great at not moving her mouth because all of her lines are of course dubbed, but she didn't, the actress didn't bother to move her mouth, which they deal with by just cropping her mouth out of all the shots. Just see her

from the nose up. Like she's the neighbor on home improvement. Yeah, very much so. But there's a zombie in a flower bed. Yeah, I liked this. Hoomst buried him in the flower bed. I don't know. He must have been a murder victim.

but they all sort of like pop up over the garden wall and no one runs and well they actually these two do start running eventually sure because she falls and he's dragging her by both hands yelling get up get up which is not how that works like overhand so she can and then he like puts his hand on her ass to make her run faster that would make me run faster if that man touched my ass i'd be out of here like fucking roadrunner not in the same direction he was going no as far from him as possible i'd run to the zombies and be like have you seen this fucking guy, just eat me. I don't want to be with him. John Waters called and he said, shave. He said, look, it's not really working for you. No, I can, yeah, not you. Me? Yes. You? No. Janet steps in a bear trap that was some, for some reason, in the middle of the backyard.

Yeah, who was that meant to catch? Who can say, Professor Ayers, loose cannon. Don't invite people over and not tell them that there are traps in the backyard. Mark is such a fucking dip. He can't get it. open. No. I think there's just a little like a simple release on them, yes? So you don't have to keep opening and closing it on her leg? I don't, I think you do have to

like use pressure to, because they're supposed to be to just like trap an animal. So yeah. I thought there was a latch that sprung it open that an animal wouldn't you know, doesn't have thumbs. I don't know. I've never, I've never sprung one. My trapping skills are zero.

I have seen the revenant beyond that. I have no other trapping skills. All you got. um yeah i mean but regardless mark is a fucking moron and also janet is a moron because he keeps opening the trap and she will not pull her leg back no the rest of your leg is fine you could actually just go ahead and pull it out and it doesn't even cut her skin no just she gets a boo-boo come on yeah yeah yeah come on janet uh this is i yes i just have a series of notes like mark is useless mark sucks mark sucks mark slightly pitchfork

because he picks up a pitchfork and like puts it against a zombie and the zombie like does the thing where he like pulls it into himself like no do it like this you're gonna stab me stab me like this because that also will not kill me yeah the zombie is even like what the fuck was that yeah and then starts choking him yeah this is where we see the earthworm zombie yeah yeah yeah yeah so other lady shows up uh huh and starts smashing skulls with rocks i'm into this yeah yeah yeah fake mom and then i hope she yeah i hoped fake mom had just like gone over and popped to open the trap. I've just been like, Mark, come on.

No, it took Mark and a mustache man. And then he's like, I'll carry you. I'm stronger than your boyfriend. And Mark is like, it's true. It's true. It's true. I understand my limitations. Yeah.

I have to keep pushing this hair over so you just know that this wispy wish is covering my sadness. He's like a poverty man's John Saxon. He's an indigent John. Saxon. So, mom, this is where I think we get the scene

of Michael saying, Mom, this cloth smells like, Well, this is where I think he wants to set the zombie on fire. Right. And then mom started setting people on fire.

Setting it on fire in the building seems unfucking wise. So a little fun fact in the interviews that I'll decide if it's fun. What's that? I'll decide if it's fun. Okay. Little fact, potentially fun.

Okay. Actually, it's not fun. It's actually horrifying. Okay. So the zombie that gets lit on fire, I believe the second one. Yeah, yeah. The flammable stuff went into their costume and they were actually burning and screaming, I'm burning. But the director wouldn't stop filming.

Oh my God. Because he's like, I'm not losing this gold. This is gold. Jesus, were they to the heal? I don't know if you clocked it or not, but like while they're burning, the film slows down. Okay. And I think that's so that they could stretch out because this man was actually burning. Did he die?

No, he didn't die. He just got terribly maimed. Yes, but two of the people that were interviewed were like, and he just, he didn't stop filming. They were like, shook all these years later. This is Andrea Bianchi, which I don't know that we've done another. I don't think so. Oh, wow, I have definitely not seen any of these other movies, such as strip nude for your killer. What the Peeper saw.

Do you think that's a penis-eye view of a world? Confessions of a frustrated housewife. Cry of a prostitute. The seduction of Angela, naughty teen. Andrea Bianchi, you a creep. Oh, he made Treasure Island. He made Treasure Island with Orson Wells as Long John Silver. Have you ever seen this?

