Werewolf Ambulance: A Horror Movie Comedy Podcast - Episode 551- Highway to Hell (1991)

Episode Date: March 23, 2026

In this week's episode, we are discussing a pick from our favorite listeners on the Discord, the 1991 AC/DC-less film "Highway to Hell." Special topics for your consideration include: the other Lowe brother, making a copy of a copy of Johnny Depp, the appearances of children because we're classy like that, the very fine Stiller family, and a big divergence in the ratings phase. Genuinely this movie can be compared to no others, for better or for worse. Go listen to Epispde 17- "Return of the Living Dead" and Episode 339- "Return of the Return of the Dead" in which we gave the movie a second shot. The regular lineup of links! You can support us at patreon.com/werewolfambulance and listen to a ton of action movie episodes! It's Michelle Yeoh month AND we just finished our first series of our "Line of Duty" podcast entitled "Nice One, Mate." leave us a message at 412-407-7025 hang out with some cool listeners at https://discord.gg/DutFjx3cBD buy merch at www.teepublic.com/user/werewolfambulance the best place to reach us is at [e-mail] we're on Reddit at r/werewolfambulance sorta on Twitter @werebulance sorta on Instagram @werewolfambulance www.werewolfambulance.com if you feel you really must lodge a complaint with us, please do it on Facebook at facebook.com/werewolfambulance because we are probably not gonna see that, ever. If you liked this, please leave us a review on Apple Podcasts or wherever you listen! It helps others find us and allows us to continue to grow. Intro song is by Alex Van Luvie Outro song is A. Wallis- "EMT" Seriously, we have the best listeners, hands down.

Is this our first Patrick Bergen film? I didn't know who Patrick Bergen was prior to this. Because he's very sexy with that mustache. Yeah, then they take the stash away from him. And then I was like, ooh, no, never mind. He's deeply sexy with that mustache. You can't get about weird dad shit. He's got a Tom Selleck thing going on.

Yeah, exactly. He's a Bunko Tom Salick. That's fine. It's not weird dad shit. If you're into a thing, it's fine. Well, I like weird dads. In our... This one is a...

This one works for Satan. Maybe. Yeah. In our Light of Duty episode, you were talking about a TV show with a short blonde woman who was busty. And I was like, well, nope, go look up that TV show. It's funny to like what you like. Who doesn't like a short, busty blonde woman? Have we heard of Sabrina Carpenter?

We're talking this week about the Discord show. chosen film. Highway to hell. The movie that could not afford the ACDC song. No, no. And was like, just don't think about it. What if we did shitty blues? I mean, it works, though. I have to say, every fucking thing about this movie works. It shouldn't, but it does. What I love is that we had very different experiences watching this movie. Really? Okay, well, you said you were in a pissy mood when you watched it. Did you rewatch? I rewatched it again last night, not in a pissy mood. Okay. Yeah.

All right. Well, then let's get into it. Let's get into it. Let's get into this Christy Swanson, Chadlow vehicle, arguably the two more famous people in this movie. Yeah. Well, the Stiller family, of course. Sure. I like that even Anne Mera's in it.

God, I love her. And he's sisters in it too. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Or Gilbert Godfrey, God rest his soul. All right, be to a real one. Hired from being the Afflack Duck for saying anti-Asian shit. I thought it was a nine of one.

Oh, I don't know. I don't know. I sort of remember, okay, you might be right. Either one. Yeah. I mean, we make 9-11 jokes. I feel like there's a, there's a big chasm between being anti-Asian and making 9-11 jokes. Or is there? They're both probably going to get you fired. They haven't gotten us fired. We're not even canceled. You're your own boss. Kate had been meaning to talk to you. I feel like you're my boss. I think it's because it's at your house. I was thinking a lot about Chad Lowe in this episode.

And he was married to Hillary Swank for a long time. And I thought about them, like their family Thanksgiving, where Hillary Swank and Rob Lowe are like, isn't it great to be like super, super famous? And Chad's just like, oh, I was on highway to hell. Isn't it crazy to be a household name? And he's like, I'm not. Yeah, the resentment that he must have for his brother remaining to be

one of the hottest human beings on the planet. Yeah. I can't decide what I think about Roblo. Really? Yeah. I mean, he always plays, we'll get,

we'll get, we'll get, we don't need to talk about that. We'll get into it. It comes up later in the movie. So we get a postcard opening with some bad blues over top of them. Yes. Greetings from Hill. I think these postcards are funny, but go on.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, This movie is like a little bit above the sorority slime ball bowling alley movie like in budget wise. Sure. Yeah. Spoiler alert. Hell is just Nevada.

Is what? Just Nevada. Nevada. Which arguably might be true. Yeah. I've heard a lot of things about Reno. Yeah. Biggest little city in the world, right?

So we eventually get to a diner where a cop is playing the Highway to Hell video game. Yes. Which seemingly is a video game where you just turn corners by burning out. Yeah, I've never seen this. I don't know. And a couple of plucky teens are having dinner at the diner. And they think the cop is watching them because they're going to elope. Why would a cop be watching them to a lope?

I don't know. I mean, if anything, the cop is watching them to elope. I mean, if anything, the cop's probably like, that Christy Swanson? Yeah. Wasn't she in Buffy the Vampire Slayer last year? You Roblo's brother? You look a bit lowish. So we learned that she left her mom a note saying that they were going to elope

because she didn't want her mom to be sad. And so he thinks that now the cop is watching them because moms put him onto the elopage. and so they have to leave and he has to go feed his dog from his mouth. What? And what? He puts food in his mouth and lets his dog eat it. I find this very gross. Sure.

As a dog person. Sure. Do you find that very gross? Yeah. Have I done it? Yeah. Really? Yeah.

Oh, God. Dogs are gross. They're weird. They're weird little guys. If I'm not paying attention, my dog will try to lick the back of my teeth. Yeah. That dog really loves it. you, though. I've seen her make love to you.

