Werewolf Ambulance: A Horror Movie Comedy Podcast - Episode 532- Thinner ft. The Werewolf Ambulance All-Stars (1996))

Episode Date: September 15, 2025

In this week's episode, by very popular demand, we've taken another swing at a classic episode that we had to remove for reasons. That's right, we've brought Perri and Vicky and we are talking about the 1996 Steven Kang classic "Thinner." Yinz are really going to enjoy this, thank you giving us the opportunity to do such fun things with the people we love, and goddamnit, it we love you all too.

We just got to get hyped. Listen, it's starting to the Pandy. Here we are now. Calling it the Pandy now? I don't have fond feelings for it. Oh, this is my girl, the bandy. All right, start the episode. Start the goddamn.

Katie. Alan. Welcome back to a revisiting episode. Only the second revisiting episode we've ever done. It's true. Return of the Living Dead was the other one. And that was to see if I liked it again. Yeah, and you're still wrong.

It's still a bad movie. No, it's 100% not true. Well, I'll tell you what's still a bad movie also. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Thinner. You know, it's great, though. What? Friends.

Family. The Werewell Fabul's All-Stars are here. Vicki and Perry have joined us for this episode. I picked up a shift. I'm out past nine. You are. It's 8.30. It will be 9.

We're trying to teach Vicki at a read a clock while we're out to do it. I literally don't know how to do that. Vicki, the last time you were in an episode, somebody commented on our subreddit that if they were casting a Western Pennsylvania reboot of the nanny, they would cast you. I did love the nanny, though. Yeah, I did love the nanny. I did love it.

Yeah, so did none of. Have you hit your leopard print phase yet? Me? Yeah, you weren't leopard print shit. I think a leopard print skips a generation. I don't know. Because our mom's real into it. And like our kids are real into it.

I literally brought leopard print shoes on Friday. Son of a baby. She did. And I got a leopard print bathing suit this year. Middle age, baby. I think it just happens. I don't know. I don't know.

Maybe I'm just too punk. I do have a thought today. Yeah, you're pure zebra strikes. Oh, fuck yeah. Oh, no, Zubaz. I did have a thought today. I was like, is this Katie's way of replacing me by one of them has to kill me to take over the scene in the podcast? But then who do I pick?

Is it whoever kills you? And then the other one is just eliminated? Yeah. Oh, okay. Oh, so this is a contest. Or killed by Allen. This is actually Battle Royale. Which you know as

The Hunger Games Better version No, just kidding Just kidding, I don't mean that, I don't mean it I don't mean, I don't mean, I don't mean, I don't mean, I don't mean, I don't mean, I don't mean, I don't mean, I don't mean, people are going to find you on the internet, people are going to be mad? I love the hunger gangs Have you guys done it? Call me in,

Is it a horror movie? Can you ask if we've done the hunger games? Call me in if you do it. In my house, we know everything about it. The Hungy games. It's much cute. We watch it during the pandi. Stop.

Hunggy game. In my house, we call it 2025. Oh, boy. Oh, man. You know what? Sometimes things happen. Sometimes things happen. Fuck.

Oh, man. Anyway, I can't believe I had to fucking watch thinner again. I'm sure I swore I would never do it again. Thicker. We're back. Oh. We're back. Stephen King.

Someone on our Discord asked who would spill a milkshake in my car. And I said, well, probably Vicky, because she's not allowed to drink red wine on my couch anymore. I did lose an onion in my car today. a whole onion in the morning a whole slice i was eating locks and then i went for a drive or then i drove home from school while eating locks you know are you making the sandwich while you're driving no i brought it with me i don't know why i was just really hungry and then on the way to get the kids i realized the car smelled really bad like onions and i found it in the spot where you lose all your phones

and yes i found out how many phones you got when you drop it in big these car it's gone forever I have lost You lose all your phones A lot of phones I broke a lot of phones There's just a pile of phones Next to a driver's seat I like the idea of seeing that

From a side view And it's like the Nokia Brick on the bottom And like Extalt chirp And then like You know Strata

I did have the The blackberry Then like the first iPhone There's so many phones That a car is leaning To one side The Nokia still has Battery Lone

Really hard get them out. Let's as well leave them. Start over. Speaking of car, I just want to point out one thing that I noticed in the first opening scene. Do you see the creepy doll on top of the car? No.

Okay. It's in the very opening scene. They have like all the travelers have all the stuff on top of their cars. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And there is a very creepy doll, okay? And I was like, well, does this mean something? It didn't, except it shows back up at one other scene at the very end of where they're like there was like there'd been the fire yes oh i saw it then but i didn't see it at the beginning it was on the

car too was the same one cool that's all great continuity that's when i stopped paying attention you got one and that was it one and done i have no idea that's your only note it's my only note creepy darrell on the car the first thing i remember seeing in the movie was a spelling production and i just blurt it out this is gonna be dog shit how right you were i just like that christine is driving into town. I was like, do we have to reference all the Stephen King movies all the time? That's too deep cut for me.

Yeah. My first notice was that Joe Mantagnanio was in this movie and then I remembered how much I loved him the last time around and I thought, will I love him again? What's his Simpson's character's name? Fat Tony. Fat Tony.

That's how he is in my nose. Every note about his, Antony does this. I loved him again. Good. Good. I thought he was great. He was a guy.

I feel like he was doing this movie and he was like, fuck it, I'm going on it. I know. I know. He went a little Nicholas Cage on it. Yes, he did. Yes, he did. He sure did. So this inexplicable caravan of Romani are driving into this

Maine or New Hampshire or something town. And this fat guy's looking out the window and he's like, ha, look at that, says a slur. And then he goes to weigh himself and he's like scared of the scale. He's fully dressed also. He's suit and tie and shoes. Man, I hate a

slack with a perma cuff. It's not a good look. No, I agree. And he goes to weigh himself and he's like, oh, with the scale. Oh, no. And then he gets on and he's like 300 pounds. Like, dog in my dream.

But he stooped. You didn't think it was that much. I was actually surprised. The two things I thought about that scene was why is he dressed like a simple Southern lawyer? And then the next one was take a dump and weigh yourself again. I love that because then you know how much

your dump wade. I remember doing that when we were breastfeeding the kids. They make you like, did you ever do that? They make you like weigh the baby, then you'd breastfeed the baby, and then they weigh the baby again, and then you see how much you did. Yeah. It's a measure of your progress. It was like, yeah.

Yeah. Like to the gram. They weigh them in grams. Yeah. It was insane. Yeah. And then you can answer, yes, I did do that. Yes.

Done did it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He goes downstairs to see his thin wife. Yeah. Who's like, sorry, fatty.

Drink your fruit. And then report your weight to me so I can log it in a spreadsheet. I was like, I have a shake every morning. They're fucking delicious. Yes, they are. They're a smoothie men. They'll love a smoothie. The past 15 years have had a smoothie every morning for breakfast.

They're so good. There's blueberries in that. I put a fucked out of protein powder in there. I do the whole nine. Come on. When he leaves her, when he decides that they're done at the end of this movie, it should be because she's terrible to him about his weight. Not because she might be having an affair with the doctor.

We'll get there. We need to have that discussion. I'm sorry. Yeah. Not because she's a generous lover. No. No. So I did really like the father, daughter, godfather impressions.

Oh, I did too. I did too. I did too. How he's going to get a definite mafioso off. Yeah. We're putting a hit on. Yes. The daughter is cute as hack.

Oh my God. Yeah. The only female character that isn't disparaged in this film. Yeah. I mean, is this Stephen King's most misogynistic film? Oh. So I was thinking about this. Yeah.

Stephen King writes shitbirds all the time. Oh, yeah. But, like, demonstrably not a bad dude. Yeah. So I was wondering, like, he is just writing shitheads to be like, I write bad people. No, I think he does. I read bad people to put them in movies, so you're like, oh, my God, bad people. And I think some people go really downhill.

Yeah. I don't know. I really liked Stephen King. I feel like my mom really was into it. him and I'm now into him and yeah, he writes like shit characters. I feel like his movies are caricatures of characters.

Yes, they are. Absolutely. Absolutely. Absolutely. I'm not 100% sure that he knows people. Yeah, does he speak to others? I don't know. I mean, it's much like when he writes a sex scene.

I'm like, I know you have. You have a suck. And he looks exactly like you. So there's no chance to like your wife was like, actually. It's Dr. Mike's. Dr. Mike. Dr. Mike sucks.

Everyone in this movie sucks. I know. The daughter is the only good person in this movie. In her story and sadly. It's terrible. It's terrible. I like Jemont. Oh, Jemontoni.

Fat Tony. Fat Tony's character will like hang out with him. You talk about Richie Janelli. Yeah. You take the murder aspect out of him. He's fine. Oh, wait. No, that's actually really, really bad.

Wait, who did he murder? Oh, yeah, no, that's right. No, I just remembered. I watched it this afternoon. I remember now. Well, did you guys catch that line that the wife said about the backseat of your father's car? Proven his love to him in the backseat, in front of their daughter. They both suck.

