Werewolf Ambulance: A Horror Movie Comedy Podcast - Episode 552- Deadly Friend (1986)

Episode Date: March 30, 2026

In this week's episode, we are wrapping up our Kristy Swanson Rock block with the 1986 Wes Craven film "Deadly Friend". Special topics for your consideration include: MAGA SINCE 1969 BABY, old ass teen professors, the dangers of ignoring child abuse, Wes Craven's take on necessary gore, and probably one of the best kills we've ever seen on this show. We've done so many Wes Craven sounds that I can't be arsed to list them all here, maybe just try Episode 493- "Shocker." The regular lineup of links! You can support us at patreon.com/werewolfambulance and listen to a ton of action movie episodes! It's Michelle Yeoh month AND we just finished our first series of our "Line of Duty" podcast entitled "Nice One, Mate." leave us a message at 412-407-7025 hang out with some cool listeners at https://discord.gg/DutFjx3cBD buy merch at www.teepublic.com/user/werewolfambulance the best place to reach us is at [e-mail] we're on Reddit at r/werewolfambulance sorta on Twitter @werebulance sorta on Instagram @werewolfambulance www.werewolfambulance.com if you feel you really must lodge a complaint with us, please do it on Facebook at facebook.com/werewolfambulance because we are probably not gonna see that, ever. If you liked this, please leave us a review on Apple Podcasts or wherever you listen! It helps others find us and allows us to continue to grow. Intro song is by Alex Van Luvie Outro song is A. Wallis- "EMT" Seriously, we have the best listeners, hands down.

Three, two, one. Magison 69. Magusin 69. Magusin 69. Maga since 69. That's Christy Swanson? If you go into her personal life on... I shan't.

On WikiPiki. She has one of the things is like hashtag Magusin 69. Oh man. When I was born, I just hated Hispanics. What are you fucking doing? You silly bitch. I just hated everyone. Oh, the gays.

Yeah, the gays, the non-whites. Yeah. Trans people. I woke up. I mean, I was gut-born. I woke up born. I woke up born. And I was not woke.

What the fuck? Why are we doing a Christie's once in Rock Block again? So pretty. Your birthday. It's your special day. Because I wanted to give you a movie that I thought might bring you more joy. Oh, all right. It sounds like a done fucked up.

No, I mean, it could have been worse. Okay, one thing that's great about this. Yeah. Subtitles on 2B. Most 2B productions do not seem to have subtitles. I have been burnt by 2B too many times. I just rent them now. What do you mean you've been burnt?

It's too many commercials. Daddy doesn't need that many commercials. Let's get up and go to the bathroom. No, I do agree. But it's free, so I don't care. Sure. Yeah, no, no, you're making the economical, economically wise decision.

Must be nice to be rich, huh? Out here with your movie rentals and your tax deductions. It's a write-off. Another great thing about this? Yeah. And fucking Ramsey. Anne Ramsey. Mama Fratelli.

Mama Fratelli rules and is so not the villain in this movie that she's made out to be. Like, leave her alone? Katie. Yeah. She pulls a shotgun on teens multiple times. They're inside her fence. She doesn't want them in her fence. She's standing her ground. Not always. Okay, we'll get back to it. We'll get back to it. Also, they're fucking with her.

She died in 1988 at the age of 59 years old. Oh, God. She's 57 in the community? She's five years older than I am. Oh, Mama Fertelli. Well, they didn't have like retinal back then, I guess, no. I can only assume cigarette smoke did a fucking number on that generation. Yeah, it does seem. that way. This movie starts off as all movies should start off.

What's that? At a burger joint. It's called baby beef burgers. Uh-huh. Why? Baby beef burgers. Baby beef burgers. It's made out of baby beef.

Baby beef? It's just veal. Is that veal? I don't eat veal. You said that like you're vegan. I don't really eat lamb either. No? Well, it makes me too sad.

What about a nice hero? or gyro. I'll get a chicken. Fuck them. They're old. They live their lives. Old ass chicken. Old ass chicken.

I'll eat eggs and old ass chicken. Don't give me no chicks. Don't give me no chicks. They're cute. No, fuck. I have no idea. I have no idea. No, it makes sense.

I mean, Ville has a miserable life. Yeah. It's like Fagua. Fagua. Like, come on, everybody. What are we doing here? I don't even know what that is. I mean, I know it's bad, but I don't know what it is.

Actually, hey, Pita, I don't want to know. All right. All right. No, you can tell the listeners. I'm going to zone out for a minute. It's where you take and you force feed geese or duck until their livers explode. They get so fatty that they explode. Sounds cool.

It's like a cool thing to do. Geese are kind of menaces. Look, think about the joy that geese have brought you at all those videos of them biting dudes on the dick for America's Funniest Stone videos. People fuck with geese. You don't fuck with geese. No. And you don't run from them either. Stop showing them your dick, you weird.

Don't show them your dick. I got this coaster at the candy store that says, yeah, I'm into BDS. And then it says Big Ducks such as Mallards. And I had it in my house. And Vicky picked it up and she's like, what are you even doing with your life? I was like, you know, honestly, I don't know. No offense. But who's does Vicky to judge?

Viggy doesn't like BDSM, Big Ducks, such as Mallards. Such as Mallards. Such is Mallards. I don't know you to be a duck fan, but I appreciate that you are. I'm not really. I just liked the silly joke. Sure, sure, sure. Speaking of silly things.

Yeah. This robot hand. So there's a burglar, a little carjackerman. A burger burglar. Yeah, a burglar, if you will. Hamburgler. And he's breaking into this car and he's just going to rifle through the purse, not do the wives thing of just snatching the purse and running away.

Also, he's not breaking into the car when they left the windows down on the purse on the seat. Sure, sure. So he gets in the car and he opens it. And he gets in the car. the purse and it's like, and then me bop, bop, bop, bop, b b b borp. He says, the robot hand looks hilarious, first of all. And then it says, uh-oh, like gizmo? I like this quite a bit.

Voiced by one Charles Fleischer, who you might know as the voice of Alf from the ALF TV. Really? What a fucking repertoire. Maybe also the voice of Gizmo. I'm not going to look it up, but I wouldn't be fucking surprised. Being fun is better than knowing things. Sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He also loves cocaine from what I remember. Oh, he's from another, he's from Melmac.

You're talking about my boy Gordon Shumway from Melmac. I mean, cocaine makes you hungry for cats. Everyone knows that. Two complete sets of Alf trading cards do I own. Wow, good for you. Oh, yeah, I was going to put my kids through college. So this little Pincher robot hands from Charles Fleischer from Bibi. B.Bee. Bid Bork.

Never mind. Why? Why is his name Bibi? Bibi Newworth. For Frasier's wife? Yes, exactly. Talk about a sexual awakening, by the way. Oh, sure.

Oh, yeah. So it grabs him and the guy's like, Ack, ac, ac. And then the robot sees his friends come. And he's like, oh, I better let this guy go. So he does. And the guy says, what the hell was that? It's Bibi.

It was Bibi. inexplicably. He's got a real Johnny 5 if he were round look. Sure. Sure. Johnny 4. So we're seeing it, we're seeing the world through BB's vision, which is like 8-bit game vision. Yeah, he sees everything in pixels. And there's a mom and a kid, and now they're going to a new house. You have they're driving around looking at a map. I wrote, get a GPS dickheads. Here's 1986. This mom has been in like every episode of Law and Order ever. So they get to the house and there's a nosy neighbor watcher from across the street.

