Werewolf Ambulance: A Horror Movie Comedy Podcast - Episode 535- Hellraiser: Judgment (2018)

Episode Date: October 6, 2025

In this week's episode, we're diving into the ass-end of the "Hellraiser" franchise with the 10th installment from 2018, "Hellraiser: Judgment." Special topics for your consideration include: the worst episode of a police procedural you've ever seen, a dearth of mean sex, the Cenobite judicial system, the actual judicial system, and the combination of titties and Warhammer 40k. We have talked so much Pinhead in our lives. You can hear us discuss the original (Episode 51), "Hellraiser II: Hellbound" (Episode 205), "Hellraiser: Bloodline" (Episode 262), and the 2022 remake in Episode 402. The regular lineup of links! You can support us at patreon.com/werewolfambulance and listen to a ton of action movie episodes. This month is an 80s sword and sandal month and it should be a lot of fun. leave us a message at 412-407-7025 hang out with some cool listeners at https://discord.gg/DutFjx3cBD buy merch at www.teepublic.com/user/werewolfambulance the best place to reach us is at [e-mail] we're on Reddit at r/werewolfambulance sorta on Twitter @werebulance sorta on Instagram @werewolfambulance www.werewolfambulance.com if you feel you really must lodge a complaint with us, please do it on Facebook at facebook.com/werewolfambulance because we are probably not gonna see that, ever. If you liked this, please leave us a review on Apple Podcasts or wherever you listen! It helps others find us and allows us to continue to grow. Intro song is by Alex Van Luvie Outro song is A. Wallis- "EMT" Seriously, we have the best listeners, hands down.

what the fuck i mean truly what the fuck i mean truly what the fuck the worst part is i think we chose this together so neither was going to be mad at the other one I edited last week's episode, so I know that I asked for a shitty hellraiser. It's me. I asked for a shitty hellraiser. However, I have to believe there were ones less shitty than this one. Apparently, there are ones that are shitty. That cannot be. That cannot be.

What did you describe this movie as? The worst CSI episode I've ever seen? The worst CSI episode you've ever seen. Fun fact, I've never seen an episode of CSI. Yeah. You know what that also makes this? The best episode of CSI you've ever seen. seen.

That's law and order. Same thing. No, it is decidedly not. I've not really seen CSI, but I have seen a lot of episodes of Law and Order. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, NYPD Blue. I never saw that. Line of duty. Oh, shit, Karen Piree is back.

I saw it. So excited. I'm going to rewatch the first season for the third time. Oh, really? Yeah. Holds up to multiple viewing. Yeah. Oh, man.

Karen's so good. I love Karen. I remember asking Missy if she thought I could pull off sweater vest and car arts that she said no. I think you asked me that too and I said yes.

So really it's, you know, who can say? It's a coin flip. All right. All right. Let's get into this. Hellraiser 10. Judgment.

Judgment. Not night. Not judgment night. I wish we had done judgment night. Why didn't we? At least I could talk about how much I love the shitty soundtrack. Yes. I hope that I didn't need to see the previous five to seven Hellraisers because Lord knows I did not.

Now, I have a real question for you. Yeah, I love to ask for real questions. I wish Jim were here, actually, because he's our Hellraiser X. We should call him if we have to. I did text him about this movie. Okay. Well, here's what I need to know. Because the last one that I remember seeing, or not the most recent prior to this was Hellraiser 4 bloodlines. Is that the one in space? It's the Adam Scott one. Okay. I don't recall there being like a Judeo-Christian morality to it. Definitely not an angel.

No angels. Zilch on the angel tip. I did not understand that at all. I can only assume that the popularity of one soup snatch, a.k.a. supernatural. Whenever you say soup snatch, I get upset. And you know this. And you haven't done it for years.

Everyone gets upset. Yeah. There's no one who. Who doesn't get upset when I say soup snatch? Stop it! It makes me think of like pouring, like, powdered, lipped in fucking soup on your crotch.

Yeah, okay. This is my soup snatch. Enjoy. I hate it. Enjoy. I've added flavor. Is your pussy too bland? Packeting with MSG.

I mean, MSG makes everything taste better. True. It's true. I bet it makes pussy taste better. Jesus Christ. Soup dick out here. Did we just invent something really good? People are going to start having like strokes from too much sodium. I just pictured a soup dick being like lick'em sticks. You just dick in your, like you get a powdered bag of French onion soup and you dick in your dick in it.

You're like, I think I was supposed to put this in sour cream. Instead of putting your dick in it. Sort of. Ew. God, anything did not talk about Hellraiser 10 judgment, huh? We didn't add for Does your pussy not have much flavor?

Blandpussy.com Blanpussy question mark.com Dot angel fire. Dot angel fire. Oh, man. So this is 2018. This is just four years before the reboot, which is an indication of how fucking bad

this is that they were like, we can't let it be dead. this movie may be like oh I was way too hard on the reboot I need to go back and like sing the praises of the reboot I think we should probably revisit it socially at some point yeah yeah yeah yeah I like the idea of you and I like the reboot of Helvetis not doing an episode just hanging out do you think we would just pretend we were doing the episode the whole time though I mean we only talking to microphones when we're hanging out even if we're at a social engagement you and me at Kelly is holding microphones people are like oh they're recording no we're just trying to order because I mean we're just trying to order because I mean we're just trying to order be you years. Oh. So we start off with our two favorite characters from the Hellraiser franchise. You've got Pinhead, not played by Doug Bradley. Some other nerd is in the Doug Bradley's role.

Non-Menroville nerd. Yeah, I'm not even going to give him the honor of saying his name. Well, it's not his fault. To be fair, none of this is his fault. And I don't think we should be mean to him about it. All right, Paulty Taylor. Fine, he was fine. Paulty Taylor.

It's a fun name to say if it were just one name. Paltie Taylor. Palti Taylor, Palti Taylor. So it's PINhead and everyone's other favorite Cineabyte, the auditor. No, has he appeared before? No, not that I've seen. Although, as you stated, there are six other movies that I've not seen. You really should have called Jim in for this one.

Jim said that he watched the one before this. It was like, I can't even. He's not even seen this. He got like halfway through that one. It was like, I can't do this. So I've seen further into the HRAZer franchise than Jim has. Yes. Okay, so I'm the new expert.

Although I think he's seen more. No. You've just seen further. Yeah, that's what matters. Yeah, exactly, yeah. So on how fast you run the race if you don't finish, Alan. You know what I'm saying? Does that make any sense?

You know what I'm saying? No, I'm saying. Oh, lies, lust, betrayal. It sounds like a telenovela, but it isn't. It's fucking pinhead and the other guy. So they're going to this house, 55 Ludoviet. Rico? Yes.

Is the address? Okay, so there's a guy. He gets a letter. Yeah. That says, we get you. We understand you. But who is this guy? He's a pito.