They are so creepy. That is so creepy. You've got to let your kids know where they came from. And did you get the 90s where he was saying that he was going to take her video card taken away from her? Well, does he mean a video rental card? Yes, I think like Blockbuster. What a terrible thing to take from your child. What a terrible, terrible thing.

Can I circle back? to an earlier note where I said, why is he dressed like a southern solid lawyer? And then I was like, oh shit,

he is a lawyer. Question asked and answer. Yeah. And that fat suit, it does not move. It's awful. He does no jiggling. No.

It is so thick. I said he looks like he's made out of Stretch Armstrong. Like mashed potatoes. Absolutely. I mean, he doesn't eat enough

tater chips in this movie to be filled with mashed potatoes. Okay, at one point you can see behind their counter where they have snacks and there are like six bags of chips and I thought who's doing the grocery shopping? All open. Who, if he is having a weight problem,

why are we eating three bags of Doritos? Because his wife is gaslighting him by feeding him garbage and then be like are you getting away? Maybe she is awful. I think so. Yeah. I think so. Yeah. I think they're all awful. We get him in

the courtroom. Yeah. He calls a surprise witness. This isn't a real thing that can happen in court because they get the other side's witnesses. You can totally introduce something in court that the other side has no idea about that. They have to be like, doggone it?

What? Why didn't I think of that? This is Max Duganfield, which I know because they say it 450 times. He is the one who is accusing Richie Janelli. Yeah. These names, Max Duggenfield, Richie Janelli. They're all bad.

Franksburton later, Franksburton? Franksburton is the boy, is the guy who's down to be a rent boy, and the fact that his last name is spurtons. It's gross. Thanks, Duggenfield, sounds like the name of a kid that would sell you fake acid in school.

You get this from Duganfield? He's just been putting fucking highlighters on paper in circles. No, just put it on your tongue, you'll be fine. His testimony is probably the most misogynistic part of this movie where he's talking about his wife taking

a hit out on him because she got feisty this one time. The PMS thing, you know how they get? Oh, yeah. The implication being he beat the shit out of her for being feisty. Yeah. Feisty. Now that she's gone through the change, man, everything is beautiful. Oh, I love that part. Fuck off. Fuck off.

Fuck off. Yeah. Yeah, so that next scene opens up with a fat Tony, his mom, and the lawyer, Billy. Billy. Which at first I thought was on a house boat.

I'm not really sure if it was or not. I think it's just a boat boat. Yeah. But she walked out with that tray of meatballs and I was a little stoned when I watched it.

I was just like, man, I would kill for some meatballs. How do you feel watching this Italian stereotype and talking about in a room full of Italian Americans?

Watch your words. Watch your words. Ask the weren't roomful Italian Americans how they feel about watching these Italian stereotypes. No. I feel fine.

I feel fine. Yeah, I mean, it's pretty accurate. It's funny. I actually, when I thought, when I was watching this is this actor had it made. He got to eat so much

during this filming. And you know what I was doing while I was watching this? Every scene he was eating. Every scene he was eating. You know what I was doing? I was eating just spoonfuls of Nutella. Like a true Italian. Like nothing on him. Just spoonfuls of Nutella while I was watching this movie. You weren't like

dipping the Nutella and chocolate chips or peanut butter or anything? Just spoon to the container. Wow. Yes. Yes. Better than dropping an onion. Yes. There is a lot of palm oil in it. all right sorry back to the back to the meatballs fat tony tells billy that he now owes him big time to which i thought like fuck i need a mafia guy to owe me big time like what would i do chile montagna's voice in this sounds like he's making fun of italian american

he's just doing his fat tony voice it's exactly the same man yeah it's so funny oh i love it so is this what we cut to we're back in the lawyer's office he's walking in yeah yeah yeah carrie worse stops him yeah we see the carnival is happening oh yes i i think i texted you all this but this movie would have made our lives so much easier if stephen king had just written them as carnies yeah i wouldn't believe a magical carney yes yes yeah uh this doesn't happen though people don't just come to town and set up a carnival throw maybe in other places but not here in Pittsburgh. No, not without, you have to have like permits and shit. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, we had

reoccurring carnivals when I was growing up, but I think we didn't. They were, they were probably advertised ahead of like, it was probably like a thing, show up. The city was like, we're going to have this carnival. Yeah. Yeah. I would love that. We had these ones that came through town called the straight shows. Oh. That was like the name of the owner. And I definitely remember like seeing someone flash their boobs at them. Oh.

This is the 1970s, huh? No. No. Early 80s. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Was it for a quarter? I don't know. That little dance. Or, like, hits of weed or, like, hits of weed or something. With those underwear.

Oh, my goodness. I love those 90s underwear. Yeah. It's just a G. It's just a G. High, high-wasted G. High-wasted G. They're back.

She's, she's all trimmed up down there. Bedazzled. Yeah. There's also another woman who is dancing at Billy while he's eating a bag of classic Doritos. And she says, you tried the rest. Now try the best. No, she meant cool ranch Doritos or sex. Because Cool Ranch Doritos are the best.

She knew those Sri Yatra Doritos were coming down the pike and they're the best. Yeah. I knew the best I haven't had. They're fucking delicious. Yeah, I'm big fan. While we're on the topic of Doritos, you just remember the Taco Bell nacho Supreme Dorado in the early 90s? Oh, yeah.

Absolutely. Absolutely. Rip. Rip. Absolutely. So he's out of breath from walking up the stairs because the movie's rude. And this other man who's wearing the exact same suit as him but in a smaller

size is talking to him. And he says check out, check this out. See that piece of ass down there? Give her this quarter and tell her to raise her skirt. What? Do men talk men of the room? Is this how you talk to your friends? Oh yeah. Locker room talk? This is how we talk. It's normal.

It's normal. Grab them by the pupsy. Check out the gams on that bird. Butt stuff. Bare ankle What's your favorite RPG? Could you even hang on

They're complaining about how there's dog fighting And I was like that's an actual crime Like arrest them for dog fighting That's a real crime If you want them out They're excited about dog fighting I was not happy about Sure

No I don't think we're happy about dog fighting Not happy about I'm not happy about. So this is the judge saying this stuff to him. The judge is awful. The cop is awful. They're all awful. They're all awful.

The cop is Mr. Kruger from Seinfeld. I'm going to call you Tebow. Kariwer is very cringy, though. From her hair extensions all the way down to her fucking accent. Everything is awful about this. Great underpants. Great underpants. Great gyrations.

The whole thing. Beautiful woman. But she's awful in this. Yes. Well, what's your other favorite Kariwer role? That video thing you told me about that I've never seen that was on MTV. You mean remote control the game show?

Yes. Nope. I mean, I'm not a remote control, but I don't remember this lady in anything else ever. Yeah, because she's a shit actor. We, wasn't she in Anaconda? Did I make that up? You're thinking of Jennifer Lopez? No, the other woman.

Isn't she the other woman? Maybe. There's another woman in Anaconda. All you can see is Jay Lowe's bum, huh? Yeah. And Owen Wilson pressed against the inside of an anaconda. Yeah. And Ice Cube's A, if there were snakes this big, I would have stayed in Los Angeles.

And John Boyt doing that weird accent. Oh, so good. Have you seen Anaconda? No. Oh, you got to watch Anaconda. No. No, you would like it. Probably.

You genuinely would. I do like snakes. It's joyful. It's joyful. So now he's out celebrating to dinner with his wife. Oh, yeah. Like, imagine embarrassing your husband by not letting him eat in public. Yes, that'd be awful.

Especially the day you win. You win big. I think he just has bad table manners. Yeah, yeah, exactly. That's what I mean. She needs to tell him to stop smacking his lips instead of ripping a spoon out of his hand. You know, the acting isn't great in this. That's all.

That's weird, because thinner one. one for best acting, right? 96, baby. Right next to Robocop. Yeah. Like, every scene that he's eating sucks, and they're almost every scene that he's in he's eating.

It's just like, oh, man. I do think it's purposeful to, like, make him look like a hot, hot mess, you know, but he's also our POV character. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. She tells him that he's digging his grave with a spoon and fork. Oh, boy. And then gives them road handy

And then goes for road head I just I don't mean to be crass No be crass Do it But the bobation of her head Insinuates in his dick is Massive

He's got a hog for days She's a such a long stroke Maybe he's like 300 pounds But 10 of it is cock Do you want to start a band called 10 pound cock with me Yeah

Yeah Could we be crooners? Yeah Yeah. No, you've got to, what's the name of Russell Crow's band, 30-odd feet of grunt? You have to take. 10 odd pounds of cock. 10-odd.

