Werewolf Ambulance: A Horror Movie Comedy Podcast - Episode 530- Cemetery Man (1994)

Episode Date: September 1, 2025

Whoops, your girl just realized today is Monday! It's Labor Day here in the US so I just plain forgot. Here's the episode, 1994's bizarre horror (comedy?) "Cemetery Man." We'll be off our Italian shit... next week, we promise.

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 Katie. As per our off-air conversation, here we go. Okay. Have you watched the TV show Code of Silence? I have not. It is on Britbox. It is about a deaf woman who gets brought into the police to lip read on surveillance conversations and then proceeds to make the worst decisions
Starting point is 00:00:41 you've ever made in your life. This sounds amazing. It's like, oh, I'm sorry, is Trace is not putting out a new season? Because I need a new season. Are they not putting out a new season of Traces? I guess they can't really at this point. Not at this point.
Starting point is 00:00:53 Okay, so this is the new Traces. This is the new Traces. Fantastic. Code of silence. Please check it out. Okay, great. Yeah. Cemetery, man.
Starting point is 00:01:01 Cemetery, man. Cemetery, man. Okay, I need to be really, really honest with you. Oh, Lord. I think our thing is honesty. We are the greatest of friends. It's the best policy. It's not always the best policy.
Starting point is 00:01:14 A lot of times it's the, sometimes it's the best policy. Do these shoes make me look fat? No. Ack. So, this movie took everything out of me, the first half. Just, I put everything I had into the first half of this movie. And the second half, put everything back into it. And the second half I was, I just could not.
Starting point is 00:01:35 I skipped ahead a few minutes. I'd watch a few minutes. I skipped ahead a few minutes. It's bad. Katie. Alan. It's not like me. It's not like me.
Starting point is 00:01:47 Katie ambulance. Yes. No, Katie, no, that's you. Sorry, we have not gotten married yet. No. Don't say yet. Don't say yet. Well, you don't say yes.
Starting point is 00:01:59 I'm just a free spirit. Oh, man, I'm just imagining our marriage of convenience where for some reason the two of us have to get married for... It turns out you need a green card for some reason, you know? And we're like, fuck, fine. And then hilarity and so... You may now high five the bride. Oh man
Starting point is 00:02:31 So this stars one Rupert Everett Stunningly cute For a Brit My first note is Hubba Hubba Rupert Yeah Oh hi Rupert Everett is what I have written here I mean he's just out of like
Starting point is 00:02:43 My best friend's wedding Like he's a sex symbol Yeah yeah And then apparently he Kind of like Soft came out of the closet And everyone's like Oh really?
Starting point is 00:02:53 I don't think so champ Yeah we're not going to book you at anything Oh god that sucks Yeah it's really terrible Yeah Yeah, homophobia. It's a real piece of shit, it turns out. Turns out.
Starting point is 00:03:03 Yeah. Well, anyway, this movie starts and I was like, is this the beginning of the movie? I felt like I had come in 10 minutes in. Oh, yeah, you're meteor, res. You're in there. He's already living his life. He's already shooting zonboes. Yes.
Starting point is 00:03:17 Oh, just somebody knocks at the door. It looks like a guy who would be a stereotype of a man who would make pizza and then he shot the face. However, he is French, this man. He's like a French music. He owns like a French record label. Oh, are you talking about Nyaki? You can't say Nyaki.
Starting point is 00:03:35 Sorry, Nyagi. This little potato dumpling? Yeah, yeah, I am. No, no, I'm talking about the guy who comes to the door that he shoots in the head. Oh. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He looks like he would be standing outside of a pizza parlor. Sure.
Starting point is 00:03:46 This is the guy right before Blue Weird Al. I think this is Blue Weird Al. He's got super kinky hair? Yeah, yeah, okay, fine. This is the same man. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Very kinky. Very kinky.
Starting point is 00:03:59 To be fair, I watched, never mind. I'm not going to get into it. He puts a spade right into his head because he has forgotten his gun. Yeah. What's you doing out here, Rupert Everett? He's just living his best life. This is Francesco Delamorte.
Starting point is 00:04:14 Yeah. Of the dead. Yeah. He works at a cemetery. As you do. As you do. And he, is it his entire job just to put away zombies? His entire job is to bury
Starting point is 00:04:27 people. The putting away zombies he has kept from the local officials. But he doesn't keep it from the local officials. Well, once it becomes too much. Okay, okay, gotcha, gotcha. Nyagi says nothing but nya. Yes, that's true. Until he doesn't. He eats spaghetti
Starting point is 00:04:43 with his bare hands too, and I thought see, like, I'm not the only one. And yes, the actor who plays Niyagi that is Francois Haji Lazzaro. Wow, that sounded really French when you said it. He is basically like the French go-go Bordello.
Starting point is 00:05:04 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's pretty cool. Yeah. Can't be mad at that? I am not that. No, fuck. I'm not even the American Gogo Bordello. That you know of.
Starting point is 00:05:13 I think I would have found out by now. I think I'd have gotten a paycheck by now. I feel like there would be a lot more like squeeze box accordions in your life if you were. That's not for me. No, no. No, it's true. It's true. It's true.
Starting point is 00:05:26 So, uh, wait, what was I going to say? So this is in Italy. Yeah. Despite everyone being British, for the most part.
Starting point is 00:05:38 Yeah, there's a fair amount of Italians and then one Finnish Italian actor. Yeah, but they're speaking in British accents. Sure. Okay. Sure.
Starting point is 00:05:46 It's never really accounted for. I think all the overdubbing was in British accent. I guess, yeah, I got it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This movie is just off-putting from the jump. Sure. I'm already like, why is Robert Everett here? I don't know.
Starting point is 00:05:59 Other than being beautiful. Other than being beautiful, but like, that's not what I want. I want some guy with a weird fucking mustache and really frizzy hair. That's who I want in this movie. Yeah, but he's got to spade the head. So what are you going to do now? Oh, that's true. So this movie is, uh, it is definitely fashion over function.
Starting point is 00:06:18 For sure. It is definitely, uh, beautiful over plot line. I mean, any sort of. cohesion, coherence, whatever. Dr. Suave does not enjoy a plotline. Is he a doctor? In my mind. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:06:36 Honorary doctor from your university. So he lays out for us that after the seventh night of death, these people return from the dead. And it has something to do with these trees that are growing out of their graves, but that's I was going to say does it? Yeah, but like all of them have trees growing either out of them or at least out of their graves.
Starting point is 00:07:02 Okay, all right. We meet Mrs. Caramondo. What does she mean by engineer in this sense? Like what does engineer mean in a cemetery? I feel like that was like a translation issue that went into the script and they were just like
Starting point is 00:07:19 fucking roll with it. Rupert Everett reads it and is like, I don't know if that's, okay, all right. right. Excuse me, Mikele. We see that Nyagi is at war with leaves and the wind. He just doesn't like when the wind blows the leaves around. Yeah. Yeah. Does that have something to do with the end of the movie? I don't know. Okay.