That's the dog humping my leg. Not making love to me. She thinks it is. She puts on Jodacy. She's doing a little like shimmy at you. Stop it. I'm done. I look that that stop it was for yourself.

Yes, it was, absolutely. So they take an off ramp because the cop is following them. Right. It turns out the cop is not. road. They stop at a mysterious gas station. Yeah. Well, first they, they start making out and she doesn't want to have sex in a pinto. I mean, a girl's got to have standards. It's 1992, my dude. You know what I mean? All choices are bad. They get to the gas station. Just fucking the pinto. Just fucking the pinto. You're going to fucking fucking the pinto. What difference does it make? I fucked in a Ford tempo. It happens. God, yeah.

Fucked in a Chevy Cavalier. Oh, that wasn't been hard to do. Yeah, it was tight. It was a two-door. Oh, wow. Yeah, yeah. I was shorter back then. On.

I was shorter. I didn't stop growing until I was like 19. It was wild. You've chronicledable interest since I met you. Oh, I was in my 20s when you met me. Very sweet. Very cute. You were in your 30s.

At least. So we get to a gas station. There's a harbinger. Sam's last chance gas station. Sam is a sweetie pie. He's a really nice man. Yeah. And he's like, hey, when you get on that road, if you get tired, don't stop between these two Joshua trees.

Yeah, you can't fall asleep until you pass the second one. If there's, you see Bono and the edge out in this road. Don't stop between them two Joshua trees. Come on. they both fall asleep. They do. One of them is driving. Yeah.

One of them is driving. Yeah. Uh-uh. Yeah. He all heard and the old guy was like, hey, I have a cabin if you guys want to fuck there. Yeah. Stay there. Why don't they just stay there?

I don't know. Probably because they're like, that pervert's going to watch us if we do this. Who cares? And again, I say, who cares? It was 91. Like, I guess video cameras were a thing. Anyway. I mean, I think of the movie, what was the Thai West movie, X?

where they're like staying at this place and the old people or the old lady was watching. Fuck it, you know. Fuck it. Oh, lady. That was me a cough.

Did I stutter? Um, they, they skid out on the road because he falls asleep and the cop pulls him over. And the cop has. Has. What kind of handcuffs?

You tell me. He has handcuffs. Handcuffs. Made up zon. Zombie hands. It's, they, they, do they work, do they have a mind of their own? Or does he control them? He could, yes, and.

I think they work for him, but they could do their own thing. Ask me if the handcuffs was my favorite thing in this movie. Were the handcuffs your favorite thing in this movie? They are not my favorite thing in the movie. Because there's so many good things in this movie. So the cop walls, walks over and pulls the door off of the car to get Christy Swans. He's, he looks great, in my opinion. Hellcop.

Yeah, he's, apparently he's covered. in writing because the guy who is doing the makeup in it read Books of Blood by Clive Barker and there's that one story about the guy getting written all over. Okay. Uh, by ghosties. I like that that's a little hat tip. A little hat tip. Yeah.

Um, yeah, he pulls her out and he puts her in the car. He does some whooshing hand signals to make the door handles go away. Yeah. Chadlow is knocked out. Yeah, the cop like knocks his ass out. Yeah, when he wakes up, they're gone. And also tosses Mr. Ben, too, the dog. Yeah, yeah, tosses Mr. Ben.

But the dog wakes up, Chad Lowe. Right. And so he goes back to Sam's. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And Sam's like, fucking told you. But he isn't like that. He's too sweet to be like that. No, he's like, you've got to go get her.

Yeah. You're going to need this shotgun that my old girlfriend made for me? Because he shows him a bunch of pictures of ladies that'd been inducted, including his old girlfriend. Yes. Had no one ever come back to his gas station, like, is Chad Lowe the first one to come back to get The gun? Yeah.

Okay. All right. So he hands him a shotgun and she says Kara decorated that. She could do wonders with trash. It has two silver painted seashells on it. It's great. It's so good. You don't like that?

And he says she made it out of a hubcap. I'm not sir, those are sea shells. No, no, it's good. So he also gives him his car. He does. He's like, you take the shotgun and the Zizi top car that I'm having this garage. Top car. And take this anti-freeze.

Why is he taking the anti-freeze? Because it's going to be hotter than hell. Yeah. Because he has to go to hell, which is where this cop is from. Right. You're going to ride the highway to hell to hell city. Mm-hmm. Take this antifreeze.

It's going to be hotter than hell. Well-played movie. It's a note that I am. If he's not back, in 24 hours, he's stuck for eternity. Right. I do like it. clock of this. Yeah.

So he gets pulled over again as he's driving to hell. He thinks it's hell cop. No, it's not. It's just a cop. Just a regular cop. He just a cop. He like drives away at speed. Yeah.

And then just goes through a portal. Because he starts saying, I believe, I believe, I believe, because the Sam had told him that he's got to believe. He's got to believe. Yeah. Okay. Got it. Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm. He goes to hell. Now he's in full-blown hell, aka in the desert. Hell is just a little bit. I mean, yeah, I kind of, you know how I feel about desert? Sure, yeah, yeah, we're not supposed to be there. It's the amount of work that goes into it. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

So the cop is also in the desert, and he goes to the diner in the desert, aka Pluto's. Yes, I love this scene with all of my heart. It's fantastic. It's fantastic. Cooking on the stone. It's baby Ben Stiller. Baby Ben Stiller.

He's so cute. He's a, I. still think Ben Stiller is adorable, you know. And so the diner is filled with cops, which made me laugh. Yeah. Because all cops go to hell. All cops go to hell. So we've got Jerry Stiller.

We've got Anne Mera. We've got Ben Stiller. And then we have a bunch of cops. And it seemed to me that Jerry Stiller was like, script, script, script, I got this. Jerry Stiller is a fucking delight. Just to even look at. He's a very funny man. So Hellcop gets coffee?