Give or take. 10 O-P-O-C. But I was just like, that is a dramatic. Yeah, it was just like, this is unsettling that he would have a dick that big. His dick must hit him in the nipples when it gets hard. Sorry, let me move this out of way so I could see you. but I was also like when he's later mad at his wife

and I was like dude she sucked your dick man yeah you were saying please please please you piece of shit I don't know why she would be doing that if she was cheating on him like I just know yeah you don't get roadhead why would she even care about his his weight if she didn't if she was cheating on him and didn't want to be with him like that's sorry I'm going ahead

you know how women are right Yeah, I do. I mean, those women. Little whores. Those women. Ford. I don't mean that. All I want to do is Brodhead.

Yeah. Oh, my God. That's all. That's all. Favorite activity. I just want to suck your dig while you're in traffic on Penn Avenue. Breaking every 30 feet. It's the American pastime sweeping the nation.

I just want to go to seat, from seat to roof over and over again with my nog. You're massive. dog this is being cut in with scenes of a pharmacy where he's our pharmacist Stephen King yeah and he appears in every movie from his yeah some of them you know what I'm saying he's got a big head in little little eyes yeah he is creepy look he is creepy like he has a distinctive look where you pick him out at any movie absolutely Joe Hill looks exactly like like him like just a little verse

of that? Was your wife even involved in the conception of this child? Or did you birth them whole from your penis? This doesn't seem fair. Maybe Stephen King has a huge hog. A hog big enough to carry a child. His name and this is Mr. Bangor,

which I hate, like Maine. Yeah, no, no, Maine. Okay, so this is the point where the old man has cancer of his, on his face. Yeah, face cancer. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He can perform all these curses, but he can't get rid of his little cancer.

Great point, Vicki. That's the whole time. Perfect segue to my question for you all. Okay, perfect. So this man can curse people, as we will find out later. Thinner. Lizard. Lizard.

Why lizard? Vicker? Whatever is happening to you, Kruger. Could he spin this into a business where he's just like, thin? Yes. Like, you know. Confident. Yes, yes.

Non-arthritic knee. reassured good speller can I tell the listeners about your grocery list I found in your car once that spelled spaghetti

spaghetti S-P-E-G-E-T-T-E and I was like we're fucking Italian-I I still don't know I still don't know today I made Daniela help Elizabeth with her homework

because she had to do long and short A's and I have no idea And I have no one. Good thing you've got an older kid. Good spelling. Good spelling. So the old Romani guy is just a fucking dick from the jump.

Yeah. He's a real mean dude. He's mean to the pharmacist. He's just a mean ass man. He's a hundred and six. Talk about arthritic knees. Yeah. Sorry.

He looks very good. He looks great for a hundred and six. He was just mean to the pharmacist. The pharmacist was like asking him questions about his medication. He was like, you don't need to know. I mean, he kind of does. Kind of does. license.

He looked he looked he looks really good for having face cancer. He looked like his skin was made of boba tea.

I thought he looked great. It looked really good though. Real good. Real good. 106. I mean,

even they were shocked that that was his daughter. Yeah. Everyone was silly. People were shocked. That was silly.

So his daughter's like I got to run across the street. His daughter's 100 too. Yeah. His daughter who everything at the time

is not his daughter. And when she goes outside and gets hit in the roadhead inciting incident. there was so much

of her blood on the windshield that I was like yeah I mean the old people their skin's like paper it's just gonna be right this is absurd it's so much that they put the windshield wipers on

that was really insensitive why would you do that why would you do that at least use windshield wiper fluid come on just smearing it around I mean in the extended version there's a scene

where he drives through the car wash on his way home scrubbing the car so he's in court this is sort of a grand jury I guess to see if he would be indicted the corners in place that's only in the UK

yeah I don't know by the way a code of silence yeah oh my god oh it's so fucking stupid okay so if you made the worst decision for every decision and somehow are still sympathetic yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah it's because she has a great

smile yeah lovely woman Love the woman. So, yeah, but he has to go for the coroner's inquest. And before he goes, his daughter's like, so you're like going to jail, right? Because you're like murder that woman.

He's like, nah. He's like, accidents are, accidents, sweetheart. And I just have to note, manslaughter is definitely a crime. What if manslaughter's an accident? Still a crime. Listen, what if your massive hog got in the way

at the steering wheel? You know, like Tommy Lee. Points off your. license. Oh, you realize your dick was that big, sir. Please. You're free to go. Along with having a massive dick.

He has crazy eyes. Oh, yes. He looks insane. Yes, the whole time. And he won't stop smiling. He's smiling. Why are you smiling? Because he's fat.

We're a jolly people. Why are you smiling? So the cop lies, which is unheard of, to get this man off of his from his manslaughter charge. Sober as a judge. Yeah. What does that mean? It's just the saying.

I don't know that saying. You've heard that? No, I've never heard that. It's like Riches Creeces. Sober as a judge. I never heard that. Yeah. Yeah, I don't.

I don't get it. No, I don't get it. Because my brother got off on a whole lot of crimes because his judge got caught selling a heroin. That sounds more accurate. Hey, selling is not doing. I mean, I'm sure she was a, going to go against BIG's recommendation of don't get high on your own supply.

B.I.G. Allegedly. Allegedly. Good for Mike. Yeah. Yeah. So, yeah, sober as a judge. That just means, oh, you're high on air.

Yeah, you're drunk as fuck. So we learned that the judge has an icky in the middle of his chest. Oh, yes. This is, no, first we got to get thinner. You fucking buy. You went ahead. You went ahead. Sorry.

I think I was just rushing my way through this movie. No, it's, no. It wasn't great. He got to savor it. It wasn't great. You got to savor it like a giant hog and a drive home for a restaurant. All right. So then he goes outside.

Yeah. And the old van comes up to him. Yeah. And just wipes his, wipes. Gives them knucks right to the chin. What's a, isn't there like, will you wipe your butt and then wipe it on someone's face? Oh, no. I don't, shit palm, I'm going to say pretty shit-pom.

Oh, stink palm. Stink palm. Sting palm. Thank you. Sting-pom. Sting-pom. And says, Thiena. Spina.

And that's it. That's the best part of the movie. Yeah. It really is. But I have a question about Thina. Yeah. A, I have a set of friends that still do that to each other. Great.

But so Thina is cursing him both. the thing that he wanted, right? Like, he wanted to be thin without having to do anything. So here you are. But it's a curse. Yes. So the judge was like, man, I'd love to be a fucking lizard right now. I thought that too.

I was like, what is the point of this? And the cop was like, if I could just get half that, half that would be dope. What is that curse? I don't know. Just the callous curse? I thought maybe he was turning into a pig because he's a cop. Which would have been, which would have made sense. But they didn't even have like an upnose.

It didn't look like pig skin. He didn't look like a pig skin. Yeah. If you want him to look like a pig man, you can make him look like a pig man. Absolutely. I mean, Twilight Zone did it pretty good.

Pretty great, really. Yeah. Yeah, I don't get it. I was even trying to like, I'm going ahead, but like when that scene in the carnival, which I'm not really sure if it really happened,

she had like the little dolls and I was trying to see what the doll was of that guy. Yeah. Oh, that could have told us something. Yeah. Yes. Also, why would anybody be lined up?

to play that game if that's what you win i don't want that no that's fucking snoopy no i want a no i came for snoopy i'm leaving the snoopy i want the rasta banana yeah exactly this is the 90s i want a goldfish in a bag yeah that's what i come for or the alien wearing a top hat yeah i mean i'm not even playing games i'm just here for the funnel cake oh yeah oh yeah funnel cake is good funnel cake is good but now they're in the locker room and the old the old judge is like mike come over here and look at my dick 100% that's what I thought because he's shirtless

and he's points down towards his lap he's seated points to his lap and he's like Mike come look at this and I was like everybody gets head in this movie just have to trick Dr. Mike into it yeah Dr. Michael fuck anything I'm like Shh

Wait didn't that shower The shoohing is very upsetting very hot. I don't like the shushing. I'm sorry, what were you going to say, Katie? Do men shower together after golfing? I literally wrote that. Why do they need to take a group shower together? After golf?

How else are you going to have locker room talk if you're not all naked together? You're right. Yeah, we talk about legs and gams and... Did you see how they're washing his belly? No. He was literally like gently stroking his belly button for like 30 seconds. You've got to make sure that things clean. You have got to go back and watch.

Wash it. I won't. Thank you. It's a good one. He's a weird fat suit, but. On that note, I just have, there's way too many old naked men in this movie. Yeah, way too many.

It's like being at a planet fitness. And old men in the locker room do not give a shit. They will let their scroats drag on the ground. They are fucking out. Old ladies, too. Yeah, just tits to the wind. I'm fine with the ladies. Oh, fine, yeah.

Skirts. Scroats. Scroats. Oh, scroats. Scroats. I thought you were calling the lady's skirts like you were doing locker room talk also. That's funny. I should do that.

She's a ripe tomato. So the judge of the, he doesn't need his dick looked at, but he does need the postual on his chest looked at. And Mike's like, it's just your cirrhosis. I'm not a real doctor. Yeah, you're not a doctor, are you? I'm just trying to fuck this guy's wife by calling myself a doctor. I guess so. And right now I'm going to fat shame him and say him if he loses enough weight, he'll be able to see his balls again.