A little nabby neighbor. Neb shit, as we say around here. And then we hear another neighbor screaming, Where did that bitch hide my bottle? That won't come back up. No, this guy is just a bit part. And we meet Beebe. We see this little round Johnny five.

He is being controlled by a man with the large. head I've ever seen. He's got a small body large head. Sure. Well, he's still growing. It's a boy. He's a little baby, baby chop boy? When he rolls up his sleeves, you're like, ah, you've got a sweater under your sweater. He's supposed to be. He's supposed to be in 10th grade, but he's so smart that he's at polytech. Sometimes he's a professor and sometimes he's a student. Yes. Got it. And the paper boy, Rex, seeing BB, and he's like, oh, I keep thinking of BB Net in Yahoo. Every time I say BB. Yeah. I mean, no. BBs are good other than BB Newark.

This robot is not a war criminal to my know. Well, he does shove that piano pretty hard across the room. It was just meant to show BB strength. To put his dick plug into the wall. Why is BB so strong? Why would you make, why would you do this? You've never heard the phrase robot strength?

No. Interestingly, no. So we meet Tom. Tom's the paper boy. We love Tom. Tom rides off and he's like, see you later, alligator. Yeah, Tom Tom's like, he's a real dork. He's a real fucking dork. We learned from Tom that Paul is going to polytech, which is a local polytech.

Yeah. He's not in high school. He's in polytech because he's a brain genius. Right. Studying the human brain. Also, an adult, as far as I can tell. Small baby child. Just a little nine-year-old child.

Okay, nine-year-old, 10th grader professor. Sweater wear. Do you say syrinner rare? sweater wearer sweater wear um so we get paul and bibi doing yard work now and if you ask me bbys doing the lion's share of that yard work yeah he's lazy yeah i guess that's why you build a robotist to do shit yeah i mean that's why people want AI right so they can do they don't have to use their brains yeah yeah i can do the yard work and you can go inside and rate poetry um we see christie swanson is the neighbor she's adorable t's oh fuck amazing so she was maga and this huh

magazine 69 baby what a deep shit what a fucking dip shit what is she getting from this because she can't even be rich it's not like christie swanson's a billionaire no and no one will hire her to do anything anymore

yeah so she well I guess then she's not paying income taxes at least so we meet Christy Swanson and we see her name's Sam short for Samantha We got it. We got it, Christy. Didn't have to spell it out for us? Yes, she does. We assumed you were not one of the rare female Samuels. Samuel L. Swanson.

That's not good. Of the Swanson Hungry Man Chicken Ditter franchise. That sounds good. So she's got a bruise on her arm. And also wearing a vest, which she was in Highway to Hell last week as well. I mean, Highway to Hell was like the same year, wasn't it? Was it also 86? No, 91 was Highway to Hell.

Yeah, she's still wearing those vests. Yeah, I gotta, is this a safe space? Of course it's a safe space. Definitely wore vests in this period of time. Vests and T-shirts. Yeah, so she. Yeah, yeah, vests and t-shirts and shorts. You should bring that back.

Actually, I feel like I've seen you wear a vest in shorts. No? Fuck off. You wear a vest still, a sweater vest anyway. I'll rock a sweater. Oh, no, you have seen me get a sweater vest and shorts for sure. Oh, great, yeah. But not just like a vesty vesty vest.

Probably. It was a hot day. But you weren't going to get away without a vest. Yeah, she's got a mad dad. She's got a mad dad. She's got a mad dad. She's got a little bit of a drinking problem on that dad. And according to Tommy, yeah, great tits.

What do you know about Chrissy Swanson? Great tits. Yeah, Tommy, we all know that. Move along. She's also like 11. Wait, she was born in 69. Yeah. Oh, so she's an adult.

Is she? 69 to 88. 86. Oh wait. She's 17, yeah. Not an adult. Well, an adult in some countries. I'm not, no. I was making up fake lyrics to Age of Consent by New Order today. They were just like, we should lower it. It's too high. Man, that song's a banger, though. Yeah, it's a fucking great song. That beat. Jesus. We see Elvira Parker's Mansion. It's a fucking mom of for telly. This fucking backlot

fake neighborhood that they live in it is so good and it was giving me the burbs all day long. It also felt like senseless. Like you never knew

which way anything was. For sure. Like every street just wrapped around again. Exactly. It was also giving a, it was giving

a nightmare on Elm Street as well. Yeah, very much so. Yeah. It's that, what do you always say? It's the, um, anonymity of the suburbs and all that.

Sure. Sure. Sure. Sure. Sure. Sure. so yeah after the great tits line he's like so

you know what's up with Sam and she's like got great tits and her dad's crazy she's got a crazy dad yeah and then Miss Parker pulls a gun on them as they're throwing a newspaper under her porch well just standing her ground from what I understand from my co-host partner telling me that I mean I just feel like when they break in and they're ringing her bell

clearly she's scared she's not scared she's so giddy. No, she's not. She's terrified. Up comes Carl and his goon squad. They are full ass adults. Some of those men have done time.

Some of those men are gaffers on this movie. Yeah, absolutely, because they don't know when to walk off set. They just kind of stand there and nod their heads. Tell me about Carl and his goon squad. Carl is a neighborhood child. Tough. He's a street tough. He's a street tough.

Who meets Bibi and is like, I'll just punch it right in the face. Like, why you would do this? I don't know. Or slap it around him. That's what you do. I'm fucking car. Exactly. And then Bibi grabs his balls.

Dick and balls. Dick and balls. Yeah, the full meat and veg. And what is what? Fuck. Meat and veg? Yeah, yeah. The meat and the veg.

Your dick and balls. What is the veg? I mean, what vegetable are they? Two potatoes. Ew. I mean, I guess it depends on the burst or give me two peas. Hmm. What is the name of our genius child?

Paul. Paul. Yes. Paul says he has three multivalve compressors. Why would you make this robot so strong? Why would you make this robot so strong? Because you're a tiny little baby boy who's never had a fucking arm hair in his life. Oh, God.

And BB always sounds like. he's doing an incantation of some kind. Like he's always muttering something in what sounds like Latin. What sounds like Latin? And makes me wonder every time he speaks, why is there so much saliva in this robot's mouth? Yeah, he's got a real sticky sound. Yeah. Hey, baby, I understand if you eat a tart apple, it'll dry your mouth out and you'll get so many mouth sounds.

Is that true? That's what I heard. Well, it's a word on the street. I shan't bother. So the Goon Squad drives off after the meat and veg grabbing. And then there's a knock on the door at Paul's house. And Christy Swanson is at the door with a box of cookies that I loved that do not exist anymore. Tell me more about these cookies.

They were called Almost Home, because they were almost homemade. Do they have different flavors or were they just a flavor? They had a chocolate chip. That's the one I remember. But they were like a soft cookie. I like a soft cookie. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.

So it was very, I was like, oh, no one talks about almost home anymore. I've never heard of them in my life. No, why would you? Well, I was alive in this movie. Katie. What? You were two when this movie came out. Yeah, but did they get continued, discontinued that year?

Maybe. I started doing my own laundry like three years later. Good creep. That's how funny is it? Raised in the hard streets. Shut up. So they go to his room immediately, and I was like, no, come on. What's Jeannie doing here?

