Werewolf Ambulance: A Horror Movie Comedy Podcast - Episode 538- Dark Harvest (2023)

Episode Date: October 27, 2025

In this week's episode, we're discussing a listener suggestion: the 2023 scarecrow film "Dark Harvest" (no, it could not be the scarecrow movie). Special topics for your consideration include: the dumbest of dumb teens, a movie that keeps you guessing to the point of disinterest, not even being able to perform the Bechdel test, The Plague, and a whole lot of head scratching. Maybe just go watch "Scarecrow" the SyFy channel original? It's Episode 237. You can support us at patreon.com/werewolfambulance and listen to a ton of action movie episodes. Get in now to vote for our next one! leave us a message at 412-407-7025 hang out with some cool listeners at https://discord.gg/DutFjx3cBD buy merch at www.teepublic.com/user/werewolfambulance the best place to reach us is at [e-mail] we're on Reddit at r/werewolfambulance sorta on Twitter @werebulance sorta on Instagram @werewolfambulance www.werewolfambulance.com if you feel you really must lodge a complaint with us, please do it on Facebook at facebook.com/werewolfambulance because we are probably not gonna see that, ever. If you liked this, please leave us a review on Apple Podcasts or wherever you listen! It helps others find us and allows us to continue to grow. Intro song is by Alex Van Luvie Outro song is A. Wallis- "EMT" Seriously, we have the best listeners, hands down.

Toxic Masculinity, The Holiday. That's this movie. There are like five women in this movie. Two of them have dialogue. Two of them have dialogue. And I think both are in Twilight, or at least one of them is. Yeah, yeah, well, one of them definitely. Mom with the weird face.

She's kind of weird face. Sure. And she has a weird face in Twilight, too, because that woman has a weird face. Yeah, but that was like a cavalcade of weird faces. Yeah, they got all the weird faces in that. It was like a murderer's row of weird-faced human beings. Should we get back into the Twilight franchise? You made me swear that we'd never do another Twilight.

Well, you made me swear not to put my hand in the garbage disposal, but I do it anyway. You know what I'm saying? So wait, are all bets off? Are we not doing things that you're trying to have those funerals anymore? Oh, no, that's on. That is on. Although you've not given me a list of instructions for yours. As far as I know from you, I will be outliving you.

Oh, yeah, that's true. I don't need to know. I don't need to know. No responsibility on this end. There's just one Bath Re song that has to be played at my funeral with everyone singing along to it beyond that. Just tell somebody else because you have promised me I could die first. Anyway, Dark Harvest.

Is your first note, MGM. Farts for Fart's Sake. No, tell me more. Because the MGM logo came up and it translated the Latin that's on the banner for MGM, which is Arts for Arts Sake. Oh. So I made it say it's Farts for Farts Sake. I like that for you. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'm 51. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I could hold it, but I don't want to. No, no, no. Katie. Alan. You ever want to drive away from your cornfield town that's cursed by a pumpkin-headed man? No.

Do you ever want to live in a town that's got a curse because you made a deal with the pumpkin devil to live lower middle class? Is that it? I think so. I've read the book and I think so. You've read this book. Yeah, yeah.

Was it any good? It's a nice little concept. It's better than the film. Okay. But I have to also say this is my second time seeing the film. Oh. And I did not hate it as much this time as I did the first time I launched it. Okay, well, we'll get into that.

Maybe because I knew the, misfits references were coming this time. The teenagers from Mars and whatnot. Yeah, and the welcome to my violent world. Oh, my. I wish that Glenn Danzig would have made this movie. So at least it would have been utterly stupid. And by utter, you mean titties.

Yes. So I would get tits, yes. And probably a big booty somewhere too. Sure, sure. And someone would say, in 06, my speciality. Spisiality. I'll never forget it. as long as I live.

What I love is that we took no quotes away from the Oops All Vampires movie. No. I don't remember anything about it. All I remember is that you went to the bathroom and I sped it up while you were in the bathroom. For Rodica, a masterpiece. A masterpiece. That lady with the eyeball tits. Yeah.

That spider person. Yeah. Those are in the same vignette. Are they? Yeah. Okay, well, you know. The lady who collects other people's faces and or is a strict. Yeah, the Elizabeth Bathory person who just looks in the mirror for so long that you can

actually see her looking down the barrel of the camera and being like, cut, cut. The only thing I remember at the Vampire Ups All Vampires movie is that there would just be long stretches with no sound. No, I don't know if that was the movie or our YouTube. No, no. Other people have complained that there's like no soundtrack in this movie from a man who makes soundtracks. His work is typically music.

But he didn't make this movie. It was made by David Slade. Yeah. Who has done a couple other movies that we have covered, such as 30 days of night. Okay. Which I think we thought was okay. Yeah, that's a great movie. Yeah.

And, uh, Twilight. At Twilight. I don't know. He did at Twilight. That's probably how I got the lady. He did Eclipse. Which one have we done? I don't know.

How many are there? I don't know. I mean, justice for Phil and everything, but. Who's Phil? Stepdad Phil. Oh my God. He's so hot, right? Is he hot?

He's not on. He just looks like he could get called up from a AAA team to the majors and any big to the bigs at any moment. That's why I like him. Yeah. It's not hot. He's not hot. Are you sure?

Yeah, Google Phil from Twilight real quick. Phil from Twilight. He's the first. Oh, no. Oh, no. He looks like he doesn't have a mustache in any of these pictures. Does he sometimes have him? Oh, no.

Soul patch. No, this is not. Okay. No, not Phil. Her real dad, the flannel wearing dad. Yeah, yes. You think that guy. guy's hot. I think that guy's hot.

Yeah, yeah. No, come on. Correct me when I'm wrong. I didn't remember who you thought was hot. I just knew it wasn't Phil that you thought was hot. Phil looks like a third stringer for like, all right, if Creed's base player can't make it, there's this guy. And then Phil's going to be right in there. I think in the movie he was a minor league baseball player. So well cast. That's why he had a sole patch. Yeah. Perfect. He's not in this movie either. No.

He might be. Who could say? This is the town lives under the legend of sawtooth jack. Yeah, which is a good name. Yeah, great name. I'm here for that. Good spookery. Good spookery.

And he's a piece of pumpkin head, but like skinny. He's pumpkin head. And no dicks on his arms. Yeah, that's true. That's true. He, uh, this movie takes place in the 1960s. Yep. And we are told right off the bat that every.

year on Halloween. Is it on Halloween? Yeah. Okay. Halloween night. The, the boys of the town have to keep him from getting to the church before midnight. Right, right. And if they don't, there will be a blight on their crops. Yeah, the crops. So this is a little bit, uh, wicker man. A little wicker man. And a little bit Stephen King. A lot of bit Stephen King. A little bit, um, not the plague. What's that called when people can go to from house to house and kill them? They have the one where they get to kill. Oh, the plague,

right? No, it's not the plague. What is it fucking called? The provost. It starts with a pee. You can say words

and just pushing the title of it further and further from my life. I'm like dangling it like a cat toy but moving it away from you. The plague, right? No, it's the plague. It's the night where you can cheat on your taxes.

Sure. Ethan Hawke. Horror. The black. phone. No. The fuck is that movie. The plague!

What is it then? One night you can kill movie. And one night of drinking kill you? What? Alan. The purge. See, I was close with the post.