Oh, okay. Oh, right, right, right. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. We find that out after the auditor, and then the assessor comes in. The assessor is... A me in a suit jacket with no shirt on. Your head does not look like his head. It's the head from the guy who cleans

I just have similar man boobs Share I'm not commenting one way or the other But he has the head of the guy From the princess bride Who cleans the wounds You know what I'm talking about The guy who starts off

And then he clears his voice Yeah that guy You know what? What? Fucking perfect movie Fucking perfect movie Oh my god I need to rewatch that movie

I haven't watched it in like 10 years It's a beautiful film It's so good It's so good It's a great book too I've never read the book. The book pretends to be an adaptation of another book. But it's just so the writer can like interject all this little commentary.

But it's, it's very good. I like breaking the fourth wall. Yeah. So yeah, this guy's a pedo, right? Mr. Watkins. Is that this guy? Yeah, Carl Watkins. They give you names.

You don't need them. This is when I was paying attention to the movie. For full disclosure listeners, Alan basically strong-armed me into watching the last 15 minutes of the movie. Because I wasn't gonna. because I'm incredibly lazy as a review that we got recently said. I should tell you that by strong her, arming her, I said, the last 15 minutes is maybe the best part of the movie. It's not, it's not the best part of the movie,

because there is no best part of this movie. Okay, I misread that is, it's maybe the best part of the movie. And I was like, all right. That was my subterfuge. I hate you. No, I love you. I text you that as I was, yeah, yeah, yeah. Laughing at my foolishness.

I've got her once again. she's going to watch the whole movie the auditor strikes again i'm not listening to any of this they're talking degradation sin something they're going after the horny internet is what i was to understand so much in saying absolutely it's it's it's a sound and fury signifying nothing it's just so much jibber jabber that are just like jesus christ it's like it's all delivered with the gravitas of community theater. Yeah. It's like, oh, it's rough.

It's rough. It's very rough. The guy who wrote and directed this, Gary J. Tunnickliff, wrote and directed a bunch of previous Hellraiser movies. Okay. So I don't know if he just, like, quit? Took over the verse? I don't know.

Yeah. Just gave up, though, in this one. It was like, well, I don't know. Or this is his magnum opus. He was like, you know what? I'm going to get these titty ladies to rip the bottom. of their faces off, and then they're going to drink some other guys, or fuck around and some guys puke to get information.

Yes. Why is this happening? I don't know, because it's very confusing because you're like, oh, those are great boobs. Oh, they don't have the lower half of their faces. What am I supposed to feel about this? And also, why don't they? I don't know. Why was it just the lower half of their faces?

Why can they glean information from finger in puke? How, for how many films has there been a centabyte judicial system? that's what I need to know. I mean, I think there's always some part of it where you're like, you're judged to be worthy of being avenged by the sudden bites.

Okay. Okay, yeah. Like, jeans fucker, Uncle Frank, they were going after him because he's a scumbag and fucks him with his jeans on. Which I think is his greatest crime. I thought he was like,

come get me babies because there's no more sex on this planet for me. That's true. He did search them out, right? He wanted them. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He found the puzzle box

because there was no more pleasure and pain on this this plane of existence that he could have so this is the puzzle box there's like eight puzzle boxes this doesn't make any sense no like the one again the the reboot I need to go rewatch again because I think I was way too hard I think so too because it's like it's doing a thing I remember being kind of pretty at least like big white big white rooms yeah I mean see the whole thing and like if you haven't gleaned on to this at the 534th episode of this podcast. Sometimes I'm just in a pissy mood

and movies get shit on because of it. Sometimes I'm in a pissy mood and I behave in a lazy manner as a result. I'm never getting over this. You were like, don't read the review. I read it. I want to give you a little intro to this movie, actually, that I just read on a little website called Wikipedia.

Oh, Wikipedia. Wikipedia. Unable to direct his screenplay for Hellraiser revelations due to a scheduling conflict, which I believe is the ninth one. Right, that's the one the gym tapped at on. Tonecliffe initially removed all references to the series from his judgment concept and tried to have it funded as an independent film in 2013.

Okay. He intended on making a true Hellraiser film because of his disappointment with the later films. A true Hellraiser film. But this is not a true Hellraiser film. Is it? And I mean, it's in the franchise. I feel like that one... Several years later, Dimension Films was required to make another Hellraiser film to retain the rights

giving Tonnecliffe a chance to propose his vision. Okay. The concept was initially rejected, doi, but accepted after he negotiated changes with the studio executives. What if I just have a pinhead in a chair most of the time that you see him, which will be five minutes of total screen time for the entire film? There's a lot of pinhead looking like he just came home from a long day at the office. Right?

And he's like leaning his head back and you feel stressed because there's pins back there? There's a lot of pinhead beings to be like, can you not right now? Can you just give me one breather? One breather. I mean, I feel like, oh, fuck. No, not the lake house. That's a different movie.

The movie where there was the house across the lake. Oh, yes. That was like written as like a spec script for a Hellraiser movie. And then that director later made an El Razor movie. That's right. That's more of a Hellraiser movie than this is a Hellraiser movie. Let's get into what's happening here. Okay.

So they summon. a typewriter a typewritten letter summons a man named Carl Watkins to a house at 35 Ludovico yeah yeah yeah that should do and he walks in the door and immediately passes out

and wakes up tied to a wheelchair okay yeah yeah yeah yeah and this is where the auditor is giving him the business about why he's there right and the auditor's face is like a little long. It's like a little slashed up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he's got like old-timey sunglasses on.

Played by, I believe, Gary Tonnecliffe. Oh, really? I think so, actually. No, I think I remember reading that. You know, I'm actually going to write myself into this move. Yeah. Okay. Yep. Yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep. Yeah, Tonnecliffe does not sound right, but I can't think of any other way that you were pronounced his last name. I know. Tonycliffe. Gary, if you're listening, get in touch. And also, I'm sorry for what's about to happen. Oh, yeah. We're going to eviscerate this bad boy. So I'm watching this at one speed

And it feels too fast for me Sure, yes Because it's all cut like a nine inch nails video It's cut like a nine inch nails video Very shaky And it looks like a sci-fi original film Yes In quality of film

Right, but not in quality of acting No, Lacey Shabere is great Yeah, I was gonna say at least there You might get the chin You might get The chin It's like evil dead Why can't I think of his name

Oh Bruce Campbell Bruce Campbell, thank you very much. But Lacey Chabair, a great actor. Actually, I'm going to go out on a Lent. Scarecrow 2013 better than this. Oof. Yeah, for sure. Yeah.

This may be the worst movie we've ever done that isn't the item. The item. Still maintaining the worst movie we've ever done. The only one I haven't finished. Yeah. If you don't count the Barton Predator where you fell asleep and didn't go back to watch it. Or apparently Puppet Master 2. Also, you miss him of Puppet Master 2.

You fine. Incredibly late. easy. Also, what the fuck did that dude think we were doing here? Horror, comedy, podcast. Not come here for information. Suck my soup snatch. Don't.

Don't even. Okay. What is that, dread corn? Oh, it's like, I poured a thing of ramen noodles on it, like the ramen cup. Good, great. Just oodles of noodles. Noodles of noodles, baby. Who dehydrated this pee?