No. Me either. How did he slip Softcore fucking? into it. Oh, God, I hope not. Poor baby Jim Hawkins. Jim Hawkins is being played by a 36-year-old man. What the fuck? Genuinely, when I say, what the fuck. I love it. Yeah. We should do that next. No, I bet he, I bet someone drowns in that movie. He has a movie from 1991 called Fleshy Doll.

I wish you at all. I mean, you could feel the face, but if you could see the face that Katie I just, I think he just made a lot of erotica. Sure. Not all horror. Yeah. You seem shook by this man's oof. I mean, it's an exploitation. Terrified by a horde of lustful unmarried women, a man is forced into marriage by his very

sick uncle. Wait, Oscar Wilde wrote this? What are you talking about? I'm going, I'm sorry, I'll be back in about two hours. I need to go down this rabbit hole. Oscar Wild? A horde of lusty housewives was not how I expected that sentence to go.

Okay, okay, I have to stop. I have to stop. We've got to get back to this one. Strip nude for your killer. Strip nude for your killer. A fashion model dies during a botched abortion and the people closely connected to her are murdered one by one. What? No.

What the fuck? Don't. I don't know why. I don't know why. I don't know why. So we get a lot of shots of zombies just kind of like milling around. Yeah, it seems like they've got a nice little society down there. Yeah. Yeah. And then everybody gets back to the house. Everybody who is still alive, RIP, George. They are all just doing a lot of like freezing, standing, staring, sideways crab walking instead of like running or attacking.

But yeah, the zombies are just out there by the cars, which I thought, please let them steal them. I'm surprised they didn't by all of the tools and whatnot that they do later on in this movie. They set up a very elaborate ruse at the end of this film. They used a battering ram. They construct a battering ram

out of tree branches. When they are knocking on the door and we get the door's eye view of the zombies knocking and it's just people fake knocking on a camera, I was so happy. Very good. Is this also where they

do the candle POV? Like who needs to actually see the movie? Just look at the candle. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah.

Um, the maid brings everybody drinks once they're inside and it's like, is this the time for this? I just feel like maybe I'm no longer employed by you and perhaps never was, you know, at this point. Because like later in the movie, they send the butler off to do something by himself.

I'd be like, fuck you. I don't work for you. I'm going to finish this brandy. Yeah. Oh, my God. Uh, so the maid brings him drinks and then goes upstairs to look at a window. With all of her body. With all.

Well, if you're going to look, take it all outside. Take it all. Take it all outside. A zombie grabs a railroad spike. A railroad spike. It was just there in the garden. Yeah, it was there with a bear trap. Got it, got it, got it.

And chucks it at enough velocity that it goes through her hand and the stone wall and nails her to the fucking wall. I think it's meant to go through the shutters and they were like, oh yeah, that could go through, but if she's not tall enough, like her arm isn't long enough, so they had to stick it to the stone, and it looks so funny. But then they come up, they use tools, they come up with a scythe, and they cut her head off. What are you laughing at? It was the best, because she just goes, no, no, no. She doesn't try to pull it out with her other free hand. Or just fuck that hand. Fuck that hand. Rip it the fuck off. Yeah, I mean, this fleshy bit here between

your thumb and your forefinger, that could rip right through. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They cut her head off and then there's a long shot of her, like, her body, not spraying blood, but dripping blood? And I was like, yeah, yeah, she had really low blood pressure. I like when her head comes down and lands on them. It feels like they're all a really good team. You know what I mean?

It feels like they've really perfected their craft. It also feels like a rugby scrum. Yeah. And also one of the dudes comes up. and finds the maid there. I can't remember who it is. But he just throws her body down, I guess, just to see what will happen,

which is that her hand rips from the spike and they eat her. Well, this is a mustache who's been walking around going, Kathleen! Kathleen! Oh, that's right. Kathleen! She doesn't answer because her head's being eaten.

But he's like, he does it as like a, well, let's see what happens. Yeah, he's very experimental. It feels very scientific. Yeah. Well, he's in the sciences with Professor Ayers, I assume. Oh, good question. call.

Good call. Why would you throw her body down? I don't know. To give them more of a taste for blood? Come on, guy. Maybe this is all they wanted. Maybe. Maybe they'll go away if I give them Kathleen.