You were 100% were close. But you were so close that every time you said the plague, the word went, I'm fur. Fener. Leasard. yeah a little bit that a little bit yeah yeah and then a little bit misfits yeah um is that your ankle cracking no it was something on the floor okay good thank god call an ambulance so there's i didn't realize this was 1962 yeah uh did they say that up front i think it's like

62 or 63 okay i must have been looking at my notes because i saw the first character with a mask on and I thought, oh, he's either Ronald Reagan or Charlie Kirk, and I don't know which, and I don't care. He was JFK. He was JFK. Well, if you mush those three men together, it's a weird composite of kind of the same thing. I mean, not to speak of the dead,

but if you mush anybody's face with Charlie Kirk's, Charlie Kirk's face just disappears because it was too tiny for his damn hit. We'll get all those gums, too. Bad tooth to gum ratio. Yeah, yeah. Oh, and bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad. bad human.

Oh, sure. Bad, sure. I'm not going to comment on that. I just want to talk about his toothed gum right here, which is unfortunate. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he has pissed himself.

Uh-huh, uh-huh. Weilded in the crowbar. Because Sawtooth Jack has fire coming out of his eyeballs. Yeah. But that's the only time we see him do anything like cool and spooky. Am I right about that? Later in the movie, he goes into a house and lights it on fire with his head. Okay, all right, all right.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And one of the first things we learned about Saul Tooth Jack in the book, because I started re-listening to the, the hardes, started re-listening to the, the audiobook today. Okay. Because I was like, I just wanted to give a little frisson of what the book was like again, because it's been a few years since I read it. Yeah.

And one of the first things we learn is that, like, his head can light up. Okay. Well, he's a jackalander. He's a jackalander, yeah. So he sets this kid on fire, and then these other jocks in varsity jackets show up to sort it out. Yeah. They're beating him with a bat. Uh-huh.

They cut it open and start eating things. Right, because he's stuffed full of candy. We don't know that yet. Right. It's just, it looks like they're eating his insides. And I'm like, this is fucking rad. You're on board. Yeah, I want to see squares like football players or baseball players or whatever do weird shit.

Sure, sure, sure. Then they all howl. Why do they howl? You know, men. Men doing primitive kind of things. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. They all start chanting Jim's the winner, Jim's the winner. And as a person who fucking loves to chant.

Yeah, you do. I love to chant. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a bad chant. Sure. I mean, you could do like a Jim's the winner. But this, what they're doing is bad. Yeah.

I can't wait to chant with you at the parade tomorrow. So his family gets a new home because Jim's the winner. Jim's the winner. No, no, no, no, no. See, there's so many better things. There's so many better things. As far as I know from a footy, you just take the lyrics to it or the melody to an oasis song and then sing something else to that.

about like someone's drunk driving conviction. Yeah, exactly. Still, my all-tie favorite chant is your Gaffer's wearing a sleeping bag for Arsend Venger because he used to wear that coat that went all the way to the floor. Yeah. Yeah, your Gaffer's wearing a sleeping bag. I like that a lot. Oh, man, I love those little dicks.

Yeah. We're told that now there will be another year of peace, prosperity, and prize crops. Yeah. And mom and dad get a new home and some cash. Who are mom and dad in this movie? it is mom from Twilight with the weird face. I think she is the vampire mom, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And the dad, he's familiar, but I also thought like he just looks like he would have been in an emo band I liked 20 years ago, right? You just have that vibe. Yeah. Jeremy Davis. You might know him from the movie The Secretary. Is that with Maggie Gyllenhawnhall?

Yeah, yeah, very sassy, very sassy movie. He's also, like, justified and lost, I think. No, these are not things I've seen. But he's been in like a million things. things. Okay. Yeah. So it's like, so him and mom are like the two big hitters in this movie. Yeah, their names. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So Jim also gets a corvette from which to drive out of town. He'll be an emissary to the larger world. And then they have a dance, which looks nightmarish. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And no one in this town thinks anything's amiss in this whole situation.

Well, it's just what they've always done seemingly. Yeah. This movie, what I like about the story is that if you think about any aspect of it, it crumbles like a house of carts. I don't even have to think about the aspects of it and I find it a bit crumbly. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. As he drives away, he can't take his little brother with him, his little brother's so sad. Right, right.

As he drives away, he says, there ain't no stop signs on the black road. What does that mean? Oh, there's not any stop signs on the black road. Because that's painted on a wall later, too. What does that mean? It's something people say when they're driving out of town

in their new Corvette. in the book there's a big thing and I think that even says at the beginning of the movie when they're giving that history of the town they referred to the highway like a black licorice whip laid in the coral fields. Oh, because he's getting on the highway he's allowed to leave the town. Actually that makes

sense. I accept that now. I accept that. That makes it sound like all of their roads are dirt roads. They are not they are paved. It's a regular fucking town. But this is the black highway that's going to take him out of town. Take him to better spots. Better spots. Okay. One year later, five days before Halloween. We see his little

brother. He is cool. Oh, Richie. Richie's a cool dude with a cool, too. He's got a little gang. He's got a gang called the bandits, which in one point I thought that the vest just said banded on the back, and I was like, rad. So I want to talk to the bandits real quick. I understand that you're each making your own jacket. I get it. It's tough times out here. They're all from the other side of the tracks, except for Richie, who lives in a nice house because his brother killed the pumpkin man. Yeah. So just to throw it out there, some Ferrisimilitude, have some sort of pre-arranged

layout for your jacket. You guys all could have all gotten together and done it together with your own supplies. Because the young man who is the Mexican kid who's moved to 10th. His jacket's great. There's a little knife on the back and it's like, why don't we all have nine? He's cute. He looks the toughest. His jacket is the toughest. But he's just such a little he has so much trauma. He has so much trauma. He's been through some shit. We see a movie marquee. that says Boris Karloff, Vincent Price, double bill

to which I wrote, yes, please. Yeah, it's that once again that problem, don't bring up better things. Don't bring up better things in your movie. Where I'm like, I wish I was watching a Vincent Price right now. I just watched a house on haunted hill. God damn banger.

I watched that. I put that on my, to get to before the end of the month list. It's right there on shutters. Thank you so much for sharing your shutter with me. Of course, it's our shutter. I watched aliens and Texas Chainsaw Massacre this weekend. I just let you know. How did you like aliens?

We've done it on the show. Yeah, yeah, but how did you? Like, I recently revisited it as well. It's a fucking banger. We did it on the Patreon as an action movie, didn't we? It is an action movie. Yeah, we might have. Newt's so cute.

Or do we do, we did Alien with Jason, McHittrick. Correct. And then we did aliens, I think. I think on the Patreon, yeah. Yeah, Newt. Only movie she was ever in. Really? Yeah.

Sweet baby. Sweet, sweet baby. Oh, that might ruin you, actually. That's a pretty scary movie. Yeah. You think? So we've got all the boys in school in the auditorium. Yeah, school's closed.

And there's a cop yelling at them. Yeah. This is not a fucking game. One of your classmates will certainly die. So this name may not mean anything to you. But I think this guy who's playing Ricks, the cop, the mean cop in town, is doing a hard Shane Wiggum impression. Shane Wiggum. He's like a character actor who's in a thousand things.

Okay, I'm going to give him a quick goog. Yeah. But he's like, he's just, he's giving me hard Shane Wiggum. And I believe that guy was also in, the guy who plays the cop in the movie was also in that Miss Maisel show. Oh, okay. Yeah. You've never seen Shane Wigham before in your life.