Nuddles of labia. Oh, too far. So the auditor is questioning this man about people he has hurt. We find out that he's like a pedophile child killer. And then the auditor's typing all this on a typewriter. Sure, as you do. And then he takes the pages, puts them in a bowl. And then the assessor comes in.

And this is, I don't know why he doesn't have a shirt on, but does have a blazer. I just refer to him as the greasy man. He is the greasy man. he pulls out of viola and says Tears of children Baby tears Bodies of children Dumps it on to the paper

And then what does he do? And then what does he do to the paper? He eats the paper He eats the paper Oh God Yeah Later in the movie when he's eating the paper In front of the cop

The cop looks like Oh God! Oh God It's like it's the worst thing he's ever seen It's wonderful I'm sorry, were you never bored in high school? We all ate paper at some point. We were all eating paper. And then the character that I just refer to as Big Baby comes in.

Big baby. Oh, wait. First, he has to hurl. Oh, that's right. He has to puke so the flayed-faced titty lady can put their fingers in it. He pukes into a beer bong that's on the wall. That's 100%. That was used on set for beer bongs when they weren't filming.

100% was purchased from a beach. boardwalk store and they had to peel off the sticker that said like bong it dude fuck me so he pukes into there it's very fucking gross yeah he i like i don't need the puke to splash near the ladies with the nice tits and the cute thongs yeah no we don't need that it's it's very danzigian yeah that they're hot yeah but like don't don't have the bottoms of their faces like oh so you just see women you see their boobs and their butts and you find them attractive but what if I take their faces away still would I guess you know like I don't why and they also look sad they also look sad

because their mouths are all downturned and they also like the ones that are kneeling here digging in the puke with their hands are hot but then the ones that are like coming into the room later, are older? Yeah, but also nude. Also nude. I'm not saying they're not hot. I'm just saying they're like not wearing makeup and I don't think they have anything on their faces either. Like their faces aren't jacked up. The ones putting their their fingies and the puke are like video vixins. Yes. And the ladies who come in later are just like regular ass ladies. Yeah, regular ass ladies. Regular as ladies. Working in accounting. Exactly. Yeah. Like yeah, Lauren, do you mind coming down here, stripping and then I guess mouth nuzzling this

dude for a while. Okay, we're not even there yet, though. No, we're not. This is the whole judicial process. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They touch the puke. They touch the puke. Someone says it's their fine nectar.

But they don't eat the puke or drink the puke. No, they don't eat. That's a bridge too far, even for Gary Tonakliff, tuna cleefe. They all look at the camera and in unison say, Calvin, I think. Simon Theodore. Yes, they definitely say. Calvin. Why? You know, because of the Calvinist revolution.

Oh. I don't know. Which means Calvin for some reason means guilty. Oh, sure. Does that make sense to you? Calvin and Hobbs. He's just a boy. He's just a baby boy. I don't know. No, no, no. Nothing in this movie makes sense to me. Including the fact that the cop's name is Sean Carter and I couldn't stop thinking of Jay Z the entire time. Yeah. I kept calling his brother Chad Pitt

because he's like, it looks like Brad Pitt got put through a pasta maker. I only refer to him as the teen cop, because he looks like a teen cop. He's like, I'm John Carter's brother. Teen cop. I don't think I ever learned his name. All right. It doesn't matter, though, because we're not there yet. We're still in this opening sequel.

We haven't gotten to the opening credits yet. These ladies literally come in and they start like nubing him with their lips. So they say it's a guilty verdict. He has to go see the surgeon. And the surgeon is big boy. Big baby. Big baby. Excuse me.

It's not a big boy from an old cast. I love Big Boy. And raps in this, like, fucking or multisyllabic way that you're just like, how are you doing that? You're putting all that together. You love to see Big Boy have a comeback. So cool. Yeah.

Come back. He's never going away. He's not doing, not making music anymore, is he? Yeah, he still shares up on stuff. Is he? Yeah, he put in an album within the last five years. No shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right, well, that shows what I know.

So Big Baby comes in with a meat cleaver, and he's a big fat man in a baby mask with a butcher's apron on. yeah and I was like oh man and then I have a note that just says this feels like a rejected nine inch nails video yes these women start nuzzling him with their face first it's titties and incense a classic combo yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah eating him you think and they say something like you must be clean on the inside too we later find out what they're doing they're cleaning him they're cleaning him num num num num num num num num num mouth cleans the clean as part of the human body the mouth yes that's why you should always lick your wounds You don't even need stitches if you look at hard enough. Inside the fat suit are several scuba divers with gas masks and blades, I guess. What the fuck was that? I think it was just one, but for a moment it looked like several. It was just one and it was just dumb and it didn't make any sense.

And why would they be in like full like S&M gimp mat or gimp gear with the gas mask on? Yes. And he's got those two like handheld blades, like the, the curved ones that you might use to like chop a pizza chop a pizza or like an indigenous person might use it to like flay the skin off a seal

right then had that feel to it yes you're right because they do flay him they peel the skin off but I don't really think that there's like black goo between your skin and your fascia that's your black bile oh you got to make sure that that is in balance with your yellow bile and yeah gotcha your cubors

here I have written the blood hose for the blood tits which I think is lately had Warhammer 40,000 joke. Brilliant. Yeah. I thought it was going to be the blood hose, not the blood bro. Oh, blood hose not blood. Yeah.

They spray a hose of, I guess, blood, but maybe it's not blood. Maybe it's black bile. Oh, is that why I have the note titty blood? Titty blood. Oh, because they're, they're like hosing them with his blood or something. Or something? Yeah, that's when I have the note to Danzig direct this. Yeah, for sure.

Although, in this movie's defense, it's more coherent than a dancing film. it really is and that's saying something um but in in dancing's defense i would watch verotica again before i ever set eyes on this fucking piece of shit oh my god yes i would love to watch veronica again i would not watch no no death writer so this is when we then get the typewriter credits which is typing while a piece of paper is burning yes yeah it says it has the name uh damon carney who is is Detective Sean Carter. Yeah. But I really read it as Dana Carvey.

And I was like, holy shit, Dana. I love Dana Carvey. And that's when I realized that Plex on which I was watching this doesn't have a 10 seconds back button. And I was like, well, that's that. I'm not rewinding anything. And done. Like, I feel like my hands are clean, you know?

That would be like, what was the movie that we did with Gam that had the guy from whose line is it anyway in it? Oh, the most recent one, the fetus. one, yeah. Oh, my God. Colin, I can't remember that guy's name. No, Colin Hay is for a minute work. Okay. Katie just realized that she was talking to a grandfather.

Oh, my papa. Heather Langencamp is in the opening credits. I don't think I saw her in the movie. Yeah, she's on the Wikipedia. I was like, when the fuck is she? She's a landlady. Oh, who has turned off the power because he hasn't paid the rent. Oh, I don't remember any of that. Remember the, she's the Petto's Land Lady. Okay. Oh, really?

Yeah. Huh. Oh, all right. Whatever. All right, all right. Paul Taylor is Panhead. Where's our guy Doug? Paul T. Taylor.