They have a lot of dumb ideas. They're like, why don't we let the zombies in the house? Maybe they're just looking for something in the house. Maybe they're like an object. Bro. There's a long scene of the bra of the zombies going out to the shed. and all coming back with tools. I feel like they went out there

and divvied them up. Like they are a society. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. So, um... This leaves mustache's lady friend by herself. Yeah.

She is a beautiful woman. Yeah. Her, the bottom half of her outfit is incomprehensible. She's wearing a middy length skirt. Yeah. Which looks great. Great length. Yeah.

With like some sort of flappy white pants tucked into white boots? Oh, I didn't notice the pants. I thought they were just the boots. No. Okay. I think they're full pants. Wow.

It's bad. It's a bad look. Skirt and pants. Bringing it back. Skirt and pants. It's a look. Yeah. I used to wear dresses over jeans, I guess, in my, like, baby doll emo phase.

I was going to say, watching a lot of early seasons of Project Runway, there's a lot of like, I just want to put a pants underneath this dress, see how it looks. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Did you? Why? Did you? Why? Anyway, zombie grabs her by the hair.

which is fine. She doesn't use her hands to fight. She just yells. And then we get the, oh, you have seen zombie too. Draggs her head through a pane of glass. Yeah.

And puts her eye against the bait of glass. Because Italy. Because Italy. Yeah. Yeah. So now we've got the butler. And somebody else. I think it might be the blonde lady or her sister.

He's holding like a candelabra. Uh-huh. He lights one candle and then they clearly turn on a, flashlight. It's very funny. It gets so much brighter and you see the light come on the wall behind him. That's how candles work, dog. What a young butler. Do you think he was born into butlering? Yeah, yeah. His grandfather buttled, his father buttled. And he's, it comes on a long line of bottles. But good, good quality buttling. Just wondered. So is this when Janet is in the room full of weapons? It does nothing. Yeah. Well, she grabs a pole arm that she just goes

yeah because they've learned at this point that you can kill them by smashing their heads and that it's also not that hard sure yeah their heads seem to be made of like papayama shah yeah yeah and filled with gugh the zombies are really working these like thin interior doors sure and the butler nicholas goes over to look at them and he comes back and he goes they're right outside you know shit they're working the handle and then some surprised when they get through the door stunned the door is shaking I think really the problem that keeps this movie from being scary is that no one is willing to run or fight sure like she has a thing hit them what are you doing like you know how to kill them no if you just put it against

them or just hold it menacingly at them while sobbing I don't know I feel like I'd be very scared but I also feel like I'd fucking fight sure you know yeah yeah yeah yeah we get a shot of mom is protecting Michael and looks what? This is where I learned, realized he was a man right now. And in my notes, I'm deeply upset. And then I said,

oh, this is why. What's he doing, Alan? Why don't you describe this scene to everybody in this movie that you chose? Well,

the first way we get to see where they're seeing some zombie shit go on and this woman looks genuinely distressed that she's in this film. Like, it does not look like she's acting.

She's like, what am I doing? what have I signed up for how did how have I fallen so far and and it's amazingly this realization does not come also in the next scene which is she's comforting Michael her baby her baby he's maybe 12 yeah he's a grown ass fucking man he's 25 years Jesus born in 1955 it we 55 65 65 75 yeah he's 26 oh my god yeah yeah yeah uh she's comforting him he starts making out with her she seems okay with she's right with a little, like, smooches. It seems to be like pecks on the cheek at first,

and then it's pecks on the lip, and then they're, like, kissing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then he grabs her boob, and she's like, yeah, boys are weak boys. You know what I'm saying? He says something about you, the way you used to hold me to your breast.

Okay. Uh-huh. Yeah. And then he runs his hand down her, oh, no, you tell this part, actually. I shouldn't have to feel ashamed. You should. this is your shame

hold on let me let me get my notes back so yeah he he runs his hand down her thigh I've just passed my note that says I'm eating ice cream and a couple flavor vanilla just plain little vanilla little chocolate syrup and peanut butter in there with it

I'll spruce it up myself good little spruce goose I'll have peanut butter I might go home and eat some peanut butter out of the jar actually fingers no spoon no spoon I use a spoon Other people eat that peanut butter in my house.

Sure. Yeah, sure. So, yeah, he runs his hand at her thigh, touches her underwear, no-no zone. And she's like, nope. She slaps him. Yeah, she slaps him. And what is his response? What's wrong?