Not to the best of my knowledge. Although, hold on. He's also a dude who looks a lot different in different roles. He's very Gary old. Oh, no, I know this guy. Yeah. Wait, is this guy? no that's Walter Gaggins another man with a ridiculous sounding name like Shane Wiggum

okay forget it then I don't know I think I just think Wiggum sounds ridiculous because of the Simpsons yeah Chief Wiggum chief Wiggum yeah oh Ralph Wiggum so he's given him he's giving him the the hard sell and they got to get out there and they got to kill sawtooth Jack and they got to do it for their town do it for America and do it for all the girls back at home because they got to go to war or something make the debt make their parents proud get their parents money, get them out of poverty. So,

like, I have so many questions. Ask them to me and I'll answer them. Well, like, if you make a deal with the devil, like,

like, Summer Isle has made this deal with whatever a cult. They're doing well. It's idyllic. Yeah, they're living in this idyllic beautiful life

that everybody in Anglin which is they were living. Right. These people are living like, fine. These people are living like any rust belt town. Yeah,

yeah, yeah. And like, seemingly to keep them hungry for doing this thing, why are they who made the deal because the deal may be mentioned in the book but I don't recall it being mentioned in this film I don't recall it being mentioned in the book either and I think the deal has just always been the deal but that doesn't make any sense because Halloween isn't that old great point when did we start Halloweening like late 1800s and it didn't really kick off like hard until like the teens the 19 teens and so nobody can leave this town. Right. And nobody, so they're like the Amish, they're just intermarrying. Exactly, exactly. And trick-or-treating also wasn't until like the 20s. Oh, wow. Yeah, or 30s maybe even.

It like became a thing to get kids because Halloween was just a night the kids went out and caused havoc. Love that. There was a big thing of like stealing people's gates on their fences and painting their houses. No, no. If you watch the Disney Trick-or-Treat short with Kiwi Dewey and Louie and Donald Duck. Oh, and Witch Hazel. Yeah. There's a scene where, like, ghosts are running around, taking people's vans and paying their houses.

And that's, like, based on, and, but, like, so trick-or-treating was, well, we'll get all these kids and we'll give them candy and we'll leave us the fuck alone. They were basically paying off the child mob. It has worked. It has worked. Child extortion works. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I have many boxes of full-sized candy bars downstairs waiting until this Friday. You got a lot of trick-or-treaters over here, yeah? Yeah, 40 or 50? Yeah. yeah I are you going to dress up uh I have my uh apropos of this film I do have my fiend face mask that I'll probably wear good and I have little skeleton hand gloves oh that's good yeah so yeah look very punk appropriate I'm gonna be a baseball fury the main baseball fury of course nice is that the one with the golden yeah the gold and the black eye and the black

lips you got the uh the home team colors home team colors I got a baseball jersey I got some leggings let's do this fucking thing uh which member of Mortal Kombat will rob me be this year? He's being Casey Jones from Teenage Me Ninja Turtles. Of course. Sorry. That was my next suggestion. And all the girls are being K-pop demon hunters because that's children these days. You haven't watched the second of it.

It's fine. Yeah, yeah. It's cute. It's fine. Yeah, don't really care for the pop music so like that part of it doesn't really. It's catchy as fuck though. I'm sure. I'm sure. Lucy's been singing it in Korean, which is stressing me out. Why? Because I don't speak Korean. I don't know what she's saying. She just learned it phonetically, and I was like, huh.

That's pretty cool, though. It is cool, but she could be saying, kill your parents, kill your parents, kill your motherfucking parents. But she's only, she doesn't know that because she's learned it phonetically. Sure. And that was the chorus of a maxi-pad song, so. Kill for Satan. Yeah.

There's a lot of things from your past that could come back up to haunt you as an adult. You know, Alan, one reaps what one sews as it turns. out. Anyway, this thing must die so they can live. Yeah. And you can win a 64 Corvette. And you can win a 64 Corvette. He says that they have to do the pre-ritual, basically, which is they lock them in their

rooms for three days, no food, no mommy, no nothing so they can think about what they have to do. In the book, it is five days. That's too long. It's too long. Three days without eating is doable. Five days is really hurtful. Yeah, and no water.

But in the book, they get water and orange juice. Why orange juice? I don't know. You don't want these kids weak. And at this point in the movie, I was like, that's bullshit because they're just going to go out and loot a 7-11 as soon as, you know, like, well, this is a bad idea. In 1963, there were the 7-Elevens. There was five and dimes. True, true.

And we do see that the local-dog rollers, I don't know. The local town butcher is going to be attacked. Poor man. He's just out there doing his fucking job. Butching. This kid who looks like the son of Jeff Goldblum says they can force us to do the run, but they can't force us to kill anything. which is a good point. Yeah.

Oh, the nerd, yes. Doesn't he look like Son of Jeff Goldblum? A little bit, yeah, yeah, yeah, it's got some goldblum. Although, as far as I know, the son of Jeff Goldberg bloom was a maggot, if memory serves. It's true.

Okay, we get the bit about Bud having seen the monster when he was nine, his mom tried to keep him away from the window, but he looked anyway. Right. He was trying to tell his neighbor that it was behind him. Yeah, and that won't come back up.

No. And we get the jocks and the gangbanger kids are going at it, hammers and tongs, yelling at each other. A little bit of outsiders here. A little bit of outsiders. Also, the main jock, I think his name is Riley. He looks like a Facebook dad who's like messaging his underage daughter's friends. You know what I mean? He just reminded me that Missy had very unkind things to say about one of the gang members.

What's the gang? The banditos? The bandits. Bandits, the one who drives the car later on, Missy just could not get over how weird looking that guy was. He's pretty weird looking. Also very weird looking is the best friend of the Facebook dad jock. Yeah.

Like, why are you a bully? You have like, oh, fuck, what's that guy's name? Even Emo Phillips haircut, you know? I was going to go with Lou Ferrigno. Uh-huh, uh-huh. Lou Ferrigno can be a bully, though. Sure. He's a big guy.

Yeah, except he was bullied by Arnold Schwarzenegger. Hey, Lou, I called my mom. I told her I won. She said, congratulations. It hasn't happened yet. So we end up with a chase, a foot chase between our hero, Richie. Richie. It was driving me nuts that Richie was spelled without a T in the closed captions.

I don't think it usually has a T in it. Really? I don't think about Richard. You don't sell that. Sure. I always knew it with a T. No. I'm sorry. You're wrong.

Get in touch, Richies. Yeah, Richies, reach out. The last time you... Rich out. What's the last time you talked to a richie? It's been a minute. I can't think of a richie I've ever known. And a lot of Rickies, fair few Rickies.

I knew a fair amount of Richies back in the day, but I haven't talked to one in a really long time. Get him on the horn. Get on Facebook. Get on your Facebook, dad shit. I have a note he goes, I bet Alan likes juju-jubes. I don't know what that's about. Because the kid goes, he runs, well, he's in this foot chase with the jock and then he runs into

a theater to meet to the love interest of the film. Yes. This is Kelly. One of five women we'll see in this movie. She gets lines. She gets lines. She gets lines. She's a bit of a badass.