Also, this was produced by Bob Weinstein. Like, he just had a break from doing fucking Project Runway, rolled on over to this. Is he still on Project Runway? I don't know. Also, the latest season? Absolute trash. Really? Why?

Terrible. Tell me more. So the verdicts come at the beginning of the next episode. Oh, fuck that. Fuck that. Not how reality television works, unless that's how, like, Love Island works, I don't know. It's very, very, very reality television where it's, this is, in my watching of Project Runway, this season is the one that's least about the clothes and most about the interpersonal relationships. Oh, that's boring.

I'm here for the clothes. Exactly. Yeah. And criminally underused Christian Siriano. He's a gem. He's a gem. he's a gem yeah yeah yeah all right so now we're in the movie we're in the movie we get we get a woman coming out of an uber a drunk lady yeah yeah yeah she comes into her car her apartment and there's

candle set up i thought jesus fuck did you leave those burning when you went out and she's like josh she looks like a bunco brittney murphy oh rip uh man her and clueless amazing fucking stellar performance yeah yeah and she's like josh why did you put can handles in my house. Did you come here for a booty call? Because I'm not going to say no. Right. I'm, I'm just a drunk whore. Fuck you. Also, who names a dog baby? I'm sure plenty of people. Well, if you're listening and you name that dog baby, you're done fucked up. Actually, we have a, we have a mutual friend who has a dog named Mr. Baby. Mr. Baby's a different situation. Yeah, Mr. Baby's a way different. Because if you're in a dog park

yelling, Mr. Baby! Yeah, yeah. He has a different situation. So she, she's down to clown. She's down to fuck she's DTF yeah but then she gets hit by a masked man right she pulls her cell phone out of her bra too which i liked a lot yeah yeah at some point i'm like i just want to watch her movie where's her movie yeah where had she been all night it's having fun we gotta watch this she's out having fun yeah right i had to just watch the assessor she says what do you want in someone a voice says to make a lesson out of you but this was not about like morality in before, was it? Like, this feels like it got,

it fell in with saw somewhere. Yes, 100%. This feels like when, um, when August Derleth took over the mythology of Lovecraft and turned it into this very Judeo-Christian thing of like, there are good gods and there are bad gods and all this stuff. And this like, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Before in Hellraiser, it was just like dirty freaks looking for the dirtiest freak they could get. Yes. And there's some elements of evil in that as well. Sure. Of course there's evil. It's a horror movie. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's not the 10 fucking commandments, bro. Right. No, it's, yes, you're 100%. I feel like this is, this is a, like, an aborted saw script. They're like, I don't know, maybe we can make it a Hellraiser thing. And also, like, why would you choose this commandment and this tenuous connection to it for our intro to this idea, which is Thou shalt not worship false idols? And it's just a video of a woman holding her tiny dog up to a camera and being like, I worship this little guy.

I did not put that together. He has it playing on a loop and the note says, I am a jealous God. Just because she said she worshipped her dog, that's what we call in the business a hyperbole. I can't believe how unbelievably checked out I was for this movie. Yeah, really, for me to catch a detail. Not even put that shit together. no it's gross I Am a jealous God is a great thing

to write on next to a dead body Oh for sure Yeah if you're all in the dead body business Right I'm a jealous God next to it But don't get into the dead body business It's trying up No I mean we have plenty of people who listen Who work in the mortuary business

That's true we do So just for a quirky little jape right I'm a jealous God next one of the dead bodies It's your mortuary And take a selfie of it and send it to us Don't don't fucking do that Don't do that And don't do the other thing is I don't want you to lose your job

None of this Don't do any of this The job market is very tenuous right now. Your boss comes in while you're doing that. You are fucking fired. And you can't be like, no, no, no. The people from wherever family was told me to do it because they're like, that's not a real thing. Who would name something that? Why would anyone do that? It's like they don't want to be popular. All right, we meet the cops. Sean Carter. He's later we find out brother.

Were they announced his brothers early on? Only when the, woman cop comes in. Okay. She's like Carter and Carter, the Carter brother detectives. All right. Oh my God. I'm telling you I paid attention at the start. I must have just been staring at the scream dead-eyed.

Missy comes in and blows one of those like party blowers in your face. Nothing. Nothing. Just vacant. So we have these two in a car. Yeah. He wrote Be quiet Chad Pitt. I already hate you.

And I will continue to hate him for the duration. Yeah, he sucks. He sucks. Yeah. And then they're talking about a tale of two cities, which Sean Carter... Yeah. Calls the most... The gigaman, if you will.

The gigam man. Calls the most popular fictional book on the planet. Is that true? To which I wrote, bring receipts. Because at this point, a twilight had come out. I don't know. Like, how do you define popular? Best selling?

And I'm pretty sure. adult magician Harold Potter has surpassed Tale of Two Cities. You would think. Also, fuck that bitch. Oh, yeah, a piece of fucking absolute garbage. Shove it up your ass. When I found out I was pregnant, I was excited to read the Harry Potter books to my child. And now we won't even broach it.

Because it's like, fuck you, I'm not giving you anything. I'm so bummed about they're doing a new Harry Potter TV show. Oh, really? And all these actors that I like are involved in. I was like, what are we doing here? We're just giving this transfer of money. Yeah. Because you could get a paycheck?

Helping her make more and more and more money. Thought you were better than this. Nick Frost? What are we doing right now? Nick Frost does not need that paycheck. Exactly. You're still living off residuals from Paul, that movie that no one's seen. Speaking of movies that no one's seen, hell raise her time.

Judgment. Judgment with no E after the G. Correct. That's the correct spelling. Is it? It is. Oh, okay. You know how I know?

How's that? Spelling be champ. Learn a lot of Latin. I did not know that the E without, wow. I think it has become acceptable to spell it with an E. It's the only way I've ever seen it. No, that's wrong. Okay.

No, I'm sorry, that's wrong. Because this looked wildly incorrect to me. Oh, well. Yeah. I don't know what to tell you. What do I know? What do you know? You don't even know that the preceptor was picking Ten Commandments.

Do you look up the preceptor? What a preceptor is? Of course I fucking didn't. Did you? It's a teacher. It just means teacher. They say that in the movie. Yeah, but I looked it up before they told me that.

Oh, okay. Because I was making attention to the movie. We meet the lady detective. Oh, yeah. And she's like, I guess I'm not doing porn. It's her whole vibe. Yeah. She was like, I came here expecting to have to take my clothes off.

She's like, this suit doesn't even have Velcro on it. I can't even just. Like, I came to Hollywood and I was like, I'm probably going to have to do porn. I understand this. I see. I see your point. But, like, oh, I could, I'll be in a Hellraiser movie. Everyone knows the Hellraiser franchise.

Sure, pinhead and all that. But, like, this is the best acting I can do. Yeah. I'm sorry. Now, we learn later that this is the 14th victim of this serial killer. And there is nobody working the case except these two bumbling idiot detectives. And they're offended that they've brought in this woman. There should be a team.