Starting point is 00:07:43 I've seen, I've seen this movie a bunch of times. It'll come as no surprise to you. I own this film. I'm not surprised. But you don't know what happens in it. No, no one does. including McKillet-Swaffe. It's based on a book and maybe comic books as well. Delamorte, Delamorte. Of the death of the death. No, it's Delamorte Delamore.
Starting point is 00:08:07 Oh, is that what it is? The death of the love. See, I gave the second half of this so little. That even the second half of the book title, you're like, I don't have time to second wrap this. I'm so sorry. So a funeral is coming in, and Rupert Everett is all slack-jawed
Starting point is 00:08:23 at this morning woman, who does have great legs. She has great legs, and she has the lip filler lips that people would fucking kick their dicks off for it. Yeah, but she has them. She just got them. She lives that life. He calls her the most beautiful living woman I have ever seen. And I thought, bro, living?
Starting point is 00:08:43 What does he mean by that? You know, sometimes you see hot dead. I guess so. So, okay, speaking of his sexuality. Sure. Are we to believe he does? doesn't have a penis? No, we are to believe that he is impotent.
Starting point is 00:08:58 Why? That it don't work. Why, though? Because that's the local rumor. And I think he's supposed to be impotent because he's never found a woman beautiful enough to give him a hard on. That's insane. Banana times, because it turns out they happen on their own.
Starting point is 00:09:14 I was going to say, I feel like men can get a hard on over like a particularly good cheese at commercial, you know? A really nice plate of mashed potatoes. Yeah, right, right. Right. A really nice chord progression. Have you heard night moves? Boing. Fucking dicks for days.
Starting point is 00:09:36 Oh, man. Yeah, but she's a smoke show. She's the aforementioned of Finno Italian actor in this film. And she's like, she's like the perfect amalgam of both being like Finnish and Italian. Like, yeah, she's really... She's real tall. but she's got some Mediterranean shit to her. That's how I would describe this lady.
Starting point is 00:09:58 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And great boobs. And he comes at her right away. Yeah, yeah. He's just all over her. I'll go no slow. Yeah, he's like, I'm so sorry about your dead dad. And she goes, he was my husband.
Starting point is 00:10:12 And something about him being dead for two weeks. And Rupert Everett goes, thank goodness. Yeah. What? What does that mean? It means that he's past the seven day mark. he hasn't come back from the dead oh see i was already out alan i'm sorry i'm gonna have a lot of explaining to do you do you have a lot of explaining to do and he tells her that they have a
Starting point is 00:10:34 marvelous usherry after she says that her ex or her late husband was a wonderful lover incredible tireless he was fantastic which i thought was very funny this movie is billed as a comedy this film's relationship with sex is oh what Does McKelle Suave fuck, or does McKelley Suave fuck too much? A hundred percent and yes. Okay, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a problem of quantity over quality.
Starting point is 00:11:01 Well, for quality, for sure. Yeah. And understanding of the operation that you were involved in. Well, yeah, there's only so many variations, aren't there? So he takes her to the, the, the, she gets excited about the Oshuary. But also on her late husband's tomb zone is a photo of him that keeps changing expression based on what's going on, and I am in for this. I love it.
Starting point is 00:11:24 I think it's very funny. He, like, grimaces. At one point, he smirks at Rupert Everett, which I liked a lot. He's aghast at one point. Yeah. Yeah. It's very good.
Starting point is 00:11:36 The usherry is filled with water. A marvelous ushuary. And what does this usherry do to the fire in her loins? I mean, she's walking around sniffing this old linen like it is the chest of her lover. What is she doing? What is she doing? I have never seen someone so willing to walk into anything. I've never seen something so exciting as she finds this ossuary.
Starting point is 00:12:01 She's just D-T-F-A-S, down to fuck her round skeletons. I guess is, okay, let me ask a question. Yeah. At this point, is she a real person? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or is anybody a real person? Yeah. I'm struggling with this, Alan.
Starting point is 00:12:18 McKilly Swap is a real person. sure is yeah yeah yeah so that means she's in britt everett used to hang out with madonna and she's a real person not anymore not to judge too harshly on plastic surgery but holy god when she came back from brit with a British accent and for like her two-week vacation I was like fuck off with that shit you don't live in a flat it's like your roommate who studies abroad in London for one semester and comes back and is like we have to take the lift fuck you can you hand me my trainers
Starting point is 00:12:49 bent copas Oh man It's coming back One thing I can't fucking wait Is it for sure coming back Is line of duty for sure coming back? Supposed Adrian
Starting point is 00:12:59 What's his nuts Has said that it is for sure coming back Oh man I trust him Adrian Scarborough So we need to do more episodes of Nice one mate We need to go back and find out How many episodes
Starting point is 00:13:12 How many episodes of Line of Duty We covered in nice one mate Okay I'm in, I'm down I can do that anytime Of course Okay Yeah yeah yeah
Starting point is 00:13:18 That's the kind of shit I want to do. I don't want to watch Cemetery, man. How dare you? So I have notes like she's horny for death. He's horny for her. Yeah, she goes, you will allow me to return, won't you? And he said, you will allow me to kiss you, won't you? Fucking gross, bro.
Starting point is 00:13:35 No, I will allow you to kiss me, but we have to do it through these veils. This towel. It looks like a varsity sweatshirt. She just puts this red piece of thick cloth over his head and then goes for it, which is also gross. Yeah, and then some skeletons. start groping her and rip her dress. Why is that?
Starting point is 00:13:53 Skeletons be horny, bro. He's not helpful. He's not helpful to her. It's a great point. And then he sniffs like her discarded clothing. He sucks. Come on, you never smelled your lover's clothing? I don't think she's his lover.
Starting point is 00:14:11 She will be. I think she's a visitor to his workplace. She's a customer. When she sees these willow wisps, these ignis fatuous what does that mean did you know anything about this yeah so these are supposedly
Starting point is 00:14:25 the like cemetery lights these are the little like pockets of gas that like ignite around like swamps and stuff that people think are spirits because they're dumb yeah people would be dumb yeah um I just wrote that it was a blue flame like in Frozen 2 which to this day
Starting point is 00:14:41 still makes no fucking sense to me makes no fucking sense I mean they do look like a semi-ambulant marshmallow like started floating around. She loves them. She's into it. Why is she there?
Starting point is 00:14:56 Why do they kiss? Why do they do it on her husband's grave? Why would she ever want this? They do it on the husband's grave because she shared everything with him. He would want to know. And he is grimacing in a close-up and then in a far shot it's just the regular picture of him
Starting point is 00:15:12 and then you go back in and he's grimacing again. Nice job, Mikele. And they're naked. And there's a great shot of her boobs With her like leaning back And there's the the angel wings From one of the monuments behind her And it's a beautiful shot
Starting point is 00:15:28 Fashion over function Fashion over function There you have it Yeah yeah yeah Someone delivers the line To lovers making love which made me throw up Actually actually vomit You know how I feel about this shit
Starting point is 00:15:41 Sorry we're at the annexed So we cannot ring the titty bill about those wonderful boobs of this lady has. I mean, the great boobs. Yeah, fantastic, yeah, yeah. But they're a little 1994 implanty. You think?