She's also very beautiful. And she happens to be black in this town. Her name is Kelly Haynes. We don't see another black person in the entire film. No. Not even her aunt. No. Oh, he says he wanted to buy Jujubis.

Yeah. I can't think of what Jujubis are like, but I probably like them. because they're made of sugar. They are the ones that pull your fillings out. Oh. They're kind of like dots, I think, right? Maybe I'm thinking of dots. You might be thinking of dots.

Dots is a good candy, though. So probably you like jujubis. Yeah, I'm not like a Mike and I. I feel like they're in that world as well. Yeah, Mike and I, yeah. You might get them out of like a quarter tourney machine in the grocery store lobby. Exactly. Swedish fish.

So anything that might pull your bridge out. Yeah, like that. Your bridge. All right, pappy. Only old people have bridges. Right? I don't have a bridge. I have all the teeth

that came into this world with. God bless you. Yeah. I don't know how I did it. Didn't go to a dentist for 20 years. I know. We know. Stop saying it like it's good advice.

Dentistry is a fraud. I don't think that's true. Go to the dentist. Brush your teeth. Get high. Do crimes for Satan. Don't go to the dentist. Get high.

Do crimes for Satan. Don't floss. How about we go? We just don't floss. That's a conspiracy. Or do what I do. Start freaking out a week before you have your next cleaning and be like,

Oh, if I do it a lot now, they won't notice that I haven't been doing it for the last six months. I always say that I do and then I look at them to see if they can tell that I'm lying. They can. They can look at my teeth and tell. Fuck it. I don't want to talk about teeth anymore. Your gums look great. Do they?

Oh, so I'm an aggressive brusher. So my gums are severely receding because I can't stop scrubbing them as hard as possible. Do you have an electric toothbrush? Uh-huh. Yeah, really. And I scrub it as hard as I can. Yeah, I even got this toothbrush that has like 10,000 bristles. which is supposed to make it so you can't brush your teeth too hard.

You found a way around that? I found a way around it. They have toothbrushes that a red light will flash when you're pushing too hard. Do you think that's going to change my behavior? You're like, no, can I get it to be constant? I don't want it to flash. I want it to be. Anyway, we're told that Kelly is like a pyromaniac.

She burned down a farm and a mill or something. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And also, Richie gets his ass kicked by the jocks. Right, and then we see him smoking one cigarette with another behind his ear. which is extremely edgy teen. And he also gets his belt buckle stolen, which will come back. Right. He's not permitted to, he's not supposed to participate in the run because his brother has

already won, so it wouldn't be fair if his parents won again. Right. They can't get another new house. No. At this point, I didn't realize that was the reason at this point. Maybe they said it. Maybe they didn't. But I just felt like I wished someone would lay out the conscription orders for me.

Sure. Because there were some other people that I thought weren't participating as well, but I don't think that's true. There are the nerds that hide in the bomb shelter. Right, but they still have to participate in the run. So, yeah, yeah. So, yeah, he, uh, and there was some light flirting with Kelly in the, uh, yeah, it's a meat cute.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Um, so he gets a, he goes, he goes home and gets a, um, uh, postcard from his brother. Mm-hmm. And he's like, this isn't from my brother. Yeah, it just says like, keep going, baby, B. Yeah. And then he's like, ah, no letter or anything, huh? Yeah.

And then, like, the next day, there's a letter. Mm-hmm. That says the things that he asks his mom why this postcard didn't say. How dumb does she think he is? How dumb is she? Pretty dumb. Pretty fucking dumb. Dad's not that great either because he smacks the shit out of his son.

Yeah, because he says, fuck the rules. He also says, I'm good at things too, you know, which I thought, fuck. What a second child thing to say. He says, I'm doing the run, you can't stop me. Yeah, and then he says, like, shit or something. It's pretty cool. He's so cool. Swear, it's pretty fucking cool.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, big fan. Big fan. So, uh, he sneaks out. He puts on a record to sneak out. And I thought, well, that ends pretty quickly so far as, like, distractions go, you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He goes back to his old house, his old crap house.

Yeah, that's old shitty-ass house. shitty house with it seems fine it seems like any rural midwestern american house we need annie jim's old girlfriend who isn't good enough yeah and she is sad she's very sad she actually i think is the only other woman in this movie mom annie kelly there's like some women standing around at the dance but they don't i'm not counting them they don't have I'm not having them. No, I'm not having them. No, no.

Cool. Yeah. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Oh, yeah. No, this is a, uh, uh, to say this is like a Chuck Pollanuck novel would be like too far, but it's not like, it's on that road.

It's on that black top highway. There would just have to be something really truly disgusting. Sure. Yeah. Boy, I remember reading those and thinking, oh, I'm so edgy. Now I'm like, ugh. Gross. As an old man, I did that with Charles Buchal.

Wow. You're so much cooler than me. No, I'm not. I'm just so much older than you. Yeah. So we also realized that something is up because his postcard was from, I think, somewhere in California. Yeah. And Annie says she got a postcard from him. And she was like, I've always wanted to go to New Orleans. Yeah. So then we cut to the farmer in the cornfield. He really ought not carve a pumpkin standing up like that. That's dangerous. What about if it's a fleshy boy pumpkin? It is just a pumpkin, though, right? And in the book, they grow. Oh.

Yeah. So, like, it is what it turns out to be, but it's also, like, imbued with, like, he puts a pumpkin on shoulders and then it, like, grows roots into the body. Okay, all right. Yeah. But so there's a surly-ass guy, and, of course, cornfield carving a pumpkin and making a scarecrow. Putting it up on the thing that scarecrows go up on that's a little Jesusy.

Oh, and this is where Richie gets beat up by the football boys and loses his belt. Sorry. Okay. And now he has the letter. Yeah. He hotwires his dad's Cadillac and tries to leave town. It does. But he gets pulled over.

Cops waiting for him. I mean, he can't be waiting. Is there only one road out of town? I guess is that a real? Blacktop highway. Blacktop highway. And then licorice whip out there in the cornfields. That's the only one out of town.

Again, it doesn't make any sense. They have stuff from all over America inside this town. There has to be tracks or trailers. Trucks are coming through. Right. There's like, I mean, yeah. At the very least, a train is stopping every once in a while. Right.

This is a time. Yes, absolutely. I'm sorry. I'm angry now. And I, in some respect, this is like very twilight zoney. You're just supposed to be like, just accept what we're feeding you and I'm okay fine yeah no no I know I'm not saying but I'm just saying like watching this to talk about it you're immediately going to be like well how they

how they get a corvette there where the corvette come yeah next year's model yeah yeah so he gets billy clubbed yeah and is out for three days yeah the entirety of the run up to the run and if you ask me he got it easy because he didn't have to be hungry the whole time. Yeah. Like the rest of the boys. What if they have to poop? This town sucks.

Once a year, you're shitting in a bucket for three days. That sucks. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And all the boys are freaking out in their rooms wearing Halloween masks. Yeah.

Yeah. Missy made a statement. I might have been around this part of the movie. She's like, this movie is like fashion over function. Sure is, yeah. It's like going for a vibe rather than a story. Yeah. And the vibe is cool.

Sure. The story is, ah, uh-uh. So the farmer cuts down sawtooth jack. Yeah. And then the best thing in the movie happens. What's that? Neat, neat, neat by the dam starts playing as the boys are running through town. I was like, God damn, this song fucking rules.