There should be a million people. Fourteen murders, that's insane. That would fucking paralyze a city. That has never happened since like the night stalker. From everything I know, one murder elicits a whiteboard with things tacked to it. Yes. Yes. These two, they also don't have whiteboards.

They just have shit taped everywhere, which infuriates me. So they take, what is lady cop's name? Does it matter? He's called her Lady Cop. I don't know until they say her name like in another 45 minutes from now. They'll say her name and I've written it down. They take her to see the body where we learn that the dog is in her tum-tum. Right, because her tummy starts moving under the staples that are in tummy.

Yeah. So they pull her dog out. So she gave birth to her God who she worshipped. The dog was her baby, so he put it in her womb is what the lady cop says. That's why I have a note that says, is this. Saul Razor or Hellsaw or... Yeah. It feels very wansy, Ian.

It's just... Actually, from here on out, it feels like just a collective of 12-year-old boys being like, wouldn't it be gross and awesome if? And that's everything that happens from here on out. So are you talking about the next 45 minutes

where they forget that it's a Hellraiser movie? And it's just a police procedural written by people who don't understand procedures? Exactly. Okay. I would want, I like a good, like, crime serial killer who didn't it, didn't it, who didn't it. Fucking love it. I'll watch Zodiac all day long. Love Zodiac.

Yeah. Yeah. This is, my friend, this is no Zodiac. So they're arguing, I don't know, she's like, I do know this job, you know. It's like you're 11 years old. Why did they put an 11 year old on this? I don't know. And this man is a Haggard 23, so it's not like...

No, it's true. his phone goes off he goes oh no it's alison's birthday why did you have this alarm set for so late you should have said it for the afternoon or the very beginning of the morning so you can lean over to your wife and say good morning happy birthday yeah yeah also remember your fucking partner's birthday it's not that hard do you think he's just been snoozing it all day I'll get to that I'll get to that I'll get to that shows up with carnations look nobody likes carnations it's true not unless it's of instant breakfast. No.

Yeah. I don't like those either. Give me something I can chew. So, yeah, he was, he goes home, we learned that he was in the military. I have a note that just says his wife is a stereotype.

She sure is, yeah. She goes to bed while the sun is still out for some reason. Yeah, she's mad about his, her birthday, but it seems like it's still daytime. It looked like she had made herself

a cake and then punched it. She made herself a cake. punched it ate some and then the cake that was on the plate she was putting cigarettes out into what is your life also like if he is

one of two detectives working on a serial killer who is so prolific that it's taken out more than a starting football team yeah he's going to be late for your birthday like you knew this when you married him

I don't know Yeah, yeah, yeah. Foof. We learned that two of the victims were lawyers who the preceptor cut out their tongues, put them in a blender, mixed it with bleach and fed it to their child. And I thought, why am I watching this? I don't know if that was in the movie I watched. Where did you stream this?

I'm concerned we've watched different films. I think I paid for it on Amazon because I didn't want to watch ads. Oh, I watched it on Plex. so now I'm worried that we watch different movies. No, no, we got Sean Carter. Okay, yeah, yeah, you're right. We got blood titty, blood, blood, blood tits. Blood hoses.

Before titty blood broses. They realize there's only two commandments left. Thou shalt not steal and thou shalt not covet, thy neighbor's wife, I think. Okay. But then we learned that he's, also, oh no, then they find the hands, then they find the hands. I like the hands. I like the hands.

They're hands of children, little girls who were caught shoplifting. Yeah, and then they have the eye and the tooth in them. Eye for an eye, tooth for tooth. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I like this. I like, and then we see pensive pinhead. Um, yeah, yeah. All of the hands have appeared at a playground, but someone says to the others like, whose hands are these? And then another one just gesture. at a fence full of missing posters and I thought I would not take my kid to this playground. Didn't it, the mister missing posters spell out thieves?

Did it? Yeah. Oh, whoa. I think that's the case. I hope you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, the flyers spill out thieves. They were little girls who got caught shoplifting.

Thieves and liars. Oh, okay. So for all you people who are ministry heads, you just enjoyed my thieves and liars. joke. He cut off their hands while they were still alive. This is just a collection of thoughts. It's just like someone thumbing through the diary of a disturbed preteen boy. This film is a tone poem of bullshit. Like, just none of it makes sense. Like, they're talking about Carl Watkins, local perp, a kitty porn peddler, but he always pleads out. No, they don't plead out kitty porn peddlers.

That's not, it just does not happen. Yeah, look at it. It's the only thing that takes Republicans down. Yes. They do, oh my God. You get jail time if you have child porn. I hated it because they were just like, kitty born, but he's always getting off for that. What?

In what world? In what world. I listened to this horrible podcast about finding warhead. It was about taking down like a child pornography ring. It was so, it was great and terrible. I do not want. I. It will just depress the hell out of you.

No. Few things anger me more. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I got to keep my anger high. Or I'll just lie down and die, I think. There's plenty of other things. I spent two and a half hours listening to Hague, Zeth, and Trump talked to military generals yesterday.

I watched the highlights on the MSNBC, the last word, where what's his face is just tearing them apart. It's even worse if you get to just their stream of consciousness bullshit for two and a half. hours. Oh, maybe I'll eat mushrooms and watch it. There's not enough mushrooms. Oh, try me. Tockeys? What do you take it?

Try me. Oh, man, I still need to do shrooms. I thought you were microdosing them. I was, but I needed to, like, do full bunch of shrooms. Just take, like, four of those pills. I didn't have pills. I had straight up mushrooms. Oh, I thought you had, just eat a bunch of them.

Dip them in peanut butter, shove them down there and get ready to, like, want to wander around your neighborhood. I like it. I like it. Kids get high to crimes for safety. Obviously. And then go buy the t-shirt. Go buy the t-shirt. McDonald's hasn't seen it yet, so we're in the clear. We go to Carl Watkins' apartment.

I guess this is Heather Langencamp as a landlord. Yeah, blew right past me. Didn't even notice in my zoned out zombie-fied watching of this film. No, fuck it. Yeah, she lets them into the perps apartment. He's got a magazine, a porn magazine called Bottoms Up. Do you think I like that? I love that. It's no but cake, but it's a good porn magazine name, which is the porn magazine from the Golden Child.

Yeah, that's right. So this is not a whole ass crime scene or anything. They're just coming and going as they please. No gloves. No little shoe booties. No. They open his laptop. And for the first time in this movie, they look at the last searched directions to somewhere.

first but not last it's 55 ludovico place really leads you right there just like a great spot hidden check right there yeah oh god so Sean Carter shows up alone

I have a note that just says am I missing things because I feel like this movie is just blowing past me you were and I don't think that it would have helped this fucking dummy shows up alone right yeah because he's a great cop and then suddenly he's with the auditor Why does touching the door make you sleepy?

I don't know. Can I get one of those doors from my bedroom so that I can just go to bed at night? I was going to say, does it have the same effect that quote-unquote fentanyl has on the police when they touch a dollar bill and then they start passing out? Do you know about this? No. There's all these stories of cops that are like, touch something in someone's pocket and then they have to lay down because they've got the vapos.