Starting point is 00:15:55 I do. They're very... You don't think those are natch? No, I don't think those are natch. They're pretty, I mean, to lie on your back and have them not move. She was also, like, very young when this movie was made. Okay, but, okay, you know more about tits than I do.
Starting point is 00:16:10 Please, tell me about tits. No, please mansplain breasts to me. I mean, in my defense, I've spent a lot of time investigating them. I mean, you probably have touched more tits than me, for sure. In a variety. Yeah, right, right, right, right. Stocks low over here. Aye, aye, aye.
Starting point is 00:16:38 So do we see that there's a tree growing out of her husband's grave and he starts to wake up? Okay, yes. I mean, maybe they shouldn't have done it there. Maybe he would, would, would this have happened otherwise? That post nut clarity of him coming up out of the grave. It's like post someone else's nut. He has the clarity of like, I shouldn't let this happen. So her husband comes up and, uh, uh, and bites her.
Starting point is 00:17:05 Yeah, she says you've always been so understanding. And then he bites her. Comedy movie. Comedy, though. Yeah. puts a cross, a big old cross right through his head. I like this. As you do.
Starting point is 00:17:17 Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Again, it looks very cool. I feel like at this point, this movie is, it's the companion piece to Brain Dead, aka Dead Alive, the Peter Jackson joint.
Starting point is 00:17:32 Yeah. It's just nonsensical sex and violence. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Nothing will separate us, not even death. And then she dies.
Starting point is 00:17:43 Yeah. Yeah. Why are they so in love? Oh, Katie. Yeah. You've never just met a person. I've been like, I'm so in love with you. No.
Starting point is 00:17:52 I don't, I'm not great with first impressions. As you sit here in your street heat trucker hat. Thank you for bringing it up, finally. We sat here and talked for 25 minutes before I was like, Alan, I just can't believe you haven't commented on my street heat trucker at. street heat baby that's my new thing street heat I don't even know what that means me me either is heat on the street
Starting point is 00:18:20 I'm just like I'm out on the streets and I'm hot like a wario I agree you were all those things you were both street and hot I'm a street heat baby I want to be clear that the font of the hat is like a drippy urban font it's not unlike the font that I have for my fuck off and dye tattoo
Starting point is 00:18:39 you're right they are similar fonts and also the button is missing from the top And you paid money for it Five dollars It doesn't fit me all that well either It's real poofy But do tell me did you have Thrasher's French fries When you were in my native homeland
Starting point is 00:18:54 No they were closed They were like go see the other one And I was like I'm not doing that Fuck So delicious Yeah Make a good fry If you're ever in the Delaware beach area
Starting point is 00:19:03 Check out Thrashers fries And go to Talley's and get some fudge Delawareian Allen And one of the many t-shirt emporiums to get a very offensive t-shirt. Or a street-heed hat. It's embroidered. It's not even screen-printed. It's a fucking sound.
Starting point is 00:19:27 Oh, I love you so much. It's deeply unflattering on my head. It looks great. It looks great. Anyway, Alan loves it when someone. closes the eyes of the dead. You love that. It's your favorite. Sure. Sure. You have to make sure they're dead by closing their eyes for them. Um, so, uh, he kills the husband and then he sends Nyagi for the doctor, but she dies in the interim. Um, and the cop comes to see him. And the cop is
Starting point is 00:19:58 top five worst cops we've ever seen in a movie. I don't even know what the fuck he's doing here. he's just here to absolve the delamorte of any crimes at all times i guess all okay can we skip to the end sure all of this is in his imagination everything but him and yagi i don't think so we i don't think anything's real okay that's an interesting take okay granted you didn't watch the second half of the movie well i watched parts of it i don't know it seemed like he had invented he was living in a snow globe he had invented this whole thing right so that's a sort of implication at the end of the film that this entire thing has been happening in almost like for all you young heads out there in a saint elsewhere style it's all been happening inside of a snow globe saint elsewhere we did another movie where everything ended in a snow globe too i think it was that one with adams the christmas movie with adam scott yeah crampus yeah yeah it was fine it was fine 20 collect come on we saw we saw in the movie theater together yeah um yeah i just i think that because
Starting point is 00:21:05 Because everyone he interacts with is like a caricature of that person. Sure. Like that lady's a caricature of a sexy lady. Like who Franco is like... Yeah, but okay, we'll get to that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right, maybe I shouldn't try. No, no, I think, I think there's some thinking going on here,
Starting point is 00:21:22 but I just don't know if it's like, correct. Is it cocaine thinking, do you think? Is it what? Cocaine thinking? Cicane or maybe just like a prosceco or... You think Miquely Suave is like a really classy dude. Oh, fuck yeah, dude. Really?
Starting point is 00:21:40 Come on. He wears that nice metallic mask and demons. I gotta watch it again. He plays a cop in so many movies that we've seen. Yeah, just his last one. And also a phenomena. He's a cop in that. Wait, I thought that was Argento.
Starting point is 00:21:57 And it's an Argento movie, but he's a cop in it. Oh, he's just in somebody else's movie. Yeah, he's got a cop face. He's got a cop face. You're right about that. Okay, we meet Dr. Verchasey, who has Ronald McDonald hair. He's upsetting. Sure.
Starting point is 00:22:14 And we learn that Delamorte is impotent at this point in time. But is he? Like, it seems like, I guess it doesn't matter. Fuck it, who cares? I think it really is like he's just never found a woman that could give him a boner before. So strange. It's 1994. They have Playboy in the world.
Starting point is 00:22:36 You know what I mean? Like porn's accessible. I like that. The porn has been accessible since the advent of film. For sure. For sure. What I meant to say was like he was too early for the internet. Sure.
Starting point is 00:22:51 Or it would take like three hours to load. Yeah, yeah. And also he's in Italy where they're just like boobs. Here you are. Enjoy. You just have tits, tits in the wind. Did you turn on the TV? here are some boobs
Starting point is 00:23:04 There you go I don't know It's a dumb Really dumb conceit Really dumb conceit So he keeps her under What looks like a wet sheet Yeah I don't know why it's damp
Starting point is 00:23:17 I guess that's her body excreating things I guess and it's just probably also a way to be like You know did you guys see those boobs Yeah stick them to the boobs There's a fly on a string That Rupert Evert grabs the string Instead of the fly which I liked quite a bit Come on he's doing a lot here
Starting point is 00:23:31 He's doing so much much in this movie. I hate all of it, but I recognize his efforts. Is this where he confesses that he's lied about having a degree that he's never read more than two books and one of them with the phone book and the other one he's never finished? This is
Starting point is 00:23:49 that part. Earlier in my notes, I had been like, why can't he just like join a book club or something? You know, get involved in town politics. Sure, join a D&D group. Yeah, that's why he can't join the book club. He is illiterate. Yeah. He's we do see him going through phone books a lot to cross out people who've died yeah he crosses
Starting point is 00:24:09 out the locals who have passed away in the phone book i don't get that i don't like that this is the first hey a deer Alan look there's a deer will you be screeching this time did you um did you cut it out of the last episode the whole thing well i screeched i cut out where you were screeching as you asked me to okay uh Hi buddy They have a little path They walk like the whole length of the road Behind all the houses
Starting point is 00:24:37 It's really nice I love that for them So this is the first of many sequences In this film A film I have seen a multitude of times That I was like Well this is a flashback This is a dream sequence
Starting point is 00:24:51 This something is happening here Nope this is just part of the film It's real time Where she she comes back from the dead and he has to shoot her in the head. Yeah, he shoots her in the head but badly. Like he just kind of grazes the top of her skull.