Yeah. That's just like bubbling mud? Yeah. Well, that's coffee in hell. It's true. And the mud bubbles onto the saucer, which Jerry Stiller steals, giddily yelling, I got his mud. And then when we next see him, his face is covered in mud because he's been licking the saucer. Mm-hmm.

And then Hellcop shoots him in. sends him to further hell? It seems like it. There's like, I mean, I guess there are levels of hell, as Dante would have us believe. At least nine of them, right? Yeah, yeah. If I remember my Dante correctly. Ugh.

And Chrissy Swanson gets away at this point, and she runs outside. Yes. And Ben Stiller's trying to force her to eat ribs that are covered in ketchup, but calling it a steak. Vegetarian bitch, she calls her. You're a vegetarian. Well, it's fine. It tastes like chicken. It's so fucking funny to call her a vegetarian bitch.

I'm so sorry, but that's a hilarious phrase. That's a 6'2 vegetarian bitch. I agree. You are a vegetarian bitch. No. No. We learned that the cop's name is Sergeant Bedlam. Yeah.

He's got a little name tag. Yeah. Yeah. And then there's clean bikers? Yeah. that's interesting. Who is the second buildman in this movie, Adam Stork. Yeah, this is Royce.

Royce. Royce. Like the way that you say Royce. Royce. It's like if Skeet Ulrich is having made a copy of Johnny Depp on a Xerox machine and it being a little bit fucked up, this guy is making a copy of Skid Ulrich. Oh, I see. I see.

He's twice removed. He's a multiplicity of Skid Ulrich. Rick. Oh, man. So the bikers surround her, and they give her back to Bedlam. Yeah. What is Royce's role in this, do you think? So I think he was originally, like Satan's number two, like Adam is being set up to be.

Yeah. Oh, because he says he's afraid. I was never afraid. Yeah. I understand. Yeah. So, but he's got a sword, and she calls him a bastard. And he says,

bastard is a compliment down here. Oh, wow. And they're like, voice, could you turn it up a little bit? I actually thought he was delightful, but it's fine. But then, what happens? The greatest thing in this movie happens. What's that? When we're driving through the desert with one Chad Lowe.

Chad Lowe. And Ben, in the car, in the ZZ Top car. They pull up to a house. There's a woman outside that house, Katie. Yeah. Who's that woman outside that house? Lita Ford. She has my favorite line in this movie, which is where he says to her,

I have to find this cop before he gets to Hell City. And she goes, oh, hell cop, good luck. Just, oh, hell cop. I just like, I paused it. I rewound it and I watched it again because it made me laugh so hard. Listen, Lita Ford can sing her ass off. Oh, sure. Lita Ford, good guitar player.

Doesn't get the credit she deserves being a guitar player. Lydia Ford, I'm glad this is the only movie I've ever seen her acting. Really? I thought she was fine. I thought she was fine. She's wearing an amazing, like, cowgirl outfit, like, but a cowgirl outfit you would dress a little girl in? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Except she's tits to the wind. Tits to the wind, though. You would never dress your little girl in that.

No, not unless you're one of those, like, pageant moms. Sorry, sorry, pageant moms. No, I don't care if we offend pageant moms. She's also very sweaty. And I was like, cocaine will do that too. Cocaine and the desert, Alan. But she says, he says, do you know how to get to hell? And she says, yeah, sex drugs, sex, drugs, and rock and roll.

I thought she was delightful. No, I'm not saying she wasn't. She's just not an actor. She was doing a very fine job at this. And he's like, she's like, I have to come with you because I can show you how to get there. Yes. He's like, okay, that's fine. And then she says, do you have room for two?

Yeah. I love this part. And a man dressed like a 1950s soda jerk comes running out. But he's like, I'm going to scoop your brains out. Yeah, he is great. He's got a weird face. Very bad teeth. Very bad teeth.

Yeah. And so he's like trying to climb in the window and Chadlow shoots him at the head. it's scoop your own brains. But doesn't go back for Lita Ford. She just keeps on driving. Yeah. Well, she was on his, she was, she's a bad guy. It's true.

Yeah. It's true. But if you could swap Christy Swanson for Lita Ford, maybe like, yeah. Christy Swanson turned out to be MAGA. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Lita Ford had a horrific life for a while, and now he's got in her life back. Oh, does she? Yeah, she was married to this guy named Jim Nitro.

He sang for the band Nitro. Mm-hmm. I don't know if his name was Jim Nitro, but he sang for the band Nitro. And he was like a super abusive, like, manipulative piece of shit who like took the entire family to an island with no power to like live off the grid. Fucking hell. She finally like was able to get away from him. So good on you. Lita Ford.

I'm glad you're back. Sorry that that happened. Yeah. Those are vaguely remembered Lita Fork Vex. Hmm. Love it. The guy from Nitro could break a glass just by screaming. Whoa.

Yeah. Yeah. So. Like Willie and the Indiana Jones in the Temple of Doom Lego game. Fuck. Okay, I went deep. I leaned up for it and you went, wow. Yeah, that's her superpower.

She can jump really high because women in those games can jump higher than men. And when she screams, she breaks glass. It's pretty cool. Do you think like no penis makes them less wind resistance? Yeah, therefore they're, okay, all right, all right. Yeah. So. What?

I watched this movie twice, and none of it has stuck in my brain. No, I feel the same way. I'm looking at like a plot synopsis being like, where does it go from there? So, oh, he goes to the Pluto's. Chad Lowe gets pulled out of his car by the bikers. and he tells them that he's after the sergeant, Hell Cop. And they let Charlie go, and he catches up to Hellcop on the road. Yes.

Howop is, like, not a particularly great kidnapper. No. He, like, lets escapes happen. He, like... But he always gets her back. Yeah, it's true. He also has sunglasses screwed into his face. I like it, though, because he's a cop.