It does rule. It sounds pretty good at one point to use speed, too, by the way. I just want to tell you. Oh, my God. Neat, me, me, me, me, neat. So I never thought about the damn faster Before that's hilarious

Speed it up baby So Richie wakes up His dad's like you've been out for three days I thought Jesus Christ You should have gotten him medical attention No way dude He tells him that he got him a job at the mill For him to start next year when he graduates

Right so this is a little Bruce Springsteenie Yeah But yeah And he doesn't want that job though He wants to get out of town And go see his bro take on the world. See the bigger, the bigger picture.

Yeah. So they have a little tussle. You're not allowed to drive a truck, but why not? During the run. Oh, I think they want you to be on foot. So it's equal for everybody who's out there. Same reason you're not supposed to have a gun. You have to kill this thing. Killing this thing is good for the entire town.

Why not make it easier for the boys to kill it? Yes. Nobody wants it. it to win. It's not like this is a rigged system against the boys. Everybody wants the boys to win. It's in everyone's best interest for the boys to win. So you say you're thinking they should just go as full bore as possible. But like tanks and go. Yeah. Like they do in the plague where they just go house to house. Definitely called the purge. The provost. The provost. I have two P words in my brain. They are plague and provost. That's what I got. If you much some

together, you kind of get purge. Just like if you mush together, Ronald Reagan, John F. Kennedy, and Charlie Kirk, you kind of get just like one generic looking white dude. Oh, man. With a side part. That's all. Anyway, they like throw a twinkie on the ground and the boys all start fighting each other over and I thought, see, this is the problem.

If you, like, that also makes them less likely to win because they're distracted. They're weak. Like, why are you handicapping them? they're not hungry for pumpkin men they're hungry for food are you you got a hankering for pumpkin men you come on down to this town yeah i don't know so um we see three guys in three stooges masks asked me if you like if i liked that you loved it i did i did it's fine uh and then the bandits get into their truck and they get masks and what are their masks katie i don't think i made a note oh they're the fiend face from the misfits

Oh, right. Yes. They're all wearing the fiend face from the misfits. And this is where he says, come on to the violent world with me. Yeah, yeah. Prior, prior to. Come on. Come on to the violent world with me.

It's a good song. I like when you do dancing, it gets a little Muppety. As though like Rolf is playing the piano. Mom, can I go out and kill tonight? Can you do one last carills? I like there you did it It was got a little tiny timmy Yeah, well I got a little, I get a little pitchy

I get a little pitchy Hmm, hmm, hold on, let me find my dancing voice Who loves corals? Oh, Kermit, no People are going to think that Glenathan was in the room with us I know I'm going to be like, I can't believe

he agreed to be on the show After everything they've said about him You guys laughed at the parts I wouldn't have laughed at Selling that t-shirt with his likeness Except it isn't his likeness, it's Eeyore with a devil lock. Justin Gray, you beautiful human being. Beautiful human being.

So Richie's able to fix the truck because he's got skills with automobiles. Yeah. Oh, man. They find candy on the ground. They really do sew candy into this thing. So some of the boys find candy on the ground. Yeah.

While they're eating it, he rises up out of the pumpkin patch with his flies through the air with his bag full of toys. he is the great pumpkin. He is the great, great super skinny pumpkin. Yeah. I wonder if he's played by the same dude who was in Alien Romulus.

Oh, yeah. Skinny, skinny. I don't know. Tall man. But people are mad at them because they have the truck driving around. Yes, as you've mentioned earlier. And who cares?

Am I wrong in thinking that? Like, who cares? Yeah, I mean, it's like, it's like they want this to have a ritual aspect to it of like everybody has to run around everybody has to have an edge or blunt weapon no guns right um because it needs to be fair and I was like how are there no fat kids in this town there's got to be a fat kid that's just like you know I'm not doing this I'm gonna sit over here and smoke yeah love that for him also none of these kids are smoking enough 1960s all these kids have been smoking nonstop yeah you're right about that

little chimneys I'm finding the person who was the... Oh. Who played the sawtooth jack. Yeah. Give me one second. No, he was in the New Mutants, though. Oh, okay.

You love that movie. Oh, that was wretched. Is that the only Marvel movie I've ever seen? It might be. Oh, wait, no, I saw the Toby Maguire. Two of the... No, one of the Toby. Two of the Toby McGuire's?

Maybe just one of the Toby McGuire. I feel like you should know every movie I've seen. You are my letterboxed. Oh, that's the sweetest thing you've ever said to me. Oh, is it? I say a lot of nice things to you. You do, you do. I was joking. That has to have been someone's like, you know what, I think she's really going to like it when I say this to her. You are my letterbox. You are my friendster.

We get some distant explosions start happening. The farmer's looking around at this. We're just sending up the farmer to be like the heavy at some point in this movie. They keep going back to him and he's like, huh, stern. He has no lines and he has set this all in motion as far as we know. Yeah. So, okay, so the Sawtooth Jack rises up out of the cornfield. Yeah. And immediately one of the bandits gets taken out.

Yeah. How does he get taken out? Sawtooth Jack drags him away and then bisects him, which we see against the light of the moon. Yeah. I like it. Yeah, it's great. I'm at this point. I'm in.

This movie's so gory when it wants to. be gory. Yeah. And now another one loses the top of his head, which seems quite bad. Holy shit, that was great. Yeah. You know I love that. And now we get a close-up on Sawtooth Jack. Yeah. And we see that his design is like part killer clowns from outer space and part sci-fi channel, CGI. Sure. And it's a bit

of a bummer. Yeah. Yeah. Eyes are really far apart. Why are they? I guess that's how you carve a pumpkin. I guess, yeah. And I do like that looks like he has corn for teeth. Oh, I didn't notice that. Yeah. I think it's just supposed to be like bad teeth, but it looks like corn. Corn. I appreciate it.

Maybe he's just been nomin. It's been hanging out all fucking year, you know? Right? Richie runs into Kelly. Yeah. And Bud. So it's just Richie and Bud left of the bandits. Right.

Right. Bud is running all over the place because he has a lot of sadness. Yeah. He tries to go home. He does. If I were Bud, I'd be hiding behind my friend who fucking volunteered to do this and didn't have to. I'd be like, you protect me. Dearest Richie, you are my letterbox to take out this saltude jack for me.

He begs his mom, this mom has a line. He begs his mom to let him in, and she says, do us proud. And his dad says, be a man and shoves him out the door. Yeah, so this movie passes the Bechtel test. A woman talking to a boy about that boy, the same said boy. Same said boy. Yeah, no women speak to each other in this movie. Why would they?

Yeah, why should they? It's all about the men's. somebody is listening to this right now and they're so mad that we're being political let me let me ask you something there please do not go on I'm asking you please do not go on iTunes and tell them about it

if you think half the planet doesn't deserve basic human rights please shut this podcast oh that's politics Alan so Bud is in the street someone behind him is screaming look out Bud it's behind you and he turns around

And it's a little boy That's what happens to him In the window It's a replay of his trauma Yeah Great But luckily nothing happens To bud

Everything's fine Everything's fine This is after Bud Has tried to go into the basement shelter That the nerds are in Yeah right now He's running to the storm doors

And they tell him it's 20 bucks to get in This is Jeff Goldblum's son He's not Jeff Goldblum's son Does Jeff Goldblum have any children? I don't know I don't either I felt bad after I said That Jeff Goldblum's child was a maggot

That if he has actual real children and they'd be like, hey, I used to love this podcast and then one time. Yeah, right, Jeff Goldblum's. He has two children. Oh, neither of them were maggots. No, I'm sure they're fine. They're probably good Pittsburghers. I'm just making her in the fly.