Take them to their fainting couch. It's like, that's not what it, it's fine. And you're lying. I would love to faint Just be unconscious for a while I would love to have a fainting couch I think they look wonderful Oh for sure

Yeah I just need a sleep So He's tied up to the chair The wheelchair He's talked to our boy Tennecliff now The auditor

Yeah But the auditor Saying things to him Like wow You're like really smart And also cute and sexy Like why And then I was like

Oh it's him He's the killer Right No Oh, Katie. When did you figure it out? I don't even know if I did when they explained it to me. I don't know.

Is it? Who knows? Who can't invest that much in this movie that when they tell me a thing I believe them? Detective Sean Carter says, what on earth is this place? And Gary Tonnecliffe says, it isn't. And I said, no, we already did not raise her in space. You're in the sex void, my friend. and enjoy. But it's not even sex-based. It's just crime-based. Right. Well, he's, the assessor says

something like a reward is in order. And I was like, oh, he means mean sex because this guy likes mean sex. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But it's not about, nothing is about mean sex. Just pull your dick out of your zipper hole. Let's do this, buddy. Yeah, really. I'll take them trousers down. A big baby at it. So he sees all the puzzle boxes. He's like, what are these puzzle boxes? And the guys like, oh, their puzzle boxes enjoy. Yeah. Please make the most of them. Please enjoy them. um we learn about some of he he's it seems like he's committed war crimes it seems like yes yeah yeah and then they're trading bible verses back and forth he's doing the only god can judge me thing and then also quotes charles dickens again yeah why are you bringing up alan iverson's tattoo

only god can judge me you love alan iverson he's the answer katie yeah yeah yeah i i'm baby he's the only i can get behind i was about to say i miss when a i meant alan iverson his friend got shot at a club he threw the keys to another friend and said drive him to the hospital in my white Bentley got plot all over that Bentley didn't cares for him to go to the hospital no but he just didn't want to stay at the club yeah yeah I'm gonna stay here oh I've got cocaine to do practice you talk about practice you're talking about practice so the assessor comes back out and eats the paper again oh god he does he really does and Detective Carter is repulsed he's not doing well the assessor

no he seems like he might have like COPD or something like there's just something going on that's really dragging this guy down and then we see in sort of like a Vaseline filter lens what I thought was Bunko Brittany Murphy again the woman from the beginning yeah but she says that they have to let him go because the jury didn't pass a verdict because the assessor didn't puke yeah she's from heaven

you can tell because a big white light came in okay but like she's from like heaven that's like we need criminals to do crimes because like heaven I'm not clear no I'm not clear neither does this movie neither does this movie

so the titty he's tied up now on the surgery table on like the slab the slab the slab yeah the altar slab and the titty ladies are here to rip his clothes off and nuzzle him with their mouths. What they're really doing is like spitting into little cups. I hated this.

I hated it. They were like spitting into emptied out pocket watches. Yeah. And then pouring it into a chalice, which they then pour into his mouth, but it's very foamy. Very foamy. Like it was like there was dawn in there. There was something not right in there.

And then we cut to like two, I guess, centa bites just standing at the wall looking like they're going to make out. Like it's a frat party? Like a twin lady? Yeah, they're just leaning on either sides of a corner looking like they're going to kiss. Like a football player came down and pointed at them and then upstairs and they all went together. Larry Fitzgerald allegedly fucks. I stand by the statement.

I could not remember his name. No, I wouldn't expect you. You've got Alan Iverson in there. You've got, um, Ron Jaworski. There's a baseball player. Mike Schmidt. Mike Schmidt. Or Tug McGraw, the Tugger.

Tug McGraw. You got to believe. Tug McGraw. Can you name a Pittsburgh Piracy. of the last 10 years. Oh, yeah, McCutcheon. There, great. What's his first name?

Cutch. He's got a great smile. Oh, great smile. Yeah. What's his first name? Andrew. Oh, yeah, Cutchin. McCutcheon.

They come running back into the room. The Titty ladies are dead. A puzzle box is missing. What? How do you just kill a Titty lady? I don't. I mean, are they not centabytes? Can you just kill a centabyte?

No, they're, I don't know what the fuck. They're the puk readers. They're the jury. I guess. Judge Judy executioner. I don't understand. I would have watched the fuck out of Judge Judy flipping the switch being like, you shot a lesson.

Don't piss on my leg and tell me it's raining death. Not breast Judge Judy. I bet she's got the right end of things. I bet Judge Judy's a liberal. I'm surprised she's not in Trump's cabinet. No, they got Judge Janine. I'm looking up Judge Judy to learn more about her political leanings. Look at this movie has driven us to.

I know. Anything to not talk about Hell Razerton. Right, because they spit up blood. I don't know why they died. Did he kill them? Is that the insinuation? Yeah, to get away, I guess. Oh, God.

Yeah, I hate it. I hate the spittle trading that's going on. I hate like... That's what I'm saying. It's just thought. Yeah. It's just, it's, uh, oh. Yeah. So he, he's back in the regular world. He's back with his teen partner brother. Um, they're driving to the hell house, uh, which is just when I name that house that's like got all the windows boarded up, which I guess is 50 Ludovico or whatever.

55 Ludovico. Um, Judge Judy is a registered independent, but she's a supporter of same-sex marriage. in favor of increasing requirements for gun ownership. She voted for Obama. Yeah, but who didn't vote? Oh, no. In 2024, she endorsed candidate Nikki Haley. Whoops, a doozy. Oh, man.

I mean, I guess, like, in the grand scheme of things, it's not the worst she could have done. I guess that's true. She didn't endorse Vivek River of a Swami or whatever. I forgot that. That guy just fucking disappeared, didn't he? Good, he's in. He got douched.

All right. back to this. This is the first time where I have a note that says his name is Sean. Yeah, I think this is where we learn it. The adult won't tell the teen what's going on,

so Sean won't tell his brother what's going on. Yeah, no uniformed armed officers for backup, just these two dummies. Yeah. They go in and there's nothing there. No. No.

And then my next note is about his wife being worried and drinking by candlelight? Yeah, everybody liking candles in this movie. Yeah. I wrote, is his wife going to be dead yet? No, and I guess not. And also, I don't care about his mental state. Maybe turn the lights off, pal.

Maybe this is why she hates you. They both go to sleep with their side table lights on. She left the lights on for him, I presume. Yeah. And then he goes to bed, just like, fuck you. And then he does. Yeah. They start smooching.

they start smooching and she climbs no he's having a dream first the nightmare first the frat party kissers are putting an iron mask on him and I thought well someone just saw that movie the man in the iron mask I feel like this scene is directly pulled from that

right because they're pouring something like molten metal onto his face to mush it to him right what's that isn't to mush it to him to stick it to him I didn't actually see that movie all of it anyway and in the dream

is the chatterer, but he's not chattering. Yeah. Then he's just the errer. He's just the box. There's no chatter. I hate this. And also, how could you possibly be in the mood to fuck after that? Oh, you never, nightmare sex? Oh, it's the best. It's wake up screaming and you're like, you know what?