Yeah. you don't like that you don't like that so they get into a ramming fight on the road and they go past a car that just has two people upside down in it I don't know I don't get that

no at all and they're like fuck you I don't get it it's fine though he shoots a trailer the trailer explodes and Charlie heads off road while the cop just drives through the fire Yeah. There's a lot of like Mad Max, excuse me,

Mad Max style scenes in this, you know? So he goes off road and loses all of his oil, but luckily there's a motorist aid phone on the side of the highway. Yeah, there sure is. And he calls that phone,

and what does that phone say to him? Ah, it sounds like you're stuck. Good to tell. It's hell, yeah. But then he sees his car getting towed. Who's towed his car? Beasel. Very.

very fuckable beasel. Oh. That clit duster of a mustache. I can't believe you just said that to me because you also don't believe in the clitoris. I don't believe in mustaches either. Just like I don't believe that 9-11 happened. See, full circle. That was three, two lies and a truth.

You decide which one is true. Yeah. So, yeah, he goes to the tow truck driver and the guy's like, you know what, I'll help you. out kid? He's very sweet. He's, he also was like the first normal looking person we've seen other than Royce, who isn't like all that normal looking, you know? He's normal looking if you like need to buy ecstasy from somebody in 1992. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. That's his look. There's going to be a vest and a tucked in white t-shirt involved in what you're doing. He does look like he should be listening to Jan Blossoms. I was going to say Stone Temple Pilot. Oh yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah. Or that he could have been, like, on Beverly Hills 90210. Yeah. Yeah. As, like, the bad boy. Yeah, he comes in and he like wooes the women away, you know. So we head back to Beasles. What was the name of Beasles Toe Truck Company, Anarchy, Armageddon, Annihilation?

Something like that, yep. Triple A. It's so good. I do, and I like it. There are a lot of, like, silly jokes in this that I really genuinely love. For sure. Yeah. For sure.

Um, so his name's Beasel. That probably has no reference to anything. That doesn't, that shouldn't tell us anything. No. Don't, don't infer. And he's like, hey, so this girlfriend of yours, you guys have like, you know. You've, because he normally only takes beautiful young virgins. Yeah.

And he's like, of course we fucked. We fucked in a pantow. Yeah. He didn't. No. He didn't fuck to. Don't marry someone you haven't fucked, first of all. Right?

That's true. Yeah. That's a really bad idea. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. I mean, what if you get together and you're like, oh, God, the rest of our lives together? Yeah.

And then you do the deed and you're like... The rest of our lives together. Oh, no. No. So, Charlie takes off in the car. And we meet Adam as well. Adam is Beasel's little buddy. A very strange looking child.

I hate to say something about a child, but they knew. They knew that the child was very strange. Fun fact, thought he was adorable. He has that haircut that only little kids can have? Yeah. I'm sorry, only little kids and Ken Burns can have? Yes. He just has very big eyes and very big ears and a silly haircut.

And his teeth are kind of wrecked because he's a kid. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm sure he grew up to be a perfectly normal looking person. But they knew. They knew this kid was weird looking when they're. You're going to put a kid in hell.

Might as well be a little weirdo. In reading about this movie, I can't remember if it was on Wikipedia or IMDB, but someone made a note to be like, yes, his mom was on the set the entire time. God, you hope so. Stop asking me. Yeah, you'd hope so. So, we, as he's driving, we see a road paving crew. Who is the road paving crew modeled after?

One Andy Warholah. Oh, right. I forgot he existed. Because he was supposed to be in this movie, but he died two years previous. Well, he should never have left Pittsburgh. So they made all the road paving crew. What are they paving the road with, Katie? Good intentions.

The good intentions paving company is so fucking funny. Okay, I just want to say that I hate Andy Warhol because he was a Pittsburgh deserter. I understand that he was flamboyantly gay and Pittsburgh wasn't the place to be that at the time. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But, like, he always talked shit. He hated it. Fuck off, man. It's my town.

I love it here. I do like that. I've had friends that have worked at the Andy Warhol museum. Sure. And there's the one canvas that has, like, had his piss on it. And a friend of mine caught somebody, like, trying to sniff and or lick it. Oh, no. I was like, buddy, that was Pete a long time ago.

That was Pete a long time ago. And also, like, come on. I really think that we should rename his bridge, the Josh Gibson Bridge. Who's that? He is the greatest Negro league baseball player of all time. Oh, nice. He died of a brain tumor at, like, age in his early, his late 20s or early 30s, but still played that season and could hit the ball so fucking hard.

Nice. He paved the way. What did Andy Warhol do? He fucking left. Josh Gibson's buried in my neighborhood. Hey, he did the fucking Campbell Soup cat. I'm not impressed by this. Whatever.

It's fine. Oh, man. Can we redo that Shania Twain song? But you just list Andy Warhol? over and that don't impress me much. So you painted the Campbell's soup can. That don't impress me much. Okay.

So you're Andy Warhol. Oh, my God. Dude. It's going to seem out of place on, do you want something to cry about it's discography? But I think it's going to be our end. It's our B side. It's like the secret track at the end, you know.

Oh, man, oh man. I thought the good intentions paving company was very fucking funny. And it's like this one being like, I only slept with him to further my husband's career. I told her to drink the bleach because she had to learn a lesson. Yeah. Well, that guy I didn't. That's not a good intention. No.

The woman, the nurse who's like, I thought he wanted me to pull the plug. And then we see her getting fed into like a choppy machine. Yeah, meat grinder. Yeah. Because the road is being. just paved with the limbs of the people who did good intentions that aren't good intentions. They're bad intentions. It sounds like the nurse had good intentions.

It sounds like the two first women had good intentions or so they thought. Letting a child drink bleach because they need to learn a lesson is not. That's not a good intention. That's not a good intention. But it is funny that they all like Andy Warhol. I thought that was very funny. Because it's just like, what? There's so many Andy Warhols in hell.

So, but while he's driving through this, we see that, Charlie has hopped on, or sorry, that Adam has hopped on the side of Chadlow's car. Right. He hangs them. I must hang on for a little while. Yeah. For a while. For a while.