I'm your son. I'm your son. That's what's wrong, frankly, right there. That's what's wrong. Bottom half of the sentence answered the first half. Need not answer. You answered your own fucking question. I guess nobody was looking for a red shirt lady, because

now she's a zombie she's a zombie she's a zombie yeah who who happens upon her in her zombieness i don't know michael does that's right michael does he runs off yeah uh we also see that there's a bunch of zombies in the yard and there are someone i think it might be janet is above them on the balcony like why not just start dropping heavy things on their heads listen get a dresser she has set herself up as being uh she goes with the flow she's not here to make decisions or do thing. She's just here to be photographed and fall down a lot. I got this calendar of pictures of me with sticks that I'm going to put out this season. You're going to love April. There's buds. So yeah. Oh my God. Oh, my God. Eventually, the mom goes to look for Michael. She finds her friend

eating his arm. Yeah. Don't worry. That arm will be back. You're right. And she goes to pick up Michael's dead body without even considering the friend whose facial expressions were killing me. She looked like a Reddit meme. You know what I mean? She's so happy to be eating that boy's arm. She's adorable. That's my favorite scene in the movie is just how wide open and her eyes are and how high

her eyebrows are raised as she's nom in this kid's arm. Her zombie makeup works for her. She looks kind of hot in that zombie makeup. She's sexy. I know. Yeah, so he's shit, mom's yelling things like, Leslie, you killed my son, damn you. You bitch.

God damn you, God damn you, God damn you. Leslie's not all right. And she's about to be even worse. Yeah. Because mom slams her head into the tub. Yeah. And the gray stuff comes out. Blood and white paint maybe.

Or primer, perhaps. Or I've heard that when you film milk, it looks gray. Maybe they were filled with milk. And then I wondered why she had blood and not green goo, but I guess maybe that's just an aged zombie. Sure. Sure. Like a good wheel of cheese.

I love cheese. More, yeah. Oh, yeah. Obviously. Sorry. I just, I didn't want cheese to think that I didn't still love it. I had to tell it. Oh, God. No, it never thinks that. It knows who it is. I'm fucking delicious.

Yeah. So this is where we cut to the zombies have forged a battering ram and they're taking on the front door of the house. Can't be mad at that. They're all working together in unison. Yeah, and the people in the house are just watching them do this. They're like, wow, I hope they don't get through. Why

are none of these people carrying a fucking weapon of any kind? Like, I've seen enough movies set in a big house like this to know there's a billiard room, which means there are pool cues, which means you could be busting skulls. There was a room with like fucking hatchets and shit in it. You're very right about that.

And a pole arm. You could keep at a distance. Just hit them. Oh, my God. Literally, all they had to do was hit them. The zombies rarely fight. They just come up on you

and they're like, are you ready to go? And you're like, I guess. If your head were made of a papilla machet. A poppamasha. You would not want to fight out because you're like,

this is, this dome is going to pop. It's going to splinter. And it's going to get all over the floor. Yeah. And then I'm not going to get credit for this assignment I was supposed to be doing. No. I put too much glue on my ace bandages.

You know who loves Poppy Amish and my cousin Vicki. Sure. I can see that. Always making shit out of it. She, like, tries to find Halloween costumes where she can build something out of paper machine.

Always looks kind of fucked up, you know? She made a pinata once, and it was so thick, no one could break it. I think you'd done fucked up, Vicki. I feel like these zombies should have made their heads out of the same thing. Seriously. Oh, man. Here's where heaven knows this is the poor worms. lute to people's faces. I know. It's brutal. So a zombie kills a butler.

This is um Ayers. Professor Ayers comes back. Oh, that's right. That's right. That's right. He's looking pretty rough. Might want to consider the he may too be a zombie, seeing as how he's all covered in blood and his face is jacked up. But the butler's like, hi, professor. We've been wondering where you were. I thought it looked like he had scurvy. Yeah, you did. Whatever that might look like. Red around the eyes. Yeah. Yeah. So, but yeah, the zombie kill or the professor kills the butler he's so stretchy his skin is so stretchy well that's yeah he just got he stretches out so can get them hot dogs okay so the way that professor professor airs is fantastic yeah he's like physical acting in the scene the way he's eating nicholas is how i eat wings

and it's very embarrassing like i have to be comfortable with a person in order to eat wings in front of them because i just want to get all the fucking way in there like he is and that's just what i thought of when he was eating them. And he, like, reaches in and grabs, like, maybe his liver or something. Yeah, there's, like, an animal liver in there. Yes, and that actually turned my stomach, which so rarely happens anymore that I was very happy about it. He's fighting for it.