You don't let these teens go up to their room together? I think she knows her son is so deeply unattractive. Also, his entire lab setup is unpacked. He did that quick. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I moved like a month ago, and I still just have a box full of baseball caps in my bedroom. Well, that's why you're not doing any brain science. If you do brain science, you've got to get that shit out there.

If I did brain science, I would do it wearing my street heat hat. Which I hope is unpacked at least. No, it's on top of the box, so I look at it every day. I love that. Thank you. Street heat waiting for you when you get home. That's right. And being like, get your street heat together, you know.

So, inexplicably, she's like, what's this? Where does this go? And it's like, it's a stairwell in his room on the second floor. Where the fuck do you think it goes, Christy Swanson? How'd you get there? And part of me is like, did she want him to touch a boop? Like, he says, like, well, let's go further away from her mom because maybe you'll touch my boop.

Maybe. Yeah. Although I think maybe she's just so star for human affection. It's true. Yes, yes. So it's just the attic, and that will never come back up again. We'll never revisit the attic. No, we shan't.

Dad comes over. Sam gets scared because dad's there, and he's a real piece of shit. And he's like, you'll never see my daughter again. He grabs her arm and says, she says, that hurts. And he says, too bad. And why does Jeannie not call CPS at this point? Yeah. She has a real failure in this movie.

It's true. Because she even says to Sam at some point, everybody knows like what's happening. Well, if you fucking know, you say something. Doesn't she say like somebody should do something? She does. Someone should say something. Jeannie? Jeannie?

Jeannie? Jeannie. Jeannie, baby. That's you. Jeannie, kids. If you're in Jeannie's position, you're the somebody in that situation. You're the somebody. No wonder Dr. Johansson hasn't hired you or whatever.

I had no idea she worked at the school. No, she was trying to get a job, but I don't know if it ever worked out. So Sam has a dad abuse nightmare. Yeah, he's so sweaty. Yeah. And she stabs him with a broken vase. And he just bleeds all over her for a really long time out of the vase in his heart. And she does not get out of bed.

It's like, you can't stop doing Freddie at this point in your life, can you? Well, I did do a little background research on this movie. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Turns out that this is not at all what he wanted. Oh. That the studio notes were more gore, more gore. Gotcha. And he had like, what's not disowned, remove, you know, when you step away, disavowed.

Disavowed this final cut of this movie. Huh. Yeah. Do you know that this movie is written? by the writer of Jacob's Ladder and Ghost. What? Yeah. First of all, I didn't know those were the same writer.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Weird. But it makes sense if you think about it. He wrote, like, apparently all of his movies are these, like, metaphysical studies on death. Yeah. And, like, how to deal with death. Have you ever seen that subreddit that's A, B, G, E, awful taste, but great execution? No.

Where it'll be, like, just like a, a photo real. realistic Alice in Wonderland sucking the Mad Hatter's Dick tattoo. But it's like really well done, you know? So it's awful taste but great execution. Whereas I feel like this is great taste but awful execution. Okay. Okay. Okay.

I mean, at the end of the day, this is just a Monkees Paul movie, right? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, but it's that weird little hand, that weird little robot hand. Robots, Paul. We cut to school where he is lecturing. Oh, real quick, we should say that the dad abuse The situation was a dream.

It was a dream, right. Yes. Although we are led to believe that he has probably assaulted her in some way, shape, or form. It sucks. Not great. Yeah, yeah. So we cut to school, as you were saying. He's lecturing about...

Maybe physics? The brain stuff. Paul's a brain doctor. Robot stuff, maybe. Robotic. Yeah, brain. Physical stuff. Mm-hmm.

I don't know much science. And it's just getting further and further away, you know. Science are the chance for you to learn about science. Why not both? Sure. Yeah, yeah. I remember when I was really interested in like astrophysics and my friend was like, you should learn the math.

It makes it so much more interesting. And I was like, yeah, I'll probably go into history or something. Let me get a book about Vikings. What is astrophysics? just like how like the like the space moves around and how it works and interacts with each other and all of that stuff space racism say it say it that's astrology yes it's just space racism space space racism yeah we see the the gang playing basketball with bb8 they're having a hoot of a time they're having a hoot of a time And Beebe sucks at basketball.

And he's like, Bibi, why don't you make a shot? And he chucks it across the street over the old oak tree, right into Mama Freteli's fucking porch. Yeah. I would not climb the fence at Mama Freteli's house. She has made it very clear she does not want you there. Yeah, no. But you've got to get your ball back.

You can get your ball back. Just go inside and call her on the phone and say, hello. Hello, Mama Fertelli. Hello, Mama Freteli. Elvira. Parker. Listen, ma'am, I will not throw you from the train. Yeah.

Oh, shit. She is mama, the titular mama. I liked that movie, but I feel like I saw it young and didn't quite understand it. I don't remember anything about it except Danny DeVito? He's talking someone into killing his mother? Yeah. Let's do that next week. Into throwing Mama from the train?

Odd. So she takes the basketball back into her house. It throws it into her house and then pulls out a shotgun. Yeah, I imagine her doing like fucking Harlem Globetrotters tricks with it later. Like, ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-da. Is sweet Georgia Proud in the public debate or do I have to bleep that?

I think I'm allowed to say bupup-bup. Okay, all right, all right. No one owns me saying that. Dear Bob Spotify, can you get in touch and let us know if we fucked up or not? I think we'll be okay. Yeah, yeah. He's, like, very begrudgingly walking away. His flemy noises have moved to,

Yeah, his eyes are like half closed. He's going to kill you. Wait, what this movie presupposes is that BB's been a murderer the whole time. Yes. Okay. Why was he able to hold it back? Because he's programmed by a hormonally insane teenager. But he's not a killer, but Sam is.

No, but he's got the killer instinct. Yeah, but he can control himself. Yeah, but once you're, bring the humanity into it. I guess you're right. So we go back to school, doing brain stuff. Paul's doing an autopsy as far as I can tell. A little brain-touchy autopsy.

I really like the x-ray. You can see what he's doing in the brain via the x-ray. I've thought that looked very cool. Yeah, I did too. So Dr. Johansen is surprised because Paul's making this body jump by putting microchips in its brain. I feel like Dr. Johansson, as a professor at Paul Polytech should not be that surprised by this.

Listen, we all know that Polytech's motto is let the kids do what they're going to do. Let them do what they're going to. Kids are going to be kids. Kids are going to be kids. Kids are going to be kids. So now Sam comes over to their house and she's got a bloody nose. Yeah, she gets them all the time. All the time.

All the time. And this is where Jeannie is being like, you know, really ought to something, baby. But only someone would do something about this. Anyway, do you like milk me too? Gotta go. And Sam says, sometimes I want to roll a truck over his face, but he's still my father, to which I wrote, you'll get over that feeling. Cut to it's Halloween night and they're outside doing mischief. Yeah.

Yeah. The robot is such a slow mover. Like his escape is so slow. Maybe don't be out doing pranks. To bring him on your mischief. Especially when you're a goddamn professor or whatever. You're a pillar of the community. He's only wearing a polytech sweatshirt.

as his costume, whereas Christy Swanson's wearing like a toga. Yeah. And I guess I'm assuming that Tom was dressed as a hobo. I don't know what his costume was. We don't address that. Tom is really irrelevant to this film. So Tom wants to do a mischief to Mama Fratelli. And Paul says no, because Bibi has been acting way too strange.