Through the desert. And he jumps in and he's like, hey, I want to help. Let's do this together. And Chad Lowe loves him so much that he's like, okay, well, when we get back, you can just come with us and be our baby. Yeah. Yeah. And he says, do you promise, do you pinky swear?

And he says, cross my heart and hope to die. Yeah, it's pretty sweet, actually. I mean, if you had the opportunity to get a kid out of hell. I don't know. What's the kid look like? Just kidding. No, just kidding. So what bar do they go to? Oh, I don't have the name of the bar.

Oh, it's Hoffas. Huffus, yeah. Okay, this is like a nightclub. It's like the set from Roadhouse, basically. If everyone was making out an almost fucking while they walked around. And also, there's just a bunch of like hot biker ladies outside. And when Chad Lowe walks in, one goes, oh, I like that. Yeah, what's wrong with that?

Why is that hell? You're not allowed to be a hot biker woman? She's just trying to get hers. She's trying to get her dick wet, leave her alone. Ooh, I like that. Ooh, I like that. Is that the hell? You're in hell because you made some kid uncomfortable?

Oh, come on. Hey, bad news. There's also a lot of cowboys in there, and I was like, oh. Cowboys go to hell. And we see briefly a man walking around with a Nazi armband on. Don't worry, that'll come back up. Don't worry. Also, when we get inside, there are.

are topless women dancing in cages. And then when we get to Christy Swanson, Rachel, she's in a cage, but she's just still wearing her t-shirt vest palazzo pants combo? Why? Why does Satan not make her dance topless? I did appreciate that in hell. If you try to touch one of the topless dancers, your hand catches on fire, which I appreciate it. Yeah, it says touch at your own risk.

And if it goes past the point of the cage. Yeah. Yeah, it's great. It was like, so hell respects women's boundaries. This is nice. It's incredible that women have more rights in hell than America, 2026. Oh, God. So he finds Rachel in the cage.

Yeah. He's going to get her out of the cage by shooting the handcuffs off the bars. This seems like a perfect plan and nothing will go wrong. What could go wrong? He's got Charlie shotgun. Or he's got Sam's shotgun. Sam's shotgun. His name is Charlie.

Yeah. But before he can do that, Hellcop shows up and he shoots Hellcop and it does nothing. Right. Rachel keeps saying, shoot him, shoot him, but no point, baby. No. You're not that bright, are you? Christy Swanson. Turn out to be a magabothole. So he throws Charlie around, takes Rachel and leaves, and then Beasel shows up at the bar. Oh, he shoots Charlie. He shoots Charlie. Yes, he's all fucked up.

Yeah. And Beasel decides that he's going to fix Charlie by putting Adam's hand on Charlie's chest. And also Beasel wears this ring. that has an eye in it, which I believe is imbued with some sort of powers. Okay. But the only way he's going to heal Charlie is if Adam agrees to come back to him. Correct. Which Adam does. Yeah.

And I assumed Adam has like some sort of like pure magic of being a beautiful little child. Yeah, maybe. But he's also in training here. We do know that he is like learning to fix things. I mean, Lucifer was God's right hand man. Sure. And was the most beautiful angel. And we've seen that through the mustache.

Yeah. the clit the aforementioned clituster my favorite joke in the movie happens now what's that? This is when a man is walking around who I believe was one of the lollipop guild and he's in Big Top Peewee

he's in Big Top Peewee yeah and he's walking around and he's saying Idi Amin I'm white phone call courtesy phone call for Edia Amin Who doesn't love an Edia Amin joke? I mean and who does?

frankly. And we see three people playing cards together. Okay, okay. It is Cleopatra. Uh-huh. Attila the Hun. Attila the Hun. What did Cleopatra do that sent her to hell, by the way?

Said let them eat cake. Wait. What did the school system in America do? So it's Cleopatra. Obviously a piece of shit. Obviously. Until the hunt. I'm looking this up just so we can actually know something.

Please type in why is Cleopatra in hell? Why is Cleopatra in hell? Circle by one, Mark Anthony. Oh, so she is actually in Dante's Inferno. Cleopatra is placed in the second circle of hell reserved for the lustful because her romantic relationships with Julia Caesar and Mark Antony were viewed as chaotic, sinful passions that brought political ruin. Because she fucks.

That's what I figured. Because she fucks. She like fucks to save her kingdom, therefore she has to. Yeah. Anyway. So it's a Tilda of the Hun, Cleopatra. I also didn't realize that was Attila the Hun. And I was like, why is there a Viking?

Because he just kind of looks like a Viking, which is totally inaccurate. 100%. Yeah. And who has. else is at the table. Gilbert Godfried as Hitler. As Hitler, who won't admit that he's Hitler. He's wonderful.

He just keeps saying things like, I'm a 19-year-old kid. Yeah. I love playing heavy metal, air guitar. Am I? And were they just like, Gilbert. Go. They were like, here, take this little bump, go. How dare you besmirch the name?

Oh, Gilbert Godfrey would never do cocaine. Comedians back then? No way. Yeah, I thought Ben Stiller was a Mongol. Like, I had no idea what was happening. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's very weird. It's fantastic.

Can we just be honest? It's very funny. But it's just like, what is this movie? This is just insanity. I think I like it. Honestly, this might be a bad reason to like, I like that I recognize all of these actors. Like, this was a movie made with nobody's.

be like, wow, this is kind of weird, you know? But it's like, oh, you got, you got Jerry Stiller? I fucking love Jerry Stiller. Frank Cassanza is my hero. Isn't he Festivus for the rest of him? Yeah, we're going to be all over that shuffleboard court. He is an amazing zero to ten actor. Oh, God, I love him so much.

Him and the woman, oh, God, what's her name? She played, George's mom, Estelle, played by Estelle Harris. Oh. who recently passed, I think. Oh, no. They were just so great together because she would get real shrill. Yeah, that's all I want to say.