Oh, yes. That was gross, yeah. I just described the judge is having a chest yucky. Yeah, he sure does. He has lost 40 pounds in two weeks. Yeah, which is pretty standard. So his wife is anxious that perhaps he has cancer or something. I mean, again, she legitimately cares about him in this point in the movie.

That's what I'm saying. Yeah. She cares. He's yelling at her. she's like she's a snobby asshole bitch but like she's trying to keep you alive you know he's real mean to her yeah yeah he's real mean to her so he goes to like a clinic or something and i have a note for you vicky where the doctor's like oh you're maybe it's just as unregular i don't oh he's talking to dr mike and dr mike says oh a five by five blood work is perfect what does that

mean i have no idea i don't know you didn't know about five by five blood work Measuring it. I'll be five blood types on my desk by 5 p.m. 5 by 5. I have no idea what that would possibly be. Thanks. Maybe in the 90s it meant something. Maybe.

I don't know. It was only 8 when this came out. I don't know. Yeah, sir, your black bile is way off. Green bile is it green or yellow? Doing gray. I'm Dr. Mike. I don't know if it's green or yellow. And he's wearing this sort of

in-between fat suit prosthetic on his chin, which is even worse than the full fat-suit because he looks like he's chewing on the inside of his head. Yes. He looks like Vincent Donofrio and men in black. The Edgar suit. Yeah, this is when I started realizing he's eating in every scene and I'm just like, this guy's living the fucking rain.

That scene, yes. Because you have to reshoot those scenes. So he's just eating the same food at whatever temperature it is when he's now shooting it for the ninth time because his fucking wife cannot get this one scene down.

I would love to know how much he actually gained during the making of this the actor. Well, they actually filmed it in reverse so that at the beginning when he's really fat, that's real. Yeah, it's Benjamin Button.

Yeah, it's Benjamin Button. It's called the Benjamin Button technique of making fun. So the next scene is him walking into the tailor and he's like, I need some new suits. And the Taylor's like super pumped once again

to drop on his knees. I, yes, I thought the same thing. His Taylor can't wait to cup those balls. I thought the same thing. Oh man, what's how you're going to put that giant hog on when I'm dressing you? Someone's going to get ahead.

He probably has to get custom pants. The one pant leg needs about three extra inches width to accommodate. I'm telling you buddy, I could just sew a third leg into these pants. You can shove that thing down there. His pants never do fit them right though throughout the whole movie.

No. I think they're just. just they're fit right for the 90s. I feel like wasn't it just kind of like oversized slacks? Yeah. Maybe that's it. Looks bad though. He doesn't walk's really funny. He has a really funny walk to him

which makes his clothes look bad. At this point he's dressed like a public defender. Like his suit's too big. Is his dad's suit? We should pay public defenders more. Yeah. Also he's wearing his pants at a level that like no one would normally wear

their pants at like, what if you're hips. We're somewhere around your nips. Hips nips. Hippy nippies. He, at one way yells at his wife. I'm sorry,

was I giving myself a blow job just then? Like it's her fucking fault. Yeah. That made me furious. Yeah, he sucks. He sucks. Because he could. Yeah.

Oh yeah. When your dick's that big, all you got to do is bend over. Exactly. He's doing it in his car like Vicky eating a sandwich with locks and knives. Listen, I realized that I dropped my dick the other day when I was in the car and I didn't find it closed it in the fucking door.

It's right where I drop my phone all the time. It really just gets lost in that spot. And then they decide to send Linda away, the daughter, for like weeks to visit an aunt, even though her dad's like super sick and her mom. So maybe she is cheating. I don't know. I don't know. I don't think so.

I really don't think so. You're on team Heidi? Yeah, I am. I'm on Heidi. If the husband's being this much of a fucking dick, fine. go with Dr. Lake if he's going to be kind to you. He doesn't, I mean, she has terrible taste in men. Yeah, clearly.

I mean, also, it's a small town. Her haircut was not the greatest. No, wispy bangs. I know it was the 90s. The wispy bangs are no good. No good. So I have a back-to-back note about the one scene where a attorney bill is eating and breathing real heavy, and then he's just cackling at his point.

The two notes I have back-to-back are I, too, breathe heavy when I eat, Followed up with I do cackle when I eat Both true Eating you are so fun It is so fun It is fun It is so fun I love to you

I'll tell you guys a quick anecdote About eating delicious food Yeah Everybody okay with this? Everybody? Yeah yeah yeah we'll take it You have consensus I was extremely stoned on my couch

A few weeks ago And I had those peanut butter Pretzel bites Yeah You know from all the year So good And then I was like Oh man I wish I had something to dip these in

So I filled a tiny sauce jar with jelly. It was eating, like, crunchy P.B&J. It was goddamn delicious. That was actually brilliant. That was the highest thing you've ever done in your life. Yeah, but it's perfect. That's brilliant. It was so good.

You just made so many people happy with this idea. That is brilliant. Missy refers to the peanut butter pretzel bites as peanut butter surprises. Because you hadn't had them until, like, two years ago. What is it? What is inside of these? Shots. I didn't know that they existed.

How? surprises. Is she never been to a potluck? Someone brought a jug of them? Yeah. What potluck? Somebody bring a jug of Peter Butter pretzels too. One's the parry's at sometimes?

Dude, I feel like they're... We got a snack while we're potlucking. Yeah. I feel like peanut butter pretzels are like those little strawberry candies that your grandma always had. Yeah, with the rain top. We had them. Oh, yeah.

With the gooey middle. Why was it? I loved it. Oh, I love that. Oh, the proto gushers. Yeah. Those were the snack in Nunas House, plus the jar of peanuts that our grandfather kept behind his chair. And if you were good, he gave you peanuts.

In the nuts. In the nuts that were just always sitting on the table with a cracker. Which I used for my nail polishes now. I have one, and I use it to open my stuck nail polishes. Yeah, just so you know. Well, anyway. I 100% thought there was a plate of nuts and like a ritz when you were like, and a cracker. A single cracker that goes to the great.

It goes to the favorite grandchild. Cracker for. It's always fucking Celeste. One singular cracker. All right. I stopped taking notes for quite a while here. So you guys talk amongst your cell. What were you doing?

I don't know. Eating Nutella, I guess. Petting a cat. So he's got to go to the Glassman Clinic. Well, before the Glassman Clinic, he ends up out to dinner with his friends.

And that's when he sees his, the judge's white eating alone in a fancy restaurant. Yeah. housing a martini. Why doesn't she eat at home? I know. Keep your sadness at home, Lita.

Yeah. Don't burden the rest of us with your sadness. Seriously. So the very next scene, he's at her front door and she has the same martini glass. She got that martini together. Oh, no, she brought her own to the restaurant. I don't serve a good enough martini.

Well, then she gives it to him and makes another. And then throws that one at him. It's furious at him. This is a three martini. She is insane. She is insane. She might be my favorite character at this. I mean, I would fully believe that the judge just left her because she was nut bar. She has no governor on her emotion. He was like, I have skin cancer. Bye. I wish we got to really see him in his lizard form. Yeah. She talks about his hands. Yeah, the claws. What happened? I really wish he was driving that car just fine in the dream. He didn't get to see him drive that car. Was that him? Yeah. Yeah, he looked like shit. Yeah. Or was that that other guy? No, it was the judge. No, it wasn't Kruger. It was a...

Oh, they all look the same to me. Old white dudes. Old white dudes. At this point, I realized a terrible makeup on. Bill, the lawyer started talking like Batman. Yes, he does. Real raspy. Like kind of growling every line.

She, when she's delivering the line about what she heard the old man whisper to her husband, and she goes, lizard. That is not what I expected. Yeah, I wrote lizard, L-O-L-L-O-L-O-L. I have lizard in all caps with seven exclamation points. It's like... You have nothing because you're eating Nutella. I don't know.

I don't remember. I don't remember. I was balls deep in a dark. I basically also has a massive... Oh, Mickey's hog legendary. She's always honking boating. thorns with it. You've all seen the Tommy Lee

and Pamela Anderson porno, right? No. I know about it. With his wiener? With his giant dog. Good for head. It makes you feel a little bit proud of Tommy Lee. And then you're immediately like, oh wait. Yeah, you're so gross.

Total side note, you ever see that footage of Tommy Lee drumming live in Tacoma in like 89? I don't know. incredible. It's a 80s channel

Motley crew and he's like drumming for Motley crew like

in Tacoma and the reason I know it's Tacoma because he keeps

yelling fuck yeah Tacoma but at one point he's in

like this fucking gyro drum set spinning forward and backwards

and you could just tell he just did a whole eight ball and he's

just freaking out and the druming is dog shit more money

than fucking the Catholic church at that point in time. So it was just like, at one point, his drum set was on a roller coaster. Just play drums, dude. We'll be impressed with that. That's fine. I can't play drums at all.