Yeah. What does that say to you? I don't know. It's like Paul's. making advances and Bibi's like, I don't want to make love tonight. You know the kids fuck that robot by the way. Oh, for sure. That's why I make the grip so tough.

No, it's got three compressor valves. Oh. So, B.B. unlocks the gate. Yeah, which is just like one of those, um, Like a gym locker lock. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's nothing real.

There's 64,000 possible permutations that this robot has to go through. Bibi does it. He does it almost immediately. Yep. And then Sam's like, I'm going to ring that bell. Why do you do that, Sam? Because she is finally getting to live a little bit of life. Okay, all right.

Just getting a little bit of that zest for life. She's getting a taste. When she rings the bell, an alarm goes off and she screams and covers her ears instead of running away. Your instinct would 100% be to run, right? Fight, flight, or fright. Well, I guess the other third one is actually freeze, which is what I do. Oh, sure, sure. Fight or freeze.

And scream. I mean, I'm always screaming. It's just constant screaming. So they hide in a bush. Why do they run to the side and not out the gate from whence they came? Yes. She got a shotgun. That old lady's crazy.

I mean, just get on the sidewalk. She can't shoot you there. That's not standing your ground. I don't actually know what the standard your crown laws are, if I'm being honest. And they're not everywhere. No, no, no. Are they in Pennsylvania? Are they in Florida?

What's even happening here? I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. Are they in Florida? I don't know where they are. Are they in Pennsylvania? So, Bibi is like, fuck this shit.

I'm going to fuck this lady up. You're fucking with my friends. Yeah. And he has, he's controlled by remote. Yes, except that he's not Because he's been acting a little weird lately Paul turns him off and he turns himself back on Yeah

So BB's thinking for himself? Do you think that Paul is upset because he's been turning Bibi off and Bibi's been turning himself back on? Yeah, he's like, Bibi's like, I don't feel like making love tonight and then Paul leaves him and comes back and Bibi's just jerking it. I thought you weren't in the mood. So she shoots Bibi. She shoots him in the arm first.

A bunch of times. And then she's, blows his fucking head off. And Mama Fertelli's reaction to this is, he-he-ha-ha. I'm not mad at Mama Fertelli. She stood her ground against a fucking robot. That's the note I have here.

If a robot breaks into my house, you best believe I'm attacking it. I would love for 16-year-old kiddie to have seen this movie. And then compare that reaction to the 36? 36-year-old game.

Oh my God, I'm 36, yes. I'm so cute. Is the 36 is young. Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha. Yeah, she's stoked it. We're immediately at Thanksgiving dinner, I guess. Yeah, where Sam has joined them. Yeah.

And this is where Professor Kidd has to shoot his shot, you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Dad's drinking alone, and he gives her a little kiss, and she has a mild reaction to it. What is that? She's like, okay, I guess I'll kiss you back. I'll see you later. We didn't really get into it in the high... When you say he, you mean Paul kisses her, not dad kisses her.

Yes. Yeah, yeah, no, dad does not kiss her. Yeah. We didn't get into it too much in the Highway to Hell episode, but there's a scene where we get a close-up of Christy Swanson being voraciously attacked with Chad Lowe's lips. Yeah. And this is more of just like a friendly little peck that happens. Because he's a professor kid.

Yeah, he's a little baby child professor. He's not taking his tongue out. A little fucking doogie houser. Yeah. So she sneaks into the house. But dad's not. or she left him. No.

Where's dad? He's upstairs. Yeah. And he's like, you bitchety bitch or something. Yeah. And then smacks her ass down the steps. Yeah, she falls down the stairs and hits her head on the doorframe at the bottom. Yeah, and then starts acting like John Terry when he gets kicked in the fucking face.

Oh my God. I forgot about that. And the reason I bring it up is because John Terry's a piece of shit and is pushing for a burqaband in England. Fuck you, John Terry. Fuck you, John Terry. I refer to. Anyone still listening to anything John Terry says? Why does he have a public voice?

I referred to that as the kick that knocked the empathy out of John Terry. Yeah, seriously. But yeah, she's down there. She's seizing on the floor. And dad's like, hey, get up. Hey. I was like, what are we doing? We were just having a fun little robot movie.

And now you're doing just like full-blown domestic violence? So she's being taken out on ambience. And he's like, ah, she's tripped down the stairs. And Jeannie and Paul are like, Yeah. So everybody goes to the hospital. And Paul's teacher, of course, is the one working owner. He's the only doctor.

He's the only doctor. Dr. Janssen. Dr. Hansom? Dr. Hansom? Dr. J. Hanson. Dr. J. Hansom. Dr. Jansom? Jesus, fuck. Am I okay? No.

Wait, did Dr. Jansson's mustache do it for you? Did he even have a mustache? He did. He did. No. He's no... White mustache and no beard, I feel. like is not going to do it. Well, Sam Elliott. Paul Bergen.

Ride that thing all day. But his was dark. It's true. It's true. It's true. So, uh, she's brain dead. We learned from Professor Johansson. Um, and the other doctor go, God, such a pretty kid. Yes. It's so sad when pretty kids die. If she were a go, it's fine. I lost a couple tubbies last week. Who gives a shit? Fuck them. So we also learned at this point that Paul didn't even try to rebuild Bibi. He just saved its little microchip.

Yeah. But why not? It's not like it was a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. He's made out of, like, paper towel rolls, as far as I can tell. Paul's pissed. He runs off. He's not having it. No.

He goes and gets his microchip. And then he goes to see Tom. Right. He's got a plan. He's going to dose his mom. I don't like this. He needs... We learned earlier that Tom's dad is.

a janitor at the school. Has keys to everything. Has keys to everything. Or at the hospital. Right. I think at the school too. Yeah. So he needs keys to everything.

So he's like, Tom, you owe me, I saved you from Carl and his gang beating your ass. Yeah. You got to do this for me. So he ropes Tom in. Tom is like, let's just let her die. Yeah. She's dead, dude. What are you talking about?

Yes. What are you talking about? So at 9 p.m., dad's going to pull the plug. Well, it's supposed to be 10 p.m. It's a very ceremonial for something. reason. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't think that's not what's done, is it?

I don't know. I don't know either. I don't know. Okay. I hope I don't find out. I just stared at me. I don't know. Oh, I forgot I gave you power of attorney.

I rolled a foresighted die and whoever came up got power of attorney. I'm glad it's not losing. Pull it. No, plug it back in. Did you see what happens? So, uh, so, um, so Paul's plan is that he's going to microchip her brain with the robot brain.

Right. So that bring her back from the brain death. But she's cold and her heart isn't eating and she isn't breathing, which all feel like problems. Right. Well, we've got it. First, we've got to get through dinner. Oh, right. Where mom then offers them pumpkin pie.

And I was like, why don't we eat pumpkin pie more often? It's fucking delicious. Well, this has to be like the day after Thanksgiving, too. Yeah. Right. Yeah. So they have pumpkin pie with ready whip. And I was like, I'm not mad at any of this situation.

Let's do this. No, no, I'm in. And we could do whippets later with the ready whip can. Oh, my God, yes. What's better than whipets? Not doing wibbiz. Oh, goodbye. So they go to the school.