So we see Adam and Ben playing ball together. Mm-hmm. And Adam has to stay with Beasel. Charlie's been healed by Beasel. Yeah, by Beasel and Adam. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So now Charlie takes off again. The bikers are chasing him.

But why? Because of reasons. Because Royce is mad about something. Oh, right. And Royce's girlfriend we meet is Clara. Yeah, we recognize her from the food for. Yeah. Also, I guess they're like vampires.

They stay the age they were taken. I guess. Yeah. And those like, ladies, you should probably be stoked. You're still real hot. Yeah. They've got the little cameo choker on. Yeah.

Also, those women who were dancing in the bar, were they taken at like age 35? And they were virgins? That's some generous 35, by the way. Yeah. Damn titties. Okay. So Charlie takes off. He's chased by the bikers.

Royce is stabbing into the car where Adam is in the car with them. Yeah. And it's very funny because it's obviously not a car that's being stabbed into when we see the sword coming in. It's like paper. Paper. And they put something on the windshield that burns Charlie's hand, but it's just like a clear fluid. I don't know what that was. Yeah.

But they won't follow him on the road to nowhere. We're on a road to nowhere. I wear this big suit because it makes my head look small. Fucking funniest thing that man's ever said. Never diagnosed with autism. Also, that song rips. Yeah. They are a four-song band.

Yeah. Well, they've got more good songs, but you just don't want to listen to them all. Yeah, it doesn't have to be the same four songs. Yes. But you give me four songs by the Talking Hats. You give me four songs by The Clash. I'm fucking stoked. We go any more into that?

I am bored and I've walked away from this conversation. I have always thought I don't like the Clash, but maybe you're right that maybe they're like a three song band for me. Because they've got bangers. They've got bangers. But then also you're just like, God, why is this still happening? You did not need to do a double album for Sandinista guys. No, no, no, no.

Put the cocaine away. Put the cocaine away. Actually, give it to Gilbert God. he's playing Hitler. I really like this scene where he goes on the road to nowhere and he has to get out and he's walking through these like water eroded caverns in the desert. And then he finds a door. He's like now in a house.

Like the cave just turns into a house. And I really like the set design on that. Yeah. Really good job. I felt like that would appeal to you as a person who dreams lots of about houses and doors and always. Oh, you remember that. Of course I remember that. Thank you.

Also, probably most of the people who listen to the. this show, remember that because they're fucking stalkers. Just kidding. Just getting. Just kidding. No, say parisocial. It sounds nicer. They're not, yeah, they're not, they don't come over or anything. God, you fucking better. Well, you used to give them your home address.

Oh, I was dumb. So what does he find in the house, Katie? Is this where he finds Rachel? Yeah. And she's being very, like, sexually aggressive towards him. Provocator, yes. Yeah. She just keeps saying, make love to me, Charlie.

Yeah. And he's found all of her clothes on the, the, the, stairs and I think he picks up her shirt and smells it. Well, he's got to know it's hers. Right. Like a mother and her ducklings or whatever. Don't pick up the Rachel. Charlie will never accept it again if she can smell it on you.

I think that's also not true. It's not. Why did they tell us that to keep us from picking up wild animals? Probably. That's good. That's smart. We could tell them all day they're going to get bit, but they're not going to believe us. But mother-child relationships are always going to.

to stick with a kid. You know, I could absolutely identify my child by smell. Oh, without doubt. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's all I wanted to say. I can identify you where I smell.

Yeah, I can identify you by smell too. People that I spend a lot of time with, I can sometimes smell when they're getting sick. Like, I'll smell that they smell different right before they get sick. You're like one of those. I'm a cat. He knows you of cancer. I'm not. I'm just like, oh, you're about to get like a bad cold.

I'm telling you, I smell change. It's like a really weird, low-grade psychic power. It's good to no one. It's too late. You're getting sick, you know. Like, I couldn't go to the medical field because I'd have to, like, live with all of my patients. Snipping, yeah. So she keeps saying make love to me, and he's like, I don't think we should do that right now.

He's like, I wanted to do it in the pinto. Yeah. Yeah. But, and she says, make love to me, the devil won't, will. like me or won't want me anymore. Yes. Yeah. And she, he's like, oh, yeah, all right, then. And then Bedlam comes through the wall and chases, chases, chases, tosses Charlie around. Yeah. Charlie shoots him and he disappears, leaving his boots and sunglasses. Right. You're like, oh, he's gone. We were, this time shooting him worked. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And she's like, we should make love now.

And then he sees her in the mirror. And she looks fantastic. Fucking amazing. It's so good. The demon is so, so, so, so good. They blew their budget on this demon, so then when we meet another demon later, you're like, oh, he didn't get the full demon, huh? You're talking about Cerberus or no? No, well, Serberus is pretty shit. But when we met Beasel in his true form. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

But she looks fantastic. The actor doing this is really great. They're really great physical. Just real great, like, wide slung, low slung tittyes that are very funny. Being very, like, sexual as a demon. Yeah. like a busted one, you know. And the tongue keeps flicking out, and that's very cool, too.

It's really good. And she wraps her tail around his neck. Mm-hmm. And then he cuts her tail, the glass from the mirror that she's broken. Right. Uh-huh. And that's it. That's kind of all it takes.

It shoots her to hell. Shoots her to hell, yeah. Yeah, the bed was hell, was an entrance to further hell, I see. I get confused about the geography of hell in this. Sure. Because hell city is a place, but that's not all of hell. It's just like maybe the capital. It's fun that you said that.

Yeah. Because I kept wanting the geometry and geography of this place to be wilder. Oh, okay. I kept wanting it to be more like MC Escher-esque because I think in my head that's what, like hell is just confusing. And more portals and things like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I like that idea. So then he leaves the room and the sergeant's gear disappears.