Oh, they're so young. He has two sons born in 2015 and 2017. No. Jeff Goldblum. His wife is my age. Of course. Yeah. And his seat is strong.

Childs is my child's age. Oh, man. Well, I mean, I'm sure he doesn't have to bend over to pick up his children. He's got enough money. You think he has someone hand them to him? Exactly. Well, they're big now anyway. They're 10 and 8.

I'm sure he's a great dad. Kids get in touch. I just clicked on one of the links to see, like, what their names were, whatever. And one of these Wikipedia citations is just Jeff Goldblum's wife, Emily Livingston, shows off insanely flat stomach eight days after giving birth. Why would anyone, why is that anything? Why is that anything? I wore massive basketball shorts for like three months.

Why? No, you have to be sure that you could bounce right back from it. I hate this, Alan. so sorry. I'm so sorry that laughing at Jeff Goldblum's maggot children led you to this. Oh, man. Posing in your underwear on

Instagram, eight days after having a baby is a fucking look. I'll tell you what. That's it. Man at times. That's it. How much? Yeah, never mind. Never mind. Never mind. Katie. What? Back to the film. Oh, fine. So, Kelly is like, you know what? Fuck this. We're going to kill that fucking thing and get the fuck out of here.

Wait, wait. Before, forward that happens. Do we talk about Sawtooth Jack ripping off Bud's head? Oh, yeah. And then the trauma continues for the little boy across the street as an ocean spray of blood comes out of the storm doors. I did appreciate the ocean because I just pictured him going in there and juicing that entire crowd of nerds. Very funny. Very, very funny. Saltoothed Jack, for a very lithe man, seems to have a lot of strength. He's very strong. Because I don't think I could just rip somebody's head off. Ah, no, I don't think you could either. you want to see if you can rip my head off

you can try mine it's fine when you can't and I just have a broken neck I'm going to be like told you when you do it to me I'm just going to talk like dancing yeah that's fine oh Katie

you ripped my head you rip my head off and I didn't think you could rip my head off you said I'm just holding it in my hands like oh no all right so now Well, Kelly is like going, she's determined to go kill it because she's a bit of a badass herself. She sure is.

Because she's also not allowed to be doing the run. So the two of them are doing illegal runs. Yes. Because she's a lady. But the kids are also killing each other, which is like, whatever. Why are they killing each other? Because it's the plague. Because they're, they're food horny, so they're just out of here killing each other.

I have been hungry enough to put a machete into a teenage boy's head. I have been. I had an eating disorder. There were days. I have the opposite one where, like, every once in a while I'll get hungry and go, oh, yeah, that's what that's like. Because I just eat all the time and I'm never hungry. That's a family's slogan in my family, always eating never hungry. It's just if you just continuously eat, you can never feel the pains of hunger.

I have always said to you, I'm always so grateful that I was just accepted into the fold of your family so easily. Like, they're very welcoming to me. And I think that might be why they're like, kindred spirit. We smell it on you. That guy tries to eat a leavensey's He's one of our own. So we get the cop knocking on somebody's door. Yeah.

And while he's doing that, they steal the police car, which feels short-sighted. At least turn on the woo-woo-woo's. Yeah. So they go to a house, and is it his old house? Whose house is it? I'm not sure. I'm not sure.

Because he goes in there and he gets a gun. Because I also think that Kelly says, whose house is this? And he doesn't answer? It must be his old house because dad comes to that house. Okay. Then why would you leave a gun? Yeah, I don't know.

Okay. And beer. Guns and beer. Yeah. No, you take this with you when you move. Yeah. Yeah. Uh, hon, did you get everything?

I left the guns and beer. That's fine. That's, okay, fine. Someone says, I know things. To which I wrote, I wish I knew things. I feel like I have no idea what's happening. I mean, it's a very simple concept, but I'm also just like, but why? You know, like, what?

I did like the kids diving through the window of the bakery to eat the cake. Like, there's other things you could have done. Idiot teen boys. I knew they would, you know? And then they fucking attack the butcher. He's just out there doing his best. Yeah. Yeah, but they hit it with a brick in his face to death.

Yeah. That's not right. No, no, it's not. He's not any, I mean, unless he's, we find out later there's a guild. They're all part of a guild. So unless he's a member of the guild, he's got nothing to do with this. And now he's got nothing to do with nothing.

Well, that seems harsh, Alan. Sorry. Yeah. Maybe you should have thought about that before they had to get all animal liberation on him and take him up for being a butcher. That's true. You're right, as always. Anyway, Facebook dad shows back up.

And Kelly shoves him and he says some racist shit. So she bites his friend. And then Richie breaks their noses. and she starts clubbing them so he can take his belt back. Yeah. It's nice. You like it when this happens. Yeah, yeah.

I mean, like, for being one of three to four women in this movie, she, like, I like that she's badass. Yeah, she's like that she's like fucking shit up. She's well, she's well treated as a character. And who doesn't have a little bit of pyromedia in them? Me. She just needs to burn stuff down. Me.

I don't like a fire as a kid? I was always a little scared. Oh, yeah. I accidentally started a grease fire in my kitchen recently. and almost shit my fucking pans. I'm sure. Yeah. Everything was all right, I hope.

It's still burning. Oh, no! It was today. It was today. I just came over. Recently, I meant an hour ago. I was like, bye, Lucy. Mom, just throw baking soda on it.

What are you doing? Is that what you do? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I thought you just put it outside. Yeah, I mean, that's one way to do it, but it's not putting the fire out. Yeah, baking soda will smote in the fire. That's good, flour. No, not flour.

Flower will burn. Fuck, baking soda. Yeah, flour you're just making a shitty rue with that. point. Okay, that's good to know. I hope you're really sure about that because sometimes we give really bad advice. No, don't Google it. No, I have to Google it because you said I hope I'm sure. I hope you're sure. I'll just describe the next scene while you're looking that up, which is some teenagers who are drunk with their arms around each other talking about what happened to Jim. Everybody used to always talking about how great Jim is. This is Richie's older brother who won last year.

Yeah, yeah. And they're like, I already's got an album coming out. Teenagers from Marr. We don't go. Baking soda can extinguish small grease fires by smothering them and disrupting the fire fire's chemical reaction. What about a large grease fire? Yeah, that's your, do you have a fire extinguisher in a kitchen? Hmm? Okay.

Oh. I don't know if I know how to use a fire extinguisher. You just pull the pin and shoo-it, right? They're pretty self-explanatory. Yeah, good. You put the nozzle in your mouth and then you poop out the fire. You just grab a bottle of ready whip, like, oh, no. Oh, yeah.

to fucking do accidental whippets. So, but this is what I would do if I were these kids. I would hunker down, get a little boozy, wait it out. Why are these kids wandering around? They should be hunkered down with their booze, waiting it out. But they want to get the check and the, they want to get the money in the car so they can leave town. But.

Because they're in love now, as you know. Oh, I was talking about the drunk kids. I was talking about the drunk kids who clearly weren't planning to win or they wouldn't have gotten drunk. Yeah. No, no, no, we're talking about Richie. You're talking about the Teenagers for Mars Discussing. Teenagers for Mars, yeah, yeah.