Starting point is 00:25:07 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then he's got a barrier. He tells Nyagi that he'll buy him an ice cream if he digs the hole. Yeah. I wish someone would buy me an ice cream just for doing my job. And Yogi's like, yeah, and goes down there and digs the hole. Fuck yeah.
Starting point is 00:25:23 He was going to have to do it anyway. I love Nyagi. Yeah, as a character. He's fantastic. He's great. I love anybody who wears their pants near their nipples. Yeah. Very endearing.
Starting point is 00:25:34 So they go into town and there's some rowdy adult teens. They're teenish. This is the mayor's daughter. Well, yeah, well, they sit down with the mayor and the mayor's daughter and the policeman. And the policeman. Yeah. The mayor, all you can think about is his re-election campaign. It's true.
Starting point is 00:25:53 And Yagi's getting a little excited about. the mayor's daughter who we're told as a child. She's a child. She's an adult teen. But she's a child. I think she's a child in this movie. I mean, like the character is a child.
Starting point is 00:26:06 Yeah, yeah, she's supposed to be a straight-up child. Yeah, yeah. And Yagi is very excited. And when he gets excited, aka horned up, what does he do? He pukes. Maybe that's Rupert Everett's confusion is maybe he thinks you're supposed to puke
Starting point is 00:26:21 when you get horny instead of get a boner. And he's like, I hate puking. I just won't do it. Does he think that cumming is puking? Fuck, it's possible. He's never read a book. He pukes on her, and her response is, Claudio, he's puked on me.
Starting point is 00:26:40 He threw up on me, Claudio, and Claudio goes, okay, let's go for a ride. She's like, okay, just doesn't even dust herself off. Neri a napkin is used to remove the vomit from herself. Mm-mm. Oh, man. So she goes for a ride. They will definitely not die in a motorcycle accident.
Starting point is 00:27:01 No. They died in a motorcycle accident. There would not be a bus involved. No, it's great, though. Yeah. Love this wreck. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. There's a horse on the side of the road who's watching, like, dead on.
Starting point is 00:27:11 And then as the collision happens, like, shakes its head away. And I was thinking, like, that horse is like, man, I didn't see nothing. Ain't talking to the cops. No. Goes right back in the barn, shuts the door. It was a church bus. A bunch of nonsense. Dnons and Boy Scouts.
Starting point is 00:27:29 And the cop is laughing about this, and I don't know why. He's cackling. Dude, it's funny. Nuns and Boy Scouts, it's funny. Is it? That's funny. Oh, I love it when parents lose their babies. A bus full of nuns and Boy Scouts is hilarious.
Starting point is 00:27:44 Okay, got it. Because like two of the best things you can have, and they've all died. Okay, got it, got it. Boy Scouts. And also, the daughter has been decapitated by the bus. Right, we're told they had to sew her head back on for her to go. go into her glass coffin. Bury me in a glass coffin with my tits out.
Starting point is 00:28:00 Let them see. I want them to see the dirt above them for all the rest of their lives. You want the tits to see. You don't want us to see your tits. Oh, I don't care if you see my tits. Sorry, I thought let them see was let the world see these beautiful bisms. I mean, I guess that's a bonus. But no, I meant I want the tits to see the world.
Starting point is 00:28:22 Hold on. Okay. What? Hold on, Veratica. You got eyeballs on them things. I just think that they'll be the last of me to really die, you know. There's a fight at Claudio's Graveside where his other girlfriend is like, Claudio, Claudio, you only love me, Claudio, because she's Italian. And Claudio's mom is like, you're a whore, because she's also Italian.
Starting point is 00:28:44 These are the two most Italian reactions you can have to a thing. Totally. Tell me you love me, you're a whore. Yes, yes. And it's called gravy, not pasta sauce. Come on. Come on. Come on. The mayor is yelling at his daughter or something about like, on the eve of elections.
Starting point is 00:29:05 And Yogi, still DTF. Yeah. Also, I feel like it would be good for his re-election campaign to have his daughter die a few days before. You're going to get at least a couple pity votes. And that town does not seem big. There's a joke about Joe Biden in here somewhere, but I'm going to leave it alone.
Starting point is 00:29:23 Sleepy Joe. So back at the... Genuinely, how much better of a job with the corpse of Joe Biden would be doing? He'd have like a wet sheet over him so that you could see his tits and he would be doing a better job as president.
Starting point is 00:29:36 Just beautiful huge ariolas on Joe Biden. I wasn't going to say it, but ATAB, baby. All titties are beautiful. All titties are Biden. All titties are Bidens. No, not Biden. Bidens. So the Boy Scouts are coming back.
Starting point is 00:29:54 They're coming back to Haunt the Cemetery. Terry, there's, there's, they got to shoot the, the, the, the, the boy scouts. I love the boy scouts actually. Do you like the dudes dressed as nuns that are nuns as well? Yes, because they didn't even try. I liked that a lot. But all the scouts are like, chattering their teeth. Oh, I did not like that. Oh, very upsetting to me. I loved it. I hate when people do that. Please do not ever, do not like, no like. I don't like doing it. So you only, this is all I got left. Teeth. Yeah. These are baby teeth. That's what I keep telling Lucy about brushing your teeth. It's like, now you can't fuck around anymore because these are the last ones you get. Sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No more practice teeth, kid.
Starting point is 00:30:34 Somehow I have all my teeth. I don't know how I did it. I went 20 years without going to a dentist and I still have all my regular teeth. Congratulations. I'm going to get a gold tooth that Vicki's going to wear around her neck when I'm dead. Yeah. Yeah. And I'm going to take it from Vicki when she passes because I'm going to live all of you.
Starting point is 00:30:53 I love that. I'm eternal. Piss on all. our graves. I'm a turtle. Hold on one second. So yeah, so they're doing this chomping thing. None of the other zombies do the chomping thing.
Starting point is 00:31:01 It's just a Boy Scout thing. Just the children. Yeah. Yeah, maybe they're reciting their oath. Fucking weeblows coming out where they're chomping. While this is happening, while this is happening, Yagi is just eating and chilling and not listening with his headphones on. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:31:17 I really want headphones that are so noise canceling that you don't hear gunshots or see what's right in front of you. Yeah. He rules. I'll tell you what, you get noise-canceling headphones and be hard of hearing, you can get away with it. You can get away with it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you're just slurping spaghetti with your hands.
Starting point is 00:31:33 Because I'm, I'm always wearing headphones at work. Yeah. Because if I didn't, I'd go insane. And, you don't like it there? And I, it's not, I don't like it. It's just that being strapped at my own thoughts for that long would drive being bananas. No, yeah. That's why you've got to be at an office chatterbox.