And so does the clock on the wall for some reason that doesn't have any hands? hands. I didn't understand that. I don't know what that's about, but I'm sure I mean something. Or doesn't. Who cares? I haven't know what this says? Oh, a bunch of bugs on the road. So he's driving into Hell City and there are hundreds of VW bugs on the road. What is this commentary? Hippies go to hell. Well done. Absolutely. Absolutely. That's what it is. It's very funny that the hippie cars were designed by Nazis. That's very funny to me. You're right about that.

Volkswagen. The Volkswagen. Yeah. Yeah. He's in like a race with a bunch of VW bugs and the, we see the cop car again. Rachel's in the cop car. Yeah. She's not that goddamn cop car.

Then there's some crash-em-up derbies. I find this part of, I zoned out a bit on this. Sure. He might bex for me. But then he gets to Hell City and he has to go in where I like that everybody going in had to like veil themselves to go past. Cerberus. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. I also like the ad for sticks beer. In the cop car. The cop car has ads in it. Like it's a taxi cab today. Yeah. And it's like, this is the worst beer.

I was like, thank you. I want this. Made with the worst water in town. Love it. Yeah. It's so good. You love a cheap yellow beer. I do you love a cheap yellow beer?

Um, yeah. So he gets to Hell City. Oh, he has to go past Cerberus, and to get past Cerberus, Ben, barks in Cerberus. Yeah. Yeah. So he's able to get past him. Yeah. And he gets with Charon and gets across the river. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Serbers looks shit. Yeah. Where Charon looks good. Charon. Is it really Sharon? I think it's, I think it might even pronounce Sharon. Yeah, but what's that? My Sharona.

That's what that song's about. It's about going across the room. Actually, it's about fucking a teenager. It's very gross. Oh, a song from the late 70s early 80s? You're fucking joking me. Do you remember when Winger had the top 10 hit? She's only 17?

Do you remember when Kiss had the song Christine 16? Okay, let's move on. Dudes, we've always been gross. Yep. You just can't say it out loud now. It's true. Yeah. So he gets inside and there's a,

bunch of different soldiers from different wars inside of this like museum? Yes, and why? I don't know. Because then when he gets past them, he goes into the janitor's closet, which just seems to be an art installation with modern art dancers stuck to the walls. Yes. Painted like the walls. And I was like, this better have meant something to someone.

I think it had to have. Yeah. But he finds Rachel inside playing the violin. Yes. Because as we know, she's always wanted to play the violin. Right. We had seen this, like, ad targeted to her earlier when she was, like, holding a baby on her hip and making pizzas. Yeah, because Charlie's a pizza delivery man. Charlie's a pizza delivery man, right.

And the baby also looked 35, which I thought was. The baby? It was clearly a baby, but it did look 35 and was just weeping the entire time. And she's like smoking a cigarette and pounding dough. Yeah. And it's like, this is your future. You could have been playing violin. I thought, yeah, don't get married that young. No. No, play violin.

Especially not to a guy you have fucked. Yeah. So he finds her playing violin, finds a mirror, proves the cheese she, gives her her bracelet back. Mm-hmm, the bracelet, yeah. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm. And then Beasel shows up,

and you tapped out during the Volkswagen, or got, stopped paying attention during the Volkswagen. in drag race. Beasel talking, like, put me the fuck to sleep both times I watched this movie. I just stopped paying attention to him when he stopped having a mustache. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is like when he goes, they go back to get Adam, right? Well, this is, first he meets them when they go to, when he goes to get Rachel.

And then the devil lets them go. Yes. And then they go back to get Adam. And this is where we see him again. And I assume he's not mustache at this point because they had to shave his mustache to do the prosthetics on him. That makes sense. Yeah. Oh, I feel so sad for his wife, a girlfriend at the time. Who's going to dust my clit? There. Undusted clit for me. I'll have to get the swiff her out. You know, for a second, I was like, would that work?

I'm just a dusting. You don't want a dusty clit? No. Starting a new band called Dusty Clit. Yes. Actually, that's my drag, my porn star name, my only fan's Dusty Clit. I'm an old lady who doesn't get fucked. Ah! You're only bad. It's just like you making tea and reading. I'm watching fucking line of duty.

Oh. That's brilliant. So his car gets intact by interpretive dancers. Yes, it does. The worst of enemies. Oh, she had, Rachel has figured out the car magic to put the handles back on the cop car. Right.

Yes. That's how they like break through the portal. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. So he has to drive through a wall and then over a canyon and then through another wall. Yes. I liked it. I thought it was fun. Yeah. Yeah. That's fun. This is where they go to get at him, right? Right. Because they find the ZZ Top car and Ben is there waiting for them.

Right. Ben is such an obedient boy. He really is. He's like, I'm not staying in hell. And then we see, he shoots Hell Cop's car. And then we see Hell Cops car being worked on by a bunch of, like, little people who then he tosses around and shuts the hood. one. Hell cop, what are we doing here? Hell cop so mean. Yeah. I mean, yeah. He's Hell cop.

He's a cop. Or just regular cop. You mean Hellcop? Good luck. So they're going to go see Beasel to get Adam. Yes. But when they go to the repair shop, it's not a repair shop anymore. No, what is it now?

It's like a fucking mansion. Yeah. Yeah. You know why? Hell. No, because he's Aidan. Oh, oh, yeah. It's got a limousine, just like Satan would have.

Yeah. If you know anyone with a limousine, they're the devil. I mean, imagine owning a limousine. What the fuck are you doing? You're a limousine driver. You don't own them. The company owns them, I'm sure. Right?

You're just independent? I'm an independent limo driver. God rogue. So they make a deal for Adam. Right. That if they can escape something, something. Is it kind of like a race? basically?

Like, Adam is their pinks, they're for pinks, but it's Adam. Well, and Rachel. And Rachel's also in the mix. She throws herself in the mix because Adam isn't enough of a thing because he's already got Adam. Yeah. And he's like, you give yourself to me willingly. It's like, not without that mustache dog.