Mom gets dosed. Mom's like, huh, I'm going to stand up and go, oh, no. And she passes out. Yeah. This is after she tells them that they moved it back an hour. It's going to happen at nine now. Where did Mom, or where did Paul get the drugs to dose mom? Unclear.

Because he works at a school. I would assume so, but it's like. a pretty uncool thing to do to your mom who's been pretty cool? Yeah, yeah, except for the not calling CPS. But she's been cool to you. My mom's always been cool to me. My mom's always been cool to me. I mean, that's more than most people can say. I literally have a note that says, why don't we eat pumpkin pie year round? It's fucking delicious. You can. You can if you want. No one's stopping you. You are the master of your own destiny. That's true. I am the only thing standing in my way. You are the only thing standing in your way. If you could see the,

that I could see, you would eat pumpkin pie every day. Believe me. Believe me. It's like practically a vegetable. So. It's a breakfast food. It is a breakfast food. It's got a vegetable.

Actually, pumpkins are fruits, right? Got those seeds inside? Sure. It's fruit? It's egg? Yeah. It's milk. Yeah.

It's a custard. Perfect. It's flour, like a pancake. Sure. You did it. They steal mom's van, and they go to the hospital. It's already 830, by the way. Yeah.

But they don't. make it because eventually the doctor's like, ah, time is meaningless. Pull the plug. No, the doctor's like, we have to wait till nine. Oh, right. And dad's like, oh, I don't care. But also, like, if you, let's assume the dad hadn't murdered her. Sure. Let's assume that she had fallen down the stairs. Correct. You really want to make this man stand here and wait another 15 minutes before you'll put, no. Is there a chance of like within this 15 minutes, she'd be like, oh, what's up, guys? I'm sorry. And if there was a 15 minute chance of that, you wouldn't be pulling the plug anyway, right? No, you would not. You can't go down

that Terry Shivo path, but, you know. So, uh, we've also got Bibi's battery for the respirator. We're not going to need it because she's already dead. Right. There's no respiration. Right. Take the stairs when you're in a hurry, dip shit. Don't take the elevator.

What are you doing? Couldn't because he needed to take the cart to put her body in. Oh, yeah, never mind. A second screen experience and all, you know. I'm already learning that this movie's not getting a 10. It's no highway to hell Highway to hell was so funny It had so many funny bits

This movie has Like the fucking money shot of all money shots Okay yes we'll get to it yes So he's got to plan Tom's gonna throw switches To turn the power off while that's happening And chaos ensues He's going to throw her body into a bin

Take her body to the school Put it up by her chip in her brain Yeah But she's already dead Right So dad leaves when she dies Tom kills the power. Elevator luckily has backup power, so he gets to the floor he's trying to get to. He sees her dead. He takes her corpse to the school.

Where then we once again get the cool x-ray cam before putting the chip into her brain. So would she have been normal if she hadn't died? Is it because she's reanimated versus being like saved? I guess because her bodily functions don't come back. You mean she doesn't shit? She doesn't, I mean, no. She doesn't. I mean, no. doesn't have to use the potty. She doesn't need to eat. Her blood is obviously pulling around her eyes. Yeah, why did we put her eyes down? You know? I don't understand. I don't understand either. That's not where they would pool. But it does give her some cool blue eye shadow. Yeah, she's into the blue eye shadow. So she's kicking now. She's kicking away. She's kicking. Literally alive and kicking.

Alive and kicking. Tom passes out when she kicks. Yeah. Which will not be the last time he passes out in this movie. No, when he wakes up, he's like, oh shit, your mom's dead. Because they go back home. He thinks mom's dead, but she's not dead. She's just sleepy. If she was dead, I don't think I would care for Paul at all. So they had to know that they were going to reanimate Sam's body or in some way bring her back.

That was the plan. That was the plan. Where were they going to keep her? She lived across the street. In the garage, not even across the street. They share a driveway. They share a driveway. You're right about that.

Yeah. Their back doors look upon one another. Yeah, they do. See, he puts her in the garage in a sleeping bag. Apparently, what we learn later to be a $200 down feather sleeping bag. One, why would you get that kid a $200 sleeping bag? Because he's clearly an indoor boy. Right, exactly.

And two, that's like $600 in today's money. I don't think I have anything worth $600 other than my car. You know what I mean? That can't be true. I'm trying to think of something I could sell and get $600. Oh, yeah, sell and get, but purchased for, I'm sure you spent $600 on a computer. No, computers are cheaper than that. Oh, are they?

Well, I'm sorry, Mac boy. Get yourself an Aces. This fucking thing's free. It's stolen. Shush. It's pretty punk that we're doing this on a stolen computer. Yeah, punk is fuck. Plunk as fuck.

So, we now see standing up and alive Christy Swanson who's just doing the robot. She's doing the robot. She's like,

her expression is expressionless. Sure. But it isn't. She's so cute. Like, she's so cute that she can't, it's not spooky that she has no expression.

She's just like a cute little baby. She's trying to do Bride of Frankenstein. She's trying to give you Elsa Lancaster and she is just giving you Christy Swanson. She's not meant to do this. No. No, no, no, no.

And is this her first movie or probably one of, huh? Early, yeah, we, uh. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. She's not Buffy the Vampire Slayer yet. Such a bummer that Buffy the Vampire Slayer turned out to suck. And the chase.

Yeah. Riding Charlie Sheen as he drives on a highway. So dangerous. I remember even being a kid and being like, that's really dangerous. You get it? The only thing is I remember from that movie are that. Uh-huh. And the cameos.

are in it. Flee and Anthony Key just are in a giant monster truck. Yes, they're funny in it. One of the police officers is Henry Rollins. Yes, it is. And a cameraman is porn star come rapist Ron Jeremy. Yeah. Convicted in prison, Ron Jeremy. Fuck that guy. Is he in prison? Yeah. Good to know. Yeah. Finally, someone. Yeah. Well, at least we can't put one away, huh? So she sees dad and now she's pissed. Christy Swanson's angry. But you don't know that because she's still just trying to do that cute little no expression. But she makes a face when she throws a shovel.

Dude, imagine being able to throw a shovel hard enough that it would stick on a wall. That's pretty rad. That's a lot of strength. That's a lot of her body work. Why can she do that? She got robot strength. She got a microchip in her brain. But, okay.

All right. Why do you think Elon Musk is trying to do this to people? What if we were all that strong where we could just break people's wrists like that? I would quite like to be able to do that, actually. And throw shovels in people. Yeah. I mean, grabs your butt on the bus. You just fucking break his wrist.

Wes Craven, can I see you over here for a second? Wesley. Why are we putting another fiery furnace in a basement in a movie? I don't think he wanted to. I don't think this was his idea. I think these were all studio notes. Hey, Wes, it's me. Johnny Paramount or whoever the fuck did this.

What if we just call this movie like robot on Elm Street? It was Warner Brothers. Warner Bros. Oh, if you see a cop. Warner Bros. That's one of my favorite Philly shirts. If you see a cop, Warner Bros. That's pretty good.

That and Black Bart Simpson with graffiti on a wall that says, fuck Pepsi sell Coke. My God, Lucy has gotten really. into The Simpsons lately. Oh, my God. So we've been watching. And so we started with season three. Oh, wow.