Last night I dreamed that Perry had a, like, a giant red pickup truck, like a Ford F350, and I borrowed it to drive it into the first national bank, like into the building. I woke up I was like Huh Don't let me fire Your truck to do a crime And he was like

Oh yeah They start fucking They smooching and then they start fucking She's riding in But there are like corset straps That don't make any sense Yeah he's getting Fleshes of sex demons

What I have Oh this is where the mean sex comes in Right exactly And then goes right back out Because he throws her off of him And runs away And now he's street drinking Yeah

You never, whenever you're street drinking, you probably need therapy. Yeah. And he meets a meat man on the street. Faye skin man with the titty ladies looking for the puzzle box. Yeah. But I thought Cenobites liked people to have the puzzle box because it gave them something to fuck with. But they're always coming back to get it. They're always like taking it away from them.

Yeah, you're right about that. You're right about that. Yeah. All right. Because they're like, that's our sex thing. Give us our sex toy back. I'm still in my dildo. It's my rose.

Give me my rose blood back. Lady cop is talking to Chad Pitt. This is where I find out her name is Christine. Oh, her name is Christine. I didn't even write it down. And she's basically like, look, I was assigned to this case because you guys suck and he's crazy. Yeah. Why would they assign you?

You're 11. Why is the FBI not involved? There's been 14 murders. Yeah. No. now they've got these four children 18 murders oh they're just kids oh fuck them

anyway he shows up beating up yeah yeah yeah but the she's assigned to get the preceptor but they're also worried about Sean I think it's a bit of a loose canon right boy are they gonna find out some interesting information soon

I even note here that says what is the dickens tie in I don't understand what the dickens tie in right because Chad Pitt finds a copy of A Tale of Two Cities in his kitchen where everyone keeps their copies of classic literature. Sure. And it looks like a early edition too.

It looks nice. And he has both underlined and highlighted the lines. It was the season of darkness. It was the winter of despair. But not the middle line. It was the spring of hope. Yeah.

That's the whole thing about a Tale of Two Cities is it's, you know. The duality. It's a duality of things. Yeah. Yeah. I would have expected this pervert to have it's a tale of two tities.

Oh, I love that. Has that been made? It has to. Okay, I'm going to watch it when I get home. It was the worst of times. It was the breast of time. It was a tale of two tinnies. Yeah.

And then I have a note that just says, his name is John Carter? Isn't that JZ's name? I think it is. Like, 2018, JZ was a thing. He was almost not a thing anymore at that point. He was on the down. I have a note that I miss a pervert

who just wants to fuck with his jeans on. Uncle Frank, come back and be skinless for us. Yeah, exactly. You're going to give me the meat man on the street and he's not even trying to fuck anybody. He's not even trying to fuck a niece. No. Oh, man.

So we get a call from the coroner who tells us that Bunko Brittany Murphy had her cell phone wedged down her throat. Yeah. That someone just weeping as they drive by? Yeah. It's the crying hour. Can I have my hour?

Can I have my cries? Yes, I would recite rites of spring lyrics to you so you can start crying. I believe. If there's nothing here, it'll always be mine. Mine. Mine. Fuck. Gets me every time.

Every time. Anywho. Yes. So, her phone is in her throat. No one's notices up to this point. It's been days. Do you know how big phones were in 2018? It's been days.

So they go to see So she Lady Cop tells Chad Pitt to take a look around the office And CBC's anything weird Yeah Because she's got him investigating his brother now And he's like yeah probably He's probably the killer

Yeah And she and Sean Carter Yeah The Jigaman Go to see the corner Grand opening Grand closing

Favorite JZ lyric Really try it on that one It's really good go to see the coroner. She knows that he's drunk. She lets him drive. He's like, you're a cop. Cops love to drunk drive.

Yeah, exactly. You just listen to that episode of Behind the Bastards. I did. It's one of the most often things are arrested for. Yeah. That and domestic abuse. Yeah. Oh, man.

I look at that episode where he's like, yeah, like 50% of cops, like that cat, you're right. But never went back and correction himself. No. So the corner is, of course, goofy, but instead of a saloppy sandwich, he has a Hawaiian print shirt. I hate this. He sucks. This is an ad for an iPhone 7.

He's like, wow, nobody has an iPhone 7. It's been in her gullet, and it still works. Do you think Tim Apple was like, hell yeah? Tim Apple, that's his name. Yeah, that's who took over after Steve Job died. Yeah, Steve Job. Oh, Rip Steve Job. He was a great thinker, was Steve Job?

He had great think. You know how much should annoy his Apple people when you call him Steve Job in casual conversation? What about Bill Gates? No one cares. I'm sure the Gate Foundation is mad at you. Hey, the Gate Foundation does good work. But the microchips and my serums. Good.

My phone is so fast. I'm happy. Make me a Wi-Fi hotspot. It'll make my life easier. we learn that the GPS in her phone showed her last location which was not her apartment but where she was killed and had a dog shoved into her tum-tum where was that um was it ludovico place yeah it had to open right yeah probably because then they go back there and her posters on the wall um I have written here I think I'm done

taking notes and I didn't until the last 15 minutes of the movie So they go to this place And there's like pictures on the wall And there's the typewriter And I guess they're in the other realm now So this is just Lady Cop and Jigaman There's just Christine and the Jiggeman

And they find a picture on the wall That's his brother and wife together In like a selfie It looks like they've been caught in flagrante delecto. Yes. But they're both being like, no, don't take my picture.

Oh, my God. It looks like Sean Penn it pinks with Madonna. Who? Who took this photo? Sex demons, I guess. All right. Like, are you guys fucking,

ah. Pinheads, like, trying to look through a viewfinder and just keep scratching it. Why did I choose pins? These black contacts have made it so that I cannot see. Oh, here I have, oh, no, I have, no, there's no. Okay, my next note must be far down the line.

So, so, yeah, he's in there and he just beats Christine, we assume, to death. Right. And then his teen cop brother shows up and he comes into loud rock music. Bro, he's got his gun on him. Coming from a teeny tiny boom box. Sure, turn that off. Yeah, yeah, yeah, and there's a real good Bluetooth speaker. He's figured out that his brother is the killer.

Because of a tale of two cities. I guess so. I have a note that just says, this is terrible. Yeah. This is when I wasn't taking notes, so I really don't know. At some point,

one of them says a plague of smartphone junkies. What's that mean? And I was like, is it a, what are you commenting on? Who are you mad at? Who are you mad at?

It should be Tunnicliff. I'm mad at Tonnecliff. Who assesses, who audits the auditor, you know? Who will police the police? Who assesses the assessor? Who tony is the tonnecliff?

And he gives a box for them to open and chains start popping and his wife is there. Oh, right. They get hit. He, the wife and baby cop get hit by pinheads, chain hooks. Sex chains. Which is fine. This is a callback to previous movies. Sure.

Down to her saying Jesus wept. Oh, does she say that? She says Jesus wept. Oh, come on. She gets pulled apart. Come on. Wait, she gets pulled apart. Yeah.