Starting point is 00:31:50 Yeah. Get the goss. I am not. No. Although I have been doing, uh, we do a, uh, we do a little. a little Friday afternoon hang out with the office mates and I've been getting involved. Good for you. How's it been going?
Starting point is 00:32:01 It's been really nice. They've been inviting me to come back and hang out with them and it's really nice. That is really nice. Maybe they'll invite you to join their fantasy football league. If they do, can I run your team? We will fucking win. I find money ball. Yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:32:13 And I'd be like, I don't know. Ron Jaworski. And they're like, no, sir. That hasn't been, that's 40 years ago. That's really not even the last generation. Oh, man. So there's like beating of nuns and shooting of Boy Scouts and they go into the cemetery and there's find the teen on Claudio's grave and she's just weeping. This is after he shoots the TV and Yogi's so sad.
Starting point is 00:32:42 Yeah. I hate that part. I don't want him to be sad. But he's just in the basement with headphones on watching a war documentary. Yeah, war blob. Yeah, he should get something more lighthearted. Yeah, come on, Yagi. But yeah, Claudio rises up on his motorcycle.
Starting point is 00:32:59 Was he buried with it? Yeah. Okay. Oh, no, no. They definitely put his motorcycle on his coffin when they buried him. Oh, really? I missed that. God, don't bury me with the thing that killed me.
Starting point is 00:33:11 Like, bury me with the toaster I dropped in the bathtub. Come on. What are you going to put a 10-pound bag of sugar on top of me? Oh, no. Oh, no. No, mine's just a can of icy light. Oh, fuck, dude. We are going to die someday.
Starting point is 00:33:28 Are you going to beg up bad decisions and put them on top me? Seriously, a pack of parliaments. Sooner rather than later, we hope. No. Later rather than sooner. Come with it now. Da-da-da-da-da-da. I'm here for a long time.
Starting point is 00:33:45 Not a good time. And that's why you're vegetarian. So Claudio rises up on his motorbike. He kicks ass. He looks so good. His left eye is now a blinker. I love it. He has trees growing out of his fucking skull.
Starting point is 00:34:04 He's so cool. Yeah. And he was like a cute teenage boy before this. So he has like a weird Italian cute scary look. He was a cute adult teen. He's giving me, I was getting, oh fuck, what is that movie called? With the bikers that are in the frog cult,
Starting point is 00:34:22 we did the episode with Jim Robinson. Phantasmagoria? Yes, phantasmagoria. So it was like, you know, the teen bikers that are like wreaking havoc on the world. Vaguely. That's when I got to go back to, too. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, God, so much is gone.
Starting point is 00:34:37 Yeah. Yeah. I mean, we've been doing this since we were children. I was in my 20s. Yeah. And I, me too. Yeah. I just started years before you.
Starting point is 00:34:50 Yeah. Fuck. I feel like this. This is an existential crisis in real time. Like, people get to live it along with us, and I really like that. Wait, were you really in your, no, you weren't in your 20. No, you, you. Wait, what was it?
Starting point is 00:35:06 What, you're our first episode come out? What, 2014? Okay, I would have just, I would have been 30. Yeah, yeah, yeah, because I was 40. Yeah, yeah, yeah, okay, good, good, good, good. No, you were 30 also. We're twins, actually, which makes our upcoming marriage so much weirder. But in this environment,
Starting point is 00:35:24 Oh, who can say? So she, this girl is not put off by his zombie appearance. No, she has my favorite line in this fucking movie. What's that? Please don't. He's only eating me. Please don't. He's only eating me.
Starting point is 00:35:37 She like puts her face on his muddy bike tire. Like that's a thing to do. It's so gross. It's so gross. She's such a dip shit. Mind your business. I can be eaten by whomever I please. It's so good.
Starting point is 00:35:53 She's like, you're not my real. dad let this guy eat me so what is his reaction he shoots her through the head this is the point in your movie where you're going oh it hates women oh yeah it's an italian movie this one's particularly bad sure yeah sure sure sure sure sure sure sure sure sure sure yeah uh so um yaggy's playing the lute he is he is he's a great lootist loudest he's playing a luteist It's just a box that he's rubbing a, a bow on. Yeah. Well, he's Nyaggy.
Starting point is 00:36:32 He has dug up the mayor's daughter. Yeah. Yeah, they're in a relationship now. Her eyes are open and he just like cuts through the glass with a spade and pulls her head right off. Yeah, Valentina. Valentina. She's talking to him. You threw up on me.
Starting point is 00:36:48 How sweet. Does she also think this is what sex is. I think so because she says, like, you can take advantage of me. I'm in no position to refuse. And I don't think I would anyway. Uh-huh. And then they'd smooch. And then they smooch, which is pretty fucked up because I'm pretty sure that is actually a teen.
Starting point is 00:37:06 Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And then he walks away and her head becomes ambulatory and follows him. And Missy said to me, how is her head moving? And I was like, that's where? That's the point that you're like, what's happening right now? No, I think it's a good question.
Starting point is 00:37:22 I imagined a growing little feet Exactly Like Fomka Johnson In the faculty When she becomes Amulatory with like tentacles on her head Oh yeah That's a good movie
Starting point is 00:37:37 It's a classic of cinema Nyagi is trying to put together This skull puzzle That he does He does put it together Okay he does put it together And then Delamorte comes in And he takes it apart
Starting point is 00:37:51 before Delamorte sees it and Delamortes says yeah that thing's way too hard you're not going to be able to do it. He says putting the skull together is one of the most difficult things in the world and I thought maybe try a book. But see here's the this is the point where you go oh Nyagi's actually smarter than Delamorte. For sure yeah. Um because pretty will get you pretty far. Uh, Nyagi is making a plate of food with spaghetti bananas and bread and I said I ain't mad. It made me want to vomit. Oh, I'd eat that. I wouldn't like love it, but I eat it.
Starting point is 00:38:24 This is where my notes run out, and I have to go to the notes I took when I was watching the second half of this movie in my car. In your car? I was sitting in Squirrel Hill Tunnel traffic. It was unmoving. So I just pulled out a notebook. I started taking notes. And watched a movie in your car. On your phone?
Starting point is 00:38:46 Oh, yeah. As God intended. unintended. I mean, every time I had to move, I looked away from the movie. So, like, I didn't, you know. Okay. All right. All right. This is this going to be an instance where I'm filling in some gaps. Sure, but I don't think too many. So Nyagi makes two plates of bananas and pastas. One for his teenage zombie head bride. Yeah, as you do. How's she going to eat that? Where's it going to go? Right through her tum-tum. As it does. I see. So, but Delamorte is peeping through the floor.
Starting point is 00:39:19 to see what he's doing. But then he hears noises and heads outside. It's his love. Yeah, his lover's out and about. She's a returner now. Yeah, she's a tree lady. She says, I'm not prejudiced, my love. Yeah, she's willing to fuck him.