Yeah, because one and two aren't great. No. No, no. The animation was so weird. Yeah. Yeah. And so we've been watching them. And it's just like so wild to see her experiencing these like cultural

phenomena of when I was a child, cultural phenomena. And it makes like Richard Nixon jokes. Yeah, yeah. I was going to say like, what Mike Dukakis joke is. Yeah. She doesn't get it. Yeah. It's very funny.

She loves it. it, though. That's so weird. Yeah. I mean, she's the exact age of... I think she's the exact age I was when I was watching it, when it was on. Same. Probably.

It's been off for like 400 years. We are both the same age as Lisa Simpson. You and I both and her. We were eternally nine years old. Man, we watched the one where Lisa goes to Washington and gives a speech about what it is to be an American, but she exposes all this corruption in the Senate. And I was like, motherfucker. I mean, that show has had, like, top-notch writers for, like, decades.

Oh, yeah. So I can imagine it's really great. There was just a spinal top episode that I don't remember ever seeing. I have a vague recollection of them as Simpson's characters, but yeah. So I do love that when she lures dad to the basement, the way she gets them into the basement is leaving a bottle of bourbon on the steps. Like, when you lose your hamster, and you put a carrot in a bucket and build a steps up with books so that it'll jump into the bucket,

it works. Trying to lure E.T. into a room with Reese's pieces. It works. And Dad sees the bourbon and goes, um, m m m m m m'n m'n. Can't keep bourbon out of dad's mouth. But then, yeah,

she puts him in like a burner, boiler fire. She holds him up to the furnace. Yeah. Or the boiler or whatever it is. I don't know. So he's burning his back and then she just like keeps stress. stretching his neck until it snaps.

Yeah. And then she puts his face into the fire. Yeah. I mean, apparently they showed, Warner Brothers showed this to a test audience who criticized the lack of graphic, bloody violence and gore that Craven's other films included. He was just trying to make a bigger focus on plot and character development and a dark love story centering on the two main characters. Yeah.

And they were like, no, you're the Freddie guy. Make us a Freddy. Hey, how about you bring Johnny Depp back and make his bed eat him? McGenna? That was only two years prior, huh? Yeah, yeah, 84. Yeah.

Let the man do something else. He's, I mean, I guess he did Last House on the Left and all that horrible shit. That was in 72. That was fucking 12 years. Jesus, all right. And then he did Shocker, which is just not Freddie, Freddie, if you remember that movie.

Is that Mitch Pilegey? Mitch Pilegey, where he gets electrocuted and comes back as Freddy. He sure does. He's so quippy. Boy. I might watch some X-Files tonight. The sex files?

No, just X-Lex-L. Just the regular X-Files. It's so cool to be me. I do like the palsy smoke coming out of the chimney, and I'm like, did he identify that as human fat-burning? Yeah. Why, you knew there was an issue. He's a professor kid.

He knows what he's doing. He also goes down and touches the body. Don't touch the body. He buries it in the coal pile in the basement. Like, it's 1913 in their basement. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. So now he's got a locker in her bedroom.

Right. Because he can't just have her wandering around. No, she's untrustworthy. No, she is. So now we're over with Mama Fitelli again. She watches TV. I, my next one just says, that looks like a great sandwich,

and the cop looks like Jeff Gordon. That's all I've got. So, that, fuck. So, Mama Fitelli is watching TV, and then she looks outside. She's watching the bad seed, right? I think so. Yeah, I like that.

She looks outside and she sees Chrissy Swanson watching her. So Mama Fratelli is like, fuck, I'm going to call the cops and let him know that Chrissy Swanson's still alive and she's staring at me. Right, right. So she calls the cops and the cops like, Mama fucking Fratelli, this goddamn idiot. She's insane. Tell her I'll be there as soon as I get done. He's shaking a ham sandwich at the end.

It looks like a great sandwich. Yeah. So Jeff Gordon, shaking a hand sandwich at, I don't know. Richard Petty. I think the only. the other one you know. No, Bill Elliott. Bill Elliott.

I really thought you were going to say Dale Earnhardt. Wow, you sometimes surprise me. I just kiss my fingers and put three up in the air for Dale Earnhardt. Intimidator, baby. So he's insinuated that he doesn't give a shit and he's not going to go check this out. It is hard to believe. Yes, exactly. Elvira Parker.

I love that name, by the way. Great. So she looks outside and her gates open because robot hand. a robot-minded, Chrissy Swanson has gone and unlocked it. By the way, she's only doing pinch your fingers. It's very uncomfortable. She looks like she's doing charades and I'm a crab, you know?

Thalutamide. So she goes and she's, she gets in the house and she's bouncing the slow-mo basketball at Mama Fitelli. That means Mama Fertelli kept the basketball. She was like, I might use this? She went to noops. Mom Fertelli got ups. Mama Fertelli's can't jump.

So Mama Fitelli gets her shotgun because of the bouncing basketball. Right. And then she sees her front doors but bust it open. And she says, in a line, scumbags, vermin, damn shits.

About the kids of the neighborhood. Her crime is not wanting to be bothered. She's not a villain. I love this redemption for Mama Fitelli. Sometimes we're all spinster. So Sam throws her up against the wall, and Bomber Fertelli starts screaming. Yes.

But then her scream gets ended. And this is why you tune into this fucking movie. Because how does her scream get ended? Christy Swanson heaves the basketball at her head and it explodes her head with a basketball and then the body kind of walks around a little bit and pelvic thrusts into a chair and then falls down. And I've written here, I know Wes Craven wasn't into this, but I kind of am. The whole time it's shooting blood out of his neck.

It's so good. I feel like this is kind of a fuck you where they were like, we want more blood. And he was like, here, here. You're you fucking dildo. You piece of shit. I've been hit in the face of the basketball, as I'm sure we all have. I've never played basketball in my whole life. Oh, it's fun.

Shoot the hoops. I don't know how. And I always thought I would look like an idiot. I'm better with my feet. I'm better with my feet. It's got useful toes. It hurts. I meant soccer, but go on.

But the idea that you could throw a basketball hard enough that it would literally explode Mama Freteli's head is so fucking funny to me. It is, when we say explode, it is not hyperbole. Like full on. There was gunpowder involved in this explosion. Yes, for sure. It's really good. My next note after her head blows up and her body's wandering around spurring blood everywhere, worth it. Yeah.

Yeah. This movie just paid for itself. Yeah. Paul sleeps. He wakes some more thudding. Ball rolls into his room. Did he really just think he could keep her as a pet? Yeah.

I don't get this. Yeah, I mean, he was going to fuck her, right? Like, he's a child, and he was a little teen boy, and teen boys are going to fuck everything. So he's like, well, I'll just reanimate my dead future girlfriend. Like, it's like, he kissed her, and then he was like, but I never got to fuck her. Yeah. And now I can own her. See, I would like that kind of.

dark love story, but they don't really do it. Would you? I would like to watch it. I mean... Listen, we can't... The horror porn, it's just, it's turned you into a different person. Look, I haven't even looked yet. Maybe I'll watch that instead of the X-Files.

Triple X-Files. I love all of these double entendres that you have for the X-Files, including the sex files. Wow. Have you been just sitting on these waiting for me to mention a show that I love? Yes. Fantastic. And double entendre is strong for what they are.

No, I said entendre first, and then I was like, can you have a single entendre? Apparently, because I said sex files. Yeah, sure can't. So is there something crawling up under his covers? What's going to be under his covers? What could it be? What could it be? It's a bloody Freddy head for some reason.