Like, the other, like, greasy bits are in the way, and he's like, I want that liver. That liver, yeah, it's gnar. Filled with iron. That's going to help this scurvy out. Yeah, he's got anemia, big time. Oh, my God. So now Moostache, Mark, Janette are on the run.

Mom, too. Yeah. Mom, too. Yeah. And they're heading out to, I don't know, an abandoned room where they hang out for a little while. They're in a basement, I think, where all the tiles are on the floor but not secured.

Sure. I don't think that was done correctly. And Mark falls asleep. He's had a hard day. He's had a hard day. Yeah. When they decide to leave. Janet's like, I can't go on.

She starts acting like a drunk teenage girl begging to be left to sleep with her head on the toilet. Like, just leave me, I can't go. Like a drunk teenage girl who's watched too many Vietnam movies and is telling her fellow soldiers to go on without her. Leave me to die. Just leave me a grenade. I'll take some out with me.

But mustache spots a monk. Yeah. Yeah, he does. Yeah, he does. Fucking, I love these zombies so fucking, like, guys, guys, you know, be funny. This one's even, he even wears the belt. He belts the gown. Yeah.

And he follows the monk. And where does the monk go? A room full of monks. All of them sort of frozen solid heads down meditating. And he's like, oh, I'm so sorry to have interrupted your meditation. There's something terrible going on. But, ooh, the hands. Look at their hands.

What's with their hands? Their hands have bones on top their hands. bones and oatmeal and like newspaper clippings they're great i love the hand makeup too because it like for like these guys it doesn't go below the wrist so as soon as they move you just see their regular arm their regular arm uh okay here's a question for you yeah please these zombies who are sitting around this table doing this ruse yeah obviously the one zombie had to go out and lure them to come to them what were the other ones doing were they chatting were they always in the meditation post. Did they wait for him to get back to go into the meditation post? Oh no, it was definitely

like, okay, he's coming. Like a surprise party. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, got it. Got it. Got it. Uh-huh. You think that many of them could have eaten mustache much faster. They're taking their sweet time with him. You gotta savor that mustache. You can savor it. Think about the flavor that's in there. I don't want that in my teeth. Flavor saver. Ugh. I have written here, close up on chewing bloody teeth is cute. So the rest of the... Oh, go ahead. I'm sorry. I had nothing.

So the rest of the party, here's mustache screaming. Yeah. Do they run? Why would they run? Well, they do run. They run towards him with no weapons or anything. I thought they were leaving these fucking morons. They went to look.

I love that you have a note about the zombie bloody teeth chewing thing. And I have a note, wow, the whale on those cords is huge. Yeah. can't be man so all the all the monks sort of process out after them yeah they're keeping they're keeping with the monk motif as they walk away i stay behind and eat mustache a delicious body in the hand is worth two in the bush as they say sure sure yeah i love your aphorisms thank you i'm working i've been working on them but so now he's now he too is a zombie because they haven't killed him killed him sure so like it's just more mouth to feed you know. And I like that his zombie makeup is just a splash of blood on his face.

Yeah, they ran out. This is act three, baby. Sorry, buddy. Yeah. He made the other lady look so hot. Now it's got a bloody face. He's got a bloody mustache. So they get to a model builder's workshop,

as you do. Yeah, it's a weird room of stone chotchkes. Yeah. Like one third, like scale things. Yeah, why would you? Who was doing this? The model maker. Okay, okay.

Doing his models. This is a common thing? Yeah. Yeah, well, you got a castle in Italy. There's a model maker somewhere around there. Who's going to make a puppet master if you're not doing that? I guess that's true. So they're like, go in and they secure the door and they're like, okay, let's go upstairs.

Yeah. What's upstairs, Katie? Zombies? Zombies, yeah, yeah. Just fucking fight them. They are not strong. Well, Mark actually does. He kills that zombie.

Well, okay. Mark picks up what appears. just to be like a nul post for the top of a, um, a banister, basically. And he goes to hit the zombie, but just keeps hitting it in the shoulder. It looks very evident that he's aiming for the shoulder. Because, like, if you hit me in the fucking head, Mark, I will take you the fuck out. You deserve to be eaten, Mark. And then he, I just wrote, give him the old Irish kiss.