So, as Italian Americans, if I get cursed by a traveling band of Romani, I can just call you and be like, can you ask your grandmother how to fix this? Yes, I know, I know. I thought that too. Only if we owe you big time. Oh, that's true. He did own Victor.

That's the currency. As an Italian American, what I want is to be at the bar with just two booksome ladies on either side of me, and I'm just looking at their faces and then their tits, and then their tits, and then their tits. The riz that Joe Montania must have, because that fucking, excuse my language, but that goatee has, it's like pussy repellent so I can't. Those ladies must be like. Magnets against each other.

ladies are like if we get on either side and we'll be able to counter that thing out and be fine. I just had to write in cell phones liquors and loose women

mama me immediately after I noticed his pinky ring and got so fucking excited about it you really throw every stereotype in who can wear a pinky ring

who pulls off a pinky ring Joe Montana I feel like your cousin Joe your brother could wear a pinky ring you probably could with his open shirt and all of his chest hair. But knowing him, it'd be like a little roller coaster track.

When Lucy was like three, I bought her these pajamas that buttoned the shirt buttoned up the front, and she put it on unbuttoned and was like, look at me, I'm Uncle Joe. I think that period she was calling him Uncle Trader Joe. Trader Joe. Vicky's children still call him Uncle Chubby. Oh, yeah. We're now just chubby. Not even Uncle chubby. Just chubby.

go back and listen to our Godzilla episode Oh I'd listen to it I think he spit a lot of facts He spit a lot of facts He hates the Irish Yeah I like that Joe Mantagnia is hanging out at this bar With his booksome ladies

And then his mom comes out to serve drinks He's like your mom's the bartender Why is your mom working Fucking Mama Chenelli rules And they start speaking to each other in Italian And Billy's on the other end of the payphone He can hear them talking and he looks disgusted by like another language.

He's like, this is my, I'm thin, I vomit all the time. This is when I had the theory that they're actually just sharing a delicious meatball recipe to each other in Italian. I was like, did she say Parmesan? Arguing over whether or not you should use veal. Yes, yay or nay. No, I'll never eat veal. It's too sad.

No, I don't either. No, I don't either. Yeah, I'm just, I think, 80% lean. I think pork and beef I do a combo half and half pork and beef Oh you have to do the combo So much better

Pork and beef So much better One more question One more question Do you use bread crumbs Or do you soak your bread and milk Like my mother did Bread crumbs

Bread crumbs But none of told me to soak Bread and milk And I was like that's gross It's too squishy It makes a squishy meatball You have like chunks of squishy Yeah you don't want that

I use panco I put an egg in there though Yeah Of course Of course A lot of oregano A lot of oregano Parsley parsley

Parsley wrong. Yeah, I do, I do do onion. But my mom told me wrong. I put onion, I cook the onion first. Oh, I never did that. I cut it up really small and cook it with the garlic and then I mix it all in. Oh. Yeah. All right, moving on.

Anyway, we're gonna. Heena. She's, the, the wife is yelling at him about how dare he think he's been cursed. I know. She really doesn't believe him. Really doesn't believe him. I wouldn't either. I'll be honest. I wouldn't either.

I think that Yeah, you're right I wouldn't either I'd be like no nonsense She's like they would have tried to curse The whole town And he goes

The whole town Didn't kill his wife And try to cover it up You're a scumback Yeah He just at this moment remembers Kruger It's been like a day and a half

Since he saw the Hopley The sheriff Yeah Yeah Hopley Yeah so he's gonna go see The sheriff now

Or the cop or whatever and he's all swolled up on one side for some inexplicable reason. Swoling. In the Flamesh. Oh, that's right. That's right. Now, okay. Beastings.

I am now understanding what happened. I'm remembering. He got shot. Now I see. That was the lizard in the car. Okay. This is just all connecting. That's just a dream sequence, isn't it?

Yeah. Yes, but it was still happened. Yeah. He still shows up. Yeah, he shows up with the dream and then we find out from the dream that it did happen in real life. Right.

Got it. Right. So confusing. Yeah, that's it. So he walks out of Kruger's house. Here's a gunshot. This is my favorite part of the movie. And then just goes, oh, just keeps on the roll.

Take the gun. Take the gun. Gun on my mouth. It doesn't feel like a me problem. No. But doesn't he, isn't he like, well, he could have just saw a mouse or something. Doesn't he say that at one point? I think that's, can you say that?

Probably not. Didn't he say he could have just shot something or, or. Saw mouse or rat or... I don't remember... I don't remember the quote was. I swear it happens. So the next scene, it's him just eating like a madman in his house. We found out he's housing 12,000 calories a day.

No, no. This is at the, um, this is at the Glassman Clinic because the guy says to him, we use the computer to synthesize your results. And I was like, Vicki, do you ever use a computer to synthesize results in your healthcare job? All the time, synthesizing them all. What happens when you synthesize them? 80s music Yeah he goes to

Hopley's funeral and then he goes inexplicably to talk to a middle-aged black man to get more exposition Who was that man? Why doesn't he? He's a private detective and we learned about him He references him at the beginning Which I recognize the second time I watch this movie

And I hate myself for it. Hate it. I didn't on the probably third time I've seen this movie Good for you. Oh okay, that makes more sense than just finding the black guy in town. I'd be like, can you explain what this movie is to me? One black guy

in Maine. Can you push this plot long? He sure does, though. He has like a map with red drawn all over it. And he's been tracking the Ramani, and he's learned that they're going to Bahaba, Maine. Bahama Maine. Bahama Bahaba Maine.

Bahaba. Bahaba. Bar Harbor? Oh, Bar Harbor. Bar Harbor. What are you saying? What are you saying? Put marbles in your mouth? I don't know. You obviously never been to Bahamama.

No, I haven't. Did any ends catch the scene where he's palming a whole turkey carcass like a basketball? And I thought about my. He loves to suck on all the bones at the dinner. Remember? Speaking. Yes, you know what I'm talking about. She's always like, give me her bones to chew on.

Yeah. She takes all the bones. I'm the turkey. It went too far. I don't know if she wants you to. Wow. you cut that out no it stays

never listen to this no idea he has no idea I can't wait to tell her doesn't know what a podcast is and she would be disappointed in me if she knew oh absolutely

the amount of times I catch your mom looking at me with absolute mistake it's because you're palming a turkey like a basketball

it's like in those old Bugs Bunny cartoon she's just like yeah you and you turn into a curt turkey on your bone. I mean, we did grow up eating joints, you know, and ears. So, yeah, this is where it comes from.

Your mom hates me because every time I'm around, I'm like giving the kids candy and guns and get them all rowed up. She does that too. That's the thing. She does it. And then she sends them back home. So whatever. She doesn't want the competition.

No, that's the problem. Speaking of our relatives, did you notice Dr. Mike's license plate that's, uh, it says Doc Mike. Yes, I did notice that. Did you think of our uncle, who's a dentist, whose license plate says GR, the digit 8, DMD? I had no idea. It sure is. I had no idea.

I was behind him in the line at a funeral once, and I just kept laughing. No, I had no idea. Yeah, great DMD. Wow, I can't wait to check that out. Great DMD. This is also the point in the movie. that I noticed Billy keeps getting more tan as the movie goes on to. Why is that?

Very dark. By this point, he looks like Hulk Hogan. Just a hot dog. Rip. He's like being pasted. Rest and piss. I think it's because he's just walking the town constantly to go to people's homes. And then to the clinic and then back to his home.

Yeah. But he takes off to find the caravans. Yes. And there's like a voiceover where he's writing a letter. to his wife while eating cool ranch Doritos and I was like you tried the best you tried the best or whatever

old school clear bag too yeah yeah could be wrong about this but I swear to God the bag said cooler ranch they used to really yeah wonderful they were menthol

yeah cool you off like a cools and he ends the letter with anything going on between you and Dr. Mikey ended immediately And then I thought, or don't, because this motherfucker's cursed.

You're going to need a man. You're going to need a man. That lady is not competent, you know. So this is a point where we see the flyer for the carnival, and it looks very much like a really nicely done punk flyer. Yeah, sure does. Oh, shit, yeah, dark print. We also meet Biff Quigley. Biff Quigley Realty.

The guy whose hair is sticking out to the sides. He looks like a Rachel Gratch. Oh, yes. Yes, he looks like a rich of trash character. What was that guy's deal? Why was he in the movie? He was cursed to or something. He rented the lot for the Romani to stay in while they were in town.

Oh, where the bar is. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, he goes to the realtor's office. Oh, shit. To talk to him. He charges him $800 to not tell his wife and doctor that he's been missing. And he pulls out a missing poster. I didn't understand that.

$5,000 reward at all. It was basically like you're going to pay. me money so I don't snitch your wife where you're at. Yeah. I had to watch it twice. Is this part of the dream or is this really happening? I think this is really happening. Okay. I was confused about what was a dream and what was it. Yeah. And then he said, do you can take travelers' checks?