Starting point is 00:39:38 Yeah. And he's like, yeah, all right. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. She throws his gun away. Yes. And then she noses his nips for a little while. Gives him a little nibble on the nip, a little nippy nibble. Uh-huh.
Starting point is 00:39:52 And then she takes a chunk out of him. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I guess this doesn't kill you or turn you into a zombie. Not him. Not him. Okay. And Nyaghi hits her with a speed and takes her out.
Starting point is 00:40:04 Yeah, he sure does. Yep, yeah. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm. But she wasn't dead, or was she? Nope. Yes. And who. Okay.
Starting point is 00:40:16 Okay. For some reason, Yogi's burning books. He's burning the books and he burns the phone book. Yeah. Why, though? Oh, well. So then the books are burning. And what comes out of the ashes of the burning book? Some sort of death specter?
Starting point is 00:40:36 The angel of death comes out of the books. Saying, stop killing the dead, they're mine. Why don't you just shoot the living in the head? Are you listening to me? He is the lamest. Angel of Death Looks amazing though Looks very cool
Starting point is 00:40:54 Yeah? Yeah, I think so I couldn't really see Sorry Phone in a tunnel I wasn't in the tunnel I was in tunnel traffic So it gets a call from Franco
Starting point is 00:41:05 Yes And he says did I make you up Franco And you think why would you say that? Yeah So he knows Or he at least suspects Yeah Okay
Starting point is 00:41:14 Yeah All right So more dead are coming back A lot more dead are coming back And he's just sitting in his house Shooting dead people out of his window And then he goes into town Yes
Starting point is 00:41:29 And Katie He starts killing the living Yes he's There's like a shooting montage of him With like a phone book set to music Uh huh Uh huh and he kills seven people And the cop comes and says
Starting point is 00:41:43 Hey man I just want to make sure everything's okay seven people were killed in town last night, I know it couldn't be you. Right. And he's like, oh, good, more work for me. But the cop thinks it was Nyagi. Yes. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:42:01 But he says Nyagi can't drive. He can't even roller skate. I thought, hold up. One leads to the other. Can you roller skate? No. Can you drive? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:42:13 Yeah. Yeah. Like that. Yeah. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
Starting point is 00:42:19 Mm-hmm. We see Noggi back in his room, and he is feeding food to the disembodied head of his lover. The mayor's daughter. Yeah. A child. She is puking, and then he makes out with her. Yeah. Uh-huh.
Starting point is 00:42:34 That's good. Yeah. I'm here for it. Yeah. Okay. So then the mayor shows up at the cemetery. And he wants a photo up with the corpse of his dead daughter. Who had been buried?
Starting point is 00:42:45 Nyagi dug her up. So he was like, dig up my kid. Yeah, take up my kid. Okay. Just take some pictures with her corpse for posters for my new upcoming campaign. Should have thought of that before you buried her. It's a lot of work. But then she, or he hears his daughter calling to him.
Starting point is 00:43:09 And so he follows her voice into Nyogi's house. And then what happens? Because I didn't see this part. Oh, so she calls in the father, tells the father that she wants to marry Nyaki. Oh, okay. And then her father isn't into it, so she flies out of the television set where she has been kept and bites the father and kills him. Oh, very good. Uh-huh.
Starting point is 00:43:33 Okay, I like it. Sorry, I missed that. Delamorte shoots Valentina. Uh-huh. And Nyagi is now sad because he killed his love. Now both of their loves have been killed. Exactly. Okay.
Starting point is 00:43:44 So it's just the two. of them against the world. Yep, yeah, yep. And the mayor has died, and then we see him come back, and he's climbing on a mausoleum. And, yeah, then Delamorte has to kill him. Okay.
Starting point is 00:43:59 This is getting, it just gets all real samey. Sure, for sure, for sure, for sure. They're putting barbed wire up around the cemetery as the new mayor arrives in town, and it's like, hey, what are you guys doing? And these, like, people have been dying to get out of here. so we meet the mayor's secretary who is the woman who is the woman from earlier with the big news credit is as she oh i don't like that no no come on mckelly suave based on a book
Starting point is 00:44:29 sure okay fair if that was the character's name in the book then i i i renounce this single criticism so she's the spitting image of his love from earlier yeah because it's the same lady. Yeah. Don't spoil it. Oh, I'm so sorry. I mean, it's the same actor.
Starting point is 00:44:46 They're not dumb. It's true. And for some reason, he points a gun at her and she passes out. I think because he thinks she's a returner again. Oh, that's right. Yeah. And then she admits that they start making out and she says that she's terrified. Why do they start making out?
Starting point is 00:45:05 And her are both beautiful. Okay. That's how it works when you're pretty. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. That's pretty. She tells him that she's terrified of penises.
Starting point is 00:45:16 Yes, penetrative sex is not for her. And he's like, well, good because I don't have one. Yeah. I genuinely thought he just didn't have a dick. No, no, this is the lie he tells this woman. Okay. But even to that point, I thought he didn't have a dick. No.
Starting point is 00:45:31 Okay. He was just impotent. Okay. I disagree with that because when he goes to the doctor, the doctor's like, well, you don't have one. And then he pulls down his pants. to show that he does in fact have one. So the rumor in town was that he didn't. Okay, so that's why I believed it
Starting point is 00:45:46 because I hear rumors and think that they're true. Exactly, exactly. Got it. God, the doctor is so fucking weird looking. Every time you have to look at him, I go like, ooh. So the doctor, he's like, I do have one. He shows his dick to the doctor, and the doctor's like, hey. Yeah, it's a hog.
Starting point is 00:46:05 Hey now. He does say that there are people out there with good honest diseases. is but this guy Rupert Everett is like no cut my penis off for this woman cut my dick off right now cut my dick off I just met her and the doctor says I have this shot that'll make it not work for a month the shot it's in this like very like noir scene of this all happening in like dark with a thunderstorm in the background and he's got these like shadows of tools it's very funny yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah he's got his feet up and these stirrups which was like dude in the stirps, that's funny.
Starting point is 00:46:41 I like that, yeah. I felt like, fuck you for once, you know. But yeah, that he's got this giant syringe full of like amber liquid. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he gives him a shot in the dick. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:46:52 And he screams. Makes him not work for a month. And then we... But here's the thing. Yeah. It wasn't working before. I just think because he hadn't find the hot enough woman.
Starting point is 00:47:04 Yeah. I got it. I got it. I got it. Yeah. I got it. So Nyagi is nursing him back to health. He says, I'd give my life to be dead, to which I wrote, same girl. Damn it. We found out that Miss Caramondo has passed away. Yeah, she was the groupie, the rink rat for the cemetery. Skate Betty for a cemetery. And the lady that he's in love with shows up at the cemetery. The mayor's assistant.
Starting point is 00:47:38 Yeah. And then she says one of the. worst things that I've ever seen in cinema. The mayor raped me. I liked it. I liked it. Fuck you, McKelle Suave. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you in particular. So I'm cured. And now I'm going to be with the mayor. We did it again. Yeah. Nicely. Yeah. Now I'm going to marry the mayor. Uh-huh. I don't have a phobia. I can't marry you. Yeah. But we can still be friends and lovers. Nothing will change between us. Yeah. And he falls to his knees. and this is all happening in like a circular camera, which you know I love.