I guess I felt he should have headbutted him. But then, Katie, who comes walking out the door? But wait, he does throw him over the wall. Yes. He throws him over the wall. That works too. So now they're going to advance to the second floor. Yes.

He's cleared the way. He's cleared the way. But now someone else comes through the door, Katie. It's Michael, two-armid to Michael. The zombieism gave him his arm back. Yeah, just grew right on back. And what's mom's reaction to seeing Michael? She loves him and they'll always be together.

How many times does she say his name? Ferdier? What? Is that 46? Two, three hundred. Michael, Michael, Michael. I have written here, oh no, I think this is the part I have been bracing for. I like check the timestamp on the movie and I was like, it has to be now.

Thank you, Sarah. Oh, yes, go ahead, Michael. You used to love that as a child. All babies, the breastfeed love it. It keeps them alive. I just want to say. I assume as a child she meant like yesterday. Yeah.

earlier he pulls at her boob he's she's like all right all right baby get on in there you know i was i was a little rushed earlier when i whenever her buffed your advances fuck dude oh yes darling just like when you were a baby god help me the other two are like what the fuck and as well they should be they don't leave though no though of course they don't leave they want to watch i wouldn't see where this goes yes i'm sorry you would too of all the times they don't run in the movie, this is the reason you wouldn't. You'd be like, I just need to find out. I just need to know.

You can't erase that from your mind. Do not watch this. You're already, no, you're already so traumatized. This is like, well, at least it's weird. In for a penny? In for a child biting his mother's titty off. Yeah, of course he bit your fucking tit off. Why are you crying? You knew this was

going to happen. They probably, you're right, though. They should have run when she decided to sacrifice her tits to the zombie child. A sentence I've gotten to say only because of this podcast. Oh. We get this great shot of Michael holding a piece of flesh and like ripping away. Yeah. Like it's wild bills beef jerky.

Like it's really tasty, but very hard to bite. It's like so dehydrated, you know. Sure, sure, sure. Which is not, you know, does not speak well with mom's boom. No, she had great tits. Yeah, I feel like they be tender flesh. That's like a deviled egg, you know? You don't have to bite in that hard.

Jesus, bro. Oh, my breast, the consistency of a devil's egg. I'm full of mayonnaise. I'm constantly popping them. They're also sprinkled with paprika, and I do not know why. I put a little old bay on it for the old flair. Old bay, smart. I forgot you got that old bay thing.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't put all bay on my tits. Sorry, I have to go. People are just like, why? Why do you smell like shrimp oil? Are you eating crabs earlier? You've been putting old bay on my tits. They love a little celery salt.

Maybe if you put old bay on your butt hole, all the wasps will fly out because they'll be looking for it. You know what I mean? Why, do you think they're from Maryland? No, I just feel like if they're in your butt hole, they like, well, bay. I'm hoping that was the one. Where there's one there may be more. They're like deer.

So we get the zita of the zombies grab mark and walk them over to a table saw and then basically go, hang on a second, and turn the saw. Why would they want this? How do they know how to use a circular saw? What are they doing? Why not just eat them? You've eaten everybody else. This is where I notice that the blonde lady's hair is no longer curling. Different woman.

Nope. So now George walks in, mustache walks in, professor walks in, the whole. gangs back together. Gangs back together. There's a guy eating mom's face in a way that looks sort of like delicate and cheeky. Cheeky. This is where I caught the fucking typo. Yeah, the prophecy of the spider is once again given. What is your last note? My last note is prophecy. Actually, prophecy. Foyced by your own petard. Witcher. Remarkable. I'm so glad to hear that. I'm a deeply broken human being. This is, this is where it is revealed. I'm a hundred percent sure that had I burst this into your life 10 years ago. Distressed. Different reaction.

Totally. We would have, we would have had to have a talk. We would have had a fight. And now you're like, you know what? Yeah. Ask me what I, ask me what I want to read this. Can't let me get a rating on a burial ground. Ten wasps in a toilet. You? I'm going to give it nine, but I'm your son. I was taking a sip when I was drinking when I was, when he said that, that was almost very bad for your dog. Oh my God. But I'm your son.