And then I thought, what is a traveler's? Oh, really? Yeah. Really? Alan, what's a traveler? I do remember them. They were these checks that you would get when you went on road trip so you didn't carry cash. My dad would do them. Yeah. He did them until like five years ago. But are they just are they like good as cash? Yeah.

So then it's the same as cash. I get them from AAA You know But you have to sign it So like It's like a jack in that sense That you have to sign it That's dumb

It just Yeah I don't understand Why people did I've never gotten A traveler check myself My parents And it's in the land between For ATM cards

Yeah Exactly You didn't ever get one of those Ripoff savings bonds The fuck was that Oh yeah Yes When my grandparents

When my grandparents I had like $300 in savings bonds What I didn't get $300 in savings bonds Not the other side Sorry My grandfather got me

$50 every year and he was like All right you hold on this $50 See you still have Some of them Had lost I cashed him in the second

I could For like 22 bucks I was like eight years old You did let them mature Some of them lost value I can tell you I believe it Yeah

And this economy Lost value Happy So he goes to He pulls into a parking garage And sees where the carnival is and then goes to the carnival. And this is when

the old man is like, you're cursed, a piece of shit of fucking hate you, suck my dick. And all those people standing around. I am a great actor. Sorry, Mr. But you lose.

But you win one of these dumb puppets. We only have three different types where we have a hundred at each. So many people lined up to play it. And then she chases him out with a slingshot, this exploding thing. Slingshot? is a cool weapon, I think.

But also, I don't think it's good for carnival business. You can hit anyone. She's like shooting the target and it's exploding. Yeah. She's firing bullets into it. Maybe she has it like to chase off the riffraff. Maybe, yeah. I mean, obviously it's working on a billy.

I mean, you can kill a man with a slingshot. Clearly, you put a hole through his hand. Yeah, take a... When can we talk about that soon. Whenever you want to, yeah. Is that where your notes pick up again? That's where my notes pick up again. Nutella breakover.

I'm back. But this is where we see the judge looking... She can't see your notes, though, because they're all going to tell him. Probably my phone shot off at one point. I can imagine I ran out of batteries. That probably happens. So I'm super happy we got to see the lizard man. Oh, he looks so shit.

Yes, okay. I did like that, like, some of his scales were falling off and he was just bleeding through holes in his face. I like that he was just out there driving around. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Driving a Lincoln. And then suddenly the old man is driving a... Am I at them on her bridge?

To whom does that gas truck belong? And then they see him driving a school bus at him, too? That's right. That's right. And he looks delighted. He does. He looks thrilled. All right, moving on. So he goes to a bar.

Wait, first he calls, he calls the Lita again and says, she says, Carrie can't come to the phone right now. Yesterday, he drove his Lincoln into a gas truck. A happy ending of sorts. he always wanted to be cremated. She's the fucking best. She's a little psychopath. She was very.

She was thrilled that her husband died. Drunk psycho. I love her. Drunk psycho. Thrilled. Thrilled. She reminds me of like a really mean aunt. Yeah.

You kind of get along with in some level. Just like you're a piece of shit, but I love you. Vicki's going to bring up an actual aunt. Oh, fucking angel. I got it, aunt. Got a mean aunt. mean drunk aunt so he goes

here's your mean drunk aunt I'm just kidding just a mean aunt not a drunk one got a couple mean ants really absolutely it weirds me out

mean where wolf ambulance officially anti ant she won't be listening to this podcast what if she did walking on a treadmill

all fast since he did this podcast 2 a.m. Imagine she's a Patreon too has like the t-shirt on the treadmill. It's always clear in her throat.

I'm irreparably horny for this podcast. All right. Now he goes to the bar. And we learned that the old man's name is Tedzu Lempke. Yes. Yeah. And here's when my notes start back up. Oh, we're back. He was born in the 1800s is what I figured.

Yeah. From the math. That is crazy. This is when we find out that Billy's talking to the guy in the bar and the guy's talking about, like, that guy cursed me and my wife died five years ago or what have you. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. He has beef all over a town. Yeah, sure does. Everywhere. A thorn in society. Hey, Ted Tzu, Lemke, if everyone you meads is an asshole. Yeah. Yeah. Mead assholes all day. I did notice in the credits that the hunky husband who has

no lines is. Carrey Warr's husband? Yes. Yeah. Is billed as Gabe Lemke, which implies that he took her last name, which I like quite a bit. But her last name is Romani. Oh, that's right. He calls her Mrs. Romani. So wait. I don't know, dude. That doesn't make sense.

I can't keep up. So hungry. I think it was implying. I think it was implying that they're very closely related. I see. Can't keep track. He's on the phone to his daughter. He's like, Dr. Houston's been here a lot.

And then he hangs up the phone and he's hitting it into the phone booth going, bitch, bitch. This is all your fault. Like, okay, bro. I think his energy is going to the wrong place. I think his energy is going to the wrong place as well. You're going to be dead soon. Yeah.

Yeah, but she shouldn't. Let your wife fuck someone else. Let a woman be happy. We see that he's now super skinny. Mm-hmm. Yeah, because he's shown off his sweet six-pack to the Romani lady. But it's an empty six-pack. Concave.

Yeah. Concave six-pack. I just imagine him, like, I've been working out. Yeah. this is where we get the phrase the white man from town i was just going to say that that's a lot of i feel like it was like why was that so far out into the the movie i have no idea like they came up with it halfway through like they were like oh wait listen and then they said it like every five minutes till the end of the movie she called you the white

man from town like he's going to be like no not that he's not that anything but that's literally I see everyone in the town as far as I can tell is old white men. But then he embraces it and he starts calling himself that and I actually like that. Yeah, the Avenger. I like that. He's taking it back. He takes it back. He takes it back. Takes it back. This is when we start to get a lot of vignettes of

the whole Lemke tribe to, like, distant cousins and whoever else just in the camp and I was like, this is just like the McPoyles from, it's always sunny. Halfway through the like, the panning through the family, you're like, yeah, and that's the key grip.

And that guy over there. Just put on a fedora. You're going to be Romani for the next hour. He still has his work belt on. So he gets shot through the hand at this point because he gets into a kerfuffle with the Romani and Kariwer puts a ball bearing through his hand. So he calls Janelli again and Janelli knows a sawbones. He's like, I don't know what doctor, but I know that.

this guy. Curse of the white man, Colin the Daigo. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. That is a perfect hole through his hand.

It's great. You ever seen that? No, I wish. But it would never go through like that. It would never go through like that. And then. Carrey were with a sling shop. No, no, would never make it perfect.

And then he keeps moving his hand. Yeah. Those tendons are severed, sir. You're right. Stop moving your hand. There's a way you can hit your hand. I don't know if you know doctor stuff. not. There's a way you can hit your hand. Absolutely not. Perfectly between

the tendons. Perfectly between where the ball bearing just pushes the tendons out of the way. You could do a whoop. And then he just stops bleeding and they just wrap it up with one light little cloth. This is the guy, the doctor, who's not a doctor, but he's pretty close. What was he? Who is he a vet? Why didn't they just tell me? Why didn't he just go to the ER? Yeah, why not? Because he's on the run. Yeah, he's on the run. He's on the lamp. Oh, see, I was thinking that the missing poster was in the dream.

Yeah, it's really hard to. That was real. Because that guy, Biff Quigley was real. Yeah. Rachel Gras was really if he'd be bleeding out and he would have to go. Yeah. I mean, there was that scene where he was like rolling around in that bed in that cabin and his sheets were bloody. There was blood all over the floor. I'm like, this dude's bleeding out. Yeah, but then it just stops bleeding.

And then they wrap them with one, one sheet. And give him potassium tablet. What was that doing? What kind of fake mafia doctor doesn't carry narcotics? I don't know. Opiates. I don't know. What is that going to do?

You tell me, you're the fucking doctor? It's going to stop him going to the cardiac arrest. That's what the guy said. Why? But why? He said, take these. They're mine, but you can have them. I like their tums.

I do want to know what kind of doctor he is. I think he's just a guy. Just when I realize if Fat Tony looks like he's cousins or like half brothers with Tom Savini. He sure does. If he had a glance, I was like, Tom Savini's in this movie when he's impersonating the cop. I was like, oh, no, that's the same guy that's in the movie. He does look like him, though. He does look like him.