Starting point is 00:48:12 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Which I have a note, he broke his dick for nothing. Yeah, well, at least it's only a month. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, it'll come back. Uh-huh. Uh-huh.
Starting point is 00:48:21 Uh-huh. Uh-huh. And then for some reason, oh, he's going back into town to kill more people, I think. You've got to kill a mother living. Yeah. Angel of death says, so. But he meets a woman who needs a ride.
Starting point is 00:48:33 She says, is that your BMW while he's in a Volkswagen. Yeah. Good. it's good German schmermans Who knows And she She gets a ride
Starting point is 00:48:47 For her and her friend And who's your friend It's the girl It's the lady It's the same lady With the big nippies Yeah Nippies
Starting point is 00:48:56 A-T-A-B I'm not criticizing No no They're beautiful Beautiful nippies Look if you're gonna make me Uncomfortable
Starting point is 00:49:06 I'm gonna make you Oh, sorry. I'm going to take out the part about the... Oh, then I just seem like I'm being mean. Anyway. I added all these episodes to make it seem like you're just being mean to me. So, yeah, so the lady is there and she's into him and they're going to have sexes. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:49:27 And then he's like, actually, my dick doesn't work. And then she's like, whoa, it does? And does it? Yeah, they have sex. They have sex. Yeah. Because you know that because they're sweaty. Because, right.
Starting point is 00:49:36 That's how you... sex you sweat on the other person uh but she's a sex worker and the other ladies are pimp he doesn't like that no he's mad about that yeah in a very cool and like cool way tell me about how cool he is he's just a cool guy who understands things and is very cool very woke woke for 94 no he shoots her he shoots her and then burns their house down yeah why the heater under her covers. They live, other people might, come on. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, it burns the whole apartment building down.
Starting point is 00:50:11 I skipped a head after this. It's like I'm done with this, but. And the cop comes to say, hey, man, I know what you did. I'm not going to tell anybody. You're cool with me. Wait, why? I guess because he's handsome. Is that it?
Starting point is 00:50:26 I don't know. Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay. Well, I didn't see it, so I'm asking you. and he's like I'm not going to tell anybody because we have somebody confessed to this it's Franco
Starting point is 00:50:38 who has confessed to these crimes after he killed his own wife Franco killed his wife yeah and then confessed these other crimes because he didn't want anything bad to happen to Delamorte because Franco loves them
Starting point is 00:50:52 is this like a Tyler Durden scenario I mean like is Franco is Delamort of maybe if we're going I think think you have a rational thought that this is all in his head. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:51:06 Yes. Okay. From that aspect, 100%. Okay. So then he proceeds. Why would Franco kill his wife? Oh, because he just wanted to murder people, I guess. Oh.
Starting point is 00:51:19 Start with your wife. Start with your wife. Yeah. They'll never catch you for that one. I hate everything. So Franco is in a, in a vegetative, but not vegetative state because he drank a whole bottle of iodine. Oh, Franco.
Starting point is 00:51:32 I was like, what do you, a potato? Gross. And potato? Put in potatoes and iodine. It does something. I don't remember. For the reason, iodine and potatoes are linked in my brain. I don't want to research it anymore.
Starting point is 00:51:44 Science experiments with Alan Wizard. Drop a potato and some iodine see what the fuck happens. We don't know. Give us a hypothesis. Right in. Not your teacher. Just put out ideas. Dr. Beer, if you're still out there, I bet you know the answer to this.
Starting point is 00:52:00 Doesn't this seem like something Dr. Beer would know? It does. Dr. Beer, write in. There was a split second where I thought you were calling me Dr. Beard. Dr. Beard. I mean, you do make people doctors in your own mind. So he kills the nun for telling him not to smoke. And then the doctor walks in and says,
Starting point is 00:52:24 Sister, why are you laying on the floor? And then he kills a nurse. Why? He shoots the doctor. the doctor says why you sleep We'll hang on the floor And his response is Oh, she's sleeping
Starting point is 00:52:36 And then he shoots the doctor And he shoots a nurse Why is he doing this? Because he's a murder man now He's just a murder man Yeah And then he goes to talk to Franco And Franco says
Starting point is 00:52:44 I don't know who you are Oh Okay Think about it, won't you? Eh Probably not He's back at the cemetery He's shooting wings off
Starting point is 00:52:59 Of the statues just to set up this neat shot where he's like shot with wings behind him okay this is where I clicked back in call back to earlier when the lady with the big nippies is that what I call him? Yes ATAB
Starting point is 00:53:19 NAB Nyaghi is sad and then he's leaving and he's like Nagy we got to go. Let's get out of here so they go on a little drive they make it out of town and he makes it uh through this tunnel he's like i've never been through this is the farthest they've ever been never been through this tunnel before yeah and then they get to the end of the tunnel and the road stops yes and uh it starts
Starting point is 00:53:46 snowing and yogi dies so this was ripped off by the truman show i assume did you remember that movie no it was like never mind listeners who have seen that movie are like, yeah, she's right. But no one wants me to explain it, so don't worry about it. You explain the German joke, and I'll explain Fars Gump. Let's go. Oh, God, what a piece of wretched American propaganda. The movie sucks.
Starting point is 00:54:16 My flaps. And not in a good way. Not in a good way, no, in a bad way. In a disinterested way. Rip Noggy, though. Yeah, Noggy Rip. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then Yogi's back.
Starting point is 00:54:34 Yeah. And he throws the gun off the side of the cliff. He does. Yeah. And he speaks. He says, yeah, can you take me home now? Yeah. And what is Rupert Evert's response?
Starting point is 00:54:46 Yeah. Yeah. The end of the movie. Wait, what? What? Katie. Alan. Give me a ratie on Cemetery, man.
Starting point is 00:54:59 eating spaghetti with your hands but only using one finger you just spin it you show me flipping it around like a lifeguard whistle I remember watching this with a group full of people and when it came to the scene where the woman says I've been raped and it turns out I like sex
Starting point is 00:55:18 everybody turned to the person who showed us the movie and went dude what the fuck sucks it's a bummer this movie is and it's 1994 it's not the 70s like sure you know it's it's a little too late to be playing that game exactly yeah uh it is so funny because i haven't seen this movie in maybe 20 years oh wow and i was like oh i don't
Starting point is 00:55:41 remember anything of this movie did you in your mind did you like it were you like oh i like i like i can't wait to watch this movie i like in my brain it's a very beautiful movie which i think is still true it's very it's very gorgeous looking but it doesn't make a lick a sense no and not in a fun way. Not in the fun way. And the quote unquote sexual politics of this film? Little regressive for my taste. Little regressive for anyone's taste, I would hope.
Starting point is 00:56:06 Yeah. That said, it's a 10. No, it's a solid six. You think? I think it's a solid six. I think this is putting me off Italian horror for a bit. Oh, I would give it a strong, uh, um, uh, you puked on me, let's make out. See, now that sounds funny.