So we've got Richie and Kelly. Yeah. And we are told that you have to ask the guild's permission to leave town. And she got there because her dad had left town. He was born in the town. Right. And then went into the service storing Dubduce and stayed

away from town. Okay, but presumably. of the town. A lot of people would have done that, right? If you're a teenage boy who has had to do the run. I guess, you know, this is, I guess they're in high school. I don't know what age you are when you do the run. Yeah. I think it's 16 to 19. Okay. So you're going to dub dub deuce immediately there after or during that time. There's no fucking way you'd come back. Sure. Right. Unless you felt an allegiance to this little shithole shitberg. Hell no. But no. So he left town met her mother. They married had her and then the two of them died in a car accident yes i will never find out what caused that it's so dumb it's actually very dumb it's so dumb the reason it's so dumb is because there's only one cop in this town there's a cob and a dispatcher and that's it so uh she lives with her auntie now who doesn't like her and so she did burn the barn down because the owner

of the barn was a dick to her yeah and she burned the mill down just for fun yeah and rich he likes this. Yeah. He's into this. Who doesn't like a little danger lady? He's like I can fix her. So they're in the cop car where they're having this discussion

and a call comes in over the radio. Yes, it's a dispatch. And she's like, Sheriff, there's a thing going on down to the thing with the thing and the salt tooth thing is there. And they're like, we're dumb. Let's go do that. Kids are stupid.

So stupid. Kids are stupid. Yeah. We see like a, thing that's meant to be spooky, which is I think a statue covered in blood, but I couldn't tell because it was very dark. Yes. Okay. That's all I know about it as well.

Like, were the kids smashed against the statue until it was covered in blood? Now, that's gross. If they were going to do that, they should have had a pile of kid bodies around it, you know? Now that I would have liked. But so they get to the church. I think this is at the church, right? This is the church. This is the titular church.

It's Sawtooth Jack is just chilling inside. Wasn't that the whole thing he can't get there before midnight? No, he's not inside. Dad's inside. I have written here. Sawtooth Jack was just chilling inside. Oh, maybe it was some different building. Oh, yeah, because we see Tall Tooth Jack go into their childhood home.

And he likes that on fire. And this is one of the fires that's now burning in the town. Because dad is sitting in the church with a shotgun in his lap. My notes are confusing. You did say you didn't know what was going on. Okay, wait. This is where. Richie realizes he sees the belt buckle yeah yeah so sawtooth jack is Jim

Jim is not in a band with an album coming out called Teenators from Mars he has not been sending letters and postcards no why don't they care because they're teenagers from Mars they don't care all right I don't know why why is it so hard to see when you got 20 eyes in your head you sing you think you'd see better yeah exactly exactly. Also, Glenn, if I could see you over here for a second, the reason that the maggots in the iron lung aren't copulating is because they're larva. Yeah, they can't fuck. They're not ready for the fucking, yeah. It'd be like if you put a bunch of babies in a room, we're like, why aren't they making more babies? I love the idea of just a roomful of babies, like babies

crawling all over everything. Yeah. Also, what do you mean your 138? 138, what? Apparently, that's a reference to TH1-1138. THX-1138, the George Lucas pre-Star Wars dystopian film. I've immediately stopped listening. Go on. And that

is the conclusion of Misfits talk. Yeah, there you have it. So he can't shoot his brother. He's got a gun, but he can't shoot him. So she clubs his brother. Right, because she doesn't know. She doesn't know. Yeah. And then the cops find him.

And the cop admits to murdering her parents. I left town and killed your parents Yuck, yook, yook. She stabs at him And then people start shooting I don't know who's shooting It doesn't matter It truly doesn't matter, Alan

Don't worry about it They're like Because the cop goes into the church Where Dad is And then like dad's holding a gun at the cop Yeah Or maybe the dad just shows up The dad is like losing his faith

In the guild I guess Yes So he takes Richie takes Kelly back to his house yelling at his mom to get ice and towels And she's been acting

Like she's either drunk Or like an automaton In this entire time Lobotomy Yeah Yeah And I couldn't tell That was just her weird face

Or what But he says to her Like who won the year Before Jimmy And she says Curtis Johnson He wrote East of Eden Right

Is that what it was John Steinbeck. She's confused. Yeah. Also, we see a dude running around dressed like Fidel Castro, and I really like that. Yeah, that's pretty good. There's also been talk about jumping the line, which I don't know what that means. The what line?

I don't know. Okay. Yeah. There doesn't seem to be a cue anywhere, you know? No. I think it's because his brother won, so he should not be involved in this, is what jumping the line was alluding to. You think so?

Oh, okay, all right. I think so. Fine, fair enough. Anyway, she says, put an end to it, Richie, and cuts her own throat. Yeah. To which I've written, why? What? Who cares?

So it's almost midnight. The explosion's all over town. Sheriff picks up Facebook dad. Yeah. And it's like, you're going to be this year's big winner. Is this before, after he's talking about, his brother dying in a dust storm and when his dad went to pick him up he fell apart

because his belly was full of sand and that's... Who was talking about that? The cops saying that and he's saying that that happened because of the blight. Oh yeah. Or maybe it's more than blight.

I think he's telling this to the kid. To Facebook dad. Facebook dad, yes. He does look like a Facebook dad. It's like his profile picture he's holding a fish, you know what I mean? Sure, he has those Oakley Blades sunglasses on. Absolutely he does.

The ones that he has, in his Facebook profile picture that will be used to make fun of Facebook debts. Yes, exactly. Perfect. So he's going to be this year's winner. And so Kelly and Ritchie are also lighting fires now. And we go to the church and this is where dad is inside the church waiting for them. Okay. And Sawtooth Jack is coming.

And dad tells him that it is indeed his brother and he didn't know this would happen until after his brother. one and then the guild explained what was happening to him okay you find that funny no i found a note that i had written funny what was the note um he i think he looked at his watch at one point and i wrote oh that says 10 minutes to midnight i know because i learned analog time when lucy did oh you did that's awesome when she learned it in second grade that's great i she like brought home her homework and i was like let's what do you teach this to me like you're the teacher and then i learned now I can tell the analog time. Let's pretend I don't know what this is.

That's great. Congratulations. Thank you. I really should have done it a long time ago. It's actually quite simple. The offer still stands for me to teach you how to ride a bike as well. I know. Everybody keeps saying that.

Jason's like got her mountain bike ready for me so I can put my feet down if I get scared. I know. I know. I need to just learn to ride a bike. Yeah. I feel like Kaysen and I are your teachers. I think so. Yeah.

Yeah. She's going to be like the. my knees. She's going to be the tough cop. I'm going to be the... Oh, yeah, for sure. For sure. She'll push you down on purpose a couple times.

No. Yeah. So the Harvester, the Guild, are the big baddies in this. Yes. They are the one who have inexplicably set this thing up with someone to keep the blight from happening. And so they, like, Richie's parents, Because Jim won it the previous year. They get a house, they get a car.

Yeah, and cash. And they know that their son is a monster now. Right. But they don't, I mean, yes, I think they are upset. The guilt is eating at them. But like, what kind of fucking system is this? So this is supposed to be the dust bowl that brought this blight, right? Yeah.