How high were you at this point in the movie when you realized, oh, no, that's still Joe Montagnan. I get stuck in what I call the warp whistle, where I hit my pen, and then I put it down, and then I forgot I hit it, so I hit it again. Yeah, yeah, put it down, and then I just keep getting more and more high and keep hitting my pen because I keep forgetting that I hit my pen. And then you go, oh, oh. That's the stage I was had

Okay, okay So he's down to 120 pounds now All hangy skin All hangy skin And Janelli says Billy, are you familiar with Committed an Absentia And he's like, well yeah

That's what you do When a person's gone crazy And they're not a right Oh wait a minute That bitch He says her and the doctor did it And then Joe Montagnia makes the blowjob motion Yeah

Again she's she's just kind maybe she's actually trying to take care of him if he if you got really sick and then went crazy and went on the run wouldn't you want someone to be like looking for you yeah yeah yeah and in the meantime she's blowing a doctor

what do you care it's probably hurting her jaw less than your fucking hog that baby arm swinging Joe Montania poisons their dogs yeah why on earth would he do this himself. He's Richie Janelli. He's Richie the Hammer Janelli. The Hammer loves getting his

fucking hands dirty. He's so happy about this. He wasn't going to kill anyone he says. He is delighted at this point. He's like giggling. He is having a great time. He says you like this, don't you? He goes, no, I love it. You're right about that. I fucking love it. I'm Ritchie the hammer Janelli. So they find some guy at a

convenience store. Not some guy. Don't call him some guy. Call him by his Christian name. Franksperton. Franksperts. a true Stephen Kang name. They find Franks Burton sleeping in his car in a convenience store parking lot and

Joe Montania Fat Tony pays him a fistful of cash. He don't do nothing that goes on video. He is also very disappointed that Joe Montania is not going to fuck. Yeah, he wanted to fuck. He's like leaning on the car

and he's like, no, you're walking away. He's like, you really just want me to watch and see if they leave that farm, huh? So how do they make him if he's just a man using a phone at a gas station? Oh, they have magical powers. Right, you're right. Sorry. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Looking.

Seeing. So, uh, the next scene, that's just his car. And I'm like, ah, they're shaving, they're shaving creamed his car. I thought that. Oh, man, what a terrible prank. And then they looked in the driver's seat. I was like, that's way worse. Damn it.

That's way worse. Poor Frank Spurton. We hardly knew you. And he will spurtan no more. Was that a chicken head in his mouth? Yeah. I rewound it. I could not figure out what was happening.

His eyes were missing. I was trying to figure it out. They were never on his forehead in blood because Joe Mantegna had left the sign that said, white man from town says, take it off. Yeah, that's right. And it said white man on the on the car too. He left the note like four. times.

Yeah. He left it with the dogs. He left it in another time. I mean, I caught that first note. I didn't see you written in the long. He was a mook, but he was my mook. I know. Yeah.

What does that mean? I don't know. I don't know. I'm just the guy who works for you. Wacky. Yeah. You guys are our mooks tonight. You're always my mooks.

That you know of. We're not paying you. Surprise. A big novelty check with like 10 bucks. Tight. Wait, what happens next? This is when we find out that her last name is Romani. Oh, that's right.

I was fascinated by that. Yeah. I was like... It feels a little Mr. Bangor for me, you know? Yeah. And Joe Montana is now a detective, and I thought it was the second plot line we were jumping into. Well, first he has to kill all the people with the firing into their camp.

Yeah, I didn't get in. And he traps the husband. Yeah. Pooks duct tape on his mouth and sends him at the Romani with their guns. With another sign that says, wipe a man from town says take it off. Yeah. They shoot him.

When the man hits the ground, he has no duct tape. He could have said, hey, guys, I know you. Hi, it's me Gabe. It's me, Gary We're his husband. I'm very handsome. You remember me from earlier? Also, not that dark. I know.

I can tell exactly what was going on. I was like, oh, yeah, I know that guy. That's the guy. He just went over the wall that way, now he's coming back. Our cousin and our uncle. And our football field. Yeah. Well, maybe this is feeding into the theory of them all having the same last name.

They're too closely related and their genes are all messed up and their eyesight's terrible. That could be. Oh, yeah. Could be. But yes, he's like the showpons. When he calls her Mrs. Romani. That's weird. I don't think I caught that.

And then he pulls out his own mugshot is like, a, have you seen this guy that did it? And that's when I thought, I would love to carry around to like a little picture of my own mugshot. She goes. It was you. You son of a beach. There's no car here. And she switches her skirts around. Come on.

I can't do this. And then the acid scene. God, this movie throws fake acid on her. And I'm like, why isn't her skin burning? I was like, because this movie is wretched.

Why is it not? But it was fake. Yeah. And then he put, and then why does it take her so long to move her hand to her forehead? No one in horror movies acknowledges that they have hands.

It's just a way it is. It was like she used both her hands at the slowest. possible way. She didn't want to drop that black strap molasses that was on her forehead. But like you can move your arms and your head won't move. I know it was definitely cola. I thought it was

Pepsi and I was like, yeah, it's basically acid. Yeah. Put a tooth in there? She runs out of the barn and yells, your friend is a pig and he will die thin. Which made me laugh so hard. That accent. So, Richie makes a plan.

for, or tells her to tell her father, grandfather or oomstever, to, I guess grandfather, because her mother was killed. When did she have her? She was 106 years old. Carriwar is 20. Carriwer was actually

83 in this movie. Oh, wow. So to meet him at the lighthouse in like two hours. And Joe Montanio's like, look, I'm going to drop you off an hour early. Just hang out here. Yeah, you just leave. slowly die.

He's like, you have other shit to do, I guess, today. So in my memory, with this pie scene, the pie had a face. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, is that what's happening? I could not tell what was going on there. He bleeds all over it and it just soaks it all in. It reminds me of like.

He cut a mouth in it and he's going, nam, man, man, man, it was like, it was like, remember in labyrinth, like,

the boiling when like the boiling is coming out. That's exactly what it looked like. Do you guys have to know? Oh, uh, Like when he's in the bog of eternal stench? Yeah, that was exactly. Yeah, it bubbles up.

Yeah. Also, there's like kids playing right there. Did you see the kids playing like football? Yeah, this poor kids are like playing football. Those weird extras. What was the point of that? Extras. Kids in Maine, baby?

Yeah, just an average day in Maine. What is the point of the old man saying to him, your dreams smell bad to me, they stink? That, yes. Just something creepy. Yeah, I guess so. So when he wakes him up and he's like, they zoom out and he's holding that pie, I totally thought

he was just gonna hit him in the face with a little slapstick style just to be an extra dick you've been three stooges did I completely fucking forgot about the pie as a device to end this movie It's so bad It doesn't make any sense

Vicky as a Stephen King fan None of this Do you find that he doesn't know how to end a book Yes It goes on way too long Yes And then the ending you're always like wait What?

Yes Yeah He's not as bad as Clyde Barker. No. Clyde Barker, I feel like gets the end of the story. He's like, uh, fuck! Yeah. Yeah.

Gotta go. Don't know what to do. Yes. That's a good, yeah, that's a good point. This was really bad, though. I'm really bad. No, no, I read it. And see, like.

Just talking about it, because there's still scenes we... I know. You're right, you're right, you're right. I know. I know. I just wanted to be over. He says, you gain weight quick now, so quick you don't know what's going on. Everyone who eat pie get bad, quick and die.

All right, bro. and then it keeps bubbling he's urging him to eat his own pie he says die thin but die clean yeah he's right though why should this guy win why should this guy win yeah yeah yeah I look that he is the morality

of it all also a fucking dick he killed that guy in the bar's wife yeah yeah what she do yeah looked at him wrong he's got beef all over town beef all over town he still won't die though even without nose cancer lemke what's his name

Tadzu Lemke Tazoo Lemke Tadu Lemke so Limpke. So Billy comes home to his wife. He gets his daughter out of the house. He's like, hey, I need you to stay out of the house. Because this won't come back and you're definitely not going to eat this pie.

Yep. So he gets his daughter out of the house. He comes back to the house a day early and his wife's like legit, happy to see him. She has fallen asleep on the couch with her fucking boots on. The couch is white. I'm furious, but go on. Go on. She is genuinely happy to see him.

She seems very happy to see him and he's looking well. Yeah. He's gained a little weight. Yeah, yeah. It's got a little bit more color on. He says the line, getting evens also what it's all about, you bitch. Why?

She's not as bad as you. Is she cheating on him? I don't know. It's never really clarified that. It was never clarified. I mean, as a man, as long as you suspect it, it's happening. You're allowed to kill your wife. You can just do whatever.

Biblical, baby. America 2025. Do whatever you want. Yeah. Have it. So what happens? happens next, Perry. I think you should have to

describe this part. Yeah, this is... This is your fault. This is your fault. So, this is the part of the movie that I got it mixed up with another 90s movie that featured a pie.

What was that? American pie. You know what? I was getting American pie vibes when the car was covered in the shaving cream. I was like, American pie. Well, like, delicious pie sitting on a counter.

I was like, that guy's going to fuck the pie with his huge dick. I was like, oh, Wait, no. Nope. You must find someone to fuck this pie. Everyone who fuck this pie will die bad. Die bad.