Starting point is 00:56:23 That I'm on board for. I'm back, I'm right back at it. Oh, okay. Katie, Alan. Can I read you something that you will definitely be on board for? Great, yeah. This is an email that we received, and I need you to buckle up Buttercup because this ain't short. Okay.
Starting point is 00:56:37 The headline of the email was, catch a fist for children of all ages. Okay, all right. Got my attention. You've got me. I'm listening. Dearest Katie and Allen. Hello. My name is Steinar, and I'm a proud Patreon.
Starting point is 00:56:55 I am more Alan's age than Katie's. I am older than Alan. I'm 53. Are you happy now? No, Steiner. I'm not because Alan's yelling your words in my face and I don't know why. I'm actually very chill. Okay.
Starting point is 00:57:12 Okay. So I have no idea what just happened. Was this written in all caps? The age part was. Okay, good, good, good. I can only apologize. I can erase that and start again, but the butter, fly effect really freaks me out.
Starting point is 00:57:27 Not the lame movie, but the supernatural, but very real theory. Oh, let's put that on our list. We have not had a Nash and Coucher. The failing of this podcast. I bet we could get him as a guest if we wanted. If I erase that line, I'll follow my bike later and break my neck.
Starting point is 00:57:47 I just know that. Please don't do it. But anyway, I live... Siner, also, your anxiety is stressing me out. And extremely relatable. Yeah, wholeheartedly. Missy got a package today from a company called Angry and Actious, and I said, did I send you something? But anyway, I live in Norway, and I love you guys first and your podcast second.
Starting point is 00:58:09 Oh, thank you, sweet baby. I guess it's the same thing really like the movie together I saw the other night. Oh. I've not seen Together yet. Is this the Allison Bree, Dave Franco? Yeah. Who is it that hates Dave Franco? She's Robinson.
Starting point is 00:58:24 Jim Robinson. and hates Dave Franco. Good. You know what? I feel like Jim doesn't hate a lot of people. So if he hates you, I feel like you've done something really fucked up.
Starting point is 00:58:31 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We actually have some things in common. For example, I was in a hardcore band a long time ago. So I also know all about smelly vans, tiny venues, sleeping outside and not being mauled or murdered luckily. Drawling crowds of 14 people and screaming for change, both tiny amounts of money and a better world for all. side note i am straight edge and love it every time katie blasts my chosen life path sorry dude more of
Starting point is 00:59:01 that please i'm high right now it's not my fault i am also LGBTQ well just the queue i'm not greedy signar's fucking good email here i really appreciate you be so you both being such great allies oh thank you your wonderful podcast makes me laurel How about that? L-O-R-L? Laugh-out, roll-out. A lot. And if I had any kind of shame, I would maybe be embarrassed about that, especially when I'm out among
Starting point is 00:59:36 people, not a fan of usually, being out among people. But since I honestly don't care what other people think, I can't be arst. That's fantastic, and I'm happy for you. Take care. I wish you nothing but sunshine lollipops and rainbows. Fucking hell. If I can make one suggestion, could you want to be. watch and talk shit about the evil
Starting point is 00:59:56 1978. It's a hoot. Lots of love, Steiner. I'm sure we've done that movie. We have not. How is that possible that we haven't done a movie from 1978 called The Evil? I feel like we've done it twice. Steiner, thank you so much for writing in. We will put that on our list and I just, that was really
Starting point is 01:00:12 fucking nice. Steiner, let us know what band you were in. I would like to listen to them. We'll plug it. I enjoy straight-edge hardcore. Alan's getting back into the 90s emo scene, so doing fucking rating. video interviews with personalities from L.A. I feel like the 90s emo scene is getting back into me more than I'm getting back
Starting point is 01:00:32 into the 90s episode. You tried to hold it at bay and it got in through your pores. You are who you are. Got it through my backpack and horn room glasses. Katie. Yeah. We should do this again next week. Sure.
Starting point is 01:00:43 But let's get off the Italian train for a bit. I like that. Okay. I like what you're saying to me. What do you want to do? Let's go to the 80s. Okay. Let's go to the well-worn path of the 80s.
Starting point is 01:00:52 You know what? Well worn and well-lo. loved. Well worn. Well loved. And let's do a little bit of a like a monster movie. I could get into that. It's called Deadly Spawn. Deadly Spawn. Okay. I'm in. It's available on the Shudder. The Shadr. If you're on the Shadair app. And if you're not, what are you doing? Yeah. And if you're shutter, get in touch. We'll take a sponsorship. Seriously. Actually, it is an hour and 20 minutes. Oh. Yeah. You were right the first time. Yeah. Look at that. Yeah. Oh, perfect. And, um, yeah, I think that's, that's about it, right? Come back. Yeah, I got nothing else.
Starting point is 01:01:28 Tea Public, Patreon. You can know where to find us. Yeah. Um, if I may, real quick. Yeah. If you have a loved one in your life who are members of the National Guard of the police force, make sure to tell them they can disobey orders. This shit is fucking bananas. So just be safe out there, everybody. I'm so fucking concerned about the state of the world right now. And it's making me bananas. I can't think about it. Because all I can think about, I can't think about it. Yeah, just can't do it. Understandably.
Starting point is 01:01:55 You know what, street heat. Street Heat doesn't worry about shit like this. Street Heat doesn't care about shit like this. God, what's it like to be Street Heat? If you've got friends that are in the National Guard and the police, talk to them about Street Heat. Talk to them about Street Heat. Tell them to think, be a little more street heat. Be a little bit more street heat. Yeah. Street Heat is a way of life.
Starting point is 01:02:16 It's for everyone, though. It's for everyone. It's bringing all people's together. So come back next week for Deadly Spong. on. I'm excited. We're going to get a Patreon episode out to you shortly. Yeah, it's going to be a good novelty episode. Banana Times.
Starting point is 01:02:29 You're not ready for this. You're not ready for it. Or you're going to be pissed. I don't care. If you hear bon-up, ma-ma, ma-ma, ma-ma. And someone says, are you ready for this? You have to answer no, because you are not ready for this. I'm excited. I'm very, very excited, much more excited than I was about the original idea.
Starting point is 01:02:46 Me too. I love you all. I love you, too. Be safe. Katie, I love you. I meant you. I didn't mean them. I knew.
Starting point is 01:02:55 Okay. You don't know them. No, I don't know them. No, I love you guys. You're great. You're nice people. You're doing it. How lucky are we to have such amazing listeners?
Starting point is 01:03:03 Pretty lucky. Hashtag blessed. Especially because we've been so inconsistent lately. And supported the entire time. All right. So God bless you all and we'll talk to you soon. That's how we end our episodes now. Je bless.
Starting point is 01:03:18 Thanks for listening to another episode of where we're right now. Bye. You fulfill reviews Killer clouds and land the face Killing in outer space Abuse, I'm casting case Please make eye kids in your grave
Starting point is 01:04:00 E&T Horror and comedy refuse hungry Brian from Wrains and Stephen Kang E&T We live deliciously bed tenter trees obese recently come to daddy A paranormal actinities from Mr. Rogers City, EMD, EMD. EMD.

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