It's under his covers. It's dead dad. It's dead. dad. Yeah. But it does look a lot like a bloody Freddie. Do you think it's the same prop? Probably.

Probably. Robert Egglin's like, yeah, it's fine. England, sorry. Egglian's best. So he goes down. Is that a good joke? Is there anything I could do there? Is that working?

Is that working for anyone? He realizes it's a dream. He wakes up. He goes downstairs. Yes. He gets a drink, but Chrissy Swanson scares him when he drops his milk on the floor. Who drinks milk in the middle of the night? Who wakes up drinking milk?

What teenage boy has ever put milk in a glass? You drink it out of the fucking cart and like a monster, you piece of shit. You're right. Ew, just drinking milk. Oh, dude, I used to drink so much milk. I feel like every man says that. I attribute it to why I'm so tall. I'm just filled with calcium.

Just your bones were like, bo, bo, bo, bo, bo, bo, bo, bo, bo, bo. Hey, science, don't come at me. I know what's not why I'm not. We don't want to know. Look, being fun is better than knowing things. But I drank shit. I drank so much milk that my mom would yell at me.

Oh, Jesus. Yeah. So he drops the glass. Mom counts downstairs. And we see this full, beautiful 70s kitchen, tile floor, brown cabinets. But then there's this like really modern island in the middle of it that looks completely out of place in that kitchen. It's a weird set for sure.

Yeah. Yeah. But they're trying. They're trying to do the best they can. Yeah. I mean, maybe they were ahead of their time. It's 1986. Yeah.

Yeah. And mom says, don't eat too much. It'll give you nightmares. And I added dot, dot, dot. Sure. On Elm Street. But he's also had a nightmare. I know.

Okay. Making sure you knew. So he puts Sam in the attic. Yeah. And then the cops... And she isn't good at following instructions. So stop giving them to her. It's true.

It's true. And stop pretending like you can just power her down. Yeah. So the cop show up. They found out about Mama Fratelli. They found out about Sam's dad. Right. And I was like, how did they find out either?

Well, Mama Fratelli understand because they were going to go to her house. Yeah, they did have to check in. But why would they have found dad? And why would they have dug in the coal pile? And why do we wait this long into the movie to learn that Sam's last name is Pringles? Yes. It's so good. Samantha Pringles is a killer name.

But no, you're right. Like they would find, maybe when they found her dead, they were like, wow, Sam Pringles really is back. Yeah. We better go to Popper Pringles house. We better check under this pile of coal. I guess. And there he is.

There he is. Whoa. Oh, God. So Tom shows up while they're learning this information and passes out again. Yeah, I love that Tom is a fainting person. This is where I have a note says this is basically a monkey's ball story. Sam comes out of the attic. That eye shadow really works for her.

Yeah, she looks great. That's like that light blonde hair, light icy eye shadow. It was a great combination. It would look foolish on me. I don't know. I'm too green. I'm too green. I should try it freely.

I'm too green. Yeah, we get some stuff about Sam forgetting the bread, but he picked up the dry cleaning. I was like this, we're padding here with dry cleaning? What's going on? Yeah, I don't know. And then Sam, he goes upstairs to see Sam, and Sam has found a picture of herself, Paul, and Bebe.

And now she's crying, because she realizes she's both Sam and Beattie in one body. That would make me cry, too. And we learn from Tom that he wants to spill the beans. He comes over, and he's like, look, I can't keep this secret. I've got to tell somebody what you did. Yeah. Tom is a real, Tom really, he's got a conscience. Yeah, and he's trying to do the right thing. Yeah.

And this is cut with mom and Dr. Johansen talking about how Dr. Jihanssen has seen Paul in days. Right. And she's like, but I've been dropping him off at his school job. Yeah. Which is embarrassing for him. Yeah. Embarrassing. Sam's running around the attic.

She moves fast now, I guess. And Paul and Tom have a tussle about him ratting on him. Yeah. Team Tom on this one, you know. Yeah. So mom comes home and she's like, dog, we got to talk. And Tom runs outside. What happens when Tom runs outside?

Is this when the cops are there? This is when Christy Swanson launches herself out of a second story window. Oh, yes. How did I forget? I watched it last night. She. she jumps on Tom from a second story window throws mom across the yard

starts choking Paul and she stops and stares at him and then starts talking like BB8 I want to say BB8 which is a Star Wars thing I'm so sorry gross she's just like BB BB BB BB BB BB and then she takes off running so Paul has to chase her down

and yes the cops of show night I think at this point he should just leave her be yeah just be like I don't know how this happened Because we get her like, she's jumping over cop cars and running around. Yeah, why? Bibi was very slow. It's true. So was she up until now.

Yeah. It doesn't make a lick. A lick of it. Paul and Carl get into a fight. And then Carl sees Sam. And he's like, Sam? Right. I'm suddenly concerned for Sam?

Yeah. That's weird. She picks him up by the balls and throws him on the windshield of a cop car while she screams Bebe. She does. I don't understand this part. I mean, am I supposed to?

Well, you see, this movie is a meditation. Dark lovers. I'm honestly very happy that they did not go down. They like, let's make this like dead robot woman and this kid hulk up. No, no. But I would have

liked to have seen something more like exploring why he does this. You know? But whatever. Who cares? So we see now that she's like short-circuiting and going between being Bibi and being Sam. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Come at me, bros. Come at me, Bob Spotify. So now all the cops have shown up. They hug. Because she's Sam again and they hug. And the chief of police is like pulling guns now. And he's like, I got to shoot this lady.

I got to shoot something. Yeah. I pulled this thing out. I pulled it out. And much like Mama Fertelli, I am standing in my ground. Just reminded me, I heard of a dungeon synth project today that's called Unsheath. Glory and I was just like that's just something someone says about their dick. That's a penis.

That's raw dogging. That's like I will not wear a condom. I only do unsheathed glory. Only uncheathed glory. Gross. Gross, assholes. Oh, me? Only unsheathed glory.

Yeah, yeah. Uncheathed glory. So she commits suicide by cop. Well, is she trying? Okay. Is she trying to protect Paul? from the cops, or is she trying to get that cop? I know, I think she's trying to kill herself.

I honestly think she has realized that she is both robot and human and cannot live this way because she is murdering people. She doesn't feel that smart to me. She's coming to the four. Okay. She can't, she realizes she can't kill. I guess. Yeah, she's already murdered Mama Fertelli.

Yeah. She jumped out of a second story window to murder Tom. That's true. She threw Jeannie, who was only ever nice, if not actually nice to her. by actually calling the police. Fake nice for sure, yeah. Yeah. So she's dead.

She's dead, dead. Yes, and then the stupidest thing happens. What? The stupidest thing. No one could have seen this coming. This is so dumb. So we cut to Dr. Johan. Also, Paul, let it go.

You win some, you lose some, my dude. What do we know about Sam? His next one neighbor. She's got great hits. Thank you. Okay. So, We cut to the morgue

And there's a man we have not meant before Who's saying to Dr. Hansen I'm gonna do the postmortar about 7 a.m. tomorrow If you wanna swing by? He's like, I'm the real doctor here Who are you? And why has this child been cutting into things? But if you wanna come by and watch me

Do a post-mortem on this child. Oh yeah. He's like, she is a pretty child. It's a shame that she had to die. Only uglys should die. We all agree. So Paul shows up at the morgue. Sneaking around.