What's wrong? But I'm your son. I'm your son. Bro. I'm pretty sure this was a team Fulte watch. I'm sure. Like early in the morning, you're just losing your mind and it's just like, what is happening right now.

I cannot wait to show this movie to others. It's a fever dream of a movie. There's no plot, zero plot. Nothing. Oh yeah. It's just zombies eating people. Yeah. And people fucking.

And incest. Yep, that's about it. Thanks for making that movie, guys. Yeah, great work, Andrea Bianchi. Sorry for the person who got burned. Katie. Alan, can I read you an email? I would love that.

It says, well, well, well. Oh, I don't like the sound of that. Wellie, wellity, wellity. Oh, do we have a nemesis? Y'all back. Oh. I was sorry to hear Katie did not like Evil Eye. Evil Eye, the beer?

It was a... Oh, the Mario Baba movie. I just haven't finished it. Look, I just haven't gotten to the end of it yet. I fall asleep really easy. But in the immortal words of Edith Massey. Yeah. They can all be winners, kid.

Thank you. I quickly recover from that upset when you announced that you were hanging around Italian horror town for a minute. Oh. It's my home. It's so cozy. Italy in the 70s and 80s, sign me the fuck up. Okay.

The interiors, the outfits, the hairstyles, the cars, the dubbing, the what the fuck of it all? It's perfect. I can't wait to see what. you will dig up. Be careful, though. We all know animals in the 70s. We're not safe. For instance,

do not watch blue eyes of the broken doll. No, I've heard that. I've heard. You've told me about this one. That name's enough to keep me away from a thing because that's like, oh, someone is getting hurt in that movie.

Yeah, that's somebody's deep childhood trauma, isn't it? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm not a joiner, but I signed up for the Patreon in solidarity. Oh, thank you so much. Chal Compare.

Steph. Thank you, Steph. That was really nice of you to reach out. I hope you both have an excellent day. Thank you so much. It's been okay. It's been okay. Yeah, been all right.

Yeah, I do like wellity, wellity, wellity. Wellity, wellity. It sounded menacing until we got there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Should we do more Italian horror next week? I think we should in honor of Steph. Steph, this is for you. Yeah.

What are we doing? Demons two. Demons too, baby. If you don't like that we're doing all Italian stuff, you don't have to listen. That's all right. Listen, this podcast is here to bring us, Joy. It's actually 100% for us. And then the joy that we get from it, we put out in the world, we give you that joy back.

We tell you about shitting out of wasp. What if we don't? God, did it tickle? It was not in my bottle. It was already in the bowl. I'm convinced of that. That doesn't make any sense. That doesn't make any fucking sense.

He went in for a drink and then was like, no. When your big white ass was coming at it? Oh, it's the only part of my body that's tant. I had chaps that I wear the tanix long. Very good. A thick lead vest. You don't want to get a burn. I don't want to get skin cancer.

We got to go back to the Patron, too. What should we do for the August? I don't know. End of summer. I'll think of something. I'll put a pole up. Yeah. Okay.

You work on that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You get on that. Maybe something beachy. Ooh, beach action. Beach action. Cruise, speed two cruise control. Put it on the list.

That's the full of the yacht or the cruise ship, right? It sure is. that can't go above or up to a speed I think it's really slow. I'm going to be real honest with you. I've never seen speed two cruise control. It's got your boy in it though. Which one? Jason Watses Nuts from the Lost Boys.

Jason Patrick? Yeah. No, I haven't seen it. Yeah. I think you'd like it. Why is he my boy? I don't know. He's everybody's boy.

Oh, okay. He's very hunky. He is pretty lost boys. He's hunky. Yeah. Yeah. So come back for demons too. They come back for demons too.

Join the Patreon to see what we're going to do next on the Patreon. Yeah, sorry we missed a month. Again, I had mental health breakdown. Fuck you guys. Look, we owe you all $5, all right. I love, love, love. Hey, I'm really sorry. Fuck you.

This is who I am. I feel a lot of guilt about a lot of things, but I also logically recognize that, like, I'm not at fault for everything, so then I assume that it's their fault that I feel this way, so then I have to say, fuck you. These people who are supporting us. So supportive people are just so nice. We're being carried around on a palan by these beautiful human beings.

And I'm just like, you'll like it. Fuck you! That's pretty good actually. Let me eat cake. I love cake. You want to be the girl with the most cake. I do. Thanks for listening to another episode of Wearwell Ambulance.

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