No, no without that mustache. Yeah, you're right about that. Put the mustache back on and we'll talk. And then Royce shows up. Yeah, because he's like, you're high. Did I want to go back up? I was not. number one, best boy. He's like, I'm still in this movie, please.

Top build, second build right below. Patrick Bergen. Steve Bergen. Mr. Stork. I don't know. He doesn't talk like that. So Royce is chasing them as they're trying to get to the race, and Satan goes up onto the hill where he, or Beasel, goes up and sits on a hill in a lawn chair, sliding a cigar off of a man's fire finger. Yes, very good.

Enjoy it. Why is the guy of a firefinger? Because he put his hand through the bars of the lady cage. Try to touch a tit, now I can light cigars with it. Honestly, that's too much of a reward for trying to touch a tit. Royce is trying to thwart them, and Clara thwarts Royce, and they fly off the edge of a cliff, and Royce's sword goes through himself. Yeah.

So he die. He die. And so there. they're trying to get the last bullet to shoot hell cop. Right. And it's fallen down and Charlie is yelling at Rachel to find the bullet. And Rachel can't find the bullet. No.

But under the seat, she finds something very special to us in this podcast. What is it? Nause. Nause, dog! Nitrous oxide. She finds the Nause switch. There's a Nause switch. And it makes their cargo real, real fast to shoot them out of hell.

Yeah. and Beasel's like, oh man. He's fucking won. It's so good. Shoots them out of hell and they land back with the cop that Charlie had pulled a gun on. Right. And he's like, well, I'm going to arrest you now. Yeah.

But he doesn't get to arrest them. Why is that, Alan? Because hell cop bust through a billboard. I loved this so much. Throws the, or shoots the cop or throws him because the cop shoots him and then he throws the cop. And then Adam's like, shoot him in the glasses. That's the only way you can kill him. And he's like, why are you telling us now?

Why didn't you bring this up earlier in this film? Like, act two? Because I'm on your side now. I see. And so Rachel shoots the cop in his glasses. Hell cop explodes. My last note. Well, the Hellcop explodes and then the end comes up on this movie.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. My last note just says, you dorks. You want to rape this bitch? you want to rate this bitch, would you like to go first? Yes. Yes. I am giving this a 10. A 10.

And here's why. Here's why. Can I tell you why? I love it. It's exactly what I needed. Idiocy and good, fun actors and just like weird stuff. A little bit of like, not gore, but like gross stuff. Sure.

Great comedy. And I feel like the Discord listeners chose this because I knew I needed. laugh. 100%. And I just felt like, God damn, they nailed it. I felt seen. I felt seen. Yeah.

And then I was telling Alan before we recorded that I sent the link, or I sent a link to this movie to my friend Taylor after I finished watching it at like 10.30 at night. And then at midnight Taylor texted me and was like, this was so fucking good. The exact. Exactly. He was just like, text received, movies started. He had already pulled it up on the screen. He was like, it was incredible.

I love that. So honestly, It was nothing but joy for me. And I am feeling like that's a real need in my life in this moment. And I just fucking loved it. That's beautiful. What about you? Now you have to tell.

No, I think that's great. And it's going to bump up my score. So this is a four. I did not like it at all. You didn't have any fun watching it. I had fun talking about it with you. Yeah, of course. I watched it twice.

The second time, I was even more bored than I was the first time. It just did not hit for me. don't know why. Like, the first time I watched it, I was definitely in a pissy mood. Yeah. And, like, the second time it just did not hit for me. I'm sorry. Oh, it's fine.

This is my return of the living dead. Yeah, that's fair. You know, um, sometimes the goof hits. There's a lot of funny stuff in this movie. And I feel like, I feel like this movie would be a great, uh, crowd watch. Yeah, for sure. For sure. People together, Twizzlers, all that stuff.

Yeah. Yeah. So yeah, that's, real quick, I want to mention, um, we got a couple of phone messages. Oh. Do you remember our phone number? 412, 407, 7025. Love that.

I just have a mind for numbers. We got a couple messages from Party Cat that I will not be putting into the episode. Okay. Because that's between us and them. Okay. But I just want to say thank you so much and thank you for the follow-up on this. And we're glad that you're doing well. Katie.

Yeah. Can I make a special? request for the next movie we do? Of course you may. It is, after all, your birthday week. Oh my God, it is. Katie. Alan. Can we do a movie by one of our favorite directors? Oh, who's that now? West Craven. Okay. Can we do a movie starring an actor that we literally just finished talking about? Okay. Christy Swanson. Okay. It's a move from 1986. Okay. It's called Deadly Friend. Deadly Friend, okay.

It's been on our list for a while. It has. I feel like it's, no, it's not on my list, but all right. I think it'll be a good time movie. Okay. That fits the criteria of something that may bring you joy. I'm Marie Kondoing the shit. Only things that spark joy, which is hard when you do a bad movie podcast or a movie podcast, period.

So yeah, we're going to do Deadly Friend next. It's on your tubies. It's for rents places. And it's Alan's birthday, so you have to watch it. It's true. It's true. Because he's going to be 47, right? You wonderful little scamp.

I'm going to be exactly 10 years old than you. Yeah, right now you're 11 years old. No, right now you're 9. You're the math magician in this relationship. I said I have a mind to remember numbers. Anyway. So come back for a deadly friend. Thank you so much to everyone who sent us gifts recently.

You're very kind. Thank you to everyone who has been patroning. We'll be doing a new action movie soon. We just did nice one, mate. We just wrapped up the first series of that show. Yeah, it's a great time. Great time. It's, I dare I say, it was a nice one, mate.

Nice one, mate. I love that we're just forcing this on people. One for them, one for us. Yeah, that's fair. Two for them, one for us. Yeah, what do I? Yeah, fuck it. on that note.

Thanks for listening to episode 551 of our horror movie podcast, which is bananas. Bananas. And I remember at one point being like, won't we run out? Not yet. They keep making them. They keep making them. So thanks for listening to another episode of Werewolf Ambulance. Bye.

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