So yeah, he feeds, gets his wife to eat this pie. He gets his wife to eat the pie in the least convincing way I would never eat this pie. He's like, I'm going to go to bed. There's some pie in the kitchen for you. I don't think I would ever turn down pie. No. true that's true that's true especially strawberry her favorite yeah strawberry her favorite yeah and then the worst part of the movie happens when he wakes up he he kisses her oh she's all dead

and gnarly next to him in bed why did he do that he killed his daughter's mother over a suspicion he took her from linda he took her from linda he took her from linda why does that happen i don't know because she looked like wet fruit leather yeah she sure did i have a series of notes that her teeth She's dead kisses her corpse He sucks There I said it He says to her

It looks like you'll be L size six again And I thought again That lady's a stick And nothing She's a zero She got snatched waste For him to body shame her

When like In the beginning of the movie He was Pretty heavy Yeah And trying You know She was doing

Her best to try And he's just been a piece of shit To her whole whole She s tis D. She did her part. Her wifely duty. I mean, they're probably, what, 40s, early 50s.

Yeah. Sure. Decades of marriage. Sure. Her to still do that? That was kind. She's still sucking dick for no reason. That dude sucks.

No, he sucks. He sucks. He still walks funny, too. And then, like, and then his daughter, she eats the pie. He's sad for, like, a millisecond. And then he decides he's going to kill again. He gets happy. He's going to kill again.

The thing is, too, even if she, the daughter had slept at her friends else, she's going to come home in the morning. Yes. You woke up and there's fucking pie. She's a teenager. Of course she's going to eat it.

Like, why did he wait up and make sure he disposed of that? Do I clean you shit bird? You killed your sweet baby. That's on par with like, oh, I accidentally left the cyanide out. I'd better put it away. Yeah. Yeah.

But it doesn't like left cyanide cupcakes on the camera. Whoops. I hope my preteen daughter doesn't come home and eat them. So then There's someone at the door It's Dr. Mike He's coming over to

Dirty dog He's coming over to see how Heidi is Because she's been upset So maybe he is fucking her I don't know Or least aspirational too Asper That's fine, he's allowed

It's fine Yeah And Billy says to him I was just about to eat this breakfast pie As though that's a phrase Yeah Like a thing Don't you have breakfast pie?

I don't call it breakfast pie I just eat pie I do have a bird's try. It's called a pie for breakfast. Pumpkin pie is always for breakfast. Your mom used to say that was because it was made of vegetables and eggs. It's very healthy for you. You've eaten straight up pie for breakfast?

Pumpkin pie. It's healthy. I just practically. Practically. How of you of all people, I literally have pumpkin pie in my fridge right now that we eat for breakfast every day this week. It was Danny's birthday pie. When we drive him, can we drop Vicky off first so I could get some pumpkin pie?

Literally, I have pumpkin pie waiting for you. If that's Danny, it's her birthday pie. Yeah, it's Danny's pie. She gets a birthday pie. Yes, I said, what do you want for your birthday? She said, I want your pumpkin pie. I made her pumpkin pie. Oh, sweet baby.

We've eaten it for breakfast before school every day this week. That's awesome. We've like one little sliver left. So the movie ends with him shutting the door and he's going to have pie with Mike and end all of their lives. The last line of the movie is a white doctor from town. You think he's going to kill himself too? Because he was going to kill himself because he killed his dog. I seem to have missed that part.

Oh, yeah. He was just about to eat the pie. before. Yeah, but maybe he changed his mind. I felt like his mindset shifted. Now he was like, I'm going to kill everybody. And I'm going to win, yeah. Well, he says, come and have a slice with me.

Oh, okay. Whereas with his wife, he was like, you go eat it. You go eat it. Straight up fuck him anyway. You think you should fuck Dr. Mike? Yeah. Maybe there'll be a thinner too, and we'll find out.

Thicker. Shit, we should really make thicker. That was a joke that we made the original time we did this. Good. Justin made a book cover that was thicker by Stephen Kang. Stephen Kang and the cover was a corolla. And then I got excited that there was such a thing as a corolla convertible.

We should have done that to your car. Honestly, what I really should have done was not traded it in. I should have put a roll cage in it, souped up the engine, taken it to Lernerville. It's driven in the injuro. I should have dirt truck, really sad bitch. Absolutely. Desperately sad. Did you have a name for the corolla?

No, I don't name cars. Like little light. or something. Oh, that's real cute. Why didn't you say that 15 years ago? Little lightning. L-A-L-L-A-L-A-L-A-L-A-Posophie. It was a little car.

You were the one who christened at the hot rod. You're like, look at that hot rod. Yeah. Dented up Corolla. A little bit of rust on the side panel. Just a little bit. You know, that actually convinced my child that it was a cool car. It is.

Sure. It was like, my mom was going to have a cool car. And I was like, yeah. Almost a classic car. Almost a classic. Almost got them. Can you promise me when Lucy turns like 16, you and Rob get her a car.

Can you get her a carola? Like the oldest one you do fine. In the year 2033, I'll do just that. I know, right. An asteroid will hit before then. You're always reading for the asteroid. I'm always reading for it. I could like pinstripe the side of it or like

do lettering and hot rod lettering or something. You dog, I heard you like pinstripe. So I pinstriped your pinstripe. Let's get exhibit out of retirement to bring him back to put some TVs in cars again. Oh, what a, what a era of television. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We're going to rate this bitch?

Yeah. Is it out of five or ten? Ten. Come on, fucking guns. I don't know. I don't know. 35 times. I don't know.

Vicki, what is it? What is it? How many stars do you give it out of ten? One. It was terrible. Yeah. I went into it thinking it was going to be terrible and it was just that. It's not even fun terrible, except for Joe Montenia.

No. I enjoy these terrible. I did not. Everything made me mad. Barry? Wow. That is a high rating. A high rating.

Because it's so fucking bad and I was laughing the whole time at how bad it was. Five of those points are for marijuana. Yeah. So it's a two. I'm an enhancement smoker for sure. The acting in it, I was like, this is like if you saw like a Broadway play

but it was at a dirt mall all the people acting it's like hey we'll give you 50 bucks to learn three lines from like Hamleth yeah I think it's Hamilton not Hamilton we couldn't afford it what do you think

a solid 10 again I mean no it's a fucking piece of trash it's too yeah it's terrible terrible movie I mean there are so many bad Stephen King adaptations out there. Yeah. And I was thinking today at some point

we should do the Langaleers. Have you ever seen the Langalears? I read the book. Mm-mm. Is that with a like the shape shit thing, right? Yeah, no, they're on a plane. And then like the nothing

is coming from another universe to eat time or whatever. Oh. And it's just the people on the plane that are left. Yeah, yeah. If you were asleep when they went through the warp hole

or whatever, you lived. We, is, is Brian from Wings in that? movie? Maybe. I think he might be. Are you thinking that because it has an airplane in it? Oh, fuck.

And because he's in the Shining. The one I accidentally bought. Have you watched it yet? No. That's the episode that you're going to do by yourself. Yeah, if I ever have to. You never let me, though, which is the sad part. Because I'd have to come to your house to record it.

Just do it on your phone. You've got to rate this. I did. I said one. I agree with you. Oh, one. Yeah, it's terrible. So wait.

Do you think you rated this the same? Last time? I have no idea what I rated it last time. I don't know. And we've destroyed the episodes. Emily knows. Yeah. Emily knows.

That's true. Can I, uh, can I defend my answer? Okay. Because I feel like I need to. Go for it. I gave it a seven. This is in my podcast, but go for it. I rated seven on entertaining, not seven on quality.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I think that's fair. I thought I was in the light. So terrible. I thought I was in a light. You love any film where the inciting instance. it is roadhead. Yeah.

I mean, it's this, the godfather, Citizen Kane. Citizen Kane. That's what Rosebud was, right? His heart, his tip of his dick. Oh. How dare you after what you put us through earlier in this episode? I literally was talking about normal things.

Relax. Almost all, uh, dicks have tips to them, so like, shouldn't be that much of a... Ugh. I don't like dicks. that much we gotta wrap this up this was an absolute pleasure

we have officially gone longer than the movie uh oh how long is this an hour and a half oh hell yeah the movie seemed endless though how much of that is Vicky getting an angry phone call from her husband and then ranting about her brother's

that has to be cut this episode is 47 minutes I love you guys thank you so much for doing this thank you for having us this is fun-ish fun is the movie love the movie

do you want to do another movie next week I do want to do another movie next week and because I want to do another movie next week because I want to do another movie at some point okay because we're going to do 28 weeks later because at some point I would like to do 28 years later. Sure.

And I don't think you've seen weeks later. I only seen days. Just the days. All right, let's do it next week. Yeah, yeah. So come back for 28 weeks later. Let's just wrap this up. They don't need to hear anything else.

They've heard enough of us. Thanks for listening to another episode of Wear Ophabulance. Thank you, guys. Thank you, thank you. Bye. Bye. Bye. Maybe accent on deadpools, so many sightings at the pool

No way to in Finland's cube fulfilled reviews Gila cloud and land the face Peel in outer space Appearance I've got in case Please make eye kids in your grave E&T Brian from Wings and Stephen Kang EMT

We lived deliciously bad temperate Obees crazily gone to dying A paranormal active dizzes Promise to Roger City EFT EMT EMT Thank you.