I miss that. Yeah. This is when you started having an Allen experience with this movie. I like that I checked out on the last 15 minutes, which you claimed were the best. The teen gets ripped away. He gets like, he gets a chain in his tum-tum, and it pulls him away across the floor. And then the angel is back. I even know this is, this is dumb.

Oh, wait. I do have one note that Panhead says bow to, bow your head to the catalog of filth your brother has created. What does that mean? I don't know. He's smart phone junkies. Okay, all right. It's a plague of them. Yeah.

The Angels has blessed his murders. She needs him to be out there murdering. Wait, really? Is that what she's saying? Because it causes other people's to do good things, I think. She says to send him back. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And then Christine, he comes back into the real world and Christine stands up and shoots him. he's yes and then he goes to the ground and he starts to quote the last line of a tale of two cities where he's like tis a far far and she shoots him like four more times and i was like okay that's good yeah that made me very happy yeah yeah um so then pin oh i'm sorry his wife doesn't say jesus wept pinhead puts his pins into the angel after she gets chained okay and because she's like do you know who i am and i was like no and neither do i also why are you wearing those kicky heels. We see her heels because he's like putting pins in her head and she's bleeding on these

like satin heels she has on. They look like bridal shoes and also it looks like she's getting acupuncture. Yes. And then she says Jesus wept and gets pulled apart. And then I have a note that says, is Penhead homeless now? Is his punishment to be poor? Because he wakes up in a box in like tin pan alley or whatever like a skid row. That was pinhead?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, the pinhead. on his face. I thought that was the auditor. Oh, I thought it was pinhead. Who fucking care. Yeah. Fuck it.

And then my last note? What's your last note? Here endeth the lesson. How about here endeth the movie? Want to know my last note? I 100% do. Oh, boy. Oh, boy.

Oh, boy. Oh, bother. Wait. There's a scene apparently we didn't see. Oh, there's a post-credit scene. Oh, fuck that. You cannot expect me to stick around to the fucking credits of this shit-ass movie. I stuck around through the fucking credits of Pay the Ghost. I should not have to do that again for this movie.

Do you want me to tell you what it is? Okay. So, yes, that was pinhead that was banished to earth. Okay. If you had said $350 or it said yes. This movie's box office? Yeah. $426,000.

This movie made $76,000. If you had said $426, I would have said yes. Oh. Oh, Katie, I can't wait to rate this movie. Please give me your rating on this film. What a piece of shit. Whatever I rated Scarecrow, 2013 was starring Lacey Shabair, this is two less.

Oh, wow. We may be in the negatives. That's maybe in the next. That's what I'm reading it. Because that had CGI oily scarecrows in it. Yeah. Yeah. This could have benefited from some CGI scarecrows.

It could have benefited from literally anything. It could have benefited from me just not having watched it. Yeah. You know what to make this movie better? Me not having seen it. Exactly. Then it could be like, it's probably fine. I'm sure it's fine.

How bad can it be? How bad is it, Alan? Oh, this is a, uh, fucking limp dick loser of a movie this film fucking sucks this is a zero don't ever watch this i'm sorry if you watch this to the saturday night crew i can only apologize sorry guys um but i hope you had fun hanging out together and making jokes and james if you guys want to join them get on our discord and you can watch movies every saturday night whatever the movie is that we're doing and if you want to uh give us a little scratch if you're not already uh donating to like the gaza soup kitchen

or some other worthy benefit. Some other worthy benefits. You got to have a car payment for me. Hell yeah. We have a Patreon. It looks like our next Patreon movie will be... This is news to me. This is news to me.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. So I did a poll of sword and sorcery films. I'm going to write it down. The four films I gave them were Beastmaster, Dragon Slayer, Death Stalker, or Red Sonia. Oh, please tell me they picked Red Sonia. They did not. Fuck them. It looks like they've picked Beastmaster.

Okay. Which is Don Coscarelli's Sword and Sorcery movie. Okay. I feel like I've seen Beast Master, actually. Beast Master has some really amazing stuff in it. I really do love this movie.

Okay. I don't know how well it holds up. Coming up, we're going to be on another episode of Gam. Yeah, don't tell them what we're doing, though, because I think that's a surprise for them to say. I'm not telling them what we're doing. Okay, well, I was just saying. I'm not, Katie.

Ellen. I can keep it secret. I can keep it safe. I'm sorry. fucking Gandalf over here, baby. Don't like the beard fool you. I'm definitely Gandalf. Hold up.

Patreon, go and get a t-shirt from T-Public. Thanks to everybody who's recently bought T-Public shirts. Patreon's I owe a bunch of people welcoming messages. I will be in touch shortly. Oh, I never went on my apology world tour this week because I was feeling very, very sad and just couldn't bring myself to do it.

Listen, if I've offended you, I'm sorry. I truly don't mean to. I sometimes say things as a joke. that aren't funny, and I genuinely apologize. So whether that's about sobriety or being Irish, I'm really sorry. That's my sorry. To quote, Mike Mirror of Social Tenancies, if I offended you, maybe you needed to be offended.

Oh, God. I don't think that's really my vibe, Alan. Crazy? You wouldn't know what crazy is. If Charles Manson was eating fruit loops on your front porch, that's another Suicide Sentence's lyric. I think we need to move on. Should we do another movie next week?

No, I have some more so self-sentence these lyrics together. You let them know. I'm going to head out, and if you could just wrap this one up. Why am I putting on a bandana in really high socks? Yes, we should do another movie next week. What do you want to do? I would like to do... Our first episode of spooky season?

Yeah, well, this is technically our first episode of spooky season because we're already in rocked over. Yeah. But this is going to be a classic of horror cinema that we've never touched upon. What is it? Bringing together two. houses. This is like Romeo and Juliet. The Capulets and the Montague's.

Bringing them together. We're going to do Baz Luhrman's Romeo and Juliet. God, I remember thinking Claire Danes was the most beautiful woman on the planet. And like, why do I look like this? Come on. You're as beautiful as Claire Danes. It's like how she had the same species as me. Oh, how I feel about Catherine Zeta Jones.

And Heidi Clim. And Heidi Climb. And Heidi Club. Good Lord. I told Lucy that. She was like, I can see that. She said, they're just so different. That's 100% true. Your daughter's not wrong.

She loves Heidi Gloom. She loves you too, but, you know, what are we doing? A nightmare on Street 4, the Dream Master. That never happened. This is your Mandela effect. The Mandela effect of one moron. So, yeah, come back for a nightmare down the street for the dream master. Have a good time with it.

You're going to have a good time listening to it. And if you don't, fuck you. Happy spooky season. Love you guys. Got to decorate the yard this weekend, very excited. Yeah, I'm doing the stoop. And, yeah, we love you. Be kind to each other.

Yeah. I don't know, man. Thanks for listening to another episode of World Family Ones. Bye-bye. Bye. Madey accent on dead pools, so many sightings at the pool. No way to infant unscued for fill reviews. Killer clouds at land the face.

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