So this would have been the 20th. okay right that's the dust ball times i think so i actually i don't know yeah at 20s the 30s maybe when is grapes of wrath the late 20s i thought yeah yeah yeah yeah so it would have been around that okay so okay so this tradition is 40 years old at this point okay so there are people living in town who are older than this tradition right and they have just accepted this the butcher of course right the mayor guy Yeah Yeah it's very weird

What a weird Yeah Again it just sort of like Falls apart at the edges If you start thinking about it Why do we think that it started With the Dust Bowl Because there's a picture of

A dust cloud coming in And this was the blight That ruined their crops I thought that was the year He made it to the church That was the year The kids didn't win Oh was it now

I think so I think so That was the yeah Oh, fuck, Alan. I don't know. I don't want to defend this anymore. Oh, wow, we're an hour into this. Oh, boy.

So Riggi knows that it's his brother, and he's going to get his brother into the church, basically. He's going to get his brother to win for the baddies. Yeah, he says, I know the truth, and his dad says, not all of it. And I said, me either. And he's also going, say his dad. name say his name yeah when no one is around you say you are a scarecrow if you ain't running game which is a weird thing for a white kid to be yelling about his white kid brother in 2023 but let's not bring politics into this yeah um the the facebook dad shoots richie with his gun

yeah he got from the cop yep uh and then uh kelly beats the shit out of him yes she sure does yeah she rules yeah um i'm very glad that she got it in the end of this movie. Yeah, she's really the only character worth caring about. Richie says to his dad, mom's dead. Was it worth the big house dad? Sacrifice your sons for a fucking Cadillac. But did they want, like, I guess the parent, what, how, they don't seem to be living

that bad, like, I don't know. Previous to doing this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know. And if they are, like, everyone is living that bad. And like, yeah, that sucks, but like, it's, I don't know. Am I way off base with this? No, I don't think so.

So Jim doesn't want to go into the church. Jim just wants to die. Yeah. Because he came back as a pumpkin head man. If he had just shot himself, wouldn't that have been the ideal ending? Sure. But he can't do it. No, he can't do it.

Even though he has killed all of these other kids, he is perfectly capable of suicide. Yeah. So Richie shoots him And then the other kids are like Hell yeah Richie is the winner Richie is the winner It's such a bad fucking chant

And they start eating all the sawtooth candies Out of his tum-tom Yeah And this is where we see that it is indeed candy bars that they're pulling out of them Yes So now we're at the dance Yeah yeah big ceremony times

Who else is in the guild Besides the cop And the mayor And the mayor Because he delivers the same speech every time. Peace, prosperity, and prized crops. See, I know those P-words too. Purge, plague.

Here we are. Provost. Not even pizza. Pizza didn't even make the cut. I didn't even think of pizza. Pepperoni. Puppies. Puppies. Pooop. God, we gotta wrap this up. So he approaches Kelly at the dance. And she's like, hey, let's dance. And then they smooch.

And he says, pack your things and wait for me at the crossing. I want to run away with you. And she gives him the gun. She gives him a gun. Everyone stares with them kissing. Right, because racism is still a thing in this movie. Sure. It's 1962.

I mean. Sure, but we could, yeah. I mean, we live in a world where there's a pumpkin-headed boy right around. That's true. Anything is possible. And Annie comes up and begs to be taken with him. I don't know why she shows up again. It's very sad.

I guess. Sad. All right. She's like, wait, we had to get another to meet with a sag after. We had to have another woman talk. in this movie. Otherwise, we don't get craft services. There's a confrontation

between the dad and the cop. I don't know. Cop punches dad. Rich, they're in the car. Richie says, we're going to make it. I don't think they're going to make it. No, because there's a big piece of farm equipment in the middle of the road.

Officer Ricks is behind him with a gun. Yeah. He makes him, he tells Kelly to get down so officer doesn't know she's in the car. Sure. And then he makes him go to another location. He also has a gun. Never go with the gunman.

to another location. This is my advice to people is, this is the shoot me motherfucker moment. Exactly. So, Richie shoots the cop and then kills the cop. Shoots him in the gut. Put one in his dome.

Exactly. A gut shot takes a long time, so he does, he does that. And then the farmer knocks Richie into the hole in the ground. This movie persists, I have written here. He gets, he wakes up being buried alive.

Yeah. And then the tractor moves and Kelly, dad tells Kelly to go. I mean, she could go try to dig him up. Too late. Okay. I mean, he's just over there.

And she does say, fuck you and fuck this town. She does. Yeah. Like, go somewhere and tell other authorities that this is happening. Yeah, exactly. She says, fuck you and fuck this town. And then the credits roll. Yeah.

To which I've written, that's it. There's 11 goddamn, oh, no, don't do this to me. We see Richie get put up on the polls. He dug up by the farmer, carves him ahead. So at the beginning of the movie, it seemed like, Within the first five, within the five days between the movie starting and Halloween, the brother is put back up with the pole. But in this instance, Richie is put up and then a whole fucking year of nighttimes go by. Yeah, I was like, okay, it's going to take three days.

And then I was like, this is a lot of nights. Yeah. I don't even know anymore. And then it's next year. His dad cuts him down. The farmer shows up and he cuts him down to Lowell Good One, Katie. And dad tells Richard to burn it all day. Yeah.

And then Bown and Bum-Bub-Bub-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-Card-B-B-B-KKKKIN. I think it's, I just feel like it was so clumsily handled. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Five, it's middle of the road for me. sure yeah I like I said I liked it better this time than the first time I watched it it's got good Halloween time vibes sure great vibes but it just does not a story make

no and I maybe I mean I'm I'd like to I'm maybe I'll read the book maybe I'll listen to the audio book yeah it's on it's on your Spotify you can listen to right there I'll listen to my Spotify so I think up four or five totally solid for this I like that we've stopped rating things with real number like four or five yeah I give this a milk jug. Katie, what do you want to do next week, Katie? Should we continue the spooky season? We should continue the spooky season.

Recently on Reddit, so many questions why we haven't done many George Romero films. That's a good question. So I hope you're fucking happy. We're about to do a George Romero film. Yeah, I hope this fucking makes you happy, you son of a bitch. We're going to do the George Romero film that inspired the Zach Snyder film. We're doing Dawn of the Dead, baby. Yeah, Monroeville Mall.

Mm-hmm. Yeah. I got a lot going on with a Monroeville mall I can't tell what's happening I think it's being sold to someone and then people are mad about it I got to dig into this

I haven't got I haven't been to Monroeville in like five years The fuck would you go to Monroeville for Go to the mall? I'm a Ross Park I go Ross Park None of the stuff is there From the movie anymore

No Yeah it's all gone All gone so So come back for that Yeah Enjoy your spooky season guys Yeah happy Halloween Oh also happy anniversary to us

we just passed 11 fucking years. 11 years is stupid. We're in our second decade. I guess we've been in our second decade. Second aid. Second aid, baby. Come back for Donna to the dead. We'll tell you all the rest of the stuff next time.

Come back for that. Learn all the stuff that we want to tell you next time. Next time we won't spend over an hour talking about an hour-long movie. This movie would have been a great short film, actually. Yeah, I mean, it would have been a great short film, actually. Great Twilight Zone episode. Great, yeah, exactly. Yeah.

All right. Well, I'm glad we sorted it. Yeah, we fixed it. Thanks for listening to another episode of Warwolf and Ambulin. Bye. Bye. Oh, yeah. Many accent on dead pools,

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