Go home, Paul. He opens a little freezer that she's in Why is Paul not in jail? Exactly. He's done some bad. He's done some really bad stuff. She, he pulls open her drawer and pulls her out. Yes, he does.

It's inexplicable. She starts choking him. Yeah. And while she's choking him, her face starts melting. Her face starts melting. Her face starts melting. Her wrist skin starts peeling backwards. Showing that she has Pist and rober.

robot arms. Why? And she got a robot face. Here's the thing. Yeah. Who were the two people Paul wanted to fuck most in this movie? BB and Sam. Exactly.

Now they are one in the same. Wait, what happened to her bones? Robot bones now. But you can't turn. Okay. You put a microchip in somebody? Their bones are going to be robot bones. Okay.

I don't know from science. As I've stated. I'm not a science doctor. I don't know much about science. Any of them. No, no, other than astrology. Space series, isn't? Katie.

Alan. I'm reticent to ask this question, as I thought I would bring you a little joy. Yeah. I need you to focus on Mama Fitelli's head being exploded with basketball. Okay, sure. That is a two-point bonus. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. See, the thing is, I think just coming off the heels of Highway to Hell and how fun, all those cameos, just like how clever I felt it was in a lot of places, this was a bit of a letdown.

It also makes me sad that West Craven didn't like it because you should like your own work. Sure. And that's the problem with Hollywood, I guess. It's a six for me. It's pretty middle of the road, I guess. What's funny is I enjoyed myself watching this, and this is 100% of six for me. Our system is meaningless. But I can't recommend highly enough watching this movie merely to watch a basketball

Exploded Woman's Head. Yeah. Which doesn't feel good to say. No, but you don't like her because she's a villain. She doesn't want people to bother her. She's not part of your society. She's living outside your roles. I would have been fine if this basketball had blown up, I don't know, the Dalai Lama or Cliff Burton or someone I respect.

That's such a spectrum. Should have been Lars. Oh, boy howdy. Boy, howdy. You want to do another movie next week? I do. Before we do that, though, I want to get into something we've gotten in the mail race. Okay, I'll hand it to you.

Katie. Alan. We got a package. We got two packages a couple weeks ago. Tell me about these packages. Apologize that we've been, it's been so long since we've gone through them. I didn't feel like anyone should be nice to me recently. Yeah.

Yeah. So now I'm forcing niceness on Katie. So we got sent in the mail to us. We're two digital versatile discs. Digital Versatile discs. Each of them containing four movies. The same four movies for each of us. Oh, what are they?

these are Jackie Tan's Rumble in the Bronx Shalyawn Fat Mark Walberg the corruptor Oh my God Dolngren and Brandon Lee in Showdown in Little Tokyo

You're got to be kidding me And Jean-Glaude Van Damme's Bloodsport Now we can both own bloodsport That is so kind Thank you so much Who Watch Chal Yon Fatt and Mark

Walbert finally He hates Asians What Just because he must be a man-a- Is it? Because he blinded that Asian man. Break his ocular bone into his eye.

A piece of shit. God damn it, Marky Mark. These are a gift from listener Eric who said Hopians are doing okay. Come back soon. This was during our fallow period. Sure.

Our fallow period. You got to let the field recede so that we could grow crops. Every 10 to 11 years, you just need a month off. Come back real soon and do Rumble in the Bronx when you're ready. Okay. We love you guys. I love you too, Eric.

Thank you. Thank you, Eric. This is a very nice gift. Thank you very much. Thank you so much. You guys are so sweet. And that's just a lovely thing to do. And finally, Dolph Longgren and Brandon Lee together at last.

Oh, man. Jesus Christ. I, what was it called? No trouble in Little Tokyo? Like you've never heard of Showdown a Little Tokyo. I feel like it must be a shot for shot remake where Dolph Longgren is Kurt Russell. Brandon Lee is I can't remember his name

Oh fuck, what is his name? The other guy Yeah Wang Because he says shit Wang You know what I say when is Miller time I thought what we were here Racial differences aside

Not bad Oh man I remember I realized it that that movie That Kurt Russell is not the hero of that movie And they're just being like Whoa that's wild That's so genius He's so handsome though

It's hard to not think of him as the hero. It's true. It's true. God. Thank you very much for that. It's very kind of you. Yeah, thank you. P.O. Box 5471. Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, 15206, if you ever want to send us anything.

That's really kind of you if you do. Don't send us bomb. Don't send us anthrax. Don't send us anthrax. I don't really like snakes. You can send anthrax albums. That's fine. First three I'd be fine with.

Yeah. Maybe first four. I'll go with the persistence of time. Stayed euphoria. fuck. Anyway, the two great, uh, persistent some time. They do a really good Joe Jackson cover on it. Um, so anyhow, what are we going to do next week, Katie?

Next week we are doing a film of my choosing. You're choosing. Because I just felt in the mood for something kind of dumb and fun. Sure. And we've had great, great success with these. Great times, great times. We're doing one of the paranormal activities movies. Oh, also they're plural now.

Paranormal Activities. Yeah. It does not have a number. I believe it is the fifth one, possibly sixth one, marked ones. Marked ones. Is it marked? I'm going to say marketed. I like it.

I like that you're going with this. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I assume this is a backstory about why the sisters are cursed. I don't know. Sure. We'll find out.

We'll find out. Here on Whirlf Ambulance, another weekly show. We did go back and see that we did paranormal activities one, three, and then two. In typical werewolf family infaction. Did we do one first? Yeah.

Oh, that's shocking. Good for us. Good for us. And that was like episode 43. That was 57 years ago. Luckily, we are not always stupid. Only sometimes. I think we're genius.

So you can find us on Patreon. Yeah. You can find us at Tea Public. If you want to get some T-Public, if you want to get some clothing. If you're interested in Hamburgler, themed outfits. There's a great, great design by the inimitable Justin Gray

available there. You can find us on Bluski. I don't even have that in the links in the show notes because I don't even know what it is. Do you use it? I post the episodes there and then I'm like, enjoy yourselves episodes.

Stop doing that. Stop doing it. Let's go back to Twitter. Let's roll around in some real muck. No, thank you. I don't have the, I don't have the stomach for it. Go to join our Discord that's a wonderful community over there. I went and joined them last Saturday as they watched the Colchak

a Colchak movie. Oh, did you? Yeah, that was really nice. I gotta get in on one of those. Also, someone today tagged me about how the St. Louis Cardinals were ahead of the Pittsburgh Pirates because it's day one of baseball

and the pirates shit themselves. Yeah, yeah. And I just thumbs down to them. You thumbs down? I backed your thumbs down up. Did you not make my thought? You were like, I love the pirate also, too. Meme Allen Sportoff.

Go McCutton! He plays for the Texas Ranger. now made their starting opening day roster, which is very bleak that we wouldn't resign him here, but okay, all right, all right. I hope he wins a ring with them. Yeah, he seems like a very nice guy. Deserves a ring.

Yeah, yeah. Hard worker. Bit of a diva. Thanks for listening to another episode of Warwolf ambulance. Escobocos. Scobucos. Yeah.

Scoot. Empty. 161 and 1. That's our season. That's how we're going to go. 161-1. You heard it here first. Whatever that means. Bye. Bye.